Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - From the Patreon Files: No Holds Barred (1989)

Episode Date: March 21, 2022

Hi EMTs! Allen is dealing with some family stuff this week so we're releasing one of our Patreon-only action movie episodes, the 1989 sports entertainment delight of a shitshow "No Holds Barred." It's hardly an action movie but truly, who cares? We hope you like it.  If you'd like to hear more like this, please consider supporting us at patreon.com/werewolfambulance We're all over the internet, anyway: Buy merch for yourself or those you love at www.teepublic.com/user/werewolfambulance on Reddit at r/werewolfambulance on Facebook at facebook.com/werewolfambulance on Twitter @werebulance on Instagram @werewolfambulance. [e-mail]

Oh, mom, mh-mobbom, m-bom, mhom, m'am, tomorrow. Ah, Hey, Ah, the-ah Ah, Hey, Katie.

Ah, Hi, Alan. I've learned that you have to scream to achieve anything in life. Ah, can we start every sentence of this podcast this way? And just get rid of all of our patrons forever. Ah, I guess we can. I genuinely love Kurt Fuller. Has he ever not played a dickhead. No, it's his dickhead face.

He does. I bet he's a very nice man. I'm sure he's kind as a lamb. Yeah, I love him. He is so good in this movie. Okay. Okay. Comparatively, he is knocking it out of the god damn park. I think for what the words are written for him to say, he's killing it. He's killing it. He has to... He's making you believe he's he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's kind kind kind kind kind kind he's kind kind he's kind he's kind he's kind he's kind kind kind kind kind he's kind he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he's kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind kind he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he I think for what the words are written for him to say, he's killing it. He has to- He's making you believe he's Ted Turner, right? Ted Turner mixed with, uh, what's the asshole that runs the W.W.E. McMahon. Vince McMahon. Yeah, there's a little bit of that. Who wrote this movie? Oh, did he write it? So, okay, so here's the story, I think it was in like Hulk Hogan's autobiography. The story was that they hired this guy to write it, an actual movie writer, and they didn't like what he had turned in. A script. Right, a script. Presumably made sense, and had dialogue that was convincing. And Vince didn't like it. So Vince and Hulk Hogan locked themselves in a hotel room for an the the their their their their their their their biography their biography their their their their autobi their their their autobi. their autobi. th. th. th. th. H. H. th. Hogue, th. I tho-hogogogogogogu. H. I th. H. H. I th. H. I th. I th. I's th. I's th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I's th. I's th. I's th. I'm. I'm th. I'm th. I'm thi. thi. thi. thii. thii. th. th. thiiii. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Vince didn't like it. So Vince and Hulk Hogan locked themselves in a hotel room for an entire weekend and didn't

leave until they finished the rewrites. Just, I mean, presumably coaked out of their goadsworth. Yeah, definitely. And this is what they came up with. That was the final, the final draft. What's the name of this American Classic of Cinema? Oh my god, it's no holds barred. 1989. Oh, it's 89. Okay, okay.

I presume you'd never seen this film before. I had, I knew it existed, but I had never graced my eyes with this cinematic choice. This will probably be the only action movie that I have seen and you haven't, I'm going to say. Well, street fighter. Well, we already did that one. I. I. I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's th. It's th. It's. It's th. It's. It's th. It's. It's th. It's. It's th. It's th. Oh, the the the th. Oh. Oh, the the only action movie that I have seen and you haven't, I'm going to say. Well, a street fighter. Well, we already did that one. I know, I know. I'll get it. Oh, Oh, Mortal Kombat. You've even seen Mortal Kombat. Oh, that's true. Okay, woo, hey. I guess the ones I've seen that you haven't are sports fighting movies. Yes. And what they're like real shitty pursuits, like wrestling or video? th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. thi. thi. the thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the thi. thi. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the the th. I the the the the the the the the th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm the. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. th. I've th. I'm this review that's on Wikipedia that I really liked because it's so snobby, it's insane. Oh, tell me. And one, it's from the Philadelphia Inquirer, it's Desmond Ryan.

And Desmond Ryan says at one point, Cretans in people who take professional wrestling seriously, and I'm bound to say the distinction between the two groups is lost on me. Will flock to no holds part and they will not be disappointed. You know what, as a Creighton, I am not disappointed by this film in any way. Creighton, oh I am loathe to tell the difference with Twix the two. Imagine saying that people who enjoy a thing are all Cretans when the thing is like not white supremacy or like you know what I mean? Do you think when Hillary Clinton called everybody

deplorables this guy was like oh well yeah. He was like you go there hill dog? I went there, Hilldog. I went there in 1989. Call him Cretans, too. Oh my god. What a fucking film, though? It is a true celebration of stupidity. Would you agree with that?

Oh, for sure. And like, when we were watching it, Missy was like, oh, this is the worst movie you've ever done, to which I said, oh, no, it's not even close. Not even fucking close. Also, I watched this movie on Christmas, so I like had my days all mixed up, and I thought I had one more day in between Christmas and recording the episode. And then when I looked at my calendar and realized that Christmas was on Friday and we were recording the next morning, I was like, well, guess I'm watching No Holds Bart on Christmas. I put it off until two hours before we started recording. I'm glad you gave yourself enough time to get to that cool and fight scene. Speaking of how great Kurt Fuller is in this movie, he has to emphatically say jock ass multiple times.

He makes it sound like it's a real insult. This jocass. Freya, you can't knock my tablet down. Freya, no. This jock ass. Jock ass. And like when he tells his female executive to take a leak, and she leaves in tears, and I just thought like if a boss said that to me, I'd be like, I genuinely don't know what

you want me to do. He is fantastic. He's willing for people to die. That's how much he loves this network. Oh my God, when he's, he wants Zeus to kill Rip. Also Rip. Rip. Rip Thomas. That appears to be his actual name to because that's what his brother calls him.

And that means their parents named them Rip and Randy. And had them 36 years apart. I was blown away when I realized that that was Mark Pelegrino playing Randy who, uh, to Supernatural fans out there, he plays Lucifer on Supernatural. Oh, is that a reunion of him in Kurt Fuller then? It's Kurt Fuller, oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. They're back, baby, finally. Yeah. They were probably like, remember when we did that movie?

And then they both looked to each other and were like, no. Did not remember? Everyone is on so much cocaine in this movie. Holy shit! Also we should stay up front, rest in peace to Tom Tiny Lister. Oh God, another one gone in 2020. Yeah, man, just knocking them down, taking the Tiny Listers from us. A cinematic tortoise. So this setting up of Kurt Fuller as this sort of media tycoon bad guy is being juxtaposed with Rip Thomas Hulk Hogan just like doing good guy wrestling shit like having a wrestling

match I guess. Yeah and doing the the patented Hulk Hogan what? Oh my god I'm so fired up. I'm so fired up. Yeah ripping his shirt off. He's basically the, the, the, the, the the, the the, the that, the tha, thu, thu, thu, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu th. thu thu. thu thu thu thu thu thu. thup, thup, th. th. thup, thup, th. thup, thup, thup, thup. thu. thu. thu thu thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu, thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu the the the the the the the thu the thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu thu the thu. the thu the the thu. thu. thu. Hulk Hogan. What? Oh my God, I'm so fired up. I'm so fired up. Yeah, ripping his shirt off. He's basically Hulk Hogan, but just in different colors. He wears teal and white in this one instead. He wears so much white that I can't believe he would be able to pull off IRL. No, and is not, to be fair, pulling off in this film. Here's a little local connection for you. The guy he's wrestling at the beginning,

Jake Bullitt, is Demolition Axe, who's a good local guy, he's like for a Fayette County guy. Oh, nice, nice. I have seen that guy wrestle a couple of times in recent years. He's really old now. Was he in like Legion of Doom or something? Demolition? Oh demolition, sorry. Yeah, no, that's okay. You don't not that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th. th. th. thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi th. th. th. th. th. thi. the thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. theoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. th. th. th. th., sorry. Yeah, no that's okay. You don't know to be sorry. You know who should be sorry is Vince McMahon for making a movie about professional wrestling while also like running the world's largest professional wrestling company and not using any of your other talent. None. Why is that? There's like some old old guys and they're like Stan Hanson but like... Yeah in there like Stan Hansen, but like... Yeah, like throw like all the fucking Hammond Eggers who are making $7.50 an hour at a match, like throw them a bone and put them in this movie. And why wouldn't you to promote your brand? Right, right. And why wouldn't you talk shit on wrestling fans the entire film?

And why? This stook man is just such a bad business man. He's such a bad business man. It's comedic. But yet, he has more money than Jesus H. Christ himself. It's because of all the Cretans out there, I guess. God damn, you creedins! Just creatins. So the only way that Kurt Fuller's network, Brell, his name is Brow, the only way that

Brell's network can succeed is by getting Hulk Hogan to come to their network. That is it. It's the only way. But they don't have a promotion that they're bringing him to. No, there's no territory for them. They're just going to get him somehow from one network to. No, there's no territory for them. They're just going to get him somehow from one network to another and that's it. It's not like this is the WCW coming in for Hulk Hogan. I think it's meant to be though. Because WCW was 1988 and at the time it was like the worst

thing you could do is leave a promotion for another promotion for more money, which is exactly, ironically, what Hogan does a few years later when he jumps to WCW. Oh. Yeah. I thought he was like washing up with the, uh, I thought he was getting washed up with the WWF at that point. No, he, uh, when he moved to WCW it was huge. Oh, geez. Oh, jeez.

Yeah, where he had the dark, the dark, the the the the and all that. Yeah, yeah, where you had the darker stubble than his mustache? Yeah, Hollywood Hogan. Big news. Correct me if I'm wrong, he's not a good wrestler. I mean, he's not agile in any way. Right. He's just a big guy. Right.

He's a charismatic personality, I guess. Is he like six, six or something? He's a big7, yeah. He's a big guy. But like, watching him move in the ring, even in like a situation where you could have made him look good, he was just like thundering around the ring and then his finisher was the two-handed, like, the double-ax handle. There you go. Yeah. Which is not a good finisher by any stretch of the imagination. None of his moves are. No, no he's not a great

wrestler. I like how yeah even tiny Lister they had to put lifts in his shoes to get him above Hogan because he's like only six five only only. He's only gigantic. Yeah. But I was just like and I was thinking back to when I used to watch wrestling as a kid and Hogan was the the th. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. H. th. H. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the thi. thi. the the thi. thi. th. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. th. the th. No. No. the. No. No. the. No. No. No. the. No. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. I. th. th. I. I. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. the. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I., and I was thinking back to when I used to watch wrestling as a kid and Hogan was the biggest thing out there, but like, he wasn't a good wrestling even back then. No, he's not a good ambassador for the brand to like what it can be, you know, like the sport, yeah. He's actually the reason I stopped watching wrestling because I saw him cut his brow.

Oh did you? Yeah. And I was like, oh, it's fake. No. No, that's what broke it for you. Yeah, it was like the Santa Claus. Yeah. But you didn't see that live. You saw it on television, yeah. See, that's production's fault. I think so. But again, I may be like my faulty memory might be crapping out on me on this one, but I'm like, it may not have been him, but I saw someone blade. Yeah, sure. I mean, everybody was doing it at the time. Which is crazy because I didn't think of him as like, in retrospect, I don't think of him as a bleeder.

Yeah. You know, he would sometimes. that, hair very red, you know? Really? Gross. Cut he is holding onto that blonde hair with every fiber of his being. I mean, what else is there for him? So the problem here is that Rip's word is his bond, which Kurt Fuller tells us in a meeting with his two underlings, who, by the way, go from being like, wow, what we're doing here is incredibly fucked up, and I don't want to be a part the the the the the the the the to be the to be to be the to be to be the to be to be the to be to be the to be the way, go from being like, wow, what we're doing here is incredibly fucked up and I don't want to be a part of it to, yes, murder that woman in a matter of minutes. I told you to shoot her. What now?

What? You did? Oh, I also would have mentioned to save money, I assume on this movie. All of the music is Jim Johnson, the W.W.E. musical producer. Oh, I had no idea. So that's why it's all like middling versions of different styles of music. Right. They're all just shit entrance music, huh? Like, there's the one scene where he's kicking the shit out of the limousine to like...

Like it's a bonus level and street fighter? I love what he's kicking the door and it's making hammer-sized holes in the door. It's so clearly just like a perfect circle every time. It's like, oh, is the door bubbling? Like, why? But there's like this shitty, sacks music going on underneath th to like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,time. It's like, oh is the door bubbling? Like, why? But there's like this like shitty sax music going on underneath them. They're like, bar no, bar the wadau. That's a perfect example of the entire score of this movie, actually. Because he was, Rip goes to a meeting with Brel. And Brel's like, I got this check. It's a blank check. You write any number you want on it. And then Hulk Hogan shoves it down his throat,

which apparently Kurt Fuller didn't know he was gonna do. Like, I guess no one told Hogan that in acting, they sort of fake things. And he just shoved that thing right in Kurt Fuller's mouth. He said he thought he was gonna die. And the line that he delivers as his like, Kudaita ta is finisher. And I won't be here when this check clears. It's disgusting. Also, just like going to a business meeting dressed as rip. Because you are rip. Like you're wearing the whole get-up with

the fingerless gloves and the spandex. The fingerless gloves with like the shoelacing going to. Yes of neon colors of course. Because these nylon gloves aren't tight enough. I've got to strap them on. Can you get them a little snugger? What a fucking dildo? Later in the movie you could, he's, he you, he you, you, you, you're, you're, like, you're, like, like, like, you're the you're the you're the you're the you're wearing the the you're wearing the the the you're wearing the the the the you're wearing the the you, like you're wearing th. You're wearing you're wearing the the th you're th you're you you you, like you're you you, like you're you. Like you're you. Like you're you. Like you're you, like you're you. Like, like you're the the their, like you're their, like you're their, like you're the the their, like you're the their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi thi their thi're wearing their thi're wearing their their their their their their their their their their their their thi their their th't tight enough. I'm going to strap them on. Can you get him a little snugger? What a fucking Dildo. Later in the movie, he's hanging out with kids and you can make out the head of his penis and it's very upsetting. Yes, is it when he's doing his charity-ripped sports for kids, which involves forcing sick

children to wrestle and then picking them up? And fucking Hog fucking who fucking who fucking who fucking who fucking who fucking who fucking who fucking who fucking fucking who fucking who fucking fucking fucking who fucking fucking who fucking hogogogogogog Hog H H H H H H H H H. Hog. Hog. H. Hog. Hogg. their. their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their. their, th. th. their their their their their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. th. thi. thi. thi. Because, thi. Because, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the the the the thi. the the thi. them up. And Hogan Hogan's got a cocaine half-chubb well he's hanging out. Allegedly. Allegedly. I know that he's a, he likes to sue people. Oh my god, we should have thought of that. Luckily, he's not paying for a Patreon so he won't know. It's true, nobody tel him. But yes, so they have the meeting and he's not going the to write the meeting the meeting to write the meeting to write the meeting the meeting to write the meeting to write the meeting the meeting to write the meeting to write the meeting to write the meeting the meeting to write the meeting to write the meeting to write the meeting the meeting to write the meeting the meeting to write to have the meaning and he's not going to write on that check because pro-wrestlers are bastions of ethical behavior.

He's not going to jump promotions. He's a significantly worse actor than CM Punk. Can we agree on that? Oh, 100%. Then he might be the thing that made me think wrestlers are bad actors. You know what? That's really fair, I think. Yeah. Because I saw another one of his action movies that's like, it's got Thunder in the title, but I can't remember what it's called,

like Thunder Bay or something maybe. Okay. And he was fucking terrible. Really, yeah. Yeah, you saw him. You saw him in this movie. This is bad. This is really bad. This is really bad. This is really bad. This is really bad. This is really bad. This is really bad. This is really bad. They give him, for being the main character, he has so few lines, which is for the best. So the reason he's kicking out this limo door is because Brill has sent guys with pipes to beat him with pipes?

Were guns not invented at this point in time? And also, like, wow, you're really going to do that. You're really going to have this meeting and then have the guys with pipes go after this man. And one of the pipe guys is like wearing a tweed suit. Why? Yeah, and these professor pipe pipe. Professor pipe. Maybe he heard he was going to be a pipe guy and assumed it would be like a Sherlock Holmes kind of pipe guy? You know a smoking of the pipe guy. I gotta solve crimes. Oh no, I have to do crimes?

Okay, all right. I could still wear the tweed jacket, right? It's a very slow fight sequence. This movie dares you to stay interested in it. The pointy, like when he's throwing the guys over the car, and you can see that they were like, okay, one, two, three, go. That's wrestling, though. And then he pulls the limo driver out of the car, and you see that this guy's pissed his pants. And he pooed. He messed them in some other way on the back and Hogan's I'm sorry rip says what's that smell what's that smell the guy

just looks at him and goes it's duky he's sobbing he he he's sobbing and it was like oh so this was written by a 12 year old who says dukey yeah I want to know whether it was Vince or Hogan who came up with that, you know? Which of them was like, duke? And the other one was like, yes! And hi-fived him. Our brother shit's too aggressive. And poo-pooh just doesn't sound manly. Like, he's just, and that's where the scene ends.

That's the last line of the scene. Director was like, and cut, and we're done. And we're going to print, yeah, that's it. So then we're introduced to Sam, who is played by Jode Severance, who is cute as a button button in this. Yeah, for sure. And is like 90% hair. If not more, if not a higher percentage. Hair and blue eyes.

It is massive, just absolutely massive, that hair. Yeah. Although it fluctuates wildly throughout the film. Yeah, right. In this first scene, it's like a foot and a half off the back of her head. And then it does get it does th it does th it does th it does th it does th it does th it does th it does tham it does tham it does tham it does tham it does tham it does tham tham tham tham to to tham to to to to to to to to to to to toe ta to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooes tooes tooes tooes tooes. tooes. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. to to to to to to to to to to to tooes. to tooes. to to tooes. to tooes. too. too. the. the. the. the. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. ta. thea. thea. thea. to thea. to to thea. to to it does get tamed at certain points too. I love that in Brell's criminal mastermind, he is able to get her hired at whatever the fuck company, Rip works for, as his new agent. He's so powerful he can't just get another wrestler. Oh my god, it's so dumb.

And she's like a, she's a bad bitch in that boardroom too. I appreciate her. But luckily his subtle ogling of her prevents him from hearing anything she says. He, this, okay, so in this scene, let me describe to you this scene that was written by someone. A human being. A human, a, someone. A human being. A human, at least half human being.

We're introduced to Sam as Hulk Hogan, I'm sorry, Rips, new management. She is pitching a bunch of ideas for what he could be doing to increase his brand awareness to a bunch of people. I don't know who these people are. Okay, he is sitting at the end of the table in, you know, wrestling tights, rip wear and like a tank top with the backslashed out. And with the matching dureg. Matching dureg. And it's just leaning over at the waist at like a 90 degree angle to watch her butt walk around Just doing that

But then in the scene she's pitching these ideas and he's like, uh, you didn't even mention how important my charity work is? So it's like he's a grosso, but his word is his bond and he's a good man He's a good man. The best part is he tells her like she's like something about Rips Brand and he's like, well RIP would tell you that RIP's charity work is the most important thing to rip. And I was like, yeah, but dog, you're right. Are you just reading the script right now? And didn't realize those are your lines? He's like, no, no. I'll say him. And they were like, no, don't say them. And he was like, no, I'll say the lines.

And they were like, that's not a line. And he was like, no, I'll say it. And they were like, OK. We'll talk about this later. Over dinner? Somewhere dressy? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah, oh. You go into a dressy restaurant. Say it. Dressy. Missy, get on your duds because we're going to a dressy restaurant tonight. Oh my god. Well, it is dressy because there's a live harp recital happening in there. And it's French. We, we, th. Oh. H. H. H. H. H. H. Oh. H. H. Oh. H. H. Oh. Oh. H. H. Oh. Oh. H. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. live harp recital happening in there. And it's French.

We, we. Hogan is wearing an all-white suit. Unbutton to nipple. Yeah, it is not good. Freshly bleached hair. Yes. Orangeish skin. Yeah, I was going to say hot dog colored skin.

Hot dog colored skin is perfect. That man he is a fucking sausage isn't he? He's that type of built where you can't tell if he's built or just that's how he came out. Yeah his skin is such a weird stretch you know it's stretched in such a weird way. It's so weird. I think other wrestlers don't look like that. He genuinely looks like roasted. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, like Lex Lugar didn't look like that if memory serves.

No. Other wrestlers of that era. Now they're just ridiculous looking. Yeah. Their muscles have muscles now. Like Duane the Rock Johnson. And he's a 58-year-old man who's that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-like, th-like, th-like, thi-like, th-s, thi-like, he's thi-like, he's thi-like, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's thi, he's the, he's the, he's the, he's the, he's thi-s, he's thi-s, thi-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, th-s, thooooooo'-s, threa'-s. threa'eranananananananananananananananananananananananan-s. threa-s. thereea- Yeah, their muscles have muscles now. Right. Like Duane the Rock Johnson And he's a 58 year old man who's not a wrestler Is he 58? I don't know. I'm guessing speaking of ages. How old is Hulk O'Connor this movie? No idea if you had to guess just?

What? Which decade would you put him in? His late 30s. Oh yeah, I nailed it. Oh, really? But it's only because I really know of his career, you know. Yeah. I'm sorry, Joanne the Rock Johnson's 48. I'm sorry, I said he was 58. Oh, you mean, the man who's two years older than I am.

Yeah. I don't know why I thought he was 58 because knowing his, it doesn't, I'm an idiot. You are not. I'm on Christmas time, baby. I think you get a pass on misjudging during the Rock Johnson's age. Just misremembering. So they're at this French restaurant. Is this the worst scene in the movie?

Or is the extended tooth brushing scene the worst scene in the movie? Or is the extended to tooth brushing scene the worst scene in the movie? The attempted rape might be the worst scene. Right, no, that's worse for a different reason. That's just legitimately awful. Horrible. So they're in the French restaurant, go on. And ever this Major D is talking down to,to to rip like he's an idiot because he looks like one I guess When he says I'm sorry we do not have lay foot long hot dog

But meanwhile there's like a bus boy waving at rip right you think oh, he's just a fan, but he's not a fan. They come out with the whole kitchen staff because this is his favorite restaurant. Do you want the regular? The speciality? And Halkooken replies in French. He does. It's not bad. It could be worse. I mean, we saw Veratica. But it's definitely like, we, monsoor.

But do you like how that guy was just being incredibly antagonistic at his new job? There's a beefy man, therefore I will shit all over him and tank any tip that I might get. Yeah, right? Do you think this was the moment when he spoke French with the lady was like, I guess I'm gonna fuck him? I have no choice but to fuck this man. They have literally less than zero chemistry, right? They hate one the thate that. They have have to have to have to have to have to have to have to kiss to kiss their their their their their their they have their their their their they have their their their their their their their their thaqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqaqqqqq. their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their the hate one another, or at least she hates him. When they have to kiss later,

and it's like he's eating a hoagy. The problem with Hogan, his face is that in this era, his mustache is really long, but he has no lips. And so it's just this like, the idea of kissing him is like honestly stomach turning. I'm gonna make out of that bristly brush over there and see what's going on. It's just like nothing to put, just like solid skin over teeth, you know? I'll just stroke his flex and locks. Oh, oh.

Well, he just stares vacantly at nothing. I'm making out. I'm doing it. I'm doing it. Is this when we cut to the illegal wrestling ring? Yes. I wish that local wrestling had table service like this. I would love that. Yeah, for sure.

I also think that tires around the pole was a really good preventative measure from anyone getting hurt. Yeah, it's nice. So this is basically the bar from Roadhouse. 100%. With a wrestling ring. And no Terry Funk and no, uh, fuck who's the band? Oh, um... Oh, um... I should know this. Jeff.

Hmm. Healy? Yeah, maybe you're right. Something like that. Something like that. Why, just, just Jeff. That's dull. So, uh, this is That's dull. So, so, uh,

this is like a bar being torn up by drunk people and men fighting and like, it's like, you know, filthy and whatever. And Kurt Fuller looks around and goes, America, don't you just love it? And I thought that was the best line of the film. And it was also the most fucking these people hate wrestling fans. Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep. Did you like the, the waitress who was just picking her nose, rubbing her ear funked

together on her fingers and going, That's sound, oof! It was so gross. But she was like, otherwise, together on her fingers and going, ph-whaulter-talking. That sound! Oof! It was so gross. But she was like otherwise a fairly attractive actor too, so it's like maybe this isn't working all that well, you know? Did you like how there was a little person? Just like flipping a coin?

He was taunting either Ordway or Unger. I can't remember a witch's witch. And it matters not. One of them says, these people would cheer at a hanging and Kurt Fuller says, that's the point. Stop! And then they're like, uh, I've got to go to the bathroom. Ask one of these guys where the bathroom is. What phrase is he used to ask where the bathroom is? I actually didn't write it it it it it it it it th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th matters not. And it thaters not thaters not thaters not thaters not thaters not thaters not. And it that that that that that th th that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th th. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it. And it th th th. And it th th. And it th th th th th th th th th th. And it th that that that that that that that thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate thate that that that that to go to the bathroom. Ask one of these guys where the bathroom is. What phrase is he used to ask where the bathroom is? I actually didn't even write it down. Oh, uh, pardon me, sir, can you tell me where I can bleed the lizard? What does that mean? If a man said that to you, would you know what he meant?

Sir, you have to go to the ER now. Yeah, take it to the emergency the emergency the emergency emergency. the emergency. the emergency. the emergency. the emergency. to the emergency. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. to. to. the the the the to. toeatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheatheathe. to. to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the the. the the the the the th. the theathea. th. theat. theat. theat. that. that. that. that. theat it to the emergency pet vet. Oh, and then the bathroom is disgusting. It's a really long scene of the bathroom being disgusting. Why is there dog chained up in there? I don't know. Why did it take so long for them to notice the dog? Or for the dog to notice them? Or for Bubba to notice them. The bathroom is like the size of a stadium bathroom for this bar. And there are troughs. And they're horrifying. I don't miss pissing in a trough. I'll tell you that much. When, I mean, where were you going ever that you had to piss in a trough? There was a show space in Philadelphia called the troccurrero. And their urinals were a trough. It's th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, their, th, th, th, their, where, where, where, where, where their, where their, where their, where their, where, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where their, where, where, where, where their, their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their, their, their, their their their their throoo. their their throooooo. their their their their, their urinals were a trough. It's horrible. Yeah, they would fill them with ice as the evening went on to cut down on the piecemeal.

Oh man. Plus I guess it gives you something to aim at. It's like a game you can try and move it down. Yeah, great. You can melt the ice with your wee wee. God. God. Why you're so gross. the God us, Katie. So they're standing at the urinal, talking shit about the people in the spa. Yeah. And then you just hear the biggest, wettest shit sound. This is a film that loves poop. Oh yeah, yeah, duky. Is what I call it.

The biggest shit sound. And then immediately out of the stall emerges Bubba. You don't hear a corresponding wiping sound. No, no, just comes right on out and starts talking about teeny wangers. So uncomfortable. He stares at the one guy's dick for so long. Yelling teeny wanger at it. Teeny wanger and here's another. So Kurt Fuller decides to monetize this by inventing a television show called Battle of the Tough Guys. Again a 12 yearyear-old. Again.

Like, I imagine that the man who wrote this movie actually called it something else, and Vince was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Battle of the... Oh, what's a good word for, tough guys? Battle of the Tough guys. Battle of the Tough Guys! Battle of the Tough Guys, the worst name I've ever heard for literally anything. Can you tell me what the prize is for winning Battle of the Tough Guys? Like $100,000?

Like $100,000? Like $100,000? He says, tax-free, he says. You cannot give money away, tax-free. There's just not, you can't, it's not a things. $10,000 and the 10 grand just goes right to taxes? It depends on your federal tax bracket. It depends on your state you live in. It depends on if your municipality claims earned income tax. Everything depends. What if this was the point that this movie fell apart for you?

It did. I was angry. Oh, I am on board up until this point, my friend. Also, how do you win battle of the tough t every week somebody wins $100,000 tax-free? Or is it like a tournament style? We're never told, it's never explained. No, because when Battle of the Tough Guys happens at this shitty-assed bar, at the apex of the rasseling, Tiny Lister kicks down a wall?

Yeah. Wait, does he do that in the bar? Or does he do that when they're like at the place where they're repairing trains? Oh, I don't know. I thought it was- Because there's the point in which people are actually just welding on the set, and it's like, but why? What are you working on? And then, theyms out, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, the, th, the, th, th, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is. is, is. the, is, is. they. they. they. they. the they.a.a.a.a. train, is. the the the the the the the the the the the the, is, is, is, is, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? The train car is later, because the train car is when Randy gets beat up.

Oh, right, right, right, right. But there is, there's like, I think this is when he kicks on the wall, because then they have him scheduled for the fight next week with my personally favorite named human in this movie, Lug-Rench Perkins. Do you know what Lug-Rench Perkins real name is? Um, I don't. Jeep Swenson. Oh, Robert Swenson, but yes, Jeep Swenson. It is. Okay. Jeep Swenson. I was hoping it is his real first name was Jeep. You know, I could be wrong about that. I'll look it up. Yeah, it is Robert. Oh, bummer. Sorry, dude. Sorry to ruin it for you.

Because Swenson sounds like you were like trying to remember Swanson but couldn't quite nail it. He's dead? Yeah, oh, he's dead. Oh, Lugrinch. Hey, just too, his heart was just too big. Well, Hulkoggin gave a eulogy at his funeral. Aw. Hulkogan, Davy Boy Smith, and James Kahn gave ulogies at his funeral. So this guy must have hung out at the Playboy Grotto.

Yeah, 64405. Wow. That was his build size, yeah. That's a big dude. It's big men. So yeah, when, when Tiny Lister knocks down the, I I I I I I the the th Build size, yeah. That's a big dude. Big men. So yeah, when Tiny Lister knocks down the wall, I'm sorry, forgive me, when Zeus knocks down the wall. His entrance is extremely dope. And also, like everything else, takes 20 minutes in this movie.

They were definitely padding. What would you say his signature move is? Picking that woman up by her face and dropping her? I thought it was just screaming, but no, that was a good move. Oh yeah. That's how you know he's like a super, super bad guy. Except maybe not because of how women are treated in this movie. Oh my, every review that I saw of this movie mentioned the misogyny in this film. It's brutal. I mean it's extremely Vince McMahon.

Yeah, there's enough misogyny and racism to make Vince McMahon writing this make perfect sense. The man who insisted that he say the end word on air. Don't get me started. Okay, all right. Kurt Fuller loves this, this woman getting tossed though. His face is like, he's like giving Zeus bedroom eyes. He's giving him a fuck me face. A hundred per, like I couldn't tell if like the direction was like, y'all look like you're nutting, dog. Yeah, or look like you're just like, mmm, gonna dive into a bucket of KFC. I'm gonna fuck that Zeus. He's gonna fuck that Zeus. He and Zeus develop a weird relationship. So, God. I feel like I feel

bad because I feel like Zeus can't truly love anyone. No, it seems like he's getting manipulated by everyone around him. Thank God Charlie is in this movie or there would be zero like redeemable representations of anyone of color in this film. Did you recognize, Charlie? I did, but I didn't know from where? He's the cop from Clue. Oh, holy shit, he is. Yeah.

This movie is filled with people that you like slightly recognize. Like one of the, like, underlings of Brill was the scientist guy from Night of the Creeps. Oh yes, you're right, you're right. I can't remember the code. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And the other guy is like in like maybe John Hughes movies or something like as a nerd. The other guy looked very familiar to me.

Yeah. How do they even get those guys? Like, doesn't that seem crazy to you? I'm, yeah, I mean, it had an $8 million budget. It had a what million dollar budget? Eight million dollars. That's a lot of money. I wonder how much of that went to Hogan.

Oh, probably half went to Vince. Well, because, I mean, he would have been losing a lot of thue thue thue thue thue thue thue thue thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, doesn't, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Doesn't thi, thi, to Vince. Well, because, I mean, he would have been losing a lot of revenue on Hulk Hogan not wrestling during the time he was making this movie, too. For sure. I mean, he had to give up the title to make this movie, to Andre the Giant. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. Another man who could not wrestle. Well, forthe greatest drunk who ever lived.

For sure. Do you ever read that article about him, the greatest drunk who ever lived? Yeah. Yeah. It makes me so sad that he never, he could have lived a lot longer if he'd just gotten the surgery, but he didn't want to stop being Andre. You know, he just wanted to be the giant. Yeah, I mean, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's their their their their their their their their their their their to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. their. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. true. to. to. to. to. to. to. Yeah. He wasn't going to get any smaller. It's not going to revert from being the Hulk back to a normal size human. He's not going to, yeah, someday be like 5-11. Oh, man.

So sad. So sad. Charlie tells us that he used to manage Zeus. And then never mentioned this guy before, but he couldn't control him and had to let him, let him, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, them, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, to, to, to, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, to be, toe, toe, to couldn't control him and had to let him, let him loose. And then he killed some kid in the ring after the bell. Yeah. But Charlie just heard this. He doesn't have any like actual confirmation of this. And when Zeus shows up, he in his first entrance he is wearing a ripped-up prison uniform. Yes, he is. That is his gimmick at the beginning as being an ex-con. So did he just get right out out of to his the first the first th of th of th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He's to to to th. He's to to to to to to to to to th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. to. to. to. to. to. th. th. He. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He. He t. He t. He t. He t. He t. He t. He. He to. He. He to. He. He to. He t. He t. He t. He t. He. He. He. He. That is his his gimmick at the beginning as being an ex-con. So did he just get right out of jails like I just heard about this $100,000 tax-free? I know

that I can get that money without having to pay a single bit of tax on it? He, it's insane, right? It's insane? It's 100% insane. I mean, when there's there's these like radio ads for the $100,000 tax-free if you win, battle of the tough guys. Battle of the tough guys. Battle of the big boys. They're showing like dudes like truck drivers hearing this and punching themselves in the head in excitement. It's insane. It's insane. And then we don't really see any of those truck drivers ever compete in battle of the tou guys. thoomks thoomks. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho. tho. the the the th. the the th. the the the the the th. the the the th. the the the th. the the the the thi. their there. there's. there's. there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, their their, their, their, thi. And their, their, thi, their, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, thi. And, thi. And, the, the. And, the. And the. And thea. And thea' thea' thooooooooooooooooooooooooo. And the. And the. And the. And then we don't really see any of those truck drivers ever compete in battle of the tough guys. It's like they saw over the top and we're like, all right, well, let's get, you know,

they've got all those interview segments with these people acting real weird, let's do that. Yeah, but not like fold it into the movie too well. And they did it so badly. They basically tried to take that last last tournament scene from Over the Top and make it almost the entire movie. And they did it so badly for people who actually make professional wrestling. Like make, like it kills me that they were, they, Vince McMahon is able to produce very watchable content in 1989. This is absolutely unwatchable at points.

I mean it's a fucking delight and joy, but it's so bad. So what's that? I couldn't figure out the scene where Rip and Samantha have to stay in the same hotel room? You mean were they the extended tooth brushing sequence? Yes. Was that a setup so that she would have to sleep with him? So yeah, so we find out later that she was hired by Brel to basically take over RIP's management and then I think convince him to move over to Brel's network. Right. So that's his plan for now. So they for some reason set up an overnight trip, but I'm unclear on where they were going on the overnight trip. Because we don't see them travel anywhere. No, well, they do go to that diner, but he's like a local there, too.

And then he like, the diner is getting held up by men in ski masks. And so he starts throwing pies at them and missing with most of them. But somehow, this is enough to keep the place from being robbed. And when he stands up, he yells, Everybody, get on the ground! Right, like everyone, for everyone to hear that, the bad guys heard it too. You know?

But they are just caught unawares by these pies and flying barstools. Yeah. So I think what happened on that overnight was that they were supposed to have separate rooms or at least Sam thought they were supposed to have separate rooms and she was just supposed to be spending time with him to like build a bond to convince him. But Brill only booked one room with the assumption being that they would have to fuck. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then he would have to listen to her, I guess. Yes, once a man has touched a woman's vagina, he is in her thrall for the rest of time.

Mm-hmm. Can a test. Such a stupid. But, but a Hulk's, I mean, the ripster, rip'em, is so... Rip the ripster, rip them, is so... Rip them! Then we'll get to it, sorry. He sets up the room like fucking Threes Company style where they put tape down the wall so you can't step in the other side of the room. He puts up this like wall but twiks them using a bed, a comforter.

And like, and like hand wrap them up tape from a boxer. And he's wearing underwear that are like smaller than any pair I've ever owned. They are the teeny tiniest little briefs. They have, they seriously just go up to one little strip holding the front and back to them. I just refer to them as his banana hammock. Yeah. And he's like, I was, this is what I sleep in. This is my, these are my jammies. He wakes her up in the middle of the night. She thinks he's Jay Owen.

But he's, because the bed is bouncing and he's going, uh, uh, uh, what's he doing? He's doing push ups in the middle of the night. The shot where she like pulls the curtain back like she wants to sneaky peek of him jerkin off. Oh, she's wearing, she's sleeping in a bra and teeny tiny satin shorts because those are her jammies. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. She's trying to sneak a peek at him, jerk it off.

But like the camera zoomsthat was supposed to be. It's his feet on the bed. I know they were his feet on the bed, but when I looked at it, I thought, what does she think they are? Oh, look at them feet. Just like feet or like a pair of balls being propped into the air? Like what knuckles? I don't know. When she looks down at his butt and those tiny underwear and licks her lips, I was like, no!

It looked like she was starving and looking at a hot dog. But like, he's, but he's just doing this. He's just making her think that he's jerking off while he does push-ups on a bed in which she's sleeping. And then he jumps into bed, breaks a bed in which she's sleeping. And then he jumps into bed, breaks the bed. She falls on him and is disgusted. And he says, you could build more walls than I could ever put up. Where did that come from? He was just trying to be her friend, Katie. He's set, but it's like he's such a grosso, but like he sure loves charities.

He spent their introduction trying to see her butt through her pants. Right, and in the scene where he's doing the push-ups and then breaking the bed, there's like the sexiest saxophone music playing. Oh, Jim, what are you doing? What are you doing? And then he storms out of the room and is like, there's a couch on the lobby that looks like it has a better sense of humor than you. And I was like, you're going to go sleep on the couch in the lobby and your little teeny-teny underpants, they are going to kick you out.

You can't do that. He probably knows the people who run the hotel. Oh yeah he is rip. Rip. Rip. Rip. Rip them. So the next scene is Joan Severance. Sam talking to Kurt Fuller about how she can't do this anymore because he's so nice since she's like actually in love with him. No, no you're not. Oh my god. He hits her in this scene. He does. Kurt Fuller strikes a woman. Mm-hmm. And then it like zooms in really hard on his face.

There's so much zooming on faces in this movie. What a great film, genuinely. What a fucking piece of filmmaking. Cut to her telling Hawkegan that this happened, she's been like, being a double agent this whole time. She's a giant bruise on her face, but only for this scene. Only for the scene. Also we have no idea how much time passes between scenes at all in this movie. There is no, I mean like I assume there have been several weeks of Battle of the Tough Guys for it to like gain a following.

But I don't know. The name like Battle of the Tough Guys, that's got to be hit coming right out of the box. Honestly it sounds like something that NBC would be doing right now, like Battle of the Masked Tough guys. You're like, that makes sense. Oh, that one's Mariah Carey. I'm sure of it. Hello Kim, what do you do in here? So she's having this conversation with him where she has a bruise on her face and he's

like, did Brell do this to you? She's like, just leave it alone, just let it go. And he's wearing a red, white and blue, tie-died, ripped tank tank tom. shorts. Short. Short. Sh shorts. Sh shorts. Sh shorts. And he shorts. And he shorts. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. And he. the shorts. And he. wearing a red, white, and blue, tie-died, ripped tank top. Shorty shorts. When he answers the door in that outfit, I yelled, why even bother wearing clothes? Why even bother? And this isn't even as revealing as his clothes in the next scene, the charity scene. Oh my god. Is the sexual assault scene between this and the charity scene? No, the charity scene happens first because they have that amazing slow-mo, Zeus helicopter shot, which is absolutely exquisite. It takes forever, it's exquisite.

This movie is like riddled with ADR that's much louder than any other dialogue. Most of it is Hulk Hogan grunting. But this is the ADR of him talking to the two kids who are wrestling and just going, you got it brother, you can do this, give my body slam, you got this, and it's like so much louder than everything else. It's so much louder than everything else, and it's so unbelievable. You can tell he took one take to do that, wasn't actually talking to anybody to anybody anybody anybody anybody anybody anybody to anybody to anybody anybody to anybody to anybody to anybody to anybody to anybody to anybody to anybody their their their to him him him him to him. And to him. And to him. And to him. to him. to. to be. to. to be. to be. to be. their. too. to be. to. to. to. to. to. to. to. their. theook one take to do that, wasn't actually talking to anybody and walked the fuck out. Also, did you like that his brother's dressed as a clown in this scene? His brother and the guy that I only refer to as the other guy, because I don't think they ever name him? They do by the end he's Craig, but he just keeps showing up being like, I'm the toadie's tody....... He's the tie's tie. He's the tie. He's the t. He's the t. He's the the the t. Hea. the the the t. the t. the ttae. the the the t. th. thi. thi. the the the thi. toe. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's th. He's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He's. He's th. He's th. He's t. He's t. He's t. t. He's t. Hea. He's todea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. Hea. He's toda. He's t. He's toadie's toadie. Is that okay?

When you see the two of them shocked that Zeus is there and they have the clown makeup on, it looks like they just left the face painting booth, like, let's get our faces painted. Oh my god, it's so stupid, Katie. It's so stupid. I love this scene though. This helicopter lands in the middle of RIP Sports for Kids, which is what the sign says. And this comes out in slomo. It's so cool. With like the nerd guys behind him, if I'm not mistaken. In sunglasses, like they're his just has chains sewn onto all the stitches. It's so what a nerd thinks a cool guy would wear.

Yep. That's really, yep, Vince McMahon style. What a nerd thinks a cool guy should be. What did the guys who beat me up in high school look like? So he, so Zeus is here to challenge Rip, who does nothing, because he's at his children's charity event. And charity is the most important thing to him, as we've learned. And you should know that when Katie says he does not tell you.

He literally does nothing. He just stands there and puffs. I mean, he squints a little bit. I don't want to, I don't want to be unfair. He does look like he's coming down and going to sleep while Zeus is trying to intimidate him. And that's it. That's it for this scene. That cut to Charlie being like, you did what you had to do. You show those kids that fighting isn't the answer. They did what you had to do like he has to do exposition on a scene we literally just saw. Right when literally that made sense and nothing else has. Which is you're right the next scene is the sexual assault scene.

Right. Because. Where Kurt Fuller sends a man to assault Samantha in a parking garage. And the guy says something like, Brell sent me and he said it's party time or something. It's horrible. It's also midday in a crowded parking garage. It's not even like smart. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. How did Rip No to show up there on his motorcycle? I just said he's fortunately he was riding through this parking garage in his

motorcycle. It's like, like, you can't even pass through a parking garage. I'll just c It goes like, you can't even pass through a parking garage. You're in and then you're in. You're in and then you're in for a while. Right. He's wearing a windbreaker, satin windbreaker, with a flexed arm that says rip'em on it. Rip him. His license plate says rip em. Skin tight blue jeans and snake skin boots and a matching to his satin jacket matching

durag. And it takes this awful sexual assault and it becomes this comedic thing of riding the guy around in the front of his motorcycle, including a shot of the guy looking back at Hulk Hogan, riding his motorcycle toward him between his legs. Yes, and then like the music I wrote here was like, it felt like right out of the game Double Dragon at the time.

That would have been time appropriate, right? Yeah. And so, yeah, so Hogan picks him up with the bike, throws him into a tree and he gets knocked unconscious. And Hogan's just like, ha ha ha ha, like laughing to this jovy old music. And it's like, actually call the cops. This was a horrible thing. No, it's fine. He goes back in and crushingly hugs this woman who's just been assaulted in the parking garage. Can I read th th th. God, I hate it when you're hurt.

You barely know this woman. Also, are you okay is a question you may want to ask. Should I call someone? Like someone who actually knows and loves you? Feehawk me, so stupid. It's so stupid and so shitty. And it's just like, I cannot believe this was written into this movie. These are not the people that you want to handle a sexual assault in a film.

So, then we quick cut to Randy and the other guy going to watch Zeus fight somebody at a fight. Wearing t-shirts of their friends slash brother. Also Craig sucks at subtlety. No, I know he does. He does suck at subtlety. This is the scene where they're fixing the trains. I mean, the trains have to get fixed. But it's like an illegal fight that's being filmed by these assholes. At a major network.

And Kurt Fuller is talking to Randy and he keeps going, what's your name? Tell me your name. It's like you've seen the wrestling show. You know his name. He's on the wrestling show. It's all his brother talks about. Literally, his brother is so important to him because they lost their parents when they were very young. They could not both have been very young at the same time. It just cannot be. We were very young and then he's my son. Well I think this movie wants you to suppose that It's a tough cell. It's a very tough cell. He's like, tell me your name, tell me your name, and the other guy just goes, that's Randy, that's Rip's brother. God damn it, Craig.

So then, they put Randy in the hospital. Yeah, Zeus beats the hospital. Yeah, Zeus beats the shit out of Randy. But somehow, Rip knows that this happened without anyone telling him. And the next thing we just cut to Rip going to Zeus's gym and destroying the gym. Right.

But also, in that scene, Kurt Fuller is crying. And I don't know why. Do you remember this? Yes, I don't know. Why was he crying? The death of his own humanity maybe? Makes no sense. Was it for joy? I think the actor may have genuinely been crying. They were like, well leave it in Ghostbusters too. I was in Wayne's world. No, I will be in Wayne's world. He's so good in Wayne's world though. I need to revisit that movie. It's been too long since I've seen it. I think you'd really enjoy it even as an adult. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So he destroys the gym. He perfectly throws a bug. I felt like a javelin. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the world the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the So he destroys the gym. He perfectly throws a butt.

I felt like a javelin. I'm so sorry to step on you there. I could not believe it. It's, it's, they're not waited to do the same thing a javelin does. I don't give a fuck a how strong you are. It doesn't matter. And the camera angle is great when it goes into the camera because you could tell that someone just holding this four belt smashing a camera. I did

like it that the two Toadies jumped when it hit the camera. Yes that was really funny. Did we talk about the video that's playing in the gym? One of the where Kurt Full's playing in the gym? One of the where Kurt Fuller's just telling Zeus how much Shalcogan hates him? Like the implication, because earlier Kurt Fuller has been like, well, Zeus can be led. Right. The implication is that he's so simple that they just made a video brainwashing him into hating Rip. And that's all it took. And now all he cares about in this world

is destroying Rip. Now, who writing this movie could have had the idea that they can simply brainwatch someone into doing whatever they want? That's a good question. Hmm, interesting. Let's ruminate on how Hogan is just sobbing over Randy and then in the next scene is like teaching him how to walk again. Let the fucking occupational therapists do their job, you know? Wait, we glanced right by the mirrored scene where they're projecting slides of Zeus onto the back of a mirror. So Hogan thinks they're in the room together? Oh my God, yes. And he does the double axe handle smash on a mirror, and we see a slide machine projecting pictures.

Like, this was set up the whole time. Right, why was that in there? What were they doing in that room otherwise? Who the fuck knows? It's amazing. But yeah, he becomes like the physical the physical the physical the physical the physical the physical, like the physical, like the physical, like the physical, like the physical, like the physical, like the physical, the physical, the physical the physical the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. thusususususus thususususus, to tooom. It's tooom. tooom. tooomus, tooom is tooom is to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to do to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be to to be to be to be to be th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. It's th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th fuck knows? It's amazing. But yeah he becomes like the physical therapist or occupational therapist for his brother interspaced with Zeus training for their big fight because now now Ripham's gonna fight him because he asked to he heard his brother. He actually still doesn't have to.

It's true he does not. He could just press a lot of charges. Right. Against Braille and everyone else involved in this. I mean, especially because he has a corroborating witness in Samantha, you know. And this documentary that he's making has filmed all of it up till now. It's true, yeah. But so they've got him doing the rehab on his brother is his training and and Zeus's training is scream-breaking cinder blocks. Yes, I love this.

The thing that Tiny Lister does where he just like opens his mouth and goes, wow, over and over. Also, why does he only talk in a weird whisper? I don't know, he also has very few lines, which is weird because he's an actual actor. Why do his eyebrows get more pointy as the film goes on? And there's less of one of them as the movie goes on. It's a very weird look by the end of the movie. He's like a super angry bird.

Remember angry birds when those were a thing? Do? Oh, so rip them. He's gonna rip them. And Battle of the Tough Guys, it's like a red carpet like it's a boxing match, which is insane, because the first episode was filmed at the bar, and the second episode seems to have been filmed at the train repair place. Now they have like the Coliseum. Which is clearly a studio. All the people in the audience are wearing tuxedos and gowns.

Ball gowns. Like this is going to turn into a dance at some, it's Cotillian after the match is done. I was like low-key obsessed with Sam's the same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same same. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiole. thi. thi. thi. thi. thiole. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It is is is is is is th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. the thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. theeeeeeeea. theeeeeee. the the the the the the the. the the th done. I was like low-key obsessed with Sam's teal sequin dress though. I thought she looked spectacular. She does, she does for sure. And she gets kidnapped. Of course. And threatened, like Riplem has to throw the match. Or else she's going to be somethinged.

Right. And oh, because Randy is paralyzed. He's paralyzed from the neck down. They just see th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thoe thoe thozy thozy thozy thozy thozy thozy thate tho tho tho tho tho-like thozy, like thozy, like, like, thozy, thozy, thozy, thate. tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. th. I th. I th. I th. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thate. I tho too too tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooe., he's paralyzed from the neck down. They never say that he's paralyzed, you just see him in a wheelchair, and you're like, oh, I guess he's paralyzed. Well, and also like his knees are slanted to a one side, which I think they were like, look paralyzed. Because there's a scene during the match where they look over at Randy, He was paralyzed? He was paralyzed. He can't normally do that. That's not too impressive if that's a skill you normally have.

No fucking Dildo's. So Kurt Fuller gets ripped on the phone and says, make it look good for 10 minutes, then go down and stay down. Or else you'll be pushing two wheelchairs. Wishing two wheelchairs, that's what it is, yeah. So Zeus comes out in this costume this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this costume. this costume. this costume. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. Z cooose. Zcoos. Zcoos. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Z. Zus. Zus. Zus. Zus. Z. Z. Zeus comes out in this costume. It's like, it's fantastic. It looks like a child in like two years ago's Halloween costume. It's like way too tiny for him.

It's giant shoulder pads a la legion of doom. Yeah. But it's like a one piece that just gets lifted off of him. Right, someone has to help him get it off. It's insane. to help him put it on. He's it's insane. He looks so silly. He's a squire to get him to and from the ring. And then he slaps that poor ring announcer. He's the master of the backhanded slap. Yeah, there's a lot of backhands in this movie. Everyone's getting backhanded. He just like opens his arms and screams and knocks somebody down.

I have a note that says poor pathetic Randy. I have a lot of notes that say is Randy pooping because they keep showing him he's speaking these like pain-strained faces. Yeah, so this guy turned out to an actual actor, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would not have guessed. Well, a supernatural actor. Is that an actor enough, though? I mean, that's a big show.

Yeah, Jensenackles, hero to us all. Yeah. So Sam has been taken to a room here in the studios where she's being held with two guards and Kurt Fuller and his two lackeys. No one is looking at her, she gets up and leaves. She just walks out of there. And they are certainly not trying to like not give away where she slash they are. They're screaming.

And then there's the tense elevator chase. Use the stairs, Samantha. Katie, I wanted to die when this was happening. Did you? Did you just want to die? I was like, why is this so long? We're watching the entire elevator ride down 30 floors. It just keeps going and going. And this guy is willing to kill now. This is where he says, I they the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they were they were they were th. they were th. th. the the the the the the the the. the. thease thease the. the. thease thease their their their their their their their their their their their their. Use. Use. Use. Use. their. their. their. their. the. the. the. the. the. th. the. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thease. thease. thease. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. tea. Use. Use. Use. tea. Use. Use. Use. this guy is willing to kill now.

This is where he says, I told you to shoot her. They were going to murder this woman in the studios with that, presumably like a thousand people there filming this? Yeah, yeah. You can get away with anything if you're rich. Oh my God. I also liked this. The elevator scene is intersplaced with the fight in the ring, where everything

that Hulk Hogan takes off of his body Zeus beats him with, including his heavyweight champion belt and the shirt that he's ripped off. They're fighting to the death because it's just like so important to win. Why does Zeus rip the ring apart to fight him? I mean he tries to impale him. That is stunning. It's stunning to try to impale a person on television. With his boss going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He is so ready for someone to die. Never mind that it would like end your TV career, you know, this death that you're rooting for. Is he the guy that starts the television network that Running Man is on? Because it seems like you should be. Oh, maybe. Oh, my God. So this fight goes on interminably? Yeah, there's some, like they have to throw Charlie down because then you ththe ththe ththe ththe ththe ththe-the-the-the-the-the's thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus thus that thus that tho tho tho tho that, that, there's some, like they have to throw Charlie down

because then you get upset about that. And then, and then, it seems like, Rip is out of it. You know, he's out of it. But does he come back? He comes back. Does he take advantage of the element of surprise? He doesn't. Does he look shocked by the fact that he's coming back? What? Who?

Who? At one point, Randy just goes, yeah! When his brother's getting beat up and he can't see too well that he focuses on Randy, and Randy goes, come on, Rip, try. Try. Is this before or after the paralyzed kid gets kicked a few times? This is before. In the Wikipedia write-up, it says that something about Randy giving him a rousing speech,

and I was like, is it the try scene? Come on, Rip, try. Just try. Try. Try. Oh. This is just. Charlie and Craig save Sam and bring her back to the ring and that's how Rip knows that he can go full Rip now. That's what it is, that's right. That's right. He can let a rip.

So they're, yeah, they're just fighting to the death. Zeus grabs Randy and throws him on the floor and starts kicking him. And steel-toed boots. Kurt Fuller is just losing his mind. He's wrecking the studio that he's in. He cares about this network so much. At one point he just grabs a handful of wires and pulls them out of something. You can get a hot wire that later? What are you doing? But it is the thing that does him in in the end? It is. Oh yeah he dies by the way.

He gets electrocuted as in my note by his own hubris. Yes he does, he does. He does. he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He does. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He dies. He does. He does. He dies. He dies. He dies. He does. He th-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. He th. the way. He gets electrocuted, as in my note, by his own hubris. Yes, he does. He died for his art. He really did. My next note is Randy is Standy. I have a note here. It's more like Standy. This is why we do this podcast. This is why we do it.

The ring was oddly donut shaped. Did you like that? That there was a hole in the middle? I don't know. It's an octagon, to be fair, it is an octagon. Which minor wrestling promotion TNA used for a while because they said it had, quote, more points of impact. Yeah, I don't know why they would be just a hole. Yeah.

So they're hitting each other with like everything. It's getting, you know, extreme. It's like, it sort of felt like what it was like to watch ECW like 10 years later. Right, if someone had thrown a Sega Genesis in the ring, you would have not been shocked. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Oh man, I can't hear in ECW without hearing the EC dub chant. Yeah, yep, yep, yep. For some reason they go up into the stance and Zeus just starts fighting everyone.

He's like throwing tuxedo people around. Yeah, they're just sort of taking it too. No one's really even running away from him. And no one is concerned about this dead man on the floor. No, what now? He's dead. There's blood coming out of his mouth. No, no, even checks on him.

No, and when Rip eventually wins, and he's like, turned to the crowd, yeah, you did. And he just killed a man. And there's another dead man in that office. And all he did was turn and give that stupid ass hand signal, which is like half like shocka bra with your pointer finger halfway up. And I was like, are you trying for? I love you in sign language and failing? Yeah, that's it. R'em. And then it just freeze frames on him doing the rip-em, Randy's standing because he's not paralyzed anymore.

It's just, that's the movie. That's how it ends. He wrestled so good he knocked paralysis out of his brother. Good guys win again, I guess. Holy shit, Katie. It was fantastic, that wasn't it? Did you at least enjoy it? I did, I did, for sure, and I very much enjoy that it's currently free on Hulu.

Yeah, Hulu, Amazon Prime, it's free. Yeah. What a fun movie. What a great way to spend my Christmas. I'm drinking a bottle of champagne and watching No Holds Barred. I was drinking a coffee and hot chocolate mixed together this morning while I was... Whoa. Why have I never done that? I don't know. I always I just throw it like a packet of Swiss miss into a coffee cup and then fill it with coffee. Oh my god, I'm making that as soon as I hang up this call. Soup's Dish. I can't wait. It's my winter go-to.

Yeah, yeah, that's a good time. I love it. These are the things that having a fat friend teach you. Oh, stop. So that's that movie, guys, go watch it. Oh, man. It actually do. It's actually do. It's, I. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. that. the that. that. that. that. that. the that. that. that. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It's, it. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It's, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, actually, wrestling, it is like, it starts off with like the briefest glimpse of Jesse Ventura and mean Gene Ocolon. God rest his soul. Yeah. And God rest Jesse Ventura is something. Yeah. That man was a governor. How the fuck does that happen?

Weird states. Conservative values? I don't know, question mark. Yeah, but I was like, why aren't they this more? Those two are so fucking enjoyable to watch together? Oh my gosh, yes. Jesse Ventura is excellent on the mic. That's how he got governor, I guess, really, being excellent on the mic. So mean Gene, too, like, back in the day him having to stand around and watch the bullshit these people were saying, like his reactions to it. So good. He's so great. Yeah. Yeah. And Katie, thanks for doing this. Thank you for doing this. Thank you for letting me pick an action movie. I like that it was tied. And I was like, no, fuck it. I'm doing what I want. We did it for, uh, for tiny lister. Yeah, th. Yeah, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. K. thi. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. K. th. K. K. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th know guys, which one us to do? Well, there was a tie. I would do face-off, that's what you want to do next okay, let's do it. All right, decided. Cool. Great. Is that it? That's it? We don't sell about anything here. Yeah, have a great new year. You tell everybody. Oh, everybody. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's. that. that. that. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's. that's that's the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. tie. Yeah. You too. Are you talking me or then? Everybody. Oh, everybody.

Okay, I'll tell everybody. Oh, yeah, it's January 1st. Happy New Year's. Yeah, yeah. Hey, it's 2021, we did it! We made it through the shit year for a whole new good year, right? Yeah, I hope so. Yeah, that's it. Hi. Go away.

Stop listening to us. Yeah, hang up. No, you hang up, Smuby. Bye y'all. Bye. Bye. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!