What's Your Drama - Friend Zone Regrets & Rich Friend Hand-outs

Episode Date: November 2, 2017

Welcome back to Sasha Answers Podcast! Thank you for the support and all the feedback you’ve been leaving on iTunes. Keep it coming and leave us some more love.On today’s show: My super gross terrifying uber ride story, how to deal with being ghosted by your friend who you want to be your boyfriend, and should your flush friend pay up?Thanks for tuning in and keep your questions to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip.And of course check us out on iTunes and Google Play.Sxx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Lainey, and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast with Sasha Answers. How's it going? It's good. I have to tell you a really weird story. Okay. Okay. So, I am really lazy, so I Uber everywhere, and I hate Uber, but I decided to take it the other day, and I get into the car, like as you do in the backseat, and I was somewhat

distracted. I was just checking my emails. So I am tapping away and then the driver, like two minutes into our drive, looks back at me and he says, I just want to make sure you're okay. I have a bit of a face rash and I just wanted to make sure you're comfortable. Oh God. And I kind of peek over and I'm like, and I see it and it's fucking rank as hell, but I'm like, I can't.

Describe the rankness. Like, is it pussing? Is it oozing shit? It's very flaky, like very flaky and red and there's some wounding. And you wouldn't have noticed if he didn't make a point of, like, pointing out. No, because the side that I'm looking at is normal, but when he comes and turns around to me as I'm in the back seat, I get a glimpse of the left side of his face, which is like fucking mange.

So I am… I'm trying to be kind. I know. I'm trying to be kind, too. So I say to him, no problem. All good. Like, all good in the hood. Great.

Even though at a certain point, my hands start to sweat because I, as you know from a few podcasts ago, couldn't even walk into your home because you were sick. Hey, I'm the same way. Like I disinfect shit. Right. Unless it's me. And I can't control that. Yes. Okay. So then. So it's a biohazard, you're feeling. A hundred percent. Okay. And so we keep on driving and I'm just like, fuck it, let's get home. And then he's like, okay, I just want to make sure you're okay because it is a little bit contagious. And I'm like, excuse me? And he's like, yeah, just don't breathe in. And I start fucking, I take, I'm in the backseat and I am like jamming myself out into Bloor Street, if anyone is from Toronto.

A busy street. A very busy intersection that's going to go over onto a bridge. So it's like, it's either do or fucking die. Are you fucking kicking the door open? I'm kicking. It's an action movie now. I'm kicking the door open. And I've never actually felt fear like that in my life.

Because when do you ever feel like, you know, our worst nightmare as a woman is being trapped. Why is he taking customers if he's fucking contagious? Anyways, cut to, I am risking my life to be like run over by a thousand cars behind us. and he's like oh don't worry don't worry don't worry i'm just joking it's just makeup and i the relief anger sadness fear all kind of just come back and i start to cry wait i'm sorry it was he was joking he was joking you started crying yes because that was terrifying has anyone ever said it was like i was gwyneth in that movie what was that fucking movie where it's what's that movie that gwyneth paltrow was in where it's like the world dies because of fucking sars

Oh, I don't know. Yeah, Jude Law was in it too. Yes. But I felt like I was going to die. And anyway, so I started to cry because that was just the reaction that happened. And I was so fucking goddamn happy that I had to take a picture of him after. After I started to cry and he just thought it was the best thing ever. He'd been doing it all day apparently.

And he was like, your reaction was by far the best reaction. There were apparently, like, another guy was in the car before and also was pushing his face while trying to get out of the car. And, like, everyone was freaked out by it. Okay, so here is the picture of this guy. Which I'll post. I'll post. But what's so – he was a lovely human being. And he – later down the line, I see that there's a camera.

and he was like, oh, I am a YouTuber. I like, I make like prank YouTubes. Come on, don't you think that would be really gross to look at? I'd be, you're, as I said, you took the kindness to next level because I would be livid. What would you have, okay, so you would not have laughed afterwards. I don't like. I actually felt unsafe for the entire ride.

I didn't, I would not like that. I don't know if that is like, people are going to say, I don't want to get him in trouble because he was so nice. I get it. And I'm glad he was nice and everything. But I, for me personally, I don't like haunted houses. I know that. I don't even like the fun house haunted houses.

You won't even watch fucking Stranger Things. Until you know. I won't watch it until somebody else watches it and tells me kind of what happens. So I am prepared. Because you're a pussy. I think that, you know, in those fun house situations or haunted fun house situations, they jump out at you and like sometimes they touch you or whatever. and the, like the, your heart beats faster and your stomach drops down, I believe that that

shortens your life. Yeah. Okay. Every time that that happens, the strain on your heart and on your system amounts to like a minute of life that's shortened or two minutes of life that has been shortened. I don't appreciate that. Like I… What would you have done? Well, the first time if he was like, are you okay with my gross scabies? I would have been like, why are you driving like why are you at work right if you are a biohazard this is illegal you should not be out here infecting innocent people and then i would probably have done i would i wouldn't have like because i also wouldn't want to be injured i wouldn't have started so what would you have done i would have been like stop the car right now or i'm calling 911 i'm calling my husband i will

have a manhunt SWAT team surrounding this car stop right now and then i would have ran out of the car And then cut to, he's like, but it's a prank. Then I would have been mad. I think I would have been mad. Yeah. There was no option for me to be mad because I still needed to get home and I wasn't actually really wanting to walk home. So I really did need the drive.

But for really 10 minutes, I was like really weirded out because as a woman, honestly, that is like your worst nightmare being trapped in, again, have to knock on wood, being trapped in a car. So it's like, it was interesting to see my reaction. Thank God I had a reaction of trying to get the fuck out there as opposed to being paralyzed with fear. But anyway, so that's my story. I feel it right now. Like I, my heart rate has gone up. My blood pressure is up. Like I feel, yeah, I can't do this. I can't. Right. But which was great though is like when, when that happens, like everything kind of tightens up and you're

like ready to go. Like just, you know, fight or flight. Like in those situations you almost think like, God, would you shit your pants? No. For me, I wasn't about to like, there was no bodily functions. It was like, get me the fuck out of here. So anyways, I'm safe. Can we change the subject? Oh yeah. Let's talk about something more pleasant. Okay. Tell me, tell me what like your fashion theme is this season. So I don't really even want to give away the site that I love right now. Oh, I don't want to tell you guys. Well, okay. What kind of items? It's all vintage. Okay. And she is. Well, I won't be, you know, I don't like vintage, so I will not be adding to that okay but she you think old shit carries shit oh you think juju yeah yeah but i feel like the

way that this chick curates it like comes from nice people let me just go with that because now you're gonna implant and imprint something horrible on me again i don't want that so for me these clothes are beautiful and they come from fucking heaven and she so i'm very inspired by that and a company that I've written about a couple of times on the site, which is Doan out of California. It's like this like whimsical, like you're wearing high vintage Levi's and like a fucking blouse that like dips really low. Like I'm very into that vibe right now.

So for me, which I wrote about on the site with shearling coats, I really fucking, those are my jam. Yeah. Jams right now. I really, really, really like and love the Levi wedgies. I know those aren't really particularly new, but I just feel like shoving a t-shirt into high-waisted straight cut denim. You're really Charlie's Angels right now. Not in the flared kind of… No, but like that kind of silhouette. That v-neck dip and then high waist and whatever.

Yeah. I'm really liking that. I really love the Erdem H&M pieces that launched last week or a couple weeks ago. Me too. What did you get? I got the black long sleeve. Like, you know, that whole… someone said to me this whole collection was made for you, Lainey, because Because it's prim and like, as you know, I like long sleeve, high collar, loose, baggy. I don't like bodycon. This whole collection. And I'm all about a floral print. Yes.

And it's all florals and high collar and like… His whole deal, and we interviewed him for our show, was he wanted it to be like fluidity between the sexes so that you could wear the male. Yes. And the… The pajamas are crazy. Yeah. I got the black, high neck, long sleeve, little girl dress.

Yes. And this amazing floral tiered dress with a cap sleeve. It's, yeah, so good. Okay. So what are you loving right now? So if you're into the 70s, I'm now back into the 90s. Okay. Like my whole thing is I am looking for hiking boots, like fashion hiking boots.

So last year, as you know, I was all about the high heel combat boot, like the Louis Vuitton. Yeah. I have two pairs of those and I still wear the shit out of them. I fucking love these boots. And those are never going out of style. Never. So good purchase.

But Jesus Christ, I can't believe you have two pairs of them. Oh, I fucking hunted them down too. Like that was, you know, your shoe addiction is fucking next level. So I'm looking for hiking boots and I, right now I've like, I've locked in. Hopefully by the time this gets posted, I will have bought these, but I'm still. So, and this is totally like 90s flannel shirt, right? Pearl jam. Pearl jam, ripped pair of leggings, and then hiking boots.

Okay. So, what do you think of these? Oh, those are fantastic. Oh, look, and you know what? But I'm not sure. Should I keep the red laces? 100%. Well, you should.

Yes, 100%. So, these are Frye. So, this is nice that they're not your usual $1,200 pair of shoes. I'm sure Jacek's happy about those. Those are fantastic. So, they're still, that's what's interesting. The hiking boot is still combat in a way. Like it still has the silhouette of combat.

But just basically has. But I like the, it's warm. It's going to be warm. These are great. And they're a little shit kicker. Are you free for us to post these so that people can cop your skis? Well, let me buy them first. Oh, wow.

Oh, wow. Okay. Do you have another option? Right? They're good from the side, right? Those are good. Well, these are the only ones I've liked so far. Can I be a dick and say that they're not Supremo hiking boots though?

like you might call them that but they are still they're basically duh like of course like i'm not a real hiker i know but they're really they're really just combat boots with like a little bit of arrow flare with the fur on the on the um ankle yes okay and fine i just want you to call them like they are they're not really but i also feel like i can kick the i won't be precious with them the way that no no i'm super precious with my other boots no those are really like i will kick the shit out of these. And you'll wear those with everything. Jeans, dresses, blah, blah, blah. For some reason, I'm short on joggers right now. On what? Joggers. Oh.

So you know I live in joggers. Yes. So how are you short on them? So a couple of them I had to throw out because they got worn. Like, you know when they lose shape in the knee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one likes a bikini. So I've had to, because joggers typically are such thin material. Yes. And when you wear them as often as I do, then it just loses its shape no matter what. And like the band on the waist starts to go. So now I'm down probably three or four pairs of joggers and I can't find a jogger.

I would wear these like every day, my hiking boots with a jogger all winter. But now I'm now in a panic for joggers. May I suggest what would look really rad are a pair of black cashmere joggers. Okay. Well, I can't find joggers. Well, I can find them for you. Thank you. But don't you think that would be really nice?

Yes. And like a nice turtleneck with those? Okay. Good. And I should say that my shoe addiction is supported by the fact that I don't have children. Do you know how much children cost? Way more than I have. Like, I was talking to a friend and she was talking about, like, daycare plus all the

Saturday, Sunday lessons that you have to put your kids into. I don't get it. And every month it was $2,000. I actually won't be able to support a child. And that's what I did. Yeah. I don't know how people do it. And then so I thought to myself, well, I need people to stop, like, fucking telling me about

my shoes because my shoes are less than daycare. daycare plus the music and swimming and whatever lessons per month it's crazy and then so i was talking to a friend and she was like she was talking about the summer being over so that she was like oh thank god i don't have to pay three hundred dollars for the swimming anymore and i was like a month and she was like yeah and i was like oh great and she was like yeah but now it's winter so there's another lesson there's hockey or whatever skating and i was like so you don't save the three hundred dollars she's like no after the swimming's over it's something else yeah of course it is she was just happy but because the swimming happens really early and

And the new lesson, I can't remember what the new lesson is, starts like two hours later. Your life. That's what, she wasn't happy about saving money because there's no, yeah, anyway. Your life and bank account evaporates. But I mean, I hear it's very fulfilling. Okay. First question, Sasha and Lainey. This might be long, but I need help trying to understand, get over a situation with a

guy I was talking to for two years. Long story short, we met two years ago and I was his boss at a summer camp. I'm four years older, 26, he's 22, and we were friendly. and then after work ended, we'd keep in touch and quickly became friends hanging out almost every weekend. And after the first year of talking, I found out from social media that he was still talking to his ex. I tried ignoring my feelings, but he kept trying to hang out all the time. And throughout the second year of our friendship, we became even closer. We went to concerts, music festivals, and movies together and talked all day, every day. My friend said

we were in an emotional relationship because we talked nonstop and about everything. I probably should have told him how I felt, but I was nervous we'd ruin the friendship or he didn't feel the same way. In hindsight, I think he felt the same way and we were both too scared to do anything. Then this summer, one of our mutual guy friends told him I had feelings for him and he started to ignore me and got very weird with me. When I confronted him, he said he couldn't go to the two concerts we had planned together because it was too weird and awkward for him. In response, I sent him a very long text back telling him how I felt, that I missed him and our friendship and I cared about him and wasn't doing well trying to understand what happened and he never responded.

A day later, he posted through social media that he started dating a girl and she's 19. This was three months ago and he's posted this girl all over social media that, quote, she's the one and he wants to marry her. I can't stop thinking over and over about everything and where I missed the signs and he was just an immature dick. I'm sad, confused, and in shock. How do I get over feeling dumb, not only that he didn't feel the same way, but also that he's not the friend I thought he was?

Am I dumb? Did I get played? Oh, I feel bad. Why do you feel bad? Well, I don't think age has anything to do with it. No. So, you know, like I'm not sure. I don't think that the new 19-year-old girlfriend and the fact that they were four years apart,

I don't think that… Yeah, I don't know that that's relevant. Yeah, we don't need to shame him for that. Well, I mean, what do you think? I feel that most guys around that age are fairly dumb and fairly immature and don't really know what they want. And so my gut is telling me that the reason why he, like, ghosted on her is because he probably doesn't… well, this is what… yeah, this is how I feel right now, is that

I don't think that he really ever reconciled how he felt about her. I actually do probably agree with our writer that he did have feelings for her. And in order to carry on this relationship with this 19-year-old who's probably fine as hell, he's just sunk his teeth into that. And I bet you, I bet you, I bet you, I bet you when that goes south, he'll come knocking again. Do I think that that means his behavior of like not returning your text and just being like a weirdo is excusable?

No. But I think he's just – I think you're just dealing with like an immature 21-year-old. That's how I feel about it. I think that's my initial reaction too. What can you expect from a 21-year-old dude? I – yeah. And I do think that there are two – And like what summer camp?

I do think – Go on. Sorry. I don't camp. I don't camp. So I don't know what the camping thing is. summer camp meme. Apparently some shit goes down at camp. Like there's drama and amazingness and like, anyway, but like, did you watch American Vandal? Yes. And they, yes, yes, yes. And then

we constructed what happened at camp between. I stopped watching. Okay. It was, the camp part was amazing. Okay. So I do think though that we can try and look at it from two different perspectives. The first perspective, which you just laid out, is probably like where I would have a go to, like my… the way I've been conditioned and I think that the way all of us have been conditioned is to feel that way. But recently we had this guest on the social and I don't remember… I don't even remember what the subject was, but the guest… and I don't even remember really who the guest was.

Right, great. This is a great story. My big takeaway from this segment was the idea of friend-zoning being a bad thing. Friend-zoning being a bad thing. Okay. Like, we have approached the term… because what happened was she got friend-zoned, right? Yes. Like, or this is how she sees it, and then when he friend-zoned her and he found out

that she had feelings, then he was like, ooh, this makes me uncomfortable, I don't want to, like, encourage her, so I'm out and I've got this new girlfriend. And the point of… my takeaway from this segment on the social was that our perspective of friending and being friend-zoned is all out of whack. Like, why do we look at being friend-zoned as a bad thing? Friendships generally last longer than relationships in your 20s especially. Like, if you think about your people you've been friends with versus people you've dated, the people who are your friends are the constants in your life. Right.

So when somebody wants to be your friend and only wants to be your friend, why is it a negative thing? It's negative because that one person who didn't want to be put in the friend zone wanted to be in fuck zone, right? So whose fault is that, though? Nobody's, because that's what I was going to say. I think what's interesting about our writers and what she kind of didn't mention was that really she feels embarrassed. She feels embarrassed that she basically Demi Lovato-ed the song Let's Ruin the Friendship. Right.

And instead of Nick Jonas wanting to fuck her, he was like, no, thank you. So there was embarrassment because she put it out on the table and she thought that their late night conversations, their years of friendship, they're doing everything together all night, every night would have been reciprocated. So she doesn't want to be in fucking friend zone. So that's what's wrong with friend zone. She doesn't want to be there. But this is the thing.

Like, are we going to be able to get to a place where men and women can have late night conversations, go to concerts together, go for dinner together, text each other all day the same way you and I do, the same way you and your friend do, you and your girlfriends do, but it's just male and female and not get to a place where you're like, oh, but like, you know, he or she is texting me all the time. Is it dot, dot, dot more? Or is it nothing? Like, I don't… can we… I don't know that we can progress in all the ways that we want to progress if we keep attaching romance onto that. It's hard not to, though. Like, I get what you're saying. Out of the five friends that I have, my… two of my best friends are guys and they're

straight dudes. Like, I love them. They are rad. But I don't talk to them every day, all day, every day. We don't, we're not attached at the hip. Because if we did, then really we would be in a relationship. We would be in like some sort of… Why? Because he is a dick and you have a pussy? Yeah, because most straight dick wants to go in the pussy if you're spending that much time together. And I think it would be unfair to say that this 21-year-old guy wasn't using her emotionally as his faux girlfriend like I get what you're saying and I think in theory it may I am like yes I hear you but in practice have you ever been friends with a straight guy and just were his you were his everything and he was your everything and yeah I think

all day every no but you have I think Dylan and I go in and out of that a lot like where we text several times a day and when we hang out and we spend tons of time together and there has been like nothing. Like he's picked up my shit. Literally he has unclogged my toilet. Okay. I don't even think Jacek has unclogged my toilet. Have you? Have you? Okay. Yes, he has. But not every, yes, but that's what you're saying. There's spurts and there's spurts because Dylan has a girlfriend. You're married to another man. You're not eating dinners and going out every night with Dylan. Like the way that she's painting it to me is even her friends were noticing that they were fucking inseparable. Like inseparable, inseparable. But that's normal because neither

of them had a boyfriend or a girlfriend at the time. And now he has a girlfriend. Yes. But I think she was thinking, hey, we're both catching the feels here because this is more than a friendship. I just, I think that that's a big declaration, Sash. I just think that like, you know, I don't know. And I agree with you. Like I said, we have been conditioned to believe because this is how it's always worked. I just think going forward, it's a big declaration to be like, hey, when a guy and a girl spend all that time together, it's impossible to just be friends. I don't think that's fair to men or women. Again, I agree, but I, from my experience as having two best guy friends, straight guy friends, that we… it would be weird. I would

actually find it weird if I was, like, spending 24-7. If I was spending the same amount of time as I do with Corey, with one of my guy best friends, I think it would be fucking weird. There becomes, like, over time, like, your lives become so intertwined that it feels like an actual relationship like and not just a friendship like a relationship relationship yeah i think i'm gonna have to disagree okay yeah because i i think that i think that if to me if we allow that to be true or then i think that in that sense then it's going to cause all kinds of frictions in other ways like it's going to be a barrier for people to continue to have friendships when they're with other people. Like in this situation here, you're right. She feels embarrassed. She grew feelings

and he didn't. Or we're attaching to him like a negativity here. We're basically saying he used her until something better came along. I don't know if I want to say that. No. But initially what I said was too, I think maybe he was feeling those feelings and was like, I don't want to ruin this friendship. That this quote unquote friendship to like, I value it too much to like test the waters of having this be something more than that. So what a 21-year-old guy does, goes, bye, I'm not going to deal with this, and goes and finds someone else. But is that bad? Like if he's like, you know what, sometimes I'm attracted to her, but not enough or not so strongly to the point where I want to ruin the friendship because I

want this person to be in my life for a long time. So I'm not going to act on this. I would like to continue going to concerts and having her and caring about her in a way that's just… It would have been great if that's how he reacted, but he clearly didn't. Well, I think that what's weird is he was put into a position where some other person, now a third party, is like, hey, yo, she's into you. And of course, as you said, yeah, people are immature at that age. And he was like, oh, fuck, I don't want to ruin the friendship. I don't want her to get the wrong idea.

Peace out. And sure, that is an immature move. That is weak. But listen, at 21 or 22, like, your communication skills aren't that sophisticated anyway. Like, I don't know. So you can look at it two ways. Yes, he was immature and couldn't communicate properly. But two, like, why was he put into that position where he was confronted with having to change

the dynamics of a friendship that he didn't want to change? Okay. Yep. So the question here, though, to help her put that into perspective is, number one, And the conventional way we've looked at it is, what a dick, he's so immature and he couldn't ball up and confront the way he felt about you and he used you. Or he, yeah, or he's just not interested. Never speak to him again.

Well, okay. Yeah, give me your two. Or perhaps we can start re-examining and re-evaluating and attaching more value to a friend zone experience and how wonderful that might be in the long run. could you be friend zoned even though you had feelings for someone like this is the problem now right she now has she she was truthful with herself and was like oh this two years of us saying that we're friends was really more than that to me I really like you so now what what do you do how do you go back into friend zone even though someone wants to put you in friend zone

you don't want to be in friend zone she doesn't want to be in friend zone like what does she do She can't be like, oh, remember the time that you were pretending that didn't happen? Let's be friends again. Like now it's a bit weird. And I feel like you just sit with the awkwardness and realize that that's kind of just what's happening right now. And I think that that's what she's going to have to do is pull back and be like, I don't want to be friends with you.

This is really hard for me to continue to be friends with you. So right now I can't be friends with you. Yeah. But to understand where if we're attaching blame to anything, I don't know that he should eat all of it. No. Right? So you pull back and you're like, this is what happened.

It's unfortunate. I am not going to be angry at you for doing this to me, but I can't do this to me anymore. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes sense. I just sort of think that like, again, like if we're going back into friend zone stuff and like being a stand-up friend, then he kind of dropped the ball though still. Like, yes, he might have been scared and yes, he's 21 and now he's with another person.

But the fact that he hasn't, like, responded back to her, like, heartfelt texts is shitty. It's totally shitty. And he's definitely immature. And she gets to call him on that. Yeah. It's shitty. Like, and she does get to call him on that. I think, though, that when you're dealing, this is maybe where the age factors in.

Like, he's been spooked. He's like, oh, I don't know. What to do. I'm so uncomfortable. I don't know what to do. Yeah. Yeah. I just think that, like, ultimately the bigger conversation that I want to explore in this

by using this as an example is I'm not sure we can have it both ways. I'm not sure as women we can be like, I don't want to be objectified and for men to only look at me as like fuckable or not. And then on the other hand, be like, hey, he wanted to be my friend. He valued my company and my opinions and had late night conversations with me and didn't look at me like an object and wasn't like you're fuckable or not fuckable. I don't think we can have it both ways. Can I marinate on that for a bit? Yeah. We'll come back to it.

I mean, I agree, but like, again… I mean, this is just a bigger conversation I've been thinking about. Right. And I feel not ready to commit to that yet. Right. Right. What's next? So let's go to the second question.

Dear Sasha and Lainey, I need your help. Here it goes. My best friend, let's call her Simone, is very well off. I'm talking lineage and generational money. She and her children's children will never have to work if they don't ever want to She has everything and is very generous with all of our friend group She has taken my friends on shopping trips and extravagant vacations for birthdays very frequently And is always one to pick up the bill when we were out for dinner

But here's the thing, Simone and I have been friends for almost 15 years And while she's living the life of the rich and famous, I'm barely making my rent each month I got divorced last year, have full custody of my two children And have a full-time job as well as a weekend job just to pay my bills Simone knows all of this and has not once offered to help me out. I know it's not her responsibility, but I can't help but wonder why she treats everyone with material, frivolous experiences while she could actually help me with real-life problems.

Again, I know it's not her responsibility, but I can't help but be irked sometimes when she's paying for my friends to go to Saks on a spending spree but won't think to ever offer to lend me money. Am I crazy or are my feelings reasonable? Any advice on how to handle this would be appreciated. L. yeah all right this is not the first time like no money no problems yeah the discrepancy between friends and like financial class has come up yeah has come right yeah and it's murky

it's murky like i one side of me wants to tell l like uh this ain't your money and your friend can spend it the way she wants, like get a fucking, you know, chill the fuck out. But on the other side of me, it's like if Simone's living it up and her friend is suffering, then like throw her a few bucks to help her out just as like being a friend. I don't know. Actually, this one's a tough one. This one's a tough one for me. But I don't think you can expect anything from Simone and only if she was giving it to you out of like like out of the warmth of her heart then that's the only time you'd ever want it anyway and as we've talked about before like money makes shit like fine like in in theory it would be great for her to pay your bills and everything would

be hunky-dory but in actuality it probably would make things really uncomfortable paying having to pay her back. Like money makes things weird. Money makes things weird. Yeah. I, I hear what she's saying though. Like she's, she can't pay, you know, she's having a hard time paying her bills and she's gone through a divorce and she's a single mom and she has all these jobs. And then she's seeing her friends treat other friends to shopping trips. And she's like, Hey, over here, you know, like, can you not do one shopping? Can you refund that dress for me? Yeah, exactly. So I get it. But to your point, money is so weird.

And here's the difference. The Saks trips and the holidays and whatnot are things that Simone wants to do, right? Like we've talked about before, people have written in and they're like, my friend only likes going to high-end restaurants and like I can't really afford all the restaurants she wants to go to. So that is a collective experience. And so Simone, understanding that not everybody can go on this holiday and can go to shopping here, is like, but I do want to go.

So in order for me to be joined by my friends, I feel like this is the price that I have to pay and I'm willing to pay it. That's cool, right? Yes. In terms of like your mortgages and your bills, though, it's not exactly an experience that everybody is enjoying together. Right. So it's a different thing.

It's, it's not like Simone's like, um, let's all go to like Walmart or Costco to go on a, let's all come to your house and open your mail and pay your bills. Like it's not that right. So, so I think, I think the difference here is that, um, it is weird to offer someone money to help them live. Yeah. Like, on the one hand, you're like, hey, I would take any money that she would offer me.

But if I'm Simone, I'm like, if I offer my friend money, is that insulting? Is that like, hey, I know you can't do it. Yeah. And you're my… Here's my welfare check for you. Here's my pity. Yeah, of course. And take my pity.

Like, you also don't want to, like, step in and insult someone's pride. Right. So my question to our writer, the person who's written in, is have you asked? Like, do you get the sense there that she's asked? No, I think she's waiting to receive. And you make, yes, you just outlined that wonderfully. Like, it is true. There is a separation in how this money is being divided.

Yeah. And yeah, I don't, for me, I think it would be really not cool to ask for money unless, Like if you're, I get that you're struggling and that's really hard and God, hats off to you that you're two jobs taking care of your two kids and doing it, but you're doing it. It seems like you're doing it. You might not be like buying fur coats and shit, but you're doing it. And I just don't think you want, I just, I just from experience of like family stuff,

like money just makes things really weird. Listen, I agree with you. It's just that she's written in and she, she, it sounds like she, she would like, like a boat, like she would like her friend to help her out. So, I mean, putting aside the fact that you might not ask, it sounds like, you know, you and, you, you're different. Yes. And she, she is there and she's like, I would take it.

So if you're, you find… Is that what she's saying? Is she saying I'd take it or is she just sort of like seeing this all happening from a… yeah, like is she kind of seeing this from a distance and being like, hey, the offer isn't even there? Maybe she… like I feel like sometimes those are what it comes down to is like just the fact that the offer hasn't even been there. Not that you would accept it, but just the offering itself would be enough.

And yeah, and I… listen, I understand. It's hard. And so when you're sitting around and you are trying to figure out how to pay your bills and somebody else is going shopping at Saks and taking your other friends out for holidays, it's hard not to be resentful. It's just that the offer of helping you with your mortgage and your bills is totally different than the gift of a holiday or some makeup from, you know, the makeup counter. Like, it is…

It would be weird. Like, I would be afraid to offer someone money if I was in that position. Because of fear of insulting. Yeah. Like, you know, you don't… If I ever am, like, hard up, I won't ask you, but you could offer. Just put no. Okay.

Same with the thing for me. if you were hard up, I would offer you the money. Yes. And so maybe that's what it is too. Like, we're those types of people that when you can see your friends suffering in a way, you would just, you would just ask. I would, I would, I would go around the uncomfortableness just for the sake of being like, listen, if you need the fucking money, I can give you the fucking money. But you've said you, but you also said it's weird. All money conversation. So how does that even come up? Like, I mean, it is an awkward offer to make too. Like I think about, I think about, for example, my immigrant parents and Yassick's immigrant parents. And if anybody came

to, for instance, like my parents' home or Yassick's parents' home and was like, hey, I've noticed that like, you know, you weren't able to come on the holiday last week. And I know that times are tight for you. So, you know, here's a thousand dollars. Yassick's parents, my parents, would be so mortified and offended. Yes. Like, I can actually picture Yassik's dad throwing that person out of his home. Right.

Like, and my dad would – he is not as demonstrative as Yassik's dad. My dad is, like, an introvert and doesn't say, like, five words through a three-hour dinner. So he would just clam up and then go to his bedroom and close the door. Like, it would be weird.

Yes. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, I just – I, you know, I understand, like, again, we want to reiterate that we understand that it's hard times for you. I don't know that, like, the expectation of someone calling you up and being like, do you need some money? Like, it's not an easy call to make either. So seeing it from the other side that Simone also isn't just finding this easy and watching

you have hard times. If you need it, though, if you need it, ask. Okay. Yep. And we can revisit this if you need it and you ask and she's a dick and is like, no. But if you need it and if this is – it's beating you up and, like, you would use it and you would want it and you would take it, ask. Ask and see what happens. Yeah.

Keep us posted. All right. I think that's it. Yeah. Keep your questions coming and your updates coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. and check us out on itunes and google play um and we'll talk next week bye We'll be right back.