What's Your Drama - An Unwanted Meat Stick

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

Welcome back to What's Your Drama! We kick off this episode with unpacking audio as Lainey is only shopping for star-print clothing these days. We are also talking about blood baths AKA our periods. Come on, we haven't talked about our periods in at least two podcasts so let us have this.  Then we dive into your drama!First up, “Juliet” writes in about some friendship woes but it's her heartbreaking backstory that Lainey and I concentrate on. As I mention in the podcast, the letter is fairly lengthy but it's important to listen through it all.Then we get into even more friend drama. “JB” is miffed at her best friend's husband who during a pandemic, locked in with his wife, decided to drop a bomb: he wants an open marriage. Look, it's not ideal timing, but does “JB” have a reason to hold a grudge?Finally, we end on “V”. V is a vegan from Vancouver and she's all kinds of irritated about someone bringing their own food into her home. And yup, you guessed it, the food was not plant-based.  We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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slash advertise. Hi, I'm Lainey Louie, talk show host and entertainment reporter. I'm also the editor of laineygossip.com and I am a BTS fan. Yeah, you are.

I'm Sasha Tong. I am a producer at an entertainment show here in Canada. I'm also a fashion and beauty columnist on laineygossip.com. And I am not a big BTS fan.

But this is What's Your Drama, where we gossip about you. There's a box. Yeah, of course. Everything's always still in the box with you. Okay, welcome to What's Your Drama. and we're now the crinkling is laney opening up her yes style hall which is a korean online store oh oh my god you are so over the top with shit so this is a hoodie with saturn and in the middle and the galaxy of stars yeah you don't like it i

know you do i don't particularly love that to be quite honest with you do you of course i do can i see the front of it that was the front oh and that's the front yes oh i mean did you see see the fluffy collar oh that's actually really cute oh yes okay so the fluffy collar is actually like a tulle collar and um a tulle sleeve that pops out okay i like that i like yeah man okay good please. And do you know how much this was? Let me guess. $7.99 or $13.99. $14.99. No, but you know what? We've just revealed my, my shopping secret. Yes style. I posted about yes style like years ago on your blog. Okay. Well, okay, fine. Okay, great. Okay. Are we, do you, should I open three more things? Yeah. Open the good stuff. I don't know if anyone's going to want to listen to this,

but oh another that is not good that is not good no no that one's not good that's it's just not for you but it is very me it's very hello kitty it's very hello kitty yeah just give me one i like half like the first one didn't like the second one give me a third one here um i got some i got some stuff for next winter okay look at this cute sweater why does everything have stars on it why is everything a galaxy isn't this cute that's cute but why does everything have stars and planetary i was in the mood for stars okay okay oh how about this tie-dye shirt sure these are all great things i liked one i liked one of them so you and i have a friend and uh she and i are i feel like the only people in

our friend group who are into timothy chalamet yeah just call her her name it's amy okay she doesn't listen to this podcast anyway why aren't you on board with this um look i don't want to be named a body shamer here i have always dated we men i am with a man who is um smaller than me um not in height but in like this is why i'm asking you like in legs and arms but i even have a limit like this man is very weak and i act he's not short no he's not sure he's just lean he's very small in the um not vertically but i don't know horizontally he's not very wide i need someone who has some muscle mass that's just my preference he is a very spindly man um but there's some there's swagger for sure for sure i just don't want to like i

don't want to i don't think i want to have sex with him oh please you do yes really yes yeah amy just texted me i feel like she heard she did look what did she say is it about timothy chalamet no i can't say that um okay he's amazing but backtrack because he is with a new woman now yeah so i was like already obsessed when he was with lily rose death that was just like the french the french and the like prettiness and whatever and now like isa gonzalez is so beautiful gorgeous and he's so beautiful and it's just really nice you know the combination I and I feel like yeah I I need to work on that among many things I need to work on I need to work on my superficiality and my just like you know or is it can we is it okay to like

looking at two hot people together isn't can't we just have that I want I want to be able to say that we can have that what I like though I I actually don't know much about her at all um like I know that she's been in Fast and Furious and whatever another car movie baby driver baby driver but she's 30 and he's 23 which which which made 24 okay fine which made me enjoy that because he is i like that he likes women he's like one of those people who like just loves women of any age it's just it's nice because he could i mean how old was lily rose a couple younger younger than him but i like 20 but i like that he'll go older there's something about young dudes who go can skew a bit older that i enjoy okay but she's not that old 30 no but he's still 24

that's a big leap in a 24 year old man brain to be with a 30 year old feels like you're with a 30 year old like people freak out when they're in their 20s and think that they're gonna be 30 like they find that old so yeah i it and i i also like that came out of nowhereness of it like if you were like even though we had known yeah i have so many questions right where did they meet there's a fucking pandemic right now how did they meet who set them up like i i wish we could know these things we never will and yeah like it's none of our fucking business but i'm i like don't you want to know if he has, if he's smooth, like if he has any game or no game and if that's his game or what? I feel like it's the no game game. But also he's super charming. Like we've seen him

on enough red carpets and in interviews to know that like he's super charming. He's funny. He's endearing. Now imagine him concentrating all of that power and directing it towards you. The eye contact. The charm. The French accent. The giggling. Oh, yes. Her.

Right? Him? He doesn't have a French accent. He speaks French fluently. Okay, but that's not a French accent. Like when he speaks French. Like, you know, dropping a French word in here and there. He does have good lips.

Does have great lips. Listen. He has great bone structure. He has great hair. I don't know what your problem is. And he has great style. You're right. If that was coming at me and I had had one sip and I would be in.

You're right. I actually would probably be down. There we go. Shall we with the drama for the week? Yes. I will tell you that the first question is long. So for people listening, just like it's worth listening. We like a story.

It's a story. So, yeah, it is story time. All right. This is also directed to Duanna, who's not here right now. Who loves to get in on this, by the way. I would like a Duanna. If anybody wants a Duanna joint podcast, please send some questions that include all three of us and let's do one. Right.

Because, you know, Duanna knows. Loves to know. Okay. So, dear Lainey, Sasha, and Duanna, my husband became randomly extremely ill less than two years into our marriage and when our firstborn was under a year old. I'm sorry about that. We went through massive trauma trying to keep him alive and he made it thank god and even tried to go back to work Once we reached the point where we were sick of being sick and thought he was going to get better This was at the time our second child showed up having another child was part of our moving on strategy

And while not a terribly wise decision, we were optimistic about moving forward and our second son completes our family We can't imagine life without the two boys We've been terribly lucky in an unlucky situation because we are still together. The divorce rate for couples where one spouse is chronically ill is 75%. But this is for much older people. What? The divorce rates for couples where one spouse is chronically ill is 75%. Yeah.

Man, my parents are in the 25% range then. Yeah. Okay. So when accounting for young children is, oh, wow, these are facts that I am not emotionally ready for, Sash. When accounting for young children, it is astronomically higher. Also, because of this, my husband has worked so hard to set us up in the most financially responsible way, knowing that he can no longer provide for us through work.

He's on disability and lives with chronic pain, nausea, and fatigue every single second of every single day. Incredibly, he weaned himself off painkillers early on because he hated how they occluded his thoughtful mind. But because of that, we've had to minimize our lives so much over the last six years to keep his symptoms at bay. We don't see friends. We don't socialize.

We don't see anyone other than our parents, who thankfully live locally. We used to be very fun. We'd have incredible spontaneous adventures, traveled across the world, and would have elaborate many-hour dinners with perfectly paired wines, ending with totally silly dance parties and darts in the basement until the wee hours of the morning. I'm going to cry. I know. Me too. I already am. Yeah. I'm so sorry. After we reached a place of relative stability, I've ventured into a new career and absolutely love how I've worked so hard for our family and I've made a big impact over the past two years. I'm also thankfully high energy. I wake up very

early to work out, which is my alone time. And then during COVID, work from home 50 to 60 hours a week, taking breaks for midday recess, tag, wrestling, soccer, and baseball in the backyard. Wow. I do have the ability and wherewithal to self-care my saving grace, but no one to share it with. Oh God, this is long. Sorry. This is what they wrote, not me. What I intended to write about yet set the stage with so many words was to ask you about friendship. I've had to drop my friends. I have one best friend I met when we were five and she's so successful. She's an absolute boss and she doesn't have kids, but it's very forgiving of my waves of in and out participation in our friendship. I have another who's also super successful, has a young child, and I feel

that I'm always going months without connecting with her, then groveling because I'm so sorry that I haven't been in touch. We were best friends in college and stayed close, but my end of the bargain, or sorry, but my end of the bargain of being a good, thoughtful friend has just disappeared. I don't have the energy to be thoughtful to anyone else despite my very, very best intentions. I actually have a horrible habit of intending to be and promising to be in touch with people when the time is right and I can focus 100% on them. But in my situation, there is never a good time. A few years ago, I was trying to explain to her what we were going through and she countered with, everyone is going through something. She's a super educated,

incredible human. I think I might've been too sensitive, but it really hurt my feelings. I know that. Things could always be so much worse, but I didn't have the words to try to explain why my life was weighing on me. Things could be worse. They always can be, but I feel such immense guilt at being a bad friend and having dropped all the friends from my life because I'm just trying to keep my family intact. Am I a horrible friend because I can't keep up? Should I live with this guilt and just accept it? I need help trying to navigate the one or two friendships I have left. Thank you in advance for your consideration. You can make up any name you'd like for me. Okay. Well, I'm just going to make up a name that I love. Yeah. What's your

favorite name in the world oh gosh huh this is why it was probably written to duanna too because come up with a good name um god i don't know i'm really bad at this shit just give me a fucking name what's your favorite name i really love i know i don't care what if you guys don't think it's i love the name julia oh i was gonna say julia you like julia yeah okay well let's do juliet juliet yeah i love julia um but with one t i like i with one t not e t t okay well juliet it is with one t um doesn't this break your heart though oh it just puts things into perspective and i and it breaks my heart i know and i hate when people are going through something you're like oh my god thank you for making me realize my life is great um i and i say that because it's like

what she's going through is just so unfair and it just makes me, anyway, I feel emotional. Me too. I love that Juliet is doing everything for everybody. And I also love that Juliet is making time for herself. And so I kind of want to dig in to more of that because I want to make sure she really is doing that because that's the most important thing here. That's the most important thing moving forward is that she's creating space for herself and to figure out what makes her happy. So does trying to rekindle an old friendship make her happy? If it doesn't, fucking do without it then, right? Like just don't, her two questions to us were like,

should she feel guilty? No. I forget what the other one is, but it was also a no to me. Like, yeah you have enough to fucking deal with and this isn't like oh we're treating you like a pathetic person yeah it's yeah you have a lot to fucking deal with uh-huh yes carve out what you want to carve out with happiness if you only can make plans with one friend and you fucking bail on them who cares I guess that's what I'm just I who cares what anyone is thinking just take care of your family. And I hope you just get through this, um, with the, any amounts of happiness and joy that you can salvage from the situation. Um, however, if she does want to reach out to this friend who kind of, you know, said that kind of flippant, like, Oh, everybody has problems

and really define what is going on in your life. Cause maybe you didn't do it properly. As she said, she said she had regrets for not actually telling her in that, in that moment, really what was going on, feel free to do that. But at this point, like you've got enough going on. I don't think you need to be like trying to convince someone to be your friend at this point. I agree. I don't have anything to add to the convincing people to be your friends. Like you are Juliet. I mean, this is wow. What? So, you know, all this anxiety and stress and like chaos that a lot of people have been dealing with in 2020 with the pandemic and the uncertainty. And of course, understanding that marginalized people and marginalized groups have been dealing

with this through life. You have been in crisis mode, crisis mode. You have been in crisis mode nonstop. And you somehow still have all this energy to do your work and take care of your husband and play with your kids and exercise. So you're also super fit. Like, okay. You win. You're good. Yeah. You're good. I will say this though. I'm glad that you said your self-care, Juliet, is your exercise time and that that is important to you and you hold yourself to it. That's great. However, you may find that self-care is going to look different for you later. We don't know. Like, I don't think we ever know. Your exercise might be always your self-care. It may always be your self-care or just part of it though. You might find that that self-care isn't

enough. And so when that happens, your friends can be self-care. You know, I've been through something really crazy lately and my friends have been the best, you know, like, and so, So, and it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be awkward if you don't come into it when and if you're ready and you may not be so great. Do your workouts, have your family time. I'm not saying you have to do this, but when and if you are ready, don't go into it with any guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about. When you go into a situation like that with guilt, when you did nothing wrong, you automatically kind of put yourself in a disadvantaged situation. Like, you know, you've handicapped yourself, even though friendships don't have ledgers. It's, you don't, you shouldn't be approaching that, like you shouldn't be approaching that connection with, in like a humbled way when you don't have to be. Mm-hmm. So I think I would tweak your mindset. Get rid of that guilt. And you might feel differently about how to get in touch with your friends again. But you really have to not feel guilty. There's nothing you should feel guilty about. Totally. I also think that it would be interesting to self-examine what self-care means to her.

I think a lot of the time when we talk about self-care, we're like, yep, we got our exercise, self-care uh yep we played with our kids self-care I connected but maybe I would like think outside of the box uh because it seems like the things that you are reminiscing about like dancing and that freedom I feel like maybe you should zone in a little bit more on that Juliet because I I think that's an that might be an element of self-care that you have forgotten so I would try to maybe lean into that and maybe that does as Lainey say at that point will include a friend or friends, but I feel like maybe you should expand your views of self-care. And I know that time is limited. I understand that, but maybe ditch those workouts and maybe instead like go

fucking take some, you know, go dance in a fucking field or something like really examine what like hits you in the heart, because it just seems more like a checklist. And I'm not trying to judge her, but I just want her to think and expand that idea of self-care because self-care isn't just necessarily working out and having your green smoothie. It's also about like really feeling free. And I think that if you can, if you can carve out those times, those limited times in your life, um, do something a little bit like off the chart, something a little bit different, um, something outside of the calendar, something outside of the regiment that you've already set so that you feel like you can get back those dancing in the parks and drinking and all those

things that she misses. That's a good point that you picked up on. The writing, when she was describing those things that they used to do, there was a longing, a nostalgia. When we're nostalgic, it doesn't mean that we want to do that and that we feel somehow a true sense of sadness but there is a sadness to it like that's why nostalgia is such a weird complicated emotion it there is something very melancholy about nostalgia totally um so but yeah our it it seems like sash both of us what we pick what we picked up on with this letter is the self-care yeah right like and what it looks like what it's going to be um how can it evolve and how can it be updated um with new versions so that yeah you are properly cared for and let go of that

structure of like what it means to be a good friend and failing a friend that's bullshit a bullshit especially in her situation like fuck it you definitely yeah you got no time for that stuff right now don't worry for a second more about that yeah uh juliette good luck keep us posted. And yeah, like what's all this working out about? Yeah. Wow. Working out 50 to 60 hours a week, playing with the kids. You're amazing. Yeah. You're amazing. See, I would give up. I would sleep in. Totally. I know you would. God. Quick question. When was the last time a display ad changed your mind? Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real

trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words, in their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With Acast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace. Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions. You're buying influence. Learn more by visiting ACAST.com slash advertise. Okay, next. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. A few weeks ago, my best friend, W, texted me at like midnight and asked if we could talk.

Not a normal thing for us since our college days, so I was immediately super worried. Added to that, I know all my friends have been avoiding talking about any major issues with me as I've been dealing with depression and anxiety and been off work for about eight months now. So I knew it had to be pretty serious. W's husband, M, had told her after watching an episode of Letter Kenny that he would be interested in having an open relationship. They have been married for about three years, together six-ish total. It was a complete surprise to W when M mentioned this. Before they got married, she feels she'd been very clear that she wanted a monogamous relationship. They've had a lot of conversations early on in their

relationship about sex, other partners, et cetera, as W was M's first serious, first ever, I think, relationship. That night I drove out to meet her in a park, breaking isolation because I couldn't leave her alone. And we chatted and I tried to be as supportive as possible. Really just listen and sit with her while she cried. Tell her she's amazing and totally right to stick to her line that she's not comfortable with the idea of an open relationship. We sat and talked and cried in my car for maybe two hours and then I drove her home. They started couples counseling within a week of him asking her about an open relationship. That is ongoing and seems to be helping them. But this is all about me. Our area has recently started allowing households to expand

their bubbles. So naturally, my best friend asked my partner and I if we were open to being in a bubble with her and Em. We said yes. Is this going where I think it's going? No, they're not going to have some orgy if that's where you think they're going. No, no. I'm getting real uncomfortable. Okay. We said yes, and we've hung out as a group once, about three weeks after the initial open relationship breakdown, and then not again in person since. We have done virtual hangouts twice with a larger group. The whole time we hung out in person, I was really uncomfortable. I felt a lot of anger towards M. I tried to play it cool because I don't have a very close relationship with Em to begin with, and my partner mentioned after we had hung out that I seemed really

standoffish, but I have avoided telling W how I felt while we hung out. I don't want my anger to impact the way she sees her husband because she has made the decision to work through this and I'm trying to keep being supportive. And he says he's okay with not having an open marriage if that is what she wants. I see myself avoiding her since then. I really don't want to hang out with her husband right now because I'm mad at him for really not thinking before he spoke. He just dropped it on her that he wanted to be with other people when they were trapped in their house together during a pandemic. I don't know how to talk to W about

all this. She hasn't mentioned anything relationship related in a few weeks and no one has mentioned an in-person hangout again. How can I work through my anger at M and continue to be supportive to my best friend thanks so much for reading this long ass letter jb oh wow um okay so m during a pandemic says to his wife hey so open marriage yeah let's go you're right yeah okay after watching an episode of letter kenny do they what so random really random are there open marriages in letter kenny I don't know sorry that's my chair squeaking um you don't know no I don't know but okay great well um JB's a little close to this not much is going on during COVID times I think she's a little bit too knee deep in it I think she should back the fuck away and um get rid of some of her

judgments um and probably just accept the fact that her best friend really wants to ride or die with her husband and they're working on it like the end like you know when you've you've told your friend something personal about your relationship and you know that they've judged you in that second and then you realize i'm never fucking gonna talk about it again i think that's what her best friend realized like oh shit jb is being supportive but also now fucking hates my husband and is mad at him i can never talk to her about this again and that's probably where the tension was when they all hung out um but I also think that JB um is too invested in it and is all yes as I said has too many judgments about it and that's not fair like if they decide that they

want to if her best friend's like oh you know what on second thought I watched that Letter Kenny episode too I want to fuck a bunch of other people as well so be it yeah you know like I agree Yeah. I think right now you, you are close. Listen, I don't blame JB. Cause like she's protective, which is great. I, you know, if, if that were me, I would expect you to be fucking mad at Yasik. Like I would expect you to be like, are you like, I would expect you to have some anger towards him. And I would, but if you told, if you were not angry at him anymore, then I would also then not be angry at him anymore. Right. I would follow your lead. But also what you do in that moment as a friend is you kind of, you back pocket it and you're like, okay. Cause I know you

would. First of all, if any of your friends came to you with the exact same scenario during a pandemic, the dude is like, Hey, open marriage. You in the back of your mind, it would be a black mark on like, not striking out, but a strike one. But secretly I would hold that in there. Of course, secretly. Yeah. But that's what I mean. Backpocket it. Put it in the back pocket.

Slide it into the back of your consciousness, like knowing, you know what? I'm not convinced that this is, you know, that this won't come up again. I'm going to need to be there to support her. But the way I support her now, because you want to be a supportive friend. The end of your question, JB, was how can I be a supportive friend? You meet your friends where they are. Totally. way she needs you to support her is by supporting her marriage, making her marriage as strong as

possible. How are marriages strong? Well, typically like, of course the unit itself has to be strong, but it can, it doesn't hurt to be supported by pillars like, you know, surrounding them. And this is a very old fashioned notion of what marriage is, but like all these traditions and customs of what weddings look like, you have to invite the village and the community and the family. The idea behind that is the family members support this marriage, right? And that way the marriage is strengthened, like in traditional cultures and, you know, even in Western culture. But I think that what you need to do is support this marriage. The way that your friend needs your support is by supporting her marriage. So this is, you did make this about you. You're

actually making this about how you want to support your friend, not the way your friend needs to be supported. Yes. Yes. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. That's it. And that's why I feel like her best interest here isn't how her friend is feeling. It's how that situation has made her feel. Right. That's why I'm like, you're too close to it. You are like, you're not being, you're not being a supportive friend. You're just not, you're not thinking about it from her standpoint. So like, exactly. Let her go through this counseling, let her figure out what comes of it, where they plan to be in like, you know, in the next few months and just always be there to catch your friend. Right. Especially when, when they're going through something, you gotta,

you're going to pivot all the goddamn time. Moods are going to change. Decisions are going to change. Just be there for right now. I agree. I agree. Like moods, pivots, all of that. Like i i think that if you need help on how to be a supportive friend by supporting the marriage put a lot of weight into the fact that he's agreed to go to therapy that's great yeah and then it sounds like immediately he agreed yeah within a week yeah that that's a good sign it it's it's it should it's even though there you might have like he might have one strike, it might, that might be enough to cancel half of that strike. You know what I mean? Like when someone is showing up and saying, okay, we need help. Fine. Let's go get

some. I'm, I'm on board anyway. Yeah. So get over JB, be a supportive friend by supporting your friend the way that she needs to be supported. Amen. PS are your fucking periods fucked? I never realized no they're two days so literally a blood bath on day two literally it's everywhere I had to sleep with a fucking um towel under underneath me I have never done that in 41 years and then it went away and then now I'm like have I stained Corey's fucking desk chair have you noticed that I'm like shifting. So the last two days I've, cause my seats are white leather and Yassic saw it yesterday. I had to clean blood off of the leather. He, and he saw it yesterday. He was like, Oh God. And obviously like, just because anyway. So, and then yesterday I. So wait, you have it

right now. I have it right now. Yeah. And then, so since I was staining the chair, I ran upstairs to change my tampon. When I pulled it out, it splashed. I want you to know how much liquid is required to splash all over the floor. Like to the point where I- Like someone poured a cup of blood on your floor that month? Yeah. Okay. I rolled up four squares of tissue paper to start and could only get 30%. Could only absorb 30%. and then I had to I actually tissue paper wasn't doing it there was so much that I had to get a small hand towel one of those rags yeah and the rags are about this big yeah and even that was

like can't absorb it it was a can of coke but it's all in there it's also so alarming like I'm a 40 I don't know how old I am I think I'm 41 I'm 41 and like I'm alarmed at the amount of blood my body can produce like I don't know what to do it makes me feel frantic and the embarrassment sets in too i'm like the fact that i went into bed the other night i was like sorry cory i just have to put a towel down so i don't stain her like i'm embarrassed i got a 12 year old again that stained her white jeans anyway i feel like i've probably stained his fucking chair right now because i don't know how to control my blood anymore okay i don't think you use good tampons either but anyway i'm still waiting for my delivery from you yeah but i why won't you clearly you are in need

of the ultra. I'm in need of ultra toxic shock syndrome, insane chemical tampons. Like that's what I need. No, no, but I've like, I, the size, I mean the bullet ones. Again, it doesn't matter because I'm using like peace, love, eternal grooviness tampons and they just don't do the deed either. Okay. So why can't I bring you an ultra tampon or several? I just need some tampons. yes I will fine fine but I'm gonna give you the jumbos can I not have all the jumbos there's just something about the jumbos that I just don't I just can't accept yet I'd rather change a bunch of regulars than have to look at a fucking jumbotron tampon I think that's like I just let me I have to stand up I feel I feel like this is bad okay here we go did you did you

No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. But like, at this point, I'm closing my legs up so tight. So let's fucking get going. Okay. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. Here in Vancouver, here in Vancouver, things are loosening up. So I've created a social bubble with 10 people. Two weeks ago, I had organized a backyard picnic and told everyone I was going to be making the food. I'm vegan, have been for more than a decade. All my friends, including those in the social bubble know this. Oh, sorry. All my friends, including those in the social bubble know this. My friend, let's call him Mac, brought along his live-in girlfriend. They've been dating for a year now. And while she seems totally nice, we are not close. We are not not close in a bad way,

just haven't spent a lot of time getting to know each other. Anyway, it's dinner time and I start bringing the dishes. I damn near slaved over and Mac's girlfriend, while I'm dishing out the food, pulls food out of her purse and starts eating a meat stick. You would totally do this. Okay, go on. She said, I hope you don't mind. What's a fucking meat stick anyway? But go on, go on, go on.

She said, I hope you don't mind, but I'm not vegan. I'm not one of those vegans that force my views down people's throats, but I think it's disrespectful to bring meat into my house when I'm also cooking the damn meal. What do I do now? She's in my bubble whether I like it or not. So do I take them out of my group or can I say some, so, or can I say something to her? Help V.

All right. V from Vancouver is a vegan. Yeah. Would you do this? Because you say, I will say that I am a vegan, except I do eat an egg every once in a while. So I don't know what that makes me, a fucking slutty vegan. But you won't eat. Whenever we've talked about me making vegan food, you are like, ooh, gross.

So I feel like you would probably be the one to bring a meat stick at a vegan party. Or would you not? Listen, I was right there with the meat stick until I was reminded by this person that she was the host. Yes. Like that is – unless you're asked to bring something, you can't bring partially your own meal. If the host is like, come over for dinner, don't worry about anything, we got you, and then you show up with your own food. Even if it was vegan food, I'd be insulted. Right.

But on the flip side, though, if I was going to a friend's house who was having a dinner party, I would bring my own. I have done that, bring my own vegan food so that I don't egg, that I'm not going to fucking eat their meat shit. but also like don't worry about me don't worry about me i'm taking care of myself these are my these are my dietary quote-unquote restrictions so but for some reason when you flip it the other way i find it entirely rude and disrespectful like you being a vegan is also um like a political thing as well right it's also a political social um vibe as well because you're trying to save the goddamn planet so it's almost like i don't know what it's like but it's just not fucking kosher to bring yeah meat into a non-meat household yes okay so you agree i agree i agree that that was

all kinds of offside now though what does be the vegan from vancouver do don't fucking have another dinner party or just don't fucking invite them is it's house just because you have a bubble Does it mean that the bubble, the 10 people bubble always have to be the same 10 fucking people? But OK, can we can we not have space here for like letting there might be people on this listening to this pod who didn't know this? Like, I don't think that a lot of people are aware that it's so, like, that veganism for many vegans is a political choice and that it is actually, like, a moral insult to bring food, to bring meat into that home. You don't think people know that? Okay, fair. No, no, I don't think it occurs to them.

Okay. Like I do, I do think, because here's why I think that, um, I think that a lot of people associate, especially because, and this is, I'm sorry, vegans for saying this, but I think a lot of people associate veganism with food trends. Totally. And the wellness. That's right. Right.

So it's unfortunately, because again, I, I respect your choice to be a vegan. I understand why. I do think that there are, I think vegans have, there's one reputation that vegans have had, like, you know, that's why people joke about it. Right. And then, you know what I mean, right? Like that, like a tree hugger? What do you mean? Yeah, like that, I think that there is a part, like partly some people associate vegans with like a preciousness of behavior.

oh well but that okay yes right whether or not that's right or wrong that could

I'm not saying whether or not that's right or wrong it's wrong I'm saying that reputation is there

it exists is what I'm saying I agree I'm not saying I have that image I'm saying it exists right

people think people think that people who are vegan are like people who have a gluten intolerance that's kind of how sometimes

vegans are treated right and then of course Right. And then, of course, there's like the celebrity factor. Right. Like how many articles have you have you seen associated with a celebrity? And like she went vegan for a month and lost this much weight. Yes. OK. So there's a lot of misinformation about veganism. And I'm glad that you said frankly, like veganism needs like veganism needs PR needs, you know, well, it's getting higher. Yes. Needs to hire a publicist, a brand marketer to rebrand or at least to educate people. So my point is, is that I do not think a lot of people, some people for sure, do I think the majority of people would actually like, boom, like think and think about. I don't.

So I think that this is an opportunity for education. Okay. Like, hey, can you guys come over in two Saturdays? But you know what? I understand you're a meat eater, Linda. I don't know why I just said Linda. Like no one is called Linda these days. But Linda, it is. Linda the meat stick. Linda, I don't know. But like the thing is, is that I don't, I don't use any meat products in my house. Like I don't even, you know, whatever that is. And say that. You should be able to say it in a way that is received well and is educational without coming across as like whatever.

Yeah. Or the other thing is be a little bit more passive about it, which is probably what I would do is to say, hey, Mac, you know, when your girlfriend brought out that meat stick, I really didn't like that, as you know, because it seems like Mac's been, you know, has known V for like the decade that she's been vegan. That's what she had said in the initial letter. Mac, you know, I'm vegan. Like tell your girlfriend next time that I have a dinner party that the only food that will be eaten will be the food provided by me. I mean, you can be straight up. I don't know if, I mean, listen, all options work. I think you can create that opportunity to talk to the girlfriend and be like, heads up seven up. Please don't bring your meat sticks next time. You can

go to Mac. You can tell him to pass on the fucking message, or you can just keep these dinner parties a little smaller and just not have them over next time? I would go with my suggestion because you know what? I don't know Mac from Jack, but. Yeah. But I think that I don't, I don't want to put that much trust into Mac to deliver the message the way I would want it delivered. Okay.

You know, like how people say, oh yeah, V was, is having us over. Don't bring your meat stick. She was so annoyed. Like. Sure. So quickly. Sure. You know, because sometimes like my own, my husband communicates things like that to me.

Totally. Right. Because he just can't be bothered. So go directly to the source, explain, educate. This is the perfect opportunity to spread the message of veganism. Okay. Be the better PR is what you're saying. Okay.

Yes. There is like a defensiveness. Be the vegan PR. There's a defensiveness, I think, with vegans because especially when they're with non-vegans is like, yeah, you get that like preciousness, right? Like what you just explained, which is like, oh, you're so delicate. You don't eat animals. I roll, I roll, I roll.

So there is like, for me, even, there's like an instinct to be like, ah, let me fucking fight this fucking meat eater, this meat stick eater. So, but you're right. I bow down. I say, yes, your advice is better than mine, which is create the space, create the opportunity to have that conversation. Great. Well, you win.

On that note. Oh, well, yeah, let's end it here then. On that note, thank you all for listening. Keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be back soon. Bye. Bye. if you're a business owner then you know they call it running a business for a reason EQ Bank knows it too knows you're running the team running the show and you're definitely running the numbers EQ Bank's business account is built to help you make bank it has no monthly fees and earns high interest so you can keep running what really matters sign up today at eqbank.ca business We'll be right back.