What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: Highly Annoyed, Friend or Maid, and and Axe the Ex

Episode Date: May 17, 2016

Welcome to another podcast!Today Lainey and I smoke some weed in honor of one of our advice questions, and while I try to keep my shit above board, I may have unknowingly been a wee bit high (I didn't think it worked). But I’m pretty sure I make some sense.But that’s not all. We tackle what to do when your friend treats you like the help and if you can be friends with an ex.And holy sh-t thank you for making us #17 (22 actually) on the new and noteworthy podcast list on iTunes. This has been so much fun so far and the fact that you guys are listening and downloading and supporting this new format is like, the most wonderful thing ever. Thank. You.Take a listen and check us out on iTunes and keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail]. And of course visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment gossip and fashion needs.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Sash. Hi, how's it going? Good. We should let people know that we will be partaking in some marijuana. Yeah, and only because there's a question coming about weed that we thought we would smoke some weed. And get into the spirit. It should be noted that I haven't smoked weed in probably five years. Really? Yeah. Okay, give her. Fire that shit up. Okay, so this is, well, I don't know what this is. It's a vape. Okay. So it looks like a, I don't know, I've never seen it.

It looks like a cell phone. I have to say, once you vape it, I don't- Do I press it down, Jacek? Jacek isn't stressed. Once you vape it, I feel like you don't want to do it any other way. Okay. Sorry, this is boring for people, but- You know why?

Because it takes away- It's going to get really exciting. It takes away the throat burn. No, that didn't work. Oh, actually, it did. It did, because I just saw it come out of your mouth. It gets totally rid of the, like, it doesn't scorch your throat. Did your throat feel scorched?

No, I didn't. Nothing came out. I love it like this. You got to hold it down for a while. Okay. Okay. Well, maybe we just, you, ladies reading today. So you start reading.

I don't see anything coming out of your mouth. I haven't exhaled yet. This is bunk. This isn't even coming out. Okay. Obviously, Sasha likes the old school way of doing it. i quite like the new school way of doing it no okay i have some after breath of weed this is gonna be really i hope i'm not a total fool i think you'll be great okay good pass it over

okay all right you read and i smoke great okay so um here we go in honor of our reader hi sasha and laney i'll get right into my dilemma i'm in my early 20s and so is my boyfriend. We have been together for over a year and I love him. We are happy. Will I marry him? That's not something I'm even thinking about. We are young and having fun and that's that. But I do love him and don't want to break up with him anytime soon. But the problem is he smokes a fair amount of weed, which I don't really care about if he wasn't so embarrassing when he does. When he gets high, he just acts stupid. He laughs a lot and says stupid things and we're in a group. I just want to pretend we're not together. Outside of this, we are perfect together, but it's just

this one thing that has now become a big thing. I don't want to touch him after, but as soon as he sobers up, we're fine. What do you think I should do? Can I tell him to stop or do I just have to deal with being totally embarrassed by him for a few hours a week? Any advice? Well, my advice is here have a little hit before you answer this question um okay i sim okay uh can you some do your thing where you sum it up she is with her boyfriend and she's with her boyfriend and what i'm not being jokey here what can you just replay that again because you've forgotten she's with her boyfriend she loves okay she's in her early 20s they've been together for over a she's really happy she loves him she loves him she doesn't want to break up with him

but when he gets high right yes he's an ass I guess and embarrassing she it's the embarrassment like she has said the word embarrassment twice so I guess like they're around a bunch of people and nobody wants to be with the fool to be the girlfriend of the fool and I guess he's the fool when he's high and let's say like god when people smoke weed it is it's a mixed bag right people can be super paranoid or super fucking laughy. And maybe that's what she's, you know, I had a friend, one of my best friends in university, her boyfriend smoked a shitload of weed and she fucking hated it when they'd all get high and she'd look at him and he was laughing. Like she hated the way he laughed when she, when he was high, which is like, you know, can't get away

from that, but it would totally ruin her vibe. She fucking hated that. And she would just make fun of him she would just make fun of him yeah and i don't know i don't know if this is like i guess if it's a real problem if he's like actually addicted to smoking weed then yes i understand well she's like just a few hours a week okay you know what i would do i would probably tape my boyfriend while he's in that annoying state and then i'd show it to him the next day and that'd be like see see do you want to look like this and maybe that would shame him and to stop doing it. Yeah. I don't, I was trying to think about, I was trying to decide whether or not someone being embarrassing or foolish when they smoke weed is the same as dating a guy who's a

bad drunk or dating a girl who's a bad drunk. Have you ever dated a bad drunk? Uh, no, but I've been a bad drunk in a relationship. Okay. Like, like gross. And like, I've, I've had that, uh, like a little moment where in a relationship, yeah, like I was drinking too much and I was like a total loser. But how? Falling over, slurring. It was just ugly. You know when you're just a fucking ugly drunk? Yeah. I was an ugly drunk and my boyfriend told me and so I, and I didn't want to be like that. So I stopped. Like he shamed you. Yeah. And I didn't stop drinking. I just like didn't drink excessive amounts. Right. Which is what I'm one, well, you can't like. I don't know. I feel like, I mean, you can have a bad trip obviously, but like I'm trying to decide

Cause I've, I've dated a bad drunk and like bad drunk as in, you know, uber possessive and then like fighting, like fight, like a fighty kind of person. I think that's why right now I hate guys who look like they fight. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so this isn't the feels of this. So, but I don't feel like that is the same. So I'm trying to decide if like being a bad stoner is the same as being a bad drunk.

probably not like drunks are aggro weed smokers like i'm chill right he's laughing yeah he's probably being just like really dorky and like you know like a bit of a nerd which is yeah you never that's kind of a bit of like here's what she says is is the problem um he acts stupid he laughs a lot and says stupid things and when we're in a group i mean that goes hand in hand i know like that's the thing like i'll say that i have you know married a little bit of a pothead yeah that's where we got yeah right so and yasic there are times when my husband is so unattractive to me sometimes he'll go on like he'll have a particular strain there was fucking strain in Vancouver, what was it called? The Black Widow. He would smoke the Black Widow and make me so

crazy because he'd come to me and he'd come, he was like, babe, um, you know what? I did it. I think I fuck Facebook and Apple. I think I've got the idea. Yeah. He was being dumb and then, but serious. And then he'd start whispering because we lived in a condo. This is this one time. He started whispering. He was like, don't talk loud because I don't want anyone to steal my idea. The idea that's going to make Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates embarrassed that they didn't think of this idea. It was so crazy. He stalked and harassed me for two hours about this fucking stupid idea. It was so stupid. Like I, I can't even remember what it was, but it wasn't genius. And anyway, my point is when Yasset gets high, that happens. Stupidity happens. He like,

he might make start making booby fart jokes like that kind of embarrassment and he's always around our friends when he's high it's not like he's never i've seen him high so many times and he's right he's silly and stupid and but i don't i find that stuff endearing obviously so i guess this is the question if you found yasik to be embarrassing and cringeworthy no what do you feel so but i think that like that's you know to me i don't want to um judge her for her feelings like you're into your feelings these are your feelings even though i don't really see why that's you know two hours a week if you look he laughs a lot and says stupid things like i just don't i who i i feel like don't we all do that when we get high and also if you are like kind of in it to win it

In a relationship, your partner's going to fucking be embarrassing sometimes and do stupid stuff. If it's two hours a week of like, you have to put up with some silly shit. Yeah. I think you can suck that up. I think you should say something. Should be. Yes, exactly.

Like your thing about shaming. Yeah. You should say, be like, did you know that when you get high, you are so embarrassing? P.S. Look at yourself here. Yeah. So on the one hand, I feel like she should be entitled to not be attracted to this one thing.

It's true. Right. and that's um and she you know she should say something about it if if he keeps doing it though and it's only two hours a week i guess you have to weigh like no relationship is perfect no person is perfect so if like the suckiest thing you can say is that for two hours a week or three hours once like three hours a week he smokes some weed and tells some bad jokes and laughs like i'm not sure in the you know ledger of bad things versus good things that's a like a total suckage problem Yeah.

Yeah. It's not a deal breaker. I don't think so either. And it's just one of those things where you say to them, I don't know. I would suck that up. I would actually have fun with those two hours. I thought you said you wanted her to shame him. Shame him in like a funny way.

I don't want to shame shame. I'm just saying like show him a video and let him see what he's like. The hope here is that he's like, oh, fuck, I shouldn't smoke so much weed. I don't know. I don't know. He sounds pretty fun. I do too. That's why I'm struggling with this.

I'm like, this would be fun to watch. but is he fun because we just smoked weed i don't know i'm very confused okay this is let's let's agree on let's agree on a solution and the solution is yeah of course you should be honest about your feelings when you're not attracted to something that your partner does you should definitely be honest and have the right to say that so yes tell him be like hey you know what sometimes when you get high like you're kind of such a goof and it like it's kind of embarrassing to me. So I don't know when we're around these group of people, this group of people that I get particularly embarrassed around, I want to impress them the most or

whatever, then can you maybe not smoke or smoke less or watch or be more conscious of it? Right. Because the thing is when you're high on weed, it's not like for some people who drink and it's like you, you're, you don't know what you're doing and you are not, you can be conscious of what you can be conscious of what you're saying. Um, so, and so yeah, She should definitely tell him that. But should she break up with him for it? No.

And I don't think that's what she's going to do. And I don't also, I think that you should try and maybe minimize it in your mind now that Sasha and I have been like, wow, because we've all been there. Yeah, exactly. And if that's the worst thing you can say about your boyfriend who you love, love, love, love, I think you're ahead because I can tell you like the thing that Jacek does that bugs me the most is way fucking worse. Which is what?

Oh, I'm not going to like embarrass him while he's sitting here. I only do that when he's not in the room. What is it? Like farting. Okay. Like, you know, look at him. He's like, whatever. Or like, but things that he does on purpose that like drive you crazy.

Drive me crazy. Or like sometimes what we argue about is he's so fucking long-winded. Oh, my God. He is. Yeah, but I guess that's the deal. in your relationship, it's never going to be perfect. There's going to be hours upon hours of your life where that person annoys you or embarrasses you. But I mean, they sound like they have a great relationship. She loves him outside of this. They're young. They're having

fun. So like, yeah, he smokes a bit of weed and he looks like a fool for a hot second. But, you know, just try to have fun with it. While every other channel is fighting for your customer's attention, Podcasts are where they've already given it. No one accidentally listens to a podcast for 45 minutes. They choose to be here. They trust the voice in their ears. And when that voice talks about your brand, it doesn't sound like advertising.

It sounds like a recommendation from a friend. Acast gives you that trust at scale. Digital precision, host-read authenticity, and performance data that proves it worked. Don't fight for attention. Buy it with Acast. Learn more by visiting acast.com slash advertise. okay next all right next question okay hey Sasha and Lainey I have an issue with one of my long time BFFs to preface she's a great person and I love her and her family also pertinent I'm not

really a baby kid person and don't enjoy being with kids for long periods of time unless they're my nieces and nephews different story this is something I keep to myself as most of my friends have kids now and i do not oh i am scared about what we're about to hear so after my friend had her first baby she'd invite me over to visit when her husband wasn't home and invariably she would ask me to watch or play with the baby while she did a lengthy chore or even ask me to do a chore it was weird once she snapped i wasn't doing it fast enough this is so okay sorry holy shit okay i wouldn't be so stunned that i would just do it instead of saying no or confronting her i don't mind helping but she behaved as if it's totally normal to put

your friends to work at your house none of my other friends with kids have ever done this i'm not talking oh can you hold the baby while i put in some laundry much more than that eventually I learned how to time my visits or suggest outdoor stuff as it stopped. She just had her second baby and already she asked me to babysit her older child while they ran errands with the new baby, whom I haven't even seen yet. I lost my job a few months ago, so I'm free often during the day. This really annoyed me. I do like helping my friends, but I really resented her last time and I want to be an adult about it. If this keeps up, and because I'm not working, I suspect it will, I'll have to say something

to set boundaries. How would you have that conversation? She's super sensitive about her kids, and I suspect it will cause hurt feelings. Thank you, not the babysitter. Jesus. Okay, babysitter. Okay, so do you need a recap? No, I don't need a recap.

I can fucking dive in on this one. Yeah. Well, my first instinct is, I don't, God, your friend, why, why is this your friend? She sounds clueless and lame and selfish and just not even tapped into what the fuck is going on. I don't, this is just like very, well, it's surprising. And also while you were reading it, I was thinking about, you know, you've talked about it before, how didn't your friend make you like her maid at her wedding or something

like that? Pretty much. I was like, look at the Asian. That's where you can put your caps and plates and like wash your, throw your dirty clothes at. Yes. And how did that, like that made you feel much like our reader, right? Oh, I was.

No. I was offended. And that relationship, that friendship was broken, irreparably broken after that. Yeah. Where she treated me like, as you said, maid. Yeah. And I mean, I feel like, you know, there's a lot of, a lot of heat comes up when we ever talk about, um, kids or mothers and, and people don't really love it when we talk about it because we're not mothers. Um, and this isn't. Some people. Yeah. This, um, this isn't a mothering

situation for me. This isn't like a mother versus non-mother. It's not a mother thing. It's a manners thing. It's a manners thing. Yeah. That's what I was going to say, which is just, I'm just really surprised that your friend doesn't understand these boundaries. And so I'm curious to know what she's been like before having kids. Was she always this kind of clueless and blind to their friendship? I would be curious to know that. But let's talk about, here's the thing. Like, I think that the way girlfriends and girlfriends are together, yeah, like, you know, your closest girlfriends, you kind of do help out. We all help out, right? Like Fiona and I, my best friend, Fiona and I are those kinds of friends where like, if I'm staying at her place

or I'm over for a night, I'm washing the dishes. I'm doing things. I'm not doing her laundry or fucking those kinds of chores, but like I'm helping out. I'll tell you a story about Fiona too so in like you know remember i had that like big new year's eve party where we all got like the first yeah the first year we were here in this place we had that big new year's eve party i didn't help you clean up at all you didn't help me no it was like you can remember that night was like at by four o'clock in the like four o'clock in the morning i was screaming at dylan to get the fuck off the porch like i ate your house it was no no like it was i was aggro by the end of like four o'clock in the morning anyway so the house was a mess and I got fucked up that night

so I couldn't get up in the morning and I got up it was almost all clean and she and her husband and Yasek had done it all together I was sleeping Sasha which is the rudest thing you could probably do to your friends who are coming to stay with you but it's a give and take relationship that's right so I I'm okay with like you know the idea of a mother with a newborn or a mother who is like looking after a lot of things and shit like her husband is out of town so she's kind of single in that moment calling a friend and being like you know what i really need your help i i'm i feel a little bit overwhelmed by all the work i have to do around the house do you think you could come and help me out on friday night like i i you know i really really need your help if it's presented

to you that way oh my god any friend would be like you know and you know how i feel about kids and whatever, any friend, I would be like, I'm there five minutes and I'll bring the fucking takeout and we're going to have some wine. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And we're going to scrub and make it like a little whatever. But the problem here, I guess, is that not the babysitter felt like she was kind of conned into it. I think it's the conning that bothers me. It's the like, hey, do you want to just come over and hang out and we can watch a movie? And then suddenly you're fucking windexing every surface in the house. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, there that's I think that's part of the conversation that needs to be had, which is like, if you need help,

then express that. And I'm there in an instant, but yeah, if you're going to bait and switch that shit on me, I think we're hanging out. And then all of a sudden you take off and yeah, as you said, I'm fucking like doing your laundry and taking, like being a caretaker for your child, then I don't think that's fair. So, you know. Because you, it's mindset. Like when you're going into your friend's place and you're like, I'm going over there to help her. I'm going to be like getting, folding her laundry. I'm going to be, you know, carrying the baby while she does her shit. Then you have a certain mindset. But when you're mindsetting to go over to your friends and like, you know, hang out, gossip, have a nice dinner, and then you end up, it's the, it's,

you're unprepared. Yeah. So I think to our reader, I think you should definitely have an honest conversation with your friend. And it doesn't have, and I think it can just be that, like, you know you can express to her that if she needs help you are there um you'll help you know babysit if she needs to but you just want to have the heads up before that happens yeah right because then it then maybe that will trigger her friend to have a bit of a fucking clue yeah okay so we've gotten the chores thing you know she is like led over to the home under false pretenses it's like You know, we've gotten that out of the way. You should tell your friend, just be straight up.

If you need me to come over while you do laundry, I, you know, tell me that. And then there's the babysitting. And then there's the babysitting where now she's being straight up asked to babysit the older child while the friend and the husband go out with the baby, the younger child to run errands or whatever. Yeah. What should, what should like, no, straight up no for the babysitting, right? I think a straight up no.

I think the running theme of this, of our answers is no. Just don't do it if you don't feel comfortable and you don't want to fucking do it. If I was to bring, I have a little puppy and sometimes I do need help, right? You're going to work or whatever. I would never just come by and fucking dump my dog over here and expect you to babysit and then also fucking run back to my house and do some laundry. Yeah. You know, it's the same fucking shit.

Yeah. I, you know, I think that when it's straight up, hey, can you babysit on Saturday? No, I can't. I'm busy. I've got to do whatever. Like, you know, you can say no. You're allowed to say no. I guess I understand, though, like, it's hard if you're being guilted.

Like, she's saying that her friend is very sensitive about her kids. So who knows if this… Who isn't sensitive about their kids, though? But who knows if this person is like, I can't believe you wouldn't want to help me, you know? And that's what she's feeling right now. But that goes back to what kind of friend do you have then? Do you know what I mean? Like, I feel like hopefully your friend group, if you're keeping a healthy, wonderful group

of girls around you, that they're sensitive to how you would feel. And I think that's important. And so I would hope that when our reader has this discussion with her friend, that she can also be honest with her feelings and say, you know what, it kind of hurts my feelings that, A, you don't want to hang out with me when we have these hangouts. You want me to fucking, you know, Cinderella my ass all over your house. Right. Or B, you know, I just feel like we're not spending enough quality time and all you want

me to do is help your children. And I'm happy to do so, but not under these false pretenses and kind of this pressure or guilt that you're putting on me. I feel like you can be honest with your friends. Be honest with your friendship so that there isn't any hard feelings and that this doesn't fracture your relationship down the line. Yeah. And I wonder if maybe the friend, I mean, I know that what you were saying at the beginning,

Sasha but who is this person selfish but I wonder if like the friend doesn't even think that way that she actually sees it as like bonding time but without her there no no bonding with her family like the chores too you know and like just

who thinks that's bonding do you think that's bonding I don't know like it could be I mean if Fiona was here and we were like she was helping me do my chores like we'd still be talking we'd still be having fun we'd still like really feel like you know we were connecting yeah because you have all the other parts of the friendship right you know I don't know it just

feels like there's a big imbalance and um I you know you're right I stand by you should you can say no to the babysitting you can have a talk with your friend I just want us because like I want not the babysitter because she's come to us I want to prepare her in every way I want you to be prepared that your friend might not even know she's doing that and so your delivery might actually, like, wake her up a little bit, but to not expect, like, maybe anger, but maybe just surprise. Yeah, and then you have the discussion, and then you have the solution, and that is, like, key, and yeah, my fiery feeling off the top is just, like, frustration for our reader. I get that, but obviously, when you're having that conversation, be calm and cool and not,

and you don't want to be throwing any judgment, right? Yeah. All right, next question. Hi, Sasha. I'm a 32-year-old professional male trying to stay friends with my ex-boyfriend. Our breakup wasn't the best for me. After three months of me basically living at his place every weekend and him telling me he loved me, to which I waited a week before saying it back to him so I was sure, he texted me while he was visiting his parents over Christmas with cruel and ominous, quote, we need to talk when I get back, message. I obviously wasn't having any of that shit and told him we needed to talk immediately, no matter what it is, so he told me over the phone that we needed to slow down.

Cut to the end of January, the weekend before I'm about to leave on a two-week trip for work. We made plans to spend the weekend together, but he ends up texting me that he's met someone else and blows me off. I'm all sorts of Beyonce lemonade level angry, except I didn't have the luxury of having lemonade at the time. After I returned from the trip, he reaches out to apologize. He comes over to my place. He's crying. He's telling me what an amazing person I am,

that he really does love me, but he's not in love with me. And he would still very much enjoy the privilege of having me as a close friend in his life. I respond by saying, I'm not sure we can have any friendship relationship whatsoever, But if he wants my friendship, my criteria is such that our relationship must be mutually supportive and respectful, and I hold him to the same standards as all of my close friends, of which I have many. He committed to regaining my trust and rebuilding a relationship as friends. Both my gay gaggle and my rock star lady squad are hugely pressuring me to cut all ties with my ex. I am continuing to hang out with him because, despite his mistakes, I do genuinely think he's a good person.

We have a lot of fun. The time we spend together is uniquely fulfilling in a way that is different than my any other friends. We don't have sex when we hang out, but we are still physically affectionate. We have a 15-year age difference. He's 47, but he's also three years sober. I met him in his fourth year, and he has shared with me that at this point in his recovery, he's learning to function as a brand new person, hence his mistakes. Aside from the way he broke up with me, his actions do match his desire for a close friendship, and he has demonstrated contrition. My ex was my first love. He's the first man to ever tell me he loved me,

so I'll always have a special place in my heart. He'll always have. He hasn't shown me any disrespect since we've been continuing to hang out, but has kept up his end of the agreement, but I'm still evaluating. It's been four months since we broke up, and I honestly don't have any lingering feelings for him

because I cannot love someone who doesn't love me back. When the breakup happened, the supportive response from my friends were so robust and immediate, I felt like the luckiest person ever. Wine nights, sleepovers, dinner gatherings, you name it, it happened. Am I betraying their support by continuing to hang out with my ex, who none of them really like and wants me to cut off?

Is it devaluing the time that they've spent with me, helping me through the breakup? Should I cut this person off from my life out of loyalty to my friends? Wow, this person says confused, that they're confused. That's a lot. Okay, so they were hanging out. Guy, he's 32. and the boyfriend was 47.

Yep. And the group of friends want him to cut ties. Yeah, they were together for three months, right? At the three-month mark, the boyfriend says, I love you. Hour confused, waits a week and says, I love you back. Then boyfriend, 47, goes away for Christmas and is like, oh, we need to take a break, and then slow down. So they were together and happy for three months,

and then this shit happened. So clearly… And now they've been friends for four months. That's right. Okay. Their friendship time has exceeded their friend time or their… Their dating time. Lover time.

Yeah. Which actually puts an interesting spin on the situation because, I mean, I have always thought that, you know, an ex is an ex for a reason and I really do think it's so important for the majority of people that when you do go through a breakup that you shouldn't be friends with the person right after. It rarely works out. There's always one person who's still more invested in the relationship who just keeps on getting hurt, hurt, hurt over and over again.

But what's interesting about this is that doesn't seem like this is the case for our reader confused. He seems, they seem to have a very special bond. And I do think the fact that they've managed to have a relationship, a friendship longer than their relationship kind of tips the scales on this one for me. Yeah. And three months isn't – I mean, while they had lots of lust and love for each other, three months isn't a long time to establish a very – to establish a relationship.

So for our reader confused, I understand that you don't want to betray your friends, your gays and girls who are like trying to have your back and protect you. But I feel like you are reading this situation right and you are entitled to have a really fulfilling friendship. And if this happens to be because of a, if it happens to be because you dated this guy and happens to be an ex, I don't really think that plays very well in this situation. Like, I think you're, I think you're a-okay. I think what you're doing, like, green light for me.

Yeah, me too. I think that I will, I do want to sort of like, you know, give a perspective on how the friends are feeling and friends, the responsibility of friends is to be your anger and to be your revenge sometimes, right? So if you're coming to me and you're like, fuck this guy, he did this, I hate him, I'm so sad. Yeah, my responsibility at the beginning is take you in, get you drunk, take your tears, talk, talk, talk, talk. And then my responsibility after is be like, fuck him, yeah, fuck him, I hate him. Because that's what you need, right?

So while you perceived that your friends were like, hate him, you shouldn't be friends with him. Yeah, they're just coming from a place of it's almost a friend's job to protect you, to protect you and have your back and like be your caution. But that can exist in the same space as your friend saying, OK, you have made that decision for you. I'm not going to end my friendship with you over that decision, nor am I going to judge you as betraying me. You know how I feel. So the open communication is there. I know what you're doing. So the open communication is there. And you know what? I don't really like agree with what you're doing. So instead of walking away from you, what I'm going to do

is I'll be here when it turns out I'm right. And that guy fucks you over again. That's what a friend does, right? So that's what they should be thinking and confused. I think because your friends sound really great, that that's actually what they'll do. I don't think that your friends are going to cut you off or feel betrayed by you just because you have made a decision for you. They don't like it, but they've already given you the honesty of that. I appreciate that too. But to cover all your bases, I think it would be interesting to maybe have that open discussion with your friends to see why they're so anti your ex. Because if there are some nuggets of truth that they have that you're not privy to, then it would be interesting to get

their take on it. Like if you have like a balls out conversation and be like, why don't you like whoever? Yeah. Frank. And then they can tell you the damage that they've seen. So maybe, you know, maybe they are that the eyes to something bigger. So it'd be worth having that conversation just to cover your bases. Because, you know, they might, they, part of that, I mean, I've been through so many of my friends' breakups and what fucking does piss you off is you put so much energy in cleaning your friend up especially when they've been in such a toxic relationship and so to see them go back but you don't take it personally you don't feel betrayed do you i don't feel betrayed but i feel frustrated like there's i have one friend in particular that i'm thinking

about who she was just in like the shittiest relationship with this person and we'd go through all this stuff of like trying to get her out she'd get out and then she'd fall right back into it and as a friend you're like exhausted after a while you're sort of like fuck are you serious, like I don't want to do this again. Like you kind of get annoyed. You don't, you don't want to go through that over and over again. So, um, but you're, but you're frustrated and sure. But like, you know, this person is worried that your friends aren't going to ditch you. No, they're not going to ditch you. And they're not going to be feeling like betrayed by you. Like, you know, I don't feel like you don't, your friends don't take it personally. Like you didn't take it

personally. You know, you were just frustrated for her and exhausted for yourself, but you're not taking a person, you're not like, you know, my friend is doing this just to piss me off or going against me. That's not what that is at all. You could see that your friend was actually in a really dark place. Yeah. And as long as, and confused, as long as you're giving as much attention to your ex who's your friend, as well as to your, your other group of girls and gays, then I think you're okay. Then everyone will be happy. If you're, if you're spreading your friendship love to everyone, then no one will be unhappy. And especially if you do, like Lainey said, have that discussion with them as to why you want to continue your friendship with your ex,

then I think everyone's good. Yeah. Great. So want to thank all you guys for checking us out on laineygossip.com and also on iTunes. And thank you for leaving comments and ratings because that activity has landed us like number 17 or something on the new and noteworthy page on iTunes. Oh my God. I hope. I love being in 17th place. 17 is the new one. I know. I love debuting on iTunes at 17. But if you want to make us 16 by next week. Yes. We'd love that. So keep liking or Keep reviewing and keep commenting. And keep your questions coming to Sasha at LadyGossip.com. Thanks.

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