What's Your Drama - Bey and Jay & Coffee Dating

Episode Date: March 14, 2018

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers podcast.On today’s show: We talk Beyoncé and Jay-Z's tour, which somehow leads to Lainey reciting Shakespeare to me. Then we dive into your questions. Can you date a guy who's still probably married, what to do when your partner doesn't want children when you want children, and how to appreciate the daytime coffee date.Thanks for tuning and keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes, Google Play, and now Spotify. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And this just happened, so we're recording Monday night, and something was confirmed today, and I'm really, really upset. I don't know what to do. Oh, please tell me. So they announced On the Run 2 today. Oh, yes, yes, yes. That is Beyoncé and Jay-Z are going on tour. Tickets go on sale later this week, or what is it, the 19th? So in a week.

I am ready. I have been ready. As you know, you're ready too. We went to the last Beyonce show. We were like, it was the best. Great night. Yeah. No show in Toronto.

I know. What the fuck? I feel like, I'm taking this personally. It seems very strange they wouldn't come to Toronto. Are they coming to any other dates in Canada? They're ending in Vancouver. That's dumb. On October 2nd.

So now I feel like, I mean, we know Vancouver, both of us are from Vancouver or you're from Vancouver. I've, I consider myself from Vancouver because I lived there for so long. So I can easily like fly to Vancouver, but I, I, I'm, I, I have no word. Like I am so heartbroken. Yeah. It, uh, yeah. I saw people talking about that earlier today and I think it's a really strange thing that

they wouldn't come to Toronto. It makes no sense. I feel like there will be an added date and you'll be okay. I feel like that will happen. There's no way that they would skip. Don't talk to me like you'll be okay as if like you wouldn't go. As if we didn't like get tickets all together and had to get singles. Here's what I would like to say.

Here's what I would also like to say after you say what you want to say. So when Beyonce came last time, there were seven of us. And I was writing on the site about how we all fucking got on the phone and were refreshing Ticketmaster to get tickets. And we had to, like, grab singles where we could grab them. And I was using my American Express because I'm an American Express cardholder. So sometimes, like, American Express gives you… You got some serious vip.

Whatever. But we still had only four seats together and then three singles. Yes. And some people were like, whatever, you work in the media. You can get any tickets you want. And I just want to tell people, no. That doesn't… No, no, no.

You were a pro. I am not fucking Gwyneth Paltrow. So we had to, the seven of us, like click refresh on Ticketmaster like everybody else and got stuck with singles. Yeah, but you got like, let's not be whatevs. You got, I think, second row. I got second row. You got prime ass seating, but you worked for them.

I'm not saying you didn't. We got two second rows, and then I think we got three tickets together, but not second row, like further back, and then two singles. No, anyway, I can't remember, but obviously we had to keep switching. Yes. Like every three songs, we would tag team and rotate because we all couldn't sit together. Anyway, I don't know what we're going to do because fucking, anyway, Beyonce, I feel like this is punishment.

What did I do? I'm taking it personally. Anyway, what did you have to say? I obviously will sell my soul to go to this concert. However, I'm not super pumped on the Jay-Z part. I love Jay-Z. I think he's been a little bit weak lately. I don't particularly want to see his set. I really am just there for Beyonce. So if for some fucked up reason I don't get a ticket and they're like $600 a ticket, I think, yeah, I'll eat my words soon, I know. But I think I'll be okay to pass because I really, I also am a little bit like

over their love a bit. I don't… Get out of my house. I do not want an infestation of something. This is what's happening. A plague on my house. Get out now. But it's true. I don't really like how they're setting up this like faux bullshit. Because what was so great about their two records was it was raw. It was real. They were actually giving us some real insight into their life. And now they're all just like holding hands, looking at sunsets, like pretending like they're totally a-okay. And I just, I don't like to be sold unrealistic standards in that way. What, you just want them to break up? No, I just don't want them to go on tour together.

Okay. Because I also feel like she's saving his ass too. Fine. Well, listen, if I wait overnight and keep refreshing and I happen to get the tickets… To only six. I'm just going to… I'm going to be out. Got it. Got it. That's what I said. I'll eat my words. I know I will.

The next thing I wanted to talk to you about, and I've been saving it, is… So last week, Meghan Markle stepped out with Prince Harry, and she was wearing, like, a really great coat. The J.Crew one? Yeah, with the white trim. Navy with white trim. Yes. but everybody freaked out because she didn't cut like you know how a brand new coat um at the back the slit the back slit yeah it comes with a stitch and you're supposed to release it and yeah okay yeah and so people are like this is a fashion faux pas oh and i says that okay trust me my inbox

okay what a fashion faux pas and even my friend Lorella hi Lorella we like she Lorella's particularly particular about clothing shit. Like, for example, if you and I both stepped out in Converse, she'd have a stress attack. Because we would have the same shoes on? Correct. But it's Converse. Like… Did I not tell you about the time that I… So Corey always wears these check vans. This is like what he thinks is like symbolic of who he is. Check vans? You know, the black and white check vans. They've been around forever. They're like iconic. Anyway, so I bought them last year, one day, because I was like, I fucking want slip-on runners.

They're fucking dope. I'm going to get them. I swear to you, not a word of lie. He didn't talk to me for an entire day and was so mad that I bought the exact same pair of shoes as him. And so like mad, not like ha-ha, like actually angry at me. And now I'm never allowed to wear them when he wears them. He's so weird.

Nothing bothers him, but the stupidest things bother him. Anyway, so I'm basically just saying L'Oreal. She has these like fashion issues, but clearly other people, other people had this particular fashion issue, which is that it was a nice white thread. Like it wasn't heinous. Yeah. You know, I feel like it went with the jacket, but I guess she forgot or her stylist forgot or whatever, or maybe she wanted to keep it on.

Well, it's an old fucking jacket. So like that jacket does not exist in any new season. Like it was from, I think, a few years ago. So it's probably something that she's had in her closet that she gives two shits about and didn't know that you had to unstitch the back stitching. So like she's just like us, right? Do you find that that's a fashion faux pas? I've legit never, ever heard of that in my life before.

I like, you know how the pockets in coats and stuff can be zipped up? Yeah. I prefer when they just remain zipped up. Me too. So like I don't under, I guess I might be the wrong person to ask about that. Yeah, you can unstitch pockets as well. I like. That's what I mean.

I hate pockets. on pants. Like, I don't know why pants come with pockets. Right. Because of the bulk and the bulge. Like, exactly. Yeah. Like, the tuxedo I wore to the Oscars, I've made them take the pockets out because you don't want to see the fucking line. Yeah. Especially. And in a coat, if you're wearing a nice coat like that, am I really putting my hands in my pockets or like putting my phone in my pocket? Someone's carrying my phone. If I'm, if I'm Meghan Markle, someone's carrying my phone for me. Yeah. That bag she's toting around is empty as well. Anyway, it doesn't really bother me, but I wanted to know if it bothered you. But it bothered a fuckload of people. Those people

need to get another interest if that actually bothers them. I don't know. I didn't… Yeah. I don't know why it was so… I didn't find it, like, super offensive. Like, most of the shit Kate Middleton does I find offensive. Oh, poor Kate Middleton. I feel a little bit bad for Kate Middleton right now. She looks a little bit worn out. A little bit worn out. She's pregnant, right? Or something? She's pregnant. But, like, everything's just taking a dive. Like, Her style isn't even… Her style was never high. No, I know.

But at least it, like, was… It was her style and it was streamlined and it was boring, but it was her style. Now it's even, like… It's just kind of dumpy now. Not because she's pregnant, but just the style. Yeah. There's nothing, like, even remotely interesting. It's even…

I even think that her makeup is out of date. Yeah, and her hair and everything. Like, switch it up. Okay, so let's get to our letters. Okay, first question. Hi, Lainey and Sasha. I have an interesting situation. I met Dee early last year on Tinder and dated casually for about two months. It didn't go anywhere, so we ended it amicably. Then this January, we matched again on Bumble, and it was nice to match again because dating

scene has been quite dismal for me. We picked up seamlessly and have gone on several dates and chatting lots. We did sleep together last time, so it was easy to fall back into that pattern. The problem is that he hasn't been honest. He told me that he was with someone in between but now is broken up. The issue is that she is still living with him as his roommate. When I probed further, he told me that this woman, he was with this woman many years ago. She had moved here from the UK together and they worked in the same company. He told me that they will live together this year until they get their permanent residency. This week, I did some investigating and found out that they were married. He never ever told me this, that he was ever

married. What do I do? I'm interested in him and wanting to get to know him, but I don't know how to proceed. Do I bring it up and confront him about it? Why didn't he tell me he was married? I actually don't know if they are divorced yet. Am I his rebound? Any advice would be awesome. Thanks. I wonder just sometimes, like, do people, when they write us, do they ever just, like, reread their email before they press send? I want to be supportive, but I can't in this situation because you're clearly dating somebody who is sketchy. He's not being transparent, even remotely. This is an interesting question.

Like, how early on do you disclose and dump your baggage on somebody when you're dating? That's fair. I don't know if there's an actual time. But, like, you're sleeping together. You've dated before for two months. You've rekindled again. I feel like maybe you can say, hey, by the way, like, I'm invested in this, so I just

want to be upfront and let you know that I'm living with my wife. I feel like that should be kind of something that should be mentioned within the first few months, which it has been. Because that's really fucking complicated. Because knowing the way I know you, because you are, let's face it, Sash. Oh, what are you going to say, bitch? you know you are like as you said your sketch meter is higher than most people's like things that sketch you out may be like easy ride for other people okay so I didn't know this was a

let's be honest moment no no so for you it's like for this guy if he's fucking on the first date or in the second date or whatever being like hey by the way I'm living with my ex-wife and we're just figuring it out until we can figure it out. By your standards, you'd be peace out and this guy would never meet anybody or never get to a get to know point. Sure. I'm not saying that you need to divulge all your baggage day one. But again, once you're sleeping with someone, once you've actually dated them for two, she said two months, and then they rekindled again and they started dating again, I feel like you can at least give a nugget of truth. I feel like that's shady ass shit like first you're living with your ex-girlfriend oh no but she's not only your

ex-girlfriend she's your roommate nope she's not your roommate she's your wife oh and she's not only your wife she's not you're not even divorced yet i need i need to know how serious like are they as as lame as this sounds are they boyfriend girlfriend because i you know i i kind of want to know that info because i don't know if the well they're sleeping together thing is valid because look, these days dick goes in pussy without any kind of commitment, right? So that is not a prerequisite for sharing any kind of baggage. You're on Bumble, you're on Tinder. The bare minimum is we're down to fuck. Okay. So then you have to go to like, what are your dates like? And how has this progressed? Are you beyond just fucking now? Okay. So if you knew this information

about someone you were dating, right? All of a sudden you find out that, okay, whatever. You've been dating. Who knows if it's actually boyfriend-girlfriend status. But you find out that he's living with his wife. Okay. What do you do? Someone who is so loose and totally free will like you are,

what would you do? I'm not loose and totally free will. Oh, you're not, but you're fucking vindictive, so I'm asking the wrong person. But if you weren't that. No, it depends. That's why I need to know. like how is he coming at this right she's starting to think about being more serious with this guy

is he because they first tendered and it was two months and then it was like later then they bumbled and then they bumbled so like the first time around wasn't enough of a spark to make it so that he needed to disclose anything right and then they just ended up matching again like a computer put them together the second time but you know how sometimes it's like you're ready you know So the stars align for the second time around, right? If he was, I mean, I don't know. You're right. You are right.

I would like to get more intel on where they are. Are they spending every night together? Are they spending four times a week? Like what's happening with them? Dude, if it's sleepovers all the time and they're meeting each other's parents, then 100% I'm with you. This is sketchy and shady as shit. Don't go to the parents thing.

Okay. Let's say they are committed. They're not fucking anybody else and they're dating each other exclusively. See, it doesn't sound like to me that he's made that promise to her. But we don't know because under my theory, I bet you he's just a sketch bag who's been leading her on and is trying to have like a weird life with his soon to be maybe potentially ex-wife living with for a year. But by that token, then he doesn't want anything serious.

Right? Or maybe he wants to double dip. There's so many people like that. Sure. And if he wants to double dip, then, like, what indication has he given, like, our writer here that he's in it? Do you know what I mean? Well, she hasn't given that information. Okay.

So let's offer her two strains of… All right. You need to assess what signs he's given you that this is more than just down to fuck. And if he's given you signs… And I'm not talking about your, like, what you want or you hope. I want concrete. Like he said to you, I want us to be exclusive. I'm not seeing anybody else.

I do not want to see anybody else. I don't check Tinder or Bumble anymore. If these are the things that he has said, then you have a right to be pissed off and you should get the fuck out of there because this is not a good sign. If though he's like, hey… Would you confront him? Pardon? Would you confront him?

Knowing… Because she did up some dirt, found out that… I wouldn't bother. Yeah. You would just take off. Me too. I would just take off. But if this guy has not given you any of those assurances, for lack of a better word, and he's just like, hey, oh, you can't meet up on Tuesday? Well, what about Wednesday?

I'm horny. Let's do something. Then I don't know if you have a right to be mad. See, either way to me, I still think she should split. Because one, if they're committed and he still lives with his wife, fucking peace out. That's like, there's way too much baggage there. Well, she likes the sex. Yeah, but she wants more. So the second option that you just gave me, which is he just wants to fucking bone her on Tuesdays, she wants more. And so that's, for me, again, like, this is not the right person for you. Not only is he just wanting to bone you on Tuesday, he also lives with his wife that you're not really fucking stoked on anyway. So that's why I'm like, fucking peace out of it no matter what. Like, this is not the guy for you anyway you kind of slice it. I just want to know what the level of deception is here and why. I mean, you don't think it's deceptive when he is living with his roommate, then he says that it's not her roommate? I don't think that, like, omission of information at certain stages of a, like, of a fuck ship, like, counts as deception. Okay.

So I really need to see where on the spectrum of, like, towards commitment these two are. Okay. Right? Right. And this is a good barometer check for you out there to figure out, like, are you reading into signs that aren't there or are you being too hopeful? Like, remember, this guy was Tinder, then Bumble. Like, what what is the sort of red flag for me, though, again, because I just I'm pushing for her to leave, like just altogether, is that she said, you know, like, it's pretty dismal out there. Like, I'm just going to hang on to this because it's like, oh, you know, we matched again. like fingers crossed that this is the one. Like I kind of feel like she's selling herself short

here. And I don't think you need to sign yourself up right away, whether you're like deep dicking on Tuesdays or you're deep dicking every day to be with someone who has this much baggage. That's just not, that is baggage. It could find, it might float for other people. Maybe some other people wouldn't be bothered by it, but she clearly isn't down with the fact that he lives with his wife. I'm really curious about the situation. I'm also curious about like the investigative process of how she was able to procure this information. Like, he didn't tell her that the woman, the roommate, is his ex-wife. So how did you get this information?

Because, you know, some people are real dummies. Like, you can just scroll on someone's Instagram feed and be like, oh, there you are holding her hand and she's wearing a fucking gown. I just need to know. Yeah, I need to know all that. Okay, so basically we need just more information. We need more information, but what you need to do is figure out, like, is he giving you, has he promised you that he is your dude?

and if he has then get the fuck out yeah and if he hasn't then dot dot dot more information required send us another note i say get the fuck out but okay okay next question quick question when was the last time a display ad changed your mind now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved different feeling right that's how podcast advertising works a host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words and their own voice. It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With Acast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace. Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions.

You're buying influence. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. My boyfriend and I recently purchased a home and moved in together. It's the first time we have lived together after dating for over five years and have now been living in the house for six months. The transition to cohabitation was surprisingly smooth and we were both noticeably happier sharing our lives under the same roof. The trouble started last month when my boyfriend declared to me privately that he isn't 100% sure he wants marriage or children. This news was devastating to me. We never had serious discussions about either of these matters, but he's always taken, but he's always talked casually about when I have kids,

I'll teach them how to swim, et cetera, et cetera. So I assumed we wanted the same things. It should also be noted that I've never once pressured him to propose or have children. Since his confession, he has made it very clear to me that I'm the only one he loves and wants to continue our relationship the way it is. He says if there's ever a chance he wants any of these things, he would want them with me. The situation is complicated by the fact that we lost his mother to a suicide last spring. He has never had a strong family unit. His mother has struggled with mental health issues all her life, and his parents ended up separating. He says disclosing his insecurities to me has been the hardest thing to do due to his fear of losing me. But I felt

like it was important to be straightforward and ask his feelings and to be fair to me. As I am 35 years old, I'm running short on time to start a family. So I'm not sure where to go from here. From now, I want to support him through essentially what has been the toughest year of his life. But looking forward, I feel like our future is uncertain. I welcome your insight on what potentially becomes a major fork in the road of my life. Ever faithful, B. me i'll be yeah it's interesting my friend um is going through what seem i mean it's not exactly the same but very much the same she wants to fucking procreate and he doesn't because he's riddled with so much um anxiety and fear and also has a um a history of family that hasn't been

ideal. Um, and so that has, so this isn't new to me and it's very difficult. So I feel for B big time. I feel for B and I feel for him. Like, you know, people are entitled to not want things and to want things. Yes. And just as it's B's right to want marriage and children out of life, he's entitled to not want those things and not have to give a date as to when he might not want them. And that's kind of the gamble. Yeah. So again, this is your gamble. I, and I, when you gamble, you have to accept the fact that there are going to be losses. and, you know, you're talking about you're 35, time's running out for you. I mean, you're talking about biology here and yes, like eggs and viability, I get that.

The first thought that came to mind because I have a few friends who are going through this right now is like, is egg freezing possible right now? Well, that's what I was going to say, the best backup plan, the best thing that you can do, and it's not cheap, is to, yeah, freeze your eggs, get your sperm, and fucking put those things together so that you have like little babies in a Petri dish. Yeah. So when it's time or not, you have an option because I think that that will be what will be so soul crushing for her.

Yeah. Is if, yeah, he's like, oh, you know what? We're both 42 now. I think I'm ready for that. Yeah. you are dried up like a fucking raisin. Yeah. You're going to want to… you'll fucking hate him. Yeah. So that is kind of the… Like, it's expensive. That's why I asked if it's viable. But many women are doing it right now for different reasons, not relationship reasons,

but because they're not in a relationship and… or they're pursuing their careers. I've read several articles, I guess, lately in the last month about how women in their 20s are saving up to do it. Yeah, because they're wanting their career first. Yeah, that's right. And so it's not cheap. You're right. And I want to stress again, like we don't know if you're in a position to do this. We don't know if you're in a position to save for this. But 35 is when or before, like as again, I mentioned women in their 20s are doing this, but I have heard of 35-year-old women who are freezing their eggs. Like you don't need the sperm. You just put the eggs aside, right? It is better to – well, listen, I'm not a doctor, but I know that it's – your

chances are higher if you fucking like get that sperm in there too and they fucking do something that creates a little tiny egg baby. But yeah, again, you're right. It's expensive. It's a discussion. But I think it's a fair compromise. And I would hope that he would meet you there, right? Like he doesn't want – he has no intention of leaving you. He wants to be with you for the rest of his life. He wants to sort of keep that as an option. And so if you guys can both agree that that is something that you guys at least can be on the same page on, then that is like – that will feel like, you know, you're storing away for the winter. Like it really, really, really will be like something that you can be like, okay, I can wait now. Because what will happen is,

sure, you can accept the fact that he doesn't want children right now. But if you don't do anything about it, I feel like you're going to start to, you know. And beyond that though, like in terms of their relationship, clearly he's in a place where he's not ready. The big step for you guys after five years of dating was moving in together. You've just gotten to that point, right? So I don't know, like for him that in and of itself, especially after the year he's had, He's lost his mother. He clearly has not a great model for a working marriage and successful marriage in his life. It's already a lot of transformation and progress for him. And so I don't know that from his perspective, again, you know, he might need more time to make these

other steps. Again, we see your point too. You're entitled to want what you want. But if this is the person that you think you're in love with and you think is your person… But that's what makes it so tricky, though. Yeah. Then perhaps one of the most practical things that you can do for yourself right now is see if you can get your eggs frozen. If that's an option. I think…

Or saving up for it. I also think another thing that you guys can implement together is therapy because I'm a little bit wigged out that they were together for five years. So that means that she was 30 and they never really had these kind of important conversations before they moved in and bought a house together. Right. So I feel like maybe your communication skills between the two of you could be lacking. Yeah.

And before, you know, what I was trying to say before, which was before you start to build resentment for him, I think it's really important to have these open discussions. And there's no better thing to do than both of you guys go to therapy and talk this out. because he obviously has some deep rooted issues from his past too. So he needs to open that up. That's not going to happen all of a sudden, especially with the loss of his mom. The pain is going to be even deeper for him and might bring even more fear of being like, I don't want to have a kid because how about if I fucking die? You know what I mean? So it's like he needs to get his emotions sorted. And so do you, right? Because you're also in a place where you need to get some

things off your chest. So I think in combination, that would be the best first couple of steps. Yeah. Consider it an investment. The therapy part, for sure, an investment into your relationship, but also if you're able to save up some money and do the egg storing thing. I mean, look. I think it's like $15,000. It's a lot of money. It's not cheap, and I get it. It's like not everyone can do it. Especially if they just bought a house. If it's a possibility it's worthwhile looking into, listen, if you have a kid or you get married, it's going to be fucking expensive anyway. Like 15,000, like a lot of people get married for like three times more than 15,000. So if this means that much to you, then it's a worthwhile investment into a life

goal of yours. Think of it that way, as much as that's going to hurt. And also, I don't know where you're writing from, but I just had a conversation with someone who works for a big corporation in the US and it's covered. It's covered in the US. In Canada, it's partially covered, my understanding is, by some companies. Some companies, yeah. But the drugs aren't. So the fertility drugs aren't. So that is where it gets expensive. So I would look into like what your workplace is, what the benefits are, what is covered. Of course, I haven't looked deeply into it for me because not something I am doing. But I was actually surprised when I heard from my friend who works in the U.S. that

the whole procedure was covered, but then she still had to top up with the drugs. And that was… That's amazing though. God, that's great. So anyway, look into that too and keep us posted. And if you guys out there are listening and it's, this is a similar situation you've been in, then yeah, share with us how you managed and coped. And we can pass it on.

Yeah. And let's move on to the third question, which you're going to read. Yes. This wasn't sent to Sasha Answers, but I think it's a good one. It was in response to a post I wrote about Chris Pratt. And so he's been seen… With this blonde, right? Right.

And so the first time they were seen together, they were having coffee. And then on the weekend, like maybe a week later, it was on a Saturday, they were seen in LA at Katsuya. So I said it was like from coffee to sushi, which reminded me of like back in the day in the, I don't know, prehistoric times when I was single, that was kind of the dating schedule, right? You meet for coffee or drink first and before getting into like a dinner, into nighttime. That's right.

That's right. So I was wondering if Chris Pratt was on this dating schedule. And then I heard from G, we'll call her G, and this is what G said. Okay. Dating in the Tinder age. Hi, Lainey. Hope you're well. Lainey, your post on Chris Pratt and going from a coffee date to a weekend date and dating

in the Tinder age made me start thinking twice on how I date. I'm in my 30s and I've had the privilege and agony of dating pre-dating sites, apps, and now the new age of dating. Each scenario has its good and bad points, which I can go on for hours. but my reason for reaching out to you is how you mentioned coffee dates were so 80s and 90s. I've gotten asked out on a number of coffee dates, and I have to say I'm always insulted when a guy asks me out on a coffee date because it seems so noncommittal. Also, any coffee date I've had in the past has ended up with me practically banging my head against a door.

I read somewhere recently how coffee dates are a good idea because you're both warming your bones and therefore are relaxed, which I always think a good cocktail relaxes me or helps me deal if the date is cringeworthy. But now your post has me rethinking. I should maybe give a coffee date another shot. So what do you think? Oh, that's so interesting. Okay. So go back, back, back. I already just went back, back, back. And I don't know what this means about me, but I never liked the daytime date. I liked the nighttime dates because, yeah, I was probably like drunk, if not like fairly tipsy. And that's when I feel like I can be more myself. Not the tipsy part, but the nighttime. There's something about nighttime and getting

dressed up and like it's dark and just moody and wonderful. Daytime's like, hey, here I am, like in broad daylight and we're going to like actually talk about stuff sober. Like for me, that gave me way more anxiety. Right. See, for me, I didn't mind it. And I think that that's how it goes, especially in this day and age of overscheduling and being busy and leaving your options open. If you're meeting somebody for coffee and it's a bust, then you can still hook up with your friends later on and still make it a day, like still make it a night and still have fun. I wouldn't be offended by a coffee date. That was interesting about the person who wrote you is like, what is it like daylight or for like ugly people or something? Like I don't understand

why she was offended. I think the offense is that, oh, you're only slotting me in for what? Coffee can only last max for 45 minutes to an hour, right? Yeah, but you gotta suss out the shit, right? Well, and that's the thing. Like coffee can lead to, like if you start, I don't know, two o'clock coffee

and it works out well, then it can bleed in the whole day. But I also feel like if your first date is at 7 p.m. and you hit it off, you're almost guaranteed to bone. Yes. And listen, if you want to bone great, like if you want to bone right away, then fucking go for it. But if you want to leave yourself a buffer and give yourself some room to sort of think it over and leave some anticipation, then daylight helps with that. Cause you're like, if it's a seven o'clock start and now it's 10 o'clock, you're back up

against a wall. You're like bone or not. Yeah. This is all good things to me. But I know what you're saying. Well, this is interesting. So we have a friend that you don't know that this is happening, but she is on this new dating platform. It's actually not new, but it's like more exclusive. It's for like people who have like jobs. Okay. It's called Raya. Okay. And so she, oh, stop. She's asking me who, because she's such a little sneak. I'll tell you after. So you'll actually be able to guess in your head. I think I know. Anyway, so she matched with this guy. He's like really good looking, has a fucking job, lives in New York. They totally hit off via texting and stuff like that. Right. Okay. So this was two weeks ago. He's booked a flight and is coming

from New York and has booked a hotel and they are spending a weekend together. They don't know each like they haven't been in the same space never they've never met before okay that's a lot so that that gives me talk about fucking pressure yeah because what and i'm sure there's so many people out there who's listening that have done this but what's the protocol for that yeah because i feel sad not sorry i feel bad for our friend because she's gonna have to not only keep she's like a tour guide yeah she has to keep him majorly entertained yeah and like you can't shake someone who's only here to see you. What do you do about that? Have you ever done that? Well, like not without fucking talking to them or like being in… Well, that's

what I said to her. I was like, you haven't even heard his voice yet. Yeah. Like I feel like there's a few more steps you can get down and dirty with. So basically what you're saying is you'll take coffee over that. Oh, fuck yeah. I will take coffee every day before having to like, yeah, see someone blind and spend a whole entire weekend with them. I do feel like there's something exciting about that. Like there's something very whirlwind about that, rom-commy about that. But yeah, the pressure to, again, tour guide, pick the right restaurant and… And just be with them the entire time.

Yeah. Like what if within the first hour it's… Yes. Yeah. How do you pack them up and go home? You have to just ghost. I would love… What would you do?

That's like a fucking fantastic question. At this point in my life, I would ghost. You would ghost? Yes. Okay. This time in your life being that you're married or are you like… At this point in my life where I'm already so busy and I have friends and I have no time and I have resources, I would ghost.

I would too. And I would ghost because it would make… It's such a mean thing to do to have someone travel and then just like actually be like, sorry, unavailable the entire time. Yeah. But it would be really satisfying to do. It would be really funny. It would.

I mean, it is – I'm a – our friend, too, has – So you know who the friend is now. Yeah. Our friend has, like – they're in a different – I feel like our friend's mindset is not ours. Like, you and I are hermits. Yes. Where, you know what?

We can ghost and then happily go – But so is she. But okay, yeah. But happily go to bed and whatnot. Yeah. I've never seen another person like that. Yeah. Yeah.

So this is pretty – but so to – Anyway, to get back to G, yes, I do think that you should open yourself up for coffee. I think that that is… It's actually the most, like, mature, responsible thing to do. Yeah. I get it, though. Like, I get why there is this whole romantic notion of a date, it's evening, and you get dressed up, and there's a dinner involved.

But given the stories that I have heard of what's out there, having to make it through a meal with, which is what, minimum two hours, 90 minutes with somebody. Maybe this is just me watching too much Master of None and like insecure. Yeah. There's something to be said about like somebody who wants to meet you and doesn't want to fuck you and be drunk all over you, right? There is something nice to be like, okay, like I, this is legit. Like I want to get to know you. I want to know if this is going anywhere. Exactly. There is that like, oh, okay. This is actually like a nice courtesy call. I actually, I also like the building up towards, right? You want to… That gives, yeah. Yeah. Coffee or drinks first and then next time it's dinner

and then whatever. I kind of like the order of it. The schedule. Okay. I mean, I really don't like being sober on dates, but I really do think that that is for the purposes of what you're, the person who wrote in. Like, I do think you shouldn't, yeah, like you shouldn't… You're always like the person who's like, be in your right mindset. And so why would you want to flirt on? No, I work so much better intoxicated. That's just, that was my MO back in the day. Yeah. I've scored Corey. Also someone who works better intoxicated. Don't take advice from me on this one, actually. That's the takeaway here. Right. Now it all makes sense. I've made my biggest mistakes. No.

Um, coffee dates. I wish I could try one, but let us know. Let us know. Let us know. Gee, good luck with your coffees and, uh, keep us, uh, keep the questions coming to Sasha at lady gossip.com and leave your comments on iTunes and Google play and Spotify. And we'll be back next week. Bye.

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