Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - Rerelease - Episode 74 Pay The Ghost (2015)

Episode Date: February 2, 2026

Hey yinz, we are taking another week off to deal with *waves arms at the world* we'll be back soon with a new episode, but until then, please enjoy this batshit episode. It's a classic for a reason. 

It is weird that data has a dick, though. Sorry, we've just spent the last, like, 10 minutes talking about Data's dick. Not 10 minutes, five, two, several, several minutes. Do people call it SNG or STNG, Star Trek next generation? I don't know. Star Trek, I don't know shit about Star Trek shit. I just know the data has a dick. Why does he have a dick, though?

Who's he going to fuck? I guess YAR, I guess, again and Yard. Yeah. Tasha Y'R, yeah. Yeah. But before she got kicked off the show for posing in Playboy? Is that why? Yeah.

They fucking kill her. I couldn't, spoilers for Star Trek next generation. I couldn't believe it, though. I thought she would come back to life. No. Her family demanded that she, she's part of Bing Crosby's family. What? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, Denise Crosby. I think it was Playboy that she posed for. And they were like, nope, you're done. You're out of showbiz. Who said that? Her family were just like, you've been. You can embarrass the family. You're gone.

So what does she do now? Last thing I saw she did that movie Trekkies, which if you haven't seen, I'll let you borrow that too. It's a documentary about Star Trek fans in the 90s. Oh, no, I don't think I want to see that. It's so good. Did they talk about Data's dick? Because that's like where I'm out right now. Next episode, we'll talk about Worf's dick.

Ooh, he can fuck you to death, though, is what I've heard. He says it, though. He says it. He says it. He does not say, I can fuck you to death. I can fuck you to death. But he says that he says that he says that he says that. He can't, he can only meet with Klingons because he's too forceful or something.

And I was like, Wharfell, fuck you to death. It's just crazy. Like, Worf's supposed to be such a badass. All he does is get his ass kicked and get turned down for his ideas. He's like, I recommend we do this. And they're like, shut the fuck up. Sorry. This is our Star Trek for the next generation podcast.

Love space. We're a wolf starship. We built this city. Hello. Hello, and welcome to another episode of Werewolf Ambulance. Do you like these intros? You let us know. Just picking up wherever we can.

I'm Katie. I'm Alan. We're here to talk about a Nicholas Cage movie. That's probably why we're not talking about it. Yeah. And we're talking about Data's dick. I mean... We're really earning that explicit, too.

Oh, yeah. It was pointed out to me that I missed hitting the explicit button for one episode. So if you look at our iTunes list, It's like everything is explicit except I think the alien episode. Definitely explicit. We should do a kids friendly episode. Do like a Goosebunts movie or something? I don't know that I can make any promises, but I'll try.

Yeah, why not? Why not do one for the kids? Because Worfell, fuck you to death. I got to get it out now. I got to get it out. We are here to talk about the film, pay the ghost. Pay the ghost. Which you can watch on the netting flicks.

PtG. It's really weird. It was made in 2015. Yeah. I'd never heard of it until it showed up on the deading flicks. Nicholas Cage, that woman from the Walking Dead. Yeah. Lori.

Lori! Carl! I don't know what that means. One dude just yells his wife and kid's name over and over. He's always distressed about something. Well, it's a distressing thing. I also really don't like The Walking Dead. Yeah, me neither.

I dipped out of it for the second season. Yeah, I don't think I haven't made it through the second season. Well, it just, well, whatever, who cares? So this movie is our second movie in a row where a kid disappears. That's something, right? Oh, yeah. Tying it into the witch. This is a movie where a kid disappears.

That's about all that happens. No, I mean, it's the only really truly terrifying thing to happen because if you, I don't have a child obviously, or I wouldn't talk with such a potty mouth. But just like the idea of losing your child and not knowing where they are, like, not that they're dead, because if they're dead, at least you can like grieve or whatever, but losing your child and not knowing where they are has to be absolutely the worst thing that happened. It's just so terrifying. And they try to convey that in this movie.

I mean, Nicholas Cage is conveying things. I just don't know what things. So Nicholas Cage is a bookboy. He's a dedicated academic. I don't buy him as a bookboy at all. Publisher parish, Nicholas Cage. Like, publisher parish. I don't know.

He's trying to get tenure. Yeah. I think he's an English professor. He did. There's like an English professor scene where he's like, reading so dramatically. He's reading Faust or something, I think. Yeah. I believe he's reading Gertr.

Yeah. Yeah. He also has permanent sad eyebrows. He's just always sad. Probably because he's so poor and he had to make this movie. Listen. his dinosaur bones. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, actually, he gave that back to the Mongolian government after he heard it had been stolen. Oh, really? That's cool. Yeah, it was the right thing to do. Yeah, he owned like several castles and what I believe was referred to as a squadron of Rolls Royces. Oh, really? Yeah, because he sued his financial advisor for not telling him not to buy these things.

And the financial advisor was like, actually, I told you not to. So, yeah. Wow. Yeah. So weird. Yeah. He also used to be so ham. Oh, yeah.

Valley girl? Yeah. Leaving Las Vegas, even though he's like a crazy drunk. Yeah. Now he just looks like... I mean, he's older. Of course he's older. Many men get better looking as they get older.

Sure. Not Nicholas Cage. Like Keanu Reeves. It's insane looking. We're going to talk about Bay the Ghost. So he's a book boy and he's trying to get tenure. And he has this friend who's pretty German lady friend. That's all she is.

The beautiful researcher. my notes caller. I refer to her specifically as pretty German lady, but that's fine. And it's the day before Halloween when we first meet him, and he's neglecting his child. I have a note here that just says, your dad is the worst. He doesn't love you. He just loves work. Which is basically the first act of this movie.

Yeah. He's married to... Lori! Yeah, that's her. And they have this child. And she has one face. in this movie. Distressed?

Distressed, but like, I don't know. Well, there's the scene early on where she touches Nicholas Cage's weiner, which was uncomfortable. I missed that. They get into bed, and she's like,

if you miss Halloween tomorrow, if you don't carve that pumpkin with him tomorrow, he's going to disown you. And he says, well, you're going to disown me, and then hand slips onto the covers

and he goes, ooh, and, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ew. I started thinking about date his dick again. I don't know. I do have the note that says, ooh, he's lecherous, so that's probably what that's about. It's with his wife.

Yeah, you can still be lecherous with someone you love. It's true. It's true. I have a series of notes. I stop taking notes part way through, and I don't know what any of them mean. And I just... So the day of Halloween,

he finds out that he's gotten tenure and he has to go tell the beautiful researcher. because she got him the job, I guess. Yeah. And so doing that, he's late. He constantly is letting his phone battery die too. That's established early on. Okay.

And so he's not getting calls from his wife about where are you? It's Halloween. The kid wants to go out and he's dressed as a shitty pirate. Why is he a shitty pirate? I don't know. Because he just had the patch drawn on his eye. Disorient's kids wearing an eye patch. I want photorealism in this.

That kid should have grown a beard. It's like seven. Step of your game, kid. Put on that plastic Casper costume that I wore when I was seven. Yeah, the ones that if you vomited on, it could just be wiped off. And you just sweat to death underneath them. It was literally just like a plastic smock with a plastic mask with an elastic band that went around the back of your head. I love them.

Ben Cooper mask. They're amazing. I have a couple of mockups of them hanging up around the room. Yep, yep, yep, yep. They would tell you who you are. If you were Superman, it would say Superman. Yeah, I liked that. It was easy to tell.

Well, old people will soon ask you what you are. They just want to know. They're just making conversations. Yeah. What am I going to talk to this kid about? It's all your taxes this year, huh? Cool tax joke. Very timely. Oh, there is another time of the thing.

We are recording this episode on St. Patrick's Day, which will come up later in this movie. Really? Well, yeah, there's the whole, well, I'm skibed. There's, like, it's blamed on, like, Celtic witchcraft. Oh, yeah. They hate the Irish in this movie. They really do. So happy St. Patrick's Day to those who celebrate.

So he's late getting home, and the kids already trick-or-treated. But there's a street carnival going on, which looks almost exactly like the street carnival for trick-or-treat. It's super rowdy. A lot of drunks. A lot of crazies. Tells his wife he's got tenure. She's excited. They're going to fuck later.

She says so just as about as much. Yeah. We need to celebrate later. I don't care if they're the most beautiful people on the planet. Hearing people talk about how they're going to have sex makes me ill. Do you know what I mean? Keep it to yourself. I just don't want anybody to fuck.

I just think nobody should fuck. What about Data and Tasha Yard? Okay, they can work. Well, like, why does he have a dick, though? Like, who put it there and what were they thinking he was going to do with it? And is it metallic? Is it just hard old? Well, he's wearing that spandex suit, you know?

Like, okay, all right, all right. You know, future space clothes suck. Yeah. I'm not into them. Apparently, well, never mind. I'm not even going to get into this. Oh, but prior to this, the child has been having the child. I don't even know what his name is.

Brian, we'll call him from wings. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Has been like seeing things outside his window. And there's an indication that something is like watching him. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's the monster from Darkness Falls is watching. Yeah. I mean... This movie has a blender of other movies. I guess.

Some of them very mediocre like Darkness Falls. This is just a movie made by someone who doesn't care about horror. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I have a question. So they go to the street fair, this carnival, this rowdy, rowdy, like looks like Mardi Gras almost carnival. In New York City.

They live in New York City. Yeah. Which comes up in just a moment. So they are, Nicholas Cage is holding his son's hand, goes up to get a ice cream going for him. Kid does not need ice cream. It's like midnight on Halloween. He's already jacked on candy. Seriously.

Sorry you're like trying to buy his affection because you've been such a terrible father. He asked to have sprinkles put on them. So I have the note. Those are called jimmies. They're not called sprinkles. What are you doing? This movie's a lie. Well, it gets even more of a lie because my absolute favorite line in this movie is after the child has disappeared.

and Nicholas Cage is talking to the detective in his apartment. Yeah. And the detective says, we've put out an APB, every cop in Arizona. We'll keep an eye out for him. What? You just fucking left that in there. Really? Yes, I backed it up because I was like, he did not just say Arizona.

And I backed it up, and I listened to it again. And I was like, I think he said Arizona. And then I put the close captioning on. And he said, we put out an APB, every cop in Arizona will be looking for him. That's really weird. It's really bad. Is there a section of New York called Arizona? It's next to the meatpacking district

No, it's so bad Like that's how little anybody cared about this movie Wow Yeah Right after the Jimmy's comment That I have written down I have man I'm already checked out of this movie

It's only 18 minutes in I know I know And then I have the notes So much for your tenure now Child Loser He lost his fucking kid He was holding the kid's end

It disappears Well right before he disappears The kid says dad Can we pay the ghost. Nicholas Cage is dressed like a cowboy, which I wondered if

that was like poking fun at him personally because I feel like he's dressed like that quite a bit. He's a huge Elvis fan. Okay. So I thought he was

going to be dressed as, I think he plays Elvis in true romance. I think, and you never see him, but he's playing Elvis. Correct me if I'm wrong, EMTs.

I'm sure you will. Sure they will. I also have the note this is going to put a damper on future Halloween. Yeah, really. Well, luckily it doesn't

to that. I haven't heard that says lull crying. They must not be paying him enough to make an effort, which. No tears come out of his teeth. You can't just squint and go. Maybe it would have gotten to theaters if you could have shed a goddamn tear. Do you think anybody who is listening to this episode right now actually watch this movie? Oh yeah.

We didn't worry about spoilers. I don't think it matters, but like, do you think people are just like, oh, I'm not getting in on that one? I'm not doing it. I think we tag this enough as year of rage returns. So we're back in. So we jump a year ahead. Charlie's been gone for a year. Nicholas Cage is now living in his apartment filled with a serial killer wall

that just has all the shit tacked to it. Yeah. And his wife's doing really well. She has two giant IMAX. She's working on those client designs. They're not going to finish themselves. What she does writing? I have to finish these client design.

She says it all the time. I'm making my own clients. I'm designing. Which is signing fine. And he has a camcorder that he sees a ghost on, which is at this point. Oh yeah, it was Charlie's footage from that night. Yeah. Which is like the worst jump scare.

It made me so fucking mad because it got me. Like it really did make me jump. But it pissed me off because you can't just like throw something at people to scare them. That's not how it works. Can if you're not trying. I guess so. And they weren't. So he's talking to his pretty German friend.

And she's like, do you need to take another leave of absence? And I was like, you've already taken one. Good thing they fucking gave you tenure. Good thing you're just shitting now. Well, he's like, I can't, I'm not inspired. I can't inspire my students. I'm real sleepy. I got these tired ass eyebrows.

He looks like a Christopher walking wax figure. Christopher waxing. I got to get one in. I got to get one in. That's your one. That's it. I hope you liked that one. That's what you're getting.

So he has a contentious relationship with the police officer that he was been working his son's case. He seems to be hounding him. And the guy's had a huge file and he's like, you know what? Go suck a butt, motherfucker. I'm doing all this shit for you. And he and his wife have broken up. He's living elsewhere.

No. Right, right, right. And he starts to see visions of Charlie. Sees him on a bus. This scene made me mad too because he sees him sitting in a bus seat looking out the window and he chases the bus down very dramatically, I guess, if you care. And then he gets on the bus and he's, pushing through all these people going, Charlie, none of these people are letting him through even though he's screaming.

He gets to the back of the bus and the seats are just empty. But everyone's standing around them. Have you never ridden a bus before? That's not how it works. People will shoot their mother in the face to sit in that seat so they don't have to stand next to you. Ridden plenty of city buses. Somebody probably peed in that seat. That's why nobody was rocking in.

Yeah. Oh, wait, here. All these people standing around empty bus seats, have you never ridden a bus? If there's not poop on it, you sit. So he rides the bus to the building that he needs. to go see because it's got pay the ghost written on the outside of it. What did?

The like the industrial building that all the like homeless people. Oh where dreadlock Stephen Tyler lived. Oh really? I went with the Rasta Harry Dean Stanton. That's better. That's better and I'm jealous. This guy is fucked up looking. He says to cover the fire, you cover it. You do what he tells you.

Yeah, he just goes down into these homeless people's home and starts going what's pay the ghost mean? What's pay the ghost? Who's paying the ghost? Yeah. Let's pay the ghost. What is pay the ghost, Alan?

What is it? I don't know. It sounds like one of those shitty metalcore bands. Yeah, it absolutely does. You like see alternative press in the borders or whatever, and you're like, look at these dildos. On the warping tour. On the warping tour.

I started writing different titles for this movie, which I have literally no recollection of doing, such as pay the goats, slay the ghost, play the coast. I don't know what I meant by that one. Just so fucking bad. It's just like no one,

no fucks were given in the making of this movie. No. Why did Rasta Harritian Stanton have perfect dreadlocks? They were nice. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't even remember that that was where the portal was. I don't even, you know what? I'm done. That's all the notes I have anyway. This is where I stopped taking notes. Because I think I was just like, what am I going to say about this movie?

So Rasta Herodine Stanton lays out some exposition form. And it's like basically tells him that this, like, because he's down there and they hear a scream. And Rasta Herodin stands like, cover the fire. So he covers the fire. And he's like, what is that? He's like, oh, I don't know. It just happens around Halloween and then the fires explode. According to Wikipedia, it says that engrossed by the wall and the homeless man,

he does not notice the wall behind him shift into another world. And a demonic figure briefly appears behind him the advantages. It's so shitties. I have no memory of that. So if you had looked away to write down, play the coasts. Yeah. Yeah, probably was. It's like, but it's like, oh man, it's really bad.

It makes darkness falls look like, mhm. Yeah. So then his wife sees the scooter, right? That's where she sees a scooter, like moving around the apartment on its own. We forgot to mention earlier that they reenact the shining scene, but with a scooter. Yeah. He's got the kids, like, scootering around the apartment. He wasn't going from rug to rug.

and like doing that awesome sound. No, it was just moving. It was totally the shining. Yeah. On a fucking scooter. What is it with these scooters in these movies? Oh yeah, 13 goats. Pay the 13 ghosts.

If this movie turns out to be directed by the same fucking guy. It's not. I looked up the guy who did it because I was like, have you ever seen a horror movie before? Ullie Udell? He had never seen one. He had never seen a horror movie. Is that what he said?

Yeah. Oh, I never, never, I'm never going to either. So his wife calls him And they sort of like make up Because they're sad And they both see in Charlie And she sort of thinks that something might be going on now I guess

Yeah And so he's at her apartment And the power goes out Is that when he sees the kids burning at the stake? Yes, he's looking outside And he sees the kids burning Like in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah

He sees like there's three kids At light on fire and then there's a group of black and white children outside Oh yeah Yeah, the other black and white children And we're learning from the cop who's doing investigation. And they do their own investigation because they go to a guy's house that the ghost is taking multi-ethnic children. Oh, yeah.

They go to a Chinese restaurant because all Chinese people fucking work in Chinese restaurants. And the Latino guy who are all drug addicts. Come on, assholes. This is not a fun movie. No. So they have the note the acting in this is butt. It is but. It is but.

Although I looked at the awards won for it, and all the awards were won by the child, but I have in my notes that the child was a terrible actor. There's an award? Yeah. Someone got to, not for this movie, I hope. Yeah, the child won awards. Oh, weird.

Not like Academy Awards, like, you know, Poo Pooh Dick Awards. Which is our new awards show, and why have we never done an awards show called Poo Pooh Dick Awards? And for Best But Acting. Yeah. Nominate Categories. for us to do poop-poo-dick awards

on our Facebook page, EMTs. Because this could be really funny. Oh, maybe, yeah, for the 100th episode, we could do poop-poo-dick awards. We'll think about it. We'll think about it. I don't want to promise anything. We're real bad of planning things.

You're lucky you've gotten 74 episodes out of us, honestly. So they invite a Zelda Rubinstein. A medium? They invite a medium. She's got great shoes. That she? Swade Mary Jane pumps. I liked them.

It's the only thing I liked about this movie. I like the old-timey Halloween masks. There were some good old-timey Halloween masks. Well, yeah, like there's some burlap. But burlap is scary on its own. The thing is that they keep going from the burlap to like the scary-eyed phantom. You know what I mean?

Like, just let the burlap speak for itself. It's the scariest fabric. Agree or disagree? It's the scratchiest fabric. It is. So she, like, is like, oh, no, I'm not getting any vibes. in this house and then she looks out the window and smackety-do. Fucking witch shows up and throws her into a wall.

She says, it's here. It has all the children. What? What does? You crazy? It's, she's C-G-Ied against the wall? I was like, why even bother? What are you doing?

Get a stunt person. They couldn't even hire a stunt person. A stunt person is happy to be thrown against a wall. You know what I mean? They live for it. That's their job. It's literally their livelihood. We watch terrible movies for a job.

Oh, and then we go to work also for our job. Yeah, we'll watch good movies too. I watch TV, too. I watch Star Trek Next Generation. It's not really a job. I treated, I treated this one. Data's dick. Oh, God, like, just think about it.

How does he get a boner if he doesn't have feelings? You know what I mean? Does he just push a button and it's like, hmm? I just want to talk to Gene Roddenberry on the phone. I think you might be dead. Yeah, you've got a ghost phone. That's our new movie, Ghost phone. You can't use this medium because she's dead.

She's dead. She is burned to shit. That scene where they were doing the autopsy on her was cool looking. It was good. It was cool. She's all burned on the inside. Yeah, like her outside skin isn't that burned, but her insides are basically ash. But they're still in like the forms of her organs, which I thought was, yeah, that was good.

Yeah, she opens her mouth and like smoke comes out. Yeah. That was good, actually. So then they go and meet with the beautiful research lady. And. Well, first, don't, doesn't the wife cut her? Oh, that's right. No, it's first when I have the note,

Charlie haunting inside his mama. Oh, yeah, because he's talking through her. While she's carving something into her arm. She's carving a symbol into her arm. Yeah. Which she's like not entirely distressed about when she realizes it. No. She's not like maybe I should get stitches.

She's just like, well, she just wants to show it to everybody. Yeah, what does this mean? I don't know, lady, you did it. So she shows it to the beautiful research lady And she's like, oh, that's a Celtic symbol of something. feminine, fertility, women, women's. Well, that they get when they go to the church that every Halloween has the weirdest. I was going to make a wicker band reference, but you've not seen it yet.

So. I've seen the Nichols Cage version. Abomination. That's where they meet the exposition lady. Yes. Where this lady's like, I don't think I can help you. Hold on, yes, I can. Yeah.

They're like, our son was taken on Halloween. She's like, I don't know anything about your son being kidnapped. And they're like something else. And she's like, children are taken on Halloween to appease the bo, bo, bo, bo. Fuck you. Nobody's trying. I wish I was dead. So they get this story about this woman who is a widow in the 1600s, maybe.

1671 is when we first meet the family. Well, we first meet them at the very beginning in 1679. When that came up again, I was like, I completely forgot that scene even happened. And then even when you brought it up again now, I was like, oh, yeah. Because it's that bad and unmemorable. Why would you explain your crazy-ass theories to some lady doing a weird mock ritual with children? Then show her yourself harm. Oh, luckily, she has all the information.

Those are my notes on that scene. Yeah, I mean, that's really, that's the size of it. Like, so this woman in 1670s, Annie something, blah, blah. Any saulquin, very close to Selwyn. Oh, right. Yeah. Which is a word they're using in this movie so we know they're aware of it and what it means. So it's like not even subtle.

She has three children. There's an influenza outbreak. They think she's at fault because she's a witch. The villagers do. So they come to kill her and her children. She puts her kids in the basement or the cellar. I guess it's not a basement at that point. There's a little altar that has the symbol that mom carved into her arm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The villagers are like killing the mom And one of the kids yells out Mother! Because kids are fucking stupid. And they find the kids And they burn them at the stake while she watches. Yeah.

And then she curses them in bilingual cursing. Yeah. Real Celtic. Yeah. Because the Irish people are monsters. Yeah. Sorry about her. So every year on Halloween,

she takes some kind of revenge of coming back and taking three children to replace her three children at this portal where the Halloween and the portal dead living closes and opens in it. What if we just did that for the rest of the episode? So the kids have a year to escape is my understanding. Right.

One solid year. So they're taking a car and... Who's taking a car? Nicholas Cage and Laurie! Oh, right. They're in a cab. They're in a cab. Sorry.

I didn't mean to shout that. No, it's fine. And the vultures that have been CGIed throughout this movie show up and smash into their windshield and drive the car off the road. How fast was that cabby going that he couldn't stop for a vulture? And... He swirves for like two blocks.

Just hit the brakes, sir. No one never just hits the brakes, do they? No, no, no, they hit the gas. So they wreck and then they cut to the scene where, as I ever hear me here, the hot research lady, she gets killed. Oh.

She gets thrown out the window. Why? Because she's doing research and figures something out. That's her job. She's a professor of... That witch lady, you don't care? Stuff. throws her out a goddamn window.

Poor pretty German lady. You know what the shitty thing is, too? She's never mentioned again. There's never any like, oh, she's dead. There is, but we'll get to that. Oh. So they show her die, and then they cut back to Nicholas Cage. And I have the note, I have no idea why they're,

injured. I'd forgotten that the car accident accident. Because they're in an ambulance and I was like, oh, maybe she's going to live. That was a really far away to drop and live. No, it's a different accident. So he's, him and his wife are injured. They've got to take her, his wife in Lorry for X-rays. And she's like, run, go, go, go. And that's, the person you wrote this movie was like, we don't need a lady anymore. Your part here is done. This is men's work now. The only ladies from here on out are going to be evil. Yeah. So he runs back, just runs, just right.

He is not a good looking runner, by the way. Just as someone who's also not a good looking runner. How old is Nicholas Cage at this point in his life? He's like, I cannot even guess. Give me a guess. What would you guess Nicholas Cage's age? All right. I'm guessing he was like 30 in 1989.

No. That doesn't sound right, does it? So he would have been born in 59. So he'd be like 57? That doesn't sound right to me. How far off am I? He was born in 1964. Well, I was five years, five years off.

All right. He just looks weird whenever he's running. He looks weird whenever he's doing anything, to be fair. The dude is a phenomenal actor. He has been incredible in things. He doesn't freak out in this movie, which I thought was disappointing. I kind of wanted him to do his like, uh-huh thing, you know,

or Nicky just gets all Nicholas Cage and riled up. But he doesn't really do that. He does not. Although I did read somewhere that he had got so angry on the set of this movie that he, like, smashed a bunch of prop pumpkins. Oh, really? Yeah. What a weirdo.

Just like imagine being an extra on this movie and Nicholas Cage is just freaking out and smashing pumpkins and you're like, yeah, I'm getting paid for this. I'm getting sandwiches. So, he's. He runs back to the factory where Rasta Harritin Stadden is. And he's like, where do I need to go? How did he know that's where the portal was?

The guy told him earlier. Or somebody told him. Okay. Well, no, no, no. They were like, oh, this is ancient Irish, the trading post or whatever was here. And so this would have been here. And he's like, oh, it's right where that building was. Yeah, okay.

So I'm doing his voice much more, much more Elvis than he does. So he runs back there. And the guy's like, yeah, I'll show it to you. Just, I don't know, give me your watch. Oh yeah. Everybody's hustling Nicholas Cage in this movie. When he needs information from the Hispanic guy, the guy's like, just give me money.

And Nicholas Cage is like, here's a $50 bill. And the homeless guy's like, give me your watch. Nicholas Cage is like, I have tenure. I get watches like cups of water. Look at me. That's not a good. Yeah, it's fine. So he.

Point was made. He goes to this door and then walks for, oh, I don't know, six hours. I don't know, seven hours, two days. I don't know. I fell asleep. He goes across a bridge. I remember there being a Lord of the Rings bridge. I know that I liked.

I always like the idea of like the fantastical coming into like very concrete real places, like factories and stuff like. I think that's neat. Sure. So I was like, okay, I'm on board with this and he steps off at the end of the steps and he's in a field. And there's a house up there. The witch is a house that he saw in the video camera earlier.

Right. And the burlap baby looked at him. Okay. So he goes to the house. Did I see the end of the movie? I'm suddenly unsure. It's our job. All right, right, right, right.

No, because I remember he finds the Chinese girl and the Hispanic boy. Oh, Mia and Pablo? Is that his name was Pablo? Yeah, Mia and Pablo. Christ. So they, he just goes in and he knocks some rocks off the basement door and goes down there and there's a million kids in the basement. Oh, yeah, yeah.

This was an okay scene, I thought. Yeah. Although, I remember being mad because mathematically she'd only been doing it for 300 years and taking three a year, it wouldn't look like like fucking woodstock out there, child woodstock. You know? It would not.

You're right. It looked like child woodstock. It did. I have the note, I hope they had a party for these kids. They're all dressed up and I hope they had a nice little party for them, but they probably didn't now. So he manages to find Charlie and Pablo and Mia.

Yeah, he finds Charlie and then Mia and Pablo are like, can we come to? And he's like, I thought he was going to say no for a second, didn't you? Where he's like, this is my good. No, I just came for him. Got to go, bye. And they, like, just barely make it out before the portal closes. Right.

Which is very anticlimactic. Very. I have the note, this is so dumb. He's, like, hanging off a cliff and holding his kid, and the kid climbs up, and then he climbs up, and it's over. Which is fine. Like, whatever. He had the amount of upper body strength he'd have to have to be able to do what he did was insane. He's an academic, so he's lifting a lot of books.

He, I forgot to mention what pay the ghost means. the woman explains to them, which I have no memory of them saying in the movie, but it's here on this Wikipedia page. The children are burning dolls to pay the ghosts so they won't be taken at the Celtic Halloween celebration. So you pay the ghost by burning a doll. That's the payment the ghost wants. You know. And I was actually on board with that.

I was like, okay, that sounds like a fun tradition. You know, that's nice. But so if Charlie had burned a doll, he would have been fine. I don't know. So you know what I mean? It's just like Darkness Falls where once you start, start picking apart, the folklore just falls completely apart. I guess you're right.

So he just leaves with his kid and takes the kid home. Yeah. And I guess he dropped me and Pablo off on the way. Yeah, they're gone. They're gone. I don't know. They're gone. And they just runs up to the mom.

And she's like, oh, Charlie. And he's like, oh, yeah, I've been gone for a year and it doesn't feel like because me and Debrard just had the carnal right now because I haven't been gone for year. I don't know what's going on. Here's the thing that I felt wasn't addressed and should have been was that the cop actually Like believed that Nicholas Cage had been at fault for this. Right.

You know, and a lot of things did point to him. And then like... It's usually the family. Yeah. He shows up with the other two kids. Like, what? What? You definitely are a criminal. You definitely stole those kids.

Because what are they going to say? They don't remember anything. No. Even if they did remember something, what would they say like, oh, the witch took us and kept us in a room with a bunch of other kids for a year? Nicholas Cage is going to jail. Yeah, I was like, there's no paperwork. There's no meeting with anybody. We're just ending this year.

Okay, we're just getting this year. It's just absurd. So the credits start. Yeah. That's the end of the movie. If you watched just a couple minutes into the credits. Why would you do that to yourself? Because I do. Don't you love yourself? Oh, God, no. No, no, me either. I mean, it don't love me, now that I don't love you. So they show the hot research lady.

Doing what? She's got rebar stuck with her. She's on the roof of a building and the vultures are eating her. What? And then her eyes open up. Why would that happen? She's the witch now? I don't.

What? What? What? I knew that was going to happen. Oh my God, I'm light-headed. Why would she be the witch? She's just a pretty German lady, professor, doctor. I am done.

I was so excited because I knew that you wouldn't stick around for the credit. I was like, as soon as you were like, done, click done. Yeah, so stupid. Oh, my God. Is it Repay the Ghost? Double Pay the Ghost? What's coming up next?

Do you think there's going to be a sequel? God, I hope so. No. You've got to keep this podcast going. This had like a limited distribution of two. Like literally, do you think anyone else has watched this movie? I mean... Hopefully you have EMTs.

You know what? Don't though. Like, hopefully you didn't. Because I honestly, sometimes I watch something terrible and I'm like, ha, ha ha, ha,

we made them watch this. Oh, like the happening? Yeah. Yeah. Now, like I look back with fun memories upon the happening.

I think I need to see it again to remind myself. Because when I think of it, it seems so much better than this. Interesting. Yeah. So then let's move on to the what's call this the beratings phase

because I would like to berate the people who made this movie This is just a movie made by someone who doesn't care about horror I know I said earlier that he'd never seen a horror movie He saw like five of them And he got the gist And was like well this is how you make it And this is how it's scary and it's scary Because things go boom at you

No that's not it It is not it Three Don't watch it Don't bother. No. It's not even funny. Like, some of them that we've done are at least funny.

Like, the happening, I think, was at least funny. Yeah. It had its moments. I think I gave them a two. Yeah. Well, that was early and we didn't know what the spectrum was going to be. We still don't know what the spectrum. No, it's all arbitrary.

Yeah, I would give it a three as well. It's garbage. Don't watch this. It's not even fun, Nicholas Cage. It's not the bees, the bees, the bees. It's bad. It's just all around. It's none, none fucks were given.

It's, it's, It's an insult to the genre. Literally the best line in the movie is the cop saying that they're looking for the child in Arizona. My favorite thing in the movie, as you guys know, every movie I watch with the captions on. Because I'm 197. How did you miss that? How did you miss that? I don't know.

I may even taking a note about something else. It's whenever the ghost flew by anything, it said ghost whoosh. Oh, I like that, actually. Ghost whoosh. Oh, yeah. So three. Don't watch this garbage. I mean, just don't.

Take our word. I'm sure you guys take our word for it, right? Yeah. But I know that some people will, you know, if they've gotten this far in, and they probably would have watched it. I don't know. If you did.

I'm sorry? Ah. If you watch the whole thing, I'm sorry. But if you watch the first half and got out, I say, kudos to you. That's a lot of notes. Yeah. I take a lot of notes.

I'm a note, no, guy. I like the notes. Yeah. You know what else I like, Katie? What? Doing unboxing for Crypto here. him. That is the sound of me shaking it.

You hear that? It's good. Yeah, it's coming through. All right, you open it. You want me to open it? Yeah, well, you're the one with a knife. Oh, no, I pre-cut this one for you. Did you?

You know, I get upset sometimes when you just flip it out of nowhere. I know. You can't just do that. Yeah, just to be very clear. Oh, it's green. Yeah. It's green. For St. Patrick's Day.

Somehow this thing that came weeks ago. And the Irish bad guys of the world. There's a thing called Parcel of Terror, which our friend Jason from the Alien episode, which you should go back and listen to. He makes these things called the Parcel of Terror. And it's a subscription box set. And every month, you get this awesome stuff. And I believe this is the Freddie Kruger box. Yeah, this is the Nightmare on Elm Street box.

So this month's parcel of terror includes Soul Pizza Wall Plaque. I love soul food. As seen in part four, the Dreammaster. Freddy's victim's souls can be seen trapped as horrific toppings on this hellish peas. A cast in solid resin and individually hand-painted comes ready to hang with attached metal. This is joyous. Fuck, that's delightful. It's a full pizza, it's got some pepperones, and it's got some soles.

And it's amazing. I want to make a flavor-flave necklace out of me. Wear that as a pendant medallion. That's awesome, Jason. That is so cool. Jason handpaints all these things himself. They're insane. He molds them and then I don't understand it.

What's he doing? It's a magician. 8-bit Freddy sticker, a high-quality pearl finish. die-cut sticker of Freddy as he appears in the 1990 N-E-S game from LJN, produced from original artwork printed by two crowns. Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum-Bum. That's amazing. I never played that game, but I bet it was

fucking impossible because all of the Nintendo games based on movies were so hard. The hardest game I've ever played is the Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom game. New Nightmare Freddy Slasher Magnet. Miss Me? The darker and more visceral manifestation of Freddy Krueger from West Craven's 1994 film

New Nightmare. Thirteenth in our series of exclusive slasher magnets available only through the parcel of terror. Oh, that's great. Yeah, that's really cool looking. I also sort of like new nightmare. It's really bad. I've never seen it.

It's basically Heather Langenkamp as Heather Langenkamp. Oh, you've told me about this year. Yeah, yeah. We watched it on Halloween this year. It was pretty delightful. Snake Freddy pin. Freddy's serpentine form from part three, The Dream Warriors,

cast and solid resin and individually hand-painted. You have no idea how hard it is for me not to sing the Dockin song to you right now. I don't know why you're stopping yourself. Go for it. It's really cool looking though. The pin is really awesome. Yeah, it's amazing.

Man of Your Dreams Print. Everyone's favorite dream invading burn victim. Created for the parcel of terror by Crypto-Curium guest artist Trevor Henderson. See more of Trevor's work at Trevorhenderson.format.com. That's really awesome. Trevor's stuff is fantastic. Yeah, I really like that. Daydreamer, a short tale inspired by The Nightmare on Elm Street series by CryptoCoreum guest creator, Ken James.

I guess that's in this little envelope here. We're not going to read it. That's copyright infringement. Oh, yeah, that's cool. A little story. A little story. That's awesome. I love a story.

And finally, the chest of souls print. The trapped souls of Freddy's victims escape as he is defeated at the end of the Dream Warriors. Created by Cryptocerium guest artist Brandon Zimmerman. See more of Brandon's work at miserarium.com. That's really cool, too. That's insane. This is an awesome box.

Hopefully you're a subscriber and you've gotten this. Jason, thank you so much for sending this to us. Guys, if this is not yours, you're jealous. Yeah. And don't be jealous.

This pizza black is worth the price of admission. Yeah, it really is. It's amazing. It really, really is. We should put that on Instagram. You can do that because you have a phone

and access to our Instagram account. I forgot the password. So you can get this at CryptoCurium.com. Yeah, 35 bucks a month. Yeah. Just get it. Just get it. and you're not going to regret it.

Get in there. You'll be, you'll be. And support your artist friends that aren't your friends yet, because they'll become your friends. Yeah. Listen to the alien episode, see how rad Jason is. Support him. He's a rad dude.

All right. What are we do next week? Next week, we are doing a guest episode. Guestisode. We'll be joined by our friend Colleen. To talk about the Indonesian film from 2012, the ritual, or just ritual? Just ritual.

And it's also called modus anomaly. It's one of those ones you can rent on Hulu or Amazon. I don't know if you can rent on Hulu. I think you just get it. Yeah, if you're paying for a little. I don't have on Hulu. You can rent it on Amazon. I got it for a whole week, which I was pretty psyched about.

Yeah, seven-day rental. Yeah. Is that the standard now? No, I don't think so. Just for movies that they know no one's going to watch. But you should watch it. You should watch it because we're going to spoil it. So definitely watch it.

Just like we did Faye the Ghost. Yeah, but I didn't suggest anyone watch that. I do want to... Actually, I did. I'm sorry. You guys can find us on Facebook, like these awesome people have. Thank you to Jacob M. Jackson, Stephanie Malone, Alexander Hill, Lauren Zeno, for interacting with us on the Facing Books. Facing Books.

You can find us on Instagram like these awesome people have. See Mayhem. It's a good name. It's a great name. It's like a bummed that one's taken. Jonathan Martel Art Jonathan Martell Art I don't know

It's all one word I don't have pronounced Jonathan Martel Art And Jonathan Martel Art And Jonathan Martel Art It's all one word And J.P. Collins And you can find us on Twitter

But I didn't write anybody's names down from that But thanks for people on Twitter too Thanks to Twitter Thank you Twitter Yeah Orrin and Jen Scott And awesome people Are always interacting with us on there And KK Downing

I just Twitter I just look at it and I'm like, ooh. I think it's pretty much how I look at the internet. I'm sorry. Yeah, thanks for interacting with us and thanks for leaving us reviews on iTunes. They help, they help people find this and help us grow. Help us grow. I want to be bigger.

We're a little flower. You can water us and nurture us. Nurture us and say nice things about us. Speak kindly to me. What? You can find us all over the internet. I did a Google search to see how many places we appear on how many websites. We own like 18 websites.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just filling Google. We're trying to hit Google's max. Google Max. We're going to take away from Kim Kardashian. Someone has to. Someone has to. And it's going to be us.

Yeah, once my butt hits the internet, it's going to ruin everything. You guys are awesome. Thank you. Yeah, thank you so much. And thanks for listening to another episode of Weirail Abulance. Bye. Bye.