What's Your Drama - Nakedness & Cauliflower Feet

Episode Date: April 4, 2019

Welcome back to What's Your Drama!On today's show: We talk about Sam Smith and his naked day body acceptance and I'll let you guess who you think likes being naked between Lainey and I. Then we get into your drama! How to not feel isolated from your own social life, what to do when your mother is an emotional drain, and how to come a knockin' when your roommate is a rockin'.We hope you enjoy the show and make sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you get your podcasts. And keep your advice questions coming my way at sasha(@)laineygossip.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hey what's your drama hi welcome to what's your drama i'm sasha i'm laney nice to see you nice to see you um apparently it's naked day today we're recording this on wednesday and um i was looking through sam smith instagram i don't really know why but i do follow him um and he was talking about can i read you what his post is okay so he says for my entire life i've always hated being naked. Today I decided to have a naked day and spend the day in my room and watch TV and read and eat what I want and just celebrate this bod. It's been so fun, empowering, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But basically he spent his entire day naked. That to me sounds so uncomfortable. I don't like being naked. Even when you're by yourself? Even when I'm by myself. I wouldn't,

if I had the choice to wear clothes or not wear clothes in my house and it was an empty house, I would absolutely always wear clothes. Being nude does not make me feel comfortable. And not because I'm like, I would catch myself in the mirror and be like, oh, it's just I don't find being unclothed comfortable. I feel like you are the opposite of me. I like, I like, I'm a bit of an exhibitionist. Okay. As you know.

Yeah. I like flashing my friends. Yes, you do. Where did that come from, by the way? I don't know. Is this like a high school thing that is like, I don't like that all the time. I will say, no, I'm not fucking like, um, you know, I don't go stay at a hotel room and then like get naked on, you know, like I don't do that.

But when, and it's only with my girlfriends, like you all are very lucky where I just will change in front of you. No problem. You do it in such a devilish way. I don't know what we were doing. It was recently I was in an office and I was looking at yours and you just, I think you just like threw up your shirt or like threw up your skirt and I was like, okay, hi. And the look on your face is like, ha-ha, gotcha.

No, I always – I have to change eight times at work every day. Right. And so when people – and people are coming in and out to do meetings and if you – So it's their fault. No, no. And you come in occasionally and you're my friend. You've seen me naked I don't know how many times. Yeah.

So I'm not going to wait until you leave to get out of my uncomfortable show clothes. Right. We're going to keep talking and I'm just going to like disrobe. Yeah. Well, it's not that. You're making it sound like a little bit more nonchalant. You do it to be like, surprise, here are my tits. But I don't, I don't like walking around for hours naked because I feel cold.

Okay. Yeah. Like, I don't like having my skin exposed in that way. Okay. But how about just, like, textures and shit? I don't know, like, crumbs. There's crumbs on my couches. Exactly.

Like, that's the thing. Your skin, your skin is exposed and it's touching things. Also, I have dogs. You have a dog. But my dogs, for some reason, love sniffing my parts. Thank God mine does not. Okay, but you've heard this before, right? Yes, of course.

Other dogs have just, like, literally beelined to my fucking crotch and be like, hey, mortifying. So embarrassing. But I wouldn't want to do that with no underwear on. Because, like, I'm the kind of person when I'm lying in bed, I'm, like, I've got my legs up and they're splayed out. Okay. They're up in the air and wide open. No, no, they're not, like, they're bent. Okay.

So my feet are, I'm lying back. Yeah. My feet are flat on, sometimes, sometimes they're straight out and splayed out, like I'm V. Oh, okay. Sometimes if they're straight, they're V'd. Yeah. I'm such a fucking nasty asshole.

Yeah, I was just like, you took the words right out of my mouth. Okay, yeah. So if I, if they're, if I'm, yeah, if they're straight, they're splayed out and it's in a V. And if they're bent, then my feet are flat on the bed and like my legs are open. I'm not, cause I don't want to use any muscles. Okay, so you just let everything relax. When you splay, no muscles are being used. And my dogs will sometimes…

Stop. Yeah. Okay, but that's why you are not naked most of the time. Yeah. Do you sleep naked? No. Oh, okay. The reason why, I like it.

I like, like, if it's hot, you know, I want to, but then I have naked dreams. Okay, please, what? Naked dreams that you are naked? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. While you're naked. Yeah, and that's fucking weird.

Okay. I don't, because I'll be doing something awesome. Like, I don't know, giving a speech or whatever. And then all of a sudden I'll be naked and then I'll be like, oh, I can't give my speech because like I have to figure out why I'm naked. Okay. Yeah. That's interesting. It just comes into your dream form. I think I'm just like a never nude. I don't really like ever not having clothes on. Like in the summer, do you ever? That's in line with your personality. Rarely do you ever see my bare legs? Rarely. Yeah. I don't know. What is, do you don't not like your legs? No, it's just like, I like being covered up, I think. Okay. I don't know. I don't know what that's about. I don't, well, yeah. I just find clothes very comfortable. The way you feel

about your legs is how I feel about my arms. You very rarely see my. I don't see your arms. Never. And I don't like my legs. It's just like, they don't, I just, maybe I don't like my legs. I don't know. I just don't like to show them. Yeah. And I don't like to show my arms. Okay. But I like to show my legs. Yeah, you do. Okay, well. I don't like to show my, the triangle between your neck and your cleavage. Oh, I love that.

That is the one part that I, you know me, like I will show a lot of chest because I don't have, but that's because you also have like a weird boob complex. You don't like cleavage and the, and people knowing that you have big tits. Yes and no. I don't like a V-neck. I don't think it's a good looking cut on me. Oh. I like a crew neck.

Okay. But I hate a V-neck cut on me. Oh, someone actually emailed and wanted to know about your sports bra recommendations. Right. Do you have any sports bra recommendations? Well, right now I have to like credit Duanna for my current favorite sports bra, which is Outdoor Voices. Okay.

Yeah. What makes it so great? The hold is awesome for… Well, the hold. And I like a flattened out… Pancake. Pancake. Yeah.

And it makes me a pancake. Okay. Yeah. I love that. But some people, and you know, I think a better boob look is a uniboob. Some people like to lift and separate. Yeah. I like to jam together into one, like, mass.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. But that's what this writer was, she was looking for the… Uniboob? The uniboob. Yeah. I don't think she put it that way, but yeah. Yeah.

One mass of boob. People have, and this is what I, what makes me crazy about fashion and style is that, Like, people think that boobs should look away, which is typically lift and separate. Like, Duanna. Duanna has very specific boobs. Duanna's a lift and separate. Correct. Yes.

I am a uniboob. I'm more of a uniboob, I think, too. So, anyway, you're reading this week, right? Right, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's hear some drama. All right, first question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. My question is about how to make slash keep friends in your late 20s or any time later

in life, really. Some background, I'm in my late 20s, have a good job, but one that requires long hours. I'm in a great relationship with a very loving and supportive partner. I feel like overall we live a very nice life. However, I can't help but feel isolated. I feel like post-college years have really taken my friends and I on different paths. I still have three very good best friends who I've been friends with for years. I love them to death, but the dynamic of our relationships have really changed.

We all live about an hour apart from each other. And for example, we've been trying to plan a wine and cheese night for a month and don't think it will be able to happen for another month. Is it normal to feel this lonely and isolated at this stage in my life? I feel like we live in this world of social media where it seems like everyone is out for happy hour or Sunday brunch with their friends every week and it makes me feel isolated not having that right now. And I worry our time together will only get few and farther between as we continue to get married, start families, etc. Any insight is always greatly appreciated. XO. So how old is she? She's in her late 20s. Okay. So late 20s

in her, you know, that time of career. Everybody's starting to get busy. And it's true. Like right now it feels like days are getting shorter just because we pack so much into them. Right. I mean, for me, I'm, I had a little chuckle when she was like, we are not going to get together for a month. I mean, if this, if we didn't have this podcast, I probably would see you like once every month. And we work in the same building. Yeah. Yeah. And so I just feel like that's sort of the way things start to go especially when you're yeah everyone's starting to get in their career or starting like long-term relationships people tend to peace out a bit more I find yeah it's sad though it is sad when you can't I mean it's not it's not good if you're feeling isolated and that

you're not you're not finding friendships outside of these three best friends like that that is the the kind of red flag for me it's like go find friends that live close to you that are maybe just like work colleagues that after work you can get a drink like so that you can fuel your social life that way. Yeah. I also think, I mean, I read an article about, you know, how millennials get shortchanged, how, you know, we're always like making fun of them about avocados or whatnot. But there is also some truth to the fact that millennials only know pace, like a crazy ass pace. like there was a time in our youth where you could just fucking i don't know like what's that expression fuck the dog all day yeah yeah and you didn't have to feel like you were falling behind

in life and i can't afford a house later and i'll never get a job like yeah and i think there's an entire right yeah and but at least we had them yeah and i think there's an entire generation now because of whatever the realities of the economy and political realities and social realities and social media realities, they don't feel like they can just fuck the dog for a year. Yeah. I mean, I feel like the term that most millennials love is the hustle. They love being a hustle and they love being a boss, babe. And that in itself really does generate, as you're saying, that speed that must accomplish all the time. Exactly. And in some ways, yeah, sometimes people put it on like I'm a boss babe I'm hustling but I also think that they've been compelled to

feel like they always have to hustle that they have to have a hustle and a side hustle and a side side hustle because what is this world but closing opportunities to them or making them making it so that they have to like create so many more I like both of us have side hustles and I do have side side hustles and so what I can say to our letter writer is it's true like Like, I find that there's a lot less time to be with friends, but that's also why the time that we spend together is so special. Like, my best friend lives across the country. Yeah.

She lives in Vancouver. We see each other. We used to go from seeing each other three or four times a week to now we only see each other three or four times a year. And we make those, like, we make those trips. but I think that in the absence of like being together physically in the same space we have done a lot more talking on the phone and I've made I've made her like I've made her start being a better texter yeah yeah I mean I do I you know we have that in common like my best friends are in

Vancouver the my three best friends are in Vancouver and we really do spend a lot of time on the phone and I know people like always eye roll both you and I because we both have home phones but you have landlines um but i love the catching up and like actual long hour conversations like and we plan my my best friend emin i plan conversations like every two weeks where we just sit on the phone for hours yeah and catch up and talk and i think that's really important so to our writer yes your three best friends live far away from you so you can't always like feel close to them but like talking on the phone is really like a lost art and I think that's so important and also something you can do too is when you guys do have that time stretch it out

a bit more like have fucking sleepovers if you're not seeing each other I know that's also kind of weird but we're trying to plan a sleepover I love a sleepover I just like we have two friends who are in our group of five you and I who are more like let's go to a party I'm like you know yeah The two of them are more like bored of being confined in a space. Confine me in a space fucking any day of the goddamn week. And I can get naked. Yes. Great.

That's what I'm looking forward to. But like those sort of things, right? Like juicing out as much quality time as you can with them. But then the other bit of advice would be, yeah, like step out of those three friendships and start to find other people. Like if you're feeling isolated, go do a spin class. Go fucking do something where you can meet other people and then you can get that fill. Yeah. And I know, Sash, like, you know, we've said before, you've said before that, like, you know, texting is not real communication.

But I feel like some of my warmest recent friendship connections, you know, for lack of being able to see each other in person, have been over text, like group chats. Like who? Well, Duanna and I have a friend who live in Houston, Lorella, and the three of us have a text chat that's been going for years, that's never been deleted, and some of those conversations are hilarious. Oh, I'm sure. I am sure. I would love to fucking wiretap one of those.

I would rather sometimes be on text with them than in person because some of the shit that we're saying back and forth is the best. Yeah, get a group chat going on. I know, and I know that this is, listen, this is not, this is, I'm not saying it's as good as, I just said it, that it was as good as, but I'm not saying that it will always be as good as, but there is a warmth, like a tingle that comes when you're on a group chat and some hilarious shit goes down. Ding, ding, ding, ding, back and forth, back and forth, yeah.

You can have the personality, like, you know, use the technology. There's times when I've sent a video, there are times when, like, they've sent voice notes, like, and we're killing each other. Yeah. I mean, if you're not opposed to it, I love a FaceTime and a WeChat all the time. I love a FaceTime and a WeChat too. Anyway, there's options. There's options to connect with the friends that you do love and trust, but then I think

it's also, this is also a really good opportunity for you to like push out of your comfort zone and meet fucking new people because you obviously want it. There's no, it's not fun to be working all the time and then feeling lonely like that. There's no point in that. All right. Next question. Okay. All right.

Hi, Sasha and Lainey. Sadly, this is drama regarding my mother. This past summer, I got married. It was a great day, but I can't help but always think about how my mom put such a damper on the day. To give you some context, my mom and I have never been very close. My parents were divorced, and growing up, my mom's main focus was to always find a man. She went through guy after guy, often never being home, and I basically lived in our house

alone while in high school. She eventually found a man, but to this day, she's not very happy with him and even admits it. She's jealous of my husband's parents because they have always been close to us, but I think now she has a lot of regrets for not being as involved in my life. Fast forward to the wedding. I could feel her insecurities throughout the entire day, even though I put in such an effort to make her feel loved and valued. But when it got to the point of my husband and I saying our thank yous, my husband forgot to thank my parents and in passing, someone thanked his. It was a

super non-scripted speech and therefore many things were missed. My mom made sure to point this out, telling me before we left on our honeymoon that it made her feel like a deadbeat mother in front of everyone and that my husband's mother really made her angry. I felt absolutely awful and couldn't stop crying. I want to make it clear that I 100% took responsibility for not thanking her and I've told her that it was such an honest mistake that I will always regret. My husband and I drove to her house to talk to her in person and apologized profusely for making her feel upset and that we would never have intended to do that and we were just so overwhelmed at the moment and missed what should have been said. I had a lot of sympathy for her in that situation

and truly felt horrible. Little things continue to pop up after this. When I got my wedding photos back, there were some absolutely beautiful ones of her and I, but all she could point out is that there wasn't one of her, her boyfriend, me and my husband. Like what? From that point on, I told myself

that this is getting ridiculous and that I needed to take some time away from her for my mental health. And I now rarely share anything in my life with her since then. I still call and try to make plans to see her once in a while. However, she never puts in the same effort,

never calls, never makes plans to see me, very similar to when I was growing up. but she somehow expects our relationship to be good in life's big moments like a wedding. What I need to know is, should I continue to keep my space for my mom if I feel so much negativity or do I need to put this aside and just go through the motions of her criticism and forgive her? Love, Victoria. I feel like this would resonate with you and it resonates with me too, in a way, but we

can discuss. Just having kind of difficult, demanding parents. Yes. Right? Because this is what it feels like. Yes. I have, yeah, I have a mother who is not easy. But I don't have any estrangement from her. No, no, no.

So I feel like, however, I mean, here's what I can say. When my parents got divorced, as many people who've been through it as children can relate to, sometimes you get like mad at one parent and you don't feel as close to one parent as the other and there's resentment and it takes years to work through that and you make certain assumptions. And I mean, it's been decades since I've gone through that. But I do remember being younger, like, I don't know, in my teens and feeling resentful to my mother and just being like, you left my dad and not understanding her reasons. And you left me in a way, right? Yeah. And you went off with this guy and whatever. But now that I know the reasons, like for me, there's a much more, like I'm so much more

empathetic towards what her situation is. Yeah. I mean, listen, there's a wide spectrum of mom and daughter problems, right? Like there's ones that you've just explained. There's one like our writer, then there's ones that are more abusive and way more fucked up. And in that spectrum, there are different ways to handle it. Like personally, like my mom is a dream. I love her. I couldn't be closer to her unless I like fucking sewed myself to her. But my father has, it's difficult. It's difficult with him. He's not easy. He's far from easy. And I, you know, also from like a cultural standpoint too, like my dad wants me to do all the work, you know, like at a certain age, he's like, no, no, I'm not doing anything. You call me,

you do this, do things for me. Yeah. Which I'm always like, excuse me, you never did anything for me. Why am I doing that now? Right. There's that expectation, which is also fucking irritating too. Um, my point being there are, I don't know, part of me is like, I've had to accept who my father is and I also needed to understand why he is the way he is. Yeah. And I've really done a lot of work to bridge that gap so that I can have a functioning relationship with him. Yeah. And I did the work. He has done zero. Yeah. He'll never do it. Yeah. But I needed to understand, as you kind of said, his point of view, so that I could have some empathy of like, what the fuck is going on in your brain?

But I don't want to speak for our writer because if she really does feel like this is fucking up her mental health, then boundaries are important. Right. Yeah. I think there's two ways of looking at it. I think, I wonder if your perspective would change if you just, like you said it here. I don't think at any point you've said that your mother is badly intended. Her intentions are never bad.

Like, she is coming from a place of she's deeply insecure. And she feels like people are judging her. Yes. That is really tough, to be a woman of a certain generation. And listen, I think the worst thing that we can say about a woman in society is that she's a bad mother. Like we are, it's just, it's just much harder for women. Like, you know, I think that calling someone a bad dad doesn't cut as deep as calling

a woman a bad mother. Well, because they're, they're supposed to be nurturers, right? And it's so unfair. And when you are, but at the same time, the, one of the worst things that can happen to a woman of a certain generation, which is like perhaps your mom's generation, is to be single. Yeah. And to be alone.

She's with a guy now though. Yeah, but before, right? Like, so when she was out there, like, trying to get a man, as her daughter, as Victoria is saying, like, there is this whole thing where people are judging you, number one, for, like, you couldn't keep a man or you're single. You're, like, lonely and desperate and socially worthless because no man wants you. So there's that. And then after that, then there's a regret, like, oh, shit, like, I succumbed to that

fucking societal pressure and ended up sacrificing this part of it. Like, I feel bad for mom. Well, the reality of it must have hit her like a ton of bricks at the wedding, right? Because it's like she probably, you know, deep inside knows that she fucking failed you. And then to hear that on like such a big stage. Yeah. That probably, but you've hit the nail on the head, which is what I wanted to say, which

is the insecurity. Your mom is wildly insecure. So insecure. You know, she's threatened by different relationships. She's threatened by your relationship with your new husband's family. Yeah. So that's why I'm like, I wonder if you can get down to that root. and have a real conversation with her because it seems like, you know, and I do appreciate

that you went there and like apologized to her with your husband, but maybe it would have been, maybe, no, I should take that back. It's not that it should have been better, but now I think there's a chance for you to just have a one-on-one with her. And if that doesn't work, like, I mean, really, I don't want it to sound like a band-aid solution, but like go to therapy. Maybe there's some mediation that needs to happen between the two of you so that you can, again, bridge that gap.

Yeah. And then there's, there's so many books out there and I don't know if your mother like falls under the category of like narcissistic behavior, but there's lots of books about that so that you can get a better understanding of like what maybe she's doing something that stems from like an actual psychological disorder. I think that that is a possibility later, but none of these examples to me scream narcissism so much as insecurity and wanting to be part of something like, you know, being jealous of the new mother-in-law, I think is very natural. If you feel like you've done a shitty job and you're looking at a woman who on the surface, you know, your husband's mother on the surface seems like the mom who held it together and wasn't like single and maintained

a loving home, then your mother is going to be like, well, shit. Like now I feel like, you know, the bag of trash next to, I don't know, Betty Cleaver or whatever, you know, perfect mom is. And then the request for the photo, I don't know that that's narcissism either. That is wanting evidence of being a part of something. Like, you know, in her mind, even though the boyfriend or the partner is not really a part of the family, that's what she's created for herself, right? But you can understand how heavy that must feel. It's like your big day and fuck, okay, yeah, you fucked up and you didn't shout her out.

but like just to be hit over and over again with like negativity negativity and being like me me but why didn't this happen for me me but me like that to me screams i have a chinese mother you don't fucking know like every day i've been guilted like well that's why i thought that this would be kind of yeah you would understand this but also i think that she's given us these two examples but this is obviously a lead-up to not the most fun relationship with her mother I imagine this is kind of, these jabs have been going on to our reader, our writer's life for the lifetime. Yeah.

And that's hard. How do you deal with that? Do you take it like a fucking champ? Listen, I can tell you what the immigrant typical way is, is that you endure your mother and your parents. Like, and I get that that is really hard. And that's why probably there are so many mental health issues in immigrant families. Number one, because nobody talks openly about these things.

So here's what one problem is, is that I don't think that we've had, like, they've gone over to apologize, but I don't think that the old issues have been put on the table to be addressed. So your point about going to therapy together is, I 100% endorse that. Like, go over there and be like, hey, mom, I know that we've had our challenges. I know you're mad at me and, you know, there are some reasons, like, you have valid reasons for it. On one hand, and yet, here's how I'm feeling, so can we go to therapy together?

Yeah. I think that's a good start. Yeah. The reason why I don't think that, like, just maintaining distance is a good thing is inevitably you lose your parent. That's the way life is supposed to go. Like, if it works out the way it's supposed to work out, our parents go before we do. And if there are going to be any unresolved issues, when and if that day comes, how is your mental health going to be then?

Yeah. If you already feel guilt over this one thing. Yeah. I mean, I couldn't agree with you more. That is… It's funny because I was having this conversation with my friend who, like, really doesn't get along with his brother. Like, loves him, but really dislikes him.

Right. And we had this conversation literally actually yesterday, and he was like, I think now I have to come to the realization that I have to just figure it out between us because life is too short. And I know that that sounds, you know, very cliche, but it's true. Like do what you can. Yeah. And when you've, when you've exhausted all options, then fine. I get it. Fucking dust off your hands and you can back away. Megan Markle it. Like totally Megan Markle it. Yeah. Yeah. And, but I feel like at this point from what you've told us, you haven't exhausted all those options. No. And I do think that there's, listen, I've written on the site before about

how people are like judging Meghan Markle. How could you do that to your dad? Her dad is like certifiably a nutcase. Indefensible. So in that case, but I'm not hearing that Victoria's mom is that. Like, I don't know that Victoria's mom went around the whole wedding and like embarrassed you. Like at the very least, not that this is like any kind of, any kind of compensation, but she, she told you her upsetness later. You know, she didn't get fucking trashed and like go around from table one to table 10 being like, they didn't thank me. Yeah. Which is what Thomas Markle would have done. Right. Like she kept it and then she shared it with you later. So number one, like if we're talking about narcissists, I don't feel like, you know, you didn't mention

any Facebook posts where she's like being like, my fucking daughter didn't thank me. Yeah. You know, so like I'm hearing here that these are, this is a pain that she's been carrying for sure. She's lashing out. It sucks for you. I sympathize with you too, but I don't know that like distance forever or is the answer. Go see someone together and start to make attempts.

And then if she refuses and is like, no thanks. you know I just want you to come here every day at three o'clock and apologize to me and then she starts asking you for money and then she starts asking you to like come along on your honeymoon and go then you're like okay hello Thomas Markle like you've just turned into my mother but until then I don't think that yeah I think that I don't think that we've exhausted everything as you said yeah and it takes all from the fact that most people have one parent that's like yeah you know like if I hope I hope by me saying that that your father and you are tight and you've had a really good relationship with him, but I mean, fuck. Oh my God. My dad has his own bag of like

tricks as well. My dad is crazy too. Like there are times when we'll be having dinner. Hi. And he'll be in a great mood and then something will set him off and he won't speak again for three hours. Really? Yeah. God, I always think of your dad as like Peter Pan. God, he's such an introvert and he's so moody and weird. So great. Look, we all have our shit. We all have our shit. We really do. But keep us posted. I feel like there's still some avenues to look down before you call quits yeah all right last question hi sasha and laney uh if you've got a moment to shed some light on some of my own drama i'd really appreciate it my friend let's call him daniel moved to the east coast to come to university out here in vancouver we've been family friends for a very long time and

when he got here he had nowhere to stay so of course i opened up my apartment to him and it worked out perfectly as my other roommate had just moved out so the timing couldn't have been better the thing is i've never roomed with a guy before and i don't think i gave it much thought until he moved in on day one. He's great, he's clean, he pays his rent on time, but it's his night habits that are really grossing me out. Lainey, I know you love porn, but Daniel loves it more. He seemingly watches it 24-7.

He's a grown-up, so I don't judge him that way, but our walls are thin, very thin. So being woken up to moaning and groaning, maybe his, is starting to be a problem. Not only am I getting not good sleeps, but I can barely look him in the eye because it's like way too much TMI. How do I confront him about this without embarrassing him?

But beyond that, I'm just worried that we might not ever be just a good fit as roommates. And now I'm stressing that I'll have to somehow kick him out. Please help. Thank you, Nolene. Oh, man. This is like… This is easy as fuck to me. To me, this is so…

Like, this is so easy to me, too. Yeah. Like, I don't… I feel like we're missing something because it's so easy. I sometimes think that people aren't as, like, maybe direct as us. But this is easy. You say, hey-o. Oh, but I think that we, here's, you say, hey, oh, here's some headphones.

Yeah. Hey, oh, these walls are thin. You're keeping me up. No one's canceling headphones. Like everybody has them now. Like, I mean, I, I don't, yeah. Can we use, I think that that these days, I mean, at work, it's the same thing. Like when, because of open, I'm not saying people are watching porn at work, but like

He's not using headphones. We, I know. I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Because, you know, we work in an open concept office, which many people do. And so, like, headphones are very common. Like, we all… Yeah.

You get shamed if you have a speaker on your desk playing anything. Oh, fuck. So, yeah. I think that it's as easy… But you know what it is, is, I mean, to get deeper into it, it's everybody's still in 2019's discomfort addressing anything to do with sex. like any you know you're not supposed to talk about money

you're not supposed to talk about religion and you're not supposed to talk about sex and I think that's what it is like if he was watching wrestling at night like if it was WWE and it was like I don't know the Undertaker goes up on the

top bar and pile drugs and you know like Stone Cold Steve Austin throws whatever like a chair in his head Like, you would have no problems being like, hey, yo, Daniel, can you put some headphones on? Right.

But it's the squirminess of sex. Yeah, it's the intimacy because you know he's watching the porn with his dick in his hand. And has splattered cum all over his room. Yeah. Yeah. It's the picture. Which is natural. Yeah, it's natural, but it's not something that most, I don't want to picture that when

you're like a family friend who's sharing like some like drywall with you. You don't want to picture them with their dick out, like, jamming out fucking poontang. Get it. But I think it's about being straightforward and not being a weirdo. Just be like, hey, headphones, here, this is my gift to you. Please use these. Or don't even spend your own money. Just be like, hey, Dale, do you have headphones?

Because, like, I can hear. And, I mean, yeah, it might be embarrassing for about half an hour, but, like, you don't have to, you'd be like, great. I don't care what you're watching. It's just like I can't sleep. Yeah. You don't even have to even be like, I think that you're watching pornography. Can you please keep it down?

Headphones? Yeah. Or also just be like, you're watching porn at a very high volume. Turn it down. Yeah. Listen, when you're with roommates, you have to be direct in order for that to fucking last longer than a couple of months. Because like, here's the thing.

What also, you know, you probably never had roommates, did you? I feel like you're a non-roommate person. Fuck, I've had like the worst roommate. I mean, the worst and best. Okay. I had the dirtiest roommate. And by dirty, I actually mean like hygiene. Yeah.

Where the bathroom was, and it became a war of attrition. Like I did all the cleaning all the time and then I was just done. And so I refused to do it anymore and the bathroom got dirtier and fucking dirtier. And I was like, but, you know, I was 19. I lived with a girl when I was living in London who was fucking vile as shit. And same thing. I would fucking clean up after her. And then one time I was like, fuck this.

And it was her fucking bathroom etiquette that was fucked. And she would, she had long hair. So, you know, so do we. And get plugged. The bathtub would get plugged. And in London, like most people just have bathtubs and like, you can't like jump in a shower. Anyway.

And so the water would fucking always be filled. And I got a foot fungus from it because I was so stubborn. I was so stubborn that I just was like, fuck it, whatever. But whatever was in that shit for like a couple of days, my feet, I swear to God, were cauliflower. And I, not a word of a lie. Yes. Cauliflower literally. Like lumps of skin, lumps of fungus were growing on your toes?

And I had to go Chinese. You stop it. No, I had to go Chinese medicine style and like soak, they gave me like weirdo, like herbs. I had to soak my feet every night for a week for that shit to go away. Okay. Can I just, I need to, and she also, I one time caught her. she went um into my she stole shit from me constantly but one time i like left and then

i forgot something so i had to run back in and she was sitting i feel like i've told you this was sitting on my bed with no underwear or pants on on my bed using my flat iron and i was like you're the sickest fucking bitch ever can we go back to your cauliflower yes they were sorry how do you let okay i i know you so how do you let the cauliflower develop to the point of cauliflower Because, like, it literally grew overnight. Like, you went to bed with normal feet. Normal feet. And you woke up with cauliflower on your feet.

Oh, God. It was the sickest shit I've ever. Oh, my God. It was the sickest shit I've ever seen, actually, on any human being. Oh, I could show you some sicker shit. As you know, I love. I know you like it. I love.

Like, I'm now almost salivating. I know you're excited. And I want to ask you for a picture. Do you think I took a picture of this decades ago? Oh, fuck no. It was traumatizing as fuck. Anyway, sorry, but then you also had a sick over there. Oh, I did.

Please make me feel better. This girl, she had a chinchilla pet. Okay. Those are those like minky rats. And she kept, she didn't give a shit about it. Like, I mean, she loved it until she didn't love it. And then like it was one of those things where she loved it but didn't take care of it properly. And we went away, like I guess we had a long weekend.

And I came back before she did from the long weekend and had to be, it had to be when my parents drove me home and my mother was like, I have to pee. And I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, go to pee at Tim Hortons. Right. And she refused. She had to come upstairs because of course she knew. Yeah.

And we opened the door and it stank. That's so sick. That's sick. I can smell. And it stank because the chinchilla died. Great. For how long? The death smell doesn't happen right away.

I don't know. I guess we were like on reading week or whatever. It smelled of decomposing. Nothing worse. Pet. That poor chinchilla, first of all. Yeah. All right.

It smelled of decomposing. And my mother was so horrified. I called her. I called the roommate and I was like, can you fine clean your shit up? And then my mother was so horrified. This is how spoiled I am. She was like, you can't stay here with a dead, dead smell. And so she like put me up in like a holiday inn for that.

Yes. And she thought I was going to be diseased. I'm surprised that you didn't check yourself. You check yourself into a hotel sometimes here when the water is like lukewarm, you fucking princess. So yes, of course. I bet your mom wasn't like that. I'm sure you were like, mom, pay for my fucking holiday inn.

No. Anyway. No, of course I wanted to go, like, sleep over at some guy's house. Like, I didn't need to take a holiday in. When I was fucking 19, I would have been like, no, thanks, Mom. It's okay. But no. Anyway, so this is a long tangent to say that, listen, everybody has, like, roommate horror stories.

And you still, like, I'm married, and there are still gross things that you see in your, like, you know, uncomfortable also is the first time like your husband leaves a fucking stain in the toilet bowl because you don't flush twice and you have to have a conversation with the person you married being like hey can you look backwards it's just can you press the thing and see if everything leaves yes right yeah like clean the shit smears from the toilet bowl very simple ask yeah yeah yeah So yeah. Or like he'll say to me like, hey, he took such glee one day, but gross glee. He was like, so you know that you're so judgy, but like I found a drop of blood on the side

of the seat. Oh, like period blood. Yeah. That traumatized him and I should have wiped it for sure. But did you see it? I didn't because you know my fucking period is crazy. It's a bloodbath all the time. I know.

And so, yeah, I couldn't chase down all the spatters. All the drugs. Anyway, just be like, hey, headphones, walls are thin. Yeah. Easy. Done. I think that that is straightforward. Yeah.

Okay. Well, thank you. Oh, man. I'm actually crying laughing. Wait. We do have an update from a question that we had a few weeks ago, a couple weeks ago. Oh, okay. Is this your redemption?

Coffee kind of. So we do have kind of an update to end on from a previous drama that we addressed, and it was… Coffee and Condo. Coffee and Condo. It was like a couple episodes ago, and it was a woman who was like, her husband always texts this one person on her birthday, and then she found out that like, I don't know, years before…

They got married. They got married, but they were engaged. he went to go see this person for coffee at 11 and then went to her new condo and spent a couple of hours there. And both of us were suspicious. Yes. You more so than me. Me more so than you, but both of us thought it was shady. And, you know, we gave the advice we gave. And then we turned off the microphones and at the time I had said to you, listen, I'm going to hold, I was holding this back, but to me, the text on the birthday is code for want to hook up.

Yeah. It's like Netflix and chill. Yeah. And you were like, what? You thought that was code? And I was like, yeah. You were like, something was very, like dark is happening. Yeah.

And I was like, really? Maybe, you know, but you're correct because. Right. So we got a note from another reader who has no connection to this situation. This reader's name is P, and this is what P shared with us. I really want to respond to your and Lainey's comments in the most recent podcast regarding coffee and condo. I'm female, and I have been honest in admitting that in my past relationships, I've been a

cheater, and in some, a serial cheater. And in my past escapades in the cheating world and in the single hookup world, I learned a lot about men and the ways in which they hide their cheating, both secretly and out in the open. In regards to the husband in Coffee and Condo, he is hiding the cheating out in the open by using coded language, the happy birthdays, the let's do coffee, et cetera. He is checking back with the gal if she's interested in connecting without blatantly stating it.

This out in the open coded language also helps protect him in case his texts are seen as they were by the wife because they can look totally innocent. He can argue, why wouldn't he hide them if he were cheating? Or why wouldn't he delete them? See how they can be a safety net? In regards to the annual birthday check-in, well, from my own experience with hookup guys, they will reach out any which way to see if you bite. I get biannual messages on Facebook, WhatsApp, email, Instagram, and even LinkedIn by guys

I've hooked up with over five years ago and who just want to say hi or check in or get a reference. It's all cooked language for, hey, you down to fuck? And can serial cheaters change? Most can't. It took a bunch of therapy and really blunt honesty and removing toxic people in situations before I got myself out of those scenarios. And now I've been with the same person for five years, totally monogamous, and I tell

him everything, including discussing this article. He has access to all my social media and texts if he wants it, and we check in with each other all the time about trust and our relationship. Still going strong and haven't been tempted since. So, P, thank you for that. Dropping serious science. Thank you for making my dark instincts right. Coffee and Condo, if you're out there listening, we haven't heard from you.

Yeah. So we would like a real update from you. Let us know what your situation is. What's transpired. Because we, as I recall, we told her to like set up a scenario, right? Like we were. Oh, yeah. We were going to try to bait him to tell her something.

Exactly. And I just. Hey, what happened to that girl? Yeah. You know? Yeah, do you talk to her all the time on her? Yeah. But I love that P wrote in and gave us this kind of like inside track to the cheater's

mind because, yeah, I kind of didn't even think about the fact that you have, like if you're playing your game super tight, yeah, of course you're going to like have code words and keep everything on the up and up so that no one knows you're dirty, dirty, dirty ass shit. Yeah. So thank you, P. Maybe it's just because my mind this year has just been on scandal. Scandals and scams.

Did you see the new footage of Elizabeth Holmes and what she looks like in the white? With her glasses and her white non-turtle neck? Yeah. Yes. Anyway. Okay. So keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And subscribe to us where you get your podcasts.

We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye. We'll see you next time.