Werewolf Ambulance: A Horror Movie Comedy Podcast - ReRelease of Titanic Remembered & The Errata episode.

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

Due to an act of nature we were unable to record this week. Everyone is fine, but you won't be able to hear on thoughts on Obsession until next Monday. In the mean time, we bring you the complete Titanic saga from the Covid times when we lost our gotdamned minds. We hope you enjoy this return to simpler times when the world was collapsing. Is it still? Maybe. But we still got each other. Be good to yourselves & those around you. See you next week. 

Hey Katie. Hi, Alan. How are you? Oh, about to talk about the film Titanic from memory. So, you know. To let you into the window of how I am right now. Yeah. Today I took off work and I was playing Mario Kart.

And at one point, at the beginning of a race, Princess Peach jumped right past me. And I yelled, all right, Princess Peach, ladies and turtles, doing it for themselves. And then went and raced. Oh, God. God. Oh, good God.

Because I was the Kupa Trooper. Just a couple of ladies and turtles. Just ladies and turtles. Oh, you're doing what they have to do to survive. Are we okay? Are you okay? No. I have to say I am deeply not okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm cognizant of that and I'm trying. Sure. I mean, we're here to do this. We're doing something. Yeah, I'm much better now.

Great. Me too. I was sobbing when you picked up the Zoom call, but that's different. It happens. Fuck. Anyway. This is the era of banana bread baking and random tears. Oh, man.

All the tears, but at such weird intervals. There will be days without tears and then just days of tears, which is my new movie about stock car racing. but also feelings and someone's going to be like why don't I want to go see a movie called Days of Tears? What are they tearing? Tearing ass.

No, that would be hauling ass, right? Taring ass. Is tearing ass farting? No, tearing ass is moving fast. Okay, okay. It's just all of a sudden, oh, rip it, ripping one. Rippin ass is farting. This is the kind of content people are coming here for.

This is the bonus of their free content. This is the bonus of their bonus episode. This is going to be bonus episode three part one. It's Titanic from memory. To be fair, we are sharing a screen right now in which I have Google image searched the phrase Titanic the movie. And we're going to talk a little bit about a movie that I haven't seen in 20 years. I haven't seen it since it was in the theater. I have no idea what it was in the theater,

but that's the last time I saw it. I think I was like a freshman in high school. I want to say, oh, it's 1997. I see here on one of the, uh, the images. Okay, so we, we were both freshmen in high school. Yeah, we were both freshmen in high school. How old were you?

You would have been your mid-20s? Uh, 23, early 20s. And you still want to see this movie in the theater. Yeah, my girlfriend at the time wanted to go see it. Ugh, women, am I right? Yeah, it's also why I saw Forrest Gump in the theater. Oh, that's a horrible movie. That's a horrible film.

I hate it. It's all, ugh. It's like propaganda. It is. It is really weird propaganda. Couch. The Lieutenant Dan Band. Couched in like a, you know what, let's not even get into Forest Gump.

Because we have, in front of us, Titanic. Okay. What did you do? think of it when you first saw it in the theater? I hated it. Did you? I felt like I was really emotionally manipulated through the entire thing. You cry?

Oh, I cried like a mother humper at the end of it. Me too. I remember, like, I went with my friends, my like female friends who had already seen the movie. And they were like, oh my God, you're going to cry so hard. And I was like, I'm not going to cry. I don't cry. And then I was like, we loved each other.

chest rattling sobs. This piece of shit. This manipulative fucking thing. All right. In my memory, this film opens with the people looking for the Titanic, the modern day people. Right. As present times, is it Bill Paxton? Is he the captain or something?

Probably. I feel like the Pax is in this. Is he the one who? he's dead. Yeah. He's the one who's dead. Okay. Okay.

I'm sorry. I know that they, it's like a joke, the Bill Paxton, Bill Pullman thing. What was the joke? Oh, it's like the Bill Paxton, Bill Pullman thing. Yeah, where people can't tell them apart. Which I, it was never a thing for me, but now that people have said that so much, I actually can't. You know what I mean?

I can't remember which is which. So, yes, it is one of the two. Okay. Okay. Um, and they, for some, reason. I guess they find the jewelry. Is that what happens? Is that how they end up with old rose? Stanky old rose? Yeah, was she just on the ship? Like, they were like, oh, we found your ship. They find her. They find her from like a nursing home. Oh, you think she was underwater.

Is that what you're asking me? They found her first and then they found her jewelry. They like, no, no, that's not how it happened. They found the jewels were sparkling in the silt of the bottom of the ocean. They picked it up and when they pulled it, she came up with it, like a carrot. And in my memory, that's how this film opens. I just remember in opening with like Bill Paxton's showing or something, I guess it was the jewelry, the aforementioned jewelry, and then her staring wistfully at the ocean. Right. Well, like a flute plays, I think.

Yeah, and Celine Dion screams in the background. Look, a lot of things are wrong with this. Celine Dion is not one of them. Canadian treasure. I think she deserves respect. I think she deserves respect. All right. All right.

Fine. Okay. So in my memory, they collect her from a nursing home, and I remember thinking, like, why? But it's so she can tell this story. Right. It's going to take her apparently a very long time. Yeah. Wasn't she out of a day pass and it just skipped up to the Titanic with her?

It is so long this movie. Oh, my God. So, and then, I guess then we're in the past. 1912? 1912. The Titanic sank 108 years ago yesterday because today is April 16. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. I mean, that's something. We've made it. We've made it this far. So Kate Winslet is a rich lady? Uh-huh. And she is. I remember thinking she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

And now even just looking at these still shots of it, I'm like, oh, God, she's so beautiful. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's breathtaking. Her skin is luminous. Mm-hmm. And Leonardo DiCaprio looks like a baby. He was a baby.

Look at, can you see this one here? that says 14 amazing Titanic Movie Facts, you dot, dot, dot, dot. I can. You're highlighting it with your cursor right now. Oh, you can see my cursor too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and your search history. Alan, my heart just dropped.

It says, is Alan a dork right? Oh, my gosh, I was so worried you, but that's what you would see. Yeah, he was, is that from this picture, or is that, like, a Gilbert grape type thing. I don't know. It's from... Must be from this picture. Yeah.

Awesomeinventions.com. I don't know. So, what happens next? Oh, so she... She's rich. He's poor. Yeah.

She's on there with Billy Zane. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And he had hair. And eyeliner. Lots of eyeliner. Yeah. Also a beautiful man.

Mm-hmm. And in my memory, he kind of got screwed in this movie. Sure. They immediately play him up to be the dick. Yeah. But he's just a rich guy who's going to bail her mom out. Mm-hmm. And she goes stepping out on him.

She does. He's kind of, she's wrong. I mean, she's in the wrong. Yeah. You can't have your Billy Zane and eat it too. As we all learned. Yeah. When you Google image search, Titanic the movie, there are like no pictures of Billy Zane.

Oh, there's one. It's just, oh, no, there's Billy Zane. Billy Zane. Oh, wow, that's a lot more hair than I recall him having. Oh, man. I wonder if he misses it. Oh, gosh, yeah, I'm sure. I don't know.

What happens now? Who are these people in this picture? Is that the... That's something else. It says Titanic's Officers, so I think that's another movie. That's Unsinkable Molly Brown. She wasn't in this. No, no.

No, she was. Is her mom on board with them, too? Yeah, her mom's on board. And her mom's all into her marrying Billy Zane because he is rich. And the mom has, like, lost all the family money or something in my memory. Okay, okay. I'll go with that. So she, like, has to marry Billy Zane to save the family.

Mm-hmm. And Leonardo DiCaprio is a poor Irishman. Is he Irish? I believe he's in. Well, at least he's like on the lower decks with the Irish. I like how you think that all immigrants are Irish. No, they're doing like Irish dancing in my memory. Well, I think that's just in the Irish activity room of the ship.

Down in steerage. I know. Also, I may be thinking of gangs of New York, just so you know. I think that happens in both movies, actually. Okay. If I recall, I think he wins his tickets in a card game, his ticket onto the ship maybe. Okay. I have no memory of that, but I like it.

Which is meant to show us that he's plucky. Oh, he's crafty. He's just my type. Yeah. And plus he's a dream boat or whatever, I guess. Yeah, I don't particularly find Lenny Caps to be an attractive person, but, not my stees. He's just too pretty.

Yeah. And now he's just, he's like a person who used to be pretty, which is almost worse. That was mean. That's got to be a curse, right? Being pretty, I would imagine. Or to have used to have been pretty. Yeah. I'll never know.

See, I feel like I have aged into being more handsome, which I'm pretty into. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's not how I... A beautiful woman, Katie. Not how it generally goes for people. No. No.

I mean, I figured at 80, I'm going to be smoking. Yeah. You better hang on as long as you can. I'm finally pretty. What? So, yeah, he's like a, he's a poor, probably Irishman named Leonardo DiCaprio. See, I think you're thinking that because I think he is an Irish friend who, in my mind is Dominic Monarch. hand, but I don't think actually is.

I don't think so. No. He wasn't a bit part in this movie. I think you might be thinking of Lord of the Rings. Yeah. So Leonardo DiCaprio is played by Elijah Wood and he's a hobbit. Let's go from there. Yep.

I don't have liked Elijah Wood in this movie. That's Irish Water Spaniel Art from Fine Artamerica.com. com. For those of you who can't see it, which is all of you, it is a picture of the Titanic poster with, you know, Leo and Kate looking lovingly. And then there's just a fucking Irish setter, Irish water spaniel in front of them. And it has like a very disapproving look on its face. I feel like that's that dog Zoom background when it's in calls.

Yes. I'm going to go ahead and save this image in case we need it for later. Oh shit. Now you can see me. my files, can't you? I'm looking away. I'm averting my eyes. Oh, thank God.

I'm going to drink beer while you're doing this. All right. Oh, look, here's another one with a different breed of dog. What is that? What kind of dog is that? I don't know. One of them dogs is save people's in the Alps. Yeah, St. Bernard.

I'm saving this one, too. Don't at me if that's the wrong kind of dog. Oh, I don't care. I don't care for it to hear from any of you. Thank you. man i'm bummed there aren't more dogs what was riva mackettire doing here i feel like we should have just done this as like a live um like watch us do a zoom because because like what is reba mackintyre doing here okay okay we got to talk about this movie all right so he's a poor she's a rich

Right. And I'm assuming there paths cross in the Lido deck somehow. She's going to kill herself. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, by throwing herself overboard and then he catches, he like catches her and convinces her to live. Wait, because she's trying to get away from Billy Zanes? Yeah. Wow.

All right. Yeah, it's not great. No. But then it's like, he's like, hey, you're rich. You can live. You're pretty. You should live. Hey, I live.

It's living, man. L-I-V-I-N. And that's what Levaida Loco shows up. What? Ricky Martin's living LaVita Loco. I love Ricky Martin. And I have to tell you, I think it's absolutely a bummer that he had to pretend to be straight for so long. Oh, yeah.

Aw. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad he could live his best life now. Me too. He has, like, a super handsome husband and they have, like, very cute children. I can't even imagine. Yeah.

I assume that's still true. Presumably they're fine. I don't know what's happening in the outside world. So yeah, so he convinces her to live and then I don't know how he, like, how he ends up continuing to be in her life. Well, once you've bumped into Lenny DeCaps, you're just going to keep running at him, I guess. I guess. I mean, he saved her, right? Right, so now she owes him.

She's so pale, she looks like a straight up fucking vampire. But like a really beautiful vampire. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. She could have like squeezed right into interview with a vampire and it would have been fine. She's a rosy-cheeked vampire. Also, man, how do you make being pale look that good? It's ridiculous.

I don't know. I'm always some hue of pink. So, I don't. What is this one where she's wearing like a, waitress outfit. Oh, that's just her school marm dress. It's so weird. Okay, I don't remember that.

With Billy Zane approaching her from behind. Ew. So I don't know. They fall in love, I guess. Sure. I mean, why wouldn't they? They're both beautiful. He's done that King of the World thing.

Or did that happen when she was trying to kill herself, or was that a later thing? I don't think, I think he does that later because that doesn't really seem like something you should do while someone's threatening suicide is stand on a thing. and say I'm the king of the world. I think it's like not a great look. This is my favorite mad TV sketch of just someone standing on a bridge waiting for people.

I'm in a king of the world and if they look like they're going to jump. So sad. Yeah. Yeah. So here's a picture of them doing King of the World. She looks happy. Does he say King of the World?

Is that what it is? Yes. In my memory. I thought it was something about flying. Maybe it is. I only remember it from the office episode of, or from the Bruce Cruz episode of the office. I don't think I've seen that one.

It's like the funniest episode. Is this the American office or the Brun? Oh my God. Yes, the American office. I only watch British TV. That's only partially true. We both have subscriptions to Britbox. You watch British TV and like network TV.

You're watching like Father Brown Mysteries and the Masked Singer. I got so excited when I found Foyles War on my local library app so I could watch all of the episodes. We got to get acorn. We'll split it. I know we talked about it. I know we talked about it. Just one more thing I haven't done. Oh my God.

All right. So how do we get to, there's like the tension between Lenny DeCaps and Billy Zane? His name is Jack. Is it Lenny DiCaprio, Jack? Jack something. Jack O something, perhaps. Yeah, as an Irishman. Jack O Irishman.

It's terrible. Terrible. Yes. His name is Jack. Her name is Rose. Right. And Billy Zane is Billy Zane. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. And I remember, I think, no other characters. Yeah. Yeah, there's like, I remember moms around and the best friend that you mentioned earlier. Dominic Monaghan. Yes. Yeah. And I know that his mom, I'm sorry, uh, uh, uh, uh, Lenin,

Leonardo DiCaprio's mom is played by You've seen aliens? The sequel? I've seen, yeah, in enough pieces to say I've seen it. The character Vasquez, who's the one of the two big gunners, she's the lady. She plays his Irish mom in this movie. Wait, his mom's in this movie? Yeah, yeah, briefly we see.

I only know that because I heard an interview with her where she was like, oh yeah, James Cameron loves me and cast me in a everything and she was in Titanic and aliens. Huh. Yeah. I don't remember. I think it, mom. But I really like the idea of a woman who played a character named Vasquez and Leonardo DiCaprio playing Irish people. Yeah, no, it's nice. It's very multicultural. Is it Irish people are hard to come by in America. You know what I mean? Just go to a dropkick Murphy's concert. Look, look what the top. The top hit is right now in our Google thing here. It's Irish Facts about the Titanic movie.

It's on Irishcentral.com. And I think I'm just going to go ahead and click on it if that's all right with you. Oh, yeah. All right. Are we going to get some spoilers? Oh, fuck. I don't know. Let's find out.

We'll read the subtitle and then decide. Well, this article came out December 19th, 2017. This is the hot content. Uniquely Irish Facts about James Cameron's Titanic movie. Now I'm getting fucking ads for 800 flowers. Have you guys heard the latest episode of my favorite podcast? The two of them Googled for a little while. Oh, man.

I really enjoy doing this. These facts are, one of the facts is just called Young Irish Boy. Can I read you the film? I'm going to read this to them. In one of the film's most heartbreaking moments, an Irish woman tells her children, an Irish myth to send them to sleep as the ship sinks. In fact, none of these actors were Irish, and five-year-old actor Reese Thompson had

a hard time mastering his Irish accent. James Cameron! You couldn't get Irish people. I'm done with this. I hope you're okay with me closing this tab. Please. I would like to tell you a fun Danzig fact. Yeah. So I watched a YouTube review

of Danzig's movie, Verotic. which may be realized that we should never torment ourselves and watch this movie. Okay. I think we had briefly discussed it, so I'm happy to hear you say we're not going to. The first of the three vignettes takes place in France, and these amazing low-rent actors are trying to do French accents. Oh, no. And half of them are indecipherable, and it's amazing.

I think one woman is just going, And Danzig was like, good enough. Put it to tape. Cut print. Dancing. Cut print, dancing. I like that a lot. So I didn't realize the Terminator was in Titanic.

No, I've actually never seen any of the Terminator movies. So maybe that's why I didn't catch it that he was in there. Okay. Maybe the Google image search was not the best way to find out about this movie. It looks like there's going to be some water at some point. I'll tell you that. Do you want to do like a Google, like a Titanic cast or scenes or something like that? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, image search. Titanic, the movie scene? Yeah, we could try that. All right, let's click that. Yeah. Oh, it's just the King of the World scene. Oh, they fucking that car. Remember they fucking a car?

After she says, paint me like one of your French girls. where that is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Vla, loom. Yeah, she's just beautiful, huh? Yeah.

I like the slight amounts of disdain in your voice. She's just beautiful, isn't she? It's like, I'm just so sick of people being better looking than me. It's like exhausting. Oh, boy. I remember hearing stories that she told from being on set of how. Leonardo DiCaprio would put her in his overcoat to keep her warm when they were standing on the deck of the ship and then fart. That's pretty funny.

So he's like Dutch ovening her while they were standing on set and they both thought it was hilarious. That is pretty funny. So I like that the scene thing is just all the same pictures from the last thing. Yeah, why don't I try something else? Titanic the movie cast. Yeah. Okay. Maybe this will help.

Nope, it's just the two of them. Genuinely, I have no idea. Oh, there's Billy Zane. It's all then and now. This is so bizarre. Is nobody else in this movie? This is not Kathy Bates, is it? It is.

It is Kathy Bates. She's unsinkable Molly Brown. Mm-hmm. It's funny. I recognize the now, Kathy Bates. but not the then the Kathy Bates. Oh, that was like pure misery era too. Yeah. I hate that movie.

It's so scary. Oh, here's her mom. Here's her mom. Okay, so maybe there aren't any more characters in this movie. Right. Well, we haven't seen the best friend yet. Keep going down. I don't think he's showing up, honestly.

I don't think he's, maybe I should just go to IMDB. Wait, is this him? Is this him down here? That's got to be him, right? That guy is decidedly not. Irish. Irish is fun. Okay, anyway, we're doing a really good job.

Oh, there's the captain. The captain is here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good job, huh? It seems like you could avoid an iceberg, but maybe not. All right, so. I like how, um, this episode that is about a film about hubris is, um, really us thinking we could make something like this funny.

That feels a little like hubris to me. I am laughing a lot, but that's far for the course. I'm pointing with my glasses at the computer screen. I'm going to put a disclaimer on this episode to like, take it with a grain, you know. It's a bonus episode. It's bonus. You're right. All right.

So we know that there's tension between him and Billy Zane. Like Billy Zane's somehow onto him. Right. Because he's scopener. Being interested. He's scopening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's like a pore that's showing.

up on the rich decks. Right, because like they bring him to dinner, which is like, oh, my God, they brought up horror to dinner. It seems like bringing an Irish water setter to dinner. It's something you don't do. I do like that he somehow has a tux. I don't remember how he got the tux. I actually do, which is unsinkable Molly Brown gives it to him. Because I remember thinking like, oh, I guess they just needed to get this known character in the movie, you know? UMB coming to the rescue. Yeah. You know, a lot of people didn't. die on the Titanic Molly Brown.

Like, get over yourself. Was she unsinkable prior to this? I don't think so. I think she just didn't sync with the Titanic, which is like, you're not the sole survivor. Like, how dare you give yourself that nickname? She's the one to market it, though, and that's what matters, right? I don't know.

I presume so. You don't remember unsinkable Ricky. No, you're talking about unsinkable Molly Brown. Yeah. I assume Ricky got off the boat, too, you know. Floating Ricky did. make it? So yes, so she gives him a tucks and then, oh, Billy Zane slaps her, I think, which is like,

okay, now it's okay for her to leave him. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa. Yeah. So maybe Billy Zane isn't the good guy we thought he was. I just remembered that. I never said he was a good guy.

I said he got a raw deal. Okay. But now I realize I was wrong. So, yeah. So then, I guess they hit the iceberg. Oh, wait, no, then they got to go into the basement of the ship to go and hang out in a car and have sex with a hand on the glass. Hand on the glass. Yeah.

It's very sweaty. Yep, iconic hand on the glass. And you see her boobs in the drawing, draw me as a French girl, right? Let's find out. Titanic, the movie, boobs. There they are. Hell yeah. Yeah, dumb tete tets.

Ring that bell. I'm going to go back, though, so we're both not just sitting here staring at each other in Kate Winslet's boobs. It's my Zoom background now. It's not good. You're just on a work call and you move your head the wrong way. Oh, it's a lawless time. You can do whatever you want. They can't fire you.

You're already fired. Oh, God. All right, so they do the dirty dirt in the car and then... I have never heard it referred to as that, and I hope to never again. You never like any of the things that I use as euphemisms for sex. They always squick me out just a little bit, you know what I mean? The beast with two backs is out. Doing the dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt mygirt.

He, she lets him smag it, girl. Young Hama. And then the ship hits an iceberg, right? Right. Presumably. And then there's like two hours of this fucking ship sinking. Yeah, something like that. It all of a sudden becomes real time.

Yeah, it kind of does. But he somehow gets arrested. Do you remember that they take him into custody? Billy Zane gets him arrested and he gets handcuffed to a radiator or something? No, but that makes... Oh, yeah, yeah, because, like, the ship is flooding and he's trapped, right? Yeah, and she's, like, trying to free him. Do you remember that?

I'm just looking at these pictures, trying to get anything from it. Anything. Is James Cameron wearing a Steelers T-shirt? That doesn't seem right. Oh. No. It's got to be something about going into the Marianas Trench or something. Yeah, probably.

That man loves going underwater. That's dumb. Stay up here. This is where the air is. I recently saw a picture from like the late 70s, early 80s of Madonna in a Pittsburgh Pirates T-shirt. Weird. And I was like, I was like, why isn't that the Pittsburgh flag? Right.

It's so cool looking. It is. That's amazing. So yeah, so the ship starts to sink. And admittedly, this is the money thing that James Cameron came here for. Like the love story is secondary. He got to sink the Titanic again, which is like his thing. He loves the Titanic.

Why is that? What's his deal? I don't know. He just loves deep sea stuff. Like he's done so much shit to further like the scientific discovery in at the bottom of the ocean. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, yeah. I think we should leave the ocean alone.

I don't think we should know. Okay. All right. I have no reason. reason for thinking that. I just think that there's like dinosaurs down there. Can't we just leave? I mean, like, do you know what happens when you bring up, like,

just leave the dinosaurs alone is what I'm saying. Leave them be. I mean, there's like, there's nothing in real life creepier than the footage from the bottom of the ocean floor with the shit that lives down there eating other shit that lives to me. Yeah. Just let it be.

Yeah. I just sent you that picture of Madonna. that showed up on your phone. Oh, that is like, oh, man, that is a great picture. That is a great shirt. That was a great era of the logo man. Yeah. Why isn't that the Pittsburgh flag?

I don't know. It's very sexy. It is. Yeah. City council's not going to go for that. Make Pittsburgh sexy again. Pittsburgh has never been sexy. That's the thing about us.

So, yeah, so like there's now all of the, The chaos is the ship starts to sink and break apart, right? Right. And they are running around because first she has to free him. Mm-hmm. And then I don't know. She's really spent all that time trying to free him. I don't remember.

Doesn't she have to, like, fight off Billy Zane at some point, too? I think Billy Zane pushes a bunch of women and children out of the way and gets in a lifeboat. He does. He pulls a total dick move. Yeah. And then she yells like, I'm a child. It's just me, a baby boy. Weh.

I'm Wittle Billy Zay and I gotta go. Sir? Okay. Just me and Wittle Kim. Oh, no, kids pop little Kim. Might be one of the greatest things we've ever come. was really, really funny. So yeah, she spends a lot of time trying to free him.

She frees him and then they have to run around the flooding boat, right? I guess. Why? I don't know. She gets in a lifeboat at one point and then jumps back out and climbs up the side of the sinking ship, which, like, no. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Don't do that. What did you think of the special effects in this, like, part of the movie where, like, you're seeing all the stuff and the people falling off the boat and all. Oh, I remember thinking he was amazing. I remember thinking it was so cool they could sink this giant ship like realistically yeah

and it was I mean it was like this was like the best use of that kind of oh yeah and I think this was the most expensive movie at this time Wow until he made Avatar

Yeah because I'm pretty sure I think there was $250 million to make this movie if memory serves Yeah because that's what it costs to me make all three Lord of the Rings movies. No shit.

And so, like, yeah, for some reason, that possible fact-a-aid is stuck in my brain. Yeah, I think Avatar, like, may have... Avatar definitely surpassed it in ticket sales. Really? Yeah, Avatar's huge around the world. I'm looking up what the most expensive movie ever made was. Oh, the Avengers Age of Voltron. What does that mean?

it's an Avengers movie it's a Marvel movie wait tangled no that can't be right wait a second here I'm going to Wikipedia where everything is right

hold on here hold on a goddamn minute Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger Tides officially holds the record with a budget of 378.5 million that's fucking stupid

has anybody even seen that movie that's not even the one you've seen you know now I didn't realize the event movies cost that much to me. I guess so, like the entire cast is known people. Wow. Wow. So much money. My immediately thought was, oh, I just figured out how to feed the world. Yeah, right. Don't make The Hobbit the desolation of smog. Or any of these pirates of the Caribbean that I've never heard of.

I know. I've seen exactly one and it's the first one. Wow. Wow. Anyway, okay. So the problem I'm having right now is that I've watched Frozen three times in the last 10 days. And so when I try to think about this movie, I'm just getting frozen instead. So I'm like, yeah. And then the reindeer falls down the stairs and everybody laughs. Go with it. This is our recollection of this movie. Okay, fine.

So here's the problem. The thing I don't understand is why everybody loves Elsa when she's the villain for most of the movie. Like, I don't get it. Do you think it's because she's voiced by Kirsten Stewart? I think you're thinking of Kristen Bell. I am. Kristen Stewart is the woman from Twilight. Third Rock from the Sun?

No, that's Kristen Johnson. No, Kristen Bell is Anna, who is really the plucky heroin of the film, but she's like, she has braids and freckles, whereas Elsa has this, like, big fucking braid thing, blonde. And I just, and, like, Lucy's like, I like her teal shirt. shirt. And I was like, oh, so you like, you like Elsa? You're that basic. That's right, because her kids made her dress up as Elsa for Halloween. Oh, that's horrible. I remember her being mad about that because I follow her on Instagram. That's cute. So when they hit the iceberg, it's because Elsa put it there, presumably. I don't know.

It's probably, it's probably because of that stupid snowman. Oloaf for whatever his name is. I like Oloff. I think he's funny. I should put it out there. I've never seen Frozen. I think you probably enjoy it. There are plot holes big enough that you could drive like Kenny Fisher's GMC through it. But it's like, it's pretty good. And I've also been rewatching the first season of Mind Hunter because I watched it right after at Lucy and forever nothing.

And then when I realized that the Holden is voicing Christoff in Frozen, I was like, what is happening? Why is Christoph at Lou's quarter of? Yes. I just watched that episode last night. And I thought, man, I used to drink at that table under that glass block window every Thursday night. Do you think they walked in a Luz or were like, perfect? Nothing needs to be changed. You're eating in there.

Like, imagine eating food inside Luz. I love seeing things you know on TV, though, because I was like, that's the door to the cabana. Just leave his back porch. We have gotten very drunk on that backboard. Oh, so drunk on that back porch. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Anyway, the ship sinks.

It splits in half, amazing. Like, as far as, like, a feat in film history, it's incredible looking. Which is, like, actually how the Titanic sank, like, the same way that they have it split. It's amazing. It looks great. And I remember being sort of captivated by this. Oh, sure.

Yeah, yeah. This is the money shot in the movie, like this whole sinking portion of it. Yeah. It's one long money shot. And like, I figured what they, that one, one or both of them were going to die. And I was still like, what's going to happen? You know? So that's good on that.

There was room for him on that door. There's a lot of internet debate about that. And I've not looked it up since we were going to do this episode. but I hear about it on Twitter. I feel like it comes up on Twitter every so often. Yeah. Where, like, people have done illustrations to show that he could have fit on the door. And then there are other people who have done, like, weight displacement calculations

to show that it wouldn't have worked. Like, people are serious about whether or not he could fit on that door. I mean, I have no personal... Okay, let's look at that. Let's look at a picture of that and see what we think. You have no skin in that game? I just don't know. What are Angelina Jolly and Matthew McConaughey doing on this search?

Who is Angelina Jolly? Angelina Jolly, famous actress? Where do you see Angelina Jolly? He's scrolling down, a little further. That is not Angelina Jolly. That's some Jolly. Little further down, a little further, a little further, little further now, little further, little further. There she is on the left-hand side right next to Matthew McConaughey.

Oh, I don't know. She also looks like a straight-up vampire. She does. Beautiful woman. Okay, let's look this up. Titanic. See, look at this. Okay, we're looking at a picture.

What do you think? Okay, so it's, it's like just a big piece of wood. It's not a door. Okay. Because it's kind of like funny sheet. Right. It's not door. Yeah, but she could have sat up, no?

Oh, for sure. She was sleepy. Although sitting up you would like start to rock, I would think. Like laying down is going to get you the most like stable. Yeah. Let's look at this picture here. Yeah. Oh, wow.

It's people showing four different ways in which they could have been on the door. One of them they're sitting up playing cards. One of them they're posing with sunglasses. One of them they're laying on top of each other, which I appreciate it. That would actually work though. probably unless they were just too heavy, but like... Got that warmth? Did she let him die?

Yeah, I was just thinking, like, if I was on the door, like, that's fine. I'm the only one on that door. I understand that. I'm a giant man. I'm not a tiny Kate Winslet. Or a tiny Leo DiCaprio. I bet you could fit Leonardo DiCaprio with you on that door, now that I'm looking at it. Now I feel strongly that he could have fit.

Leonardo DiCaprio was six feet tall. Uh-huh. So he's two inches shorter than I. Yeah. He's, like, a childlike skinny in this movie, though. It's true. It's true. Okay.

Okay, so. So wait, what is the question, whether you and Leonardo DiCaprio could fit on the door, or you and Kate Winslet could fit on the door? Me and Kate Winslet, I feel like, yeah, like, I feel like she's like, I could just, like, fit her in my pocket. Yeah, that will work. She seems like a tiny. I'm going to look how tall she is. I bet she's five feet four inches, if I had to guess. Ooh, five seven.

Oh, that's weird. Whatever Kate Winslet, I'm still taller than you. Me too. Yeah, take that, Kate Winslet. Taking up all that space on the door. Draw me like one of your French girls, Kate Winslet. One of the drawings he has is like a sex worker with a missing leg, and he's like, isn't it some? I didn't remember that, but that sounds on point.

So he dies. Right. And then we come back to, like, present day, Rose, and we see all these photographs from her life in her home, I guess. Or maybe in the place that she's living, like the retirement home or wherever she's living now. Yeah, I don't remember that. And, like, all the photographs are her, like, hunting elephants and, like, traveling the world. Wait, she's an elephant. Maybe she just hung out with elephants.

I don't know. It doesn't seem like the rose we know to shoot an elephant in the face, you know. Makes her a much less sympathetic character. It's just her Ted Nugent said next to a dead elephant. It's her like, like she's dangling a kitten out a window and then in the next picture it's just gone. It shows her becoming Jack the Ripper. Yeah. No, it's just like all these photographs.

her like doing rad shit. Oh cool. Like fucking like gleaming the cube and like skating a big half pipe and just getting radical. Heaven is a half pipe, my friend. What is that? It's a song. Bye. I forget I'm Googling.

Google it right in front of my eyes. I'm from OPM. OPM. Never heard. If I die before I wake, at least in heaven I can skate. right on earth. I can't do Jack without the man up on my back. Heaven is a half-lake.

Wow. Yeah. And that's the song that ends, Tyne. No, and then I can't believe they won an Oscar for that score. Heaven is a half-pipe. It's Celine Dion with OPM singing, Heaven as a Half-Hap. They may well both be Canadian to be, There was a point when we were just discussing,

while we were discussing this, that I was convinced that Whitney Houston's hit song from the Bodyguard soundtrack was actually in this movie. Oh, God, that's a dope song, though. She sounds like an angel. I know. Yeah.

I know. I know. It's amazing. Yeah. I've never seen that movie, should I? No, no, definitely not. The Bodyguard? Yeah.

Why did I even ask? that's not for me should I watch that movie where Kevin Costner saves Whitney Houston why not for our next bonus episode we'll be doing the bodyguard no absolutely not

Field of Dreams double feature I love Field of Dreams that movie makes me cry I've never seen it Oh, it's, you don't have the love for, you've never even been to a baseball game, have you? I mean, I played T-ball when I was a kid. That's the same thing. It's the magic of the grass and all that.

Get out there oiling up my glove to catch. I was the catcher in T-ball, too. I didn't do anything. I didn't have a position, really. I just said to squat. Wait, there are catchers in T-ball? What do you doing back there? You call on the pitch?

You just keep pointing inside, and the dad who's pitching is like, Alan, stop. it. I'm not going to pitch him inside. I was there entirely to get people out. There's somebody on the pitcher's mound. Doing what? Catching the ball when it comes to them. Right. I guess you have to be there to get people out at home plate. Yeah, that was my job entirely.

But there's just a player pitching who never actually throws the ball. God, T-balls for babies. Dumb stupid babies. learned to throw. I mean, I'm pretty sure I was eight when I did it. Yeah, I bet they had little leagues. There's a reason I was catching. I wasn't a sportsman.

You may not believe that, but I was not a big sports guy. So you wouldn't say that heaven is a baseball diamond? I would not. I do love a sports movie, so it's surprising I haven't seen. You should really see it. It's a great film. Maybe we'll do it on here. one day.

Oh, who knows? Actually, I would rather do the Robin Hood where he doesn't do a British accent. I've never seen that. But Rob says it's a good movie and I don't believe him. Oh, no, he is not. So that's Titanic as well as we remember it, right? Yeah. What?

Fuck. I don't even think of it. I'm not going to edit this one. I'm just going to put the theme music on the beginning and end and go. So our original plan was to do, then to actually watch the movie and split it into portions and describe it to each other. Should we still do that? I think so. Yeah.

What else are we doing? Nothing. Nothing. Do you want to do by halves or quarters? Because I kind of like the idea of quarters. Sure. Yeah. Do you want to do the, at some point, just do the math and tell me where I'm going to watch it.

This is going to be insane. I'm going to love this. I want, okay, let me ask you this. Do you want quarter one and three or quarter two and four? I'll do odds. Okay, so you'll get one and three. I'll take two and four. Yeah, I'll do the math.

I'll let you know where we're picking up and leaving off. Yeah, yeah. And then we'll describe it to each other and we'll call it the corrections and retractions episode. Yeah, we'll see what we got right and when we got wrong. We'll see if Olaf from Frozen is indeed in this movie. To be fair, I don't think we talked about this movie enough for it to be wrong, except that I'm pretty sure now that guy isn't Irish, and I don't think that Elsa causes the iceberg.

But other than that, I bet we pretty much nailed it by virtue of saying nothing at all. What I told that funny little dancing anecdote? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But nothing about this movie, sir. Nothing. I mean, I'm lucky that I remember the movies

that we're talking about that I've watched within the last week. So going by 23 years, mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. Sometimes when we come to record, I don't even remember what movies we're going to talk about until I open the notes app on my phone and see what the two most recent entries are. Yeah. For sure. Oh.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to talk about the end. I forgot to talk about the end. So, yeah, she does, she's, she's had this real dope life. But then at the end, when she throws the jewelry into the water and then she dies, she fucking dies. And then when she wakes up her, her, her. her heaven is a half pipe is the Titanic. She's back on the fucking Titanic.

Remember with Jack? I do not remember this at all. You're never going to see it because I have two and four. Is Bill Paxson like there when she passes? No. Okay. I don't think so. Wait, is she his grandma?

Is that right? Is he his own grandpa? What happened in this movie? Is he, Jack? Wait. Can we do this math? quick. Yeah.

All right. So Rose is 18, 20. Wait, in 1912? Yeah. Yeah, probably. Somewhere in that neighborhood. Okay, so we're going to say she was born. Let's say 20 for easy math, for easy man.

Okay, so then she was born in 1882. Yeah. This movie was in 1997. Okay. Mm-hmm. So I'm to believe that old dusty Rose. It was 115 years old, 115? Am I doing this right?

1997. Okay, hold on here. I must have missed a digit. 1912 minus 20, 1892. So she's 105. Yeah. That's not better. Dusty Rose.

She is dusty, though. I now want Dusty Rhodes to play her character in this way. Bless his heart. Oh yeah, yeah. The world's a worse place without him. Absolutely. So, yeah, so wait, so she dies. And then you go into like her dream mind or whatever.

And she's like walking up the big stairs of the Titanic and Jack's there. And I was like, do you have to fucking sink again? Is this your purgatory? But really I think it's just like she can be like on the Titanic forever? That doesn't seem like a place you'd want to be. Wait, she did all this awesome, awesome shit, like fucking hung out with elephants. I'm assuming now she was just friends with elephants. She wrote a half pipe?

She, well, she, I mean, her, it was like her granddaughter who had brought her to the Titanic thing, I think. So, like, she had children. She doesn't want to be with her children or like her family. She was speaking with this dude. She fucked once when she was 20. Can you imagine dying and your heaven being

with someone that you were fucked once when you were 20? What a ship that sinks? That's sad. That's really sad. I'm really sad.

You know, heaven sucks. Oh, my God. How dare you? Heaven is a half pipe. I don't remember any of that. You may have made all that episode. I'll let you know in our next bonus episode.

It's true. It's Titanic Corrections and Retractions. Yeah. That's it. That's all we're doing for this one. I mean, like, I hope that was what you wanted it to be, you guys. I like the people requested that we do this. I know.

I don't know what they, I hope it's, I hope this is okay, you know. Yeah. I hope this is what you wanted. Holy shit. This movie is. three hours and 15 minutes long. Oh, fuck. Are you serious? We're all going to have, we're each going to have to watch an entire movie.

Oh, my God. Okay, hold on. So 3.2.2 divided by four. Yeah, it's going to be long. Yeah. All right, well, I'll get you the time stamps. Perfect. Do you want to say anything to these nice people? I hope you're all doing as well as you can. Hang in there. Yeah. It seems like we're doing a good job. It seems like we're on the downhill. I hope so.

Yeah, stay inside until you don't need to anymore. Yeah. And don't do it too early. Yeah. Don't jump the gun. Don't shoot the elephant in the face. Don't throw that diamond in the ocean. Don't date Billy Zane just as like a.

No matter how much money he has. It's true. Here's what's going to be the problem with doing the quarters show. that I like you to explain things to me when I haven't been paying attention, and it will only have been me who watched it. That's going to be on you, Doug. I know. I feel like a renewed sense of urgency in terms of just like really buckling down on this podcast,

paying attention, doing it right. Two quarters of Titanic. Not even a full half. Quarters two and four, baby. It's going to be great. All right. So we'll do that for our next bonus episode, which will come out whenever we can. Yeah, whenever later.

Yeah, sometime. That's it. Yeah. Thanks for listening to another bonus episode of Wherewell Favile. Bye. Bye. Hi, Alan. Hey, Katie.

How are you? I'm pandemic. How are you? Pandemic. Pandemic, pandemic. I hope that our listeners, look back on this as our lovably zany period. Because today we're going to describe the plot of Titanic.

Having seen it, unlike the last episode where we described it, just like it doesn't see it. Well, I've seen half of it, quarters two and four. Alan has seen half of it, quarters one and three. I have to say, quarter two to quarter four, like, I can't believe there was anything in between them. Like, I don't know how it didn't just go straight from one to the other.

I don't know why quarter three exists. Okay. I'm sorry you watched it. And also, I got none of the sex scenes. I got all the titties. I got all the fucking. I got none of the romance buildup. I got, like, I saw them meet each other, and then they were willing to die for each other.

I saw nothing in between. That's the plot of this movie. though, that's what it is. It was like a fucking horror movie where someone's just like, hey, hey, I'm gonna kill for you. I'm ready. I'm gonna do this.

Amazing. Yeah. All right, you want to kick us off with quarter one of Titanic? Yeah, let me just pour some coffee down my face. Good. Oh yeah, we're having an odd daytime recording.

Yeah. Which I'm also drinking, and so is Alan. It's currently 207 p.m. The sun is shining. drinking inside and doing a podcast. It feels good, man. I'm basically at brunch because I'm drinking coffee and a beer at the same time. I am too because I'm having an icy light mango, which is beer and fruit.

It's like a mimosa. Oh, it's so good. This is the first mango I've had of the season, and I have to say I am just overjoyed. It's summertime in my mouth. All right. So we start off with some flute music. over top of archival footage of the launching of the Titanic. Okay.

Which is not archival at all. It was obviously shot at the same time as the fucking movie. And then I realized it's not a flute. It's a woman singing. Okay. Okay. Oh, hell yes. I should say going into this, I was substance-free entering this movie.

I was just watching it. And I got tweaked on it, I think. we skip ahead past the archival footage to lots and lots of deep sea exploration footage. If you wanted to see like a, oh, the first 20 fucking minutes are just Bill Pullman doing his National Geographic thing. No way. Wow. That's, that's, this movie's long. Yeah, it's like three hours and 15 minutes, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Did you learn anything from that? Was it science-y? I mean, no. Other than they were underwater and how much pressure there was, which I didn't write down, then I definitely said Bill Pullman and it's Bill Paxton. Yeah.

I wasn't entirely sure, which is why I didn't correct you. My notes go from, hey, Bill Pullman's in this. Nope, it's Bill Paxton, you fucking idiot. that's what I'm saying. The joke has become the reality. It's fucked. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

And he's obviously like, he's in this for the money, but he's making these, like, faux documentaries about everything. And he has a gold hoop earring, which I think is how you're supposed to know that he's in it for the money. Oh, I thought that's how you were supposed to know he's an artist. I saw him only very briefly at the end. So I did not get much of him at all. And I have a lot of notes, like, is that Ed Asner when they would flash to weird guys on the screen?

Shipwrecks are really cool to look at underwater, though. It's really neat. Yeah. It's such an eerie, eerie vibe. Yeah, especially when you see something that's, like, so recognizable as not being underwater, like a doorway or something like that, like, just looks, and it's covered in algae and fish. It's your thing of loving things that are misplaced. You love a thing that's out of its place, yeah. I do, they too.

There's weird shots of, like, baby doll heads, like, in the silt in the Titanic. Okay. This movie really, like, wants you to know that fucking children died. And it pushes that, it pushes that fact on you quite a bit. And it's a little bit aggravating in quarter four. I mean, it's sad. It is sad. You only have to tell me it's sad once, you know?

I mean, if they don't pound you over the head with child death, how are you going to really absorb it? How am I going to enjoy my evening if I'm not pounded over the head with child death? I mean, really. So in these, like, TV spots that he's doing, they discover a safe, a box that has all these documents in it, but no money and no heart of the ocean, which is what they're looking for. this diamond that's worth more than the Hope diamond. Okay. Because of its relevance to the Titanic and all this shit. Okay.

And they find a picture, a hand-drawn picture of a naked woman lounging on a couch. Hmm. Who could that be? And we flashed to the first thing that we definitely got wrong, which was we go to Rose's home, which is just a house. She's not in a home I was sure she was in a home The house is filled with like

100 years of this life well lived And I thought at the end We saw all the photos of her doing rad shit But right in the beginning they're just like Here's her with a horse Here's here with Roosevelt Here's there with like blah blah blah blah Alan

Do you want to know why you thought you saw those at the end? Yeah Because you do They show them again Because I was like Oh, yeah, Alan was right about that elephant. She's not shooting it, but she's there. It's probably like, they're probably like,

you know, they're not going to remember three hours ago. Let's just show them again. And Bill Paxton's name is Brock Lovett. No, it's not. I love it. I love it, too. So they show, which I found very funny, they showed the picture of her,

like the nude drawing of her on the TV. which I was like, they wouldn't blur out those movies. I'm pretty sure National Geographic would blur out her boobies. Hmm, I don't know. Who knows? But the whole lady's watching TV. Wait, this is on television? Yeah, it's on the TV.

It's on like a little tube TV in her house. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Okay, go on. And her very striking granddaughter is there. She's gorgeous. Yeah, she really is. I figured like they cast a gorgeous granddaughter to be like, oh, yeah, good jeans. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Because the woman, the old rose looks nothing like young rose. Old Rose is pretty dusty. She's pretty old. She's legit 100 years old. Her hair. What is she doing with that hair? I feel like it not only was the actress, like an older actress, but they, like, aged her up.

They were like, you need to look like, you press. rolled out of something to come into this. Her hair looked like the older brother from the second season of Stranger Things that they introduced the like 80s muscle card brother. That's what her hair looked like. Not to diverge too much

because this is going to take a while, but that kid trying to do an American accent, it's so good. I know. He's so charming. He's like, core blimey. I mean, God damn it anyway. So she sees her tities on the TV and is like, oh my God, those are mine. Those are my tities.

I know those tities. And she's like, granddaughter, granddaughter, come see Mama's tities on the TV. And the next shot is then like calling Bill Paxson and being like, I'm sorry, calling Brock Lovett. And being like, yo, those are my titties. I'm coming to your ship and hanging out. Yeah. Yeah. So she does.

She does. And then I assume this is where the movie goes back in time? Yeah. After about 20 minutes of her walking around the fucking ship, they finally go back in time. Oh, my God. Because Bill Paxton's like, hey, will you tell me your story? And she's like, hell yeah, let's do this. She's like, how long do you have?

Because this is going to be days. About three hours and 15 minutes. How long did we spend on the underwater shots? 15 minutes. Okay, you have three hours. I love, like, she starts telling her story and is able to picture perfect tell Leonardo DiCaprio's story as well, which I really enjoyed. Okay, so was his mom in this movie? Because our friend Jeremy had just texted me and was like, there's no way his mom was in that movie. A hundred percent not in this movie. I just didn't understand why he'd have a mom in the movie, but I didn't want to doubt your judgment.

There is a mother of like some Irish kids that's played by the actress who played Vasquez and aliens. He's also in Near Dark. Oh, okay. Oh, okay, okay. She is a mother in this movie, but not his mother. Not his mother. And he's not Irish. I got that 100% wrong because we first meet him.

He's like, I'm going back to an America because I'm an American. His friend Fabrizio, also not Irish. Also not Dominic Monaghan. Man, I was so wrong. Well, there is Tommy, who's their Irish friend. Oh, I never saw Tommy. Oh, okay. I see Tommy at the end of quarter four.

Never mind. Okay, yeah. I'll tell you about Tommy's feet. Okay, okay. So, um, so we, we see, uh, uh, roses getting on the ship with her shitty husband or shitty fiancee and her shitty mom. And their shitty fiance's butler is David Warner. I was so shocked.

It was David Warner. Yeah. know I lost my mind. I know you did. I just have all caps. Oh, fuck, it's David Warner. He's great in this, though. Oh, God.

If you ever need... He does a lot in quarter two. Oh, does he? Yeah, yeah. I would assume because by the time we see him in quarter three, he's like full-blown evil. He's just a bad dude. You know what David Warner does really well is lurk? He's a great lurker.

Yeah. I can only think of one movie, and people will probably correct me, but the Omen is the only movie I can think of where he plays a good guy. He's the monk in Black Death. Oh, that's right. That's right. I will correct you, sir. Thank you. From a film we did four weeks ago.

Which feels like a year ago. Because I'm just thinking of like time bandits where he's the devil and then like House of Wax and like a hundred other movies where he's just the baddest bad dude ever. He's got a good face for being a bad guy. He does. He does for sure. I think that's why he's a great casting in the omen, because it's a good red herring. Can we talk about Billy Zane's hair?

Oh my God, please describe it to me and tell me everything you're thinking about it because it's so good. I've never seen a wig that looks so much like hair extensions in my life, or not hair, because I hair plugs. Yeah, it's unflattering. It really is, and it's like swooping in all the worst ways. Yeah, it's like a deep side part in the front to. the other, to like a point at the other side of his vase. Mm-hmm.

I think it's, that is not accurate for 1912 hair. I think that's 1997 hair. I think so. And why? It's not his hair. It's so weird. It's like he borrowed one of like Nick Cage's later hairs. Yes.

It's just very weird. Also, he has so much foundation makeup on that it's like, So weird. I wondered about that. Like, is his, did he have bad skin or something? Like, why? Is that man wearing, he looks like a baby doll. He's wearing so much makeup.

He's very handsome. You can't take that away from him. I have seen him in other things where he doesn't have that doll quality about him. And it will also say now that he's adopted the full-blown, like, shaving his head, it's a good look. It looks good on him. I like it. I mean, I like a bald man, though. Yeah.

Yeah. I can't rock it because my head's shaped like a lima bean, but he looks great. It's great because I'm just looking at you. You're like sort of backlit right now, so you are just a shadow. And so imagining your head is a lima bean, which is not lima bean shaped any more than anyone's head is. It's very funny. I did cut most of my hair off today. I cut like seven inches off my hair.

Oh, yeah, it does look short. Yeah. I don't really see your face very much because you're backlit. Oh, I'm sorry. No, no, it's fine. I see you at night times. There you go. There's one point where Rose is talking about how unhappy she is.

And she's talking about entering this ship like a slave. Did she say that? Because she doesn't want to be in this relationship. But she's basically just here for money. Oh, wait, Rose, they didn't get money. And it's not a good look for a white woman. 1912. No.

That doesn't make her a very good character, doesn't? Just like shooting those elephants in the face. Maybe Rose actually sucks. I believe there are arguments on the internet that she does suck, and that's why she wouldn't let him on the piece of wood. Oh, man. We see Leo Jack, as it were, and he is playing him in Fabrizio, who... Did you know he was Italian?

Fabrizio. He puts at the end of every fucking word. We go on a boat. I'm just like, Fabrizio, dial it back. You're not playing Luigi in the Mario Brothers movie. Which we really should have done for our bonus episode. There's probably still time.

I probably. Fuck. Him and Fabrizio beat the Swedes that they're playing cards with. they get their tickets to be on the ship. And they jump on last minute. And as they're jumping, like the ship is pulling away from the dock as they're jumping on to it. And some steward on the ship is like, did you get all your tests done? And Jack yells, we're Americans, we don't have lice.

It's like, hmm, my grade school would tell you different. Yeah, any child's grade school would tell you different. tell you different. Ugh. We're Americans. I think they were just like, Alan, Alan, he's an American. Come on, you idiot.

There's a scene where they go to where their bunks are down in, like, the bottom of the ship. And the two guys that are in the bunk are the other Swedes who are traveling with the two Swedes that they beat. And they're just like confused in Swedish and it was pretty great. Why would you bet your tickets if your friends are already there? It's the word. I mean, just, yeah, why would you travel with two dudes who are that gambling addicted?

Also, yeah, like, what did Jack have to offer into that pot? You know what I mean? He's like, I got, I get some titty pictures. You want to see him? I'm drawn a lot of tities. We see Molly Brown going on board. She is not yet unsinkable. But she will become.

Mom refers to her as new money, and she's very disgusted with her. She calls her vial or something like that later in the movie. That's she? Yeah. I got very excited because Theodin from Lord of the Rings is the captain of the ship, which I was very stoked about. Remind me who that is? In Lord of the Rings, he's the king who, like, wormtong is talking to.

Oh, I didn't recognize him. Oh, okay. Yeah. I got very excited about the big pistons in the bottom of the ship. You know what? I actually have a bunch of notes about this. Like later when they are trying to turn the ship, when the iceberg is spotted, it is really good.

They're in the boiler room and they're in love with all the gears and the fucking turny things. And like, it is very good. Yeah. I mean, it's obviously like 1997 CGI for a lot of it, but it looks really good. Yeah. I think that the inclusion of that stuff is probably what kept me watching the movie. So we get Jack running to the front of the ship. I'm sure it has another name.

And yelling. Stern or the... Prow? Me. I'm not a boat lady. I live on the river, but I will not go in it. I've never been in that goddamn river. Any of those goddamn rivers.

Why would you? Any of the three. I've lived here for 36 years. Not going to. Every time I see people swimming and I'm just like, there's lakes really close. I remember this kid in my grade school getting a terrible eye. infection from swimming in the river, I think in the Allegheny, and he had to wear an eye patch

for a really long time. Oh, Pirate Pete? Jason. Pirate Jason. We see that Rose has gotten her enfiance to buy her a bunch of Picasso paintings. Then are on the ship. Oh, later he, like, makes some comment about. that how her taste in art is very different than his.

But her taste and art is Picasso? Okay. Okay. She also has a Monet in her room later, so. Oh. Yeah. But when they get onto the ship, they unpack all the art. They're going to hang it up for the voyage.

I mean, it's going to be a month or so, right? Isn't it about a month? Yeah. But it sounds like I'm going to bring my John Carpenter poster with me. You wouldn't? No. Is it a month? No, I mean, it doesn't make it that long.

I'm going to look into that. I feel like we should know. No, I know it doesn't make it that long. How long was Titanic's voyage supposed to be? They were supposed to be able to make it in 48 hours. Across the entire ocean? Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's got to be at least a week. Wait, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. It was meant to be 137 hours, which would be, like six days. Is that right? Sure. Yeah. 1.35. 5.7 days, yeah. Okay. Okay.

So a month is incorrect. And I watched the movie. I should have known. No, you're not hanging up art for 5.7 days. I mean, would this still be, this is like the gilded age, right? like 1912. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, rich people did assy,

assy shit back then. They were just awful. I mean, I guess really the theme of this movie is that rich people do assy, assy shit, so. There's like these, like, class issues

that are played out in the very beginning that come back later on in the movie. Just with there being poor people and rich people, and the rich people, like, ew, gross.

And the poor people, they'd be like, hey, I'm a Fabrizio. It's a me. I'm a jolly. of European. We see the first time that Jack and Rose

see each other. She walks up onto the rich people's deck and she looks down and he's staring up at her and the light strains of my heart will go on or whatever the fuck that song's called, start playing. Then we cut to Rose being at a dinner with

all these rich people and her being disgusted and running away and she's going to kill herself. She can't take it anymore. It's like, hard to be a rich bitch. I can tell you from experience. I remember when you had to flee Billy Zane. Okay, he, by the way, is way worse than I remember.

I apologize for the Billy Zane is Billy Zane apologism. In Act 3, he's a straight up monster. Oh, yeah. I know. I fucked up. I fucked up on Billy Zane. It's okay. As people will remember from the guest episode where I thought it was just a jaunty comedy

about a funny military man. So she runs, she runs to the, again, front of the ship. No, she's at the back of the ship this time. She's going to jump off. Jack talks her down by saying he'll have to jump in after, and she doesn't want to kill both of them, basically. That's like a dick way to talk to them out of suicide, is to guilt them, but I mean, whatever it takes, I guess.

It's a good way to start, and I will die for you relationship, though. For sure. Absolutely true. Spoilers for this film, he does. As Jack is bringing her back onto the ship, she's on the other side of the railing, she slips and starts screaming, and he drags her back on. And when the boat cops find him, he is on top of her, and she's like shaking her boots are off.

And it looks like he may be trying to. to assault her. Oh, man. And also he's a poor. Let's not forget. Exactly. And she's a rich. She's a root girl.

Hi, Dennis. Dennis is absolutely not listening to our Titanic episode, is he? No, not at all. But the funny thing about the, like, so he gets like momentarily arrested and it takes her so long to be like, actually, no, he's fine. He was helping me. Yeah. Does it?

That sucks. That's an easy thing to do. And he isn't like piping in the like, oh yeah, I was helping her. He's just like, yeah, whatever, whatever man. Is he really? Fucked Jack. Jack is meant to be plucky, but I find him. Schmucky.

Schmucky. Really fucking nailed that. Thank you. So the other thing that I wanted to mention is that Missy really loves all of Rose's dresses in this first act. Oh, she's, I mean, this entire, her costume. is fucking beautiful. Her styling, her hair, it's, she is untouchable.

Her hair when she's about to kill herself is phenomenal. If your hair looked like that good, you wouldn't kill yourself. Is that what you're saying? I mean, honestly, good hair would go a long way for me. That hair specifically. So we have some more interactions with Jack and Rose, like walking around on the deck, talking to each other, being quippy. she loves his art.

She's very impressed. Okay, so I think I picked up, because we did like vague timestamps, so they wore it at the end of scenes. So I pick up when she's showing, he's showing her the naked ladies. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think I stopped right before the naked lady started. Okay.

I have a note here that says, I know this is Allen's section, but I have to say this dialogue is piss poor. All of their dialogue is not good. I had no idea. I had no idea, which is weird because it is probably. Probably pretty easy to write romance. You know what I mean? I don't mean in terms of like a romance novel, but I think in terms of writing romance dialogue,

that's going to be a lot easier than other things. Yeah, and it's not like there isn't a bountiful world of people you could bring in to write that dialogue. Absolutely. When you have a $250 billion budget. Right. You could pay someone to do that. It is shit.

It is shit. Okay. I just wanted to be real clear about that. So what happens? next. So, okay, so he shows her all the nudie picks that he's drawn of a sex worker with one leg, which, and then her hands, her hands were so beautiful. He's drawn so many pictures of her hands. And Rose is like, you're, you're, I don't like you. And it's not, oh, well, these are quite good. And now I like you. And that's literally how it happens.

Which then cuts to like a scene of Rose's mother hanging out with Unsinkable Molly Brown and the countess, whoever that is, and just saying shit about how, like, Rose doesn't have to go to college, because the point of going to college is finding a man, and she already did that. Uh-huh. It's just meant, it's just, like, a very dumb line to be like, see, she's bad. She's a bad person. Then we get a bunch of hubris about the boilers and the engines and the speed. What if, there's this guy with a mustache. I don't know who he is. Did you get the mustache guy with the side part? So I believe he is the guy who helped engineer the ship.

Okay. He at least named it because he was bragging about naming it. Okay. Well, very original guy. It's a big. We get it. So he is telling the captain like the captain doesn't have all the boilers lit. He has like all but four of them lit and they are going to be right on time,

which is amazing for them to get across the ocean in this amount of time, which not a month a week. And the guy, the mustache side part guy, is like, wouldn't it be wonderful to arrive a day early, light the boilers? And it's just like, like, there's a flashing word on the screen that just says like, hubris, hubris, hubris, hubris, hubris, hubris. This will come back to bite you. Yeah. The captain's like, hmm, I could light the boilers.

And then, God, we cut back to Rose and Jack, who I'm already sick of, and it's mere minutes into my first quarter of the, You're getting the gross schmoopy side of them, right? It's very schmooey. He's talking about the Santa Monica pier and riding horses in the surf, which is one of the photos is of her riding a horse in the ocean, which is what I think they have to show it to you at the beginning. And then in case you missed this dialogue, they'll show it to you again at the end.

So she, this is why she has to go and fuck this guy. She fucked once forever in eternity. I may have been wrong about that too. in so much as I'm not entirely sure she's dead. I think she might be dreaming. But I think as a teenager, I assumed because she was old and her eyes were closed that she was dead. I don't know. But still.

Okay. So he's like talking about, she's like, tell me we'll go ride horses in the Santa Monica pier. Even if we never do it. even if we just talk about it? And I was like, you just met this guy today. Yesterday, today. Tell me all your dreams. Yeah.

And he's like, you got to ride it the right way, not side saddle. And she's like, you need one leg on each side? Which shows us that Rose is a real woman. Then do this gross, like, spitting contest thing where he's teaching her how to hawk lugies. And she's like, that will come back because she hawks a luggy and Billy Zane's face. Oh, I, okay.

Then I like the setup. Check off Lugie. Yes. Because when it's happening, it's just like, first of all, it's repulsive. Like, I, we watch a lot of repulsive things on this. Yeah. For this podcast. And watching people hawk luggies is one of the more repulsive ones.

Like, it's not an episode of Beavis and Butthead, like, pull it together. Kind of wish it was. Her mother, yes. That's our next bonus episode. her mother and Unthinkable Molly Brown walk by while they're hawking Lugie and it's like, oh, so embarrassing.

Leonardo DiCaprio has a glob of Lugie under his lip and it's just repulsive. Oh, God. And then there's some narration from Old Rose. Like when her voice kicked in, I was like, oh yeah, fucking Old Rose. Dusty voice Rose.

Dusty voiced Rose. And it's about how they like invited him to dinner because he had saved her life. and my next note says, see, I was right about unsinkable baltly brown in the tuxedo because that's how he gets the tuxedo. Okay, okay. And then this is the first time I see Billy Zane,

and I just have a note that says, ha, ha, ha, Alan's right, Billy Zane does look like a bananas madman. Because he does. It's so good. Why? Why does he look like that? Like, I wouldn't want to marry that banana's madman either. It's like they found the last makeup artist from the silent era.

Make it so the people in the back can see his makeup. Oh, it's so bad. So, I don't know, Billy Zane is like escorting her mother around. And so Leonardo DiCaprio is escorting Rose around. And she's like telling him about all the other rich people on the ship. And she's like, that's John Jacob Astor, his wife. is pregnant to see how she's trying to hide it quite a scandal and i was like but why it's his wife like it's never explained why it's a scandal and she's also not hiding it very well because she's like

seven months pregnant and it's just all over the place okay so then they're all sitting at dinner and leonardo decaprio gives this horrible speech about how he's just living one day to the next and life is a gift and like why not just try your luck because they're like like you won this these tickets in a game of poker how funny and he's like man i just float from thing to thing but that's beautiful and it's so great and you got to make every day count and everyone's like yeah yeah it's like who fucking gives speeches about what they see life to be you are the most on insufferable person on this ship maybe it was a good move for her not to invite him on the board Yeah, right?

And then he goes, to making it count. And they all cheers, to making it count. And you're just like, I hate, I hate my life. I hate every fucking moment of this. So then what happens? Then I realized that Billy Zane's name is Cal, which is a great rich guy name. It really is. Then, oh, so Jack slips Rose a note telling him to meet her at the big clock.

This is where they meet later in death or sleep. I'm not sure. So they meet there and he goes, you want to go to a real party? it's an Irish party. So they go to the Irish party. See, this is where I was confused. Right. You're right.

My next note says, oh, his Irish friend is named Fabrizio. I have a note here that says Jack would be a party show-off, but I don't remember what he was doing to be a party show-off. He's probably, like, dancing or something. Yeah, he's definitely dancing.

Yeah. Oh, and then she's a party show-off too because she's like, there are these men that are arm wrestling and there's beer smelling everywhere and she picks up all beer and she chugs it this dark beer

and it's like oh Rose can drink like a man and then she's like you guys think you're so strong to the arm wrestling guys and then she's like can you do this and she stands up like on point

like ballerina style and bare feet and everyone's like whoa we've never seen someone do that before it's not that impressive also put your damn shoes on Yeah. Don't take your shoes off in a bar ever, ever, ever, who are you?

But sneaking down the stairs to see where she is, it's David Warner. Of course. And he's like on it, which I guess he goes back and reports this to Cal because in the morning she's having breakfast with Cal. And it's like, I thought a lot about this of like, she looks gorgeous. She's wearing this like light kind of lineny dress. her hair is half up, half down, it's cascading and ringlets around her shoulders. She's perfectly made up. And I thought, she's probably hung over.

Like, I'm so glad I live in a time where I can just, like, wear leggings and look like shit, you know? A time and a class, I should say. Like, what if you were hungover and you had to get up and do your hair in this, like, elaborate fucking thing? It wouldn't work out too well for anybody. No. So Billy Zane is pissed because David Warner has told him that she was like partying. And he yells at her, you are my wife in practice, if not yet by law, so you will honor me. And I was like, because you're fucking her guy?

In practice. Yeah. Isn't that what that means? In practice. Yeah. I was horrified. And he like, he really physically intimidates her. he knocks the table over, he gets in her face, he's yelling.

And that's when I was like, oh, yeah, I fucked up on this. So wait, for some reason I had it in my memory that she loses her virginity to Jack. Is that not the case? I don't think so, because he says to her at the beginning of this breakfast conversation, he says, you didn't come to me last night. And she was like, I was tired. And he says, like, oh, yes, your exploits down below would make you tired to like, So the combination of you didn't come to me last night and my wife in practice makes me think they're boning.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So yeah. I don't know.

The next like little bit is her having, actually I shouldn't say a little bit long bit is her having this excruciating conversation with her mother about how their dad, her dad pissed the money away. Her mom's like strapping her into a corset and pulling it like tighter and tighter. as she's being like, what, do you want me to have to get a job, Rose? What? She says things like, oh, stop it, mother, you'll give yourself a nosebleed,

which is like the best of the dialogue of this film. I don't know. Okay, like, I don't know if I fell asleep or this doesn't make any sense or what. But, like, Jack goes to the dinner, she goes to the party with them, and then they haven't seen each other again until the next day, I think,

I think it's the next day. I don't know. And she's like, I can't be with you. I can't, this is, I need to, I'm marrying Cal, that's that. You know, and he's like, he doesn't make you happy. And she's like, I have to do this, you know. And I'm like, you literally went to one party together. And he starts, like, nagging her.

He's like, you're a spoiled little brat, but I like you anyway. And you're so astounding and amazing. And it's just like this very weird, like pickup artisty kind of talk. He's like, I'm too involved now. You jump. I jump. And I was like, you guys have been hanging out for less than a day. But that's a callback to him jumping off when she was going to jump off.

He is just way too much. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's way too much. He feels like the first high school boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you leave me, I'll kill myself. As a former high school boyfriend, we're not good.

Can attest. Mm-mm, not a good scene. They've got, one of the lines. from this diet. This is like how shitty the dialogue is. He says, they've got you trapped, Rose, and you're going to die if you don't break free. Touchdown. Touchdown. Touchdown sports. So do they get to the fuckens next? God, here. I got a lot of notes here. One of them says, oh, no, Rose is having rich people's sadness. Oh, oh, oh, okay. So she's like, I'm going back. I'm leaving. Leave me alone. And she walks

away and then she comes back and finds him later because she's changed her mind. She's decided she's going to be with Jack. We don't see her changing her mind. We have no idea what caused her to change her mind. It's just she says, I'm leaving. And then she's like, hey, I'm back. That's what happens. Yeah.

Kudos to you, James Cameron, for being willing to at least cut that scene out. So then there's the fucking, I'm flying. scene, which just made me want to die. Did he do I'm the King of the World earlier? Did I make that up? Yeah, I'm the King of the World was when he first, when him and Fabrizio go up to the front. Great. So he takes rows up there since he and Fabrizio had such a good time.

And he, like, holds her on the railing, and she opens her eyes and goes, I'm flying, Jack. So when he and Fabrizio were standing there, Jack was like right behind Fabrizio. And Miss he's like, you think he's put his dick on that guy's back? So I think he was definitely doing that to Rose. Definitely putting his dick on her back. And it's just like, so they're like, like, this is not hiding from your fiancé, standing on the front of the boat doing that.

Screaming? Screaming, I'm blind. He did not yell, I'm king of the world while she's yelling, I'm flying, though, right? No, then they start making out. And I was like, don't make out of there. You're going to fucking fall off. Also, I wish this was a horror movie and he just pushed her off and the boat ran right the fuck over her.

She was just the horse in the American remake of the ring. So then it cuts to Old Rose telling the story to a room full of boat guys. And they're all entranced by the love story. It's like, oh my God, the story's so good. We're like enjoying it so much to make you think that maybe you're

enjoying the movie, which you're not. Then there's some more underwater shit. We see like the fireplace in her room and then it fades into the fireplace in her room in the past, you know. Oh, God. How many times do they need to do that in the movie? It's like I understand the boat's going to be underwater. You need not foreshadow it. I would say you could cut all of that stuff out of the movie.

Yeah. It's just kind of a foregone conclusion, isn't it? But James Cameron's like, uh-uh, uh-uh, have you guys seen underwater? Underwater is dope. Underwater! Okay, so they're back in her room. So Cal is like drinking in the bar or something and she's in their room with Jack taking her clothes off to be drawn. So like, that's really- Oh, that scene happens in their room?

Yes, it is so fucking risky. It's so fucking risky. I assume it's both of their rooms because his safe is in there, but her paintings are in there and all of her stuff is in there. Yeah. I mean, it's risque to go a little go tits out right when you're, fiance is just downstairs drinking. He, like, has a key card. He can walk right in.

Beep, poop. Yeah. So here's where we see the Monet. Here's where we see the diamond. It doesn't, it's like, kind of looks like shit. It doesn't look great. It's not a great time. It looks like, it just looks like play jewelry that you would get as like a toy set.

And then I wrote, oh, good. I get this titty scene. Here's the thing I will say that I really like. She comes out in this, like, sheer black. robe with these gold accents and this big long cape sleeve with like gold tassels at the end. Oh, hello. It is extremely dope. And you can see her tits through it and she looks great.

Fuck. Yeah, it's beautiful. I have a note that says this scene is being displayed to a piano rendition of my heart will go on. Okay, so he's drawn her. It's gross. It's weird. I'm uncomfortable because he's so gross. And then it zooms in really tight on Rose's eye.

And then it fades into old Rose's eye. They should have zoomed it on her boobs Just on old roses tits So mean And she's saying She's telling the story She's like, it was the most erotic moment of my life And all the dudes are just looking at her

The boat dudes It's so weird Can you imagine any instance Where you're in a roomful of people When you say that? Alan, the fact that I just said it out loud is the only instance I could ever admit, like, imagine myself saying it. Oh, that? Oh, that was the most erotic moment of my life. What have you ranked them all?

And told other people. Coming in at number 10. The time a guy licked ketchup off my toes at a brat party. that happened it was not to me all right so do they get to the fucking next no not for a long time David Warner David Warner and Billy Zane are running around like

where is she we can't find her anywhere she's in the fucking room where else would you look for her why don't you look for her in her room then they realize they're about to hit the iceberg like how hard is it to see an iceberg actually we learn that they never they like broke the binoculars or something and just never got new ones on the Titanic

and then it's like hubris hubris, hubris, hubris, hubris. We won't need to see. David Warner runs into the room, finally. They run out the back door of the room, and then there's a chase scene. They're in the boiler room, like, where people are literally shoveling coal. Then they find the car in the old basement. And then I wrote, oh, am I going to get the fucking scene, too?

You got them both? I did. So they fuck. And he says to her, are you nervous? Like, assuming she's not getting boned else. swear, which I thought was very presumptuous of him. She says the line, put your hands on me, Jack. It's gross.

So she's always been gross. Yes. They, okay, so they fuck. And then afterwards, they're the sweatiest I've ever seen anyone be. And I'm a distance runner. I remember that car being saturated with sweat. It looks like they set off a sprinkler in it. It is insane.

It's a sauna in there. Like... We're just like having the most athletic, like true blood-esque sex. They couldn't have been. They couldn't be having dance sex because it's the back of a car. How much range of motion are you going to have? It's the back of an old-ass car where they put full-blown couches and all of them. And then the boiler guys must have called the boat cops because the boat cops show up.

And oh my God. This is still going on. Okay, I have like a few more notes of the second quarter. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not blaming you. I'm blaming James Cameron. You should. So Cal opens up the safe and the drawing is in there.

And I was like, why would you put it in the safe? And then she put a note with it that says, Darling, now you can keep us both locked in your safe. Bap, bough. Bam. So she's like 100% on board with Jack, the guy she met yesterday. Was the audience from Mori in the room when he opened the safe and just went, oh.

Then at the bottom of the screen, the like, Kairan said, like, Rose. In for a penny, in for a pound. The most erotic. She says to him, after they fuck, she goes, when the ship docks, I'm getting off with you. And I was like, what if he was just like, no? I got to do my busking. Why don't I, what don't I call?

I'll call you. I'll call you. I'll call you. We'll exchange emails. Okay, so then in this moment, they realize they're going to hit the iceberg. and he's like, Iceberg, right ahead! And it's literally 14 feet in front of him.

Okay, so this is where I picked up. Okay, great, go. Yeah, this is, we've got two guys being like, oh, snap, iceberg. Shablau, they have the iceberg. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. There's about 12 minutes before that happens. Because there's action movie music,

and then they do the whole thing, they have to turn the boat. They're trying to turn away from the iceberg. Oh, sure. They've never heard the phrase, just the tip of the iceberg. iceberg. They should have realized they were fucked. So this is the part I was talking about that's actually kind of like great and fascinating is like all these just cool mechanical parts and like all these people having to like pitch in and do like they each have to pool like a rope at different times to like turn the shit.

It's really it's, I thought that was really good. Yeah. And it looks like like some like fantasy thing where like the guys are just standing next to those giant pistons that are going and like it's amazing looking. I didn't know what pistons were called, so I didn't write that word down. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like those pistons. Yeah. They just look like so fantastical because like any, it's another one of those things where like you've seen small-sized pistons in your car.

You're like, oh, that's what a piston looks like. And then to see it at 200 feet tall, I'm just like, okay, that's weird. Where's there a piston in my car? It makes your engine go. I don't see my engine, Alan. You ain't never taking an engine apart and worked on it. Are you joking? Have you met me?

You didn't have a 72 Nova that you took apart and looked at the engine? I am a lot of things, but mechanically inclined is not one of them. I miss having a 72 Nova because it was the last time that I owned a car that I could open up the hood and go, oh, that's broken. Oh, damn, really? Yeah. Wow. Because there's like 12 moving parts and you just figure out what's not working. Don't make them like that anymore.

don't make them like they used to it's all computers now yeah so I guess I started up like right at this point because I saw like all the rope pulling and the giant pistons and them trying to turn the ship uh oh

I wonder if we cut out part of quarter three then and this is where Missy said why didn't they have flame throwers on the ship so they could shoot up the icebergs it's a brilliant idea

let's get Missy back in time I did like that did you see up to where like they hit and like the guys on the deck are like all right we breeze fast that one and everything should be fine and then other people are like yeah there's water pour again

we're kind of locked right now totally and there's this great scene where like once they started sounding the alarm that they did hit the iceberg the actual engineer runs into the like onto the deck and he's like okay this thing is going to do this and that and we're done

like we're fucked there's no coming back from this and it's this it's really well done like James Cameron does action super well yeah that's what I'm saying these action scenes are great and all the like yeah dialogue not so good hire someone um

but Jack and Rose are on the deck and they see the iceberg and they see like it go right by them and they're like oh what's going on oh they're fucking kissing of course they are and there's a really tense scene where they're closing all the watertight doors on the lower levels

and guys are getting stuck behind the doors as they're flooding yeah which is just brutal what a shit job honestly there's rats running which is always good on a ship why are they so packed full of rats

I don't know because didn't they just build it and get moving. When did the rats have time? Rick, did you remember to put the rats on the boat? We have to know if it's sinking or not. They're like calculating the square footage of Titanic. They're like, how many rats are we going to need for this? And while all this is going down,

there's this whole B plot of Billy Zane claiming to have been robbed because him and David Warner are going to set up Jack. Okay. David Warner drops the diamond into Jack's Jack. which he also claims has been stolen. Gotcha. The sea cops take jack. They like tie them up,

handcuff him to a pole or a like a pipe in a lower deck room. I do like that the engineer, when he's showing them the ship, he's like, it's going to sink. It's a mathematical certainty. And when he says that, everyone's like, oh, fuck, math.

Math. That's, oh my God. That's power. Math is powerful. Also, he's like, we have an hour or two before this thing is completely

underwater. How fucking terrifying would that be? So fucking terrifying. Like, the ship's sinking scenes are awful. They're so, like, they creep me out beyond belief. Like, the idea of being on a sinking ship,

it's just terror. I think I'm more scared of that than being on a plane that's going down. At least that's going to happen faster, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, almost like having two hours is too long. Yeah.

Yeah. And there's this whole thing where the band keeps playing. I'm sure you've heard that. Oh, they come back. Don't you worry. They're in quarter four. And like all the rich people are not taking this seriously. And all of the poor people have been blocked off from coming up on the upper decks to get on the light votes.

Oh, damn. Yay. Yay. Because they want to make sure they get all the riches on the lifeboats. Because there's, I guess, in quarter two, Rose finds out that there's not enough lifeboats. Oh, yes. She's taking a tour of the ship with Mr. Andrews, who looks so familiar to me. That's the guy who says mathematically, mathematically it's going to sink.

Okay. Yeah. Who is that actor? What do I know him from? I don't know. He's like a downtown abbey guy. Yeah, maybe. I haven't seen it, but maybe.

Um, yes, she's like, wait, I've just, she literally says, I've run the numbers in my head. And it seems like with the number of people you've set her on board and the number of lifeboats you have, there isn't enough capacity. And it's, he's like, oh, young Rose, you're such a smart girl. You're so plucky. Yes, so plucky. Uh, so David Warner is going to watch Jack. He's got a gun, as you may or may not know at this point. I did not, but I assumed.

Um. which, I mean, my call of Cthulhu's team is going to be very upset because I wouldn't let them take their guns on the Lusitania when they cross the ocean. Oh. And so they start loading the lifeboats, women and children first. The room that Jackson starts to flood. So David Warner takes off and is like, peace, you're going to die. I wonder if David Warner gets out of it. I don't remember seeing him at the end.

Oh, I wonder. Because he doesn't die in the part that I saw. Also, he's a valet. Yeah. Leonardo DiCaprio definitely calls him a valet at one point. Yes, he does. Yeah, he's an American. He's like, oh, that guy's pretty dedicated for a valet. And I was like, did he say valid?

Isn't that what British people say to you? Is it? I think if my downtown Abbey memory is correct, because British people don't like pronouncing things because they say fillets. Oh, they will use a French pronunciation because they hate the French. They use the word, but they're going to pronounce it wrong. I like that. It's like salt in the wound, you know.

So, yeah, like the ship is sinking. It's scary as hell. Billy Zane is being a real jerk, not being a nice guy. What's he doing at this point? Just running around plotting on how to, like, he's like paying off stewards to get him onto a boat. Oh, wait until you find out what he actually does to get onto a boat. You're going to be so mad. I think there's some foreshadowing because he spots a kid all by himself and he's like,

Uh-huh. Oh, yep, yep, that's what it is. He uses a child. So this is when Rose says goodbye to her mother and mom gets on a boat. And Rose doesn't want to get on the boat. So she says goodbye to her mother, spits in Billy Zane's face and says, I'd rather be his whore than your wife. Harsh.

I was like, damn, Rose. Yeah. Because Billy Zane had called her a whore, of course. Of course he had. I was wrong. Okay, of things I was wrong about, I was wrong. Yeah, there's a whole bunch of shit of rows running around trying to find Jack and like cornering people and being like, if you were going to put blah, blah, and a blah, blah, where would it be?

And she runs down into the bottom of the ship because somebody tells her. And she finds Jack and she has to get, and she's trying to find a key to get him loose. She can't find a key, so she finds an axe. Whoa. And there's this funny scene where he's like, all right, test out the axe. Make sure you can hit the same spot twice Because, you know, to break metal handcuffs. So she hits this like wardrobe and hits it once.

He's like, okay, do it again. And then she hits like 12 inches away with the second shot. And he's like, okay, enough practice. Let's do this. Oh, my God. But of course she nails it. Yeah. One whack.

But there's a great scene where she's like, she convinces a guy to operate an elevator to let her go to the lower decks. And as they get down, the elevator starts filling with water. Uh-huh. And I have the note, there should be a killer shark and an L.O. CoolJ in this. Absolutely. So he gets right. She gets him out of the handcuffs and now they're running around the boat as all the light bulbs are popping as the water gets to them.

Ooh, I like that. Disconcerting. Is it cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. It adds like this tension to it. Yeah, they get up on the poor are trying to get out of the cage. The poor are trying to get out of the cage. Because they basically like they've pulled across these metal barriers and cage the,

the pole were in the bottom of the ship. Jesus. And so Jack... I don't remember any of that. Really? Yeah. Jack and Rose run around to another stairwell while there's less people and he meets up with Tommy and Fabrizio and Tommy is the Irish friend.

Fabricio is Swedish. No. Acadia. I'm an Italian. Oh. Did you know? It's a me of Fabrizio. Oh, God.

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I'm sorry. I'm a Fabrizio. I just start spinning a pizza. Where did you get that? A Fabrizio. I'm making a pizza. I'm sorry.

Now you're being racist. Yeah, I'm sorry. To Oliver, I tell you listeners. But they pick up a bench and ram and knock the gate down. They're able to get out. Cool. So these guys can get out on the deck. Yeah, because when I see them, they're on the deck.

Yeah. There's a bunch of stuff with Bill. Billy Zane threatening them. He's going to kill Jack. Get over at Billy Zane. You're a rich guy. You'll find somebody else. But then to get Rose on, they finally get Rose onto a life vote.

And Billy Zane's like, look, I've got a life vote on the other side that I've paid for to get myself onto you. I'll take Jack with me. She believes that? Wait, she believes that? She does. Stupid, stupid Rose. Yeah, I'll go with him. That'll be fine.

And as soon as she's like four feet down, Billy Zane's like, you know you're going to. to die, right? Like, I'm not taking it with me. Yeah. And Jack's like, yeah, of course I do. What the fuck you're talking about? Duda. But that's also just like, look how smart Jack is and how stupid Rose is. He knew, and she's so dumb. Well, as Rose gets down to the next deck, she jumps

off her lifeboat onto the ship again. She's got to be with Jack. She's got to be with Jack. If she's going to die, she's going to die. That's not what happens, though, is it? Old Rose. When they meet back up But she finds Jack again

He's kissing her and yelling how stupid she is Oh man, that's not cute at all I don't think any man that I've ever been romantically involved with Has called Be Stupid And I think that's because they know the consequences It wouldn't be kissing I think that's why you're not going to go into love making heaven With the man that you've met once on book

I'm not sure she was dead We can talk about it. I don't know. Billy Zane chases them around the ship with a gun trying to shoot them and kill them. He put the diamond in his jacket and now Rose has his jacket. So Billy Zane doesn't have the diamond anymore and he's freaking out about that. Oh, there's a little kid that like Rose and Jack are trying to help and they pick him up and they're carrying him out of the water and his non-English speaking dad comes around a corner, grabs the kid and punches Jack. steal his kid.

I like that a lot. They get trapped behind another gate that they eventually get out of. Tommy get shot by a steward who's like wielding a gun and trying to get people to get back from getting on the boats. This is where I picked up.

So we definitely got some over here. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you saw Fabrizio call him a bastard. I did. And then the steward shoots himself in the head. Which, to be fair, a way better death drowning. Of course. Yeah, yeah. He was like, fuck it. Yeah, I would absolutely be like fuck it too.

People are on your own. I'm sorry I blew it. I'm out. There's like a scene, there's a scene later where the ship is going down and there's an elderly couple laying on their bed. The man, the husband is spooning the wife. They're both wearing life vests and they're like waiting to die. Oh, sweet. No. Listen. If my, if my, if you, oh my God. If you are to suggest I'm going to lay here on this bed and drown with you, no, I want you to find another way to kill me or kill yourself. Like, I'm not going to lay on a bed and wait to drown. That's not romantic. That's silly.

That's a terrible way to die. I hate that version of, like, romantic thought. Romance and death are unrelated. I mean. Don't you think? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Stop tying the two together.

I think that's a very antiquated. idea about romance. Everyone's got to die for everybody else. No, Doc, no, no, you're good. Just don't. Just don't. And also, like, if you're waiting to drown, take off the life vest. You're just going to bob up to the ceiling, you know?

It's just going to press you into the ceiling. Right? I don't think those life vests are like, they're like a suggestion of buoyancy. I don't think they've really nailed the buoyancy of a life. They're the lacroix of buoyancy. I feel like they're just stuffed with feathers and they're like, yeah, yeah, you'll be fine. Feathers float, sir. Yes, en masse.

Throw a down comforter into your bathtub and see what happens. I'm sorry, have you ever seen a duck sink? So, yes, Cal uses a child to get on the lifeboat. he finds a child crying by herself and picks her up and goes over to one of the stewards and is like, I'm all she has in the world. You have to let us go. So he gets on a life boat with a little kid. Does he chuck her over as soon as he gets on the boat?

He immediately hands the child over to some women who are on the lifeboat and they start comforting the child. And he apparently never does again. These people think she's your child. I mean, if you're going to go evil, go 100%. I guess, but that means he had to have told those women at some point. Oh, did you think that? No, no, no, not mine. Not mine.

Sorry about that. Okay. So then it just gets really into like, so Rose runs into Mr. Andrews and he's like, I'm sorry that I didn't build you a stronger ship, young Rose. And I was like, are you guys friends? What is happening? She was smart, remember? Yeah.

The band is doing a lovely job, I thought. Yeah. So they play their last song of the set and they all stand up and shake hands and say it's been a pleasure to have played with you or whatever. And they all start walking away. And then one of the violinists starts playing nearer God to thee, the hymn. Yeah. And they all turn, when they hear nearer God to thee, they all turn around and come back and they all start playing it. And it is actually very beautiful.

I liked it a lot. Do you think the cellist is just like, you know, when this all goes down, I'm just flipping this fucker over and paddling away from you all, right? Will a cello float? I think so. Oh, that's nice on for him. I think, maybe. Why not? He's probably one of the six that get out of the water, which is what Rose tells us later.

Oh, wow. Yeah. There's this part where an Irish lady is telling her children basically, like, you're going to die, but something so wonderful is going to happen afterwards. I don't know. I was like, I can't. This is so morose. I have no need for this. So that's probably Vasquez that's doing that.

Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yeah. I was kind of not watching because that scene came. right after the old people laying in the bed while water rushes under them and I was like, this is not for me, you know? Still a lot of this film left. I have a note here, back to back notes.

One says, still a lot of this film left. And what did Alan just watch for the last 49 minutes, if not this? Okay. So the ship starts to go vertical when it breaks. Was that amazing looking? It was amazing looking. And it's also just, there are so,

many extras in this film. Like, when the people are trying to rush up the ramps to get to the top of the ship that's going up in the air, like there are so many people rushing. It looks great. Yeah. There's, oh, you want to know how Fabrizio dies? Poor Fabrizio.

Oh, no. He's in the water. He falls off the boat and this giant tower falls. I don't know if it's like a steam. Like the big pipe, the stacks that are on the ship. The stack. Yes, yes, yes. Falls and just.

and just fucking smacks Habrizio in the water. That's how Fabrizio goes. Why do Fabrizio and Tommy have to go out like that? I don't know. They do. So Rose and Jack are now at the top of the ship. They're holding onto the railing with all of these other people. And Rose looks one way and she sees a poor lady.

And she looks another way. And she sees a poor man. And I think she just realized that she's going to die with poor people. And I think it's supposed to mean something. but I don't know what it is. She doesn't say, ew, or anything. Yeah, she isn't, like, appalled by them, I guess. Okay, then there's a scene I really liked, which is, it goes, like, to slow-mo for a second here,

and there's just, like, a corpse floating in the ballroom, and it's, like, wearing, the woman, it's a woman wearing, like, a white dress, which is just, like, very floaty in the water. Ah. And then there's a shot of a huge, like, um, uh, God, what are those things called? Not a banquet, but like a... A chandelier? No, like a bunch of shelves that would hold plates.

It doesn't matter. Okay. A bunch of shelves holding plates. And they all start falling off in slow motion. And it looks very like Kubricky in a way. Like just, yeah. And then dumb, dumb James Cameron has to have them all fall off in regular motion. And it's not cool at all, you know?

Um, a guy. He had been able to think that gravity had been fucked up by the time to... No, they're falling at regular speed. It's fine. It's fine. He's like, I've got... He's like, I've captured this very eerie moment. No, let's make it fall! It's so dumb.

They explode as they hit the crowd. So dumb. Speaking of exploding, next up is a guy falling off the ship and hitting one of the propellers, which I kept thinking about George Kastanda. Kostanzi, yelling, that's gotta hurt over and over there's a shop

that I really liked where it's from the viewpoint of the lifeboats that have already left and they're looking back at the Titanic as it's cracking in half and it just looks amazing

the top half is starting to splinter I wrote it looks dope maybe I would like action movies okay I can see that yeah the ship breaks it hurdles down to the ocean

it smushes a whole bunch of people it goes first I mean, oh my God. And that's what it's most terrifying, because as it's going down, it's going to drag anything near it down with it. Oh, don't worry. Jack tells Rose that. He says to her,

the ship is going to suck us down. Take a deep breath when I say. Like, she can't figure out when she's going to hit the water. Tell me when to breathe, honey. When do I breathe? I can do the figures in my head, but when do I breathe? You're so stupid. I'm so stupid.

I wonder why she let him sink. He also makes her hold his hand while they're swimming, and I was like, that is so much less efficient. Okay, so now they're floating in the water, and Rose goes, it's so cold. And I was like, yeah, bitch, it's the North Atlantic. So when he was trying to talk her off the railing when she was going to jump, He's like, have you ever swam in Lake Minnetonka in the winter or whatever?

He doesn't say Minnetonka. That's from Purple Rain by Prince. But he's like, it's so cold. It feels like a thousand daggers stabbing you. And I was like, I wonder if that's going to come back up. Have you ever been submerged in ice water? No, I've always wanted to do that polar bear plunge thing. Yeah.

I've never done it. Yeah. I did a tough mother. Okay. One of the obstacles was a dumpster full of ice water that you had to jump in and go through, but there were like boards across the top, so you had to go under them, so you had to get your head in there. And it was really fucked up. It was really awful because also I went under the board and then I like, there was ice floating

at the top, so I thought I was still under the board, so I just kept swimming. And when I finally popped up at the end, I was like, it was awful. I almost fainted. Those tough mutter things are just paying people to torture you, right? Oh, yeah. I cannot believe that I paid that amount of money to nearly faint. You want to get electrocuted in a puddle? Not really, but I guess.

It hurts. It stings. Those shocks, yeah. There's a picture of me from the very end of the race where you have to go through an area of hanging live wires. And you can see, like, I'm coming towards the finish line, and I'm like, my team is with me. They're, like, a little bit off to the side. And I, like, am running. I look gleeful.

And then the next one, I'm just face down in the mud because I got shocked on the neck and it dropped me. So it's just one of those extreme haunted houses, but outside and you're running. Exactly. Yes. But you know what, though? I finished because I'm unsinkable, Katie. Unzappable. Katie.

Yeah. So they've gotten back up to the surface of the water, I take it. Yes, they're floating in the North Atlantic. There's people everywhere, which is actually a very terrifying scene. Like a man is holding onto Rose trying to keep himself above water, which is pushing her down under. And Jack comes over and punches him, of course. But just this scene of just like everybody's flailing, everybody's screaming and

they're all packed in in this area where they've fallen. It's really scary. Yeah. And Jack's like, Roe, Jack finds Rose. He's like, Rose, come with me. Come over this way. And he takes her over to where the door is. Like, how did he find this choice door, leave it to go get her, come back, and it's still there.

He called dibs. Right. She gets on it. He tries to get on it exactly once. And it tips. So he does not try again. Exactly once. Like, do you know how many times it takes to even get on an inner tube and a pool?

Yeah. You jump in like four or five times. That's it. He does not try again. he's the worst he's the worst oh man then it just gets like okay so the last thing we see that is not them loving each other is molly browns in one of the lifeboats and she's like screaming at the person rowing the lifeboat that they have to go back and pick these people up and the guys like no way they're gonna all like clamor on the lifeboat they'll tip us all and we're all gonna die

and she's everyone else is like you know leave them and molly brown's the only one with a conscience so right because they were they were under filling the life votes right right right does she threaten to break the guy's ankle with a piece of wood and a hammer i hate that so much i hate that so much yeah no it's legit terrifying no but uh he does threaten to throw her overboard if she doesn't shut up uh and i said sir do not threaten to throw unsinkable molly brown overboard she is unsinkable Okay, so then there, he's in the water, she's on the door, and he's saying, don't say your goodbyes. You're going to get out of here. You're going to go on and make lots of babies.

You're going to watch them grow. You're going to die. An old lady warm in her bed, not here. Blah, blah, blah, blah. He's like a manic pixie dream boy. It's gross. That's 100% what he is. He says to her, winning that ticket, Rose, has been the best thing that ever happened to me.

It brought me to you. And I was like, yeah, but now you're dying in the North Atlantic. It was not worth it. He says like, you have to promise me you'll survive. It just goes on and on. And it is endless. And she's going, I'll never let go. I'll never let go, Jack.

I'll never let go. She says it four times. Spoilers. She lets go. He sinks. Right. Doesn't she like fall asleep and wake up and he's just a Jack cube in the water? Yeah, exactly.

She wakes up because one of the lifeboats has come back empty. And they're shining a, this scene is so good. They're shining a light around in the water. water, it's all floating corpses. And there's all these people with, like, iced over eyes. Like, it is very good. Although in the water is like a woman holding an infant, and you're like, I get it. Stop it.

And the infant's holding two elderly people. Yeah, yes. And the two elderly people are holding a person in a wheelchair, and you're just like, come on. And there's a dog in the lap of the person. It just keeps going to go. Yeah, just keeps going on. So she has to detach her hand from his, like, frozen dead. one while saying, I'll never let go.

And then he sinks to the bottom. She jumps into the water and swims over to a guy who has a whistle in his mouth. And she pulls the whistle out and starts blowing it. And that's how she gets the lifeboats to come to her. But I was like, man, that's going to take his lips too. You know, his lips are most definitely frozen to that. You've got to wipe his lips off of that? Yeah.

She's basically putting her lips into his lips. Ugh. Okay. So then it's old rose again. Uh, she talks about how she was one of six to be taken from the water. Wow. Yeah. Uh, and then it goes back, it's a flashback again from her getting to the, yeah, to the ship, the rescue ship.

They're all on the, um, deck of the rescue ship. And she is with the pores. Uh, and she has like a blanket over her head like poor women do in this movie. Yeah, she's on the poor deck and she sees cow come down looking for her and she like hides under the blanket. So he never sees her. he believes her to be dead, I guess. Oh, no. And she says, can I tell you what she says about him?

Please. This is all in old Rose narration. She's like, the crash of 29 hit his interests hard, and he put a pistol in his mouth that year. It's the funniest line about suicide ever. Yeah, because the guy was a real trash person, so it's fine to laugh at it. It's fine to laugh at it. Okay, so then she, one of the people working on the ship asks her what her name is, and she says, Dawson, Rose Dawson. Oh, for fuck's sake.

And that's how Rosario Dawson was born. Okay, then she tells, she's just, oh my gosh, it's so dumb. She's talking to her granddaughter and Bill Paxton. Paxton? And she's like, I've never. He's Brock Love it. She's talking about Jack, and she's like, I've never spoken of him until now, not to anyone. Not even your grandfather.

A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. See, like the ocean. But as I'm getting close to death, I'm going to tell you all about the most erotic thing that ever happened to me. I guess so. I guess so. So then Bill Paxton laments not having found the heart of the ocean. And then, like, were, were we not meant to know that she had it? No, because Billy Zane says she has it in her jacket pocket.

Okay. Because she, because it seems like I'm supposed to be surprised when she pulls it out being old. You are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's sleeping on this boat, I guess? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He lives on that boat.

Yeah, because they put her, they put her up in, uh, in, uh, Brock Lovett's room. Okay. When she gets on the ship. Okay. So she in the middle of the night and her old lady nightgown goes out to the railing and throws the diamond into the ocean, which is totally dick, because that's a nice little inheritance for her kids and grandchildren. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Does she go out in the, uh, the black, like, sheer thing that she.

Yep. With the gold tassels and it's just sitting down everywhere. Um. I'm just such a practical person that throwing riches into the ocean rather than doing something, even if you don't leave it to your family, a lot of goods you could do

with the most valuable diamond in the world. I mean, I think the beginning is supposed to like set it up that she is wealthy because we see that she's traveled the whole world. She's seen all this stuff. She's like throwing a clay pot in her sunroom. Like there's like,

God, that's an old, so not in her nursing home. She wasn't just taking a, class at the home. Nope. There's a sigh that just says, yes, this is my house. Alan and Katie.

No, I'm not Irish. Okay, so wait now. She's sleeping. Did she bring all of those pictures with her onto the boat? I'm not sure if she's sleeping on the boat or in her room. Oh, yeah.

She brought like 27 pieces of luggage because it's joked about when she first gets on the ship. Okay, great. So much like the time she took the Titanic and brought everything she's ever owned with her. Just how she thinks boats work. This is my house now.

She rents a kayak and shows up with like an armoire. What? Okay, so then it shows all the pictures of her again, riding an elephant or hanging out with an elephant, riding a horse in the surf at the Santa Monica Pier. And then I thought, who took this photo? Was it her new husband? Because that's kind of weird.

So then she's sleeping, I guess. Maybe she's dead. I don't know. Her eyes are closed. and we are inside her head and she does, she meets Jack at the clock back on the Titanic

and there are all of these people like the decks, the interior decks are all full of people watching them and they kiss and everyone applauds and the movie ends. And it's just like she did all this cool shit and she ended up back on the fucking Titanic

that's offensive. So hopefully it's just a dream. Hopefully I'm wrong. I want you to be a doctor now that just walks into the people's room and goes, I'm sorry to report. Oh no, she's fine, she's fine, she woke up.

Look, actually better yet is being a doctor who walks into people's room and you're just like, she's sleeping or she's dead, I'm unsure. It's a real 50-50 shot right now. It's hard to tell when people are old. I crunch the numbers in my head. Oh, no. My last note just says, oh, thank God that's over. I love that we each took a half of this movie and we've both watched the entire length of a film.

Honestly. And by love that, I mean, I don't love that. Look at the timestamp on this episode. We're almost an hour and a half in. We're a hundred and an hour and 24 minutes in. Oh my God. Well, honestly, this is our second episode about it. We've done a terrible job.

We've made Titanic into like two hour, two and a half. half hours of entertainment, and I'm doing entertainment in finger quotes. We're as bad as James Cameron, and we should be ashamed of ourselves. We're the James Cameron of podcasting. Yeah. So that was our errors and retractions, I guess. I do want to say that we got some really sweet messages from people about the original Titanic episode.

I believe it was Ryan, a friend and fan of the podcast, who said, this was exactly the thing that he never knew that he needed in his leg on. was us being idiots for two or an hour talking about a movie that we kind of remember that was so wrong. Oh, that's a really nice thing to say when you actually describe what the episode was and how bad that was. Yeah. I thoroughly enjoyed editing that dumb episode that we did.

It was really fun. Of course. It's my pleasure. Thanks for doing this podcast with me. Oh, thank you for doing this with me. It's one of the greatest joys in my life. Oh, buddy. Me too.

what a time What a life What a time to be alive When I die It's gonna go I'm gonna go back to pandemic Because it's the worst thing that's ever happened to me Me and Rose

I just can't wait To the build up when I figure out What the most erotic thing that happened in my life Wasn't I tell a room full of people When I can't sleep tonight Which it will inevitably happen I'm gonna try to figure out What the most erotic thing

That's ever happened to me in my life is And the fact that I can't think of it off the bat means it's probably not that good. What if you get to it, you're like, word? Yeah, that's what I'm actually afraid is what's going to happen. Like, you know, yeah, that one. Should we say goodbye to these nice people? Yeah, by nice people.

Be safe. Be cool. Thanks for sending an hour and a half with us. Oh, my God. Yeah, my kid's awake. I've got to go. All right. Thanks for listening to another bonus episode of Wearwif Ambulance.

Another one about Titanic. Thank you. Bye.