What's Your Drama - Perving on Mendes & Mending Friendships

Episode Date: March 28, 2018

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers podcast.On today's show: We perv on a very legal Shawn Mendes, and once that's out of our systems we get to your problems! How to effectively choose sides between friends, how to ditch a sh-tty-ass friend, and how to make a career change.Thanks for tuning and keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes, Google Play, and now Spotify. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Digital precision, post-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked. Don't fight for attention. Buy it with Acast. Learn more by visiting Acast.com slash advertise. The early adopters within our circle. The early adult adopters. Correct. Within, not that we hang with kids, to be like, oh, hi, Shawn Mendes.

We like Shawn Mendes. And then these two songs that he just released, they're bangers. Yeah. And he's not, he doesn't have like my most favorite voice in the world. He's not the most talented singer, but I really like these two songs. And they, I think Kathleen wrote about it, right? She did. And she kind of was basically like he upped the ante on Justin Timberlake.

Oh, Justin Timberlake does not matter. I know Justin Timberlake doesn't matter, but he actually like was able to capture old Justin Timberlake. Yeah. And like actually make it a good pop song. It's a good pop song. Like you're talking about Lost in Japan. Yes. But I, yeah, it's a really interesting time in the entertainment landscape because what

do you need Justin Timberlake for? Like, you have Bruno Mars. Yep. You have Shawn Mendes. Nobody in country music, man of the woods, needs Justin Timberlake. So where is his place? Well, you know, there is no place for him. Nowhere.

He's gonzo now. Like he, the, I mean, you've even talked about how the album has like… tanked nobody talks about the album and then hilariously he um there was this article in local toronto media um because he opened his tour here in toronto and there were still tickets available they couldn't give them away like i know people who got tickets an hour before the show only because somebody else had like had a block of them and no one would take them remember when we went to like amy our friend amy went like an hour before she was like okay i'll just go. And loved it. She loved it. She loved it because he played his old music. Right. She said

he played like three of his new songs, which finally maybe he fucking got the hint that like nobody's here for his new album. But let's go back to Shawn Mendes and let's talk about what, I mean, and it's so gross because he's very young. He's 19. Right. Very young. Very young. So let's just mildly talk in a non-pervy way why we think he's so hot. Is that possible? Well, I actually have some issues. Like, I wouldn't say my, like, my, I wouldn't put Shawn Mendes on, like, the, on the scale of hotness way, way, way, way to the highest point. I don't like how he looks in his pants.

Oh. What does he look like in his pants? I'm not sure. Like, he, cause he's like… Cause he has thighs? I just don't, like, his jeans look like leggings on him. Okay. Okay.

I want to know what his pants would look like just one size up. Okay. You know what I mean? I don't mind his style. Oh, I don't mind his style above the waist. Okay. At all. He's like super into the Henley right now.

Yes. I love a Henley on a man. Yeah. And that's the thing. I don't want to jump his bones as Sasha, myself, me, myself, and I right now. Where I find him so attractive is for all the young girls that get to like fawn over him because I'm like, oh my gosh, yes. If I was your age, I would be super stoked on it. He does not reek of man at all. He just reeks of boy, which of course is my soft spot. But he has the

perfect face. His mouth. His face, mouth, and he's got great hair. Yes. Really good hair. And he started to work out. And well, therefore he looks good in the Henley. And to top it off, he is a very nice human being. He's so sweet. He's so sweet. You've interviewed him, yes? I've interviewed him, yeah. And he's a lovely human being. He's lovely. And he's, like, actually tall as opposed to pretend tall. Yes. Because we all know, like, they make people look tall and then you, you know, you roll right up to them and they're like, oh, hi. My eyes are the same height as your eyes. Totally. I was actually watching an interview with Bill Hader and he was on… He's my jam right now, too.

I love… Oh, my God. I cannot wait for his new show. What's it called? It's like it premieres tonight. I know. I'm so excited. I've been counting down.

He makes me laugh the most. And he was on Andy Cohen's show, and he said that the worst guest in SNL history while he was there was Justin Bieber. He's been saying that to everybody. Has he? Yeah. Okay. Like, he just did a podcast with Bill Simmons.

Mm. Yes. And he said the same thing, that, like, Justin rolled up with an entourage that was bigger than any other entourage. Like bigger than Barack Obama's. And that he was like in a very bad place, he said. Yes. And so I guess, I mean, I don't think anybody, even the most hardcore or maybe the most hardcore Justin Bieber fan would say that like back in that day he was awful. And I guess, you know, he's down with G.O.D. now and is super into the church and maybe nicer. I don't know, but let's go back to Shawn Mendes. Well, why I bring that up is because I remember, remember

Like Justin Bieber Totally Mariah carried Shawn Mendes I don't know her Like JLo Yes And that was I love that

Because now really Who's killing it on the charts Is Shawn Mendes And not Justin Bieber Well to be fair to Justin He walked that back Yes A little later

So it wasn't like Total boy shit But yeah at the time It was total Yeah loved it But I guess you thought of Justin too Because Justin's little Yes

And I He's a little little pipsqueak. And Shawn Mendes is, yeah. But I just want to, like, if you're a stylist and you're out there, what does he look like? Just one size bigger. Okay. The pants. I just want to know. That can be, you can secret that. And I'm kind of curious what, because he only wears booties that are pointed to him. Yes. And I'm just curious. He wears a Chelsea boot and a leather jacket. Yeah. I'm just curious what he would look like with a round toe boot or sneakers. I was going to say, I would like an athleisure Shawn Mendes. Let's see that happen. A pair of

joggers? Yes. I'm curious. Show me some joggers, some jeans that are a little bit less tight, and a round toe shoe option. Okay. Just to mix it up. Just to mix it up. I love it when he's in a suit. And I think he's experimented with some sequins. I love that too. Yes. Now I'm curious which, like how far we can go. A little roomier. What his style range is going to be. Okay. I thought about you. I want that for you. This weekend. Oh, thank you. Don't think me yet. Okay. Because, you know, I think it's become a common theme on this podcast where you just like hate the selfie generation… Yeah, I really do.

…and are just worried about, like, Instagram and kids and people… And if they'll ever be able to survive in the real world. Right. Yes. And I think that the students of Marjorie Stoneman Douglas are kind of showing that you can be of the selfie generation and know every in and out of social media and know what your angles are and be obsessed with being on Instagram, but then that is their actual gift. Knowing how to use social media to convey this amazing message that they've been

conveying that has come out of tragedy. Like I just read an article or a few days ago it came out in Vanity Fair and Duanna and I talked about this on Show Your Work and it's about how they all get together to create memes and selfies and viral moments that, you know, propagate their message of put down the fucking guns and stop selling assault weapons. And without them being addicted to Facebook and social media and Instagram and whatever, they wouldn't know how to do that. They wouldn't have the savvy. So I'm asking you maybe to reconsider that.

Of course. If it's for good, if it's actually for social justice, if it's actually for movement, if it's actually for change, 100,000%. Like, I'm all for that. And that is, that is the upside of this millennial generation is they get shit done. And so, and you've seen that all this weekend, like it was completely moving and inspiring and it was wonderful to see. I will not knock social media when it comes to actually creating change.

I will knock social media if all you're there to do is show me what you look like. But it can be both. I know it is both. Yeah. I would just rather it not be. Can I just have that? Can I just like, why can't I have that? We got an email who, of this, one of your readers who has been a longtime reader, and

she was like, fuck, basically, Cole's notes, fuck you, Sasha, I love what I look like now, I've worked hard for it, and I'm going to fucking take lots of pictures of myself. Right. I'm super vain, et cetera, et cetera. I still think that's a load of shit, but what am I going to do? I can't, I can't convince anyone that, it's just for me, I just think it's lame. It's a weird – I think it's just – I don't know whether or not – I just think that it merits reconsideration because as women, we can be vain and involved.

Like, who's to say that, like, I can't be like, I love fashion. And of course you can. But I – and I love taking pictures of myself when I look really good. But I also know about issues. I can't name them right now. Love issues in general. It's just… but it's all bullshit, right? And because you can say that, but… and I'm not saying you specifically, but you can say that, oh, I just take selfies because I love how I look.

But you're there for the likes. And if you can't distinguish between those two, then there's… then there lies the problem. Great. Okay. So let's… are we going to yell at some people about social media today? I don't know, but let's see if we can just yell at people in general. Hold on for one second. I'll bring up the questions. Okay. Let's dive into the first question. Okay. Hi, Sasha. Here's the problem. My two best friends who I dearly love are breaking up. They're the most wonderful two people I know and I was actually the one to set them up three years ago. We all thought, including them, that they'd be married with children and live happily ever after. No big cheating scandal broke them up. They just fell out

of love. They're both so sad and call me crying all the time. But the problem is I don't know how to support the both of them without the other one being mad at me. They're wanting to keep this breakup clean so they won't go to the same parties together and are basically rotating social events so as to not run into each other. But that is putting a strain on our friend circle because no one knows how to play the situation without feeling that they are backstabbing the other person. Any help or advice on this would be much appreciated. Thanks, Jay.

Well, that's a tricky position to be in. Why? Okay, I guess this is me being like, I ordinarily love drama, but I just don't see what the drama is here because it's an amicable breakup, right? It's an amicable breakup between the two of them, but it's clearly not amicable when it comes to friends, right? Like, again, I always go back to being like, if Corey and I break up, knock on wood, but let's say we did. Yeah. And it doesn't really apply because it's not like you're best friends with Corey, but I'd want you to choose me. Choose me. No, of course I would choose you. But so these two, thank you. But

these two people. Like fuck off, Corey. Yes. And that's typically how most breakups work. You're like, fuck the other dad. Of course you're coming along with me. I clearly choose you. But in this situation, obviously if they're equally loved best friends and they equally have a place in this social circle, you know, they both want to be included and they want to be the one who's most liked. So that's the drama. Whose responsibility is this? Is it the friend circle or the couple? because they're already rotating social events, which I also think is hilarious because they're a calendar that they've passed around and then they've each blocked off. Probably. So they are already rotating social events and they're basically saying, I'm going to go to this

and you can go to that. And I want to also know how it's negotiated, like, you know, as my dogs run up and down the stairs. Sorry, everybody. So, okay, what would you do? Whose responsibility is this? Friend circle or the couple? Well, obviously, you can't think about this in real terms because when people break up, emotions go wild and everyone's super sensitive. So in theory, it should be the couples, like the owner should fall on the couple. They need to just deal with the fact that there's going to be a shakeout and there's going to be weirdness within the social circle. But I get that as the friend, you don't want to exclude either of your friends and you want to be there to support them.

Yeah. And I think you can do that. I guess what I would probably say, which is just so lame that you have to have a conversation with your two friends about this, but I would probably say to both of them that you're trying your best and you love them both and that you're going to be there to support them the best that you can. Right? Because if you don't say anything, then they get to be like home by themselves stewing

about the fact that their ex-partner is having fun with you. And then all these weird fucking insecurities come up and then things get blown out of proportion. So if you, Jay, if you have a conversation with each of them and tell them, like, don't worry, homegirl, homeboy, I will have your back. Don't worry. I, as you know, love like plans and agendas and guidelines. Yes. So.

You really do. That's true. Like to me, this is like a perfect opportunity to write a business plan. Okay. Because right now is not even when it gets most complicated. Right now, the two of them are heartbroken and crying and they're sad and everything seems kind of undramatic. It's going to get worse than it is now, Jay, when one or the other starts dating again.

And they try to bring it. And then what is going to be your… Can you tell the other? And do you give a heads up to one friend to protect them and to FYI the situation? So now you're just giving Jay major anxiety. No, I'm not. I think that Jay is very, I guess what I'm trying to do is now that I understand what the dramatic situation could be, I'm trying to prepare Jay because she may have to prepare one or the other. So I wonder if you draft up like a contract and you present it to each party. Okay. And you say like, hey, it's getting sad and awkward right now. And I want you to know by this contract that I support both of you. But let's discuss and hammer out and negotiate the

terms of what the future is going to hold. Hey, X, when you start dating and if it happens to be before why, then do you want to know, do you want me to tell why? And why do you want me to know or do you want to know and do you want me to tell you? Please sign this document so that we have a plan going forward. Wow. Okay. That's one take for sure. For me, that would be, as the friend, if I was Jade, that would be way too much investment. Like the whole point of this is like you want to be there for support. You don't want there, you don't want to be the person splitting up their fucking like furniture and being so knee deep in their drama. I wouldn't do that. That was my point. Oh, we've come around to you. Yes. Because, because otherwise, like

in situations like this, I don't know that you can predict or even, I don't know that you can predict or even come up with a plan of what to do. You just kind of have to play it. I agree. You know, two people have broken up. Relationships are unpredictable during the relationships and they're going to be unpredictable after the relationships. You can't pre-account for it. Right now, everybody's sad and everybody's trying to be supportive. That is all you can do. Just be transparent and supportive and there's no other way to go about it. I totally agree

Unless you want to contractualize it That's what I was going to say though Are you going to retract the contract? Yeah, I was being facetious I was like, listen, there's no gang plan There's no road map You know, for this kind of thing It's just you guys carry on loving each other

And being friends with each other And it is going to be awkward And sometimes one will show up And the other doesn't show up And you know, sometimes Then you'll get the phone call on the Sunday morning like, so how was last night? I wasn't there. Like, what was it like? And everybody's just going to have to grind through it, but with transparency. And I think that that's exactly

the key here, right? Is being transparent to the, both of them about how you will be, you know, you're committed to being a good friend to both of them. Yeah. And then, yeah, like shit's going to hit the fan at some point. Someone's going to start dating somebody and then it's going to be really ugly. And, but then those are always good opportunities too, because if someone if one of the two does something shady then you get to ditch that person and then just keep the other person because that's typically how it happens i've had i have a friend who um doesn't listen to this podcast so that's why i'll tell the story is they got divorced and they were two super crucial members in our social circle but she just sort of fell out like she

did some stuff and we chose him. Yeah. And she had to deal with the fact that that sucked. And we just carried on without her. Like we chose. Yeah. We chose after a while. We tried to keep everyone together, but at a certain point you cannot.

Yeah. Because you just can't. But it's not something that you could have predicted at the very beginning. A hundred percent, no. So you just do the best you can do until something else gets thrown your way. Now, there's that and then there's like the Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin situation where he's at the house like, you know, for Thanksgiving. Granted, they have kids.

They kind of have to be civil and consciously in couples. But it doesn't mean it can't happen when there's no kids. I mean, there are a lot of situations that I know of where two people who used to fuck and were in a relationship are still part of the same friend circle and it's like super kosher. Right. Like, were they actually on their way to getting married, though? Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. And listen. It can happen. I think – and it's going to start – I think it's going to start happening more and more. I mean, it – What do you mean? Well, relationships – I think people have more choices now.

You know, it's weird – More people aren't just sticking in the relationship for the sake of staying in a relationship. Yeah. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. It's – if you think about how relations were – if you think about how relationships were 50 years ago. You didn't consider that a marriage could break up or a relationship could

break up. And also people stuck with who they were with from like 16 and onwards. And now everybody's like, oh, no, no, no. I want to try everything. Yes. And I, yeah, whenever we have friends who are single and are like, fuck, I'm going to be 40. I don't want to be single. But I'm like, well, actually, you're seeing more and more people end their relationships because they're not satisfied anymore so that they can seek something else, which I think is super empowering. Like I've always been down for people who divorce. Like I'm like, yes, that makes so much sense. Why the fuck would you stay in a relationship just for like, so you can be miserable. You're also a shit disturber though, because like at your wedding, I'm a shit disturber at my wedding. So do you

remember one of my favorite parts of your wedding? Oh, I know what you're going to say. Yes. Was like one of our good friends, one of your super, super, super close friends was there. Of course, she was there at your wedding and her ex-boyfriend with whom she had like mega drama was there. And towards the end, like they were talking and you basically came over and then all of us watched it unfold like a TV show. Yes. So you were part of the drama too. I yelled at her because I didn't want that to happen. I was also fucking, you were so drunk, so drunk. And you were in your wedding dress. I'll always remember you were in this, your beautiful wedding gown. And then you were just like shouting up at the stage, like, don't do it. Get away from him. But he was at your

wedding, you fuck. I didn't want him there. And she went off to like, go make out with him. No. Fuck no. Even on my wedding day, I'm a fucking mega nosy bitch. All right. Anyway, Jay, yeah. Yeah. So play it by ear. We can't predict it for you. But for now, just be a good friend. Yeah. And transparent. All right. Next question. While every other channel is fighting for your customer's attention, podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45

minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising. It sounds like a recommendation from a friend. ACAST gives you that trust at scale, digital precision, post-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked. Don't fight for attention. Buy it with ACAST. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise. Hi, Sasha, Lainey, Yassic, and dogs. Oh, that's so cute. Long-time listener, first-time caller. I have a friend drama question that I need a little help with. I've run this by my friends in real life and they've all had different answers, aka have been no help. It's regarding

a girl I've been friends with for over 10 years. Let's call her C. We've been roommates, best friends, and I was even her maid of honor five years ago. I moved away for school seven or eight years ago, but for several years we continue to be close friends. We've slowly drifted apart, as people do sometimes, and she got married and now has a two-year-old son. My issue is how she's been behaving towards me in the last few years. After her wedding, she told me that we were at very different places in life and she doesn't know how to relate to me anymore, and she never seems to see me when she's in town visiting. During her wedding, she asked seven girls to be bridesmaids, and only four ended up even coming

to the wedding due to her behavior. She has recently blocked me on social media and deleted all of my friends that she has added after I was in her town for a bridal shower for a different friend. So what do I do? Do I confront her about her behavior, or do I do the slow ghost and just let her disappear? I'm not down for the immature behavior, but I'm also not sure if it's even worth a confrontation. I've never really stood up to her before, but she doesn't really add anything positive to my life anymore. So I'm not sure that a discussion about her behavior is even worth the effort. Let me know what you think, S. So they grew up together. Grew up together. This best friend. This woman is now married with two kids, lives in a different town. Or this

person, like S moved away. S moved away, seemingly. And this woman now has a two-year-old kid, is married, and doesn't think that they are… she feels like they're in different places. Right. This friend sounds like a bitch. Like, totally. Yeah. Like, this friend sounds like a total douchebag. Yes. So do you slow ghost the douchebag or do you… Or do you take the opportunity to finally stand up for yourself? That's what she's asking here, which to me seems more enticing. I wish we had more information as usual because I want to know, like what the other friends are, how involved the other friends are. And because like she was…

The other friends seemingly probably have peeled back a bit. They're probably like this… When seven becomes four in the bridesmaid situation, then probably the other friends are. But at the same time, like is this her hometown? Like here's the thing. Douchebag is on home turf. So you can go home and be like, fuck you, you're a bitch.

Yeah. And then go back to where you live. but then you're leaving douchebag on the home turf so then she can she control the narrative you have to you have to art of war i know you right no you're always so forward thinking that way that is so not how i think about things but yes you're you're trying for our reader to protect her ass and her like her profile back at home i don't think you need to worry about that shit though i feel like all of the friend group in the hometown and abroad can smell that this girl is funky. Yeah. And so I don't think you need to like save face around that. I don't think you

need to build some narrative around how you're a good person. Like let her behavior speak for itself, which is like it's not cool. Well, then why do you need to confront it? Then it's just you like stop caring about it. Because at some point, don't you want to sometimes the person like we've talked about it on this podcast before and we've talked off podcast before about how we've had friends that we had to break up with. And I'm not saying, like, you need to have some fucking face-to-face with every friend. But there's always that one friend who treats you particularly badly that you just feel the need for, like, your spirit to feel power again, to be like, hey-o, you haven't been

nice to me, and I no longer want to take your bullshit, so thank you, good luck, and goodbye. Like for me, that would be empowering. Not again to like every friend, bad friend, but there's just always that one biatch that like has really fucked you up for a while. Yeah. And I think you're allowed to, and you don't have to, but if you feel the urge to be like want to speak up for yourself, I think that that's a great opportunity too. And it doesn't have to be a dialogue.

You know, it doesn't have to be this discussion of why you need to end it. Just like, hey, you've actually been really rude to me and I don't really want to endure it anymore. I don't think that either option is bad. Yeah, okay. Like, it's satisfying. It'll be satisfying to be like, hey, fuck you, you suck. And I think it'll be equally satisfying to not say anything and just carry on as if they

didn't exist at all. And then when you float into town once in a while and you run into her and she is still like the nothing burger asshole that she is, then you kind of flit off into your beautiful future and you don't look back. Yeah. I think that both are satisfying. I guess it depends on personality, you know, and what suits you the most and what you're most comfortable doing.

Like where do you live on that spectrum? Are you the kind of person that will confront and are you that kind of person that can make like a glorious cinematic speech where you just drop the match and things blow up. If that's you and you're good at that shit, please do it and have someone film it. Right. But if you're better at the cold freeze out, I'm better. I was just going to say, of course you are. So if you're better at a cold freeze out, then, you know, apply to your skills. Yes. Choose what will be most satisfying to you. Yes. Okay. Next question. All right. Last question. What do you do when you hate your job but can't find anything better. I'm 33 and have been at the same job, a legal firm,

for almost five years. It pays the bills, but I just don't feel fulfilled. I feel like my life and dreams and my ambitions are slipping away right before my eyes. So as two women who have accomplished so much, do you have any advice for how to start a new career without having to risk it all? Love, Susan. Okay, Susan. I don't know if I've accomplished all that much, but I can help you. You know what's so interesting though? I did this interview with the creator of Degrassi. We were just talking about this before the podcast. Yeah. Stephen Stone. Yep. And I have to say I was like, I don't really want to do this interview. I just didn't really care. But the dude dropped a really interesting nugget. Oh, he's great. Yes. Yeah. What did he say? He said, oh, he said this,

don't follow your dream, know your dream. And for some reason that super resonated with me because we all get those like bits of advice like just fucking put it on a cardboard. Yeah. Like put it on cardboard and like fucking macrame your dreams and they'll happen, which to be quite honest, I sort of believe. Yeah. But you really have to know what you want to do in order to pursue it. And it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be so finite and accurate. It can just be like, I need this feeling or I need to help this sort of like section of people or I want to make sure that I'm like exploring, like whatever it is, like you have to ask yourself what you want so that really, I know you're going to roll your eyes, the universe can conspire with you. Because

Because at some point you need, you know, when you started your site, you knew that it was something you wanted to do. Okay. Right? Yep. Okay. Good. I'm glad that you're not going to throw something at me.

I just said something about the universe. Yeah. I don't know that I knew at the time, like you were conscious of it, but it was something I really enjoyed doing. So to Susan, I would ask, like, you know, you know that you don't really love the job you're in right now, but what else do you love? Yeah. And how, but, and I would ask you this, how do you find, like, how about if you're sitting there and you're like, I don't know what I love. I don't know what I'm inspired because you're,

it's like, you're so empty because this job has taken everything away from you. You don't realize what you love anymore. Yeah. I, you know, what's, what is interesting is I had, I've just been through this with one of my students and I think people can relate to it happening during university where, listen, you go to university when you're 18. How the fuck are you supposed to know what you want to do, right? And so there are so many people, I think, who can relate out there who go to university, college, if you're an American, and you get into these kinds of courses. And then two years into it, you've declared a major and you're like, but I'm not really into organic chemistry or forestry or economics or whatever, English.

and then you change your major or you're like, what do I do now? I have two more years left and everybody around me seems to know everything. Like Jacek, for example, went to school for kinesiology. Did you really? Oh, okay. Not what he's doing now. Like, yeah. So I think about that a lot. And so I was speaking to one of my students the other night and he found himself in a similar position where he was in a certain discipline and is about to graduate. And he's like, I am not going to like be… Pursue that. Pursue that. So he's been going to career counseling and… that's offered by the university. And the… over several months of career counseling, he's figured out what he wants

to do. Not the career, like the job description or the title, but he's figured out that he wants to pursue a certain area. I don't want to say because, like, this is my student and, like, I don't need to be there. Yeah, exactly. And so he is going to take the next year to just explore different branches in that field. Yeah. And part of that is traveling.

Part of that is doing a lot of reading. Part of that is actually setting up coffee meetings and networking meetings and reaching out to all the people he knows in his contact list and with his professors to set him up with meetings with different people. He's going to sit down with them. He may take a community college course. Like, you know, this is what… He's exploring.

He's exploring. And so the most interesting thing that he said to me… Well, all of it's interesting because he's interesting. But he said to me that the career counselor actually just doesn't work with 22-year-old students that the career counselor works with people who are in their thirties and in their forties. This is at a university, right? So people who are walking into the career counselor's office are sometimes academics. Like they've spent like fucking 30 years teaching this and that and the other and are like, oh, this doesn't do it for me anymore. Yeah. Or administrative

staff or whatever. And so when I think about Susan, I think about, hey, career counseling and those kinds of workshops are not just for students. They're for everybody. So maybe consider a career counseling workshop. Maybe look into the resources in your community. There are tons of them. And especially now because there are, for instance, women, moms whose kids are now out of the house or at least old enough. And they've spent 10 years raising their children. Now their children are becoming more independent. And they're like, I have a lot of time, but I don't know what I want to do with it. And those are the people who are going back into career counseling. It doesn't have to just be women. There are men who are like, hey, my career has ended or I've

just retired or whatever. Well, it's an untapped resource that I didn't even know about, right? So that is really good advice to do that. Also, I think people when they're in like a job that they feel unsatisfied in, they feel like they need to like pull the plug. Yeah. Be like, OK, I can't do this anymore. I have to find myself. But I think like it's really important to lean on the fact that you your bills are being paid. You know, you have benefits. Fucking soak that shit up. But yeah, in the meantime, as Lainey said, go see a career counselor or start like, I don't know, flexing your skills in other extracurricular activities. Like start to fill in the blanks of your life while being paid at your job that, you know, is not the worst job in the world. Like

you're getting paid. Like I would keep that on the side and just keep on seeing what else is out there. Because that's the only thing you can really do. And the other thing is too, like don't be, and this is what people say all the time, and it's so true, don't be afraid of failing. Like try different shit. And if you fall flat, that's a-okay. You know that that's something you don't want to do. Yeah. Yeah. Like failure is like the best stuff ever. It like actually leads you to where you want to be. Yeah. So hit up the people you know. People often forget that you're surrounded by resources. And it doesn't have to be like actual bricks and mortar resources. People are resources. So who are your friends? Who are your contacts? Who are your relatives? Who can you sit

down with to be curious about what they do? And maybe not necessarily what they do, but what they know of what other people are doing. Or even if you're actually that lost, which I might take my own tip, is maybe ask your friends or like, yeah, your close family members, like, what do you think I'm good at? Because sometimes we lose our way and we are actually really good at some things, but we just bury it or we don't acknowledge it. That's a great point. So maybe that's something that you can do too is like have these discussions and be like, what do you think I'm good at?

What do you think I should do? And then you can brainstorm from there because sometimes when you're in such a deep rut, you're just that. You're just in a deep rut and you can't get out of it. So explore all those options. It sounds really, really corny, but what you're saying here is, and I 100% agree with it, is start researching yourself. So since we don't know right now what it is that you want to do to reshape your career,

it really is going to help to know, to figure out what your strengths are. And so when you do a deep dive into yourself, it's not just deep diving within yourself, but you're right. It's canvassing the people around you who know you best. What are my skills? What do I need to get better at? And you could, I mean, a project, a really good project, I actually think that somebody came on our show not too long ago and really got precise about what this can look like

is you make up an interview where you interview people about you. What was a time, what was something I did that was great? What was a time when you thought to yourself that… Yeah. I mean, it's a little self-indulgent, but you need it. The purpose of this is to help you take it into another direction. I mean, you don't have to, it doesn't have to come across as self-indulgent. Yes, of course.

And it can also be a coffee meeting or a meeting like this that goes both ways. So you're also interviewing the other person about them and you at the same time. Yeah. Agreed. I love this. So good luck. Yes. Keep us posted.

And that's it for our podcast today. keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And check us out on Google and iTunes and Spotify. Leave your comments. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for all of your insight on the Diva Cup last week. Oh my God, bless you all. I have so much. Are you going to Diva Cup? I have something that I think I might have a surprise for you and me in the next few weeks. What do I have to do with it? I was not the one who said I don't want to use tampons anymore.

No, no, no, but I feel like this is our podcast and I think that we should try something together. Fuck you. Hold up, wait a minute. I was not the one who was like, I need to try other methods of menstruation protection. Hey, this whole podcast has kind of been about friendships and support And I'm going to ask you that if this comes through for me, that you support me as a friend.

Fuck. So stay tuned. Does it involve me sticking my hand up and spilling my period blood all over myself? I'm going to say no. But it's in the realm of it. Just chill on the mic. I can't say. Listen, I put out an email because like I'm not paying for this shit.

I'm hoping that they're going to give this shit to me for a trial run and for you, too. It's going to be you're going to find that I have conditions that document the trial run. Oh, yes. Of course, we're going to document the trial run with videos. If if you want to videotape what I'm about to do. Absolutely. Or like at least a diary. We're going to have to test it and we'll have our feedback.

But it's anyway. Look forward to it. Hopefully, fingers crossed. I don't even know why the name of this podcast is we talk about it so much. It should just be our period. I know. It's true. So stay tuned to more of our periods.

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