What's Your Drama - BLACKPINK & Red Flags

Episode Date: April 11, 2019

Welcome back to What's Your Drama!On today's show: Our deep love for the South Korean girl group BLACKPINK. After that, we get into your drama! How to get rid of a turbo drama queen, when, if ever, you should dull your career shine and finally, how to spot the signs of a controlling partner.We hope you enjoy the show and make sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you get your podcasts. And keep your advice questions coming my way at sasha(@)laineygossip.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, what's your drama? Welcome to What's Your Drama? I'm Sasha. I'm Lainey. How are you? I'm so excited to see you because you are my blackpink friend. We are blackpink friends. First and foremost.

We are blinks. Yeah. We're blinks. Totally. Should we explain who blinks are? I feel like if people out there are listening and they don't know what blinks are. Okay, maybe you don't know what Blinks are, but you should know what Blackpink is since they just, like, broke all kinds of records.

All the records. The first… Aren't they the first female band since, like, 2004, since Destiny's Child, to, like, totally demolish YouTube? Gigantic. Yeah. Gigantic. It is the quickest to get to 100 million views.

Okay. Beating Ariana Grande. Anyway, Blackpink is going to be performing at Coachella. Next week. Oh, my God. We – I feel – Do you know that they're coming to Hamilton, Ontario, April 27th? Yes.

Okay. Do we go? Do you know how to get tickets? Like, that's the problem. I don't know how to get to Hamilton. That's more of the problem. That's the problem is how to get tickets. Because I tried – because BTS also came to Hamilton, and tickets were sold out in

a nanosecond. Okay. So you have no pull. That's what you're saying. I have no pull with – like, I have – nobody has any pull with – Nobody has any pull with these K-pop fans because their management is not, like… Anyway, the point is it's hard to see them. I feel now the way I did, like, even more during Spice Girls.

Oh, for me, way more. I want to be them. All of them. All four of them. Yeah. Um, I feel the same way as you do, and I don't want to be, like, overly, like, schmoopy about them, but I just think they're super cool. I, of course, love the fact that we're fangirling over four Asian women.

Yeah. And fuck their style. Looks – it's just killer. Their fucking hair is dope. Everything. Yeah. The video production. Like, you haven't seen – that's what I love about fucking K-pop and just Asian people

and Asian entertainment in general. It's fucking fire. It's always fucking super bossy. Yep. Slick. High production. Tons of money. Nothing Mickey Mouse about it.

Nope. And like the bear trap. Dancing in a gigantic bear trap. Because why not? Everything though. The makeup I want. The hair I want. The clothes.

Like, yes, it's not exactly my style, but kind of. It's more body con than I would like, but it's still like low riding pants, a little harem-y, combat boots, chains everywhere, gloves with holes in them. All of every trend you could imagine in one look. Smashed together, but crazy colors. I don't know how, because typically with our eyelid situation, we don't do the eye shadow that way. Somehow, as we know, Korean beauty is the shit.

They found a way to make the eyes like… Well, okay, maybe with some tweaking. Let's talk about the fact that there's probably some eyelid surgery happening. Listen, I would not be opposed to going to Korea and getting some surgery. Like, you wouldn't get eyelid surgery, would you? I wouldn't get eyelid surgery, but I would get whatever the fuck else that they're all doing over there. Whatever they're pioneering over there.

Yeah, that's true. Because even Hong Kong and China stars go to Korea for the procedures. Korea is leading the way. Like, whatever they're doing over in fucking LA and they think that they're the be-all and end all of skin and treatments and fillers and whatever, they're at least a decade behind Korea. Yeah. Well, this is what's so great to see this come to the forefront is there's just like

these hidden secrets. Plastic surgery. Well, not the plastic surgery part. It's just so refreshing to see different fashion. It's so refreshing to see, like, it's actually just refreshing to see strong Asian women. Like, period. The end. It's just been really nice to see that.

And the fucking songs are so much fun. Yeah. So much fun. Now it's like, I guess we're going to have to learn Korean. Well, okay, here's my business. Do you know that they're really rich, though? Yeah. Okay, that they come from, like, supremo, supremo.

At least two of them are, like, super, super rich. Well, three out of the four of them were raised outside of Korea. So, typically, I don't know, like, the stereotype of people who can move away and then come back and have both homes, like maintain two homes, is that you have to have a certain amount of money. Yeah. And they all went to like – like a couple of them went to super crazy private schools. Anyway, now I just want to deep dive, deep dive, deep dive into everything about them.

Okay. But here's my idea. People are going to steal this business idea or maybe it already exists and I didn't know. But you know how we used to take our like dance classes? Yes. Dance exercise classes? Yeah. How come there's no K-pop dance class?

There must be. There must be. one. I'll find you one. And then are we going to go? A thousand percent. Because I need to learn these moves. And you do too. Like yesterday, I need to have known those. Can we be Blackpink for Halloween? Yes. If we ever leave the house for Halloween, we can do that. Which won't happen, but like let's just pretend. Who would you be? You're Lisa. Would you be Lisa? Well, I don't really, like you know me, I don't ever know names of people, but any of them really. I like the one with the blonde long hair.

Okay. Do you know which one that is? Well, okay. In the D4 video? In the video? No, in the… In the new video? In the new video.

She's in the shopping cart. Because I always… Oh, that's Lisa. Okay, yes. The main rapper. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm either Lisa or Jenny Kim.

Anyway. Okay. There, we have our plans for Halloween, which we won't do. Okay, shall we get to enough of our, I guess, what do you… not drama, but like wishful drama? Okay, first. Hi, Lainey and Sasha. My husband and I got married last November.

His best man was his best friend, R. My husband and R have been best friends since about third grade, and my husband was also R's best man when he got married to his wife, J, a couple of years ago. My husband and I are fairly low-key, which was the approach we took regarding the whole wedding process. My sister organized the bachelorette. She started a group on Facebook. Everyone knew what the plan was. It was just a relaxed weekend at grandma's cottage. My sister did all the shopping, split the bill, all of which she explained up front. Anyway, on the Friday of, Jay decides she isn't going to come until Saturday, and then she doesn't show up until noon.

She brings along two other friends, spends most of the afternoon sulking because R, who was throwing my husband's bachelor party the same weekend, had taken the group to a strip club the night before and lied to her about it. Went to bed early, tried to sneak away super early the next morning. After, she haggled with my sister over the price, $35, saying it wasn't worth it because my sister hadn't fed them, which is such crap for so many reasons. She complained about the weekend to her husband, blah, blah, blah. Basically, this person just bitched and complained and said people did a bad job. Then she lied about how much she had to pay for the party, which was $35, but she said $100. And then cut to the wedding itself. We arranged a shuttle to take guests to and from

the hotel, but it left before normal check-in time because the ceremony was a bit early. There's a lot of detail happening here. Jay complained about this, telling everyone they wouldn't get early check-in and that they'd probably have to change in the hallway despite my repeated insistence that I'd been to multiple weddings where something similar had been arranged and had never been a problem. She told me it wasn't a very nice experience for your guests. She didn't show up to the rehearsal dinner, which is where we were actually legally married, which she knew we were doing because her husband was the best man, claiming she couldn't get

out of work even though she had no problem doing this the next Friday when she went up to her cottage for R's birthday, and that the hour-long drive to get to my hometown from the city was tiring, and even though she arrived at the hotel before the dinner was over. I also put together little welcome bags for any guests who were staying over at the hotel on the Friday night, filled with fun snacks and face masks from the Chinese grocery store near my office, plus some other treats from a couple of little shops in my hometown that I love.

oh any apparently jay threw the bag around the hotel room in sense that all i had given her were some chinese chinese chips and water which sound great to me i'll take chinese chips any day when she had given me a bracelet at her wedding she spent the entire wedding sitting at her table sulking texting not talking to anyone except bitching to her husband who got so drunk he ended up passing out in the cloak closet then she left super early the next morning to go to work skipping the brunch my parents held at their house that everyone else, including her husband, managed to attend. Anyway, now, the other weekend, Jay and R had a bunch of friends up to their cottage

but didn't invite us. My husband was understandably upset and he asked R about it when they went to a hockey game earlier this week. R claimed he had no idea Jay was bringing everyone up, but he also said that she was still upset with us for not including her in the wedding more. I'm not sure what to do. Do I bite the bullet and sit down with Jay to see if that accomplishes anything for the sake of my husband's friendship with R, or do I just leave it, which is my inclination,

and hope that she eventually comes to her senses and moves on? Or do we just give the entire relationship up as toxic? For what it's worth, Jay has pulled this shit before, completely cutting off her childhood best friend and her husband after their wedding the summer before R and Jay's. Jay was included as a bridesmaid in that wedding, but spent the entire time bitching about everything, including how it wasn't fair that her friend picked her sisters to share maid of honor duties. Oh my God, this woman. Instead of her, and then acted surprised when her friend blew up at her afterwards.

Any advice you would have would be great. I'm very stressed about this whole thing and upset on my husband's behalf, and I'm not sure how to proceed. Wow. Okay. That's a lot of drama. It's a lot of petty drama, but drama nonetheless. I don't know.

I'm like, I don't know. I'm a little bit grumpy today so I kind of have no patience for how long okay what's your email was just say your grumpy answer like fucking move on Jay sounds like a fucking hoe why do you want to be fucking friends with them she's bitter why like I don't know why you'd want to even go up to the cottage that weekend that you didn't get invited wouldn't that be sort of a blessing I'd be like thank god I don't have to spend time with this person the end like I don't think there needs to be I don't think there needs to be like effort put into like we should talk about this let's talk about why you're such a fucking bitch all the time. No. I think that her concern is that this

is her husband's childhood friend from like third grade or whatever. Her husband's a big boy and can have other relationships outside of their relationship. He can have a nice time with Buddy by themselves doing bro-y bro-y things. The women do not need to be included in that. I think we all know a woman like Jay, right? Not anymore. Right. But you know of them. Like you know of them.

I hear of them. Yeah. Like you know of busybody. No, but people who need the attention on them all the time and when they don't have the attention, like there's a pattern here. At everybody else's wedding, she's a bitch. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Right? When she's a bitch at everybody else's wedding because she's not the focus of attention, then it tells you something about this person's character. So to your point, if you make up with her now or try to smooth this over and fix it, eventually the same shit's going to go down because it's going to be your birthday or your aunt's birthday or your neighbor's birthday, anyone else's birthday or wedding or whatever but hers, and she's going to find a way to be a suck. Yeah.

And like this whole process is going to start all over again. Yeah. And nowhere in this letter does she explain like, you know, Jay and I really had a really great friendship from the get-go. They obviously were fractured from kind of the beginning. They continue to be fractured. I just don't think that there's any reason to patch that shit up. I know.

I'm like, I just, I kind of, I'm just so exhausted by those kinds of people. Like, Jay, like, I don't want to hear negative shit all the time, and I sure as shit don't want to hang out with people like that. Tell your husband to hang out with R, the other husband, the best friend, like, by themselves. Totally. Like, the other night, they went to a hockey game together. Great. continue continue on that path like your husband also needs to understand that like he doesn't

have to be going to the couples group cottage thing that is so oh god i hate these like fucking couple group cottage things we do not have that no no we have friends who are couples and we will go out sometimes but these like everyone moves in a crew like from here to there and like in equal numbers. Yeah. No. That is… No. Ew. Once in a while is fine. But, like, I was thinking about that while you were reading this. Like, Kory and I have, like, friends who are couples and we hang out with them sometimes. But, like, that's not, like… That's not my friend group. It's not a traveling caravan. Totally. Totally. You know what I mean? Yeah. Agreed. And this sounds like… And I get it. Your husband is… Has always been part of a group or a crew and you don't want to have

FOMO, but at the same time, like, how much fun would it be to look at Suckface up there who's always being sucky in a corner? Yeah, no. Who, like, ruins it for everybody. Yeah. And I think that's just – there's, like, a level of, like, kowtowing to that kind of behavior that bothers me too. So it's like, meh, like, whatever.

Don't – so my advice to you is don't try to bridge the gap with Jay. I would just, like, move on, let your husband have his friendship with his best friend, on their own. And that's it. That's it. That's it. I mean, I feel bad. She's stressed out about it because she doesn't want her husband to like lose a friend. And I get it. But your husband's a big boy. Your husband also needs to see the complete picture, which is that his best friend married a drama queen. Yeah. Like once you put that in perspective and like shift the responsibility to somebody else, maybe I think that that is the talk you need to have with your husband. Yeah. If there's one talk, it's just for your husband to be like. Remind him whose fault

this is. Yeah. And if he's feeling bad, then he can do something about whose fault this is. Maybe he should tell her to fuck off. I don't know. Go with that. Are we both grumpy? I'm really actually quite grumpy, but don't worry. Keep on going. I'm just going to keep on drinking this alcohol in front of me. Okay, fine. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. Recently on a family vacation, my sister-in-law and her parents went on a real tear against my career. I've always been supportive of my college educated and very bright sister-in-law's choice to stay home and parent her four children while her husband travels extensively for work. They've recently had some financial hardship that is forcing her from the nest and back into the workforce. On this trip,

her self-esteem issues or something deeper reared its head and I got a lashing for my selfish decision to have a career and how my career makes her feel bad. I don't think I'm in the wrong to proudly be a workplace warrior and don't want to minimize my accomplishments to make anyone feel better. But I wonder, is my career pride something I need to temper so I don't hurt someone I care about in a tough season of life? I have two young daughters and I'm proud to be a woman they can look up to, just as my sister-in-law is a person my kids and hers can look up to. I can't figure out how to navigate a situation that has me pissed off and defiant as much as it makes me want to smooth things over for the people I love. Sarah. Okay. Listen, I think there's like two things at

play here. And I don't think that they're necessarily one and the same. Because I think that Sarah can be proud and be this amazing role model for her nieces and for her daughters. But when someone's down, I'm not necessarily sure if… well, was she saying that she was flaunting? Was she talking about her career? Did she mention that like while they were away? Maybe it comes up. It probably came up. I just always think that like when someone's going through a bit of a downtime, especially

when it's, when it has something to do with career, it's probably not like the best thing to be like, let me talk to you about my job and my career and how well I'm doing. What a role model I think I am. I'm not saying that that's what Sarah was doing. I'm not saying she was boasting. Yeah. But when you're in those environments and you can read the room, like read the room, If she's down and doesn't, you know, and you know that these are the struggles that

she's dealing with, it's probably best to just like avoid career, career plans, any forward like sort of path that you want to take with your career and just like pack it in for a little bit longer. Right. You know what I mean? Like you have to be sensitive of those, those circumstances. Oh, this is tough because what is that expression? You and I, maybe you're, you're better at these expressions than I am.

Like don't hide your light under a bushel. Not familiar with that one. Is that religious? actually? I don't know. I don't even know what a bushel is. Oh, it's like a bush. Like don't hide your light under something that will cover it. Okay. Yes. And so there are some sayings out there like that say don't lower your voice or don't diminish yourself because… Don't dull your shine. All those things. Because of someone else's, I don't know, like hardships or because they're insecure.

Yeah. Like, I think it's… I agree with you. Like, you never want to kick someone when they're down. And you don't want to be flaunty about your career. But the lash out seemed very extreme at the same time. Yeah, but I wonder if that's just one of those things when someone's down and they're feeling insecure and then they're angry and there's just built up tension and you just fucking spaz out.

And if you're going to spaz out with anybody, hopefully it is with family who's like, okay, like, you're not going to take this personal. You're having a fucking total meltdown. I'm not going to take it personal. Let's just like step back from the situation. Do you know what I mean? Like sometimes people just freak out and the ones that you're closest with is who you freak out with.

Let me ask you this. If this was a situation not about two sisters-in-law, but a partnership between a man and a woman in a marriage, husband and wife, and the husband is like grumpy and, I don't know, feeling story for himself, and he's married to an ass kicker, like a Wonder Woman, a boss, right? Yeah. She's getting promotion after promotion. Yeah. So should she come home and, like, not be excited about her promotions just because

he's sitting there in the dumps and not feeling… Well, the hope here is that it's only for a small amount of time. And if it's… If for a small amount of time, I think that you just… you just don't do that. Like, if Corey didn't have a job and I came home and I got promoted 10,000 times my job, I would tell him, but I don't think I would be like, let's throw a fucking party for me. Like, again, I would read the room and be like, I need to, yes, temper how I'm reacting

to this so that I don't make him feel insecure. I don't make him feel like less than or I don't like kind of kick him when he's down. That's how I would react. I just feel… I understand. I think this is a really tricky one and I actually don't know where I fall. What would you do? I think… I don't know because I'm trying to counter… I agree with everything you're saying

and yet I think that there is an other side. Right. But I guess what we need to know from Sarah is has the sister-in-law been supportive of her career thus far? Right. Right? If she has, then I think that you just kind of take this moment in time and just sort of realize what it is, which is your sister-in-law feels insecure right now and a little bit like just not happy with her situation. Yeah, I just… I'm just so uncomfortable with… maybe I'm looking at things in absolutes because I just don't know that there's a finite amount of compassion versus self-celebration there is on the table.

Like, celebrating oneself doesn't necessarily mean that you're taking joy from somebody else. Yeah, I know what you mean. Like, you can be so proud of yourself and motivated and ambitious without, like, telling somebody they're a loser. A thousand percent. But when the person that you're telling feels like a loser at that moment, it's probably… Whose problem is that?

I think that's what we're drilling down to. Okay, yeah. It's the sister-in-law's problem. But when you're close with someone, sometimes you just have to hold back and support them in that moment, right? And again, like ideally this is all temporary and everyone goes back to celebrating each other after this. But in this like snapshot of their current life.

Right. A, I wouldn't take that, for Sarah, I wouldn't take this personal, like the fact that she lashed out and like fucking had a fucking meltdown because it's just her own emotions. Right. Her sister-in-law's emotions. And then secondly, it's like, again, just a moment in time. It will pass. Everything will get figured out and then we can all be happy, empowered women afterwards.

words. So the question is, like, I can't figure out… how does she navigate this situation then? I can't figure out how to navigate a situation that has me pissed off and defiant. I mean, I guess I would just say this isn't your time. This isn't your time. This isn't your time to think about you right now. I would just think about the close… like, your close relationship with your sister-in-law and just helping her feel good about herself. What this… Sarah doesn't need to be, like, pat on the back every time everyone sees her. Like, you're just a fucking role model all the time. Like, that doesn't need to happen. I know that she probably was taken aback by the way that her sister-in-law reacted and was, like, a little bit hurt and maybe, like, a bit

embarrassed or whatever. I get that. But just for the sake of the situation, I would just suck it up and move on. Because I don't think it was actually, like, a personal attack. I don't think the sister-in-law actually feels this about her, about Sarah. So, okay. So then maybe let's go with this. This is temporary. If it's a longer issue, if this is just the way it is, that from now on Sarah has to hide her light around these people.

Then that's not right. No. Okay. Right? We agree on that. Yeah. Yes. You're saying this is a temporary thing.

If in fact it's temporary. Yeah. But Sarah, if, I mean, if we've read this wrong and this is going to be an ongoing forever situation where you, anytime you talk about your career and what you've got going on and your ambitions and your plans makes somebody feel bad, then, as we said, I don't think that that's right. I agree. So good luck with that.

And clarify, if we've missed the mark here and missed a detail or you haven't included into detail, please let us know. But I feel… Yeah. Go on being a workplace warrior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one's saying not to be. Yeah. Just maybe don't fucking flaunt that in your sister-in-law's face currently. Yeah. Warrior that shit up. How much money are you making, Sarah? Yeah. Okay. One more drama. My boyfriend Jay and I have been dating for over a year now. We're both in our early 30s and are in the stage where we're planning for our future. But there's one thing about him and I want to gauge if you think it's a red flag.

Nine times out of ten, when I make plans with friends, Jay gets sick or he randomly hurts himself, like twists his ankle, or some sort of excuse that not only makes me feel guilty to leave him, but more often than not, I'll cancel said plans altogether to take care of him. I do love him. Okay, it's been over a year, I just wanted to check. I do love him, so I'm always happy to spend time with him, but my friends have been not so subtly hinting that they think he's doing it on purpose.

I know some people would think it's controlling, and maybe it is, but in the scheme of things, is it all that bad? One side of me thinks it's kind of cute that he wants to spend so much time with me, but the other side might be a bit worried that this could become a bigger issue as time moves on. Would love to know your thoughts and advice on this, Sandra. Okay. I'm so confused here.

Okay. Because she says nine times out of ten. Oh. Okay. Yes. Now do we see that? I got it. Wow.

All right. I think we're going to be on the same page on this one. Sandra, it's cute now, but… It will not be cute for very much longer. Yeah. No. This is how it starts with, I just want to be with you all the time. Because I love you.

I just hate when we're separated. No, no, no, no, no, no. No. That… Yeah. Wow. We don't want to say what we really want to say, which is… This is a red flag.

You asked if this is a red flag for us. We are both holding up two red flags. My hands are sweating. We want you to see our red flags. Yeah. Yeah. And the reason we're saying that is because this is indicative of a controlling partner. Like, this is where it starts.

These are the little things that start to happen, and then bigger things happen. Then he wants to control who you're seeing. Yep. and he wants to control, like, what time? Let me control your phone. Who's calling you? It just will start to become a tumbleweed of a lot of problems in the relationship for sure. Like, I want to – if I could procreate right now, I would give you my firstborn baby to

prove the fact that this is a relationship that you want to get the fuck out of. Yeah. Which is hard because it feels so good right now. But it won't be. It's like, I really, really love the way that you said that it was slowly, little by little by little. It's almost like weight, gaining or losing. Sometimes it's like when it's, you know, you're having such a good time, you're

in love. We have a friend, they call it, she calls it love weight. You know, in that early year or whatever, you, oh, in the first three months you gain three pounds. Right. Like three months goes by, another five. By the time you're a year together, you're like, oh, wow, okay. I just carb loaded for an entire year.

Same with like losing weight. Like other people tend to lose it, right? And you just, and you look around. This is what this is like in the sense of you're losing a little bit of freedom here, but you don't really notice it and it feels good. And then a little more goes away and suddenly a year goes by and you're like, well, shit, now I don't do anything. I don't see anybody.

Listen, we are giving you the horror story Stephen King version of it, but here's… You raised the first point. Here's the second point. I trust your friends. Yes. And like… Thank God you have them. Fuck Sasha and Lainey.

Who the fuck are we? Useless people. Here's what's my… My concern is that your friends have come to you to tell you a very difficult thing. Imagine having that conversation. We love you, but we're a little bit concerned about this guy. Yeah. But your friends want only the best for you.

So if they're picking up on something shady, you listen to your friends. And I'll give you some other, another hard truth here, Sandra. Despite the fact that your friends have told you what's what and they've met him one time out of the 10 that, you know, he comes or what… That you're allowed to go out. That you're allowed to go. So they've met him, but… or know of him. And number two, like, you know, they know you, they're going to be giving you the best

advice. You're choosing to come to us, to Strangers, on the podcast. So, Sandra, I know already you are lying to yourself and you're trying to shut down the people who are the truth in your life. So, there are two pieces of advice here. Yeah, this is shady, but do not lose yourself. I'm worried about you that you're losing yourself already since you're shunning your friends.

Yes. Yeah. At least their advice. Well, but this is, this is, this is like textbook, right? You're, you're seeing how this kind of stuff fucks with your mind. And yeah, I cannot say it any better than that is like, if your friends are coming to you and not so subtly telling you that they're worried about you in this relationship, just listen to them. Do not deny the fucking facts. The facts are your friends are fucking skeptical of this guy. You're actually quite skeptical of him too, but you're just choosing what feels kind of comfortable now, which is the fact that you have someone who's doting on you. But this is not going to be…

This is not good. This is like textbook bad. Textbook bad. I just want to read that sentence back. My friends have been not so subtly hinting that they think he's doing it on purpose. Like, your friends are out there. Like, I love your friends. Don't you love her friends?

Yes. Everybody should really strive to have friends who have your back like that. Your friends are beginning the process of trying to warn you, protect you, and I don't want them to have to save you. Like, let their protection be… Like, that's all I need, but the nine times out of ten is funky. Yeah, it's more than funky. So I feel like right now, Sandra, you're probably not like, you know, realistically

you're probably not going to break up with him tomorrow, but I really feel like eyes should be wide open here. And start writing down these sort of scenarios, how he's trying to keep you at home. So that after like, I don't know, a month or two, you see the fucking proof. Nobody can break their ankle and be sick all that fucking often. Do you know what I mean? Like his behavior is suspect and start to notice the patterns. Okay.

But do you really think that she's going to be able to like CSI him at this point? I would hope so. Sasha, she's knocking on every door, like, you know, looking for the one that will say yes. And that was us. And we just shut her down. So here's the thing. Okay.

She's not going to break up with this guy. So, hey, here's some good news, Sandra, if you're still listening or you haven't run off to look for the yes from somebody else. Here's what you do. You can stay with him. Like, you don't have to break up with him. But what you have to do is to start asserting yourself and gauge what his reaction is. So the next time your friends and you, you guys make plans, stick to those plans.

Insist on making the plans just to see what his reaction is when you get home. Is it going to be… and even before you leave, is he going to be guilting you? Is he going to be… Is it aggressive? Is it aggressive? And hang on to that. Like, if he is that way, then you really have to give what your friends and we are saying some more weight.

Yeah. Okay. I agree. Yes. Right? Yeah. And then if he surprises you and he's not making you feel guilty… Then maybe he is having these sprained ankles.

And then the next time it's fine, then you know what? Like, great. Yeah. He either accepts the fact that you put your foot down and like, nah, honey, I'm fucking going out. Yeah. Yeah. Or, yeah, you can start to see that his behavior is turning more and more aggressive. And then that's hopefully would be your fucking, you're finally your big red flag to get the fuck out.

Either way, I guess my point is eyes open. Keep your eyes open. Yeah. And look for the signs because for me, this… They're hitting her in the face. They're hitting her in the face and she doesn't want to grab them. But fine. Just, I think, take the time to think about what we said, what your friends said. evaluate your relationship a little bit deeper, would I say break up with him? No. I… Listen, Sandra, I'm going to give you some homework. The homework is this. She said

that nine times out of ten she made plans with friends, she did not go. Yes. Let's see if six months, Sandra, if you can get to five out of ten. Yes. Right? That's a good improvement. 50% of the time that you and your friends make plans, you make it. Which is pretty standard anyway, let's face it, for like a lot of people, right?

No one's going to hit 109… Social events. Exactly, right? So if you can get back to us in six months, what is it now? April? Please get back to us at 4 plus 6 is 10. October? Yeah.

If you can get back to us in October and let us know how your percentage improved, that'd be great. Yeah. If, however, in six months, you're still at nine out of ten, you don't go out with your friends, it would mean that you and your boyfriend would have been together for 18 months, and in the 18 months, you're not seeing your friends. That's a long time. Yeah.

And that… I hope that's not the case. And then… Oh, God. Then see Sasha's door. But hopefully, you'll get Lainey's door. Oh, God. You're the optimistic door.

God, help us all. Sandra, please take care of yourself. Please take care. And thank your friends. Thank your friends. No matter what happens, thank your friends for being great. And just, I think we should do this. Sandra, this may not be exactly your situation.

However, your situation today may have triggered other people who've gone through similar. So for those of you listening, if you need to, if you're having a hard time, particularly with this question, please look up your victim abuse resources in your area. You know, RAINN has really good information and resources for people who are struggling. Mental health resources are everywhere. Email, send Sasha an email and ask for them and we can list places that can provide help. Yeah. Okay.

On that note, thank you for all your questions. Keep more of them coming my way at Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. Check us out wherever you subscribe to podcasts and leave reviews. Leave reviews. Leave reviews. I love the reviews. Bye. you next week. Bye.