What Now? with Trevor Noah - If You Ruled the World: A Listener Grab Bag [VIDEO]

Episode Date: November 26, 2024

On Thanksgiving week, we give thanks to our listeners with a bonus episode where Trevor, Christiana, and Josh weigh in on your suggestions for their favorite game, If I Ruled the World. Suffice it to say the trio doesn’t hold back. Enjoy, thank you for being a listener, and Happy Thanksgiving!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to What Now with Trevor Noah. So it's Thanksgiving week here in the United States, and guess what? We have a little bonus episode just for you. Perfect to help spark a conversation at your Thanksgiving table. Yeah, and hopefully, hopefully, a conversation that won't lead to someone storming out of the room. If you've been listening to the show for a while, you know that one of our favorite games is If I R of the room. If you've been listening to the show for a while you know that one of our favorite games is If I Ruled the World and you probably know

how it works. Everyone comes up with one suggestion. If you were in charge of the world you could do anything, anything you want. What would it be? What would you change? You make your case and then everyone votes on it. And if you get enough votes that change would happen in your hypothetical world. Well today it's If I Ruled the World listener edition. We got a bunch of suggestions for ideas from you the What Now listeners and Christiana Mbaka Medina, Josh Johnson and I. Well we run through them and we decide if we would in fact want to live in your world. It's a fun one so let's get into it. This is What Now with Trevor Noah.

So before we get into today's If I Rule the World chat, since it's Thanksgiving week, I've been thinking a lot about the kinds of conversations we have when we gather with friends and loved ones around the table. And a lot of people ask me this question, they'll say, oh, Trevor, what do you do with your family? Like, how do you keep it light? And look, I don't have a perfect answer for this, but I noticed there was a distinct difference in how some people started having their Thanksgiving conversations, especially over the past decade, let's say, and how we would

gather with family members back in the day in South Africa. And the biggest one was, we started all our conversations speaking about things that we all experienced, just taking people down memory lane, you know, connecting around like crazy stories, like, you know, grandparents would talk about the grandkids and how much they'd grown and like, embarrassing stories from their lives. And, you know, and then the parents would talk about their first time having a Christmas dinner because obviously we didn't have Thanksgiving in South Africa but we had family gatherings and family dinners where everyone came together at a certain time of year and what I noticed

is if you start conversations with the fond memories that connect people you spend less time in the politics of now that divides people. And it doesn't mean you can't talk about politics. I'm not saying that. But just remember what you're trying to do. You're trying to connect with other human beings around a table sharing a meal. It doesn't matter what the holiday is. That's fundamentally the purpose.

And so if that's the purpose, think about the best way to go about that. It's finding a way to connect with another human being's heart. And a lot of the times, our memories are where our heart lives. So, I don't know, try it. Ask your parents about a funny story from when you were young that maybe you've forgotten about. Tell them to share something embarrassing about you that maybe you didn't know about.

And then you can tell them a story from your childhood, something that you got away with, that you always hoped they would never find out. And I don't know, let's connect and see if we can make this one a little less about politics and a little bit more about the human beings connecting around this time of year. And maybe this will give you some inspiration. Play a round of If I Rule the World with your friends and family and see if things stay a little more fun and insightful. And remember to think big. Think about crazy. Think just completely out of the box. In fact, if you want inspiration, take a listen to me, Christiana and Josh right

after this short break. Well look at that. We're in the real world now. Here are a few that came in. I'm gonna read them to you. I mean we're still judges. Reading and reacting. I will read them to you and then mean, we're still judges. Reading and reacting. I will read them to you and then we'll vote on them. Okay. Okay. First suggestion, if I ruled the world, all airplanes would board from back to front and we'd remove all Wi-Fi from planes. No.

I mean, they had me with the first sentence. I don't know why they would ruin it with the second one. Yeah. What, you want the Wi-Fi? I disagree with both. I just started flying business class, so now you guys want to take it away from me. It's just Wi-Fi though. Yeah, but if you're in the business class

and you board later, that's more time to be in the lounge potentially. If you really think about this as like a real champagne capitalist, right? Let all the pours get on first, right? And what's the point of the capitalism if you're not treated better? No, no, no, you are treated better because you get into an inner lounge for longer. Yeah. No, but then you lose the overhead space. No, you don't because they save it for business class. They save it.

The only people who lose it are the people in the middle. They're screwed no matter who bores. And they paid more for their ticket, by the way. Yeah, they did actually. It's crazy. They did actually. Yeah. So you're a no.

Absolutely not. And I want Wi-Fi on a plane. You like Wi-Fi on a plane? Yes. Wow. I'm on TikTok. I'm on Instagram. I'm scrolling. I'm in the family WhatsApp group. Christiana, we need to discuss your habitual connectedness. Oh yeah, I'm scrolling, I'm in the family WhatsApp group. Christiana, we need to discuss your habitual connectedness. Oh yeah, I'm heavily online. Do you know that's the one time where I'm gone?

Gone, gone, gone in ways that you cannot even imagine. Why? No, when I'm on a plane, I'm like, guys, there is nothing that needs me on a plane. I'm gone. I have like that old vibe to it where I'm just like, ah, he's on a plane. You know who I'm like, remember Justine Sacco? Oh yes, the girl who made the joke, the The woman made the joke was like, going to Africa. Hope I don't get AIDS.

Lol. Just joking. I'm white. And then landed in Africa and her family was like, you need to go back to America. And the whole world was like, you're fired and we hate you. I live that kind of life. I don't want to know anything that's happening on the ground because I'm on a plane. Even if like an asteroid hit, it's none of my business.

I'm on a plane. It's nice to be unreachable. Yes. So I agree with that. And that's why I would say, even though I'm not fully in favor of the wifi thing, there are certain movies that I don't even try to watch unless I'm on a plane.

There's gotta watch it right away, wait till it comes out on streaming, plane. And so I think if I had Wi-Fi on the plane, I wouldn't. You wouldn't watch them. I wouldn't watch them. So I'll go fully yes with this. No Wi-Fi, but then Christiana voted no on it. No on both proposals. And bored from back to front, you and Josh?

You have to bore from back to front because the chaos that happens that the way that we do it now Yes, we're late every time they have to make up time in the air on the last like five flights I've been on because we get to the back and They said that it was full but then everybody's like I'll risk it and they're sitting in all these different areas And so now people have to go to the back because that's the only place in any space But then people who finally get to the back who were boarding last because they're group Z they're the ones that are like but this should have been my space now there's an argument you got a board back to front so I've seen

somebody deal with this I guess they were like a I don't know what level of math you have to be doing but apparently the best way is not back to front and it's not front to back. Because if you do back to front, there's also going to be issues apparently. So your problem would come in when you're actually boarding, because now Josh's seat is 30, I'm 29, you're 28. But if I get on the plane and then Christiana does, you're still going to have people blocking each other. Yeah, so you'd have to line people up outside by their seat, by their row, and then you don't have enough space in the airport to do that. So that's why it fails. The real way you're supposed to do it is actually it's supposed to be like alternating seats and alternating sides is how the plane is supposed to board from like just like left, left, right, right. But like flip one, skip one. It's very complicated. It's not going to happen. So whoever sent that in, thank you very much for listening to the podcast. But it's a no.

Yeah, thank you. Here's a few more. All bosses are selected by employee vote. No. Ooh, that's a beautiful way to lose a company. Democracy is bad. Like you can't, if you, because this is the thing, I'm a pretty likable guy. It doesn't mean I'm effective.

Touche, my friend. Like you can't, if you, cause this is the thing, I'm a pretty likable guy. It doesn't mean I'm effective. Touché my friend. So it's like everyone might vote for me to be their boss. They know I won't say no to PTO. So now because I never say no to PTO, I'm the only one at work. And then the company is losing hella money. We're hemorrhaging.

Yeah. What people should vote on is salaries. What do you mean? I think there should be radical salary transparency. Like, you know what everyone makes. Yes. That's wild, yeah. And then like, every year, you know when it's like, promotions and raises and-

We vote on other people's salaries. Yes, so- Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah. Mind you, do you know what it means? People will treat each other so well in that office. Wow. Or-

Or class warfare, gang it up. Or we'll have many, many true crime documentaries. so well in that office. Or class warfare, gang it up. Or many, many true crime documentaries where like the cause was. Including the CEO. You know like the CEO salary is a sign, the board approves it. I'm saying, if we're gonna be voting on anything,

it shouldn't be who's the boss. It's like how much money do you make? You're literally creating murders. Class warfare. When I find out that Josh voted against my salary bump. Why would he, unless he shed his vote. I, let me tell you something.

People are getting killed. You have created an office of murderers. I'm gonna vote no as well, cause I just think it's ridiculous. Oh, I'm voting yes, but I know I'm a murderer. You're voting yes? Yeah, class warfare, baby. Man, whoever you are, you brought up Josh the Joker,

the worst version of Josh. This is the Josh that like, if he falls into a vat of acid, we warfare, baby. Man, whoever you are, you brought out Josh the Joker, the worst version of Josh. This is the Josh that like, if he falls into a vat of acid, we're all screwed. The only thing holding Josh back from this character is that he's still like a functioning member of society. So that's two nos and a yes? Yeah. All right, it's a no.

But thank you for listening to the podcast. Next person says, if I ruled the world, I would ban single ply toilet paper. Yes, because it's a, it's a lot like a, a government program where they don't really help you. I would rather have no toilet paper in there than toilet paper I can see through when I look at it within my hand. You've clearly only grown up in a first world country. Do you guys know this stuff before toilet paper?

Yeah, like... I wiped my ass with newspaper for like years of my life. Newspaper's thicker than one ply? Have you ever met the corner of a newspaper that you folded? News... There's no edges on toilet paper. It's sharp, but... Yeah, it's sharp in your butt, exactly.

It's thicker. Sharp in your butt, exactly. Sharp in your butt, exactly. This is a very first world opinion. You would rather have no toilet paper? One ply is your hand. No, it's water! I've used my hand. Have you used your hand? I've used my hand, why use one ply?

First of all, why do people act like you can't fold the toilet paper? What crazy world are we living in? Because one ply is also rougher. Yeah, when you try to wrap one ply, you can't make two ply. One plus one still equals one. Let me explain something here. One ply is like flying coach at the back of a plane. It is the least good way to do something, but you are still flying in a plane.

Everything else is walking or being on like a ship. The way that my fingers have broken through one ply. Josh, have you wiped your ass before without toilet paper? I've had to. Intentionally. No, not intentionally. Intentionally. I've had to, yes, I have had to use...

Intentionally. I have, Josh. I have. Let me tell you something. Don't ever wish toilet paper out of your life. I'm not saying I wish all the toilet paper out of my life I'm just saying that one ply is so bad you'd ban it, but then now there's now we have no ply Okay, I'm ready to vote mine is no Christiana

No, but because I think it's good for the planet. I don't know how Work, but it's less paper. So all right Josh? Yes, because it's barely real toilet paper. All right, well, that's still two no's and one yes. If I Rule the World was voted down. But thank you very much for listening to the podcast. We really appreciate you, thank you so much. We're gonna continue this conversation right after this short break.

All right, here's another one. If I ruled the world, high schools would start no earlier than 9am. That's brilliant. Yeah, that's fine. Teenagers need sleep. Yeah. It's cruel. That's like part of the problem actually. There would be more kids in extracurriculars if some of them weren't at like 7 a.m.

Extracurriculars? Yeah, so like some of the clubs, like for instance, I did Quiz Bowl when I was in high school. You did what? It's like trivia for high school. I was a virgin. You did what? I just want to know what this is. Quiz Bowl is like, okay, it's like imagine Jeopardy, but for everybody, and you go up against other schools and you do Jeopardy pretty much, but it's not like the structure of picking off the board. It's like, I'm gonna ask you one of the most random questions you've ever heard.

You might know the answer, you might not, but your school gets points if you do. Could you be like, yo, there's a girl, Tinashe, at our school, and she has what on her backpack? Can you ask a question like that? It's all Jeopardy type thing. Okay, so it's more general knowledge. Yeah, yeah. But it's more specific than general knowledge, which is also... And you did this at what time? It would be, maybe I went there at 7?

Who designs your schools? But school starts at like 8, 8.30. Yeah. So it's like... Yeah, yeah, no, no, I understand that. We also had it at 8. So if you're going to do extracurricular, that's before school, it has to start at 7. Why would you guys have extracurriculars before school?

Because you want to do the ones after. We call them extracur curriculars because it was extra. You cannot do extra before. Imagine going to a restaurant and you're like, could I get an extra side of rice? And they're like, we haven't even served you yet. What are you adding the extra to? The whole point of extra curricula is that you have your curricula, then this is extra. You can't start with it.

We're fixing the wrong problem here. In your scenario, you would just say, welcome to America, because that is what we do. But you seem to know that... What's it like in the UK? No, in the UK, we have like a little bit of socialism. Oh, there you go. You hang out in the beginning. Yeah, yeah. Yes. You know, so there was nothing before.

I don't know. This is a weird one for me. It's also the only way you can... I'd actually say start school at 10 and finish at 3. That would be my proposal. Start school at 10, finish at 3. Yeah, that would be my proposal. Okay. I don't know.

So I have a different proposal. I think you should start earlier, but do nothing for longer. No, but they have to get out of bed. That's the issue. They need to sleep because they need to grow. How much sleep? They need a ridiculous amount of sleep. They need like 12 to 14 hours.

12 to 14 hours. Teenagers, your brains, your bones, they need so much. How much sleep? They need a ridiculous amount of sleep. 12 to 14 hours. 12 to 14 hours? Teenagers, your brains, your bones, they need so much sleep. They've done studies where they're like... That's why we think they're dumb. Because they don't sleep enough and then we try to teach them. And then at least, I'm just talking about in the States, we try to teach them and they're tired, then we give them a test and then they fail and then we're like,

okay, moving on to the next more difficult subject. And they have to go home and study till late, do their extra, extra curriculums. Okay, I'll vote, then I'll vote yes. This seems well considered. Yeah, that's a good idea. Yes, yes. Whoever you are, congratulations, you have achieved the first yes. If you ruled the world, high schools would start no earlier

than 9 a.m. This person had an opportunity to rule the world and they just moved it by like an hour. I mean that's responsible use of power but not very creative. But thank you for listening to the podcast. The next suggestion we got was if I rule the world everyone no matter their job has to shadow a service employee one day a month. What is a service employee? Waiter. Okay, okay, I was making sure. No.

That's a no from me. What do we define by shadow? I think shadow means like do the job as well. I thought shadow meant just watching someone do the job. Yeah, my shadow has never helped me do anything. Yeah, you're just like, oh, I want wanna, haven't you had that as a comedian? Oh, I wanna shadow you for a game. Comedians don't shadow anybody.

But the way that I shadowed when I was working at like a regular job was to do a mini version of the job. Oh, Josh, I think you got tricked into free labor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was, yeah. I don't think that's shadowing. That's not shadowing, that's an unpaid intention. Yeah, I really think that's unpaid work. Maybe we should vote then.

I think shadowing is literally, you just like see how the person does it. Yeah. But what is the purpose of this? I don't get it. I think they want us to gain empathy for like service workers. But if anything, watching someone do their job up close, you always have less empathy. Like that looks easy. Yeah. It's like, oh, you always have less empathy. Yeah, like that looks easy.

Yeah, just like, oh yeah, but like, do that better, whatever. That's why I gained a respect, because then they would hand it to me. And then you would see how hard it is. So I thought shadow meant... Because you know how your shadow was attached to you? Like I thought that you had to be doing some of the... But your shadow doesn't do anything though. It's attached but doesn't do anything. No, I see that now.

Okay. I see what probably happened to me. I'm ready to vote on this one then. I say no. No. Is it no for you Josh? No, I guess not. Now knowing what the understood shadow is, I'd say no. To no.

Yeah, I thought shadow. Thank you so much for submitting, but you will be the only person shadowing somebody at their job. But thank you for listening. All right, our final idea from people who listen to the show. If I rule the world, all toilet stalls should be completely soundproof. We don't need to hear what's going on in there. Okay, this one, I'm already going to tell you is a no for me.

That's like the joy of going to a public toilet. You like to listen. No, I don't like to listen, but that's the joy of it. It's like a horror movie. I don't like horror movies, but if I took out the scary parts, then it wouldn't be a horror movie. A public toilet without the sounds is not a public toilet. It's still public.

Guys, it would be creepy. Imagine going into a public toilet and it's silent. I want that. No, this is creepy. I want that. Here's the thing, I'm going to vote no with you, but for very different reasons. Like, I feel like I don't love the sounds and I'd rather not hear them. You're misunderstanding me. You're misunderstanding me.

No one loves the sounds. Okay. But the sounds are part of the experience. I don't even want to hear the toilet flush. I mean mean I wish I wasn't in there when I'm in there. So yes, that's the point. Yeah that's the point. But the but the sound I would say needs to be left up to the environment because I went to the bathroom and there was a guy who fell right and we know he fell because he was like ah I fell right inside one of the in the stall okay and if it had been soundproof who knows no one would

have helped him yeah you could die in there okay have you ever used the public toilet and need a toilet paper and ask somebody to bring it to you I've done that once once in my life that happened to me. So back in South Africa, but that happened once. And I was like, ah, man, there's no toilet paper. And then I had to shout out, Hey, I need toilet paper. And then someone handed it to me. Over the stool.

Yeah. No, no, I got mine rolled to me. They rolled it on the floor. Yeah. So you wipe your ass with the floor. No, it has more. It's unrolling as it rolls. It travels the way that it exists. Oh, so you left the part, it has more. It's unrolling as it rolls. It travels the way that it exists.

Oh, so you left the part of it that had... Yeah, so basically, I was in a bathroom in a restaurant that was out of toilet paper, and I had to wait until somebody came in. And so then I was like, hey, like, I need help. And the person was like, like, I need help. And the person was like, okay, I got you, right? And then they left and they never came back. They didn't have me.

And then someone else eventually came in. I was like, hey, I need some help. I need toilet paper. And they were like, ooh, I got you, okay. And then they left and I was worried they wouldn't come back. But when they came back, they had the big old roll, that big roll that you install on the thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he bowled it under to me. And it was a real hero move. I like this. All right, I will say- Did you get to meet the person afterwards? You remember back in the day on that TV show, Rescue 911, you'd get to meet the operator who saved your life? So-

Did you get to meet the person? Did you like hug them and take a picture afterwards? No, because I started thanking him and then he left. Because he knew I was wiping while I was thanking him, and I think that was too much for him. Alright, so we're ready to vote. All toilet stalls should be completely soundproof. Mine is a definite no. Yeah, I'm changing to a no only because in ladies toilet, I don't know if you know this about women, but when I used to club 10 years ago before my life was over and I had kids,

you just, you hear so much gossip. You see, it's part of the experience. Gossip, also known as oral history, you know, so like, I like, when you're on the toilet, you just hear people talking shit and you don't even know the character. Exactly. But like all of that, it helps the camaraderies. That would be the only reason. This is yet another thing that'll make people feel isolated, it will make you feel alone. Do would be the only reason. This is yet another thing that'll make people feel isolated. It will make you feel alone. Do you know how nice it is to sit in a stall,

go through something physically, and know someone next to you is going through the same? Well, I like the person that coughs because they're about to drop a load. That always makes me laugh. This is what I mean. Now you're understanding what I mean. You were so against me in the beginning,

and now you get it. The sounds make this what it is. I vote no. No. Toilet stoles should not be completely soundproof. No. No. Well, there you go.

That is a flat out no. We'll be hearing you take a dump, whoever you are. But thank you so much for listening to the podcast. So the only thing that got passed from the public, high schools will start no earlier than 9 a.m. So we'll see you at 9 a.m. Our listeners are really concerned with toilets and toilet paper, like what is going on in the bowels of like...

It's actually why it's so hard to change the world. Look at all those proposals. It really is. Only one thing. The people don't think big enough. Well there it is. If I rule the world listener edition, thank you, every single one of you, for your wonderful suggestions even though we shot down almost all of them.

I mean, that's the nature of the game, right? And guess what? We want to hear much more from you. So, we have a WhatNow email address. It's whatnowatdayzeroproductions.com. Whatnowatdayzeroproductions.com. Get in touch with any comments about the show, suggestions for future topics or guests, and more of your If I Rule The World ideas. I promise we won't shoot them all down by the way. So, you know, send us a few. Let's see what happens. Tell us your name and where you're writing from. And better yet, record it as a voice memo

and send it along so we can play it on the show. Once again, that's What Now at DayZeroProductions.com to reach the show. We'll be back next week with a full new episode. In the meantime, from everyone on the show, we wish you a Happy Thanksgiving. May all your plane boardings be smooth and all your toilet paper be two-ply. What Now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with Day Zero Productions. The show is executive produced by Trevor Noah, Sanaz Yamin and Jodie Avigan. Our senior producer is Jess Hackl, Claire Slaughter is our producer. Music mixing and mastering by Hannes Brown. Thank you so much for listening.

Join me next Thursday for another episode of What Now?