What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers Podcast: High School Sweetheart Marriage Dilemma, Forever a Douche, and Resenting the Parents

Episode Date: September 29, 2016

Thanks for joining us again this week and apologies for the tardiness of this podcast but alas, we are back!Today is another jam packed session: to marry or not to marry, can you ever reform a douche and how to rebuild a connection with your parents. Plus, I yell at Lainey about her narcissistic tendencies on Instagram, she talks about her f-cking stye AGAIN, and Jacek tries to budge into the conversation.Keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail] and as always, check us out on iTunes and on Google Play to subscribe and leave your feedback, and visit www.laineygossip.com for all your entertainment updates.S.xx Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, this is Lainey and welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers. Sasha's mad at me right now. I'm not mad at you. Oh, you were just bitching at me for Instagram. Oh, I was. That's true. That's true. Oh, we're bringing this up.

Yeah. You know what? Happy belated… Or bitching at Jacek. Happy belated birthday. Thank you. You were in Chicago and I was just commenting about the very beautiful photo that you put on Instagram. But what saddened me is that you were one of those, one of those people

where you made your significant other like fucking perch himself and like blow fucking wind in your hair and make that perfect picture. Chicago is the windy city. So there was no manufactured wind. The wind was just blowing. How many pictures to get that picture? Just be honest. Oh, I'm going to be totally honest. We tried, it was a photo shoot. Oh, fuck. There were many different positions.

I'm so disappointed in you. There were many positions from different angles because we were on this rooftop deck bar thing and it was gorgeous. And so I was taking pictures against this blowing flag. And then finally we looked down in the streetlights and the traffic were lighting up the river and both of us were like, oh, this one's good. So then in that position, he probably took three. Okay.

But the whole photo shoot was like, I don't know, eight pictures. Okay. But it was a beautiful… He took a… He's very proud of this photo. You look gorgeous. But just at one point, did you think like, I'm being kind of a dick? Like we're being dicky.

We're like… We're just being douchey dick faces taking pictures. No. That never crossed my mind because… I'll tell you why. It was my birthday. Jacek just said it crossed his mind. So I just want to say…

Good for him. That's two against one. He doesn't have a voice on this podcast, so. Silence, man. And not going to lie, I was feeling myself. Yes. But not to get too weepy, but it's been a while since I've felt myself because for the last month I have been…

No, no. Longer than a month I have been walking around like my eye has been pregnant with a stye. Yeah. And there's Yasek sighing again because I've somehow managed to work my stye into a conversation, which is like my favorite thing to talk about. Anyway, I just had surgery on my stye this week. Yes, it looks great. Thank you.

And that… Yes. Bless you. Happy birthday. Like when I zoom in on this photo, I can see the stye. Everybody, if you are looking at my Instagram, if you zoom in, you can zoom on Instagram now. By the way, Sasha wouldn't know this because she doesn't use Instagram.

But if you zoom in… Look, look, look. If you zoom in, Sasha, you can see the stye. Yeah, but you look gorgeous. So, like, whatever. Thanks. Thanks. Say it again.

You look gorgeous even though it took a thousand times for you to do it and you put it on Instagram for people to tell you you look gorgeous. But that's okay. Totally. It's a really gorgeous picture. And Chicago is a gorgeous city. We had the best weekend there. I highly recommend Chicago.

I highly recommend… We went to Wrigley Field for a Cubs game. Did you go by, like, the decrepit Harpo Studios? No. No. But we did – what we did was we went to Wrigley for a Cubs game. Then we walked from Wrigley back downtown, which is about an hour, hour 15. We walked.

I didn't know. Did you know that Chicago has a great beach? No. Yes, exactly. We didn't know that Chicago has a great beachfront. And we walked along the shoreline. It was gorgeous. Oh, that's so fun.

Hey, did you – because I have this weird thing right now about couples holding hands. Did you guys hold hands on this trip in Chicago? Once in a while we did. I would say that we didn't hold hands more than we held hands. Okay. But there were few times where, yes, our hands would clasp and it was lovely. And our whole… Jacek wants me to say that our hand-holding style is not linked fingers.

It's palms clasped. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Linked fingers or, sorry, linked fingers together, like weaved fingers. Weaved fingers. That's very hard to do. That's very uncomfortable. So we…

No, but there are some people who think that fingers linked, like weaved, is passion, passion and hot, hot. Okay. But we do a hands… Okay. Hand hold. Hand, like palm to palm. Oh, he was talking…

Sorry. Do you want a microphone? Yes. At this point, he really does. He's getting very boisterous these days. He always wants to say some shit. Well, he's a white male. But what he was saying was that you…

Your hand holding is like a dead fish is what he just said. Which, this is, so this brings me to my hand-holding situation, is there's always, when I've been looking at this lately, like, looking at all these couples, and there's always one person that just looks so not down with the hand-holding situation. There's one who's just, like, super stoked that that's their babe. Yeah. And then there's always that one that's like, I don't want to fucking be holding hands.

Well, there was this one day… Which clearly you are the one who doesn't hold hands. We were leaving Wrigley, and I think he had grabbed my hand, and then, like, 30 seconds later he, like, threw it down. He was like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And then the whole trip he would make fun of me that I was dead fish hands. Okay. So that proves my theory. Okay. Anyway, one final note on Chicago. If you go, he… the white male without the microphone wants us to let you know that he's not a hand holder, though. Typically we aren't.

We're not really that emotive. But I want to say… now, if you're done, Yasik, I want to say that if you go there are so many things that we didn't do like we only had 48 hours so I think I want to go back because there are things on the list that we haven't been able to get to what we did do is we went to the Art Institute of Chicago and I was so impressed with the collection like they have so many pieces I didn't know that their collection was so extensive such as they have like

so many Monet's for example they have so many Van Gogh's wow they have two of like

the most I think two of the like the I don't know if you can use the word lovely to describe Jackson Pollock but

two really great Jackson Pollock's they have Warhol's silkscreen of Elizabeth Taylor oh this is hardcore the

the gallery The breadth of that collection, and I think it's because Sarah told me, because we had dinner with Sarah when we were in Chicago, Sarah told me that they've recently had a few bequeathments. Is that the word? I don't even know what that means. So they've had a few gifts, donations from people's private collections. Oh, yeah.

So there were several Picassos, and particularly the Picasso old man with his guitar, old man and guitar was… I loved it. Jacek was like, yeah, it's okay. And they have so many Joan Miros. Anyway, so if you are thinking about a trip to Chicago, definitely stop in at the Art Institute. Very cool.

Can I just, before we get into the questions, can I tell you something that was really exciting that happened to me today? When I got home from work, I had a letter waiting for me and it was for jury duty. Fuck you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, like, it was the most exciting thing since, like, opening up, like, a university

admissions letter. I was, like, oh, how is it marked? Like, who is it from? Jury duty Canada? I don't know. Some, like, you get, like, a personal letter from some dude who's high up there. I'm so jealous. Anyway, it doesn't mean that I'm going to be on a jury, but it's, like, the first step.

But you got the letter. Yes. Yes. Anyway. Okay, so then what do you have to do now? You just have to send it back. But, I mean, I feel like I would be a really great candidate for that. And, like, I'm mixed race, so it's like, you know, I can play – that's what I want to do.

I want to be in, like, some really hardcore, like, O.J. Simpson-style trial. So, fingers crossed. Well, yeah, because back in the O.J. Simpson days, they didn't have, like, Netflix or – Exactly, yeah. When the jury was sequestered, their entertainment options when they were in isolation were limited. But now you have… Fuck. Oh, I guess though I would be kind of…

Like, I wouldn't be able to, like, see anybody, right? You're just locked in your hotel room. Yeah, but you hate seeing people anyway. That's true. Like, we hate people. And, like, winter's coming. It would be the perfect time. Although you would be the kind of person who…

Like, you would hate your fellow jurors. Oh, you think so? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I probably could, but you're right. So that might be an issue. No, don't ruin it for me. Don't put that out there.

No, but I'm not… I'm just jealous because I've written before on the blog and I've said it on the social that I have never been invited to jury duty. And everybody I know… Some people I know have been, like, invited five times. Really? Yeah. What is it about me?

I don't know. Maybe you're just a big cow. No one wants you on the… No, but they say it's random, so I just feel like… I don't know why my numbers never come up. You couldn't do… You wouldn't be able to. Would you…

Like, are you allowed to if you're kind of… if you're like a known person, like you're on television, are you allowed to do that? Yeah, but Taylor Swift made it through… Yeah, and they axed her because they… I know, but she made it through several rounds. Right. Like, she wasn't axed right away. She was just axed at a certain point because then they felt, I don't know, whatever.

But if it was just being, I don't know, in the public eye or in the media or whatever, they would have axed her in the first round. Okay. Well, there's still hope for you. but for now… You'd be a great juror. I agree. I'd be so good. I can't wait. Don't you wish that jury members could speak though? Like you could slam your hand down on the little bar and be like, excuse me, I have a follow-up question. Yes. And I feel like there should be like camera pans to me. Anyways. All right. Let's get started. You're reading. Okay. One sec. Okay.

Dear Sasha, my boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years now. I'm 26. 11 years. 20 and she's 26? 15? Okay, yeah. Wow. I'm 26. He's a few months older. We met in high school and have been dating since. Our families know each other very well. We all vacation together, spend holidays together, and we've pretty much been acting like an old married couple for as long as we've been together. He recently proposed and I said yes, but I'm having second thoughts. We both come from fairly conservative backgrounds. Most of my close friends are married with toddlers and I just always thought that that was what I wanted too, but lately I don't know. I still want to get married someday and have children, but I feel like I haven't experienced much

in my life. I've never been with anyone else but my boyfriend, no one night stands, or even just dating other people, no crazy wild stories, no spontaneous adventures, and I've been feeling like I'd be settling down and not necessarily in a good way. I truly love my boyfriend. He's very kind and selfless, good looking, respectful, and driven. We've had way more ups than downs in our relationship, and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I don't think he has any doubts about us. We've been planning the rest of our lives together since we were teenagers, but I feel like maybe we need to take a break to be able to find ourselves separately and experience

new things. Can you help me figure all of this out? Thanks. K. Wow. Okay. So dating 11 years, now 26. So as she said, since high school.

What? 26 minus 11 is 15. Yeah. Yeah. She's 15 years old. That's a long time, man. It's a long time. It's a long time with no other experiences.

Yeah. I'm a bit uncomfortable telling her to like ditch her boyfriend and like go get her fucking twerk on. But like that's what I'm saying. Break up with your boyfriend. Go live your life. Date other people. Find out what is out there for you. Learn more about yourself most importantly. and if he's still there after all that amazing um if he isn't then dot dot dot like that's the that's the fun part and I feel like that's what she's looking for I'd be more uncomfortable and I see where you're coming from about being uncomfortable because like he seems like a really nice guy they seem like they're happy and you don't I don't want to fuck up someone's life yeah exactly but I think the reason why I'm not that uncomfortable agreeing with you is because she doesn't feel right. I mean, she's the one who right now is saying to us, to Perfect Strangers, because it's safe, that she doesn't know what she's missing. There's a lingering…

She didn't feel like she was settling and not in a good way. Like, she's spelling it out for herself. Right. So, Kay, I think that what you're doing here is you know the answer. I think that you are sounding it out with us and we appreciate that. And definitely that's necessary. It sounds like your entire social circle and family circle is all involved and up in your business and it's too familiar. But the fact that you are testing out these words and these feelings and you've committed them on paper, that's valid. That's you. And you clearly have some curiosity about what life looks like outside of this relationship. And I don't think honoring it

is a bad thing. Totally agree. I was thinking about something that sounds really depressing, but go with me here, is I was thinking about this last night. I was thinking how like I have this wonderful husband. I have these wonderful friends. I like I couldn't have a better a relationship with my mom and my sister. Like, you know, we are as close as close can be. But at the end of the day, you're alone. Do you know what I mean? Like as close as you have people and friends around you, at the end of the day, you're alone, which is a scary thing, but it's also a liberating thing. And so that's why I think it's important for our reader is like, if you are going to be alone, it's really important to get to know who you are. And if she's, you know, been with

this person for 11 years, I have a suspicion she doesn't know who she really is without this person. And I think that's really an important thing. And that's obviously what she's craving. She's craving that. She's craving her autonomy. She's craving experience. And I think, yeah, the last thing you want to do is be looking back five years into a marriage that you're just unhappy with. The other thing too is that there's this conundrum in life that you sometimes have to choose between mistakes or the unknown. And what would you rather? So this is what I see. It's a game of would you rather. Would you rather go on with this relationship and get married and not ever know and not ever answer the question, what if? Or would you rather do it? And then two years

from now be like, ah, fuck, I really did love him. And then now he's gone. I don't know. Like, those are, you know, that's why life… That's your shit versus diarrhea. Yeah. That's why life is such a game. But I think sometimes… For me, I'm a gossip columnist after all. Not knowing is sometimes worse, you know? Like, always having the what if is, you know, I think that yes, 100% K, there is a chance you will end this relationship, go and discover yourself. Sure, you might find out that what's out there isn't any better than what you have now and then you might come back and he's with somebody else. Or he doesn't want you back.

But that's life. And that's going to suck. Yeah. But you'll have known. At least you'll have answered the question for yourself. Agreed. But it is a shitty conundrum. Yeah.

But having said that, again, it really goes back to age for me, specifically with our writer, is that she needs to live some life. Yeah. By living life, do you… And we don't necessarily mean that by living life it, like, is, you know, more Ds. No. It is that too. That's like just the cherry on top, but it is about, you know, doing your own thing,

making your own mistakes. Yeah. And yeah, like she has like a small town itch, it seems like. And so, yeah, go live, go explore. Okay, next. Hello, Sasha and Lainey. I'll be quick. Can a douchebag change?

even if this person met someone nice or once won forever this way. Mary. Well, thanks for keeping it quick, Mary. That's a nice bullet point question. Some additional details would have been nice. Yeah. About this douchebag who you've clearly hooked up with

or possible douchebag. I mean, that's what I'm going to assume. Yeah. That she's, Mary has met somebody who is a douchebag and is wondering if she's the one. Yeah. That's right. Well, can you ever change a douchebag?

I mean, I guess in theory you can, but in, I don't know, in my experience in practice, no. No. I've never been able, and I've tried. I have tried my damnedest to change douchebags and it like, it's no bueno for me. I guess I wish we knew what level of douchebag I mean is this Charlie Sheen do you know what I mean like I am consistently amazed that Charlie Sheen constantly is with a woman who's willing to take a chance on him even though he has I mean you can see in his

history he shot kelly preston like 25 years ago he shot kelly preston i did not know this oh please oh please continue and i will read you it's actually crazy like he shot her in like in her shoulder like what in the 80s charlie sheen shot kelly preston okay um it was in a limb Arm or leg, but a firearm went off in his possession and shot her. Okay, but he's not a douchebag. He's like deranged psychopath. So I don't think our writer Maria is… No, I hope you're not dating Charlie Sheen, Marie.

I think she's probably… Or Mary. We don't know how to pronounce her name. I think she's probably talking about a guy. Well, I know you're going to bring up Charlie Sheen, but I think… You're just still shocked that women have had children and married Charlie Sheen repeatedly after he shot a woman. That's crazy.

But I feel like Maria, let's just call her Maria, I think she's probably talking about someone who's not returning her phone calls, someone who's like leading her on, that kind of douchebaggery. Oh, I hope so. Yes. So what's your initial feelings about this? Again, I can't get past the level of douchebaggery. Like, I, I think that, can we just kind of go through the stages of, you know, the types

of douchebags? So there's Charlie Sheen. I get it. That's fucked up and crazy. Then there's like Jude Law, who has children with several women. Yep. So that's kind of like, and then keep, and then is able to consistently, again, attract women.

Like women are still drawn to that. Then there's the level of Leonardo DiCaprio. Yes. That is, I mean, and there are women who continue to defend him and would do anything to be with him. He's the noncommittal douchebag, I would imagine. Well, he's also gross because I think that to me, his relationship slash romantic history would indicate that he's actually, I don't think he's interested in a woman beyond what she looks like. Right. So I'm sure that the models he dates are nice and super intelligent, but let's face it, his criteria is not personality nor is it intelligence. Can we just agree on that? Come on. Yes, but I bet you, but I don't

care about their intelligence, but I'm trying to say that that girl, every woman in these levels of douchebaggery that you have set out for us here, all are fingers crossed hoping that they will be the one. But why? Okay. Why do we do that? Why do we do this? Like, why is a nice guy not attractive? Yeah. I am always perplexed, but I have fallen into that trap multiple times where for some reason there's something… and it's immaturity that you like being hurt for some fucked up reason. And so then, yeah, like… Is it you like being hurt or you like saving? I think it's a combination of both. I don't… You know, it's hard to say that you like being hurt, but I don't have any other reason for why I would always come back, you know? But yeah,

it is… Part of it is for sure trying to save that person and to hold the trophy to be like, I did it. I'm with this person. Like, you know, he went through the rungs of women, but he finally came to me. What, I mean, what I've learned over the years is, like, Jesus Christ, no. Like, the last, like, a relationship is so much effort when you're with a good person. The last thing you want to be doing is putting effort into something and then extra effort into trying to change someone. It just doesn't really work out. Like, I, for me, like, no douchebags for me. But you had to learn that. But I had to learn that. But I, this is what I'm getting at. Like, why do we have to learn that why is it that is it something to do with our pop culture references

is it something to do with the way we're raised is it something to do with how we talk about romance like did you ever watch sons of anarchy uh no but fucking charlie right so charlie hunnam separate from his character charlie hunnam yes 100 fucking hot but his character he played a character his name was Jax on the show was a gang member murderer like hit a woman like there was one scene where he beat the shit out of this woman um let me go back to murderer because that should be enough yeah and yet people love this character separate from Charlie Hunnam the person I'm sure Charlie Hunnam the person I hope Charlie Hunnam the person is is a wonderful human because he's so fucking hot. I love him so much. But the character is the one that drew people in,

Jax. And I would write on the blog, like, I'd be like, why do you people like Jax? Like, why are you rooting for him? Remember when he murdered? Yeah. Well, what is that? But what is that? Because I, what is that? What is that about us? I think it says something about us more than the douchebag. a hundred percent it does. I don't think you're a secure person if you want to be in relationships like that. And so I think over time when you get into a number of those, then you come out of them

and realize more about yourself. You're stronger. You know what you want in someone. You're no longer going to take that shit anymore. So it's like a growth period. But as to why we want to be treated badly, I feel like that's some deep-rooted, really deep-rooted shit that it doesn't have a simple answer. A friend of mine has this theory about how parents are always like, oh, I want you to bring home the nice guy or the nice girl. And so her theory is that it's all rooted back on defying your parents, like, and that There's something to do with the forbidden.

What is forbidden and what is bad for you is also… But that goes for everything too, right? Like, it's fun doing bad stuff sometimes until you mature and realize that, A, you've either done enough bad stuff to realize that it's not that great or that you just get it out of your system. Like, I think it's… I think everybody should… I actually do think everybody should go through some sort of fucked up relationship in their

lifetime so that they do understand what they want and what they deserve out of a good relationship. There is something to the illusion, though, of being the one who changes the bad person. Yeah. Have you ever done that? I don't think so. I've never been successful. Having said that, I think that there are – people can be douchebags in isolated situations. Like, I – you love Jacek.

In fact, sometimes I think you like Jacek more than you like me because everybody… Jacek is a lot nicer than you are, for sure. I think everyone would agree with that. But let me tell you a dating story about Jacek. Okay. So, Jacek went out with… Jacek went out to the club. He went, you know, he went dancing, he went drinking, and he met…

Well, can we talk about… Well, I hope everyone knows that Jacek once was a dancer and Lainey has now told him that he can never dance. and, like, part of his soul is dark and sad that you told him never to dance again. It is actually, like, actually the… She didn't tell me that. She laughed at me and then I thought, yeah. Yeah, but that's actually, like, some of the most abusive things one could do.

You took, like, something that he found joy in and you told him no. That's true. Fuck you. So at every party… No. At every party… I'm sorry. At every party, you're dancing up a storm and fucking poor Yassic is in a corner

with like cement legs because you've told him he's never allowed to dance. Coming from the woman with the luxury of Corey is a great dancer. So what? So what? Even if Corey was a bad dancer, I would let him do what he loves. Liar. No. We got – he's trying to get me to say that like a few weeks ago we both got fucked

up at home. As you do. And then Beyonce came on and he loves, he loves Love on Top. Okay. And XO. And so I, it had just come on the shuffle and he actually danced with a band in. Oh. And it was fun.

It was fun. But maybe not in public. But never again. Anyway, so. Okay. So go back to the. So he's, I don't know. When he asked like whatever.

He's 22 or something and he's out and he's, it's dark in the club and he meets this girl and he starts making out with the girl and then they exchange numbers or they decide to meet up the next day and then he goes home and the next day he's waking up from the effects of the night before and he's about to go meet her and his buddies, his roommates are like, where are you going? And he's like, oh, I'm going to go meet that girl I was with last night at the club. And his buddies were there and they're like, oh, are you sure? Are you sure you want to do that? And he was like, why? And his buddy said to him, well, you were pretty fucked up last night and you may not have been seeing what you normally see. Yeah. So he was like, no, no,

I'm going to go meet her anyway. So, of course, he smokes up. Yeah. He goes to meet her. And he picks her up and he realizes his friends are right. So he pulls out of her driveway with her in the car, takes her to the McDonald's, drive through. Happy meal?

then parks in the McDonald's parking lot eats his happy meal and then drops her off at home so there is a girl out there who's like that fucking douchebag and there's a woman there's a girl out there who has this horror dating story I would beg to differ that that actually is not a douchebag thing that's like he tried to do the best he could in the situation right He at least took her on a fucking date. I imagine he probably paid for the McDonald's. See, this is my life. All my friends defend Jacek.

But that's because I guess I… Even you… He took her to the drive-thru, ate, and then left. That's not… That's not a quality behavior. But I've done some really shitty things to dudes too. Like, I have, like… I've done some horrible things to people.

But that doesn't… Like, I think what a douchebag is, the definition is, if you're like consecutively being a dick, like everybody fucks up. Everyone's really horrible to a couple of people in their lives. If you're that girl and he calls back a week later and you're her friend, do you tell her, yes, give the McDonald's guy another… No. He's trying to say that he did that purposely.

But what I'm saying is that like I have never seen that from him, right? Everything about Jacek in our relationship has been, well, I mean, he's done some douchebag – no, no, he hasn't done douchebag things. But, I mean, we fight, so it's not like he's perfect, but he hasn't done anything like that. To disrespect you, yeah. And so what I'm saying is, like, I guess these stories hold up that stupid-ass illusion that when the right person comes along, you're not a dick. But Jacek was never – is not fundamentally a douchebag. Do you know what I'm saying? He's not fundamentally…

I just told you one story. There are other stories. Okay. What I'm saying is that like… What about Eastwood? He's trying to tell me Scott Eastwood is a douchebag and 100%. Get a microphone, dude. Seriously.

God. Are we helping her? Have we helped her? I'll say this. This was a discussion, a dissertation, like an oral dissertation on douchebags. So the summary for me, the hypothesis, if that even makes any sense, I'm not sure we got anywhere, is for all intents and purposes, no, you can't change the douchebag. Maria, if you're dealing with a douchebag and he's giving you some like, you know, disrespectful cues, like he's not returning your phone calls or he's ignoring you or he's just calling you over to fuck and then you don't hear from him for a couple days, that's a douchebag. you're not going to change him. He's not interested. Move on.

Next question. Last question. Hi, Sash and Lainey. I often have trouble balancing asking for what I want with keeping the peace and biting my tongue. Staying quiet inevitably leads to resentment, which is what I'm dealing with now. My mother passed away when I was 14 and my father married another woman about 14 years later. They've now been married about nine years. My stepmother and I are civil to each other and we don't fight, but I always wish that we had a closer a relationship. I guess the chemistry just isn't there. I feel like I've tried to make an effort, but it seems like she'd rather be left alone, which is fine. She doesn't have children of her own, so maybe it's just not a relationship she's comfortable with. I see her and my father once

every other week for dinner. I never really see either of them separately. I guess things reached ahead when I got married at the end of 2014. Weeks before my wedding, she and my father pulled me aside and discussed having me take over my student loans. My father had been helping me up to that point and moving to a better living situation. Maybe the most upsetting thing was they asked whether I really wanted to marry my fiance because they, quote, felt bad for me when we met for dinner and my fiance would often be busy doing something else. Since that conversation, I guess I felt like we're not really a family. I just feel like we're going through the motions, meeting every other week, but I just feel disconnected from them. I'm now paying a

hundred percent of my student loans and my husband and I finally bought a house without help from them. However, I've been thinking about the future, like what will happen after my father passes. I don't believe that they have wills. And if my father passes first, I will get nothing. My now husband and I are discussing having children. And I am also resentful because I don't see my parents being very involved and I'm not even sure it's worth it. Plus I will need IVF and they've made no mention of helping me out with the cost of that. I know I'm an adult and I have no right to expect anything from them, but watching them live comfortably while my husband and I are struggling to take baby steps by home

and build a family is gnawing away at me. My only sibling passed away years ago, so maybe I'm just missing that family support. I'm debating whether I should mention this to them or just keep my mouth shut and hope that this resentment passes. Thanks for your time. Feel free to shorten this as necessary. guiltily resentful. Okay. I want to be sensitive to her feelings here, but I do have to get out of the way how I feel. And that is I'm finding the money talk a bit gross. And I think that she's almost confused. I think she's using the money as a way to express her sadness that she's

not close with her parents, but it's getting really mixed up with, like, how are they going to pay for this? Well, where's their will? When am I getting the money? I need babies, so I need IVF. Like, that part, I can't… I'm trying to fucking rub it off my skin, but I feel a bit dirty with those words. I'm just trying… I'm just being honest.

Like, I'm a bit grodied out by the pummeling of the money situation. Listen, if you want a relationship with your dad and your stepmother, I think that's wonderful. And do I think that you should talk to them about how you feel like you're sad that they're not in your life? A hundred percent. But like, you've got to make sure that you're separating the support of love and the support of finances before you step to a conversation with them. I agree. I think that I had the same reaction as you did when everything sort of led back to money. The will and then the IVF and the fact that the parents haven't made any mention of wanting to help out with the cost of IVF. I mean, just to stay practical and on point,

if you need help with IVF and the cost of IVF, then you should ask. I don't know that you've told us that you've asked and they've outright rejected you. But if you don't ask first and you expect them to, during your every two-week dinners, be like, hey, before the appetizer gets here, we just want you to know that we are willing to help you out financially with your IVF, I think that's a little… I think that's a little… Presumptuous. that's a good word okay my word would be entitled okay um but if you are telling us that you had dinner your every two week dinner and you said hey before the appetizer arrived i said listen we really want children this means a lot to me and unfortunately we just don't have the money

would it be possible for you to give us a loan or help us out with making that happen and they said to you, no, thank you. Let's eat our appetizers. Aren't these mushroom wraps so good? Then we'd be having a different conversation, right? Right. But I don't hear that. So I'm a little bit… I don't want to be a dick because you're clearly torn, guiltily resentful, and I want to respect that. But none of what you're writing here tells me that you appreciate what they've done for you so far. And maybe that's kind of the vibe that they're getting too. You know, maybe that's why the stepmother is a bit distant is maybe because she's always thought that you were expecting this money, always were expecting

this kind of financial support throughout your life. And so maybe she's like, back off, bitch. like we want to keep some for ourselves um you know and I and I don't want to sound harsh but that that is the other side of this story you know you have to understand maybe the way that you communicated your sadness for the loss of the closeness is through this this financial gain that you're looking for do you know what I mean like I just maybe don't think you as Lainey has said really set out clearly how you feel and what you need. Well, I also think that sometimes we are too close to a situation to be able to actually assess it accurately. So from a bystander outsider perspective, the way I see it is your father waited until you were in a stable

relationship and about to get married before pulling you aside, as you said, and saying, hey, why don't you pay now for your own student loans? He didn't do it when you were still on your own. He didn't do it when you were in a bad place. He did it when you were ready to get married, when you found a partner in life and you were ready to embark on this new life. Of adulthood. Of adulthood. And I find that that's, to me, I'm not a parent, but I can read in this that there was a clear parental focus there. Our girl, as you said, is about to embark on a new stage of life, a new stage of responsibility and independence. and therefore we feel like it's okay now to be like, hey, can we start saving more for our retirement

and taking her loans off the table for us and enjoying our retirement, maybe doing some traveling. We've worked so hard. Of course, they're entitled to all of that. As an outsider, Sasha, and I see that. I know as an insider for you, you are right in the bubble of it And perhaps that perspective isn't as obvious, but I feel like that's a good parenting move, like a very kind one. Don't you?

I agree. I think it's a totally good parental move on their behalf. But again, we don't really know the ins and outs of their relationship, their past, and how divided that has been for our writer. But I will say this. I think that your focus on money and your focus on money and your relationship with your parents. And so I think it would be in your best interest to take this time to kind of see what vibe you've been putting out that has maybe caused a bit of a rift between you and your family

and take it from there and really decipher what it is that you feel angry about. Do you feel angry that they're not supporting you financially or angry that there is a gap in your relationship? And ask. Ask for what you want. If you need financial help for IVF, ask your parents. They were helping you at one point with your education. There's no reason to believe they wouldn't want to help you with your family planning. But you have to put it out there first instead of just… Assuming. Assuming and then sitting in… And then sitting in fake resentment, right? That's right.

Yeah. Exactly. But like, why didn't they offer? Well, they didn't know. And it's, you know… And also, it doesn't necessarily mean it's their responsibility either. I think it's great if they were to offer the money to you, but at the same time, you can't be mad at them for not.

Yes. Good luck. Keep us posted on that. And keep your questions coming to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com and check us out on iTunes and Google Play. Oh, and thank you for all the emails we got about tattoos versus pussy lasering. We had such a spectrum, a wide spectrum of responses. Some people were like, ah, tattoos are worse, especially on certain parts of the body.

And then some people were like, ah, fucking killed when I fucking lasered my pussy. Right. But the consensus is you're still probably going to go for it. I have made an appointment. Oh, you have? Yes. Okay. um where are you gonna instagram it you're gonna instagram your labia

yeah so to do that for you and like great lighting god if i could i'd fucking instagram that shit okay for sure let's let's i'm pretty sure the clinic won't allow it anyway i'll let you know about my pussy lasering i actually i made an appointment for a test okay because apparently our asian pigmentation we're yellow it's not good yeah yeah okay thanks okay next week we'll talk to you later bye Thanks for watching!