Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Re-release- Insidious (2011)

Episode Date: May 26, 2025

Hey EMTs, sorry for the re-release but I had to do some work-related travel because the real world sucks sometimes. You know what doesn't suck? Busting on James Wan with your best friend. Love yinz, we'll catch you next week.

Hey, Alex. How are you? But there was just like this split second I was like... We both just gasped and looked at one another. Why? I don't know. This is episode like 303 or 304. You think we'd know how to do it? Fireface Man is behind you.

It's okay. He's not much. It's fine. It's fine, yeah. So we just finished recording last week's episode. As you know, we do two in one night and we are still riding high off of that. So I imagine this will be a very giddy episode. I feel like I should thank Glenn dancing for that because the past few episodes I've been like, hey, then jokes happened, I guess.

I know. You know what? The Night of the Creeps episode, our depression was palpable. You could bite it like a sandwich. Thank you for sticking with us through all of this. I hope that wasn't your first episode and I hope you didn't walk away from us. Whatever. I'm lightly drunk. We just talked about dancing for over an hour. Not even a movie, just dancing. Just dancing.

I could. I could do it. I know you could. I love that, man. What else do you love? Horror movies? I do. I love Halloween.

Do you love insidious? So fun fact. Yeah. We agreed to do this. And I was like, oh, man, we agreed to do this and I was like, oh man, I have to rent this, I own this movie on DVD. The fuck? The fuck? I bought it, I think it was at Half Price Books

for like five bucks and I was like, I've never seen that. I bought it just like on a whim. Wow. And it's been sitting by my front door for like seven years. Damn. Yeah. Weird you didn't offer it to me, because I had to rent it. Insidious.

Insidious. The year is 2009, I want to say. 2009, 2010, something like that. Sometime in that just like black hole of horror movies. Sometime in when everything's gray in your horror movie. Oh, I'm sorry. April 1, 2011. Oh, sure as shit.

Yeah, later than I thought. Okay, so wait, at the end of last week's episode, you were like, yes, we're gonna do Insidious. It's by whoever did The Conjuring. It's James Wan, director of Saul and The Conjuring. So he was rich when he made this movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Saul made a bruh-zillion dollars.

So why the fuck is this so low budget? It's the producer, Orin Peli, I think his name is, of Parental Activity, who is beyond rich. Which was already well out. Yeah, why did they spend so little money on this movie? What are you talking about? 1.5 million was the budget. They went into the further.

It looks like shit's on dicks. What are you talking about? 1.5 million was the budget. They went into the further. It looks like shit on dicks. I mean, let's get this out of the way first. This is a PG-13 movie. Sure. Most horror movies are not PG-13. For good reason. So there is, yeah, for good reason.

So when something is PG-13, you know it's going to be a little bit less than, right? For an adult over the age of 13. But I want to say Poltergeist is PG-13. That's a different time. Sure. You could let kids watch much scarier shit back then. They'd be like, ah, that's the two sets of titch you get in this movie. Right, and that's all.

But I think PG-13 just has a lesser scare value. But it's also like, we're gonna get so many butts in seats. Sure, yes. It's a much wider. Because seventh graders can no see this movie. Totally, on their dates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which to them, this is probably terrifying.

You know, there are things. There's three or maybe four of these movies now. Okay. Because these people are just like, we're franchising the fuck we wanna do. Right. The fact that Annabelle has sequels. And there's like a Nun thing too, right?

Which is like an offshoot of Annabelle, which is an offshoot of The Conjuring. Yeah. Which is an offshoot of. I thought that Nun was an offshoot of Conjuring 2. What, Alan, you know I don't fucking know. I meant just off the franchise. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh my god. So the offsh- OK, whatever. Yeah. OK. And this has one of the stars of the Conjuring in it. Oh, that guy with the face. Patrick Wilson. Who's also in the tall grass.

Yeah. Who Lizzie thinks is very handsome. Does she? Yeah. I refer to him only as a boiled potato of people He is the boiled potato of people. He's bland. You don't want to really look at him. So he and Rose burn Joseph and Renee Lambert have Zero chemistry hates him. It's palpable like As a human being, not even in the movie.

No, that actress must hate him. Gotta be in another scene like Patrick Wilson. These people have the chemistry of a hermit crab and a brightly painted rock. That is a note I have in my notes. So you remember The Conjuring? It was a... No, tell me about it again. It was the dude from Office Space.

Ron Livingston. And Lily, not Tomlin, Taylor. Oh, Joe Lies When He Cries. Yes. They were the mom and dad in that movie. Yes, yes, yes. And they had zero fucking chemistry. Yes. None. None whatsoever. Like, why don't they try casting people who like, like each other or can pretend that they do. We're going to start filming today if you guys want to shake hands. You're Lily, you're an office space guy. So let's go.

Ron Livingston. I presume. He's so handsome. He is. He is. But he will forever be office space for me. That's fine. It's a great film.

Also, Rose Byrne. I have seen her in things and really enjoyed her performances. Sure. Like particularly Bridesmaids. Oh, yeah, yeah. She's wonderful in that movie. She is garbage in this.

And it is just so apparent that there's nothing for her here. I feel the same way. I feel like Patrick Wilson is fine in other things. He's in everything right now. He's in all of these guys' movies too, right? So we get like screechy violins, and then we get to mom, and there's like a creepy lady with a candle and a veil,

and she's so creepy. Is that when Marilyn Manson's at the door again? Ba-da-ma-da, ba-da-da-da-da. And mom and dad are waking up in their new home, and they're unpacking, and Dad is bad at Dad. So yes, he's just happily brushing his teeth alone in the bathroom while Mom suffers three small children, one of whom we're told is a nightmare, the third.

And that child, to be fair, is a nightmare. The youngest, right? Yeah, the baby. She's like, you didn't cry as much as your sister did and the baby just looks at her and goes, ah! So their kids, as far as I know, are Dalton. That's the big one.

The baby. Callie. And the unnamed boy child. He names Foster. Because I was like, why did you give your boys last names as first names and then your girl, the name of a state nickname? As in, Callie, I'm going back to.

Oh, everybody lick their lips in honor of LL Cool J. Just did it, I could not. The only way I knew his name was Foster is because we see a picture that Dalton drew of the family and Foster's name is written above that child, I think so he can remember his brother's name because no one says it in the movie and halfway through he is fucking forgotten.

We just don't even talk about him anymore. They basically put the two younger children into a suitcase and kicked him into a river. They're gone. Where did he go? Because mom's here. Mom's not looking after the kids. I think he's staying with Barbara Hershey.

Barbara Hershey. But Barbara Hershey shows up in the movie. Where are the kids? Barbara Hershey's husband. There's no Mr. Hershey out there Hershey. But Barbara Hershey shows up in the movie, where are the kids? Oh, Barbara Hershey's husband. There's no Mr. Hershey out there. How do you know? I'd be married to Barbara Hershey, probably. I'm not saying that Barbara Hershey could not.

You're like, that woman could never find a man. Joanna, you misunderstand me. Joanna. This is slayunda. So mama's unpacking, taking care of three small and potentially violent children, one of which she may not actually know. And the third of whom is a monster, we've been told. And then there's our precious, precious baby child, Dalton.

Precious. Oh, he's so sweet. They have matching pajamas, she and Dalton. No one else is wearing those pajamas. Middle child, your name again please. Boy, boy two? Dalton's brother? Could you bring me a banana?

He's the Katie's friend of their children. Katie's friend, oh I loved that so much. Dalton and Dalton's brother. And the Dalton and Dalton's brother and that screaming shit ass baby. I could only hope that Dalton is named after Roadhouse. Of course he is. He's so masculine. He's the cooler. He ain't got time to bleed. Dalton has plenty of time to be in a coma. Pain don the cooler. He ain't got time to bleed.

Don has plenty of time to be in a coma. Pain don't hurt. Pain don't hurt. Yeah, he got time to bleed as a predator. Jesse the body venture. So, yeah, dad's just like, oh, yeah, take care of the kids. Anyway, I'm going to go to Job. Job, question mark.

Which turns out to be he's a teacher. Their house is huge and gorgeous. She is a like twee songwriter. And he's a teacher. Their house is huge and gorgeous. She is a like twee songwriter and he's a teacher. If she's selling those songs, how can they afford that house? She does say thank you for letting me take some time off to do my music. So maybe she had a very well-paying job before that and they sold something there as a house that made them a lot of money. She was a CFO at Yahoo and took time off. Her song is so cringy when she's singing it at the piano.

I sit down at the piano and I write a song for that middle child I don't know his name. I hope the big one writes it on a drawing so I'll know it someday. That is the level of that song. It is, It is. It is. Like non-professionals writing music is just so cringey.

But it's like they were like, hey, can you just quick, write a song while we're filming you? Yeah, and she was Rose Byrne and was like, wha- ah, ah, ah. Me, me, me, me. So there are boxes everywhere. The house is not unpacked, but everything is fully decorated. All of the paintings are up. That is the last thing you do, right?

You take your shit out of boxes first. You hang stuff on the walls a year or two into being in the house, you're like, we gotta flug and do this. Can I tell you something? I've been in my house for five and a half years. I still haven't put the outlet covers back on from when I painted my bedroom.

They're just open. I have a three-year-old. That's not great. For sure, but that's... I mean, she's made it this far. I think she'll probably be okay. So mom's hearing noises in the attic, getting little exorcist vibes there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there's a... There's like a stove in the attic, maybe? Is that where it turns on like the fireplace in the basement of Home Alone? It's like, hello, Kevin. You know what I'm talking about? I have a vague memory of that, yes.

Yeah. I do not see Home Alone as often as you do. Every fucking year. But I have to note, holy shit, their attic is huge. Yeah, for attic is huge. Yeah, for this enormous house. It is a man's. It really is.

It's like, because at one point, middle child is like, can I move to another room? And it's like, how many fucking bedrooms do you have? Because everyone has their own room. Can I go to another wing? Mama. But there's, we get Chekhov's ladder rung. Yeah.

Because she like walks up to a ladder and goes, oh, that one's broken. Just like smacks a ladder rung. Yeah. Cause she like walks up to a ladder and goes, Oh, that one's broken. Just like smacks a broken rung. And leaves the broken ladder. Leaves it, but it even wraps it in duct tape or anything. It doesn't even like put the ladder on the ground to indicate that maybe you shouldn't use it. Remove that rung entirely.

Something, you are a mother. You have two small boys who are mobile. Sure. You know how much trouble they can get into. Dalton and the other one are gonna be up here before you know it. Dalton and his brother are gonna fuck this up. So Dalton goes up to the attic,

maybe this is where the stove turns on, like the fireplace in Home Alone, I really don't know. Yeah, dad's brought home some toys, I think, for the kids and Dalton's fighting a shark with his sword on the steps. Yeah. The attic door opens, and he goes upstairs. So brave, Dalton. Tries to climb the ladder, falls down, bumps his little noggin. They're so mean to him when they find him.

That's not how you treat a kid who's been injured and scared. They're like, why did you do that? Because he's like eight. Mom and dad were like doing something with the other, with the baby, not Foster, of course. They were ignoring those suggestions. No, no. Who? The dark haired child.

I can't, I'm sorry. Can you be more specific? Oh, the one whose eyes are really close together? Dalton drew a picture of him. Oh, Foster. Mom, you remember me. Dalton drew a picture of me. Fuck off Foster! I got really hung up on this.

No it's true there's a lot of bad parenting happening. So they're messing around with the baby and they finally hear Dalton screaming in the attic. They run up and like, yeah, you're right. They're like, they're super hard on him. They're like, oh my God, buddy, are you okay? What were you, what the fuck were you thinking? Why would you do that to me? You're a parent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. No, that's not how you do it. And then they're like, just go to bed. Yeah. You're probably concussed, go to bed. You're fine. Yeah. What's on your head?

Ooh. Oh, that's gotta hurt, buddy. Although I think you're not actually supposed to be go to bed, you're fine. Yeah. What's on your head? Ooh. Oh, that's gotta hurt, buddy. Although I think you're not actually supposed to be, keep people up after concussions. I think that's an old wives tale. Okay. Yeah. Guys, Google that before you do it, because I don't want to be in charge of this,

despite my many concussions. Yeah. I told someone once that I had a bunch of concussions in college and they were like, oh, I didn't know you played sports. And I was like, no, I had a drinking problem. I've probably told that joke before. I'm tired. Is this going to be like when, uh, uh, I've told a nine year old boy, I was like, he's got real scared of a bumblebee and I was like,

bumblebees don't sting kiddo. And then Missy was like, uh, yeah, they do. I've been stung by them before. Just like those big furry ones? Yeah. No, they don't sting. They totally do. Really? Yeah, yeah. Why, that's a weird urban legend.

My mom told me when I was a kid. All right, I may have told my kid that. I made it like 40 some years before I found out. Yeah, I'm just gonna keep it up. She's fine, she's fine. So yes, so now Dalton's in a coma. There we go, buddy. This is really sad.

Yeah. Rob and I were watching this movie together and he was like, can you imagine if this was Lucy? And I was like, no, I cannot. It's really sad. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like putting yourself into that situation.

A, you guys would be better parents. Well, I mean. Did you like when the doctor was talking to them that situation. A, you guys would be better parents. Well, I mean, uh, did you like when the doctor was talking to them about the coma and then his beeper went off? Yeah, it's 2009. Sorry. I got to go back to 1998. I'll see you guys. Yeah, three months later, three months later. So he's been in a coma for three months. Yeah. Nothing has improved. But he's not, his mother believes him to not be in a coma. She believes he's somewhere else.

Yes. And they can't explain the coma and they can't get him to come out of it. But there's a nurse telling them how to put in a feeding tube. Yeah. That's so sad. Yeah, that's really sad. And then there's a weird noise on a baby monitor. I like a baby monitor scare.

Sure. I guess they didn't have maybe video monitors. Weren't very common back then. The technology has certainly gotten better. But baby monitor video scares are very scary. There is a Spanish horror movie that's like four vignettes. And one of them is this family gets a video monitor for their baby.

And they're seeing things on the baby monitor that aren't happening in the dimension they're in. Weird. And it's super spooky. Like it's super weird. Like they can see in the room when something's happening on the baby monitor but it's not in the room. Yeah, it's really good.

I saw a post on a mom's board about a woman who said that she was looking at her video monitor and saw someone picking up the baby in the room, so she ran the fuck in there, like kicked the door open, and her baby was just in there. And then she realized that her, like a person in her building had the same baby monitor, and she was picking up that person, picking up their baby.

Yeah. Yeah, that's good, that's good spookery though. It's such good spookery. But yeah, so there's like whispering voices over the baby monitor, and then mom like walks to the bottom of the stairwell and she can hear them. She waits a banana's long time to scope it out. Oh, for sure.

If you hear anything fucked up in your kids, like your little baby's room, who by the way has not aged three months. I love it because mom's reaction is basically like, I left a butterfly knife under a pillow, she'll take care of herself. Yeah, right. She's like, that kid's a bitch. She'll figure it out.

I left a bunch of hard shoes in there. It's really whispering to itself in an adult voice though. And when she tells the story to her husband later, she's like, I ran right up there and there was nothing in there. I'm like, bitch, you did not. You didn't. You stood at the bottom of the stairs and you were like, is that a gruff man's voice in my baby daughter's room? We're here. Dalton's mom, we were watching you

and you did not run upstairs. The saddest part of the movie for me is when she's like talking to Foster and he's in bed. She's like, oh honey, you got an award? And he's like, yeah. I didn't want to bother you guys. Who's Foster? When they wrote your name wrong on this award, Dalton's brother.

DB! It's so sad though. It is really sad. I just have the note unnamed son got an award. You'll have to tell the man that lives in the house with us. He'll be excited. Oh God. But he says a scary thing.

He's like, I hate it when Dalton walks around at night. Which is so spooky. To be fair, Dalton never walks around at night. We never see that happen. We don't know why. I think he does. I never saw it happen. Really, does he? He walks around.

Oh, well that makes sense, I guess. But then there's like door bang, this gets very Amityville horror. Yeah, I do like a little home invasion-y too. Sure. Yeah. Like the door, front door flies open after dad checks it and locks it. But like there's the bell is ringing and there's a door knocking and it like, I just thought like in the city, you know, to be like, oh, for fuck's sake and and locks it. But like there's the bell is ringing and there's a door knocking and it like, I just thought like in the city,

you know to be like, oh for fuck's sake and just ignore it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. He's like, we have to see what, who is out there. Blah, blah, blah. Dude, if you're gonna spend 20 minutes with a flashlight looking through the window, just open the fucking door. Turn on the porch light, open the door.

Put the chain on and open it. That's why I loved, I loved in us, when the dad grabs a baseball bat and goes out in the front yard he's like you want to get crazy we could get crazy because that's what you do you do dumb shit like that. And his whole family is like don't do that. What are you doing? He's like no I got this. He's wearing his Howard University sweatshirt or whatever. He didn't have it. He thought he had it. He did not have it. Oh, spoiler for that. So Renee runs down the stairs to see what's going on without grabbing the baby. She left before

grabbing that baby, but again, the baby does seem to suck. Take care of itself. Fuck that baby. It's got to get up for work in the morning. I don't want to bother you. Callie. There's a nice shot of this of like the, he locks the door and puts the chain on and then when he comes back, the door is open and the chain is hanging and it's swinging, which I think is very good spookery. For sure.

In their haunted nine bedroom mans. And again, like if you've got paranormal activity involved, they do good spookery in those. Mom keeps seeing like people staring into the house and hearing these voices. Yeah, they all look like Marilyn Manson. Da da da da. But the guy in the photo, oh, you know what's scary?

A duster. Yes! That guy is like Marilyn Manson meets Danzig, honestly, with that comb back hair. Marilyn Mansig? Marilyn Mansig. Has anyone ever done that mashup? Copyright, copyright, copyright.

So OK, so then the next scene is boiled potato ZIG. Oh, has anyone ever done that mashup? Copyright, copyright, copyright. So, okay, so then the next scene is a boiled potato dad at school talking into the tiniest cell phone I've ever seen. It looked comedic. It was Zoolander small when he's got the tiny cell phone. He's talking to his tiny cell phone, telling her that he has to stay late and grade papers,

which anyone who knows a teacher knows they can do that at home. So it's not even good. But it's like, so he fucking somebody? Well, yes. So I assumed he was having an affair, but then he wakes up later at his desk and I was like, oh no, he really just, did he just do his thing?

He's really just a bad dad. He's just a really a shit head. He's like put all those kids to bed and also get the feeding tube into our comatose child. You can do that, right? And changes, he changes diapers because he's definitely wearing diapers. Oh, fuck. I didn't even think about this. I hate him so much. I know. Take care of our literally disabled child and then the other two, I guess as well.

One of them is a baby. He was a monster. And then he comes home at 1130 on a fucking school night. But before that in his classroom, he's like, he's having a dream, I guess? And I thought he was remembering performing a ritual. Did you think that? Because he's walking down this hallway with candles on either side, the candelabras. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I was like, what kind of ritual is this man performing, to get this super success in being a middle school social studies teacher? Like, what is happening? Low-stake Satanism. These remembrance dreams are so ridiculous. I just don't. I guess that's him remembering from this happening to him.

Yeah, his own out of body experiences as we find out later. Whatever. I'd want to leave your body too, you find out later. Whatever. I'd want to leave your body too. You're a dick. When he comes home. So Rose Barton has gone into check on Dalton, I guess. Yeah. And there's a bloody hand print on his sheets.

Yeah. And when he, when boiled potato comes home, she throws the bloody sheet at him and the hand print is like my size. It's enormous. Like it was a child's hand before and now it's literally like, and it's got claws on it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Jason, since hand, if the sheet don't fit, I just have the whole, these notes that are like, God, he's a Dick. What a Dick.

She's just being a Dick to her when he shows up. That's like, whatever. It was a workplace. Shut up. Yeah. I do great papers cause that's the thing that I do. And she's like, no, it isn't. He's like, well, yeah. Your mom. And then like the, she's like, she has one of those, then she starts to have one of those flashbacks of like, something, which doesn't make any sense,

because there's no way she would know about it. And there's like a window to nowhere in their room. Yeah. And then the baby starts crying. And he like, the boiled potato dad puts his hand out like, shh, be quiet baby. And the baby just shuts up. And I was like, sir, that is not how it works.

I've got an off switch on this baby. Just flick it right on the back. When I was in high school, we had to have baby think it overs, which is a baby that cries at all hours and you have to, makes you not want to have sex. We had to put a key in its back to make it stop crying. But that doesn't work, as it turns out. When I was in high school,

we had to keep an egg without breaking it. Yeah, how'd you do? I probably just threw it on the ground as soon as I got it. It was like, fuck it, man. Babies are garbage. I'm gonna go smoke. All of this to try to convince you not to have sex rather than just giving you condoms, you know?

American public education. I do love the scene of Marilyn Manzig walking outside on like outside their window. That window doesn't make any sense, but fine. Is there a porch out there? Who knows what's happening? Doesn't matter. He's just out there. Cause she just accepts that someone's walking there. But I love the idea of him like walking out of you, coming back, walking out of you again, and then being in the room.

I was like, oh, that's fucking creepy. That is fucking creepy. I liked that a lot also. I think a lot of the scares in this movie are done well. Yeah. Even just a few scenes later when she's listening to her own piano jams, I think, on the record. And then she, it turns into Tiptoe Through the Tool-ups, which I thought was like,

like a little skin tingling, you know, like, goosebumps, you know? Man, I fucking hate Tiny Tim. I hate that song so much. Why is there a Newsy loose in the house? What is that fucking kid's deal? I would go see. He's just dancing in front of the record player too. Like, it's so weird. What is that fucking kid's deal? How about go see? He's just dancing in front of the record player too. Like it's so weird. Her reaction to that Newsy running around the house,

and obviously a ghost Newsy because he's pale, is to follow him. Rather than going, Hey kid, get the fuck out of my house. What are you doing here? Right? You little fucking dickhead. What are you doing in my house?

Grab him by the shoulder or something. Yeah. No. At this point, if I'm her my ass? I'm trying to grab him by the shoulder or something. No. At this point, if I'm her, I think I'm probably checking myself in someplace. Oh, you are? At least like the La Quinta Inn, when you're at least getting out of this house. Oh, yeah.

So her mother-in-law has come to stay, and her name is Lorraine, because fucking of course it is. But it's Barbara Hershey who is a delight in the best of times, this is not the best of times. And she's being very understanding. She's like, you do what you have to do, no one thinks you're crazy, I'm here for you. And I thought, well, that's a nice

supportive mother-in-law. Until it turns out she's been just keeping, she's literally been keeping this child in a coma for three months yeah yeah so certain my mother-in-law wouldn't know anyone to call about this you know hey Lisa you got well the fact that they're just like so there's a big commotion Dalton's room is tossed and he's on the floor yeah it's really upsetting and grandma's like I know someone who can help. Yeah.

Cut to Spence and Tucker. Wait, no, before that, they're talking in the kitchen and the boiled potato dad is looking at them. He's like nodding like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And then all of a sudden, bye, I miss this red and black masked figure, which looks like fucking Dollar Tree Halloween. To me it looked like the singer of new metal band Incubus with Darth Maul from Star Wars Makeup.

I don't know what any of this means. I know who Incubus is. I don't know what that guy looks like. Why that guy? Cause he had like a shag haircut and earrings. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Similar body type. They both have cloven homes. They both have cloven homes oh my god okay I'm back in that scene when he pops up I laughed so hard and I remembered it happening and I still

wasn't ready for how funny it was it's like he should have popped up and went I laughed so hard and I remembered it happening and I still wasn't ready for how funny it was. It's like he should have popped up and been, ah! Yes, exactly! It's like the camera cuts back to the dead and he's just like, ah! Ah!

On his shoulder, why? She was just like quick eating a carrot. Yes. It doesn't make any sense and it looks like shit. It's so bad like it's in what world is that situation spooky? It's a bit of a jump scare but it isn't when you it's like oh it would be like if suddenly there was a turtle behind him. Yes you'd be like what the fuck is that? Oh look at that. Except turtles aren't that funny.

Darth Maul incubus is here. I don't know what, yeah. I know what it is, mom. So yeah, then we meet the nerds, which I don't think they're funny, and I don't think this film needs comic relief. Like, the fact that they were trying to introduce comic relief into this is just like. It was so, it was so. And that's the writer of the movie, is one of those dudes. Oh, which one? That's Darth Maul. fact that they were trying to introduce comic relief into this is just like it

was so it was and that's the writer of the movie is one of those dudes oh which that's Darth Maul oh yeah that's a guy that's a guy from this movie yeah yeah he's a Star Wars is that from the first Star Wars it's from the prequels the first one the prequels I mean the first of the I saw the first prequel the first one that came out and like with a the prequel. With a little kid in. Natalie Portman was in it? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, he's in that and he's the big bad

who gets killed really easily. Spoiler alert. Why does he get killed really easy? Because they get into a sword fight with him and he swords him right away. Oh. And zip, zap, zip and he's done. Okay.

Which one is the guy who wrote the movie? Lee Won-El, he's the guy with the glasses. He's not the beardo. It's just like they're doing a competing thing of who's more important to the operation, but it isn't funny and it isn't necessary. It's breaking up tension that's hardly there. For sure, for sure.

And it's like, when you watch poltergeist, those guys aren't funny, they're just dudes doing their job. Right, one of them pulls his goddamn face off. He does and eats that maggot chicken. Oh, yeah. Don't do that. But just like, yeah, they're totally, their tone is off for the rest of the movie.

Yeah. And they get a lot of screen time for, and the fact that one of them is the writer, that makes a lot more sense. Yeah. The fact that I'm surprised they didn't get a spinoff. Ghost guys. And so then they get...

We need Elise. Well, the guy's got the view master. Yeah. Because he's got all this like home rigged, spookery equipment, paranormal research stuff. And he's got the view master and he sees like the girls from fucking The Shining. The pinup girl. Why are they pinup girls? And he's like, oh we're gonna get Elise. Yeah. Who I thought for the first ten minutes they were talking about they kept saying Liz. Liz. Yeah. They're really mush mouthing

it. I like Elise. She's great. I like that actress. I don't know if she is but I like her. She's in all these movies too. Oh is she? Yeah. I thought she was a lease. She's great. I like that actress. I don't know if she is but I like her She's in all these movies. Oh is she? Yeah, I thought she was a delight. She really is. She's there Zelda Rubenstein. Yeah. No actually no So she's like talking to potato and she's like, oh I haven't seen you in since you were you've grown so much since I last Saw you and he's like what do you mean? Like why wouldn't you think that your old, your mom's old friend would have seen you when you were a little kid and you don't remember it? He's so fucking offended by this notion

that his mother had a friend for a long time. So they're like meeting with Elise and the, this, what, the ghost guys. What was it, Spence and Tucker? Ghost guys. The GGs. And they just are leaving Dalton alone in his room, which is crazy because an unseen being has menaced him, thrown his unconscious body to the floor and trashed the place. How could you ever let him out of your sight again?

I just want to bring up a quick thing. They don't know their middle son's name and they keep forgetting about their baby. That's fair. So we learned that one of the ghost guys can basically draw what Elise sees. But it's just like doing a police composite sketch where she's like, it's got eyes, eyes, black ones with red.

And he's like, where's my red colored pencil? So fucking stupid. And the fact that she's just like, jibber jabber jibber jabber jibber jibber jibber jibber jibber jibber jibber jibber. And he's like, uh huh, uh huh, skip skip skip skip skip. He can like interpret her. And I was like, is she your mom?

She's just whispering. And then call her mom and not Elise, cause that's rude. Every time Lucy calls me Katie, I get really mad. Already she's doing this. Oh, she calls us Rob and Katie. No, no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. She does. She, she, she, she like mimics the way that I say Rob's name, where like if he forgets something and has to go back upstairs before we can leave, she'll go, Oh Rob,

that I like. She'll yell down the stairs and just go, Rob! Instead of dad. It's just like that's how you get his attention. Oh well. You hear like her whispering starts to get louder. She's like, oh, it's for feet House so they moved out of the man's oh, that's right And they're renting another place because you can see a sign that says for lease and I just thought like oh I bet you're

So pissed you moved out of that big house when it wasn't the house now you're living in this apartment or whatever Yeah, they were like it has nothing to do with this. I could stretch out again. She starts talking to them a lot about astral projection, which is dumb. Your son is lost in what I call the further. First pass? Could have gone a second pass.

First pass. She's also like, yes, it's the place where there are tortured souls of the undead. That's where your son is. They're like, oh, okay. No. It has an insidious agenda. I wrote that down too, because I thought, how fucking dare you. It's funny. I love it when a band has their name in a song. Like this is our song. Bad Company by Bad Company, off the album Bad Company. Or in a big country by big country,

off the album Big Country. Or even when in the song Toxic Walt by the thrash metal band Exodus, they say with us, exodus. No they did not say that. It makes me very happy. Cool. But for some reason, when you drop the title of a movie in a movie, I'm like, dog, come on.

Did it start with Lindsay Lohan shrieking, I know who killed me? Remember that? That was so fun. We're doing that one next week again. This is where I have the note, this feels like a made for television Christian movie. It does and he's like, oh so now I'm the bad guy and you're like you've been the bad guy all along.

Oh, suddenly the dad who's never around and doesn't help take care of his children is the bad guy. I'm a social studies teacher. I'm going back to 4chan. So like, so Elise tells him that he has been there before. She helped him through this, right? Or no, she doesn't tell him that. The mom tells him. The mom, yeah. Okay, oh, right, right, right.

Because Elise is just like, there's something we can try to do, but it's very unorthodox. And Potato is like, absolutely not, no way, wah, and storms out. And it's like, she could have been talking about burning some sage. You have no idea what she's planning

to do before you said no. I've got leeches. Yeah, I would let someone put leeches on my kid if they were in a coma and I thought it might help. Jesus. So he goes up to Dalton's room and he's like, oh, come on, kiddo, you're gonna pull out of this, kiddo. He's not, though.

And then he turns around and sees Dalton's room and he's like, oh, come on, kiddo. You're gonna pull out of this, kiddo. And then like, he turns around and sees Dalton's wall of drawings, which lays out the entire story. He's like, oh, fuck, I'm bad at this. I'm bad at dad. They hung up those pictures when they moved into this house. They kept hanging those pictures up and nobody thought about it. They had to hang them up in storyboard order.

They are, they tell a story. Can I tell you what I have written here? Yeah. He's a shit ass skinny faced Christian Slater. Cause he is. So they call Elise back after he's seen these. Elise is wearing the same outfit which I thought was rude. Get this one and two costumes. Cause he's like, get the fuck out of my house. And she's like, Hey man, you got it. Yeah. You know, fucking this is your funeral. I mean, see you later bud. Yeah. Sorry. I wanted to save your kid and you didn't want me to. Okay. Bye. And then he's like, Hey, come house. And she's like, hey man, you got it. You know, fucking, this is your funeral. I mean, see you later bud. Yeah, sorry, I wanted to save your kid and you didn't want me to, okay, bye.

And then he's like, hey, come back. She's like, I'm right here for you. What do you need, champ? Maybe that happens to her a lot in her line of work. Maybe. And then she just puts on a gas mask. With a tube from the gas mask that goes to the nerd's ear, so he can listen to what she's saying.

And I was like, why is this happening? Why didn't they forewarn the folks that they're working for that they were about to do this? Because it is upsetting. Why didn't they just say, so I put on this mask, I put on the tube, and then Dorco over here puts it against his ear, and then you know this happens. She's just like.

Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Listen, we're gonna do, I have this weird performance art thing that I'm going to do. Elise strips naked, slashes her breasts with a razor blade and screams about the patriarchy

and then puts on my mask. I think that was in Veronica. Yeah, that's why it's literally been an hour since we recorded that episode. That's why it's on my mind. We need your son's face. The man with fire in his face to which I lulled. It just, just red paint. It's not fire. You're fine. So silly. So I did like the thing of like bearded nerd is like,

Hey, I'm going to set this thing up. There's got flash bulbs and there's like spiritual energy. The flash bulbs go off. So the flash bulbs start increasing in intensity as Elise is like jibber jabber jibber jabber jibber jabber. And what's his face is writing it down? Yeah he's like a nerd, I mean man, I mean face, I mean fire. And then he starts writing it really big which is like that's not efficient. And yeah he's writing bigger so that they can read it on the other side of the room. I guess.

Well, like, during this time period, Dalton is moving a bit, his hands are moving and he's shaking and like his folks don't notice and the camera guy doesn't notice. Why would you? Why? No one's going to pay attention to him. Oh. I have the new hootier that says, Dalton just nailed you. Dalton doesn't give a fuck. I don't new deer that says, Dalton just nailed you. Dalton doesn't give a fuck.

I don't know what that's about. Oh, this is what I was thinking about when Dalton gets up and walks around. Oh, okay. And he's like throwing everybody. Right. Why do I have the note that says, dude licks mom? I have a note that says, licky demon.

So I guess the demon licks mom. I guess so. Then I wrote, oh, this is about, this is Marilyn Manson, cause I wrote, he looks like a character of a TV movie about a dangerous group of Goths. And he so we figure out that Dalton is being controlled by this demon man. Because bearded nerd is like look if you slow down frame by frame you can see this guy. Yeah, real obvious.

And I was like, why aren't you on the TV right now sharing this with the world? You caught a demon. Right and then when they show the pictures that Lorraine has of Potato's childhood, the woman is literally just standing there like hey what were you thinking? Dude, Unsolved Mysteries would nut if you showed them that. Yeah so she tells her she tells Dad that she hasn't told him that he can astral project. Why didn't she bring this months ago when the kid fell into a mysterious coma? Like, it has been months.

That is her grandson, and it's the one everybody loves. So like, do something about it. Oh man. Potato here is gonna go on a hero's journey. Of course he is, he needs to redeem himself, right? Yeah. So he gets hypnotized by Elise. I have the note here in all caps,

where are the other kids? We are not talking about these children. I don't think my dumb brain could ever be shut off and off to be hypnotized. I don't think I can be hypnotized. Cause even when she's like relaxed, I'd be like, relax, am I relaxed? No, my toes aren't relaxed.

Oh, fuck my elbow. Oh, it's clicking. Oh my God, I need to call the doctor about this because like, I'm not gonna be able to. And then it's like, they're like, relax, am I relaxed? No, my toes aren't relaxed. Ah, fuck my elbow. Ah, it's clicking. Oh my God, I need to call the doctor about this because I'm not gonna be able to. And then it's like, they're like, you're in a deep sleep and I'm like, no, I'm on the phone with an orthopedist. I'm like, no, I'm on the phone with an orthopedist. I'm like, no, I'm on the phone with an orthopedist.

Actually, ma'am, I've left. I realized I needed to get propane for my gas grill and I am at the gas station. We need propane and propane accessories. I know. Anyway, so he ends up in the further. He does, which is just dark. For some reason it's their old house, but it had nothing to do with the house, so why?

All right, maybe that's where it took the kid from. I don't fucking know. Maybe, I don't know. That's where the red door is though, huh? Right, the red door that he had drawn a picture of that nobody thought was suspicious. So dad goes in there and there is like 50s nuclear family sitting on the couch and ironing, mom's ironing, who I think the mom in that is the woman who plays the nun in their nun movies. Okay. Not that

I've seen the nun movies, I'm basing this entirely on the poster art for those movies. Fair enough. Before that happens though, there's like a scene where a woman is walking up a flight of stairs in like a white lace dress with a lace veil. The camera is tilted at like a 45 degree angle and I was like, Oh, this is, are you afraid of the dark? This is for kids. Oh sure. That is an extremely, are you afraid of the dark shot? And a lot of what happens from here on out is so, are you afraid of the dark?

Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you nailed it. Yeah Also the dad in the nuclear family Scene is whistling beautifully and I just thought man. I hope I get to be a gray whistler in my astral plane or whatever Why Why do they not move but then they move but you but you can't see them move, except when they go, huh, a smile. I don't know, but something about the garishness of the way they look spooks me. There's something about that aesthetic.

I think it's supposed to, yeah, yeah, yeah. That aesthetic is, I find, very just unsettling. I think they're entering the uncanny valley that we've talked about. Like they're sort of just off of the normal looking people. Those sharp drawn on eyebrows with the bright red lips and the totally expressionless face is very unnerving. Sure. And I like that. I think this is fine. But the scenes that happen in the further are seriously just like, hey, look what other stuff we thought of and didn't think

we could use, you know? So what happens in the further? So the daughter of the like 50s family shoots the family. Right. And then- Just standing there with a shotgun. Yeah. And then he hears pow pow pow and runs into the room and they're all dead, I guess. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden they're all standing up and staring at him and smiling. But who are they and why are they there? Yeah. Okay. Exactly. Yeah. I mean, you got it. You got it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And we also see the Newsy running around again. And I just kept thinking like, who are you and why are you here sure? Yeah, and then dad goes into the attic Mm-hmm finds the red door Mm-hmm. I'm surprised that asshole made the connection between the drawing and the door because he's that bad of a father for sure For and they and like puzzle solver. Yeah, he is a pretty good fighter for a middle school teacher This is where I had the note says, fights leather daddy. Yeah.

Because the guy in the big leather duster just like, just. Manzing. Manzing him are fighting. And I also have the note because we're also flashing back to in Not the Further and someone is like, Elise and I went, it's Elise, not Liz. You were like a revelation. He immediately finds Dalton who's chained to the floor and gets the chain off him. But, and then like Darth Maul, Incubus is sharpening his claws.

To tiptoe through the tulips. One, where'd you get that record? Two, you're not Buffalo Bill. This scene is extremely Buffalo Bill, don't you think? For sure. Yeah. And now that you're saying it, it's probably extremely spooky to kids. Yeah, I really think this is an Are You Afraid of the Dark episode, yeah. No, that's putting it in a much different light.

But then when he pops up panting, I just fucking cackled. I cackled. Because every entrance this fucking dude has is ta-da! He is. He is a 14-year-old drama student. He's musical theater all over. He enters every room with a flourish.

So he grabs Dalton, runs away, and they go back to the house. Right. He does not piggyback that child, which any parent knows is the easiest way to carry your kid. He's holding him like a fucking baby. That kid is too big for that. All I'm saying is piggyback that kid so you can run. Although we know he's got the upper body strength from that fight that he had with Leather Daddy. It's true. It's from all of his social studies. Move those globes in easy. They open like the pantry in the kitchen and people start crossing over and you're like why?

Why are you coming like why are you coming? I admit that the hand that popped out of the drawer made me jump. I knew it would. Um why are the ghosts crossing over? Yeah but I have to know this feels a bit like the Sentinel. The Sentinel, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is a great movie, if I recall. At least a fine movie. But so he like puts the kid down and tells him to run, but that kid's never been in this house. This isn't the house he lived in when he went.

Because he's like, go to your room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the kid runs into a room and like, the monster's under the bed. Of course, you're a child, you should know to look under the bed. I found that very offensive. And dad sees the scary lady from the photo, photographs, photographs, photographs,

and is like, Hey, leave me alone. Yeah. You leave me alone now. And she's like, okay. All the, it's, this is the very, all we had to do was face our fears ending, you know? Sure, until it isn't. Until it isn't. It's, Elise is like very proud of herself too,

which I feel glad about because she worked really hard, but she's just very like all in a day's work, you know? Polishing her little gas mask. The thing I hate is when you see him yelling at the old lady, you're like, right, I know what's gonna happen now. Right. So, yeah, so dad wakes up, Dalton wakes up,

everybody's happy, and dad's like, okay, at least you can leave now, everything's fine. Yeah, thanks guys and the Japs and Jabs brothers. And she's like, is it though? Yeah, she's looking at him with concern or suspicion. And she takes a photograph of him. Right, we've been told that he hates to have his photograph taken because of the woman

standing behind him and all the photographs are taken of him, which like, yeah, I gotcha. He fucking freaks out. He does. Yeah. And kills Elise. Yeah, which is a bummer. Yeah.

Yeah. She has that beautiful silk scarf on. She did. Her children won't even be able to get to have that. It looked like it was probably her favorite. It's a bummer. This movie won't end, will it? That's the note I have.

And then Josh goes missing? No. Dad? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Somewhere. And then the end. No, she picks up the picture. Renee picks up the picture that Elise has taken

and it's the woman in black and she looks so fucking funny. And then he's like, her bab. And that's when the movie ends. That's what it is. Her bab. Insidious. You wanna read this bad boy?

Yeah. What do you think about it? You go first. No, you. Okay, I'll go. Is this your first time seeing this? No. I saw it and I laughed at it the last time.

Here's the thing about this movie. I think it has a lot of good ideas. Sure. I think there are a lot of like good jump scares. Sure. I think the idea of having your comatose child be wandering in another plane, hiding from a scary demon is a pretty good concept

for a film. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think the dialogue is terrible. I think that I just, I, when I saw this, I don't think I realized it was 2011 and I don't think I realized they had money

before they made this movie. Because I was thinking about like, I don't know, Hell House LLC, or maybe even the first Paranormal Activity, where it's like, we don't have any money to make a movie and then they made a fucking shit ton on the movie. For sure. They had a bunch of money. This movie looks like shit.

It looks terrible. And that's really disappointing. I don't understand why everything is gray washed. I don't understand why everything is gray wash. I don't understand why the demon looks so bad and why they're so convinced it doesn't because it does. That thing pops up. You're like, work. Yeah, like you're scared because something popped up, and then you're like, oh, that.

It's really, I don't know, Alan. Yeah. I don't know. What are you going to give this? Well, it's a PG-13 movie, which I feel like I have to keep bearing in mind. This is not a movie for me. This is a movie for people who are young.

Sure. I think that does put it in a different light. Yeah, in which case I'm gonna give it a higher score. I'm gonna give it a six. No, I'm gonna give it a five. No, I'm gonna give it a four and a half. I just can't decide tonight. Four and a half, it's not for me. It might be for your 14 year old.

If 14 year old me had seen this, I would have been scared. I would have thought that it looks silly, but I would have been scared. Yeah. Yeah. You? This would be a banging episode of Tales from the Crypt. Totally. Or Tales from the Dark Side.

Feature length movie? Not so much. No. With people who hate each other seemingly? Yeah, for sure. It's not good. No. It's not well articulated. No, it has a lot of good ideas,

but they're just executed really poorly. Sure. And in that case, it shares with Veronica. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. You are rewriting history to say that Veronica had a lot of good ideas. Oh, I know. I was joking.

This movie's a two. Yeah. It gets a two because of that hand jump scare got me. Yeah. But if anyone wants the DVD let me know. Yeah we should give it away as a giveaway. Okay sure. Let's ask a trivia question and anyone who emails it to us, I'll ship it to you. What's the trivia question? What? I don't, you know the kind of questions I ask. Did Danzig or Ziggy say this? I have no trivia question. Hmm.

Ha ha ha ha. My mind is littered, it's just a bear riding a tricycle playing cymbals. I'm riding around in a circle in my brain. Is your brain just going, should I hum again? Yeah. How can I kill more time? Hmm.

What's a good trivia question? Do you want them to write in with a good trivia question? If we pick it, they'll get a movie? Yeah, write in with a good trivia question. If you also give us the answer to the trivia question, and we like yours the best. We're not going to ship you a DVD of Insidious, it belongs to Alan. No one is going to do this and that's fine.

And can you blame them? Katie. Third hand, yes. Happy Halloween month. Happy Halloween month. Let's not make the people do anything. No. You can find us on the internet.

Yeah. Patreon.com backslash oral ambulance. T public. I'm not going to No. You can find us on the internet. Yeah. Patreon.com backslash royal family. It's T public. I'm not going to read. I'm just, we're just, we're relaxing. We're chilling. We're having a hard time. Yeah.

No mail bags or anything. We're just going to do this. Uh, what are we going to do next week? Well, first we're going to tell them to go out and vote. Oh yeah, that's true. Because go out and vote. Yeah. Exercise your right to a democracy.

As I've been saying, eat candy, watch horror movies, get your plan together for voting. And wear a mask. For fuck's sake, we shouldn't still be telling you. We're not telling you, we're telling the people who aren't listening. We know you guys are cool. Next week, we're gonna do, well next week is our Halloween episode.

It is. So we're gonna do Halloween. We are. No, not that Halloween. We're doing the Rob Zombie Halloween. You want to? Yeah, I do. I want to sing Dracula with you. I'm very excited. When I suggested it to Alan he said, done! So with that, thank you so

much guys. We love you and we hope you're doing well. Most definitely. Most death. And thanks for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. 304 episodes in? Yeah. Yeah. Say it with heart. You don't have to. Bye. Thanks for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye. Bye. Love that NPR voice. Thank you. You're welcome. The A pure and sarcastic case Please make eye-content in your grave EMT Morrow and comedy Reviews hungry Brian from Wings and Stephen King

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