What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: An Unwelcomed Rub, Spooner in Denial, and Roommate Snuggles!

Episode Date: November 1, 2016

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers Podcast!On deck this week: Non-consensual touching between friends, a heat-score in the middle of a relationship, and a potential relationship in the making.As always thanks for tuning in and for all the support! Keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail] and as always, check us out on iTunes and on Google Play to subscribe and leave your feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates.S.xx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey. Welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast with Sasha Answers. Hi. Hi, how are you? I'm good. I'm bad. I'm just eating all your Purdy's chocolate story in front of me. No, I'm happy for you to eat my Purdy's chocolate. Sorry, what were you saying? You're bad? Hi, Purdy's. We like you.

Yeah, please, Purdy's. Fuck. This episode is not sponsored by Purdy's, but… But it should be or could be. Anyways, go on. Sorry, did you say you were sad? Well, okay, by the time this podcast goes up, it'll be Tuesday. It'll be November 1st. And two days later, in our very city, 48 hours later, on Thursday, November 3rd, a beautiful, skinny, really skinny. A beautiful butterfly is swooping down.

So skinny butterfly will be in our city, just like two blocks from our workplace. We're talking about Mariah Carey, if you don't know. But what's so fucked up is we have been working together at our day job, E-Talk, for 10 years. And I think this has been our dream together to be in her presence, to interview her, to be shamed by her, to hold lights up for her, to wait four hours for her. I'd wipe her ass. Yeah. Wouldn't you wipe her ass?

You would totally wipe her ass. I would do anything to be part of. I'd run her a bath. The very least I would run her a fucking bath. But did you put in the request? You did, right? Yes. I did put an interview request, so we'll see.

But the sad thing is, the sad thing is we're not going to, no matter if we get it or not, you and I will not be there because our shitty friend Dylan is ruining our dream. Because he's fighting. He's doing some amateur boxing that we have to go to. Here's the thing. I really do think that if she were normal, which we know she's not, because the events at 6.30 like the lighting and then she's performing so if any interviews happen

it would be before that or after and if she was normal and showed up to things on time I don't think it would be a problem we could do both the problem is that the minimum waiting time for Mimi is three hours that's actually an industry

code like everybody just knows and Dylan's fight is yeah well one of our hosts interviewed her one time and he waited until midnight to interview her, which is, like, so crazy. In no planet does any celebrity make you wait until midnight. It wasn't, like, a party.

It wasn't anything. Midnight. Fuck. Anyways, but can we talk about Mimi? Because shit's going awry for her, right? Like, she's getting her ass dumped, but she is at the same time dating. She's kind of living it up.

But at the same time dating her backup dancer. I don't know if she's dating him, Which is so Jennifer Lopez, which is the best because she hates Jennifer Lopez. But also different because this guy, if you haven't seen him, is actually not vile. And he's Eurasian too. He is. Which I was expecting. He's not disgusting.

No. He is good looking. And I never objected to J-Lo dating her backup dancer as it stands. What I objected to is that she bought him everything, a truck, and then gave him a career. Yes. Like, here, be the creative director of my tour. Here, be the boss of my tour. Just fuck him and leave him in the back.

Right. But you know. Mimi won't do that. Oh. She will take care of him. She took care of Nick Cannon. What the fuck was Nick Cannon before? Nick Cannon had his own fucking shit going on.

He was like the president of Nickelodeon or whatever at the time. The president of Nickelodeon? Yeah. He was like the president of whatever, Nickelodeon, Nick, like blah, blah. He had his own bank account. and he was hustling for his own jobs. Like, she does not play that way. She's like, my money is my money.

Here, paint my toenails, and maybe I'll throw you a tip. Yeah, okay. So I'm not really worried about her in that respect, but yeah. She must be freaking out a bit because she doesn't like her brand to be shaken and the fact that this guy, this billionaire dude, has dumped her ass. Yeah. Not a good look for her. I don't know that it's a good look for her, that, like, she was worried about, because the show was supposed to be around the engagement and planning the wedding and all that.

So that's probably fucked up those plans. But she's still, like, going to ask him for all the money that she was owed. Like, I mean, she's keeping the ring. Yep. I'm not sure that she's upset about it if she can still get the cash. Like, think about it. She doesn't have to marry him, which means she doesn't have to fuck him. And can we be real here?

I feel like she's so precious that she doesn't even have sex. God, she's asexual. We know this. Okay, good. She's sexy, but she's not sexual. So that guy was expecting some fucking meme-y pussy. Right. And now she doesn't have to give up the meme-y pussy.

And P.S., I don't mean to be like a big-ass cunt about this, but look at him. Oh, he is Frankenstein. She is horrendous looking. So I don't know. I feel like if she gets the money, she still comes out ahead because… But she doesn't need the money. She's not really a money grubber because she… Oh, yes, she does.

Again, Nick Cannon. She wasn't a money grubber. I don't think she… I think she actually goes for genuine love. I do, but I don't think her definition of genuine love is like anybody else's definition. Oh, I think her genuine love was motivated by the fact that he's a billionaire. Like, she's rich by our standards, but, like, that's not owning a casino rich. Sure.

I mean, he is obscenely wealthy. Oh, I wish that we were seeing her on Thursday. Oh, God. Maybe it'll work out. Well, I hope that she wants to do fucking interviews. Maybe the interview time. No, that's impossible. Maybe we just go see the performance anyways.

Because that's at 6.30. We should go see the performance. We can do that. Let's do that. Why didn't we think about that? Maybe we should see the performance and then go to the fight. The fight is one of the, just to let you know, our friend Dylan has been training for a year to be in one of these fights.

Like six weeks. No, he has been. No. On and off training. To be fair to him, he's been boxing for a while. Like, he's been boxing for a while. He's been seriously training for months, like maybe four months. Okay.

And he's doing one of those fight nights where, like, all the fancy dinner tables are set up. And then in the middle of the ballroom, there's, like, a ring. And then there are, like, six or seven fights. Yeah. And it's between, like, financiers and… Yeah. He's fighting, like, investment bankers. Yes.

um and he is not an investment banker which made me think like anyway i hope he wins but i was thinking have you ever been in a fight has anyone ever kicked your ass or have you kicked anyone else's ass i have not kicked anyone else's butt no i haven't kicked anyone's ass but like but in high school dylan and i used to like or a few months ago dylan and i were training together like we go to the same trainer a boxing trainer yeah yeah i'm talking about has anyone punched you in the face no I I do like I mean I've been like at school bullied by like well girls pulled my hair and like shoved me against the locker um but fuck I know I dream about getting into fights and like kicking someone's ass but I don't think that actually that would happen have you ever been

no no I was no thank god I but I feel like when I hope actually that never happens but yes I'm very curious to see the level of rage I may have when needed to beat the shit out of somebody. Oh, I can see it in you. Yeah, I feel like I would go, like, ham on somebody, which I hope. I mean, that's the goal, if need be. I think that I would be effective with weaponry. Like, if I was in a situation where something like that happened, I would be one of the people who, like, smashed a beer bottle and, like, just, yeah, gave her.

Because knowing that I have limitations, I have weak arms, Yazik's laughing right now because this is indeed true. I feel like you'd be cheap. You'd be cheap. Look at him. He's already, like, he's making pterodactyl motions. Like, I have weak arms, I have weak hands, I don't have any strength, but I do have a violent streak.

Yes. I am malicious and vindictive. Yeah. More so than I think a regular person. And I do not have limits. Exactly. that's why I think he would be really scary anyways well hopefully neither of us ever have to okay well we'll let you know what happens um we'll let you know what happens with uh Mimi and

um Dylan's fight if you all care Dylan tends to believe that people care about him more than they actually care about him um okay are we ready yeah all right first question hi Sasha last night I was out with a group of close male friends at a bar one of them moved behind me to go to the bathroom and touched my waist on the way, which felt completely unnecessary. He didn't look back to see my expression. Later, he moved behind me again and did some longer and more comprehensive waist-back-ass touching. I didn't react, and I left not long after. I was really pissed off by this.

On the one hand, I've known and liked this guy for years. He's part of my core friendship circle, and it seems petty and an overreaction to kick up a major fuss about a minor grope. On the other hand, we're friends and groping isn't a friendship perk. He shouldn't be touching me if, where, when I don't want him to. I get doubly annoyed because I have to deal with this sort of nonsense on a semi-regular basis whereas if I was a guy, I would probably never have anything like this in my entire life.

I feel like it was saying, doing nothing about the waist touch, oh, which led him to think more touching would be fine. But what can one say to a waist touch? What's the move when someone you like otherwise crosses your physical boundaries? What's an opportunistic grope between friends? Grateful for your thoughts. All right. This is interesting.

Yeah. What's your feeling? Well, I mean, the fact that, like, it happened once, she couldn't brush it off because obviously when he came back from the bathroom, he was, like, doing more of it, right? So he seemed to be helping himself to her body. Yes. um it's hard right because I think everybody has their own barometer of ick right and to be honest that probably well I'll get to how I actually feel but I think the general idea here is if you

get a no feeling it's a no feeling yeah then it doesn't really matter if um like you or I would would feel weird about that yeah she feels weird about that and um that's so legitimate and I think yeah like I think I don't think you need to have like a fucking sit down with this guy yeah but I think if it does happen again you could be like yo bro like this isn't what we do yeah you know and get the point across in like a friendly sharp manner I agree I and I think that what fucking sucks here is that she's the one still thinking about it and I bet you he hasn't thought at all about this do you know what I mean and then she's carrying the discomfort of not only that happening to her but the anxiety of what should I say what if it happens again what do I say when it happens

again and then do I make it awkward for everybody like the onus or the responsibility on her is that you know she says something and all of a sudden the dynamic and the chemistry and the group is all fucked up but it's not her fault it's not yeah um fuck the world is so unfair when like with this kind of thing I feel like well so many things this kind of thing is so unfair for like When you have tits and a pussy. Yeah. Yeah. It's so complicated too.

And, you know, I am, let me preface this, I am not defending this dude at all. But I will say that when you were reading this, it made me kind of think about the fact that when I was single, I think I prided myself in the fact that I gave no signs, right? Like zero. If I was interested in someone, they wouldn't know that. and so for me it was important for a guy to kind of put the moves on me and so I kind of feel bad for guys that are trying to like put the moves on someone they might be interested in sure they're friends but maybe he wanted to see where it would go right he was maybe doing some flirtatious

touching um you know and that's just sort of scary like I feel like if I was a guy that would be really fucked up territory because how do you flirt with someone without it being fucking sexual assault yeah like what do you think about that because that i think there's a zone but that's a zone touching of the hips and maybe just like the ass is not i don't think the ass is a go zone for flirting like was it a whisper of a hand over the bum or was it a bum grab again like the waist was one thing which is before he went to the bathroom but then when he came back from the bathroom what she says here is that it was waste back ass see I don't know I guess I could rationalize back and waste but I'm not asses I think is pretty aggressive I totally agree but again go back

to the idea of when I if I'm interested in someone that's what I would want them to do if I want do you know what I mean like if I was single yeah and I was interested in said friend and wanted to go somewhere else. I wouldn't have put the moods, but I would have been super stoked if... Really? Yeah, if you liked somebody. But I guess the point is she does not like him.

Yeah. I know that, but I'm just saying, where is that... That's a gray area, right? For dudes who are single and, like, looking to fucking mingle. Like, yeah. So I just feel like it's a shitty situation

any way you slice it. I see your point. I do still think that there's a zone. Like, I do think that there is, you know, a sexy place is the elbow like inside the arm where I think that waist and back again rationalizable but going for the butt the ass is a little aggressive and I get it what you're trying to say is that that this entire conversation around consent is not only difficult for women although for women it has much more serious repercussions let's put that out there in

before people get, before people get mad at us, but the conversation around consent should involve both men and women. Exactly. It's both of us coming together, talking about what boundaries are and what's acceptable. And it has been confusing. We have to acknowledge that we can't move forward unless we acknowledge that for guys who mean well, it can be confusing, not just like rapists. Yes. Right. Of course. So I think that's what you're trying to put out there. Yes. In this case for her she's not interested he he was making her feel uncomfortable yeah so the next time as you said unfortunately if it happens hopefully it won't she's gonna have to be the one to be like nope yeah i don't like that yeah hey can you stop yeah i'm not into it that's gross yeah do that

yeah and that should shut him down if he's a fucking normal non-rapist person and it and it does it's gonna make it awkward for their friend group and that sucks too yeah but again it's his like that was his overstep and that's what I think that needs to be communicated just because you stand up for yourself yep that doesn't mean that you should take on the guilt or the fucking backpack full of shame no fuck that he's the one who was a fucking turd um so yeah like I think I think you you know you've been friends with this guy for a really long time he overstepped boundaries he might have tried like maybe he drank too much and was like I'm gonna see if she'll get frisky You fucking can put an end to that pretty quickly.

I don't think that this is like anything more than a little slap back at him. Yeah. And I think what's important is that if it does become, I mean, listen, hopefully everybody's super chill and awesome and like he's like, okay, sorry, you know, thanks for letting me know. And everybody goes on to being the same. I have heard and I'm sure you have of instances where then people get weirded out and somebody has, somebody's feelings are hurt and someone's ego is hurt.

I mean, ego is a big deal in these situations, but I hope the rest of the friend group is mature enough and sensible enough to step up and be like, yeah, yeah, no, it's not her fault. It's, you know, you misgroped and, uh, don't do that again. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting because we all need to be a bit more understanding about that. Yeah.

Um, but again, I do want to reinforce the whole no feeling. Like it doesn't matter if that would offend me or not. And it would, it would totally offend me if a fucking guy friend tried to like, rub up on me um but if you get that gross no guttural yick feeling yeah then you don't ever you don't ever question that then like you know yeah um I feel bad for her yeah because it's like but it's so unfair so unfair um but what's so great is that more and more people are talking about it um because I think that's really important like I was thinking about that you know I I send you the questions in advance and I briefly read over this one and I was like oh fuck like I've

been sexually assaulted twice and I at the time you just kind of suck it up or you're like oh god that was gross it's just the way of the world yeah I'll just yeah or just like oh this guy just did something it made me feel uncomfortable but I like you internalize it as uh your not your fault I didn't think it was my fault but to this day at fucking 37 I still think about those two instances knowing that they were wrong do they scar me no but I still think about them yeah because I wish at that time, I stood up for myself and told them to fuck right off because that would have made me feel better. So I encourage our reader to do the same.

I do think that this is in particular a conversation not only just about consent that we are having right now because, of course, of Donald Trump's grab them by the pussy comment. Yes. And it is, he called it locker room talk, which most guys we know, at least in our small circle who and they're enlightened and evolved they're not they're like that's actually not what we talk about in the locker room but um what surprises me and what I the reason why I said that it's important that the friend group be understanding and be um encouraging and on her side is because after frankly after that comment came out from Donald Trump there are a lot of

female donald trump supporters who are like it's flattering yeah you know it's okay it's flattering and i don't want to judge those women because ultimately it should go back to donald trump and fucking billy bush but somehow society has led those women to believe or to compliment that that's a compliment and that is i feel like where do we get at the root how do we get at the root of that? I don't know because it's the same thing as like walking across a construction site, you know, like some girls fucking love it. I feel like I'm actually being like, I am being assaulted. I hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable. Whenever I see a construction site, I go like five different streets down to avoid it. But some chicks love it. So I don't know, right? Like, I don't know.

It's way deeper than just being like, it's just way deeper. It's a way deeper issue that I don't I mean, I hope we, by talking about it, get to some sort of understanding. So bottom line, if it squicked you, then it was wrong. And hopefully it will never happen again. But if it does, just straight up, no thanks. Yeah. Don't do that. Yeah.

Appreciate it. Bye. Okay. Next question. Hi, Sasha. Oh, wait. Okay. So blah, blah, blah.

Love the blog. Okay. I'm sort of in a situation where I don't know if action or inaction would be more helpful. I'll try to keep this short. I'm pretty good friends, but wouldn't say best friends with a couple. They've been together the entire time I've known them, and I've probably known them for about four years now. I'm closer to the woman in the relationship who is funny, smart, and kind.

Let's call her A. But again, I'm pretty good friends with both. For the last year and a half, they have seemed to be having a lot of trouble, lots of drunken and sober fights, and they just don't seem happy together, but they have not broken up. We are all in our late 20s, between 27 and 29. So here's the real issue. There have been three separate incidents where the guy in this relationship, let's call him Jay, has creeped or made a move past whatever you want to call it towards me. All three times there's been drinking involved. It's been enough of a gray area that I think he could claim some plausible deniability. But having been the other person in these situations, I feel that that is bullshit.

One of the incidents, just to give you an example, I was sleeping on a couch at a group house everyone was staying at on a trip. A wasn't on this trip, that's the wife. After I fell asleep, J woke me up and told me a bed was open upstairs. I was groggy and had been drinking and I just followed him to the bedroom where I climbed in bed and fell back asleep. Then I realized he'd gotten into bed with me. Nothing happened, but there was some light cuddling, spooning, initiated by him.

I know I suck and should have told him to leave, but it wasn't clear, but it wasn't until the clear light of day that I realized how screwed up it was. The only reason why I kept quiet about it was because it was the first incident and nothing other than cuddling happened. I also mostly thought it would cause more drama than the situation called for, but since then there have been two other incidents where A was gone and J tried to make a pass, got cuddly and touchy-feely. Both times I extracted myself from the situation as soon as possible. My question is, is it my responsibility to tell A? They are supposedly going to move in together soon. Wait a

minute. They're not married? I guess not. I think she just said they were a couple. Okay, sorry. Never mind. Okay. They're supposedly going to move in together soon, something which she's been pushing for months and Jay has dragged his feet on. Again, no one in our group knows why these two are still together. If I tell her, I truly feel like she won't break up with him because of all their ongoing problems and she is not left and it will be the end of my relationship with the couple. Again, this girl isn't my best friend by any means, but she is a friend who I see pretty frequently. Creeping incidents aside, which is a big aside, I realize I also really like Jay and have a lot of fun with both of them what do you think take care of confused okay well you kind of

do suck for the cuddling night sorry like time big time like yassik here is he wants to pound his fist on on the table so i just how much you suck like i mean listen we're gonna be nice to you in a minute but i don't know if we're going to because we just yeah you suck for the cuddling You suck for the cuddling because unless you were, like, barfing and swallowing your own vomit and, like, dehydrated raisin and, like, just a fucking insane mess, you know what's happening. You know the… You have enough sense to now tell me that you were spooning and cuddling the whole night. That's… Oh, that's so whack.

It's so fucking whack. And only occurred to you when, like, daylight came up? Bull. Yeah. Yeah. That's hard for… This is hard for me. So I'm going to take a breather because I'm not feeling you right now.

So maybe you can give her some advice and I'll come back. No, and I wonder if maybe, confused, you hopefully want to hear this from us because… Also, I think you're being afraid. You don't want to fucking cause drama because it's going to shine a bit of a fucking red flag that you're the heat score in this as well. You know, like the reason why you're scared, don't want to tell you, don't want to break them up. You don't want to cause drama is because in that instance, I think you were part of the drama, 50-50 drama. For sure. In that instance, like the sleepover and going up to the room. And

I mean, listen, you were able to get yourself up the stairs and into that bed. There was no reason why you couldn't have rolled yourself out of that bed and back onto this couch. Of course. So, yeah. So from there, I think you're right, Sash. Like one of the reasons why you don't want to raise this is because you're going to have to come forward about your own shadiness. Yes. Yeah. Which you should. I think that's part of being a better person and being more honest person and being more stand up friend is saying when you're being a shitty person, When you've done something shitty, when you've done something that isn't trustworthy. And in that moment, you were not trustworthy.

You were not a good friend to A. Is that the person? A? But hey, listen, Jay's a fucking dickhead too. He is, I'm not feeling fucking Jay either. But we're not talking to Jay right now. We're talking to Confused. And so given that you're the only person we're talking to, I think that we should just address

your behavior. Or don't you think that there are some, like, warning signs here? Like, I find it really interesting that you keep saying, well, you know, I know her better, but I do really like him and he's really cool. Like, do you have feelings for this guy? She loves the attention, that's for sure. She has to love the attention. I just, I'm reading, to me, I don't know if I'm reading something that, Sash, you're not reading. But what I'm reading is that, like, every time she talks about how A and J are together, it is like, I like her and we're closer.

But he's really great, too. I mean, I feel like you keep, I don't know, making excuses for him or, I don't know, there's something here. Well, it seems that you'd rather save the relationship with J than with A. Yeah. Yeah. And for what reason, I would like to know. Yeah. You know.

Again. So I don't think the question here is, should I tell them or her? I think the question is here is like, check in with yourself. What are you doing here? Yeah. Like, what is your true motivation? It's none of your fucking business if they keep going on and move in together. Like, you know, you're like, they fight a lot and they really shouldn't be together.

And none of our friends think they should be together. Really? Yeah. Thank you for that detail. Yeah. It doesn't matter. How is it going to affect you? Oh, but is it going to affect you?

And if it does affect you, why? What stake do you have in this? So I don't even think that we're here to answer the question of should she tell A. I think we're here to answer the question of, hey, confused, what are you doing? Check yourself. What are you doing? Yeah, and that's kind of it too. Like I think you need to figure out, as Lainey said, like step one, what the fuck's your motive?

What are you doing? How are you involved in this and how can you own up to that? When you can own up to that, then you be a big girl and figure out what the next step should be. I'm just saying that after the cuddling incident, if it was that shitty, I'm not sure how you found yourself in a position two other times where he was able to try and make a pass at you and get cuddly and touchy-feely. Like if, I have to say that if I'm, if I'm not into breaking up a relationship and I

don't have feelings for anybody, I am never alone with that person. Yeah. Ever. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And that, it didn't happen just once, but it happened twice again. So listen, we're not here to like burn you at the stake. Oh, no, we're not.

Okay, sorry. Yeah, go on. Not here to do that. We're just here to give you some honest perspective. and given the clues and what you've told us in your email right now

your problem is you yeah agreed and if you want to get rid of this stress or figure out an answer the first thing to the first place to start

is with yourself yes agreed so thanks for never listening again I think we've lost one listener for sure probably

or yeah thanks for all the times you visited my website I hope you still continue coming back. Hey, we don't know who you are, so it could be anyone. I'm not saying you're a bad person. You're probably a wonderful person who's just made some silly, selfish mistakes in this particular situation.

So just fix yourself with this. Just own up to it and learn how to be a better person in situations like this. Don't be that girl. Don't be that girl. Right. And again, I… Don't be that friend. But she probably came to us because she hasn't been able to talk to anybody else about it, which I appreciate.

But, you know, given that you've come to us, we just wanted to be straight with you. So good luck and let us know how it works out. I'm really curious about this. So if you don't hate us, then, yeah. But hate us because you love hate mail. So send it to Lainey at LaineyGossip.com. Okay. Okay.

Next question. Hi, Sasha. I'm a freshman in college and I live with a pretty cool roommate. She's from Ireland. It's her first time in the States and she's here for her master's degree. So she's not moving back anytime soon. I'm kind of shy, apart from my two best friends, but we don't go to the same uni. I don't have a lot of friends, I'm not big on partying, and socializing in general doesn't

really come easy to me. I've never had a boyfriend, I've been on a few dates here and there, but it was too uncomfortable for me, so it never went anywhere. My roommate is awesome. She's funny and affectionate, super outgoing and gorgeous. We spend a lot of time together, and the majority of the people I've met on campus have been through her. Last week, she forgot her journal on her desk before going to class.

Oh, no. I don't want to read anymore. I don't want to know the rest. I don't want to know the rest. No, I do. Keep going. Okay. Last week, she forgot her journal on her desk before going to class.

I know I shouldn't have, but I read it. A couple of weeks ago, she had set me up on a date with one of her friends. She wrote about feelings she has for me and how happy she was when I told her I didn't think it'd work out with her friend after the date. She wrote about how confused she is right now because she didn't think she was bi, and she feels guilty because she still loves her boyfriend. She wants to tell me how she feels, but she's afraid it might ruin our relationship

and make everything awkward. Her boyfriend is back in Ireland and she introduced him to me. They're always Skyping and acting super cute and in love when they video chat, which is almost all the time. My issue is, since reading her journal, I've been kind of thinking about her differently too.

Oh, I'm getting kind of hot. I don't know if I'm gay or bi or whatever. never been in a relationship with a guy or girl but i'm developing a major crush on her now i'm paying more and more attention every time she touches me which is often we hug a lot and cuddle sometimes when watching tv and it's always been nice but it never made me feel anything before now all of a sudden it's different what should my next step be i feel bad about reading her diary and i don't want to tell her because i'll never do it again but i want to let her know that i'm interested in her too how should i do that oh this is i swear to you i did not put all these

questions in order thinking but there's like a really interesting theme here right yeah first question is non-consensual yeah second one is just like a fucked up shady one and now this one is like a pure consensual both like being hugged and kissed but is it we were hard on the previous person for potentially being like the extra, like being shady, this, this girl, this room, yeah, this roommate, this, this roommate has a boyfriend back in Ireland. Right. So where are we on our levels of hypocrisy today? Let's really high, really high.

Let's check in with our hypocrisy meter today. I'm here to buy love. Um, okay. Okay. So you start because I feel like I will be a hypocrite. I mean, can we do the diary reading? Certainly they're not the same like apples to apples situations. Clearly, right?

Like she doesn't know the boyfriend. She doesn't owe anything to this boyfriend that's in Ireland. Sure. Hey, but you know what? Like it would be totally, if this wasn't, I think that we should keep checking our hypocrisy meters just because we're so excited about it because if this was like a straight situation I would still be like I would really I would be interested I'm interested okay is it the college romance angle yeah yeah okay but let's okay sorry let's then let's put on our advice

hats our proper advice hats okay let's all right so um let's first talk about the diary reading because that's fucked up and weird and like I don't know I've never read anyone's diary have you yes i know you haven't you listen my i have many flaws and one of them one of my flaws is that for me curiosity trumps ethics all the time like i i love to know shit yeah like i just my curiosity is a beast so you would read my diary i don't think i would oh but you just i wouldn't i would try and avoid the situation okay yeah like the situation you can't like you can't leave your diary in front of me like okay but this is what you can't even let me know that you have a diary i don't have a diary okay but you would have read this chick's diary her your roommate's diary if

i was listen if i were no i wouldn't read a roommate's diary i totally read like if i was dating a guy i would totally fucking read his diary yeah i should lie i am i should have messed up i've definitely well every there you go i haven't read a diary per se but i've definitely like read emails uh no not emails but like old love letters that probably were like in a shoebox that were not super super easy to get to okay but anyways okay so the diary violation is not good not good even though it's like so tempting so tempting and totally like an awesome premise for a romance novel or a romance movie um not good you need to stop reading her journal yeah And she did say that she felt bad about it, but yeah, I don't let, yeah, I, is this a

case of like, you know, in law they have an expression called fruit of the poison tree. Oh, I don't know this. So in law, if you obtain evidence, but the way that you obtain the evidence was illegal or improper, then that evidence is inadmissible in court. Okay. Does that make sense? Yes. So that's why it's the fruit of the poison tree.

Interesting. I think that's the term. Anyway, so is this a case of fruit of the poison tree? Like, you can never use this information because it was obtained. Yes. Yeah, because then you're fessing up to the fact that you are a dickhead creep who looked through something that you weren't supposed to look through. But her behavior changed after eating the fruit from the poison tree.

Yeah, but you don't have to own up to that. You don't have to own up to that information of where you picked that poisonous berry tree. So the point is, oh, my God, this is horrible. I feel like we've totally curbed all of our, as you said, morals and values here. They're all thrown out the window. I don't know what she should fucking do. I don't know what she should do. I don't know.

Okay. What I will say is that you're a freshman. You've had no dating experience. and you're in university now and this is kind of where you start to find yourself and figure out what you like, what you don't like and who you like. So number one, I want to tell you

that you are living a completely normal, expected and we're so happy for you university experience. You've like, you've found a roommate that is awesome. And you're attracted to that. You're attracted to, you're meeting new people. Like, I can't, I don't know if I'm being a hypocrite, but I can't help but be happy for you that you have gone to university and you're having this life that this is what you should be doing at 18 as a freshman in university.

This is great. And in university, there's drama. Also totally normal. Okay, so. And temptations that, yeah, you wouldn't normally be with on a regular day. Exactly. Which is like why there was a random person's diary sitting on your coffee table. This is why college romance and college drama are great bases, like, are great fodder for

storytelling. Why Sasha and I are immediately, like, drawn to this. Drawn to this, I know. Because we're old. Yeah. And those days are behind us. I know. So, but, even though the two of you are getting closer and closer and cuddling and, which

totally turns me on. There are 18. Check yourself. But it's really hot. I don't think that you can be the initiator right I think that any decision of moving forward has to come from the other person agreed she and I think in order for if there is going to be a relationship that blossoms from this um it needs to be you want it to you want it to be clean you don't want it to have you know weird fucking drama strings attached to it you want this one to be a

good one, especially because you guys both seem to be kind of at the same place where you're exploring your sexuality. Like, you know, try to do it right. And with that, I would probably step away from the couch cuddling, you know, just set some boundaries so that when it does, when and if it does happen, it's going to feel good. It's going to feel right. It's going to feel natural. You're not going to you're not going to feel like a side piece. You know, you're not going to feel like this person who she's just um experimenting with because that's going to make you feel like shit um do you know what I mean yeah it's really important I think to um pull back a bit uh wait for her and um wait for her relationship to be figured out with this guy in Ireland and yeah

let her let her come to these conclusions yeah them to you and then you guys can have that discussion yeah because the other layer of this is you guys are living together yeah and if fucking drum hits the fan oh then you have to move out like that's just a whole other fucking shit storm that you don't want to deal with there's also a level of intimacy and um it's almost like you're in a cocoon right the two of you have your own space it's your own little world where you can keep it a secret yeah and it's it's an advantage for Ireland as well because Ireland gets to have this secret life here in America or there in America and her boyfriend is over in Ireland and it's almost like she's she's living a double identity and as fun as it is for you right now

I'm not sure that enabling it is going to work out for you in the long run so we just want to protect you here yeah and I think that's that's exactly right like you don't want to be that person she's keeping on a deal that'll end up making you feel super shitty yeah you can still have fun together and be close and be really i mean close as in like best friends bffs like you can still have fun together i would just you know protect your heart a little bit yeah i i wouldn't because she wants us she wants us to tell her how she should reveal to her roommate how she feels and i'm not i don't know that i can support that no me neither i think that yeah what we've said is wait for your roommate to figure out her feelings first and then figure out your next

move. But right now, I think the move would be to stop cuddling and get, yeah, get away from the intimate parts of your friendship and relationship. But you can, I mean, exactly. You don't have to be cuddling during the movie, but you can still watch the movie together. You can still spend time together. You can still like hang out with and meet new people and, you know, and also be open now to be open now to other kinds of people who you meet. Now that you know that you are attracted

to this one person who happens not to be a guy, I wonder if that will illuminate other possibilities for you. This is really exciting for you because six months ago you may have thought you were just into dudes yeah and now this person has kind of let you know or kind of um giving you a glimpse into an an option that you never considered so i guess you have a whole campus oh my god yeah you have a new whole campus and the other 50 of that campus has just like opened up holy shit so you know i think that yeah put that in your mind too yeah shit i'm really excited for you i i wish i Yeah, keep bodies with you right now. Okay.

Again, she's 18. But yeah, keep us posted on this one because, yeah, we want to know. We want to know. But good luck. Yeah, protect your heart, but also, you know, go out there and… And see what's out there. See. Yeah, your eyes are…

Think of it as having like a different level of vision. Yes. Oh, so lucky. So lucky. All right. Well, that does it for us today. Keep your questions coming to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. and check us out on itunes and google play and thank you so much for your support of this podcast

we love reading your feedback and we love running into you and hearing your feedback um and yeah to the second person again who wrote in sorry hope you don't hate us okay okay bye We'll be right back. Thanks for watching!