What's Your Drama - Britney, Kanye & Diva Cups

Episode Date: March 22, 2018

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers podcast.On today's show: I challenge Lainey over the Britney x Kenzo collab and we talk about my favorite topic of all time...tampons. Then we get into your dilemmas! What to do when you're friend is being embarrassing on Instagram, can anyone apply the ghosting technique or do you need to be wired to do it, and to f-ck or not to f-ck (where the answer is easy).Thanks for tuning and keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes, Google Play, and now Spotify. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Lainey. Hi, it's Sasha. And welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast with Sasha Answers. How's it going? Well, I think we're going to fight. I didn't know we were going to get right into it, but yeah, we are. Okay. And I mean, I just love you and read your blog all the time like everybody else.

and I typically 99.999% agree with you, but I have to disagree about your Britney article and her being a very good fit for Kenzo. I think it's a great marriage. How? Who? Okay. Okay. How? Yeah. How? Kenzo is like weird, funky, wacky clothes, but good quality. Right. Britney isn't weird and wacky clothing. Oh, I think she definitely is in term. I'm sorry. She wore a denim outfit. Yes. That was like two decades ago. Sure. Britney now wears short red dresses with lace capped sleeves and wears just that over and over and over again in different renditions. That's right. It's not Kenzo. That's right. But I think she wears that on the red carpet in her real life, in her videos. She's not wearing the cap sleeve, whatever.

She's wearing like, do you see her gym videos? Yeah. Her workout videos? Yeah. Yeah. And those gym videos, that's for me, I would be like, if she had to deal with fabletics with Kate Hudson's fucking line, that would make sense to me. Britney Spears is so far from anything fashion, like hasn't been even on the pulse of fashion

for, again, probably two decades. Yes. 100% agree with that. Kenzo I guess when I part of it was like you were like Kenzo great perfect marriage she has like wild fashion her fashion I is actually the sickest thing in the entire world to me you couldn't pay me to wear the fucking garbage sheath of shit that she wears that's why I think it works because they're elevating her and it also fits into her like she doesn't look like Emma I used to thought Kenzo was cool I would have bought a Kenzo sweatshirt you're still two days ago you know I

Still not. Done. Done. You still would. Nope. I think it like, what was that brand that Lindsay Lohan designed for? Remember when she… It was like fill it clean. No, it was… Stand by. Let me see. And like, you know what's a perfect fit? Lindsay Lohan doing her fucking commercial for lawyers.com. That makes sense to me. Have you seen that? She's now the spokesperson. So good. Yes. So good and totally the right branding. Like it or not though, Britney is still like a big lucrative deal. Vegas is a big deal. You're right.

And she's, I don't know, over the last year, especially with the personality. Angaro is who? Oh, my God. Angaro has never recovered. And what happened? Exactly. That is what I think is going to happen to Kenzo. Oh, I don't think so.

Who the fuck is buying Kenzo with Britney Spears? I honestly don't think so. I think it's great. I think she looks great in the clothes. She does. Like that floral head-to-toe situation, the crop top, like I thought she looked so good in it. But have you ever seen her wear that off?

I think that now I'm excited. Britney at the Met Gala in something Kenzo. Thank you, Sash. I just brought you around. Okay, fine. Right? And who else but Britney could wear something like completely insane that is so Kenzo to the Met Gala? You still look like she's wearing a costume.

I guess my point just being is not… For me, it would be like if she was the face of guess, again, yes, get that. If she was the face of like, I don't know, what's super cheesy, like versus or something. I don't know. Just something super horrible like that, that would make sense. I just feel like she's, for me, killed Kenzo. Kenzo will not recover. Will not recover.

I totally disagree. I think it's going to be a great partnership. And I honestly think that finally the people who take care of her and, you know, make these deals for her have realized at the end of the day, this is a world-class entertainer. Not like world-class as in top A++, but I mean a big name, right? Like the shows in Vegas are still huge. I think she's the top selling act in Vegas, which is no small feat. Of course.

And finally they're saying, wait a minute, given what she's worth, like just the bank balance, and given how famous she's been for so long, you do want to match her up with like a high quality label. I'm really curious. I know you're here for it. I know you're here for it. I'm really curious. I just think it's a good business decision finally, brand wise.

I mean, what would have been great is if she'd come out with a hairline and like a weave line and actually inserted those proper good weaves into her hair because she still has bad hair and makes me so sad. That's where I disagree with you. That's where I'm like, no, no, nobody is buying good hair from her ever. But no one's buying good fucking clothes from her. That's why it's killing me. Like, I'm not sure why, who consists, you know, oh my God, I went to the Demi Lovato

concert the other night and her steez is whack too, but I love her. I'm not into like her fashion. No. But I will tell you, hair game. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For life. Yeah. Yeah. Whoever's doing those wigs and the weaves is on point and with the speed of it. That's why

I'm like, Brittany, what the fuck? Get it together with the hair. You'd think she'd know by now, but no. In five minutes, a brand new wig. Yeah, that's pretty impressive. Given that I'm a wig expert now. I knew you were going to drop that. I understand how hard it is to get the hairline right. It's pretty miraculous that she's able to do that. Can we talk about another weird Celebrity Partnership, which is, and you can tell me if this is true or not, because I read that Kanye is now starting a dating app. I'm still confused about it, but from what I understand from Kathleen, it is his fans have started a dating app.

Hence why they said no Taylor Swift fans allowed. Okay. I think. Okay. However, the concept is intriguing and I'm here for it. I want to know how it works. Like when you join the Yeezy dating app, what happens? You know, I haven't joined a dating app, but I have seen like profiles and they're

very standard. Like what are you looking for and what are your interests? Yes. But I bet you the line items on the Yeezy dating app are going to be so hilarious. Like, what shoes do you wear? Yeah, what's your favorite shoe brand, et cetera, et cetera. You are only accepted if you wear head-to-toe beige. Yeah.

Totally, totally. What's so funny, too, is we were talking about dating apps last week, and I mentioned that Raya site, which lots of people emailed me were like, what is this site? But what's interesting about them is you have to create, like, a picture montage. for your thing. So it's not just like Tinder where it's just like a couple of pictures. You have to create a montage with music, which I think is so interesting. So I'm curious to know what that kind of first profile page has to look like on Kanye. I love how people were like, what is this? And I need to get on it. But like, that's why

they've made it so, you know, it's the celebrity dating app, Raya. And we know a few people on it, Like our friend we talked about last week, I know like a few TV hosts who are on it. I'm surprised it's still the thing because I heard about it probably three to four years ago and typically these things kind of sputter out, right? So I'm surprised that they've managed, which means that I wonder if they're like exclusivity maintenance or whatever is pretty tight. There's like a long wait list. Yeah.

There's a very long wait list. Like, Amy Schumer was on it. Yeah. My friend showed me Ryan Phillippe, and then she also got matched with John Cusack. Like, what the fuck is going on? Like, it is so entertaining. It's wildly entertaining, actually. Wasn't Reese Witherspoon was on it for, like, a couple of days?

Anyway. She was? No. I feel like she got married. She was with her dude. Or maybe it was Kate Hudson. I don't know. I think it was Kate Hudson.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But still, like, people are using it. Yeah, you have to be invited. You have to be invited. You have to be in the industry, however barfy that sounds. but you have to be, you have to have like a job in the creative field of some sort. Oh, and you have to pay. Do you really?

Yeah. Some people have to pay. Our friend's not paying. So I wonder if it's like a… Yeah, some people have to pay. Okay. Anyway, so let us know if you get on Raya. Yeah.

Send us picture montages, please. Did you tell me something about a tampon thing? Do you really… I really want to talk about my tampon thing. I'll make it quick because I… No, you don't have to make it quick. Okay. I'm always…

I always have time for a tampon story. Okay. So the other week I had this really fucking bizarre dream about like shoving, I was trying to get a tampon up and every time I would push it and I would pull it out, the fucking cotton thing wouldn't go up and it would just still be sitting in the applicator. I hate when that happens. Yeah, but this dream went, felt like forever and this is what was happening. I was like, oh my God, I need this fucking tampon to go by fucking cooch.

It's not doing it. Anyway, stressful night of tampon dreams. The next day, literally like the next morning, I like did some search and this article came up about this. I wasn't doing a search on tampons. It was just like a random article about this model slash athlete who I seemingly recognize. I don't know from where. But she got toxic shock syndrome and lost both her goddamn legs from toxic shock syndrome. And you know what? Everyone's always like, oh, toxic shock syndrome. It's not really a thing. The fucking chick lost both her fucking legs. She went to the hospital, was feeling shit. And the doctor was like, does she

have a tampon in? And she did. And she was like, I changed it every four hours. It wasn't like I was doing anything unusual. It wasn't like she was like sleeping with it and fucking like fucking with tampons in her. She was changing it like a regular fucking person. And she lost both her legs. Okay. But I think that that's one of those like freak accident things. Well, who then if it is, then you never know when the fuck it's going to happen. So this is what's happening. Okay. So I'm doing the Diva Cup. Fine. Congratulations.

Okay. It's so gross. I know. I can't do the Diva Cup. I know people who swear by the Diva Cup. And if you're out there and you are… I just need a brand. A Diva Cup profit.

Because people who are with Diva Cup are like evangelists about it. So I get it. It's just not for me. I can't do finger to blood contact. I can't either. And I don't really know what it means. Like, I don't even know how you insert a cup properly. I'm going to have to watch YouTube videos, obviously.

It's not the insertion, it's the extraction that is freaky. You know what's so funny? Because the cup gets full, Sash. Oh, does the cup spilleth over sometimes? I don't know. Someone told me that… But the cup, the whole point is the cup is a receptor… Of blood.

…to catch that. And then you have to remove it. And then clean it again. Correct. So have fun. Oh, I just want my legs. You're going to be fine. That was a freak thing.

Like, she probably had a certain enzyme or something. She did. A certain bacteria. Okay. That happened to be in her at the time. Here's what I think is even freakier. Did you hear about the person who died from using one of Gwyneth Paltrow's recommendations? Eggs?

No, the bee thing. No? What's the bee thing? Like, there's a face treatment where you get stung or, like, have you heard? about that thing? Yes. And some lady had a fucking severe allergic reaction and died. Oh, man.

So that's supposed to be all natural. Right. Blah, blah, blah, blah. So right now what you're like, what you're freaking out about is like, oh my God, this, you know, shoving a tampon and tea, like whatever, toxic shock and blah, blah, blah, blah. But like bees are natural. And she fucking croaked. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. So there's one death over on the bee side. Okay. And one, two legs. Missing from. Missing from the tampon. Okay.

So, yeah, I think everything has a chance of killing you. Okay. And losing your legs. Okay, fine. Yeah, fine. But have fun with the Diva Cup. I'm going to first investigate. I just need someone to tell me a brand and then I will do further due diligence.

Isn't the brand Diva Cup? Oh, I thought there were probably more than one Diva Cup brand. Whatever. Fine. Can I just Google something for a second? I'm just… Here's what I'm going to Google. Removing Diva Cup.

Do you know what's so funny? Liz, who was on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, said that she saw a girl at work emptying out her diva cup in the sink in the bathroom, which is the fucking rankest thing I've ever heard. Okay. So here's, I'm just, the first hit I got, it's just people leaving comments. Okay. So this is my sixth cycle using a menstrual cup.

Lunette size two. There's a brand. And there's sizes. There you go. There you go. What? While I love the cup, I hate the removal process because it's very messy. Insertion is easy.

What did I tell you? See, I didn't. I know. Removal is super messy and no fun. When I pull the cup out, blood spills out of the cup. Oh, gross. Every time I remove the cup, I always do it squatting over the bathtub. I can't imagine removing the cup in a public bathroom since the blood would spill everywhere

and I don't have access to a bathtub inside a public cell. Anyway, and Lizzie told you that she saw someone emptying it in. Okay, so you know that the emptying process requires tipping over a cup full of blood. Have fun, Sash. I'm not a believer yet. I'm just more of a need to get more information. Oh, I can actually… Is there a video?

I can tell you how the insertion goes because you wanted to know about the insertion. Yes, walk me through it. Here's according to Women's Health. Okay. During insertion, the cup is folded into a U-shape. So, right? You like… Okay, and placed inside the vagina just below the cervix.

The cup stays in place by using the muscles of the vaginal wall. You can remove twice a day by pulling the stem at the end of the cup until you can reach the sides of the cup. Can't do it. I feel like you're going to be digging in there. Can't. Like, can't. Keep your nails short, girl.

Okay, and then it says, but what about the stuff inside? The downside to most of these cups is that, like with a tampon, you've got to take it out and empty the contents. That means reaching inside, pulling it out, rinsing out the collection cup, and reinserting it. For these reasons, it's probably not public restroom friendly. Anyway. Well, then how do you ever, how can you ever have it? Like, no one's always just homebound when they have their fucking period with their diva cup.

Well, I think you can keep it in longer than a tampon. So, in theory, let's say 12 hours. So, you stick it in at like 7 in the morning before you go to work. And in theory, if you get off work at five, you can get it out by six, unless it's a heavy fucking day. And someone like you who uses fucking, you know, WWF standard fucking tampons, would you take like the fucking big gulp diva? I would take the big gulp. But I don't know if the big is, if it's sized to your actual dimensions. Exactly.

As opposed to your flow. As opposed to your flow. Yeah. Because like I've told you before, I'm a crime scene. oh my god i don't know what to do i like my legs but i also don't want to touch cups of go back to old school pads oh my god yeah fuck yeah no all right okay shall we yes let's um wow we got like we got to um britney kanye and blood period okay am i reading yes you are. Okay. First question. How do you tell your friend that she's become a total idiot on

Instagram? Oh my God, I love this already. Let me tell you what I mean. First, she called herself a social influencer. Then she put her little… Okay. First, she called herself a social influencer. Then she put her title as public figure. What? She has less than 400 followers and has literally no influence on anyone. And let me say, I'm not jealous. This isn't about jealousy. I'm just so embarrassed for her. She's always now posting about her fitness and her meal prep and her OOTD. That would be outfit of the day. It's just so bizarre because it literally came out of nowhere. We've been friends for about four years and we've always been tight. But after she broke up with her boyfriend last year, she's done this 180 and is trying to, I guess, become famous. I don't want

to dampen her spirits, but all of our friends are doing the eye roll and I don't like people talking behind her back. So I just want to let her know that it's not a good look. Any advice on how to break this to her? Oh. Oh my gosh. I love this. All right. I love this and I'm also so embarrassed for her friend too. But then I also feel like I don't want to knock her friend's hustle either. Yeah, it is hustle. Like, I mean, that's how you kind of… It's just not a new hustle. You know, like everybody's posting, like everybody I know wants to show me their favorite recipe, their favorite fucking like ab roll and fucking what they're wearing. Like it's not anything new, right? So I think, I mean, just on like a strategic level, her friend is not going

to get anywhere with her 400 followers doing what everyone else is doing. But yeah, I would fucking I didn't want to die for my friend if that's what they were doing, if they were calling themselves a social influencer with 400 fucking followers. Would you tell her? Well, me, because I'm an asshole and I hate social media, would probably do that. But since we had our podcast chat last week and you told me that I'm like this really aggro fucking… You're such a hater.

…squary hater that I'm like trying to like… I'm second guessing everything I'm saying because I'm like, oh, maybe I shouldn't go with my instinct, which is tell your friend she's a fucking loser. So, no, I have to think about this for a second. What would you do? I don't know. It depends on how long this has been, right? Like, she's saying that this…

Like, she's saying this friend has been in her life for about four years and she broke up with her boyfriend last year and she's done this 180, which, I mean, this is what happens. I'm going to assume that these people are in their 20s. Yes, I think that would be safe to say. In your 20s, you're kind of still figuring out your identity. You're still… You're experimenting with what you're good at and all that sort of stuff.

Yeah. And a lot of shit is take on, take off. You might put something on literally and figuratively for a few months and you have to kind of come to terms with it on your own to be like, this is not a good fit. Agreed. So I… But it would be a little bit questionable where I think… Yeah, like I…

And that's what I was saying about not wanting to knock her hustle because like she's trying to make something work. She's trying to see what's going to land and what and what fits in her, you know, social influencing. But what I would be curious about is if she's changed her attitude, like is she becoming like super vain? Is she becoming like, you know, is she like super insecure after the breakup? And is that why she's doing it? So I feel like if as a good friend, I would nurture those parts of my friendship as opposed to being like, fuck, dude, whatever you're fucking doing super whack, I would zone in on why maybe she's doing that. Like maybe she's doing that because she feels like empty. And so she's trying to fill herself with like compliments and

all that kind of stuff. So I would help her on that front, right? Like be a good friend being like, you look great. Or like, or like, I don't know. Yeah. Be more supportive in like the emotional realm as opposed to knocking the physical shit, which is what she's posting on her social media. Don't you find that people are just so vain though? I woke up today and I was like, I don't want to look at my face today. Like I'm kind of sort of bored of looking at my face every day. And I'm just so fucking flabbergasted that everyone just posts selfies all the time. It makes me sick. It makes me sick. I don't know. I can't say anything. I'm fucking vain. So yeah, people are vain. I'm vain. Hello. But you're not like gross vain. Oh, something like

it depends though. Everybody's gross threshold is different from one person to the other. Okay. What's your gross threshold? Well, what makes you fucking eye roll when you see social media stuff? Someone with 400 followers calling themselves a social influencer and a public figure. Yeah. That might be an eye roll for me. But I think that I've become so used to the selfies that it's almost like it's become normalized. And maybe that itself is a scary thing. But again, we're old fucking hags, right? We're not like in our 20s and going out all the time. You and I are hermits. You know, on Friday nights, my favorite thing to do is spend three hours looking at panda videos. You, I don't know, you're asleep. When I'm looking at panda videos

on Friday nights, you're asleep. So that is not our world. And so I think, but the point here is within her friend group, I guess, even her friends, like this is the, she's crossed the threshold even for her friends. So what do you do when you have a friend who's… What was our equivalent of someone being like a total… Embarrassment. Embarrassment. That's actually a really good question. I'm trying to think of what… I mean, I guess it would just be like outwardly… I feel like just what the common thread here is just like being seemingly vain, right? Someone who's just like super over the top. I'm not sure it's vanity that's the, it's, it's like show-off-y. Try. It's try. Okay, sure. It's, it's that. That's what it

is. It's try that's bother. It, like, there's vanity, which, listen, that's a common denominator, but what, what the eye roll here is that it's, it's the, you know, it's the poserness. Right. Yeah. Poser. Poser. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. I think I would, I mean, the horrible part of it is I would get a lot of joy talking to my friends about, you know, our friend who's just being… And laughing about that person behind their back. And that's horrible, but I'm just going to be, like, honest because I would probably find that really funny.

Yeah. But if you want to be an actually good friend, I would just go back to what I was saying before, which is just, like, try to nurture the stuff that she's seemingly lacking or has a void in right now. And, like, you can zone in on that as a friend. And you'll know why she's acting different and just like kind of help her fill in those gaps as opposed to knocking her hustle. I think that I would, before you make whatever decision you're going to make, whether you

talk to her or not, I would ask or I would find the question, find the answer to this question. Who is this hurting? Like, it's not hurting you guys. It's not an effect on you. Yeah, but can't it still be fucking annoying and also then also sad that you have to see your friend fall into that kind of thirst trap? Like that would make me sad. If you posted a thousand bajillion selfies like every day of the goddamn week, I would probably be like, holy fuck, Lainey, this is like kind of lame. But it's not hurting me, but I would think that of you. And so part of the… But it would be hurting me, right?

Because it would be, like, it would be anti my brand. So is this hurting this person on, like, their business? Is this hurting their friendships? Like, is this driving, actually driving people away? Like, what is the real consequence, the downside? And if you can't come up with a concrete one, like, if it's simply, well, we're just rolling our eyes at her, then I don't know. Like if it's not hurting anybody and it's not hurting her, I know what you're trying to say. It's like if a tree falls in the forest, is anyone

here? I get it. But also it's still sort of cringeworthy. I think you just have to suck it up because as you said, this is her experimental phase probably. She'll probably realize that there's no traction and she'll probably stop doing it because that stuff's quite exhausting. I would imagine having to post every goddamn like recipe you make, like going to the gym and like tracking all your fitness shit. Like it gets exhausting. And if nobody fucking likes it, maybe that's what I would do. I'd probably stop liking all of the posts because I'm sure you do, right?

Out of just like, oh, I'm going to be a good friend if I can like this. Maybe just stop liking them a bit. Maybe then she'll get the hint that way. Yeah, I really, oh, if you can, can you give us more information? Like send us the Instagram. Yeah. Also, what I do need is I also want to know, is this person, you know, she's always posting on social media.

Does she demand that you like her posts? We had a question like that, remember? Yeah. Like a long time ago. Like I want to know, I just want to know what the reverberating collateral damage is. Because, you know, I honestly don't, I don't see what the big deal is if it's just her Instagram. If she's like a normal person and she's still the same person when you're hanging

out, great. I mean, she did say she did a whole 180. I feel like there's a little bit more to it than just these posts, but… Well, she said she's trying to become famous. Yeah, which is… I mean, that hurts. That would be really… Well, I don't know.

Everybody wants to be famous. Listen, fame has been attractive to so many people. I don't know if we can just fault her for it. No, I know, but like… Look at the Bachelor franchise. I know, but all those people are such sad individuals. You know, like you don't want to be friends with those people who are so fame hungry. Okay, here's the thing.

And we'll do anything for it. Here's, I don't follow the Bachelor franchise. Neither do I. But many people listening do. And I, what I will say is that there has to be a reason it's become such a phenomenon. It has, it has definitely caught on with something inside our culture. And I think a lot of what they're doing is laughing at those people, right? Like a lot of those people, you're not watching me like, I would love to be that girl who

just got dumped 18 times. You're doing it because you're also sort of hate watching it as well. Yes and no. I do think that there are some people who get a lot of fascination out of the dynamics and the politics and the, I don't know, strategy. It is a little bit of gameplay. Not a little bit. It's a lot of gameplay.

So there's part of that too. But, you know, there are many, many bachelor – what do you – are they contestants? Yeah, I think so. Like, what is the word for them? Contestants? That is so weird. But bachelor possibles? Anyway, it's a dude and then, like, 20 women, right?

Yes. Many of those women are there not because they really want that dude, but they want, you know, to last six weeks to build enough of a profile. And many of them have. So a lot of them who've been kicked off after whatever, three weeks, have still made enough of an impression where then their Instagram followers get jacked up and now they don't have to work a conventional job. They have brand partnerships that pay them like, you know, each post is whatever, $100,000. And now they're living their life. To me, in a way, in this era of new media and reimagining what work is, I can't knock that.

I can't knock that. I don't want to be friends with that, right? So that's the difference. Like, I get what you're saying. You wouldn't want to be friends with somebody who's like, here's my plan. I don't want that, dude, but I'm going to go on because I need to raise awareness for this thing that I do. Raise awareness? Raise awareness for what?

Are you talking about breast cancer or raise awareness for a fucking new legging? Pimp out my new legging or whatever. So I'm going to go on and like raise awareness for my name. Yeah. Right? So I'm going to hold my… It's not philanthropy what they're doing. Just FYI.

Sure. My goal is to make it five weeks. And if I can get to that five-week point and get people to like either remember me, I'm out, and then that is like that is part of my business plan. I don't know. Is that horrible? Again, I don't particularly think I would want to be friends with that person. I feel very strongly about that.

Like, it's the same thing with, like, Lauren Conrad. She probably went on the hills and was like, oh, if I stick with this long enough, I'll be something. And she was. I still think that's kind of – I don't know. I'm not – I'm – that doesn't intrigue me to want to, like, continue a friendship with someone. I'd be like, oh, you're weird.

That's weird that that is your fucking game plan. I don't like that. That sounds fucking weird. You sound weird. I don't want to be your friend. So that's my take. So to O, essentially look at your friend as a contestant on The Bachelor. Yeah. Do you watch the show? You know, and if you do watch the show, then maybe it's a little hypocritical for you to be hating on her because you are there for the show. You're watching the show. You've made the show what it is. But if you, you know,

if you, if you can see it that way, maybe, I don't know, if you're more laney and you can appreciate a certain kind of hustle, then maybe try and accept it. If you're more Sasha, then, yeah, find a way to support the other sides of her and see if you can address it that way. Yeah. And then not to be super Sesame Street, but also it would be probably in your best interest to, like, not get sucked in on the negative side of things and, like, maybe just stop eye-rolling and talking about that stuff with your other group of friends.

Okay. I mean, you've had your shits and giggles. You got that out of your system. Stop doing that because that means you're kind of a shit friend too if you carry that on for too long Okay. Okay next question Okay, so next question my situation is long and complicated but here is the sparks notes version I've been dating a guy on and off for three and a half years every time we were off it was because of him He needs to find himself has anxiety issues has physical and mental issues

Whenever we go through an off phase he would do so by ghosting me sometimes for a week or two sometimes for months at a time. My therapist told me this was emotional abuse. During the longer periods that he would ghost me, I tried to move on and date other people. However, I always thought of him and knew that we would start talking again and fall back into the same cycle. I thought this time we were on track and we were really working towards a healthy relationship. Last week I found out on Instagram that he went to the Olympics with his ex-GF and her family when he told me he was on a work trip in Toronto. I was devastated and hurt that he would lie to my face. I never thought he would betray me in that way. I knew he was capable of ghosting but not lying. I found out

other things he lied about and I found myself questioning everything he's ever told me. I take blame in the cycle as I always went back to him and I'm working with my therapist on why I'm doing that. In the meantime, I have taken to ghosting him. I've not responded to his limited texts and calls and I am unsure if he knows why I'm not responding. Part of me feels bad for ghosting him because I know how much it hurts, but I also don't want to see him because I'm not sure I can handle his explanations, which could be more lies. My friends are telling me I should talk to him for closure and others are saying I should ghost him and make him feel what I felt.

So should I have that breakup conversation with him face to face or protect my fragile little heart from more lies, ghost him and really cut him out of my life this time or as a compromise, send him a goodbye email. Thanks, fragile little heart. Okay. Ghost or not ghost? To ghost or not to ghost. I think you have to be a certain person to ghost and stick with the ghost.

You know, I can't do that. I always think that I'm the person who can be like, I'm fucking deleting his like phone number from my phone and like I'm just going to like vanish. I can never do that. It's such a good idea, but I cannot put it and actually stick with it. So I think you have to first figure out what type of person you are. Because for me, what would cut it off was if I could say it in someone's face. Like, if I can end it and look at your face, then I couldn't bring myself to look at your face again.

But ghosting for me is so easy to turn back on. Like, I would be like, I can ghost you, but then I'll write you again and tell you how fucking mad I am. For me, that wouldn't work. So I think you have to figure out what kind of breakup personality you are. I mean, I feel like you would ghost and you would stick to ghosting forever. Me? You would disappear. Fuck yeah.

See? Yeah. Yeah. But here's why in this case I think ghosting is the way. Not because it's my way. And remember, you have a therapist, so I would trust your therapist before you trust us. Yeah. Your therapist knows you better. Put it that way. The reason why is because given from the information that we have from her, he has always had the upper hand. He's better at this. 100%. than she is. And so what has happened is that he has successfully manipulated her throughout the

course of three and a half years. And she's bought into lies. She's given in. She's, as she said, she's taken part in the cycle. And so my concern is if she goes to him for closure, I don't know if she has yet, because she's working on it with her therapist, she has yet the tools to go head to head with this guy. Me? Sure. But I have no skin in this game, right? So I feel like my personality, I would be able to go head to head with this guy and get the closure and be like, you fucking dick. Get your shit together. Goodbye. My worry about her is the way she sounds right now. She's like, I don't know if I can handle his lies. I'm still thinking about him. Being in his orbit again, I don't want her to get sucked back.

I guess I should have prefaced that by saying once you're strong enough, right? Because it doesn't really matter. She could, the ghosting won't work, nor will the face-to-face until she's actually set in the path of what she wants to do. So yes, of course, 100%. Sorry, I should have said that. When you are, when you figured how you actually feel about this and how you are able to like get over him and have those tools, then yeah, make the decision.

For me, again, I feel like it would be more empowering for me to do it face-to-face because I guess I'm weak because I think that the pretend ghosting wouldn't be enough closure for me. And some people need that closure. So to our little, frail little heart or whatever she signed her name. Fragile little heart. Fragile little heart. Like, talk that through with your therapist.

What would feel good to you? What would put that kind of end game on for you? And then decide, right? Like, as you said, like, we have no fucking skin in the game, so we can say what we'd want to do, but she needs to figure out what actually would feel good for her. And so, yeah, like, I would take it from there. And you might discover, because right now I think your priority in therapy is figuring out you.

As you said, you participated in this cycle. You allowed yourself to be treated this way, and clearly you and your therapist are working out why and how to change that and make that a behavioral change that can stick so that in your next relationship this doesn't happen to you and this isn't what you'll allow. That said, in the course of that progress, you might find that you don't actually give a shit anymore. Yeah. And sometimes, I think, look, the way I am in my personality, I get over things very

quickly. Jacek and I just talked about this last night, like when a day doesn't go well or like, I don't know, we take a loss or a win or whatever, I can quickly move on. That's amazing. There's a downside to it, but there's also an upside to it. I think she could stand to use a little bit of that. Yeah. And when you have more of that, what happens is that when you stop caring, you actually

stop needing the closure. The closure here, I think, is understanding yourself and why you participated in this cycle. Once you have that, you may not give a shit about him and explaining things to him anymore. But that's closure in itself, right? When you've figured out how to close the circle on that, then it's done. Yeah. And so whatever happens after that is a formality.

So I think we agree. Until you do that, no contact, no email, nothing. And also, yeah, maybe take the pressure off like what you need to do to end it. Because as we just said, it will end naturally with the feelings that end up just being like, no, don't want that. Well, yeah. And so that will come. So maybe stop kind of, like, panicking about email, phone, face-to-face.

Don't do anything at all. Like, just do the work that you're doing right now because that is the real shit. That's the stuff that actually really matters. Yeah. But you know what? And here's what… My final point. Here's why I know you're not ready to do this face-to-face with this person or why

I think, not know, is because you can't even true ghost this person. Like, you know what a true ghost is? Is like a block. Yeah. Delete the contact so that you're not even getting these texts. Because she said that she's, like, she's getting limited texts and calls from him. You shouldn't be getting any texts and any calls. Yeah.

Like, it should be… Vamos. Evaporated. Yeah. So, anyway, my thing is no contact, do not go near. I totally agree. No go zone. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Last question. Okay, ready? Mm-hmm. I never thought the day would come that I would write in, but have found myself in a situation that I could use some advice. I'm in my early 30s and single, and the majority of my close friends are all married with children.

I've been friends with this guy, we'll call him Aaron, for quite a while, and I'd say over the past year and a half, we've naturally become closer friends, spending a lot more time together, going to movies, dinner, shopping, walks, etc. He's far from what I would put on paper as my type, and I've honestly never been super attracted to him, but here's the deal. I've been single for quite a while and we recently took a trip together for New Year's Eve to visit some mutual married friends. We had a great time, drank too much, and I found myself just wanting to make out with

him the whole time. Nothing physical actually happened and since we've been back, I can't stop thinking about it. We continue to talk every day and when I'm not with him, I'm thinking about when we get to hang next. But then when I am with him, I'm thinking, am I really attracted to you or have I just been single for so long that I'm wanting to scratch that itch? He's a great guy, really sincere, so funny, makes me laugh, and I'm so thankful for

him in my life. I'm just kind of stuck on what I need to do. I don't want to lead him on if I'm just really lonely, but I don't want to pass it up if there might be something there. Do you have any advice on how I can figure this relationship out? This one's an easy one for me. This is Jay. Okay, go. Like, when you were drunk, you looked at him and you were like, I'm horny and I want to get on top of that. And then ever since then, even when you weren't drunk, you looked at him and you're like, hey, he makes me horny and I want to ride that. To me, that's like primitive. of get on it and ride it. But how about dating?

She's just not writing in about fucking the dude. She's like, do I want to be with this dude? He's interesting. Or am I like selling myself short because I'm, seemingly when she's sober, she doesn't really want to fuck him. How is she selling herself short when she just talked about how nice he is and they go for walks? Hey, listen, right.

But what's the end? Didn't she say, am I settling? She said, I don't want to lead him on if I'm just really lonely, but I don't want to pass it up if there might be something there. That's what she said. She doesn't know. Like, I think you're caught in this spin of, I mean, even if you met someone brand new, the first spark is, do I want to fuck him?

Yes. Like, before anybody, before anything else. Right, it's a prerequisite. So what you have is, you even have an answer to, like, what comes after, do I want to fuck him? You know this guy is nice. You know this guy is, like, generous and sweet. So now the other part has clicked in.

You're like, oh, I do want to fuck him. What is the problem? Oh my God. You're missing the big point. Haven't you ever been with someone who you're like, oh my God, you're funny. You're nice. You're not really. I don't know why I'm not this.

But when you're drunk, you're like, oh, yeah, I'm going to fucking jump his bones. But again, in the daylight of sober thinking, you're like, I still don't know if I'm sold on him yet. I know she has said, ever since we've been back, I can't stop thinking about it. Like, hold on. But then doesn't she say like. She says, when I'm with him, I'm thinking, I am really, am I really attracted to you? She's horny.

Yes. And we've got that. We've got that one. He's hitting that. But I think she's wondering, hey, is Aaron my dude? I'm in my early 30s and single. Do I need to fucking lock this one down or am I supposed to wait? Is kind of her question.

I'm not seeing it that way. Really? Yeah. That's what I'm getting. I'm seeing it as she's overthinking it. Look, I think I'm being… I'm thinking, am I really attracted to you or have I just been single for so long that I'm just wanting to scratch that itch? Don't you see that that's what she's contemplating? She's like, am I horny or am I really horny?

I think that she's overthinking it. That's the thing. That's my problem here. Well, don't you think that's part of the problem? if you're overthinking all of these things that he apparently checks off the box, then maybe you're trying to talk yourself into something that might not be the right thing. See, I think when you're overthinking something, you just are trying to make it more complicated and she'll overthink everybody and everything. Oh my God. I know. I don't know now, but because I need more

details because I want to know if she in the daylight is still down with his cause, not just his dick but down to be with him because she's clearly she said she's 30 she's single she's I mean I'm I gauge from this that she wants to be in a relationship sometime in the near future yeah and she's looking at this guy Aaron to be like are you uh like a contestant in my life yeah and I think she's grappling over this because I sometimes that weird unknown chemistry thing just isn't there you know like you can have everything there and then you're like but it's just not working. That's what I'm getting. That is my spidey sense of this. I feel like she's trying to make something work because all the pieces are there. Yeah. But in actuality,

there's something that's fucking not clicking a hundred percent. I don't know. Like, I feel like if she's always looking at him now when she's sober and she's like, oh, in a way that she didn't look at him before, I'm like, yeah, let's jam. I mean, TBD, I feel like this is still to be decided. Like, I think you should still fuck him a few more times and date him. She hasn't fucked him yet. What? She said she fucked him. No, they didn't make out. Oh, they didn't do anything physical. Exactly. Oh, she wants to fuck him. Oh, then of course, fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him. Yes. Jesus. Sorry. Pardon me.

Yeah. Fuck the dude. Fuck the dude. Exactly. See? Like that curiosity is planted there and she can't get rid of it. And so I'd be, I'd be on your side if they already fucked. And she's like, oh, I don't know. Okay. But They haven't fucked. And she's always thinking about it. Yes. What's the problem? Hungry girl's got to eat.

Yes. You got to fucking chow down on that shit. Go get it. Yes. Okay. Go get the D. You know, figure it out later. But, you know.

You'll know if it's there after you've had sex. Yeah. Yeah. Do it. Okay, great. Sorry. That was an easy one. Yeah.

Have fun. Go fuck. Jay, go fuck. Give us an update. Yes. And everybody else out there, you know, if you want, give us your update. Totally. Your situation too.

Yes. And keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And check us out on Spotify, iTunes, Google Play. Leave your comments. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye.

We'll be right back.