What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: Funky Smelling Junk!

Episode Date: November 4, 2016

Smelly dick, smelly dick.....it’s not your faulttttttttt. This was the alternative to the title today. So yah, to all the people who get my Friends reference – what up.Ok, but back to this week’s podcast! Here’s what’s to come: As you now know, a funky smelling wang, a heart breaking dog decision, and finally, how to push your MIL out the door.Thank you for listening, thank you for trusting us with your problems, and thank you for your support!Keep your questions coming at [e-mail] and as always, check us out on iTunes and on Google Play to subscribe and leave your feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates.S.xx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers. Hi. Hi, how are you? Good, how are you? Good. I should mention that we have recorded this episode early because I'm going away or by the time this is posted, I will be in… You'll be tanning.

I will be on holiday in the Caribbean. Oh, I hate you guys. On a beach. Yep. Nice for you. And this is being posted on November 8th, which happens to be the day of… Doomsday. Will it be?

Maybe the end of the world for the United States of America. The day of the American presidential election, the general election. And that means that depending on one of two outcomes, I may be at the end of this date considering never visiting the United States of America ever again. Or risk getting my pussy grabbed by a stranger. That's true. It's a fucking free game. Yeah.

We have, Corey has vowed that, well, not vowed, he's just saying that we're never allowed to go to the United States of America if Donald Trump wins. And I back that up. It's strange because I have, we have a couple of friends, Canadian friends who live in the States. And I keep on asking them that. Like, I'm like, are you going to move back? Like Dean, our friend Dan's there.

And they don't seem worried. They don't seem worried. So nice for them. Do they not seem worried because they think Hillary Clinton is going to win? Yes. Okay. I don't think it's, I mean, I watch CNN all the time and CNN's fucking totally slanted and is really fucked up too.

They're a little alarmist. Yeah, of course. Everything's breaking news when it's not. They're the dun-dun-dun of news. Yeah. But it's still pretty fucking close. It's on the landslide. I thought it was, I thought that Hillary Clinton would be in the clear after the last debate.

Right. When he was like hombres and nasty woman, right? And then fucking email situation keeps being a situation. And so, I don't know. Like I said, today is November 1st that we're recording this on. Um, so there might be another fucking two more dramas between now and the day. Like every fucking three days a pussy gets grabbed or emails come out or a little bit dry lately.

So I'm beauty pageant winners. Like I was hoping that the, the audio or video, I think we all were for, from the apprentice we're going to come out. Um, is, is what's the guy's name? The Burnett guy. Yeah. Isn't he married to like, um, he's. properly democrat though like i feel like he's said that i support hillary clinton hasn't he oh

no no no no no i thought he was like a big big trump supporter and isn't he married to that girl who was like the angel in that roma roma downey yeah no i i understand like maybe mark burnett has voted republican in the past but i think that there are a lot of republicans who find donald trump abhorrent yeah yeah yeah but i think but i think i i thought in my cnn watching that he was supporting trump okay i just found a link from politico okay so mark burnett quote i have never been a supporter of donald trump's candidacy really so but he's the one who's barring any of the videos or audio from apprentice to ever come out no it's because he says that it's not he's not the one who owns the footage mgm owns it and mgm has agreements quote with artists across a wide

spectrum of creative properties including the apprentice these agreements typically contain provisions, blah, blah, blah. Like it's a legal thing. When was this posted that you're looking at? October 12th. Okay. I don't know what's happened since October. Okay, fine. Right. He says he's not a supporter. Who cares? Okay. Anyway, but- No one's a supporter unless you're fucking batshit crazy. You were hoping that more tapes would come out revealing him to be- Yeah, fingers crossed. We have seven more days. Yeah, but Sasha, like 15 months ago or a long time ago, he got in front of a podium and said Mexicans were rapists and- No one cares. You're right. So he could like basically come out, do a speech in blackface and people wouldn't care.

That's true. Do you know what I mean? I know. Like anyway, shall we? Yes. Okay. Dear Sasha, I'm 25 and have a dating issue I need your help on. I've been with this guy, let's call him Brian, for a mere four and a bit weeks.

We met on Tinder, which I know maybe not the best place to look for a serious relationship, but we swiped and matched and we hit it off great. He's funny, attractive, has a job, and seems to be a nice guy, and we've spent almost every day together. Last week, we decided to sleep together. It's been about a year since I last slept with someone, so I was nervous. For a first time, it was really good and fun, but of course, there is a but. I really didn't like how he smelled down there.

It smelled sour. Okay. Okay. Keep it going. Keep it going. I just think that the word sour is so, that is very visceral. Like you can, yes, thank you for that adjective. It smelled sour and I don't want to be a horrible person.

I don't want to write him off, but I can't help but be turned off a bit. Am I a mean person? He's been calling and texting me, but I've managed to get myself out of seeing him this week. How do I move past this or do I not bother? Please help. Please keep me anonymous. Okay. Okay, so funky smelling junk is our issue here.

Stank junk. Gosh. You know what? Oh, I feel bad because, I mean, I wouldn't want to be her. I wouldn't want to be sniffing fucking Sour Patch Kids down there either. But I wonder, I wonder. Well, no, Sour Patch Kids are delicious. Sour Patch Kids are good.

Sorry. I don't want to be smelling rotten cheese in the dick zone. Right? I think that's not nice. So, I feel her pain. I get that. But, like, sometimes… Sometimes, because it would probably spur of the moment, maybe he didn't know that…

Maybe he had, like, gone for, like, a heavy workout or, like, he, like, ran to her house and, like, things got sweaty and, like, maybe, like, cheese curdy just happens because he didn't get to take a shower right before. Yeah. I just hate, you know… I do, too. I hate… I feel bad.

Because everything is right there, like, all the other components, all the other boxes are checked off. Yeah. Except for the nice smelling cock box. Right. Right. So, the sweaty, when you get sweaty, so is this a product of sweat and, like, maybe, like, just all day in your pants, or is this a product of, like, like a gonorrhea?

Listen, he clearly is super into her. they went out on a series of dates and enjoyed each other's company and then finally you know had sex yes and I'm sure there were some nerves involved like you know you've built it up this person you're super into them and the chemistry has been building and then the day has come or the night has come and I'm everybody gets nervous and some people are you trying to say that nerves make your dick smell? I'm saying that nerves can make your whole, all over body hormones. Yeah.

Sure. Okay. So, let's be real here. That doesn't really happen. Of course it does. Okay. When people get nervous, they sweat. I sweat.

I sweat. All that kind of stuff. Yeah. But I don't know if I emanate, like, a sour smell. That's, maybe that's your pH balance, Sash. Okay. Okay. Like, I mean, not everybody's.

I'm in agreement. I feel like something happened. Like, he just didn't get the time to, like, baby white. Sure, but I'm trying to help him here. I'm trying to be, like, he was nervous. You know, he didn't want to let her down. Performance anxiety, all that. And it's just one time.

Yes. So, I don't know. I don't know that we can, like, X him off just from… I don't think we should. And I have a story. And I… Okay, Jacek, we don't know if he trims. Like, Jacek needs other information.

What does that mean? Right. Yassik is asking us if he trims, which I don't know. How the fuck do we know if he trims? I don't know, but pose that as a solution. Does he trim? But, I mean, you can't go from, like, hey, it was really nice the other night. Can you trim?

Do you mind just going bald eagle next time? I'm not seeing him again. Do you want a microphone? Okay. God. Back off, man. anyway I will say this

the first night that Jacek and I spent together he had a sour smelling dick he didn't have a sour smelling dick let me just put that out there

Jacek's dick was not sour smelling on the first night we slept together that leaves a dot dot dot but whatever but the first night

we spent together he made me dinner and he was living in a basement apartment at the time which is this like it must have been attraction and love

because this place was a fucking dump and he was living in a basement apartment with another guy so his room was it was a small room it was like a fucking

musty smelling place and he made spaghetti it was good spaghetti but anyway the effects of spaghetti after the fact several hours

after the fact is gas okay so we got down we jammed yep then we went to bed and he then woke me up by hot boxing me with farts like i was it was literally a nuclear our first date like the first so we like we got you know we dick down and it was good and everything and then you you go to bed and then a couple of hours later a nuclear cloud of fart wakes you up

and it was so oppressive like it was so oppressive it was almost like being a political prisoner and I stayed and he like it was so bad he woke himself up and he started laughing

and he was like I'm so sorry and he was embarrassed but he's immature he's a five year old so he also thought it was really funny anyway I stayed Yes. And I feel like a lot of other people would have peaced out. Yes. Or not.

I think this is kind of what's important to get across. I don't know if it's the same as like sour dick, but we're talking about bodily functions and one-off smells here and there, right? So I feel like this chick has every right to be kind of grossed out, but I think we give smelly dick another try because as you said nerves hormones again my whole thing is I feel like he maybe like ran over to her house and like yes got flustered and just wasn't able to whatever so and I think I mean all so many stories too like you have to think about sex isn't a clean always fresh experience um like I have so many I've heard so many horror stories about people

like shitting on the bed, having their period, mid-sex. What do you mean shitting? Like, you know when people ask fuck and then they pull out and then all of a sudden there's like shit that just pours out of their bum? That's happened to one of my friends before. It was, she, it, she'd kill me. I will obviously not say who she is, but, and you don't know her, but, but, but, but, he put it in her butt when he took it out.

Like she pooed. What? Yeah, it was horrible. And the room. I'm sorry, but like a smear or like a log? No, no, like more diarrhea-y, right? Because sometimes it gets wet in there. Okay, I'm sorry.

Okay, so this chick is beautiful. She can do no wrong. I'm sure, yeah. No, no, it doesn't matter. But I'm just saying, so she was like, this is embarrassing, but literally shit happens. And then she said that when they took the sheets out and they came back into the room, the room smelled like shit. so and

and they made it like they didn't make it but did they have a second go uh no no

you can't you probably can't come back no like that's that's a closed door situation but my point is

sex isn't clean and fucking Febreze-y all the time okay this episode is not sponsored by Febreze

but it should be again again um yeah so it's like maybe I definitely

give him another chance because maybe he knew that shit wasn't all that clean down there so yeah he'll prep next time maybe he'll drink some cranberry juice it's just how is she gonna get up for it because you know i think smell leaves a memory yeah and so i understand from her perspective why well clearly she was squicked and then it reduces the attraction and so here's a suggestion I don't think you should write him off after one incident

no I think that you should make it happen again yes but maybe this time start in the shower that's what I was gonna say

yeah yeah wash each other down yeah get into those creases yes and then try it that way and see if

after the shower it is you know I mean if it's a problem it will like find its way out you know what

it couldn't it might not emanate directly from his dick. Like he could have had like major garlic and it could have been coming from like pores in and around that area. Right? I'm a garlicky person. Okay.

So there you go. The moral of this… I wouldn't say that garlic smells sour though. Like… Okay. But some sort of food might have not interacted properly with his makeup. Anyway, the point is… Yes.

Give him another try. Give him another try in the shower. Good luck. Please, please. Yes. We need to know, need to know if the dick is still stinky or not. Okay, next. Dear Sasha and Lainey, my stepmother and I don't get along all that well.

We've had our ups and downs, but all in all, we've managed to be cordial and I just put up with her selfishness. But this latest situation has got me rage filled. I moved out five years ago when I was 26, moved across the world in fact. And while I left my family, it was my dog, Louis, I miss the most. He's been with us for 13 years, and I ask my father and my stepmother to send me pictures on a weekly basis, and we FaceTime monthly. But in the last year, he's gotten really sick.

Blind, has to be carried up the stairs, has trouble eating. So to say this has broken my heart is an understatement. We as a family have taken him to vet after vet doing anything we can find, and I've been invested emotionally and financially. Cut to last week. Cut to last week when my father called me up to tell me that they put Louis down. They didn't even tell me about this decision before. I was freaking out, and I guess my stepmother could hear me over the phone,

so she grabbed it from my father and told me I was being selfish and overreacting. Overreacting? They killed my dog. She went on to say that they have been taking care of Louis for years and that they didn't want to tell me before because it was hard enough for them to make the decision, so they didn't want to be swayed or made to feel guilty. I know something had to be done. He wasn't doing well. But to not tell me seems like the biggest insult to me.

I don't know how to deal with this. I would greatly ask for your advice on all of this. Can I ever forgive her? Thank you. Why? I feel like the question should be, can I ever forgive them? Like, I'm not sure why the stepmother has to be the scapegoat. Yeah.

it's dad and stepmother right yes so okay oh well I'm really sad to hear that Lewis is no longer here oh it makes me so sad um well this is a tough situation um especially because you really have your hate on for your stepmother to start with I don't know I mean I'm a new dog owner so and she's a puppy I don't even want to think about what happens a decade later um when you have to make those decisions um my first feeling is that I mean your stepmother and your father has had to take care of him for five years and had to carry him up the stairs and had to take him to all his vet visits and I'm sure unless they're like evil kenevil people that must have really taken an emotional toll granted you love your dog but it's not like you were seeing the

you it wasn't like you were in day in day out seeing this so they saw the pain they felt the pain and they obviously must have felt guilty to make the decision so I kind of as much as like instinctually I want to be like oh my god I fucking can't believe they did that they didn't tell you I can kind of see where they're coming from in a way how do you how do you feel about that i i can too in the sense of we just said goodbye well not just but last september last september 2015 we said goodbye to our senior dog who'd been struggling and he was blind and like in pain so i even think that the day-to-day responsibility of caring for a senior dog fell largely on Jacek's shoulders.

And even though Marcus went downhill pretty quickly, so the length of time looking after him was relatively short, it's really stressful. Like, it took us, even after he was gone, it took us months before we could sleep soundly because when you have a senior dog, any time he sort of shifts, you're like, What's going on?

What's going on? does he need to go down right um downstairs does he need water is he too hot yeah and so it becomes your entire not just the act of lifting him up and down the stairs but like all the other moments in between become focused on the experience of this dog so to your point she's moved away and her stepmother and her dad have had to live this reality for a long time, day to day to day. And I don't know how bad it was, but for instance, Yassik's previous family dog, Fido,

like his mother was Fido's caregiver towards the end and Fido had like butt problems. So like he would need a diaper and like Yassik didn't have to deal with any of that. Do you know what I mean? Because he wasn't living at home. But like when you're the, so Marcus didn't need a diaper, But can you imagine, like, when your dog needs a diaper, like, messiness and all that?

So I'm with you, Sasha. I think that it sucked for her not to know, definitely. But I don't know, on certain days when that's really bad for the dog, sometimes you can't wait. Yeah, and I feel like they had to come to this decision. And again, like, it's not an easy decision. so for them to hear you freaking out at them just as they're trying to deal with the emotions that yes they did put their dog put your dog to sleep like that's that's hard on them too and listen your stepmother could be one witchy motherfucking bitch but in this instance i don't think you pick

i don't think you i don't think this is the one that you yeah you know you delve into and tell her how awful she is. Hold something else against her. Yeah. Not this. I think that it's hard on everybody. And they made the best decision that they could at the time. Yeah. I think that if their decision was a humane one, then it would have been immediately about the well-being and the comfort level of Lewis. And she does say, I knew something had to be done. Right. So, So, you know, you yourself knew that there was a decision that was going to have to be made fairly soon. Yeah.

And you should almost thank them that they didn't have to, you know what I mean? That they took care of your dog. They took care of those last moments. They took care of watching your dog decay. And that's hard on them. Very hard. So I think you kind of have to give them a little bit of respect. Yeah.

The day-to-day, the day-to-day of it, I think perhaps maybe in your mind, I mean, I know we're not supposed to do this, but if we're keeping ledgers and balances, then in your mind, maybe if you can think about the day-to-day stress that they had to deal with, that might balance out for you the hurt that you feel about being left out of the decision. Like if all of that evens out. Yeah, agreed. This is a hard conversation, especially for, like, pet owners. And it's always going to be fresh.

So why out there? I know you're mad at your stepmother and I know you're mad at your dad. And I'm just telling you that, like, you're right to be hurt and it's going to be awful. You're going to miss your dog for a while because, like, he was your best friend. so maybe focus on the grieving instead of on the anger which is never something I ever say because typically I say go with anger but in this special moment but in this case I just don't think that you can direct the anger at anyone except for age and time and illness yeah so good luck yep thanks for writing in okay last question dear Sasha and Lainey I was hoping you can give me some

wise words, tough love, whichever you think is appropriate. Oh, good. I like when we have an open road. My husband D and I both work full time and our 22 month old son O spends some of the working week at nursery and two and a half days with my mother-in-law. Uh-oh. Quick schedule info. Two days my husband drops off our son at her house in the morning before work and she drives him back to our house to coincide with me getting home. And another day, she picks him up from nursery at lunchtime and brings him back to our house, which is nearby, and I relieve her when I get home. D works latish with no flexibility, so it's always me who deals with handover. And over the last year, these have gotten longer and longer, generally an hour, but sometimes stretching to

an hour and a half. And I'm starting to resent her for encroaching on the brief time I have with O before his bedtime. I always make us coffee and sit down for a chat with her when I get home, but after half an hour, I need to start preparing O's dinner and getting on with house chores, and my mother-in-law just hangs around. She's a nice lady, and we get along fine, but we don't have a lot in common, so it's not like there's a ton to catch up on three days a week. I think that she's maybe a bit bored or lonely. My dad-in-law works shifts, so he's often out or in bed early some evenings. And she's not someone who has hobbies or a wide circle of friends. I think that she's using this time she spends with me as a way of avoiding going home

to an empty house. And I feel bad for her. But at the same time, I want to be able to spend some time with O without my mother-in-law's eyes on me. She'll often comment on what I'm giving O to eat, how I'm disciplining him, how I dress him. That's not the way we used to do things, etc. Which makes this time together feel a bit pressurized we owe her a lot for stepping in and taking on so much of the child care my parents live away so there's no other family around to help out and oh love spending time with her and I am grateful but the reality of coming home to my mother-in-law and having her hang around till almost bath time when I'm desperate just to get into sweats and play cars with oh is starting to drive me crazy I feel like she's getting so much more quality time with

him than I am and that she should appreciate that I want some time to myself with him at the end of the day. Am I a massive bitch? She won't take any money from us for looking after O, so I try to thank her with the odd present, bottle of wine, flowers, some baking, to show her that we appreciate what she does for us. What I think she would probably like is even more time with us and O. The thing is, because we both work full time and D works some weekends too, the weekends we do have together seem sacred and it's also our only time to see friends. Also, D has pointed out that spending more time with her on a weekend is no guarantee that she still won't hang out during the week she's a kind of woman who's somewhat oblivious to other people's feelings and yet

super sensitive to even the mildest criticism plus she's deaf to hints which is why i'm struggling to think of how to handle this without hurting her feelings please give it to me straight do i need to just suck it up and let her let her decide when it's time to go home or is there a way to keep her happy and me sane i'd be grateful for any advice thanks well um so do you okay so do you think that she um is being ungrateful and that she should suck it up or do you think that there is a you know do you agree with her and can we find a way for her to like get her own time yeah I don't think she's being ungrateful, but I do think she needs to suck it up. Because, I mean, what is the alternative?

This woman's doing you a favor. She loves her grandson or granddaughter and is helping you guys out financially. You're not even paying the woman. And you know your child's in good care, good company. So, yeah, if she sticks around for an hour, I don't know, my heart kind of goes out to her because she's, like, this lonely lady, and, like, as we all know, our friends who have had, who have babies, it's, like, the loneliest gig around, like, you're bored stiff most of the time, so after babysitting, she probably just wants, like, some human-adult interaction, right,

which seems fairly natural, so I don't know, I'm sort of, I mean, my instinct would probably be, like, carry on with your duties, like, go give him a bath, and kind of just, like, ignore that she's there um and just try to carve out that intimate time with your kid and if she's there she's there I mean an hour and a half is not that long I get it I get it I get why it's annoying yeah but I don't think um I mean the alternative I don't know what the alternative is yeah like I mean I get it too in the sense of an hour and a half and you've just been at work all day and you just want to be in your own house on your own even though she's family sometimes it's just like you know you want to be in your own space i totally get it i just i just don't know how

to sensitively say this especially since um especially since you know i don't think that this is going to be forever like oh the child is 22 months so what is that almost two yeah so i guess he would start I mean it goes by so fast and all of a sudden they're fucking going to kindergarten and then like yeah graduating university whatever and so clearly I don't think that grandma's gonna be fucking staying over all the time like there's there's an end date to this it's just a matter of oh my god the end date is probably what a year and a half to date two years away and that's you know I get it for somebody in her position that feels like a marathon it feels like an eternity I mean but the alternative is if they have money I mean she seems

to say that she would pay her so if you do have extra cash laying around and this bothers you so much her being like her lingering around for an hour and a half then the I guess the alternative is hire somebody so that you don't have to deal with that yeah because that is your only other option if money is an issue then you do just have to suck it up you can't push a woman out the door after she's been doing you a favor. But you can lie. Sure. Give me a good lie then.

Okay, so you come home. I mean, I don't know what her job is, but if it's the kind of job where you have some work to do, then you come home. Hey, mother-in-law, how are you? I've got tons of work to do tonight, so I need to put O to bed now so I can get to my work because I have this presentation or I have to get this email off to my boss.

And then how about she's like, oh, well, I'll take O and then you just work. I'll just stay here. I mean, no, but I think that one of the ways you have to learn to be, to communicate something so that there's no comeback. Okay. I mean, that's a, that is a method of communication. Okay. So, yeah, so I'm just going to, do you mind, like, we can catch up tomorrow,

but, like, tonight I really need to get on this. Okay. So then you finish your, then you have to keep up the lie. Like the next night, she can be like, did you get that email off? So make sure that whatever you lie about is like, oh, yeah, I finished that email. Or, oh, yeah, I read that proposal. Or, oh, yeah, I finished that questionnaire. I don't know, whatever.

I feel like, yeah, that's a good idea. And especially if that just saves you one time a month, then that is good. Yeah. Right? You can't use that every day. No. But once, if you fucking sling that every time that you're like going to pull your hair out, that she's still there, that's good.

But if you can find, because this happens, what, three times a week? So if you can even find one lie to tell a week, and I'm, you know, sometimes this is why lies are work. You know, if you can find one lie a week, then like maybe the next lie would be like, oh, my friend in Chicago really needs to talk to me. And we set up a phone call for in half an hour, actually. So I've got to get out of bed and then I'm going to talk to her. Is that okay?

We'll talk. We'll catch up tomorrow. Right. Right. Yeah. Okay. These are good. These are all good.

I feel like you could make a cheat sheet of this. So, if you can find little purchases of time for yourself by telling these harmless lies, maybe once a week, once every other week, that might help you. Yes. And pick a day. Pick a good day. Like, don't waste your lie on like a shitty day. So, if you know that that night your favorite show is coming on or whatever,

then save your life for the night that you really need it the most. Anyway, I don't know. Maybe people will be upset with me for suggesting that a little white lie. Oh, I think people will be very thankful about that. But, yeah, I think the alternative, which is hurting someone's feelings, is I don't want – I've tried to look at every option here, and I think lying – Lying is the best policy here.

Lying is the best option. I don't know. Can you think of another one? No, because you're trying to spare her her feelings. Yeah. And if you're not willing to risk your own feelings of annoyance, then yeah, you got to fucking pull out a lie every now and again. Well, that's it.

Have a really nice vacation. I wish I could answer you from the time that this is going to be what the answer will be. But, well, it'll be a Tuesday. And when does this usually go up? Like, about two? Have you waxed the beave or done your, what's it called, your lasering in time for this? I only did the tester laser and I haven't done the real, real. You should have done it so that you would have been good for this.

You know why? It's because I came down with a horrible cold the week that I was supposed to get it done. Were you coughing out of your vagina? Like, why couldn't you still get that done? I was so sick. Okay. Remember, remember I said we shouldn't pass on our sickness to other people? Okay, right.

Fine. Anyway, so no, I have to do it after. But whatever, I didn't even get any new bikinis. First world problem. Yes, seriously. Okay, well, have a good trip. Thank you. Thanks for listening.

And keep your questions coming to Sasha at uniclassics.com. And as always, you can get us on Google Play and iTunes. And please leave comments. And yeah, thanks for listening. And tweet us. And bye. Bye. Thank you.

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