What's Your Drama - An A-List Dinner Sighting & Shutting Down PDA

Episode Date: June 14, 2017

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers Podcast and thanks for letting me skip a week so I could be one with nature.On today's show: The A-list person I sat next to at dinner and if it's cool to approach, is there an expiration date on saying the L word, and how to tell your friend to figuratively and literally not get fingered in public.Hope you enjoy it and keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail] or tweet us at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip. Oh and if you want to see my pretty nature shots from my vacation hit me up on my Instagram @lostandfoundapothecary.And of course please check us out on iTunes and Google Play and spread the word on the podcast so we can move up the ranks! Come on, we're only asking for position 61! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you keep hearing podcast ads, like this one for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. Hi, this is Lainey and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers.

Welcome back. Hi, I'm back from Newfoundland. So you went to Newfoundland. Yes, it was awesome. Which kind of is timely because the Tony Awards were the other day. We were there watching it. With like localers? No, we were in our room, but I felt like part of the Tony experience.

Welcome to the rock? Exactly. Yeah. I was on the rock while the rock was winning. Well, they won Best Director. Yeah, Newfoundland is awesome. And I really feel like now that I've come back, because I know that you and Jacek love fucking walking like 80 kilometers a weekend, that it would be your jam.

It's so beautiful. And we went to Gros Morne and we went to this little area called Springfield. And then we went to the hot spot that everybody knows about. You don't have to be Canadian. It's Fogo Island because… Yes. Gwyneth Paltrow. Gwyneth Paltrow.

I didn't go… I didn't learn about Fogo because of Gwyneth Paltrow. No, I'm sure you didn't. But she definitely made it really famous and it's awesome. It's like this small little fishing town. And there is an insanely, insanely expensive inn. called the Fogo Island Inn. And somehow I weaseled my way into getting a reservation because I just did. And…

Well, like, you stayed there? Oh, my God. Fuck no. It's 2,000 bucks a night. No. Okay. No, no, no, no, no. So what was your reservation for? For dinner. Sorry, for dinner. Oh, is it hard to get a reservation for dinner? I think it is. But I, like, worked my magic and somehow got that. Okay.

So that was a real treat because we were… No, our accommodations there were lovely. But, like, you're not glamming shit up there. Like, I was in a salt box, like an old converted salt box. Some of the places where you stayed. Yeah. The other places were also very questionable. Are Newfoundlanders going to get mad at you, though? Like, are they going to be like, what are you talking about?

We have luxurious accommodations. They don't. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Right. The place that we stayed in was wonderful. But the Fogo Island Inn is next level. Yeah. Yeah. So we went there for dinner and what was the food like? Well, before I even go

there, I was like, Corey… like it was our… it ended up being our anniversary on this trip. And so we had nothing really planned. There was nothing really fancy. And I was like, oh, the Focal Island Inn dinner is going to be so great. Like we're going to actually have like really delicious food. And he was like, no. He's like, it's so pretentious. Like he found out how much it was for a meal. It's something like 125 bucks per person. Right. He was like, no, it's so pretentious that like why don't these people who can spend $2,000 a night, like spend it on something better, like help people. And I was like,

what the fuck are you talking about? If we had 2,000 bucks a night, we would also be staying there. He was like, these people are so pretentious. And I was like, oh, I hate you. And I was like, no, please just don't ruin this for me. Like, can we just go? Can you like eat some food that's not a peanut butter sandwich and just like enjoy life for a second? And so we go there, we sit down and it's beautiful. We have like all this wonderful panoramic of icebergs. And is he warming up now to the place? No, he… Well, no, of course.

He still has… He's… He's… Inside, he's probably annoyed, but outwardly, he's being polite. Right. And then all of a sudden, he's like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. Guess who's here?

And I was like, who… Wait, because, like, did he say it in that tone? Because I know Corey, and, like, he, you know, I… He… You know, he doesn't OMG like we do. No, he never… I've never heard him say, oh, my God, guess who's here. Right.

So he said it like that. Yes. And my first reaction was… I thought for sure it was someone that we wouldn't want to see. I was like, oh, fuck, who's here? Like, I was actually thinking it was, what's that, the sexual assaulter's name from CBC? Gian Gomeschi? I thought it was Gian Gomeschi.

I was like, who's Canadian and who's horrible? Oh, my God, Gian Gomeschi, please, no. Anyway, and then we look around. I looked, I turn around, and it's fucking David Letterman, which was amazing because Corey like that is Corey's it's him and fucking Bruce Springsteen that's like his two favorite people in the world right so it was the best thing ever like I was like I don't even care about David Letterman the fact that you are freaking out yeah totally totally fangirling was amazing so and so yeah David Letterman and his wife and his son sat at the next table

and Corey just had like the perfect view of just like watching him he was like it was so nice to hear him laugh. And I was like, oh, you're so cheesy. This is great. And dinner was amazing because… Corey just creeped David Letterman the whole dinner. Well, it was his… like he was facing him. Yeah. So that… like I would be talking to him and Corey would be looking. I was like, hi. Like get your shit together. Don't be so obvious. And so then of course we had to take a sneaky picture and I felt so horrible that we did it. But we had to. We had to. We had to. It was his number… it's his number one or two. You got to do that. And he was like, can I go and like slip him a note? No. Oh my God. Right,

right. Because he was just freaking out. Yeah. Because he was like, I just want to tell him that I really like him. I was like, no, you absolutely cannot. No, you cannot do that. Okay. And he didn't. No. I'm shocked that it was Corey who was like, can I, should I? I know it was the best because it was like so close. He was like, can I do anything in this situation? I was like, no, no. He's with his child. He'll actually probably mutilate you with his words. Correct. And you will feel horrified.

Yeah. So, no, you can't do that. Does he regret not doing it? No, he knows, he knows that he couldn't, but he really wished that in some alternate universe that would be okay to do. Right. Because you have a major stance about that too, right? Yes.

Like, especially, I feel like if we had seen him on a hike or something, you could give Dave Letterman a high five and be like, what up? Love you, David. Or Dave, whatever the fuck you'd call him. But you can't interrupt dinner, right? Never. Especially with family. Yeah.

Listen, I have heard from people and they're like, you know what? I hear what you're saying, but it's one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities and you want to capture the moment, but it's just so gross. Yeah, it is gross. It's really, really gross to me. Yeah. You can't do that. And I bet you there were a whole bunch of people that actually probably did it at the

inn. Do you know what I mean? Just like people who were also rich people who were like, hmm, can I take a picture? But I just felt we felt really out of place. And, yeah, you can't do that. You can't do that, especially with a child in tow. That's just like a no-no. No, I…

Yeah. So you stayed… But can I just say… I hope I haven't given the… Like, I did not think the Fogo Island Inn was pretentious. It was fucking beautiful. And if you ever have the chance to stay there, stay there. Well, if you ever have the chance to stay there, it means you're rich.

So, yeah, you can, like, throw us some money so we can stay there too. That's true. That's true. So you stayed in more modest accommodations. Yes. So… That's true. We totally did.

So an old salt box, converted salt box, which was beautiful on the water. We stayed in like a glamping tent. We stayed in an eco pod and we stayed in a tree house. Okay. And so I'll tell you for a number of reasons why this would be your worst nightmare because those accommodations are not luxury for you. I'm a modern person. I don't know what a salt box is and I don't want to know.

No, it was beautiful. It was just a cute little loft. It was wonderful. That was actually like, I felt like I was living the dream there. But yeah, the… and the eco pod was really gorgeous too. The treehouse, not good. I left a nice Airbnb review, but I wish I could take it back because I really didn't like it.

It was freezing. It was not insulated. It was maybe… I'll have to show you the video actually. It was so tiny. It was so tiny. You couldn't move. You couldn't move. Um, and… but I have a question for you, though.

Rewind. Okay. Um, this is an advice podcast, so I need your advice or something. So we stayed at all these locations. Yeah. And… oh, and a bed and breakfast. We stayed at so many fucking places. So my question is, what do you do when you're staying in… sometimes in people's homes,

right? Can you have sex in their bed? Oh. Not in their bed. I doubt it's their bed. But, like, are bed and breakfasts okay? that feels weird. Can I fuck in a tent? Can I fuck in a treehouse? I think you can fuck in a tent. Okay. Wait, wait, wait. Well, like, is it your own tent? No, no, it wasn't my own tent.

So it's a rent tent? It's like, you know, those glamping sites where it's like you have a bed in there. It's like a plush. No, I don't know anything about glamping or camping pictures before where it's like all really nice in there. You have bedside tables. You have lamps. Look at My husband. She doesn't – you don't know – you've never seen – Why would I – why would I have seen these pictures? Like, it's not like I would ever Google glamping. Not interested.

Like, we Google things we want to know about. I never, ever want to know about camping or glamping. So, glamping, in this particular case, was a tent with a queen-size bed with, like, a nice down fucking filled whatever mattress. So, it's like a hotel, but you're outside. But the room is a tent. Yes. Okay.

I just – I'm wondering – listen, I'm not going to tell you where I had to go. had sex or even if I did have sex. I'm just curious, what are the rules and regs when it comes to staying in these accommodations? I don't know. I just… Okay. When you go to a hotel, you free fuck. For sure. Bed and breakfast. You've had to have stayed at a bed and breakfast in your life. So you're in someone's home. I don't think I've ever stayed in a bed and breakfast. So you only stay at five-star hotels. Not five-star. Yasik just pointed and said yes.

I'm a princess. Like I will tell you right now, I'm going to put on my Gwyneth Paltrow hat and yes, like I am, I don't sleep outside. Listen, the beds in a five-star hotel are probably just as fucking ear buggy and beddy as any fucking other hotel. Well, I check for bed bugs, but no, I don't sleep outside. Like this is not a thing that I don't know why people do that. People do that.

Like I know there are a lot of people out there who love camping. To me, it is against nature. Oh, I'll tell you this. We didn't even have a bathroom. We didn't even… We had to shower outside. The first night we got there, fucking pissed rain, and I had to shower. Listen, I am never doing that again.

I will tell you that much. Yeah. I am like… How many years of evolution did our species have to go through to get out of that situation? Why people voluntarily go out into the wilderness and decide to sleep on like twigs is I don't understand it. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever. Not even if it's my 40th birthday down the line and that's exactly what I choose to do, even though it's not, but now I just want to be spiteful and make you do that? I can't. You wouldn't? I can't, no. You would just say no? I would ruin

your birthday. I would be doing it actually out of generosity. For me, it would be like, you want to go and have a good time. Why would you want someone like me there who'd be complaining and then I wouldn't do any of the work because I also know that when people camp, they have to work. I don't do the work either. Like you have to make the fire and like, you know, cook the food outside and like I just – why would you spend – we work hard. It's true.

We work hard and when we have time off, I don't know why you would take time off to go work in the woods. Well, I did it mostly for Corey's benefit and I think we both feel the same way. Like we're like, meh, that phase of our life, like I can't do that. I need a washroom and I need to be warm. Yes. Which is why I don't know if I can answer your question. About sex.

Because I can't even get my mind to that place where horniness is on the table. Maybe that's why then. I'd be so uncomfortable. Like even in a bed and breakfast, I know what they are. Yes. Good. That's great. But I would like, I don't feel like I would have a great bathroom experience.

You have your own bathroom. I know, but, like, it's probably not, you know, that I would worry about the water pressure. Okay. And I would worry about all that shit. And then I would… if I can't have a great shower, and because I shower three times a day minimum, if I can't have a great shower, then I don't feel like I'm in, like, the mood for sex. Sex mode.

Okay. Yeah. Well, then can I put this out to other people? I mean, my trip's over, so I don't really care, but I do still want to know for future reference. what are appropriate accommodations to have sex in? Is it a free-for-all wherever you stay that you're paying money for? Or are there like certain like do's and don'ts? Like you can't in a bed and breakfast because it's like in someone's house. And typically it's only one room, right? Like,

you know, a bed and breakfast doesn't have three rooms to rent out. This one has three rooms. Okay. Got it. Shit. You are the wrong person. Okay. Let's… No. No. Don't ask me other stupid question. I mean, listen, you can make everybody out there make fun of me all you want, look down on me all you want, but this is… I would never. Call it my flaw. I would never. It's your Achilles heel. That's why I always say if there is like a zombie attack or some sort of invasion or an apocalyptic event, I would not survive. I would be the first to go. I would be the non-survival of the weakest. You would surrender right away. Yes. I would be like, take me. I am no use to our species. I know this. I have no value. So I get it. So make fun of me all you want.

Anyway, shall we? Yes, go. Okay. So here's the first one. Hey, Sasha. I've been with my boyfriend C for two years. We've been friends for over six years and when we first met we were both in relationships. We always got along very well and found ourselves dating once we were both single. I'm 31 and he's 33. The relationship has had a few ups and downs since it began. For starters, it took four to five months of dating before C was ready to commit to boyfriend status. A few months later, six months after we started dating, I dropped the L-bomb. Long story short, C told me he wasn't ever sure he could fall in love again. Although he was very into me, it wasn't love yet. I didn't want to give

up on the relationship, so I continued on. The long story to this, if you want to read it online, is that the last time he was seriously in a relationship was three years prior to us being together. So about four or five years ago now. I knew him when he was with his ex and they had a seemingly great relationship and everyone thought they were in it forever. A combination of timing, mental health issues, hers, and change in what they both wanted out of it meant they broke up since he, and he hasn't committed to anyone since. We too have a seemingly awesome relationship, get along so great, similar values. We have so much fun, just the two of us and in a group and the sex is amazing. I seriously thought that this was something that had legs, but this

weekend he told me he still didn't feel like he was in love and wasn't sure if he ever wanted to have kids or get married. I feel heartbroken to think you can be with someone this long and not be in love with them and I know I have myself to blame for not addressing it sooner. I suggested a break so he can figure out his shit. Personally, I feel like two years is long enough to know if you're into someone and he's just too chicken to end it. We have a really large circle of mutual friends and part of me thinks he doesn't want to come off looking like the bad guy if he ended it with me. Do I need tough love from you guys or just ditch him? Kind of the same thing. Yeah. But… Okay. Yeah. Or do you think there is anything salvageable? Thank you very much

in advance. E. Okay. Well, listen, we get these… we get this kind of thing a lot and I don't think that E is the first person. In fact, I think E is like the 1888th million whatever person to go through this. Yeah, so two months later, he's not in love, might not want kids or marriage. Two years later. Yeah, two years. Sorry. Well, that's what I was going to say.

I think we get these questions and they're like, it's three months, six months. Two years is a hefty amount of time to put work into a relationship, invest time, invest your feelings. And if you're not getting that back, then yeah, like, he needs to shit or get off the pot. And I think he's already told you the answer, which is he's getting off the pot. Like, you know what I mean? What's so interesting, and I love letters like this, is you just have to, to our reader

E, reread what you just wrote us because you have documented exactly what we would say to you. Like, yes, he is probably never going to commit to you. He's told you so much. Yeah, he might be doing it because of the group of friends that he doesn't want to lose. You know what I mean? She's mapped it out for us and for herself.

She just now needs to listen to herself because she knows the answer. He's not in it for the long haul. Yeah. He's told her that he may not ever love her. So what are you going to do? Yeah, like, it sucks. It's totally heartbreaking to hear. It's a real fucking bash to your ego.

But, like, pick yourself up and move the fuck on. Yeah. I mean, the closest comparison I would have to this is, you know a slot machine? Have you ever been to a casino? I sure have. Okay, so… A bed and breakfast and a casino. Great.

So I have never been to a bed and breakfast, but I know myself… but I know my way around a casino. In fact, I could probably design them at this point. Yeah. Like, you could blindfold me and I could tell you, like, just from sound what is happening in any given space, like in a casino. So slot machine. So, you know, you see people who refuse to get up from a slot machine and they're thinking,

well, fuck, like I don't want to get up from the slot machine and then the next person sits down and the jackpot comes. Like that's the worst feeling. That's an amazing analogy. That's the worst feeling in the world. And I feel like this is what happens with so many people where they stay in a relationship that they know that person is never going to love them and has told them as much as you said.

And for some reason, they stick around and there's some hope there. There's like, I can turn this around. But part of it too, whether or not you want to admit it, is that you don't want to get up off that seat and then six months later, somebody else comes along and he falls in love and like a year later, they get married and they have kids. That's going to happen. And that happens all the time. But here's the thing.

How does sticking around change that for you? Totally. Like, ultimately, whatever it is that he needs to fall in love, and maybe he's not capable of it. That is a possibility. But maybe he just isn't ever going to fall in love. Not maybe. He's just not ever going to fall in love with you.

And sticking around is not going to change that. I'll also add sticking around is not going to change that, and taking a break isn't going to change that either. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, I guess there's that slight chance where he'll be so brokenhearted, like, oh, no, I do know what love is. But, like, that's movie bullshit, as you would say.

Yeah. Movie montage shit. That ain't happening. So, yeah. Yeah. Don't throw the break out to see if you can get him. Like, it's not going to happen. He's not going to John Cusack you outside your window.

No. No. Like, you know, and that, so yeah, there's the hope there. And then there's like that whole thing of like, well, you know, I don't want to like someone else. Well, you know, what's worse? Someone else coming along or you sticking around, like knowing that you'll always be the person who loves more and he will love you always less or never love you.

Like, of course, it's a shit and diarrhea situation. But, you know, in a shit and diarrhea situation, take the shit. Yeah, totally. Because you're 31 years old. Like, wow, there's so many, like, there's so much more out there. And, you know, if someone does come along, then okay. Like, it's, someone will come along for you too. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Also, just another thing too is you also have to not live your life for somebody else. And if, and if what you want is to have children and to get married and he has actually put it out of the table that that is not something that he wants, then that's just another reason to break up with him.

Also, it brings up some questions of, is he still having lingering feelings for his ex-girlfriend? He seemingly was able to love her, right? That's what he said. He's like, he didn't know if he could love again after her. That's also something that you don't want to fucking take on. You don't want to always be looking behind your back being like, oh, that relationship was better. And I'm sure if we ask E right now, that probably is an insecurity that probably still

lingers with her sometimes. Anyways, this… You know what? It's hard because they get along so well. It's hard because they have great chemistry and they laugh a lot and they have lots of great sex. But if you don't have the actual core part of a relationship, which is love, then, yeah, you gotta fucking move on.

Sorry, but… Again, like, as Sasha said, reread your note to us. And I hate to bring this expression back up again, but, like, when someone tells you how they feel, like, believe them. Yeah. Like, you know, I don't know why we don't take what people say at face value. Like, I don't think I can love you. Well, that's why your lottery thing is so… your jackpot thing is so right, right?

Because I feel like I've done that in relationships too where you just hope and pray that just around the corner something's going to happen and they're going to… like, a switch is going to go off and you're like, yes, I love you. We've all been there and I get it, but like I feel like if there's anything you can start doing for yourself is to believe what someone says to you the first time. Yes. Good luck. Keep us posted. And again, it's going to be shit for a while, but shit's better than diarrhea.

Yeah. Okay, next. Do you keep hearing podcast ads like this one, for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch.

And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. Um, so, uh, Sasha, I have two very close friends that are in different social circles themselves, meaning their only thread in common is me. Let's call them Jay and A. They're both very important to me and I love them both immensely. Jay and I have been friends for nearly 10 years. A is a more recent friend in the past five years, but is a larger part of my family life and pretty much

moved in with me to help me when I suffered from postpartum depression after having my second daughter. Needless to say, they're both great. And prior to the past year, they were both single. A was two years past a bad breakup and J had recently dumped her asshole fiancé. A finally had her first post-breakup hookup. And while it was a messy, disappointing experience, dude had what you referred to as weed dick, but with ecstasy and far less rigidity. He was really nice. Hey, I love that wee dick discussion

because like I said, 80%. Yep. 80%. Yep. He was really nice and they spoke a bit after. Meanwhile, Jay was also seeing someone. He wasn't great sexually, but he seemed very sweet, so I encouraged her to give him a chance. Turns out A's guy and Jay's guy were the same fucking guy. What? Oh gosh. No. Let me just read this. That's fucking legit what she's saying. I had to tell Jay and when she confronted him, he admitted that he went out and met A, but claimed he was too messed up to even remember who she was and claimed he didn't remember waking up next to her. Texts later proved that was a lie. Sketchy. A heart… Oh my God. A was heartbroken simply because it was her first foray post-breakup and the guy didn't even remember, I call

bullshit, and Jay was pissed because this guy pretended he was all in. Well, Jay stayed with the guy, moved in with him, and now at every party of mine where A and Jay are both invited, A doesn't feel comfortable going if Jay and the guy are going to be there. A suffers from some social anxiety anyway, understandably in this situation, and she's super important to me. and truthfully, I can't stand Jay's guy, so I don't want him there either. He hasn't turned out to be stellar at all since they committed to each other. Can I just invite Jay and tell

her to come solo, sparing the rest of us from their incessant PDA and his general presence, thereby sparing A any awkwardness she feels? Help. Holy fuck. How is A not fucking like singing to the stars? Like, hallelujah, I'm not with this weed dick loser. Like, why… that's what's so weird. That's, like, my first gut feeling is, like, oh, my God, A, congratulations, you totally bypassed what seems or sounds like a pretty, like, loser-y dude. This is so… Doesn't…

Don't you think that? Like… I do, and I think that that is, like, the prescribed way to feel, but as we all know, we never feel the way we should feel. We often feel, like, shit about ourselves even though it's irrational. Like, you know, A has been described as someone with some social anxiety, so maybe some confidence issues are there. And in these situations, like, yes, you can, like, pump yourself up and be like, well,

I'm better off anyway. Fuck him. Snap, snap, snap. But, like, of course that's not a lived experience for everyone when, you know, it's not a muscle that you've used. So I can understand, like, A might be like, well, fuck, you know, like, why did this happen to me? and why did I attract a guy like that?

And why did he go for Jay instead of me? And then you create a different narrative, right? And you say like maybe he was only shit to me and like he's amazing with her. Even though like sure, our reader here, our letter writer here is saying like this guy's a douchebag. It's hard to believe. It's hard not to like create this fantasy for other people where they're so happy, they PDA all the time at the party and he changed for her.

Yes, I totally see that and hear that and have been there, I think. But I feel like that's why I guess the duty, I think, falls on our reader here… Or sorry, the duty falls on our letter writer here to help her friend A realize that Jay's boyfriend is a fucking loser. Like, that's easy. Fine. She doesn't have to see it with her own eyes if she's insecure and has confidence issues.

But if I was in that situation and one of my best friends was like, dude, you are so much… like, this guy… like, I would divulge all the shitty things that he's done to Jay just to make my friend A feel better. Yeah. It's not like she's making shit up. He sounds like a fucking, you know, R-rated loser. It's hard to believe the truth sometimes. Like, it's, you know, even if your best friend tells you, like, you…

I would take my best… see, this is what… I get where you're going with this. Yeah. But I feel like… pick your friend A up. Just be a good friend that can… not to say that she's not being a good friend, but just help her out let her know that she is way better off without this guy um but when it comes back to our the parties the parties yeah can you disinvite a boyfriend of your best friend i mean my my answer is no you can't you can't can you imagine if you hated all hated cory and you would just tell me that i could come but i couldn't bring cory well it's not that simple

It's because Corey used to fuck Duanna. Oh, I love that we're bringing Du into this. No, like it's not just that. It's like if I had whatever kind of dislike for Corey and like I would never because I love Corey, but if I had any, Corey probably did fuck Duanna. You know, that was not that far. But you know what I mean? That's not so far off to say.

We all work in the same thing. If Duanna had hooked up with Corey one time, some drunken night, I wouldn't be like, you You would really like hold that like, oh, everything that we do is incestual. All of our friend groups are slightly incestual. People have gotten together with other people. I know. No, I don't know. Like, I feel like there is a different level of bond between all of us where I don't think

it would be cool. I honestly say that now, but I don't think it would be cool. Not current day, but can you imagine in our like 20s when we first started partying and stuff and no one was linked to anybody. And if Corey and fucking Duanna hooked up, I wouldn't be weirded out. I would. I would definitely party with you. If I was in the you situation.

Like, if we were all that close. Because she's basically declaring that these two people are her closest friends. Yeah. These are, if she's Beyonce, this is Kelly and Michelle. Okay, got you. Right? And so, basically, it's Kelly's husband fucked Michelle. Like, that is weird.

But Kelly and Michelle aren't even fucking tights. Who gives a fuck? You're giving me the Duanna thing and Duanna and I are tight. But if we're doing what? Sorry, this is all getting Kelly, Michelle, whatever. A and J aren't even tight. So it's not like one of them kind of like backstabbed each other by going for the same dude.

They didn't even know they were fucking the same guy. Do you know what I mean? Like there's no relationship between them. So I don't really know why it's that, that awkward. Like I'm just, this all sounds like… I think it's really insensitive. Don't you think it's insensitive of Jay? Like, Jay clearly knows who A is and knows that her boyfriend fucked over this girl.

And then she goes to the same space and is like, oh, I know that that girl got fucked over by my man, but let me just stick my fucking tongue into his ear right now. I don't know. I just think that's like… But she owes… But she owes… It might be gross, but she doesn't really owe A anything other than she's like doing what she's doing with her boyfriend, who, yes, is a deadbeat, but that's her choice.

It's not like she has to, like, stop everything. She just can't, like, express her love for her boyfriend just because A feels insecure about it. I don't know. I'm sort of… This is… I'm, like, almost, like, now I'm turning angry because I feel like this is too precious. This feels just too precious.

Like, everybody just get a grip, be in the same fucking place, and don't make it such a huge deal. I honestly… You disagree. I get it. I think that in a perfect world, people behave like this. But we don't live in a perfect world and there are insensitivities. But that's why you just have to fucking suck it up sometimes because it's never going

to be perfect. Because it sure as shit not going to be perfect when our letter writer is like, hey, Jay, your boyfriend can't come. That's causing like serious A-grade drama. That's going to make things even more uncomfortable. Then what's going to happen? Then Jay's not going to fucking come to the party. Then Jay and our letter writer aren't going to be friends.

And then they'll blame fucking A because it was A who was feeling insecure. And then A is going to feel like even more of a fucking outcast. It's going to be a fucking disaster. Well, when you balance out the unhappiness in the world, right, who right now is in the weakest place? It's A. So, right? So, in any given situation, in your, like, in your suggestion, A has to suck it up. A has to suck it up, but with the support of her friend, letter writer, to make her

feel more secure, to make her realize that Jay's boyfriend isn't, like, anything special, that she can do so much better, and that he's a total fucking dweeb. Right. But, I mean, like I said… And suck it up. You can say all that and then you go to the party and then those people are like hot grinding on each other. Have you never been in a room when that's happened?

Have you never crushed on someone and seen them like… I'm talking like Robin song, I'm in a corner watching… Of course. Yeah. It happens. And I feel like those people are douchebags and a little bit insensitive. Okay. And I agree with you.

But what are you going to do about that? Well, I think that to… can we give our letter writer a name or an initial? You love doing that, so yes. Well, because it's so like… I know. Okay, fine. B. No, B.

B. B. So what B's saying is like, who do I have to take care of the most right now? Well, the person who needs me the most is A. So yes, I'm going to prop her up and I'm going to be her cheerleader and whatnot. But at these parties, she's still going to feel so like totally exposed. But that's when you fucking huddle around her and you make her feel as comfortable as you can. But why wouldn't you do your duty as a friend?

Like, why wouldn't it be also a good friend to be like, hey, Jay, come to the party. And if you decide to bring douchebag, can you guys, like, chill out on the, like, PDA and, like, fucking dry humping each other? Because it's actually not very nice to A. Can you see it that way? Come to the party, but can you maybe, like, you're together. Your happiness won't be affected. Or you just might not, like, you know, get fingered at my party for one night. But you'll get fingered in the, like, but you can, can you save the fingering for the Uber?

Right. So your, like, amount of discomfort is limited. And P.S., not that uncomfortable because you're still coming to the party with somebody. But she's there and it's lonely. And she's already lonely and this is somebody with social anxiety and you are coming here and flaunting it in her face. To be fair, the social anxiety was not that she has general social anxiety, that she has anxiety when she sees these people together.

Right. So that's a big difference, A. Yeah. B, it's a fucking rite of passage. You sometimes have to realize that not everything can be yours and it hurts and it stings and you gain some goddamn confidence because you have great friends around you like ideally be who will help you through this, who will chum, chum, chum while you're at the party and you'll get over it.

To create more drama and by telling someone, like, don't, please don't show affection at my party. Like, that's just like, that's, that's fucking weird. I think Jay is the one who creates the drama. I do too. I do too. I'm not saying Jay is. So why does Jay get to like drama free without consequences?

Who's going to put this bitch in her place? But she's not a bitch. It's one of his best friends. I think it's pretty unkind. I think it's pretty unkind whether you know a person or not to like bring your boyfriend in and be like, oh, hey, look, I'm getting a titty grab by the guy who like gave you a weed dick. But too bad. Then you – congratulations, Jay, that you got the fucking big old hard boner. Like I just think you're not – you have to – for me, I'm just – like I'm just trying to think.

Like, if you and I both really… but again, we wouldn't… in this situation, we wouldn't even known each other, right? Like, we're not even really that tight. The only reason why we're tight is because of B. So I guess that's what I'm saying. Like, let's say you and I both wanted someone. We were both single. You got him. And then I had to watch you guys in the bliss of your beginnings of your relationship love

each other. I couldn't… I would hate… I would never ask you to stop doing that. I don't think that's fair of me just because I didn't win to tell you to lose. Like, you get to make out with the person. Nobody's telling you to lose. People are just saying, like, can you be sensitive of my feelings for the three hours when you're at the party? Would we say this?

That's it. Would our… I would like to know if Bea would have written this letter if she didn't have such a hate on for Jay's boyfriend. How about if she really liked Jay's boyfriend? How about if Jay's boyfriend was great? Like, she probably would never even be writing this letter to us. But the only reason why, she fucking hates or she thinks that Jay's boyfriend is shady.

Look, that guy's shady and he's gross, but I don't even think that's relevant. I think that, like, what's relevant is what it says about Jay, which is, like… I know this is your good friend, B, but, like, I don't know. I'm not really liking Jay right now. I think that she's… I don't think that Jay is a very kind person. We've all had friends who have just had really bad taste. they don't have to be unkind. They just have really bad tasting eyes. I wouldn't, I don't feel

like I would, when, if I knew another woman had been hurt by a guy that I'm with. By just a fling. A fling. A fling. It doesn't matter. Like, disrespected that way, I wouldn't, I wouldn't go out of my way, and I feel like this is going out of her way, to, like, remind her of that embarrassment. I think that's what's unkind. I don't disagree. Or to be oblivious. Or to be, And the fact that she's totally oblivious tells me that, oh, you're, to quote Jennifer Aniston, missing a sensitivity chip. Right. And that doesn't make her very attractive.

Jay, I mean. That doesn't make Jay very attractive either. So, like, I mean… So what's your advice? Bitch, Jay? Jay's a horrible person. My advice would be to straight up tell Jay, like, hey, I'm happy that you're so happy, I guess, medium happy with this douchebag.

But, like, but, you know, I have to tell you that, like, A is still having a hard time and so for now, can you, like, just cool it on… Lay off the fingering. Lay off the fingering. Would that be okay? Can you do it as a favor to me? Okay. Until maybe she feels better.

And, like, listen, if it's a prolonged situation, then I think you're right that A needs to maybe suck it up more. But, like, obviously it's still raw. That would be interesting to know that timeline, actually. Yeah. And that would be… Sure. So there you go, B. You have two choices.

Yeah. Either go with Lainey and talk to Jay and tell her to stop getting fingered in public. I would like more information on Jay, though. Like, we need to… I would like to do forensics on whether or not Jay is actually a good friend. That Jay is shady, like her boyfriend. My advice would just be prop your homegirl A up, make her feel really good, let her really drive home the point that this boyfriend of Jay's is, like, a really big loser.

like bring out the fucking big guns and like unleash whatever weird stuff that you know about him so that she feels better that she's missed out on that loser

and make her feel really comfortable at these parties and invite other hot dudes that she can crush on and want to fuck instead of

this other loser and that's it scene scene thanks for writing in and keep your questions coming to me at Sasha

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