What's Your Drama - Dink In A Sink & A Creepy Husband

Episode Date: March 14, 2019

Welcome back to another episode of What's Your Drama!On today's show: We are still not over Operation Varsity Blues. This story is privilege at play and some of the details are just hilarious. Then we get into your drama! How to handle a dirty boyfriend, what to do when your husband has turned into a certified creep and if you should tell your friend that she might not have that food allergy she thought she always had. That last question might be one of my favorites to date, so please send us your input via email or social media as Lainey and I are split on the decision.We hope you enjoy the show and make sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you get your podcasts. And keep your advice questions coming my way at [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hey what's your drama oh my god there's so much drama yeah okay well we are oh we are what's your drama i'm sasha i'm laney and um we are taping on tuesday it's what march 12th the day that will now forever be known as the college admissions scandal scam reveal blow up day it is just so good it is i i'm like stumbling because i wasn't expecting such good juice today and did they ever fucking squeeze out the drama for us today oh my god okay so tell me what you so you're at your computer you see this story come up so i'm it's Around, like, I don't know, it's fucking around, like, 10 o'clock in the morning. Something like that, right?

And the headline comes out and the first thing I do is I go on a group chat with Duanna and our other friend Lorella because you know this is Duanna's fucking shit. Like, Duanna knows everything about school applications and admissions. She visits schools. She loves everything about teens and taking exams. everything. Yes. All of that. And I feel like her life's work culminated in this moment. Yes. Anyway, so I sent it to her because I love, obviously, breaking news to her. Of course. And she's on vacation right now. She's hyperventilating. Yeah. So, and then the details,

you know how at the beginning they just like, because this is what happens typically. The authorities announce they like have indicted all these people, right? Then they pass out the document and journalists have to go through it. So what happens is that the journalists like read a little bit and then they report a little bit and then they read a little bit more. And so you get information in bits and pieces. And so the first thing was, here's the list of all these scammers. And then they start like unpacking the, you know, like photoshopping. So right. Felicity Huffman is the most notable. I don't think she was a photoshopper. No, No, but she's the most notable.

And Becky and Felicity Huffman. Yes. Yeah. But what – so everyone's, of course, following the story, which is that they are total scammers in Hollywood. They paid off – Not just Hollywood. Like, rich people, too.

Rich people, rich people. Like, CEOs and whatever, right? Yeah. Well, one actually from Vancouver. But anyway, so they have paid these coaches, they've paid professors off to get their kids into these very, very highbrow universities. Right. But the best part is that, can you please talk to me about the photoshopping that some

of these people fucking did? Yeah. Like the length that people go. Well, one of the scams… And no guilt. One of the scams is… because part of the reason why this is so insulting, and let's… okay, let's be clear. This is so insulting and gross because imagine how many students, particularly those who

deserve to be in, they had the grades, they studied hard, and they're just from a different demographic, i.e. they're not rich, were denied the college experience and the college opportunity. Anyway, so one of the scams they were running was the rich kids couldn't… the rich kids didn't have the grades to get in, but student athletes have a different threshold. And so they were side-dooring them in through like, but they weren't actually athletes, like they didn't play the sports. So they'd Photoshop them, like Ferguson's, I think it was the rowing team at one of the universities. So they'd Photoshop their kids or these agencies, these scam agencies would Photoshop the students

faces onto other athletic photos, I guess. I don't know, but it's so good. Oh, my God. The dredging up of just Hollywood scams and Hollywood scam artists and people like… It's the year of the scam, man. It's the year of the scam. But also when you just think even the good ones. Did you ever think Felicity Huffman…

No. …and William H. Macy… No. …would do something so fucking shady? I don't think… Like, so far from what I've read, they didn't do the photoshopping thing, but they did… No, they made some dough. Like, yeah.

Like, they… They greased someone to get their kids. They rigged some scores. Yes. Yeah. They break some scores. And here's the bottom line. What this is, is your kids didn't work hard enough or just couldn't get the grades. Yeah. I just think how embarrassing is it going to be for the kids? Do they… Your kids couldn't make the grade with all those resources. Because here's the thing,

there are different layers of advantage, right? And some are legal, but they feel gross, but they're still legal. And some are varying degrees towards illegal. And one of those advantages is that many of these families, by, like, the time the kids are six months old, they have tutors. They have, like, all kinds of plus, plus, plus advantages that these kids get before even, I don't know, they start grade school. Like, Joanna was telling me a couple years ago in New York, there's this program where like everybody's rich and everybody wants to get into like this elementary school or this pre-elementary school or this fucking middle school. And so those kids are being tutored like, I don't know, a hundred dollars an hour by these

people to try and get them into the fucking elementary school. Right. So already, if you're thinking about all these rich kids, they already had these advantages. Oh yeah. And they still couldn't fucking hack it. And they still couldn't cut it. Yeah. But who cares when you can cut a check. It's just, you know, you hear about these things, but just to see it all unfold and how crooked it is. Yeah. Anyway, it was a really… I didn't think… When I saw the article come up on my computer screen at work, I was like, oh, Felicity Huffman, like, she doesn't fucking do anything for me, really. And then I read, like, the first couple lines. I was like, oh, my God, this is possibly one of my favorite all-time Hollywood scandals. There are so many different

layers too because now, like, celebrities are starting to shade each other. So Felicity and Lori Loughlin are, you know, Aunt Becky are in the middle of this and so other celebrities are making fun of them. Oh, yeah, right. Like, Billy Eichner's had a really good tweet thread and Rob Lowe, I think, is, like, super shady, the ultimate shady. He was like, he was like, I'm so proud of my son. I think his name is John.

I'm so proud of John. because he worked hard and he worked legitimately to get in. No, no. No time for that. I don't want to know about that stuff. I can't believe it. So like now, but can you imagine like now within Hollywood, they already backstab each other all the time, these celebrities, right?

We know this. Yes. They already backstab each other left, right, and center, back and forth. So now they're going to be like fucking gossiping about each other on this. Did your kid get in? Oh, did you have to cheat to get in? But I wonder if they won't actually be doing that, because I'm sure a lot of them, and I mean, I don't know this for sure.

That's probably one of the reasons why they scammed it, because that's what they fucking do at the school rich kid drop-off in Hollywood. Of course. Did you guys hear back from the university yet? Did you? Oh, my Molly got into Harvard. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Or Molly is like a professional high jumper. You didn't know that? Look at this picture that was photoshopped. It's insane. Anyway, I love it. it made me really happy and I know that our lovely friend, Duanna, is having the best week of her life. Anyway, shall we with your drama, everybody else's drama?

Yes, let's do it. Okay, so our first question comes from… Hi, Sasha and Lainey. I would love for some advice on my new boyfriend. Let's call him T. T is wonderful and treats me so kindly and I'm totally in love. We've only been official for just over a month. He's the best guy. We're young.

He's 21. I'm 23. We both live at home, so that's not an issue in my opinion, but I haven't been able to go to his place because I have a dog, so he stays at my place every time, which I don't have a problem with. Oh, they live at home. That's cool. Yeah.

They're young. I know, but… They're going to university properly. They got in properly, I'm sure. But he stays at her place, so… Yes. Apparently with her folks. Yeah.

Yeah. That's great. Okay. But his respect while staying at my house is not the best. Here are some examples. When he showers, he'll put his soaking wet towel on my bed or on the floor for me to find hours later. He uses the bathroom hand towel to wipe things up and then leaves it soaking wet in the sink.

Gross. I hate that. Like, I hate a wet towel. Especially, this is a… you're a germaphobe, so this is going to kill you. He leaves every kitchen cupboard open, leaves cups and dirty dishes beside the sink, not even in the sink, and doesn't think a dishwasher exists and other things like that. I don't know if I'm being crazy, but it's just so disrespectful. I've asked him to hang his tile up.

I've cleared a spot for him in the bathroom. His response is, you're the first family I've ever met that hangs their tiles once they're done with them. Oh, okay. Like what? You're telling me that you've never encountered a clean family? I had a talk with him the last time he did this and he told me he was sorry, but he didn't think he would be able to break his habit.

I don't know about you guys, but I was raised to clean up after yourself when you're in another person's home. He told me that he hopes I'll respect the fact that his house is messy and that's how he lives his life. I'm worried that this frustrating habit, infuriating habit, will annoy me to the point of never wanting him at my house again. How many times will I have to tell him to clean up after himself before it breaks me down?

Don't get me wrong, my family and I aren't clean freaks who have a spotless home 24-7, but this is just insane to me. I'm scared to ever go to his place and I'm even more scared that this is going to make me feel disgusted towards him and his uncleanliness. Would you put up with the bullshit if you were me? I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm his mother more than his girlfriend. Please help me. Clean and not so happy.

So this has been a month. They've been official for a month. He's 21. She's 23. Okay. There. So, yeah. Our girl, clean.

Yeah. She's clean and he's tea. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. I mean, you know what I do? Actually, the other day I said to Corey, I was like, I gave him a hug. I was like, oh, you smell so good.

I love… He smells so clean. I love… I do like a clean person. Me too. And I'm not super, super, super squeaky clean. Like, I leave my clothes fucking everywhere. But I'm not dirty.

And that's the difference, right? There's something to be said for a dirty person. Like, if you're cleaning up shit off a counter and then just, like, then also then just using that fucking towel again, that's grody to the max to me. Like, I don't know if I could – I don't know if I could – well, I guess what I'm thinking is like, if you're taking that little care of all the things around you, are you taking care of the stuff like on you? Yeah. I, I, um, like is his dick clean? I guess that's what I want to know. I, I, yeah, I don't know. I, and I don't know if his dick's clean, but how do you

feel about cleanliness? Cause Jacek is Mr. Spick and span. He's, well, this is an interesting question. Okay. He is Mr. Spick and Span with the house. Like, I'm busy, he's busy, but he chooses to do the cleaning. Yeah. Because he works from home. That's why he doesn't want to bring in a service. And so he's like, sometimes I need a work break and he'll clean. Yeah. And so the house, Our house is spotless. You come over at least once a week. It is always so clean. It is…

The house for me has to be clean. Okay. My body, myself… I know. I have to be clean. Like, I shower minimum three times a day. Mm-hmm. And, yes.

I know you're very clean. We all know that. Yeah. Yassik. Yassik, are you a gross person? He's… He is… Does he smell?

Well, he invented a thing called what he calls a half shower. No. No. There is no such thing as a half shower. Are you going to tell me that you take a cloth and like wipe your ass all day? Oh, no, no, no. I'm going to… He invented it and he was so proud of it a few years ago and he thought he invented it.

And you and I, because we're of a certain height, can't really like do this, but tall people can stand over the sink, a half shower, so half body below the waist, stand… Oh, you're telling me he flops his dick into the sink? Okay, that's what happens. Yes, we each have our own bathrooms, by the way. You know this, right? Okay, I didn't know that, actually. So he has the downstairs basement bathroom.

Okay. And I have, like, the upstairs bathroom. So he, a few years ago, invented, and he was so fucking proud of this. He was telling all our friends, right? He invented the dick flop sink. And he'd, like, fucking tell our dude friends, like, our friend Q, and he'd be like, Dude, have a shower, have a shower. So, and so I, like, think that on a good week, he might, and we're talking not the summer.

Like, if he's golfing in the summer. A real shower. A full shower. It's a real shower. No doubt. And if it's really hot out and he's just walked the dogs for three hours, a real shower takes place. But in the winter?

Just a floppy dick half shower. A good week is a five, four to five shower week. Okay. He's okay with that He Okay He works from home Okay

He sometimes doesn't Have to see anybody Like Since he got back From Vancouver On Saturday Today's Tuesday Yeah

You're the only person He's seen Okay Aside from me So since he's been back On Saturday It's now Tuesday He's showered

One and a half times Two Two showers Okay Okay So I Please correct that

Okay Since he's come back From Vancouver It's He came back on Saturday And it's now Tuesday day. He showered twice. Okay. I don't think that's enough. I would agree with you. Okay. Thank you. I think every day one should wash their body. Right? I don't think that's a

lot to ask. It's not good for your skin. It's not good for your skin. He's chiming in saying… Okay, beauty blogger. We're good. Yeah. I think you need to wash once a day. Anyway. I smell. I will. Okay. But if I don't smell. See, he's saying that if he smells, he will. Okay. And if he doesn't… But I don't think that, like, some people are a good judge of self-smell. I agree with that. Anyway, so what I'm saying to clean our writer here is that I feel you, but her situation is… I think her situation is a little bit worse because you put in the disrespect factor. Of your family. Of your family. That would be also a no zone for me. Yeah. To me, I think you can work out on your own everybody's standards of what they can live

Like, clearly, I'm in a marriage where I'm at one extreme and my husband occupies a different area on the spectrum. Yeah. So a relationship can certainly, like, work if you come to common ground. Yes. But I don't know what the common ground on, like, going to someone's home and disrespecting it, like your folks. That, but also I find it also disrespectful that he's like, oh, too bad, so sad.

Like, no, this isn't going to change. Listen, dude. It's not like she's making you do something horrible. Just put the fucking towel in a basket. Granted, he's 21. Like, I… Still. But one knows how to move their hand to another place to drop off something else.

Yeah. And I don't… She's not asking for a lot. Fucking clean up after yourself a little bit, especially when you're at my parents'. Yeah. I don't know. For me, it's more of just, like, a general… Yeah, as I keep on repeating, a general disrespect.

And that is a red flag to me. I don't want to be with someone who's lazy and dirty. And the fact that she's raised it with him, like, hey, buddy, you're over at my parents. Like, even if it's your personal philosophy, like, you're, I don't know, part of your own way of being at your house. Like, across cultures, there are different, like, manner standards, right? Like, you know, over here, the white people don't like when you, like, snap your mouth when you're eating.

over where you and I are from, over in Asia, like, you fucking be as loud as you want. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There. Yeah. But I think in every culture, you go to someone's home, you respect their home. A thousand percent.

Like, I'm not sure if in any culture it's okay to go to someone's home and, like, take a shit in it. No. And, like, leave the shit lying around. You know what I mean? Totally. Well, do you break up after this, though? But I feel like she did bring it up, and he blew her off.

Bring up. Break up. Do you think it's worthy of a breakup? I feel like it's worthy of another conversation because he is 21 and he's immature. So I would have another conversation and be like, listen, this is… Listen, this actually isn't about cleanliness. It would be nice if it could be about cleanliness. But…

But what this is about is in a relationship, there are certain respects you offer to another person. And at least a meet and a go. There is a compromise. Yes. I have said to you that this is my family home and if you can't meet that request, I don't know. Like, that might be a deal breaker.

I think so too. I think it's mostly just to come in to somebody's house, specifically your parents, and blatantly fuck up their home. That's not… And not apologize for it, not try to be a better person when you're there for those allotted hours, which can't be that much. like lazy lazy lazy lazy i'm not into that i would i yeah i don't know if you're being cute and polite to him but i think that this next step if you haven't is to be like pretty forthcoming

and direct yeah like if you don't get your shit together like this isn't gonna really work yes yeah and but then i would say um clean our writer if he agrees okay i'll work on it then you kind of have to ride his ass because it seems like he's not habitual about these things. Like, I guess he's the kind of person that leaves cupboard doors open. I don't know how that works. Like, but yeah, I guess. And so you have to be that person like, hey, close the cupboard behind you. And oh, hey, can you…

Until it becomes habit. Yeah. I think that you are going to have to ride his ass a bit. Yeah. So… And I don't do things perfect either. Like, Corey gets on my ass for, like, loading the dishwasher. Like he… I'll load it and then he will take the dishes out, then shame me while he's

putting the dishes back in. I like Corey. Really? We have the same fight. Okay. Both of us feel like we load it… I feel like I load it right. I feel like I load it way more efficiently than him.

Yeah. And he doesn't think… and so we're… but yeah. But we get the job done, right? Yes. Yes. These are good fights to have. When you're fighting about how best to clean… That's true.

Instead of fighting about how best to be dirty, I think that we're good. Okay, clean. And so good luck. At least you don't have a half shower, a half cleaner. Isn't that interesting, though? Like, for me, it was interesting in the sense of I would never think to do that. Because you couldn't. But I couldn't.

But also… You can't, like, scissor a box. Exactly. But when you're taller… Yes. You can, like… You can lean on over and let your appendages… You flop.

Dangle. Yes. Okay, next. Hi, Lainey and Sasha. I've been with my partner B for nearly 20 years and we have a young child together, five to eight-ish. B was always one of the good guys, straight as an arrow, and I trusted him completely despite the fact that he was in a job that kept him away from home for long periods through the first half of our relationship. Like every partnership, we've had our ups and downs,

but we were very solid. Somewhere along the way, things change and I feel like he's turned into a fucking creep. Okay. That is right there. Okay. I have been racking my brains trying to pinpoint the exact time. It was definitely between the birth of our kid and the present, but the majority of the shift has probably happened within the past few years. Obviously, having a child is a major life change and other things happened as well. Prior to the shift, he took a new job and started working with a bunch of bros. They text each other constantly and it's nauseating.

B made a few offhanded comments about Instagram and it made me curious. He was liking boatloads of photos of scantily clad girls every day, including when we were in the car on a family vacation. I confronted him and told him I thought it was disrespectful and he stopped liking anything along those lines, that I can see anyway, but was still constantly following new girls. At first, they were public figure types in fitness, sports, law enforcement, and that changed to the point where he started following local girls who had no significant following or public presence.

There were some stripper types in there too. Most of them are roughly half his age. Some of them don't post anything public, which was weirder. Who knows what else he's doing? I confronted him and he doesn't actively do anything that I can see. I try to respect privacy, but after a couple of pivotal incidents, I checked his phone. I've done this less than five times in our nearly 20-year relationship. I didn't see anything significant other than lots of gross texts with the bros, but I know

that that's the nature of the modern apps. He definitely deletes things. I know for a fact that he's also doing some other shady things like webcams, although he has vehemently denied this on several occasions. I'm not a prude and don't have a problem with porn crushes, but to me there are boundaries in a committed relationship. He was raised not to be a liar and used to be physically incapable of lying. Now he's a total pro. I wake up every night and fret. I want to leave him but adore our child and don't want to mess their life up in the process. Admittedly, there's also selfishness too

in that I don't want to have to split time with my child. He also loves our kid, is a good dad, and our kid loves him. I've been trying to do what I can to improve our relationship, taking better care of myself, making more of an effort. Our relationship and sex life have improved, but he's still got a lot of shady habits and I don't trust him. He's very secretive with his phone. It may as well be super glued to his body. I don't know what to do. Confront him again? Leave him? Am I overreacting? He will not go to therapy. Do all guys send each other gross texts 24-7 about sex with not only random women, but also acquaintances and any co-worker who happens to be female? Are these things that can even be changed or is this just who he is now? Does he

have a brain tumor, please help. Kind regards, Elle. Oh, Elle. I'm sorry, Elle. I'm sorry, Elle, too. Elle, you sound actually really awesome. And it seems like you've been putting in a lot of effort and have been giving space and trying to figure this out. And it makes me sad because I know that you know what's going on. You know, the reality is all there for you to see. He is, it's weird when guys, or not guys, when anybody can make that flip, that kind of midlife crisis. I've never understood what the trigger is. And maybe it's like these new bro-y friends that are, you know, maybe he wasn't like

this cool dude before. Now he has these friends that are like getting him into stuff. So he's just being influenced and just doing really stupid things. but that's not an excuse because he is um embarrassing himself and he's embarrassing your relationship and he is um taking away things that you guys have both worked so hard to have and i admit i'm mad yeah i'm mad um and the fact that he will not go to therapy what else is there to do if he's not willing to make the changes if he's still being a fucking low down dirty fucking sham and he won't go to fucking therapy what are you gonna do

you only have one fucking choice. Yeah. I'm trying to like, I'm trying to unpack this because, okay, let's talk about texts. Yeah. We, so let's talk about our group chats. Yeah. Okay. So like there are times when our group chats get dirty as fuck. Real fucking raunchy, right? Like, do you remember? I think I was the one who sent us all the Noah Centineo. Yes. And like we were all like, oh, you know, pretty excited. Yeah. How about that? Yeah.

Yes. You were the dirty instigator on our group chat. Oh, I just dropped it and then I was like… Walked away. Yeah. That's what I did that day. I remember distinctly. I dropped it and walked away and you guys fed on it like fish.

Yep. Like when you… You sure did. There you go. And, but it wasn't like… It wasn't like… You're not real. No.

And sometimes like when one of our friends, you know, our friend who's single and dating and on dating apps, when like she sends us pictures of hot guys who are matching with her because she only matches with the hottest guys, we're all like, let's pretend our friend's name is Kayla. Kayla, get on the dick. We are pretty raunchy about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, Kayla, if you don't fuck him, we will.

But they're funny. There's an undertone of like real humor. So what I'm trying to say is sometimes guys have their own version of that and Elle is saying it's gross. So I just want to, I just want to like figure out whether that's their version of what our friends do, like we do among each other. Yeah. And it's obviously a different form of communication because they're men.

Yeah. Or if it crosses a line into it's just like nastiness. I think if it was just a standalone thing where she was like, oh, fuck, they have the grossest group text ever. What fucking pigs? I think she would be able to get over that. The problem is he's following fucking like barely dressed women that he does not know or that they're now that it was celebrity people that are out of touch.

Now he's following people that are in his touch, right? They're in the town. They're in the city that he lives in. He is now doing webcams. I don't know if he's doing webcams or watching webcams. I'm really curious about the webcam part. But that's also pretty fucking… Either way.

Yeah. Red flag there. I think all of this coming together, like all the pieces coming together are not good. If it was just the group text, fine. If it was just the webcam, fine. It's the liking the pictures. It's all of the things that he obviously feels like the grass is greener. And that's what bothers me too is when someone puts so little effort and they're like taking

steps out of a relationship and then you see the person who is trying to make it better, right? Like she's trying to like still have a sexual relationship with him. She's trying to like up her game and look cuter. Like that's what fucking bugs me. She's trying to save it. while he's fucking killing it at the same time. And that's what bothers me.

Yeah. It bugs me. Yeah, Elle, I guess we read through her reasoning for, like, not wanting to leave him. And can I say that about what her reasoning is that she doesn't want her child to be a product of divorced parents? Like, I am a product of divorced parents. It's better for your child to be in a healthy environment than having a dad who is fucking jacking off to webcams and trying to hook up with local hoes. No, it's not that.

It's that, like, it's not great if she… I don't know. I don't know. I don't think they… We know the child. Okay, so if the child, they, can sense that you every day are hating your husband a little more, that's not good. That's not good.

That's not a good example, like, to model for a child if you want them to have a healthy relationship when they get older. But that's not a happy environment. No. Like, don't kid yourself. That's not something that they're like, this everything seems great. Yeah. Yeah. And I get it. Like, you know, you think that if there was a divorce, yeah,

you have to split time. But, I mean, listen, are you willing to sacrifice your own happiness? Right? Yeah. I think you have to weigh all these things. Do I think that walking out is the only answer right now? I don't think it's the only answer, but I think testing it might wake him up. Yes. Like… You're going to have to baby step into that. Right now he has nothing to lose. You might want to, you might want to remind him of what he has to lose. Because if he won't even go to therapy, then he's not coming to the table with anything.

Yeah. So I do think that you, I don't know what that looks like for you. Whether or not it's you asking him to move out for a while, whether or not it's a trial separation, whether or not it's a very serious conversation. on the other hand like there are many people who don't think ultimatums work that when you at when you are at the point of having to issue one you're probably at the point of following through on the other end of the ultimatum but the only thing i can think of right now to say is scare him straight if you can yeah and i think what l hasn't told us which i think she would have um is that she

hasn't had like a full-on brawl with him yet like she it seems like she's been really respectful yeah and she's still trying to do some detective work yeah um but like i would balls to the wall that shit and like you've got to stop fucking following people you've got to like what's this webcam like really understand where he's coming from like is this just like a momentary lapse in judgment um is he just like kind of having like a little bit of a spiral breakdown or is this something like is this something that he's always been and you're just noticing now i don't know like now that I'm thinking about it like I don't now I don't want to know what well I'm really like torn like should it be a scared straight situation and should it even be a

throwdown situation where she just like fucking gives him like you have to stop doing this stop doing that because like I don't know if that's a real relationship either like that comes naturally don't like when you get frustrated when someone fucking does you wrong like it starts to bubble up. Like, there's going to have to be some sort of, lack of a better word, confrontation, right? Like, you're going to have to bring it to them. Like, what the fuck is going on? What are you trying to do? I mean, what are you doing? Because you're fucking ruining this relationship, this marriage. Like, get your shit together. Like, that should be step one, at least. Yeah, I think that you're right. And I think there are different ways to say that.

Right now, I'm imagining it and I think if it were me and I were Elle, because I'm just rereading what Elle is saying and the things that she's called him, like, she's basically called him a creep. She called him a creep. Yeah. Yeah. And she doesn't think much of him. She thinks he has a brain tumor because it's the only explanation for what his behavior

is about. Yeah. And it's almost like, does he have a brain tumor? Like, is that the way that I can almost justify hating him so much? Yeah. Then, Elle, the bottom line right now is that you don't respect your husband and you think he's gross. Yeah.

And has he heard that from you? Like, those words. Imagine, Sasha, you're married, I'm married. Imagine if your spouse is, like, sits across the table from you and says to you, I think you're a gross person and I don't have any respect for you. like that would break me in a in in the moment for sure yeah and i think that is fair because these are the things she thinks these are her opinions yeah i see you like this um do you want to change the way i see you yeah you would hope and i don't know maybe that's the way to approach

it. Instead of you have to do this, you have to do that, fix this, what's wrong with you, turn it around and be like, I don't like you. Yeah. I don't even know who you are anymore. Yeah. Yeah. This is a tough one. Like, I definitely don't think that you're at the stage right now to call it quits and walk away from this relationship because you are still fighting for it and you're still trying to navigate how you feel about it all. But as Lainey said, like, the stuff that's coming through in this letter is pretty fucking, it's kind of dark. So I would really, I would really have, however you want to have the conversation, maybe you're not a confrontation, do this, do that kind of chick, but take Lainey's lead and, and really be

like, this is who I see you as now. Like, what are we going to do? Yeah. What are we going to do? What are you going to do to make this better? Yeah. Yeah. I don't… Anyway, Elle, good luck. Let us know how it goes. And keep us posted for sure.

For sure. Okay. Finally, hi, Sasha and Lainey. I have actually had this question about a tricky friend situation for some time, so hope you can help me out. I have a friend, M, that I've known for about 20 years. We met when M was living with my sister, S, and another friend, W. One of the most defining characteristics of M is her severe food allergies, which makes it nearly impossible for her to eat

any food she has not prepared herself. This is something that guides her choices daily and is always a big topic of conversation for her. So this is where things get a bit tricky. One evening when M, S, and W were living together and M was going to be out until the next day, S and W decided to take advantage and made a dish with egg noodles for dinner. They put the leftovers in the fridge and headed out to the bar. Unbeknownst to S and W, the plans M had fell through and she came home while they were out. Seeing the leftovers in the fridge and assuming they were allergen-free, the house had strict food rules, M ate the leftovers and nothing. I love this so much. No near-death reaction, no intolerance reaction, just nothing. When S and W came home and realized

what had happened, they made a vow never to tell Em and to this day she's oblivious. I love this fucking… this might be… this is my favorite letter for sure. Oh, my God. Obviously, my sister told me what would happen and I have since struggled with whether or not to tell Em. I believe that as a child, Em had an allergy to eggs and I don't want to minimize the seriousness of that. However, I do think it would make her life incredibly easier if she knew that she may not actually be allergic anymore. Would she be more upset with me if she found it I knew and didn't tell her or if I tell her now after all these years? To tell or not to tell, that is the question. Thanks, Jay. I love this so much.

Oh my God. This is a really… This is going to start happening more and more as people go gluten, vegan, whatever, right? This is hilarious to me. Only because I feel so much for the friend. I don't even know what her initial is. Egg allergy person. Yeah. Because, listen, I have had many food restrictions since my health stuff. Like I couldn't eat gluten, I couldn't eat dairy. And then all of a sudden I became mostly vegan. Like I still eat fish because I'm a bad person. And there's like this push and pull when you have something that you can't do because of your own health and you know all your friends eye roll you and fucking are like, oh, can't you just eat that? And you're like, no. So you have to stay like super, super diligent

when it comes to your allergies, right? You're not only fighting for yourself, but you're also fighting for like to get your friends to fuck off and believe you for a hot second. So it's kind of Like I'm, so right, so there's that angle of it, right? That you don't want someone to call you out because then they'll think like, oh, you've been lying this whole time. You really never did have an egg allergy. Yeah. And then the other thing though is, oh my God, the freedom of being able to eat what

you've been told not, that you've not been able to eat before is fucking awesome. When I found out that I could eat sourdough bread after not being able to eat bread for many years was the best thing ever. It was like the best gift, right? So it's like this total seesaw of feelings, right? Because she wants to own the fact that she had a fucking food allergy, but the freedom that would come with it would be exponential. And what I like about our like letter writer here is that she's not accusing the friend of never having it. Yeah. Because you can grow out of allergies. Of course. All the time. But they've had to abide by these strict rules that they've probably all been like, fuck.

Yeah. So I don't know. I don't know. So are you saying you would tell? So this is it. Yeah. Like, I think that the freedom of said food allergy would be more than having her to live this super strict diet. if in fact she can fucking eat eggs because her life would be so much better if she could eat a

fucking egg every once in a while do you know what I mean like she'll probably feel embarrassed she'll probably feel a little bit angry she'll probably be even angrier that you never told her that she ate a fucking egg noodle because it could have fucking gotten her into the hospital but I think if she could know this bit of information so that she could get tested again then that would be some fantastic knowledge for her. Do you know what I mean? Yep. I feel like the pros outweigh the cons for your friend.

I don't know because this, the whole, I've become over, I'm trying to become more and more like… Sensitive? Because I'm so fucking, listen, I have been so, I've been that person who's been like, look around, a new person just became gluten free. and you're the because you're the people you're the type of person no i will say this it's because a lot of people who are gluten-free are not celiac yeah and so there is there are a lot of people who are gluten-free and you i mean listen to this so much hate man there are a lot of people who are gluten-free who are some people do it because it's trendy can we just admit that like because

Because they just fucking saw it in goop. Sure. I don't know those people because to be gluten-free fucking licks and balls. I will tell you that much. Yeah. Because, Sash, you're only seeing it through your own eyes, which is you are like a person who hates Instagram or doesn't post on Instagram. So you mean you've never fucking looked at a person who is on Instagram and values how

she looks on her Instagram photos and the food that she needs to eat or not eat to be able to take those photos? Fuck you. You know, stop talking about both sides. both sides of your mouth. This feels like the perfect time to talk about keto crotch, which we will not do. But go on. So just tell me what you would do. Oh my God, keto crotch. I know. We can't get into this. Why did we talk about keto crotch? Okay. So what I'm saying is there are some people out there

who are gluten-free because it's trendy. Okay. And those people annoy me. Okay. Because as you just said, why would you not eat so many delicious things that have gluten? I know. Right? Okay. Okay. So, but you just said, oh my God, you're going to get so much shit from people. And like, because of outrage culture, we're all ducking.

We're all fucking ducking. I'm ducking right now. Don't duck. I'm ducking right now. And I'm like, oh, people are going to get mad. Like, you know, I say… Don't duck. This is a real issue for our writer.

Should she tell her friend that her friend could live a life, an egg-filled life? What I'm saying is, I'm leaning towards no, don't tell the friend because of all these like the new world of how people eat. Like, I don't know. It's very personal. Yeah, exactly. And people do get their, do get really defensive because, and especially when you've had a lifetime of a food allergy, like it becomes a bit of a control issue. I find that too in this, like in this world of like health and supplements and stuff, people begin, become really regimented and you can't fuck with the shit that they take and the shit that they don't take. Exactly. There There are… listen, I've decided that in life there are now three sensitivities where

you just can't say it out loud, okay? You can't, like, comment on someone's kids, okay? Obviously. Check. You now can no longer talk about back in the old days, like for people of a certain generation that would be me and probably you, your parents spanking you. Can't talk about spanking anymore. You can't?

Nope. Okay. I can't even say without like ducking because of outrage culture, I can't even say back in the day I behaved because I was afraid of my parents because if I fucked up, they pull out the Chinese chicken feather duster. You know the chicken feather duster? No, I got fucking just ass kicked. Okay.

So we're stating a fact. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like this happened to us. Yeah. We got spanked. Yeah. And you can't even talk about it that way anymore because people are like, no more corporal punishment.

Right. Which I'm not advocating for corporal punishment. I'm just saying back in the day our parents used to spank us. Yeah. Right? Correct. Period. The end. You can't even go there anymore. Okay. And the third is now… Food. Gluten. Just gluten. So gluten is now the equivalent of talking about people's kids and spanking. Okay. That is how fucking sensitive people are. Okay. You talk about gluten and you even like, you know, your voice changes a little bit about the gluten and suddenly it's like, what do you mean? Yeah. How can you say that?

Yeah. You don't know my body. Yeah. You don't know what I've been through. Apologize right now. Apologize to all the glutens. Right? So what I'm saying is she shouldn't tell.

Because again, right now my list is only three. In a year, it's going to grow. In a year, you're not going to be able to talk about someone's yard. I don't know. And in two years, like, it's going to be 10 different things. Okay. So don't tell. I disagree.

I think you should tell for… because you love your friend, you want her to live a full and happy life to the best of her ability, and if a fucking egg can creep into her diet every once in a while and she can loosen up the reins a bit, that's a good thing. Because that's what… if that happened to me, I would probably get my back up a bit If you were like, oh, ha-ha, that had fucking Parmesan in it, I would be really, like, instinctually I would be kind of mad at first, but then I would be like, oh, fuck, I can eat fucking cheese now? Bring that shit on.

Thank you. That seems like a very reasonable thing. And if we were living in a reasonable world, that would be reasonable advice. Okay. Let's see what prevails. Well, maybe she can tell us how reasonable her friend is. Yeah. You gauge that.

Yeah. Gauge it along these lines. Is your friend somebody who is willing to acknowledge that back in the olden days people got spanked without freaking out? That's a tester. Okay. And if they are, then maybe, like, you know, inch into it. That wasn't a good test.

No. Don't listen. Sorry, Elle, if that's who… Is that who she is? Elle? No. I don't know. Person who wrote us.

It's not like, listen, I'm not saying that your friend has to be a defender of corporal punishment. I'm just saying if she doesn't get mad by some people saying, hey, my parents used to spank me, then, you know, she's a reasonable person who understands that facts are not opinions. Okay. On that note. Keep us posted.

Eat whatever you want or not eat whatever you want and don't spank your kids. And don't fuck with people who have gluten intolerances. That's right. Keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And also subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts, leave comments and reviews. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week. Bye.

Bye. Thanks for driving us to the tournament, Mrs. Hanson. No problem. Great having all seven of you in my Kia Carnival. Can I sit beside you on the way home, Mrs. Hanson? Um, sure. Can I help you pump the gas when we stop? Well, my Carnival Hybrid gets up to 1,000 kilometers of range, so pretty sure not needed today. I guess we'll just have to talk all the way, Mrs. Hanson.

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