What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: Coiffing your Muff, Marriage-Fix Baby, and Selling out a Cheat

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

We are back after a little time out so thank you for joining us again for the Sasha Answers podcast!This week we talk coiffing your muff, whether or not to procreate and when to sell out a cheat. So yah, a mixed bag of advice baggage.Please keep sending us your questions to me at [e-mail]. Check us out on iTunes and on Google Play to subscribe and leave your and feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates.S.xx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hi, this is Lainey. Welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers. And thank you for understanding we took a break for one week, but we're back. We're back. How are you doing? I'm good. I'm good. I'm magical. You're Harry Potter, I know. We are doing this right after Midnight Magic, so I've just read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and I feel renewed in my religious devotion to all things Hogwarts and Harry. Oh, that's nice. I don't understand that magic, but one day I hope to. I feel like your husband, it would be a thing that your husband would be ride or die for. Oh, okay.

Yeah. I guess I always just equate Harry Potter, maybe like nerdy teens. So I'm just trying to like, I don't, I know, I know you're shaking your head. That's not what it is. Yeah. And I know that I am wrong about that judgment. Yeah. But I just have yet to read it.

Because like he is a purist. Isn't your husband a purist? Joanna said this because we were talking about it last night that we thought that he would be super into it because isn't he a purist for, like, Where the Wild Things Are? Yes. Exactly. And I don't know. Anyway.

It's the same thing. Well, then that leads me to think… or we'll just talk about purists and Where the Wild Things Are and youth is have you watched The Stranger Things? Stranger Things? I have watched the first episode. Okay. And I'm hooked, right? I'm hooked.

Yes. Yeah. But I think that it's because we're purists for the 80s. Yeah. Goonies. Exactly. Okay. Stand By Me and whatnot.

Yes. And the reason why I haven't kept going is because I have a little bit of a break in five days where I have more time to binge. Yeah. We've had some family shit going on and we've had like people from out of town visiting. So I haven't been able to like, you know, mainline five episodes, eight episodes, whatever in a row. So next weekend it's going to be me and Winona Ryder.

Oh my God, it's so good. Okay, we'll have to talk about that. Have you finished? No, we are surprisingly restraining ourselves. We have two more episodes left. Okay. But, like, all I want to do is fucking watch it. Right.

Anyways, but… It's all anyone can talk about. Like, I have overheard conversations at work walking through, like, little crowds and everybody's talking about Stranger Things. It's the best. But I wonder… It's a good question. I wonder if it means as much to people who didn't grow up in the 80s.

There's for sure 80s references, but the story itself is just so good. Like, it's so intoxicating no matter what. Okay. Anyway, so yeah, it'll be interesting to see what millennials react. Yeah. How they react to it. Anyways, I have a question. Well, it's not really a question.

So, but I do, I'm asking our listeners to hopefully help me. Oh. I help them. We help them. So I need their help. Okay. Okay. So I, everyone knows by now that I have had, whatever, eye issues and that was part of

why we're doing this podcast. um but so remember when we were both gonna get eye surgery we're both gonna get lasik and a week before I was meant to get surgery alongside you that's when my eyes exploded and I couldn't get it done which is like the most heartbreaking thing because my mind is a bat and I've I saved up for it it was like everything I had hoped and dreamed for yeah the last decade of my life so that went to shit anyways so um I feel like my eyes are better and so I went into the Herzog Institute to like, they had like this new procedure called SMILE. Anyways, I met with the main surgeon, Dr. Herzig, and he was like, oh, he told me about this thing called ICL.

Have you ever heard of ICL? No. So basically ICL is, from my understanding, basically like cataract surgery. They like slit something and then they pop a lens in your eye and then fucking it magically heals itself up. I know you're cringing, but it's the same grossness effect as LASIK. Yeah. But why this is beneficial, I guess, or an option for me is because, like, myopia, when you have, like, when you're fucking blind as a bat, and if you have, like, if you don't want your eyes to be tampered with, like, your cornea, because this doesn't hurt your

cornea at all, hence, like, you don't get increased dry eye or anything like that. Right. Anyways, so this freaks my freak out, and so what I'm hoping is that any listener who's had ICL can just email me and let me know like what it's like and like what they felt like afterwards. Like I'm desperate to get a bunch of reviews. Like I've talked to the surgeon. They're so fucking wonderful there.

They've treated me basically like, I'm like, I feel like the only patient there because they're so awesome with like returning like all my questions and all that kind of stuff. They've been wonderful. But I still want, I want patient reviews. Okay. Because that's scary, right? Like you were terrified when you got your LASIK. I was terrified.

But again, afterwards, it literally takes all of 10 minutes. But you're not really, like, you're not, your eyes are, my worry is I have like a strict regimen of what I do with my eyes every fucking night, every fucking day. Like so much shit, it's a bit bonkers. Yeah. And I know you can't even touch your eyes really for like a couple of weeks. No, like you should rub them. You can't wear makeup.

Even you had to be, like you had to be careful. I remember getting the instruction that I had to be careful in the shower. Okay. Like… Even rubbing them… Like rubbing their face. Yeah. And then like not opening them underneath the stream of the shower.

Yeah. Just because… When did you… Like when did that stop being an issue? Like a week? Two weeks? I think a month. So you were diligent for a month about like not getting water in your eyes?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I was… You know, because it's your fucking eyes. Yes. I know. This is what…

Like my hands are sweating. I feel like… Yeah. eye. Like that's fucking crazy. But the next layer for me though is my eyes being such a literally and figuratively such a sore spot that I'm like, if anything was to make it worse, I would literally jump off a fucking cliff. Yes. So that is why I need that extra assurance. So if anybody has any feedback, please, please, please, please, please. Sasha at LaneyGossip.com. Yes. If you've had ICL and you've had like experience with like bad

dry eyes or like any fucked up eye shit, that also helps me. Okay. Help out Sasha, everybody. And thank you. Okay. Let's go to get, let's help other people now. Okay. So here's our first question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. I'm 22. And while I haven't had the most dating experience, I have been with a couple of guys, but nothing too serious. Hopefully this isn't too TMI of a question. It never is, but I don't have many girlfriends as I just moved to a new city for school, so I'm turning to you. I met this guy, let's call him B. He's really cute and we've been on a couple of dates. We actually slept together last weekend. It was great, but he did say something after that has made me feel really insecure. He made this joke about my pubic hair

region. Exactly, quote, that's hippie. The blood ran out of my body and I felt so embarrassed, but pretended I didn't hear it, smiled and felt super awkward. I haven't talked to him in a couple of days and it's because of that. So I guess I have two questions. It's not like I have a lot down there, but are guys used to nothing? And now what do I do? Do I wait for him to text or can, can I do it? Thanks. T. Okay. So T's getting down with a guy and T says that she's not super, uh, what did she, how did she explain it? It's not like have a lot down there, but okay. So she clearly doesn't have a Brazilian or a landing strip. She's got some muff.

She's got some muff. Yeah. And this dude said, he described it, quote, that's hippie. All right. So you don't have like a 70s bush, but she's not like super bare. She's not like a prepubescent Brazilian woman. Okay. Okay.

Got it. All right. So what do guys like? Who knows? You're asking the wrong person. Well, I will say this, because this triggers something in me, because I was actually, so I was away with Corey, right, and we went to a cottage, and I was like, you know what, I'm going to fucking, I gave him the heads up.

I was like, listen, I'm going to let my armpit hair grow. I, like, really think it's almost, like, good. Like, why the fuck do I always have to shave it? Like, I just, I was like, I'm going to let my armpit hair grow. And he was like, no. And I was like, well, yeah, I'm going to. And I was just like, and he was like, no. He's like, listen, I can get down with all your crystal shit and all your, like, smudging

shit that you're doing. They're like, no, you can't shave your armpit. You can't grow your armpit hair. And I was like, okay, fine. Here's the happy medium. I'm just going to grow it for the week that we're away and then I'll fucking clean that shit up. And so I would only do…

I feel like the only reason why I listened to Corey was because he's earned the right to tell me that, right? Like, we've gone… We've been in a relationship for a long time. He's not allowed to do certain things as well, right? Like, I don't ever let him shave his beard. Like, I would really be upset if he did. And so, fine.

If he doesn't want me to have, like, long armpit hair, then I will respect that. But that's only because, that's only because we've been together for so long and he has that right. So, to our reader, let me just… Can I just go back? Like, what were you going to do? Like, you are often in a tank top. Yes.

Like, so you were going to just let that fucking blow in the wind? Not forever. Not forever. Just like, I just felt like, hey, my hair wants to grow. Like, let me just let it grow for a bit. Okay, let me just ask you this. Let me, how does your, cause I have wiry Asian pubes, so they are pin straight and like they're sharp, sharp enough where my pubic hair like pokes through the underwear.

You know how fibers in like fibers in textiles are porous. So my pubic hair is so sharp that they, you know, you can, they prong through. Whereas I find that like white people and non-Asian people have like puffy tufts, right? Puffy tufts that are pillowy and they don't point upwards so they don't jab through the material. Is that how yours is? The half Asian in me represents itself in hair. So yes.

So you're soft and tufty. No, I'm a half Asian. So I get the course hard. Okay. And so yeah, my armpit hair isn't like that beautiful like… It's not curly. It's not curly. It's straight.

It's dense. It's like fucking weeds growing from a grass. Like they're hard. Okay. Right? Like, because Jacek's, like, Jacek's armpit hair is, like, curly. Yeah, like, you could blow it and it would move. Yeah.

You can't do that with any hair on my body. Okay. Because your hair is, like, wavy. Yes, it's way wavier than my hair on my head. I have white hair, head hair. Okay, so you have white head hair, like, texture, but Asian pubes. Sure, yes. Okay, got it.

And so armpit hair is coarse. Okay, got it. Okay, but it doesn't matter. I just wanted it to breathe. It just wanted, like, just wanted my body to do what it wanted to do for just a hot moment in time. Would you do that with your legs? I don't really, like, sometimes I don't shave my legs all that often.

I don't ever, do you ever see me in skirts or shorts? Never. It's true. So it's like, I, I, like, shave my legs, like, once a week. I don't really give a fuck. And Corey, like, is he… Corey's really just, like, he doesn't notice much. Right.

He's just one of those. Anyways, but he would notice your pit hair. Yes, and he obviously did and was very angry. Okay. Are you looking at it right now? No. Okay. So that's, so going back to our reader, let's circle back, which was that he has earned

the right to tell me what to do with the fucking hair on my body. Right. And I will listen to him. Right. I don't necessarily know if I would listen to somebody, like if our reader is like questioning her pubic hair and is like, oh fuck, I need to now bald eagle it because this guy is judgy of my pubic hair, then I kind of want to tell her like he can fucking eat a big fat dick because who cares?

The fact that he's getting anything from her is great. But I think that's what it is. Like, I think it might have been an observation. That's hippie. Like, you know. You think so? You know, I think, to me, in my experience with guys, as you just said, the fact that he's getting in there, it could look like Ronald McDonald's head down there or it could be completely grazed and bare.

The fact that they're getting access to that part of the body is enough. I don't know that, like, guys are going to be like, oh, take off your pants. Wait a minute. You're fucking rocking a 70s bush down there. Forget it. I'm out. I'm going to, like, hang out with my boys and play video games. I don't know, like, that any guy would pack up and leave because their taste in pubic hair wasn't met with a lover.

Do you know what I mean? I would say the majority of people are like that, but there are guys that are, like, very particular, right? Okay, are you going to talk about Leonardo DiCaprio here? We could be. She's… I mean, I think that you've got to have a lot of catalog pussy to be able to make judgments on, like, pussy hair.

Right. You know, like, you have to be like, oh, you know, February has, like, full grown, and I don't want February. I want October. Right. Because October is bare. Right. And I'm not sure that there are, in the real world, outside of Hollywood, I don't know

that there are a lot of Leonardo DiCaprios. I feel like most guys are like, I am in. Well, there's lots of dudes that are like, hey, honey, can you get a tit job? Because, like, I like big tits. Like, it's the same. Or, hey, like, dye your hair. I know, I actually have a friend whose boyfriend wants her to always keep her hair blonde. Right.

So, I don't think it's, I don't think this is so far-fetched that she could be slapping the skins with a guy who might be a bit of a dick. But, right? Like, the possibility is there enough that I don't think he was like, hey, nice 70s hair. Like, he was like, he said it in a way that made her feel bad. Well, I mean, but guys say things that, I mean, I don't want to defend him. Like, I'm not going to die on a sword for this guy.

At the same time, you know, he may not have realized that his expression or his remark, like, oh, that's hippie. That's fresh. I like it. Like, he may not have, like, said the follow-up two sentences. Okay. Fair. You know, it doesn't necessarily have to mean, that's hippie.

Gross. It could have been, that's hippie. Oh, interesting. I think I'm coming to dig in it. Okay. But, you know… But he hasn't called her since. Yes.

No, he hasn't, but she hasn't called him either. Okay. Okay. That said, of course, you and I are in agreement that she should keep her, you know, nether style intact. However she… However you feel, like, however you want to feel, like, rock it down there. Tea, don't change just because, you know, you experience this.

And didn't your best friend, Gwyneth Paltrow, have, like, a 70s bush and then Cameron Diaz had to, like, shave it? Wasn't there that whole joke? Yeah, they made this joke that… Yeah, so, like, Gwyneth has fucking… Gwyneth, yes. Gwyneth, your new idol, clearly. Gwyneth, I think, for a while, rocked a 70s bush and was down with it.

Yeah, so, like, if Gwyneth is doing it, you're good. But what are her questions? Sorry, what are her particular questions? So, I don't know… are guys used to nothing? I don't know that guys are used to anything. I mean, I think that… I think that for a guy to be used to something, it means that his experience and number of seeing pussy is a wide range. And I don't know that any guy would say, I'm used to.

I think that, like, any pussy is good pussy. Yes. Cheers to that. So I don't know that I can answer or we can answer, but are guys used to nothing? But I will say, though, that Brazilians are like, that's what are always on the menu for chicks. Like people… Yes.

So for sure people are doing that. Yes. And like lots… Like any bikini picture you see of someone, like it's not like they have anything popping out of there. Correct. But I feel like when you see a bikini picture of someone, they know they're having their picture taken in a bikini. And so it's about like not tufting out of your bikini. Right. It's for

the purposes of the photo as opposed to… But they're not like tucking it in. I, like I would say that, I mean, for me, I have been thinking about lasering everything. Really? Lasering there. I just, I haven't gotten around to it. I'm so lazy. It takes like, you have to go back, I think five or six times or something. Oh, even more than that, I think. Well, no, I think for… it depends on, like, your skin tone and your hair color. Yeah, but as you just said, you have Asian wiry pubes. Which is ideal. Oh, really?

The darker the hair with the skin. Like, for instance, blondes have a harder time, I've been told, with laser because their hair is so light. It's like the one area where blonde people don't win in life. Yes. But, yeah, Asian hair, like, it's ideal because the hair is dark, but the skin, the contrast between the hair and the skin, and so, yeah. Anyway, whatever.

I've been thinking about it. The reason why I want to is just because I, my hair is poking me all the time. Okay. Like, I am tired of getting pricked by my own hair. Okay. That said, I feel like hairstyles on head and on pussy are ever changing. Like in the 70s, the full bush was en vogue. Yeah.

And I wouldn't be surprised if in 20 years or in 10 years, the full bush might be a thing again. Oh, I feel like it's still, I think it's making its return. Like when I'm watching porn, I find it super erotic when a woman has a full bush and a man is down there and he's like fucking nuzzling down there. Anyway, because I, yeah. For yourself. For myself. It's uncomfortable.

It's like fucking pricking me all the time. I love that this is like a real problem in my life. Anyway, so T, back to you. Yes. I don't know. Listen, I don't think it fucking matters what guys are used to down there. That is not the point. It's what you're used to and what you're comfortable with.

So rock your pussy hair style the way you want to rock it. And do I wait for him to text or can I do it? Of course you can do it. Text him. Text him. Yeah. And if he's a dick about it, if you're getting any kind of way about it, if you are sensing that he's being, I don't know…

Like a Leonardo DiCaprio. Like a Leonardo DiCaprio, then that's it. Yeah. You clearly got him. You can get somebody else. Yes. Yeah. Agreed.

We are here to let you know that your pussy looks fine. Love it. Love it. Great. Next question. Your hippie pussy is beautiful. Well, hey, if I, yes. Clearly Sasha covets your hippie.

Yes. Sasha finds your hippie pussy the way to be right now. Give me a call. There you go. All right. Next. Do you keep hearing podcast ads like this one, for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization?

Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. Hello, I'm a 38 nearing 39 year old mother of a two and a half year old girl. I'm struggling with

the thought of one and done, but not for the usual reasons. I never wanted children. I married knowing my husband did. We just never had the talk thinking someone would give in. I underestimated my husband's desire for a child. His baby fever spiked after we married. There were a few tough years of feeling bullied and being treated like shit for weeks at a time when his repressed anger could not be contained. It came to a point where I felt that we would not make it if I did not give him a child. I did not want to lose him, so I agreed. I had hoped not to get pregnant, but I did and I was devastated. Fast forward and my daughter was born healthy but not happy. She didn't just cry, she screamed a lot for the first year and she continues to be demanding. I told my husband when

I found out I was pregnant, that one was it, begged him not to put me through this torture again. I'm sure I endured mental abuse, even if he didn't mean to act out his frustrations. Because she was a difficult baby, I thought we were both on the same page, but as she approached 18 months and we got older, he started hinting at baby number two. The hinting has now turned into full-on pressure. My reasons for considering it? The people we know who grew up as single children are all very weird, but rationally, I know

people with siblings can be weird too. A sibling would give her someone to play with and share memories with so she wouldn't be alone. Again, I know there's no guarantee they'll be close. I feel I took on the responsibility of being a mother and now I must do what is best for her. I also wonder if subconsciously my main reason for entertaining this idea is the fear of losing my husband after all I've sacrificed for him. I didn't have a baby to be a single mother. Reasons for not. The obvious, I never wanted one, so why have two? My age, I'm exhausted now, and she's not getting any easier.

Do I want a 10-year-old when I'm 50? No. I get help from family with just one. Is it fair to have a second? No. Did my desire to not have children and my anger, fear, and resentment while pregnant cause my daughter to be difficult? Is it fair to do it again to make my husband happy?

As you can tell, my husband and I are non-great communicators. We've had a few discussions on baby number two, and he seems to twist my words and remembers hearing things I've never said. He's accused me of knowing all along I never wanted another child, saying I'm just putting off making a decision, waiting him out until it's too late and we're too old. I do not feel that way at all. For the first year, I could only think about survival, so a sibling never crossed my mind, and I was not prepared or my spirit had not beaten down enough until 36 to give him the first baby. Of course, there's more to every story, but this is just the basics. I realize you can't just say yes or no, but hearing a different perspective may help me in some way.

Thank you, D. Wow. Okay, so D is almost 39. She's a two and a half year old, and the question is whether or not to have another child. For the sake of her child. For the sake of her child and for the sake of her marriage, it sounds like. oh I you know you can't help but have like these big red flag words that pop up in her letter um

torture being one of them that's still like in my head right now because she did say it was torture and what's interesting is she's kind of already you know as I think most people would tell her to do is like make a pro and con list and she clearly has done that for us and the con list is in my eyes, in my opinion, is outweighing the pros at this, at this point. And I can't help but feel like, you know, she, she said we can't make that decision for her, but I almost want to and just say no, no for right now, because everything feels very messy and not a positive place to bring another child. That's just my feeling on it. And I feel pretty passionate about that actually. Like I, I, everything in my body is screaming no as well. Well, I think the

key word you, you talked about key words, red flag words. And the key words here is that she said, my husband and I are not great communicators. Yeah. So to me, this is, I mean, it's a cliche thing to say, but communication is the heart of every relationship, romantic or otherwise, married or otherwise. And so, if you guys aren't communicating now and you have one child, bringing another child into the family when the family itself has not established healthy communication structures and healthy communication habits is… I just… I feel like the priority right now is not to decide whether or not to have another child, but the priority should be how to be better communicators with each other yeah oh absolutely their their relationship seems

to have gone haywire actually from the beginning they you know she's felt there's so much resentment between the two that that needs to be ironed out that needs to be worked out um so that there's a safe environment for not only herself in this relationship but for her her child now and for any future children that they bring in so I'm just sort of I feel I'm sad I'm sad for her and I just want her to get to a place where she can be happy again and be happy in her, in her life and in her relationship. So, I mean, obviously the key is, is to seek out support and to seek out support through your friendships and through therapy and to go through couples counseling.

It seems like that would be a no brainer in this situation. And take it from there. Take it from there. Yeah. I feel sad, too, just because, look, I think that in my case, for example, Jacek and I thought we wanted kids before we got married just because that is the… Thing to do. Thing to do. And then, luckily, we came to a realization together that we both didn't want children. But if it didn't work out that way, if I still wanted kids and he didn't,

or he wanted kids and I didn't. It would have been hard. You know, when a marriage, when two people in a marriage start wanting different things, that really affects the constitution, the foundation of the marriage, doesn't it? Yeah. And this is what's happened here. And the first time around, you know, it almost hurts to hear her say that she just did it for him. like she kind of gave in. And I do think a lot of people do that though. I do think there are a lot

of women who feel pressure or vice versa. Like, I mean, I even, I even think, you know, Corey and I are talking about having children, trying to do that again. And he's like, he's kind of on the fence. Yeah. So in a way, if I was to make that decision, because he's put that on me, that I would kind of be forcing him to. But Dee here, Dee here did it and has had the child, the daughter, two and a half years old, and still feels resentful. You know, that's here where she has her child. She's clearly… How old's her child? Two and a half. Two and a half. Okay. And yet she's still… Dee, you are carrying a lot of resentment. Like you are… You know, I just want to be real here and I want to say to Dee, you have this child. She's two and a half

years old. I know you're a good mother. You're providing for her. You're thinking for her. But the fact that you're still carrying resentment for having to have her is a concern for me. Because of the trickle effect. That's right. Okay. And it worries me that in five years, in 10 years, if she doesn't get to the root of this resentment, that it's going to be directed to somebody who doesn't deserve it, and that is your daughter. Yeah. So I feel like Dee not only needs to have some therapy and some help and to work through some issues with her husband, but Dee needs to work on herself.

Dee, you need… You know, I want… I hope that maybe you can talk to somebody and work through these issues of resentment because whether or not you decide to have another child, you have one, and feeling this resentment for why she even exists is going to come back as a problem. I mean, you and I, Sash, are not scientists, and I don't know whether or not Dee's feelings during her pregnancy have had an impact on her child's behavior, but I do know that Dee's ongoing resentment will have an impact on her child's behavior going forward.

Is that clear? Yes. And so I feel like right now the priority is the child who is around now and to make sure she grows up in an environment where the parents can healthily communicate and her mom is able to address those feelings of resentment. A hundred percent. She's two and a half and so impressionable. And children, as we know, are total sponges.

So you are exactly right that our reader needs to get herself sorted, get herself sorted, get her relationship sorted, and then, then figure out the rest. Yeah. So Dee, please, good luck. Yeah. Keep us posted. Work on the communication and work on you. Please give us an update.

Yeah. And let us know again, like we are always here to find people if you're not, if you're not really hooked into therapy in your city, let us know. like I'm more than happy to figure that out for you as well. Okay. Hi, Sasha. Sorry if this feels like a redundant inquiry, but I'm struggling and could use your help. I recently got married and after the fact heard some secondhand information about one of our groomsmen that has me a little worried. A bit of background, the groomsman, we'll call him T, is a big flirt, has always been overly friendly even in front of his significant other. He and his partner, we'll call her L, have been

together for five years, and about six months ago, they had a daughter. They're also engaged in getting married in September. When tea was over helping plan my husband's stag, he had to rush home. Elle had found some messages in his Facebook to an ex that, in his words, weren't exactly asking how she is. Their daughter was about two months old at the time, and they powered through it, and by all accounts have been far more open with each other. He used to never let her touch his phone, and it's better now, etc. So they were both at the wedding, and Elle headed home a bit earlier for the baby. At the very end of the night, my mother-in-law is going to drive the last of us home, including T. However, he was continuously going back into the hall

and being a pain, so we left. Then we went back to clean up the following Monday. The hall manager made a comment when looking through our pictures that the bald one must have been the guy creeping out her bartender. Apparently, he was, quote, helping clean up and hanging around, to the point that the bartender hid in the back until he left. When my husband asked T about it, he said that she was interested in going to the after party a few blocks away, which wasn't really an after party, and he was just waiting for her so they could walk over together. Sure. I worry that if I tell L about what happened, T will talk his way around it and I will ruin our relationship with both T and L. I also don't want to turn her world upside down on what wasn't necessarily a full

cheat, even though intention is bad in its own right. Do I let her marry him without disclosing this information? The fact that it's piecemeal and secondhand makes me feel like telling her is a risky play. I also know this couple through my husband and while I've become relatively close to L, I'm not sure it's my place to be meddling. S. S, I think you are pretty accurate in figuring out that this guy is kind of a slime. But that, yeah, I don't necessarily know if this is your place. And I definitely don't think it's your place, as you say, because there's only intention in this last example of at her wedding with the bartender. I think if you're going to fucking lay it out to someone, you need to have some fucking proof and there needs to be some like

some action as opposed to someone just flirting. I think if you are going to break up, potentially break up a relationship, like, you need to bring the beef. You know what bothers me about this question is it bites my ass that S is the one burdened with this moral decision. Like, Like, with all due respect, S, your husband, I don't know why he is not more involved in this situation. Because it's stupid bro code. But I fucking, this is what I'm, this is what I'm trying to address and attack is bro code. Yeah.

Like, S's husband, let's call him John, John's friend, I mean, it's John's friends, right? This sleaze is John's friend or this guy who has a baby mama, is getting married in just a few weeks, it's August already, so he's getting married in September. Let's call it six weeks. He's getting married in six weeks. They have a six-month-old child and he's creeping on a bartender who is hiding from him. And John, S's husband, knows this. And for some reason it's S who is like spending her time thinking about this. What is John saying? Like why isn't John being like bro-coding, hey, dude, dude, are you going to marry the mother of your child? Because if you don't want to marry her, let's get through this together because you guys

can still have a co-parenting situation that is healthy and productive without dragging her ass. Dragging her ass and wasting more of her time. Like, what is it about bro-code where John is just like, yeah, yeah, that's just my friend. And, well, yeah, I don't… I don't want to blame John, like, Sash. Like, I don't want to sit here and fucking judge John because maybe S isn't telling us that John…

Because, you know what? Even if John had that conversation with Slee's face, Slee's face would be like, no, I love her. Like, you know what I mean? Sometimes a cheater, it's not to say that he doesn't want to be with the person that he's currently with. He's just a fucking dick-slinging fuck face. But here's the thing.

John did confront Slee's face, as you like to call him, and he was like, oh, I just thought she wanted to come to the after party. And if I'm John, I would have been like, dude, she was hiding in the back because she didn't want to be around you. So somewhere in between you thinking that that girl wanted to go to the after party and her hiding in the back, you have a perspective problem. So I'm either helping you on your relationship or I'm helping you not scare women, which either way is a charitable thing to do. Help the guy save his marriage or help the guy not be a fucking potential, like, one of those… You know, we all can, like, pinpoint one of those people, right, from a party.

Of course. That's, oh, stay away from that guy. He's, like, the potential rapist. Totally. Like, nobody wants to be around that guy. Yes. So I don't want that for my friend, 100%. But I don't think we're going to be able to change John and his, you know, ingrained

bro code, right? I know it's infuriating, it's fucking annoying, and it's super weak behavior. But I don't know if our reader is really going to be able to convince her husband to like, I don't know, maybe, maybe they can, maybe she can suggest to her husband to have like a real conversation with this dude. But this dude, like, sleaze face seems just like a sleaze face. So here's the thing, like, you're talking about bro code and not knowing whether or not you can change bro code, but then on the flip side for S, the reader who's writing

to us, there is girl code. Right. Right? So in her not telling this woman because it's not, quote, her place, isn't that upholding a bro code that hurts women? I don't know. I'm trying to work out this dilemma. I think it would be if she didn't… if she knew that this guy was like sticking it to

this bartender or was like… she had actual proof that they had kissed or that they had fucked or that they, like, whatever, anything in between, then I think our reader would say something. I think the reason why she's on the fence right now is because it's not super tangible information. It's not information. If you told me that about Corey, I wouldn't end everything with him. It would make it messy as fuck, but I wouldn't end my relationship with him.

And most likely this wouldn't be a deal breaker for this couple. What would be a deal breaker is something more hardcore. I feel like he's been flirting with it. You know, like the first time on Facebook, he got found out. And then this time, he's flirting with it. And the only reason why it didn't happen for him is because he's a predator. Yeah, his behavior was predatory and the poor woman was hiding in the back. But if he had been given an opportunity, who knows?

I just, I feel very uncomfortable. I feel, what I'm trying to say is, S, I feel your dilemma and I feel your discomfort because, you know, on the one hand, as Sasha said, you don't have tangible concrete proof, but you have a gut feeling and you have this behavior that just doesn't sit right. It doesn't sit right. And then what do you do? Do you uphold this guy's shadiness? No, you wait and see. You wait and see. I know, but you wait and see, right? You keep your eye on that piece of shit and you wait until he breaks.

And when he does, then either ask your husband to fucking confront him or you stand by girl code and you help this fellow chick out and let her know what she's getting herself into. I mean, fuck, seriously. Before their wedding, during their marriage, it doesn't really make a difference. Do you know what I mean? Like, she's, do you know what I mean? I don't know. I think it's a big difference to me.

Like, I wouldn't want… A relationship, ending a relationship is going to be hard no matter what. But I wouldn't want her to go and get married to this guy. Like… The timing's off. It's not the right time. Although she already does have a child with him, so she's inextricably linked to this guy no matter what.

You're right. I don't know. Like I, like I said, I don't have an, I don't have an answer for this because this is… Okay, would you tell, what would you do? What would you do with this information if you knew of… If you were in the same circumstance, what would you do? Where there was like a Facebook situation and then Corey was being a predator and women were running around.

Let's not use Corey as the predator. And Corey was like… Corey was causing women to hide in the back room. Okay, but would you? Seeing how close we are, would you tell me that? I don't think you would. I don't think you would until you had actual fucking proof. um given how close we are i would tell you okay i think if we weren't as close that's when i would

be like oh do i want to whatever but given how close we are and how i know you feel about infidelity i mean you have made it very clear on this podcast and in our off podcast life that you that's such a deal breaker for you totally and the i feel like you've also set a standard for what disrespect means. Yes, I know. In addition to not… Sure, he may have not crossed any black or white lines, but it's disrespectful. It's embarrassing.

That is not up for debate. I totally agree with you. But it's not the right time to fucking stick your nose into… No, I know. …into their relationship yet. S, I don't think S is… I agree that it's not S's role and timing to stick her nose into it. But I do think that John, this name that we've given as his husband, I think that John needs

to step up a little bit. Okay. I really do. In fact, I would say I'm happy to make this declaration that if I was… like, if it were me and if I were S, I would actually insist upon Jacek being a little bit more firm with this. Okay. It would be a disappointment to me if Jacek did not make a clearer statement to his friend

that he thought his friend was… Was shady as fuck. Yeah. Okay. Fucked up and shady. I would… I will stand by that. Okay.

I would say that if it were me, yeah, I would be like, hey, this is your friend and your friend is acting all kinds of like gross. Yes. He's being gross. He has a six-month-old child. The woman went home early and he is making women hide in the back room. Please deal with your possible rapey friend. Okay, I co-sign.

I co-sign. This is good advice. Yes. So S, talk to John, whatever his name is. Shake the burden off and give it to your husband. Yes, exactly. Transfer the burden back to where it should be, which is your husband's friend, and ask your husband to maybe address it.

And keep a watchful eye though too. Yeah, and keep us posted. We really want updates on all of this. Yes, please. And we've had a couple of updates, actually. Yes. So we're collecting these updates and we will be sharing them with you in a future podcast. Absolutely.

Once there's more of them. Thanks for listening. Keep your questions coming to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And don't forget, if you have had the procedure ICL… Yes, let me know. Thanks for listening. Check us out on iTunes. Leave comments.

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