What's Your Drama - BLACKPINK Bias and a New COVID-BF

Episode Date: July 3, 2020

Welcome back to What's Your Drama. Before we dig into your dirt we talk about the sexiest accessory of our time: the COVID mask. Oh and at some point we also get off focus and talk about BLACKPINK because these days they are the only light at the end of the tunnel.Then it's time for YOUR drama!Our first letter comes from "Marissa". Marissa is single with no kids which automatically makes her feel left out from her friend group who yup, you guessed it, are all married with kids. Does she have to find a new group of girlfriends or should she keep on reminding them she wants to be included in the fun?Next, "Julie" writes in about the new guy she's dating. They started during the pandemic and they are sorta stuck with each other and while Julie is down, she's getting the feeling that her COVID-BF is using her as a distraction.Finally, our last writer is moving to Germany and is getting worried about how she'll meet new friends when you know, once again, the damn global pandemic. We try to get her pumped for the big move.We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip.And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I think that like a lot of relationship experts have said, don't play games, just be up front. And I like, you're right. That is the, that is the emotionally and mature, correct way of handling things. You and I, not that. You've got social dialed in. Search is doing its thing. So why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago? That's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else.

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slash advertise. Hi, I'm Lainey, TV reporter, talk show host, and founder of lainegossip.com. And I'm Sasha, television producer

and fashion reporter on lainegossip.com. This is a show where we get right up in your business. This is What's Your Drama? All right. So I noticed that your microphone stand is wrapped up in a bandana, which is what

a lot of people are using. You're so funny. Yes. Which is what a lot of people are using as masks right now. First of all, given that you are my COVID-19 expert, when are we coming out of this? Like ever? Are we waiting for a vaccine? Is that what you're doing? You're not going to go back to anything normal until vaccine is correct. Developed? Yeah, I think so. Because what are my other options? There are no other options. We live in Canada and it's actually not that bad in Canada. I know, but you know, we share a border with a fucking meth lab. So I am always going to be a little bit weary of our safety and our health when just across the border. I love all the Americans that listen to us, but they're smart enough to realize that their leadership fucking

sucks and their numbers are going up so much what's going on at your place sorry guys this is cory's ruining my life on this podcast he is now showering and i and the shower shares the wall with this so people this is cory showering and he was just doing annoying sit-ups fucking right outside the door and antagonizing our dog okay yeah this is what it is yes sorry um okay we're going to have to do with that background situation um all right so uh you what so you when i see no i see no light at the end of the tunnel at this point well you know that fucking who came out and said the worst is yet to come and i know that doesn't specifically mean canada or fucking beijing or new zealand but we this is the whole point of all of this like we have to

continually think of everybody going through this at once. It's not just me. Oh, people in Vancouver, they're okay. No. Well, people in Africa are not okay right now. People in Brazil are not okay right now. Their numbers are skyrocketing. We have to continually think about the fact that this is a global thing that all of us are experiencing because as soon as we start minimizing it to just our selfish needs and our selfish borders and our selfish country of being okay, then we've lost the whole point of this thing so we're all fucked if even a couple of countries are fucked and a bunch of countries are fucked still including america including america because in america there isn't even the acknowledgement from a lot of the people yes many many people in america are taking it

seriously and many many people in america are not taking it seriously because of misinformation and bad leadership so they don't think covid is a thing no but i really this is why i wanted to talk about this because you're doing a lot of great COVID work on the site and promoting mask wearing, which has made me very happy because you haven't done that for a while. You haven't done that. Now you're really hammering home the point that people need to wear masks. So I appreciate that. Listen, I read something and that it really hit home for me. And it's that I understand that a lot of times you don't need to wear a mask if you're not going to be in contact with people and it's low risk. But one of the benefits of wearing a mask is mask acceptance, especially

in America. In Canada, I don't think that we have the same kind of problem. And certainly in Asia, mask acceptance has been a thing for decades now. So, yeah. But in America in particular, there's an issue with like mask refusal. We've seen person after person go into a grocery store and cause a scene because they refuse to wear a mask uh then there are people out there who are trying to make like real men wear masks a thing to encourage other quote real men to wear masks as if wearing a mask is somehow emasculating like this is really crazy how masking has been politicized and also um it become has become a culture war when it should just be like and a gender war too yeah yeah do you want people to be healthy do you want to be healthy then wear a mask

like how did this become political and cultural well i think it did because of what's going down in the states right it's like don't take away my freedoms freedoms oh look cory stopped showering oh now he's doing really fucking annoying stuff it's really this is annoying me today he's annoyed me today. Sorry. Hey, I'm trying to fucking do a podcast. So he does it more. I love him. Oh, he drives me crazy. Okay. Anyway, I just wanted to give you props and I just wanted this to be then a reminder and a piggyback of all the stuff that you've been doing, which is everybody just wear a goddamn mask. Wear a goddamn mask. You'll be okay. It's really so simple and so easy and maximum. You're wearing it for max, maybe 20 minutes. I just, yeah, I don't understand the

whole mask resistance. It's fascinating. What is your mask? What mask do you have? I have a few. I mean, I have the like general hospital masks. Okay. I have an N95. And the reason I have it is because I think we've talked about the fact that my, my, my parents, both my parents, but like my mother for sure is immune compromised. And so that's why my parents got the N95s. And then by like, because I'm around them, sometimes I have an N95 for that purpose. Right. Like, no, that makes sense. So, cause I know that there was a shortage and people were like, you know stop hoarding the n95s but so yeah um and then we just have you know the like the hot the blue with the white trim hospital ones yep uh so yasik wears those for example at the grocery

store and then he's serious he also has like a heavy duty hazmat mask you know the ones that look like it's just like yes yeah exactly the two exhaust pipes coming out of the cheeks and then the eyes are just like he has the eyes too it covers the eyes wait does it cover no no i think maybe it covers just yeah the nose i can't imagine having goggles as well fuck maybe he does so he has and he says that he's going to like if we ever travel again he's gonna wear that on the plane you'd have to i'm never getting on a plane again for multiple reasons but jesus um what i was gonna to say is do you think I've kind of I've had what masks you have I just have two cloth masks okay um that I just rotate but people keep on emailing me like can you like give us like mask recommendations

like but make it fashion and I'm refusing to do that right and for some reason I for some reason I don't want to make masks a fashionable thing and when I see it on Instagram and people posing um to flaunt their masks it's bother it bothers me because it makes things trivial to me so I just want to put that out there that thank you for your emails but I'm not gonna I'm not gonna dip my feet in trying to make something um fashionable for you yeah okay okay is that really rude but I just want to I don't I just don't want to like I just don't like people I mean I get it like whatever makes people wear masks and if it if it's cute then I get why people would want to but I just I can't feed into that.

Cheers. The flip side to that is that if there is a mask acceptance problem among so many people, then this might be a way to turn them to be pro-mask from anti-mask. Yes. Okay. Okay. Move on. I just had to say what I had to say.

No, that's fair. Anyway, the point is, whatever your mask is, wear a mask, everybody. Yeah. All right. Are we ready? yes read okay let's get to it why do i do all the reading because you never know if there's going to be a technical difficulty on my end so it's better to have the safety of your side reading it because you have better audio than i do listen did you not just hear what was going

on in my fucking house next to me did you hear all the pipes fucking of water go into this microphone exactly please read oh fine okay hi laney and sasha i am 39 years old single never married and don't have children. I'm okay with this. Still haven't met the right man and have children in my life to love. The problem is all of my friends are married with children and continuously leave me out. It upsets me to no end. If they're doing couple things, I'm not included because I'm not part of a couple. If they get together with the kids, I'm not included because I don't have children and most likely never will. I truly don't understand why they think leaving one person out is not a shitty thing to do. I don't have a shortage of friends, but have four

best friends that I have had since high school. These are the four that leave me out. I don't like bringing it up with them because the few times that I have, they say, oh, it was last minute or the kids were asking to see each other. So my feelings are never acknowledged. Excuses are made and they think all is fine. But then it happens again and again. The only times I'm included is when it's a, quote, girls night. Now, since COVID-19, this has been limited, obviously, because we haven't been able to be around each other. But now that things are becoming less strict, I saw a photo posted of them on Facebook without me and this truly hurt my feelings. I wasn't made aware or invited and found out by a picture on Facebook, which I think

is very insensitive. I'm the type of person who always puts my friends above everyone and not to toot my own horn, but I am a lot of fun and easy to get along with. I don't want to cut ties with my friends at the time, but at the same time, should friends make each other feel this bad, knowingly leaving you out and never bringing it up? I'm obviously hurt and don't know how to go all uh go about all this thanks for any advice marissa okay i get this i'm sure that this must be a thing i feel bad for marissa i do too and i do i'm not to be like well look at my friends but i have to say we are lucky that our friends with kids um really haven't made us hang out with their kids a lot right they do they create space for just their like adult life and then their family

life you know like I never I've never felt left out from like Duanna and Lara those are our two close friends who have kids like they've never they've never axed us out out of plans I think they want to see us without their kids right so we're lucky that way right yes um you know what so I had this thing that happened this weekend I'm not going to get into details because um I just won't but there was something I had a conversation with a friend who had said something to me off hand and it actually hurt my feelings and I went uh home and I was like really why did they say that that's so fucking weird and the whole next day I was like couldn't stop thinking about it like it hurt my feelings which is okay something that happens um on the occasion and I was like

do I want to do I want to fucking just eat this and just like not deal with it and I said so I was like fuck it I have to confront them and um I sent a text message and I was like can we just talk about this thing that happened that hurt my feelings and we hashed it out and it was totally fine like that person explained where they were coming from and why they said that and it actually ended up not being anything um it's not that I read into it too much but uh I just confronted it and I usually don't do that like I know that we have an advice column and I know I'm pretty hardcore with like face your shit fucking tell that person but i don't really do that because i don't really have a lot of dramatic shit that happens within my friends um and my friendships

but uh it was just so great because it was so easily resolved like yeah and that's it like i don't think we actually um verbalize how we feel like we just fucking push it fucking down or we try to solve it ourselves in our head or we start to beat ourselves up or we start projecting things that actually aren't happening um and so that would be my advice was it marissa to marissa is i know it doesn't seem fair that you have to be the one being like please remember me but i think that's if you do want to keep these friends if you do want to have like these um uh hangouts with them then you kind of have to make it known and you have to be pretty blunt about it but she did no she said she did a while ago yeah you gotta i don't know i don't

really know moms, but from what I gather, there are some moms who, when they become a mom, really just go knee deep in momdom and forget that they have other friends who don't fucking have children. Sometimes you have to remind them of that. And sometimes you have to remind them of that often. Yeah, that's a good point. Marissa, I think that it's hard for people to change overnight and to change a habit that they've had. So if you can acknowledge that that is difficult, then I think that you might, it might find it easier to bringing, like to bring it up again. You know what I mean? Like one correction doesn't result in the correction immediately. You have to constantly correct. Yeah. Right. If you're thinking about, I hate to compare your friends

to like training children or whatever, or like changing the habit of a pet, but you know, they're not going to just, oh, snap my fingers. And so that, what Sash said, yeah, for sure. It's not going, especially since you have receipts, a post on Facebook. Right. So like, to strengthen your point. Yeah. To strengthen your point. I think that, are you going to feel any worse? Like you already feel really bad right now. So what's the worst that could happen when you confront your friends? That they reject you again and be like, you know,

no, you're right. We actually deliberately didn't include you. You're already thinking that anyway. Exactly. Which is probably not what's happening, right? They're like, oh, fuck. Like we were just doing a kid thing and we didn't think you'd want to come. Like you don't know what their reasoning is. But you do deserve an apology. Like I know, Marissa, I want to make it clear that your friends are not being good friends by what they're doing. So by you expressing what you need in the friendship, by you expressing where you find that they've failed you doesn't mean that that you're wrong or that you shouldn't be doing this. It's just you need to bring it up because they've obviously, um, haven't realized their blind spots in their friendships. Yeah. So like you deserve

an apology. You deserve their, their, their, them to correct their mistakes, but they're oblivious. Yeah. So for sure. So we totally acknowledge that they're oblivious. This is a shitty situation for you. And unfortunately you have to go back and do more work to basic, make sure that your feelings are respected. And that's shitty in and of itself. You shouldn't have to do more work when you're the person who's kind of like, hi, I'm waving. Like, don't forget about me. But I think that's a choice you have to make. You make in terms of are these people worth you putting more work in? You're clearly hurt and no one's acknowledging your hurt and that sucks for you. So that is a question you ask yourself first. If you say, yeah, they're worth it because I know that one day they're

going to pull up for me. These are the people who know me. Then that's your justification for putting in the work. Yeah. It's not a ledger. It's basically who's worth your energy, even if it means you declaring your pain. Yeah. And also, there's nothing wrong with also, I know it's not the best time because we are all locked down, but it's also maybe something you can think about is finding a new group of friends or like one or two new friends that you maybe have in your periphery, but maybe you want to bring them closer because they don't have kids and they are more free and they maybe are like, I don't know, more appreciative of your time. You know what I mean? Like maybe sometimes you outgrow your friends in certain phases of your life. And maybe this

is also a flag for you to be like, okay, I love these chicks, but like, hey, I actually haven't called Sandra or Tanya in a while. Like maybe I should see what they're up to. Like maybe just expand your friend group a bit and bring in other people in your life that maybe you've forgotten about too. Yep. I agree. And I guess it's COVID. So I know that like the amount of social outside activities that we can do is lessened, but is there something that you can try that you haven't been able to try that COVID-19 and this lockdown will facilitate? Is it learning something? Is it like, I don't know, meeting people virtually in a certain setting? This is all just me getting to like, hey, find a Blackpink message board and meet people. You know, we haven't talked about

Blackpink at all lately. Oh my God. You know what makes me mad is you chose Lisa without actually having a conversation about who we got to be because Lisa I want to be Lisa oh is that what we're doing well you were just like oh I'm I'm Lisa and I didn't and then I failed and I was like well maybe I want to be Jenny but you know what I fucking want to be Lisa yeah because Lisa's the best yeah that's why you want to be Lisa but okay first of all I'm because you're OG because you're OG it's not because I'm OG it's because I do the Blackpink work in our friendship I'm the one who lets you know about the date of the releases whenever there's a new performance whenever there's a new song so you get you get to pick yeah yes because I know more me I know more

Sasha you don't who you rely on me to keep you like how are you a true blank anyway well this is what's frustrating is now I'm trying to think about what I do for you that you don't do any work for and now I cannot come up with anything that's frustrating because Blackpink in your area my area my area more than your area okay fine then i'm still i don't know yet but i think i might still want to be jenny oh i don't want to be i'm gonna be lisa in secret there you go i'm gonna be lisa why the fuck do you get to fucking lay claims on that we can both have the same bias if you want um but yeah lisa's definitely my i love them all just like i love all of bts it's just that like i love one extra extra hard i know and for me that's lisa okay

jungle i know um well i'll take lisa for there are some people who ship them you know lisa oh the two of them yeah do they ever did they ever tour together no no no no no no they don't because too big two two big bands that don't cross over my like it's weird i don't think that they I don't know if it's a thing like touring together. Well, you clearly have to do more work. You have to do more work. No, it's not a thing that they tour together. They've never had like cameos in videos together?

Fuck no. Oh my God, no. Why not? Why would you say fuck no? Because that would explode people's brains. Why have they not done that yet? No, because it would explode people's brains. Like, you know that they, they, they don't talk about personal lives and dating at all.

Like, the fans would get so upset. There was a, like, they, BTS and Blackpink were, like, kind of seated in the same area at an award show a couple of times. And then, you know, fan cams, my favorite thing. Yes. The fan cams, like, zoomed on him. Maybe Turk, like, zoomed on him. and he at one point

turned his head and she it was like she was in the direction where he turned his head I mean if you ask me I video Assumption all the time

there was nothing there and they created a whole they're secretly dating like Rob and Kristen Twilight thing out of it and it just causes

such a mess like fighting between fandoms and whatever that they steer clear like no no no so no drama keep everybody pure keep everybody pure

although I mean he's the youngest of BTS and she's the youngest she he's the youngest He's the maknae of BTS and she's the maknae of Blackpink. And so that's why a lot of people, and I think that they would be so cute together.

You know, like you like him. I know you do. I'm not talking about BTS. I got it. I'm over them. Blackpink all the way. Because now you will include me into Blackpink. Look at that.

Look how your whole demeanor changes. I actually thought you were wearing like a t-shirt that had some sort of. When I talk about Blackpink? Anything. I'm sorry. I need us to do all that styling. Did you see the lips with the line through it? Yes.

The lipstick with the one that was the gold. Did you see gold on my TV? It came out. I didn't think it was gold. What did you think it was? It was like a metallic of some sort, but I didn't think it was gold. It looked like, for me, it looked like diamond-y. But anyway, great video.

Great video. Great styling. Yeah. Anyway, Marissa. Right. Oh, my God. Right. Online communities.

Totally. totally forgot we were talking we're such assholes now yeah um marissa online communities like activities new things that you can try out yourself um that's you know that's that's definitely something that you can put your energy as well but i think that yeah right now soul searching ask yourself you know who are these people to you and if they are important enough then yeah put in the work to show them why your feelings are valid um and don't think of it then as work in that sense in a ledger. This is just how you train your friends to be better to you.

That's what it is. Yep. Yep. I agree. There's a fly now in here. So if you hear that, Jessica, I'm sorry. I fucking hate today's setup. Can you hear it?

No. I can see it, but I can't hear it. And just a finishing thought on Marissa about friendship. and, you know, it's like this in any relationship. If you think about it in terms of a romantic relationship, like, you know, a romantic partner, a husband, a spouse, a life partner, however you want to call it, when you guys are together, you both have to sort of train each other to understand how your needs can be met. Maybe training isn't a good word, but you constantly have to keep been reinforcing how you expect to be treated by the person. So a friendship should be no different

in terms of. But the thing about friendship. Yes, I agree with you. But sometimes you just want friendship to be so much easier than the other hard relationships in your life. Right. And that's why it's disappointing because you're like you go to your friends for reprieve. And so when this happens, you're like, fuck, and now I have to do the work to make you better. Like, it's frustrating. It is definitely frustrating. It's just that just like we can't expect romantic relationships to be perfect. We can't expect our friendships to be perfect. Nope. Totally. I agree. Um, okay. Marissa, let us know. Good luck with that. And we're going to move on. While every other channel is fighting for your customer's attention,

podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45 minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising. It sounds like a recommendation from a friend. Acast gives you that trust at scale, digital precision, post-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked. Don't fight for attention. Buy it with Acast. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise. hi Sasha and Lainey I met Dee about three months ago we were both single and living alone in the city during COVID and not seeing anyone else eventually we decided to meet up for socially

distanced dates and COVID instantly made us exclusive since then things have progressed on the weekends we go on day trips out of the city make dinner together and sleepover started pretty much right away this has been going on for two months now we've great in-person conversations text quite often during the day that sex is good and we have a lot in common. However, recently while we were hanging out, I brought up that I noticed he was being very emotionally distant and wondering if things were okay, if I did anything wrong. Typical of the girl to put the blame on something she did, of course. He started to say that he felt off and our conversation ended up with him saying that he was nervous of my expectations because he's still sorting things

out. Well, in the past, I've told him that I don't want to be just a COVID distraction. We've had a brief conversation that we are just open to seeing where things go. I'm also very affectionate and he said I was more affectionate than he is used to and he tends to equate affection with expectations. I can get that because I left a four-year relationship back in November and I'm very used to being affectionate and jumping into the girlfriend mode right away. I can see how this can scare someone so should i just wait and see how things turn out or is this guy never ever going to want something more than this weird dating but we are exclusive zone help or talk some sense into me please i really like this guy and i'm scared that i'll get hurt julie

okay julie so you and d have been covid fucking yeah covid fucking are they are they uh should they've been doing other things day trips and making dinner together doesn't sound like just fucking and are they living together I was no clear of that so they're just spending a shit ton of time together yeah okay I mean oh what do you feel like about playing games in the beginning of a relationship are you were you a game player not with Jacek I don't think no but I have been for sure right because I feel like I don't love saying like you should like not be totally straightforward all the time but in the beginning of a relationship don't you want to like kind of I don't know don't you put forth the person that you're totally not I just wouldn't like if I was

a clingy person like I am a clingy person I definitely didn't put that vibe out to Corey like Corey's always like surprised even now like why do you need all of this I'm like because that's who I am I just fucking didn't show you that in the beginning but you know what I mean like sometimes because there are people who have fears from like past relationships or damage right like this guy's like affection means what did he say affection means expectation expectation like he obviously has fucking baggage from whatever the fuck happened before him he's a bit damaged goods um and so you kind of have to like if you know that i don't know i would be sort of manipulative in that way and not totally show all my guts and glory like right off the bat and i guess like

COVID makes it different because like you're only spending time with like the selected people that you are so you probably ease into who you are a little bit quicker um and so this is where I'm struggling because it's like I don't want her to not show who she is and ask for what she wants because we've talked a lot about love language and her love language is obviously affection she likes it she wants like that makes her feel good um but I would kind of keep a little bit of a of mystery a little bit less like this is what i want right off the bat yeah i i think that like a lot of relationship experts have said don't play games just be up front and i like you're right that is the that is the emotionally and mature correct way of handling things you and i not that

unfortunately not why pretend what this is about yeah um but also in in julie's case i do think that she has been emotionally honest and what she got back was uh slow your roll right and i like you but slow your roll a bit yeah and shouldn't she Like, so I guess the question is, should she slow her rule or should she be like, oh, if this doesn't work for you, dude, then I'm going to bounce and find someone that it does work for. That wasn't exactly her question. No.

Because I don't think Julie is ready to, like, even consider not being with this guy. She's in so deep right now that she's not going to bounce anyway. But what do we do now? Because I think right now, I know I just finished talking about ledgers and friendships and whatnot, but the ledger is not in her favor right now. He's got the power. Yeah. That's why, and I know, again, this is not what people say, but I need her to take a little bit more power, right? Because when things get lopsided in a fresh relationship, I don't know.

there needs to be some struggle of back and forth you can't come back from it no so that's why I'm like Julie what Lainey said just blow your roll a bit like tease a little bit so that he becomes a little bit more engaged right right now he's freaking out he's like I'm stuck in a fucking pandemic with this chick who I really like but she's like a lot right now and probably feels that he's like cornered in no one likes to feel that way um so that's why I'm like just like like maybe don't see him i don't know how often they're seeing each other but like just fucking like dangle the carrot a little bit more is where i'm at with this dangle the carrot a little bit more dangle the carrot is good i like and i but i think that it's fair for julie to take that cue

where he was being weird and um and be like okay just i'm i'm still into this guy but you You don't have to – I think that you don't have to see them all the time. See them all the time. And, yeah, maybe, like, dial back your PDA by, like, 30%. Yeah. Because not everybody functions that way, right? Like, I don't know. This guy does sound, like, a little bit, like, a little extra in his –

Delivery? Delivery. Listen, if we're being real, why don't you tell Julie, if we're being real, what his message meant? Why am I doing that? Why would you make me have to say that? Yeah. There's a little, there's a little, I'm, I'm, I'm not a hundred percent interested right now. And a little, a little, I could bail on you, um, like next week.

And a little, like, I'm trying to leave the door open, open for post-COVID times. Like, you know, I think the message here, Julie, sorry we have to do this, is Dee is saying to you, this is fun for now, but I want to keep my options open when I have lots of more options after the pandemic. So why aren't you doing the same? Same. Exactly. And that's what it comes down to is you should also be keeping your options open too. get the D from the D, but yeah. And you still got time, man. We're not being out. We're not out of lockdown for a while. So you still have a couple more months to like get down to dirty

with the D, but I would, I would maybe back off and you know what? It's just an experiment back off and see what it's like. Like maybe he is a commitment phobe or maybe he is somebody who's looking for an exit strategy as soon as lockdown is lifted. Do you know what I mean? And I think you'll be able to gauge that better if you like alter your behavior just a little bit like peel it back i'm just i'm not saying like all the way back like a good solid 22 and you might see him adjust him to come a little closer to you as well and if he backs away further then you know he's a piece of shit yeah but also you know it might surprise you where you back away a little bit and he's like well i want more i want that that's what i mean yeah well that's what i mean if if he

does do that then I mean that could that also branches into a couple of other things that we could dig into but like like first phase dial back and see what his reaction is and then keep us posted because then I would these are the kind of things that I'd like to dig into like do the thing that we're telling you to do and then come back with us so that we can again readjust our advice yeah yeah please please please Julie we need an update on this one I'm really invested in this one. I want to know what Dee is thinking. Me too. Okay. So next question. Half jokes aside, the reason I ask for advice is that I'm moving to Germany in August for work. Under normal circumstances, I would be nervous, but now I just feel paralyzed with choices and decisions.

Additionally, I worry about adjusting and creating my life in Germany. I'm single, so I won't know anyone when I move there. Originally, my emotional preparation was built around finding a possible therapist for if I struggle, preparing for culture shock. I have lived internationally before, and culture shock is always a trip, as well as begin to get my comforts and German language skills. Still abysmal, but luckily my workplace uses English primarily. Some new concerns I never considered before are making friends, having a social life, dating, and making Germany feel like a home to me. It never crossed my mind pre-pandemic to worry about these things because, as my friends say, I make friends wherever I go. In pandemic times, how do

I make connections when I might be social distancing for a while and not get easy opportunities like bars, social events, even meet groups to meet people? We don't have a name here, so let's just… Moving to Germany, what's a German name? Oh, I was going to say Helen. Is that a German name? Ingrid? Ingrid. Good call. Okay. I don't know if it is, but Ingrid. Oh, okay. Yeah, Ingrid is more like Scandinavian. Scandinavian, yeah. Um, how about Angela? Angela?

Yeah. Yes. Great. Great. Love Angela. Chancellor. Is she the chancellor still? Anyway.

Don't make me look dumb. I don't know. Let's go. Okay. Angela. This is hard and I would struggle with this as well because, yeah, how do you make friends? How do you social butterfly? How do you entice people with your sparkling personality if you can't meet anybody?

Um, but it looks like Germany is, while they might be going into a second phase, um, second wave, they are out of lockdown, which does mean that you can still go out. Listen, that still makes it difficult to meet people. So am I horrible to tell you that the reality might just be, you might have to stick it out for a while, um, and like nest and get your place ready and, and really get into work and which leads me into work is probably where you're going to find, you know, maybe not your best friends, but you might be able to have some sort of social life, some people to reach out to, some people to show you around and make you feel comfortable. Like you at least have that.

It's not like you're moving to fucking Germany just for the fuck of it and have nobody to lean on. Like at least you have a work environment that can probably, what are you doing? I'm massaging Elvis' back. Oh, I thought you were scratching your leg. Oh, sorry. That can probably introduce you to people and introduce you to places to meet more people. I, you know, I don't even want to focus on this part of the question. I think, because to me, Angela, you're so organized. Like you've already thought about your mental health care and your therapist before you've landed in the country. And I think that you have your checklist done and you are ready. You are, are super, super ready. And so I don't know that your like work ethic in preparation should apply

to the one or the few areas that might be spontaneous in your life. Ooh, right. Right. Like, right now I'm wondering, and obviously I have zero psychiatric experience or degree, but given that you have, listen, this is a huge change. You're talking about culture shock. You're moving to a new country. You're going to have a new job. You're going to have a new home. I get it.

You kind of feel a little bit unmoored right now and panicked. So you're trying to impose the most amount of control you can on your schedule, your living environment, your mental health care, your health care provider, all of that. And I don't know that like that is congruous with the decision you've made. If you wanted safe, you wouldn't be moving to Germany and starting a new life. You're obviously an adventurer. So just let go of the one thing that is pointless to control is your relationships, your friends. Yes. Let that happen like magic naturally organically if you get there and in six months three months six months you're still lonely as fuck fucking you know text sasha and all caps and say this is angela you

fucking bitches you were wrong we will get to your we'll dedicate a whole show okay write us a book we'll read it we'll dedicate a whole lonely planet germany yeah find you friends exactly but right But now, like, this is not something you should be trying to control. And this is about, I think this is about you feeling like you need to have a sense of ownership over every aspect of your life because you're scared. But give in to the fear, dude. Give in to the fear. Well, this is like the most exciting.

Like, when you were reading this letter, I was like, oh, my God, what I would do to fucking just leave and go on an adventure right now and just like explore and expand and just like not know what's coming around the corner there is like a big old high for that so you're right like there is you gotta you're rolling the dice right now by moving somewhere so just fucking continue to roll the dice and see what happens and the thing you know I would be more worried if you had written to us and said you know I'm like super shy I'm an introvert you have everything going for you Like the fact that you are a social person, I get why that would feel scary, not feeling like automatically you'll be able to be around a social circle. But if you are this inviting human being, if you are someone who loves to like be out there and meet people, you'll you'll do just fine.

You know, it's the people who are scared to meet new people like us, people who are like introverts who don't know how to meet people. That's where I would be more worried. I just feel like you'll be OK. Like, you're going to meet people. You're going to be fine. And that's part of it. That's part of, like, moving somewhere. You just freak out about everything.

And especially, obviously, the pandemic. But I agree with Lainey. Like, have some fun and maybe just forego having to control everything. You can't control it. So you might as well just, like, let it ride, that one aspect. You're good. Your job is going to be great. Your health care is going to be great.

You know, your home, I trust you. You're very organized. You're going to have a great home. The culture shock you're already expecting, so you're prepared for that. Why don't you just let it, something wild happen. Yeah. Yeah. Can't wait.

Looking forward to seeing, you know, Angela, your photo from wherever in Germany surrounded by all these great friends or one person, a friend. Yeah. Send us a picture as we like. Excited for you. Be excited. Be excited. It's time to be excited.

Yeah. I love that. On that note, keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And don't forget to subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Leave messages. Leave comments. Tell us the fuck off. That works too.

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