Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Re-Release - Suspiria (1977)

Episode Date: August 25, 2025

Hey EMTs. This week we are off for a good reason, some much needed vacation. Please enjoy this classic episode that stays on theme for our time wallowing in Italian horror, Suspiria (1977).  Be safe. Take care of each other. We'll be back next week with a freshy for your ears! 

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. I'm Alan, and I'm here with my co-host, podcasting partner, Katie. Hello, Katie. Hi, Alan. How are you? I'm doing really well on yourself. I'm doing good. Oh, that's fantastic. Katie, you all ready for this?

I'll do it all night. Today we are going to discuss the classic Dario-O-Dento film, Susperia. Should I stop? Now you have to switch to witch, witch, witch, witch. What was the year this was made? 1977. Okay, starring Phoenix of... Jessica Harper.

Phantom of the Paradise. Yeah. She has the face of a tiny baby. it's true she just has the face of an infant just a tiny baby infant it's an expressive infant yeah this movie there's so much going on i'll start off by saying this is one of my favorite movies i'll follow that up by saying i completely understand everyone i know who hates this movie do you know a lot of people who hate this movie i know a couple i have a friend who uh yells about this movie and how dumb we all are for why is that person

not a guest this week. Well, maybe you can fill in that camp. Yeah, I'll do my best. Suspuria is the story of a woman traveling from America to Germany to learn ballet at a dance academy. And you are to suspend your disbelief that all these people are mostly Italian because they're mostly Italian. Well, they're actually from all over, they're from all over Europe.

One of the things about this movie is that the dialogue is completely an ADR. none of his recorded on set. So frustrating to watch. Because people were just delivering their lines in German and Italian and we're trying to do facsimiles of English, just move their mouths in the way they thought. Jessica Harper has stories of like being on set and delivering her lines and just guys going like with hammers behind her and like they were just like they weren't recording anything so it didn't matter. I see. You were going to do it all later. So guys were building sets behind them while they're doing their parts.

So it was like very disorienting. Yeah. It's disorienting to watch too because you're like, you're not saying that. Right. It's the Al-A-Carta effect. Yeah. Well, I have a lot of theories about this movie and like... This and Alucarta are very similar movies, in my opinion.

I can see that. I can see that. A lot of nonsense, a lot of ADR, a lot of fire and women living in houses together. Yeah. And dream logic. Yeah. A lot of times where I went, why? Wait, why?

Susie Bannon, Jessica Harper's character, goes to the German Dance Academy. The first night she arrives there, it's just crazy town. We did a creep show a couple weeks back, and we talked about the vibrant colors in creep show, and I think that Suspirit outdoes that. Yes. It's rumored that it was the last film. It was shot in this weird, like, three film Technicolor set up, but it wasn't actually. It was just used the Technicolor to process the film.

film, and the colors are just so insanely vibrant in this movie. Like, I don't know. It just feels like, it's like, it's like an art film or something. It's like, it's, I don't know. Yeah. I'm bugging out. So she arrives. There's a very uncomfortable taxi ride.

She gets to the academy, and there's this downpour going on. And when she gets there, there's this woman leaving the academy who's screaming something back inside the door that you can't hear. and yeah it's it's just nutballs and like so she Susie goes up to try and get in and whoever answers the the intercom is just like what go away yeah we don't want any bye so she has to go find a hotel to stay at and then the story sort of follows the girl who was screaming at the front door that you couldn't couldn't understand her and setting up god damn it the most beautiful death scene on any film disgusting so good so she goes to her her friend's house in this beautiful

apartment building that has this insane heating thing the big porcelain heater that was by the one window and all the Escher stuff painted on the walls and like a huge glass skylight skylight over the lobby yeah and her friend is insane seemingly like hey why don't you close it okay she's like you're very upset why do you stop being so upset maybe because you're shouting at her wow that's just this is my first of my news i want to stop here and say that like i think this film works as a i mean it's like recounting a nightmare to someone but doing it in the most beautiful visual way ever like yeah literally the script was written based on nightmares that uh dario agento's girlfriend at the time later wife daria nicolodi had oh yeah she was she was she was a co-writing credit on this yes yeah yeah yeah and she's she's in a bunch of his other movies. She was initially cast to play the Susie Bannon character,

but he wanted to go younger. He actually wanted to have it be a bunch of 12-year-olds and kill them in the same way they're killing as adults. Nope, nope, nope, not okay. Sometimes his artistic vision has to be drawn back in. Yeah. But I think it works in that, like, I don't know, maybe it's just the way that I dream or something,

but it just, it hits me and just, like, I understand it because I feel like it's a nightmare. I'm feeling like I'm watching someone's nightmare because, you know, voices not matching up to what the mouth's doing and people just acting irrationally at all times. Yeah. It feels like a nightmare to me. It feels so, so beautifully, like a nightmare.

And the woman who ran out of the school and is now at her friend's place keeps looking at the window because she thinks she sees something out there. Just keeps getting closer and closer to the window. Lady, get away from the window. There's blowing laundry. And you can sort of see the vague outline of a person through the laundry. Yeah. And she keeps getting closer and closer to the window with a lamp.

And I keep thinking, like, that's not how reflection. You're not going to be able to see any better. You're making it worse. And then you see the eyes of whatever is out there. Yeah. And this gross-ass hairy arm. What was that? Grashes through.

Again, the nightmare aspect of it. Yeah. And stabs are in such a comedic way. Yeah. I lulled. Stabbing shouldn't be as funny as it was. Because it was just like, thunk. Like just like no leverage.

Just like a swinging like thunk. It was enough to take her down. Well, several times. Yeah. But again, I work. in that dream logic of just like how something that simple could be what kills you like well then they they show her heart and then they cut into her heart yeah which is fantastic fucked and then oh go on she gets thrown on to the the stained glass window that we had mentioned

earlier her head sort of lulls backwards through it and her friend is in the foyer screaming that's a murderer help me that's a murderer which is the woman screamed she has like eight lines and they're all just screamed the architect for the building just seemingly keep shifting like she walks out of her apartment to go to the door of another apartment and then when you see her from behind she's on a balcony she's on a balcony that's not right yeah but i yeah that was a mistake and like when the woman goes out the window when the the arm grabs her and takes her out the window she's on a balcony and then suddenly she's around a chain link fence and there's all this crazy stuff see yeah okay go on i i mean i like i said i can understand not liking it and i'm going to be

very apologetic and i have these weird theories about it and all this stuff like so This leads up to this woman, the woman who ran away from the school being pushed through, oh, we forgot to mention, when the hand grabs her through the window, it smashes her face against the glass of the window, which is like a- Oh, yeah, she's going, she's like a, she's like big a piggy nose and stuff. Yeah. It's an Argentino trope. He loves pushing specifically women's faces through glass. Oh, that's great. A bunch of his movies. Good, good guy.

Good, good men. This movie not nice to women at all. Nope. one of the biggest criticisms I've read about Argento is that he just hates women like it just he's just constantly murdering women it's it's really brutal I think there's only

there's only one man that's murdered in this movie and he's he's handicapped yeah taking down my dog well you know he swears that he's not not sexist but like who is like I am sexist I guess read it so

every comment on the internet yeah um okay so this leads to the woman crashing through the sunlight and her friend standing below her being impaled by these iron bars she could but she gets caught by a noose and hangs from a news yeah why she's already dead oh he wraps a quarter around her neck what gotcha um yeah and then her friend gets impaled by the glass that cuts her face in her yeah from the skylight it's so gorgeous super gross um and the blood is like this very red uh i think that's sort of characteristic of that

sort of genre of movie, right? The like sort of tempera paint-looking blood. Oh, yeah, a little bit of like the Gialo film. And it's sort of a nod to... Gialo. Gialo. Yeah. Not Gialo?

Gialo. Gialo. Sorry. You're our Italian expert. Hey, it's a nice of Gialo. It just needs yellow. Sure. Yeah.

But it's also, it seemed like a little bit of a nod to the hammer films with that bright tempera paint blood. That's how it is for everybody in this movie. They bleed paint. Yeah. Yeah. And there's that sort of, that first blood splatter that you see. If you look at it just right, it looks like a witch.

It does not. This is like when people say that they see dirty things in Disney movies. No, no. They talk about it in the commentary on the movie. All right. I'll look at it again later. No, you won't. Nope. I'll look it up on the internet, maybe.

Well, I gave you the DVD back. What do you want from me? We should have said earlier. There's going to be spoilers in this. I forgot to mention there's going to be spoilers. I don't want to hit all the points in this movie because it's fucking chaos. It's nonsense. It's insane.

I mean, this one I can legit say is nonsense. It's not like a kill list where it's just chaos. This is nonsense. Do you think that this is more or less nonsense than Alicarta? Also, if you've not listened to our Alicarta episode, just go listen to it because it's just fucking nonsense. And before you do, watch that movie because it's fantastic. And before you listen to it, just like smoke a shitload of weed. And then you'll understand.

Smoke a shit ton of weed. Listen to like, I don't know, like a Black Widow LP. Get some good flute rock going and then watch Alucarta. This is your weekend. We've just planned it for it. Yeah, yeah. Have some pizza, too, because this is delicious. Oh, yeah.

Pizza's great. Yeah, like Thai food. You could get Thai food if you wanted. Yeah, but pizza's better. Follow your pizza up with an ice cream sandwich. Okay. All right, we can agree on this. Do I think it's more or less ridiculous than Alacarta?

I think it's less ridiculous than Alacarta. Okay. I just want to make sure we are on the same page with that. I think it's more structured than Alacarta. It makes sense at least. I don't think it makes any sense at all. Really? Okay.

I mean, all right, so like I said, I don't really want to hit I want you to watch this movie. I want everybody listening, everyone within the sound of my voice, I want you to watch this movie because I think it's necessary. I think it's a necessary film to see. If you're a student of horror,

God, I can't believe I keep saying that. If you're a fan of horror... No, I like it when you say student. If you're a fan of film, watch this movie. If you know someone who's a fan of film, make them watch this movie because I think it's important. I think there's something about this movie

that's so gorgeous and important to see. Visually, it's beautiful. Oh, God. Damn it. It's so good. So beautiful. There's just a lot of stuff I don't know. I mean, like, I do understand, more than Alacarta, I understand the overarching plot. Okay. I think.

Can you give a quick summary of the overarching? Do I do anything quickly? So, yeah, so Susie ends up at the school, the ballet school, where they tell her that her room isn't ready, so she has to go stay off campus with another student, which they quickly then take back when she faints. Yeah. But she faints because someone shined like a light in her eyes. Yeah. And she's like really being a whiner about it. Like really being a whiner.

It's her first day. And she's like, I just will stop and rest. And it's like, no, you went to another country to study ballet. Get up and do a plie or something. So. Is that when Mary holds the Jesus? That's a pietta. Oh, okay.

Things of learning. Pleia is different. She faints. And then this doctor comes in, this like weird German doctor comes in and he gives her a shot of something. You don't know what. And then they put her on a special diet of what appears to be just fish fillets and red wine. And later she throws a fish fillet in the toilet and it's just so appalling to me. It's just like so upsetting for some reason. To imagine like flushing like a boiled fish fillet down in toilet. It's so gross. It's the grossest thing in this movie

is that fish in the bottom of the toilet. You asked me to do this quickly and this is what I'm doing. So there's the headmistress named Madame Blanc. I love everything she's wearing in this movie. I would wear all of her outfits. She's great. She's great. She's a great actress. She's great in this movie.

It's an insane role and she handles it like with a plum. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't overact it. No. She doesn't act. Yeah. No, she's not like the one dance instructor that's all teeth and just chatter in

everybody to hold on. You mean the woman in the skirt suit? Yeah. Yep. The Madame Blanc is obviously up to something with Susan. She's working with her somehow, but she really wants to corrupt her, it seems, on some level. She wants to do something to, like, it's never really, I never really interested. I've seen this movie so many times, and I don't exactly understand what's going on.

Yeah. Why she wants Susie so bad. So she, when Susie arrives, before she even gets sick, Madame Blanc tells her that this other student has been murdered. Right. Like, why would you do that? Well, she shows up when the cops are there. Oh, oh, I see. And Susie then has this weird recollection

that could not possibly have really happened where she, like, read this girl's lips and knew exactly what she was saying. And as the movie goes on, she gets, like, more and more of what she was saying? Like, what, you did not see or hear that? Dream logic. Fine.

Fine. That's also a trope in Argento Gialo movies. Jallo. Jallo. Think of it starting with, like, a D. Jallo. That's the sound, like a DJ sound. Jallo.

Gialo. No. Somewhere Nana is like, nope, nope, nope, nope. Hi, Nana. I can't wait to meet Donna someday. Yeah, you've got to. It's also a trope in Argento movies of the protagonist realizing throughout the film

they knew the entire time what's been happening. It's fine. It's good. I love it. I'm wrinkling my nose at this. You guys heard that, right? Yeah. You hear me squinting real hard.

Susie keeps encountering different people from the school that they're all just like, they're all crazy. They're all weird. Everybody's weird. There's this great dude who seems to be like sort of an all-around helper guy, like just brings food to people and stuff. Speaks no lines. No, he's really odd looking.

Like a weird mouth. The one lady is just like, you can tell him he's ugly. You're ugly. You know you're ugly. He's like, he doesn't know anything. He just only speaks Romanian. But he gets super sad when she's telling him he's ugly. And I'm like, man, what are you doing, lady?

That's real mean. He turns out to be a bad guy. Spoiler alert. And then there's this blind piano player who does not deserve anything. that happens to him. I just, yeah, all right. You know, I thought I had a better handle on the plot until we started describing it.

Yeah, like I said, I don't really want to give too much away because it's just like there's, you can't. You can't describe this movie. I can't describe this movie. Maybe someone who is better at describing than I am. My notes are just like insane. Like, they're mostly about that bathing suit she wears, which isn't a bathing suit,

but appears to be like a t-shirt and a pair of underwear. Oh, yeah, when they're bathing in the most beautiful pool on earth. But why is she having a t-shirt in that pool? No, no, that's what she wanted to wear her. I used to wear a t-shirt all the time when I wear them. And so she has this friend, Sarah, who is another student. Sarah and Susie, I heard the woman whose names start with S's or snakes. I'm sticking my tongue out.

God damn, I love this movie. Sarah is like a descending into paranoia basically about what's going on there apparently she'd had some sort of friendship with a girl who had left and then been killed just like Alicarta if you recall I do I do recall if you do recall and so she sort of knows that something is up at this school but isn't sure what it is and she doesn't seem real bright like Susie has to kind of do the figuring out for her and so she is kind of like sneaking around and trying to find out what's going on and there's a couple of scenes where they're listening to footsteps trying to figure out like which way the people are walking and then she dies how does she die in um a slinky room a room filled with slinkies filled with razor wire there's no razors on it and she can't stand in it's like a shitty ball pit like she falls in and it's just like whoa whoa like falling and she can't get back up and she dies but again like i got to hit i'm going to hit this so hard but again if it fits into that dream logic of line she climbs up she stacks all these wobbly wobbly

what she doesn't have to do she could reach it almost from the floor and she climbs into this tiny window to fall into this room filled with wire she jumps she doesn't fall she jumps yeah she doesn't look at the floor to see that it's literally covered in like sarah look at the you're jumping you're jumping see how far down it is at least it's so gorgeous and that blue light and the silver oh it's so beautiful it's very silly yeah god damn it's good There's so many little scenes of just, like, people making eye contact with Susie as she walks down the hallway and just, like, the cooks, the, like, two cooks that look like twins that are always, like giving her the stink eye and the little kid that looks like Lord Flontoro. Yeah, and he always looks like he's about to throw up. You know, it's always like just holding back a bomb.

Yeah, there's just, I don't know, there's so much little stuff and just the colors and we haven't even got to the music yet. I really want to hit the music. hard um they hit the music hard a lot of prog rock witch um i didn't know if that was actually what they were saying or but i was just nope that's they're just just hitting hammering home that point if you watch the there's like special features and uh claudio semenente is the guy who is who is sort of the the main guy behind goblin at this time who's the band um and like at one point during the like making of the record he's like uh saying a witch that's me i say A witch.

So you did that well. They talk about, like, crinkling up, like, plastic cups on the microphones to make, like, the noises and stuff. And Argento worked with them on this soundtrack. Like, he's done a bunch of soundtracks with Goblin. Yeah. And he was actually in the studio, like, working with them, creating this. I think the movie and soundtrack together are so amazingly effective, like, so...

Witch. Oh, God. You're shaking. You're, like, so excited right now. I'm freaking out. I'm going to punch in a goblin song. You're going to listen to the little. little goblin right now. Can you put it in the part where they go we? Yeah, for sure.

So after Sarah, they're like, they're like, well, oh, Sarah just left. She just packed up her shit and left, even though her room is trashed. It's like, you didn't even clean it up. Susie goes to talk to her friend, Dr. Exposition. Dr. Udo Kier. And then that's when she learns all about the witch thing that's happening at the school. But they keep calling it the A-Calt, which I really love.

I kept, like, flashing back to Wayne's world of being like, I don't even own ag gun, let alone many guns to necessitate an entire rack. Like, A-cult. She goes and meets with the handsome, handsome Udo Kier. He hooks her up with this professor friend of his. Who just happens to be standing right over there. Yeah, they're at a conference. Oh, I see.

Oh, they're at the convention center. I did wonder why they were meeting at the convention center. Yeah. Okay. I'll accept that. And, yeah, he's sort of Dr. Exposition about the occult in this area and these, you know, the witches and all this stuff. Which you're, you know, as you're watching the movie, you're piecing together,

that's there's something very odd about this school. There's the maggots. Holy shit, the maggots. The maggots, like, that scene really got me. I sort of blame Lost Boys for this, like, maggot phobia of, like, you know, when he's eating it and it turns into maggots. How are your maggots, Michael?

It's super gross. Yeah. She's combing the maggots out of her hair. Yeah, and then when they're walking around in the attic, just, like, stepping on them, leaving, like, basically shoe prints of dead maggots. Yeah. I feel like that little, that little lord of,

fondle Roy boy right now just being like I'm holding back a bomb I'm holding back a bomb and it's great because they're not even maggots they're mealworms they're way too big to be maggots and they're crunching yeah but yeah why were they keeping food to rot in the attic well it was from the supplier the supplier had sent them bad food but also like why would you keep food in the attic it doesn't seem right kitchen downstairs I realize we're jumping all over to the place but that leads to them this is this the movie that leads to them having to sleep in like the auditorium for the night with these weird sheets around where all the girls are sleeping with the teachers sleeping on the outside of that rape. The asthmatic directress.

So good. So creepy. As an asthmatic. I really like the asthmatic appearance. Just like to see asthmatics get there, do. We're just portrayed as evil witches. Yeah. And that's how you can identify him is because they're like. And I believe that's, that's Helena Marcos is the name of the asthmatic in question. She has some lines at the end of the movie and they're all the dumbest lines ever written. You're going to meet death now. Real life death.

That whole scene is like Darya Nicolode's dream. That's what that scene is with the invisible witch and all that stuff. But not quite invisible. We've gotten to the invisible witch part of the movie. Not quite invisible. Yeah. God damn it.

It's so good. Again, I'm sorry that we're just all over the place, but you should watch this movie. It'll make you happy. Even if you hate it, it's going to make you happy. It's an interesting theory, Alan. I promise, everybody. There is flushing fish fillets down the toilet, which will make you happy. Yeah.

Everybody likes that, right? There's beautiful swimming pools. There's a blind man getting his throat ripped out and the Reichstag. Why does the dog do that, by the way? They put a Jimmy hex on it, a little witch hex. Because something comes flying in and, like, curses the dog, and he turns around and kills him. Never trust the dog. Because they claim that the dog attacked Lord Fauntleroy.

Yeah. Which he totally didn't. No, he totally didn't. Totally didn't. Yeah. You got some more notes to hit? None of them make any sense. I just have like, bats are the worst.

She's really trashing that bathroom. Why can't witches function without a leader? Pull it together, ladies. Like what? I don't know. None of this makes any sense. Man, let's just skip right ahead to the end of this movie. Okay, let's talk about Susie finds like the secret room where the witch's coven.

Behind the witch coven is meeting. The irises that she has to turn. Which she then remembers that the woman was screaming, turn the blue iris. Like, no, you definitely did not hear her say that. Beautiful room, by the way. Yeah, totally. The whole place is beautiful.

Yeah. So she gets in there and goes down this hallway that has like sort of languages, I don't know. Yeah, they seem to be like some sort of occult stuff written all over the walls. Yeah. Where she sees Madame Blanc sitting in a chair saying,

we've got to get rid of that American bitch. Everyone in this movie's a bitch. They just keep saying it over and over. You bitch. Oh, no, Argento loves women. Yeah, no, totally. So she sees Madame Blanc in there, and she's being sort of served by the dance instructor

with the skirt suit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Little Lord Fonto Roy. Mrs. Teeth. And Little Lord Fonto Roy is standing there, and so is... Longface. Yeah, the servant guy.

Yeah, right. They're conducting some sort of like black mass thing. And Susie, yeah, he comes like out down the hallway And he's got the, this is where you see that he's got the lighter Right from the, from her friend. Oh, I didn't catch that. Yeah, she sneaks into this other room, right? She's like kind of trying to get away and she sneaks into this other room

That's got a like four post bed in it. Yeah. But before she gets into that room, she sees the body of Sarah Who is like super fucked. Yeah. And there's like shit in her eyes. Her eyes look amazing. There's like something going.

through like a something looking almost like an acupuncture needle through each of her eyes. Yeah. And then her wrists are like staked down to her sides by like crystal steaks pretty much. I don't know why. Cults. Accult. So she sneaks into the bedroom and that's where you see the, there's this like big neon peacock thing that's made out of crystals that's on the table. Just because.

Well, um, his first, his debut movie, our Gento's debut movie was. It's called The Bird with the Crystal Plumage. Oh. So it's a little... It's an homage to himself. Well, not. Well, not to him. And if you haven't seen that movie, it's fucking fantastic.

I have not, as you can imagine. Is this your first Sargento movie? I've seen this before, but it's the only one I've seen. Okay. Okay. So she's in this, the room with the bed, and there's the asthmatic breathing again. And, uh, man... Woman's always sleeping.

Always sleeping. She's old as shit. And then Helena Marcos, the founder of the school, speaks up, the American girl. You want to kill me, ah, you were going to kill me, ah. But it's delivered in like death metal ground. Yeah, I can't, I can't even do it. I need to, like, be able to talk tomorrow. You want to kill me.

That was all right. That was really good. Yeah, thank you. Sounds really good, man. Oh, good, I'm glad. Um, Susie knocks over the bird with the crystal plumage. Because she's a dummy. No, well, she's, I mean, come on.

That's a, it's a shocker because she's like... She didn't have to go in there, you know? She could have just stayed in the other room. Elena Marcos is being, like, lit up by this white light that's kind of outlining her invisible body. Yeah, she's sort of backlit. Yeah. But then when Susie pulls the curtains open, the bed is empty. Right.

Except. Except. It isn't exactly empty. No. Because she's outlined. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah.

Why? Why? Why? And Susie stabs the outlined witch through the neck with the... But not before Sarah comes busting in, but doesn't do anything. Yeah, she looks crazy and awesome. She shouldn't do anything. She just kind of stands like, ah.

She freaks Sarah out, or Susie out? Yeah, she totally does. And she stabs the witch in the neck. And then Sarah disappears. Yeah. And then the building catches on fire? Yeah. First you see the witch.

She comes into like full relief you see here. She looks like she's covered in gray oatmeal. Yes, she does. She does. Ew. And then like Susie's running out of the room, running out of the building. And she runs past where she saw a little black mass thing happening and Dr. Teeth and Madame Blanc and Lord Fauntleroy and Longfacer, like all bleeding and screaming and winds blowing on them.

And she runs out of the building and the building catches on fire. or explodes. Yeah, inexplicably. And she walks outside and she's just like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Nope, nope. Oh, man. That's the end of the movie.

What happened to, or what was the purpose of that, like, the guy across the hall with a really tight jeans? The one who's the ballet dancer and the janitor? Yes. Hmm, I don't know. I just wondered if you had some insight there. I have a surprising lack of insight about this movie.

I just watch it and I kind of don't ask any questions. How can you live like that? And I just take it in and it's like, I don't know what's going to, you know, you can just fill in the gaps if you want to

or you can just take it as it is or it's not like a kill list where I want to, I want to fill in all the holes. This one I want, I was like, oh, we can spread this out of even more and get even more holes in here

like this is just crazy town because it's like, I can, this movie is similar for me to fantasy. Okay. Where it doesn't, like... Phantasm.

I have to say it. It has to be said like that. Boy. I don't want it to make sense. I love that it doesn't make sense. I love that it's all over the place. I know. This is the dichotomy here.

Because I love the illogical and you love the logical. Like, I love the nonsense. I love that, like, I know, visually and the soundtrack to this, like, work so well together. So, fantastic. No one's denying that. So, okay. I'm going to. to get probably the most pretentious dickhead that I've gotten thus far.

Oh, good. Here we go. This is better than student of horror. Okay. This is a... You just add up straighter, a little bit straighter. So I'm thinking about this movie, right? And I'm listening to Bitches Brew by Miles Davis.

Okay. And I'm thinking, this movie is just, it's like visual jazz, man. There's just zigging and zagging. And I'm just like, and I, underlying there, there's this technique and this understanding. of what's going on that I don't have to know to enjoy. I can just sit back and take it in for what it is, for what's being thrown at me. I'm a bit of a musician, but I can't play jazz. Like, jazz is beyond me.

Yeah, me too. And, like, with this movie, I'm just kind of like, I can't make movies. It's got me to movie. It's a fucking genius. But you can listen to jazz and understand the motivation or the, like, the feeling behind it. But that's what I've been trying to say the whole time. Like, I do understand the motivation and the feeling behind it of filming a nightmare. of getting that nightmare feeling onto screen.

I think this movie does that more effectively than any film I've ever seen. Okay. I think it tackle, if that indeed, and that's what I read, that they were trying to film a nightmare. They were trying to give it a nightmare feel. Yeah, no, I totally get that.

And I think, like, I've never seen anything that captures it so well. And there are parts that almost seem distorted, too, like, in the dance sequences when they're doing ballet, it almost seems like it might be stretched. The film, I don't know if it's just an illusion of, because they're all wearing black and white, but it almost seems stretched

that they're like longer and thinner than they actually are. And there's those great crane shots and like we were mentioning earlier when they're sleeping in the auditorium and there's that big sheet and it starts off around the sheet and the crane shot just like inexplicably

like shoots up over everything and it's so like it's disorienting and it kind of like... There's one of those, sorry that I really like too like a long cut where Sarah and Susie are in Susie's room and the camera is like at Sarah's face base level and then

it goes up to the light fixture and it's filming her from above and then she turns off the lights and it goes to night vision and then while it's a night vision it like goes back down to her level like all in one cut which I really liked I get that it's beautiful almost like you're you're an observer of this nightmare and you have

like almost mystical powers where you're getting these like you're as the viewer you're being pushed around the room yeah but but it's very silly Katie

Are you ready to give this movie a rating? Nope. All right, well, let's real quick talk about the soundtrack. Okay, yeah. So the soundtrack is done by Goblin and Dario Argento. And Goblin are a progressive rock band, like sort of proto-metal at times, band from Italy that soundtracked a lot of Argento movies. They did, they also did Dawn of the Dead, that sort of like quintessential horror soundtrack for that movie. And I love them.

I like listen to them in my free time. I'm just when I'm watching movies. I also like, I enjoy listening to Goblin. I got to see them last year, and I was super stoked. It was an amazing show. And there's very few films that I can think you score so effectively. Halloween. Halloween.

Jaws. Jaws. Like, and I would definitely, for me, like, I raise this film up into that pantheon. I put that up there with those movies. Totally. The score almost never stops. It's going almost the entire time. And it's, it's relentless.

It's like, it's got the progressive, vibes but it also has like this weird like tribal rhythms to stuff and it's just like but it's also like sort of that off time thing going on yeah it's disorienting yeah um the vocalizing the witch it's very funny to me yeah but i really couldn't tell that's what they were saying yeah it is that's oh i love it it's a little on the nose for me but in the movie that you're complaining is so off the nose well that's not my complaint isn't that it's off the nose Which isn't the thing that people say. No one says off the nose.

My nose is clean. That's not, I'm not complaining. Okay. I'm not complaining. I did complain about the fish being thrown in the toilet. That's fair. Let's move on to the rating phase because I think that's going to lead us to sort of working this thing's through. Okay.

You should have come to a resolution here. So, ratings phase. I think this movie, like I said earlier, it should be mandatory viewing. I think like any, like, person who loves horror and loves film should watch this movie. This movie is a 10. this is a solid 10 film this is my third 10 on the podcast because i think again this is a movie that like a song was like hey where do i start with horror movies like i'm just sliding this tv across because it captures visuals it's insane it's got the soundtrack i feel like this could

turn people off of horror i feel like this isn't i'm sorry i don't mean to cut into your rating but i feel like this isn't a great representation of what you know what i mean i feel like this isn't horror 101. Because I could see someone watching this being like, fuck horror then. This is silly. Yeah, but I think if you watch this with the other movies that I'm going to give you... Oh, your curated special.

Yeah, well, someone's asking me where to get into it. When taken in with the rest of the movies that I sort of think are necessary to understand horror, like, I think this fits in perfectly. I think this, I would put this up against a Jaws or a Halloween as like

just an important film for horror movies. You think Jaws is a horror movie? Yeah, I do. Totally. Yeah. Why isn't it? I don't know.

It's got a scary unseen protagonist chasing it or antagonist chasing everyone down. Yeah. I just didn't, I never really considered it. Really? I need to think more about, I think I need to spend more time thinking about Jaws. Oh, man, I don't spend enough time thinking about Jaws. It's great. I need to do that.

You should. I'm going to do that later today. Anytime you want to watch that movie, I'm up for it. Yeah, we should maybe do it on this pod. It would be cool if we had like an outlet to talk about horror movies. I would like to suggest other Argento movies for you to watch that are more straightforward to see if like because I think cinematography wise and visual wise

he's a master. Yeah, love it. I love it. I joke about him and about Lucio Fulci that when they would show up on the set and someone would be like, well, what are we shooting next? What's the next script? Ah, script, script, script, script, I don't have a script.

Who needs a script? Yeah. Let's just do this thing I've got in my brain. Yeah. You can all figure it out as I'm going. You know, and I think like, I think Argento, especially at this period of time, like later he kind of, he went downhill.

For the movies that he gave us in the 70s, in the early 80s, like, God damn, the man's an artist. Like, unequivocally, it's art that he's making. Like, it gets, I think it gets lowballed for stuff because it's horror, but I think this is straight up art. This is, for my opinion. Like, I understand people, again, it's nonsense.

Like, I can understand you not liking it, but. You're putting words into my mouth. No, no, no. But I'm saying, like, in general, I can understand. Like, my friend Dennis hates this movie. I like Dennis because he likes hollow notes. That's all I know about Dennis.

And I love HoloNus. He viscerally hates this film. Really? Yeah. I'd like to hear what Dennis has to say about this. But Dennis is very, he's very logical, like you are for the most part. Yeah. It's hard to like, it's hard to let that go and just be like, well, I'll just lose myself in this thing that doesn't make any sense, you know.

Right. And when you're a lover of nonsense, it's totally easy. Yeah. Yeah. yum, num, num, yum, yum, yum, eat this movie up. Eat that nonsense up. I mean, I do not disagree with you that it's absolutely beautiful, visually and audibly, audially, in my ears.

Orally. Orally. Aurali. Yalo. Jalo. Oh, welcome. Are you going to get it? Try it again.

Yeah, although. Okay, got it. Nailed it. I mean, the acting is atrocious. The acting is laughable. That's what I couldn't tell of was the acting. atrocious or was it a language barrier? Do you know any? Or are those two things not mutually exclusive? God bless her. Jessica Harper is terrible. I don't like her. And I don't know if it's the her

because she's like, I don't know if it's her poor acting. But I didn't really like side. I wasn't siding with Susie. I wasn't like, oh no, I don't want Susie to get, like kill Susie. Fine. She's, first of all, she's a whiner. She's kind of acting like a brat to these people. Before she realizes anything's up. She acts like a brat. And then she like nibs into their shit and almost deserves to die. Whoa. Well I'm sorry, you track down the witch's

coven and spy on them? You're asking to die. In a horror sentence. Yeah, she's as the protagonist, she's almost sort of removable from the picture. I was more, I was mourned to Sarah. I like wanted, even though she was a troublemaker and smoked way too much for an athlete. If someone asked me

if they should watch this, I would definitely say yes because you should see it. I agree with you on that. I liked it better than Alacarta, but I think I gave Alacarta like a two. Yeah, you really need to revisit that movie. I don't think that I do ever. I think actually I would have given this movie a much lower rating

had I not seen Alacarta before it. This is just like a superior Alacarta, say five and a half. Oh, okay. Well, at least made it into the top half. Yeah, it's not a passing grade, but it's not the bottom tier either, so. I mean, and I almost feel bad giving it that because I do see, like, so many great things about it. But it's just not, no, God damn it.

I don't know. Don't let my over-exuberance about this. Well, you're exuberant about everything. I always feel like I'm the one who's just like, fuck it, hated it. Oh, did you love stitches? Come on. Come on. I'm going to give it a six.

Because five and a half seems too low. Yeah. Six. I always like to read the encyclopedia of. horror movies. When are we doing movies that are in the wheelhouse of movies that I want to see that this book ends in 1985. What is that picture? No, it's the witch getting stabbed in the neck. Oh. See, there's our oatmeal face. In this review of Suspheria, there's a little thing that I think really wraps up this movie well and kind of explains why I like it so much. So the last half of the

last paragraph in the review is, although the narrative is contrived and artificial, Argento's exceptionally skillful use of color, jagged cutting. and good sense of decor. The decor in this movie is fantastic. I love all the furniture in this. I love everything. I love the couches. I love the chairs.

I love everything. I love the curtains. The wallpaper. I was like, I'm going to fucking plaster my house in this wallpaper. I love it. A good sense of decor

as well as the recourse to a shower of maggots, traps of steel mesh to as sanguinate their victims, razors, and so on combined to create a hallucinatory atmosphere of terror. I totally agree with that.

See, I feel bad giving it a low rating because it is beautiful and there's so many things I really like about it but it's just that I guess I just can't get behind that nightmare thing I just can't

It doesn't make me feel good It doesn't make me feel good It makes me feel bad Well isn't that what a heart movie is supposed to do No, if I made me feel bad Romcoms make me feel bad You know Like happy movies make me feel like garbage

Horror movies make you feel great and these do not This did not Hmm Like I walked away from Creep show being like Fuck loved it Loved it loved it

I feel great And this I just felt like And drained And Friday night too You were super Loved it Loved it Loved it

Maybe I'm just I don't know It's just not my But if it's not your thing If this isn't what you're into But see We keep having this conversation That ends with you saying

You know what It's okay You're just not that into this And I'm trying That just makes you sound like a creep. No, it just, oh my God, I did not mean that at all. This is completely botanic. I just mean, like, I just feel like I'm being a complainer.

I feel like I'm being Susie when she didn't want to dance. No way. You're just, you're literally just not into it. It's fine. Like, I mean, there's plenty of stuff. Like, I know what you did last summer. You love that movie. You hated that movie.

I think, yeah. I don't love that movie. I didn't think, I don't think, let me put it this way. I don't think that's a better. our movie than this by any stretch of the imagination i gave it a better rating though maybe you're right that our rating system is inane and stupid oh i've tried not to say that for a while if you have a suggestion for a better rating system please let us know it's just hard it's just hard to quantify i guess because it is beautiful and i did really like i mean the deaths are

incredible and there's so much to love about it and then there's so much just like hmm yeah this is also and this may shape why i enjoy this movie so much uh i think i've told you about team fulci before or my friends and i would watch horror movies all night long and this was like a staple of that yeah so like you pop this sucker in at three o'clock in the morning when again you're all hopped up on skittles yeah it's a great time you're laughing it's fucking over the top like you can talk over this entire goddamn movie oh yeah you You don't need to hear a word in the dialogue. No, no.

You just, you know, it's just so. They're barely saying the dialogue, to be honest with you. That shaped my love of this movie on a lot of levels. I just don't want to say I didn't like it because that's not true. No, you gave it a six. That's in the light category. I think so. It's like a D.

So five is an F in everybody. That's like F minus, F minus. It's like without, then like, then you get into without warning, which I did not like. I know. I don't want to hear it. What are we doing next week, Katie? next week we're finally going to fucking do grabbers we're going to get so drunk so drunk why am i yelling this like a frat boy i can't wait to have to call an uber i'm gonna call an

uber guys i mean even fax a lift to see if they'll come grab me galo gialo you can find us on facebook or wearwolf ambulance instagram wearwolf ambulance uh twitter wearbulance thanks so much to everyone who's been telling their friends about us. Yeah, please keep telling your friends. I like your friends. They're nice. We got buttons made a while ago that we need to get out to the world. We should send these to people.

Yeah. You guys, how do we give you a button? Can we fax it to me? Yeah, we're going to figure out a way to get out the buttons to people. Yeah. And if you want a button, let us know. You can probably send us an email. I'll start checking the email again.

We're going to Ambulance. Atg.g.com. You can direct message us on Facebook or on Instagram. You can do that to you. Oh, you can send messages on Instagram. About that. Can you call an Uber from there? You can call an Uber.

You can fax your Tony Hawk to get a lift. What? Your Tony Hawk? Yeah, the game station where you played the Tony Hawk. Papp's on the internet. That blew my mind more than Susperia. So thanks so much for listening to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Bye.

Bye. Thank you.