What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: Maiden Name Keeper, Porn is OK, and Am I a Booty Call?

Episode Date: June 21, 2016

On today's Sasha Answers podcast we are dishing advice on whether or not to keep your maiden name, whether or not to watch porn, and whether or not to sh-t or get off the pot.Thank you for all the support and please keep sending us your questions to me at [e-mail]. Check us out on iTunes to leave your comments and feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates. Sasha xx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey, and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers. Hi, Sash. Hi, how are you? I'm good. My mom's in town. You're such a mommy's girl, too. I know. I'm so happy.

I'm beaming. So the fact that I'm taking an hour away to do this is very upsetting. But I had something to ask you, and this is whatever. It's kind of weird because you don't wear underwear, but I'm just going to ask you an underwear question. My mom always comes with mountains of underwear for me, which I love. I don't understand. One of the things that parents bring us, my mother comes over several times a week and

brings us soup. Your parents will bring your favorite treats. She does treats. I get a whole care package. And then underwear is always there. Underwear, pajamas. How quickly do you go through your underwear? It's just like, I guess I collect underwear.

So this is my question, is when I look at lately, I've been like, I have underwear from like 20, maybe even 25 years ago. Like I'll pick up a pair of underwear and be like, I know what relationship I was in at that time, all those sort of things. And I just don't know if that's gross. Is it gross that I'm putting on 25-year-old pair of underwear here and there? Well, what is your underwear rotation? What does that mean?

Because you don't wear underwear. Can you get down with this? I'm trying to understand. Okay. So do you have, for instance, I know because I do the laundry in this house, I know that Jacek has 17 pairs of underwear. Okay. And I do not like to do the laundry or I do not like to wash his underwear until he's

down to like the 16th pair. Okay. So I want every pair to be worn before it gets washed. What he does though is he cherry picks his favorite pairs. Yes, I do that too. And then he's like, you know, can you wash the underwear? And I'm like, there's eight pairs left because you've cherry picked your favorites. Why do the eight still sit here?

What is the value of them? Because they're at the end. Okay, so then why do I… That's when you're desperate. Right, exactly. But then he still has a week and one day's worth of underwear that he won't wear in order for me to do the laundry to wear his favorites. So do you do the same thing?

Sort of. I mean, I have so many pairs of underwear. So I'll, I'll like wear like, I don't know, like 20 pairs before I have to do a whole load of laundry. But I'm like that too. Like I have, I want the good ones to come back in, in the rotation. Okay. But I just want to know, is it gross?

Is it gross? It's not gross. I don't think it's gross at all. But then I just don't understand why you already have your favorites, why you need new underwear. I don't know. I just like new underwear. I go through a lot. I don't do my laundry as often maybe as most people.

You and Jacek are very similar. With our underwear. I mean, he may not have as many pairs of underwear as you, but he has, I feel like he has the same underwear habits where, yeah. Like if you think about it, environmentally, it's obviously not as good. Like go through your fucking underwear rotation before you want, you need your underwear washed. Okay. You're making me feel bad.

Great. Green bad. So it sounds to me like now I'm imagining your underwear drawer and I feel like you must have 60 pairs of underwear. So you could go three months without washing your underwear. Yeah. Right. I could.

I just don't want to make sure that I'm not catching any bacteria from like 20 years ago. We're good, right? I'm good. Okay, good. Good. I'm clean, guys. I'm clean. You're reading today because I just want you to.

Fine. Okay, are you ready? Yes. Okay. Dear Sasha and Lainey, I'm getting married in a year to my best friend. Congratulations. Congratulations. The only problem is that he doesn't understand or want me to keep my surname.

I've tried to explain it to him, but he just sits there and shakes his head. Apparently, my reasons aren't good enough for him to have to explain to everyone he meets why I didn't take his name. Perhaps you can help me express myself better. He knew years ago, before he asked me to marry him, that I was not into changing my name. I feel that changing my name decreases the importance of my individual identity and changes my personal definition into his wife. I don't think it's fair that just because I'm expected to change, I should have to.

While he's gone through life having no such expectations to change, he is quite traditional and I obviously am not. I feel like he's worried everyone will think less of him, which I think is a dumb reason to change my name. I really don't think it's anyone's business. I'm a professional and although it's not essential to keep my name, I feel like it makes things much easier were I to change locations to be found by clients. Also, I like my name.

It's been my name a long time. It's a very uncommon name in Canada, and I'm proud of my family. We both have rather plain European names, but I would not be the only one if I changed my name to his. His name is much more common. He can't think of anyone who didn't change their name and feels like it's rude to his family. It also seems like he believes it would make us less of a family if I didn't change.

I tried to explain that this is ridiculous, that I would love him or future children any less by having a different name. I am marrying him to be together forever, regardless of what my name is. Growing up a child of divorce, I saw many people with different names from their parents. It was okay. I'd have no problem with the kids taking his name. Our names would also be longer than Nugent Hopkins, if we hyphenate it. That's a hockey player.

Oh, okay, good. I had no idea what that meant. His name is Ryan Nugent Hopkins. Okay. Plays, I believe, for the Edmonton Oilers. All right, show off. Go on. Anyway, please help.

every time a friend or family member asks it causes an argument thanks l okay well l l you wrote to two women who kept their last name their maiden names um did you have any decisions behind that was that a discussion that you had with yassik it was barely a discussion it was like so not a discussion that i barely remember i don't remember it so it was not a thing like Like he, Jacek is not like Elle's husband and who insisted on it or who had a hang up about it. He was like, whatever. Yeah.

Okay, great. Yeah, I definitely didn't have a discussion with Corey. I think the discussion was I'm not taking your last name. And I know that his family, while they didn't like, they didn't pressure me or anything, I think that they would have rather me take his last name. But it's interesting because for me, it was more of a cultural thing. Like, I didn't, like, it felt like a whitewash if I took Corey's last name, because his last name is very white.

And with Tong, like, it just, it defines who I am. Like, my last name really defines, like, Sasha is the Yugoslav part of me, and Tong is the Chinese. Like, it really, there was no question of ever giving that up. Yeah. Which speaks to identity. Yes. Which is what Elle is talking about.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what one would do. I mean, she's obviously had this conversation. They've had this, like, back and forth, and they obviously don't agree. I wonder if a happy medium, though, could be if she changes it with, like, government. Like, if her mail and her, like, she fucking files her taxes with his last name but keeps her name, like, her last name socially as well as through her work email and all those sort of things. Like, that seems like a fair balance, no?

I don't feel like she wants to, though. I think she's really clear here that she's gone on to, like, she's gone at length in explaining to us, I don't want to do this. I love my name. I love my name. You can keep your name for everybody else, but just like when your mail comes, who gives a fuck what your last name is on your mail? If I'm just saying, if there's, why not strike a compromise? If he's so, if it'll hurt him that much, then maybe she can sway a little bit in, in words.

No, you want her to stay in her ground. I mean, I see your point about finding a compromise. I definitely do. I'm just not sure why like she has to compromise. Like, compromise is two people coming together and each contributing a piece to the compromise. And it's still her only contributing the paperwork piece. Like, I don't know, changing some things on documents. Like, what's he doing?

Right. I guess I just don't care. Maybe I don't think about, like, I don't really care. I don't, maybe I don't know much about documents. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't, it wouldn't matter to me. It's fucking official. Like, think about it.

Like, I don't want my passport to read anything other than Elaine Louie. I don't want my, you know, social insurance number. I want all my credit cards, all my things. Like, I want to see my name on it. And I feel like she's been pretty clear about wanting the same thing. So how does she communicate it to him? But that's what I mean. I feel like she's communicated her stance really clearly.

It's not like she's backing down from it. And they've obviously had multiple conversations about it. Yeah. So, I don't know, like, I'm just sort of, yeah, the other option, the other only option seems to be, why not just find that, strike that compromise? I get what you're saying. I mean, I would be really pissed if Corey made me fucking change my name legally. Yeah.

I wouldn't want to do that, but I'm just wondering if she's with someone who won't even budge? Like, isn't, I mean, I guess the Brady Bunch answer to this is to hyphenate both their last names. But she just said she doesn't want to because it's fucking long as fuck. Yeah. So, I mean, that is the ultimate Brady Bunch solution and the happy, happy, like if we were writing an after school special, that would, like that's what would happen at the

end of it. I feel like, to me, this is, this to me is a, like a, this to me is a no budge situation. Okay. For me, I see it that way. She has been very clear and articulate about why she wants to keep her name. And frankly, I think his reasons, at the risk of sounding close-minded myself, are bullshit. And outdated. And outdated.

I do not accept his reasoning that what he can't think of anybody whose wives didn't change their name. Then I'm worried about what his social circle is. Because, like, I can think of only women who didn't change their name. Right. Like, I'm sitting across from you. Okay, I take back my answer. Don't compromise. You're right.

Okay, you've convinced me because it's true. I co-sign with Lainey. Stand your ground. I mean, I don't want, Elle, I don't want to sit here and trash your man. That is not my point. But I would like to trash his thinking, if that's okay. If we can make the distinction between he's lovely and loves you and is your best friend, and I am all down with you for that.

But I feel like on this issue where his reasoning is about how it's disrespectful to his family, so he can disrespect your family? I love that you're starting to, I can see the anger now. I try to contain my anger. So accusing Elle of keeping her name and thereby disrespecting his family. so how is it respectful to her family never mind her family to her by saying hey that thing you love you so much your name i'm taking it from you how is that respect so i don't like that yeah oh the fingers coming out yes and i definitely don't like that some of this is defined

by how other people will think of him okay really he's obviously deep deep like i don't want to I don't want to judge him. I feel like I'm judging. So I think you should reel it back a little bit. Reel it back and just stick with what you were saying, which now I agree with, which is, yes, hold firm in not changing your name. And hopefully he gets over it. Right? I mean, she came to us to ask if there was another way to explain herself. And my rant might be not that productive. So I'm not sure if you should come at him with all these.

But if push comes to shove, I don't think that there is anything more worth defending than your identity and your name. So for me, I think that in those cases, you don't have to be polite. Your justification is, I am defending my right to keep my label, which is my name. And I don't think that you need to brainstorm 1,800 ways to say this. You know, it's my name. I'm fucking keeping it. Like, that's it. All right.

All right. All right. The end. I get it. We get it. Did you get that, reader? Yes, you did. I don't know if we helped her, though.

I'm sorry, Elle. But we gave her, I mean, I gave her a lukewarm option. Yeah. And you gave her the cold ass truth. All right. So that's good. Okay. let's uh move on to maybe something that won't make me as angry okay um hi Sasha and Lainey

I really need your advice and I apologize for the TMI in advance my main query is this is porn even worth it oh what a way to change my mood around um okay I don't have an issue with porn or think it is wrong or bad but at times it feels as though it is a bigger hassle to use than its worth. I was a bit of a late bloomer sexually, and I didn't even figure out how to get myself off until my early 20s a couple of years ago. Since then, I have normally read smut to turn me on and get me to cum, but lately I've needed visuals or videos to get me over the edge. Although to be fair, the vibrations of the toy may not be strong enough. I used to use a Hitachi prior to using my current rechargeable inquirer toy. Aren't Hitachis barbecues? They make

vibrators as well? Yeah. Okay. Oh, no, I'm thinking of hibachi. Sorry, go on. You're thinking of hibachi. Sorry, go on. I know there's nothing wrong with using porn, but at times it feels like it's more of a hassle than it's worth. Tumblr had been my go-to for porn clips, but since a virus scare on my laptop, I'm hesitant to watch porn to get off. Then the other thing that actually scares me about porn is how you can accidentally stumble across some pretty scary stuff quickly if you aren't careful. Totally. I mean, yeah. Like all of a sudden, And, you know, you're looking for nice romance and then a bear comes out and starts fucking everybody. Like, it's fucking weird.

Anyway, sorry for the – because I'm just saying this because you, Sasha, I know are not – This is going to – I'm listening to you and I'm like, radio silence, radio silence. Like, I have nothing to offer. So keep on going. Okay. Anyway, it can be difficult at times to tell whether sex acts are done to a person with consent at times. That's true. And that really scares me.

To be honest, I would like to be able to go back to being able to come to written smut because at least it's virus free and lets me have a clear conscience while getting off. Do you have any tips or advice to help give a girl some peace of mind regarding porn? Thank you. Ecamm. I fucking let you hold this torch and run with it. I mean, for me, I will just say this. I don't watch porn.

I'm sure you will tell me all the certain links that I should go to. But I will say the reason why I don't is from that last bit of her letter, which is talking about the consent. I would have a hard time watching porn because I really don't know if these 16-year-old girls or however they are, are cool with it. If I knew if they did like a little promo right before the video and they're like, you know what? A plus.

I'm really happy. I'm digging this. Then I would maybe feel okay. But I don't know. I don't know. I don't necessarily feel like it's a safe environment for a lot of these women. And that's troublesome for me. I can't get off on someone when I want to cry for them. Right. But you tell me, you go on. Well, no, I mean, it's a great question. And porn is definitely controversial. I have been definitely supportive of like porny books and porny videos.

I didn't know what porny books are. Porny books like what's it called? Sashy novels. Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Like, what's it called? What? Like, Fifty Shades of Grey.

Like, Fifty Shades of Grey. That's a really bad one, but there are, like, yes. Okay. Yes. There are really, there are some really good ones that are, like, you know, a great use of English language, but also, you know, like. Dirty. Oh, dirty.

Okay. Like, yeah, your pussy's so wet. Yes. Like, that kind of dialogue. And I've got no more than 50, Yassic. He had to clean up my iPad last week because I just changed iPads. And so when you're reading at night, are you like, neat, neat, and then you put down your little book and then you're like, hello, Yessic.

I usually read like on nights when he might be downstairs watching a game or playing like video games and I'm upstairs and then I'll be like, oh, well, let me just read my favorite passage, whatever. Mostly it started because I was on the road a lot before I moved to Toronto. I was on the road every two weeks and I'd be in hotels. and I'd be fucking horny and I'd be like, okay, let me just download like this jerk off book. Right. You know, the book I can, I think I can get behind the book, but I do understand why people have discomfort about porn for all the reasons that you just said, you know, and also, um,

some of the way that it's portrayed is very male centric and it, you know, it certainly doesn't service a pro female feminist angle. That said, it doesn't mean that all porn is bad. And in my experience I've been lucky I've been able to find porn and have it suggested to me where it's enjoyable to me and I don't have any philosophical moral qualms about it qualms about it um do you want because you said a few podcasts ago you have a new favorite well I have a new favorite scene like it's to me it's the you know a porn movie might be like 80 minutes or an hour or whatever But no, I don't really, I've never watched a full porn. You haven't watched the whole story arc?

No. You just watch a scene? No, you just watch a hookup, which is anywhere from five minutes to 20 minutes or whatever. And pretty much by like the three minute mark, you're done. Right. And like, yeah, I'm like, okay, I'm ready to watch Game of Thrones. Like whatever. Totally.

A little intermission with you. Yes. Can I ask a quick question about – because that was another thing that our reader brought up, which is I would always probably be really fearful, too, that, like, someone was tracking me. And I guess that's what she's talking – well, not really, but she talks about the pop-ups being, like, as you said, something like a bear coming. Look, I don't know what the fuck any – Yeah, the pop-ups are hideous and awful. So it's about, you know, going to a link that you trust or purchasing, you know, purchasing, like – I think Jacek and I bought many, many years ago, I wonder if we still have it, like a

couple on VHS. Yes, vintage porn. Like we went to a store, an adult store, and it was on VHS. And I can't remember if when we moved, I remember clearing it out, and then I remember him like laughing about it. And then I think we made a joke about, because other people were helping us move, and wouldn't it be funny if like people are helping you move and then they find the porn, the VHS porn. But I, this is a really interesting, you know, to me, I'm really glad that we're talking

about this because number one, yes, some porn out there is so disturbing and so antithetical to the themes of what we try and uphold on this podcast and on the blog. And I get that. And how do you sift through all that bullshit? But also I do find that one of the ways we can enjoy porn in a safe way and in a way that doesn't make us feel dirty is that women need to start talking about it more. Women who enjoy porn. And there are many of us. I'm not the only one. Oh, I know that. I have friends who it's like it comes up. There's a site called YouPorn. Sometimes it's like it can be sketchy with the pop-ups, but there's a site called YouPorn. And I remember I was talking to

my friend Dee, and Dee just kind of, I don't know, made a throwaway comment about how she and her friend Elle were you-porning one night while her husband, Dee's husband, was out. And I was like, you-porn too? And it was like a thing. We were like, yeah. And so there's definitely women out there. It's just that for whatever reason, we're either shy to share, like you would never be shy to share lipstick or your skincare or where to get the great muffins or, you

know, your vegan food, dairy free food, but why is it that we can't, um, sexually recommend things that make you feel good? That's right. Okay. And I think that this is, that's why I'm so happy that we're having these conversations. So, and that's why I feel like I'm so open about enjoying it. Cause I also want to normalize it. It's okay for us to enjoy porn that makes us feel good and doesn't make us feel bad

about the state of women and whatnot. So I do think anyone listening out there, if you do enjoy porn, hey, spread it to your sisters. Well, spread it to us so that we can pass it on. Maybe we'll have, maybe at the end of the week or something, we'll post a little post of links that are safe and no bear pop-ups. So to Ecamm, I would say, you know, I, Lainey, Gossip, Louie, of, you know, in 2016 being 42 years of age, consider porn to be a very enjoyable form of sexual expression for me. So if this is something you are interested in, I fully support you. Happy to throw up a couple of links or email you privately maybe a couple of links. I will give you my porn criteria.

There's criteria. Yes, I have porn criteria, which I've said many times, but I want to articulate it and get it out again now. I really need it to be on good film and I need it to be great lighting. Okay. Yes. Like my real life. Yes.

However, I know that there are people who enjoy, and this may be a way to address that issue that you had about consent and like the business and how women are being lured into the business. Because there's a big market for amateur porn where regular people who don't look like models, you know, who are in their 30s, their 40s, their 50s, 60s, you know, recording themselves and then submitting it to these, you know, good porn, not nasty porn, not exploitative porn sites and other people are enjoying it. Okay.

Gotcha. So, but for me, I don't like the amateur deal. Like I need it to be… Well-produced. Well-produced. Okay. Nice. So I, the ones that I always recommend to people and I have done, like I've recommended

it to people at work and I've recommended it to friends and I've recommended it to people at smut soirees. I've even shown it to people at a smut soiree and like texted them the link. The ones that I always recommend to me are the things that get me off. And yeah, this is great lighting. I generally like, you know. Do you need a storyline? No, because you watch scenes. I need them to be, I need there to be a lot of kissing. Okay. And I needed there to be a lot of cunnilingus.

Okay. you need it to feel like a real relationship yeah i need to see like that i need some like i need a lot of shots of the dude's face like i want to see that he's fucking getting off too you know what i mean you know how i feel about get off face well i know okay i don't want to see that like if i'm picturing shit like i need to picture that the guy is like enjoying it and he's like angry okay um doesn't look angry sometimes like no they don't smile they're like they're not like Like there's veins and fucking gross red face. No, just like moaning.

That's hot to me. Yeah, all right, okay. So I need some of that. And I definitely, you know, it can't be fucking like pounding just all the time. It has to be like different speeds. Okay. You know, we can, a variety of speeds.

Jacking, jackhammering sometimes, but then, you know, melodic and smooth is good as well. So I, yeah. So those are the ones that I recommend. Okay. Well, I think maybe just for readers who are sheepish or whatever, maybe just post like maybe a nice link and a nice book so that people can have a little starter package for their porn.

And generally, the couples that I do like to watch are actual couples. Like there was this guy who I wrote about for Flair and I wrote about on the blog who was only doing it with his wife at the time. Was that the guy who you tweeted? Oh, my God. He tweeted me. He tweeted you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You lost your mind. Jared Gray. And he and his partner recorded, like, they were exclusive to each other. So then, you know, you remove the, like, ick factor. That said, there are many porn stars who are married to each other, and they're just down with, like, Danny Mountain and Mia Malkova. I love that you know who I'm saying. But Danny Mountain and Mia Malkova are married to each other, but porn with other people.

And that is like their deal. Right. I mean, I haven't delved into their business like I do Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner. That's what I was going to ask you. You should do like a sublainy gossip for porn stars. You seem to know a lot. So they're married, but their day jobs are they go and fuck other people and it seems to work for them.

And then there was this couple, like Jacek and I, our favorite go-to at one time, there was this porn star. Her name is Tiffany Thompson. And she was either only doing like the only dudes that she was doing it with was her boyfriend. So there are situations and there are two or three other couples like this that only porn with each other and they're exclusive to each other. So that might be, that's a suggestion too. Okay, good. All right. Well, hopefully that helps. Yeah. Hopefully that helps. And please ask us more about porn. Okay. Final question. Hi, Sasha. The guy I like, A, and I have been hanging out for the past six to eight weeks on average about once, maybe twice in a week. A is great. He is fun, sexy, nice, goofy,

all qualities I find attractive in a guy. I haven't dated anyone for several years and it is refreshing to find someone I can truly be myself with. The problem, A, let's call him Alex because A is, okay. The problem, Alex lives a very busy life and at the moment I do not. Alex works nine to five, which is usually more like eight to six at a demanding job in the financial district of downtown Toronto. He's also part of several sports teams and has an active social life. I have an active social life and keep myself busy, but I'm just working part-time for now until I start back up in school in the fall. I don't like feeling needy or clingy as I've always thought it's important to be happy with oneself before anyone else. But I can't help but

feel batshit insane some days waiting around to see if Alex will message me to meet up. I would like to see him more often, every other day or four to five times a week. It seems like sometimes I'm lucky to just see him once a week. I think he's interested in me as he does message me, even if it's just to tell me he's busy for the next little while and feel like if he didn't want to hang out with me, he wouldn't put this much effort into telling me how busy he was. But a part of me also wonders if I'm his convenient fuck buddy when he wants it and can spare the time. When we're together, it's almost always food, sex, Netflix, or sex, food, walk, or something of the sort. I'm confused. I want to spend more time with Alex to see if this

is some potential to go somewhere, but I don't know how to bring this up without making him feel pressured that I want him to commit to something more than he is ready for. I'm 26, he's 40, So I also worry that this is my angsty 20-something insecurity combined with the fact that I have too much free time on my hands. Should I just chill the fuck out or should I face the music and realize he wants to see me when he wants a fuck and a hangout sesh? My crazy self is telling me to hint to him that I might have other options to see and see if that drives him to commit.

And my sane self is telling me to be honest with him, tell him that I like spending time with him and want to spend more time with him. Surely this cannot turn into a relationship if we continue to see each other at best once a week, right? Signed, bored and angsty. Well, I don't think bored and angsty is being crazy. I think she's actually wanting a relationship to progress. And I think the only way you figure that out is if you ask for it.

And they've obviously been dating for, I don't know, did she say how long she's been dating? Six to eight weeks. Six to eight weeks. Okay, maybe once a week. So they've seen each other once, maybe twice for six to eight weeks. When you start dating someone, you kind of want to see them more than once a week. If you really have chemistry, you want to see them like almost every night. And that's obviously on her side of things.

That's how she feels. And so whether or not she's just like a punching bag for fucking, I don't know. But it doesn't sound like he's ready to commit. But the only way you'll know is if you fucking ask. And so you kind of have to – yeah, I think you have to just be truthful and say to him, like, I want – I don't need any hardcore commitment, but I would like to hang out more. Yeah. I agree with your assessment of the evidence that we have. You know, once a week, every six to eight weeks, without picking up the frequency, seems –

Like it's not going anywhere. Correct. It seems like it's plateauing. Yes. She did say that he's a super busy job. He sounds like he's like, you know, definitely eight to six. And then he's either, like he plays on sports teams. So let's say that he plays baseball once a week, basketball once a week.

And he loves his basketball and whatever. I'm 40? Mm-hmm. 26 and 40. So she's 26 and Alex is 40 years old. I'm wondering too, like, is Alex 40 and has never been married, never had kids? Like, is there a reason why he's been single for so long? He clearly loves his life.

Yeah. He sounds like he has a great life. He sounds like he's figured out exactly what makes him happy in his life. He's got a great job and he's got a social life. He's physically fit. And a hot 26 year old he gets to be. So why would things need to change for him? If I'm Alex, right?

I'm like, oh, life is fucking good. Life is fucking good. It's summertime. I'm playing. I've got baseball twice a week. I've got, you know, but if Alex is that type of dude, then that's why our reader should fucking jump ship because she obviously wants more. She doesn't want an Alex who just wants a busy life and to play volleyball.

Well, I, and that's, you're right. Our, great for Alex, not great for our reader. Yeah. Bored and angsty wants more. And I totally agree with what you said about, you know, when you're really, really into someone, like you can't, like it's almost an addiction that you want to see them on, especially at that beginning stage, right? So yeah, if it hasn't picked up by now, that's a bit of a worry. But I mean, I would still, I would still, but it's still a question

mark. It is a worry. So like I want to confirm for her that her confusion is valid and maybe she should see what her behavior is be like. Has she been playing it cool? Like is she trying to play it cool that it's almost too cool that he doesn't know that she might want to spend more time. You know what I mean? Like that could be a thing as well. So yeah, I just go back to that advice, which is just fucking ask for it. Yeah. Like he'll let you know. Bring it up. He'll either fade you out or fade you in. I think that, yeah, you, you have to assert that. I think you're totally, I loved your point just now about sometimes, cause she was like, I don't want to come off as clingy. And sometimes not wanting to come off as clingy can result in coming off

as, like, unattainable. Too cool for school. Yeah. So that's a really good point there, too. Maybe he's wondering the same thing. Yeah. Or maybe he's not. Or maybe he's not.

Maybe Alex, as we said, is fucking 40 playing volleyball. But you do have to put it on the table, bored and angsty. And, I mean, I don't think that you – you don't have to do it in a way that sounds like, you know, can you get married to me or whatever. It should be like, hey, you know, you're, like, you know, put it out there. Let's hang out more. Yeah. Or you message him like, hey, how about if you've just seen him on Tuesday, it's okay

to message him on Wednesday and be like, what are you doing for dinner tomorrow? This weekend. Maybe do it that way first. Instead of like actually having the conversation, feel it out by actually asking to spend more time in the sense and doing it. Right. Asking him out on dates more often. Yeah, yeah.

I like that. Baby step into that. Or how, and yeah, or and then baby step into that and then be like, hey, do you want to go away together this weekend? Like in a month or so. Yes. And feel that out, right? That might be a good test of it. I'm down with that. Maybe a weekend together and like an hour outside. And eight weeks. You would want a weekend. Yeah. That's not a bold move. A trip away, an hour away. Sure. But they need to build a few more hangs during the week and then step it up. Yeah. Keep on stepping it up. And then test it out on that weekend and see how he reacts to that. I need a

part two for this though. Yeah. Okay. Meaning we want an update. Yeah. We want an update because I want to see what happens when she gradually progresses from Tuesday and Thursday. Yes. And then maybe two weeks of Tuesday and Thursday or Monday and Wednesday or whatever, and then try the weekend trip. So bored and angsty, let us know about how this goes. Also, you're 26 years old and don't start school again until the fall. So enjoy your summer for us. Yeah. If Alex doesn't work out. There are plenty of men out there. That was great. Okay. We've covered off underwear, porn. I got to yell at somebody this week. Did you? Who? Oh, the first, you yelled at someone's husband. You know, I just had a fiance. What? They aren't married yet. No, no. Oh, right. Sorry.

My fiance. Sorry. All in all, a great, I don't know. You're happy with this one. Okay, good. So keep the questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And thanks for subscribing to us on itunes please continue and to leave comments and reviews we really appreciate it we love doing this podcast and we are so happy about the feedback you're giving us so um your comments really help drive this show yeah thank you bye We'll be right back.