What's Your Drama - Basic Bey and Moving On

Episode Date: December 13, 2017

Welcome back to the last Sasha Answers of 2017!On today's show: Is Beyoncé basic all of a sudden? How to get over an ex that you think you're already over and how to roll with the changes in friendship.We want to thank you so much for the support and trust you've given us for the last three seasons! We hope you have a wonderful holiday.Keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes and Google Play. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi it's Lainey. Hi it's Sasha. And welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers and this is our final podcast for 2017. Yes. I know it's been, I don't know, has it felt long? This year has felt like bullshit. This year has felt like bullshit but this podcast hasn't felt like bullshit. I feel like it's breezed by actually to be quite honest with you. Yeah. So far, this season has breezed by. Or just half a season. Actually, no, fuck us. We started this season late. That's why we're like, three months? Anyway, fuck this year, too. Yeah, this year needs to go away. Can I just say that we're coming out strong with all fucks and shits. Watch this. I have an ear zit. That's how I'm coming, closing

out 2017. With unhearsed. Honestly. And it hurts so much. Fucking hate them. But they're the best when they pop because you hear them. Like there's no like, oh, did that happen? It goes pop and then just ooze.

Or it makes that like, yeah, it makes it, you don't hear it, you feel it, but it also stinks. Oh, does it? You never, you've never smelled your ears it? Oh, you are the rankest person I know. No, I absolutely, really, I'm not even being, I've never smelled my ears it. You're such a fucking liar. I'm not lying.

No, I swear to you, I have never smelt my ear zit. So would you like to tell me what an ear zit smells like? Well, it smells like… Now I'm going to have to smell it now after, but okay, yeah. Yasik can confirm. He too has smelled an ear zit. Other zits don't smell. What are you talking about?

Cheese. Okay, you've never… All of you guys are a gross house. Yasik just said cheese. That's what it smells like? I don't It's like Something sour

Okay Anyway I Yeah those First of all they kill In your ear I have so much pain I am actually in pain

And it's hard to get An angle of squeeze You can't squeeze them No That's why you have to Sort of wait for it To spontaneously pop Which I guess is when

You hear it And like feel it It's like a click It goes click And the relief is Wonderful But I also find That the ooze

Is Like it feels Super fucking wet in there Yeah, it's like a zit orgasm. That's why I can't help but like smell it. I'm like, oh my God, there's so much in there. That actually makes me fucking gag. No.

But I also have a juicy zit on top of my lip, which I love. You know those zits that are pretty that you just want to draw like a little mole? Like do you see that one? Like it's very Cindy Crawford. Do you see it? I've never thought of a zit as pretty. Oh, when they land above around your lip, I always am like, oh, maybe I would tattoo a little dot there.

Come on. Yeah. Remember we were talking about how we love freckles the other day? Yeah. So same deal. I want… No, because a freckle's flat. Like, that's my fucking…

I hate about a zit is that it… After you pop it, especially. Like, you know it whiteheads itself? Then you pop it, it gets a little bit bigger because it's, like, swollen. Yeah, yeah, swollen. And it's that bump that you can never hide. But I fucking hate the zits around the mouth. They're the ones who hurt them…

Like, they hurt the most when you pop them. That's true. Anyways, I'm just living with this one. I think it looks nice. Well, I hope your ear zit crowns soon. Try smelling it. You know what? If it pops at work, I'm going to make you smell my ear zit.

Oh, I hate saying smell and ear and zit together. I'm having a really hard time with all of this. Can we be clear? I don't want to smell anyone else's ear zits. It's my shit that I don't mind smelling. Like, that's the thing. Okay. Okay.

Noted. Can we just quickly also talk about Beyonce? Okay. Because I had to do a story for her on my other day job. Yeah. And I had to do something on her Instagram posts. And then I had to also write about her and Ed Sheeran. And then I just started to realize these are all things that I'm not happy about for Beyonce.

Her Instagram lately is wacky, whack, whack, whack. Her fashion is not good. I feel like she's just doing very, like, very basic bitch Instagram posts. And now she's also working with Ed Sheeran. And all of it just, I'm not, it's not sitting well with me. And I feel like she really needs to pump out some music or I am thinking negative thoughts about her, which I know is sacrilege and we're not allowed to do that. But I am.

Look at the, look at the, you're talking about the gold outfit? All of the outfits in the last, since she's had her babies, her twins, I just feel like her fashion has been really not good. Okay, but when has Beyonce's fashion ever been? And like, as much as I love Beyonce, I don't think that I've ever looked to Beyonce like the way we look at Rihanna and we're like, oh, my God, ever. I mean, Beyonce's fashion, what is hilarious about it is it's always, always towing the line on tacky.

Like, it is like House of Darion. Yes, that was, I mean, that is her legit DNA, like House of Darion. But I don't know. it just, it's now, it's skewing into really very real housewives for me. And that's not what she's been. She's been like, yeah, like a little bit tacky, but in like a kind of glamorous way. Now it just looks really trashy. And why is she working with Ed Sheeran? Do you feel any feelings about this or no? I have no, like, I have been saying for so long, forever and ever and ever, that I am not a believer in Ed Sheeran. I can't with his music. He just sings, he like rap sings all the

time telling stupid stories. I don't even know that he tells stupid stories. Like I, when an Ed Sheeran song comes on or if I walk in somewhere and an Ed Sheeran song is playing, I will walk out. Like there have been times when, like, cause they play music in the bathroom and I will rush my pee. Yeah. I hate his music. Yeah. It's not good. So I know she did this song, whatever. perfect with him, which, I mean, she made like a very, very mediocre song, marginally better, I guess. And then I think it's like the number one song now. It absolutely is the number one song in America right now.

Because she's Beyonce and whatever. I don't know. I feel like Kathleen wrote about this and she chose to see it as Beyonce's holiday giving. Okay. Right. Like charity. Like, that was the only way that she could cope.

Okay. And so my advice to you is to take Kathleen's approach. Okay. I don't know how much more I have left. She has to pump something out in 2018 or I'm going to be very upset. We are, like, only now four months away from Beyonce Coachella. Yeah. Which, no, we're not going to.

Like, I can guarantee you that even if someone came to you to offer you Coachella, I think, I feel like you would say no. Why would I say no? What? If it was VIP. Oh, no, no, no. Oh. Like plebby Coachella?

No. No. Yeah. But we can, that's the thing about where, like the times we live in right now is like we don't have to be at Coachella and we'll know exactly what's going to happen and you know she's going to bring it for Coachella. So whatever dissatisfaction you have with Beyonce and that's on you because I am not sharing that.

I know. Okay. I just want to make that clear for any people who are tapping in to this right now. If you want to go after anybody, you go after Sasha. Please do not come after me. Whatever dissatisfaction Sasha has with Beyonce at this moment, I feel like it will pass very soon. Thank you. Thank you for protecting me and my anonymity.

Okay. Do you want to start reading some questions? Okay. Our final questions of 2017. Make them good. Wow. This person just jumps right into it. here's my story. When my fiance broke up with me out of the blue with no clear reason, I was

devastated. He was my first love, my best friend, the only person I felt ever truly understood me and who I felt completely comfortable around. The months after the breakup were extremely rough. I wasn't eating or sleeping. I lost 20 pounds in two months and cried every day for almost a year. I'm happy to say that after five years and many hours talking with my therapist, I am finally over him. I no longer hold him on a pedestal as the one that got away or want to get back together or even think about calling or texting him. While I've conceded that he's a fucking loser and not worth my time, I'm still not over all the negative feelings. I still feel hurt and rejected. I'm pissed that he gets to be happy when I'm not. Worse, I feel like I will never find someone I click with,

even a friend, as much as he and I did at the time. I can logically tell myself this isn't true, but I don't really believe it. I've dated a few guys since but wasn't a great girlfriend to them because I no longer feel comfortable sharing my emotions and I have no faith that any relationship I enter

will last long. I don't want to be a bitter scorn woman the rest of my life. How do I finally shed this years old heartbreak thanks-y? Okay. So that was five years ago.

She doesn't say her age, does she? No. No, okay. And she no longer wants him but she still feels like bitter. Right. and will she ever find anybody right um well not with that attitude champ where did that come from where did you well i mean like just where did that accent and just

energy come i don't know i don't know but that was nice rootin tootin um um i what resonates with me this is oh what resonates with me is when she says i don't know if i think i'm going to find anybody else. And I think that's a fear that most single people feel. It's like you break out with someone, albeit a total fucking douche, but you're like, will I ever find love again? And I feel like I have quite a few friends who are over 40 and are single and they question that all the time. And I think what's interesting is if you do answer that question, what would happen if you didn't find love? Let's just say, right? Won't happen most likely, but what would happen if that was the case, that you just never, ever found love again with a partner. And so I think that if you

start to delve deeper into that, then I think more answers will bubble up, right? Is what would you do? Like, would you pour yourself more into work? Or would you, like, do something that you've always dreamed of doing, like a side gig? Would you put more work into your family and spending time with friends? Or, you know what I mean? Like, X, Y, Z, tons of different things. You can fulfill yourself in other ways. And as cheesy as it sounds, like, we're always talking about like, oh, the other half, my other half. How about if that other half can also be you too? That you are a whole instead of trying to fill this other half of you. I like where you're going. Okay. Thank you. I like where you're going because what you're saying is, okay, what would happen if you

never find somebody else? What are you going to do? Like, you know, are you… is it over? Yeah. Is it just pack it in and like dig a grave? No. You still have to keep on going. So you almost have to approach it. I feel like maybe it's an approach for everyone. You almost have to approach it like you don't have a choice. So all you can control, like you can't control some like person walking into your life and saying, I'm your person. So given that you can't control that, what can you control? Exactly. I know that this is all like, oh, this comes from a textbook, but I honestly really think that when you look at the situation E from what Sasha's saying, it's like, okay, let's

follow that path. What if you don't find anybody else? Let's follow it to its conclusion. Well then, what? Exactly. I also want to go back though to, you know, talking about how happy she was with him and that he was her best friend and feeling close to somebody. Because I see people doing this a lot. You've already established that he's a fucking loser. Those are your words. And

you're ready… you've already established that you're over him and you don't want him back. But it's curious to me why you're romanticizing still the time that you had together. And I think that if you continue to put that time that you had together and paint it in these gold and platinum colors like it was the best time of your life, then you're basically saying to yourself that you peaked when you were with him and then you're never going to give yourself another chance to have another peak. And that the bar was set so low. Like, that might have been the best time of her life, but she's also saying he's a fucking douche. So maybe in this next phase of your life, I think this is what you're saying, is to kind of like up the ante on

your expectations for a person. But I mean, it speaks to looking backwards. Too much. Like, always like, I was so happy. I was this. I was that. Like, maybe you miss the person you were when you were with him. And maybe that is what you need to think about. Who were you? Were you fun-loving? Were you adventurous? Were you funny? Were you well-read? Were you… I mean, all those things you can still be. He doesn't have to be there for you to be that way and for you to be fulfilled in that sense. Like, my concern is that if you continue to romanticize the time that you had with him and the person you were when you were with him, then you're still in a way dependent on him. I agree. Oh, this is, that was really poignant. I like that. Really? Yeah,

that made a lot of sense. I think bringing both of our, bridging both of our really well thought out ideas would be really, I think these would be important topics to bring up to her therapist, who she says that she sees quite often. Yeah. Because I think there's still more to explore. I don't think she is, you know, I don't, you know, I don't want to fuck up all the good work that she's done, but I think she still needs to figure out why she's still hanging her hat on that relationship still, because she is. Yeah. And I do think it's important to find, yes, fulfillment within yourself and that, yes,

that points back to what Lainey was saying about what was it about you then that was so great? Bring that back into your life now and also realize that you don't need someone else to make you happy. And that is really, it's annoying to say and it's annoying for me to say because I'm with somebody, but I really do believe that. I really do believe that. What I believe is that you have tied up your self-worth into that relationship. And it's time to sort of stop looking at that relationship like it was the best rom-com you've ever seen. There are, I mean, you know what's funny is that if I follow this rom-com analogy,

a lot of the rom-coms that we loved like 20 years ago or whenever they were constantly making rom-coms, if you go back and watch them now, like all the problems stop. Like not that, for example, not that I don't love Love Actually anymore, which is, you know, everybody's favorite holiday rom-com and it's about Christmas and it's delightful. But Lindy West wrote a hilarious article on Love Actually. It's a few years ago now. And she basically picked it apart. She's like, I know you all like watching this movie and so did I. But if you really think about this movie, the women are treated like shit. And this guy's a douchebag. And I think that that is what E might want to do. Start looking at and picking apart instead of romanticizing that old rom-com of her

past engagement. Yeah. I agree. So good luck with that. Yeah. Keep us posted. And yeah, I think it's, yeah, I think it's, you know it. You didn't need us to tell you, but we'll tell you. It's about you and changing your mindset. Yeah. A little more work. Okay. So, hi, Sasha. My best friend and I met in our late teens over a decade ago, and we've been, as we say, friend soulmates ever since. We're extraordinarily close, even as best friends go. In the last year, she met the person she's probably going to marry. I am so genuinely thrilled about it. I am so genuinely thrilled about it and I love her partner, but our friendship has inevitably changed, particularly in the last few months. It was bound to happen whenever one of us found our person, I know, and all friendships

change over time, but whereas she's got more in her life, I have less of her and I miss her and the way things used to be. Not only that, but I feel particularly needy and burdensome when I try to talk to her in a way I never have before. Again, I know this is part of life, but I'm really struggling with it. Here's my question. Is there a way for me to talk to her about this that is fair and won't hopefully make her feel bad? If not, how can I deal with this in a healthier way and move on, accepting our friendship as it is now? I mean, I just was talking about movies, so you're going to go say another movie. Here's my movie recommendation, Bridesmaids. Brides. Yes. Good. That's true. Right? Kristen Wiig. And Maya Rudolph. Yeah. Okay. It makes

me sad because I hate when friends, friendships change too. You know, I've struggled with that as well when people, I mean, specifically for me, when people have kids and then they like vanish from your life and it's so sad and they don't want to talk about the other stuff. They want to talk about mom's stuff, which is fair. But it's hard. Is it though? Well, yeah, because that's their new… I love that little bird chirp of like, really? Is it though? Yes and no. If it's balanced, then yes. If it's not, then no. But I do feel like, yeah, like relationships change, friendships change. And I kind of feel, I feel our writer's

pain because she's like, I know all this stuff and I know it, but it still sucks. And it does still suck. But like any relationship, ebb and flow, and you kind of just have to ride it out until it comes back again. But in terms of talking to her friend, I really think she should. And the reason why I say that is because I can tell by the way that our writer has written this email is that it's from like a really good place. There isn't jealousy. No. You know, typically when we get those letters like, she's a fucking bitch. Or like there's like some fucking cuts. And this isn't that. She ordered one more martini than I did. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't sound bitter and that's why I'm like, oh, I think you're in actually a really good place right now to talk

to your friend because you sound like, you sound really grounded in how you feel. I agree. And I think that talking about this, like if, you know, you described your friendship like closer than the closest of friendships yeah so if that's the case then you should be talking to her like and it doesn't have to be negative it can be like super sappy and sweet like I miss you yeah you know I just I'm so happy for you I just want to say I miss you don't forget about me can we make sure that we still do our brunches yeah it just it doesn't have to be dramatic it doesn't have to be angsty it can just be from the heart just want to like I just want to let you know I miss you And like, I, things change and I'm, I love him and he's so great for you and I can't

wait, but, you know, I just want to say miss you. And like, that's all you need. Yeah. But also allow yourself this time to like, you know, she's always going to be your ride or die, but it doesn't mean that you can't explore deeper friendships with other people too. It's not cheating on your friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, we can all have friends who are there for us in different ways and at different times. Yeah, exactly. So, I, you know, as much as I said to the previous letter writer that she was romanticizing her, like, relationship with her ex-fiance, sometimes we can romanticize friendships. And in romanticizing them, which is great, we can make them so exclusive that it like closes us off from other really beautiful friendships. So, I mean, I'm not saying you should take out an ad and be like, I'm such a good friend. Yeah, but you always see us as other friends. Exactly.

Yeah. Totally. And also, my only warning would be to, yeah, have this conversation so that bitterness doesn't seep in. And, like, be super honest with the way you feel. Like, if you want to fucking call her, call her. If you want to meet up, meet up. Like, those sort of things.

Like, keep fulfilling your friendship requirements because as soon as you start backing away because you think that you're being too needy or whatever, then that's when all the weird broken telephone drama starts. So really still continue to be the same best friend that you always were with her and just be upfront, honest and react and act the way that you always have. Because as soon as you start fucking second guessing yourself, that's when everything gets wiggy. And yeah, it shouldn't. No, no. And like you and like just with anything, like allow her this time to like be totally blissfully, ignorantly in love. And then she'll fucking hate him. Someone will piss him off and

she'll come running back. Like obviously not. But you know what I mean? Like she's in major bliss right now. So with that comes, you know, like, phantoming all your friends. Like, that just happens. But for sure, if you guys are as ride or die Thick as Thieves, then I don't foresee any problems. Do you feel good about that? I feel good. I feel good that we ended on 2017 on such a positive note. Yeah, we ended, well, like, before you basically invited the agency on your ass. I'll just let them smell my fucking ear zits, okay? That's what, that's how.

Do you think Beyonce gets ear zits? Of course she does. I can't see it. Well, one day. Like, can you close your eyes and try and picture Beyonce going up to a mirror? Like, you know how we always, like, we shove our faces right up against the mirror and like pop our zits? Yeah, she does.

And like the puss splats onto the mirror. Well, she has someone to do that for her. That's true. Can you even picture Beyonce like puss splatting a mirror? I hate putting Beyonce on a pedestal. It makes me angry. I want her to be like just one of the girls. So yes.

As if. Like, I'm sorry. Are you? What? I do. I don't like it. Like, this is going to get, this is going to unravel into a really bad, bad Beyonce karma for me.

I know. But okay, fine. But I think, aren't we in agreement that she's not ordinary? Agreed. Okay. Let's just leave it on that. Fine. She's not ordinary.

Have a great, great and happy holiday, everybody. We will be back the first week of 2018. Yep. In the meantime, please be safe. Please look after yourselves. Please look after people in need. Yes. And keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyThoughts.com because I'm sure there's

going to be a lot of holiday drama. Happy Christmas. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. Bye. Thank you.