What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: Election Therapy and the Need for Shame

Episode Date: November 17, 2016

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers podcast!On the show today: a cringe-worthy work blunder, adorable deplorable parents and a chick who can't get over her ex.Thank you all for sending your questions - we couldn't do this without you - so make sure to keep them coming to me at [e-mail]! Also do us a favour and hit us up on iTunes and Google Play and leave us some feedback! And as always visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey, and welcome to the Lainey Gossett Podcast for Sasha Answers. Hi. Hi. Welcome back. You guys were on vacation, so- We were. Sorry. The podcast is going up a little bit late this week, but we're here.

Yeah. And you're tanned, and I hate you. And the world has changed dramatically since we last were at this table. We won't talk about that devastation. devastation we probably will because there's actually a question oh probably okay bring up some some maybe we'll do that yeah we'll save it we'll save our anger for a few minutes i i did think about you when i was away because um when i was away um i call it prince harry's love shield yes i read your article on this he drew out his love shield to protect his new love

Of, well, maybe calling her princesses premature, but Meghan Markle is Prince Harry's girlfriend with a sort of Canadian connection because- It's weird that people keep on saying it's Canadian connection. She just films a fucking show here, but okay. But she resides in Toronto. Because she films a fucking show here. Okay. But let's claim her.

She's our princess now. Sure. And yeah, and I thought about you because what we do a lot is observe relationships and analyze love yeah and this was like a big boss love move yes he fucking owned that he owned his lady in that moment in like not a territorial way but he he stood up for her and did some i don't know pretty off-brand shit for the royals right because typically all they do is fuck each other in the family and don't talk about it and and like they're super white and they're super fucking you know strung up so it was amazing that he fucking basically professed his love and uh

also like a beat down for anybody who's going to step to that love well i think that the beat down too was some of the shit that's being written about her is atrocious the whole straight out of compton what the fuck does it matter if her mother has dreadlocks because yeah basically basically only fucking their family that are white. Right. I go back to that. Right. So it's actually, that's what's so cool about this is, and I think, I mean, fuck, it's not like I'm coming up with this. Everyone's saying this. Like it's, he's always the fun prince and he's the fun prince who's like fucking jamming out and dancing. And he's now like dating a half black woman, which is like super progressive, even though it isn't progressive, but it is for their family.

Yeah. And he, I don't know. It's fucking dope. I love it. I feel like this, because I don't know that you're royal interested? I'm not. And I feel like this was the story that like, yes, you know, you're like, oh yeah, maybe I care. I do care now. I do care. Um, but what do you think about all this stuff? How people are like, even her sister's coming out saying that she's basically like, sister though, right? Whatever. She's still related to her saying that she's like a royal social climber. But I say that because like, I don't know that they grew up together. This is what I mean. Like, I don't know that these, it's like you and your sister where you shared a home and you have shared experiences.

Right. I wonder if this is a sister, yes, in blood on paper, but... So is that what you're hearing? What? That... Well, what are you hearing? Is this like legit, legit love or is this... I'm hearing it's legit love.

Okay. Like super serious. The possibilities are endless. Right. And that he is super fucking into her. Right. In a way that like his first love was Chelsea Davey. Mm-hmm.

And that wasn't – it's always intense when you're 20 years old. And he definitely was in love with Chelsea Davey. And then he dated Cressida Bonas a few years ago. And that was – sure, he was attracted to her. He was into her. But it wasn't to this level of intensity. I mean, he is intense. Yeah.

About it right now. But it's interesting, right? The whole people saying that she's like a prince, like money grubber and prince grubber. But as we were talking, I mean, no joke she's down for a prince. Who wouldn't be down for a prince? Like, that's part of the appeal. So I think anybody who's, like, casting shade on her just because she, like, wants to be with a prince. I want to be with a fucking prince.

Don't we all? I feel like, I'm sorry. If you are a person who is able to, like, meet the acquaintance of Prince Harry. Yeah. And he's interested in you. Are you going to be like, no, I just want to get to know him first? Or are you going to be like, yeah, I'm down. He's hot and he's a prince.

Yes. It's a total bonus. More than a bonus. But who would be able to separate that? Yeah. Who? Who wouldn't? Anyway.

Yeah. Who would be able to separate that? It's kind of like the stupidest, the stupidest knock on her ever. Because nobody would be able to separate that. No. He's Diana's son. Yeah. Like, and he's the good one.

Yes. He's the fun one. Yes. Anyways. And he's a ginge. That's great. Okay. Let's get into some questions. Shall we? You are reading once again. Okay. First question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. One of the most embarrassing things happened to me this past Monday. I was at work and slightly annoyed by someone I work with and went to send

an email to my friend complaining about that person. Oh God, no. The embarrassing part is I ended up sending the email to the person I was complaining about. Oh, fuck. I know, right? The annoyance came from a chain of emails that the coworker, we'll call her G, was sending, stating the obvious and trying to prove in a not so subtle way she was right. I went to forward the chain to my friend, also a coworker, but sent it to G. My email was something like, check out this chain of emails below. Okay, G, you're right. Who cares? Sorry, we're laughing, but literally the mortification is coursing through our bodies right now. Basically, I'm left feeling like the scum of the earth. I'm not a mean girl, just a disgruntled coworker. I don't think my email was

particularly brutal, but the fact that she knows I was talking about her has to give her a shitty feeling. Looking back at the whole situation, I probably should have been honest and admitted I'd screwed up. The sad part is I like G. Annoying at times, but she is a nice person and we've always been friendly. Since this whole thing went down, I haven't spoken in person with G, just a few work-related emails back and forth. Another thing I'm struggling with is I'm kind of positive she might've shared my email to a few other people in the office, which makes me feel even worse. I don't want to be portrayed as a shitty person and it kind of makes me want to say fuck you for her sharing this whole thing. Am I wrong for feeling that way? I know when you're

wrong, you have to own it. But now I'm not so sure I want to. I guess my question is, has anything ever happened to you like this? And do you have any suggestions on what I could do moving forward? Mortified. Thanks, mortified. Okay. Well, that's like the worst work nightmare. Yeah. So I feel like I'm sure a lot of people out there have done that. Yes. I almost feel like I have, but I think I just fear it every day. That's what I think that I have, but I don't think I've done that. But that's truly my worst nightmare. My worst work nightmare would be to do that. So sucks to be you mortified. I'm kind of, well, have you ever done that? Have you ever heard of anyone do that? I've definitely heard of people doing that. And some have been like

resulted in suspensions or like really crazy fucking shit like horrible nasty gross sexist all that kind of shit right so this doesn't seem to be at that level where it warrants you know a human resources talk or anything like that so thank god she's lucky that way that it wasn't something you know malicious i mean she just did an ugh which is like you know whatever did she say that she apologized to her no she didn't confront her no okay um i mean my first feeling is i was kind of with mortified for the first couple of paragraphs and then she kind of took a turn and was kind of i don't know more i'm more i wasn't on team mortified after a while just because she basically was mad that g would afford this on to other co-workers like no shit

G's gonna do that yeah anybody would but also she has every right to fucking um drag her name in the mud for a bit well listen I think that she mortified said so herself that G doesn't you know G doesn't deserve to feel shitty like that right and so when something like that happens to anyone you kind of want to reach out to people you think are your allies and be like hey do you have my back here like was i really that annoying um or just like that fucking mortified is a bitch she just totally look what she did yeah more you can't i don't know mortified that you can hold it against G for sharing it and you fucked up. Yeah. So ultimately I'm, if I were G and I got an email like that, I would maybe I would call Yassica. I would call Sasha. I would call Duann. I would

call like, I would share it with people. Of course. Um, and so, yeah, I'm sort of my advice to mortified would be like, own it. You, you say that you're supposed to own it, but you're trying to detract from owning it. So I don't know. My advice would be just like, suck up your mistake, own it. And if you really want to, I don't know, if you want to be a good person, then I would go up to a G and be like, listen, I am so sorry that went out. I was like, obviously really crusty that morning. I shouldn't have done that. That was so inappropriate on so many other levels. I'm so sorry. Like, let's just forget about it. Here's a fucking Starbucks. Drink it. Let's peace. Yeah. Like that is the, I don't know, tidy, the tidy etiquette, nice person way of doing it. And

I think every, if you went to like every mom, hey mom, like if you're going to advice to like, you know, your, your quint, your proverbial mom advice. Yeah. I'd be like, work it out and communicate and make things better. I mean, that is the ideal, but it depends on what your motivation is. Right? Like if your motivation is like, whatever, I just want to sweep this under the rug and then by all means, don't confront it. Then don't confront it and see it as like, okay, if you want to, if you want to fault G for sharing it with other people, then at most you guys are even. Totally. Right? Yes. So you fucked up, but then G shared it with other people and kind of shamed you. So the end. Yeah. All even, all square. You don't get to be mad at

her and she doesn't get to be mad at you. You don't have to go up to her and feel like a second class citizen. So if you want in your mind to spin it that way, go ahead. If you want to look real good, and if you want to sort of turn this in your favor and, I don't know, get brownie points and swan into work like you're this wonderful person, then yeah, make a gesture. Hey, can we go out for coffee and talk? That was so offside of me, and I want you to know that. And then, I don't know, I'm a bragger. So then you start leaking it to other people. That you apologize? Yeah, that you apologize and what a big ass magnanimous person you were.

There you go, right? You save face. You save face that way. But if you do that, you have to do it soon. Yeah. Like, I don't know when this happened, but you can't be like six months later. Right. So even Steven or, I don't know, play the part. Good advice. I like that. Okay. All right. Moving on. Next. Hi, Sasha. I have a problem relating to relatives with majorly opposing views. Here's a bit of backstory. I come from a very conservative Christian right-wing blah, blah, blah family. Luckily, I got to college, went off on my own, and discovered the world. I was still pretty conservative up until about 2005. Thanks to

social media and Lainey's blog in the last 10, oh, thank you, and especially the last five since I've had my son, I've discovered that I'm a feminist, a bad word growing up, and independent with Democrat, another bad word, leanings, and I don't believe in God. Whoa. One, two, punch. Slow down. As you can imagine, my parents and I agree on very little. Things weren't so bad though, because as I grew, it seemed my parents were loosening up too. Unfortunately, they decided to hop on to the wrong side of history with the Tea Party and the birthers, and it has only gotten worse from there. Out of kink, my husband is an Iranian-American. This never bothered my parents, as they know him and love him, but things still didn't line up. For example, my husband was

lamenting the fact that someone said he looked like a terrorist, and my mom said, but you do. Fuck. I've tried on many, many occasions to share, educate, and lighten them to no avail, which brings me to now. I think you can guess who they voted for. my mom's new favorite shirt says adorable deplorable on it fine like i of course of course i've seen real people wearing these t-shirts but i you know you want to get it closer to your circle like do these people exist are they unicorns they clearly do yeah i used to say but they are good people i'm not sure i can say that anymore long story short they usually come to our house for thanksgiving i have not extended an invitation this year and i don't want to oh i'm exhausted

drained, and sad. I spent most of Wednesday crying and had to console my five-year-old son when he found out that Hillary didn't win. He had voted for her in his kindergarten class election. That's so cute. I know the holidays mean suffering through time with your family, but I don't want to. I feel like I really can't this year. My husband and I are seriously considering changing our last name while my parents sit back in their adorable, deplorable shirts. Can I just say no this year? Am I being a total asshole? I would love any advice that you have. Sincerely, Emily. I have to say that I have heard from many people about this election tearing apart families, some very close to me who live in America. And I don't mean to make

light of it. I know we were giggling because it's actually so shocking and that it's a serious thing right now for many, many people in the US. I have been getting a lot of emails about that exact thing. And what's, so I just picked this one because this was shorter and to the point, but they're like this one, there's a subject says Trump win brings out the racist coworker. That's one email that I got today. Then there was another one that her friend finally admitted to her that she used to prank call her and like when I guess they were younger and be like, oh, you smell like curry. And they would hang up. And so now she's had, after this whole Trump thing, has confronted her friend. So I'm just saying like, this is like, this is bubbling

up. This isn't even brewing anymore. This is like really bringing up some serious feelings for families, for friends, people who are just not even going to take it anymore, which is very interesting, interesting time. God, I don't know what to, I honestly don't know what to recommend here because I, on the one side, for instance, let me talk about my own mother. Okay. My own mother, I love her. She is actually a feminist without knowing she's a feminist, but has like fucked up ideas. Okay. She is not educated. She is from Hong Kong and of a culture that has not always been open-minded towards a lot of things. Okay. So she says some offensive shit a lot. Okay. And Jacek and I like cringe and like are grateful that most of the time when she says the

stupid shit that she says, it's like at our house. So we don't have to be like around you and other human beings. Yeah. Right. And so there are only enough times when I can be blue in the face and say to her like, oh my God, you are so fucking ignorant. Like shut up. Before I just, I just can't anymore. Not because I don't have the energy, but because it won't work. Like she's just so, now she's old and like she's losing her and she's been sick. She's losing her ability to like care, receive new information and process it actually. She's just not that quick and smart anymore. Okay. So you can't reason with a person who's like operating at only 70% now. Okay. Okay. She loves my mother, Trump. Okay. Okay. Because all she sees, she doesn't understand

the words. All she sees is somebody who she thinks is like entertaining on TV. Okay. And thinks she loved Rob Ford. Right. Right. Rest in peace, Rob Ford. Like no one's happy that you died, but like, you know, your policies and the things you did were sick. Yeah. And she loved Rob Ford and she voted. Oh God. So I understand being like being disgusted by the political views of somebody that you love. Yes. And yet I can't imagine not inviting my mother to Thanksgiving dinner or not spending a holiday with her. That said, my mother has not disrespected the love of my life. Okay. Yeah. So this is – There's that. This is what we have to talk through because I don't have an easy answer here. Okay. So

interestingly enough, I kind of – Well, I have kind of an – Oh, I have two things to say. So So my family, super liberal, but I remember back in the day when Bush was going to be elected, a lot of my stepfather's white, rich, ditchy friends were like so pro-Bush. It was like so alarming. We would have Christmas dinners, Thanksgiving dinners with these rich fucks and they'd come and we would erupt in serious political conversation that was like not cool or calm. It was like very, very, very heated. And my sister, who is very outspoken, total revolutionary in terms of like how she lives

her life and what she has to say. Your sister is a crusader. Yes. And she never backed down from those conversations and she was never afraid of them and always went head on. And they're like so uncomfortable. Like, it's like, I love her and I'm like fucking back there cheerleading, but it's fucking really uncomfortable.

But the point is those conversations were so necessary because flash a year later, they were all on her fucking bandwagon and they picked up her little fucking nuggets of information and made them their own because she planted the seed and like fought for what was right. So there's that. So I think that standing up for what you believe in and having those conversations are not only important, but they're so important right now. The other thing though is about inviting your mom and dad to Thanksgiving. I found this really hilarious site that's been going around and it's like, what's it

called? Hold on. It's a holy fuck now what? That Donald Trump is elected. And it says, are you okay? Do you need a fucking minute or are you ready to fuck shit up? Those are your two options. And I think if you want a fucking minute, I think right now we all deserve a fucking

minute. And if you don't want to have your parents at your dinner table right now next week or whatever, I guess this is American Thanksgiving, I kind of am like, maybe just wave the white flag and take a pass on this one. But that's not to say don't pick up the conversation with your mom and dad and keep on fighting for what's right, especially because your husband has major stock in what's happening right now as well as an Iranian American. So for me, I kind of disagree.

I'm sort of like, pass on your fucking mom this Thanksgiving so you can all just take a break and not have to fucking deal with some stupid shit that's probably going to come out of her mouth. Spare yourself the pain. And then when everything kind of simmers down again, like have her over, but have these honest discussions if she isn't, as you said, like your mom's 70% in the brain. Like if your mom still has some fucking hope, I still think those conversations again right now are like so important to have. I know. I don't, ultimately as I think that what you're saying is like at some point everybody still needs to keep talking. A hundred percent, especially now that we're like racists are popping up everywhere now. Like they

feel like they have the power to do that behind Trump, right? So they're showing their faces and so we also have to show our faces and stand up for what is right. And if that means like you have to fucking yell at your mother and knock some sense into her every time if this comes up, I think that's really important to do. Yeah. I mean, and listen, I think that yelling, some people find yelling unproductive, but it's what you're yelling at the same time. Like, I don't want, obviously this is shitty that your parents have these views, but I

also don't want to say that your parents having these views makes them incapable of love. Like, I don't think that either one of us can say that her mother doesn't love her and doesn't want the best for her and doesn't want the best for her husband. Okay. Yep. Agreed. I agree. So how do we get there where everybody's reminded of that? Um, I guess you've had the conversations before, before and after, right? Like what we're about to talk about is going to be really hard and we're going to get heated, but like, know that I love you. Right. Like I, you can only do that. Right. I guess that that's, I think, I wonder like maybe it's the most simple fucking obvious stupid thing I just said, but like for all the people who,

let's talk about this family in particular. Um, she has a daughter that she loves. She wears an adorable, deplorable t-shirt. Does wearing that adorable, deplorable t-shirt mean that she wants her daughter's husband to be kicked out of the country? No, right? No, because she's cherry picking, right? Her mom's like, not this Iranian-American. But you're okay, but the other ones are bad. Yeah. That's exactly what she's saying. And I guess what she, I guess where we have to make the turnaround is, no, no, no, no, no. The ones you want out are much more like the guy I married. Yes. Yes. So it's a hard thing, right? Because this is like re-educating people who are uneducated at the end of the day, right? And that takes a lot of work. Uneducated or

misinformed? Misinformed. Okay, sure. Misinformed. Misinformed and uneducated. I have been reading a lot of articles about whether or not it's incumbent on everybody to try and see where the other people are coming from. So for example, Lena Dunham, I know she's not everything all the time, fine, but she's got that newsletter. And in this week's newsletter, in the introduction, it wasn't Lena, but it was Jenny Connor who wrote the prelude. And this is one of the paragraphs was, today we want you to share this issue of Lenny with someone who isn't like you, someone who didn't vote for Hillary or who didn't vote at all, someone who doesn't support reproductive rights

or who may not understand the need for Black Lives Matter or how our LGBTQ family needs us, someone who can't understand that islamic americans are scared or how the children of immigrants are living in fear that their parents are going to be deported we want you to forward this to everyone who you know who will have to endure and fight whatever the country has in store for the next four years as much as this is a supportive and safe community we need numbers so what she's saying is like you know reach out to the people who don't agree with you right which this is lenny this is lena dunham so she's a liberal but when you say that then you also have to be prepared to receive a newsletter back right yeah and you don't have to agree with

it it's probably going to make you angry understanding but it's part isn't that part of the door the people who voted for trump they're not all horrible horrible people they aren't all foaming at the mouth, holding weapons and like ready to rape and kill you. Yes. Right. True. But they have grievances. They have things that they're upset about. And it just so happens that they think that the things that they're most upset about can be addressed by that particular candidate. And I feel like there are a lot of people who think that more needs to be done to understand where that's coming from. Because otherwise the trench just gets deeper and deeper. A part of me sees that. Then the other part of me says, fuck you. Why should I? Why

should I try and understand you when you just made a decision that will literally affect a woman's body? Yeah. Yeah. I, yeah. So I don't know. I don't have any, I don't know how to help this person because fuck, it's fucked. Well, I think we're all confused. Um, that's why I say wave the white flag on this Thanksgiving and just let, if you can, um, not deal with it. Don't deal with it. Go, go see a movie, right? Wasn't Sarah writing on your site today about people just like escapism. I think we're allowed to escape for a second before we really dig deep, um, with our family members, with our coworkers, with our friends and family. I don't know if we're being unhelpful or unhelpful.

I don't know. I don't think we have the answers. Yeah. Honestly, I don't think we have the answers. Can I just say one last thing though? We've been talking about it a lot in the blog. Everybody in the world has been talking about it. And like, is your husband ever going to go to America again?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Remember last week I told you that we would not be traveling and we're absolutely not. Okay. So once in a while, most people have been like amazing and they write in. And then once in a while, get an email, you're Canadian, what do you care? And I just want to say my answer to that question is there are some issues that have no border. I'll pick one. Reproductive health, women's reproductive health is not a one nation issue. It is a global issue that affects women. So if my sisters in America and their governance, their ability to govern the choices that they make on their bodies is being threatened, I feel like that's my business.

Of course. So I will say that and leave that there. Okay. Can I also say something? Yes, please. Also something that was interesting to me is when Trump was elected, my Twitter lit up with this hashtag that was, I'm so proud to be Canadian. And like, great. But like, I really had a strong eye roll to that because I think we all need to realize that what is happening in America lives and breathes also in Canada. And so I just want, I just want, I don't want to live blindly just that we're in Canada that we just like fucking drink maple syrup and are always happy.

Like there has been so many pop-ups of racial tension in Toronto and that's always been there. It's always been in Canada. There's parts of Canada that are fucking crazy racist. So I just really want to – we have our own problems as well. So it is our issue. So when someone writes that to you, like we do have stock in it as well. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Like look at our last prime minister.

Yeah, he was fucking the devil incarnate. So cheers to that. Anyways, next. I'm seeking advice on how to get over someone. I met a guy about two years ago. We met in a bar. It wasn't all that romantic, but after chatting for a few minutes, we had an instant connection. We exchanged numbers that night and ended up messaging each other for a month for actually going out on a date. We had the best first date. It was as if we had known each other for years and our sense of humor clicked immediately. I was also insanely attracted to him. So we started to

date pretty regularly and talk all the time. I really felt like I had met the person I was supposed to be with. After a few months of hanging out all the time, I brought up the conversation of where was this going? He told me he really liked hanging out with me, but didn't want a serious relationship at the moment. As we had talked about in our months together, he had recently met his birth family and broken up with a long-term serious girlfriend who had cheated on him. I understood all these things. I didn't want to lose him. So I said that I was fine with what was happening. A few months go by and we were hanging out when one night his phone went off. As I was sitting close to his phone and I thought it was mine, I reached to grab it when I saw that

a Tinder message came up. I had thought we were making progress from before. We had taken weekend trips away together, met each other's friends, and seemed more naturally together than we ever had. I remembered the conversation we had had before about him not wanting a serious relationship and wasn't sure if I should bring it up. A week went by when I decided I should say something. He explained that maybe someone had messaged him, but he hadn't actively been on and he had in fact deleted the app since then and I could check. I said I trusted him. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page about not dating anyone else. He then took this opportunity to tell me again that he didn't want anything serious, but he wasn't dating other people. Another month or so

goes by. And one day I just couldn't do it anymore. I was heartbroken. I wanted to be with him so badly. I knew he didn't want to be with me. We ended things that day. He didn't fight me on it, but begged to be friends. I couldn't be his friend. It wouldn't work if my feelings were so intense. I decided to stop talking to him, which I had never done before in breakups. A month later, I ran into him and we started messaging again. We ended up hooking up a few more times after this. And eventually I saw the same patterns in him. So when he messaged me one day, I just didn't respond. I was heartbroken all over again and it was the worst few months of my life or what felt like it. I constantly waited for a message from him saying that he had made

a mistake and he wanted to be with me and I never got it. I ran into him one day at a restaurant and when he saw me, he couldn't even look me in the eye. My friends say that he looked like he was about to throw up. I expected a message after that and never got one. So I decided I was going to stop feeling sorry for myself, started doing things I had thought I would do with him, but on my own. Taking night classes, reaching out to friends I hadn't seen in a long time. And I decided I wasn't going to be cold to him anymore. So I liked the odd Instagram he posted and messaged him happy birthday on his birthday. He replied, thanks. I also started dating again, putting myself out there, hoping that meeting someone else would help me rid myself of those

feelings. And I did meet someone. I met someone great who wants to be with me and isn't too scared to admit it. Things have gotten serious very quickly and I'm happy with him, but I can't stop thinking about my ex. It sometimes bothers me that I don't laugh as much as I did with my ex and I hate to say it, but the sex isn't as good. I wonder if I'm ever going to hear from my ex again as it's been almost a year since we've spoken. I wonder if he ever thinks about me. I wonder if I'm ever going to stop thinking about him. Does this mean I'm not into the new guy? Will I ever get over the old guy? I listen to you guys all the time and I find myself listening to the advice you give others wondering what you'd say about this. Thank you for taking the time to listen to

me. Okay. Well, clearly you're still super into him because that was a very detailed email. I was like, I was going to say, can we cut like a middle of it, middle chunk of it? Cause we don't need all of that. I don't mean to say this to hurt you. I'm just saying that this is the sign that we pick up that you are very into this guy. And replaying things over and over and reliving it which means that you are not clearly moving forward no yeah um so i don't really know how to tackle this we tell is she into her i feel like the butt guy she's with right now is rebound and isn't gonna last he does you know he doesn't make you laugh the sex isn't good you're constantly comparing him to your ex like he has no fucking chance yeah like dude's not winning her heart

anytime soon. Um, so I don't know. I don't know what, like you can keep going with it if it makes you feel happy, but, um, I kind of don't think it's really fair for him because you clearly haven't, um, you clearly haven't figured your feelings out with, uh, sorry, you clearly haven't figured out, um, the breakup with your past dude. Yeah. And you need to figure, well, I don't just take a break there's nothing to figure out though like the guy yeah x is never gonna he's not and he's no no and your friends lied to you he didn't want he didn't throw up because his heart was breaking he threw up because he wanted to get the fuck out of dodge yeah like it's been a year if he missed you trust me he'd be knocking at your door yeah so it's like this is you need to

like part of the reason why I brought up how detailed she was is like in your mind you're still doing the movie montage yeah yes and picking new songs to go with the movie montage yes and you have to kill the movie this was a bad movie it's not even a movie worth watching on a plane watch watch another fucking movie yeah um so I think the first step is to really confront the truth that he told you to your face so many times he did not want to be with you in that way. You were good for casual, fun, no connection, no serious sex and companionship. Yeah, that's hard to hear, but it's really important here so that you kind of like hit that shit, like you hit your heart bluntly on this one because he is never going to come back into your life.

Yeah. He might want to fuck you again. So don't get it twisted when that happens. But like he does not want a relationship with you. But I'm worried that like this is a person who cannot separate fucking from hoping. Right. Well, that's why, I mean, for me, it's like I felt like she was on the right path. Like she was like, we're not going to be friends.

Yeah. I'm going to cut him out of my life. And then, I mean, for me, I always think like if you're really going to cut someone out of your life, that actually includes social media as well. Because I'm sure you're still tinkering on every picture, looking at all the comments, like finding out where he is. Like you're still probably quite entrenched in it. And I think if you, in order to make this, these next few steps of actually getting over him, one of those has to be like literally not seeing his face on any picture anytime soon. Because that will still, that'll like, you know, make you feel things that

you shouldn't be feeling for him. But then I think sometimes like I, I mean, I'm in a very happy, loving relationship, but there still lingers like one or two, one, one person that's still fucking, uh, still like, I still think about like, cause it's like, I still think fuck you. I don't think like warm, cozy thoughts, but I still think fuck you motherfucker. Great. Great. Right. Cause that's normal. That's normal. Is it? Okay, good. Who are you talking to? I'm never going to like tell you to turn off anger. Right. I know that. That's true. That's true.

So, but you're, you're 100% right. It's what I wanted to say next. Like this person needs to access her anger. Where is it? Yeah. Cause he like didn't do you right. He didn't do you right. Or be angry at yourself. Be angry at somebody. Okay. You know, like be embarrassed. Be angry and embarrassed about still pining over somebody who doesn't think about you. Now I'm being harsh right now, but I think you need it a little bit. I need to break through this movie montage. Like you think that you are Julia Roberts, Reese Witherspoon and like love actually all in one movie right now. And I need to get, cause that shit is strong. Yeah. It is real strong. Yeah. He doesn't think about you. Yeah. He doesn't like do a movie montage about

you. He's in fact probably dating somebody else and is truly, truly hasn't given you a second thought since the day you guys broke up. Yeah. Right. This is mean. This is really mean, but no, but you need to hear it because that's actually true. Cause a lot, it is important to feel embarrassed for yourself sometimes. Yes. Yes. It's being, to me, being embarrassed or being able to access embarrassment and wanting to ward it off is self-preservation. It's how you say, yes, it's how you protect yourself. It's how you fucking stop yourself from doing stupid ass shit. So I let the anger and embarrassment sit in. Like I'm, Sasha and I are sending it your way and we are being a little tiger mommy right now. And sorry about that. But I think that it's

necessary because you're not seeing yourself for who you are. He's Daniel Cleaver and you're Bridget jones you are standing in the middle of a party the only one wearing a playboy bunny suit and everybody is standing around looking at you and you have to walk home through a construction site and then you run into him and he's hiding a girl in the bathroom that is access that right now and be angry yeah um because once that anger comes in i think maybe you'll be able to see more clearly that this wasn't for you. Yeah. Yeah. I totally agree. And yeah, I would think that breaking up with the guy that she's with right now is important so that you can access your shame, your embarrassment, your anger on your own. Because you do really need that, right? In order

for that to happen, you can't have any diversions, I feel like. So it's like, dig deep into what a shitty mistake this all was, how much time you lost, how much time you've lost with this guy that you you're dating, um, so that you can go back out into the world again and, um, have this guy still, he'll still be in your mind years from now, but you won't pine for him. You'll just hate him. And that's really, really good. Well, you'll hate him. And then what you are when you come out of the other side of that anger and embarrassment is a person who's like, wait a minute, what a fucking idiot because i'm awesome yeah right yes you don't feel good about yourself because you're letting somebody tell you that you weren't good enough for them yeah you got to turn that

around girl yeah so good luck keep us posted anger and self-shame those are the keys to life um and thanks for listening yeah keep your questions coming to sasha at laneygossip.com and check us out on itunes and google play leave comments we love them send us your emails um bye Transcription by CastingWords Thank you.