What's Your Drama - Dating a Dummy

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

This week: how do you help someone who is dressing frumpy at work, getting over an -ex during the pandemic, and what to do when your sibling is dating a dummy. We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is also sex on TV really well done. I think I'm willing to go head first into a situation where I refuse to believe that these people are actors and not lovers. I don't even have that real sex with my husband. Like their sex is more real than my sex. I want to talk about normal people because I haven't been so excited about a series. Actually, I'm lying. I loved the most recent series. What was that one?

See, fuck. You loved it so much. This is what happens. I can't even have fucking three sips of alcohol until my brain just expires on me. What did you love? I loved Never Have I Ever. That's where I'm going with this. Fucking love Never Have I Ever.

was so sad when that ended thinking is there going to be another series that could fill my heart again and fucking normal people you and i are getting to work on that together for e-talk um we well you are going to be interviewing the stars and by the time this comes out no one will have seen it yet because it hasn't launched in canada but can we just let people know how good it is well i think the the issue is that lots of people already know how good it is because it's aired in england it's aired in the united states i think it's aired in australia i think it's aired in ireland for canadians my bad for canadians yeah and i read the book if you follow us on laneygossip.com you know that i've been writing about the book for like over a year

and i was so excited for this series and it wasn't like airing in canada or hasn't aired in canada until it will be airing on CBC Gem in a couple weeks. So we're super excited. But not to get all preachy, I know that there are people in Canada who've ripped it. They have? Oh, yeah, for sure. For what?

Oh, I thought you meant ripped. So you mean ripped it like bad reviews or ripped it offline? No, ripped it, like watched it illegally. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah, of course. And here's, here's the thing, especially now during the pandemic where content creation and content creators are concerned, like I can't, I can't do it anymore because people need to get paid for their creative output.

You and I are in the industry and we both know people who are out of work. We know people who are in danger of being out of work and, you know, and so there've been a lot of emails coming in to LaneyGossip.com being like, when are you going to talk about normal people. And I would have loved to talk about it, but we haven't been able to talk about it. We will be able to talk about it, but we haven't because I, I, not that I deserve a prize, but I needed to be ethical about not stealing it. Okay. That's fine. Now that we have officially been invited as members of the press in Canada to preview it. Oh my God. Okay. Thank you. Get there. yes it is yes I told you how horny it was okay well I would like to tell people that yes it's

horny but it's also very sad and the only reason why I'm shocked by that is because as you know I'm not a big-time reader I totally didn't even know this book existed and so when I was watching when I like oh what just happened one moment oh a little ear pod fell out I can't do air pods Because my holes are too shallow. My holes are too shallow, too. Right? And they fucking fall out. I don't know how people have these things in and they go running and they don't go anywhere.

I agree. Mine falls out once a day. Once a day? I can't even put those in and them last in for like more than like 35 seconds. Well, I can't move around. Anyway. Okay. We're going to leave off.

Oh, the book is. No, no. So you haven't read the book because you're a philistine. Because I don't read books. philistine um but for the people that have they of course know that it's you're going to be taken for a ride anyway i just thought it was so great i was watching it with cory and as i told you you didn't want to watch it with cory i didn't because i was no but then i realized like he loves as i told you last night as i texted you he loves he loves he loves a good teen drama he loves

teen shit even when they like when the um when the episodes go into university he's like oh like i wanted to keep being back in the high school. And I was like, yes, me too. I love you. This is why I love you, Corey. But anyway, it's just so good. It's like this mix of like Good Will Hunting meets like, I don't know, Breakfast Club. I don't know. There's like all these great little bits of things that you can take away. And now I'm like obsessed with that Connell guy and their relationship. And I feel like all the Twihards are going to now move on to this relationship. Oh, but this is also sex on TV really well done. I think I'm willing to go head first into a situation where I refuse to believe that these people are actors and not

lovers. I don't even have that real sex with my husband. Their sex was more real than my sex. how i've never seen such beautiful sex in my life it oh i know it felt really wrong to watch when they were in their high school like i was like oh maybe i don't want to watch this seems a little bit like kiddie porn okay can we neither of them look like they're in high school p.s no i know that but i was also trying to be ethical but um you know what i like about these sex scenes is in typically in I don't know entertainment sex scenes yeah love scenes nobody groans or moans and there's a lot of like sighing and like deep breathing and right like yeah I'm not saying oh that kind of moaning like because I was gonna say there's a lot of that there's a lot there's a lot

of that kind of moaning in television it was like it it's more the gentle like yes right yeah and as i said there's like pain in their face like their horniness is so painful you know it was like it's just they're such good actors if that wasn't real they're such good actors wanting someone that bad yes that's what it is yes yeah anyway anyway that's probably all we can say about it for now. Yeah, no spoilers. But if you're in Canada, but we'll talk about it more for sure. If you're in Canada, CBC Gem has got you. Can you guys do, you and Duanna do a show your work on sex scenes? Like I would love to know, I know that they had an intimacy coach on that. Could you guys delve into what an intimacy coach means? I need to know what behind the scenes is once

you're in a sex scene like that. Well, I mean, they're starting to have these on most sets now. and we've talked about past intimacy coaches for like The Deuce, you know, that show The Deuce. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this I find is either it's the evolution of how intimacy coaches have been working in the industry. This is like the best version of it. It's so hot.

It's so good. It's fucking chef's kiss. It's beautiful. It's done so perfectly. Anyway. This is one of those – and this is one of those shows where aren't you going to go back and watch like episode two? That was like, I think it was like a 12 minute long sex scene. I got very uncomfortable after a while. I don't know. I don't know if I will. I know you

will, but I don't know. It's still fucking excellent television. Okay. Let's go on to some people's drama. Okay. Are we ready? Here are the questions that I have to read again. Just fucking deal with it. Well, let me just take a sip because just to make sure. Okay, I have to take a sip too. Just to make sure that my advice is super not on point today. This is a mistake, what I'm doing. Okay.

Go on. What has it been? Like 10 weeks since we've been in our homes without seeing our friends in this lockdown? Yeah. Are you wanting to make me cry before we do this? No. I'm just saying. I haven't.

Okay. Anyway, bye. Not bye, but here we go. It's loopy now. We've gotten loopy. All right. Hi, Sash and Lainey. Long time listener and reader here.

I adore the two of you and this is my favorite podcast. Thank you. There's more compliments. I won't read them because probably people don't want to listen to that. But thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay.

So my drama involves a co-worker. Let's call her Heidi. We are both in our 20s. She's 22 and I'm 26. I've been at our company a few more years than she has, but we've gotten along great the times we work together. Before I get into the nitty gritty of it, I want to paint a picture of the environment we work in. That was an alcohol burp. Great. I think you, we could have gotten by without that. Would have been an easy edit, but I'm glad that you alerted everyone at that.

all right please i'm crying already okay go all right we work with corporate multi-million dollar companies and tend to interact with high level management on a day-to-day basis our clients are in some of the biggest cities across the u.s and canada while my company does not have a strict dress code in place they do require us to have a professional put together image now to the meat of my drama with Heidi. She's a very shabby dresser. To elaborate on what I mean, she rarely has her hair combed and sports a top knot or a ponytail on most days. She wears ill-fitting pants with an elastic waist that is always visible due to her poorly tucked in shirts and cardigans. And while our company does not dictate what footwear women can wear, most of the women I

work with wear flats, slightly heeled booties, et cetera. She always wears black sneakers with white socks. Now, this part has me feeling most conflicted. She has a visible upper lip stash, slightly thicker face fuzz, and has never groomed her eyebrows as far as I can tell. Please know that I want to be considerate of people's socioeconomic circumstances, but she comes from a very well-to-do family. Oh, like shabby chic. This is exactly what this is, right? Listen, you know where I'm going with this. Wow, because at first I wanted to be very conscious of the fact that this person might be you know from a different income bracket but yeah okay we're going shabby chic here all

right i this is fucking gray gardens this is me this is how i dress and how i hope to dress okay anyway let's continue she comes from a very well-to-do family she currently lives at home with her parents and her job pays north what what she currently lives at home with her parents and her job pays north of $90,000 a year. She presented herself differently during interviews right out of school, but has since turned up to work every day dressed as described above. Her work is good though. While she's come off somewhat unprofessional on a few occasions, we chalk this up to her being young and expect that this will change as she has more exposure in the industry. On the more technical aspects of our job, however, no complaints. Her lack of effort to look more presentable has

been noticed and our managers have not said anything to her about this. I might be wrong, but I suspect this is because they do not want to get into a potentially awkward conversation. Here's my drama. Should I talk to her about her work attire and maybe grooming herself a bit? I can honestly say I've never noticed what my colleagues wear, but her sloppiness stands out. I feel like this will affect her ability to grow professionally. Is this me contributing to archaic expectations of women at the workplace? Should I just mind my own business and say nothing. If you feel like it might be okay for me to talk to her, how do I come at this from a place of care and support rather than judgment? Please call me out if my attitude is adding to the

multitude of professional challenges women already face. That is never what I want to do and it is why I've been struggling so much with this. Thanks so much. Confused. Okay. So someone is dressing like a hybrid of you and me. A hundred percent. Yeah. What I would term a rich hippie, which is what I've always said. You know what? Those really rich people who dress like they have $1 to their name. People do that all the time. That's a look, but okay. Keep on going. So clearly Heidi is a rich hippie. I think so. So, okay. Do you talk to her about it? Well, this reminded me of something and it's something that you had talked about in a previous season about when you're someone you knew had bad breath. Right. And you had to confront that

person about their bad breath as like a good friend. Right. And for me, this sort of is kind of the same thing. First off, again, Heidi, we're going back to I feel like Heidi's above board in the casual dress mode. I bet you we would both covet her style if we saw it. However, this isn't just confused feelings like this isn't her personal feelings she's heard from her higher ups that this is something that they've noticed as well and for that reason I would want to intervene only because I wouldn't want people starting to gossip about Heidi right you know that that like this isn't like a oh I don't fucking like your white socks and black runners It's like, oh, like this might impede future meetings, future whatever, future goals that

she might have in the office that she's in. So just, I'm just a little, it's so tricky. So this is why I was going to pass the buck to you because I know that you've had those tricky conversations before. I mean, this is, I'm conflicted because I have, I think I've had the tricky conversations before. But I mean, this is really an issue of trend style versus environment style. Like the shit that you and I wear, you can't wear in a law firm. No, but we are in a creative environment, which is why we're allowed to do that.

Because I just want to make it clear that probably how Heidi dresses is actually very on trend. And I bet you the individual pieces of her clothing are like nice. Yeah. I bet you when someone calls her a shabby dresser, the pants are probably fucking Isabel Marant, R13, Isabel Marant, whatever. And the sweaters are, or the tops are like James Purse or whatever, right? I'm sure there's a Rick Owens in there somewhere. And as for like the white socks with black sneakers, that's actually a thing because if you actually have nice black sneakers you shouldn't wear dark socks because white socks all the way white socks because you want the sneakers to pop correct yes right so i but clearly she's working in an environment where they're probably behind

street style or or that's just not or that's just not what you're supposed to be wearing Right. So I, so this is not a case of like, I just don't think this is a case of hygiene or really sloppiness. I think this is a case of aesthetic in a certain environment. Like the law firm thing, you know? Right. where they are you have to wear so that's what I'm saying they're expected to have a certain look I don't think that's fair but that's obviously the cookie cutter-ness of this kind of work environment before we get into like what she should say if she should say anything about the attire where I do not think she should say anything is about her fucking upper lip or like peach fuzz on her face because yeah that that is like don't even fucking dare go there yeah um that is none

of your business. Uh, but I think that confused could offer something like one little thing, be like, Hey, I just want to give you a heads up, like sneakers, like, Ooh, maybe don't maybe like try to find like a pair of loafers or flats, maybe just choose one item that she could pick on as opposed to be like, Hey, Heidi, your whole look is fucking whack. You know, like, I don't think that's going to fly, but maybe she could pick one thing to say. Maybe you could just alter that. Yeah. I'm so conflicted here because I also think that this is in part about identity, right? Like how we express ourselves, how we present ourselves to the world is often through our clothing choices. And in that environment, you have a uniformity, a conformity. And conformity

has become a bad word, right? To conform to something is often, especially in a certain generation, now seen as like, you're stifling me. Like, why should we conform? Isn't individuality what we want? This person's work is clearly up to standard. And it was pointed out that she was somewhat unprofessional on a few occasions, but she is young. Like, you can't guarantee that someone who dresses properly in quotes isn't ever going to be unprofessional. So this is really about clothing identification. Sure. But Heidi isn't a dummy. She knows what kind of field she's entered, right? She is like relatively new. It seems like it because she's young. I just don't know. I mean, it's hard, right? Because you don't want to stifle somebody.

But at the same time, if there is a groove that everyone has to go in, then does she follow? This is actually really tricky like part of me now is like confused don't say fucking shit leave it to somebody higher up who's in charge but confused is just trying to be an ally to Heidi right just trying to help her out but here's here's the thing is Heidi Heidi's 22 years old has recently joined the company or at least confused has has been with the company a lot longer um has this held Heidi back yet you know I think that the question that confused has is um I feel quote I feel like this will affect her ability to grow professionally well confused maybe you need to let that happen first it's right we all we all fail but when it's preventable if she could have just given her

another shoe alternative? I don't know. I think that these are, I don't know that, first of all, I don't think that she would fail because of her clothing choices, but there might be a minor setback. And I think that's the best time to have a conversation like this. Okay. I also worry about gossip too. Like we've had people that have come into our workspace many, many years ago, maybe even before your time that one of the interns was dressing like super inappropriately and it was hard because it was like you don't want to slut shame her by any by any stretch but at the same time it's like you're in a workplace right so like you might not be able to wear your your bar clothes to work like that's just not that's not what's happening here and we have the privilege

of as we said like working in a super creative environment and most things go and that didn't go because it was like a little bit much, but somebody in HR dealt with it. So I'm wondering if confused while she's concerned and wants to be a chum and help Heidi out, maybe does take a step back and fucking wash her hands clean of it and let someone else's hands get dirty, right? The people who are actually in charge, the people who actually make those decisions. If it is actually that bothersome, then maybe let those people do that. Because I don't even know how you I'm like trying to construct like a nice way to say something about someone's style. And it just seems like just seems like really intrusive. Yeah, I I'm inclined to leave this at it like

go sort of animal kingdom here in in the sense of, you know, you let your baby fall or you let your puppy fall or you, you, you let your children fall a little bit and they'll figure out what the issue is or they, they'll ask what the issue is and then you give a pointer. 22 years old, fresh into the industry, these are kind of like, I don't, I don't mean to assign attributes to this person, but I remember in my case, you know, when you're 22 and fresh out of university and you're fucking swinging your dick around. You're like, I know everything. And you're humbled. You're humbled in your first workplaces where people are there who you meet, who are more experienced, who've learned, who know as much as you do, but have the added

advantage of having done the job for longer instead of just getting like a textbook clinical appreciation of what the field is. And I wonder if this is like the workplace equivalent of helicopter parenting, where you take care of the children and you don't let them experience any taste of failure and you do everything for them so that they can't get themselves out of a quagmire. Yeah, I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. I feel like I have to agree with you just because I think it's the safest thing right now. Do you know what I mean? I think it's the safest option. And like confused is, you know, right on to be confused because it's got us in a pickle too. Like we don't really know what to say either, like definitively. That's why I'm

like, maybe yes. Like now I'm starting to come around and agree with Lainey is maybe let what happen happens. Like maybe she'll stumble or maybe the higher ups will intervene. But right now might not be the right move to make any move. Yeah. I would sit on this confused. Yeah. I mean, it's not affecting your work. It's not affecting hers. It's not affecting Heidi's. Yeah. I would sit on it and see where it goes. And yeah, if you can, like, I was just going to, I know. I really want to look at these outfits and I know also they look like yeah and when she was describing that borrow it absolutely I was like she's got a fucking stash hey fuck me too if I don't have my razor blades I'd be growing one too so I feel Heidi okay ready next I graduated a

little over a week ago lost the job I had lined up and am still painfully single a part of me likes the alone time for reflection and just to take a break from all the shitty people out there but there's one nagging doubt in my mind my ex when I met him I thought I found the one I'd been looking for we had crazy chemistry both inside and outside of the bedroom same interests and world views and just enough differences to keep things spicy just as we were ramping up he moved to BC we met in Alberta where I still live to take care of his mother who was beginning chemo I never really understood the issues between him and his mother, but I gathered things were tense. When he left, he didn't take time to say goodbye to me, which stung, but I ultimately understood.

Besides, I'm not some jackass who would say to choose me over a parent in need, but I did hope we could be friends and deep down, I just wanted him to ask me to move there once I graduated. That didn't happen. We dragged it on via text for a while before I called it quits when it became too painful. Now, I'm not gonna ask if I should reach out to him in this mess because I'm guessing you would say not to if I can't handle the potential rejection. Well, you've learned. You've learned.

But now I have no school, no job, and no love to focus on. I'm feeling terribly lost and aimless, as I'm sure many people are right now. I'm doing the best I can to stay busy, be creative, but now I'm hung up on this guy as if it happened last week. My question is, what's the best way to put someone behind you that you think was so right for you? how do I move forward when life is at a standstill? Mike. All right, Mike. So your ex-boyfriend

is living in an entirely different province. For our American listeners, that's like a different state. And right now, life sucks. You have no job. You probably like have not much money. And you're hanging on to the last time things were good, which is this person. Which is what so many of us are doing. When you're fucking bored and you're lonely, where does your mind go? Oh, like the good times. But let's all remember those good times were soiled for a reason, hence why you guys broke up. Yeah. And I feel like what's the better, what's the lesser of two evils, you being lonely, but still like happy with yourself, or inviting unnecessary pain from the West Coast into your life to suffer in more loneliness, because you've even said it, Mike, you know that it's not a good thing to call him. You know what the answer is. The dude peaced out and didn't even say goodbye to you. That he served up to you on a fucking platter what you mean to him, which is not much right now. And I know that hurts. That was a really mean thing for me to say, but it's true. The dude's not interested.

So if you go knocking on that door again, or if you start fantasizing, it's actually just going to bring more pain, which is like not where you're at right now. So if you step over that boundary, If you step over that and cross into pain land, this quarantine is going to feel like hell to you. Yeah. I don't know. You have a smile. You have a fucking dirty, sneaky ass smile.

Mike, don't take what is going to come out of her mouth right now. It's going to be something not ideal. No, I think that Mike was right because ordinarily we're like, hey, don't reach out if you can't handle the potential rejection. So that still stands, right? Yes. Yes. If you can handle the rejection, if you're prepared for it, fine, go for it. Like nobody can. That still stands. That still stands. I guess, I guess I'm being caught in a little bit of like a suggestible, I don't know. It's not, I'm not the one getting the advice, but a suggestible moment in that I'm suggestible right now in these matters because we've just like been spending so much

time with normal people. But what is really great about shows like Normal People and Insecure too is they present both sides of a relationship, especially when things go sour. And what's really interesting is that when you have a fight with someone you're really into, like you have intense feelings for, whether or not that's a romantic partner or like your best friend, the things that are said in those moments are interpreted differently. So you can be in a fight with someone who you have very, very strong feelings for and they can say to you, I'm going to try to come up with an example in this state of mind, but they can say to you something like, I just need to take a breather.

And if you are someone who might have insecurities, if you're particularly like raw and insecure on that given day, you might hear that as, I want to break up with you. Right. Miscommunication. I can't breathe. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah.

And that sounds extreme given that right now we're like dealing in a sort of black and white situation. We recorded what I just said, but people can internalize things so differently. Yeah. You're so right. And so the way that Mike laid out how he and his ex broke up, there was an entire, like a super stressful situation. The dude has a very bad relationship or a tense relationship or at least a fraught relationship

with his mother. The mother is sick and needs to do chemo. So there's all that. And then he just kind of peaced out. Some people peace out because to say goodbye in person would be too hard. And so he took the easy. So anyway, I'm just romanticizing all of this. Yes, exactly. Thank you. The end. Moving on. Anyway, Mike, you have the romanticized version, which is mine, which Which is the dangerous one. Dangerous one. But you have to be able to take the rejection. Yeah.

And then you have the sensible. This is sense and sensibility. This is Jane Austen right here. True. You're Eleanor and I'm Marianne. Okay. Yeah. So, yes.

You can take Eleanor, Sasha, which is sense, using your head and just moving on from this. Or you can take Lainey, Marianne, which is sensibility. A.K.A. the devil. which is romance and chasing after it right you have time to chase after it if it's going to be there it will be there after the quarantine do not go chasing for it now but or ever answer the question the question is oh oh oh did they not great okay mike's what's the question we fucking suck at this. No, we do not. Mike's question was, what's the best way to put someone behind you that you think was so right for you? Oh shit. Well, I certainly didn't. So yeah,

I didn't answer the question. Fuck. Sasha, go ahead. Well, we've talked about this so many times. And again, oh my God, I'm such a fucking broken record. It's time. It's time. And it's such a boring fucking answer, but it's true. Time just fucking heals. And time working on yourself and time asking yourself questions and time even asking the question that Lainey just asked you, which is, are you able to sign yourself up for rejection? You have to answer the questions in order to mend past scars of a relationship. And that's how you move on. You just have to fucking do the dirty work and let time pass. And that's why I go back to our really sound advice when we didn't answer your question, which is don't go there.

You're not ready. You're not ready and this isn't the time to like start reaching out to somebody. So in order to put someone in the past, you have to keep them in the past. Stop bringing him up to the surface right now. Oh, shit. I just realized Mike just graduated like last week. Dude, it's been a week. Oh, it's only been one week since they parted ways?

No, no. His whole thing is that he graduated a week ago and lost his job. Yeah. So he's single. So these two events that are giving him so much free time and anxiety have like a week or a week long. It's very new. Of course. It's very new. So Mike, all of this is so fresh. You know, of course you're feeling so confused and I don't want to use this word lightly, but desperate. It's been a week though. Like let's sit with this for another, let's call another week oh fuck longer than that no let's wait until we're all allowed to sit in a park

together so like maybe in three months let it sit that's a long time let it sit it's this is all too new well all right we've given you sense and sensibility so take your pick and good luck and hey if you are sensibility aka marianne aka laney give us a follow-up thank you um ready Yeah, last question. My sister moved out 18 months ago, cross country, out of our mom's house and into my house with my husband and two children. We have a split level, so she took the basement. It's not fancy, but the rent was cheap and she gets to see her niece and nephew, something she really wanted out of this move as we were all close. She met a guy pretty early on and it got weird, but she insisted she was just having fun.

Cut to a year and a half later, he's still around. I want to say up front, I've never even spoken to this guy despite him coming in and out of the house repeatedly. My sister is upset that I have no interest in this situation and I'm hoping it will just end without me ever meeting him. Here's why. Okay. There are three reasons. I will read all of them. But reason number one, the day after they first hung out, he dropped off at our house. he didn't have a car back then, he got dropped off at our house. My sister left the door unlocked for him and he went downstairs and smoked blunts until she got home. I picked up my kids from school and arrived home to that. It totally flipped me out. Her reasoning was he lived half an hour

away and he was working in town that week so she said he could stay at the house until she got home from work to drive him back to his place. My question was, well, why did he think it would be okay? Why did he think it would be okay to chain smoke blunts when everybody is coming home from work and school and this is not his house? He did that for several days until my husband stepped in. Okay. Two, she went out of town for two weeks and the night she came back, my husband and I woke up to this guy starting a fire in our neighbor's front yard at 2 a.m. Yes, he was blackout drunk and started a fire in our elderly neighbor's yard the day a burn ban went into effect due to wildfires. Oh my God. My husband confronted him and his response was he

wanted to welcome my sister home. My sister told me to back off and that I was overreacting when I told her how stupid I thought this whole thing was. Okay. Cut to COVID-19. You can probably guess where this is going. I bet you this guy moved in, right? They believe it's a conspiracy. Oh, Ouch. My God. Oh, they're those. Okay. I was willing to give this guy a break. I swear, like right up to this point and now he's a conspiracy theorist. Okay. So the sister and this dude believe it's a conspiracy and not as bad as the media makes it out to be. He's in and out of the house. Meanwhile, we have no idea where he goes or who he interacts with. He does not live here. He's not been isolating here. Recently, he was sick for over a week and

my sister let him stay with her. She did not tell us he was here, nor that he was sick. She was in and out of our house during that time, and when we found out, my husband and I both said it wasn't right that she did not tell us about this and let us make our own decision about interacting with her. We are taking COVID-19 pretty seriously. Well, you should be. She swore he had food poisoning, and again, that I just don't like him, and that is the problem. When I said that we are only comfortable hanging out with her outside with proper social distancing her response was that she would just stay out of our way for the foreseeable future i need help i love my sister but she just totally shuts down about this she's had limited dating experience and this guy is not

ugly that's the best oh my god this is truth i love this that's hey lay it all out she's limited and he's probably attractive, right? It's hot. Okay. They get outside a lot and seem to have fun, but she's 29 years old. I'd like to have an adult conversation that does not end in pouting and hurt feelings.

She thinks it's a big deal that he even likes her. Oh. My mom is on my sister's side because my sister is very sensitive and frankly, I'm not. Neither of them has apologized for any of the weird behavior and I do not want to apologize

for things I'm not sorry for. Now everyone except my husband wants me to suck it up and meet this guy and allow him to interact with my family in the midst of our self-isolation. She won't even say if he's her boyfriend. She continues to say they're just close friends, but she's very, very upset to the point I think she may move out and in with this guy. I don't know what to do. am i the asshole okay well first of all no right no no not an asshole not an asshole a concerned sister but when sometimes sister and sister interactions can be riddled with a lot of past stuff and that seems like that's what's happening here like from what i can sense are did our writer leave a name? K. K is probably like, has it together, you know, like has this great family

is like all sorted. And then here comes her sister who's young and free and kind of like, has probably always been like that, but is also super insecure. And you know what I mean? Like the way K is painted, it just seems like there is that like, um, unbalanced sister relationship, right? Where the younger sister feels like older sister looks down on her and treats her like a fucking kid. I can sense that. And that dynamic will never work if that's the dynamic you continue to have. So I feel like there's a lot of things that can change here. If you are going to have that conversation with her, which I think you should, it has to be on the same level. You can't come down on her. You can't come down on her decisions. She's young. She's in love. The dude's

hot. And then the other layer of it is she hasn't, the sister hasn't even met the guy yet. And I think you have to have that before you make any decisions. You have to have a conversation with the dude. Yeah. Because maybe he sounds like a dummy. He just sounds like a dummy. The fire seems whack as shit, but like he wanted to have that for her to be like, hi, welcome home. I made you a fire. Like, it's stupid, but it's pretty cute, too. I really don't like the fact that they're, like, idiots about the COVID-19 and the conspiracy, like, clearly. So two best naive people. And so, yeah, you're right. He sounds like a goofy dummy. And no offense, but your sister also sounds a little naive. That's the best word I can use here. They're like two Keanu Reeves.

They're like two Keanu Reeves. Yeah. I believe that Keanu Reeves believes in science, though. True. I'm talking Bill and Ted's Keanu Reeves. Sorry. Sure. Yeah.

I feel like even Bill and Ted's Keanu Reeves believes in science. You're right. Okay, go on. Anyway, so you're right. I think that these are two dummies. um and but i want to validate k k's feelings because like how how else are you supposed to like have an image of someone when the first time you meet them is they a stranger fucking hot box in your house right like of course you are absolutely right in like you got the worst

first impression of him and that was your sister's fault she and this is this is not about him I hate to say it. Like, he might be an idiot, but I really do think this is about your sister. For whatever reason, your sister seems a little bit inexperienced romantically, clearly. Yeah, insecure. But I wonder if she's, like, inexperienced in common sense, in fending for herself, in socialization, right? It's really, I think that that move to be like, oh, he lives far away, so I just gave him a key or left the house unlocked, and he was just going to walk in the first time. She's clueless.

Your sister is clueless. So this is an issue between you and your sister, and I think the love now has to come in. You have to summon your love for your sister and look to her with a little compassion. Like, yes, you're a smart woman, it sounds like. And you have a sister who is very impressionable and naive, as you said, but also sensitive, but is very sensitive. But I just don't I do not think that she knows how to kind of maneuver in the world. It doesn't seem like. Yeah, but she's still young, right?

Twenty nine. Oh, she's twenty nine. OK, fine. Some people are late bloomers. There's obviously something up, right? It's like she is obviously a little bit stunted in that and maybe has been babied all her life, i.e. her mother is protecting her too. You know what I mean? Like she's maybe being coddled and this is what you're dealing with.

You're dealing with a coddled 29-year-old. I think that that is like, you know, to leave the door open and have a dude just come over and not give your sister a heads up, not give anyone in the house a heads up. It's just she makes dummy moves. But I think also, like, lacking in social graces or etiquette graces or lessons in how to communicate. Sure. All of that. All of the above.

So, Kay, this is about you and your sister. Leave him out of it. You got to get things right. You don't think Kay should at least meet him? Oh, yeah. Meet him. Like, meet him and don't hold a grudge against him. Like, this is – most of this is not really his fault.

Sorry, it's your sister's fault. Yeah. she invited him where it belongs yeah but i don't think and then k um kind of fucking mic drops at the end and is like oh well i'm afraid that she's gonna move out i would encourage that uh-huh i'm like that is not like a bad alternative here so i still think you should mend the bridge with your sisters so she doesn't feel like you know like doesn't have a chip on her shoulder about this whole thing but i definitely think you should encourage her to fucking find her own place like it's obviously not working so well with her living in your basement.

I mean, the way that she, obviously the way she describes her sister is that she's this really fragile person. And there are two ways, I mean, there are two ways to do this. It's okay, then it's independent of this guy. Like, how are you and your family going to help your sister not be so fragile in so many aspects of her life? Like, I don't give a shit about him. meet him, have dinner with him. Like really in your mind, you got to stop making it about him.

This is about her. Yeah, I agree. Don't meet him for dinner. Have a social distance, something in your backyard where you can talk to him. Whatever. Like, I don't know. Yes. Yes. Talk to him over a fence. But it was sort of coming back to kind of what you said during our Heidi question, which is like, maybe let Heidi fall. I think maybe let your sister fall a little bit so she can learn. I think that maybe you and your mother have always tried to protect her and smother her and help her. But that has somehow stunted her growth to make her own decisions and to like use common sense um and have you know what you were talking about like respect and just like fucking good decision making maybe let her fucking grow up and part of that would be not letting her live in your

basement like i think you're such a good sister you sound like someone who loves her sister is concerned for her sister wants the best for her sister but maybe um living under one roof isn't isn't what's best for her. Yeah. I think that your sister, it sounds like your sister has a lot of growth, growing to do. I don't know if that means growing in your basement or growing away. Yeah, it's true. Or growing away from you. But I really, really, the more I think about this question, the more I think that it really has nothing to do with the dude and more to do with the sister. So I would tackle it that way. Meet the guy. Be generous about it's really not his fault. He was introduced to you in such a shitty way. It was her fault. So and but yeah, the focus

now has to be on you and your sister. Yeah, I agree. Keep us posted. Good luck. Really curious about this one yeah all of them really yeah let us know oh my god i love this so much i wish that we actually videotape this shit because it's your facial expressions it takes like five seconds for you to register something and then it's demented i love it um okay while she's giggling away please send your questions to me at sasha at lady gossip.com thanks for listening and subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts leave comments and reviews we'd really appreciate it bye you Thank you.