What's Your Drama - Munn-Rodgers Family Drama & Yes, You’re Single

Episode Date: April 11, 2017

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers Podcast!On today's show: how to figure out if you're single when your boyfriend never calls you and how to take on a work project that feels a little too raw. Also, we discuss Olivia Munn and Aaron Rodgers split and boy oh boy does Lainey have some first-hand experience when it comes to that!Thanks again for listening and keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail] or tweet us at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip. And head over to iTunes and Google Play to download the podcast!S.xx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I guess I'm better than you because I have a phone. Oh, I know. That's true. That's true. My phone cacked out on Friday. And while Friday I felt like major anxiety for some weird reason. Well, not weird reason. I didn't have any contact with work or human beings other than Corey.

But now freedom. Oh, God. I knew you were going to go here. I feel. But it feels fucking great. I didn't even know that you were texting me until you like somehow harassed me via email. But otherwise I didn't. I wouldn't know.

I wouldn't know what anybody's doing, which is kind of awesome. I actually don't believe that. I feel like if that were true, then you would give up a phone. Or you would have roles like… No, I have responsibilities like a job that I have to always look at my phone. So are you going to be one of those people that like turns off on the weekends? Fuck you. No.

I know. But this is part of the suckiness of that stuff. Like you do miss it and you're like, oh, what is… You feel so disconnected. But luckily, like you and me, we both have home phones. I've actually been calling people on my home phone being like, hi, like my phone's off. like if you actually desperately need me

we are made fun of all the time people say you still have a landline I'm like I love a landline the girl said my best friend's

fiance said to me I don't know anybody under the age of 50 who has a home line and I'm like what the fuck well that's your loss then it's nice to meet you

yeah I love a landline well also it's if you fucking lose your phone one day and you're fucking dying on your kitchen floor

you go to your fucking home line and call 911 otherwise you're fucked also the reception is better and talking for a long time. I guess it's because people don't talk on the phone anymore. I love talking on the phone.

But when you talk on the phone for more than 30 seconds, you don't want that fucking delay where you're talking over each other all the time. Yeah, I love a landline. I don't think I'll ever want to give up a landline. Never, never, never. I mean, I love my cell phone. Don't get me wrong.

And I'm not going to be like you where I'm like, freedom. No. I would love to see what that would be like, though, because you've probably never been without your phone. Mega anxiety. Yeah. I can't even visualize not having a phone, but I actually don't like going under 70% battery.

You're such a freak. So if you were to ever go on one of those digital cleanses, you could never do that. That would be a major challenge for you. I not only don't believe in a digital cleanse, but I'm so tired of the people who are like, oh, you know, this is how you live your better life, is don't grab your phone when you first wake up

and don't look at it right before you go to bed. Well, part of it's your work. Yeah. Yeah, but I like it. Okay. Do you know, like, people keep saying your phone is destroying your life. I have never said to myself, and I have never had someone say to me that the phone is destroying my life.

How? Well, I will tell you this. How is the phone destroying my life? When I see you at work, you are, like, fucking tooting around the hallways with your head down looking at the phone. Like, you never look up. I've said to you, actually, a plethora of times, I'll be like, hey, and you don't even You actually say hey back, but I know you know it's not me or anybody.

It's just like a human being that you're saying hey back to, but you're just fucking on your phone constantly. Yeah, but how is that ruining my life? I'm not doing it in the middle of a busy intersection. Jacek said that's helping my life. I don't have to say hi to people, which is true. I'm also not one of those people at work who stops and has a conversation. Yeah, I figured that one out.

Right? I don't want to. I have things to do. Like, when you see me with my head down holding my phone, it's because I'm going to pee. Yes, I know that. The only time I leave my office is when I pee. I pee a lot. And then I go right back to my office and I get back to work.

P.S. Don't you love that we always find each other at the secret bathroom? I know. There's a secret bathroom at our work. Once a week. Yeah. That Lainey and I frequent. Because the…

Anyways, who cares? But… Well, I mean, you're too embarrassed to say it. But I go to the secret bathroom so I can take a fucking shit. No, that's not why I was going to say that. I was just going to say because the people on our level are like the nastiest people ever. There's like toilet paper, fucking shit, blood, tampons, everything you can imagine

in the second floor bathroom. That and I go… Also, every time I see you, you're wanting to take a shit. Well, as you know, my shits are rare. Yes. So when the movement is coming, I need to go to a place where I'm guaranteed like a sanctuary. And so like where I'm not disgusted by the bathroom and how it looks. And also obviously like it's quieter. Yeah. Because I need to like breathe through it.

Okay. Well, next time I see you, I will, I'll get the fuck out of there. Okay. Before we start, I have a style question for you. Oh, sure. A couple of things. Yes. So my whole thing, you know I have a whole like I'm very I care a lot about my nails yes I never am without nail polish and I have a standing manicure appointment every Sunday at my place yeah and so my uh nail I don't know technician no my nail my nail habit is that from October to April, or sorry, from October to March, I only do dark red. Okay. And then from April through the summer is when I like different colors. Sure. What is my summer color? Oh, you're asking me what your summer color is going to be? Yeah. Oh, well, I would

really like, because I've been, and I stick with reds all, I mean, I don't paint my nails ever, but I'm talking about like my lipstick and stuff, always, always red. But now I think the color of choice for like beauty in general is that like really pretty blush pink. Not pink. Sorry. Like blush rose. Like a nice rose. Like a deep, tanny rose. Can you work with me on that? Is that me? No, but I'm just fucking, you're asking me what you should do. That's what it could be. No. Okay. I just feel like that is a wedding day color. No, no. I'm not talking, sorry. I'm not talking like pinky, pinky, pinky, dusty rose. I'm talking like more of like a deep, tanny rose.

Okay. Like, think Rihanna. Like, think Rihanna nails. Like, almost like a, like a, like a violet pink. Does that make sense to you? I just like, okay, but will it be obnoxious? Because I like an obnoxious nail in the summer. And so it has to be one color throughout this whole season?

Well, it takes the thought out of it. The reason why I do dark, dark blood red from October to March is because it goes with everything. thing. And also I never think about it. And I like, I like having a signature. So it would be so much easier if I could just settle on one thing. I mean, that's what my pick would be. Otherwise, what are you going to do? It's like you could go like, well, no, cause that's not summer either. I was going to say like a nice, really cool olive green. Oh, I do like an olive green.

But then why don't you do more fun shit with your nails? Like gluing like fucking flowers on them? No, like patterns. I don't know. First of all, that takes… That's too much of a commitment. It takes so long. Like, I'm in such a pattern with my nail situation right now that I'm in and out in half an hour.

Especially since I used to stay longer to dry, but now I walk home. And so… Okay, what about this? The cool air. Let me look in here. You know what I want to find and I want someone to make is a true silver. Oh, like this? Yeah.

But you can't… Nobody can get the thickness right. Do you find that? Or it sparkles. A matte, true silver, like your pouch that you just took out right now. Sasha has this great, whatever, makeup pouch. And, like, why can't people do silvers without sparkle? There is one right now.

I don't know what the brand is. So it looks like liquid, right? There is one out. Do that then. But also, this is really nice, too. Like, this is an orangey red. I'm picking out one of my lipsticks from Bite Beauty. It's called Persimmon.

Persimmon? What's Persimmon? I think it's a fruit. Oh, Persimmon. Or like a seed or something. That's a nice color. It's an orangey red. Orange red looks good on you.

I don't like orange red. My reds are always blue toned. I think you should probably ask this style question to someone else. I don't know. But, okay, that's your mission. Can you please find me a liquid silver? I have seen it and I will find it for you. And if you guys have suggestions or if you know where there's a liquid silver nail polish.

I'm talking liquid. It has to be matte. It can be shiny, but it cannot have any sparkle. No frill. I'm so fucking particular about that kind of silver. There's stuff out there for sure. All right. You know what?

Kathleen wrote about a relationship story this past week that I thought was so interesting to deep dive into because I feel like so many people either have been through it or have been adjacent to it. And we've kind of sort of had questions about this over the years for people who've written into Sasha Answers. and that is the family versus the girlfriend. You're talking Olivia Munn. Olivia Munn and Aaron Rodgers, right?

So for the last year or so, we've been hearing that Aaron Rodgers doesn't talk to his family anymore, that, I don't know, he had a brother that did The Bachelor and that fame whore douchebag made comments about how his brother doesn't let his family go see his games

or some fucking shit like that. Then his dad, I think, talked to the New York Times and said that the family isn't close anymore And so everybody's like, oh, that bitch girlfriend came between Aaron Rodgers and his family. So what do you make of this situation? Well, I only really took interest after The Bachelor because I was like, oh, I didn't know there was fucking drama in the Rodgers family. P.S. I didn't really know who the fuck Aaron Rodgers was anyways because I don't watch football.

But I do think it's interesting that everyone's throwing daggers Olivia Munn's way. Because what we, of what I've heard people in LA that know her, they say she's like the loveliest, like most hilarious down to earth person. But it is interesting how everyone, yeah, like blames on her that she must have caused this rift in their family. I've met her a couple of times. I partied with her once many years ago. It was at Comic-Con San Diego. I went, I ended up going to a party with her agent at the time. And this was way before the Olivia Munn of Magic Mike.

It was right when she was about to start on The Daily Show. Do you remember like the five minutes that Olivia Munn was on The Daily Show? So she was just starting. Like she had come off that nerd show, but she was like… Okay, so now that you've seen her face, big story, just I'm sidetracking here, because everyone always talks about her face and how it changed. Now that you've seen it personally up close, you think that she got work done. I just want to know.

We've talked about this before. I'm really bad at seeing, like, pointing out plastic surgery or whatever, unless it's crazy and drastic, unless it's like Cat Lady. If it's a little tweak of the eyes and, like, a little filler in the lip, I'm terrible at noticing that. It has to punch me in the face. And so I, yes, so I met her and, like, spent a night with her a few years ago at Comic-Con, and first of all, she's fucking beautiful.

Like, she's crazy beautiful. Also Eurasian. Mm-hmm. There you go. And so, to me, I will say, and this is so gross, but people are so obsessed with it, the Olivia Munn that I met was beautiful and thin, but she's also lost, like, she's gotten way thinner. Yeah.

So I feel like a lot of the changes in her face have to do with the fact that she's – I mean, and she didn't need to lose it, but she's lost a good 20 pounds. I think that's what she said when she's, like, kind of fought back to people who have slammed her face. She said, I changed my fucking eyebrows and I lost some goddamn weight. Like, I – So it could be that. It is. Like, I can tell you. And again, let me be clear that she was already pretty slender, like, pre all of this.

And this was, this would have been, like, 2010. And so, yeah, she was already pretty slender. And then on top of that, she's lost 20 pounds. And so, of course, that's going to, like, change the way your face looks. Like, hollow out your cheekbones and whatever. So, I don't know. Like, I, but people who are experts at, I don't know, like, face noticing, like, are probably. Those face noticing experts.

Although I will say this to all the people who've been writing, and this is what kind of bothers me. Because yes, of course, like we've made, our society has made a sport out of looking at the changes that people's faces and what work they've done. But what I hate is the ignorance in like, what's Beyonce done to her lips? My God, she's pregnant. And she's pregnant with two like… Ginormo human beings.

Two, like, old-time Greek gods reincarnated inside of her. Apollo and Athena. Yes. So, like, I don't know if it's boy and a girl, but, like, I always see them as, like, Greek gods. But, so, of course, your face is, like, your lips are going to be fucking puffy. And your, like, your face is going to, like, you know, flush out. Like, it's just, I mean, if Beyonce was, her lips were changing or whatever

during the Lemonade Tour or the Formation Tour would be one thing. But like, I don't know why people can't put it together. She's fucking pregnant. Yeah. Those are just dummies. Anyway, so about the Aaron Rodgers, Olivia Munn, now that we've taken a detour. Oops. Now let's get back to the relationship part, which is, have you, well, because I'm curious,

right? This makes you think, could you be in a relationship? Do you think a relationship can stand the test of time when your significant other's family fucking hates you? I don't think the odds are good for it. So do you think that that's what happened? Like it just, it tore down the relationship? I'm not sure. Listen, I think that we've been conditioned through shows like Dynasty and soap operas and historical, like even Shakespeare addressed this, where the man brings a woman home and she must be this evil, sinister presence and comes between the family and family is all important.

So I feel like the majority of the commentary about this situation was about, oh, she came between the family and that poor family and like the poor parents and their son, their prize, their pride and joy, they can't be with him. And the issue is that I have a little bit in my experience, and this is, I'm going to admit, fully tainted by my own experience, families can be horrible to people, to outsiders. Can whole families be? Listen, I'm on your side completely because who's to say that the Rogers family isn't batshit fucking cray, right?

Or like evil, dicky, potentially racist people. Maybe they didn't want him to be with a half Asian woman. Who knows, right? It could be a number of things that make it their fault for causing this rift or being assholes. Can a whole family, like a whole nuclear family be dicks? Yes. So mom, dad, brother. Correct. And then there's just one saint that's like normal. Well, I speak from personal experience. This happened to my mother. So my dad is one of 10

children. And my mother is my mother. She's brash. She's opinionated. She's not one of those Chinese wives who comes in and is like, okay, okay. And is like completely abused by the mother-in-law and does everything she spoke up and so she was unpopular in my dad's family and my dad's parents and his brothers and sisters all collectively bullied her um and it got so bad that we no longer speak to them so i speak to some cousins um and an aunt here and there but my father has cut off his siblings right um and he and my mother are a tight unit a together unit but it took a while to get to that point to get to the point where my mother was like these people treat me like fucking shit yeah and you i am your wife you have to pick me and that's a hard ultimatum to make

and some people are probably listening right now and thinking and bristling like a wife should never ask uh her husband to do that and make that ultimatum but these people were fucking jerks to her. So it all came to a head one day when I was there, we went to my aunt's place and an argument erupted between my mother and, um, my, my dad's brother. And he verbally abused her and accused her of doing something that she didn't do. And my mother, she's going to fight back. She's like, fuck you, you know, clean out your mouth. I didn't fucking do that. So shut the hell up and sit the fuck down. And he, and then the whole family kind of like turned on her because she's Judy. She's brash. She's successful. You know, she's everything that they're scared of

in a woman. So they turned on her and thank God at that point I was coming to my, into my own. I was 20 and I stood up for my mother and I was like, let's, I'm getting you out of here right now. My dad was out of town on a business trip, so he couldn't stick, stick up for her. Like, and they really were like, they would not have treated her like that. Put it that way. Yeah. If my dad was around. So I stepped into that position and I got her out of there and I was like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And then my mother was grabbed by my uncle and hurt. Wow. And so, um, I, I, I turned into Tony Soprano and I was like, don't you ever fucking lay a hand on my mother? And I will not forget this incident. Uh, you guys are

going to pay for what you just did to my mother let's go and then i took my mother to the police station i pressed charges on behalf of my mother after then i took her to the hospital we went to court what the fuck really okay this is hardcore we charged my uncle who had priors p.s for assault. The court found in our favor. But during that court trial, my uncle's lawyers tried to attack me on the stand, but I held my own. They tried to insinuate that I was some kind of liar, that I was like influenced by my mother. And I was like, no, this is not happening. And so they found in our favor and I'm actually making a motion of like washing my hands wash my hands of them I wrote about this in my book briefly but when you ask the question whether or not a whole

family can be dicks to a woman yes and so maybe as I've acknowledged my read on this situation is tainted by my personal experience but I just don't you know I just don't feel like we can automatically assume that she is the evil hussy who came in like to what end how would she benefit yeah yeah no that's it that's so interesting oh my gosh that's so interesting I need to like reread your book also where was your dad during this though so when you're on stand and your mom I guess took the stand as well where's your dad in the courtroom and does your dad do you think your dad while of course he loves you two the most do you think he's sort of sad that this like he no longer has a relationship with his family not really did he hate them before that's

what i want to know did he hate them before him and your mom he didn't hate them before but he knew their bullshit it's just that you know you kind of go along with it because you're supposed to get along with your family you don't actively you know so he tried not to go out with them as much as uh as he could and only showed up for major family gatherings but he didn't love their fucking bullshit either and for him seeing me being cross-examined like that by my uncle's legal team um that was when he was like don't you fucking do that to my daughter and i'm out right right but like my mother has harbored years of resentment against him for this reason because he didn't take her side earlier and there's longer like there are other incidents that i haven't

like named to you like the time you know when i was a baby that like my grandparents and my My uncle made my mother kneel in their presence while holding me to apologize for, oh, my God, asking them to look after me while she went to work to pay their bills. But, I mean, there's a lot of family resentment buried in. My mother has so much. Like, she still carries a grudge against my dad for not making the cut or taking her side or sticking up for her sooner. I mean, you know how I have the hugest soft spot for your father and his Peter Pan collars.

But the fact that he did it. Like, that's a, that's a big ask. Do you know what I mean? Like, yes, sure, your family is full of a bunch of wanky fucks, but it's hard to cut them out of your life entirely, and especially cut them out for, well, no, not for your wife, but, like, it's just, that's a hard decision, and I don't know, like, that's not really, like, I get why your mom was probably, like, hopped to it, like, why didn't you have it quicker, but, like, your dad's, like, a sensitive dude, right?

And he, like, probably didn't want to have everything crash and burn. Well, it led to the demise of his marriage, though. What? Oh, and then they got back together. Yeah. Right. So, I mean, I get it. Oh, so she left him.

She left him. Because of that. For other reasons, too. He wasn't mature and he wasn't man, in her words, to stand up for her. She left him. And over that decade, he gradually realized, Jesus, what have I done? I was weak. I should have had a backbone against my family so I hear what you're saying about my dad and

you want to have sympathy for my dad but at the same time you have to make a choice sometimes like you know it led to their being apart for so long like imagine what their lives would be if they didn't have that 10-year gap in which they divorced and then got back together right so okay in that in that case now I will say that when it came time for me to be married and to have an in-law relationship. And of course, Jacek's parents are not like my dad's parents at all. But also, I did marry into a family with two sons. And Jacek's mother loves her sons so much and for many years was the only woman in her son's lives that it took a while to, you know, um make it not so weird for her like you know the way that yasik's mom loves her sons is that

she feels that she should know everything about her kids and for those of you who are parents out there i think that you are gaining some understanding of the fact that like your kids aren't ever going to tell you everything sorry and so it was a bit of an like a thing for me too, where I had to make it clear to Yassic, like, I am going to be the most important person in your life. I'm going to take care of you. Yes. We are going to take care of each other. And while we will love and respect and honor your parents, your mother is not going to be the most important person in your life. It's going to be me. Well, that's why I always think it's such a mind fuck for moms who have sons, because that is like, that is a hurdle that they

have to get over because yeah, you're not grooming them, but you're bringing them up to like love you the most. And then you have to be like, now, no, I don't even get to share you. I have to absolutely let this other female take over. Yeah. I've known women who've dated sons, who've dated men who were either the only son or one of three sons or one of two sons. And it can be weird. Like there are two kinds of of moms of sons one um fiona my best friend is married to to one kind of son where the woman can't wait to have a daughter right and she embraces every woman who comes into right her son's life because she's like finally yes and you're gonna and that's amazing and you're gonna be loved and then almost the other kind like on the other extreme is the woman who is like

jealous jealous yeah that is fucking weird yeah yeah so yeah luckily that has not

because Corey's comes from yeah he has an older brother and no my mother-in-law is like yay like let's

like she wants the camaraderie of another female as opposed to being like don't you fucking tell my my son what to do this and that

yeah even though I do lots and lots and lots while every other channel is fighting for your customers' attention, podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45 minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that

voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising. It sounds like a recommendation from a friend. Acast gives you that trust at scale, digital precision, post-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked. Don't fight for attention. Buy it with Acast. Learn more by visiting ACAST.com slash advertise. Okay, so let's get to some of our reader questions. Okay, so first one. I'm a recent graduate student who's studying for further education at home while working part-time. In addition to feeling stressed with all the work, I'm constantly feeling frustrated because I don't know if I'm single or not.

Okay. To catch you up, I started dating one of my classmates in school. Initially, we were just friends, but became closer because we studied a lot together. We just clicked. He especially helped me out during a time when I was struggling with my studies in the very beginning. It was a very stressful time for me, and I really appreciate that he helped me through it.

Fast forward to post-grad, we've been together for more than a year, and things are going as usual, except we are both living back home with our parents. We were both looking for jobs, even though I would confidentially say he was perfectly qualified and professional and more than smart enough. he was having some trouble finding a job more than I was one day he texted me late in the day if I wanted a sudden romantic rendezvous in Toronto which is about halfway between our homes however I quickly discovered that this was a lie and he was already in the city and had already had a job interview which he didn't tell me about until then I said that because I would have to

take public transit it would take me two and a half hours for which he would have to wait and thought it not a good idea. He said he was feeling down because the job interview felt weird and he didn't think it went so well. I said we should schedule for another day to meet up since me going right then didn't seem like a good idea for both of us. He stopped talking to me after that for one month. I was worried sick that something had happened. I emailed, I called, and at a certain point during the silent month, I messaged his sister asking her if he was safe. She gave me a non-specific answer. I even called the hospital in his city to make sure he wasn't a patient there right before I called his home phone. He picked up almost right away, and you can imagine the

awkward chat we had. He said that he didn't speak to me because he was depressed. I was not satisfied with this answer, so I pushed him for more answers, and he finally revealed that he wasn't talking to me because he was disappointed I didn't come down to see him the evening of his job interview. I explained to him that if he had told me earlier in the day that he would be downtown, I would have gladly made the trip but thought it was unfair of him to expect me to come down on demand without a previous notice. I was also especially angry because I had repeatedly requested him not to do this silent treatment when we are in an argument without notice because a couple of times before when we were arguing he would randomly turn his phone off for weeks at a time without warning at

all and I would be left desperately waiting and constantly checking my phone for messages. I was always the one who during an argument say I need some time on my own which rarely lasted past a week. In any case, we had a long drawn out phone call texting argument and that ended in January with him apologizing and saying he still wants to be together, except he hasn't responded to any of my messages since that text. It's been three months now. I still don't know what I'm feeling overall and I feel like I'm going to hear back from him at any moment and I hate it. I don't know what to make of this situation, even though I know you can't completely fix my problem. I hope that hearing you discuss about it will clear something up for me. I need some form of closure,

but I don't know if I can call his house again just to make things worse for him. Sincerely, am I single now? Yeah, you're single now. You are, yes. So, well, I don't mean to be a judgy dick, but this feels very immature. This feels like this weird immature love whereby you guys get your panties in a twist and then there's months of non-talking, which is like pretty unique in a relationship. Like that doesn't seem very healthy or normal or enjoyable at all.

So to me, this just seems like, yeah, girl, you're definitely single. You shouldn't be calling him. You shouldn't be waiting for him to call you. And if he does, I think like don't be a pathetic loser and take him back because I don't know. This is just weird. This doesn't this isn't like this isn't any good long term love. No, I agree with you. I think that I know that word closure, people load it up with such significance that you need to know finally, definitively, in block letters, spray painted on the side of a wall, or those airplanes that give off smoke and spell out a message.

but I don't know that you need more closure in this situation because it's, first of all, been three months but second of all, it doesn't sound like you guys are compatible. Yeah, no communication skills. It's not only that. Here, you know what? The reason why I like being, like, obviously there's so many reasons why I like being on the social, which is a talk show that we do here in Canada

And it's like the equivalent of the talk or the view in the U.S. for those of you listening. And it's because we are four women on the show and each of us have our own perspectives, right? And so a few months ago or maybe a couple years ago, Cynthia, one of the hosts of the show, talked about the five love languages. And ordinarily, if you had said to me, like, oh, let's talk about the five love languages, I would have been like, X, click on, click and close that window. But because I had to participate in that segment, I had to pay attention to it. And in paying attention to it, it totally makes sense to me. And it's that some people communicate or everyone communicates in a certain way when it comes to love. So, for example, Jacek and I are two very unsentimental, not very lovey-dovey people.

So we fit because we don't need that much love massaging. Like, I don't need to kiss him and hug him and like… The communication pattern is similar. …express to him every day that he's… whereas Melissa, another host on the show, is very much that way. Like, she and her husband need to look into each other's eyes with John Legend playing in the background and like caressing each other by the cheek and tell… and she says this all the time and telling each other they love each other.

Right. Um, and so these two people are, are reader who doesn't know if she's single. She and her ex-boyfriend or now ex-boyfriend don't have the same love language. Okay. So I hear you on that, but I think there's going to be a… Or don't speak the same love language. I think there's going to be a lot of people who are listening at like exhibit A, me. Corey and I do not have the same love language at all.

And that doesn't, and I, and that's why I'm like, oh, okay, I get what you're saying. And that's, that's great in a perfect world if you communicate in the same level and in the same way but I think a lot of couples do not you're right and because I sure shit don't no and when you don't it means that you have to understand what the other person's love language is and then be able to and be able to like fulfill it or or relate to them on this level and I guess the thing is you have to care enough to want to do that and that's why with our am I single writer yes again you're single um it's not worth it right like it's so far gone it's so like it's it just seems quite toxic too so yeah I don't think you need to put forth the effort to find that balance yeah

because it's just not there I don't think I just think it's too late now I think that people like people have been hurt too deeply but I will say since we're addressing you and not the boyfriend I mean we'd have a lot of things to say about his love language of course and how he could have done better. For the purposes of moving forward, if you are going to be in a relationship, and obviously we hope that you will be in the future, I would say that part of learning a person's love language is actually picking up on those cues. Like you don't seem to understand that the day that he called you when his interview went badly and first suggested let's have a romantic rendezvous was his need to have someone support him.

Like, he wasn't calling you, you know, and I know what your thing was. Like, you don't like being asked to do something last minute. He didn't give you enough notice. But you know what? He couldn't have given you notice because he didn't know that the interview was going to go badly. I think she said something about lying, though, which was also a bit strange. Like, I feel like maybe she is also pretty regimented about some things.

I get that it takes a long time to get Toronto. know he was having an interview. Yeah. And that made her mad. But again, you're exactly right, right? It's like he had to have given her some stuff so that she felt secure enough that she didn't feel like she was being quote unquote lied to. Right. To me though, I, like I, what I would think, and of course this is coming from somebody who's been married for almost 16 years. So I've had, I've learned my lesson in what I interpret. He could have been lying because look, he hasn't been successful at getting a job and he doesn't want to get his own hopes up and he doesn't want to get everybody else's hopes up.

Like, there are things right now that I don't want to make public because I'm hoping that they'll come through for me, as we all do, right? Like, you know, before you launched your fragrance line, you didn't fucking tell everybody about it. I didn't tell anybody. Exactly. Because you didn't know what was going to happen. You just don't want failure.

So apply that same thing to this guy who's going for a job interview. He didn't want to tell her. He was nervous. He hasn't been successful. Boom. He doesn't get it. The first person he calls for consolation is his GF. He needs her to come downtown to, like, lighten up his spirits.

I think that's basic relationship 101. Like, if you, like, say no in that moment, you're not speaking his love language and you're not picking up the love language that he's sending to you. so listen in the future like if I were talking to him I would be like next time be honest with your girlfriend blah blah blah but we're only talking to you right now so don't feel like we're picking on you we're just trying to help you in the future in your future relationships that is the give and take that is required yeah and I I think too in her future relationship she's probably gonna hopefully find someone who's a little bit more compatible with her

so it's not gonna always have to be this like big game of trying to understand and all these miscommunications, right? Like they're obviously mismatched. You know, he obviously, like the way that he just wouldn't call her for three months, or no, wouldn't call her for a month. Like that's fucking weird. So he obviously has his own issues and they're just, again, not compatible. So I don't even want to give her advice on how to make this one work because it shouldn't work. You got to move on now. Take Lainey's nugget and keep that in your back pocket for your next relationship. But for this one, like move on. Yeah. And your homework is to figure out what your love language is. google it like i think it's based on some guy's book um great tip i'm attributing it to cynthia

my friend and colleague but i think some guy wrote a book about it and it's like when you find the simple um you know cheat notes on it it's basically there's five love languages and they walk you through a series of scenarios and like it helps you figure out how you best deal in a relationship and then it helps you identify other people's love languages so maybe that's your homework, gets you ready for your next phase, your next relationship. But yes, you are single. Be happy about that because it means that you're going to be open to a new relationship. Agreed. Okay, next. Hi, Sasha. I'm hoping you and Lainey can help me with something of a time sensitive matter. Over the weekend, one of my colleagues at work passed away quite suddenly.

He was incredibly young, only about 22, 23 years old, and it came as a shock to the entire office. he and I got along very well. I considered him one of my closest work friends and as it is only two days out, I'm still in somewhat of a state of shock and denial. This is the first time a friend this close in age to me has died and like not a grandparent or an older relative and I'm struggling to process my emotions. If you have any advice on how to deal with grief for someone you weren't super close to but still saw every day, I would appreciate it greatly. However, the reason I decided to write you is this. I'm in charge of the office newsletter and my boss has asked me to write an in memoriam piece about him for the next edition. I really don't feel comfortable doing

this partly because I don't know that much about his childhood or anything and feel odd asking around, but mostly because I don't feel that I am emotionally up to it. How do I tell my boss that I don't feel comfortable writing the piece without sounding like a jerk? Any help would be greatly appreciated L. Well, I'm sorry for your loss. That's incredibly tragic. Yeah. I don't know. I kind of feel, I kind of feel like she should write it. I know that she is probably, I think the first part of it is how do you handle grief? And I think that that's something that we can help her with in a couple minutes. But right now, I think if you're, if you're struggling with whether or not to do it, I think you were close enough with him that you don't have to go into

any crazy history about what he liked when he was a boy's favorite color. Like just speak from your heart and it doesn't have to be, you know, like this crazy long paragraphed letter, but it can just be something to the effect of like, you know, that you miss him and that you, you know, just maybe a nice funny experience that you had with him. You know, just share something that you guys had in common or something that benefited you guys in your relationship in your workplace like I think it can be personal without being some sort of expose on him um did you kind of agree with that like I think I feel like she I feel like she'll feel actually better to being able to you know write pen to paper get some of her emotions out and how much he meant to her and

I think that's like a really nice thing to do and I think you'll actually be happy for doing it Yeah, I agree. That was my first inclination too. And the reason why is because the first part of her letter was about how she didn't know how to process her grief. And then the second part was about this in memoriam piece that she's been tasked to write. And then she says she doesn't know if she's emotionally ready for that. So putting those things together is you're saying that this might be an exercise for her to actually process her grief. Yes. I don't know that a work newsletter has to be about what he did when he was a child.

I think the in memoriam for the work newsletter is about his work, the quality of his work, the impact he made at work, the effect he had on his colleagues. You clearly have affection for this person. And so this person was a presence at work that was positive. So if you concentrate it only on his influence at work, I think that's actually what people are expecting because nobody's expecting a work newsletter to have, you know, family history. But you're totally right, Sasha.

I think that it can be very cathartic to, but again, it's a daunting task and I understand why she's struggling with this. Yeah, because you want it to be perfect and you don't want, you know, you don't want to misstep anywhere. But I think, and I think that's where it comes back to what you were saying, which is this whole equation

of how to get over someone's death. I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. I think that time's involved, but I also think what it is, is processing your emotions, talking them out with people. And especially you have this probably great group of people that you work with that you can talk that out with.

And then hence what I was saying about, you know, actually writing some of your feelings for him in this, in memoriam letter, I think you'll actually be able to process some of those feelings and actually feel a little bit lighter. Not better right away, but lighter. What I do suggest though is, listen, it's very, very possible that you may not be up to it and that your emotions will take over in a way where you, yes, come to a place where you decide that this is not what you want to do.

So what I would suggest is to go back to your boss and actually be honest and say, I don't know if I'm ready and up to this task. I want to try, but is it okay that if after any attempt I don't feel like I want it to be published, would you mind reassigning it to somebody else? I think that that's perfectly reasonable. Totally. And also, I don't know that there are deadlines for in memoriam. Like, you know, nobody's saying, well, you know, he passed away four days ago and we

can't go past the 10-day mark. Like, I mean, I don't know that. And in a memoriam, if delivered with the sensitivity and with the care that you put into it can be delivered whenever it's ready. and again like with it doesn't have to be pages on pages just keep it short and simple if you need to if you need to right like see how it goes but yeah I think that's really good advice leaning which is at least attempt it if you're still not feeling it if you still find it really hard then yeah definitely approach your boss like your boss isn't going to fire you because you can't like

process your emotions quick enough so yeah yeah I think that the I think that the reason why both of us are on the same page here is because trying is never a bad thing. Like, I never want to be here saying, don't try. So I feel like the attempt has to be made first. Yeah. And I hope that's fair. Yeah. So go to your boss, explain that, just be honest about it, and then gauge how you feel

when you sit down and you start writing and see where you're at then. Definitely. And if you're still struggling, send us an emergency letter. And Lainey can get to it. She can edit it for you. And that's it for us this week. Thank you for all your letters. You can keep sending them to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com.

And definitely send us your story ideas. If you have thoughts on Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn, we can read them next week. If you have personal stories, like if you're on the side of the family because you have a personal story about some asshole who came into the family and divided everybody definitely let us know about that too check us out on google play and itunes do you keep hearing podcast ads like this one for example but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization well it's easier than you think We're ACAST, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself.

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