Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 556- Deathstalker (2025)

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

In this week's episode, we're discussing a very divisive film: the 2025 remake of "Deathstalker." Special topics for your consideration include: "Clash of the Titans," "Jason and the Argonauts," "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," "Evil Dead," "Hellraiser," and so many others! We covered "Hellraiser" in Episode 51 and "The Evil Dead" in Episode 281. Maybe start there! The regular lineup of links! You can support us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance and listen to a ton of action movie episodes! It's Michelle Yeoh month plus we're starting Series 2 of "Line of Duty" very soon! leave us a message at 412-407-7025 hang out with some cool listeners at https://discord.gg/DutFjx3cBD buy merch at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance the best place to reach us is at [e-mail] we're on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance sorta on Twitter @werebulance sorta on Instagram @werewolfambulance www.werewolfambulance.com if you feel you really must lodge a complaint with us, please do it on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance because we are probably not gonna see that, ever. If you liked this, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen! It helps others find us and allows us to continue to grow. Intro song is by Alex Van Luvie Outro song is A. Wallis- "EMT" Seriously, we have the best listeners, hands down.

Testes. Maybe I'll stay up all night watching Hellhouse movies tonight. Maybe that would be good for my brain. What do you think? What do you think? Is that good or bad for my brain? Okay, good. Oh, you're recording it.

Good, good, good, good. Everything before the clap doesn't count. That's what he said. And then he said, you need antibiotics like right now. Look at all this gold. Put this in the blooper reel. Are we doing this? We're just going into it.

You know what? No, I want to clap, but I want to leave it. Three, two, one. So is Patton Oswald bankrupt or does he have tax problems or like a kid he's worried about putting through college? Does he have a kid that he had with Michelle McNamara who passed away? Is he not getting royalties from that book? No, no, he's doing really, really well. So what the fuck?

Because this movie might be perfect. Oh, my God. Maybe I was in a real. bad mood. And yes, I was. I was in a really bad mood. Spoiler for the ratings space. Is this a 10 for you? No. It's an 11. Yeah. Oh, fuck. I want to play in this guy's D-D campaign. Yeah. I mean, yeah. Okay. Maybe you can talk me into this. Because I watched it and I was like, this is amusing. Fuck you. This is the non-sexualized id of a 12-year-old boy brought to life. Yeah, I guess so. Right?

It's just, it's that without jerking off. Is that without jerking off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You already rubbed one out and now you can just think about this fucking rad shit you're going to do in your D&D campaign. All that post nut clarity. Oh, Alan. Oh, Catherine.

What are we talking about? We're talking about. Oh, twist off bottles. That's what we're talking about. Thank you. I see light mango. I have no idea how old that is, by the way. Oh, it doesn't matter.

Aged. As if it matters. We were talking about the 2025 remake of a movie that, yes, I understand. I owe the discord an apology. What more? What more? It wasn't the discord who suggested the movie. It was me on the discord.

Suggested what we do Roger Corman's deadstocker. Wait, one moment. You said to them, should we do it? They said, I guess. No, no, no. Those motherfuckers. So someone was like, oh, you should do like a sort and sorcery movie. I was like, oh, maybe we should, maybe we should do the first death stalker so we can then do the, the newer one.

I can't believe you blamed them. I know. Neither can they. They were up in arms. There was umbrage. There was umbrage. I got tagged in a lot of posts this week that I swiped away immediately because I was like, I can't deal with your people right now. I'm so sorry.

There was, there was much, much umbrage mistaken. Also, I have to apologize to the band J. Church. Why? Because I misattributed the song, a man of planet canal to, to, They Might Be Giants, and it's a J. Church song. I palindrome, I, is that they might be giants palindrome song. Fuck, yeah, they might be giants. That's way better.

I don't know who J. Church is. You don't know J. Church? No. Is it like a... They're a pop-punk band from like the 80s and 90s. Oh, maybe I do. Lance Hahn was the vocalist. They were formerly known as Cringer, moved from Hawaii to San Francisco,

and became J. Church. Lance was like the main member throughout all. I guarantee you because you know. I feel like I sang that song back at you. Yeah. I'd be like that J. Church tongue ended up on a mixtape that somebody made for you in the hopes to go out with you at some point.

You know, I was not to say. There was a boy who made me mixtapes that had a lot of they might be giants on it. Yeah. I feel like the Venn diagram of they might be giants and J. Church is almost a circle. There's just some outliers on that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, all right, all right. RIP.

What? No. Don't fucking tell me if Endando is dead. He's evidently not doing it. They did a tiny desk concert that MPR was like, we're okay. We're not going to air that. No one's ever going to see that. He seemed fat when I saw him at Mr. Smalls, which made me think he was doing well.

I don't think he's doing well. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Well, the show at Smalls was great. Oh, that's awesome. Was it in the big room or was it like a smaller? It was in the big room? How dare you?

They played it to show all right. I didn't know if he was just doing like a big room. Evan Dando, a night with Evan or something. No, no, no, no, it was the Lemonheads. He brought Mrs. Robinson out. Every night with the Lemonheads is a night with Evan dando. Name another Lemonhead. There are none. There are none. They're just dudes. All

Nameless faceless dudes. I'm sorry to hear that. Anyway, Deathstalker 2025. Deathstalker, 2025. Directed by the director of Psycho Gorman. And the void. And the void. And the void. Yeah. one movie we really loved and one movie we were kind of meh on although i have gone back and rewatch the void again how was it better because i knew to expect not much from it got it but the practical

effects that are fucking fantastic i do remember thinking that yeah yeah yeah yeah i can't this is my first note after the thing about patten oswald being broke is i can't exactly say why but i feel dread about this so i went in with a bad idea i think i was so upset by last week's deathstock yeah And then, I don't know, I'm feeling a lot of existential dread period. What's going on? I don't know. Should we start a fourth podcast to talk about my online dating experience? Fuck yes.

It's called Caller Katie. Allison and Eric talk about Katie's online. I should start using a fake name. And it will be Allison. It will be Alice and Eric. Allison Erickson. Too many sons. You wouldn't name your.

get that. Well, you'd need to be Eric Doder. Yeah. The daughter of Eric. We're still doing that? Anyway. I don't think in America, no. In 2026.

No. So I had the opposite reaction of like, it's got to be better, right? Like, there's no way it's not going to be better. And I just, I had faith in the man who made that little girl swear so many times that this was not going to be a sexist piece of shit. And there's only one set of titties in this movie. And it's on a swamp monster. It's on a scrub daddy.

I just felt the tone was weird. Where at the beginning I was like, is it a comedy? And then by the end they were like, it starts off feeling like one of those like CW, like the legend of the seeker or something like that. Yes, it feels very sci-fi movie. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Like that scarecrow with Lacey Chabere. Yeah, I was not the scarecrow. Missy started watching this with. me and then she went to bed. But I was like, oh, no, it kind of feels like Legend of the Seeker. And she's like, yeah, Legend of the Seeker in an episode had more of a budget than this entire film. And I was like, well, maybe. Maybe. Well, the lead is a Swiss man, who is like a stunt man and model. Daniel Bernhardt? Yeah, he looks like a mashup of John Hamm and Christopher Maloney. Oh, okay. We went with John Hamm and, oh, man, who was the other one? I can't remember. It wasn't

Christopher Maloney, but I can see that for sure. He's a very good one. Predominantly ham. Predominantly ham. And then there's like another gentleman blended in. I would call him heavy ham fisted. Ham fisted? Damn.

I wouldn't mind ham fisting him if you know what I mean. No, he can ham fist me anytime he wants. However, he is being an American. This is a European, no, that's for our fourth podcast. Do you have to come up with a catchy name for it? Ham fisted. Ham fisted. Ham fisted.

No, I can't. I have a job in real. life. Allison doesn't. Allison just gets am fisted. She'd be fisting that ham and then let's go to town. Oh,

jeez. Fuck. I think this is the lowest of ever. Is this rock bottom? I love that we can laugh about it. I have laughed in the face of awful shit my entire life. For sure. What else are you going to do?

Yeah. Do that or cry. I'd do that one too. Yeah, that's a big one in my house. This movie starts off and it's like, by the way, the first Deathstalker could not do a decent decapitation. So out of the gate, we're coming at you with a great decapitation. Extreme blood spray. Yeah.

Yeah. And fully seeing the head severed from the neck. Yes, not just being kicked to the ground later. Oh, what's this now? This movie has really nothing to do with Deathstalker the first. There's like mirror characters, maybe. Yeah. Instead of having like Titty Warrior, you have like just got off a cruise to Jamaica Hair Warrior. I do. I do. She's got Bo Derek and Perfect 10 hair.

She does. And then when we see the rest of the Thieves Guild, the boss has it too. I was like, oh, you all went on the cruise. You all had a good time. Great. They don't practice Santa Maria. Yeah. We don't have no crystal ball. So he, when we were talking about Death Stalker, the OG, 1983 Deathstalker, we had said that there's like a. kernel of a good movie in there. Sure. So I think this movie like popped that kernel and was like, okay, so he was on a quest to get these three things.

So I have played a lot of role-playing games in my life. Sure. I'm going to write a movie where this is a role-playing game and this guy has to go and meet with these different trials and tribulations. Yeah. To get these things. Yeah, I mean, the first one is essentially that. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah. It's just like a quest to find this, a quest to get that. Yeah. Tits along the way. Yeah. And an essay, an essay, an essay. Sure, sure, sure. We don't speak of that

Anymore No We're done with that We're done with that This movie Thankfully No sexual assault No sexual assault

How are you able to make a film Oh shit? Roger Corman is spinning in his grave I feel like he's just Nevermind I'm not going to say a nice thing About Roger Corman's grave We get the intro

The intro titles that tell us The Kingdom of a Braxian Sure Is under siege by the Dreadite Horde. Not the deadite. The dreadite. Yeah.

They look like action figures that like blew up to be people sized. Sure. Like shitty action figures. Like knock off ones that you get at like, you know, the dollar store. The one that a weekend dad might pick up for you. Yeah. Dad with tattoos of his kids' names, but only weekend custody. Incorrect birthdays under their names.

2012. What? I'm 37. Yeah. So we open on this very gory scene of a bunch of bloodshed on the battlefield. A bunch of dreadites killing these four pokey-hatted men. Yes. So were they all designed to be able to take out the thing at the end with their heads?

Were they meant to do an Irish kiss? I think they're just paying homage to the thing that we need at the end of the movie. The totally ineffective and useless sword that we have to get. I'm confused on that and I can't wait to get to it. I just want to say that when I say these guys look like action figures, they look like they're made of wax and they are bright red. Yeah. This is keeping with,

if you remember in Psycho Gorman, when Psycho Gorman's like the other alien showed up to fight him and they all looked like creatures that the Mighty Morphingen Power Rangers would have to fight. Yes. These all have that vibe and it all looks like there might have been a mold that they were all made in, which like is in that action figure.

Yeah, that wax-a-vime. Waxy feel. For sure. For sure. Waxion figures. And the whole thing is just so red. Everything is being shot with a red filter. Yeah.

It's dusty. It's bloody. There are giant dinosaur horns everywhere. How big were those motherfucking dinosaurs? Really, really big. Really big. But I also love that there's that, like, there's these like splits or like split-second scenes where you see three moons.

Yes, I like that a lot. And you're just like, oh, we're not on Earth. Great. Anything can happen. Let's go. But they do still. say things like, God damn it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember that used to drive me nuts in, not to keep bringing up Star Wars, but an Empire Strikes Back. Sorry, which one? What is this now? It's a Star Wars by the George Lucas franchise. George. Oh, he made the Monkey Island games.

He did make the Monkey Island games. You know the guy who wrote Indiana Jones. He, uh, there's a scene in Empire Strikes Back where Hanswell is going to look for Luke Skywalker. He's going out into the cold. And someone's like, You're going to die out in the cold, and he turns around and says, well, then I'll see you in hell.

And it's like, wait, we have a Judeo-Christian concept of heaven and hell in this far, far away long, long ago. That makes sense. Does it? You know why? Because hell is real. And Jesus is real. And that's why they say, God damn it, because God is real.

Yeah, yeah. So we see a pair of legs approaching a, let's just call them Crusaders, a Peking Crusaders. Yeah. And he's like, oh, maybe this guy's coming to hell. help him. He's not. No. He's coming to run his pockets. Yeah. He's searching the bodies before they're dead. You know how you search the bodies in a D&D

campaign. He does not wait for it to become a body. I'm on board. I've already got a note that says this is 100% less rapy. Oh yeah, for sure. We already had a rape by this part in the original movie. So you're right about that. Oh, God, it opens on one. Yeah. Fucking how. So he finds this amulet. Yeah. And the guy who is not dead, who it turns out to be the prince? I guess. Says, you must return it.

And I was like, he's got an American accent. I know it doesn't make any more sense for them to be British. You just used to them being British. Yeah, it felt weird that everybody was like, sounded like they were from Ohio. If a Game of Thrones would be like, hey, yo! Ned Stork! The winner's coming. The Swiss guy who was hanging on to that American accent.

Everything that he is worth. Yeah. He sounds like someone from Cleveland, like how they would say like Alan instead of Alan, you know. Well, he's always eaten macaroni and cheese or macaroni with chili on top of it. That's Cincinnati. Oh, sorry. That's spaghetti with chili on top of it. Delicious.

Have you had it? Yeah. It's fucking delicious. Skyline. Yeah. Who doesn't love a macaroni or pasta and a chili? I think it's offensive to my people. It's offensive to everybody's people.

except the Irish that it's okay to offend. They stole pasta from China. Leave it alone. You can't fucking steal. Look, we weren't conquerors. I'm still real. It's like we had an empire.

I'm still reeling from the fact that tomatoes are not indigenous to Italy. No, but it's our thing. I know, yeah, you guys took it and run with it. It's like the potato in Ireland. They're indigenous to them.

Yeah, they're native or North American or Central American. What? Really? Yeah. I don't know shit about a historical agricultural. culture. Yeah. I'm sure you have a book you can loan me.

I don't know why I said that with disdain. I'm sure you do and it's probably a good one. Yeah, my tattooed drug band has... I'm sorry I offended you. It didn't. It's very funny. This is the third time you brought it up and I said it an hour ago. Very funny.

No. Listen. Chat, listen. Alan showed me a picture of his 90s emo band practicing for their show in Santa Ana, California on June 20. 20th. 20th? 26. 30th, I think. No, none of those.

June. Bro, you should know. I'll get there. I'm pretty sure. No, it's June 20th. I'm sure of it. June 20th. You're right? Yeah. Yeah. He showed me a picture of them practicing for the first time of 30 years. And I said, wow, you all look like you should be in a jug band.

And he took that very, he took that really to heart. No, it's a hundred percent accurate. He's a tattooed jug band. Tattoo jug band. He's got the washboard. You have a tattooed junk band? Yeah. We're a jug band.

A little edgy. You're edgy. You're edgy. You got to fuck off and die tattoo, you know? Anyway. I think it's that I'm sleeveless. It always gives me a little bit of a,

my redneck culture really comes out when I'm missing a sleeve. Yeah, it's not when you wear a tank top. It's when you rip the sleeves off. Yeah. And I rip them. I don't even cut them. No. No, you've got to rip them off.

In the background of one of these scenes, we see the Lady Rogue sort of skulking around. We think, oh, she will come back later. Sure. Is this in the tavern that we see her? I think so, yeah. Yeah, because he heads to a tavern as you do in between.

Adventures. Yeah, adventures. You go to a tavern. And the farmers are laughing and telling tales and, and, and they. You're getting high to which I wrote, I wish I could get high. But it was during my work day. And they start talking shit. Yeah.

To Deathstalker. Yeah, you can't talk shit to Deathstalker. And the one dude's like, man, you better shut the fuck up. That's a motherfucking death stalker. That's the guy who survived that battle. And I thought they were going to give him more of a backstory instead of just being like, uh, in the first movie.

But it really is a bit of, uh, uh. Yeah, the only thing we get is that we learn that death stalker is not his godgiven. No. We learned that he does have a real name, which is like Tristan or something. Yeah, it's a Kevin, as far as I know. We need to talk about him. No. Again, the guy's like, he answers to you.

and then a two-headed monster kicks open the door and yells death stalker. That's where I wrote. Is this a comedy? The heads are just like so weirdly placed on the trunk of the body. And then I know I'm very sad because I was like, you know what's bumming me out? They never get to see each other. Oh, buddy. I was like, their brothers are like fucking really upset me.

I'm pretty sure the heads are placed so that someone's hands, can easily fit in their mouths. Yep, it's clearly one person puppeteering it with their head in the trunk of the body. But I have to tell you, I fucking love this monster. I'm sure you did. They get into a tussle. He gets lassoed to the ground. He says to the bartender, here's for my drinks.

And then he says, and this is for the chair. And the bartender's like, what? And then he picks up the chair and wax them with it. I liked that. Yeah, yeah. And he had found a sword on the battlefield and he hits the troll with it. it and it breaks the sword. But he's then able to use the different pieces of it to kill the troll.

Through both faces. Both faces, yeah. They were coming after the amulet. Right. So he goes to the river to throw it in the water. And I thought, why didn't you just give it to him if you're just going to throw it away? Like, were you just being petty? Like, nobody gets it.

100%. What a bitch. He's keeping that flavor of Deathstalker that he is petty. Petty and so dull. Like, he throws the amulet into the wall. water and then it's back in his pocket and he pulls it out and in like the he's so dully he says like what it's like watching marky mark act the third time he does it he looks at the emulet and it's now smiling at him oh i didn't get that it looked different so he keeps it

and he goes to see so one thing i like about both of these movies is that they have death stalker and the witch being like prior buds yeah like they've been on adventures together Yeah, for sure. He goes to her hut. Yeah. We don't get to see the witch, which disappointed me. I like to see a witch. I did like that her head was just locked in a box.

Yeah, well, why? Yeah. She's a witch. She probably bite her. Yeah, but she could control it. She obviously can't. You had to put a box over her head. I don't know about that.

She tells him that he needs to go see someone called Dada Lid. Yeah. Because Saramon was too close to Saramon in the first movie. 100%. Datalid is a wizard. Yeah. He has to go find. He can help.

Datalud can help. He steals her sacrificial, ritual knife. Does he steal it? He steals City pocket. Okay, okay.

There's a little stop motion night moving around on a map and it just goes all the way to the edge and he goes, damn it! Because the edge is marked as don't go here. Again,

I'm fine. looking on board. No, you're right. This is really, it's really lighthearted and I was being a prissy little bitch about it. We need his, is his horse calabas? There is a lot of, um, gosh, the Titans in here and a lot of Jason and the Argonauts. For sure. Yeah.

This guy must be like somewhere between the two of us age wise. I'm going to guess he is 48 years old. Okay. I don't know why. What's his name? Stephen Kostanski. Psycho Gorman? I think his name is Psycho Gorman.

He's a Canadian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different from us, though. His exact age and date of birth are not publicly available. I like that. Keep it a mystery. Sure, sure. So we're going to go with 48, 49.

Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Also, why is it a secret? I don't know. I don't know. Tell us when your birthday is, you bastard. So he goes to this cave and the horse smells.

the cave and it's like, nah, I'm good. It takes off. He just walks away. Did you like how he lit his torch? How did he light his torch? Just put some powder on it and lit up. He just lights, yeah. He's just a magic boy.

Oh, boy. So there's a blood bath in the cave. There's just dead bodies everywhere. Yes, and a sexy lady who rises from the dirt and then splits open to reveal puppets. Yeah. He's like, hey, baby, like as she's coming up face first through the dirt, and what are you doing down there? And there's something chained in a chest that is yelling for help.

Right. It sounds like Patton Oswald and you're like, oh, no. It's Pat and Oswald. And then a bunch of prolapsed buttholes come up out of the ground to attack him. What happened to those buttholes got way too much in and out? That's what happens, right? Some of them were just lifting really heavy weights. Yeah, that's true.

Just straining too hard. Ugh. Taking a big shit. Taking a big old shit. Yeah. And we meet a little person who looks almost exactly like Mel Brooks in Spaceballs. Oh, you know I've never seen Spaceballs because I won't get the jokes. Will I get them?

Type Mel Brooks Spaceball in Spaceballs in your phone. I can't remember what his character's name was. People are yelling at their... I love it when they get. Yeah. Mel Brooks was President's group. Yeah, but he was... was also the Yoda character.

Oh, I don't know. That's hard for me to say. You know, why am I looking this up? I don't fucking know. What'd you look it up? Mel Brooks Yoda. His name Scroob is an anagram of Brooks. Oh, yeah, looks just like him.

Yeah, it looks just like the little... His name is yogurt. How did you forget that? Oh, yogurt. I love a first-past-melt books joke. Yeah. They're still, you're still like, oh, Mel. Oh, Mel. Oh, Michael Winslow's in this.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a movie. Yeah, I don't know how it would hit for someone who's never seen a Star War. I've seen several Star War. You've seen two Star War? No, that's not true. You've seen three Star War? I feel like we've been over this a hundred times.

I saw the first one, and I saw the first one, and then I saw like one or two of these new ones. Okay, okay. I saw the one with the guy with the face, look like a cat. The guy with the face looks like a cat. It looks Harrison Ford's kid, but he's in the only Harrison Ford's. kid in the movie. What's that guy's name? His face looks like a cat. What is that guy's name? I don't know. The guy from girls. Yeah. Yeah, the guy from girls. He looks like a kitty cat. Adam. A driver. Adam Driver. Yeah.

Son of mini driver. I don't know if that's true. So he defeats all the prolapse buttholes, even the one that follows them outside. We learned that Datelod is voiced by Pat Nosswell. And goes by the name Dudad. Something is not sitting right with me about this. But okay.

All right. All right. It's just cheeky. It's just silly cheeky fun. I guess so. We cut back to the barkeep disposing of a troll until some,

disposing of the troll that he killed until some demon show up. And I have a note that says, now I'm remembering the money morphin power rangers looking things from that other movie from Psycho Corps man. and Doudad tells him that they have to go to Zodan's crypt.

Okay, he gives so, he like introduces us to so many made-up names in such a short period of time where he's like, these ruins aren't a Braxton, they're as Morty and this was the precursor to this language, which was dead to everyone, but the great wizard Zodan, we've got to go to his crypt and get the cipher from the sect of style. I could not follow. But that is, that is the point when your dungeon master is just reading flavor text and you're like, anyway, so what was on Facebook earlier that I was looking at? Like, surreptitiously under the table with your phone scrolling.

Just high and staring at the peanut M&Ms and wondering when you're going to get into them. And then realizing you've been eating them for the last 15 minutes. Why are my fingers dyed red and green? Because I'm gross. So they leave Dawn. There's this one-eyed, one-eyed winged guy who is extremely boobo the owl. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

For sure. Also, it was giving me the eyeball thing from Big Trouble and Little China. Yeah. Yeah. Wait,

should I stay up late watching the Hell House franchise or Big Trouble and Little China? Ooh, Big Trouble and Little China is going to keep you up not as late as the Hell House

franchise. Yeah, but I don't have any regard for my own health or welfare anymore. So that's not a consideration. I do. I'm not in terms of staying up late. I stay up late.

Sometimes I go to bed at 10th Oh, man. Lights out, baby. We also get this screaming wraith creature. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Tell me about this.

Just go ahead. Just describe it. Well, they're going to see, they're going to find out something about necromemnon, which is also another, like, just say stuff. Just go on.

It's necronomicon and agamemnon's baby, I guess. Necronomom. So I was doing talk-to-text for this movie. Oh, no. Of course, I said it differently every time. And my phone was just like, what are you saying? You know, necrumab. Nekargon again.

It's not. So we see that the little eyeball bird goes and talks to this guy who has on one of those four pointed helmets, but he has a human face nailed to it. And he throws some rocks on the ground. And then these rocks turn into the dreadites. Right. The red waxy guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is when Doud does the spell where he throws his own rock on the ground.

And Death Talker's like, what are you doing? He's like, if this works out, you're going to thank me. Yeah. Keep in mind, I don't think the person who's doing the, the person who is in the makeup and is doing Pat Nosswald's voice, I don't know if they ever heard the dialogue that's happening. No, it's really upsetting how wrong their lips are. But so they throw this thing on the ground and up out of the ground pops this marionette.

That's just arms and a head. Yes. And like dangly flesh that doesn't actually like move its mouth, but it just flies around screaming. It's extremely boardwalk haunted house. Oh my God, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just like this fucking rules. It does.

It does. You're right. Okay, you're right. So the bad guy with the face, or nailed to his face, is Jotac. Jotak. Yeah. And he calls our guy Tritus. Tritis, yes.

So Jotak and Tritus have some history. Yes. We get a flashback. Jotak has a cut across his neck that says your blade, and he says your blade should have killed me. Yeah. But it didn't, because he was brought back by the big bad guy. Yes, he is the king of the undead seemingly. Yeah, necrimmonmonon.

Necrum. Nope. Necrumbramon. No. There's some sword fighting at DK. It's better sword fighting than in a death stalker, Roger Corman's die. Oh my God, 100%. These people were at least taught how to hold a sword.

Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. And he takes off Jotak's arm this time. Yes, amputation blood spray is very fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I had written here Amputation Blood Spray, it's fun. And then I thought, what is wrong with you? Where? How have you landed here, you know?

It's fun. Amputation blood spray. Did you land here or have you always been here? I came up here. Yeah. Was there a point in time of you're like amputation blood spray? No. I don't want to see that.

No, it's always no. I'm always going to grosso. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah. Perpetual grosso. Fucking midnight showings of faces of death. So like, yeah. Yeah.

Um, we see pig man. We see pig man. I like. This is Zodan's crypt. So, yes, they get to the crib. Yeah. Pigman in this movie is more pig than man. He doesn't speak.

Sure. And I wish that he did because my soft spot for pig man is that he like me is too gross to live. You know, he's like a human that's just too gross to live. But our pig man in this movie is just a big floppy rubber mask. Like his tusks are floppy. Yeah, his tusks are floppy and he doesn't speak. So the Doudad and Deathstalk are. hide in a pile of bodies.

Yes. And then Brisbane shows up. I feel like this isn't just meant to be insulting to Australians calling this person Brisbane, not Brisbane. It just feels like having to say Brisbane is like, it makes us bad Australian allies. Sure, sure. Well, her brother Melbourne. Melbourne.

And Pyrth. Gaines land. Kangarob I was just trying I didn't look I didn't mean to react like you said I was in a jug band they get on land

so I'm up to just go off screaming into the unknown like a head with just arms saggy flesh so you so there's some cultists that look very cool that just have like

nut sacks for faces face cage face I thought they looked like late stage hellraiser castoffs. Like they made them for a late stage hellraiser movie and it was like, you know what, no. Like that one where they were spraying all the black shit into people's faces. I feel like it wasn't even quite good enough for that. Was that like a fan made movie? That doesn't even feel like it should have been legit.

No, it felt like fan fiction. I mean, they somehow went lower than the person who had CDs and their faces. Yes. Wow. Yes. I want to say that it's Donnie Wahlberg, who is the cop in that movie. I know that it isn't, but I'm going to pretend. Yeah, no, it might as well be.

Same suit. So, yeah, these cultists are doing an ancient rite of resurrection. There's a guy reforming, and they turned a body into a deadite, or a dreadite, basically. Right, while Dudad is looking for the scroll that will help him translate the runes on the amulet from Asmordian. Wait, is that from Willow? It feels like it's from Willow. Oh, yeah, maybe. To whatever language they speak.

Right. Yeah. Right. This is where I have a note that says this is very silly. It is very silly. Because he's just like in the crypt going, nope, nope, nope. While Pigman is just stomping Deathstalker. Yeah.

Which I love. And Brisbane is just stealing everything in the crypt that she can. Right. And also looking at the scrolls and throwing them over her shoulder, but she doesn't know how to. She doesn't know what she's looking for. And also it's Brisbane. I'm sorry, Brisbane. Brisbane.

So this thing that they create has like amulets. No, no, this is the He-Man 2-Face guy. Oh, yeah, manny faces. Many faces, yeah. Man-e faces. Excuse me. Show on. We're going to have a new He-Man movie to do soon.

There's a new He-Man coming out. Who's going to be He-Man? Some dude. Some white guy. Not Dolf Longren. Not, I mean, I bet he still looks great. Oh, I think Jared Leto is Skeletor. No.

Don't stop putting him in movies. Nobody wants to look at him, even as a villain. No. No. He's a really bad actor. Where's Robert Loja? Is he dead? Oh, I don't know.

He could be Skeletor again. Remember Robert Loja being Skeletor? I fucking loved that. Remember when they had a fight scene that the director had to pay for out of pocket because the movie ran out of budget. And they were like, you get no more money for this piece of shit.

They were Adolf Lundgren learned all his lines phonetically because he couldn't speak a word of English. Remember when they wouldn't even give them an orco? You take Grimblap or whatever the fuck this dude's name is. God, let's just do that movie again. Baby Courtney Cox, it's perfect.

Well, just two of every episode is one minute of that film. You know, I bet we could get people to give us money for that. Alison and Eric talking about that he-man. Master of the universe. Let's do a he-man movie slash my dating life crossover. Yeah.

Okay, great. So Brisbane finds this like magic flute that isn't magic. I think it belongs to her. She doesn't find that, does she? Oh, she just whipped out her flute? I thought so because at one point she's like, would anyone complain if I played some music? And it's like, everyone complains about the recorder, my dude, fuck you. What social situation have you been in when someone's pulled out a recorder and

like, oh yeah, no shit? It's like an acoustic guitar, but worse. Can you play Shake It Off? What can you do over there? She can play, is Green Sleeves not in the public domain? Because this is not green sleeves. I got very excited. Then this will mean nothing to anybody.

Oh, great. Good thing you're sending it to our audience. But to the person it does. Mike Bollum will know what I'm talking about. I thought she was, the opening notes of what she was playing, I thought were come to the same. Sabbath by the band Black Widow. Oh, geez.

No, I don't think so. And I got very excited. Hold on. I want to play it for you. No, you can't. No, you can't. We'll get kicked off Spotify. I'm not going to play it for them.

I'm going to play it for you. This is going to be B-Platter. Okay, Alan just played it for me. Yeah, it sounds just like it. He was right. Whatever. So they have to fight the Two-Face guy. Right.

Right, and then she has to fight the, the, the cultists who have tentacles that shoot out of their wrists. Yeah, cool enough. Which I liked. Yeah. Yeah. And then when they kill the two-faced guy. Yeah. She picks up his eyeballs.

Yeah, because he could shoot laser beans out of his eyeballs. Yes. And his eyeballs were laser beans. Yeah. They were beans of laser. Yeah, laser beans. She puts them in her fanny pack. Yeah, she does.

She does. And then she says to, um, death stalker the next morning. She's like, yeah, your friend sure sleeps late. He's like, oh, he's not my friend. He's just helping me lift the curse. But, like, he's been really nice. Why wouldn't you want to be friends with him? Dead Stalker has some trust issues, I think.

Probably because they put that fucking wig on him. Jesus Christ. Wait, hold on. It's so bad. This is, like, the first really light scene that we've had where we get a good look at him, and you're like, oh, no. But, yeah, she's talking to him about basically, like, his commitment issues. Yeah.

Oh, boy. Oh, brother. Oh, they did kill, they had to kill the manny faces in a very, what is it, Talos from Jason of the Argonauts when he unscrews the foot. The foot, yeah. He unscrews the back of manny faces and a bunch of goop comes out of them. Yeah, goop comes out. Yeah.

So we cut to Necremnon. Talking to Jotak. I like Necrememnon in his black mouth. He's cool. He's cool. He's cool. He's cool. He's a cool dude of the cool dude. When we meet him, I feel like this is a little nod to the brood.

Oh. Because people are like pulling these giant postules off of him. Oh, yeah. That look like the babies growing on the lady, her psychic hate babies. Should I stay up late watching the Hellhouse franchise, Big Trouble in Little China, or all of my favorite Kronenberg movies? Ooh. It's tough. I bet I just go to bed when I get home.

So Big Trumbull, Little China, you're going to end and you're going to feel stoked. I guess so, yeah. Right. You're going to feel good about stuff. Yeah. Hell House LLC, you're going to get to the end and you go, why didn't they stop one earlier? That's, I'm going to watch just the first two. Oh, first two.

Oh, first. Oh, okay. Yeah. And the Kronerberg movies, after a while, you're like, I don't feel good. No. I don't feel good about anything right now. I don't feel good about anything. Also, why am I eating a banana during this? Also, why did I move into this all-encompassing apartment complex with all these worms?

Also, why is everything wood paneled everywhere? So they take one of these postules off of necromon's back. Yeah. Necroma, ma, ma, ma, mom. It's fine. They take it off. And they stick it on Joe Tack's arm. Yeah.

What does it do, Katie? You tell me, Alan. It grows another fucking arm for him, and now he has this wicked demon arm. He has a sick-ass demon arm. And what special advantage does that demon arm have? You tell me, Alan. It pops a boner. Yep.

long boner pops out of this thing. Like the tentacles on the cultist. Yeah. This is a boner that pops out. Wrist boner. But the way it's shot when we first see it pop up, I thought it was his dick. Oh, of course you did. I think you're supposed to.

And Necrimon, Memnon goes, ha ha. He's proud. He's like, look what my spawn has done. He also has my favorite line in the movie later on. Later on, when the screaming head shows back up and Necrimandan says, what the fuck is that? fuck is that yes oh extremely medieval but I loved it because it felt like

your character's in character talking and then something happens you go what the fuck is that what the fuck is that meanwhile our heroes have found a camp where they're going to search for food when they go up to shake the man who's sitting there his head falls off oh yeah yeah yeah yeah

meanwhile dude dad's just like ooh onions amongst all of these dead bodies. And I thought, ooh, num, yes, onions. I follow our onion lovers. I like onions. Man, the R slash girl dinner diaries has been getting rough. It's always rough. It's been getting real rough.

I think you're just digging it. It's not always rough because there's like, every 12th post is like, yo, this dude blew my fucking back out. Yeah. I got shoved into the mattress or whatever. Yeah. But most are like, he stole all my money. And my dog.

And my job. And my dignity. Did you see the one the other day that was just a woman holding a plate and there was just a fat baby hand also gripping the plate? I like that one. That's hilarious. That's the one that was just a plate with a bunch of trail mix on it. Like, buddy. Buddy.

You all right? That sucks because then you have to wash the plate. Just pour the trail mix directly into your face. I don't even use my hands. So is this where we meet scarabus? This is gem face? Yes, the mummy assassin. Yeah, okay, yeah.

Scarabus, yes, yes. I love scarabus. He sees out of that gem in his face. He sees out of this like turquoise greenish gem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he has a weapon, which is a chain with a saw blade on the end of it. I like this quite a bit. Because even if it's totally inefficient,

it's very intimidating. Sure. No, it's going to scare the shit out of you. Yeah. What's her face? Brisbane disappears. And he's like, where are you going? And it's like, she's going to sneak attack.

It gets double damage. Yeah, she's a thief. She's a thief. Gotta get behind him, especially a flanking, you know. She can also dual wheeled. What are we talking about here, buddy? Why don't you know? She also wears a single dangly earring like Barry Bonds,

and I love that a whole lot. Man, I recently showed Lucy in the film Rookie of the Year about the kid who breaks his arm and then can throw like 104 miles an hour. Is it funky butt-loving? Yes. It's a Daniel Stern film. He becomes a pitcher for the Chicago Cubs.

And Lucy loved it. And at one point he strikes out Barry Bonds, who's playing for the pirates. And I was like, oh, holy shit, it's Barry Bonds. And Lucy was like, who's that? And I was explaining who he was to the Pittsburgh Pirates. And she goes, oh, is he still alive? I was like, buddy, I'm not that fucking old that a man who is like 10 years older than me is dead. But a sportsman.

Barry Bonds has been on so many steroids. He's going to live forever. Like Jose Konseco says, when we're all living to 120 years old, we're going to look back on this time where steroids were banned as the dark ages. He thinks everyone should be on steroids. And I believe Jose. I love you very much. I love you.

I am never taking any advice from Jose Konseko. Even if he's like, hey, watch out a bus. I'm going to be like, is it? I still regret not doing that thing. He was offering where for $250, you could spend a whole day with him in L.A. It's so cheap. I know. I'd have to get to L.A.,

which would be so much more expensive, you know? Oh, my God. But worth it. He was like, you get to go golfing and then we'll have a steak dinner. And, like, obviously, you're picking up the tab for these things because Jose's car washes think went under. But Jose, the last time I was on Twitter was still challenging, like, modern day baseball players to hit home runs. Just, like, have a home run derby with him. Sure.

Aaron, Judge. get out here and have a home run derby with it. Jose, relax. Didn't he also love the toot? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm assuming still loves the toot? Like, why would, who stops loving the toot? Not most people.

People who take the advice of their doctors, which is not something I assume. Jose. Jose knows. Allegedly doesn't take the advice of his doctor. Allegedly doesn't. Larry Fitzgerald allegedly fucks. That covers all our sports bases.

I remember the last time I was on steroids and I was talking to my allergist. And I was like, man, it's fucking great. My knees don't hurt. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, it would be awesome if we could all be on steroids all the time. But it will kill you. No, it won't.

I'm still alive. I don't believe your allergist. Your allergist doesn't sound like that kind of doctor. Also, steroids make me fucking psychotic. That's why. Anyway. So they kill a scarabus with his own blade. First Scarba says you cannot escape us and Death Stalker says, yes, I can and runs away.

Fucking funny. Fucking funny. Yep, yep, yep. But Death Stalker gets sliced with the blade on his upper arm. Yes. In this altercation. Yes. This is where we learn that Brisbane is into crystals.

Yeah. Look, if a girl is into crystals, baby, you run. You run. You don't look back. But if a member of your party is into healing crystals. I guess so, yeah. So she and I haven't knew this is, oh, they're a little family. They are a little.

She's like, we all have our own hearts death stalker. What? It's called class, buddy. We've all got a class that we're dealing in. It's right. She must be multi-class. She's probably a rogue druid, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, a rogue cleric, maybe.

Clare, cleric, I meant to say, yeah. God, fuck, I ruin all my nerd. Druid, no, druids do healing too, dog. Come on now. But she's not, she's clearly not a druid. Sure, she's not in touch with nature. No. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, maybe even a little bar. with the recorder. Wow, yeah. Yeah, she's triple class. Wow. I don't think you can do that. I mean, I don't think you should do that. 2026, all bets are off.

5E, I don't even know. You play 5E? Let me know if you can triple class. I think there's cards or something. I don't want cards. I'm just going to keep playing second edition. Smart. Yeah.

Do that fake-o math. Why am I doing so much math? I'm just going to play all the games that emulate that, but not actually play second edition or first edition. I'm just like, so cool. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. I think we both know that we're both very cool.

We became friends in a 3.5 game, huh? Yeah, yeah. We did. We did. Oh, man. Aw, Team Evil. Aw. Who was your, I wish I could remember what your character was called.

Oh, my character? Yeah. No, oh, fuck. You were a bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I wasn't Zadouichi. No.

I was Quee Quig, the Barbarian. You were. I think it was Zaduichi because I was a blind ninja. But yeah, I don't remember what my character was called. Oh, neither. That was so fucking long ago. Yeah, I was a child. Me too.

Yeah, you weren't. I was in my 20s. I was in my 30s. Yeah, you're a baby. Yeah, you're a fucking baby. Compared to now? So, somehow now Pat and Oswald has

He's deciphered the ruins He's deciphered the ruins He's freed him He's freed Deathstalker from the Amulets Bonds Right And then he goes but here's a backstory And I was like I cannot stay on high any longer And I paused the movie and I got high

So for the rest of the movie I'm very high He tells us this backstory where Of course the wizard is light and the witch is darkness Fucking misogyny What's Ah, jonesers are boys and witches are girls. I've read that Harry Potter shit.

Okay, all right. No, I'm just joking. I think they're both boys. I was going to say, I don't think they're... I don't remember them gendering them, but you're talking about talon and the sitor? Yeah. Talon is the light. Yeah.

And sitor is the darkness. Yeah, it is. And they've been using the people to fight their wars for them. Isn't that the way? Isn't that the fucking way? Although the light would. I wouldn't generally do that. So, you know, here we are.

I mean, the U.S., we're using people. Are we the fucking light? Are we the fucking light? Are we the baddies? I'm glad I paid all these taxes this year. So this is where we learn about the four-bladed sort. Yes. The perfect weapon.

It sounds absurd. And then when you see it, you're like, yeah, yeah, no, it totally is. It looks even more absurd than it sounds. Four blades for the four hearts of evil. Exactly. We go directly into a fart joke. Yeah, dude had farts in his sleep. Oh, God.

There are still 45 minutes to this movie, which feels a bit punishing, actually. Sure. Yeah. Sure. So Brisbane has disappeared in the night. Brisbane has stolen the amulet, which surprises death stalker, even though she was like, hi, I'm a thief. Yeah.

I steal everything that isn't nailed down. Yeah. Yeah. I culturally appropriated this hair, and now I'm stealing this. Exactly. So they get a, uh, a. inducted by some fighters. They're taken to the dead swamps.

Yes, this is where we learned that Brisbane has given them up. Yes, to Grendel. Grendel. Not Grendel. No? Grendel. I have written Grendel. We see Brisbane getting a brand to welcome her to this group.

Yeah. That's what we did when we started the podcast. Yeah. We branded each other. We really should have waited until we had like listeners first, but. Yeah, and some sort of insignia. And antibiotics. Are these neosporine?

It should still be bleeding? No, mine's oozing. Is that okay? Yeah, yeah, like a swamp monster. When I take the bandage off, it sprays blood like an amputated arm. No, they get attacked by swamp things. You like the swamp things? I love the swamp monster so very much.

They are a mix of swamp thing and like a scrub daddy who has seen moderate use. You know what I'm talking about? There's a little HR puff and stuff in there as well. Or Sigman the C monster, I should say. And they have six fingers. They do. And at some point, Doud throws out that they just,

they've lost their love of music. The joy of music and the comfort of a brotherly hug. He says this while they're being marched to this swamp. So that now it can come back immediately in the next scene. But Grendel, Grendel? Grundel. Rundal, like former Pennsylvania governor Ed Rundal gets shot in the back, I guess.

And then... By Brisbane. Right, by Brisbane. And then she like pops back up and is beheaded. Yeah. And they hold it up like a sub-zero fatality with like the spinal cord still attached. I did like that.

There's also when they're killing the fighters, there's a Wilhelm scream with one of the fighters. Yes, caught it. Love that. Which I liked. But we see one of the swap monsters just has like, like water balloons with nipples for tits at one point. I was like, it's very funny.

It's not that far off, right? Not in my experience. But I have a Roger Corbyan knowledge of the female anatomy. So do dad starts playing the recorder. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And they all like stop to enjoy it as if people fucking ever enjoyed the recorder. And then, and then what happens?

And then he, And he, do dad says that they've forgotten the comfort of a brotherly hug so that he has to hug them. And then I was like, okay, this is where it's a comedy. And then from here on out, it's just beat after beat after beef. Goof after goof after goof. Why did they do this like this? I don't know, but I fuck it. Like when he's hugging the swamp monster and the swamp monster kind of gives him like,

and okay, I'm done. And he's like, no. No, a little squeeze. He loves it. Nothing makes you happier than a hug that goes too long, right? Oh man, but I do love the comfort of a brotherly hug. We've heard of a brotherly hug. We got the amulet back.

We got the amulet back. Now we have to go see the other prince. Yeah, and the swamp monsters are their buds. When they're leaving, the swan monsters are waving goodbye. They're waving with their six-fingered hands. Yeah, yeah. Fucking rules. Yeah, so they have to go to Grimvolt.

Do you think that's a hat tip to the six-fingered man of Christopher Guest and the Princess Bride? 100% I do, yes. I love Christopher guest. Love the Princess Bride. Yeah. Oh,

yeah. Have you done that to Lucy yet? Perfect film. I'm afraid she'll be scared of the rodents of unusual sizes. Oh, sure. Or the screaming eels. Yeah.

Quicksand. She's a sensitive kid. I don't know. She needs to get a fear of quicksand because we all grew up with a healthy year. Oh, I was so afraid

that it might happen to me here on the mean streets of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. So, in your defense, this place is fucking sinkhole city. There's one in my neighborhood that someone has put a cone in, not the city. I think a person put a cone in so the cars don't hit it, but the cone just keeps getting lower and lower. Those houses are going to fucking fall into it.

There's one down the street for me that now has three cones. Oh, good. Exer cones. Its cone diet is really increased. So yes, we meet a prince of Grim Vault. Yes. who has like a little man who looks after him. Yeah, his man at arms, I guess, or man servant.

Yeah. So he's getting a, I only have his DS in my notes, Death Stalker. Death Stalker. Is bringing the amulet to this guy for a furrow award. Right. This guy says something about how his mother, the queen, calls Death Stalker, the most terrible parasites who have ever walked the, you know. Yeah, yeah.

But also the most handsome. Yeah. He takes it. He likes it. likes it. And he and the son of the queen says, I wish she would say in such nice things about me. So they toss him a coin purse. Yeah. And doodad is like, no, not that. No, no, no. So they toss him a second. And do dad's like, yeah, yeah, that's okay. Yeah. Yeah. And then they open the coin purse. These aren't coins. These are polyhedrial dice. Not expensive royal rocks or

anything like that. No. Who wrote that down? Who wrote that in the script? Oh, this is Boulder. Sorry, Boulder. This is gate. This is, God, fuck. When are we going to grow up? Never.

Nah. It's too late now. Come on. I'm 52 fucking years old. This is, this is it. This is it. Sorry, everybody. Do you think we'll still be doing the show in another 10 years when I'm 52 years old and

you're 62 years old? It's my retirement plan. Oh, shit. We gotta start saving. No way. We're going to get it's 401K, baby. So I like this scene a lot because the bird, the eyeball bird, shows back up and throws a bunch of rocks down to make more dreadites. Yes.

I was like, oh, I like that he can do things. Yeah, it's like he took a shit. Yeah. And then it makes dreadites. I like that. What if that's what those rocks are? They're that bird's poopies. Jotak is here, but I don't know why.

Because he's here to fight because of the deadets. Who does he work for, Necronomaman? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but na-na-na-na-na-na-na. That was neat. Is that what you were doing? No, no, but I like that you went Master P with it. I was doing necronomena.

But-da-na-da-da-da-da-da-da. Much more wholesome. So, yes, Joe Tech is here with the, we're getting decapitations and skulls being split in half. There's blood spray everywhere. It's fucking great. Brisbane comes up behind him with her, like, dagger bracer on her wrist, which is cool.

Yeah. And she stabs him. Yeah, yeah. After they're fighting with no swords for a while. Yeah. And he's hitting the boner, he's hitting the boner attack on our boy. Imagine being able to attack with your boner.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if you think about it, it's sack. Anyway. Yeah, just attacking the cervix. Is that what you're saying? Well, getting near it, right?

Everybody, right? You want to whistle at it? We're in the neighborhood. I knew I was. get the horn when you go by. Oh, good. Or the prostate or wherever you're going at the time. Where you're going with your peepee.

So she stabs him, but he isn't dead, but then she slaps him with the eyeballs from her fanny pack. Yeah. And then that's it. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty great. But before he dies, he has stabbed Death Stalker through the heart.

He has with his boner. And we see like a close up of his heart, like getting. Getting the hole in a whole way. That's great. And he goes down, but somehow there are 28 minutes left. You know why? You know how? Why?

Well, Balder gets brought to Jotak and gives him the amulet. And then Jotak kills Balder. And the swamp guys come and get Deathstalker and carry him into the swamp where they put vines into his heart and bring him back to life because they're his fucking friends and they roll. All the scrub daddies are happy. You can't tell because they just no longer have the face of a scrub daddy. who's like no longer smiling. Every time you say scrub daddy, I know that you're talking about the happy sponge.

Yeah. But all I can think about is I don't want no scrubs by TLC. You know who loves that song, my child? Of course, it's a fucking banger. As a fucker. She's a, she's got great. She loves TLCs. She has a little funcos of them.

That's great. Yeah, she's pretty rad. I miss Lisa Leptie Lopez. She did not get enough recognition for her rap skill in her time. True or the insanity of burning a T. a shoe collection in a bathtub. Sitting Andre Ryzen's house on fire.

I think she got a lot of notoriety for that one actually. I think she went to court for that. I mean, he fucked around. And he found out. Well, he was buying his shoes. Is it buying stuff for her? Yeah, fuck him.

Oh, fuck him. So, yeah, the swamps bringing back. And then he's leaving and the monsters are waving at him. And I have a note that says, I love them. Yeah, they're pretty cute. Are they also, like, humming what, that same song that I think.

is meant to be greenslee. They found the music of the beauty of music again. How is that not in the public domain? It must be. I think it was Paul's theme that they were humming. Oh yeah. Oh, fuck. That's it.

I'm watching Hell House. I'll text you when I'm done with the second movie. You'll have been a seat for three hours. So the head returns. Well, you can also see the human skin behind the scrub daddy mask of the main scrub daddy. Sure. I like that all. Yeah, all scrub duties have human skin inside of them.

That's how they're scouring power. just like Grimmis does Grimmis isn't right no there's nothing wrong with that guy I mean the fucking what was it Mayor McChese that's a fucking being but Grimmis there's a person inside there

and it's weird out of their own volition Oh you think Grimmis is a punishment you have to become Grimmis It's like an iron maiden I've just been the next year being Grimmis What I love is you tune into this podcast,

and you're like, okay, these idiots are going to talk about a movie. I'm sure not the weirdest thing I've ever heard in my life are going to come out of their mouths. The idea of Grimmis being an Iron Maiden, that is fucked up and weird. It's kind of beautiful, too, though. This is why people give us one-star reviews. They're like, I wanted to hear about the making of death stucker.

No, you didn't. You wanted to hear about Grimmis being an Iron Maiden. You just didn't know it. You just don't appreciate art. This is our art. It really is, though. I laugh, but it fucking is. So the flying head returns, and it's going to fly Death Stalker to the castle.

Right, because he realizes that the true treasure is the friends he made along the way, and he has to go rescue his friends. This is meant to be, like, a moment in his character where it's like, now he recognizes them as friends. It is not. I got to tell you something. Yeah. I know that you were like, there's still like 25 minutes left, like 25 minutes ago. Yeah. And I was like, if this becomes a weekly television program, I will watch every episode of this show.

Strongly agree. Yeah. Strongly agree. So, yes, we see that there's a conjunction of the moons which makes the symbols of the sect of Sightor. I really like that. A lot. A lot. And I was like, is the conjunction a little nod to...

The void. To what? The void. It's the triangle movie. But go on. But no, I was thinking of it is because these are all high. hat tips is it a nod to the dark crystal with a great conjunction brings everything together

God, I haven't seen the dark crystal since I was way too young to watch the dark crystal Do not show that movie to your daughter She's not ready for that shit I was gonna show her labyrinth and then I was like, no How much side pipe from David Bowie does my daughter need to see her? Does he have a cue ball shoved in his leggings? That ain't a cue ball

That can't be his whole dick It can't be those real dick Coiled up Remember that billionaire died From getting dick ejections? That was a good time No You do because I texted you about it

What did I remember You ask you if I remember Not did you ever know Have you known and forgotten Here's the thing Alan You talk to me a lot about dicks Like occasionally I will sometimes Just catch myself singing

My dick my dick my dick my dick my dick A song that you used to sing a lot like 15 years ago. Yeah, from the band of my dick. D dick. So. This I think is a hat tip to Temple of Doom. Okay. Where the guy threatens to rip her heart out if she doesn't drink the, like from the chalice.

Oh, okay. It's like that's fucking Temple of Doom. I'm sure of it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we did learn that he's 48 years old, so that makes perfect sense. the guy hit him road and dractics we are sure we are sure he is 48 years old don't don't tell me i'm gonna have to make up my own answers no i don't want to hear about it so we we get uh the wraith

bringing death stalker necroman saying what the fuck is that who the fuck is that and then brisbane's heart has joined the great beyond she's now a vessel of sitour yes and what comes up to fight a couple of stop motion skeletons yeah fucking hairy house and skeletons Yeah. I mean, I'm not mad at it, but I'm a bit mad because it took him like a year to animate that. And they just did this with a computer. And I get it. Maybe. This dude loves practical effects. Yeah, maybe you're right. I just assume everything's a computer. I'm only saying maybe because it is like five seconds long, which means they would have taken them two months to do that. Yeah, maybe you're right. I want to believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm giving a, I'm giving our friend a benefit of the doubt. Okay, fine. He is our friend after all. Yeah. He doesn't know it. I don't know it. I don't know. was birthday or anything. Well, we're friends with you. Will you tell us your birthday? Yeah, I think that's a fair request.

I know your birthday. You know your birthday. Exactly. So. I do get confused on how far apart our ages are, though, when I have a birthday before you. I'm always like, now it's nine years. No, no. Yes, nine years?

Now he's 11 years old. I don't get it. I don't get it. I do have, I have a. math job. Death Stalker puts a dreadite egg into Jotech's mouth, which causes him to explode. And doodd delivers my second favorite line in this movie. What's that?

Did I do dad? Oh, I hate this. I hate this a lot. But again, he's got to be near our age if he grew up watching Family Matters, right? Yeah. Yeah, I have a note here that says, and then he says, did I do dad? and I hate that and I hate myself and I hate all of you. I love how different a reactions for this.

Yeah. But so Sightor has risen. Yeah, out of Brisbane. Out of Brisbane. Yes. The sorcerer's reaction to this is like very sexual. 100%. This is an erotic thing.

My queen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's flying skulls that are eating people's faces and like necronemnon. Yeah, and he's into it. He's still laughing without any face or skin or anything. Yeah, who hasn't done that?

You get a good peel. You get a great peel. So Saitre has risen. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And how do we get the blade of four? Oh, he reaches into the cauldron and pulls the blade out because the amulet has been

thrown into the cauldron, therefore making the blade of talent, the light of talent come. We see that Saitor has four hearts-ish. Yeah. Ish? Does he have four hearts? He has four hearts. And it's hard to see. But.

We get a flashback of everybody talking about hearts. We all have our own hearts, the four hearts, the blades, the hearts of evil. Mm-hmm. But he knows that one of the hearts is Brisbane's heart. Oh. So that's why he breaks off one of the sword blades. It doesn't seem like it should come off that easily. You got that death stalker strength?

He just, just grabs it with his hand. Yeah, it's made of foam. Yeah. I didn't get that that it was Brisbane's heart And I was like, but why? So he stabs the other three hearts Yeah Because he's in the whole thing is like

I'm going my own way Oh right And then he says because it looked complicated Yeah She said she had a complicated heart She had a complicated heart Oh whatever. Yeah

They tell him he can take the throne Which is like this guy shouldn't be in charge Of more than a ham sandwich You know A ham fisting sandwich bitch. He could take the throne since he rewrote the prophecy. Right.

Would you like to hear what my last note is? Yeah. Perfect. No notes. Oh, Jesus. Do you want to know what my last night? Yeah. Oh, fuck me.

Katie. Alan. Give me a rating. You go first because you already teased it. Yeah, it's a fucking 11. This movie fucking rules. I will watch it again tonight. You won't.

I love it so much. I had a great time talking with you. about it. I didn't enjoy watching it, but I think, again, that's on me. That's the shit mood problem. Sure.

I've been there a thousand times. Yeah. I'm gonna give it two brothers who can never see each other. Oh, I see. I don't know if that's gonna,

it's fine. I do like that you found a sad in the troll. You were like, you know what? That's a real big bummer. It's a real big bummer. Because they seem very fond

of one another. Being stuck to together like that. Sorry. Fuck. All right, we're over an hour into this one. Let's wrap that up. Katie, Alan.

I'd like to thank all of these beautiful people for listening to this podcast. I'd like to thank all the beautiful people on our Patreon. Thank you both. Thank you all. Thank them more because they give us money, but thank the rest of you get this for free too. Because you guys are all right.

You don't have to pay for my love. No, don't pay for my love. No, but you're going to get more of it. Oh, my God. So much more. You can get. action movies. We've done like, I don't know,

60 of them or something more. I don't even, yeah. Dozens. Absolutely dozens. And we've done a whole season of Line of Duty rewatch podcast called Nice One Mate. Nice one made. And we really, maybe next week we should do.

There's talk. There's talk that we might be doing another episode. You and the producers are talking about it. Yeah. Yeah. Me and my podcast co-hosts have been talking about it. I need to watch Line of Duty series two episode one. So can we do it next week?

100%. Thank you. There'll be a new pull up for action movies. It may just all be bloodsports. You were very excited to find out there were more bloodsport movies. I forgot. Honestly, that turned my day around to the knowledge that there are more blood sports. But we're going to do another horror movie next week.

Yeah, what do you want to do? A movie of your choosing. I already forget. Oh, no, I don't. It's I know what you did last summer, the 2025 edition. If there are no fucking tennis shoes popping out of dryers in this movie, movie, I'm going to lose my goddamn mind. Love it when they do that.

Brandy. Fucking Brandy. You know, Brandy was in one of the, like a modern day Disney movie for tweens. She still acted. She plays Cinderella. Yeah. Because she played her in a Cinderella story. And I was trying to explain how important culturally that was to Lucy because it was a black

Cinderella. And now she's reprising the role like 30 years later. And Lucy was like, why don't you just shove this right up your fat ass mom? And without Brandi's brother, we might not have the Kardashian. He launched that. Fuck you, Ray J. Ray J and COVID have ruined our society. Technically her mother launched that.

Yeah, it's true. Jesus Christ. Somebody would have fucked Kim Kardashian. Yes, but her mother released the tape. That means me want to burn everything down. I know. So come back next week, see if we've burned everything down. We probably won't have because we're actually pussies about violence when it comes to that.

It's true. It's true. Don't hit me. I'm like I hit you back. If you hit me, will I hit you back? No. No, the answer is no. Give me something to cry about.

So yeah, we're going to do, I know what you. I can't believe they didn't put a punny little thing in there. Like, I still, still, still know. I really know. Yeah. Guys. There's got to be like a, is there like a Gen Z slang for knowing, like. Oh, Riz.

No. No. Drip? Drip. One more. One more. Rule of threes. I must know another one.

Suss. Oh, yeah. There you go. Yeah. So. I am suss about what you did last summer. Perfect. Perfect.

No notes. Just like this movie for you. Just like this movie. This is the first 11 at a long time for me. I can't remember your last 11. Yeah, it was part of return of the living dead. But I don't know. Maybe I just like that.

like puppets and shit. I mean, I generally do like a puppet movie, don't they? Yeah. Thanks for listening to another.

Good of the new movie. Bye. Clear.