Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 554- Paranormal Activity 4 (2011)

Episode Date: April 20, 2026

Yinz know that we love a rock block!

We have made a terrible mistake. We have OD'd on paranormal activity. Whoa! In my opinion. I was going to ask you, if paranormal activity is shitting in a box somewhere in my house and has given me toxoplasmosis making me think that I love it. Really? I wasn't mad at this movie!

I should have been! I wasn't mad at this movie either, but I feel like that. I feel I would have liked it a whole lot more if I hadn't just watched another and better paranormal activity. I think that this is going to, my review of this, which is about to happen, and then I'm going to rate this bitch, is going to suffer. Tainted by the market ones. Yeah. It's a, it's a recency bias. And, but if I can counterpoint.

Counterpoint. Having an actor as the star of this, whomst I really, really enjoy. One, Catherine Newton. Who is Catherine Newton? She's the star of Freaky. She is. One girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's in, she's in the new Ready or Not movie. She's in, she played, yeah. She played everyone's daughter for like a five year period on TV shows. Yeah, no, all right, all right. I think she's fucking fantastic. She's 15 in this movie. She's very good in this movie. And she's very good.

She's like, it's almost, you know, these movies have made their money on having people who aren't really, like, great actors in them. And I feel like maybe that was a mistake, honestly. Especially when she's, like, budding up against, everybody else in the movie, you're like, oh, no, dad. Charisma showed up. Oh, no, mom. Oh, no.

There is. But first, let's get into the mythology here. Yeah. We get a flashback of Katie and Christy and baby Hunter. Sure. I remember that pregnancy because I remember that she was on a, I was mad that she was standing on a ladder painting. And her husband's like, what do you?

And you paint in the nursery. He's like, fuck you. You do it. men. I got so scared because I've seen this before and I was like, oh, fuck, have we done this fucking movie and we just didn't write it down properly? I mean, the possibility of that is non-zero. I mean, I did watch half of Freddie versus Jason before I went,

God damn it, we did this. Son of a bitch. So. That's right. You're a 1099 contractor. Here's the problem with found footage films. They just keep finding. Triple F.

They just keep finding. them. But then when they show you previous films, you've already seen it. So if you're a dumb dumb like I am, you go, oh no, I've already seen this movie. But you haven't. Because I don't think we've ever seen the scene of him being like a small toddler and her shaking him way too hard for him to fall asleep.

Like the woman who plays Christy is very small. Yeah. She's very wiry, like very thin. And she's holding this oversized toddler and trying to rock him. And it's, I'm like in pain for her back. She's doing such a bad job. Sure. Yeah, that's all. I like that your experience as a mom colors the way you see these.

Well, I'm just like, this woman does not have children. Because you would never be singing twinkle, twinkle, little star into your child's face while jumping them up and down, jumping up and down on a mini trampoline. Nothing puts me to sleep harder than people singing into my face. Into your face while jumping. If I can't feel breath, am I even going to fall asleep? Right. I say it.

I recognize your breath. Your favorite line from a Percham song. So we see that Katie then abducts Hunter, Bloody Katie. And I feel like we saw her potentially kill the husband

of Christy in a previous movie. Yeah, doesn't she like chuck them? In the second one, I think. Yeah, because isn't that, this movie picks up from the second one? Or from the, yeah, because the third one... The third one is their backstory. Yes, exactly, exactly.

Right. So we get the title card that says Katie and Hunter have disappeared. Yes. And no one knows. Katie and Hunter's whereabouts are unknown. So that I don't understand the rest of the movie from here, but go off. Yes, and. This, I was trying to think of, okay, so we've talked about, you know, pulling the sweater on a movie and how it will just see.

And I realize that this movie is the emperor's new clothes. Everyone's telling him he's wearing a sweater, but there's nothing. Nothing. Not a stitch. It's just like, we're going to do a paranormal activity again. Okay, that's all I've got right now. Yeah, we're going to go backwards. Yeah.

But also forwards. Oh, I like this. And we're going to go to Nevada, where I've written, remember that only bad things happen in Nevada. Except for that listener who sent us a picture of a beautiful place in Nevada. I get it. Ask me how long it took to figure out what envy stood for. I don't know. too long. Oh, no, baby.

So I like this. The kids are little kids playing little soccer. Yeah. And there's a weird little kid just standing on the field, dress like an adult emo. Dress like an adult emo. He's got like cropped pants and like. And a black hoodie.

And a black hoodie. But we're not meant to really see him. But we do because we're observant. It's actually because the camera just stops on him. Right. Some kids run by him and then he's gone. And then he's gone. Like he hopped on the back of one of the kids. There's no hunting.

You can't do that in a soccer game. That's too many men on the field. So. Oh, it's been six years since the abduction, too. Correct. Yes. This is,

also no, because Wyatt is six, and that child was at least three, but go on again. Well, I have a theory about that. Do you? Yeah, I think that,

I literally was holding my breath. Hang on, I need to breathe. Wait, Wyatt? Wyatt, no, Robbie. Are you talking about Robbie? Oh, why? Wyatt is the adopt, yes, yes, it's. I think, I think Hunter is dead.

Hunter is not Wyatt? I don't, so there's, like, there's that one scene later on in the film, spoiler alert for something we're going to talk about in a little bit. It's spoilers for 10 minutes from now. Yeah. When Wyatt comes down the steps to poltergeist into the TV, um, some, a child follows him down the stairs in, like, shadow people for him. And I assumed that was Hunter.

Wait. So like the little, the being that's getting picked up by the infrared that Robbie is always talking to is dead Hunter. Maybe. Then why are they calling Wyatt Hunter? Because he goes into him in the bathtub. Yeah, that happens later.

But she's calling him Hunter before that, isn't she? Or is she? Maybe she isn't. But who's she? Katie. Katie, our girl Katie. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. We are getting way ahead of ourselves.

This is being filmed by Alex, Alan's friend, Catherine Newton, who's being yelled out by her mom to get into the game. It's six-year-old soccer. You cannot yell at someone to get into it. Trust me. Also, these kids are really good for being six-year-olds. Sure. Yeah, it's shocking.

Yeah. No, I don't. Oh, yeah. Paranormal activity is not going to get some fucking slugs out there. They're going to get the real kickers. The real kickooskeys. The real kickooski is the socceroos of Australia. Dad's a work-office.

We learn this now. Yeah, he comes up to the soccer game dressed as business. But he's, no, he's missed the entire soccer game and half of their picnic. Right. And he was supposed to bring ice cream, but instead he just brings some shit-ass cupcakes. And she says to him, where's the ice cream? And then it just says in the, on the subtitles, Doug speaks indignantly. And I was like, yeah, you don't fucking say.

I realize later in the movie that I hate him because he looks like the love child of Matt Gates and the conjuring Ed Warren guy. He looks like you just put them together and then they fucked and had a baby and the baby looked right at you and it was this guy. But like Zeus style, it was born out of Matt Gates's forehead. Absolutely. It sprang. It sprang from his forehead. It's, I mean, the actor who played this man who's probably never been in anything else.

What? At first I thought he was the reporter from the first Hellhouse LLC. The reporter. There's like the one reporter guy. he's just like, yeah, I don't, weird thing. I don't, I don't know. Yeah, because he's just like, his whole acting is just, oh, yeah, uh, who, who, huh.

You should know, I'm cleansing my butthole every time I do that. I don't, what, huh? Oh my God, we got to rewatch the Hell House LLC one and two series. We do not have to watch three again. Who are, was it two or three that we were going to do the watch along with the actor who is in it? Three, because that's the one with a, he was Memphisophiles.

Yeah, we need to get Memphisophiles. We gotta get back in touch with Memphisophiles. I'm sorry I said he walked like a doc. He agreed with you. But it was, I felt terrible. Then I thought about, Jesus Christ, these are real people. Like this guy that I just described as the love child of Matt Gates and the Ed Warren from the conjuring.

That's mean. That's mean. Do you remember when, what was the zombie verse? Yeah. When the one actor from that was like, we're listening. And I was like, you shouldn't. Hang up now. Well, look, you win some, you lose some.

Yeah, sure. And one of those things we lost is the lady from zombie version. Yeah, she's not coming back. So, uh, Catherine Newton, Alex is, is shooting all this. She's doing cartwheels. Oh, God. Wyatt goes straight onto his dome while trying to do a cartwheel. It stressed me out big time.

What's the little soft spot called? A fontenelle. Yeah, so funicular. Uh, yeah. Fontenelle. I was like, oh, is it even hard yet? 18 months. 18 months.

Okay. When you're just thumb the hell out of a kid's head. Then you can thumb it as much as you like. That was the name of a Babes and Toyland record, Fontenelle. Of course it was. You like Babes and Toyland? Who doesn't? Yeah, hell yeah.

They're no lunatics, but of course. No, I think they're better than the lunatics. Okay, all right. Controversial opinion. Saw the lunatics. They're a great life. Saw the lunatic also. No.

But used to cover bruise violet by a... Sure. I'm mad at Babes'nobes. Toilette? Babes and Toiline, yeah. Great, great logo. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great style, too. Baby doll dresses and heavy eyeliner. God damn it. Also, L7, another great pain. Yes, very much.

Remember when the lady pulled out her tampon threw it at the crowd. It's gross. You can't do that. Biological warfare, ma'am. Biohazard. God bless them. Fucking hell. No, that's, I don't like that.

That's too much. That's a bridge too far. 100% on board with it. You've never pulled a tampon out to see what's really in there, have you? So they're driving home, and Robbie is walking, Robbie is the little ghost emo adult boy. They're like, wow, it's kind of weird that he walked all the way from the park, and then they just drive right on by him.

What the fuck, my dudes? Catherine Newton goes, hey, it's that kid from the game, and mom goes, sure is. Drives right on by. There is no world in which you don't check on. a child that small walking by himself. Also, he lives across the street from you. I guess. So you either know him and could take him home.

Or you don't know him and you should check. So is mom, like, infected with some sort of demon thoughts? Because she is off the rails from the jump. I think the point of mom is that she's a one-dimensional character who is so distressed by her marriage falling apart that she cannot pay attention to what's happening with her children. Nay, the child, she fosters for part of this movie. Her biological adopted and foster child.

She's got all of them, all the variants. And when it comes out that why it is adopted, I was like, you did, you adopted a child and you did that bad taking care of Robbie? Like, you had, you knew, you probably took classes. You read books. You fucking dummy. What to expect when you're expecting. A foster child. A foster child, yeah.

Uh, so we, we meet Ben. He's such a Ben. He's such a Ben. Such a fucking Ben. Such a 2011 haircut on Ben. Ben, so much of Ben is his bangs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he'll tell you that.

Yeah, he'll tell you that. I'll tell you that for free. Yeah. He is Alex's boyfriend question mark. I think just friend, but he wants to go further. Mm. But she's like fucking 15, man. Yeah.

Step off. Fuck off. What are you doing? He does, like, film him. trying to get with her on her camera, which I don't love, you know. Feels like a bad setup. Yeah, not even the worst of an agent of their privacy is going to be doing, though. I mean, he says to her, you know you're going to be spying on your entire family, right?

And she's like, fuck it, bra. Listen, she knows that eventually she's going to swap bodies with Vince Vaugh. Yeah, who can't, who can't, who can't think of anything else when you know that's in your future. God, she's going to be in fucking high school for like 15 years. Right. God, that baby face. She's almost 30. I was really surprised.

Wow. Yeah. I was surprised by that too. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense. This movie. That movie. It was from 2011.

Yeah, it was a long time ago. It was almost, oh, hold on. Carried the 15 years ago. She was 15. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. As I always, my art math teacher always said. What's that? Carry the 15.

You can tell why I did so good at maths. Maths goods. Okay. So, oh, that's right. She has a little party at her house. It seems like a pretty tame party, actually. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, but Ben sticks around afterwards.

Right. And then. She takes him out and shows him her castle, which is like a tree house, fort, slide thing that's in their backyard. Back from when their dad loved them. Yeah, and from when they were very well, I guess they still are very wealthy.

They certainly still are. Every room in this house, I was like, God damn, that room is huge. Huge! I thought about how much furniture you'd have to buy. Also, the mom doesn't work, seemingly. Sure, and dad's just out there doing business all the time. Business, business, business, files, and folders and files. Who can say?

But what's in her castle? It's the child. It's a little boy child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like when they're walking away, she's like, oh, hey, kid, why don't we come down and we'll take you to where you live? She turns around the camera and goes, what the fuck?

I was like, you got Riz for days, dog. She is good. And then Ben says, oh, thanks for cock blocking me, kid. But like, again, this is her camera. I don't think that's going to be to your advantage. So this movie of all the ones we've seen has the least amount of believability for why. things are being filmed. Absolutely.

There's nothing. Other than like the spying of the laptops, but most of it is handheld. Yeah. Yeah. They didn't even bother, really, did they?

No. No. There's a lot of computer. There's a lot of computer viewing. A lot of computer. So we learned that kid's name is Robbie. And Alex takes him,

goes to take him home. Yeah. And just kind of like leaves him on his door, I guess. You, he, he, he's pretty small. He seems younger than Wyatt. Yeah. Which makes him under the age of, like, five or under.

Sure. Can't leave a kid that young alone. It's not your kid, though, if you think about it. I, I don't think you even have to, yeah, you're right. It's not her kid. It's not her kid. She's only 15. She's not, not her responsibility.

No. To quote the Rugrats. A thing that I don't think has ever happened on this show before. But you know what? It's nice that, you know, this far. in, we still have new things. Do you all still have new things? You learned that I know a thing from Rugrats.

I don't know a thing from Rugrats. I just remember that one of the kids says Sponsatility instead of responsibility. Yeah. But you know, I love a good like postabilities. Yeah, you sure do. I feel like everything I know about the Rugrats is from memes, but I've been seeing this one recently of, um, it's like all of the dads, and they're all standing in a pool and they all have like pot bellies and very thin

arms. And they all have dark circles under their eyes. Like, that's just how they're drawn. And it was like, wow, Rugrats was super real. There is a point in this movie where we see Robbie standing and talking to the TV and is on the side and he has a total pot belly. Yes, he's such a baby belly. How many beers is this kid slamming?

That made me think he's even younger than I thought he was because kids grow out of that by like four. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's going to happen to me. I'm ready for it. To get rid of my belly. Shut up. Shoot up.

I went over to Allen's and he was 10 feet tall. It was so weird. I have written here, Ben sucks. High school boyfriends suck. Boy suck. Jesus, fuck Ben sucks. Do you know why you said that? No way.

Because they're having some kind of video chat and he goes, just a quick booby. Oh, that's a quick little booby. And she's like, I guess I could throw a fried egg on it. Sometimes you just have to throw a fried egg on it to placate them. Placate them. Keeps them from uprising. Jesus Christ. It's not my fault that your gender can be placated by throwing a fried egg on it.

I feel like somewhere the manisphere went, what? What's she saying? Also, I feel like people who haven't been listening to this show since 2014 are like, what does she mean? Throw a fried egg on it. Do you want to tell them the story? No, it's just shoving your tit into a piece of glass. Into it

Like Torio or Gento I didn't say through it I said into it Like Just doing your tin to a piece of glass Like it's your fucking daughter Like it's the face of your Your offspring

Your beautiful child That you should cherish You know after you shot your wife in the face Yeah you know she had it coming Until she divorces you Have we just become one inside joke after another Sure Okay

Yeah What if someone wants to try listening to this show? Start at the beginning. Fucker. What? You don't have time for 573 episodes? You listen to them on fucking 5.9 speed. When you hear throw a fried egg on it, you'll hear the story.

Sometimes you just have to. So she's taking a bend downstairs after the booby comment to get a snack on the laptop. On the laptop. And there's sirens outside. So she's got to go investigate with her laptop, I guess. She's got a full, so Ben can see. It's like, you know, doing a doggy style so that you can both watch the Steelers game. One.

It's a joke after another. Come on, A.B. Club. Give us a review. Oh, man. We got so much hate for that. We didn't even do it. That was the A.B. We didn't even say it.

We didn't even say it. Fuck. Maybe. Child neglect is what's happening. She's like, what's happening? It's probably child neglect. Yeah. But the next day, he now lives with them. He's in their driveway. Mom brings them over. Look, I don't know. And the mom's like, I don't know what else to do. Like, that's when children go to foster care. That's why we. That's why, I mean, if the police were there, like, it's strange to me that the mother isn't like, why didn't the police set up a social worker set up a foster family? Why was there no emergency family on call? Like, they don't just give babies to neighbors to neighbors. thank God.

It tastes a village, Gatina. Have you seen some of your neighbors and think about you something, you have being a medical emergency and they're just like, well, your kid lives with Darcy now. You know, like, no. You just made me so terrified that someone might show up and be like, this kid live here now? You're like, I don't know what else to do. Hope you like tofu, kid. Yeah, hope you like the smell of satan farts.

The mom is a bit of a poor woman's Tony Colette. She's like Tony Colette, but Tony with a Y. Fun. I was thinking that she's a poor person's Hillary Duff. Oh, mush him together. Matt Gates and the guy from the conjuring, Hillary Duff and Tony Colette. Because at first I was like, is that Hillary? No, it's not really.

Hillary Duff. She's having to come back now. It could be your sister. Whose name also starts with an age? I can't remember. Haley Duff? Maybe. I only know Hillary.

It's not Haley Duff. You're thinking of Jessica Simpson. No, because for... You think of to Ashley Simpson? No, because for the entire year of 2005, I had dark hair and a big nose and bangs. And people everywhere I went told me I look like Ashley Simpson. Well, every time something went wrong, you just started doing a jig. I did a jig.

So I made a joke in a job interview about like, well, it's actually my words coming out of my mouth. because I walked in and the woman was immediately like, wow, you look so much like Ashley Simpson. It's just her original nose, you know. Oh, she changed it up? Wouldn't you? Do you think she was like, you know, you look like Katie Werewolf? She's not yet, but she will be.

No, the mom, wow. The mom is, I just would recommend clicking on her Wikipedia page. Okay. Her picture there is the most filtered thing I've ever seen in my life. she looks like a real doll. She looks like something you'd put your dick in and its face wouldn't move. You know what I'm saying? God, I hope not.

She, it just, does, it's fucking, is that Alexandra Lee? Yeah, she is. She looks like something you'd put your dick in.

She looks, she looks uncanny valley, don't you think? She looks like if you're like, yeah, give me the real doll. It's like a Mormon mom. Yes,

give me Mormon mommy doll. Her name is Brayley. Linnelly. Oh shit. So she was married to Stephen Dunham, the dad. Jeff Dunham? Stephen Dunham,

the guy who plays the dad in this. Who is dead. Oh, RIP. Do a real one. Heart attack on his 48th birthday. Fucking Widowmaker's own. The end credits of paranormal activity four included dedication to him.

I'm a monster. You didn't kill him? No. I just look like that. No. No. So, mom is like, hey, Rob's going to live with us. Go shake hands with Wyatt.

And Wyatt's like, I'm like four. I shake hands now. Also, like, did you not think it was strange that this child who lived across the street and your child never like played with him, saw him, did anything? It's like, why? I guess that's the point is that they're so checked out because their marriage is so bad. Or suburban malaise. Suburban malaise.

She doesn't seem to work. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but every time we see her, she has either cooking or has a laundry basket under her arm. I don't know if that's meant to be like a commentary on housewives or... Well, there's the one time that she has like a Mrs. Coach's wife-sized wine glass. Yeah. Yeah, I need some big wine glasses. You only have little ones and then you have to get up.

Yeah. I want to get up. Yeah, well, just fucking... full crap. Fucking drinking from a coffee pot filled with wine.

Is that okay? Just a fucking four quart measuring cup. It's got the spout and everything. So his mom's in the hospital.

Right. But it's very fuzzy what happened. Sure. Which again, I was like, oh, mom has a fucking

RFK Jr. brainworm and how he's controlling her about a two-y style. That makes a whole lot more sense than, her just being like kind of checked out.

And maybe that's why I thought I had toxic toxinosis from this movie franchise. I think this fucking franchise laid worm eggs in your brain. So the kid comes up and they're unpacking his bag and he's like, this is my stuffed animal, ship Shuba. What? And this is my special fork. Okay.

All right. And it's like, this movie fucking luce. I'm, because the special fork tells the future. So I'm on board. You're here for that. I love eating and I love auguring. It's true. You sure do.

You're a scryer, have I ever known one. The boys are playing in the tree house and she says, what are you doing? And they said they're playing with Robbie's friend. He's right there. And she's like, oh, yeah, I can see him. He's right there. And Robbie goes, you cannot see him. One of the downfalls of this particular film is it's too referential to other horror movies.

So this is the pig thing from Amityville Horror, the friends you can't see. Later we will get kid riding big wheel on hardwood and carpet. That's quite annoying. We get the poltergeist kid thing. It's like too many kid things in movies. It's like we saw them all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this was written and directed by different people, I think.

I think, wasn't, was this one written by Christopher Landon? I don't think that it was. I think it was, I think it was, he wrote a few of them. He, this was, yes, he wrote this. Okay. Yeah. It had two directors, though. That's always a good look.

Sure. No, you know, that's a, that's a real, uh, yeah. So we get them, they set up like the camera with infrared on it, basically. Oh, is this one Ben shows them the trick that they can do with the Xbox, Like the motion capture thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they do a dance to Dracula because we have to hat tip to Rob Zombie. Robert Zomber. I'm so excited. I mean, like, you know, I'll take any opportunity in my life to hear Dracula. Yeah. Because I'll always think of that aerobics video that's set to it. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yes, yes, yes. The one from like the 80s.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I will never stop thinking about that as long as I live. So that's nice. It brings it back up for me. Do you think that song makes Rob Zombie sad because he peaked? And like he has to play the peak every night. No, I think it makes him happy because he feels he's multi-talented. Okay. He's like, I have this fucking killer song and I have these fucking killer movies. People love him. Of course, me who's obsessed with not having people spy on me.

Are you obsessed with not having people spy me? It's more and more as I get older. What? Tell me about this. I just put my phone down so I can totally. focus on you. I'm really mad about all the like stoplight cameras that are being installed in Pittsburgh and all of the like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And all like those like being owned by private businesses. Yeah. Like you know what some bullshit is they're ticketing people now if you park on Liberty

Avenue just for a minute and run into a business. Oh really? But like think about the actual fallout of that. Yes, it's more revenue for the city. But like if I can't just stop and grab a cup of coffee or stop and grab something from the lady who sells vegetables, those places are going to go out of business. Yeah, that sucks. Yeah. Did not know what they were doing that. No. No.

So dumb. Oh, I remember voting saying that they could do that. I forgot that we all agreed to that. Oh, yeah, when it was a referendum on our balance. Yeah. When they just didn't start doing a thing without asking the people they're going to do it to, whether they should do it or not. Yeah, rip that.

You know, for a 250th anniversary of America being invented. Uh-huh. Should we have another revolution? I mean, I feel itchy for one, don't you? A little bit, little bit itchy. Little bit. Revolution is a young man's game, though, you know. We need the youth to take it up.

The first one was a bunch of old fucking farts that got it started. They weren't that old. I think they just wore powdered wigs. How old was George Washington? Probably 23. Yeah, exactly. Get clavicular out there fighting this revolution. It can't be me.

I'm somebody's mum. Didn't he just OD? Yeah. I just listened to the behind the bastards about him and I didn't know anything about him. I'm so mad that I know who clavicular is. Well, I just know from behind the bastards, see? And then yes, he already. I had to stop listening to Behind the Bastards because it was making me too sad.

They did too many episodes about people that abused kids and I was just like, I can't. There's two on Sylvia Brown, the fake psychic that you might enjoy. Yeah, okay. I know they're doing Jimmy Saville right now and I just like, I don't want that. Thank you. Okay. George Washington was born. in 1732.

1770. He was a Wyatt's age. Wait, we gotta get back to the movie. So in this infrared motion capture camera, we see that Robbie's imaginary friend moves. Yeah. And you think this is Hunter.

That does make sense. That's, that's, at the very least, it's a demon. At the most, it's Hunter. And maybe both are one and the same at the same at this point. Right. Got it.

Okay. Because what's six-year-old? What happened to Hunter? Oh, yeah, Katie. But also, like, children have not been killed in these movies traditionally. The whole thing is, like,

taking the first, the marked first-born male child. So Hunter is basically Jesse from the next movie. He's in the same category. Right. So Hunter should get to grow up. That's why I thought Hunter was Wyatt

because he was getting the chance to grow up. You're probably right. I'm sure I was like grasping it's traw here. But also, it was the first born, son of mothers who died, but Christy didn't die in childbirth. Didn't they have to die in childbirth or they just have to be dead? Because you are the firstborn son of a dead mom.

It's true. It's true. Dead mom's club, baby. First and only. That I know of. It's harder for women to hide. It's true. My favorite thing ever is Paul up Tompkins, someone asking if he had a dog and he

had nothing I know of. It's so stupid. So, but also like, what the fuck is Katie and Christy's deal in this then? Because they're also haunted by demons. But Katie killed Christy. Right. And Katie's like the demon vessel. She's the demon vessel with those great tits.

Fantastic tits. I felt like a real scumbag mentioning them in the last episode. Really? I only brought it up because you did. So now you've made me a scumbag too. I'm a scumbag. It doesn't sound scumbaggy coming for you. Yeah.

It's like when I say that a dude's attractive, and everyone's like, yeah, oh, yeah. Is it come back? You would I say a dude's attractive? No, not at no. Great. So it's just your fucking patriarchy. Exactly.

There you have it. Middle-aged white dude. Yeah. Middle-aged straight white dude. Yeah. Aye, yeah. So it says night, we get the night one title card. There will be so many nights.

I don't have time for all these nights. We can't go through them all. But that is the flavor of these movies. Sure. So many nights. So many nights. Oh, before we get the night one. Oh, no, you're right.

No, right. Night one. Sorry. I went too far. That's okay. So Alex hears a noise. Yes. Robbie is up doing infrared shit.

I felt so bad for Alex. She had, like, she's the lightest sleeper that's ever existed. Oh, yeah. She's always up. Yeah. She's always up. And. Coach Sleep, Lady.

When you live in a house with children, you can't just, like, be up at a drop. Yeah. I mean, I guess if you're shit out. mom isn't taking care of business. You've got to be able to jump in there. I guess so. But yeah, this is where he has the baby belly. And you're like, oh, my God.

You're just a tiny baby. And I was like, are you a fucking JV varsity coach somewhere? What's up with that belly? You've got those shorts that are pulled up really far in the back, but you can't get them up over your belly. For sure. No, I know what that's like. So there's a thud and then Robbie runs.

Yeah. And while they're watching that, they're doing like a real like, oh, did you see that? Like real ghost hunters shit. Yeah, yeah. Enhance, enhance. And don't forget there's the of the demon noise

anytime this stuff is happening. I did not hear it because I had my windows open. Oh, and the demon noise is just always happening. Constant demon noise. So I couldn't tell when it started or stopped. She's bitching about somebody

posting Facebook statuses, which is a wild thing to hear a 15-year-old's life. Somebody the other day said to me, Oh yeah, I saw this thing on Facebook and I'm like, what? Yeah. You were aware? You're on Facebook. So, like, my whole family keeps it for this neighborhood group that called the Bloomfield Buzz,

which is apparently like just this super catty, gossipy neighborhood group because they're always fucking talking about what's happening on the Bloomfield Buzz. So my whole family has Facebook. So weird. And I think they like buy and trade things on it. They're like bartering. I don't know what's happening on Facebook. It feels like a wasteland.

Last time I went on Facebook Well no last time I went on Facebook was to Finally shut it down completely I've no longer had any Facebook presence The time before that is when I found my high school best friend To die, no, just like, all right, I'm done with this shit I do check the, I use the Whirl of Ambulance one To check to see if my father is dead

Every so often Yeah, yeah, yeah He's not, he's a cockroach How was that man still alive? Carry on. Maybe you shouldn't have given me this big beer I drank it all. So we see something on the footage of Robbie with his big belly.

Something runs behind Robbie before he takes off. Which is like also there's another child in the house, you know? Can't be explained. Can't be explained. Nothing can be explained. And they show this to dad and he's like, you kids and your computers, you do the best goddamn, I can't even use a cell phone. I got to buy, sell, buy, sell, business.

Files and folders and business and suits. buy an adding machine it's what counts in life. Ha ha ha, I'm a dad. If my dad were that funny, I wouldn't wish him dead. So now it's the next night. Now it's the next night. It's night three, actually. Oh, okay.

Oh, no, I don't know. Maybe it is. Oh, it is. This is where we see Ben set up all of the cameras. All of it. He sets everyone's laptop up to record their video at all times. right? Is this where he was in her house? Oh, yes, he snuck into the house when she was, this is where she's on the, she's talking to him

about the person posting duck face photos on Facebook. Right, right, right, right, that's how we got here. And she says to him, are you on your iPhone? And she gets jerked out of her bed, a la Palermo Normal Activity movie. But it's him sneaking into her house. And then says to her, it was a joke, relax. You can't be friends with Ben anymore. He has to have a restraining order. Yeah. I don't, don't call the cops except for this situation. Cops are okay in domestic violence situations. When he says it was a joke, relax.

I just felt like grabbing him by the back of the head and just thrusting my knee upwards into his face. Yeah, yeah. Eyes, throat, groin. Yeah. Fucking dickhead. Anyway, he's here because he has to set up all of the family's devices to record them at all times.

Because she's the only person freaking out about all this stuff. Right. because they're all too focused on their own bullshit. Yeah. And he says to her, what does your mom use this laptop for? And she goes, recipes and stuff. And I thought that we were going to catch mom stepping out or something. Oh.

But really, she just uses it for recipes. Apparently on techniques on how to chop a red pepper. If you need two minutes on chopping a pepper, baby girl, you need more than recipes. So they set up all the laptops and all the laptops are always open and always on. Always open. The camera light. Don't ask about battery life. Just move on with your existence.

Don't ask about that white light that's continuously on right next to the camera. We do see dad drinking on the couch. Sure. And he's eating snacks. And he like burps, stands up and walks upstairs and leaves a mess on the table. I was so mad. Don't. I love it.

I mean, he and Ben are both absolutely awful. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but like this was real life, he would have stood up, grabbed his ass cheek, spread it, then farted and then like...

Farted it into an empty beer bottle across it, so it made like a tone, like a... Oh. God, why have I not tried that? I bet I could do it. These movies are always... How are we not catching someone masturbating?

True. But also in this next scene where we're looking at all the laptops, we see this orange kitty cat boy walk by. And I thought, like, you cannot have a cat in a paranormal activity movie. It simply does not work. It explains everything, the thudding, the shit falling off shelves. I kept finding glasses of water knocked over. Legos all over the floor, which had once been a flower, you know? I got so excited the next day when they're going through.

through these files. And it's like, yeah, this is how you make a quick time video. And I was like, oh, quick time. RIP to a real one. RIP to a real one, truly. Quick time is where I used to watch those videos. They were like, all of car drives into a tunnel. And you're like, oh, it doesn't come out the other side.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, Zambi phase. Oh, quick time, baby. Oh, let's get matching quick time tattoos. They have to say, all right, if you had to a real one. Yeah, wait. Let me look at the quick time logo.

The last thing I looked at was how old is George was. Washington. Look at the QuickTime logo. Underneath is a banner that says how old is George Washington? It's just this. It's just a cue. It's a shitty cue. A shitty cue.

Wait, at some point, Apple added this like fucking clock hand to it. Calm down. Suck my dick, Apple. Steve Job, lick my flaps. You're dead and all. Suck my left one. Yeah. To quote bikini kill, another great lady.

Fantastic. So they're making quick time files and they're looking through these things. The jumps in this movie are insane. Like, let's make a quick time file. Alex is coming home. Yes, coming home and pouring a glass of apple juice. Yeah. Ew.

You don't have a little appy juice. Ew, no. Juice is gross. Just eat the fruit. Even with your teeth. While she's pouring the appy juice, we get demon noises coming out of the fridge. I was like, you've got to get the compressor check.

Yeah, something is wrong with your refrigerator. We also get in the background of bouncing ball with a mind of its own. Got it. Check it off. Oh, the changeling. God damn it. They're even referencing the changeling. The Georgie Scott movie where the red ball comes bouncing down the steps at him

with the kids. It was drowned in the attic and the wheelchair and all that jazz. I said, oh, yeah, but I actually don't really remember. That's all in your face. You're like, oh, yeah. He's still talking, isn't he? About a show I spent an About a movie that I spent an hour

You spent two hours watching it an hour discussing I have put at least three hours into this movie I have no fucking idea what you're talking about George C Scott isn't that Ebenezer Scrooge Then I don't know I really don't know He moves into a new house There's a dead kid in it

Why do they leave him? Why would anyone leave a dead kid in the house? No, it's the ghost of a dead kid Is George C. Scott a bachelor? Yes, because his wife is dead His wife died in a car accident He's like a college professor too They always are I'm looking up

I mean if you're gonna haunt somebody Haunt a book boy Bookboys love to get on it They're gonna believe you right away Yeah exactly because they're like I've read this book Oh that's not none of this is what we wanted Angelina Jolie and John Malkovich No that's a different changeling

And please pronounce her name correctly Angelina Jolly No I've never seen this movie in my life I'll look up Werewolf Ambulin's Changeling Oh, I'll find out that our names are

Allison and Eric According to Google AI Give it a goo It's so wild Like how did they get that Allison and Eric Why didn't we do that? I can understand Allison

Because the way I would say My own name would just be a mumble mouthpiece of shit I don't think so Allison That presumes that I'm Eric All right Eric Episode 398, that was forever ago 398. This episode is a great listen for fans of classic horror

who enjoy a lighthearted conversational breakdown of a genuinely terrifying film. Thanks, Google. I mean, thanks AI overlords. So, yes, basketball coming down the steps. She goes up to her room. She's like, hey, anybody home? Wyatt?

Mom? Wyatt? Never dead. Mom. No, she knows he's not home. But also what that presupposes is that they regularly leave Wyatt home alone. Sure. He's six.

Yeah. I mean. What? Yeah, I had a key to my house when I was that old. This is 2011. Sure. Yeah, you can't do that. This is parents waiting at the bus stop with you.

I just googled who hosts Werewolf Ambulance just to see if it came up any differently. And it said, The Werewolf Ambulance is hosted by a duo known as Katie Warewolf, in parentheses, Katie and Alan Ambulance, parenthetical, Alan. Okay. All right. Thanks, AI. Aside from their main horror podcast, they also host a bonus series on Patreon where they discuss action movies and a spinoff podcast called Nice One, mate.

What? It's on Google AI. Very good. Carry on then. All true. I'll document it. All true. Inside jokes.

Inside jokes. Inside jokes. It's just compressing. Oral boros of inside shows. So dumb. Just two people jerk it off in a mirror. That's true. So she goes to her room

I get so fucking livid She gets into her bed And puts her fucking sneakers On her duvet cover Gross What are we doing here lady Just don't wear your shoes In the house at all

Take them off of the door babies What are we doing? Come on, you're better than this We hear some thudding Yeah It could be the cat It could be the dryer It's 100%

Put sneakers in the dryer I love it when they do that Fucking brandy See, there you go We see a hallway toys, the most menacing of toys. Yeah. Leading to a closet with a bed in it.

It's just a sleeping bag and jammies. And we're supposed to take something from that, but also like kids are weird. Yeah. Kids are, like, that's totally normal for a child to build a path of toys to their closet and have a sleeping bag in it where they've been like camping. Sometimes you sneak into a closet and eat a peanut butter on a jar with a spoon when you're a little kid. Oh, yeah.

Sometimes you sneak into a closet and look at your older brother. brother's Penthouse and then think, what have I done? Penhouse, it pairs deliciously with spooned peanut butter. For sure.

For sure. So, and then a toy train starts up, and then she's like, fuck this shit and shows she's going to get out of the house.

Right. So she goes downstairs. And she sees the chandelier in the dining room swang. It's swangin. Sweatpants and thags. Sweatpants and thangs and shimmy in. But,

then the one closer falls right in front of her. I liked that. Yeah. It's a little scare. Very scary. And I was like, thanks paranormal activity. I can count on you to drop something. Drop something. They drop so many things. Oh my gosh. This movie is the drop-andist of all the paranormal activity. Except for the one that drop the kitchen. Because how can you drop anything more than a kitchen? But that was one drop. One drop in the kitchen. Oh, there's so many drops in this one. Yes. The chandelier falls. It shatters. She screams. Robbie is upstairs and says, he doesn't like you watching us, which means that everyone is gone except for Robbie, which means that the parents who are fostering Robbie left him alone.

He is Max five years old. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Yeah, but he's got that fucking team. He's got to go coach with that pop belly. When the parents, spoiler alert, are killed, I was like, Donald Glover, good gif. You know what I mean? You talk about Childish Camino?

Yes, they're both the same person. He got his, he got his rap name from the same place that I got Bester, Bester, Harbormaster. Why don't you go by Bastard Bastard Harbor Master? It's the coolest name you've ever given yourself. I didn't give myself that.

Wu Tang did. So she tells her parents about her supernatural theories when her dad's like, yeah, this fucking drywall. He's on the phone with the buy, sell, buy people? I don't know.

And the mom's like, I'm worried about this one and I'm worried about this one. If only she'd been filming it and could have showed them. She was. She did. That happens

throughout. They don't listen. No. Night six. Parents just don't understand. Oh, all right. Peter, a real one. Who?

Will Smith. Is he dead? Sort of. For a moment, I thought DJ Jazzy Jeff was doing. That really upset me. Can you apologize to me? I'd still be crying about that. I'm so sorry that you thought.

Thank you so much. So now it's night six at 2 a.m. Yeah, you got this dumb orange boy, this dumb orange cat. This is when I thought to myself, maybe I should adopt another dumb orange. boy and that's how I found the one named Mr. Bigglesworth that I was going to change his name to Derek. Derek Bigglesworth is a good fucking doctor. Derek Bigglesworth. I feel like naming a cat

that's up for adoption. Mr. Bigglesworth is just like rude because you're like, well, of course I want to bring Mr. Bigglesworth. I know he's wearing a bow tie, Alan. And then I wrote, oh wait, the movie. So I must have been looking at cats for a while on PetFinder. Sorry. No, it's what DJ Josie Jep would have wanted. Exactly, when he went out on top, as he did. So at 2.11 a.m., this lady is, this child is awoken by cars across the street pulling up. And I was like, you have to start taking melatonin. You live in a society.

You're on the grid. You're going to hear cars parking in driveways. You live in like a fucking insanely gated. community as well. Right. How did Katie's demon Katie even end up in that house? Is she affording that?

I don't know about demon Katie's job. Throughout this show all of the like except for the market ones and it was like I perfectly understand because dad's at work all the time. Right. How is anyone affording these houses?

No, no, it doesn't make sense. Yeah. Every house has a 20 foot ceiling. Yeah. Also like, how do you clean the cobwebs? You got to get a stick. Yeah. That's a big stick.

It's a big stick. A 10-foot pole probably. Yeah. Got extensions. I can't with that. I can't with that. I can't with that. So she wisely goes out at 2-11 to go see who's showing up at this house.

She's like, I have to find out. What is she doing? Why would you even go knock on the door? Why would you even do that? I don't know. It's a bunch of people about it. Just wait till morning. Yeah.

It's midwise, I guess. Mind your own fucking business. Yeah. M-Y-O-F-B. Yeah. As they always say. Parties happen all the time in my neighborhood. I don't go outside of me like, what are you guys doing?

Well, why don't you see if they'll get you a beer, give you a little bit of pot? You guys, you guys have any reefer? You want to share any reefer with the young man? How do you do, fellow kids? So a lady opens the door and is like, what can I do for you? And I assume this is a midwife because we only see her in night vision, right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Maybe they shouldn't be so overt about driving a bunch of cars up. You think the midwives would be better with the environment? That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Later on, there are 2,000 midwives, and I was very confused. There's too many of them. There's too many.

There's too many. You don't need that many. That's over-kill. That's overstaffing. Oh, man. So now we cut to the shining reference of him riding the big wheel around the house. Right. But instead of there being ghost children, chairs, just keep scooting out and blocking him.

Poldergeist reference. Yep. Sliding chairs. Yep. And yeah, and he's like, he, he, he, this is funny. Because the bike moves on its own to him. Yeah. And she shows Ben the video.

And I don't have any response to that note. Nope. Well, I guess that's that. Oh, I don't know. I think this is where Wyatt is talking about space while they're like lying in the dark. And then. Robbie says, do you want to meet my friend? And then it goes dark. And then the next time we see Wyatt, he has like drawings all over him.

Yeah, he has a triangle with a circle inside of it, which from the market ones. We know. But we didn't know yet because that hadn't happened yet. Recommando. Right. It's the deathly hallows, right? We discussed this, yeah? Okay. I mean, it was 2011. That shit existed. For sure. Yeah.

Yeah. Why wouldn't they just use a different? ancient symbol. Okay. It doesn't matter. I was very happy that our talk about how JK Rowling is a piece of shit. Yeah. Got people that are like, hey, I'd not heard about this. Wow. I'm sorry, people are better than me. People are not as terminally online. Exactly. Exactly.

So it was like, oh, we're actually educating people. Oh, good. Yeah, she's a transphobic piece of shit. And she's using the money that she makes from Harry Potter shit to fight against trans people's rights. Right, to further her anti-trans agenda. Yeah. So fuck her. And fuck Lithgow for. doing it. Yeah.

And Nick Frost? Come on. Nick Frost. Oh, of course he's that guy. Yeah. There's a ton of people that are involved in it. Yeah. Let's go.

Luthgow. That's also an inside joke. Leth go. Let's go. So, yes, he's drawn pictures all over them, and then she has to get, and he's drawn with, like, crayons. Yeah. So that hurt.

I can't push that hard. But he, so the, Robbie says to, Ben, he says, he really doesn't like you. And I wrote, I really don't like you either, Ben. And then cut it, it's the next night. It says, night seven. At this point, you should be getting compensation from the county for fostering this child, you know?

But they're like, they're doing this, they're doing nothing to help him. They're just letting him get weirder and weirder. They're leaving him alone, no support. It's so fucking devastating. Where are the snap benefits? What are we doing here? Why is no one taking care of him? Yeah.

Well, I mean, you know, somebody is. Alex, basically. Katie. Oh, Katie. Well, that seems like Alex is trying. She is. At least making sure they're not dead. Yeah.

So Wyatt comes down the stairs, and this is where we see the other child-shaped dots moving along with him from the Xbox dots. Yeah. Kids wander. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Whatever. There's two of them in the house.

That's why I'm like, yes, you can't. If you're going to do this, you have to have all three. You have to have three. because it could just be the other child, right? Or the cat. Or the cat. What would you name that cat? That cat?

Yeah. I mean, gut reaction, Jonesy, but that's just because I have an orange tabby named Jonesy. You can't name it Jonesy too, son of Jonesy. Because every orange tabby should be named Jonesy. What about Glenn? Yeah. Yeah, Rip Glenn. What about Derek?

You're talking about Derek Bigglesworth? You're talking to Derek Bigglesworth. Fuck, you're definitely coming up with that cat. You can't stop thinking about it. No, nah, I'm thinking about how I like the way my house smells, you know? Sure. Yeah. And like when you're sweaty and you sit on the couch, you don't get cat hair all over the backs of your thighs.

Yeah. We'll see. Leonard just eating peanut butter out of a jar with a spoon. Yeah, well, I don't have to go in my closet to do that. I do that in the open. My house, my rules. My peanut butter. Anyway, yes, he has the Deathly Hallows markings, which they look up and find as a hot.

Hittite. Hotisok? Oh, yeah, they had a name for the, I'm sorry, yes, it was a Hittite thing, though. It was like from the Hittite people. Okay. Yeah, yes, I didn't write down the name of the actual science. I don't remember how to say it. Yeah.

But it's a symbol of fertility in which demon takes possession of a male child. There's so much information about this occult shit online. So much information about this occult shit online. And then we learn that the demon only goes after virgins. Sure. Which is wild because Katie certainly wasn't. She lived with a boyfriend. Yeah, but you don't know if they...

I think we... I thought they had a romantic scene. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. That woman's not a virgin. Let's just... You're living with your stockbroker boyfriend. You buy in a house with a pool.

You're fucking... Alan. Maybe just hate H-J's. Just sloppy hand jobs every day. A little tugger. Just a little tugger. I like Ben being like... He tries to press.

pressure, uh, jokingly, I guess. Yeah. Into not becoming inviolates so that they would fuck. That would be very funny if they did and then the demon couldn't touch them. I wouldn't like that quite a bit. I also liked his line about three times four different girls. That seems like something you would say. Not that I know of.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I want to see them like about to have penetrative sex in the demon just being like, are you sure? It's really going to mess up my whole plan. It's really going to fuck up the third act. A rare horror movie that can be solved by fucking. Yes. All right, now we're on mom's computer.

She's using it for recipes and shit. Yeah, she learned how to chop. She's got to know how to chop. I don't know what this woman knows. She doesn't know how to rear a child. I'll tell you that much. No, she doesn't know how to not filter her pictures to within an inch of her life either. Jesus.

Lady, a poor, just one poor. Lee, you don't have a nose anymore. I know you've got one. I know it. Just like you came from fucking Whoville. What are you doing over here? We're being really mean in this episode. I feel like we had a thing for a while where we just didn't comment on people's appearances.

Maybe that's just in my brain. But then 2026 happened and all bets are off. Yeah, all bets are off. We're looking at a fucking dystopia. Who gives a shit anymore? If you zoom in, you can see where she tried to. you edit out her crow's feet and mist. It's okay to have crow's feet, man.

It means you smiled a whole bunch. You know what rules? Aging, you look awesome. It's fine. It's fine. Celebrate people. Be kind to each other. Make fun of the way everyone looks.

In 2001, she was ranked number 81 on Stuff Magazine's 101 most beautiful women in the world. Huh, that's awesome. I would have a plaque on my wall saying that, by the way. Yeah. all found me on Pittsburgh City paper best podcast Park, yeah. We were the most beautiful podcast in Pittsburgh. Most beautiful podcast.

It was when we were the only Pittsburgh podcast. We got in on the ground floor. So mom, mom, here's a call from Wyatt while she's learned about chopping. This is such a like relatable moment of this kid being like, I can't find it! And they'd be like, Mom, I found it. Fuck you.

But when she comes back to chopping, don't think that I don't have start chopping by dinosaur Jr. playing in my head the entire time saying chopping. Of course you do. Of course you do. she comes back and her knife's gone. Her knife's gone. I actually like this little mechanic here.

Yeah, it's neat. But also, she gives up on trying to find that knife so quickly. There's two very young boys in this house. Right. One of whom you're fostering and not taking care of and who might be disturbed. And she's just like,

fuck it. I get another one. But her the face she's making when she can't find it looks like someone's like smeared shit all over the counter when she wasn't looking. Oh. Then we see them eating this dinner she's cooking.

You know who's not at the fucking table? Who? Robbie. Yeah. Why doesn't he get... He's still down at the fucking field getting those kids a line. It's such a weird thing that is not even explained in any way. Yep.

Because someone, like, they hear a thump and why it's like, oh, it's probably just Robbie. Yeah, maybe he's hungry. one of the big things in this movie is that when we were doing five I was like celebrating how like you kind of get invested because you get these like slice of life things from all this and this movie just negates all of that

Yeah I'm glad that he was able to bring it back around Yeah yeah Well he had to direct it himself to bring it back on him on Sure you can't have Henry Jush I'm pretty sure his name is Henry Jush Joist Juiced Juiced Henry Juiced

Oh I'm done That's all I had to say He directed Paranormal Activity 3 also. Okay. It tracks. Yeah. And Ariel Schulman.

Oh, okay. Yeah. That's all I want to say. I'm pretty much done with that. So, Mom leaves the boys alone. Robbie watches her leave and tells Wyatt it's time to go. If anyone gave a fuck about Wyatt, none of this would have happened. Yeah.

Yeah. And if anyone gave less than a fuck about Robbie. Yeah. Yeah. So they go across the street. Yeah, he says, Wyatt, it's time to go. They're waiting for us. Yeah.

And they go across the street. And I guess the sister cares a little bit because she sees them going. Yeah. So she goes across the street. Well, she almost gets hit by a car and then she says, fucking Prius, which made me laugh. And the front door's open. She gives it a couple knocks and then pushes her way in.

Yep. There's like a weird bedroom in the lock on a closet door. And we don't really get any real information on what any of that is. I feel like that's something somewhere in one of these movies, but yes. Okay. I was thinking about how the refrigerator door was locked in last week's episode. That doesn't seem to be explained by anything in this. Okay.

But all the furniture is covered in dust, like drop cloths. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like nobody lives there. Like, no one does. And then she hears the boy shrieking. Wyatt is screaming was like a blood-curdling scream. Yeah.

Like, that scared me. As a parent, that scared me. Yeah. But he's just been tickled. a tickle party. Oh my God. And then. Robbie's mom shows up.

It's fucking Katie Featherston. It's our girl Katie. Katie Featherston. Love you so much, girl. What are you doing here, Kate? Katie. Can I call you Katie? Katie, we don't have non-friend guests on this.

But you're a friend of the podcast. You're a friend of the podcast. If you ever want to come on here, you let us know. Yeah, I was looking at your IMDB. You're not doing a lot right now. Getting in touch, girl. See, that's not going to make her want to do it. Oh, fuck.

She was never going to come on anyway. She's like, like, what's up talking. about my boobs. So Katie is posing as Robbie's mom. And she's just taking him back, I guess, for the night? Or forever? Forever.

Okay. Yep. So Alex takes Wyatt and they go back to their house. Yep. Night nine. Is Dad listening to New Metal on the couch or what? I thought he was just watching, like, sports on TV. I see.

Yeah. Jerking it. Like you do when you watch sports. Yeah. I have not watched a Pirates game without jerking it once this year. I mean, Tug McGraw was named Tug McGraw for a reason. Because you could tug it to him. And he wouldn't mind.

Missy mentioned something about the Flyers playing the penguins and some, like, opener. But she was like, she said the Phillies are playing the penguins. And I was like, oh, that would be a really weird game. Because there'd be all these like Mike Schmitz all over the ice. And she's like, I don't know who that is. I was like, oh, so your baseball knowledge doesn't end in 1980 like mine does. I think it ends before that because she never had any to begin with. She thought the Phillies played on ice.

Yes, Dad's watching the TV. He hears the front door close and then a computer starts whirring in the other room. Oh, that's what it is. I thought a blender turned on or something. Yeah, it's a very loud whir, but it's the computer. It's probably because it's running 24 hours a day. Exactly. Burning out the motor.

So he goes back in there and he's looking at the computer and then he gets it shut off and then he goes back out and then it starts whirring again. So he has to go back in. and then he's looking at the computer. Then what happens? Something falls from this guy because it's a paranormal activity movie. It's a knife.

It's the knife. Meanwhile, she's coming down the stairs. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? I was like, did she get drunk somehow? The implication is that they've just had a fight. Yeah. Because she's like, I'm sorry, okay? Which are my least favorite words in the English language.

Yeah. Fuck you. It's right up there with I'm sorry if you're offended. I'm sorry if you're offended. Or I'm sorry you're offended. Or I'm sorry you feel that way. So she thinks he's got a knife in his hand because they just had a fight. And I was like, that's going to be one of the most terrifying moments this woman has ever experienced.

But it isn't. He's like, this just fell out of the sky. And I'm so confused. And I don't know where it came from. She knows the knife went missing earlier. She is not concerned that he is planning to hurt himself or her or their children. She's just like, whatever. Don't come back to bed.

Then you stupid bitch. It's just to suck my dick. It goes back upstairs. I hate her. I hate him. him. I hate everyone. And we learned that both Robbie and Wyatt are adopted. This is where I, yes, where I got really upset because they adopted Wyatt and still didn't

do a good job fostering Robbie. But Wyatt tells his sister that Katie told him that his other family needs him back. Yeah. So this is why your theory works much better than my demon hunter. It's just the timing doesn't work out, but also I guess I just didn't care. Yeah, yeah. Maybe he was just a really big baby, or maybe she was just a really small. person. Yes, and. Okay. So, Wyatt's door opens in the nighttime.

My next note says, is there really still 30 more minutes? Of an hour and 28 minute long movie. Yeah, this one drags big time. Yeah. Yeah. So he's following somebody. And we see this ghost child walking down behind him. Right. He goes to the TV. And he keeps saying, my name's not Hunter.

Yeah. And then his mom comes down. She's like, yeah, your name's on Hunter. You're stupid piece of shit. Yeah, why did I even fucking change your name when I adopted you? Also, if he was saying that, she would have known what his name was at birth. She adopted him and changed his name. Yeah.

Why is she not concerned about that? She's like, Mr. Biggelsworth, get back upstairs. Dr. Derek. Derek Bigglesworth, you'd get back upstairs and go to bed. Back up there. So he's got to take a bath. She's like, sets up, I just wrote, I love a movie in the tub and bubbles in a fluffy towel. I want a mom.

I'll be your mom, talk. You cannot run a bath for me. That's a bridge too far in terms of our intimacy. It's fine. And also, I have a real, like, city bathtub. They've got this beautiful suburban bath. I can't fit both my tits and my knees under the water in my bathtub without it overflowing, you know. So we were going to leave it at both my tits.

I can't fit both my tits in that bathtub. No, just the one. One soaks the other watches. Just drop one outside the tub. There are a fried egg on it, my dude. So there's a thud in the tub, and then his movie stops. Yeah. And he starts sort of like slowly backing away from something off screen.

Boat is moving around the tub at him, and then it like stops. And then yes, and then he gets jerked under the water. He calls for his mom and then gets dragged under before he can get the word out. Because she's like, hey, I'll be back. You're in a bathtub, and I'm going to go take a phone call. Six-year-olds, you can leave in a bathroom. In my opinion. I've got one down there right now.

If they can swim. My kid could swim by sex. Sure. Yeah. Sure. No. This scene is so upsetting. I was just like, let him up.

Let him up. I can't. He's under the water for so long. So long. It keeps cutting back to the mom. It cuts to something else. Cuts to the like still, completely still bathtub.

So what I was hoping is that he's just gone. Yeah. I thought that would have been real spookery. You know how you thought you could get sucked down the drain? Sure. Yeah. but now you can't. Well, that's what happened to Lizzo.

She got sucked down the train. Was that in this episode? No. It's been a long night and I've had a big beer. Listen to our Patreon episode if you want to get that joke. Sorry. Comedy's hard. So he's not coming up for a long, long time.

But eventually he does pop back up. Yeah. But like slowly. Like he's fucking coming out of. of the water to go kill Kurtz and apocalypse now. Exactly. He looks like the creature. He's so cute, though.

This child is cute as a button. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And mom comes back in. She's like, hey, buddy, let's, time to get out of the top. He doesn't speak. He doesn't move. She just picks him up and throws a towel on him.

Like, lady, check, check. Just look. Listen, big glass of wine's not going to take care of itself. Got to get this kid to bed. Look, I take care of my kid and drink a big glass of wine. Mother of the year Mother of the year So this night 11

It's night 11 Night 11 Yeah you said you never forget I said I didn't believe in it Also I'm watching this on I think Pluto Yeah And there are so many fucking ads

Really It was insane It was like every five minutes That's too many ads Yeah So night 11 1230 a.m. 12.03 a.m. Mom has given

Alex is sleeping pill she tells dad because she was not sleeping well which is true she says she's been up for two days yeah it's as we learn a school night if you're gonna give your 15 year old a sleeping pill don't wake her up in the morning and force her to go to school let her stay home what are you doing being mother of the decade yeah she's way better than me the dad is pissed yeah what the fuck is wrong with you. Yeah. And it's like, whoa, what human reaction has happened

betwixt the two of them? But also they're both wrong. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Sure. They're both wrong. And now why it's fucking around

in the middle of the night. Surprise, surprise. He goes into his sister's room. Her blanket gets pulled off her because that demon loves to tug. That demon loves a good hard tug. And then the demon lifts her up. She's going to levitate.

And then it's the next morning, but that doesn't go anywhere. His mom comes in with a fucking laundry basket under her arm. Get up, bitch. It's time for school. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And she said she feels like shit. Yeah, let her stay home. And we learned that, uh, Wyatt is no longer Wyatt. Oh, right. This is where I wrote, they adopted that kid as a toddler and changed his fucking name. It's not a cat like Mr. Bigglesworth, who I would rename Derek, I think. So that's, that's the origin story. His name is Hunter now, or it used to be. It used to be.

Uh, we get an intense typing. scene that doesn't go anywhere. Now it's night 12. Night 12. Here we go. November 17th, 12.48 p.m. Or a. A.m. We see that Katie is sitting downstairs in their house. She gets up from the couch. What's she doing down there? Just watching, listen to New Metal, I guess.

Garage door opens. Yes. And Katie, not Katie. Alex has been on a video chat with Ben, who we've not seen for a while. I thought he had just exited. the movie. Sure. They finally realized they got that restraining order.

And she's petting the cat, which is the first time we see anyone acknowledge it. Sure. Yeah. I thought maybe the cat wasn't real. No. Wow.

That's a paranormal cativity. So she shuts the garage door. Yeah. Goes back towards the house. So when I first heard the sound, again, I had my windows open. Yeah. I thought it was the ice maker and I was like,

oh, Katie likes ice in her drink. Like, she had just gotten up from the couch and was like, I really need a cold drink. No, it's the garage. Yeah, and then she goes back to investigate and the garage door tries to kill her. She doesn't say mom, dad, Wyatt.

She just walks on out there. And she goes, I hate this fucking house. I hate this fucking mansion in which I live. She's just not grateful for anything. Parents are going through so much. Kids are never grateful. Hopefully they turn out to be someday, I think is the way you're supposed to look at it.

So there's this whole really long scene. I'm just realizing that we're an hour and 14 minutes into this episode. You gotta be kidding me. There's this really long scene where she's being asphyxiated by the car that started up on its own. There are windows in the garage door. Just break those and let the carbon monoxide out, right? Yeah, or break the car and drive it through the garage door. I mean, that works too.

That works too. That works too. You're right. And while this is happening, Aunt Katie is now looking for Hunter. Yeah, she's got places to be to know. night seemingly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So she's telling her parents what happened. Yeah. Show them the tape.

But we have learned that she can't figure out how to do playback on it, that she needs Ben there. And she's like, let me just call Ben. And they're like, fuck Ben. And she's like, yeah,

fuck Ben. And that's it. And then dad's like, hey, can I take you out to dinner so mom can be in the house alone? Yeah. It's the only way this can happen. Also,

where is Wyatt? has anyone seen Wyatt who who is that the cat hunter yeah you mean mr bigglesworth dr. Derek Bigglesworth so good he's such a cutie pie so bum's in the house alone she gets a call from dad yeah and her 2011 landline yes and katie's hanging around the house again katie's just chilling she's not even hiding herself she's just doing her things she's just doing her Yeah. Something falls. It's a book.

Is that what it is? I couldn't tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then more books are falling. Mom's looking at it again, like somebody smeared shit all over her walls. And then I have a note that says mom gets jerked off and falls to the floor. I wrote mom gets yoinked and dropped.

Yeah, the old yoinck and doink. The demon loves a yoinck and doink. You see it happen all the time. I have a note that says this is the droppingest one yet. It sure is. And there will be at least one. more drop, I think so. I think so. Yeah. So Ben comes in the house after

mom's been dropped, but the body is missing. Right. And also, kid, what the fuck are you doing in this house? He cracks open a cold one. Yeah. It's a Pepsi. It's a Pepsi. It's a Pepsi. Fuck Pepsi. Sell Coke. And he calls

Katie. Or called Alex. Calls Alex. She doesn't answer. He goes up to her room where her closet bead curtain is rattling. Yeah. Closet bead curtains, man. And he hears a loud bang. He goes upstairs, right, right, right. And sits down under a computer. And then who's behind him when he sits down?

Katie. What does she do? She breaks his neck. Because she has super human demon strength. Which is whatever. And I kind of have a dog that says, I kind of love how dumb this is. Yeah. Well, meanwhile, uh, fucking dad and Alex are driving down the street.

And he says to his daughter, is that your mom and Wyatt? does not recognize own wife. No. Aria man does not recognize own wife confuses Katie for her. Katie has tits for next month.

Katie's got surplus tits. Your wife does not. That's all I'm saying. She goes to her room to call Ben. Here's his cell phone. It's ringing in her room, right? And to which I said, who the fuck leaves their ringer off?

2011, baby. Why did she take the mom's body and not Ben's? Yes. So she finds Ben. She gets the old demon shove. Yeah. Yeah. Demon Rub and tug.

Yeah. And gets taken across the street. Well, dad is, yes, where dad is getting demon tossed and dragged because he thought he's, he sees Katie's, he sees Katie with Robbie and then decides he needs to go over and see what's

going on, even though, to our knowledge, Katie and Robbie live in that house. And also is my wife over there? Because I think I saw her over there. I see. Okay, okay. So he's getting demon tossed and dragged when she gets there.

Yeah. Yeah. There's a newspaper on the window. Yeah. A la Anna from the market ones. Right, right. We hear Wyatt calling for help. Potentially from hell, who can say?

And then Alex is running around the house. And then here's a good fat finger flub. Demon Katie rubs at her. Yes, you're right. She does gives her the old demon run. Katie loves to run at people. She's like a fucking linebacker. She's blitzing the quarterback.

She is going in for the sack. Katie loves it. She jumps out a window. 4-440. Don't know what that is. She jumps out of window. Who does? Alex.

Yes, she does. And when she gets outside, because she's only on the first floor. Yeah. jumps out of window. Thank goodness. And there's like 200 ladies running at her. She sees Wyatt and she takes, um,

Wyatt and she takes his hand and he doesn't want to go with her. Yeah. And I, to which I wrote, he's six. Pick him up. Yeah. And then she turns around, yeah, there's 200 midwives. This is why you need to listen to Skaw. She would have known to pick it up.

Pick him up, pick him up. Um, yeah. And then she die. And that's the end of paranormal activity four. We need to go. Katie, rate it. Um, this one was well worse than the last one. I'm going to give it a, uh, 4.2.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, I'll give it a paranormal activity four. Okay. Yeah, it's a solid paranormal activity for her. But I'm glad they brought it back around, so I look forward to doing paranormal activities, six, seven, and then look forward to eight. That's future, future coming.

There's apparently also like a web comic and there's so much lore we have to get into. What are those witches doing over there, coven and their midwifery? Crazy. Midwifery, come on. Also, don't love them being called midwives, which just means with women. It's like midwives have done really good work for their entire. Yeah, but I mean, have they? Mine did a great job.

But did they? Yeah. Yeah, no, midwives are amazing. Yeah. I really don't like midwifery, because it just sounds like you're mid-sniffing something. I'm just mid-whiff of this. I'm making this pasta sauce, and I'm just midwifery when the cat comes in and takes a dump-print in the sauce.

Katie, what are we doing next week? Next week, we are doing a movie that you have requested. Yes. It is from 1982 or three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In 183, I think. 83? Yeah.

Because you want to do something stupid. We're doing Death Stalker. Yeah, it's a sword and sandal sorcery movie. And there's a remake of it that came out in 2025, starring Patton Halswalt, so I figure we'll do that later as well. Whom's can take this from us? We need to get back to some nitty-gritty exploitation.

I'm sure there's boobs in that movie. God, a season tits. Yeah, yeah. So come back for that. Patreon. Tea Public. The new Patreon episode about Supercop is up, and I'm sure it's nonsense.

I haven't edited it yet, but it was wild to record. But it has the first half of the Lizzo joke. Yeah, you're going to love it. Check in, babies. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Werewolf Happy House. I'm sorry, it went so long. Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye.