What's Your Drama - BTS Fever & a Destination Date with a Stranger

Episode Date: January 30, 2020

This week we open with Lainey's BTS obsession and if I had an unsubscribe button to her texting me about it all day, I would be hitting it. Then your drama: meeting a date in a different area code, what is and what isn’t fashion cultural appropriation, and we finish with a listener trying to save a friendship that seems doomed. We hope you enjoy the show and want you to send me all your DRAMA! So keep your advice questions coming my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you to be sure to send us feedback on on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Your dog just let one rip on me too. This is a pleasant fucking time here, folks. Fucking dying of heat and I have fucking dog poo all over me. Okay, go on. Sorry. Hi, this is Lainey. Hi, this is Sasha. This is What's Your Drama?

How are you doing today? I'm okay. Don't pretend. What? Listen, whenever I see you in the hallways at work and you skip to me or smile, at me. I know we've talked about this before. It's very jarring because you're never nice to me at work. I'm not nice to anybody. Yeah, but it's weird, again, that when I see you, a friend, you're not nice to me. So when you do that, I know something's up and you're still riding high

of your crushes. You have a new crush now. I told you I would get over my old. You're a fickle hoe. I know. For sure. I told you I would. And it's because BTS performed at the Grammys. Yes. And I'm typically a Jungkook groupie. But things have changed.

Well, I still love JK, but Taehyung, aka V, was so hot that night with his bandana. Anyway, I, yes, I have been terrorizing all my friends. I text all of you videos. Yes. I talk to you. I think this one's now different than the last one. This is more of like, what's the feeling of this one, though? The same as the last guy that we were not allowed to name?

No, I think this is a little bit more intense. Okay, great. Because the last guy is, I mean, I don't know why I was into it. No, I do. He was just pure looks. Yes. But JK and Taehyung can, like, groove. They can dance.

Can you give me that? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I've always said Asian people can really fucking bust a move. So I'm into that. They, their choreography, they can dance and they just have swagger. They really do. They really do. And they have great style.

Yes. And they have a, well, in particular BTS, they've been able to marry the East and the West. Like they haven't given up the Asian style sensibility with the hair, the makeup, the beauty. But. I know Corey was watching the Grammys. He's like, are they all wearing lipstick?

And I was like, yes, they are. Move on. Like, let's keep going because this is. That's right. Culturally, it's totally great. Yeah. From like in the East. It's amazing.

And they care about their poor size. Totally. They care about. They're basically you. This is what I keep on saying. Whenever you share these things with me, I'm like, you basically just want to make love to a male version of you. I do not.

But anyway. And so they, they, they still, they haven't given up their, like they haven't given up their Asian identity. Yeah. They've just married certain elements of, like, Western, like, style without it being gross, right? Into this, whatever the BTS aesthetic is. So there's, like, I don't know, a swagger there.

There's, like, I don't know. I just, I think they're so sexy. And then V, Taehyung that night with his bandana and, like, his body roll and his hair flopping. I'm a sucker, as you know, for floppy hair on a guy. yes um also i just i listen and the honest truth is when yasik and i met he sort of had a boy band look like a yes he did he had frosted tips oh god he was please so hot that pic have you ever shown you showed this another frosted tip picture of him this weekend to me i showed it to you i haven't i and that's what he looked like when we met totally he looked like he doesn't look like

that anymore. Which is good. I know that you were hot for it back then, but like it wouldn't play right now. No, I'm not expecting him to look like a boy bander now. He's got floppy hair right now. What are you talking about? He's got really good hair right now. Finally. He hasn't had good hair in a long time. I would say a decade plus. More. Can we just, a decade plus? Like a really long time. But, you know, he had really great bone structure and a defined jaw and cheekbones. Oh, we're talking about when Yassik was good looking. So now he no longer has cheekbones or a jawline. I'm just saying that like, you know.

Oh, Yassik, I'm so sorry. His jaw isn't, like his jaw isn't as defined. Okay. How about that? He's 45 for fuck's sake. He's saying he's 45 for, well, what age am I? I still have a jawline. Anyway, so to go back to my.

I have a 25-year-old you picture on my desk, and you look a lot better. She looks pretty good now, though, I got to say. Better at 25. You don't have a microphone. You don't have a mic. And I already got a lot of mail saying that they don't want you to have a mic. Thank you. Jesus.

That actually ended up being the poll that was taken through our podcast, and I got a lot more mail saying no. Anyway, so they're just so pretty and sexy. They are so pretty. and I'm super into JK and Taeyang together. Yes, I know you are. So that is, anyway, I talk to you and all my friends about it all the time.

You were a bitch and didn't want to kill me. No, I just didn't have the time to watch a seven minute video of beautiful men cuddling. I just didn't have the time and you kept on texting me. I don't know why that would be a no thank you for you. It just felt like I was on my way to work and then you never like send me text after text. You're like, don't ignore me.

Where are you? I was like, I am driving a motor vehicle. I will get to your seven minute fucking like weirdo video in a second. But can we go from east to west? And I want to talk about Justin Bieber. Okay. Did you, A, have you watched any of his documentary? B, did you watch him on Ellen today?

We're taping this on Tuesday. I haven't. My whole life has been taken over by BTS. I was supposed to fucking finish Cheer. So I'm going to finish Cheer first because I desperately want to know what happens at Daytona, obviously. And then I'm going to watch, one episode's been released. Right?

There's four episodes released. You can only watch one because the other ones are on like premium, which I don't know what that is, but I guess that means you have to be some sort of YouTube member. But he was on Ellen today. Again, we're taping this Tuesday, so go back if you want to watch it and missed it. I think he's hot again. Oh, God. Listen, you and I have always agreed that he's hot, but he just like…

There was a dip. No, no. He always has had the elements of hotness. Yes. It's just he either camouflaged it or spoiled it. Yes. Oh, he's hot. Yeah.

He has great bone structure. Like, really good face. Really good face. Yes. And just looks really good. I hate everything from the neck down in terms of style, but the face is great. Great. The mustache, working.

It's fine for me. Totally fine. Okay. So I'm going to say, you know why? It's because your Mary has a mustache. That's right. But also, Corey is a little bit that. No, no.

Corey is not Justin Bieber. This is not. Listen. We are nicknamed. People's nickname for Corey is Vetus. Because he looks like a baby. Right. So, yes.

But Justin Bieber doesn't look like a baby. Listen. He has babyish features. Okay, fine. I don't even know why I'm taking this as like an insult. Great. Corey loves Justin Bieber. Yeah.

Corey has really beautiful, delicate features. They're not delicate. He has very big features. He's got big eyes. Well, he's got small lips. No, he's got a very nice, sharp nose. He does have a really good nose. A really good nose.

If I ever procreated, I would want him to, I would want our child to have his nose. He's got a perfect nose. Let's go back to Justin Bieber. I don't care about Corey. Justin Bieber. Yes. So I just, I feel like there's now going to be a wave of excitement now for Justin Bieber for me because Purpose, when you see all these like back.

I'll say you dress like him. Yes, I do. We've already gone through that. I look like a Drew model. I'm just really excited. I'm excited because I saw Manel in it and I was like, oh, I'm excited to see what like the concert's going to be like. I'm excited again for the revival of Justin Bieber.

I hope that he remains stable. The only problem is that I don't like the first two songs. I've only heard Yummy. Yummy is fine, but it's not a banger. No. What's the other one? Get Me. Oh, I haven't heard that yet.

And it just dropped, and it's also not great. That's a bummer. The thing with Purpose is that it was a great album. It was a great album. And he looked really hot in the Purpose era. Really peak hotness. Really good. Yep.

And so all of that is there except the music or at least these two songs seem to be pretty flat. Yeah. There's something… Anyway, I was curious for you to watch Ellen and we'll pick this up a later date when you watch it because there's something still off. Like you can tell that he's very… Like he's nervous.

He's nervous. He's unsure of himself. He's not like the same kind of boisterous like lively person. It was weird. It was a weird interview. So I'd like you to watch it. Well, I mean he has been saying that he's been through a lot. Oh, yeah.

And he's reassessing who he is, like, who… You know, think about how fucking weird it is, though. Like, we always say, when you become famous at the age that he became famous, when your identity hasn't been locked in yet, and then you have literally millions of people caring about you, loving you, wanting to marry you, watching you, it warps whoever you were meant to be, but it… Oh, my God. Of course it does.

And it stunts you like nobody's business. Yeah. Yeah. So the whole question is, who was I meant to be? Like, who would I have been? Yeah. Yeah. And then, but that's still a big unknown because who you're meant to be is determined by your environment. And when you live a relatively fame-free life, then your environment is what? School, your neighborhood, your friends, your communities, experiences. He doesn't have that, but then it gets shaped by like, I don't know, going to fucking Grammys when you're 16 years old

and being friends with fucking Usher and whatever. It's so fucking weird. I know. Like, I don't know. It must be so bizarre to ask yourself, who am I? Especially when you're still surrounded by those same people, too. Anyway, I hope that I can unlock this premium shit because I want to watch the rest of it to see if it's actually interesting.

Well, how do you unlock it? I don't know. I'm not… But you have to, like, sign up for some fan club. Yeah, and so I'm not… Or, like, you have to put your email on YouTube. So, no. I've already signed up to be a BTS fan club member.

Are you going to their concert then? How diehard are you if you don't even have a fucking ticket to their show? Well, nobody has a ticket yet. Well, are you going to get a ticket? Well, bitch, this is what you have to do. You have to sign up to be a member of the fan club. Then the fan club members get to buy tickets two days before the regular public. But you're still not guaranteed because there's too many fans.

So that's the first step. I might not be guaranteed to get a ticket with the fan club. Then I'm going to have to hustle it with Ticketmaster. Which you love. You like waiting for it. I don't like ticket stress. I don't. I know, but you're good at it.

Then if I don't get it through Ticketmaster, I don't know what I'm going to do. Who will go with you to BTS, just out of curiosity? You. Let's go into other people's drama. You fucking are. No way. The tickets would be like crazy expensive too. No.

Well, I'll treat you. No. They're not going to be crazy expensive. They wouldn't do that to their fans, okay? Okay. Okay. Oh my God. All right, first question.

You ready? Yes. Oh, good. She's in a good mood. We're lucky, folks. Lainey and Sasha, I need your help. I matched with a guy on Raya, sadly not Channing, last month, and we really hit it off. He's a writer in LA, crazy hot, and from our back and forth, he's also super funny.

Almost seems too good to be true, but I'm trying not to be jaded. I live in Montreal, and so we plan to meet in New Orleans for a weekend for our first date. I'm fucking so nervous, but haven't had sex in over a year, and I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't see a dick soon. I'm no I really like her yes she's actually already reminding me of someone that we know I've never done anything like this so as you can imagine I'm freaking out but here's where I need your advice we are figuring out accommodation right now and he hasn't said anything yet but

I think he's getting us one hotel room is that crazy well I want my own space do I want to wake up next to him for three days in a row that seems vulnerable doesn't it is that too close for comfort with a stranger help me w this is eerie because our friend i can't say her name a yeah um had like literally this i don't i feel like they almost went to new orleans so is new orleans the hot spot for raya i have no idea okay but i can't remember did she get her own room no even though i put so this is great because i have experience with this uh situation i pushed for her so badly to get her own room. Yeah.

She did not. Of course she didn't. And I don't want to say to our writer that it's going to end bad. Hers did not end well. But before we get into like security of it, you know, like the safety portion of this, I would like to say that my mind just goes straight

to your favorite topic, which is shitting. In no way could I be with someone new and share a fucking hotel room, which only typically has one fucking bathroom and feel okay with that decision. No way, no how can I poo in front of a fucking stranger. Unless that shit is like airtight, no one can hear anything, that would cause me so much anxiety that I would automatically never enjoy the person I was with. Unless that fucking like bathroom is an edit suite and it's like…

And has like a turbo fan. It's not like… Yeah. So you can do your due diligence. I don't, like, but I guess you would have to go to the lobby bathroom to take a dump. So you're going to always say, oh, I got to fucking pop out to the lobby? Yeah. No, no.

I'm saying, like, it would be impossible. So I agree with you. I think that… For that alone. Yeah. Especially when it's your first meeting with somebody. If finances aren't a problem, I would go, like, I would book yourself a room. And listen, this is whatever, like, the Murphy's Law thing.

If you book your own room, then, hey, it's going to go great and you won't need it and you'll eat like whatever, a few hundred bucks. But, hey, the bonus is you're getting like fucking jacked nicely. Yeah. And a hot guy who makes you laugh. And then you get to take a shit in another fucking room. Great. Amazing.

I also, and plus, and this is what I was trying like with our friend A, was really hammering home the point of safety was the next thing. It was poo, then it was safety. Of course. Because that shit's crazy. You're still meeting a fucking stranger and I just think that it's always safe to have a fucking backup plan, which is what you were saying. Like, you'll end up probably staying in the same room the whole time anyway.

But for safety reasons and just like, just like peace of mind, have another fucking place to escape to. I agree. Because our friend A would have, if she hadn't had another, if she had another room, would have gone there and probably would not have seen him again. But it was fucking awkward as fuck that she had to wake up with him for three, I think four days and not even like the dude, which is heinous. I'm trying to picture…

Have you ever done that? Gone, traveled somewhere to meet someone or like go on a date with someone that you didn't know that was not in your area code? Yeah. Oh, you have? Like when I was in my early 20s, for sure. Okay. Like you would travel somewhere.

Yeah. But I had backup. Like I didn't… I had friends there. Right. And I was staying with those friends. Okay. It wasn't like this.

Right. But this is really interesting. Like you and I haven't been single in this era. Yeah. And we've talked about sometimes how we feel ripped off. Like I would have wanted this dilemma. This is an exciting dilemma. Absolutely.

Like when you meet someone online and they're awesome and sexy and you want to fuck them so bad and you decide to like meet in the middle or go to like a glamorous city. So you get a holiday, like a weekend holiday out of it. And it's a rom-com, right? Two strangers meeting in New Orleans, like discovering New Orleans together and eating great food and going to listen to great music. And then, I don't know, stumbling back into your hotel room where you have a safety room. Yes.

Booked. And then you fuck your brains out. Perfect. It's so good. Can we, we'll never have that. No. She did have it. What do you mean she did have it?

Sorry. he would like to say that we are describing his relationship you guys' relationship can you not talk to us for fuck's sake that is how it started but again it's not going to happen again

like it's over but also it's not the same because we work for the same company please do not talk to us anymore please cut all of this out too anyway so yeah

so get Sasha and I agree here get another room yeah like eat fucking garbage drive through weird shit just to

like save enough shekels to get the other room get the other room I don't think yeah exactly get the other room that's it do you think he'll be offended

I don't I could give two fucks if he was or not but why should he be offended she's there her body is there and her pussy came with her

so it's true true there I feel like we solved that one pretty quickly alright next one Sasha is the outfit her who wore it to the Grammys cultural appropriation see the link below

for pictures we'll obviously um put this in the post the initial post so you guys can look it up uh please know this is a genuine question from someone who loves clothes fashion and history I think she looks amazing I have several I have several items of vintage clothing from different cultures and hesitate to wear them because I don't want to be disrespectful to cultures they come from. Any advice or insight you might have would be helpful. Many thanks. Gently. Okay. So, I mean, this topic is always terrifying to me. Yep. So her war, why don't you just, why don't you describe what her war? Okay. So her war, like this, like psychedelic kind of inspired kimono. She has her hair up.

She's wearing, like, these kind of, like, fly rose-colored glasses. And, I mean, obviously, it's a nod to Japanese culture. Yeah. But without, like, she doesn't have white, like, white foundation on her face. Like, she's not trying to be a skisha. Yeah. She's not in a red lip. Mm-hmm.

She has maintained her own skin tone. Yep. There's no, like, chopsticks as well in her hair. It's actually a kimono that has been kind of repurposed into a dress, so there are hints of it, like a nod. Yes. A strong nod. Yeah.

But it isn't like… If you're not mistaking that it's not a kimono. No. It's a kimono. But I wouldn't say it's full-blown tradition. Yeah. Yeah. So where do you stand on this?

I kind of want you to start at all. In this particular case with her, given all the things that we've just said about how it's been styled and the makeup. I'm totally fine with how her has done it. I'm less fine with, for example, the way Katy Perry has done it in the past. Nicki Minaj. Yeah. Where Katy Perry went full on. It wasn't just inspiration. It was copying. It was like an actual, she was geisha. Yeah. That is, like, I'm less comfortable with. Yep.

Nowadays, like, you know, all of these conversations have evolved, right? Yeah. And will continue to evolve. Yeah. Yeah. I think the way her did it is… Legit. Legit.

That said, I'm not Japanese and neither are you. So I defer to someone who is of Japanese culture if they want to come and chime in and be like, no, actually, you two fucking bitches. Yeah. let me correct you, I stand to… an advanced stand to be corrected. Right. But let's say this was a cheongsam. Yep.

A Chinese garment, very… people should know, it's the high collar, then you've got the side buttons. The buttons, yeah. Say this was an equivalent of a cheongsam, and so her was wearing it that way, but with her hair exactly the same and no makeup that was, like, super Chinese, I'd also be fine with it. Yes. um and like we're seeing the and it's interesting because the trang sam is something that you're

seeing like sold in zara now it's something it's more and more i'm seeing it on like red carpets as well yeah and for me uh for me as like a half chinese person i find it i'm happy i'm like oh this is so great because they are such beautiful garments yeah um that it makes me sort of proud but it depends how it's done yeah um and that's kind of where i take this kind of like who what wear standpoint like who it is when i see someone like katie perry do anything like that i'm like fuck you so it's kind of like who is the person what are their intentions yeah what are they wearing so which is like like is it a fucking whole costume if it's a fucking costume then no but if you have these hints of like a hat tip to a culture then um i feel like that is in my opinion

a-okay and then it's um where where which is where the fuck are you getting this shit yeah and we um something that was like super eye-opening for me is i uh interviewed this really famous indigenous designer out of vancouver who's like featured in vogue his name's evan ducharme we were talking about cultural appropriation especially in indigenous culture and he was like listen fucking wear the shit but buy it from indigenous designers don't go to forever 21 and buy your fucking headpiece even or your headdress even though it's fucking crazy to wear a headdress around but if you're gonna do that buy it from indigenous designers yeah so if I feel like if you can like encompass that who what where when you go and pick something out of your closet

and have uh like kind of checklist that then I think you can go ahead and do that having said that I'm not a representation of all cultures so who the what the fuck do I know right also I think it's important to remember like when you wear a headdress as is, that's a ceremonial, that's a ceremonial piece of art that is specifically worn for certain occasions to represent like, you know, a spiritual theme, to represent a journey and a story. And so, you know, when you're putting it on a fashion magazine, it's a little bit different, right? It's for profit and it's used literally as a prop. The way her is styled, it's almost also a wrap dress. Sure. Yeah. There's a modernization to it. Her skin is showing from neck to just top of the cleavage, which wouldn't have been the case

if you were going to go full tradition and go to put it on as a costume. So this was, yeah, More of a knot, a garment that is inspired by. Yeah. And the belt, like it was, it's not like, like it's not a full obi. Is that what it's called, right? It's not a full obi. It is tied all around the waist as in wrapped around the waist, but it's not wrapped straight and flat.

Right. And it's not that white or the black, it's gold. That's right. So again, taking hints like this and nodding to, nodding to it as like an outfit rather than a costume, when Katy Perry does it, it's on stage, there are other Asian women around her all dressed as geishas and they're like playing this character and that's where it becomes squeaky. Yes.

But in this case, it's, yeah, it is very, to me, it's quite acceptable. Yeah. But again, to the original point, a Japanese person can weigh in, Japanese people can weigh in and let us know. But for the Cheonsam, and then they're selling it in Zara and all of that, like, I wouldn't love it if it was the Cheonsam, and then it's a Halloween costume, and you're doing your hair up, and you're holding a menu. Right.

Right, right, right. Right? That would make me crazy. Yes. It's so… Anyway, this is… That's why I, like, was saying that these questions sort of terrify me is because, A, you're gonna get a lot of influx of people's opinions which is great this is how it should

all unfold so we can understand but then but it gets murky because you're like on the one hand you're like um by by wearing other people's garments or like inspired by it's sort of normalizing um other cultures right it doesn't all have to be fucking white like yeah it's lovely to see people like as much as I think Nick Cannon's a fucking moron for wearing a turban at least it like normalizes it so that it's like when you see for like you know like hickey people they're like well nick cannon wore a turban i'm not scared of that fucking other person who's wearing a turban yeah um so there's that element of it i'm not sure if that really is true true true but but then i think about like gwen stefani when she wore a fucking bindi for most of her career like

she wore a bindi but it became popular so that when you did see someone who was traditionally wearing a bindi, you wouldn't be so put off because Gwen Stefani wore one. So it's like there is that. That's the ideal. I don't think that that's how it actually happened though. Totally. But there is an element of if, there is an element of that that could be a good thing, but it kind of never is.

No, it kind of never is. And Gwen Stefani is actually the best example of what not to do. Yeah. She did that. And I think she's walked it back, but yes, for sure. I think she needs to walk back. maybe she could walk i don't know she did the harajuku girls and made them sit on remember we had to like i've cut many an interview where yeah two japanese girls were on either side of her

quiet yeah and she also was in like some glamorous attire like that shit's fucked and she's never talked about that which would be interesting if someone actually called her on that well again and as you said in the ideal world you know with her with uh with uh gwen and the bindi yeah you would think that, hey, Gwen is opening up of these doors and that means that people will be more accepting of people from, like, you know, South Asian cultures, et cetera. But that's not the case, right? Like, the South people, Indian people were still, like, mocked and ridiculed, whereas Gwen was cool.

I know. That's a cool look on her. Yeah. So that's what's, that is what is jarring about it. But overall, like, I do think we have to take it on a case-by-case basis. I think case-by-case, for sure. This case for her, the artist at the Grammys and her look, I'm okay with it. But our writer is also like, I've got all this stuff in my closet.

Can I wear it? Yeah. And that's her. So I kind of want to see it. Like, is it exactly like what her is wearing? Meaning different cultures, but wearing it in the way that it's just a nod and not a full on fucking attire. Costume.

Yeah, exactly. And I guess that's the case by case, right? That's the case by case. And I guess that is just what our writer has to ask herself when she looks in the closet. Like, am I going out as a Halloween costume or do I have an element of a culture that's like… Yeah. Yeah.

Giving, as we've said a thousand times, a nod to it and respecting it in a way that doesn't feel OTT. Exactly. So let us know. Good luck. Well, send us some pictures of your… Exactly. Like, you should have fucking sent us some pictures of some of these outfits.

Send us some pictures or your Instagram pictures of you wearing these outfits or whatever. I think she's too afraid to do that yet. But yeah, send us some pictures so that we can give you some advice offline. Yep. All right. Last question. hi Sasha hi Lainey I have a weird problem that's been with me for a long time it's long and complicated but I'll try to keep it short I used to have three best friends I was roommates with

a couple of them they are a couple several years back we had disagreements to do with living arrangements then had a big passive-aggressive blowout about it and then didn't speak for a while I tried to reach out to talk a few times but it was but was ignored or rebuffed so I dropped it I also I also sent an email to apologize for my part in the fight but they never acknowledged that email either. It was tense and crappy for a month or so and then they moved out. Time went on and I noticed more and more that they and my other best friend were spending more and more time together. I tried not to pay attention and just to get on with my own life but social media can be a bitch and I would see a few pics or comments that they like. In the past I would

have been invited to any and all things they were doing together. No question I was part of the group but now I suddenly am in the dark. When I gently questioned the third friend I was told and this is a direct quote and I won't ever forget it, people are allowed to hang out with who they want. I felt like that one statement sidestepped the whole thing and made me feel about one inch tall. It extra sucks because I had initially introduced all of them to each other. I never meant for anyone to feel like they weren't allowed to be friends with who they want, but I was confused because in the past I was always included. It was like a breakup, but they got my other best friend. She told me that she wouldn't pick sides and she even helped me craft the apology email I

sent, but she has clearly been picking sides with her actions. Whenever she comes to town, she doesn't let me know anymore. She goes straight to them. If I hear about a visit, there's always some excuse as to why they didn't get a hold of me. If I asked to be included, I'm made welcome, but it hurts me that I have to push my way into a group of people that used to be my ride-or-die friends. And the vibe just isn't there anymore. What is wrong with me?

Am I being oversensitive? I've had other friends tell me I'm territorial. Maybe I am, but they never acknowledged any part of what caused the initial fight or took any ownership of their own shitty behavior. So I retreated. How much responsibility is theirs to fix a rift? How much is mine?

How can I let this go? Can I get over it? It feels like the same, it feels like the damage is done and it will never be the same again. Why do I even want to be friends with these people? Anyway, question, question. She's giving me a lot of questions. Maybe it shouldn't, but it really hurts.

Help. I feel like a crazy person. So she hasn't left her name. So what are your thoughts? Okay. I'm confused about what the fallout was. She doesn't express what it is. But it was roommate stuff.

Okay. So much so that they moved out. Yeah. So that's the thing, right? Like I can't say who's at fault and how much ownership people should take if I don't know what the issue is. All we have are the facts that she's given us, the limited facts, which is three of her friends have banded together and she's the odd person out.

Right? I will note, yes, and I will note that she had to craft an apology letter to them. So clearly something went down. Yeah, it probably wasn't too cute. And it was probably a bit of her fault. And I guess so without knowing, like, without knowing exactly what happened and what shots were fired, you can only control what you can control. And I feel like in situations like this, and I'm trying to like build up to this, right?

Because I know that maybe you're not going to want to hear this. T is their name? She didn't leave one, but sure, let's give her her initial T. I don't think you're going to want to hear this, but in these cases, if you want to make amends the the only attitude to go in with is full remorse not shouldn't they apologize too when you're sorry you're completely sorry yes there's not a condition to it there's like you can't be like well I'll be sorry but only if you're sorry too like I don't think that it works that way but how about if she sent the sorry just to smooth things over still does that does that

rule apply? Like if you're going to extend the sorry, whether you're guilty or not really all that guilty, do you have to suck up the sorry? I don't know. Again, all of this is so vague. So this is just a generalization, right? So if you want to be sorry and you want to move forward, then all you can control is your part of it. And you have to let go of whatever expectations you have of other people and only have expectations for you. What can you live with? Can you, what you can live with is waking up after your genuine, authentic remorse and be like, okay, I was genuinely sorry.

I went in there to a situation and I listed all the ways that I was wrong. And that's it. Yeah. Like an actual apology and an actual remorseful, like a remorseful presentation. Yeah. And then whatever happens, happens for whatever reason. And sometimes you just have to kind of take the hint, right? Like from what we know, our writer has done what she can. She's apologized for her behavior. She sent a fucking email. She is remorseful, all these kind of things. But I don't, and this is where I am saying what you were saying, which is like,

I don't think you're going to want to hear this, which is I don't think they want to be friends. I don't think they want to be friends with you. For whatever reason, I think that could be shitty for you and maybe that's unfair, but they're clearly giving you the signs that they don't want to hang out. So I think you just take that fucking on the chin and as sad as that may be, you acknowledge the fact that you tried to extend the olive branch, they didn't take it, and the end. I think where it hurts the most is that your best friend has chosen to hang out with them more.

I think that is something that you can potentially save. And I think you go to your best friend without having any, like, you know, grudges and talk to her. Be like, I miss you. I want to be with you. What have I done? Like, shed some light on, like, what… am I missing anything? Have I done stuff that has, like, put people off and I'm just, like, not cognizant of

it? Like, I feel like if there's any relationship to salvage, that should be the one. And I think all that takes is a conversation, a phone call. Yeah, and again, I don't think that the expectation can be that she has to choose, but it doesn't mean that she can't keep everybody. Yeah. And that's lucky for her. She gets all the friends.

But again, this is your best friend. So with your best friend, you should be able to be like, hey, I understand if they don't want to be friends with me anymore. I get it. We can't fix the past, but you and I still have a thing. Yeah. And what can I do to maintain this friendship with you because I care a lot about you? Yeah. And I think then also do some work about the territorialism that your friends have flagged

your way before. Like that's really off-putting. Nobody really gets warm and cozy when there's someone who's territorial over your relationship or friendship. Yeah. Right. That's off-putting and like you just kind of just don't want to go there when someone is like aggressive that way. Yeah. So maybe that's a great way to talk to your best friend about like, is that the case like you got to work on some shit you know listen and i i'm i want i'm territorial i need to work on that that's where i was going right like i don't want to let you hang like flap around in the wind all on your own right here i want to i want you to know that i'm territorial about friends too like i don't like people coming in on my friends no but i also think

that there's a way to deal with it and probably maybe the way that you dealt with it wasn't like very healthy, but your feelings of territorialness are not unusual. Other people feel them too. Clearly Sasha and I do. Yeah. And when I do feel like that, and I think I've been like bitchy when I was like younger and I would cop attitude. Yeah. But now when I'm feeling territorial, I want to reach out to the person that is not as close with me so I can hang out more like I put in more I put in effort as opposed to eat shit you're a fucking cunt fucking like can I not be friends with you anymore it's like you don't know who I am anymore but I do you and I have you eat shit I eat shit like whatever you and I have this thing where we

are we are quite like what one of our flaws yeah is we're territorial not that we're territorial but we don't like new things. No, I'm not saying I reach out to new people. I'm saying, let's say you and I had like some ish and we weren't hanging out very much and like you were hanging out with other people. I would feel territorial and jealous. But in the past, I would have copped some attitude.

My point being now I would just be texting you to be like, let's hang out. Like I would try to get you back. Okay, got it. Okay, got it. Oh, great. I thought you were gonna, like you would reach out to the new person.

No, are you fucking kidding me? That would make me a psychotic person. That is why I was making that face. I was like, as fucking if you would. No, no, no, no, no. I'm talking about the other people as we've established. Stranger danger. I would reach out to you so that I can hang out with you more.

Got it. Okay. Because you and I are that way where we like our little thing and it's probably not good. No, it's not healthy. We have talked about this before. Jacek always says this about me, where I have stranger danger, for sure. Like, I… Legit.

I don't like anything new people-wise. My whole catchphrase in life is, I hate people. Yes, I know. That's not true entirely, but yes. So, yeah. So, the people I don't hate, you know, the few people who can tolerate me, I keep close and I don't like to share. Yes.

My best friend lives in Vancouver, Fiona. Yeah. Hi Fee. And she, um, and is she allowed to make other friends? Well, when I lived in Vancouver, we saw each other multiple times a week. So we do something at least once a weekend. She, I saw her almost every day. Cause we like her dog came over. We, her dog would come over all the time, like every day that was for seven years. So she'd have to come over in the morning, come over in the afternoon. We'd go for hikes three times a week in the, on the weekday. And then like a movie or dinner or whatever on the weekend. So there was a lot of contact. Then I

moved here for work. And so obviously it wasn't the same and we don't talk on the phone as often as we would like because schedules, time difference or whatever. So of course, like in the time that I've left, she's made new friends, which I love because I want her to have friends. Like she shouldn't just be there pining for me. Even though inside that's what you want, but okay. Yeah. Right? But in my mind, I'm like, they better not be her best friend. Yes, totally. I better have the still, like the card that says, a platinum card that says Fiona's best

friend. Right? Yes. That is how it works. But that's, I'm just saying to our, this person who's written in, these are natural, like, or unnatural, depending on how you see people like us. Like us. And I want you to know that you're not the only one who is like this.

But there's ways to navigate it in a healthy way. Correct. I'm not going to fucking start backstabbing Fiona's new friends or like be dicks to them. Right. Because she obviously likes them and I don't want anything to be weird. I just, you know, they should know that nothing can replace me. Yeah. Healthy.

Very healthy. Yeah. But it's never going to be overt aggression. No. So, yeah. Maybe to your point from minutes ago, take stock of this aggression that you have. Okay. I think that's it.

Yeah. Keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. Subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts, leave comments and reviews, tell us what you think. We came off as total dicks this week. Did we? Well, we basically told all of our friends to stay away from us or stay away from our friends.

Yeah. Well, fuck. I guess so. And we will be back next week. Bye. Bye.