What's Your Drama - Getting Nosey & Competing for the Same Guy

Episode Date: December 6, 2020

We have a very special guest for this episode: Kayla Grey. If you are not already in love with everything she is about, I'm pretty sure you will be by the end of this episode. I thought Lainey and I were straight shooters but whoa, Kayla does not f-ck around. So let's dive in with YOUR drama!Then it's onto "Lindsay" who over the last few months has really been putting in the work and moving past her old ways when it comes to race and inequality. She's pushing, growing, and shifting her perspectives but the thing is her husband is taking a bitttttt longer to catch up to her level. So how does she remain in a partnership when they aren't seeing eye to eye on some very important issues? The three of us all dig in on this one and share some of our own struggles in the past.Finally, “Hilary” writes in with a dating dilemma. She and her best bud are both single and yup, they both want the same dude. Is it every woman for herself or are there some friendship codes that need to be put in place?  We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A hungry girl's got to eat. And how about if she's like, I want Mark too. Why can't they both have, like, why can't they both have a stab at it? What? You went from, like, the beginning of this conversation to not wanting to have sex four times. To share a dick. And now you're thinking they should have a three. I don't want them to share a dick.

I don't want them to share a dick. Quick question. When was the last time a display ad changed your mind? Now think about the last time a friend told you about something they loved. Different feeling, right? That's how podcast advertising works. A host who's built real trust with their audience talks about your brand in their own words, in their own voice.

It doesn't interrupt the experience. It's part of it. With Acast, you can access the world's largest podcast marketplace. Choose the right shows, the right audiences, the right format. Then watch the data tell you it worked. You're not buying impressions. You're buying influence. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise.

Hi, I'm Lainey Louie, talk show host and entertainment reporter. I'm also the editor of LaineyGossip.com, and I am a BTS fan. Yeah, you are. I'm Sasha Tong. I am a producer at an entertainment show here in Canada. I'm also a fashion and beauty columnist on LaineyGossip.com. And I am not a big BTS fan. But this is What's Your Drama, where we gossip about you.

we have a special guest joining us today hello kayla hello hello kayla gray is our friend she is also an anchor on tsn a sports reporter culture critic general star but is she good hotness. I was thinking about that. I was like, I feel like Kayla would give good advice, but I actually don't know if you're, are you a good advice person? Whatever. I mean, I guess we'll have to find out.

I don't want to wreck too many people's lives, but I mean. Are you getting in on are you getting in on how much Sash and I are enjoying this Rihanna ASAP Rocky? No, I'm not getting it. Let me tell you something. I don't know why all y'all are

shocked what is this new hotness for this couple that we are that has been hiding in plain sight why are you getting hot and heavy but they can they're boring now they're boring now why because they confirmed it you're not supposed to confirm stuff like this you're you're not you're bored by the image of those two yes here's the idea here's the thing right jamie foxx katie holmes this is what made me hot and heavy because i was like oh they're for sure smashing they are for sure smashing no confirmation for how many years were they smashing for like years they were together for like what five that's how you five plus years but I had that allure I had the question marks and then they confirmed it and what happened they didn't last longer after that okay he was in jail

that whole time she came out of no no Jamie Foxx didn't want his Hollywood bag to stop okay he's like listen i already i already impressed these people with my with my ray acting okay my singing career didn't work out too hotly so we just gonna keep this on the low low i'm gonna pretend that i'm cool your ex-husband and i can secure this bag this is the thing now that we know that riri and asap are together officially like all right cool we've been going they've been doing interviews together you you talk out of both no i don't i feel like when people no i don't don't confirm things when people don't confirm things you're like they should release a statement no no not not relationships like i don't like the statement not in certain relationships

riri in my mind is gonna be single forever these men are just play toys okay she is like asap's gonna come and asap is gonna go so she doesn't need to confirm this she doesn't need to confirm the drakes of the world that's rihanna we're talking about all right can we just talk about though what i want to talk about which is the sex addiction before this podcast started you said that you knew a couple a handful of sex addicts so i'm just a sex addict you never know okay because you seem to know a lot about how much they want sex and how it makes you feel when you have that much at least everyone's a sex addict to me everybody needs love okay here's what i hear about sex addicts from a sex addict is it's just that excitement that you get when you first get with

someone like you're hot and heavy for them you can go four or five rounds well day two comes year two comes year six comes and they still want to go four or five rounds in a day and the next day and the next day with the same person it's like a smoke break just go out bust your nut come back in you're all good it could be with the same person or you could find someone brand new but typically they don't love to stay in the same relationship no i think they do but here's the here's the stereotypes that come in is that sex addicts are automatically cheaters there are couples that have functioning sex addicts in there now it's smart not smarter but it's more ideal if a sex addict partners with a sex addict because they both get it and understand it

right how do they get anything done they don't this is this is where it gets negative is it's like when you're a sex addict, that is all you're thinking about where you're going to get it next. You're not able to function. You can't go through the day to day. So here's also my, my thoughts on ASAP calling himself a sex addict. He can have sex any day, anytime he wants to. So of course, he's not going to say no. It's easier for these male celebrities who can have women falling over themselves for them and have these sex rooms and this, that, and the third to have sex all the time, but that does not make you a sex addict. You just have sex a lot because the pussy is there. He said that he's been a sex addict since he was 13. Since when? Teenager. Since middle school.

He's been busting a nut since he got a nut. Like constantly. He said, I've been a sex addict for some time. These are things people stay away from. They don't like to admit it. I can't be embarrassed about it this is how he's describing okay although is that like you know is that some sort of uh assertion of being manly too no because think about asap no here's the thing that why i rock with asap rocky um is nothing to me in his music or the way that he carries himself is like i get chicks you know what i mean like there's nothing in his demeanor that is just like yeah i get girls here left right and center like to me he's like one of those like sexy hoodlum dudes with with good intentions that don't really like when i think of him the first association is

his affiliation to like the asap mob crew not to women which makes me think that he actually probably is a sex addict exactly as up right because when you see asap in these streets it's Now you're seeing him with like four women on his on his arm. He's not flaunting this stuff. There are some celebrities, though, that want to claim sex addict. And it's like, no, you just have that access. That's not being a sex addict. So I don't know.

I don't know. But what I mean is those celebrities who claim sex addiction or whatever is I was out with this woman and then this woman and then this person. No, they just have problems, honey. Those are problems. That's problems. That's problems. And you probably should get tested is what you should do before you self-diagnose.

you should get tested is what i'm trying to say okay but is that going to be an issue between him and rihanna or do you think she i know you saw the fancy line you think it's gonna be a problem so snl you think it's gonna be a problem have you listened to her last albums i don't think this is gonna be an issue question is will he be able to keep up and give our girl riri what she needs that's what i want this is the so i've been having this conversation with people about men and like the way that they carry on as if it's like the woman that has to level up in the bedroom to fulfill their needs. Listen, men out there that are messing around with women. Let me tell you something. Most of you ain't shit. Okay. Most of you ain't shit in the bedroom. You think you

are, but you're not. So what are you doing to fulfill the partner in a situation? Well, well, where do you go? Clearly Kayla's got some things to work through. kayla i felt was talking to me while she was pointing her finger at me i was like i'll try to do sex better i'll try to do sex better sasha do you schedule your sex only have sex once once a month once a week like what are we doing i don't schedule it but i'm sure shit not having it four times a day i like i would like a new problem to me okay can we i would like to not be the focus of this i mean did sasha write in did sasha write in any advice i mean i've got some advice like next week so you know i've been

checking my consistency of bed having and uh what's gonna happen now it's one seven six months okay yep welcome this is me vanilla all right are we ready to get to other drop. Yes, please. Okay. Kayla, please help our listeners with their situations. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. I want to get your take on a situation I have between a group of my friends my husband and I hang out with. This group is my COVID cohort, and we have a group chat we all take part in. I've known all these people for about five years, and I consider them my main group. On a few occasions when we've been together, one member of the group has said some racist or sexist comments this friend travis of course his name is travis sounds about right wow they have

no problem okay this friend travis and i have no problem calling them out all right well baby is a white man girl we knew this and will not admit to having privilege or having any racist ideas a conversation i was part of earlier this year travis said he doesn't believe that there is any discrimination towards women in the workplace. He believes that everything has just been blown out of proportion and that women are equal to men and shouldn't be saying otherwise. He doesn't believe in a wage gap because if he hired a woman, they would get paid the same. But he works in the trades where the wage is set at a standard so everyone gets paid the same depending on their experience. I had to explain to him that when a wage is

scaled more times than not, the male counterpart will be paid more than a female who has the same experience. There have been many other times when Travis has said something that I wasn't there for, but my husband will have been, and I'll get told about it later on. My husband and I have had many conversations over the last few years about acknowledging our privilege and trying to fix the way we think and speak about other people. I thought we were on the same page until tonight. We went out for some drinks as another friend in the group is moving to BC. These are Canadians, everybody. The conversation was fine. We were all having a good time and it was turning out to be a good night. Then we started talking about a TV show. One friend

made a comment about the teeth of an actor, said they looked strange and crooked and slanted in the wrong direction. Then Travis says, quote, now take this conversation and make it about eyes. No one laughed, thank God. And I said, it wasn't cool to say something like that. We got past the awkward moment, but the comment hit a nerve with a couple of us and had a conversation conversation about racism started. Travis said he wasn't racist. He shouldn't be looked down on for making a joke. My argument was that of course it's racist to make a comment like that as it's directly related to race. At this point, my husband chimes in and starts trying to defend Travis because we shouldn't stop people from using free speech when it comes to jokes.

My husband said that we're becoming a society of rules and that jokes and comedy is art. It should be looked at. I've never heard it be called art. As regular conversations. This is where my problem is. How do I deal with my husband being okay with this type of behavior in a friend? I'm happy to not have anything to do with Travis anymore, but my husband has a habit of defending people like Travis. I know that growing and getting past our old way of thinking and acting is hard and it takes time, but I'm at a loss here. My husband has sat many nights with me having deep conversation about the rights of people and how we have to be better in the way we treat everyone. I'm sad that the person I'm with who is growing with me has decided that

going back to the way it was is okay. I want to hear your thoughts on this as your site has been a place for me to grow and change my perspective on issues and how I want to be in the world. Thanks, Lindsay. That's very honest, Lindsay. I appreciate Lindsay's letter here. this is hard I mean this is hard you Lindsay wants to grow Lindsay loves her husband and her husband may not be going growing at the same pace as her and may even be regressing I don't think it's regression I think you just kind of got a look at what white males do privately they're all for one thing but publicly facing they're all for that brotherhood right And that's another conversation that you have to have.

There seems to be this thing with certain white men where behind closed doors and the conversations in private, they're willing to be open and share their thoughts. And I'm not saying that they're not genuine. They are genuine. And I think that there is the willingness to grow. to grow. But then that willingness to grow gets met with conforming, gets met with pack mentality, gets met with not wanting to let down other people, gets met with not knowing that it might be necessary to cut off people. That all meets you at the front door of public when you're out the public. You know, there's so many times in my life where like, I've been hit up in my DMs by

people I know, friends, this, that, and the third. And I've had to say, I love you, but also with love, say this all publicly. Because that's where the real work is. So I'm not saying that all the work that your husband has been doing, yourself has been doing, has been for naught. But at some point, the work needs to be applied. And so this is a teaching moment for your husband. I feel like this is a time for you to sit down with your husband to be like, listen, lovingly with love, I need to discuss with you what happened that night with Travis. Both of you guys need to run through what happened in your mind. Don't talk about his response or what he said in front of your group of friends. Then you kind of replay what happened, revisit, talk about your view as

to how you see things. Let him explain his view as to how he sees things. And then decide as a couple, what the hell are you going to do when this comes up again? Because let me tell you something, Travis is going to, Travis is around and you're going to meet many more Travis's in your life as a couple. And so it, this is, this is what, this is what it is, is how, as a couple, when you see something or something being said, are you going to address this? How are you going to, and, and you need to find a way. And it's not to say like, you have to say something. I mean, I strongly suggest you all absolutely should call things out. But if say, for example, you're not someone who likes, um, confrontation, but you're okay with sending a follow-up email to be like,

hey, remember that night last night? I was not comfortable. Here are some resources that you need to read. These are the opinions of what we're feeling like in our household, just so you know. But clearly, there needs to be more conversations about how you guys are taking that work that you're doing behind closed doors and applying it in real life. That's just kind of, that's just how I feel about it. What happens if her husband is a racist? Well, what happens? Yeah. What happens if her husband is like, I am for the explicit racism, right? Like if I see an act, I'll call it out. If Travis had said the N word, or if he had whatever, anything that's like considered out of bounds, he would have said

something. But because he thinks it's a joke, right? And that's where shit gets murky is when people do the comedy thing. It's like, why can't I do comedy? But this is what she needs to explain to her husband travis dunn showed you who he was it's not like this joke popped up out of nowhere exactly so you know what kind of job you already know what kind of jokes get travis off so how about conversations and digs that get travis off but how about if he doesn't want to break the bro right the bro-y thing right so how about if he doesn't want to break the bro-y thing and he also thinks that there should like everyone's too pc when it comes to fucking you can't have it both knock knock jokes can't have it both ways right both ways yes you can't

have it both ways listen I you know was in a long-term relationship with someone that was white and there was conversations in our household of how we were going to address certain racist family members or family members that says some twisted shit at first we would just sort of let it fly over our heads and just carry on with the evening and not say anything let it fly over our heads and just be like oh well that is so and so at some point you don't need to pull up your uncle yeah at some point i'm gonna need to check my aunt and so that's kind of like where these things progress but you have to have that conversation well it's also you know there are other the other ways of of looking at it too is like what happens if okay he's not ready yet

in his journey of whatever, wokeness. But she is, clearly. And if she challenges Travis on the spot, actually, that's not comedy. You're not Dave Chappelle. And her husband beside her is saying something else. And what does he do then? Maybe we need to have a conversation.

That's what I would ask Lindsay. Yeah, that's what I would ask Lindsay, is you and your husband can take it, you know, take your work in progress behind closed doors, as you're saying, Kayla, public facing. but what does public facing Lindsay do once Lindsay acts on it on calling out what she sees is her husband gonna have her back and how is he gonna address that like I mean you know it's one thing for him to wash his hands of it and be like I'm not gonna check him like bro code whatever

but she doesn't have to right by that and not though that's the murky territory so Lindsay like that's what i would ask like you know what you and your friends openly called it out travis disagreed you guys were like no you're wrong you and your husband talked about it later on and he still took the position so then what do you do what do you do when you're there that's the nugget of like oh you have a real ass conversation you have a this is and this but i think that like it's interesting right when we're talking about relationships this summer a lot of people are finding out who their significant others are their friends their family like okay and so i don't care if you got 20 years under your belt because of over the 20 years if you're a white couple there

are just some things you never talked about so now you're having some real ass conversations about race and so you are having a whole new reintroduction into who these people are it's like you know it's not to say like for example if you got a dog let's say or um you know having a child you meet your partner again you get reintroduced into who that person is it's a it's a life event or certain things start to introduce different types of conversations into your relationship the ones i think obviously that are long lasting are the ones that are met with those events met with those instances met with those prompts and those core the core values still keep them together they can still have the conversations or the debate or whatnot

but a lot of people don't think that's a core value though and that's where i think this is why lindsey's writing is like do you end a relationship or do you think about maybe ending a relationship absolutely no no oh i no i don't listen here's what i think from my my perspective do i end the relationship today no i do think right you don't end the relationship of today, I think you keep pushing. And I'm going to go back to like what Ava DuVernay said. She was like, listen, we black people need to focus on our surviving and our thriving and our joy. We need to rest so that we have energy to keep fighting. So all you white people keep talking amongst yourselves and teaching each other. Right. And so, Lindsay, I think this is the job of

advocacy too, is that part of the work for you is going to be keep working with your husband. The few conversations that you've had have not gone well. Are not enough. That are not enough. They haven't gone well. You have to keep pushing it because the more that you push it, hopefully, we're all hoping that it will be preventable.

Like he can turn the corner and he may not. Like the worst thing is, is that there are more Travises or like, you know, your husband turns into a Travis. You got to stop that virus right now. Well, it's on you. It's on like, yeah, it's on the Lindsay's, the Karen's, the Susan's, the Barbara's. Like, don't you? But it's also like, I'll even say like, Corey and I were having this discussion about like, you know, when the whole thing, there was this like big hoopla in Toronto about this white brand that was profiting off of Asian food. So I was talking to Corey about white supremacy in food, specifically Asian food. To this day, I'll admit it. He doesn't think it's an issue.

And I drill this fucking every fucking day we have this conversation. Like, I will find material for him to read so that he's not just hearing it from me. And that's another thing that Lindsay can do, too, is get him to read other people. Right. Because sometimes he'll be like, you know, whatever, like, oh, you're fucking this, this and that. But I've given him like lots of things to read. I'm like talking about it with him constantly so that he can finally fucking understand

it. I feel like I'll get somewhere with him. but for lots of people they just don't the same thing about comedy or the same thing about food they just don't feel like racism lives there and it does and so it is a as you said lady it's like a non-stop um like needing a way so that you can get those people to fucking get a clue yeah and it's gonna take some work and also yeah i mean you're married to a white person i'm married to a white person, you know, and Jacek and I have been together for 20 years, married 19. And at the beginning, there were times when he didn't believe me when I walked into an, and I've talked

about this before on this show, I walked into an all white space. I felt uncomfortable. He was like, what are you talking about? I don't know. I don't feel it. And I'm like, of course you don't. And then he started coming around to that, but it was baby steps, right? Like the minute he understood or like it took him a while to understand that. But then, you know, a few years ago it's not like he doesn't love he's he's like a Travis kind of uh was doing Travis kinds of aggressions but one night we were all out uh at a party and Kathleen was there and he touched her hair right didn't know and so in that moment she didn't correct him um in that moment I didn't correct him like my awareness was still happening at that time too and it was only later where I did

the reading I like in in being around black people in hearing the things that like they joke about because you're allowed to joke about that Kayla you you're allowed to be like oh there's the woman who touched my hair and when I realized then I flashed back into that incident and I was like shit I need to have a chat with Yasik about this and he was a little bit resistant you know he was like what I was just like her hair was really nice and I and but now he has understood The particular relationship that the black community has with hair because they've been discriminated against so much because of hair. So it's a gradual process, Lindsay, is what I'm trying to say. But there is a certain point where you're like, how much learning do you need to do?

And so really, Lindsay, I think this is a positive here because it was a gut check for you to show you where you stand on certain things. But to show you that the work is actually the hardest work, I think, for everyone is the is the stuff that's closest to you. It's the people that are closest to you. And so that is your husband. I don't think that reflects on like where you're at. It's just a matter of some people might be more advanced in the listening, learning. some people might be further along in their understanding and their research and diving into those resources. I don't think this is something to end the relationship. But what I would consider is if this progresses, if this becomes a consistent problem, you need to check your core values, like the core values that keeps you together as a couple. If those are being

compromise eventually someone's got to walk away or make an adjustment you can't fix that you cannot fix that I agree I would say not now no no be patient everyone don't go nowhere but 2020 has been a year of reckoning right like you know you know as she gets time it's like we've all we're all re-examining I mean we're all at different stages of growth I love that like lindsey is opening her eyes i think maybe five ten years ago a lot or even maybe last year there would be a lot of people who glossed over this and not considered a core value clearly lindsey considers it a core enough value for her to be questioning the person she married and fell in love with i'm not trying to say this is a positive lindsey because obviously you're sad and i'm sad

for you you can tell that you're really struggling with this but i think that it's a if there is a positive it's that everybody's people are more and more people are waking up yes yes so good luck lindsey um and and hopefully what we've said has helped you uh and it's the work that has to keep going okay our final question you've got social dialed in search is doing its thing so why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago that's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else podcast listeners are a different audience entirely more engaged harder to reach through traditional channels and ready to act when someone they trust makes a recommendation we're a cast and we put them right in front of you browse thousands of

the world's leading podcasts book host reads or run your own ads and track every conversion in real-time, same skills you already have, brand new results. Acast. Acast.com slash advertise. Dear Sasha and Lainey, I need your advice on a situation going on with me and my friend Vanessa. We are both in our late 30s and have been quite unlucky when it comes to dating. We had boyfriends, but they always end up being turds. I love that word, turd. Turd. okay we're the only two single women left in our friend circle and while it's been great to have each other as wing women especially during COVID it's gotten a bit more complicated in the last

few months we have the same type in men oh no and I and when I tell you it's dry out there I'm not joking it's so hard to find a good one but I finally started talking with this guy Mark at the end of August. We know where this is going. Is this going? Oh, no. Mark. Okay, wait. We've only seen each other seven times, but the chemistry is there. Seven times? We text at least once. We text, well, August to December, seven times. Okay. We text at least once a week and we're trying to get to know each other better. We're not exclusive, but we're both into seeing where this could go. Vanessa and I have talked about him before and she knows we're getting to know each other, but two weeks ago, she admitted that she matched with Mark, Kayla's

face right now is okay two weeks ago she admitted that she matched with mark and while they've only messaged with each other a few times back in october she asked if she could see where things could go with him i'm pissed i wish i wish this podcast had video to see you yeah face is i'm pissed for a few reasons a she kept this secret from me for months and b isn't there a friend code The conversation got weird and I told her she could keep talking with him, but I know she knows that I'm That i'm irritated. I never want a boy to come in between my friendships, but I feel like it has Mark could turn out to be nothing. But how about if it could turn into something now? I have to compete with my friend for him

So I guess I want to know what you think I should do best man win Or do I tell vanessa that I don't want her to see him? or does that make me a bad friend for blocking her from something confused h um okay can we just give h another hillary it's vanessa mark and hillary all right first come first serve always first come first serve okay but it's not like an apple no it is first come first serve we're talking about not an apple dick and quarantine she said the walls are dry it's dry in these streets okay that's fucked up on your friend's part let me just say but it's her friend being honest yeah the friend knows who mark is and she matched with him baby swipe do what you gotta do okay

it wasn't like it was accidental it's not accidental you know what that man was doing right now she knew what she was doing oh honey you got more problems than one this this is deeper than your man this is this is what's her name again uh Vanessa the friend is Vanessa listen we've all been there I once in a real this is real piping tea one time I had sex with my friend's ex oh okay okay Vanessa let's Vanessa Gray so Vanessa if you're listening girl you ain't as bad as me, but I'm just saying I understand. Now, I don't understand. That's pretty messed up on your part. But here's the thing. Here's why. Because what's happening is there's this level of desperation to feel loved, wanted, to shack up with someone, to be with

someone. So sometimes that desperation clouds you of your judgment when it comes to how to be a good friend. So it has nothing to do with her trying to stick it to you, Hillary. I'm sure your friend wants to thrive but your friend wants to dick okay that was what it was no no but but serious so you're willing you're you are willing to sacrifice those morals for some penis that's just what it is um and i feel like when you are single for a while and you're and it seems as though not that you both are desperate but there is there is a high emphasis on the need and want to find a partner. So when you have that, sorry, ladies, when you have that, sometimes you are willing to do anything in your power to get it. This is Game of Thrones. Winter is coming. Every

man for themselves. You didn't even watch that show. It applies here though. So I say that to say, first and foremost, maybe give your friend some grace, but this is a perfect opportunity for you and your friends to have conversations about boundaries and dating meaning okay get very clear on what apps they are each other's wing they are each other's wing women they're into the same after you give no after you give the grace what do you do who gets mark we'll get to that in a second listen mark's gonna come and go the friend's gonna stay forever okay but so here's what needs to happen because i guarantee you mark was not the only one this probably just went to furthest but if you're into the same men and you've been single for x amount of years and

gallivanting together i'm sure there has been instances where you've had your eye on someone and she's gotten the man vice versa this we all know this no i'm not breaking news here this is probably what had what had happened here's the issue though mark gotta go because mark just showed you mark probably knows who your friend is he has to know who your friend is at this point right if he doesn't then that still doesn't matter because mark just showed you he does not want a relationship with you honey he's still looking and keeping his options wide open which is fair because they have they're not exclusive right but they have come out and said that they both want to see where things where it goes where it goes can't you pause your profile to see where this thing

goes with me months after listen to me you guys are at a particular age okay what 39 let's put mark in that same boat you know what the fuck you want we started what when did they start dating august hillary girl we are in december you know what time it is it is shack up season okay it is you got it it is cuffing season you get whatever you can out it's been cuffing year no it hasn't but the winter, winter is a different story. There's a level, there's a level of need. Okay. You guys started dating. You guys started, um, bucking up before honey, if he's still searching, then you know, you, that is a clear enough message that he has made his decision that you are not the person for him. Okay. So then getting Mark out, then now new boundaries have

to be set. Okay. So I don't think Mark has to get, I don't want to give, I don't want to give grace and i also don't think mark has to fucking go why not mark don't want her but it's not you know that was hard maybe three months right like no one needs to fucking lock and load after three months maybe he got out of a fucking really hectic relationship wants to take it slow mark shouldn't be on the app and vanessa is the issue for me vanessa is the one who's being shady vanessa's the one who's fucking swiping right on your man in october and then comes to you fucking weeks later and says hi could I fuck your fucking boyfriend no and then and so then it goes back to what's her fucking name the girl Hillary Hillary Hillary I think needs to be you say

set boundaries great but I think Hillary needs to actually fucking come with how she really feels which go which goes back to hey Vanessa remember the time I said you could talk to him I take that back it hurts my feelings it makes me feel fucking strange I'm gonna do it with fucking Mark and the end I think that that's okay because I think what happens sometimes in in girlfriend's relationship is sometimes you don't want to be that friend that like you know feels the type of way about your other friend hooking up with someone you think is attractive like that goes back to what high school and some grown women don't want to be kind of lumped in there I agree that she absolutely should say it but now that I'm thinking about it it should be or it might seem very clearly that

mark knows exactly who hillary and vanessa are to each other he gotta go you don't think mark doesn't know i don't know if mark why would vanessa go up to hillary and ask but is mark really the problem i don't i think mark's fine i don't think we're on the problem but mark just gotta go focusing the problem the focus is vanessa and hillary like how agree like i get what you're saying, you know, you're like, yes, Vanessa, you, you fucked up, but you're giving her grace because we've been in these pandemic times and a hungry girl's got to eat. A hungry girl has to eat and sometimes horniness clouds your judgment is what you're saying. Yes. Okay. So I, I think the horniness clouding the judgment can excuse the swiping and saying yes to Mark. That is bad

judgment can it excuse the lying for weeks okay even if that's a stretch yes it can let's say check check fine we're clouding the judgment but do we check the third box of horniness clouding when you have the confrontation confrontation with hillary and you guys have the uncomfortable conversation you know hillary's upset if you're vanessa you're like i can tell my best friend is upset but i'm still gonna push ahead like those are the three x's right like that's where i'm like that's where i'm like oh shit how how far has horniness penetrated and like degraded your like sense of judgment and your friend your friend loyalty how far are we willing to allow the the dick desperation let me be clear about to to be yeah uh my last story where i told you i

with my friends so I was 17 at that time I would just like to clarify I was not a grown-ass adult okay so that I guess builds your point well that's your friend though so you should probably understand the boat that she is in or were you speak like were you clear about what Mark meant to you to your friend well I think that's that's what's left to be discussed and I think that Hillary didn't want to be the buzzkill for her friend and cock block her friend so she was like oh, okay. Like, I don't think she was actually truthful with how she felt about it. So I think you have the opportunity now to go back and tell Vanessa, uh-uh, it's not happening with Mark. You got to wait your turn. But then- No, no. I don't even think that that's on the table at all.

But can I just say- Hillary- If I was- How would Vanessa had- So just work with me here, right? Lainey, you and I are single. We both want- We both want- We do have the same taste. Yeah. So we both want ASAP Rocky. You got ASAP Rocky just by the roll of the dice of the swipe. You got him quicker but how about if i'm here being like but i want to be with asap rocky because i think we have something good that gets complicated so while i want to say vanessa's a shady fucking friend for doing what she did i'm also like again hungry girls gotta eat and how about if she's like asap rocky whatever mark i want mark too why can't they both have like why can't they both have a stab at it why you went from like the beginning of this conversation to not wanting to have sex

four times and now you're thinking they should have a three i don't want them to share a dick but i some but a little bit of me is like fuck maybe vanessa missed out and maybe it was she i'm i'm sorry sash just like just to be clear so in an imaginary world you would be okay if asap rocky came over and dicked me down no i wouldn't and then i'm just playing devil's advocate five minutes let later shit i'm just playing devil's advocate i just that's what i was trying to do obviously think vanessa should be given grace these are desperate times okay i think the how much grace is my question well you'd have to assume that this is the first instance she was kind of being truthful with coming to you about it i mean i mean a couple months late but she tried she did

try something here she really thought she was doing something here um i think you need to be more clear of your friends um and who mark is to you um if vanessa is your dating partner ride or die y'all are doing the apps together and all the things then i think absolutely you should be having some conversations together about what you go like who you actually are attracted to because maybe one day you might swipe right on somebody who actually is a better fit for your friend so look out for your friend and pass him along vice versa i don't think this friendship should end over this i think it's just like one of those like conversations of like no yo this is that's weird people have to be both people have to be a little bit more forthcoming

like vanessa is vanessa vanessa girl if you're listening you shady boo but also i'm gonna just gently gently check hillary too because hillary you had what our friend lara calls a suck attack you know the final the final the the final paragraph says here the conversation got weird And I told her she could keep talking to him, but I know that she knows that I'm irritated. So basically you were being passive, passive aggressive. You're like, fine, fine. Just see him then. Just see him.

Like, whatever. I don't care. Just go ahead and do it. So guess what, girl? We've all been there. Vanessa's going to do it if she's that desperate. That's right. And it's still bothering you.

That's what a suck attack is, right? Instead of being like, listen, this is really weird to me. I'm really uncomfortable. We're clearly in this uncomfortable position. Why didn't you tell me? Like, God, you got to push through the weirdness. is what I'm saying. Instead of having a suck attack, go push through the weirdness and get to the heart of this. Why did she keep it from you? Why did she swipe on him? Even though she

knows that you were seeing him, maybe it might come out that she's like, well, last time when we were at that place, you said that you were into this other guy. So I just wasn't sure. I don't know. But the fact is your suck attack matched with her deception is not helped. Totally. Yeah. There needs to be further conversations of, and, and expressing that your feelings are hurt. Cause that's what's happening here right like tell her that you are hurt by the fact that she did some shady shit uncr like unravel that so that you can get to the bottom of it because you're so that there is no more weirdness moving forward and take mark oh so okay mark's around still everybody yeah so you said winter is coming she needs work mark is sticking around

uh everybody keep us posted on this one i want to see where this love triangle goes maybe it turns into a threesome as sasha wants always threesomes put all the dicks in my mouth i love that oh yes yes yes yes thank you kayla kayla thank you for having me thank you for uh your you don't hold back and that's what we need yo your your listeners are gonna hate they're gonna write him don't you dare have that don't you dare no my god they're gonna like it they know this we've we've told people before you dare we yelled at a we yelled at a woman once for um wanting to cut off her mother-in-law then she wrote us back and said that we were way outside and then we were like okay maybe we were and then

we had to redo we had to do a redo but then then we yelled no but then we yelled at then we yelled at her husband and called him and wondered if her husband was on the boob for too long. Snap the breath.

Damn. Yes, because he was not like sticking up for her with the mother-in-law. Wasn't that the case? Yeah, we yell a lot.

This is your place. This is, we like you here. Yeah. Thanks to everybody for listening. Please subscribe to our podcast

wherever you listen to your podcast. Leave comments and reviews. Keep sending in your questions to Sasha at LadyGossip.com. We'll be back soon.

Bye. Do you keep hearing podcast ads like this one, for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're ACAST, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, Choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence.

This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. We'll be right back.