What's Your Drama - Conspiracy Theorist Friends & the Birthday Blues

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

Welcome back to What's Your Drama. Today we kick things off with 12 minutes of period talk. What? You don't want to hear about how Lainey's volcanic period has now resulted in the term “fat pussy blood”?  Then it's on to your drama! First up, "Wanda" writes in about her friend "Vicky" who is all shades of Qanon. OK, I might be projecting here but her friend is an anti-masker, anti-vaxxer, and has quote "crazy theories". So, ummm, yeah.  Then we move on to "Kelly" who is bummed out over her quarantine birthday. With everything going on in the world should Kelly be upset that her friends basically ghosted her? We dig in on if she's being precious or not.Finally we end on "M" who has been in an almost two decade long relationship. She wants out but feels bad for thinking of pulling the plug on her man who has his own issues. Should she stick it out for his sake or is it time for her to find her own happiness?We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, I know, I know. It feels like the material of a yoga mat in your pussy. That's awful. Cool. What a great selling point. Hi, I'm Lainey Louie, talk show host and entertainment reporter. I'm also the editor of LaineyGossip.com, and I am a BTS fan. Yeah, you are.

I'm Sasha Tong. I am a producer at an entertainment show here in Canada. I'm also a fashion and beauty columnist on LaineyGossip.com. And I am not a big BTS fan. But this is What's Your Drama, where we gossip about you. I fucking, I swear, I just changed it at like 345. And it's five. and it's five and it oh yes like i had to flush that one because it basically slid out of me

like a wet seal it just popped right out of you no like sometimes like i you know it's you can control it most of the time i don't it's not even a pull it's like a i just grab onto the string and it just and you i'm almost have to like i have i almost have to like reach into a thread but this one was like i sat down and it was just like shot right out in an hour and 15 minutes hash no i know i don't know what to tell you i also i'm not at that uh level yet but it's getting there things are getting definitely different things are getting heavier and like i well i wouldn't say like this month right because i got my period yesterday and i'm bloated as fuck um but as you No, I don't wear, um, I try not to wear tampons.

So I am, I'm a free flower, a free flower into what, what do you mean? This is what we're going to preamble about, which is I am wearing fucking maxi pad underwear. Right. Okay. And so are you, I am wearing a pair. I own one pair. It's an American company. You told me you only bought one pair.

Yeah. I wasn't going to buy like 10 pairs and then not like them. But wouldn't you have bought at least three? Because how about if you did like them on the off chance? You'll have one pair? You paid 20 American dollars plus shipping? I'm glad I only bought one pair because I'm not buying another pair. Okay.

But so you wear tampons. I wear tampons. But you know, as we've discussed many times, I'm tampon poor. I only have four tampons left right now. And I probably only had five tampons last. cycle so what I do is I wear this fucking period underwear which we've I think talked about before like very early on in these podcasts because we were desperate for someone to sponsor us and you were into them you're you've been into them like I'm not into them like okay yeah I'm

not into them because people need to know the truth about them yeah you like it uh you're basically back to your teenage years wearing a fucking maxi pad you feel yourself bleeding through them and it's not like a really fun feeling um and they say that they're thin and the brand that I have is not the American brand it's a Canadian brand and they have up the ante with their period underwear and made them thicker and I was excited about that but when I put them on I'm like it's like I'm just wearing a fucking pad like I it's not like sleek like paper thin underwear I'm wearing a pad with an inserted sorry I'm wearing underwear with an insert of a pad that just stays there all the time yeah i have i ordered one copy or one pair i ordered one pair

of this american brand because people were talking about it and they were like yeah fashion designers and stylists recommend it and i was like okay so they came i was really excited they are shaped What's the profile on them? Are they thin? What do you mean? Like, is the material, like, I'm wearing mine now. Are you wearing ours now? Yeah.

Okay. So the material are, like, boxer shorts material. Pardon? Like, flannel? No. Like a thick cotton? No, like boxer briefs. Boxer briefs material.

You know, like, do you, have you ever handled men's underwear? Like a boxer, yeah. They're that texture. This is mine. These are mine. Which is like a very thin, paper thin. Oh, like that looks like pantyhose. That looks like pantyhose.

Yes. It's a spanks. No, no, no, no, no. Mine does not look like that. Let me see yours. Oh, God. This is your favorite time of the day. Oh, I can't see.

It's black on black. Oh, okay. Oh, that's thick. That's like underwear. Well, yeah. I mean, it's like similar material, maybe a little stretchier than like men's boxer briefs, right? Think Calvin's. But then in the crotch area, first of all, I ordered a medium and I put them on and I

was like, fuck, this is tight. They have to be tight. But I was like, tight. But I was like, all right, fine. Then I put them on and it's not even that the crotch area feels like a pad. It feels like a piece of carpet. Explain more. Like, you mean there's some fuzzy to it?

No, it's like, it feels like it bends. Okay, that's okay. You would want it to move with your body, right? I know, but not like... A carpet is a very... Okay. Do you know what the kind of carpet is? Let me...

See, if you had bought a second fucking pair, you cheap ass, then at least we could be talking about it. You could be showing me. This is frustrating. for me. Okay. I know. I know. It feels like the material of a yoga mat in your pussy. Cool. What a great selling point. Right? So, so it feels like the material of a yoga mat slipped in between layers of box or material. Okay. And next to your pussy. So it bends like a yoga mat. But what – I put them on at night and I was walking up and down the hall and Yasik was in bed and I was making so much noise because –

Okay. Please walk. Let's walk. Okay. Will it pick it up? Okay. Let's – I don't know. Let me just wait. Let me just stand up. I'm going to stand up, then I'm going to count to three. I'm going to go quiet and then I'm going to – And then I'm going to be quiet too. Oh. All right. So now I'm going to stand up. I'm going to count to three and then I'm going to be totally quiet and then I'm going to walk and you're going to hear like

you're going to hear my... Don't tell me what I want to hear. I just want to... Okay, fine. Hang on. Okay. One, two, three. Go back.

Go back. Go back. I don't know if I made it up in my head. Go back. Go back. Let me hear. I don't know if I did. I felt like I might have made it up in my head.

Okay. Shush. Shush. Yeah. One, two, three. I can't tell. I can't tell if it's your bare feet on the ground or what. Okay, no.

So put it this way. Jacek could hear my thighs rubbing together and rubbing against this. The yoga mat. The underwear. Like as I'm walking down the hall. And I'm like, I said to him, how is this a good product when you can hear. No, it's not a good product. Your period coming from like, you know, 30 feet away.

No, that's not a good product. No. Mine do not do that. And you know why? It's because it's, you know, probably they tested it on people who have mega thigh gap. Oh, right. Because this is like a stylist fashion brand. So they wouldn't have thought of it.

And if they had only tested on people who have like no thigh gap or a smaller thigh gap. I'm unclear why, like, listen, I don't have a thigh gap. I have thigh chafe all the time. But why would a thigh chafe make for a vagina carpet sound in your underwear? Why? It's like the ricochet of your thighs. I'm not sure. Actually, you're right.

Maybe. The thigh chafe has nothing to do with it. Okay, then fat pussies. Okay, fine. So there. That concludes it. Yeah. You just have a big fat pussy on your carpet.

I have my hand right now. I swear to God, I'm not masturbating. I have my hand on the area right now. And it feels like I'm wearing three layers of something. Like, I can't feel my own skin. My skin can't feel my finger. Does that make sense? Because it's that dense of fabric.

Yes. No, then. Okay. So, are you going to wear them ever again? Or is this just a no-go? You're never buying another pair? I mean, I don't think I'm going to wear them in quiet places. Good.

We're not going anywhere anytime soon, so you're going to be fine. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, so that is period underwear. That was informative. Thank you for your review. But your period underwear, the way it looks like pantyhose, right? Like Spanx.

It's exactly the same material as a Spanx. Okay, so then in the potting area, like, is it thick? It's thick, but it doesn't feel cumbersome when I'm wearing it. But when I'm about to slip them on, I'm like, that's a fucking truck of fabric that's about to fucking coat me. But it doesn't feel thick at all. And then… It's actually quite comfortable. To be quite honest with you, it's quite comfortable.

Then does it feel wet against your lips? No. Do yours? no I actually have but does yours work them like I haven't I haven't given them that kind of a test drive oh well that's the fun part I haven't bled into them why the fuck are you choosing to wear them then I tried them because I can't I can't sleep through the night without leaking okay so they're your backup. So I put them on that night with the tampon in. That's why I wore them that night when I made all that noise. I'm actually shocked the acid could sleep next to me whenever

I shifted. Actually don't shift much in the night. It's that noisy? It's fucking loud. I would hope that you would put this review on their site. No, because you know what? Like it helps lots of people it's just it what doesn't work for me maybe let's see keep me keep me my fat pussy to thigh chafe ratio is not ideal for this brand oh my god okay well keep it posted because maybe on day 12 of your period when it's not a volcanic fucking explosion you should test them out and see if they work because maybe maybe the sound of it will um not be a problem if it actually works and can absorb your fat pussy blood. What do you mean?

Do you think all the blood is going to dull the sound? No, I'm just saying if it works, then maybe you can just put up with the fact that it's noisy. If it can absorb all your fat pussy blood, then isn't that the name of the game? I honestly, yeah. Well, let me, so wait, for yours, so is it, it wicks the moisture away?

It wicks the moisture away. I see, okay. Well, I'm pretty sure these will wick the moisture away. It's just they're like a fucking rock concert down there. No one else is interested in this. They have to be, right? I'm sure they are. But I hope so.

Nobody has real conversations about this. I know. I know. Anyway, maybe they don't want to have real conversations. All right. Should we get to drama? Let's. Instead of our pussy drama?

Mine. Anyway. All right. Ready? Hey, it's been a while. Is this our first episode? No, it's not. It is not.

Thank you. We did. This would be our second. For fuck's sake. Are you sure? I'm positive. What is time anymore? Well, you know, I did see you only two weeks ago for this podcast.

Okay, fine. Okay. Hi, Saj and Lainey. I hope you can help me through a moral dilemma with a friend. Let's call her Vicky. Vicky and I have been besties for two decades. We grew up together, we're roommates in school, and we even live a block away from each other. But things have changed over the course of the pandemic.

I'm sure you can guess where I'm going, but if not, here it is. She's an anti-masker. Oh, on top of that, she's anti-vaccine and has some incredibly crazy theories about government. Why do those, do those go hand in hand? Of course they do. They're all in, yeah, go on. My jaw literally drops to the ground whenever we get into something about the state of the world right now.

After many arguments, we've agreed to not talk about anything political. When did health become politicized? At this point, I don't know what to do. When did what become politicized? When did health become politicized? That's what she said. At this point, I don't know what to do. I'm conflicted on if I can put these things behind me or sweep them under the rug and

carry on. Is that possible? Part of me wants to do that, but the other part of me is screaming, what the hell is wrong with Vicky? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. You can call me Wanda. Wanda has a friend who's an anti-vaxxer. And an anti-masker.

Yeah. And has some suspect feelings about the government. Vicky is, like, not into science. Yeah. I think this is what I think this is what's been interesting over the course of the year. This has unearthed some some obvious and kind of scary characteristics in people that I did not know existed. Like, I think we all have a crazy uncle for sure. I have a crazy uncle.

My mom's listening to this, so I won't say much more than the fact that I have a crazy uncle who believes some weird shit and is a Trump supporter. And that has been fucking weird. But I don't get to talk. I don't talk to him on the regular. Yeah. So like no harm, no foul for me. Like I don't have to get into those conversations. It's not your best friend.

Exactly. Yeah. But I think there's a lot of people that are finding this sort of information out. And especially I find there's a bunch of people. There's actually a brand that I've written about in the past on your site. one of my favorite fucking all-time beauty brands oh my god the stuff that she makes is excellent but she's part of this whole wellness conspiracy QAnon bullshit that I can't that I can't a follow her anymore and b I can't test out her products and even though I actually have got I got sent

her products and it's fucking amazing I cannot write about it because I cannot support people who are thinking this way. And I think what's her name? Vicky? No. What was Wanda? Wanda. I think Wanda brings up a good point, which is important. It's like it's for this is what shakes me to the core about these people is like, why are people so against just doing stuff for the greater good of people and the health of people? Right. Like I would suck up something if I knew that the general public would be better off for it. And this is what's so frustrating about seeing anti-maskers. They're so fucking selfish that I can't, I would have problems if I had a really close friend who had that kind of point of view. Yeah. So what's the, like, how do you, but how do you

maintain that friendship? Like, how do you, because everything is already so divided. yes so do we just break off friendships with people um like i you know what is the answer like how does breaking off friendships with people bring us back together right i don't know what the answer is because i agree with you i think especially in this situation if there was a friend who's an anti-masker then how do you even spend time with them not that anyone is spending time with anyone outside of their household right now. But like when things open up and lockdowns are lessened and people are allowed to start congregating in bigger groups, I know you and I probably won't do it until the whole world is vaccinated. I'm tarnished. But there are people

out there who follow the guidelines and the guidelines say, hey, we're out of like whatever stage urgent of lockdown and restaurants are now open but they can only seat 10 people and you know in theory Wanda and Vicky could go out for dinner but now like in the you know I wouldn't even if I was more like or less stringent if I were Wanda I don't know if I would want to see Vicky right yeah Vicky I know Vicky's an anti-masker well and I think you brought up the good point is like an anti-masker isn't just an anti-masker they kind of do all the things they're like an anti-masker an anti-vaccinator and uh basically a conspiracy theorist they all are it's like it's a whole fucking package deal with these people and i think what's scary about q anon and i

think people joke about it it's legit a cult um so really the question here is if if wanda is saying without saying it that her friend vicky believes in q anon because that's probably what is the case here friends in a fucking cult so how do you deal with a friend like that's the question that i think we have to refrain reframe here is like what do you do when your friend is in a cult and we've seen people lose like family members yes yeah two calls and because that's how strong the poll is. Yes. But it's also like, there's also a different, I mean, there's QAnon, but then there's also just the cult of disinformation, misinformation. And, you know, all the outlets out there, all the places online where you can go and it just, I don't know, somehow, I mean,

we've all seen the social dilemma. Yes. And how easily people can get sucked into thinking that what you and i believe like they're having the same conversations about us i know that's what's really scary so i just don't know how we're ever gonna like convince people like vicky to trust science again open their eyes understand that the research is being done understand that these are legitimate like legitimate uh facts as opposed to theories like the fact of the matter is is that who is if Wanda and and other people who understand what the truth is aren't going to spend the time changing people like Vicky's mind, then we're just going to have more Vickys. I know. I know. You're right. So I really like I don't I don't know how to get people out of a

cult. That's that's above my pay grade here. But there is like so much shit on Reddit about helping people out of and i'm just focusing on q anon here like just help like let's just see if this is it but if you can go on you can go on reddit and there's so many streams there about like how you help people get out of cults like q anon and also there's a lot of people who have finally gotten out of the thinking of q anon who are also like giving knowledge about how they were helped to like actually see the light and actually see that there was a lot of fallacy in the way that they were thinking. So if that's something that Wanda wants to do, go for it. And there's lots of articles out there right now that can help you through that. For me personally, I don't know

if I would spend the time doing that right now because I'm in a fragile fucking mind state like a lot of people. I don't know if I could like help somebody at this point in time see the light and see the truth. So it's sort of just like what Wanda has, like what her fucking bandwidth is to help her friend here. Can you do it in a way that is productive or are you just going to get into another fucking screaming like debate match with her? If that's the case, then I don't know. I don't I don't know how you save a friendship in that state of affair where it's just like you're bashing heads all the time like that that can't be fun and then it's weird to pretend like you don't talk about anything else like you can talk about everything else but that that's a that's a

weird like amendment to put on your friendship too yeah I I feel like that's I think that's a great point about like your emotional fragility as many people are experiencing that and whether or not that is like a lift that you can take right now. Because self-care is also a priority for a lot of people. And it's probably triggering for a lot of people to know about the existence of the conspiracies and how many people actually believe in them. And I think it's so many layers too of, like, I don't know if I necessarily agree with you that a person who is an anti-masker and an anti-vaxxer is also QAnon. Like, you know, my parents are not anti-vaxxers. My parents are not anti-maskers, but they, they get some fucked up information. Okay. And so how do you deal with

that then? So that's what I'm saying is like, I don't want to, I don't want to lump everyone into some pen, right? Like that's fair. So I want to say that. The second thing I want to say though is I think that there are also many communities, especially when there's a language barrier where my parents for example my dad speaks perfect English and understands English perfectly but my ma you know she doesn't and so she only gets bits and pieces from like the Chinese news channel and sometimes the Chinese news channel is like not delivering like the information that you need and then she's also now like become a teenager addicted to her phone so she is fucking sending me links on, like, WhatsApp all the time that she, like, chain links that she either gets

from whatever, her Chinese group of friends that they pass around that they got from God knows fucking where, like, WeChat, like, or Weibo or whatever, right? And it's all kinds of weird, also, conspiracy theories. And while hers aren't necessarily related to COVID, she has other shit that she, you know, pushes. Pushes. And I can't cut my ma off. I have to just patiently like say to her that is, and because she believes me most in the world, right? I'm an only child. I am the law. I am, I am basically the internet and the library and the Supreme Court and the police and the church for my ma. Like if

I tell her something, she's like, okay, okay, okay. Oh, okay. Well then that's great then. But sometimes I have to fight it. Like, that's how strong these forces are. And that's okay, right? And I think that if Wanda has the church and the library that you do, then she should be able to help Vicky if she can, right? Like, if she can knock some sense into her softly and help her and show her other articles and be like, let's like constructively think about this and like let's think about like is what you're talking about fact-based like if Wanda has that relationship whereby Vicky thinks she is god almighty then great then yes help your friend but if if that's not the relationship it's a hard one to fucking take on right now

yeah hard one to take on especially when people are feeling so heightened in their emotions and their feelings and their ways of living life. Yeah. We feel you, Wanda. So, yeah. There are resources online, definitely, about how to… And, yeah, there is some kind of… some… a little bit of crossover, for sure, in terms of the cult, like how to get someone out of a cult, how to, like… But I think this is a dilemma that a lot of people are dealing with, Wanda, where friends and family suddenly you wake up one day and it turns out, oh, you see them on the TV and they were like attacking the Capitol. And for a lot of people too, for a lot of people who are listening to this, I would hope that they would like church and state their Instagram followers. Like you

can like a wellness brand, but like maybe don't buy into everything they're telling you too. Like I want people to have like a little bit more of like a seat in the way that they think as opposed to just, like, consuming everything that, like, an Instagram wellness person has to tell you. Like, what they say is not always 100% truth. Like, do your fucking research, you know? Use your fucking brain. That's all I want to say.

The wellness community is really fucked up right now. Okay. Is it? Yes. Yes. Like, I mean, more than Gwyneth Paltrow? Yes. Scarily enough.

The wellness community. All right, next question. If you're a business owner, then you know they call it running a business for a reason. EQ Bank knows it too. Knows you're running the team, running the show, and you're definitely running the numbers. EQ Bank's business account is built to help you make bank.

It has no monthly fees and earns high interest, so you can keep running what really matters. Sign up today at eqbank.ca slash business. Sasha and Lainey, I'm writing to ask advice regarding quarantine birthday celebration protocols. My birthday was a week ago at the time of writing this and two of my best friends have basically done nothing to celebrate my quarantine birthday.

Both of their birthdays landed in quarantine too, and I drove to their houses and did a social distance celebration, dropped off gifts and baked goods. One of them went out of town on my birthday weekend and the other is without a car, but deaf, able to borrow and or figure out a ride. So I understand not doing anything the day of, but it's been a week and one of the two friends never even called, just posted on socials and they haven't done anything at all. Should my feelings be hurt?

I feel like I'm always there for them when they need anything and constantly showing up for them in different ways. How do I address this? I hate that I have to ask someone to show up for me. Is it silly to be upset that your friends didn't do anything for your quarantine birthday? Thanks. Sensitive. Sensitive didn't give themselves a name, but I think we should give them a name. Okay. Pick a name for sensitive. Kathleen. I say that because Kathleen loves her birthday um and we just did a quarantine zoom birthday for yeah um okay so uh it's gonna confuse me if we name this person kathleen though because then i'm gonna be thinking that we might be talking about our kathleen okay okay fine uh another name uh let's go i mean easy kelly

okay all right all right kelly um kelly so kelly's birthday and her two best friends didn't do anything for her but she did something for them yes what do you think well i don't know i think that everybody there's like like this fucking pandemic has made people feel pretty split on birthdays a lot of people that i talk to are like i want to pretend like my birthday did not exist and we'll celebrate it next year like i didn't age this year because people are like very anti this year and anti-celebration so i feel like a lot i would say more people feel that way. Like, I feel like I'm just kind of basing this on our friend group. All of our friends have had birthdays during, obviously, this pandemic. And only one of them wanted to celebrate. And

that was Kathleen. And Kathleen wanted to celebrate because she always does. And she made a point of making sure that we all did celebrate it. So I kind of feel like this year is fucked for everybody. And if you do want something specifically in this year, you kind have to shake your friends a bit more than you usually would. Yeah. Kelly, I understand it sucks, right? Because I want to say right now, it sucks to be the one who was thoughtful and you were giving. And it was so great that you were such a good friend to them. And you went over there and you planned this whole thing. And I think that that is so sweet. You're obviously a solid friend and you were expecting that kind of thoughtfulness for sure in return. I do think

though that like, as I think when I was younger, I also was like this where I expected things to happen without verbalizing them. And the key sentence or question here, Kelly, is that they ask. I hate that I have to ask someone to show up for me. But I also think that when you need people to show up for you, you got to ask. Yeah, I'm split on that. Sometimes I think yes, and sometimes I think no. I think, and that's why I guess I was framing it around COVID is because COVID, I think nobody understands anything anymore. So I do think you have to like like tap on someone's shoulder and be like remember like make sure we like you know show up for each other um but then again like what you're talking about Lainey like I want I don't want to

always ask my friends to like know to support me I want them to just know and be good people yeah but are they bad people for not showing up on a birthday like if Kelly was like this group text this thing happened bad bad I don't know that her friends would have gone out of town right okay but like I just want to know I mean I guess I want to know what Kelly's birthday vibes were before right I mean we all showed up for Kathleen um not organized by Kathleen organized for other people because Kathleen has spent her entire friendship with all of us letting us know in our faces, I love my birthday. I love it so much. I need my birthday to be a bonanza, a spectacular, basically Moulin Rouge without the consumption and Nicole Kim. You know

what I mean? Like she wants all of it. So that was very, very clear to us. We know her birthday personality. I know your birthday personality and you're more on the chill side. You want people to remember like yeah i just want people to remember exactly happy birthday sasha but you also don't need me to show up and pull up outside of the house and like bring a marching band because that would mortify you right what are you what is you what are you i'm a whore i'm a whore you were not a whore this year what did you do for your birthday nothing i was not a whore this year because covid for sure it changed like i just wasn't to me if i but i was a pouty sucky pants whore because I love a blowout on my birthday.

And if I can't have the biggest blowout ever, then I don't want anything at all. Yeah. Right? So. Oh, my God. Right? That was me. I just was, like, I was a birthday suck because I'm a birthday whore.

Get it? You know what I mean? Yes. Got it. Got it. So I think that, like, for a birthday, I don't know that you can judge friends not showing up for you in your quarantine birthday as, like, a form of not showing up for you. yes i agree i agree and i do think that's a good point to find out what she was like beforehand

have they always been like rah rah rah for your birthday and that's never been an issue until this year if it's only if this year is the anomaly i really think that deserves a pass at this point you know what i mean they put your fucking picture on instagram or whatever like that was their proclamation of love for you that was all they could do that's all they could conjure up to do I think that's not that bad. I don't think that that is that horrible. But I think why Kelly is fucking miffed is because she's like, bitches, I came with you with baked goods. Like, repay my ass. But that doesn't always work that way when you're in a pandemic. You know, like, people are distracted right now. So I feel like I almost want a little bit more intel on what these friends are typically like outside of this particular birthday bash. But you do also, Kelly, I mean, obviously we don't want to like not acknowledge your birthday and you have, it sounds like you have the birthday blues, which been there. I think we've all been there. I don't want you to have the birthday blues any longer. So number one, happy birthday from us. Happy birthday, Kelly. Happy birthday, Kelly.

But that's not even your real name. But happy birthday. But also, Kelly, I also think it's okay now for you to talk to them and be like, hey, my birthday was a couple weeks and I kind of want to do something to make up for it. Like, can we Zoom? Can we whatever? I think it's okay for you to ask. I agree. And be like, hey, I'm kind of in the birthday blues.

I want to redo my birthday. Can you guys? I think that's okay, too. and then if they're like oh kelly no then you can write us back and be like please slam my fucking like please slam my fucking cunt friends and we will sash and i will spend like 15 minutes straight telling them what pieces of shit they are yes our gift to you will be that yes that will be our gift to you but i i don't think it would be a bad thing to go back and tell them about your you know just kind of like your wistful birthday wishes yeah it's okay in this

specific situation, I think you can ask for the love. Just be like, hey, I was bummed out. I actually, you know, wanted to see you guys on my birthday. Let's do like a little dinner and drinks over Zoom. Yeah. Ta-da. Done. And everyone's happy. Yeah. Happy birthday, Kelly, though. Happy, happy, happy birthday. Okay. I'm ready. Okay. Hi, Sasha. I need real honest advice on my relationship. I've been with this man for 19 years now and living together many years, most of those were great, but lately not so much. He's been struggling with anxiety and stress for a while and over the last year it's been through the roof so much that he's now battling depression on top of that. Obviously this is taking a big toll on our lives. We fight

a lot in an unhealthy way. Our intimacy is not so great because of all our issues. I've given him multiple ultimatums to go get help and he's finally agreed to go to therapy over the weekend after months of begging and arguing. I don't judge him about mental health, but here's where my drama starts. We don't have children and are not married. We used to have a house, but now live in a rental apartment since we moved to a new city two years ago to get a new start and help them get better. So here I am beginning my forties in what I am feeling more and more to be a half ass relationship. I want marriage. I want a house. I know that for sure. And I'm at a point in my life where I want serious discussions regarding having children. However, it seems like his mental

health will always be an obstacle to my ultimate relationship goals. I've been very patient and waited for many years for these things to happen, but now it dawns on me this is never going to happen. I've asked him a couple of times, why won't he marry me or buy another house or children? And every time he doesn't say anything, pretty much freaks out and says he's stressed out or unwell. So no explanation or constructive discussion. I'm getting upset and really unhappy. I mean, we've been together for almost 20 years. What kind of girl needs to ask why after almost two decades, man won't marry her? I have reached the point where I am considering separation. Am I overreacting? He means the world to me and I know he loves me too, but I don't know if I want

to stay in this relationship. I don't feel like playing the dating game, but honestly, I just wish some hot dude would sex me right now if you know what I mean. Should I move out and throw our life away, that's scary. If not, how many more months or years do I have to wait until it gets better and finally have the boring married suburban life I am longing for? I know relationships need some work and no one's perfect, but I am fighting the unbreakable walls of anxiety and mental health. I don't think there is someone special out there who would be right for me. Realistic, not so hot girl here. Oh, come on. But I'm at my wits end and don't know if I can still do this with my boyfriend. Please help. You can call me M. Thanks and lots of love. Okay, M. Well,

first of all, please let's not call yourself not so hot girl. Yeah. Yeah. Because M, we don't even need to see you. Everybody, you're not not so hot girl. Yeah. And so, all right. So where do we start with this, Sash, with Em? Well, I feel for Em because this is hard and this is, you know, two decades of your life and you're trying. That's what kind of like punctured my heart a bit is I can tell that Em is trying and she's trying to make it work and she feels trapped and she feels trapped in her guilt too because what a horrible person you would be to leave somebody because they were struggling

with mental health, right? And I hear that, but I also think that Em gets a fair shot at life too. And I think that she has, you know, had she written us and been like, I've been dating this guy for two months and I'm fucking over his mood. Like then I'd be like, bitch, fuck you. But this is, you know, 19 years of trying to make some shit happen and move some fucking mountains and get some get something for her right like she's you know she's not asking for everything she's asking for some fucking niblets at this point she's not even getting that so em yeah i am you know i am on board if what you feel is unsatisfied in your life and if and if you want to file for separation and like fucking roll the dice and see what the world has for you yes go for it i support that

Like, I 100% support that. I agree with you. I think that, you know, for Em, I think we first, like, let's switch over to your boyfriend. Don't know what his name is, so I don't know. Let's call him John. That's pretty standard. I understand John is also allowed to not want marriage or to not be ready to talk about marriage and to not be ready to talk about children. And that's okay. So nobody is at fault here. John's priority clearly is or should be mental

wellness. And it's taken John a while to come around to this. John is still like kind of getting into the process of therapy and getting help for his mental health issues. So in that space, I don't know that John can focus on anything else and should focus on anything else. Totally. So and I'm not telling you that you're wrong in thinking that in wanting that from him. But the fact of the matter is, is that John is sick. Mental illness, mental mental health issues are like just like physical issues. Right. So if you let's say if somebody was having kidney problems, we couldn't say, well, you know, during your treatment for your kidney problems can like let's buy a house. let's start a family, right? It's the same thing. Let's treat mental health issues in the same way where, you know, this issue, this disease is a barrier and until there's treatment and a good, like, you know, until there's treatment, until it's being dealt with, then of course, what else can John handle? So I understand where John's coming from too, Em, but that also only means

that you are both in different areas of what you can contribute to this relationship. Yeah. Clearly for you in your life, what you want to put into a relationship is that, as you said, boring relationship, house, kids, you know, you called it that. I didn't. But that's your dream. And you're ready to put your energy into that. John is focusing on putting his energy into his mental wellness.

So you're at an impasse. So it really doesn't have anything to do with the actual mental health. It's not you rejecting someone because they have mental health issues. It's the fact that you are in, you two are in two different places right now in life. Yes. Yeah. And your question is, do I wait around? And girl, it doesn't sound like you want to.

We're just feeding off what you're feeding to us. Totally. And you're ready for other things as scary as they might be. so it means that you're allowed to have dreams go chase your dreams yeah I agree yeah uh yeah I couldn't say it any better you're right they are two different places and and that is that's the reason why people fucking split up and go their separate ways is you go and you find what you want and and that's okay and that's okay and you you're not um you know you're not abandoning John. If anything, you're giving him the space to do what he needs to do without having someone be

like me, me, me. Yeah. He doesn't have the emotional capacity for the both of you right now. And that is, uh, that's okay. Okay. And actually a good thing that you guys can both focus on your own things. Yeah. So, um, uh, it, to me, it sounds like you've made up your mind and you decided what you want. So, you know, my, my next piece of advice is if you are going to articulate it. Do it clearly. And by clearly, I mean you're talking here about what you both want out of life and a relationship. You are looking for marriage and children. He is not. So I don't know that, you know, any kind of, of course you acknowledge that John is having mental health issues. But the big point here, like what you need to be clear about is this relationship is not

heading towards where you want to go. Yeah. Fundamentals are not there. Yeah. So good luck, Em. We're sorry you're so sad. You sound sad. And that is why, you know, there's not a moment to waste, especially now. And there's nothing more sad than when you don't have any control over what you want and what you desire. Right. Like there, there is, there is like, yeah, you feel blue when you can't, you know, you can't live your life to its fullest or even it's half full. So yeah. Like, um, keep us posted and thanks for, thanks for writing in and thanks to all of you for listening. We really appreciate it. Um, subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts, leave comments and reviews. Um, we are so grateful to know that you are out there supporting and keep

your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyFossil.com. Bye!