What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: No Christian Grey, Tough Love for Dumb Love, & Coping with Infertility

Episode Date: October 4, 2016

Welcome back to the 30th Sasha Answers podcast installment! Have I told you how much we love your support???? Whether you tune in every week or binge listen –THANK YOU!On today’s show: how to BDSM responsibly, tough love for a dumb love and how to cope with fertility issues.Keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail] and as always, check us out on iTunes and on Google Play to subscribe and leave your feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates.S.xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers and episode 30. Episode 30 and we are posting this Tuesday, October 4th, which is also when we are going to Adele. Yes. So you might be listening to this while we are weeping. Yes. But I haven't downloaded the album, which is like the stupidest thing one could do.

And I'm fully aware of this. So I'm prepared to know two songs tomorrow. No, but you'll know things from the older albums. All the older albums. But I mean, I'm pretty sure she's just going to pimp a lot of the new album, 25. But anyways, I'm very excited. I'll just be humming along. I feel like she'll do the old classics.

Yes. And then I heard she talks a lot. I love that. And then we'll just cry at whatever, someone like you and one and only. Your favorite is one and only, right? One and only. I love one and only. Yeah.

But I'm more interested to know that I might see like secretions of emotion coming out of your eyes. Well, I don't think you have ever seen me never seen you cry. And we've known each other a long time, like over a decade. Have you seen me cry? Yes. Oh, really? You got really fucking deep about that.

Was that a really sad cry? Oh, yeah. I've probably cried a couple of times in the last couple of years with you. But, okay. Well, on a lighter note, you don't cry. But I also am very vulnerable to mob mentality. Okay. So, if we're all crying, you will just feel left out enough to cry.

No. It's not that. It's like when you're in… You know what they say about mob mentality, right? It's a weak person ends up following along. I'm weak. Like, I… No, I'm not proud of this.

But, like, if there was a situation where people were, like, looting and shit, I'd probably fucking loot because that's how weak I am. I actually, yeah, but I think that's kind of your personality. You're kind of like a troublemaker. Because that's what looting is, that mob mentality. Remember in Vancouver when they lost the Game 7 Stanley Cup final and a lot of people who were upstanding citizens, who were just really nice people, suddenly couldn't describe why they ran into a store and ran out with a pair of pants? Yeah. Were you one of those people? Is that what you're admitting? No. Jacek is not one of those people. And we were at the game and he was like, let's fucking go right now. And pulled me into the car and we drove away. And literally, I swear to God,

as we're driving away, we looked through the back window and the city was on fire. Yeah. That's how close we were. But anyway, there were people who'd run into a store, nice, nice people ordinarily. And then they'd come out with whatever and then break a window because of this mob mentality. Anyway, I am vulnerable to that kind of shit, I find. Well, there could be some foreshadowing because the Jays are playing a wild card tomorrow one block away from Adele.

So if they lose and there's looting, you will probably be part of that. This time around, you might. Maybe I will have exercised my mob mentality by crying at Adele. And then I won't need to loot. Okay. If the Jays lose.

Hopefully they will not lose. Hopefully they will not lose. I hope they're not either because my husband will be going there. And if you don't loot, he'll be a fucking looter. And at the very least, he'll be a head looter. He will be the head drunk. So if anyone, I said to Duanna in our group email, I was like, if we see Corey, like we beeline the other way.

I don't want to, I don't want to fucking see him. I don't want to be associated with him. Like Corey sees you and says, hey, that's my wife. And you turn around and say, I'm not married. Who is that? Who is that saying my name? Okay, let's get into the questions today. Okay, ready?

Here's our first question. Hey, Sasha and Lainey, my boyfriend and I have been together four months now. Both college students in our early 20s. He's a great guy, fun, good looking, and outgoing. We get along pretty well. The problem is with our sex life. He's hardcore S&M. I'm not the most vanilla girl around, and being dominated in bed can be fun, but when

actual pain is involved, that's when I tap out. He's asked me a few times to recreate a scene from Fifty Shades of Grey, the one near the end of the movie when he spanks her with a belt. And I've been very reluctant. I just want to show Sasha's, I wish you could see Sasha's body language right now because you are becoming smaller and smaller. Okay, anyway. So he spanks her with a belt, and I've been very reluctant,

but his birthday was last week, and I figured it'd be a nice gift. So we planned the whole thing, and when it came down to it, homeboy lost himself and really hit me hard with his fucking belt to the point where I couldn't contain my tears. Safe to say our night came to a premature ending after that. He apologized profusely afterwards, and we've been trying to move on. The problem is we haven't had sex since, and I don't know what middle ground we could reach on this one. He's not a psychopath, but he gets off on inflicting pain during sex.

I'm adventurous in bed and totally willing to go outside of my comfort zone for him but real actual pain isn't my thing either okay well yeah uh yeah I want to take the reins on this one I mean for me it's I think I wrote about BDSM uh a long time ago on your column your column I mean on your website um and I am I admitted that and I admit now like I am vanilla on vanilla on top of vanilla like this is outside of my realm

like you won't even do a little peg action I don't even know what that is what the fuck's peg action like sticking your finger up a guy's butt don't want to do that

don't want to do that because there's a lot of like there are so many erogenous like erogenous zones around it which is great these are all wonderful

like cornucopia of tricks you can do in bed I think that's wonderful if both people are a game I think the issue here

and especially if you're getting quote unquote violent in bed, um, if there's, if there's like, you know, uh, dominance over somebody, then strict rules have to be outlined before you get into that situation. Um, and clearly they, while, while our writer is like sexually adventurous and open to things, they obviously haven't had the conversation on what those cues are, what those cues are of being like, this is too much. Uh, I need to tap out. Um, and that is an important, at the very least that has to be discussed between the two of them. Otherwise, yeah, you get in a situation

where you're getting beat the shit out of by a belt and now you're too afraid to have sex with your partner. Well, I agree with what you said and you mentioned that you have to talk it through beforehand and go through everything. And she says here that they did. Uh, she says we plan the whole thing but what's missing here from this email is safe words exactly yes um safe words are so important with uh BDSM and so the fact that she hasn't mentioned that they came up with a safe word, that they agreed upon a safe word, that they, you know, had fun conjuring up what the safe word would be, is it going to be avocado, is it puppy, is it glasses, whatever, says to me that neither one of them, but in particular, he doesn't know what the guidelines

and the process of BDSM is. So I don't know that this is actually BDSM, which is, I don't know, a sexual enjoyment that is within a prescribed boundary, right? Like people who I know who practice BDSM are quite, I don't want to say rigid about it, but they have a set of rules that they follow. There have to be safe words. Well, I was going to say, it's about responsibility. And consent.

Yes, responsibility and consent. And what sounds interesting is, yeah, I think this guy, her boyfriend is like, yeah, I fucking love to be rough in bed, but I don't think he's actually taking the time to figure out what that means, what that looks like, how to do that properly with your partner. And yeah, you say rigid, I say responsible. Like it's about setting boundaries. You have to set rules when you are interacting in this kind of sexual play. So, you know, to the reader then, I, you know, I appreciate that he was remorseful afterwards

and I appreciate that you have feelings for this person, but I appreciate even more that you're uncomfortable and that eventually this is going to come up again. Well, it should come up right away, right? Because you can't avoid having sex with your partner. That's just going to cause a greater divide. So use this as an opportunity to set those boundaries, have that discussion. because like that can't happen again that can't happen whereby she yeah is crying out of pain and fear like that that's not a good time for anybody but also use the opportunity to do better research

with all due respect my understanding from sex educators and those in the bdsm community is that 50 shades of gray is actually not the way that bdsm should be practiced In fact, I once had a conversation with several people in that community who say that it's against everything they believe in and that it's not a true representation of that kind of enjoyable sexual activity. So since the two of you who are admittedly new and novices to BDSM are being guided by this work of fiction that is probably not the most helpful, for lack of a better word, responsible, I have to be quite severe. maybe you should be going to different texts and different like going to different resources that are more helpful and more aware I totally agree yeah so create this as an opportunity to yeah do your research yeah and create a better fuck environment because what's happening right now is that not ideal for you and you obviously have pointed that out so you need to have an open

discussion yeah with your boyfriend I mean that's part of any relationship is to have an open discussion especially when something yeah as particular and specific as this is going on and do your research go online um i i would i have recommendations but now i'm struggling with whether or not to provide them and we can certainly post them or whether or not this is part of the process of research not having the answers given to you but you going out there and engaging the community and asking your own questions to the community, the BDS community, BDSM community that has more experience. I think it'd be good to put some links, right?

Because sometimes people are a bit sheepish to talk about their sex life to other people and maybe they don't like to classify themselves as BDSM because sometimes that has its own kind of negative connotation. It shouldn't, but it does for some people. So you should slap up some links. I just always like the sort of black hole effect of the internet and research where you just type in BDSM in your Google search and it leads you to one link, to another link, to another link.

Because often I find that you post one link for somebody and then that becomes the Bible. Sure. Whereas, so let me think on this, but, you know, and because what we do here at Sasha Answers is very spontaneous. Like we never sort of telegraph or read anything or do any sort of prep. All of our responses to your questions are really in the moment. it. So let me think on this, but I do feel that you would be well served to do that research and go down those Google internet rabbit holes where you can get more and more information and learn

more and more from other people and hear from other people who've been through it. Because with all due respect to your boyfriend, he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. That's true. P.S. I love how you started off this by asking me if I've ever stuck my finger someone's butt like as if that had any like that didn't even that wasn't even like a good transition you were like well have you stuck your finger up but you were like but you were like I am the most vanilla on top of vanilla and I wanted to know what level of vanilla what vanilla means is like boring do you think vanilla means some fucking no like there's no there's levels of vanilla like are you a dugger I don't know what these terms are no a dugger like those fucking

oh like mormony no you know that family that keeps having babies and they're like oh sex is bad except until you're married and they're okay you know they they claim to just be hey missionary only make babies only but you they're the freakiest fucks well there you go i bet you they're well that one guy was like a child perv yeah um okay i'm white on white not like a duggar or a pedophile if that clarifies anything yeah but i know i know some vanilla like super white on white sex vanilla people. And it's great. They won't even do it doggy style.

Oh, okay. All right. Well, my mom's listening. I don't really particularly want to talk about it. Okay, whatever. I like it doggy style. How about that? And she sticks her ear up past his ass

is basically also what she's saying. No, no. Oh, no. No, he's saying no. Honestly, do you know how many times I've offered? Okay, you've offered. But he won't. He's like, no, thank you.

And you offer them. And he says, no, thank you. Yeah. He's like, no, I'm good. Good. All right. But I'm the one who's like, hey, let's try some pegging. And there's his safe word.

He said, no, thank you. And you listen to him. So this is important. Okay, next. Hey, Sasha, I met my first love, let's call him Ben, in middle school. He was a sweetheart, smart, respectful, very good looking and supportive. We started dating in high school and we were very serious about each other. He was my best friend.

And for a really long time, I was sure he was the love of my life. We talked about growing old together, how and where we were going to raise our kids, and the whole happily ever after thing. I went to college out of state. He stayed home in our home state. But we were ready to commit to the long-distance thing, and he even gave me a promise ring before I left for my freshman year. During junior year, he cheated on me and didn't even have the guts to come clean to my face.

He sent one of our close friends to tell me and ask for forgiveness. Okay. Well, he's in high school, so. No, at this point they're in college. Oh, college? Yeah. Oh, oops. He's in third year university, this fucker.

Sorry, maybe he's not a fucker. I have to keep on going. Anyway, so he sends a friend to tell me and ask for forgiveness. I just stopped talking to him after that. Safe to say I was heartbroken and messed up for a very long time. Fast forward to today. My current boyfriend and I are expecting. Congratulations.

I'm in my first trimester. We moved in together after I found out I was pregnant. We've been together for almost two years now and we weren't really planning on starting a family, but we've decided to keep the baby. We have our ups and downs, but all in all, we're in a good place and I love him. About seven months ago, a mutual friend of Ben and I from back home told me Ben had recently moved to my town and asked her for my number. Uh-oh.

I figured, why the hell not? We haven't spoken in four years. He was my best friend and I never really got closure from how our relationship ended. So Ben called up one day, and we went out for coffee. We talked about everything and anything. He apologized for how things went down between us, and we ended that first meetup on very courteous terms. We kept in touch after that.

He was new in town, living with roommates he wasn't vibing with, so I helped him find a new place, and we just started talking more and more. Then I started remembering how sweet and loving and amazing he was, and all the feelings I had for him just came rushing back. It got really easy, really fast to be myself around him again. I'm falling in love with Ben. who I called a motherfucker late a minute ago, but I'm falling in love with Ben, but as long as I'm with my boyfriend, I would never, ever act on those feelings.

I love my boyfriend. We're having a baby together, and I want my child to grow up with parents that have a healthy relationship. Some of my close friends think I should end it for good with Ben, but it's not that easy. I don't want him out of my life. He genuinely makes me happy. I'm really confused right now and would like your impartial input. I'm ready for some tough love, if need be. Okay. You are going to get some. Okay.

Well, then you start it off. Well. What are you, what's your gut feeling on this? What I'm like, what I really, she doesn't give a name, so she doesn't give her name, so I'm going to give her one. Sure. So the guy's name is Ben, so let's call her Jen. Okay.

Great? Easy? Yeah. So many Jens out there. Jen There are a lot of things I have problems with this In this email

But This is the sentence That is super eye-rolly to me Okay I'm going to Re-quote it Yes I'm falling in love with Ben

But as long as I'm with my boyfriend I would never ever act On those feelings Yes You already Like what you're thinking is She already has Jen you're full of shit

Yeah First of all And P.S. You wanted tough love So here it comes Writing a sentence like that Like, you're somehow morally superior because, oh, I'm falling in love with him, but I would never act on it.

Yeah. Come on now. Don't… You are basically forgiving yourself. You're basically saying, I'm too good of a person. Are you? But that's emotionally cheating 101, what she just did. Like…

Yeah. Call a spade a spade. You're fucking emotionally cheating on the relationship that you're currently with right now. I don't know. it's like I feel part of me is like you got a lot on the go Jen like have the baby and then figure out what you want to do I don't necessarily think um jumping into um like this it feels like a very mystic relationship what she has with Ben right whatever is coming uh into her life now like how

he makes her feel like I always question is that how he's making you feel presently or are those past feelings that are coming up? Are those past feelings that are bubbling up and they're kind of just confusing you and what you want currently? Which is like, I don't think that the guy she's with right now is probably the guy she should be with. But I don't necessarily think Ben is the guy she should be with either. I don't know.

It feels like a bit of a band-aid for me. I also feel like, how did we just gloss over the part where he cheated on her in junior year of college, which is around 21-ish, cheated on her and then sent a friend to tell her. And, you know, she's like, he's talked to me and he's apologized. But here's the thing. He's apologized in the most animal kingdom way ever. Basically, he knows that you're pregnant with some other dude. He's like, oh, wait a minute. I'm territorial now. That was supposed to be my womb to knock up. That was my land. Right. That was my ownership. Somebody else has her. Well, now I'm going to come in. I'm going to step in. I'm going to fuck it all up. See, you're a piece

of shit. See, there's a lot of, it's interesting. Your anger is towards Ben. My anger isn't towards Ben. Like what's Ben doing? Ben's like a free agent guy who hasn't really done anything wrong. Yes, he cheated on her in university. People fuck up and make mistakes. You know I am not down with any cheating. But I understand, like, when you're in university, when you're young, you're just stupid. And so you do stupid things. And I think that you can learn and change and be a different person.

Can you when you're pregnant? No, I'm talking about Ben right now. I know, but I get it. Like, of course my anger is directed at Ben. but mostly it's directed at why Jen can't see Ben for what Ben is. Okay, right. Which is what you mean what I was talking about. Which is what I'm like, hello, can I knock on this, Yasek?

Jen, remember what Ben is and you have a baby. Yeah. Like I know what you mean about everybody's making mistakes, but I feel like, dude, when you're bringing a life into the world, maybe you should try and cut down on as many mistakes as you can. yes yes well that that I don't know like just an idea right well that's what I'm sort of saying is like Jen needs to concentrate on the human being she's about to push through her vagina and have to take care of for a long time as opposed to getting wrapped up in some past love affair

do you know what I mean like I just it seems like for me I'm more just like Jen get a grip as opposed to Ben you're a dick like I don't give a fuck about Ben well the problem is Jen does Yeah, but Jen's sitting there with, like, little hearts in her eyes right now, you know? Are we being not fair? Because how would if Ben is, like, her soulmate that's coming back? What do you think about that? Like, that is a possibility. I don't know.

I just feel like soulmates are soulmates with chemistry and all that, but it's more than just feelings. It's timing. And right now, the timing seems really, really shitty. Sure, I agree. She's pregnant with another dude. who she claims she loves. Ben's coming in with all kinds of history.

Some of it's real shit. I question his motivations. I question her judgment. Yeah, I… See, I don't… Again, don't give a fuck about Ben. I give… What are Jen's motivations with this, right?

Like, why is Jen letting this… How has she fallen in love with Ben already? Well, I don't know. They fucking went for coffee a couple times. Yeah, so. Exactly. I just kind of want to be like, Ken, you're acting dumb. That's what I really want to say.

My other thing is, too, is that she's asking for impartial input, but, you know, she's saying, some of my close friends think I should end it for good with Ben. So even the people who love her, her friends, who surround her, who know her, are like, you need to be done with this guy. So it's not just me. It's, you know, her support system. So, I, but what bothers me right now about Jen is I feel like Jen has rewritten Ben. The way that she's like, I don't want him out of my life.

She says, he genuinely makes me happy. Yeah. And that's… How do you know your hormones aren't making you happy because you have a baby inside you right now and your baby's making you happy? Like, why do we give Ben all the credit for this life that you have and this life that you've built? I don't know, Jen, Sasha and I are clearly a little bit off in terms of how we see this

situation, but I feel like… But either way, we're like, don't go with Ben. Yeah. So don't go with Ben. He genuinely makes me happy. I don't want him out of my life. He needs to be out of your… this is what I want to say. He doesn't need to be in your life right now.

Like maybe, who knows, because I still don't want to like cut off the fact that maybe he's her soulmate, but like not now. She has way more important things to figure out than whether or not she should fall in love with this past person who, you know, for your description, you think he's a fucking dicky douche. So I'm just like, don't do anything now. Right now is not the right decision. You're not in the right mind frame, clearly, to make a really important decision about

who you want to choose to be in your life. Like, it's just very confusing. I'm very confused by this question, actually. Well, listen, I know that mostly this is about Jen, but I just want to point out again that for somebody, if you care about somebody and you know that they're in this beautiful period in their life, you're in a relationship with them, or sorry, she's in a relationship with somebody else who cares about her and who loves her, and she's carrying his baby. Why are you going back in there and fucking it all up for her and making her confused?

What does that say about Ben? do you know what I mean like there is there is selfishness and heroism to be had in stepping back and saying I'm just not gonna complicate it for her right now okay but do we have and who is this guy who needs her to move him out of his shitty apartment with his shitty roommates she's fucking pregnant she's in another relationship and he's like I'm new in this town I don't like my roommates can you help me who is this he's pathetic Jen sorry okay the end right we I don't know you know what you're confused about is because you and i both know she's going to get back together i know which is what can we say here jen we have you read good luck i don't know

but i don't think that anything we've said here is going to stop you you are you are a freight train going back to ben yeah um but if there's any hope here maybe you'll listen to what we're advising amen maybe look at him like ben affleck I feel like that's how you set it up anyways with the whole Ben and Jen okay last question okay

no but seriously you don't think he's a dick anyway fine well no because I don't think he's a dick because it's not like I feel like almost she's making up what's going on in this relationship there's

in no part of this email was she like Ben said he really misses me and loves me too that's why I'm like well she doesn't right

but he called her first and he went and asked a friend where she was yeah but but who's to say that he knew that she was pregnant until he fucking sat down across from her and was drinking this fucking coffee and maybe he just wants to be friends

with her or using her to figure out how to like the lay of the land that's what that is what is kind of a red flag for me nowhere in this email does she say that ben reciprocates any of these love feelings oh worse so she's in her own head right that's how i feel that's why i'm like i don't know if we should dog on ben that much because i really think we need to like wake up Jen because I think she's living in a fucking fantasy land. Jen, wake up. Wake the fuck up. Anyways. Okay. Moving on. Next. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. My husband and I, both 30, have been trying for a year to have baby. After 12 months of trying, we've been referred by my family doctor to a fertility clinic. I don't think I considered before how much I had shaped and planned my life

around the expectation of having at least one child, nor did I fully grasp how much I yearned for one until I'm faced with the prospect of having to consider that may not be in the cards for us. As a true type A, I cannot help but map out my life. Now that map may be a road to nowhere and I feel hollow, crushed, and am having trouble finding joy in the idea of a future without a child. I love my husband with all my heart. He's my best friend and I have often said I feel like I won the love lottery connecting to such a wonderful partner. I feel so much shame and disappointment at my lack of resilience in the face of this adversity.

I also feel foolish. We are just about to head into testing. There's no information yet that suggests that we cannot have kids. It's just that the year of trying, two weeks of hope and joy, followed by two weeks of sadness and disappointment is really tough.

Plus, it seems like everyone and their dog in our social circle is reproducing with ease, and I find myself feeling resentment, shame, and fear with each new pregnancy announcement. I've not shared these struggles with my family. I don't want to see the pity and disappointment across their face. Additionally, I regret sharing that we even started trying

with some close friends, as I feel like with each passing month, their disappointment for us is palpable. Internalizing the struggle has left me numb, depressed, and on edge. I know I won't feel like this forever, but this has been an especially challenging time in my life. I guess my question to you is,

what do you do when life is not going as planned? What happens if the future I yearn for will not come to be? Looking for some resilience. Oh, I feel like I was like, did I write this letter? Not to laugh, but it's like she's speaking the feelings and truth of so many women out there who are trying to have a child. It is taxing. It is stressful.

It is depressing. It is lonely. It is heartbreaking. It's painful. Like it is, it is all of the above. And what's great about it is that she is in touch with her emotions. And I think that is step one of any, uh, when you're ever feeling low, when you're ever feeling confused, when you're ever feeling depressed about something is to like feel those emotions, um, talk them through with people. And, um, there's no shame in that. So that's how,

that's kind of what I'd want to say is that I totally understand her pain. I've been there. I am there. Um, but I wouldn't necessarily say like wave the white flag because it's only been a year and there's still tons of time for you to, um, have a baby. And there are tons of options out there for you to, um, again, have a baby. And if you don't, I mean, I'm faced with that reality. And I think that what's been interesting is that I know that I'll be okay if I don't. And I think that's something that's important to know is like if life unravels the way that it does and you're just not able to have those things, then you kind of have to make the best of it.

You know what I mean? Like it's been hard for me to wrap my mind around it the last couple of years, but like I'm blessed to have Corey. I'm blessed to have my little dog. I'm blessed to have all my friends and family. And that for me is enough and it will have to be enough if that's not an option. Do you know what I mean? Like you kind of can't always plan out the way your life is going to go. And fuck, I'm a super A type. I love controlling every aspect of my life. And this was one of those things where, yeah, you just have to release control and leave it up to whatever you believe in for things to shake out the way

they shake out I love what you said about um being in touch with your emotions and recognizing what that is I also though you said it's been 12 months and my understanding is that like you know that's it seems like a long time and of course it does for you like that's month after month and you're still getting your period but at the same time I've heard stories of people waiting you know know, as much as three years, right? Oh, more than that too. Yeah. And also it's important to remember that right now, sometimes being type A means that you draw conclusions without having all the answers. So true. And so you yourself have said that you don't even know if there's anything wrong. You've just started the testing. They haven't even come back to you with any

conclusive results. So I think the type A in you wants to start preparing for the worst because you are so a planner and you're so organized. But I don't know if life really is a miracle and these things don't follow any plans. You can't really, as you said, Sasha, plan for it, for life. It just happens. So you have the choice to see what happens, wait for your test to come back, not assume that it's going to be the worst and take it step by step. Do not get ahead of yourself. Yeah. And don't feel like, you know, something that struck me is like you were like, oh, I can feel the disappointment of my friends is palpable. That is not the case. Your friends are not disappointed in you that you can't have a baby that is not what they that's not I can

guarantee what they're feeling they're they're trying they feel empathy for you because it is hard especially hard when yeah everyone around you is like you know they touch their husband and they get fucking pregnant like it's though you hear those stories all the time and then you hear people be like just relax like just relax you're just so wound up it's your type a personality like people are going to give you um all their their advice um I'm kind of straying here but basically what I'm saying is I think it's important for you to um talk with your family and talk with your friends about it because there's nothing to be ashamed of you know you're trying your best you're doing all the things that you can do and if it happens it happens and if it doesn't then

when you get there that's when you'll that that's when you figure it out that's what I think you're saying, Lainey, which is like, just keep on going. There's nothing to fucking freak out about just yet. And if and when that time comes, then that time comes and that's when you start to figure out what that means for you. And it doesn't mean a horrible life. I mean, I get it though, because like how many of us have gone to get a blood test? Or, you know, when I was single, the annual fucking STI AIDS test or whatever, right? And when you're waiting for it to come back, you've already decided, I'm dying.

Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah. What's going to happen? And, you know, I think that having, I don't know that, first of all, if it was helpful to be like that, I would be like, great, fret away, organize away. But I just don't think it's helpful. Yeah. The other reality, though, of what's so frustrating about trying to get pregnant and not getting pregnant is that even like I remember when I was going for all those that testing, they were like, everything's perfect. We don't know why you're not having a kid. And I think that's probably a lot of the reasoning that women get, too. It's like it's unexplained infertility. And that is more frustrating.

I always was like, tell me what's fucking wrong with me and then I can go fix it. But I'm guessing that's going to be the case with our writer, too, is it's going to be like, I don't know. I don't know why it's not happening. And if that's the case, again, it's like if all you can do is try and in the meantime, like take care of yourself emotionally because that's not going to do you any favors if you're stressed out and feeling depressed. and like, Lord knows, I hear you about being sad every month. Like I was a fucking wreck every two

weeks. But then you, but I don't know. It's hard for me to say because I'm on the other side of it right now, which is if it happens, it happens. Like great. If it doesn't, it doesn't. So I know that doesn't sound super sensitive, but I do think that the most important thing is talking to people about it. And what's great too is when you talk to more people about it, you realize that there are so many people who uh struggled with getting pregnant and then you get to like you know you get to glean some advice from them and you you seek you seek therapy from their experiences as well and that's it for us uh good luck keep us posted yeah and keep your questions coming to sasha at laneygossip.com and you can download us on itunes and google play and we will be back

actually we may be late next week because it is thanksgiving in canada that's true we're going to try to be on time on tuesday for next week but there may be a chance that we'll be a day late or maybe a couple days late yeah but happy thanksgiving to those of you in canada and have a great day bye We'll be right back.