What's Your Drama - JT's 'Comeback' & Getting In Touch with Celebrities

Episode Date: January 10, 2018

Happy new year and welcome back to Sasha Answers!On today's show: We talk Justin Timberlake's weak comeback attempt, if it's ever a good idea to reach out to celebrities and how to deal with flipping the parental norms. The book Lainey references in the last segment is 'The Unmade Bed: The Messy Truth about Men and Women in the 21st Century' by Stephen Marche.Thanks for tuning and keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes and Google Play. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Lainey. Hi, it's Sasha. Happy New Year. Welcome, 2018. First Sasha Answers episode of 2018. And I want to apologize in advance to everybody listening because I might be doing some heavy breathing exercises. Oh.

During… Because you're not having a baby. I'm not. But it feels in a small, small, small, small, small way because the… Apparently, you know this, right? When you have period cramps, it's because your blood clots are passing through the baby hole. Yes.

And you've told me about this. You've told me about like the bigger the chunks, the bigger the pain, right? Yes. Bigger lining chunks. I mean, this is very, very unscientific. But, yeah, the basic, basic way, the basic, basic explanation for period cramps is your blood chunks are passing through your baby hole and so you're experiencing, like, you know, the spreading pain and contractions that would happen when, like, a baby comes

to that area. Obviously, baby is much bigger than my period blood. I get it, everybody. But my cramps are so bad and my pain management was off today. We were talking, you talked about your period cramps the other day on your blog, right? About how you pass out when you get your period. Yes. Right?

Like you're a delicate, delicate flower. It's a combination of when I'm hot and when I'm on my period, I have been known to faint. What happens when, because it's fucking cold as a motherfucker in Toronto, when it's cold, minus 37 and you have your period, what are you like? I don't think I'm going to faint. Okay. But I am in pain. Like my, in such pain that my legs, like I think that if I stood up, my legs would buckle.

Right now. I saw that, okay, so in your what else today, you linked to the Goop coffee enema. Oh, yeah. And then also next to the Goop coffee enema are Jessica Alba's own tampons. And I was like, oh, and I was intrigued. I might get Jessica Alba on this. Of course you will. Organic tampons.

Of course you will. Yeah. Anyway, so that was really exciting that through an enema link, I found that there were tampons. I bet you they'll leak. They probably will. Yeah. Typically, organic hippy-dippy tampons are like the worst ever. The applicator never pushes up, and so you're just stuck with a full tampon.

Like hanging out of you? Yeah, that doesn't push up. So the applicator doesn't push up because it's like fucking made of like hemp cardboard or something. Anyway, I love all natural, but they need to up their game on the tampon game. Like I said, I'm not messing around with leakages. So I bet you it's not even absorbent because, like, whatever, the hemp doesn't hold the liquid and it's porous or some fucking shit. You're like, you check into Mr. Lube when you have your period.

I know. I know it's all about XXL fucking gas change. Yes. But anyway, that will explain the heavy breathing, possible heavy breathing. Although, ah, I just felt it. Clicked in? Yeah. Like, that is how…

I mean, I'm not taking serious pain medication. It's just, like, it's just Advil liquid gel. But you can feel the moment that your pain sensors are muted because it just kicked in. Oh, good. Like, I… Yeah. Perfect timing. Okay.

Well, let me make you… Let me, like, peel back on the anger then. Go back in reverse. Justin Timberlake. What do you think of the new song, which is called what? Like Honky Tonky Flannel? What's it called? Filthy.

Filthy. Well, the first one he released. Apparently, we're getting like four songs before the album comes out, right? Oh, can't wait. But you were a fan. I know you hate him with all of your soul and all of the cells in your body, but you did like old JT, right? Well, I think that I've been clear in that like I've never said that he sucks.

in everything. I do think that he did make good music, but hasn't in a long time. Yeah. I mean, I would say that up to the, what, the 2020 experience, I liked his music. I think Sexy Back is a great song. Like, duh. Yeah, I think everybody does, right? And I've always said that I think that he has skills as an entertainer. Like, I do think that he can host something. You know, I think he's hosted the ESPYs. I think the only way he should be at the Oscars is if he hosts the Oscars. Oh, you would… I cannot believe you're saying that. Yeah. He would… I thought he would annoy the fuck out of you. No, but in that setting, you're supposed to have somebody up there flailing their arms and legs

around and, like, standing on top of his head and, like, you know, with a top hat and, like, one of those sticks, bouncing it around, tapping it on people's heads. Like, that's what he does. Yes. Don't invite him to the fucking Oscars as, like, an actor ever. But, you know, so there are certain things I can appreciate about him. But then, you know, I don't know that I have enjoyed… Listen, when I started going off his music was Mirrors.

I hate that song. Oh, I fucking love Mirrors. Oh, I think it's terrible. Oh, I love Mirrors. I don't love Mirrors the entirety. Yeah. I like it at the very end where it's that remix part. So it's like you think the song's ending and then it goes into the remix part.

Do you know that part? Yes. I fucking love that. I hate – I think the Mirrors is such a cheesy song. And then, of course, that horrible troll song. Oh, that was the shittiest. The worst. Can't Stop the Feeling or whatever.

Yeah. Anyway, I don't think I hate Filthy. Like, I don't think it's as bad as – It's not great. Can't Stop the Feeling. I think he's going to deliver some good jams, though, on this album. I have a feeling that I'm going to like some songs. Well, I was…

Hilariously, I haven't had a chance to see you yet or talk to you until today. But when he released the preview, like the one-minute preview of what the album is going to look like, Man of the Woods, and he started wrapping himself in all Pendleton shit. And I was like, oh, Sasha's going to love this. It was too cheesy. It was way too cheesy. I was like, oh, here we go. But there was…

You were all about that. But there was something about him and like, I don't know, black and white hay that I was like, oh, okay. I can get into that. You're such a fucking cornball. I know. But I know that I have a feeling too that you are going to like something of… I have a feeling you're going to be singing along to some of his tracks.

You know what? Maybe not flannel, but something else. I'm not going to rule that out, but I will say that Filthy accompanied by this horribly offensive… I found it a really offensive video. Yes, I know you did. Yeah, which I agree. Where at some point, like, it's possible for the white man to talk and science and

tech-splain to all the Asians. Yeah, as they're just, like, in awe, like, clapping of a dancing robot. Like, as if that's something that's… Five minutes ago, I bet you, in Japan, like, a robot officiated a wedding. Like, that's already how advanced in Asia robotic innovation is. It was so true. Of course. And he's fucking like, oh, look what I did with my robot.

I bet you people over in Asia who are actually doing advanced robotics are watching this video today. They're like, bitch, please. Exactly. Bitch, 1995. Totally. Yes. That's so true.

Yeah. So anyway. Get with the program, JT. No, and yeah, but you just have to know, like, I bet you all the people involved in kissing his ass and putting his shit together were like, oh my God, you know what we're going to do, and it's going to be so great, is we're going to pretend set your video in Kuala Lumpur. So, you know, diversity. A hundred percent. And none of those people have any agency, but they're going to sit there and we're going to

show faces, Asian faces. So when we show Asian faces, even though they don't talk and they're just sitting there in praise of whiteness, it's inclusive. I feel like you probably could have helped JT with that video. I think that anybody, if you just give it some thought, I think that's the problem is that, you know, like not to – here, you'll appreciate this. I think that that's what happens when people get into Twitter trouble. It's just take – just walk away from it for an hour. Well, we've always said that. Like take a beat.

Take a beat before you reply or make a really expensive video. Well, he would never because like he has the best ideas ever. So fuck him. And yes, but we'll see. Week by week, why don't we do a check-in because apparently there's going to be a song every week. So next week, we will be back here and we'll be able to talk about the next song that drops. I love this.

And I'm going to predict that you're going to like it and I'm going to hate it. Probably. Okay, well, let's get to our first question. And this one's really funny. I added this in. I don't really have an opinion right off the bat, so you'll have to take this lead. Hi, Sasha and Lainey and Yassic2. What do you think, in your opinion, is the best way to get a celebrity's attention?

I was thinking social media, but not all use it. Would love your advice. Love all you do. R. I just think that's such a funny question and I don't, it's, it, we've talked about it before in the past, like how, like if you see a celebrity in a restaurant, you go and ask for a picture, all these sort of stuff. I know you have opinions, so fire away.

I, I don't, I need… More. More information. There's no more information. Because my first assumption when somebody says I need to get a celebrity's attention is like, why? So you can take a picture with them and put it on Facebook and have as many likes as you want?

What is the purpose here? Because I will say that there are people who want a celebrity's attention for, you know, they're like, hey, I'm promoting this cause, this charity. Hey, I would like to reach out because this celebrity is filming in this city and I would like to get this environmental initiative in front of them. I recently… a longtime reader of our website was involved… I don't want to sort of… Actually, we posted it on the website. Yeah, we posted it in Shouts.

So a longtime reader of our site wanted to hook up like a make-a-wish situation. So there was a kid who's sick and the make-a-wish or the goal was to meet Hugh Jackman. and Hugh Jackman happened, I think, to be shooting in Atlanta. Anyway, we posted it on shoutouts. But how long ago was this? Maybe three or four months. Oh, okay. Not too long ago.

Okay. And they reached out to me and this is somebody who's been emailing over the years and a consistent reader of the blog and they wanted to know how to get in touch with Hugh Jackman's team, like publicists, agents, lawyers. So I have access to that kind of information, like just a general, you know, like I can't give you his lawyer's personal text message or… Right, but you can give his agent's… Correct.

Yeah, exactly. I can help like narrow down which agency, which agent, which stream, which agency stream. So… And that worked. So I just… Well, there's two avenues here. There's two avenues here. But I'm not going to give that information out if like someone is like, oh, I really

love Jennifer Lawrence and I want her to be my wife. Can you? No. Of course not. No, no, no. Turn around and go back. But generally speaking, I think if – generally speaking, our writer are – if she is looking to get a celebrity's attention for, yes, as you said, a charity that she's working

or maybe there's like some swag she wants to get to the artist or whatever, you have to then – you can never just fucking like DM a celebrity and be like, can I have your address like that's just not going to fucking happen so you do have to go through the right channels which are and it's easy to find this shit you just have to fucking google it like who they're repped by who their manager is who their agent is and then you have to go through that process good luck fucking that's not it's really hard i mean that's my job trying to get in touch with celebrities for a fucking entertainment show and that's even hard so um not to call you like a little like like just a pleb but you are a pleb in the scheme of things and it's going to take

a lot of knocking down on some doors if you do want to get into the periphery of a celebrity. Well, if you're an entrepreneur and that's an option too, right? And you're an entrepreneur and as you just said, you want to get, you want to send a celebrity some product so that maybe they'll use your product, then there are business tools. Like it's not just about Google. There's actually a database. And the database is subscription based. I'll tell you right now, for those of you who want to subscribe to it, it's called Who Represents. I thought that was like inside knowledge. That's why I wasn't going to say anything. Really?

Yeah, I guess it's not. Okay. It's not inside knowledge. I guess you just do. I mean, it's out there. Yeah. Okay. But yeah, Who Represents or even if you have like IMDb Pro. So IMDb Regular is like what everybody can Google. And then there's IMDb Pro, which has an added pay feature. And I think sometimes that information is on IMDb Pro. I never use it, but because, like, I have Who Represents. But Who Represents is a subscription feature. It's not cheap. Like, it can run

hundreds of dollars per month for your membership. So, but if you are an entrepreneur out there or if you're, like, you have that kind of money to throw around just to, like, look up, you know, the address of CAA, you can always sign up to Who Represents and that's a database and it will give you more complete and up-to-date information on how to contact a celebrity through their representatives. And when I say through their representatives, I also mean their places of business. So you are a business contacting another business. Once again, it's an expensive membership. But it's worth it if you're…

It's worth it as a business tool for like a regular person. I don't think you want to be doing that. But I mean, there are some crazy ass fans out there too, so. So let's go on the flip side of this. If she's a crazy ass fan and like just wants to get the attention of like, I don't know, Leonardo DiCaprio. Well, that's actually easy. Are you 20?

Are you below the age of 20? Then you can. If you're hot and 20, just be in like a calendar or a catalog like Victoria's Secret or whatever. But there's other – but I mean it's interesting though, right, because the accessibility of stars like through social media, through Twitter, like someone who I think is fucking awesome who we all love is Chrissy Teigen and she always answers her tweets personally typically. So if it's like someone like that, if it's like a down to earth celebrity, then yeah, you can tweet them and fucking cross your fingers and hope for the best.

But for the most part, like, I don't know, it's super thirsty if you're trying to get the attention of a celebrity just for the sake of getting attention from a celebrity. I don't know. Yeah. We might be the wrong people to ask. Like, I think that there is – but it is an interesting – I mean, it's an interesting bigger conversation because that is what celebrity is, right? Like, that is the fascination and the lure of it is these are people who, for whatever reason, have tapped into this very human desire, this very human, like, alchemy that happens among all of us.

When we do admire people from afar, we want to be their friends. We want to be in their orbit. Of course. And that, when taken to extremes, can have very dangerous, very fucked up consequences. But part of being a celebrity is having that quality of, you know, building up this audience that cares about you, that wants to get to know you more, that, like, fantasizes about having a drink with you, that, you know, puts you on the list of dream dinner party, like that, you know, that question. Yeah. So I understand the compulsion. I mean, listen, I think we, you and I, are fans of certain people too.

But I would never. Oh, God, I would never. But I would never. No. Never. Never. As much as – and I think I've like probably like written – I don't even like doing it as part of my job.

Well. Okay. But there have been times where I'm like I see something and it's typically from Chrissy Teigen that I'll be like something that's so funny that I want to write back. Yeah. And then I'll be like reply and then I'll be like, what the fuck am I doing? what the fuck am I doing? Like, I have to take – I backpedal from that. I'm like, I'm not going to tweet at her. Am I crazy? I can't do that. As much as I understand why people

do, I just – I can't bring myself to do it. I mean, I think that there are organic ways for it to happen, I guess. Like, and this is, you know, everybody has that daydream screenplay that they have in their heads where – here's one I would imagine. Let's say that somebody really, really wants to be friends with… Okay. Throw it out and I'll write the screenplay. The only person for some fucked up reason is Nicole Kidman. Okay. Okay. Can you deal with that? Okay. Wow. That's a harder one. I can change it. A harder one. But okay. Because she's pretty like… Standoffish. Standoffish. How about this?

No, no. But let's work with this. Let's work with this. So Nicole Kidman, let's say that you are a big fan of Nicole Kidman, but this is, like, the most natural way for it to happen. Here's the thing to put in your head and you can daydream about this. Okay. And, like, in a way that, like, I won't judge you or you wouldn't judge you either. So Nicole's… Like, so Nicole Kidman typically spends a lot of time in Nashville. With her husband.

With Keith Urban. When she's not shooting, they're in Nashville. So let's say in your screenplay daydream situation, oh my God, you happen by accident to get a job transfer to Nashville. So now you two live in the same city. Okay. So it establishes that there is at least like an opportunity since you live in the same city.

And then you, wow, you just happen to have kids too and her kids are like sort of based in Nashville. Sure. And there's like a school event. Yeah. And over the course of several school events, you see each other and then you happen during the school event to, I don't know, be standing next to Nicole Kidman or sitting next to Nicole Kidman or the way the last names are arranged on the class list, your kid's names are just

before her kid's names. That is a scenario in which over time it would have to unfold over like two or three years. A friendship could develop. Yes. Which you could argue could be organic. There's your daydream. Oh my gosh. You are so good at that.

That was Nicole Kidman too. Have a daydream. Yeah. There. Okay. Did we answer this person's question? I feel like kind of the best we could have. Yeah.

Okay. Next question. Dear Sasha and Lainey, I'm mad at my husband for something he may or may not have control over and I'd love for you to weigh in. This is the situation. A few months ago we had a baby. Now I'm back at work and he's mostly home with the baby. When I get home from work, the baby is alive, which is great, but the house is a mess and

nothing else has happened. There are dirty dishes all over the place. the bathtub is full from the baby's bath, no food has been cooked, etc. When I have the baby, I feel like I'm always doing something else. I'll fold the laundry while he's playing or empty the dishwasher while he's eating Cheerios. Why can't my husband do this? I find it enraging that he's seemingly incapable of multitasking. So how do I get over this? Am I even allowed to be mad at this? Thanks so much. Don't have a person's name, but we can call her… what do want um oh whatever let's call her jane love jane um okay so she works um her husband is at home

looking after the baby and so she comes home and the baby's fine but the house isn't the dishes are all over the place okay how's what happens when she says like hey can you clean up the dishes i don't think she's i think the point here she's trying not to be um unsupportive and she's very grateful that he is staying home and that she's working, but I think she wishes that he would fucking, you know, tip top, get a little bit more done around the house. Okay. I mean, that's hard because it's personality. Like, is this outside of his personality or is this kind of, does this go with what

he's like? Like, what is the part about him, like, did I imagine this or sitting on the couch and eating bonbons no he just is taking care of the kid and that's all he's managing to do but nothing else around the house is done so like she comes home and she probably still is like what the fuck motherfucker i have to now make dinner because you haven't made dinner okay um i mean i'm trying to put myself in first like in both of their positions i having a child um yeah it would be enraging to come home and to like messy house. That said, I don't think that I could do anything other than keep a child alive. Right. Right. But no, I think like you're also, there's some,

again, we don't have children, so we don't really know firsthand, but I have many friends that do. And you're capable of doing more than one thing all day. Like the kid fucking sleeps. So you can probably, like, do one more chore on top of that. I don't know. You can boil some goddamn rice. I'm not sure because we – remember a few weeks ago you and I, we went out to dinner with our friends. Yes.

And one of our friends – I don't know if she wants us – like, I mean, whatever. We'll not say names. One of our friends – my favorite thing that she says all the time is – because she's one kid. She was like – and I love this thing that she says. She's like, I would have another kid because, like, you know, she's at the point where the kid is, like, four or five. And she's like, I would have another kid, but fuck, if they could just arrive when they're

11 months, that would be great. Because that first few months is as… and then our other friend stepped in and was like, yeah, totally. Because they said you can't do anything. Right. Like… It's like a serious ball and chain. Yeah.

And I have friends who have said, like, taking a shower feels like an accomplishment in the first few months. So when I say, like, when I said a few minutes ago that all I could do is keep the child alive, like, I don't think I could clean or… I meant it because I'm hearing it from experience with other people. Like, that first year is bullshit. A hundred percent. It sounds really insane.

And the baby is young, right? Well, that's why I was just going to look. I don't know. baby a few months ago and she went back to work. Yes. That's what she says. Hold on. Let me look at this. A few months ago. You're right. A few months ago. Yeah. So the kid is like, like it's not even, it's like, ooh, it's one of, in that stage where like that, oh my God, that floppy head stage is terrifying. I bet you it's in the floppy head stage. The soft spot too freaks me out too. That's like when like the head can't hold up and like it's, it's honestly like

a whisper's throw from dying. That's what, babies are terrifying to me, but especially when they're so small. Like I can't go near them. People come to work and they're like pushing the newborns around and it's like so small and everybody gravitates. I run away because that is the most terrifying thing. It's the fragility of it is really… Terrifying. It really reminds us of our mortality, that fragility. Anyway, so I'm just establishing what I have collected, the information I've collected over the years about what it's like the first few months. Yes. It sounds heinous and insane and a whole bunch of goddamn work and stress. But having said that, I mean, again, I don't really know because I don't have a fucking

kid. But I feel like I could get one more chore done. I think I could get one more thing done. But I do understand what you're saying. Like, I do think she has to give her husband some credit here because, like, it would be terrifying being alone with a tiny little thing and all you should be caring about is to not break it and that's probably what he's super focused on i think give him a little bit more room but if we're at like nine months there's still like a whole pile of dishes done and like he can't he can't even like what's it called when you have your bathtubs full what's that little thing that you just have to pull um what's i don't know what what is it called what's it called what's the thing called the plug the plug what's it called yes it come on the drain

plug if he can't even like by eight months he should be able to pull the drain plug out of the bathtub come on that's not hard yeah he should be able to do that so like ideally the steps is that what he's not doing yeah she said like she'll come home and the baby water still the the water from the bathtub is still full so i feel like we're dealing with like sort of someone who feels very overwhelmed, but we'll ideally get over it soon and give him, you know, pardon the pun, baby steps so that he can learn his way through this as well. Because this must be frightening for him that he's by himself. I think it's frightening for anybody. Like, you know, I think it's frightening for anybody who, like, has to be at home alone with a child for hours and hours and

hours. Like, it's frightening for women. It's frightening for men. It's frightening, period. I know I'm putting it back on me again, but like just imagining it is terrifying. Oh, 100%. But what I was trying to say in the beginning, which is like I don't – it would have been more interesting to get intel on what her husband is like personality-wise before the kid. Because, you know, maybe he was a bit of a flailer in the – he's always kind of been a flailer and hasn't been like a good multitasker. So you can't really expect someone to all of a sudden become a multitasker in the most stressful time of their lives taking care of a kid. Like when I think about Jacek, when I was reading this, I was thinking about Jacek.

Jacek keeps like a clean house. He's like really, you know, like it's spic and span and fuck in here. And he is a clean person and he's also like super handy and he's fucking doing a thousand things while also, you know, running this business with you. So I feel like if, you know, if you guys were to have a kid, he'd be taking care of the kid, but some shit would be fucking done. With Corey, I feel like nothing would be done. So, you know, there would be a kid. And yes, at the end of the day, if the kid was alive, that would be a big win for everybody. Nothing else would be done. So I feel like it's like a

personality thing too. It's a personality thing and it's also – I honestly think the deeper conversation here is social conditioning. Like last year a book came out by an author. His name is Stephen March and the book is called The Unmade Bed, which I've actually quoted and referenced a few times on the site. And to sort of recap the story, Stephen March and his wife, who's now the editor of Toronto Life magazine. And they were living in New York. So like great life in New York. And he was on tenure track to be a professor. So he had his own career, academic. And then she got this amazing job offer. And they're from Toronto. So he was like, okay. And the money obviously was good. And so he openly says in his book and in the subsequent interviews that they

made a family decision to leave New York. He would leave his tenure track position as an academic and he would be the stay-at-home dad to their… I can't remember if they have one kid or two. Okay. So he's written… so now she's the head of this magazine. And in Toronto it's a pretty well-known magazine. People talk about Toronto Life. And he's at home with the kids and he does the pickups and he, you know, does all of that. He's running the show. So it's a reversal of traditional gender roles in the home. And so he's written this book, called The Unmade Bed. Partly it's a book that is targeted to men. So number one, my suggestion to this reader would be… To pick this up.

This might be a good book to pick up for your husband. So it is a book that's targeted towards men to get men thinking about this dynamic, this new change, this modern, the way that we've moved forward in reexamining the traditional homes or the traditional rules in the home. So number one. Number two, he has this really interesting thing that he says, and it's a quote. And here's the quote. He writes, housework is the macho bullshit of women. And I'm not saying that, like, it isn't frustrating to come home after a long day

of work and have, like, have to stare at a counter full of, like, bullshit and dishes and whatnot. But at the same time, it also matters more in terms of conditioning to women. Okay. I see where you're going. Yes. And it matters more on a personal level because it's judgment. It's, I will be judged.

The women… And we do. We judge women harder for not keeping a beautiful home and for not observing standard etiquette and that kind of domestic emotional labor. We judge it on women. So it's, did you keep a nice home? Did you send fucking thank you cards? Do your kids have to, like, show up at school with, like, the teacher's gift and the this

person's gift and the that person's gift? And if they don't, then the mom gets judged for it. And that's a little bit on how we collectively as women have been conditioned. And Stephen March is actually, you know, a little shit disturbing. I get it with that kind of statement. But he's throwing it out there. Like, is it time for all of us to let go of that shit? yes of course oh my gosh of course there's way too much pressure that is surrounded by that

and yeah i agree with you but there is i think there's like a happy medium right you don't want to walk into a house that is fucking a disaster yeah right there has to be some sort of push and pull where you guys find like a happy medium where it's like okay like shit's fucking cray in the house yeah but like we have something to nourish ourselves with at the end of the day yeah right Like, if you can't fucking cook the meal, of course, you shouldn't have to. But fucking call Pizza Hut and get a pizza. Yeah. So it doesn't have to be prim, proper, and perfect, but there needs to be something.

There is generations upon generations that, like, there are answers from how we've lived through the generations that is contributing to this kind of thing, right? Because already it's a movement. It is still new for, like, men to stay home with their kids. A hundred percent. It's still surprising. I find it still surprising. It's still new.

So that – all those preconceived notions and all of that skill making still has to happen, right? Like, in many ways, it's difficult for everybody to stay at home with a child. But if you're a woman, you have examples and you have people you can call and you have literature and you have like stories, fictional TV shows that depict what it might be like for a woman. Men don't have that like treasure trove of resources. So that's number one. But on top of that, when it comes to the domestic work, like cleaning up after yourself and cooking and the, you know, the general tidiness of the home, in the past over generations and generations,

that was also the domain of women. So historically, you could say that like women have had an example of what that's like. So now we have to start actually training a whole new generation of young men, like moms, dads out there, your three-year-old boy should start learning like what it's like to do the laundry and the dishes and all of that. And I think that that's not going to happen in one generation. It's going to need like three generations for it to be so rote and so in that mindset that, yeah, like a man who's alone with a kid all day might think to himself, I'm just going to tidy up the counter so that when my wife comes home, it'll be nice.

I would argue the fact though that anybody who would be taking a paternity leave is a little bit more woke than the person who had their mom doing everything for them, right? Like he must have had… to take that on, you must have some sense of responsibility that you've done the laundry, that you know that shit shouldn't be in shambles, right? I would say that, like, there's a limit to… Yes, it's a great step. Like, this person is clearly, like, a feminist and he's staying at home. But I wouldn't say that that undoes generations and generations of…

Of built-in tradition. Yeah. Fair enough. Like, I would say that Jacek is pretty evolved. But he comes from very traditional parents as well. How did that happen then? Like, it's just one generation removed. Well, so…

She's done, yes. So, you know, as amazing as he is, there are still limits to his… let's not give it to him like a… Right, right, right. Yeah. But it's pretty good. It's very good. So, yeah.

I think that… listen, I validate… I want to validate this writer's, like, frustrations. Anybody would be frustrated, but I think that this is where we are now, where these frustrating conversations are happening while we continue to move forward and evolve gender dynamics and gender roles. Like, unfortunately, there's going to be a period of frustration. And I think what you, the advice that we should give her, which is what you've already given her, is to give him this book. Because that book is like a nice offering of support for her husband so that maybe he can read it when, you know, the baby's napping and then he can get a better understanding of this new role that he's taken on right so and then she should read it too actually

yeah and then if that doesn't like i think give him some time the fact i think the big red flag here is that it's only been a few months like throw him a goddamn bone like it must be super overwhelming and unfortunately you'll have to pick up the slack with him when you come home and i think just see how this the next few months play out um like he's must be so you know you guys are all you're both underslept all those sort of things so just give it some time and then revisit where you need to set those kind of boundaries later on. I will say you brought the book up and I, you know, that's why I brought it up as a suggestion.

And I've said this before and I want to say this again to go back to really the theme that we were hitting here is that when I met Stephen March, it was because he came on to The Social, which is a show I work on, and it's four women talking about these kinds of issues. And the audience, the audience isn't actually, people think that the audience of a female-led talk show must be all women. Our, our, our stats have come back saying that many men watch our show. Anyway, so Stephen afterwards said, thanks for the opportunity to share my book with your audience. He said, the thing is, is that while I've been on this publicity tour, the people I want to get the book into the hands of, men, male-led shows,

male-led programming, they've turned down my requests. Wow. Really? Men should be… Like, this book is targeted to men about this evolution in the home, right? Right. The unmade bet. Men who are putting information in front of other men are resistant, or at least In Stephen's experience, we're resistant to sharing that with other men. So to go back to what we were talking about, Sasha, when, you know, we were like, hey, we've only come so far and there are limits.

These are the limits. Yeah. That's interesting. Oh, that's unfortunate that that has happened. I would feel like that would be something that would be accepted. Exactly. These are the limits. So, you know, for a man who is at home and trying to keep the kid alive, those are his

limits. Yeah. As progressive as it is, it's limited. Yeah. He's not getting the resources. Like, you know, probably the outlets that he looks to and the people he surrounds himself are not getting those resources. So how is anybody going to – well, again, it falls on the women.

Sometimes it is frustrating, right? Like, I'm the one, fuck, selling this book. Everybody out there, you know, and I get nothing from talking about Stephen's book. Like, I don't even know him, really. I've met him once. Yeah. But I'm telling you, this is the kind of book and this is the kind of reading that promotes certain kind of conversations that we should all be passing out to everybody. Okay.

Well, we'll link to the book as well. Yeah. But thank you, everyone, for writing in. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. And we'll be back next week. Keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And check us out on iTunes and Google Play.

Leave comments. We're back next week. Bye. Bye. We'll be right back. We'll be right back.