What's Your Drama - Driving For Some D

Episode Date: June 12, 2020

Welcome back to What's Your Drama. Today we start things off a bit differently. With all that is going on with the Black Lives Matter uprising and the collective fight to end anti-Black and anti-Indigenous racism, it's time to start calling ourselves out for sh-tty behavior. We hope that this isn't triggering for anyone (feel free to skip it) but Lainey and I share how we've dropped the ball on allyship.Then we get into your questions!Our first writer has been supporting their parents with monthly payments but they want more and are literally not taking NO for an answer. But maybe just saying the word "NO" isn't good enough....Next, "Empathy" has a serious drama on her hands. Her brother is dealing with a creepin' wife. The thing is though her brother doesn't know she knows.Finally, how far is too far to get some dick during a pandemic? Pretty sure you can guess my answer and OF COURSE, you'll know what Lainey's vote is.We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You know how other people hoarded toilet paper at the beginning of the pandemic? You hoarded tampons? I hoarded tampons. That's amazing. I will trade you a roll of toilet paper. Do you keep hearing podcast ads, like this one for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think.

We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. hi i'm laney tv reporter talk show host and founder of laney gossip.com and i'm sasha television producer and fashion reporter on laney gossip.com this is a show where we get right up in your business this is what's your drama

posted something on instagram about this candle company that was like crazy racist and um everyone's been putting them on blast okay it's fucked but interestingly enough i got some dms about um like how i felt about me posting that and canceling a small business because i had a small business so i thought that was if we want to get topical we can but if we don't then we don't have to we can tell how how is this racist how is this company racist um they used the they um texted this black women uh a black owned company by a woman in vancouver and used the n word um told like what do you mean they use the n word they said um they wanted to burn down oh they're like is this your place of business i want to burn your place down n word uh talks about

jewish people um it's it's bad and it's it's vancouver candle company do you want me to send you what it is you can see it what to your cell phone yeah um it's fucked so i obviously posted about them and said um fuck these racist fucks um if you own them or support them unfollow and then I got some people writing back like well like how do you feel about canceling a small business and it's fucking alarming anyway I don't my point being I don't give a fuck about a small business if they're fucking racist assholes she told her she wants her business to burn down n-word and then the fucking third slide is like another atrocity to jewish people it's like what is going on and this is like what you would imagine to be like a chic fucking like live

love laugh fucking candle company are you okay you're not okay right what is happening exactly what is happening and then someone asked me too they dm'd me and was like how do you feel about reformation i know they're your favorite brand and i'm like fuck it i don't care like it's fucking done i'm done with reformation what's going on with reformation reformation um well they've been called out for being um uh horrible to their um black salespeople never being able to rise up in the ranks so the person from reformation had to step down or has stepped down but was basically like we need to change we have no um people of color or black people at the leadership level and so i was like fuck it okay reformation's gone like none of this bothers me like i'm not

i'm not so like mutated in my brain that i'm like oh but not reformation my favorite out of fuck next i don't care so this ideal idea of cancel culture and people being so upset about it's like cancel the racists i think that in this moment we have all recognized how maybe insensitive and irresponsible in the way of complacent that we've been like certainly things bother us but there is a luxury of um people who are not black can put it away yeah and of course in the conversations and in what we're witnessing in the news we realize that like for everyone who can put it away and focus on somebody something else for black people it's not something like they can't take off their blackness but also that pain stays with them

like every time a Breonna Taylor is murdered you know black women everywhere feel it there's a connection because they can see themselves in that and and so go ahead well and that they've like that they've shielded us from that too which is which makes that burden even more so right like this distribution owner is like i haven't wanted to share this this has been going on for her for years yeah she had to fucking stomach that shit and even releasing that she felt uh nervous about about revealing those texts and it's like god that is that the fact that we have not been privy to and that's probably just well it's just one of millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of racist uh things that have occurred to black people and we're just finding

about now too, or we've turned a blind eye to it, or we've still supported brands that we knew were kind of sketchy. Do you know what I mean? It's just like, oof, everything is just coming full steam ahead. And I love it. I think too, like it may be even insulting to some people that I'm even having this reaction of shock because my reaction of shock shows my privilege. Like wake up Lainey, you know, people are using this word and I know, I know that people are using this word but like it's at the same time i think that like we all have to feel that collective disgust and this urgency and this intensity like i don't know that we can i don't know that we can the those of us who want to be allies and who are not black or indigenous can actually um get away

with putting it aside anymore and and i think that that is why on laneygossip.com the website And on this podcast, we're continuing this conversation because they can't take a break. So we're not going to take a break. And to you, if you're listening, if you're still listening, because, yeah, you may have turned it off. The people who turned it off already have a privilege to turn it off and be like, I'm so done with this topic. I'm just going to go and do whatever. Post a selfie. Yeah.

And that or not even post a selfie, like go in, whatever, read a book and not continue to feel. this urgency like I do I this is what I'm saying is that I do think that we have a responsibility to carry on this urgency with people in the black community because they can't you know it's not going to change if they have to do it alone oh there's no checking out that's I think that's the thing there's no and we've all failed them in a way oh we failed them in many ways so um so to those of you who are still listening thank you thank you for listening to us talk about this because um it's the right thing to do and it's happening in real time right in front of our faces more so than ever so it's like yeah fucking check those brands check the people out of your life

like yeah all of that stuff anything that doesn't align with caring about black people and caring about indigenous people gets to go like they gotta go but also like talking to yourselves about it Like, I mean, listen, I think all of us, I hope, have had to confront the shitty things about ourselves. Yeah. On top of being complacent. So that's like, you know, the most, the easiest thing to confess to yourself. But then it's also like, when have I made assumptions?

Can I honestly say that I haven't made an assumption about a black person? Can I honestly say that I haven't spoken? No, no. Yeah. And that's what I'm kind of waiting for too is like people, like everyone you're hearing is like you know I've done some work I've really thought about stuff I'm kind of curious to now know when the wave will be when people start admitting what those are like out loud I think that will be the real change and I'm seeing a lot of I'm seeing a lot of people talking about it and

I think that's great but no one's really actually admitting those things and that's where I think when you can put because people still don't want to admit it because what will people think will they get cancelled all that kind of stuff I think if we're being really honest then we've got to be really honest like when i was living at our old house and cory and i were outside for some reason we were coming back from a bar and it was caravana in the city of toronto which is like this bumpin city party and this suv rolled up tinted windows rap music like young black dudes and they rolled down their window and i was scared um i remember just being like oh fuck what's gonna happen and they were the nicest people ever they were like hey where's like they just wanted to know

where to go downtown they're like what direction is downtown toronto and they were like the like the loveliest joyous people and i remember in that moment being like whoa i'm such a fuck face and even in the last two weeks corinne i have talked about that specific moment because we both caught ourselves being assholes yeah being biased being racist throwing throwing uh an idea of something onto absolutely innocent people just fucking having fun so yeah yeah it it and i have to do more thinking because i'm sure there's some fucked up shit i've done and fucked up thoughts i've thought before yeah i mean we could probably spend the next hour listing off the uh shitty things that we've thought and the microaggressions that we've done um and hey if you're listening and

you would like to listen to an episode like that uh please let us know and i'm sure we can fill eight hours more yeah of the shittiness that that and own up to it um that said um understanding that also eight hours of you and i recounting what assholes we are might also be triggering and disrespectful to people of the black community as well who are listening. So if you're, you are listening particularly to our black listeners. Um, if that was a trigger, if what we just shared was a trigger for you, we apologize. Um, we're trying to, um, we're trying to do better in confronting our own shortcomings in the past. And, um, a part of that is recognizing it and naming it. Um, but also that's hurtful to you even to hear it because they, you know, probably they've

been on the other side of that. So, um, thanks so much for continuing to stick around if you're still there. Yeah. Should we get into some questions? Yes. Okay. So here are our questions. Hi, Sash and Lainey. I have a drama about my parents. I'm an only child in my late twenties. My parents are in their sixties and still working. They're having financial difficulties and I'm helping them by sending them some money every month. It's not a small amount, trust me. However, it is not enough for them and they keep asking for more. Initially, I feel really bad as any child would to help their parents. So I took from my savings to give them. And then it became more and more often and the amount they're asking became greater and greater. Slowly, I started

saying no, because honestly, it will drain up my savings. I have a decent job, but nowhere near rich. I think I should be smarter about saving money. I tried talking to them about ways to better their financial situation so it's not solely dependent on me. However, they refused any of my suggestions. It feels like they expect me to do this in return since when I was a child, they treated me very well and bought me anything I wanted. I used to be very close to my parents. We used to call or text all the time. Recently, our conversations become more and more about money. It's really hard and painful to talk about since we seem to have different principles about money. I started to ignore their calls or texts and just send them the monthly support.

I feel really sad because I miss them. I couldn't talk to them anymore the way we used to. They are really wonderful people, kind and generous to others. I love them to death. I really don't mind helping them. But what they're asking is really beyond my means. What do you think I should do? Thank you for your advice.

Hard. oh okay almost we were almost talking about this on my porch a couple of weeks ago about how um like our parents ask us for stuff and my dad is uh a Chinese man and um sometimes in our culture they expect us to um take care of them and take care of them uh well um for my dad I've had honest conversations like he's like oh when are you going to take care of me like oh like and always asking her asks me for shit and I'm like I have no money like I can only give you what I can give you listen and I say that I give him zero my sister gives him the money because she's older yeah but you have if you don't have it you don't have it and this is what saddens me about this

question is that she's already told her parents that um and they're still not accepting of that she are you really rereading that have they she says i've told them read that but there it's like um slowly i started saying no okay got it yeah right so she has voiced uh the reasons well actually maybe that's the problem maybe she's just said no but has she explained why no um and maybe that's the next step if she hasn't done that. Because if I mean, she says her parents are like these lovely, giving, warm people. I don't think they would want her their child to like be in financial debt. You know, what's interesting, though, is that at no point does Z reveal their gender. And it's really interesting that both of us assume that Z is a woman. Isn't that interesting?

And I think that it's I think it's worth talking about. It's interesting. I didn't even think about that it's wrong like it's probably wrong like but we all have these assumptions right we all have like oh if you're the person who's helping other parents like we all assign whatever qualities we think z has we assign them to women yeah to the we assign them to women and um that's both of us and i would imagine we're not the only ones there are some people who are way more enlightened out there who are probably like i don't know what if this person is a man woman or that but we the point is we were just like this must be a woman and it's true i i also think it's worthwhile exploring why we assigned like why we assume that this z is a woman um because of like the

assumptions we both carry about who whose responsibility is it is and also like you know where the burden for family and domestic labor comes from and falls to. Sorry. I agree with you. I mean, the bottom line is the bottom line. If you can't, you can't. But I don't know what culture Z is, but there are, I know it's heavier in certain cultures. Like you and I both have Chinese backgrounds. My husband has a Polish background. So for his parents, the attitude is parents should always from day one to the time that they leave us take care of the kids so his parents are constantly trying to like give us money and send us money and we're like please save your money like don't want it like this is crazy yeah um and always trying to

buy a shit whereas i'm from a chinese family and in a chinese family there's this concept of filial piety. It comes from Confucius. Here's everybody's like culture lesson. Confucius, like, you know, Chinese attitudes and Chinese familial structures are set by Confucius are like, you know, follow the Confucian standard. And in Confucian standard, you owe your parents everything, everything. So your parents will take care of you. Of course, that's their duty until you become independent. and then you spend the rest of your life thanking your parents. Totally. Through their bank account.

Yes, often because that is the most tangible demonstration of love. Like, yes, you can hug, you can say sweet nothing, you can bake, whatever. But for Chinese people, it's not like we're a materialistic society. It's we are a practical society. And so practical means like tangible things that you can touch, things that you can see, things that you can show. So if it's an abundance of food, if it's building in the back, back in the day, you would build a house in the village for your parents to show them things.

Right. And so I wonder what culture Z is, because I can see there is a certain pressure that comes from a cultural expectation to take care of your parents. And Z is obviously carrying a lot of guilt. Am I? Because I'm Chinese. And that comes with it, too. Yeah. And I was obviously the assumption I made was that Z was obviously from a non-white family because, you know, from what you see, even like with Corey, like that is like they send them a check and it comes right back or gets ripped up in front of them.

Like that would never happen with my dad. Your dad would like rush, like my parents would rush to the bank. He would add another zero. He would forge another zero. um but the idea of the guilt then too right because the way that you're brought up is not only yes that ideology but that um but that idea of if you can't do it then you're a failure or that you're failing your parents right yes so we get it we get z we feel or we feel him um and understand where he or she is coming from but i feel like there i feel like that's the little

missing link is i know that z has said no but to what extent and with what explanation and i think that is key because it doesn't sound like they have a dysfunctional relationship. I think what's torn them apart is they maybe have not had a real conversation about what is actually manageable. Yeah. So I would ask Z to have that conversation. Yeah. How direct have you been? Even though there are also certain cultures where like directness, like Chinese people are so direct about money it's amazing well I mean the stuff that you've written about your mom or you told us about your mom where it's like hands out like give me but also no it's direct about disclosing money like I have this much money you know how um oh in certain western cultures it's considered

uncouth to have money conversations and you know the etiquette is to never talk what religion sex and money Chinese people talk like I bought my house for this much and I you know when I went on holiday we spent this much money and yeah yeah um anyway so but maybe it is about i don't know z if you haven't had the direct straight up hey listen i'm out of money and this is what i pay for my rent every month this is what i pay for my food every month and what's left over i give to you i need to save um i don't know how much you've disclosed to them but i would be curious to know from you what their reaction to that was. And, you know, it may just be as simple as a miscommunication that all of your efforts to educate them on how they can save money better,

maybe they misconstrued that as, oh, she's fucking wasting our time with these. There I go again. They are wasting their time with these lessons of how to budget when I bet you it's because they don't want to give us money anymore. Maybe they feel insulted about that. So try and because I know my parents would, if I started telling my parents and training, first of all, my dad's an accountant, so I would never need to train him on how to save money. But if I did, they would immediately jump to the worst conclusion. I guarantee you that's what they would do. And they would say, she's a selfish, little, selfish child who doesn't want to give us the money anymore because it's happened before, by the way. Anyway, so I wonder, yeah, if the more direct

approach. I think that's the only way to do it. And and let us know. Follow up with us if that isn't a tactic you've taken and then we can take it from there. But I feel like that is probably something I feel like you would have told us if that's something you had done already. So I don't think no is where you leave it. I think you have to explain why no. Yeah. In your life. But ultimately, too, you have to release yourself. You already do what you do. You give them the monthly support and you're stressing about it. I mean, I want you to hear this as corny as this sounds like you've done enough. You are doing enough. I want to help you release yourself from that guilt. Yeah. So, Z, good luck and let us know.

You always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. um all right next hi please keep my name anonymous all right let's give this person a name

um we don't have to hear the story first okay right don't you want to feel the vibe yes yes yes okay okay i have a situation that's been causing me stress and anxiety and i do not know how to deal with it or move past it i'm not directly involved but my family is and it's causing me many tears, sleepless nights, and constant worry. My brother, Joe, these names have been changed. My brother, Joe, and sister-in-law, Susan, have been married for about nine years. He's eight years older than she is, and they have two children, six and nine. My brother has had the same friend group for many years, most since childhood. We live in a smallish town where most people know each other. One of my brother's best friends, Conrad, and his

girlfriend, about seven years, spent a lot of time together until Conrad and his girlfriend broke up. However, Conrad still looked to them for support and friendship. He spent many days and evenings at their family home with them and their children. Oh, I'm feeling some soap opera shit here. Some sketchy stuff, yeah. Susan, my sister-in-law, has two sides to her. She can be very kind and sweet, but also has a temper and likes to gossip. Several months ago, my brother was out of town.

He returned to Susan in a foul mood and they ended up arguing. In this fight, she blurted out that Joe was invisible to her and she has feelings for Conrad and Conrad also has feelings for her. This cut him deep and blindsided him. My brother looked at phone records and discovered hours of communication between the two. He assumed his marriage was over and was physically and emotionally sick over it. They talked through it and decided to work on their marriage, even though she refused counseling.

He called Conrad and said he was no longer welcome in his life. Conrad, of course, denied everything and begged him not to throw away 20 years of friendship. Fast forward several months. Okay. Wow. There's like so much more to this story and I can't imagine where else this can go. Okay. Fast forward several months.

She spent time at her friend's house with her and her friend's husband. Conrad showed up and the four of them hung out all night. My brother was unaware until much later. Conrad also touched base with her on her birthday and who knows what other communication has been happening. But Joe discovered a 10 minute phone call between them just two days ago and has broken up about it. Somehow Conrad has weaseled his way back in with Susan and he's reportedly called her his support system. He's single and has been quarantined alone during COVID-19. Every time Susan goes for groceries, she's gone for an hour and a half. Could she be meeting up with him?

My brother feels defeated and helpless. He spoke to a family member about it who filled me in He doesn't know that I know I can't stop thinking about my sweet innocent niece and nephew who love nothing more than their family These are kids who do not who would not do okay if their parents split up I want so badly to show up at conrad's door and punch him in the face. He's lucky. I'm not a violent person How do I deal with this information holding it all in how do I protect my family member who's going through such pain? How would I help the kids if their parents split? What should my brother do? Chances are I will bump into Conrad once we're out of lockdown.

How do I deal with this? I legit hate his guts. Please help me. I cannot talk to anyone about this since I'm not okay with rumors or gossip being spread about my family. Sincerely, an empath in pain. Well, empath, let's just call you Teresa. Mother Teresa.

Is that where you're going with that? Well, I know you're going to say the same thing I'm going to say, which I don't know. I'm fucking I would. Listen, we have the time. We should entertain every fucking scenario of options. I'm just saying. I know. Like, if you want to go fine, I can sit here alone and entertain the options because I

am full. I'm in full on fantasy mode right now. I feel for you, Teresa. I you have turned me into an empath. Yeah, right. I feel for Teresa, I feel for Joe, and I even feel for Susan. Don't you dare. No, no, because I think that Susan, listen, I don't feel for Conrad.

Conrad's a fuck boy. Yes, in this situation, for sure. And I feel like Susan is being toyed with. Like, okay, of course Susan is not innocent. Like, yes, Susan has her problems. So Joe deserves the most empathy, of course. But I do. Susan's being dicked around by this Conrad. But is that used?

But but I don't have. Sure. I mean, I don't think Susan's like an evil human. But when Teresa's like, oh, I'm so mad at Conrad. Be mad at Susan. Uh huh. Susan is related to Susan. Yeah, you're related to Susan. she you know has your brother's heart and she's fucking literally throwing a pile of dog shit on

it and lighting it on fire like susan is where i think the problem lays and sure you might have empathy for susan but i'm like susan knows what's up susan knows when she goes out for an hour and a half shopping like a grocery shop which you're not really allowed to do anyway during covid you have to be in and out that she's doing something fucking sketchy here here's the thing i think that we with all due respect to theresa theresa has one side of the story and granted most of us only have one side of the story we have on this fucking podcast you're right but here's here's in my experience when infidelity occurs it's not always the evil like i'm just gonna cheat on you and hurt you um there's sometimes it is but okay fine sometimes it is

sometimes yes sometimes you're married to an asshole who goes on Ashley Madison for no reason I get it and those are the ones those are the stories that are sensationalized the boring stories though if I can give that that word are that there are people in pain and they make mistakes and you can't like it's not black and white listen I'll tell you what we're talking about biases and you know what we did to the last um with what we did with z assuming that um z was a woman it's the sort of the same thing about this we sometimes i find too that i will give more leeway to a woman who's cheating because i'm like oh she must not be like emotionally filled in her relationship sometimes women can be straight up fucking cheaters who are like of

Of course. Have no emotion to it and are fucking a-holes, right? Of course. And of course, we have stated that Teresa is giving us one side. And one of the one sides she gave us is that Susan can be like split personality, nice, and also a big old biatch. So I'm taking that as maybe Susan is a shitty partner who is doing some shitty things behind her husband's back. I think that is, I'm not saying that's not a possibility. I'm saying that is a legitimate possibility

and that is very valid I'm also saying it could very well be possible that Susan has her issues like I'm the point is is that we don't know anything until we talk to Susan is this where we take maybe this is where we take the podcast to the next level we start fucking FaceTiming people in

that would be my dream we need to hear from Susan That is one option is for Teresa to hit up Susan and be like, hey, I heard. I want you to know. I want you to know. I see you. Yeah, I see you. I want you to know.

I know. That's my brother. What are you doing? Are you hurting my brother? Yeah. Right? Yeah. I that would probably be.

And listen, it might not be the right tactic, but I know that if this was happening, kicking Hanging in Conrad's door could be a tactic, but I mean, we're not violent and we don't want to go there. So and plus, it doesn't it doesn't get rid of the problem. Right. She can't really control Conrad. Susan is in the family. Susan should be, I think. Listen, so I'm split.

Part of me is like, I think Teresa just needs to wait on the side. This is what I really do think. OK. Teresa really should wait on the sidelines. Stay out of it. Yes. Stay out of it. Right.

Because that is the right thing to do. Stay out of it. Yes. Stay on the sidelines until she needs to pick up her brother's heart and really be there. Because at this point, she, Joe doesn't know that Teresa knows. Right? That's right. Yeah.

However. That is the right thing to do. Okay. And to be patient and pick up your brother's pieces. However, I don't think Teresa wants to do that. Well, Teresa also says she doesn't like drama, gossip, that sort of stuff. So if she doesn't, that is, again, the right move to make, which is wait on the sidelines. Dude, this is going to blow.

This is going to blow into the town. Small town. People are already talking. So if she wants to blow some shit up and stir the pot, I wouldn't talk to Joe about it. I would. I would pull Susan over and say exactly what you just said, which is. I see you. Fucking see you.

What are you doing? I see every move. What are you doing? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, those are the moves, right? Number one, hang back. It's none of your business, really.

It's not your relationship. And all you can do is continue to be supportive and loving of both your niece and nephew and your brother when and if they need you. That is don't meddle. That is yes. That is textbook right answer to give you. However. Because this isn't our life. Listen, people are gossiping already.

Of course they are. If she knows about it, people are already gossiping. It's gotten around. Yeah. Right? Like, it's somehow come around to her. The other couple that Susan and Conrad hung out with on the low, like, how do you know that that other couple, like, hasn't told other people? So you don't even know in this town how many people are whispering about Susan and Conrad.

Listen, if there is if this is happening real time, COVID, no one has anything to talk about. So if this is what they can latch on to, everybody knows COVID infidelity, COVID infidelity. Totally. Yeah. COVID gossip. And in a small town. So anyway, Teresa, what we're saying is that you've made it very clear. you're like, I don't want people talking about my family. Guess what? Um, you don't like the gossip, but your family is already on the gossip wires. Yeah. So since it's boomeranged back to you, what the situation is, um, you could hit up Susan. Hey, Sue, I see you. I know what you're doing your filth yeah you're hurting my brother so if this is what you want you want to run off

and fuck your brains out with conrad do it quickly so that joe can start healing and recovering and moving on without you yeah um but i'll tell him can there not be threat i like a threat of if you don't fucking zip this shit up tight now make your decision now i'm gonna fucking tell joe you almost don't have to you love a good whisper network you almost don't have to because hey listen if if i know you wouldn't but if someone confronted you like that wouldn't you be like oh shit they know my secret how long before they tell it like you don't have all the time yeah yeah so you don't have to theresa you don't have to articulate if you don't i will it's come on it's okay telling sue that you know already implies that sue is at risk of being

exposed plus are we even sure sue fucking cares like she already she already even blurted it out once when they had a big fight that she has feelings for conrad so it's out there she went out to this other couple's place to hang out and conrad came over so it's not like they're sneaking around that's why i feel like we shouldn't be like oh sue poor sue you're dealing with well stuff no i what that doesn't apply with me and hey listen if we're adding another layer to this maybe joe and sue because they don't like this is a family that doesn't love to gossip um maybe they're both they've had these discussions you know you never know right and it would be really embarrassing for joe to tell his sister theresa this was happening so

you never really know what's going on uh you know between their their walls of their household so this this is why if we were being responsible people lady is we tell Teresa to stand down stand down stand by because that would be that might and that might bring the most gratification that might bring the most gratification yeah because you know what the other risk of telling Sue is or talking to Sue, you never know what other secrets come out. You have to be prepared. This is what I'm saying. Yes, chances are weighing heavily that Joe is innocent, but you never know what goes on between people privately in their relationship. I say this with experience. I say this with experience having known a few couples

where there was infidelity. And when it all came out, the person who was being unfaithful was dealing with some horrible, heavy shit. Okay. So I'm not saying, listen, Teresa, the chances are Joe is innocent and awesome. But again, no one knows what goes on

between two people in a relationship. So if you are going to confront Sue, which of course is not the right thing to do on paper but if you do prepare be prepared that you're not going to like what you hear and unleashing more you could more gossip yeah um as for but listen one note about sue and what you said how your niece and nephew would not do Well, it's I'm from divorced parents, Sash, and then my parents got back together. So they fucked me up twice. You are from divorced parents.

It's worse for kids to stay in a home like where the relationship is broken, but they force themselves to stay together. I'm so glad you brought that up because I was going to. I actually I just didn't bother going there but when you read that part I was like listen that was the best shit my parents did for me like I remember hearing them like break up and I was at the top of the stairs and I was happy happy like I was like oh boohoo this is sad that I'm listening to my parents fight and like literally end their marriage but I was like yes thank god fucking let me be free from this drama yeah they see they see they know they feel yeah i i think that i think that there is an assumption i'm just gonna say and this may not be the right way of saying it

but it's old-fashioned this assumption that children will be more damaged um if their home is quote unquote broken than they would if their parents forced themselves to stay together. Children are resilient. I find the ones that, um, took it the hardest were the ones where their parents waited, waited, waited, and then they got divorced like later in high school. Yeah. I find those are the ones that are way more emotionally damaged from it than the ones that like their parents cut that shit out like early on. Like I feel like the longer you drag it on, the more trauma and, um, and issues they have. Yeah, I, I, for sure. I, I agree with you. And, and the thing is, is that everything about the world is scary right now. They're living in a

pandemic, you know, um, we're all confronting like police brutality and anti-black and indigenous racism um you can't protect them from reality yeah and um i get it like i get it we all everybody wants to like be raised in like a home with baking bread and kitchen and loving and whatever it just relationships don't work out you know they really don't as long as everything is dealt with in a caring and kind way in the split, people can be happy. So I don't want you to stress about that. As long as the children are loved and cared for and everybody prioritizes them, they're going to be okay. Yeah, I agree. Good. I'm glad you made that point. Okay. Final question. I would like you to know this final question has a picture attached to it.

Oh, okay. Hey, Sasha, is it fair to commute five hours just to meet for a date with a total hottie? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm assuming the hot, I'm not going to look at it until I look, I need to look at it. Okay. When I say hot, I mean hot. Okay. Then you can go look. He's six feet, has a six pack and is blonde. We've been messaging every day. See pics below. Okay, I'm looking at these picks right now. I only gave you one, I think, by accident. But the second one is really like whatever. The first one's where you need to be at.

Okay, well, I mean, I get it. I know why you're... Okay. Not our thing. Not our type. Can we just describe... So here's someone who is like the California version of Cristiano Ronaldo. Yes.

Like... Yes. You know, crew cut hair. He is shirtless He's ripped I suppose he has a strong jaw Sure He's like a better looking Val Kilmer

When Val Kilmer was young Oh, no, no, no Val Kilmer was the hotness in Top Gun Oh, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine You're fine But that's a really good example That's a really good comparison It's like very California

Yeah. California white man, blonde hair. Picture that and that's who you have. But but also like really like he has it. This is I don't know. Maybe I don't know the youngs these days, but he's this is very 80s. This look is very 80s. It feels it is. It is very California. It is very about Kilmer and Top Gun. OK, so he's right. Like he's got a smirk on his face. He thinks he's the shit. um any okay anyway we this is we're not being asked to we're not being asked if we think he's attractive anyway not my type but i can understand why some people might find he's hot okay um we

haven't gotten super in depth but the conversation is interesting and flirty what catches my eye the most though is his vulnerability and that he shares it on social media so openly he encourages people to ask him questions on instagram so he answers each one publicly on his story he doesn't shy away from... Sorry. I'm already getting catfish vibes, but go on. He doesn't shy away from posting about being hurt and rejected in the past by love. Originally, I thought he would just be a vacant gym rat, but now I'm thinking he's a lot more in tune with himself mentally and emotionally. I want someone like that. A hot face without a brain is not hot to me. I generally go for older men and women because people my age tend to be just a pretty face, but somehow I think

that's not him. I know it's COVID-19 and we should be indoors 24-7, but I have been self-isolating all these months, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't lonely. The most I'll do outside is bike ride alone, but I have five different masks that I wear on different days. I was kind of a germaphobe before it was even considered cool, so it is possible for me to, so is it possible for me to go there five hours away just to meet up with a guy? My car broke. A commute that normally takes an hour and 30 minutes is going to take hours because there's no train that goes straight there. But if I pack my Lysol wipes and wear my mask, I should be fine ish. Right. My heart says meet him because I won't ever get this opportunity. I mean, bear with me.

I'm a knockoff Jessica Alba and he's sculpture of David Haught. He's a fucking masterpiece. I don't know. A knockoff Jessica Alba is pretty good. I would want to be a knockoff Jessica Alba. I don't know what you're talking about, girl. OK, but there is a small part of me that doesn't want to go because of COVID and because I don't want to come on too strong. I'm a double Aries and a Leo. So when I feel I'm super passionate, I'm not scared to make the first move either. I've hit on men and women twice my age and I'm in my twenties. I used to work in sales selling to CEOs. So when you get rejected every second on the job, you no longer see rejection as an obstacle in your love life either. For the sake of my health, should I drop him or take the risk?

okay um all right this this is I know what you're gonna say because what are you gonna say well I know what you think I'm gonna fucking say and I'm not gonna say that right now but I am gonna say that what I said off the top I'm getting catfish vibes and the only reason why I'm saying that is because you kind of nailed it for me when you were like this looks like a throwback picture. I don't know many men in the 2020s that look like that. I've seen a lot of white surfer, white Cali babes, and they don't look like that. That first is my tip. When you said that, I was like, oh, maybe this is a catfish because it doesn't even look like a real fucking picture it looks very catalog like taken from a catalog no a little bit a little bit but I mean

like listen I'm assuming that I'm assuming that um this do you remember no let me bring this up do you remember our friend who had that hot guy that model and like oh my god yes so this is where I'm going with that that has like I almost have like weird like I think I was the one who found it, right? I was the one who found that he was a model. Yes. Yes. Okay. So just to give you the guys the background, we, we have a friend who's on dating apps and she was like, oh my God, this guy I've been talking to is so hot. Never seen anyone more beautiful in my life. Never, ever seen anyone more beautiful in my life. He's unreal. It's so crazy how hot. And we were like, oh, I was about to say her name. So I'm not going to say her name. We were like,

uh like what and so we'd go back and forth about this for days and then I can't remember either she stopped talking to him or whatever and then I don't know one day I was taking a shit and I was like messing around on Instagram and like like months later but I was that's what I was doing right I was taking a shit yeah and I was messing around on Instagram and I it was my explore page yes I was on the explore page and I was like oh who's this guy so hot and I was like he looks really familiar and then I kept I flipped through his Instagram and I was like oh my god this is the guy yeah and he has like and yeah he is a model like a legit model who I don't know is from Sweden or something and I was like anyway so it this happens so that makes me feel that way and also

I would what was our readers what was our writers um name I don't think they gave us one okay whatever your name is i would also like to know it uh where this person lives if you live in a city is he asking you to come to like like a country or like or like a uh like a i don't know like a suburb or something because suburb boys do not look like what he looks like so that would be your that would be your second tip to find out if you're being catfished like if he's making you go to like a small town oh i think suburb suburb boys totally look like this because with the shorts that he's wearing come on only like right nobody in like new york is wearing those shorts fine but i'm just wondering i would like to know this distance sounds very far i know she said it's

like an hour and a half but it'll be five hours if she doesn't drive just like i need more details i need there are some there are some photoshop signs in this photo like right see how the the railings on the the the I have to open it railings on the um go look and see the railings on the photo are blurry oh my god wait wait let me see okay I see that the rails are blurry but that could just be like camera skills like um oh my god I can't stop looking at that picture okay fine I am just saying be careful please like google can I be catfish how can you tell you're being catfished figure that out and make sure that nothing is sketchy you know at no point has has she told us they just text right they just text can you please just facetime first can you

just facetime first yeah yeah can you please we need a part two for this please please please please please did you actually did you see the photoshop suspicion i have there yeah but i just told you that i think that it could be like that that happens with that the like the iphone 10 or something right you can do that kind of like okay i don't know it's just a weird place to be blurry um okay so can we we need can you just please facetime just first step i because i'm not going to shoot down if this is legit i promise you i'm not going to shoot down my encouragement of you like hopping on a train or where however the fuck you're going to get there for five hours sometimes even in a pandemic you're cool sometimes listen we talked about this at the beginning of

a pandemic. And remember that it was that person who wrote in about her daughter and like people have to go get the D and some people just need the D. I mean, it's been a long time. Restrictions are lifting. You know, you only live once. Carpe diem. Love, love, love. So I promise you, I'm not going to be the one to shoot down you going five hours. I just want you to be safe. So just make sure he's real before we figure out together how you're going to travel five hours to go get some dick during a pandemic. That's fair. That's fair. I feel like that's why I just need to quell my worries and make sure that she sees that this person actually exists in human form. So keep us posted. It might not be the answer that you want right now, but we want to do a follow-up on

this. So please keep us updated. Great. And with that, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for learning with us and subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. And keep your questions coming to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. See you next time. Bye. Bye. While every other channel is fighting for your customer's attention, podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45 minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising. It sounds like a recommendation from a front. Acast gives you that trust at scale, digital precision, post-read authenticity,

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