What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: A Sexless Relationship, Bachelorette Resentment, and Stopping the Pettiness

Episode Date: August 9, 2016

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers podcast! Do we ever have a good lineup for you!On today's podcast: Is a sexless relationship salvageable? (spoiler alert: no), a bachelorette party with no bachelorettes, and finally, how to stop being a petty-ass b-tch. And as you'll hear this ends up being more of a counseling session for Lainey than it is for anybody else. Enjoy!Please keep sending us your questions to me at [e-mail]. Check us out on iTunes and on Google Play to subscribe and leave your and feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates.Til next time....S.xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good. How's it going? I am fully Olympic overdosing. Okay.

I can't think about anything else other than the Olympics. That's all I do. I wake up in the morning, I turn on the Olympics, and then literally I am an Olympic zombie. I don't move. Maybe I go to pee and get some water, but I think today I have watched Olympics for 10 hours. Okay, you're going to have to update me because for some strange reason, I don't know why I'm not in Olympic mode.

It's mostly because I'm a little bit weirded out that people are there when they could be like dying of Zika. And for some reason, that just doesn't make me want to watch it. And that's dumb and demented. I'm totally aware of that. So just… Also, it's uninformed because people don't die of Zika. Whatever.

They have deformed babies. Okay. Okay. Right. Which anyway is not dying. I know I'm just being stupid is what I'm admitting to being a stupid person right now. So tell me, I know that the rugby seven is a big deal. The rugby sevens for me are a big deal. I was like, what is this rugby sevens? Do I need to be watching it? And then 30 seconds later, I was like, I am all about rugby sevens. However, if you need to be, if you need to get caught up in the Olympics, you should just follow Leslie Jones on Twitter. Oh, really? Like when I say that I'm overdosing on the Olympics and that I,

that's all I've been doing. Literally, Leslie Jones has been just sitting on her couch with multiple computers, I think, and TVs going on and tweeting every moment with video and her own commentary. She is so funny. So anyway, I think that was my point for everybody else. If you are behind on your Olympics coverage. Don't worry. Leslie Jones has got you. Okay. I love that. Yeah. You know, she's watching the swimming and she'll, I don't know, one of the, probably the top swimmer at these games is an American swimmer called Katie Ledecky. She's insane. And so she's American. Yeah. She's 19 years old. And what makes her crazy is that, you know how in swimming and running, you're either a long distance runner or a swimmer or you're a sprinter.

she's both okay so she can be the killer in the 1500 and the 800 so like millions of laps or she can fucking kill you in like three laps or four laps or whatever anyway when you talk about swimming it makes me think about um well ryan lochte i don't know why but also michael phelps when michael i don't know i still want to relive that michael phelps moment where like he hated you remember a couple of olympics ago when michael phelps like fucking tried to drag your name through the mud because he couldn't tell asians apart that's like a really good story yeah um it was for those of you who don't know it was the vancouver olympics and i lived in vancouver at the time i was covering the olympics for our network ctv which had the rights to the olympics

And I interviewed Michael Phelps at an event one night, which is fine. A normal thing to do when you're a reporter. It was a fun interview. And then two days later, he said that, I don't know, there was, oh, there was another Olympian who got thrown out of the games for taking a drunk photo or something with some girl who happened to be Asian. And then Michael Phelps decided to accuse me of that being that Asian that got another olympian kicked out of the olympics what the fuck michael phelps but thank you michael phelps for

such a great moment in olympic history to fucking racially profile you i love that story um anyway um but back to katie ledecky yes so leslie jones when she's watching katie ledecky is i mean she's leslie jones so she'll like katie ledecky will be swimming or somebody else will be swimming she'll like, swim, motherfucker. Okay. Motherfucker, you better swim. Okay. This will be my Olympics. I'm now going to be Leslie Jones. All about Leslie Jones right now. Yeah. Anyway, everybody follow Leslie Jones on Twitter for no other reason than the Olympics. Love that. Okay. So let's get into some questions. Okay. You're reading today. Okay. I will read. First question. Dear Sasha, my boyfriend and I have known each other for three years, over three years, and have been together

for two. I'm 20 and he's about to turn 28. While everything is usually great and I couldn't ask for anyone more caring, supportive, and sweet, there is one issue that keeps coming up, our lack of intimacy. It's already hard enough to be intimate as we both still live at home. He's saving up for a condo and I'm in university and wouldn't be able to afford not living with my parents with just a part-time job. And we live almost an hour away from each other and due to our work schedules, we only see each other a few times a week. During the week, he doesn't finish work until at least 7 p.m., and because he's a personal trainer who doesn't stop training others and himself from 9 to 7 every day, by the time we're together, all he wants to do is eat, watch

TV, and sleep because he's exhausted. At the beginning of our relationship, none of these affected our sex life. While I understand that's what most new relationships are like, we've gone from having sex three to four times a day to one to three times a month if I'm lucky, and it's been making me more and more insecure about myself and our relationship. I'm always the one that tries to initiate sex and I feel uncomfortable doing it because I worry that he's not interested. Last night it got to a breaking point. I tried, he turned me down and I snapped. I told him how frustrating it was to be with someone who doesn't want me and how much it hurt. His response hurt even more. He said that when we try to be intimate, something in him just doesn't click. He said that

it has nothing to do with me and that he finds me beautiful and sexy and intelligent and has never felt so emotionally connected to anyone else before, but for whatever reason, when we go to have sex, he can't do it. He also said that it's something he's not happy about and thinks about every day, but admits to not doing anything about it because he is so focused on his career goals and that he hasn't tried to put in the effort that he should to figure out why he isn't sexually attracted to me, despite the fact that he says he's never loved anyone else as much as me before. I almost wish he said that he just didn't want to be with me at all because I feel like it would

make the situation easier. But he made it clear that he loves me and has no intentions of ever leaving. At this point, I don't know what to do. Every day I take a birth control pill, which he suggested I started taking due to us having so much sex in the beginning. I'm reminded by the fact that we're no longer intimate and it hurts. I'm tired of ignoring the issue, pretending that I'm okay, then crying like a baby. I feel selfish for wanting something that he's embarrassed about and feels bad that he can't provide. He always says I deserve someone who will make me feel like the most special girl in

the world. He does that for me, but it's just this one thing that keeps getting worse and worse. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I love him, but I'm tired of not feeling wanted. Maybe I don't understand him and his point of view because I'm so young, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, A. Oh, A, I'm sorry.

Oh, A, snip, snip, snip. I don't know if this guy is worth the fight. I mean, he's painted, sorry, I just, I feel bad for her, but he's not, I don't know. He kind of pretty much told her, and I think actually he did say that he's not, he loves her, but he's not sexually attracted to her. That, as hard as it might be to hear, is a deal breaker. Plain and simple. I don't know. Yeah. I think that it's also a deal breaker. A is 20 years old. She's known him for three years and she has been with him for two years. So since she was 18 years old. She's now 20. He's 28. And he's clearly completely focused on his career and not her. I get it though. I mean, what he's doing is he's holding onto her for him. I think he's being really selfish actually. I love you so much, A. You deserve better. I've never loved anybody like I like you and I'm so emotionally invested in you and connected with you. But I can't get it up for you. Exactly. And not only can I not get it up, but he thinks that

he needs to do some research and spend time thinking about why he can't. I mean, you know what? That's the part that I'm like, I'm not this… There are some gaps here for me because I don't know that anybody needs to work on getting it up for somebody. He doesn't have the time. He's too busy at work to think about how he can start getting it up for his girlfriend. I'm not a guy, I don't have a dick, but I've seen lots of dicks and, you know, experienced dick, you know, firsthand and had other kinds of, like, knowledge about dicks and I'm pretty sure that you don't have to go into a room and think about how to get it up. Right, it's not like he has a…

To get it up. Yes. It's not like he has… Jacek is nodding right now. Well, but I think there is… And who has a dick. Yes. He has a dick and he…

But some dicks don't go up because they have some dysfunction to them, right? But I don't think that that's the problem here. So I just want to clear that out of the way, right? This isn't an erectile dysfunction. The dude can get it up. He just chooses not to with her. Well, I… Or put in the effort to do so.

I just… I just don't… This is… I'm going to quote A. Okay. He also said that it's something he's not happy about and thinks about every day but admits to not doing anything about it because he is so focused on other career goals that he hasn't tried to put in the effort that he should to figure out why he isn't sexually

attracted to me. Like, I don't know that anybody needs to expressly devote energy into figuring out why they're not sexually attracted to somebody else. He's not sexually… A, it hurts that he's not sexually attracted to you. And I think he's being a bit of a puss because I think what he's trying to say without saying it is uh i want to peace out soon like i i want to concentrate on my career and you're not on the top of that list of life to do's um i think he doesn't have the balls to really break up with

her and he's kind of like slowly trying to drop fucking shit hints to her right saying oh but you deserve better no one says you deserve better unless they act or it's actually his fucking subconscious saying go away because i'm treating you like shit yeah and so it's like listen to the dude who's telling you that A, he's not attracted to you and B, thinks you should go elsewhere. Well, I mean, because he's giving her mixed messages, right? At the same time that he's saying you deserve better, he's also saying I love you so much and I've never been as emotionally drawn to anybody as I have to you. So he's kind of being a fuck about all of this. He's not, A, this is definitely not fair to you. You are definitely not overreacting.

you are not too young and immature. I don't know. Like at the end of your letter, you were like, maybe I'm just too young to understand. No, no, no. You're understanding it perfectly. You are 20 years old. You've been with a guy for two years who doesn't want to have sex with you and told you to your face straight up and seems to think that there's a mathematical equation for him to figure out as to why his dick won't get hard for you. And there is no mathematical equation for it. He's told you. You don't need to stick around to figure out why. This is harsh, what we're saying. I mean, I feel like we could be a little gentler with you, but I don't know that that's fair to you either. You need to hear this straight up. Well, no, because everyone

around her is being so gentle. Yeah. Right? So no, no. I would say as hard as it is to hear… Because she loves him. She really, really does. Yeah, but she's 20 and this is… you can take away from this lovely relationship that you've had for two years and before it gets really gross and gnarly and more feelings get hurt, just cut it out. Cut it out and move on because you're at your prime and you'll find another guy who totally will want to fuck you every which way. And isn't using you because I'm not going to lie, my back, my smutty senses got a little tingly during the reading of this message and I think that – I feel like he's using

her. He's keeping her around for whatever reason. Because she's a nice, lovely person. Or I don't know. And probably does really love her. I don't want to say that he doesn't love her. He's just not treating her right. Yeah. And doesn't actually even give clues that he might want to treat her right in a, you know, in the near future. Let me just, yeah, eat pizza. You can watch me and not have sex with you. But I just want a warm body to say is my girlfriend. I don't know. I just feel like you are being… I think that you're being taken for granted. And I feel like you are being shortchanged. And I feel like you are also hard up for no reason. Go get yourself some. Yeah. Go bounce. Bounce out of this relationship. Okay, A, good luck. Sorry about our tough love.

I'm not sorry. This is good. Tough love is good for you. You'll be okay. But yeah, we thought you needed to hear that. Okay, next. Sasha, I could really use your perspective. So I'm getting married at the end of September and me and my sister are trying to plan a bachelorette. I'm the last of my girlfriends to get married. There's about seven of us in a group, friends since elementary school. When they each got married, we all went on a weekend getaway for their bachelorettes. We went to Mexico for one, Vegas for three of them, each separate times, Miami and New York City for two of the girls. For each trip, we all paid our own flights and hotels. While no one ever mentioned it, there was this understanding that we would all

go away for each other's bachelorettes. Now that it's my turn, I want to go back to Vegas for two nights and three days. The only thing is my girlfriends don't want to go away at all. They all have babies between the ages of three months to two years and don't want to leave the kids. I emailed them back and offered that if it's money that's a concern, I'd pay for their hotels and still no go. They say that since I'm not a mom, I just don't understand and I won't until I have a baby of my own. I'm heartbroken. When they each got married, I was the first to pay for my trip, and I was at the airport with bells on. It wasn't necessarily convenient for me. I have my own business, but I dealt with my shit and figured it out. So my request for advice is

how to handle this. My sister, who's not a mom either, says I should be really upset and kind of tell them off for being selfish. She'd like to do it for me as maid of honor, but I asked her to refrain. She thinks that once they realize how upset I am, they'll make it work and come on the trip. But see, I really don't want to force these girls on a trip they don't want to be on. The girl said they'd be down to have an evening in Toronto or do a day at the spa or getaway in Blue Mountain. I could do that and brush it off, but I feel so much resentment. How do I handle this? How do I empathize with them but get over this resentment? Thanks. E. I like E because E sounds like a very balanced person, right? How do I empathize with them but get over this

resentment. That seems like a very rational person. I agree. I agree. It's hard because I would feel the same way, Izzy. I'd be kind of pissed too. You want your friends to step up the same way that you stepped up for them. But, you know, the reality is, you know, we all become grownups and things happen in our lives like children and responsibility. And, you know, I don't love to use the mom card. I don't love it when my friends use the mom card all that often, but… I would never do that to you, Sasha. I know. I know. That is true. You will never, ever do that for me. And for that, I thank you. But the mom card, I guess, is like… is the real deal. You can't leave your fucking three-month-old baby for a weekend if breastfeeding is what you're

doing. I mean, yeah, I guess people pump shit and like freeze it and stuff. But if these friends of yours aren't willing to do it, then that's kind of like the reality. That's just… it is what it is. They don't want to do that. And that sucks. So I'm not going to take that away from you, but I do think that the compromise is there, that they will still go away with you. They'll just stay… it'll just be a bit more low-key and it'll be in town. Yeah, I get that. I mean, And E, I'm with Sasha in that we both sympathize. It sucks because everybody else got Vegas and Mexico or no, wait, Vegas, Miami, New York, and it's only because they just happened to get married before you.

It feels unfair. I get it. It feels unfair that E… You know what it feels like? It feels like my birthday. You know how my birthday falls on January 3rd and no one gives a flying fuck about my birthday. No one remembers.

No one wants to do anything. Everyone's poor. Everyone wants to stay at home because they've gone out. And like in my head, like I don't really give a fuck about my birthday, but I kind of like fuck you to all my friends because I always make sure everyone else's birthday is like some fucking hoopla. But the reality is in my head, I know that yes, people don't have money. People have just come off like a Christmas hangover and don't want to go out.

So those are just the things that I personally have to suck up. And so for a reader, it's kind of like you have to suck up because you were the last one to get married and everyone kind of progressed with their lives? Okay. First of all, let me challenge you there on your birthday because you also have birthday modesty. It's like you step out with this thing like, oh, nobody's going to want to hang out with me on my birthday and everybody's already so tired so I'm just going to be so low

key and underground and I'm just kind of like going to disappear a little bit on my birthday. I don't disappear. Whatever. I don't actually disappear. I don't know. Because I remember distinctly asking you, what do you want to do for your birthday? and your thing, your toad, your toad has been like, whatever, you know, I don't know.

Because it's been 37 years of knowing that no one really wants to fucking do anything for my birthday, which again, I really, I sound mad, but I just, it's one of those things where I know nobody ever remembers my birthday. No one gives a fuck because it's January 3rd. I actually wouldn't give a fuck if someone's birthday was my birthday. So I fucking, I understand, but I'm saying it doesn't, it doesn't, it still doesn't feel awesome because you still have to suck it up. And so I'm just saying to our reader, like in a parallel example, it sucks, but you just have to suck it up. It sucks for E. And yet, even though

I don't have kids and we all know how I feel about having kids and I do have, you know, I do think that moms can be judgy and there's a whole other conversation we can have about mom. The mom excuse really is a catch-all. Who can argue with that? As you said, breast pumping or breastfeeding or whatever. Or just wanting to be with your fucking child. But not only that, it's childcare, leaving your children with who? With, you know, the partner. What if they have to work? It's also the money involved in childcare. It's a lot, right? A lot of moving pieces. So I get it. So I, you know, unfortunately, just like you, I can see both sides. I can see E's resentment. I can see how it sucks for her but I can also see how some people have kids and they unfortunately aren't in

a position like fucking Mariah Carey or celebrities where they can just be like hey nanny here and then just go yeah um so the difference though is that as you pointed out I think her friends are down still to like they're down to do something you know the offer's on the table so they've already been thinking about it. Yep. They've offered you alternatives. Spas, going away for a couple… Yeah. Even going away for a couple nights within the… Close. Like, within an hour or two of the city. You can still have fun. And in your words, the girl said they'd be down to have an evening in T.O. or do a day spa getaway in Blue Mountain. I could do that and brush it off, but I feel so much resentment. So here's the thing. How do we deal with your resentment?

in. I think that you, first of all, try and appreciate that they aren't being dicks in the sense of they're like, whatever, you know, can we just do nothing? It's not that they don't care about you. Exactly. They are offering up alternatives to you. So see if you can appreciate it that way. The other thing that I would do, my suggestion to E is, you know how E offered to pay their hotel in Vegas, use that money because you were going to spend that money already. Is there something that you can do to use that money anyway and spend it on yourself? Can you then – because that seems like a lot of money. You offered to pay for two or three, maybe four other people their hotel rooms in Vegas.

Fuck your friends. Invite Nathie and I. What the hell? Is there something that you could – so that sounds like at least a few hundred bones if not like a grand or whatever. Can you use that grand, let's say $500, on something else? Can you spend it on, I don't know, a great hotel room for yourself to New York? Can you spend it on a Hamilton ticket?

That's probably what they cost. Can you get yourself a really great pair of shoes? Can you get yourself a great bag? Can you, I don't know, you and your sister, can you instead of going to Vegas using that or just for two or three nights, can use that money and go for a week to, I don't know, Hawaii? I would recommend still using that money except redirecting that money to E. E dollar signs.

Spend your own money. Fucking glorify in your own money. Instagram the shit out of whatever you do with that money. Flaunt it. And still reap the benefits of having a really fun time with your girlfriends for your bachelorette. The one thing I would like to say is what I don't want you to do is I don't want you to confront them. You know how she was debating or even having her sister fucking rag her friends out? I don't think that's a good idea.

That's going to like – that's going to put a really dark shadow on the rest of any events that you have in the future. So work through – like listen to what we've said. Work through that aggression, that resentment and – Replace it with appreciation for the fact that you're friends. And a fucking nice bag. And then fucking go and spend money on yourself. And don't be shy about it and like enjoy it.

luxuriate in it. And think about this. Luxuriate in your own money because once you have a kid, you're not going to be able to spend money on yourself anymore. That's one of the things that I'm, you know, I'm kind of dicky about in that I don't have kids. So I'm not saving up for a child's R, S, P, 2, fuck, whatever, education, whatnot. I'm like, hey, I'm in my 40s, so I've worked however long. So I don't have to provide for a child's thing, education. So, oh, you have a very big shoe closet is what you're getting to I know

exactly but I recognize that for people who have kids they have to direct all because now your life

is not just you of course your whole life is this child now so maybe also E enjoy this time

because when you do have kids you have to start making sacrifices that you wouldn't be able to do like your friends like your friends

are doing right now so go spend your money on yourself and have a great time yeah Congratulations on getting married too. Finally, last question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey.

I need advice on getting over, quote, look at that bitch over there eating crackers like she owns the place, quote. I'm referring to the meme associated with the concept that once you don't like someone, everything they do is perceived as negative, even when it's clearly not. I've gotten into these perception problems before and I'm currently in such a situation at work. This woman is only guilty of a couple of bad habits, like trying to talk to me about personal stuff during work meetings that I want to pay attention to, and one incident that upset me.

She wrecked an expensive and beloved pair of my shoes due to mild clumsiness. These are not big deals, really, and she is positive and responsive when I've approached her about these examples. Regardless of her competency in her job and her pleasant and helpful personality, I am unable to view her in a balanced manner. The problem is absolutely me, and I've kept it completely internal, but I feel helpless and awful. I am tired of getting stuck in these warped point of views. I am a compassionate and caring person who believes in the inherent worth of all human beings. I am not a sociopath or living with any personality disorders. I am educated enough to rationalize these impulses away, but I find it hard to stop. Short of devising

myself a cognitive behavioral therapy program, I don't know what to do. Any advice you can offer is greatly appreciated. I am tired of being an inwardly horrible, narrow-minded bitch about selected individuals. I'm a better person than this. Help me, Sasha and Lainey.

You're my only hope. I don't know if I can help you because, and her name is P. I don't know if I can help P. This is Lainey because I am a petty-ass piece of shit motherfucker.

Yes. Oh, I wouldn't have thought that you would have ever subscribed to being a petty-ass motherfucker. I'm a gossip columnist. Yeah, but you're not petty in your real life with your real – like with coworkers and actual human beings that you know, are you? I don't think I'm petty that way. But I'm – like I can – like I can – no, I'm pretty petty.

Okay. Anyway, yeah. Okay, so you're just not going to speak for – No, I'm just – No advice for this at all? I'm a horrible person. I'm – no, no. Listen, I think I'm generous with my friends definitely and with my colleagues.

Yes. But I can be petty, 100%. So if someone fucked up your shoes like this person, you would not forgive her for life? Well, this is a colleague. This isn't like a family member or a close friend. This is not a ride or die, right? So for me, the way I'm petty and judgy and I can hold grudges is if, for example, somebody cuts me off when I'm driving.

Yeah. That's when I, for eight hours later, I will still be mad at it and I will want to find that person and seek revenge. That's right. Yeah. Or like last week, some bitch told me and Duanna off in line while we were like waiting for Harry Potter books because we were fine. Duanna and I were the like assholes who just went to the store and parked ourself in whatever

line not knowing what it was. And then we were also the same assholes who were like, what line is this? I wonder. And the lady behind us was like, you probably shouldn't be standing here. And so we fucking skulked away like properly. So you didn't clap back at her? I didn't clap back at her. But the whole rest of the night, I had my eye on that woman.

Right. And I'm still thinking about her seven days later. And I know exactly what she looks like. To my deathbed, I will know her. Okay. And if I run into her again, then I want to like, you know, go for it. Right. And I've also gotten super petty at the dog park.

You know, if someone is fucking being an asshole or not picking up their dog shit at the dog park or one day in Vancouver, some dick was decided to tell off my dog and I fucking stalked him for eight kilometers. Fiona and I, I fucking stalked him and every time because I made him feel so bad to the point where I actually maybe crossed the line in terms of what he did was bad. But then when I, what I did back to him was even worse. Fiona and I, every time through the eight kilometers that he would pass us because he was running and we were walking, I'd be like, how do you feel now? You feel bad? You feel bad? Oh yeah.

Oh wow. It was that one time when, you know, to our reader, I hope this is making you feel so much better that Lainey has trumped your ass on pettiness. So I, yeah, every time it's because Barney was rude. Like Barney was uncontrollable and chasing him and interrupting his run. so I kept I ran up and I was like

I'm sorry I'm sorry you know and he was like I got your whole your dog you know what the fuck

like he was really angry and then then I snapped and I was like listen I said I'm sorry what the hell

do you want from me you want me to hit myself you want me to kill my dog is that what you want and I and then he started

running away from me because I was so insane and then I kept yelling at him while he was running away and then when he came back and looped us

you know three kilometers later I was like I'm sorry is that good enough for you i'm so sorry my dog is so sorry and he was like holy fuck and then the second time he ran by i was like you again i'm still sorry i'm fucking sorry oh wow and then he just looked down and shook and he shook his head and he was like okay i'm sorry i'm done you wore him out i wore him out so i like i think i went overboard yeah that sounds a wee much but

okay. But here's in my defense, you are a grown ass man and a little dog has just interrupted your run. Do you need to scream at a woman in the middle of a forest? Of course not. Do you need to do that? Of course not. But I don't necessarily know if you need to follow someone for eight kilometers. I did. I was on my own route. It's just that in the running trails, sometimes when you're running, you have to loop people and you pass people that many times. Someone would call the cops though on someone like you. Like if someone was doing that to me, I would have to call the police and be like, there is a really insane human being chasing me around yelling at me. Well, I wouldn't have done that to you. You're a woman, but he's a grown ass man. He was much

bigger than us. And his level of rage was so ridiculous that I was like, oh my God, I can't believe this man is… So I am going to give it to him back. I'm going to make him feel the way women feel when a man is verbally abusive like that for really a small reason. Yes. And then I just kind of like went… And then it felt so good, but it felt so good. Yeah. Like, I feel so good telling you this story. Yes.

Okay, good. I don't even feel bad about it. No. I'm telling you that maybe I went overboard, but I actually don't feel bad about it. So to get back to the point of P and being petty, hey, P, me too. She got you. Yeah. So what do you think P should do?

Do you think P should find ways to get her aggression out? See, this is – so this is – and this isn't to be like I am all zen because I'm not. I'm fucking a spaz too. But I don't – you're looking at my hairy armpits, right? I'm starting to grow them again. No, you're just wearing a really cute bralette. Oh, yeah. but I'm also not shaving my armpits again. Anyway, sorry. This one's from Aritzia and it's

fantastic. We digress. Okay. Sorry. So I don't consider myself super zen, but I will say that I don't let shit like that bother me. Like I don't want to hold negative energy. I don't want to hold bullshit throughout my day. Like that's just not how I want, that's just not my MO. Don't want to do it. So for P, I would give her props for actually recognizing that she is a petty ass fucking bitch and is wrongfully holding hatred for this co-worker who's doing nothing but minding her own business and being a lovely person. But I think what would be interesting for our reader to do is figure out why, maybe what in her past has made her feel that she needs to judge people negatively.

maybe it's from something she learned from her parents that you know that through osmosis she's she's become used to seeing and now does so that's behaviorally there's something wrong with her reactions something that I know that I'm doing like I'm a psycho when it comes to time like I compartmentalize and I am a freak about time to a point where it's actually quite detrimental in my life like I don't think it causes me anxiety and something that I'm trying to do now is whenever I get, whenever my brain starts to go time-centric, I stop, I relax, I take a deep breath, and I try to figure out why I'm doing that so that I can reel back that behavior and stop doing it because it's not, it's serving me zero purpose in my life. So that's why I would

hope that P could start doing that. Just start paying attention to when that feeling starts to bubble up and fucking simmer it back down again. That's how you have to – that's how you teach yourself different behaviors, to stop it and do something else. And maybe is it being misdirected? Like, I feel – Yes, it obviously is misdirected. If I was incapable of exploding at assholes in the dog trails, then I wonder if I would

redirect it to, like, people who are perfectly fine and don't deserve that kind of treatment. Maybe you would just let yourself relax and you would just realize that it isn't a big deal. I'm not talking about the asshole in the dog trail. Okay, that was sort of legit. But the pettiness, right? Like if you – you could let go of that. Like the Harry Potter person. The fact that we're talking about her seven days later, maybe – I mean, I feel like you seek joy – you get joy out of this.

I really do. If she got rid of that, we wouldn't have a problem. Did you hear that? Did everyone hear that? Yeah, I should have just said that if I got rid of that part of myself, I wouldn't have a blog. Okay, fine. But I feel like there's a little bit…

But you're not mean. I'm not mean to people who don't deserve my meanness. And this, our reader, as she even recognizes, is being mean to someone who doesn't deserve it. But who does? And that's why. I'm not trying to be overly, you know, like I'm not trying to psychoanalyze, psychologize her, but I wonder who does deserve it.

Like, where is this coming from? I think that that's the more interesting question. You mean in her life? Correct. Okay, yes. Yeah, P, you need to do a little bit of a deep dive, maybe, and figure out where are you… Who are you actually mad at?

That's right. Okay. Who should you be redirecting your pettiness to? It isn't your colleague. You've acknowledged that your colleague is perfectly lovely and has apologized for the small transgressions that she's made. So who in your life or what in your life is the source of all of this rage? And where did you learn it from?

Yeah. And correctly direct it. It's not like raging is bad when that issue or that person deserves it, like the motherfucker in the dog park and that Ravenclaw bitch at the bookstore. I wonder if she'll be really embarrassed if she watches you on TV and was like, oh, fuck. I can't believe I did it to Lady Gossip. I don't think so. I think that she's one of those snotty people who, like, I don't have a TV.

Right. Of course. Like, I'm pretty sure that this person has never, doesn't watch TV and then makes a point of telling you that, like, her superiority lies in the fact that she doesn't have a television. I've already drawn a character sketch for this person. Anyway. Rewind. Rewind.

Go back to our reader. Yes. But I feel like, yeah, I think that we need to figure out, P, what it is that is bothering you and where you should be redirecting that energy. And it's a – negative energy does need to come out. I mean – Of course. I just – You don't bottle it up. Yeah.

It just needs to be directed in the right place. It needs to first be digested and then it can be directed. She needs to understand why this is happening. And that's the most – that's the – I think the step one is figuring out why you feel like this. And, yeah. I mean, and also maybe one of the ways that you get over redirecting it or, sorry, maybe one of the ways you get over blaming your colleague and consistently holding it against

her is to think of the fact that coming from somebody, me, who is quite petty and likes to, you know, hold grudges, it's only fun because part of it is fun too. It's only fun when that person deserves it. It's actually not fun when they're perfectly nice and she's, like, apologetic and she was sorry about ruining your shoes. Like, it's only fun to hate somebody who is hateful. Okay. You know, like, I disagree with that, but I will let you continue.

That's how you… And I think that's actually perfectly fine. Like, the same way we always say, like, do you. I think that's great if you are directing your anger and that feels good and you feel a release. I don't operate that way. Well, I do. shit now things are getting petty between you and me i do yeah but listen there are some people who

are dna wired like you and you're zen and whatever and then there are some people who are dna wired like me and i get it like i i've recently admit i'm a big fucking cunt who is who am i married to the craziest person ever like he has major rage issues he will talk about petty fucking cory can truly like to the 10th power be a petty motherfucker. But that's how he operates. He feels like he gets a release after holding a grudge for a really long time. It might take him 10 years and he feels great. It only feels really good when that person deserves it. Like the object of your rage is, you know, like it's never more fun for me than to fucking write a ragey, pissy, but hopefully good and snarky post against Justin

Timberlake. Yeah. Because that piece of fucking entitled, curly-headed shit deserves it. I hate him so much. See, and to me, I just don't listen. When Justin Timberlake comes on, I just turn the radio channel or turn the television to another channel. Oh, but we both agree that he sucks. He sucks, but the way I deal with his suckiness is I just like, oh, whatever. Like, I just don't let him even creep into my mind. And then the way I deal with it is to hashtag never forget what you did to Janet Jackson. And to keep that grudge. Yeah. But, but I'm saying that like, you know, it's only fun pee. It's, it's obviously not fun for you right now. You're obviously not enjoying it because you know, not even deep down, but on the surface and deep down that this colleague

of yours does not deserve, you know, to, for you to be such a bitch. Yeah. Because you're being a bitch. So target somebody who does deserve it. Just don't, I don't, I'm not, I can't co-sign this advice i don't think you should be just what i think she should be doing is taking stock of her fucking emotions uh looking back into her past and figuring out why she has these these like anger issues and um resentment towards other people and work on it work on yourself a little bit work on yourself because if you don't at least lady understands where her fucking shit is coming from you don't and so what you need to do is figure that out and stop being a fucking cunty snatch to this colleague.

I don't think that's fair. Like, whatever you need to do I think will take time, but right now you need to stop the fucking bullshit that you are projecting onto this colleague. Onto someone who's undeserving. God help you. No. No. Let her…

This is not good advice. The advice is just to fucking be a… Work on being a better person. Period. Is that what I should be doing? Well, because I think you're a good person. Fuck yes. Be a better person, Lainey.

We end like that. You do some work on you. Okay, P, good luck. Be a better person according to Sasha. Okay, keep your questions coming to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And check us out on iTunes. Leave your reviews and comments. Thank you so much for your support for this podcast.

We love doing it for you. Yes, we love you. Thank you. And we love improving it for you. So any improvements that you have to make, we would love to hear them. Nice ones, both of you. Bye. Bye.

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