What's Your Drama - Getting All Steamy Over a Murderer and Small Town Triangles

Episode Date: January 17, 2019

We are FINALLY back!Thank you to you all for being so patient and letting us get all the pieces together for the launch of our advice podcast WHAT’S YOUR DRAMA. Lainey and I wanted to make sure the direction, new schedules and artwork were all on point! Speaking of the artwork....it was done by the majorly talented sagepizza (instagram.com/sagepizza/) and we think she killed it. We hope you love it as much as we do.So let’s get to our very first episode of What’s Your Drama. On today’s show: Does Penn Badgley have any drama? Also, why are so many girls out there getting all steamy over a murderer? Then it's time to move onto your drama – our favorite part! How to deal with the pressures of living up to your hard working besties, how to navigate dating rules in a small town and whether or not to snip an unsupportive friend out of your life.We hope you enjoy the show and make sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you get your podcasts. Also, I’m still looking for great advice questions so keep them coming my way at [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey, what's your drama? That's what our new name is. Yeah. Welcome to What's Your Drama? So previously our podcast was called Sasha Answers and we've changed the name because frankly… There's two people. No.

It's not like I needed more shine. No, but there's two people. And it's not like you're answering. It's us basically getting into other people's business. A thousand percent. Your drama. In other words, you write to us, you tell us about your drama, and we're like, oh, here's your drama.

What's your fucking drama? Yep. That's exactly what it is. That's a very accurate portrayal of what's happening here. But what's so great is we have new artwork. Yep. Which is so cute and poppy, and I'm so happy Sage Pizza is who did that for us. So thank you to Sage Pizza.

I think it really reflects the tone of the podcast, what we do, our personalities. There's a little bit of you. there's a little bit of me there's lots of like shit talking I think that you know yeah there's foreshadowing

of shit talking for this season so I hope that you guys are down with the name change and thank you for being so patient while we've worked on the rebrand

and worked on our scheduling it was a really busy fall for everybody and we wanted to get the artwork together we wanted to get the scheduling together and we wanted to

make sure that we started off our new season without interruptions and without a whole lot of, like, drama. Yes. Well, your drama, but not, like, logistical drama.

So this is a clean start. January 2019. Here we are. Thanks so much for your inquiries about when we were starting up again. Feels really good to be missed. But yeah, we're coming at you for weeks and weeks and weeks now. Yep. So that means that you need to deliver some of your drama my way.

So as usual, it's Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. So keep them coming, please. Okay. So, 2019, we've missed a lot of big stories. Yes. Covered them on the site. Yes, you have. However, you are… well, I can't believe that you are, like, watching this show.

Yes. So, I want to know about, seeing as the new topic of our podcast is drama, I need to know the drama about Penn Badgley because, obviously, I have literally inhaled the series You. Yeah. Have you watched it? So, what made you start watching You? What are you talking about? That would, it's totally up my alley.

It's fucking useless. There is like no cognitive activity needed. You just watch it and it's fucking delicious. Really? Great television. And Corey watched it and was also, like we literally nailed that motherfucker all weekend. Okay. So I, cause I feel like I say to you, I love my high school shit.

Like when I was into Netflix's Elite, you know, that Spanish high school show. Watch it. Can't read it. Too much, again, cognitive activity for me to read the subtitles. Subtitles? Then why don't you watch it dubbed? Oh, I did watch it dubbed. Dumbass.

I did watch it dubbed and it threw me off too. Fine. I tried. I love high school shit. What the fuck are you talking about? I am the queen of… I don't know. I feel like you're on this like smart, smart like documentary…

Yes, I love that shit. …and true crime… Love that stuff. …trip right now and you're not… like in the dirt with me. No, no. I'm in the dirt and I'm in the documentaries. Okay. So you watched you and you are like now super curious about Penn Badgley. Because I didn't watch Gossip Girl. So I have no real… Sorry, you just said you're all up in high school shit and now you're saying you didn't watch Gossip Girl. I didn't watch… Okay. I hate when you do this. Can we start off just a

little less aggressive? You have to… What? People miss this. This is our signature. I watched all the high school shit that you could imagine. I just missed Gossip Girl. Gossip Girl just didn't do it for me. Okay. Because it was like just a bad clueless for me. Okay. So just hit me up.

Okay. And Badgley. Okay. So hit me up. What did you think of you? I thought it was bat shit. Yes. Yes.

Like in a really disturbing way. Disturbing way. Okay. Correct. I thought it was bat shit. I'm still not sure what exactly the show wants to do. Mm-hmm. because I have real concerns, as does Penn Badgley,

about the people who are like, oh my God, I want Joe. Joe couldn't have been more of a turnoff to me, not because he was a killer. It's like he's the worst, grossest boyfriend. That gross, perfect, I'll do anything, you can take a shit on my face and I'll fucking lick it up. I was so turned off by him. Our friend Amy was texting me and was like,

oh my God, he's so hot. Of course, Amy. But that type of guy, is that type of guy someone that people are finding attractive? Yeah. Oh. Well, okay. I think that there are some people who find Penn Badgley, like, good looking. I have never been attracted to Penn Badgley, even when he was on Gossip Girl.

Like, he's supposed to be, you know, Dan Humphrey. He was, like, one of the hot guys on the show. I have always looked at him like… Here's how I describe his face. his face is like a face within a face. I don't know what that means. Like, his face is too small for his face. Okay. Yes. Do you know what I mean? He's wildly wee. Like, he's a small person. I don't mind the small. Like, you know, I like Kit Harington, who's pretty sexy on Game of Thrones, but he just doesn't really… Anyway, not my type. Okay. But I know that he's a lot of people's

type. So that, first of all, is… I don't know. I think that's 70% of it. Okay. Like, okay, for example, controversial thing, but I… like, I will debate this. And deep down inside I think we know it's true. I think people would have had a harder time given that our society is conditioned to, like, try and be supportive of men. We live in, like, male-dominated society. If Harvey Weinstein wasn't so ugly, do you think that we would have had such an easy time believing that he was such a fucking creep, right? It was easier that he was a butt face.

What if the same allegations that were leveled against Harvey Weinstein were leveled against George Clooney? Of course. People can't… It wouldn't have been the same. A thousand percent. So with this Joe thing, 70% of it, maybe even 75, 80% of it is the fact that some people find him attractive.

And then that's what's scary. They're willing to overlook that this, like, whatever, presumably, allegedly attractive guy is a fucking creep. A murderer. Yeah. No, it's alarming. Creep first, then a murderer. So tell me…

Spoiler alert, I guess. Well, not… I think he's… I think that's pretty much the premise in IMDB. Like, killer. But do you care that much? That's what surprises me. I don't really care.

And I guess that's what I was hoping… I wanted to care a little bit more. That's why I was hoping you were going to give me some sort of intel to make me care. Yeah. Because when I did that deep dive, I was like, oh, there's fucking nothing. Here's what's making me care maybe a little. I quite like his Twitter responses to the people who are like adding him and being like, I want Joe this, that, and the other.

And his responses are like mildly clever. They're like, check yourself. I'm a murderer. Like, what is your problem? Yeah. But not in an overly aggressive way, but in a little bit of a snarky way. Like, what the hell is the matter with you? Well, did you see his Instagram post where he reached a million?

Yeah. Yeah. And he was like, what the fuck? I'm a murderer. Yes. Yes. which was nice. Also, what's been interesting, though, reading some of his interviews is he really didn't like who he played in Gossip Girl. I guess he really, really didn't like

his character. I don't think he liked the show. He was the least interesting character. Like, he was… Okay, I'll give you an equivalent. He was Ryan in The O.C. Oh, okay. Yeah. And Brandon in 90210. That's not horrible. But the best storylines were never about those people, right? Yes. Okay. Okay.

So he's just boring. So I'll lose my interest in him, but really excited for season two. Yeah. I don't know if I'm going to go into season two. Because I need to – I still am trying to figure out what this show is trying to do. Like, what are we – I didn't read the books. Neither did I.

Obviously, I don't read books. There's that. No, that's not true. I don't know what it was trying to do because like he thinks it was trying to like say to people, hey, beware of these guys. But I think it's backfiring. Yes. So what is the purpose?

I don't know. And they've been talking abstractly about love and it's not, you're right, it's not landing. But I guess I didn't even really think about what their kind of point of view was for the series. I just watched it and was like, oh, every episode I was like, I want to watch the next one. Right.

I didn't actually think about it. And look, I think that a lot of people are going to yell at me and be like, you don't need a point of view. It's just a crazy show that like, you know, it's a soap opera. It is a soap opera. There's no point of view with All My Children. And I get that, but nobody watches All My Children in that way in like how it sort of reflects the culture, right?

And a show like this reflects or at least moves forward the culture. So I just, I'm a little confused. And a little concerned. But I'll probably watch. Yeah. Probably I'll watch season two. It's crazy. It is crazy.

Like, when you don't think it can get any crazier, it's crazy. So let's get into your drama. Yes. What's your drama? Hey, we did that in unison. Yeah. Do you want to read them? Okay.

You're good at reading. So this is from V. I would love your thoughts on a situation I'm dealing with, especially since you guys always talk about career and how important it is to you. I have a very tight-knit group of girlfriends. We went to university together, and now that we are in our late 30s, we are all driven in our own ways when it comes to career. However, sometimes I feel left out or feel less than when we end up going out for dinner

and the conversation inevitably turns to work. Three of the girls are lawyers, very successful in their field, absolute ballers, and they will often talk in a way that makes it sound like just because they work a lot of hours, it makes their job more valuable or more important than mine. They're always talking about how they don't understand how anyone has a 9 to 5. Well, I work 9 to 5 in a job that I really like. I might not be changing the world or laws or freeing people from jail, but I work hard and I'm proud of myself.

Maybe I'm taking these conversations too personally. Do you think I'm being sensitive? Do you think I should say something? Because I leave those dinners feeling really small and I don't want to build up resentment over something like this. What do you guys think? That's V's drama. Okay.

Yeah. Well, I think you're going to have two interesting perspectives because Lainey is all about work and I am all about balance. I don't know. I would say that we roll with a pretty high level and highly driven women. I think I got caught up in the idea that like you had to fucking burn the candle at both ends to mean something to other people and to mean something to yourself. And I kind of realized that I don't think everyone is made to fucking bust their balls. And like someone like you, you thrive in that kind of environment. I don't.

And it's not to say I don't fucking have a hard job. I work really hard during the hours that I'm at work. But I have found for myself, Sasha Tong, that I would rather put work into, let's say, my friendships or put the work into, like, myself and, like, my mental wellness and my mental health. I'd like to put work into my relationship because that kind of fucking falls flat sometimes. Like, I really feel like that is important to me. So… and people place importance on different things, right?

Mm-hmm. Like, what's your take… what's your take on it? Because I think you… you work really hard. You have a thousand jobs. Do you ever think that you are working too hard? I don't think that I ever think I'm working too hard. My dilemma always is, am I working smart? So I'm constantly trying to like maximize efficiency because I don't want to stop working. I want to keep doing all the things I do, but they can be more efficient. Like I'm

pretty sure that I haven't perfected yet the most like efficient way of doing all the jobs that I do. Do you judge people or feel bad for people or think they are less than if they don't have the same drive? No. No. The way I see it, some people have that like ambition or like that interest and that's… Like the thing is, Jacek always says about me that if I wasn't as busy as I am, I would be horrible. Because I just wouldn't know… You'd be horrible to him as well. Yeah. Well, I'm horrible to him, like, naturally. But I would be even worse. Because I need that to function. Whereas, like you said, that's not how you operate. That's not in your DNA. I tried. I tried. It didn't work.

So your DNA, you're built that way. I'm built another way. So if I meet somebody who I know is built like you, you are not me, I'm not going to judge you. Like, I just want you to be happy. So there's that. Where I do judge are the people who, like, they want a high level of professional success and they want, like, this and that and the other, but at the same time they're like, but, oh my God, I just don't want to participate in that rat race. And it's like, well, I just don't… I don't know how those are matching up.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, I want to be on the 40… under 40 list. And I want to, like, be a member of invited to the board or whatnot. And I want to… But you know what? I just… God, I'm just so busy.

And it's like… Right. The people who make it there, like, have a gear and they use all the gears. Yeah. So that's the only thing that confuses me sometimes that you hear now and again. In this particular situation, in V's situation though, do you think her friends are being insensitive? I mean, my gut feeling is kind of probably yes.

Okay. You know, like I think she's probably the one at the end of the table who can't get in on the late night conversations of how hard they're working and this case and that case. And inevitably you probably feel like, oh, am I the fucking biggest wanky loser at the table if all these – all my closest friends are talking about how hard they work? Like that's so relative too, right? You know, as you said, maybe they're working long hours, but they're not working smart

hours. And I also think there's this pressure on women, especially now that you have to have all these side hustles. You've got to be a fucking boss, bitch. You've got to be a boss, babe. Who the… Like, that's fucking lame. Like, not everybody can do that.

And as you said, like, if your aspirations are not to be on the fucking Forbes list, then what the fuck? Yeah. Don't hold yourself up to that standard. It's all good. Yeah, I don't know. I do think her friends probably are a bit insensitive about it. Yeah.

I don't… I mean, listen, the fact is this is how V is feeling, so sensitivity or lack thereof probably may, may have something to do with it. I don't know if it's conscious. Like, I don't know that while her friends are talking, they're deliberately being like, let's talk so much about our work so that she can feel stupid for just working a nine to five. Like, I think that's where I don't want to make…

I don't want to make that assumption. Okay. I agree. So, I do feel like these are people who work in the same profession and they got caught up in, like, industry talk. That happens. And they might have that… They might make those comments that are insensitive, like, who works a nine to five these days?

Right. Well, that's what fucking the majority of people do. Or they might say who works a nine to five in relation to the people in their industry. Like, do you know how… Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, sometimes you say things that just apply to your office. So in a legal office, if these women are working long hours and there's that one person who taps out at 5 o'clock when…

No one taps out at 5 o'clock. They're, like, the one who can't get their work done or they're the one who, like, you have to pick up their shit after, then maybe that would be a comment that you make that applies just in your circumstance and you don't realize that, like, hey, your friend also works 9 to 5, but in a different industry, but they don't make the connection. Yes. Ultimately, everybody, unfortunately, thinks and lives in their own bubble. Totally.

Totally. So, V, I don't know. Like, I… These are your friends, and I don't really want to write them off as people who, like, are trying deliberately to hurt you. That's not where I was going either. But you know what? You do have a voice.

Like, the next time that happens and they say, how can anybody work 9 to 5? Like, you are entitled to be like, hey, in a jokey, fun way that friends do, be like, I work a nine to five. I'm good. I'm not a loser. Yeah. But the other thing too for me is what I was saying before is like, you got to also maybe be a little less judgmental towards yourself.

Like, you, as you said, you like your job. You work hard at your job. So fucking check, check, check. That's great. And just realize that everyone's end game is different. And to be quite honest, if you are developing and putting in work in other aspects of your life, that shit is fucking solid. That is it.

Like I was, there was this meme that was going around. Hold on, let me look it up because someone actually just posted it before I came here and I was like, oh, so whack that people actually think that this is something to be proud of. So it's this quote that people have been passing around. It says, hold on, wait, it's loading, it's loading, it's loading. I don't have a nine to five. I have a when I open my eyes to when I close my eyes. And I think a lot of people have been finding that that's shaming people who have nine to fives. Fucking idiot. It's a dumb meme.

Yeah. And if you're working that many hours, you're the one who's losing out on life. For me, in my perspective, if that's what you're doing, if you're fucking grinding it out all the time, working 70 hours a week, I think you're the dummy. But that's just me. I mean, listen, we could go super corny if we're talking about quotes. Like, what is that quote? If you find a job you love… You haven't worked a day or something like that, right? You won't have to work a day in your life.

Like, that too is on the other side of corny that isn't judgy. It's just like, you know, I love my job, but sometimes one or two of them can be like one or two of them too much one day. Yeah. Yeah. And I have to be like, oh, today it's hard. Today I don't love it. So, I mean, I don't know. I think that our relationship with work is really complicated and probably we're all trying to still work it out. But that's what I… I guess that's it. I wish that work wasn't so tied into who we are as individuals. I think that, again, for some people it is and that gives them

the strength and gives them the confidence, but a lot of us out there are doing our work, we're doing it well, and that shit doesn't fucking define us. The other things in our life are the things that are most important to us, our friendship. You know, the other things that interest us, fucking our own, like, fucking personality, spirituality, all that bullshit. There's other places to put work as opposed to at a fucking desk. So V, yeah, next time just be like, hey, I work a nine to five. Ha ha.

Yeah. But again, I… yeah, these friends are not… I… right now I'm not prepared to say that they're out to hurt you. Not out to hurt you, but maybe they sometimes throw some shade. I don't know. Okay. So S, what's your drama? S says, Dear Sasha, my former sister-in-law met a guy online and realized he was my ex-boyfriend who I had broken up with only a few months before. Okay. I need to wrap my head around Okay. My former sister-in-law met a guy. Okay. So they were related. I guess there was a divorce at some point and realized he was my ex-BF who I had broken up with. Okay. Before she even met him, she asked me if I would be okay with it. I told her I wouldn't. We discussed it several times

and I told her how awkward it would be, but she did it anyway. Her reason was that I'm friends with her ex-husband, so she felt it was tit for tat. So everyone here has divorced someone and they're all single. Yes. Okay. This is a small city. God damn it. Clearly.

Yeah. I'm friendly with her ex, my ex, her brother. Okay. I'm still like, I need to figure this out. I'm friendly with her ex, my ex, her brother. Yeah. This makes sense to me so far. Who's her brother?

Her brother is her ex-husband. Okay, her brother is, oh, the right, S is ex. Okay, got it. And her family. Her kids and my kids are close. It's just easier to be friendly with everyone. I'm baffled why she wanted to punish me like this. I lost it and told her I couldn't be friends with anyone who didn't respect me.

Blocked her on social media. Girl shit drama, I know. It's very unlike me. I muddled through explanations with my kids and doing my best to be civil when in the same rooms her for the sake of my kids and my nieces. I was extremely shocked and very hurt. I loved and cared about her and it's painful that she didn't feel that way about me. I feel that it was a very passive-aggressive way to punish me. Our friends think I should have known better than to try to be friends with both her and her ex.

Goddamn. Those same friends are also friends with her ex-husband. Why am I the only one punished? I never thought she harbored such resentment towards me while I was working so hard to be her friend. It feels like all my friendships are now somehow diminished from this situation. Can't even talk about it with anyone. Appreciate any support and guidance.

I'm still trying to make sense of this maze. Sorry. I think I have it, but I feel like, do you want to read it in your head quietly? No, you better. Can you just put these things together for me? S is friends with her ex-husband's sister, right? Okay. So both her sister, ex-sister-in-law, and S are single women looking to fucking mingle.

Okay. Okay. Sister-in-law, ex-sister-in-law says, hey, oh, can I date your ex-boyfriend that you were just dating? And S is like, no, you can't. That would make me uncomfortable. Ex-sister-in-law says, too bad, so sad. I'm going to fucking date him. Right. S is mad. But the ex-sister-in-law, her ex, S is friends with that dude. Yeah. But that's just like appendage conversation.

conversation yeah but that's part of it because the sister-in-law used that as ammunition and was like well you're friends with my ex so why can't i date your or fuck your ex yeah right okay i mean add another layer to the fact that this is a fucking small town yeah for me the small town is like null and void for any yeah x drama shit like if there's a small pool to work with you gotta go gangbusters on that shit no matter what yeah like the rules are out the window yeah it's a small pool yeah so where else are you gonna find the d you gotta you gotta fuck your fucking neighbor's ex yeah sister's ex eventually you gotta fuck each other yeah like yeah right at some point s you might fuck your sister-in-law it might come down to that shit is that how small

the pool is i want to go to this town like i want there to be a party small at this town i want there to be a party so that we get invited so that we, like, watch… because watch all this shit play out. Because I bet you for every situation that S is in, like, three houses over, that couple is also in the same situation with whoever. All right. So S feels betrayed by a friend. Their friendship has ended. It's ugly. She feels punished. Yeah. Yes. I don't know. As I said, really, like, I think that you have to take in the into account the small townness of this. Like, I'm not trying to be like some big city girl,

but like, in all honesty, you've admitted that shit's fucking, everyone knows everybody. So you're bound to like fucking, yeah, sleep with the same people. And I also think, like, we've talked about this in seasons before where I was like, if you dated one of my ex-boyfriends, I would be like really fucking pissed off. Yeah. But I actually, after reading this, I realized, like, I think that's a really stupid thing. Like, especially that I am, like, an, like, older now. I'm in a, you know, a committed relationship, marriage, that I don't think you can stake claims on people anymore. I just don't know if that's actually, like, a normal thing to do. You're looking, you're frowning. Do you understand what I'm saying? Like, I just don't

think we're, I don't think you're allowed to bar your past boyfriends from dating your friends anymore. Because it's hard being single. It's hard being single. We have a couple of single friends in our circle. Fucking gangster out there. And I think that if you can have an opportunity where two people can meet and sure, yes, you've probably fucked them before or you've loved them before. I think that's okay. I think I'm okay with that now. I understand like this small town asterisk situation because it was like online dating and whatever this town was. I mean, Listen, we're making this sound like this town only has 2,000 people. It might.

It sounds like that is the case. And like you, I don't want to be like city folk or anything like that. I get it. There's an asterisk there. I just… I'm… Yeah, I guess I'm still where you were before. I'm still hung up on like the…

Like it's just so offside. It's so weird. Like she said they had several talks about it. That she and the ex-sister-in-law had talked about it a few times. So it wasn't just this one-off conversation. And she tried to explain how awkward it was. Well, I'd like to know… Sorry, I don't mean to hurt you, but S is could she have dated any of your exes or was

it this particular ex? I think it was just a fresh breakup. She said, I only broke up with him a few months before. And before she met… And then before the sister-in-law met up with him, she asked if I'd be okay. I told her I wouldn't. We discussed it several times. I told her how awkward it would be, and she did it anyway.

So I guess that's what I want to know, though. What was this guy to her? Was this the love of her life that got away? Fine. Here's the problem. Her reason was that I'm friends with her ex-husband, so she felt it was tit for tat. So here's the problem with this situation. I get what you're saying, Sash.

Like, we should all be open-hearted. But the issue here is that there was, like, there was poison in your friendship before the ex-boyfriend came into the picture. That is what she assumes. No, she said. She did. Her reason was, she gave the reason. Oh, at the very end. You're right. When she said, I dated him

and she was like, fuck you. She was like, well, you were friends with my ex. She said the tit for tat. So, like, clearly your ex-sister-in-law your ex-sister-in-law was harboring this grudge. And she was harboring a grudge about you being friends

with her ex. So clearly that situation was never properly addressed, never communicated, you guys didn't talk it through, and she's holding this grudge, and then she meets a guy online, happens to be your ex, and she's like, boom, here's my chance for revenge, I'm doing it, I'm attracted to him, and I get to slap you in the face at the same time. Like none of, no one's being really like mature enough for your grown up utopia situation here. Okay. You know what?

Admittedly, I missed the tip or tap part, which makes it more complicated. So then I would, then I take back the initial question I would like to ask S. The secondary question I'd like to ask S was, was she shady with her ex-sister-in-law's ex? Would she, can she take any ownership? Was she too flirty with sister-in-law's ex? Was she doing anything that kind of crossed the line for sister-in-law who was an actual friend to be like, bitch, I'm coming for you, tit for tat?

So I would be interested to know, like, it seems like they're fucking talking about what's your fucking drama. There's a lot of fucking drama happening in this town. So I think the approach here… She describes it as a small city. Now I feel bad. Like, we've been talking about… We're such assholes.

I've missed everything. I don't know what qualifies as a small city, but I feel like we've been talking about this as like, like, you know, it was Schitt's Creek, like a one bar, like Schitt's Creek town and it's not Schitt's Creek. Okay. We're sorry. Wow. Schitt's Creek is just on our mind. Cause you know, it just premiered and our friend is Dan and you know, and he's doing really well. So that's not, that's not the reason. There's a plug for Schitt's Creek. Everybody watch Schitt's Creek. Um, yeah, I think it's time to probably have another conversation with her. Cause I think things are getting uncomfortable. Obviously, S is feeling pretty axed out of the friend

group. And this is all seeming a little bit complicated over dudes that probably are not going to be everlasting in their lives anyway. So they have a history. I think it's time to patch it up and discuss. Because I think for me, the thing that's missing for me is to know what the relationship S had with her ex-sister-in-law's ex-boyfriend. I need some real actual facts on that so that I could understand why she would want to come for you because it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense that all of a sudden she became like this raging fucking cow who wanted to fucking backstab you.

So I would like S to do a little bit of like searching in herself and maybe what she might have done to offend her sister-in-law. I don't think anyone here, S you included, sorry, I don't think anyone here has been communicating productively. Like you're giving details like your friends, our friends think I should have known better than to try to be friends with both her and her ex. Right. So that's the red flag there, right?

What happened? But then you also say those are the same friends who are also friends with her ex, so why am I the only one being punished? So I get that. I get that you're like, hey, how come I'm the only one being punished? But there is something there. Like why are you being singled out? Like I get it.

That's a big question mark for you. You want to know. but I think what we're doing here is we're finding the root cause. The root cause isn't your ex-boyfriend that she met online. The root cause is the fact that you are still friends or were, I don't know, with her ex-husband. Right. And she harbored resentment. Clearly you didn't pick up on it or you didn't know until now. And And I think that problem has to be resolved first. Yes.

If you can find it in you to be the bigger person, to call her up and be like, hey, I don't want to talk about this situation with who you're dating now. I want to talk about you harboring residual resentment against me for being friends with your ex. Like, what did I do? Let's go there. Let's go there. to the original cancer, maybe you can save this.

I agree. But… Keep us posted because I want to know that nugget. I really do. Yeah. This is a what's your drama that should be to be continued. And sorry if we offended you. But this is a really big drama.

Like, this is exactly the kind of what's your drama that… Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your drama is all about. Okay. Ida, what's your drama? Ida writes, I'm 32 years old. Sometimes I feel like age matters when getting giving advice. Thanks.

It does. It's my first time writing. I don't know where to start. I've been following this site ever since I got really sick. I guess I should start from there. Four years ago, I went in for a routine surgery. Things didn't go well. I almost died.

Not being dramatic, the doctors told me I was five minutes from dying before they took me into emergency surgery. I was on life support, in the ICU, in the hospital for months. And in those four years, I had to get an ostomy bag, pooped in a bag for a year and a half, then had it reversed. subsequent surgeries, five in total after that, told I might not be able to have children naturally because of all the damage, and this happened before the age of 30. I have multiple chronic pain and other scars from the whole ordeal, and I was just told

that I need more surgery. Needless to say, it's shit. I'm making that part up. She said a rough time of it, but I've put in shit. So I had a lot of really good friends that I was close to for everything, but then after I got sick and stopped reaching out to people, I noticed I had very few people who cared about me. Many of my so-called friends didn't check up on me or see how I was doing unless I called

first or texted first. One friend I thought was really close, we went on trips together, we told each other everything. Since I've been sick, she never calls or texts. And when I do, it's always about her, never asks me how I'm doing, always a one-sided conversation. I don't bring up my health stuff even though it's a big part of my life because I'm no longer able to work or go to school anymore. I found it made people my age uncomfortable

because they didn't know what to say. Or I've been told my recent life experiences have made me a Debbie Downer. People told me I should get over it, stop being so negative. I stopped reaching out, tired of making the effort. I'm constantly in pain. None of my friends know how that feels. However, this was one of my best friends, so I was going to ask you is should I bring it up. And ask why she never texts or calls or checks in to see how I'm doing. Should I step away altogether? I must also add that she invited me on a girl's trip with a bunch of her sorority sisters, but then uninvited me because she thought with all my health issues, I was walking with a cane at the time, I would slow them down and interfere with their plans. I'm usually a direct

person. I like brutal honesty, but for some reason I keep going back and forth on whether I should speak up and say something or let the friendship fade away. Okay, Ida. Oh, Ida. That's not really drama, Ida. That's just bullshit. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'm – I like – I'm so sad to hear of all the stuff that you went through, but fuck, thank God you're alive and that you have gone through probably what is the worst scenario in your life. But I will say, having come from not something as hardcore as you, but there is like you The answers that get to come out of something so horrible, like there's always, as cheesy as it is, there is always light out of like really, really dark, dark, dark, dark situations. So like it might feel really horrible right now because things are still fresh and you're trying to navigate friendships and trying to like deal with your own health.

But like things become clear after you have gone through health stuff. Like you get to get rid of shitty friends. You get to find happiness in other ways that you never thought you'd feel happy. you get like such stamina and power from being able to take over your health again like there's all these good things that are coming so I just wanted to say that there are positive things that come out of um really really really bad health stuff your best friend sounds like a fucking dick face um and I'm so sorry that that has happened and that she tried to then fucking invite you somewhere and then took that away and and ended up making you feel like you were

the reason why she couldn't invite you because of your cane. I don't know. Anyway, it makes me really sad. Yeah. What should she do about this cunt? Well, I don't know. I mean, I would say that I can relate in a certain way that I was majorly disappointed by, like, very close friends during my health stuff. And there were times where I wanted to tell them that, but I just felt like that was such a horrible thing for me to do. Like, I've gone through this shit and now I have to salvage my friendships. Are you fucking crazy? And I think that it's the most pathetic excuse when you hear people are like, I just didn't know what to do. I was just, it was uncomfortable. Well, fuck, you're a grown up. Like, figure it out. All you have to do is send a text like,

are you okay? What do you need? Can I come over? Like, they're very simple ways to reach out to people who need help or support. So if she hadn't, I don't know, specifically with this girlfriend that we're talking about, I think that my strategy would be to tell her how hurt you are that she disinvited you from this trip, that you were really looking forward to it, and that you somehow flipped the script on, she flipped the script on you and made you feel like she wasn't, Like she had to disinvite you because of your disability or the fact that you had a cane. And then I would fucking fade her the fuck out of my life. That's how I would deal with it.

Because I think that there are some really base level friendship codes. And I think that she fucked the dog on it. Yeah. And I would need her to grovel. Maybe she groveled and then like wrote me long letters and expressed how horrible and like realized all the errors in her way, then yes, I could rebuild. Yeah. But if she doesn't fucking get a clue, I don't know.

I think the writing's on the wall there. That's what I'm worried about is like what you said just really resonated about having to put in the energy to get mad and to tell people here's how you fucked up. Like that's another like that's another type of emotional labor that I don't know that I want Ida to be spending time on, especially since she doesn't know what the result will be. Like you can confront the person and be like, you were really shitty for disinviting me on the trip.

And then what if they act like a dick face and then that's another scar that reopens and then you have to recover from that. So I wonder if Ida should just cut her losses now, freeze out, fade out, move on, and focus her energy on like making new friends, getting yourself better, you know, finding like-minded people who aren't like that. Like you're 32 years old, probably the person you've known, you've known since you were a teenager or in your 20s. We can – listen, if I look back on my 20s, I was a piece of shit.

Right. Probably we can all say that about ourselves, right? Like a super duper piece of shit. And I wouldn't even like write off – like I wouldn't – so shitty sometimes that probably I would have like been super insensitive to somebody. And you're not – you have empathy. Okay. But you never know.

Fine. Like I just don't want to give myself that out. And what is going to be the consequence to that? Well, if that had happened in my 20s and I was a super piece of shit to someone like that, like, I would look back later in 20 years and have to carry that. Whoever this is, is when hopefully she grows up a little bit, going to look back and be like, I lost a friend because I was pretty shitty. So Ida, like, let her carry that.

I feel like at this point you're so young still. You're better. You're getting better. I know you have to have a surgery soon, but, like, you know, it sounds like you've moved through the worst of it. There are great support groups out there. There are great people out there who are willing to be your friend. I'd focus your energy there.

Like, focus it forward. Pitch it forward instead of pitching it backwards. That's me. Okay. Yeah. So, Sasha says if you can, yell. Oh, fuck. I would.

It would be really cathartic. You know this person. And then be like, bye. Yeah. You know this person. So if you find the opportunity, yell, yell very loudly and in public and then scram. Yeah. Either way, the common denominator here is see you, sorority sister.

Yeah. We like… Eventually, unless she like really comes to her senses, she needs to go away. Listen, if I could write this script, I would write it in a way that it becomes a comedy or a rom-com and you get up on stage somewhere and you basically tell your story. oh, hey, that girl over there disinvited me from a really fun trip because I'm disabled and she thought I would be a drag. Just wanted to let you know, bye, everybody.

Enjoy your night. Call your Uber. Get in the Uber. Get the fuck out. Go make some new friends. That would be great. If I could script that for you and if you could script that for yourself and make that happen, go do it.

Unfortunately, we can't live our life according to a script. Maybe there's not an event coming up that you can do that. But if there is, let me know. I will write that shit for you. Okay, good. Okay. Okay. I feel like we…

That was our first episode of What's Your Drama? Yes. I hope you liked it. The new podcast. Yeah. Again, I'm going to say, send me more questions though. Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. What's your drama, Sasha?

My drama? Yeah. My drama. What's my drama? Oh, okay. Well, I actually do have something. Okay. So I turned 40 January 3rd.

Happy birthday. Thank you, Lainey and Yasik, for remembering. And so for my birthday, my mom and my sister, so they bought me a business class ticket to Europe, which is very exciting, but what was not an oversight because it's not like it was his birthday, but Corey isn't coming with me business class. He had to buy an econ ticket, which I am feeling really guilty about. He is fine with it. For some reason, that doesn't bother him.

Yeah. Did you book it yet? I booked it. Where are you going? Well, we're going – the end game is Croatia. So we're going back to where my mom is from. So we're going to Ireland first and then going to Croatia. So the Ireland leg from Toronto to Ireland is where I will be sitting up front.

Okay. It's like seven hours, six hours. Sure. But you don't think that's heinous? No. Because you have no heart. Because you have no heart. Could I ask someone with a heart?

Is anyone out there with a heart thinks that is shitty? It's your birthday gift. Yes, but he has to sit like 30 rows back. So are you going to go to Ireland and Croatia alone? No. Okay, so are you going to buy him? Do you have the money to buy him a business class ticket? No.

Okay, so what are your options, Sasha? There are no options. Great. There are no options. Why are we talking about this? Like, I just gave you the math. Okay. Right?

So I just deal… Okay. Here's the thing. Like, I feel like we spend so much drama and, like, energy, like, stressing about things where it's the only option. What a wonderful thing you got a gift from your mom and your sister. Yeah. Corey's so happy for you.

You guys get to go on a trip. Why create another layer of nonsense stress? You know what, though? Actually, I was thinking about that. That means I don't get… See, okay, another layer. Yeah. Do I sit in the first class lounge and he sits in the plebby lounge?

Well, the beauty of… Can I bring a plus one? Correct. Oh, okay. That's a game changer. Are you sure that that's a… You should be able to bring a plus one. Yes.

Okay. That could make things different because I was going to forego the first class lounge to sit in plebby lounge with him. You should be able to have a plus one. Okay. If I don't have a plus one, the right thing to do would be to sit in plebby lounge. I'm not even entertaining that option. Like when you have…

What would you do if you had that option? If you couldn't take Jacek to the first class lounge, would you sit with him? See, this is me. I wouldn't even entertain this. Answer the question. Would you sit in the first class lounge if Jacek couldn't be your plus one? Or would you go and sit in common people lounge? If I couldn't talk my way into it.

Correct. Could I? Like, you know me. I love throwing money at things. No, you can't. No, you can't. God. Because money isn't an option in my reality right now.

Fine. Then what I would say to Jacek is, let's go to the airport restaurant. We're not going into any free, like, we're not going into the free area. Free area. Let's go to a restaurant where we will pay for a drink and have a nice time. Okay. But I know Jacek and he would be like, I don't want to fucking pay $10, the markup for a beer.

And then I would be like, okay, well, uh, if those are your two options, uh, pay to come into the lounge with me or pay at this restaurant. And then he would say, okay, I'll just sit in the lounge by myself and you can go to the first class lounge. You are so sociopathic level. It's so interesting. He's next to you right now and he has confirmed. Yes.

Yes. Wow. You are calculated. I love it. Anyway, go enjoy your birthday present. Do not feel bad. He's going to be fine in economy. It's six hours.

He's going to be so happy for you. If you want, like… Switch it. No. Oh, my God. What? I meant to switch each… Like, I'll be like, okay, you can have these next week.

Fuck no. What's the matter with you? Never do that. Okay. Okay. God. Keep him… What?

Okay. If I was going to say, if you want, set your alarm at the three-hour mark, go back there and say, oh, here's the rest of my meal, like my cognac or my Jack Daniels, right? And give it to him. Okay. Got it. That's a nice gesture. And be like, bye.

He comes up. Just everyone stay separate. Yeah. I will say I've done this before. Yasika sat in economy and I've sat in business and like I listen I slept so well

because you have no conscience okay great great but I mean other people might have another opinion so tell us what you think of Sasha's dilemma

yeah please help me until next time thank you so much for listening and supporting this podcast and waiting and waiting this long for us to come back

so we really appreciate it and thank you we look forward to all your drama subscribe to us where you get your podcasts we'll be back next week bye

bye