What's Your Drama - Condo + Coffee = Trouble?

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

Welcome back to another episode of What's Your Drama!On today's show: We talk our favorite denim and once we're done talking about our latest haul we get into your drama. What to do when your friend goes MIA for a couple of days a week, how to deal with your husband texting his ex, and finally, what should you do when your friend is going through a mid-life crisis.We hope you enjoy the show and make sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you get your podcasts. And keep your advice questions coming my way at [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, what's your drama? Welcome to What's Your Drama. I'm Sasha. I'm Lainey. Hi. Here's my mini drama. Okay. Actually, listen.

I'm going to pretend it's a drama, but I actually don't give a shit. I feel like it's going to be really, really material. Go. So, you and I have been into mom jeans for like a good six to eight months at this point now, right? Years. Okay. Yeah.

Um, and well, no, like I feel like you've always been high waist, but the like hem has been getting wider and wider. Okay. Yeah. Oh, that's what you consider a mom jeans, a hem being wider? No. Yeah. I mean, the high waist has been for years, but it used to be high waist skinny.

Now it's getting wide leg. And now like, yeah, which is a fucking like, that is the, it's a look. It's, and I love it. You love it. I think it's so comfortable. I'm beyond caring. like I actually think it's quite flattering. I think it's so flattering. So I got these great pair of jeans from Aritzia that I fucking love that you saw the other day. They are so high.

They're about a 13 inch rise, which is like almost to your rib cage, which is perfect for me. And then they're wide leg and you feel like a cropped wide leg high waist, which is like check, check, check. They're so comfortable. I feel like a little skater girl. It makes me so happy. I feel like a Farrah Fawcett. A little half Asian Farrah Fawcett. Well, I didn't get the same pair from Aritzia as you, but I did get a pair of Levi's from Aritzia that I had to wait like four months for. The wedgies. They were out of the color. They just arrived. I haven't worn them yet. I'm obsessed with them. Like it's going to come out very soon. What color did you get? Just like a light wash. Okay. You just came over and because

We Got a Shipment from Citizen. Yes. More like mom jean style. I actually, mine are surpluses. Yes. So they're not tight, flattering. Anyway, the drama is that Jacek and a lot of guys hate mom jeans. They're repugnant to them.

Yeah. Yes. I went and showed Corey the ones that I was just telling you about. And I was like, these are awesome. I'm going to get them another shade. He was like, they look really ugly on you. And I was like, okay. Well, I think they…

And it's so hard to live with, like, a partner who should be your mirror and should tell you, like, well, you want the truth, but I'm also like, but they look so good. So it always makes me question, like, do I not have the right eyesight? No, that's not my drama. My drama is frustration that, like, why can't you have better sight, Jacek? Right. Like, mine is… It's his fault.

It's his fault. It's his problem. Yeah. It's his drama. Like, my drama is the fact that he, when he looks at it, can't appreciate. This looks fucking… Fucking great. Amazing.

Well, you just put on these amazing Citizen surplus jeans. Yes. And they've got like a little drop crotch. They're tapered at the bottom a bit. We should tell people what the actual… Sorry, it's some crinkling of some… By the way, this podcast is not sponsored by Citizen. No.

It should be. Again, it should be. We just want to share these pants with you. Yes. They're actually called Harrison. Yeah. They're a tapered pant. I got them in two colors.

One is laurel, so it's like olive-y, and the other is like a blue. A wash black. Isn't it black? It's like a light, like a gray black. Yeah. So good. So good. High waist, drop crotch, cropped, tapered.

I know. I wish I'd gotten them. Very, very unsexy, but super cool. And super comfortable. Yes. And high waist too, right? Were they a little bit high waist? Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, they're like surplus style, but look for the Harrison. I think the Harrison comes in straight denim too. It does. So anyway, my favorite citizens are Corys. Yep. They're like a slouchy drop crotch jean. Yeah.

But also a little mommy. Yeah. My favorite. Because they're high waist drop crotch. Yes. Which is even better. I just can't, I only have them in gray. I can't find them in like my preferred wash, which is like that light dark denim.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, summertime is coming. Yes. Mom jeans everywhere. Everywhere. Sorry, dudes.

Yeah. But if you haven't tried your mom jean yet and found your perfect fit, we are looking forward to you doing that. Yeah. And go to Citizens. Also, go to Aritzia because they have also a bunch of great, great, great, great styles. You guys, it, like, it's so, it'll make you so happy. It makes me so happy only because I find that it's given my wardrobe a totally brand new

spin on things that I can tuck into the high waist. Right. Because typically, like, sometimes if you have, like, a mid-rise, just, like, a tuck-in doesn't work as well. Or, like, your favorite little crop tank just looks so much better when you have a high waist. Oh, anyway, I'm in love. I'm in love.

You're really, like, doing the 70s. Like, I'm loving, like, every day I'm stopping you at work and I'm like, oh, my God, you look so great. And, well, I did the other day. You said that once. That high collar ruffle. Yeah, once. But I'll take that because that really doesn't happen very often.

So I'll take that once. But, yeah, I'm loving all the 70s sort of patterns and prints and ruffle and, yeah, wide leg high waist. For me, it's, like, the comfort. Yeah. It's so… There's something about freeing your ankles and freeing your calf muscles. Preach.

Yes. You know, like, I feel like we've been tormented by the skinny jean for so long. It's so true. High waist, low waist, whatever, that, like, our calf muscles have been, like… There's room now. Restricted. Yes. And my calves feel so free.

Me too. It's so nice. And I know that sounds silly, but I think if you're Asian and you have also been blessed with the Asian calf, you know that they're bigger, right? We have muscular calves and it is uncomfortable when you're in really, really tight skinny jeans. And I think if there are some Asian sisters listening to this, you understand that. So then to have a wide leg is just a bit of a game changer.

I mean, like the boots, I could barely zip up. Yeah. But I understood. I was like, yeah, it's your calves. Anyway, shall we get into everybody else's drama now that we have shared given all our insignificant drama? Yes. Let's get to it. Okay. First question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. This past August, I moved teams at work and instantly hit it off with one of my new coworkers. Let's call her M. I quickly took her under my wing and mentored her. Both of us constantly sharing ideas back and forth asking questions the whole lot our work friendship moved to a real life friendship as we began to text post um post shift and chat for hours while working from home hanging

out after work many times she's truly one of my best friends now um she's so supportive of me my relationship my career goals she makes me feel so confident loved and understood and i can share anything with her we get along so well and it's been a long time since i've ever had a friendship like this i still often pinch myself that i have her in my life so what's the drama she is impossible to get a hold of on our days off. We work Sunday through Thursday, so I can usually get a hold of her on Gchat at the beginning of the week,

and we are inseparable when we're in the office. But come Friday and Saturday, she's completely dead to the world. Never answers the phone, responds to texts, or even on social media. I totally get the need to use your days off as a time to run errands and have some me time, but not even shooting a response back to a text

or a day or two later. The most recent example, I confided her that I had a phone interview that I was super excited about. I texted her that I was nervous beforehand and then called her afterwards. No response from either. It also doesn't help that she's kind of the girl who never calls back when she says she will and cancels plans pretty easily.

This New Year's, I made plans to spend the day with her and my boyfriend, and I drove down an hour downtown to meet her at her apartment. She never answered my texts or phone calls to let her know I was on my way. I was literally banging on her door for 15 minutes, terrified something was wrong with her or she was hurt. We even stayed downtown for hours afterward, calling her often to make sure she was okay. When she finally came to, it turned out she had just gotten high the night before and was sleeping the whole time. She did eventually apologize and brought me a coffee to make up for it, but I'm so torn

if I should really make an effort with this friend who is so good to me, but she's also a bit of a flake. Or do I start to distance myself? Am I a stalker or am I asking too much of someone? Help. Okay. Okay. Well, listen, I have, I really don't like a flake.

I really, flakes really bother me. it's kind of like a bit of a deal breaker for me but I will say that I feel like this um our writer I she signed she signed herself stalker so we'll just call her stalker okay um I think stalker kind of needs to take the good with the bad this girl seems to be like a solid ass friend for five days out of the week um and then kind of drops off so I feel like she's been a solid friend during the work week, but then she like taps out for a couple of days. I just feel like that's not the worst case scenario when it comes to a friendship that you need to bounce out of. You now know the rhythm. She's there for you like 90% of the time and then two days off she needs

to tap out of the world. It's also a really good example of like boundary setting. Like this is someone who is there for you Sunday to Thursday and clearly she texts back on Sundays to Thursdays. Yeah. And they're super tight during work. And then she kind of needs Friday and Saturday to do her own shit. Like, I kind of, I'm into her. I actually don't think M is a flake. I think M is really good at setting the boundaries of what she needs. Like, should she articulate it and be like, Like, hey, Sunday to Thursday is great, but Fridays and Saturdays are me time. I mean, like, I don't know if we all have to be that specific and obvious. Well, she's saying it anyway with her non-activity.

Yeah, exactly. So, get the hint. So, I mean, that's how I'm reading this whole message. I'm not seeing anything alarming here. Like, sure, maybe she should just say no. Yeah. She should get better at saying no. but I think that at this point she's given enough signs that like stop asking yeah this is her

rhythm yeah right she taps out and also I would you know I just keep on focusing on that first paragraph that you wrote us which is like you have to pinch yourself at what a great friend she is she hasn't you know you've never found a friend like this she makes you feel confident support you can't make that whole list and then be like but should I ditch her because she doesn't answer for two days out of the week, it doesn't really make much sense to me. You're never going to have a really perfect friendship. It's never going to be without some flaws because everybody's flawed. No relationship is perfect.

But also, I mean, there hasn't been, like, an emergency situation yet, right? Like, hopefully there never will be. Like, I hope you don't test that where on a Friday and Saturday you're, like, 9-1-1. And, you know, I don't want to know if she would respond because I don't want that to happen to you. But sometimes you just kind of like, you know, listen, we all have deliberately not read a text, like left it unread. Yep.

Because whatever. I always try to, but then I get weak and then I just look at it again. I'm like, oh, fuck. They've seen it. They've seen me read it. Look, I don't even have… Like Instagram DMs. I don't even have the, on my phone, like, you know how an iPhone you can set to deliver

and you can remove the read? Like, I don't even have the read removed. Like, you know what? And I actually really appreciate that about you. Thank you. Why don't you? And I always sometimes think maybe I'm just never going to tell you that you have it because it's kind of the best way to call someone on it, right?

Like, you can't deny that you've seen it. Yeah. Why do you do that? If I don't want to read your text, I just won't open it. Like I can, surprisingly, I can resist the urge of like, oh, I wonder what Sasha wants to tell me. Just specifically for me? No, just for everybody.

Because here's the thing. I know that like we're not, there's a generation out there where they think calling someone is the most insulting thing ever. And listen, if you need me that bad, you can call me. Right. And you know I won't be mad. Yeah. Like, I'm never going to be mad at, like, someone being like, hey, I really need to

talk to you. So, like, you can call me. But if it's just a text, I'm like, yeah, I'll just read it when I want to read it. I know. But you do… Well, this is what I really do appreciate is you do read texts fairly quickly. And the fact that you allow people to see that… Because I would never let anybody…

I would never turn the read notification off. I just… You're one of… You and my mom are, like, the only people who have… And Yassic, too? Yassic's the same thing. Yeah. That's like a very, I would actually say that is like an indication of someone who

is very honest. Well, I just don't think I have, I have nothing to hide, like in that sense. But how about if you just look at it and you're like, oh, this is fucking annoying. I don't, like you don't have, you don't have the annoying buffer because as soon as you read it, how about if I'm like, how about not necessarily me, but anybody who's just like, Lainey, I need this. Or like, Lainey, this is my problem. Oh, like, and just like insignificant shit. Sometimes I really cannot deal with my friend's insignificant shit. What, like my shit?

No, no, no. But like in general, like sometimes you're like, oh, that person texted me. I love them, but I really just don't want to deal with their shit right now. Like I said, if I read it, you'll know I read it. I know. And, but there are, back to the point, is there have been times, I think, in everybody's life where you just deliberately don't open it. Yes. You see the person, you're like, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Right? Not happening. Yeah. And I think that this friend, Em, is like on Fridays and Saturdays, she's just like, I am shut down. Or maybe she has some weird secret shit that she's doing. Great. I'm curious to know about that.

But listen, if she is solid, again, as you said, Sunday to Thursday, and you haven't needed 911 yet, which I hope you never do, she is there for you. I think that this is a person who's clearly set boundaries. So, you know, hang out and do your shit Sunday to Thursday and, like, leave her alone on Friday and Saturday. Because, like, how many people get to see their friend five days out of the goddamn week? Exactly.

You need it. You also, stalker, need a two-day break, you know? So good luck with that. Unless it's something more serious, let us know. But right now, I'm not really seeing the drama. No, me neither. Yeah. Soccer, you have no drama.

Okay, next question. Dear Sasha and Lainey, I've been married to my husband for about two years. He is loving and we have a great relationship. I made the mistake one day of looking through his phone. I saw that for one particular ex, like clockwork, he texts her happy birthday every year. Based on their chat history, that's basically the only communication they have all year and they don't see each other in person. Great.

I want that to end now. I don't want this email to go any further. Totally. Spoiler alert. I feel like I know what you're going to say. The conversation is friendly and platonic. No big deal. But he dated her for six months, six years ago.

They don't have any mutual friends or work together. So I don't understand the need for him to keep in touch with her. I won't even call them friends. They literally text once a year. And she doesn't even text him on his birthday. Out of curiosity, I scrolled back to a few months before our wedding. He texted her randomly and suggested they meet up for coffee or catch up, which occurred friday night at 11 p.m she mentioned she'd recently purchased a condo and

he texted great to see you next time i need to come see your new place and future texts confirm he did end up going and sent a message at 1 a.m saying i just got home really nice place you bought at this point he didn't see at this point he hadn't seen her in over four years so why did he suddenly feel compelled to see her twice in such close proximity in the months before our wedding. Wait, can you just back up? Yeah. What was the twice? So they met for coffee at 11 PM on a Friday night. Yep. What was the second time? Then he went to go see her condo. Okay. Um, at this point he hadn't seen her in over four years. So why did he suddenly feel compelled to see her twice in close proximity in the months before our wedding? I wasn't aware of these meetups had even

occurred. He did text her after the wedding to tell her he was married. She said congrats and didn't she said congrats and didn't react the way someone would if they had hooked up recently so i didn't think anything happened after we were married he finally stopped texting her and i thought the matter was over or so i thought her birthday was yesterday and i just checked and the fucking happy birthday text has started up again it doesn't sound like they've seen each other since the condo visit i know this is petty drama over text i don't know if this is a cause for concern that he's reaching out to her again if the meetups pre-wedding meant anything but mostly i just don't understand the purpose of staying in touch with an ex when you're married especially

an insignificant ex love to hear your thoughts okay so he texts her once a year on her birthday then two just over two years ago before they got married he had seen her at this condo yeah so i mean at like 11 o'clock from 11 to 1 a.m which she didn't know about right i'm actually more impressed that he had the same phone for this long and that she was able to scroll back that far. But anyway. Okay. I don't feel good about this either.

I don't feel good about it either. Like, I, you know, I'm trying to think. You wanted to stop after the first paragraph. I, yeah. Like, my, I wish it wasn't a Friday night at 11. Okay. But keep in mind, this was like two and a half years ago when he was technically single. And he was a fiancé, but he wasn't married.

I'm just putting that out there if that makes a difference to you. And he was like, oh, hey, I've asked someone to marry me, but let me just call up this ex that I was with for six months. So on a Friday night at 11 o'clock for two hours. That is… I mean, if I were… Those are not reasonable hours of the day. You know what?

Fuck you. Because like… Fuck you. Where are you going with this? this podcast for i don't know how many years and like a guy might like look wrong at an instagram and you're like he's a fucking cheater and now this dude while he's engaged on a friday night at 11 o'clock goes for coffee and condo coffee and condo 11 p.m are we speaking the same language i just said 11 and 1 are not respectable hours of the day you stupid cow

can i write in for my drama my friend laney is a real cunt to me okay keep on going crotch okay go oh sorry what were you saying i don't know because i we're in agreement 11 11 to 1 is fucking nothing good happens between 11 and 1 on a Friday night with coffee and a condo. No. Coffee and a condo. This is a thing for me now. I might tell Duanna to write a show called Coffee and a Condo because I do not like it. It smells. No. It's not good. And I don't want to be laughing at our writer because this is serious. This is her life. So let me just dial it back. No, but I understand why in the back of her mind, and it can't be pushed to the back of her mind

anymore. Coffee and condo keeps coming up. Coffee, condo, happy birthday keeps coming up over and over again. I get it. It would be a thing I'd want to pick at too, right? I'd want to fucking pick that piece of thread and follow it to the end. What do we think? So here's, again, I'm just going on a gut instinct. It is not true or false or whatever. But I have a feeling that this guy probably hasn't done anything with this woman physically. Okay, you're scrunching up your nose. You think? I don't know.

Like, okay, continue. So I kind of wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he is just kind of, you know how those people, those what-if-ers, like they always had your heart. You don't really know why you broke up. Right. And you just sort of like, you just flirt with that past a little bit here and there.

I think everybody has done that before. And so maybe that's what he was doing. You know, he was like, I'm getting married. Do I want just this fucking, I'm going to do a little condo coffee. I'm going to do a condo coffee. Is that going to be anything? Maybe that'll be a sign that I don't marry this person or like whatever. What if my what if and what if and we live happily ever after.

Maybe he tried that before the wedding. Yep. That's the best case scenario. That's the best case scenario. And then since then, every year he just, you know, just throws out a happy birthday. Yeah. But if, let's say, those are the facts, how do you feel about that? I think that that is awesome.

Like, to me, that would be… You would be fine with that. Oh, my God, yeah. Like, he… Yeah, a few months before the wedding, he was like, I need to make sure. And he goes to see Coffee Condo. Yep. And by the end of the two hours, he's like, yep, I'm doing the right thing.

I, like, I'm going to get married. Right. And they have, like, a really nice talk. And she, like, almost confirms it for him. She's like, I'm really happy for you or whatever. Right. And now he has good feelings about her and on her birthday texts her and is just a nice guy about it.

Okay. So that could be it. Yeah. Totally. And you would be… That's above board to you. Yeah. I wish he told her.

Yeah. Jacek is making a skeptical face. Oh. He is the doubter here. He's like… Because this is the ideal romance novel situation. Yes. So what is…

She would not be that cool. See, so this is… I'm talking condo at 11 o'clock. Yeah, it's like you're saying, I, Lainey, would not be that cool. So this is where I'm going with that. I was interested to see you be so calm, cool, and collected with condo and coffee. That would be a no-fly zone for me. Like, I…

This person is not even a friend, right? Like, it would be one thing if they dated and they broke up amicably and they stayed friends. but like six months six years ago what the fuck are you doing texting her on her birthday every year well like why yeah again in that scenario the ideal scenario that you played out yeah i'm still not okay with it is my point right in that ideal scenario that you played out because we're trying to play this out he associates this person with oh here's somebody who like really helped me be sure in my decision and I have good feelings about this person. So it's like a thank you. Hi, happy birthday, you know, whatever. Listen, I can't believe the words that are coming out of

my own mouth, right? But I'm saying like I'm trying to, we're trying to like look for all the possibilities. Because we are untrusting, cynical assholes. This doesn't seem real to us. I don't know if, like, the other half of the world, which is light and positivity, love and light, those people, that's a possibility. Like, maybe there are unicorns out there. Maybe there is a guy out there who, like, did that. Just likes to say, happy birthday. Yeah, exactly. Okay.

You, again, our writer has to figure out, like… Who she is with. Who this guy is. Yeah. Is, would he even be capable of deception? Well, he did. Because, you know, I'm going, like, listen, my mind goes to dark places. Yeah.

And I think hers does too. She's kind of probably freaking out a bit, especially that she was triggered by the fucking happy birthday text that happened the other day. Do you confront him then? Yes. I think so. Yes. Because what are your other options?

These are the things that start to, like, pick at your relationship and then you start getting mad at them, but you can't tell them why you're mad at them. like just come out with either the truth which is hey yo I looked at your text and I'm not quite sure why you're still talking to this girl yeah or you can do like I have a really good method that I do with Corey if I like want to ask him something but I don't want to ask him directly I say that I've had a conversation with my friend about something and then I channel it through that so I'd be like oh my god like Barbara like told me that her like Bob was looking or Bob was like texting his ex-girlfriend like and I like are you cool with that would you like do you talk to

any of your exes like that's how I would bring it up I would just like funnel it through a lie yeah I would try to get truth and funnel it through a lie I like the investigative yeah like I would have to do something like that right because I think you have to bring up the fact that these texts exist yeah and that you've you you have to bring up the coffee and condo or maybe you go more direct like hey remember that girl you used to date do you guys still talk that's a I don't know. It's sort of random because they're, they dated six years ago for six months. I mean.

I just don't want to lead on to the fact that she. If you don't want to lead on to the fact that you snooped. Listen, it's got to be half lie, half whatever. Hey, I got a glimpse of your phone the other day. I saw on top of your text that you, like, that's so, like, whatever her name was at the top of your text list. Yeah. Like, do you guys still talk?

Yeah. And then he's going to be like, oh, I wished her happy birthday. Oh, like, are you guys friends? Yeah. Do it that way. I mean, like, figure out a way in. Yeah. I, you know, I'd like to, because I really need you to play out this scenario.

Yeah. Because we need, I think we need more. I need to, I need more on this guy's character. I know at the top of her letter she says that he's, like, this wonderful person. They have a great relationship. So, those things are, they just don't match up. Yeah. They just don't match up.

Well, it just, listen, when bells are going off whenever it's close to this person's birthday. Like if you have her birthday memorized, it's a weird thing. And it could just be an innocent happy birthday, but then I don't know. It would be fine if there was no history of coffee in condo. I really wouldn't have been bothered by this. Oh no, me neither. Like if there was no coffee in condo and it was literally he just writes to her once a year and he's like, oh, hey, happy birthday. Fine. But I don't know. I don't have Facebook. Does this shit come up on Facebook where like you follow or friend or whatever people and then… Yes, people put their birthdays on Facebook.

And then so could… You could be reminded that way. So on your phone, you have Facebook on your phone and does that like give you a notification? That I don't know. I'm not on Facebook, but I remember. So maybe that's what happens that on Facebook he's like, oh, Coffee and Condo's birthday and then he just like whips out his phone and shoots a quick text. We're giving him a lot of room here.

Yeah. There's a lot of slack here. I don't want to go super dark until… Yeah. Yeah. Until it's time to go super dark. Yeah. Okay.

Can you please, please, please let us know how you investigated this and we need a follow up. You need to tell him that you've seen the text in some way. Yeah. And you need to get some answers. Yeah. Because we obviously can't give you the answers because we don't know what the fuck happened and nor do you.

But we can confirm that it feels like a little bit weird to us too. Yeah. Okay. Last question. Dear Sasha and Lainey, my best friend who is married and a mother of three recently celebrated a milestone birthday, and for lack of a better phrase, seems to be going through a midlife crisis. She's been with her partner for almost 10 years and is now saying that she is not happy in her marriage and wants to separate from him. This may in fact be true, but I'm worried

that she's throwing something great away and that she will only regret one day. In addition, she seems to be of the mindset that her children will be fine with this separation. I truly hope they are fine, but I feel like she's underestimating the trauma and emotional impact a divorce can have on young vulnerable children on top of all this she's hanging out with people much younger than her which has resulted in nights of her coming home intoxicated i love her and i don't want to see her throw her life away but i don't know what i can do aside from dragging her to therapy i also know if she's not in the right mindset or motivated to change therapy might not be the best thing for her at this point thanks for your advice s okay well yeah your

friend's going through some shit yeah but i don't think it's like bad shit yeah i mean like she's hanging out with young people and, like, she's gotten her groove on. Yeah. Like, I'm not really finding that a problem. Well, the problem is that she's, like, I might want to leave my marriage. Yeah. And clearly she might be unhappy. Yeah.

And if she's unhappy, like, as a friend, you kind of… Like, my problem with S's position on this is that, like, you've already decided what's best for her. Yeah. Like, you've pre-decided it. Yeah. And she's kind of figuring it out. So if she hasn't figured it out yet, how do you know what's best for her?

And your answer is stay in your marriage or don't throw your life away. Yeah, that's not fair. Wow. Like that's a really big thing to put on your friend. Yeah. Sometimes when I think like when you don't understand what's going on in your friend's life, if it feels like kind of out of the norm, I don't think the best thing to do is be like, well, fucking drag yourself to therapy.

you've really fucking unraveled. Like people go through things and yeah, like sometimes the marriage sucks and you fucking want out and you're, and, and if you can't pull the plug on it, you just need to get away from it and you need to fucking dance your face off and drink a couple of drinks and, and kind of, and kind of let loose and let things unravel. Like sometimes that's the way people deal with things. I mean, if, correct me if I'm wrong ass, if this is like an actual problem and she's like showing up drunk at work and like can't take her kids to school and she's like this fucking mess, fine, then I eat my words. But the way that you're describing it, it's like she's going through some stuff.

She's going through something. She's blowing off some steam with some younger friends. Trying to figure it out. Yeah, trying to figure it out. She needs a time out. So I think instead of maybe the judgment, because I definitely sense the judgment from your email. I'm sure she feels it too.

Yeah. Sometimes the best thing to do when you're a friend is just fucking be there for the waves. Ride it out. Ride it out. Support. Listen. Don't give any advice, which is very hard for someone like me, but sometimes you just

have to listen. Yeah. Listen and just try to understand. Yeah. Your friend is unhappy. She's said that to you. She's been honest about like, I don't know if this marriage is for me. the reasons that you're seeing might not be valid like you're just unhappy because you want to be

young and get drunk like but i don't know it might be a little bit more complicated than that like suddenly a decade goes by life creeps up on you you have you're the mother of three children so much responsibility that's a lot and yes like of course you want to be responsible for your children i don't necessarily think she's not being responsible for her children she just you know, it's a long life ahead, right? And to stare it down and be like, what if I'm bored forever? Yeah. What if I'm unhappy, unfulfilled? Or who am I? Because I think the loss of identity is what typically fuels a midlife crisis. Exactly. And how do you figure yourself out? You just fucking like sometimes unravel, right? To be like, this isn't me, so I'm just going to see

if this is me. Like I've seen friends do that before when they get out of a long-term relationship and you're like whoa shit's getting gnarly right now yeah like they are doing some weirdly out of character shit but i'm just gonna be there for it i'm going to like support because i see similarities in myself too when i've gone through hard times in a relationship i um do really weird things sometimes you know like so that i can regain some sort of semblance of who i am i let it all fucking barf all over the place so i can pick it back up again like that's how typically people deal with stuff. That's typically why a midlife crisis happens. And you see like these really weird, strange behaviors come out. Yeah. I think in the meantime, maybe don't project

forward quite yet about the kids and if they're going to be traumatized. Like they'll be traumatized anyway if there's an unhappy parent in a relationship. Like that will affect their view of what marriage is. That could also traumatize them with worry about their parents. So right now, it sounds like you just have to let her ride it out and just listen. Again, as we've been saying, like, the bottom line is she's unhappy. And she's trying to, like, figure out why she's unhappy and maybe get to a place where she can turn that around. Yeah.

I'm not sure, yeah, I'm not sure deciding for her what her life should look like is the answer to helping her. Yeah. So. But we appreciate the concern. Yes, it comes from a good place. But just pivot a little bit so that you can be, that she can feel the support as opposed to feeling that you're judging her because then that only pushes the friend away and

makes them not tell you stuff. And then that then causes distance and then blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So just be there to listen. Good luck with that. And keep us posted and keep your questions coming to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And subscribe to us where you get your podcasts, leave reviews and comments. Thank you so much for supporting us. We'll be back next week.

Bye. Bye. Thank you.