What's Your Drama - F*ck You, Kanye & Transitioning the Hook-up

Episode Date: May 3, 2018

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers podcast!On today's show: We talk about Lainey's bowel movements and then we quickly move on to another piece of shit - Kanye West. Then we get to your questions! If making a hook up into a relationship is a good idea, what to do when your partner thinks you're a leech, and how to deal when you hate your boyfriend's best friend.Thanks for tuning and keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes, Google Play, and Spotify. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Lainey. Hi, it's Sasha. And welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answer. A day late. Yes, we'd like to apologize for the day late and we can all blame it on you. Yeah, well, we were supposed to record on Sunday. Yes. And, of course, I love talking about this shit and it's literal.

Literally. And it's literally shit. So on Saturday night we went out. We went to party. We went to our friend Dan Levy's annual dance party, which is probably like one of my favorite. Probably the only dance party we go to all year now. Yeah. It was so fun.

It was so fun. I got roofied, but that's okay. That's another story. I don't think you got roofied. Okay, fine. I'm being like, I'm exaggerating. I just got. A friend gave you a gummy.

Yeah. And I'm horrible with edibles. I literally thought I was going to have to be in a psych ward for the rest of my life. And you can laugh, but I swear to God, it was horrible. Corey was up with me until 4 a.m. Did you have a whole gummy? Yes. Okay.

That's not good for me. I can't handle it. Every time I eat something, I go to the hospital. You were so fun that night. I know I was fun. So were you. Anyway, so we went out. We were drinking.

You had a gummy. And then the next day, so we were out till, I was out till like 2-ish-y. Yeah. I don't remember. Anyway, late. Yeah. And then the next day, I went to see a matinee of Avengers Infinity War. like an 1130 matinee. That's fucking bold after a night like that. Like this is senior hour.

Anyway. Um, and it's one of the theaters. I only now go to theaters where they like give you, they bring you the food, like your burgers and whatever in your seat. So I was like, this is perfect. This is my lunch. Yeah. So I didn't eat anything cause I was saving my appetite. You know how I love, love, love a 2000 calorie movie meal. I know you do. So I had a burger, I had deep fried pickles, and I had poutine and a Prosecco in this movie. And of course, coming off the night before where we were drinking and whatnot, the movie was awesome, had a great time, came home and was fine for the first 45 minutes of being home.

And then the rumble in the jungle. Right. Oh, and then I was, and you were supposed to come over in like two hours or something. and I was just doing 30 minute intervals of peeing out of your bum. Like I wouldn't even say peeing. I would say exploding. Oh God.

And it's fine. Like I still had an appetite. Like I still wanted to eat. I just needed to get some shit out. Literally. But I didn't want you coming over. And I didn't want to come over for that either. You don't want to come over.

No, no. When just a few feet, like just upstairs, there's been, like, a feces explosion. Yeah. Got it. I don't want to do that. A feces crime scene?

You don't want to do that. I'm really appreciative that you didn't let me come over. But can we change gears? Because I am amped up, like, probably everybody. Well, what are you looking at me like that? You're amped up. I'm amped up. Okay.

Because I fucking hate Kanye West. I hate him so much. and it's making me like, you know, Kathleen's written about it. It's fucking all over the internet. His TMZ visit was fucking a disaster. But it makes me wonder, and I actually need you to answer this. Why would anybody, like I'm thinking now the Kardashians, like Kim and Kourtney and Khloe and the Jenner girls, why do people look up to them when those people are actual, maybe not failures with their careers, but failures, such epic fails in their personal life. Like, why do people find them aspirational? Like, I need that answer. Because everything they do in

their personal life goes to shit. Well, I wonder, number one, if it's relatable. Like, isn't it relatable for people to fall over and over again for the wrong guy or to constantly… When you're 16, of course there's anomalies. What do you think is the age range of the people who care about the Kardashians? Well, I actually randomly think there's a lot of people in their 30s that care about them. I mean, fuck, Liz was here two podcasts ago and she's 30 and she's like- Barely. Okay, but she's there for the Kardashians.

I just wonder beyond just their contouring, I don't understand what people enjoy. Like, Khloe has a baby with a guy who just cheated on her. Like, Kim has been married, like, 10,000 times and is currently with a fucking psychopath. There's the Jenner girls who are, well, Kendall's okay. Kylie is a teenage mom and, like, no longer has the same face that she was born with. Like, every, they're just train wrecks. So I'm not clear on why people actually like them. Well, maybe they're the new days of our lives, General Hospital, one life to live.

Don't you think that all the drama that they have is so scripted? So instead of watching, I don't know, a show at one o'clock that is, hey, somebody went away and came back with a new face. Right, watching is different. But that's what they're doing. That's how we're watching it. We're watching it play out on social media. We're watching it play out online.

It's really the modernized General Hospital. And you think the reason why when like Kim goes on Ellen and people lose their mind, you think that there's no disconnect. They're just like, oh, this is just like a like a like a daytime soap opera star that we're watching. Yeah. I think that it hits the same nerve. I mean, with Kanye, obviously, he's a mess right now. And he's always been a mess. But OK, sure.

Yes. He's saying some horrible, horrible, horrible shit. Indefensible. Fuck those things that he said. And clearly he has mental health issues, which Kathleen has written and people have said, let's not conflate it. Like people, other people with mental health issues aren't walking around calling slavery a choice.

So it's not fair to just be like, well, he's sick. And the president of the United States also is a sick person. Yeah. They're identical. Kanye and Trump are identical people. The one thing I will say about Kanye is, and I don't, this is not meant to rationalize anything. It's just an observation.

Okay. do you think he's ever been happy oh god no exactly no this person has never like he carries around like you can see it's so much sadness and pain and that is where i'm like he has now three children yeah and i'm like i feel terrible for those three kids because they have a father who's saying the horrible things and doing horrible things but also a father who can't model happiness for them. Yeah. And that's what makes me really sad. That's a good point. No, it's true. It's true. And it's interesting because everyone, you know, puts him on this pedestal and of course, like whatever, he's brilliant. He's like this or that. And also like he's so confident. Like that

whole Charmaine Lane interview, he was like, I have so much confidence. Bitch, please. You got fucking liposuction, right? Like what are you talking about that you're so confident if, you know the idea of like people at tmz calling you fat like will break you so much so that you're gonna get liposexual he's just so unaware and you're totally right like the dude is festering unhappiness in every corner of his life yeah um but still fuck kanye i'll never fucking even if his next album is like the fucking shit nope nope nope nope nope nope i fucking hate him that's all I have to say about that. Okay. I also fucking hate the Kardashians too. Okay. Wow. If you're done. I am done. Okay. Normally it's me. I know. Raging. So that's kind of fun. We're just mixing

it up this week. Okay. Are we ready? Yes. Okay. So first letter. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. So let me try to sum up my predicament. There's this guy, let's call him Charlie, who I've known almost my entire life. His older sister was my best friend in high school. So he's been in my life for over 20 years. We get along great. He's one of my best friends. About 10 years ago, Charlie and I started sleeping together, always a drunken hookup. I asked him then to not say anything to anyone since I was a bit mortified about sleeping with my friend's little brother. He's only three years younger than me, but still. He respected my request and never got upset when he tried to spend more time with me and I refused. Our MO was we'd go out, get drunk, have amazing sex,

and pretend it never happened. That was fun at the time. About three years ago, we stopped sleeping together because both of us got into serious relationships. Everything was fine during that time. I've always felt a little pang of jealousy, but just ignored it. I broke up with my ex about a year ago and I'm single, but he's still with his girlfriend. I don't think they have a good relationship.

He's always complaining about how he can't stand being with her. They fight all the time and he needs to break up, but he just doesn't do it. his best friend described their relationship as, quote, better the hell you know than the heaven you don't. Even his dad mentioned to me that he's too deep in this relationship and can't get out. Whatever. I think he's there because he wants to be there. Who stays with someone they don't want? Anyway, about three months ago, we had a work conference out of town. Oh, I work with him, by the way. We are a great team and pretty much spend all day together. We got drunk and had some great relapse sex. I feel horrible. I know that being drunk is no excuse and I obviously wanted

to do what I did, but I still feel bad. I don't like his girlfriend, but I have no interest in hurting her. So yeah, I feel guilty, but something felt different for me this time. I think I might want something more with him. I'm notoriously bad at demonstrating my feelings, so I'm pretty sure he has no clue. I know I should probably talk to him, but every time I try, I freeze up and start getting anxiety. I'm trying to ignore it, but the feeling just won't go away. I can't stand the idea of getting rejected by someone I care about and have to see every day. It doesn't help that I'm starting to feel like I should be settled already. My head is a huge mess. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, Penelope. Okay, Penelope.

Thanks, Penelope. Can I just say one thing from the start? Yeah, of course. Penelope, I mean, listen, we're going to try and get into your shit right now. And, you know, I just… but I just want to address one sentence of yours. I wonder if it's the same sentence. And the sentence is, I don't like his girlfriend but have no interest in hurting her. Yeah. Liar. Totally.

Fucking we call your bluff on that one. Sorry. We're good. Like I said, hey, we're going to – this is – we don't hate you or anything, but we just got to like give you some real talk here. That's a lie. Yeah. You got to own that shit proper.

Right? Yeah. Like I fucked him and I knew I was going to hurt her. Yeah. And I hurt her deliberately. Liar. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Now that that's out of the way. Yes. So what does Penelope do? Now they had relapsed sex. he's still with his girlfriend. Everybody thinks that he's in a toxic relationship with this girlfriend. And Penelope thinks that she might want to go from casual sex to… Relationship.

Relationship situation or giving it a try with this guy. I mean, it's hard to decipher whether or not her feelings are really there. I mean, we hear stories all the time about people being like, they were always in my life. And then just one day it clicked and I realized, right? There's that. But then there are some like breadcrumbs that Penelope leaves at the very end, which is she's been single for a while. She's a bit jealous that, you know, she can't have him whenever the fuck she wants to have him. And that she thinks that it's time.

You know, there's like this pressure of, I feel like I should be settled down already is what she says. Yeah. So those kind of make me think that maybe she's feeling a little despo and this is the easiest thing she can do. Um, because I feel like if so much time has gone by and you guys still haven't done the deed of the relationship, I kind of feel like it's, um, not going to pan out. That's how I feel. I feel like she's kind of, um, scratching at a door that shouldn't be opened. That's where I'm at. I, I'm not necessarily sure that she's, um, really wanting to be in

this relationship well let's face it like at the beginning she's like i told him not to tell anybody about our situation because she didn't want her friend knowing that she was fucking her friend's younger brother yeah fine i mean this has been decades now it sounds like like you've known each other for fucking how long like a long time and like you work together so anyway at the beginning, this was pure, like, let me get some bone in. And you used him and he, maybe he used you. Although I get the sense that at like before he probably wanted something with you. Yes. And you were like, no, no, I just want that. Shush. You're a ghost in my life. Yeah. Let's just do this. Yeah. And you're right. I get the same vibes you do, Sash. Like none of this is adding up to a

positive equation. There are all kinds of red flags. Any sort of new turn in a relationship that begins with betrayal. Yeah. And then on top of the betrayal, you're like, oh, I kind of feel like I want to settle down. Yeah. And then, oh, this. I don't know. Like, none of this sounds really fun to me. Yeah. It sounds like a bit of a messy history that you should just kind of close the chapter on. Yeah. It just doesn't seem, you know, you got your friend and then you're fucking her brother. And then you're like secretly fucking your brother. And then you're secretly fucking the brother while he has a girlfriend. Like it just doesn't seem… I don't want to say that everything has to be clean and cut and perfect to have a relationship. Just in this

particular instance, I'm just not getting the vibes that this is the way to go. Here's what I'm worried about though is if Penelope doesn't make a move or doesn't figure out if she and this dude can be something. And this dude, his friend and his dad and everybody in his life is saying, oh, no, this is like, he's hooked to this bad relationship. I mean, we're not getting any sense that he is going to end this bad relationship. So he and this girl are probably going to be married or probably going to maintain whatever it is that they have. Penelope, I'm talking to you right now. I don't believe that what happened the other night was a one-off. You will do this again. Oh, please. Well, I hope she fucking doesn't. I hope she

listens to this. Okay, but do you believe that? I feel like I'm not going to not think that that could happen, but I hope that it doesn't. Also, another thing that seems interesting is, you know, like Penelope has had this like long history with this dude. Don't you think at one point someone would have been like, you'd be great with him. Like, oh fuck, he's such a fucking monster. Oh my God, you guys would be perfect together. No one's actually ever even said that, which I also think is like possibly a sign too that nobody else thinks you guys should probably be together. You know what I mean? Like sometimes you can see the chemistry. Like if you guys have been fucking for a decade and no one can fucking sniff out that you guys would be good together,

I don't know. I don't know. I think the sister complicates it because like they grew up together. How about work colleagues? So, oh, I shouldn't mention that, I guess. Yeah. Well, like they work together. They're like a great team. Wouldn't anyone just be like, are you like this is like you have I feel fire in between you two like something I don't know I'm just putting that in to add to the pot that she still shouldn't be with this guy probably he has a girlfriend back the fuck off back the fuck off but also keep backing off because like once you know how it is if you hold off you hold off you hold off because he's been with this girlfriend for I don't know how long now years yeah you hold off you hold off and then the moment

you pop that cork off, it's game on. So my concern for you, Penelope, is that we're both saying now is not the time. Doesn't feel right. None of this, again, is adding up to a positive equation, but I'm a little bit worried that you're going to go back and do it. I hope that you don't. I hope you just find some clean, fresh dick. Find some clean, fresh dick. Here's what I will say. If you are tempted to go back and do it, like actually fuck him, then between shit and diarrhea, diarrhea would be fucking him. And you know diarrhea very well. I do.

Shit would be just then owning up to your feelings. Yeah. That is what you have to do. If you have to go back and fuck him and he still has a girlfriend, then take the shit. Don't do the diarrhea. Yeah. And the shit would be, just be like, hey, John, I'm really starting to think of you in this way and see what he does.

That is a more stand up, stand up move than just fucking him again. Yeah. So take your pick, shit or diarrhea. But we choose shit. Or our wish for you is that you're in good intestinal health and that you don't have You don't have to pick shit or diarrhea, meaning that you are just going to move on and, you know, figure things out for yourself and you won't be tempted to do that. I hope that's what happens.

I hope so too. Okay. I don't know if I believe it, but I hope so too. I want to believe it. All right. Next question. Good luck, Penelope. Okay.

Next question. In my early 20s, both of my parents passed away. I'm a completely independent person. I'm now 29, and I completed university last year, still working at a low-wage job, and confused about what is next for me career-wise. I'm strapped financially, and I find it difficult doing everything on my own. Last summer, I started dating a great guy. I love him.

He treats me really well, and we've talked at length about our plans for the future. My boyfriend makes three to four times my income and lives with his parents. We hang out at my place exclusively. The other day, my BF asked when I thought we should move in together, and I was really happy to know he was thinking about it. I took his question as a sign of commitment, so the next day I decided to ask him for help with something that I had been thinking about for the past few months. I asked him to help me get a better cell phone plan by putting it under his name. I honestly didn't think it was a big deal considering we've had conversations about spending our lives together

and my fertility, etc. My credit is bad for the time being, so I'm unable to do it under my own name. He said no, and it seems that I have unearthed something in him that made him become defensive. I'm scared to bring it up again because I don't want to be made to feel like I'm a user. On the other hand, I'm really hurt that he doesn't trust me. I'm questioning why I'm sharing so much of my time and energy, not to mention sharing my vagina and uterus with someone who doesn't have my back. Until now, I wouldn't have thought twice about helping him with whatever challenges he might be having. Seeing his reaction when I asked for his help has given me the sense that the Income disparity between us is going to become a bigger problem moving forward.

As the one who has no money, how can I approach the topic of finances without feeling like I'm a leech? Financial stress is a big challenge for me. Am I not fit to date anyone until I have my finances sorted out? I've honestly considered breaking up in the past because I can't afford to date anyone and I don't want to feel like a drain on him. I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him, but I feel like I have no power in this situation to change the dynamic.

Help. So wait, was she asking just to put the cell phone under his name or was she asking him to put the cell phone under his name and pay the bills. Just put it in his name. Oh, okay. I don't know. I think her boyfriend sounds like a cheapo. I mean, part of me when I was reading it was like,

oh, I could see signs of Corey because Corey likes to like lay down the law when it comes to my finances. He will help me, but he's also like, you're a fucking loser with your money, so figure it out. And I don't want to help you or, like, fucking save you every time you need help.

But, I mean, homegirl here isn't asking for a fucking handout. She's just like, can you put my phone under your name so I can just have a fucking cell phone in my life? Really? Is that how you see it? Yeah. I think giving someone money is, like, just here's some cash. Yeah.

is way safer than putting your name on their cell phone. But that's, but her point being like, trust me, I'm going to pay you. I just need you to like, I guess I'm just, I'm confused that you think that that giving a handout of money would be less of a big deal than just like signing up someone under your plan. Like people have family plans all the time on their cell phones, right? like, I don't think this is a family plan. This is taking out, it's essentially taking out an account in his name and that she will pay him if your boyfriend doesn't trust. So listen, I don't

know what our writer is all about. If she, you know, she needs to look in the mirror and if she's like sketchy that way and like really doesn't follow through and is trustworthy, then okay, then maybe we're talking about like some klepto weirdo person. But for all intents and purposes, She's like, I'm independent, put myself through fucking university, I'm in fucking debt, I need a fucking cell phone, I would like my boyfriend just to help me out just so that I can get out of this funk so that I can have a fucking cell phone. Dude, I actually am, you're, you're, I'm shocked. Okay, then fucking spill it. What are you, what's your thing? When you, like, take out an account in your name, you are financially and legally responsible.

Got it. So these are two people who started dating not even a year ago. Okay. Last summer. Okay. So it's been nine months, maybe ten. They do not live together. So I'm him, and I'm like, I do love this person, and I do want to live with them, but

right now, I actually don't even know what side she likes to wipe her ass on. I don't know how often she brushes her teeth. Like, he comes over and hangs out, but they don't have a life together. They're dating. It's a serious relationship. But they would like to have a life together. At that point, after they've moved in together, they've developed some stability. They understand each other in a more intimate way. Maybe we can talk about that. But right now, taking out an account in his name for her, like, but she's got bad credit. Like, help a girl out. What's she going to fucking do? I know. And I think that's really sad. Independently, like, this conversation, I think, like, obviously for her, I think that that is super, that sucks. Yeah. But if you flip

the situation. For example, just flip it. A girl is dating a guy. The guy makes way less than her. And some dude says to you, or even you, hey, can you fucking take a cell phone out in my name? Okay. This isn't some stranger. This is the person that I'm like having sex with that I love, that I want to have a future with. He's not some weird crusty dude. You're sounding like he's like some guy on a corner. He's like, hey, you give me a fucking phone bill. No, this is like your partner. I 100% do not think, listen, I understand your plight. I understand her plight. And I think that we can think of other creative ways for her to feel more financially equal or at least balance it out. And I agree with that. But taking out, oh my God, taking out an account in his name for her

right now to me is, whoa. I don't think any financial advisor would co-sign that. Not one. And these are experts. I know, but they're not experts in love, right? They're experts in fucking money, getting your money paid, all that kind of shit. Oh, no, no. They're experts in finances when couples in relationships break up and they've seen the shit that can happen. Okay, fine.

Just take it back for one second because I'm feeling like a lot of empathy for our writer only because I think I was confused why she led with her having no parents. Yes. And I feel like that's probably, you know, that's so fucking unfortunate. And I think what she's saying is like, I got fucking nobody, right? Like I can't, I'm not like everybody else that, oh, if my boyfriend doesn't want to fucking co-sign a fucking phone bill, then I can go to my, like my family for that, right? I understand.

Most people would do that. Yes. And so that's why I'm like, oh, I feel bad. And I feel like she probably, you know, she's not a bad person. She's working fucking hard. She's doing it all by herself. Yes. And she's in love with a guy that knows her fucking story.

Yes. And I feel like why wouldn't you help your girlfriend out? Unless you think she's a fucking sketchy sketch bag. And if she is, then again, that's something else we should explore. But if she's like a good, hardworking person who's really just fucking trying her best, and if he sees that, if he knows that, why aren't you helping her out? Why isn't it just like a year? Listen, I will do this for you in a year.

or I don't know, like you can always cancel fucking cell phone plans. This isn't like he's fucking taking out a loan to buy her a fucking home. All he has to do is be like, I'm going to cancel that shit. And you pay like, fuck, maybe he'll be out $200 if she's really sketchy and like runs off on him and doesn't pay the bills. It's not fucking that big of a deal. Are you kidding me? I've run up a $10,000 cell phone bill.

Okay, that's not, you live on another planet. Do you have, you really run up a $10,000? Yeah, when I was younger, I was like 20 fucking one years old. Well, you're a fucking stupid idiot then. Yeah, exactly. So I, listen, I understand. I have, I want to, I want to help this person out. I get it. Bad credit sucks. It means it like, it doesn't feel like you can get anything done. Yeah. I don't know if that was the first go-to move. It sounds like we went from, I love you. I love you.

I want to think about moving in together to, hey, if that's the case, can you just take out cell phone in your name for me? How do we get from like, let's explore moving in together to, hey, let's start with you opening an account for my cell phone. Like, with all due respect, it's a little like, I don't know where we got from let's move in together to cell phone. If anything, we can, again, I said, we can find creative ways to help balance out the situation. For instance, if you move in together, knowing that he makes three to four times more than you, is there a way that we can alleviate how much you pay in rent? He pays a little bit more in rent. And that hopefully with the help of a financial advisor or somebody who can coach you through

this, you can start to address your bad credit. How do you do that? I don't know. I'm not a financial advisor, but that's the point. You go see somebody who can say, okay, here is what your bad credit stems from. Probably college loans. Yeah. Probably whatever. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to take X percent of your monthly income and we're going to put it in here. Someone is helping you out with rent now. Great. When, if he's helping out with rent, like that is not a legally binding account that he has to be responsible for. He lives there. he gets to like enjoy the home and he's in the home and the lease has his name on it and has your name on it and that's great but i don't know how we go from like i don't know why that was the

first move to me it was like when you come out like that as your first move it's that is so weird i don't blame him for reacting like that listen i don't i don't think it played out where they were having a nice dinner they're like i love you i love you let's move together can you actually get me a phone, I don't think that's how it played out. Fucking read that shit again. Okay. I mean, for, okay. The other day, my boyfriend asked when I thought we should move in together. So he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, babe. Oh, great. He's not the gross person on the corner. Hey, babe. Hey. Yeah. I love you. I want to start, you know, when do you want to move in together? And I was happy to know he was thinking about it.

Great. I took his sign as a, I took his question as a sign of commitment. So the next day I decided to ask him for help with something that I've been thinking about for the past few months. I asked him to help me get a better cell phone plan by putting it under his name. I'm like, okay, so hey, I think we should move in together. Sorry, I missed something. Wait, wait, wait. 12 hours later. Okay. Yesterday you told me you thought we should move in together. Can you get me a cell phone? No, no, no. What the fuck is happening? Okay, I might, listen, I might be on your side for one second because it's not that she doesn't have a cell phone. It's that she wanted a better cell phone plan. Okay. Okay. Listen, I might now be a little bit more on your side because I

missed that in the initial read. Okay. Girl. Okay. Girl. Okay. We get it. You have had to fight for what you have your whole life and money is tough and finances are hard. Totally get it. That just wasn't the right move. And I understand you feel hurt right now, but I don't think his reaction was out of the ordinary or insensitive. A lot of people would find that that is weird. So here is what we need to look at. If you decide to make a life together, make a life together first and make a home together first before making a phone plan together for, do you know what I mean? I, again, I, again, I'm leaning a little bit more towards you just because she just was looking for a better phone plan. But, but I still think that

if you're in like a relationship together, then you kind of just like do shit for each other. But fine. Listen, for all intents and purposes, I agree with you. You've changed my mind. But now it's like moving forward she should do you think she should ignore the fact that he dissed her on the getting another phone plan or does she confront it and say listen you know what like I'm sorry that I asked for that like that was super off base and I can understand if you were offended by that and like that scared you a little bit like I my my pledge to you is that we move forward this relationship and that I'll get my shit sorted um in terms of like getting out of debt all that kind of shit. Like, should she, I feel like she should at least own that. Yes. As opposed to

ignore it and him be like, who the fuck am I with? Yes. This is a gateway to talking, actually having a really honest conversation about finances. Hey, you know what? I'm so sorry. That was so weird of me. And I apologize. That wasn't the right thing to say. But the reason why is because I have a lot of money stress. And here's, here are my money stresses. I have student debt, whatever your debt is, I have bad credit. So the phone plan is just one thing that would make my life easier. But I do want to explore moving in together. I just want to know, I just want you to know that before we move in together or when we move in together, you know, for a while I may not be able to cover some things or groceries or whatever.

Is that okay? Have the open conversation. In turn, if he turns around and says, really? You're poor? I don't want to do anything with you. Or if he gets turned off, then we can be mad at him. Then email us again and we will fucking light a fire on his ass and drag him 18 blocks and whatnot. But I can't drag him right now. Okay. Sorry. Okay. So have the open conversation about money. It's a difficult conversation, but so many relationship experts and financial advisors right now are telling people in relationships that they have to learn how to communicate financially, that they're – part of relationship love language has to be money language.

Well, because it always comes out in the end, right? Oh, my God. Like, it's not anything you can hide. Money is the number one reason people break up. Marriages fall apart. Of course, of course, of course. It's – financial philosophies are different. Yeah.

So use this as an opportunity for you guys to get in line or not. Okay, fine. You win this one. Fuck you. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Ready?

Yeah. Next? Dear Lainey and Sasha, what do you do when you hate your new boyfriend's best friend? I've been dating, let's call him Owen, for six months. I don't know if he's the one, but I do know that having to hang out with his friend B could be the end of me. He's your typical frat boy, thinks women are below men, that they're only there to look good and pop out babies.

He's the worst. So having to see him all the time is really wearing on me, and I'm afraid it will wear the relationship with Owen. And let me be clear. Owen is nothing like his best friend. He isn't a sexist pig. So my question is, how can I see where my relationship with Owen can go without his best friend ruining it?

I haven't brought up my hatred of B to Owen, but how do I break that to him without him being insulted? Thanks, Carrie. Oh, woof. This one's hard. I mean, this has happened to all of us, I think, or many of us, where you just fucking hate the person. Actually, no, no.

have i hated somebody's best friend i've hated my girlfriend's boyfriend yes yeah but that's different yeah it is let me think have i hated the friend of my boyfriend i've never i don't think i've really like outright hated them but i've always been like what why do you hang out with these fucking mo's like what's going on no sorry why do you hang out with these losers like I've had boyfriends who have had stupid friends. Yeah. But I don't know if I've, like, really hated one and had to have been pummeled by their face, like, every other day.

Has Jacek ever hated one of your friends? Yes. Oh. Well, okay. So, same deal. How did that play out? I don't think he's hated her. He's just found her…

He found her super annoying. Okay. And then I ended up hating her. Oh. Okay. Right. Right. And like, you know, we were right.

She was so fucking annoying. And that is sometimes a good strategy is to sort of subliminally tell your partner, like flagging those moments, being like, oh, did you hear what he said? He's such a fucking idiot. Oh my God, I can't believe he said that. Like, and then it starts to seep into your partner's brain and then they start making your thoughts their thoughts. I do that with Corey all the time.

Not with specific things like this. Right. But I'll make him, like, want something that he didn't want the other day, and then I can literally, like, fucking mesmerize him with my own thoughts. Six months is really early to be banging on your boyfriend's best friend, though. But my question is, so when this guy B thinks women are below men, that they're only there to look good and pop out babies, like, he must have verbalized that at some point, right, in front of Carrie. Yes. So I just want to know, like, what do you do if you're Carrie? Because, sure, you don't want to, like, backstab your boyfriend's best friend, but you can certainly openly challenge him. I would be doing it all the time.

Exactly. So I'm wondering right now if Carrie is challenging B when these things come up. I feel like she would have told us that if she was. Okay. Yeah. So if that's the case, then Carrie, I think you actually start challenging B in front of Owen. And you will get a sense then how Owen reacts. And a lot of those frat boys too, they're just like so conditioned to that bullshit talk and no one ever really puts them in their place. And sometimes they're just doing it for fucking shits and giggles too. So if you actually do say what the fuck are you talking about and like lay some fucking goddamn science on him it will probably hopefully most cases embarrass the shit out of him and he will never say that

shit to you again right and then you say do not say that shit in my presence exactly so i just want to yeah carrie i we need to just step backwards like if if this requires a follow-up then let us know but i want to know what happens have you ever challenged to be in front of owen Like, clearly you have to spend time with this douchebag. So are you just kind of sitting there? Yeah. Or are you actually stepping up and saying, you're offensive. Yeah.

And wrong and stupid. Yeah. And here are the reasons why. Yeah. And what happens? Because even, like, it sounds like you find him unbearable right now. And it might be because you haven't been able to let out any steam. Sometimes it feels good to tell them about themselves.

Yeah. And maybe if you start speaking up and saying, hey, B, you're a fucking jackass, you actually wouldn't be this annoyed. Do you owe it to your boyfriend, Owen, to tell him like, listen, your friend is really offensive and the next time he says something, I'm going to say something? So, because you know what I mean? Sometimes that's like, it's like a bit jarring for the partner to all of a sudden the person you're with fucking lashes out at your best friend.

so in my like I would at least sort of you know you don't have to be like I fucking hate your friend B but I think you should start saying stuff like I find

being around him like really hard because I'm so offended all the time so I just want to give you a heads up like it's going to be hard to contain my shit

so I just need to let you know that the next time he says something I'm going to fucking say something back like I mean that's how that's what I would do you would probably not

and either way works I think yeah sure I mean it depends on what she's comfortable with Like only she knows, only she, Carrie, like only you know what that vibe, how that vibe with Owen is going to go over.

There is a way of doing it without having to be like premeditated. Like, cause my worry is that like you say that to Owen and it sounds premeditated that you've been fucking thinking about it for like eight weeks and like writing a script of how you're going to challenge B. And well, you are, but you don't have to fucking tell him that's been six months. Like let's, you know, and so if you do it that way, then it feels planned. Whereas the next time B says something stupid, you could be like, you know what? We hang out all the time and I hear you say things like this all the time and I haven't

said anything before today, but I just have to ask, like, why do you think these things? It's so offensive. I'm a woman. I'm sitting across from you. Like, I'm educated. I'm a caring person. Like, why do you have to be so disrespectful? Carrie, I hope you're writing this down.

Yeah. that that covers all your bases because when you lay it out saying we've known each other six months now i just feel like you're always saying these things about women and i find it really offensive yeah then i don't know that you have to like give owen a heads up when you are offended in the moment right i mean like i personally probably would in no way like it's not like i'm like trying to like is this okay like it's not about asking for permission but i just probably would have that conversation so that i could start the conversation with like i don't really like like i really don't love being around him like yeah it would be my entry point to then also

express why i don't like him um because i think it's important to have that discussion with owen like why you'll probably shy away from events if he's always saying that shit um and also i would say to carrie like don't be i know it's new i know you still want to look fucking cute and be really cute. But like, if Owen doesn't have your back about this, then Owen's just as fucking whack as his friend be. So like you gotta, you gotta stand up for yourself and, and, um, what, what's right in a situation like that. But that's why having heard you say that I'm even more resolved on like just doing it, just doing it. Because here's the thing, when you give Owen the heads up, it's not fresh in front of his mind right he's not the one holding on to all of b's

douchebaggery but don't you want to know don't you want to have that conversation with your boyfriend so that you know that your boyfriend is also aligned with you thinking that his friend says really stupid things it's gonna happen in the live moment sure but i would love to have that discussion so that i'm not only fighting his friend and then having to also take care of owen who was like, what the fuck is going on? Right. Like, again, these are two different ways to go about it. It still leads to the same thing is you need to fucking confront B.

Yeah. In like a very like calm, poignant way. Confront B. Yeah. And let us know how it goes. Okay. And like if you can have someone like Instagram live it because I'd like to watch that. Yeah, totally.

I'd like to watch that go down. Oh my God, me too. Me too. So let us know. Enjoy it. it might feel really good and then you might want B to be around

to like sometimes just telling someone they're stupid is so oh feels so good yeah

okay well keep us posted and keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com and check us out on Spotify and Google Play

and iTunes leave comments we'll be back next week bye We'll be right back.