Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Episode 6- Alucarda (1978)

Episode Date: November 30, 2014

This week's episode of Werewolf Ambulance finds us going slightly mad over a movie that is definitely not for the faint of heart. In our review of the 1978 Mexican horror film "Alucarda" we get into Catholicism, high school boyfriends, unexpected beheadings, the strong bonds between women, Satan's role at an orgy and when it's appropriate to ask the questions "what?" and "why?" over and over and over. Join us for this descent into madness and as always, we'd love to hear your feedback! The special outro song in this episode is "Choking on Melting Teeth" from our friend 8cylinder here in Pittsburgh (rhinoplex.org/8cylinder) who has releases available on 10" records and digital formats at Unmapped North (unmappednorth.bandcamp.com) Werewolf Ambulance is a horror movie comedy podcast. 

Hi, and welcome to another episode of WhereWolf Ambulance. I am Katie and I'm here with my friend Alan. Hi, Alan. Hello, Katie. How are you today? I'm doing fantastic. I would imagine that you are because you really liked this movie. I am carugne. Yeah, I brought you this film and I can't apologize for it because I fucking love this movie. Yeah, I'm just wearing right out of the fucking gate. This movie's amazing. Mm-hmm. What do you tell us about it, then? So we just watched a cinematic classic classic called Alucarda. It's a Mexican film. The dates are a little iffy about it. It seems

like it was released in 1978, but that it was filmed in 1975. It's directed by Juan Lopez Moktazuma, who is most known for being the producer of Jodoroski's El Topo. Okay. He's directed a few other films that just, yeah, they're not. They're about about as well known, or actually not as well known as Alu-Karta is. Oh, probably not as good either. I mean, for me, this movie is perfect. There's nothing wrong with this movie. It's genius from beginning to end. Are you kidding me?

So, are you kidding me? I think the best way to sort of sum this movie up is from the, there's a little blurb on the Wikipedia page for themes of this film. Which are just Satanism, murder, demonic possession, exorcism, or Jies, lesbianism, among other things. I think those are all true, but I think it's missing one very big theme, which is what? Because that's my review of the movie would be what? Yeah, what? Yeah, no, for sure.

What? You could also review it with Y? Why? Why? Why? What? What? What?

What just happened? You watched a gorgeous movie. Gorgeous movie made up completely of insanity. What and why? So the premise of this film is it starts off with a child being born in some kind of chamber, taken away by, I don't know, a wood spirit or a witch or a something. Why? What? And then the mother being taunted by some statues. Why? What? And then the mother being taunted by some statues. Why? What? Screaming and then you get the title sequence. Yes. That part I understood. It was a title sequence.

Next thing you see is a guy, I don't know. Yeehan, some burrows into town. They're not going to go any faster. They're donkeys. Delivering this child named Justine to a monastery orphanage nunnery. She needs to stay there because her parents have died and she's a minor. She's only 28 years old. She is a child. Justine played by Susanna Camini. Hmm. Lovely woman. Yeah, Mexican actress. Justine's taken into the convent by the nuns covered in their menstrual bandage robes. Very strange.

What? Why? Becomes roommates with a girl named Alucarda, which is Dracula spelled backwards with an extra A. Yes. Why? And then what ensues is, hold on, I got this, Satanism, murder, tenonic possession, exorcism, orgy's lesbianism, among other things. It's very strange because they are supposed, they develop this like very, very close bond, but there's like no time lapse that

happens right it go right from like becoming roommates to just being like Alu Karta being like we must live forever and die together and we are best friends forever and we're gonna cut our hands and rub them together blood it becomes very it's it's like heavenly creatures like right away within the first five minutes and you're like Justine you know better yeah yeah fuck exposition just get right to the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good the good th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. th. th. It th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's like th. It's like like like like like like like like like like like like like they they they they they're they's like they's like they's like they's like they's like they's like they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they they they they they they they they they they they they they they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're the their they. to go they. to go they. they. they. they. they're they're the they. they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're Yeah, within the first five minutes and you're like, Justine, you know better. Yeah, fuck exposition, just get right to the good stuff. And also, Alu Carter reminds me of this girl I knew in college who kept insisting that like the trees were telling her things and everything was becoming clear to her. Did you have a weird satanic lesbian relationship with this girl? No, she got hit by a bus the first semester. Holy shit. So the film is set in 1800s, Mexico.

Yeah, it is chaos. It is just chaos beginning to end. It's nonsense. Chaos. I am going to stick with nonsense. I wrote down here just, at one point I have no recollection of writing this. I wrote down, Dios Mio. You kept saying it.

I don't remember that either. I mean, this movie is probably based around, a little bit around Carmilla, the vampire lesbian story by LaFano, which is also sort of the basis of vampire and Nosferot, or like it's maybe what Stoker was referencing in Dracula. Like there's a little bit of that going on. Do you think that's where the name came from, Alacarta? Right, exactly. So all the stuff that I was reading about online, like kept talking about vampirism. And there's a couple neck bites.

Yeah, there's no like full-blown like, ah, I gotta give this blood to stay alive sort of thing going on. I guess I were a couple references to eternal life, but it really sounded more like, sort of shitty high school boyfriend. thiii, thiii. I have a note here that Is that not good? I have a note here that says this movie is nuts in the best ways. So Alacarta and Justine,

Alacarta is played by Tina Romero who the rest of her career seems to be mostly in Mexican telenovelas. Oh, they know how to do it telenovelas. If you ever watch them, they are excellent. She's made for it too because she spends like literally 85% of this movie just shrieking. Yeah, and she's got an extremely expressive face. Yeah, she did a good job. I think she's a really good actress. Yeah, she did it okay. What? So the two girls are running through the woods after they decide they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. theat. the. that. Yeah. theat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. t. t. t. tttttttttttttttttttttt t tt t t t t t t t th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. tttttttttha. tha. tha going to commit to each other for eternity after the first five minutes. And I just look at Justine and I'm like, can you not see that this girl is a nutbar? Like, can you not see that? I know your parents decide and this is probably very upsetting for you, but...

Well, it might just be a lunatic she's looking for, Gai. I guess so. So they run into the woods, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, their, their, th. They're, th. They're, th. th. T. T. T. T. T. T. T. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. thr. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the in the week. And I think the implication is she might have had some sort of relationship with Alucarda, but that's just me. This is like the tenth time I've seen this movie, so I'm like, this week. So I'm like, this week. And then they run into a hunchback gypsy who's wearing mouse. Yeah, he was like a tenson character. He just popped up and was like, hey, I was like, oh, a Muppet. It's cool. He's got a Russian, German, Italian accent, which is nice.

Yeah. Fun fact about that guy, it's the same dude who played the doctor. You're kidding. Oh, I like that. I would not have caught that. Yeah. It's a good makeup job. Yeah, I could, but not have... So I read that last night, I was just like, blah, blah, blah? Yeah. Because the doctor's pretty hunky. Yeah, so says mouse pants.

What? Why? This guy offers to buy, or offers to sell them amulets and tinctures and things to help ward off demons who are running a muck in the woods that they're in. Yeah, they they they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't they don't. they don't. they don't. they don't. they don't. they don't. the. thease. they're they're they're they're they're they're th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. thooooooooooooooooooooooes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th.'t. They steal a knife from him and run away and then cut each other or something. I forget. No, he comes and cuts them later, remember? But she definitely stole the knife because she kept holding it up to Justine and ask her if she wanted to like be blood sisters or whatever. Justine at that point was like, eh, I don't know. And that was when when Alu Carter got into like the shitty high school boyfriend stuff. With like, I love you, we need love forever, love forever, and you and me until death, and

then and after death, forever, love. Fucking genius. God damn it's so good. Oh, yeah, this is great. The movie is filmed in English. I don't know if we've mentioned that or not. It's a Mexican production, but it's, yeah. just to open it to a broader market. Yeah. I mean, the craziness of it makes perfect sense that this dude was the producer. I don't know if you've ever seen El Topo or not, but like...

I've just seen clips of it. It's nut bar. It's totally like, you know, like pop philosophy through LSD. And so it makes sense that this dude was like, oh yeah, I'll just make a crazy movie. It'll be crazy times. Yeah. I mean, it's also, it's an extremely blasphemous movie and an extremely Catholic country. Yeah, that's true. You know, Mexico is Catholic. It is Catholic.

I was moving on with that statement, but you really, really chewed that up for me. Mexico is Catholic. It actually reminds me a bit of like the, have you ever seen any of the Coffin Joe movies? No. It's this, I'm not going to be able to remember this guy's name. He's a Brazilian director who makes these movies that he stars in as this character Coffin Joe that's just extremely blasphemous like and much like Al-Qaida, 90% of the film is total blasphemy in the last 10 minutes are just like, oh, by the way, Jesus wins. Yeah, another one in the Jesus column. Everything's cool, Jesus got this one.

So, I'm sorry, I cut off your Catholic thing earlier. That's fine. No, no, it's fine. It wasn't, it was fine. Dioz me. It wasn't, it was, it was fine. Dios and me, so I'm trying to remember how Satan really comes into their lives, I guess. Oh, because they went to the weird grotto area where, oh right, right, right. But the birth happens in the beginning. And they open up a casket that has an applehead mummy in it.

Yes. That is a demon I think? A demon? Sure. So there's a demon in a casket, they open it and that releases Satan maybe? To them? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yep. That's what happens. Okay. Satan. Cool. So they go back to the convent and that night Al-Qaeda loses her shit. And she saws this knife from the Muppet guy. Right. Is this after the... Justine's, Just, Just, Just, Just, Just, Just, Just, Just, Just, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that she saws this knife from the Muppet guy. Right. Is this after the Justine's gotten sick at this point? You've seen this movie ten times. Yeah, it doesn't make any more sense the more you see it.

It stays crazy. This is a man who just said this movie was perfect. Oh yeah, it's a genius. Yeah, Alacarta loses her mind. Yeah, Alacarta. her mind. Justine's not feeling well because Alacarta gets to ask. Yeah, they leave Alacarta in charge of her care, which is if she really did just cause the suicide of her previous best friend, this is a genius idea on the part of the nuns. These are women who don't clean themselves.

They're filthy, filthy women. Filthy nuns. I can't, like I said, I've seen this movie so many times, I can't figure out why they're covered in their own blood. Like, they're, there's no sense in it. What is it? What is it? Flagellant?

Yeah, yeah. So they're like, on their backs, it would make sense. It's not how flagellation works either. You're not hitting yourself in the head? No, nothing makes sense. Stupid. So Alagarda pulls Justine out of bed after she's a whirling dervish for a little while, screaming about Belphagor and Osteroth and and Satan and... I thought she was saying completely different things. I think she is facing the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the door the the door the the the the the to to to to be the to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their their to be their the head yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself their their their their their their their their their their their the Why is she telling her to face the door? I think she is facing the door anyway. Out of nowhere appears the Muppet guy, which was kind of scary. He just like pops into the shot and he rips off their clothes to begin the first of a long and excruciatingly long scene of 70s Bush, which I will... I have written here, this is the longest scene of my life.

There's a lot of being bent in half in screaming Satan. Yeah. And then the man with the mouse pants is whispering about something and cutting boobs. Cutting boobs with knives. And then putting blood in people's mouths. Yeah, and then they're making out with poop blood in their mouths? Did I or did I? Yeah, that happened. You got it? No, that's right. Of course. Why would they not?

their. their. . . they.. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. to. the. the. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the............................................... to do with like blood or boobs or bush or lesbianism or Satan or anything. It was just like these long lingering shots of bloody boobs and these long lingering shots of like a nun placing her face on a 70s bush just like adjacent. Or like a a Pa of a nun and like what is a Ptah you said it it's like I'm you know the famous Michelangelo sculpture it's like Mary cradling the body of Christ after he comes off the cross it's um were you raised Catholic?

Yes I was raised Catholic and I also have a degree in art history. Oh okay okay yeah I was you said early and I was like oh yes I'd love some pita. Oh I should have ordered degree in art history. Oh, okay, yeah, I was, you said it early and I was like, oh, yes, I'd love some pizza. Oh, I should have ordered you a PTA. We could get and get it in Jopi. Oh, yeah, I was raised Catholic. Oh, okay. Okay. So did that resonate that resonate?

theyme? But it has nothing to do with Catholicism. No, I am not. Yeah, because I wondered if... I was raised with almost no religion at all, so I stopped going to church when I was eight because I stopped believing in God. Oh, well, I mean, yeah, we were sort of Sunday Catholics, so it wasn't... So at no point during all the Satan and the screaming and the, yeah. Yeah, nah, nothing resonates.

This was our first, our first 70s Bush of the podcast. Yeah, first, first genitals I think. Because there's some, there's some D in here too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know we referenced a, Johnny Depp's, uh, side, side, side, side, side, side pipe, jeans, D. earlier, but this this was this was, but this was, but the their their on loose whang. Yeah because after the boobs get cut, I think they like get sort of transported then to an orgy in the woods with the gypsies. Yeah and gray slicks out there naked. Yeah I wish it was

gray slick. I would have like this maybe a lot better were it. And then Satan appears. It's sort of like a goathead classic Satan. Oh yeah, yeah. But he's attended by a nude male brass marching band, which if I was like the demon of all demons, is totally how I would be announced to. You have to hear how you're describing the perfection of this film. It's a work of genius, Katie. There can, I can think that this movie is like just nonsense and terrible and also appreciate that Satan is attended by a nude male brass-part marching band. And the say, Satan comes in and there's an orgy, and there's an orgy attendant.

Hey, how's everybody doing? Oh, let me just position this leg so you can get a little, get a little better angle on your thrust there my man lift a knee and just move it slightly to the left what are you doing saying lightly touching shoulders and just yeah doesn't need anything you know a wet nap everything good what why why well I think the answer to the what in the why is one word because because oh you know because I see it they make it a movie yeah is one word. Satan? Because. You know, because. I see. Making a movie.

Yeah. So at that point, I guess they are fully possessed. The girls are fully possessed. Right, they've given themselves to Satan with their lesbian breastblood make-out ses. Yeah. Yeah. And we're just, we're on board. their to harp on the length of that make out- And we're just, we're on board, here we go.

Oh God, not to harp on the length of that make-out sash, but that dude was not pulling the camera away. No, you're like, okay, well this makes sense. This is how they're going to seal the deal. And then five minutes later you're like, deal is sealed. Deal is full, okay, let's see what next maybe in another scene maybe we can see what the nuns are doing now Yeah, God's so much screaming But they're it's just I don't know

Why I mean there is literally a scene at the end of this movie where it cuts to one girl screaming and then it cuts to another girl screaming? then it cuts back to the other girl screaming and then? I to the other girl screaming and then just scream after I mean, the tea, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th. their th. their is their is the the they, the the the their is the, the, their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is their is is is is is is. their is is is. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their their their is their is their their their their their their their their they. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. the other girl screaming and then to the other girl screaming and then just scream after I mean teenage girls like I know you're prone to hysterics like nobody understands you I remember it's hard you're hormonal and like everything's so fucking annoying but like just chill out so this is this movie that's perfect. It's genius. So after they get home from the orgy, like the next day they're in Bible study? Yeah, some sort of like theology class or catechism, I guess. They start doing some sort of, we love Satan rap. Yeah, they're like supposed to be praying and they're just like, our Lord and Savior is Satan, which is cool. I'm down with that. And it totally bugs the nurses, the nuns out.

No, they're nurses. Nurses to this movie. No, from here to the end, it's just like, when we got through the orgy scene, I was like, oh, you know, I'm enjoying this movie. This is cool. This is like bloody and gross and there's funny Satan sex. And then from here to the end, I was like, what is happening? There's, there's exercises the points. Because well like okay so

they try to exercise the demon from Justine but not from you know by Alacarta yeah well they tie them both to each okay it seemed like you wanted to explain this maybe you were waiting for the podcast well they were going to. They were going to to exercise Alacarta but then the doctor came in and stopped everything. But what okay wait hold on here though so they they exercise they try to exercise Justine first. Right with a series of poakes a series of ponctures to to her naturally nude torso they like give her like six like puncture wounds. Yeah there was nothing weirdly sexual about that.

What old men just coming up and poking this young naked girl. Yeah, they're not deep and they're not in any organ places. Not a lot of blood. And she dies? Yeah, she died. She died. Why? What? What? Satan?

You think Satan would keep her alive as his vessel. Well, Katie, if we remember, she does come back to life. Spoiler alert. This whole movie is terrible. Whoa, whoa, slow your roll there, champ. This movie's amazing. I'm not backing down for this. This movie's incredible.

You stand to your ground, I will stand mine. So, Justine dies. The doctor comes in, doctor who looks just like a Mexican Ed Begley Jr. Ed Begley Segundo. He comes in, breaks up the exorcism, calls them barbarians or whatever. It takes... He's a man of science. He's a man of science, which we know because he was previously bleeding Justine with leeches, which may have, that may have caused her death. I don't know. Although I think it was recently suggested that bleach, that bleeding people with leaches is a great medical idea. Right. Right. So he takes Alacarta out out. Yeah. So he takes Alicarda out. He takes Alicarda out. It's that that that that that that that that that that that that he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he that that may may that that may that may that may that may that may that may that may may may that may may that may may that may that may that may that may that may that may may that may that may may that may may may that may may may that may that may that may that may that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. that that that that that that that that that may that may that that's that that th on the pulse. Is that a pun?

He takes Alacarta out and takes her to his house with his blind daughter, Daniela, who is the only person whose name is pronounced with an accent in this movie. Other than the one none that randomly has a New York accent. Yeah, she's like straight off Long Island. Oh Lord! Oh Lord. Oh Lord. It's a fucking hot. I cannot with this movie. Does this sound like we're describing a mess here because it is. It is a mess.

It's a fucking hot mess. We're like, you're like, you're listening to this, if you've never seen this movie, you've probably are about to hit stop because you're like, they're just describing nonsense. They're going to hit stop so they can they the d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d d hit stops so they could track out a DVD in this movie and watch it. That's a good point. How can anyone see this movie? Is this a nonsense movie any available? Well, I have it on the Mando Macabro special edition DVD, which I think was the first time that it was on DVD. Before that, it was basically basically like BHS traded for years. Like, it kind of, they had been talked about as being a lost movie for a little while. But uh...

What a shame they found it. I would like to point out to you that Alan has the DVD case in front of us here and the sort of pool quote from the review on the front says, more blood, loud screaming and nudity than any horror movie I can think of. That's the review. So, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the, the, the, the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, th. th. th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. But, th. th. th. that, that, that, that, that, th. But, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. th any horror movie I can think of. That's the review. So if those are things that you enjoy, yeah. If you like loud blood screams. Wild blood screams. I knew this was gonna break one of two ways.

I either gonna love this movie. You're either going to love this movie. Well, you're not love this movie. It was just nonsense. Yeah, no. It is is for me like so I found out about this movie Mike Bollum and I to bring up Mike Bolum again. We're gonna get our Mike Bollum is financing this show by the way. We were driving back from I think Maryland Death Fest and we were talking just like try to keep each other awake because it was like a four o'clock in the morning drive.

And we were talking about movies and it had come up that I'd never seen Alu-Karta and he's like oh I've got to see Al-Qaeda like it's such a good crazy movie so I just bought it on his recommendation and I could not be happier. I mean I think the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm just just just just th. I'm just just th. I'm just just just just th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just th. I just th. I just th. I just th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I th. I'm just bought th. I'm just bought think there are good things about it. I think it's just nonsense though. I think the visuals in this movie are stunning. Yeah, I think there are, I agree with that. I think I do agree with that. Like the way the cave church looks with, like this has the main crucifix and then, just a series of like, I don't know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I don't know, melty Jesus' coming out of the cave and like... Yeah, that's definitely a creepy image. I think that, um, they have that going for it.

And I thought, yeah, it just, it was well shot, it looked good, like, the sound design was good. Sound is good. Yeah. There are some errors in it, like, when we realized Felipe had been set on fire and then Felipe it again in the next scene like hey hey guys I'm still here hey I'm Philippe is back yeah you know but I mean I just imagine right like do you think they wrote this down or was this like was this oh yeah there's scripts oh yeah for sure so he wrote this and then was like yeah this is good this is done yeah yeah can we talk about the final scene then because it made the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they's the the the the the they's the the the they's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. they. the they. they. they. the the they. the the the the yeah no this is good this is done yeah can we talk about the final scene then because it made no fucking sense to me sure so at this point Alu-Karta has gone full fire starter yeah and it's just cool I loved this actually I love the fire starter scene oh really did I

love it she's just lighting everybody up just blazing them yelling yelling demon names and lighting people on fire tell them to face the door. Yeah. She telling them to face the door, I guess that's a demon name. She was kind of doing the thing where you just like palm up, cause a fire with your hand, which I'm really into. Yeah. If I could have a superpower, it would totally be that. I have this movie has both. There is a beheading. That was also a good scene. Yeah. It was, I was like, why is that man of a katana? Oh, I see. You know, because every priest has a katana. Yeah. Samurai priest? He like, just sheathes a katana. What? What? What? What? the threats? to the the film? the thee. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. I. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the's a beheading of this movie. Does this make sense to you?

None had been burnt alive earlier in the film, or burnt to death, and then a demon made her come back or something. So they had to behead her. Or something. Yeah. You're asking too many questions. This movie doesn't have answers for you. No.

So, yeah, the end of this movie that doesn't doesn't doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't that doesn't have answers for you. It can't possibly answer them. So yeah, the end of this movie that doesn't make any sense. She's letting everyone on fire. And then Daniela falls down the steps and at this point... Because she's blind and stumbling around. Algarda has fallen in love with her, I think. Within five minutes. Yeah, she's very free with her love. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful way. It's very free free with their their their their their their their their their th free free free free free free free with their their their th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th three thi thi thi thioliol- thiol- th thiol- thiol- thiol- thiol-y thiol-y thiol- thi- thi- thi th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the thi the the thea. thea. thea about the bond between women. It's a coming of age story. It's just about like, it's just about how like women are there for each other when they really need each other. And like when Julia Roberts needed that kidney, Sally Fields was there.

You were going to bring steel magnolias into this. I shouldn't have brought that up earlier. You had Steel Magnolia is locked and loaded and you're ready to shoot it. No, it's actually about how all the women in this movie are different sizes, but they have one pair of pants that fits them all. Is that the traveling pants? The Ya Ya Ya Y'a Sisterhood? It's all of them.

It's all of these things. It's about women. Oh, beaches. It's not about beaches. No, not about beaches. No, Betmidler can just fuck right off. I don't even know why I said that. She knows what she did. All right, so what's your beef with the end of this movie? Well, okay, so, what? What? Why is my beef? So, Daniela has fallen down the stairs. The doctor comes in and grabs her and runs out.

Some other nuns come in with a dead nun, holding her up like the Jesus. Like the Jesus, like in a sort of a crucifix manner. Her arms were nailed out in the Jesus Christ pose. Yeah, the Jesus Christ pose as it is known widely. Go on. No, I'm waiting for you to fill in the blanks. There are no blanks. All these gaps are filled in. Okay, so that's it. So Al the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. So, so Al. So, so Al. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, I is. So, I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah, is. Yeah, is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. Yeah. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the th. the the the th. th. N. th. the the. the the. the the the the the. the the the the. the the. the. the the. the. the. the. the. th fill in the blank. There are no blanks. All these gaps are filled in. Okay, so that's it. So Alicardo just bursts into flames in the movie ends. She tries lighting the nun on fire. Did you see how the nun kept like sparking up and she couldn't do it because of the power of Jesus? Because they... Where had Jesus been this whole time? In our hearts? That's not a good answer. I'm pretty sure that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their is. their is. their is. their their their their their their the nun, the nun, the nun, the nun, the nun, the nun, the nun. the nun. the nun. the nun. the nun. the nun. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. the th. the th. the the th. thri. the the thto make this movie not blasphemous at the very end of it. So they're like, oh yeah, by the way, Jesus wins. Because the priest with the one who gets his weener toucest earlier in the movie, there's a

priest weaner touch scene. Just throw that in there, just let you know. Previously Alu Cardo grabs a priest's dunger. He starts evoking the name of Jesus and then and then they win. Dioz and me. All right so for me this movie is the most heavy metal movie you could be like from the cover, or from the poster art imagery of the long hair sort of like you know a sexual like. Yeah very um. Androgenous that's the word I'm looking for. Yeah, that's the word I'm th. That's thi. That's thi. That's that's that's thi. That's that's that's thi. that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th, thi. the the the the they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they th, th, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the their their their their thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. of like, you know, asexual, like... Yeah, very, um... With an androgynous, that's the word I'm looking for.

Uh, upside down cross, like black and white. It's very, it's just so metal looking and like, the subject of matter of the film is just so like, satanism, the naked ladies, like it's so metal and so ridiculous, and it doesn't need to make the the the to to to to to to to to to the to the to the the to the the the naked ladies, like it's so metal and so ridiculous and it doesn't need to make sense. It just is. Alicarta just is. Let it exist in its own wacked out universe. That's, that's fine if you feel that way. I just, I can't, I can't, I can't get on that boat with you. I can't, I feel I feel like there were like I said there are a lot of good lots there is a lot of good imagery I really liked Satan and his metal or his brass band. I was really into that. I liked the Jim Henson

Mouse Pants guy and his gypsy lady friend Grace Slick. You know you can can't, I just, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, part of me just feels like it's a cop out to be like, ugh, well it doesn't have to make sense, bye, fuck it. What are you copying out of? Making a movie that is sensical. But I don't think that's what they were setting out to me. I get it, I get it. It's just not, you. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's just, you, you, you, it. It's just, you, it. It's just, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you you, you you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you you. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you you. You you. You you. You you. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, it. th, it. th, it. th, it. th, it. th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. thi, th, thi, you thi, you th, sensical. But I don't think that's what they were setting out to make. I get it. It's just not my, it's not my taste. It's almost like a tone poem of a film like they weren't like. Yeah, they were just setting out to make a cool looking thing. I guess so. They get butts and seats because. And to get boobs on screen. Yeah. to be boobs on screen, totally. Totally, totally boobs on screen. I mean, it's like when you watch any 80s slasher movie, you're gonna see boobs in the first like 10 minutes in the film. But even they put a little more effort into the plot.

A little. A little. A lot. They tried. They wrote it on a piece of paper at least. Although, and I do, on the topic of the visuals that were great, when Justine bursts from a coffin filled with blood, Holy shit, attacks a nun, nude of course, because why wouldn't she be, she spends, if Alocardt spends 80% of the movie screaming, Justine spends 80% of it nude. Yeah. It was great. It was good. I liked that a lot. So for my numeric rating. Oh, we're going right to the ratings. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the to be. the to. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. the t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. the the the the the the the the the the the th. Don't care. No, no, not at all. Of course. I mean, there's going to be movies that I'm not going to like. All right, so you're going to give it a four.

I'm giving it a four. Okay, it exists as a four. It is a four. All right. All right. I'm trying to think of where the, I think, I, I, I, I, I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, to, to, you, you, you're, to, to, to, to, you, you, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to give, to to to to to to to to to the, the, the, the, the, th.. th. tho. tho. the tho. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to This movie is a total nine. Oh wow. This is the best movie we watched so far. I thought you were going to get, I really thought you were going to give it a ten. I thought you were going to give it a ten. I thought you're going to to give it a ten. I thought you were going to give it a ten and thate. There's very few films I could. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I really. I tho. I really really really really really really tho. I tho. I tho. I tho. I really really really really tho. I could tho. I really really really th th th tho. I really really tho. I could thi tho. I really really really tho tho tho tho tho. I really really really really really tho tho. I really really really really tho tho. I really really really tho. I really tho. I really tho. I really really th. I really th. I th. I really really th. I th. I th. I th. I really really really really th. I th. I th. I really really th. I really th. I really th. I really th. I really th. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really the. I really th. close say the name. I know I I have no idea what you're talking about. I can't imagine what you're talking about Okay you can't imagine there's not a John Carpenter roof from 1980 that I can't imagine you're talking about right now Just wondering nope, no, no, no, that's the thing though. I just can't imagine it

Lock it. We're done We've got a bowl of a thing. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thin. to thin. to to to th. to th. th. th. thin. thi. thin. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. the. the. the. the. the. the. tha. th. th. th them in a thing. Let's go people, let's move out. I did want to mention that, what was it, two years ago, my friend Jen was interested in learning about horror movies. So I sort of curated an introduction to horror films. And this was one of the movies that I put in the curation that I brought to her and she fucking loved it. So, you know, so I think it's just for some people and it's not for th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th brought to her and she fucking loved it, like she adored it. So, you know, so I think it's just for some people and it's not for others, like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think that's probably a fair assessment. For some, not for others. And I have a feeling that some of the other movies I showed her as well, you would feel equally not so stoked on. Yeah, well, to each their own. Oh, I don't

want to go out of the sad note like this. I feel like we're really, I feel like Alu Carter really ruined your Sunday. I'm also a little hungover so I think it was kind of a... Oh, right. I'm just sweating and watching Alacarta. It's not a great combo. All right. All right. That was our review of Alacarta. I loved it. th. th. th. th. the to the to to the to to the th. to to the to the to to the to to the the to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the sau. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa sa. I. I the sa. I the sa. I the sa. I. I the sa. I. I. I. I. I the sa. I. I the sa. I the sau. I the sa-I. I the sa-I. th. th. thi. thi. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. to to to to to to th. I th. I th. I was good. So this is our, that was our review of Alucarda. I loved it, Katie, not so much. What, why? I feel like I said that about a hundred times. We're going to have to cut some of those. Yeah, well you said it about a hundred times we were watching it too, so I feel like

it's pretty apopo. I feel like when we were watching it, I was I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really really, I was really really really really really really really really really really thing, I was really thi, I was really, I was really thing, I was really thi, I was really, I was really thi, I was really really thi, I was really really really really thi, I was really really thi, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really, I was really thing, I was really thing, I was really thing, I was really thing, I was really more thi, I was really more thi, I was really more thi, thi, thiii. Why? Why? Satan! When the movie ended I looked at you and said, what just happened? And you said, do you? And I said, no, do you? Of course I don't. It's stupid. It's fucking fun of shit.

It's just dumb. It's like, I can't imagine like seeing this and like, you know, going into a movie theater. And I'll just watch whatever they're showing us. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the they. Oh, they. Oh, the the the the, the the, the the the the the, you know, going into a movie theater and just be like, I'll just watch whatever's the other show. Oh, my, oh my, what is this? What have I done? Yeah, work of genius man. Pure unadulterated Jesus. So do you say, you just had pure unadulterated Jesus? Genius. Genius. So I think we've got to wrap it up right there. Because Jesus wins. Let that be a lesson to you. Jesus always wins. So you can you can like us on Facebook. You can email us at wherewulf ambulance ambulance at Gmail. Give us suggestions for movies to watch. If you know of movies that are more like Alocarda, please go ahead and shoot those over to us. You can send those to Alan's personal email address. It's Alicar-I. Let. Let. Let. Let. Let that. Let that. Let that. Let that. Let that. Let that. Let that. Let that that that that that that that that that that that that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that be that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. that the. that that that that that that that the. those over to us. You can send those to Alan's personal email address. It's Alacarta.

I love Alacarta so much at Gmail. Angel Fire. Biz. And yeah, you can get in touch with us and let us know if there's movies you like us to review, and talk about. And yeah, thanks so much for listening to wear to wear to wear to wear to wear to wear to our our our our our our our our our our our our our our to our to our to our to our to our to our to our their to our their their their their their their their their their their their their own their their their listening. Thanks for listening to Aralv ambulance. Bye think. I'm try. I think. Oh my. Oh, I try to the to the

the try to be the tree today the the tree I'm sorry. I Oh, wow. the