What's Your Drama - Sasha Answers: Shootin' the Sh-t (figuratively and literally) with Dan Levy

Episode Date: July 12, 2016

Welcome back!Remember last week when I told you we would have a surprise guest coming up? Well, today is the day! Our bud and star of Schitt's Creek, Dan Levy is joining us in our smack talk!Today on the show we shoot the sh-t, figuratively and literally. Enjoy!Keep your questions coming to me at [e-mail] and please check us out on iTunes and leave your feedback!.Sasha xx  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you keep hearing podcast ads, like this one for example, but always wonder how you actually get involved with them for your own brand or organization? Well, it's easier than you think. We're Acast, and we give you the platform to do it all yourself. Browse thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget, and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise. Hi, welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast for Sasha Answers.

And Sasha and I are here with our first celebrity guest on the podcast. And our friend. Would we call it a celebrity guest? We would. And wait a minute. We haven't even introduced you. We are here with Dan Levy, the star of Schitt's Creek, the showrunner, the writer, the actor of Schitt's Creek, the CSA award-winning show, Schitt's Creek.

So yes, you are a celebrity. Okay. Hi, everybody. Welcome, Dan. And our friend. And our friend. We have a soothing voice for all of you this afternoon. We had a hookup. We did have a hookup. He is our friend. You are our friend. Thanks for being here.

I'm so happy to be here. In our very professional setup in my living room. We never get to see each other, so if this is what it takes, then this is what it takes. I love it. Every week, then. Every week, I'll be here. Every week, you can be our celebrity host. Every week. Okay, before we get started with answering our reader questions, the topic of gossip right now.

I'm so glad you're here because we love to gossip. It is. You are a celebrity expert as well as being a celebrity. we have talked about celebrities throughout our entire friendship we need to talk about taylor swift and tom hiddleston right you were in the hotel like you were staying because you shared this on social media i did so the i guess the the love tour that was happening which i'm gonna be honest i'm getting behind a hundred percent yes which wow i'm gonna get behind it why because great for them we'll get into that in a second they we didn't know what

was happening so i was in rome with my family on a trip um which is a whole other podcast traveling traveling with your family in your airport with my family is an experience to be had um but we got to our hotel in rome and there was a gentleman sitting outside a door to a hotel that was down the hall from where we were staying and i at first thought like is it someone from some kind of mafia like who's being protected here because there's like a man sitting outside a door like doing a crossword and not looking friendly right you know like there's an intimidation factor to a security guard guarding a hotel room like what's going on will i be killed what's happening is my life in danger turns out a crowd started forming outside the hotel and i'm thinking

okay someone's staying here maybe it's like some italian pop star who knows and finally like a teen like a lovely 15 year old italian girl comes do you speak english yes i i do and she goes do you know if a taylor swift is staying in the hotel and i was like this is my terrible italian accent by the way oh and i was like yes dan does the best accents and you'll have to do can you do one can you do that in an australian accent no i can't just do it just do it they're in australia now okay just are they in australia they landed in australia is tyler swift in your hotel hold on i'm gonna try and do it have you seen tyler swift where's tyler see let's look around the i can't say high town this is the worst this is the best there's probably some

australians there that are like great you've ruined our culture um anyway sorry a little italian terrible diversion italian teenager have you seen a taylor swift yes and i said no i haven't seen Taylor Swift what's going on next day a hundred people outside the hotel and then you started to see I guess the photos that were coming in that were pretty inescapable in terms of like social media they were on they arrived and they were so then we're starting to piece together like oh that man from the photo I saw in the elevator and I was wondering why there was like a curly wire coming like it was secret service earpiece secret service earpiece stuff and at the time I still didn't know what was happening and thought like someone like a president or something was

staying here basically a president was staying there because it turned out to be taylor i never saw her right um and to be perfectly honest like i was on a vacation like that's not my vibe yeah like a glass on the wall just to hear any like mumbling no because i feel like listen not as as public as it was i feel like there's lines that you cross and when you're staying close to someone who's having a romantic getaway like give them their space and let them do what they want you never hoped for a minute that like an elevator an elevator you know an elevator encounter felt like whoever's in charge of this machine right and by machine i mean the celebrity machine like the people surrounding it the people coordinating the trips and the people coordinating her travel

like it's a seamless operation in the sense that like she comes she goes you never see a thing and yet she's everywhere right which is like a great she's a master and so I always thought like you know what when you have this kind of protection like I'd never expected to see her I expected her to slip in and out in the like cover of darkness well but they weren't hiding I mean as you saw as we've all seen those pictures they were snapped everywhere and kissing and caressing and hand-holding so do we think this is real because i don't i don't necessarily know if i have an opinion other than i think that um tom hiddleston's like a super wet noodle now but other than that i mean here's what i think whether it's real or not what i think is amazing

about this is getting to see the way that a mega celebrity courts someone and by that i mean hey you want to go to fucking italy for the weekend let's jump on a plane and go to my private plane and it's yeah the whole concept of that kind of dating yeah is like yeah amazing well i mean and that's the thing like she we can all agree despite the fact that he is in i don't know the internet's boyfriend or whatnot that he's barely in her stratosphere of celebrity stardom and so he is getting a taste of like they're only probably maybe three or four at her level even if you don't like her even if you don't like her you can't deny her she's you cannot deny that she is at a certain stratus right yeah like we are i mean at this point today she's probably more

famous and popular than madonna that might be blasphemy for some people but i think in terms of like um uh fan that's right demonium correct i think you have the madonna fans that will always be madonna fans and they will always camp out no matter where she's going i think her interactivity with her fans and that level of loyalty and hysteria i think is next level exactly so she's kind of as you said invited him into this life you know i'm interested in you and this is what it means to be interested in me we will go on a world on a world tour and when we go to rome this is what happens and when we go to australia they break into the tv with breaking news that we've arrived that's what happened in australia this week i just think it's like when you have i think

it's fun to see how people spend their cash like taylor does it in a way that like if i had that kind of money i would probably do the same thing yeah i'm gonna i love to i love to spend money on friends I love to spend money on experiences yeah so her 4th of July party yes

was like I mean I threw my own very small version of this for my 30th birthday that Sasha was at yes we went to Palm Springs we went to Palm Springs

I rented a house we did a full weekend it was a whole collection of all my we didn't have like uniforms though that's what that's what I don't like

about her everything is like I know but Sasha if I had Taylor Swift's money there'd be Dan would make us if Dan yes

I think that if I agree Dan of all of us would make us like- I wouldn't make it. I would strongly encourage the uniform. No, it would be like bags that would be labeled Sasha's bag, Lainey's bag, and inside would be things that Dan would need us to- Necessities for the weekend.

Correct. And probably like pages of notes. Like, you need to know all the words to this song. Because we'll be singing it later in a round, in a three-part harmony. Correct. So, if you don't want to participate, here's also a voucher to take an Uber. Get the fuck home. Okay, so you believe in Taylor and Tom.

Or you're behind. I believe in whatever she wants it to be. Because I think, you know what? Go for it. They're clearly having fun. Do you think it's a faux-mance, though? I don't even know if I care to know. I think it's a faux-mance.

I'm going to say, let me think. Let me tap into my inner what. Five months over. Don't use it. Five months over, for sure. Here's the thing. Here's what I will say. Yeah.

It's, it's, I would kill to meet someone and be that into the person so quickly after getting out of another relationship. Like, I can barely get into one, let alone into one, out of one, and into another within, like, a certain period of time. Yeah, but the spark, I mean, how many of us get to spark a new thing at the Met Gala? She does all the time. At the fucking Met Gala. She does all the time.

That's how she meets her dudes. All of a sudden, it's spring love all the time for Taylor Swift. But I don't know. I know that's great. That's great. I don't even know why I'm dogging on that. That's fucking great. Whatever talent that is, great for her.

It's working. Whatever she's putting out there is working. All right. You think it's fake, Sash. Dan doesn't give a shit. He just is living for it. Yes. Are you living for the tank top?

The I heart TS tank top in the water? Listen, is it aggressive? She for sure drew. Absolutely. it's a it's an aggressive move and you know what like if that's what it is who knows i could fall madly in love with someone tomorrow and you'll see me in some weird tank top like screaming on toronto island no one will document it but i'll be there who knows i'm like i just get behind people who are passionate and excited to be okay are you even if you're behind that photo of ryan

Reynolds in like the three couple like catalog shot are you behind that what what the media has presented to me and again I only go off of what I see what people tell you what the media has presented is like he looks like slightly uncomfortable in these situations slightly I don't know I don't know I just don't know that he's been fully educated in how you behave when you are in that circle do you know what i mean like he seems to be still a novice everybody cara gg you know everybody has the visuals the smiles the expressions all of that down ryan seems like a total novice he's like what the fuck am i doing here but okay well because it's probably a very intense thing totally you're not allowed to take a nap i don't think you're allowed to take a nap

when you're invited to that party which is what i think the difference between you dan and taylor swift is no i think you would let us take a nap no no you will i get mad no he doesn't like naps but i will say there would be allotted periods of time where people could if it's in the schedule for you you're to rest your eyes will you build in time for that people a window of like breathing room free zone if you want to nap if you want to go back in the pool if you want to get snapped that's built into the schedule that's built in like free time do you distribute daily schedules like no but there's a general idea there's a general air of that schedule maybe you discuss it vaguely over breakfast but i'm not regimented i just like to have some

semblance of order it's planned fun i love it it's great you get the most out of planned fun listen i love plans i love being having a schedule i love being on time i loved your birthday all Right. So what we've learned today is that Dan Levy and Taylor Swift have the host hostess thing in common as well. I can definitely vibe her, her, you know, her excitement about providing an experience for people. And if I were at that 4th of July party, I would look like a freak because I'd just be, I'd be like going down that slide. You'd be all in, all in. All in, fully committed. Okay, so are we ready to get into some questions and answering?

Okay. Dear Sasha and Lainey, and now Dan, I'm 27, living in the city, and my relationship with friends has always been very select. I've never been in a situation where me and my eight very close girlfriends can't decide on which bar to hit up on a weekend or whose turn it is to make reservations and the best new restaurant in town. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I have a couple of very close girlfriends who have all come into my life through different paths, childhood, university, etc.

My issue with these friends is that over the last few years, they all seem to be too broke to leave their house on the weekend and go out with me. We've never been the type to discuss money or our financial situations, but we are all working stable full-time jobs and have been over the last few years. I completely understand if they're going through a rough part in their lives. One of them is getting married later this year and just bought a house, but this has been going on for a few years now, plus it's extremely frustrating when I see them spend money on other wants and expenses that are not necessities. It comes across as them choosing these expenses over spending time with me. Furthermore, I myself am not in a financial situation where I can spend hundreds of dollars

a weekend, but I'm even turned down if I suggest drinks at some dive bar down the street and I'm getting tired of just going over to their house and sitting on the couch all night. It's getting to the point where I'm backing off inviting them to anything. I'm not sure if this makes a difference, but they are in serious relationships and I am not. So a Friday or Saturday night where I could throw on a bit more makeup than usual and my leather jacket wouldn't hurt. I don't want her to come across as this is the only reason I want to get out of the house

on a weekend, but it would just give me something to look forward to after a long work week and would be good for my mental well-being. Our typical Monday morning conversation, what did you do this weekend? Nothing. Stayed in and watched Netflix. Is getting old. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I could use a weekend staying in and doing nothing.

But now I'm at the point where it's probably becoming too infrequent that it is unhealthy. What can I say to them? Sincerely, all my friends are mean and poor. Okay. Well. This has struck a very close nerve for me. Yeah. Okay.

Well, dare I lead on this? Please. Please. that's why you're here. I, I am mostly single. What that, what that means in terms of my priorities is a whole other podcast. Right. Um, but I'm happy. I'm like a very happy person. I'm happy with my life. I like it. I like what I'm doing. If someone can fit into this life that I've made for myself, great. If they can't, so be it. Yeah. I do feel like there have been points in my life where a lot of my friends have gotten coupled off,

and the balance changes. I think any time you have a close group of friends, you can never expect the norm because it's constantly in a state of flux. You can never expect the same friendship over the years. You can never expect the same kind of friendship forever. It's always going to change. And I have gone through phases where I feel like

my friends aren't caring about me in the way that I wanted to, And that comes with being a single person. That comes with thinking only about what you want, what you want to do, where you want to go, how you want to live. And you don't have the perspective of someone who's in a relationship, who has different financial goals. And as a result, I've realized that it really is sort of a choose-your-own-adventure. And by that, I mean you have to create the happiness for yourself. You can't rely on anyone to do that for you. So if you're unhappy with your group of friends

because they're not wanting to spend money, look at that situation. Look at how they're choosing to spend their time and spend their money. And it's not on you. And that's not a bad thing. It just means that you have to reprioritize how you see these friends

and how you want to interact with them. And I certainly don't think you can expect all of them at once to fulfill your needs. I would suggest, if you're trying to have a more active social life, maybe pull one or two aside at a time and say hey let's do something because i feel like i would love to go out why don't three of us go out on a weekend it's easier to convince one or two people to go out with you than it is the entire gaggle of friends yeah um and i also think

honesty is a really important thing because i think a lot of people who are in relationships don't have that same perspective that you do they don't have the awareness that you were on your own feeling things that they're not seeing so you're not doing yourself any favors by not being honest with your friends and i've had to have these conversations with friends where it's like i'm feeling bummed out i'm feeling sort of lonely where's the middle ground here can you help me can you be a little more aware and it usually solves itself i think i mean i think you really i mean you really wrap this one up everything that I would want to say you said really eloquently because I do think that is the problem um a lot of the time is yeah you you want the hope in a

perfect world is that your friendships will be the same way as they were in the early 20s right like they'll go forever you're going to be bffs forever but yeah people's lives change people's um way of living evolves and and I do and I do think that that's really important to have that honest discussion especially because i'm i'm to blame too like when i got in a relationship i'd fucking you know dan we should just say it right now that sasha hasn't left her house in seven years probably yeah and we're all very close friends and i said to sasha i've been in lockdown and the key is like i've eaten the key it's gone i'm not going she was like oh i haven't seen your apartment i'm like no you haven't no we should also say that it went from like because

when you were talking and when I was reading this letter, I remembered that Sasha and our other friend Amy and our other friend, you guys used to live in this like party complex. Do you remember that party complex? Yes, of course. And there would be these great parties. I think Jacek

even came to one. Yes, he's nodding. One of these parties, there's a keg. There's a few keg ones. I didn't even live in Toronto at that time. And I remember these like epic, awesome, fun nights. Every goddamn night. literally every night and then as soon as you and cory got together it was like well i wouldn't say as soon but very soon but very soon after very soon after it evolved as you say it evolved and

i also when i think about it i'm like i've done everything that i've wanted to do partying wise like i i was spent i wanted to wave the white flag after i was like i'm done partying i'm like what my next phase is is a lockdown like lockdown I've always been a homebody too right like I love being in my pajamas watching tv that is like fucking what my spirit asks me to do every second of every day now yeah um and so that is the evolution but my bad is that um I I wasn't cognizant of my single friends and I do think that's what you have to do when you're when you're a good friend and you're in a big group of friends you do need to reach out to your single friends but it's hard like in defense of you which this is a rare occasion yes that you take my back that's

true but i do feel like and maybe this has come with age because i do feel like in your 20s you're a little bit more passionate about how you feel and it's not necessary it doesn't come with that grain of salt or it doesn't come with that level of self-awareness where you're realizing okay everyone has their own life and that's okay you have very i i think the biggest thing for me and this is going to sound terrible, but it's actually not. You can't place expectations on your friends. And I say this like it sounds controversial because I do feel like inherently there is a relationship there with your friends.

Expectations imply something more. Am I articulating myself here at all? I feel like all the problems I've ever had with friends have been based on expectations that I have had of them. this friend should be aware of how I feel this friend should be seeing me socially at least once a week this friend should be aware of my feelings all the time and the reality is maybe they should but it's also not their responsibility because we're all adults and we're all going through this life on our own yeah so the key for me has been to vocalize because nothing is more

burdensome than resentment oh amen yeah so instead of carrying that weight it's so much easier especially if you have good friends like listen that's the testament of a bad friendship is not being able to pull someone aside and say this is how i'm feeling how do you feel in regards to my problem and you can sniff the resentment off this our reader but you can you can feel that right like even the way she signed her name and she's like fuck i just want to put my leather jacket on where my I don't want to go to your house hang out yeah you can feel that bubbling up so that's a really important thing that you're bringing up which is yeah like you have to talk about those things so that it doesn't create further problems down the road and you just and it I mean it's

cyclical in the sense that like you expect these things of your friends they don't happen you don't confront them about them you become angry then people can feel that you're vibing and no one wants to hang out and no one wants to hang out with you even more yeah so realistically there are probably conversations happening with those friends saying why is she so angry why is she so on edge when it comes to us why is she such a buzzkill social choices yeah and the reality is the more approachable you make yourself the more people will want to accommodate i think what do you make of the money issue well it's it's a strict it's a tricky situation because for me i've been fortunate enough to have some great jobs and i've had a steady salary for a long time so

a lot in in times where i feel like certain friends are going through financial rough patches i will if i want to go out for dinner i'll say let me take you out for dinner yeah and that person might have i i've never had that before uh you do that with your friends taking you out for dinner before uh eat shit no you haven't yes i have remember today when at brunch you told me to paying for your stupid brunch you made me drive all the way to he told me he had to pay three dollars to take out some money out of the machine he said you're gonna cover that right you're gonna cover the three dollar fucking bank fee first of all no he has not taken me out for fucking dinner context with that fucking serpentine sorry we gotta get to we just gotta get to the

next question sasha tom sasha speaking of friends that don't give an ounce moved all the way to one end of the city never makes an effort to see her friends she's in the east end too but she was here a long time wasn't she no she just moved here like three years anyway for the sake of this argument sasha moved all the way away and then anytime you call her she's always like what about around the corner from the house and it's like okay i guess i'll get in a car and drive for half an hour refuse to go never leave your house yeah so we were playing on a bit amy and i when we showed up to brunch today because we're like

not only do we have to fucking drive to you now you're making us eat at a goddamn restaurant that's cash only. I love how like of three people your commute

was the closest. Yes, you're right. Two other people had to come. I say hey listen if you look at our text messages I said I'll go wherever but do you want

breakfast Paso? If you want breakfast then we're going to have to come to the East End. It was a joke when we showed up and we're like now where do we get our

we have to go to some fucking bank machine? Thanks Sash. They're East End snobs. Anyways. Our friendship's great, though. We communicate very well. Clearly.

Okay, so in short, pull aside one or two friends at a time. Just be honest. Be honest. And if you have eight friends, undoubtedly one of them will do something with you. And I also think, because again, I'm single, and you want to book your week, book your fucking week. Call one of your friends and say, what are you doing on Monday night? Can't do Monday, do Tuesday.

Call another friend, say, what are you doing this week? and if it takes eight friends to make five days worth of plans then you have basically your whole week planned and it doesn't hurt to kind of extend your friend group too right part of it is meeting other people and putting yourself in spaces where you know whatever doing other extracurricular activities where you meet other people that are single and I also feel like people have like extraneous groups of like there are certain friends that I go to when I want to do things that Sasha wouldn't want to do which is basically anything but there are certain friends that we have on reserve and they're fine they're like orbit friends that you call up and say hey do

you want to do this and they will inevitably say yes got it i mean all right well good luck um all my friends are mean and poor yes they were referring to sasha in the mean part of it all my friends are mean okay here's our next one you've got social dialed in search is doing its thing so why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago that's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else podcast listeners are a different audience entirely more engaged harder to reach through traditional channels and ready to act when someone they trust makes a recommendation we're a cast and we put them right in front of you browse thousands of the world's leading

podcasts book host reads or run your own ads and track every conversion in real time same skills, you already have brand new results. ACAST. ACAST.com slash advertise. Hey, Sasha. I'm in a bit of a pickle here. My mother and older sister have not talked for quite a few years. My mother created a deep life of lies within my family that led to her leaving my father, walking out on my family. My sister became a mother figure and friend to me and has done so much to help me excel and succeed since this event and I will be forever grateful for that.

Now in a better place, I have chosen to forgive my mother and try to rekindle whatever relationship I can. My sister and my mother have not spoken still though for years. My mother was adopted and recently found out her family heritage and our background, something my sister and I have always wanted to know. My mother told me, but she asked me not to tell my sister. She says if my sister will not speak to her after my mother has apologized so many times that she does not need to know about my mother's life and this discovery.

I am torn between keeping my mother's secrets again or giving my sister information she has always wanted. Please help. Oh, I'm so sorry to you, first of all. she didn't leave a name so can we just give her one what are you stuck in the middle stuck in the middle i mean i was thinking of like a real person's name okay janice janice okay so janice it is so i feel terrible for janice this is like obviously shitty shitty like and these i mean this is one of those situations where i have to like preface and just say like whatever i say in

response to your predicament is a is merely a suggestion and you know of course because this is sort of really intense stuff and i think when it comes to family dynamics they're so there's so much they're so fingerprinty in the sense that everyone's family is different everyone you know we don't know the way that you guys communicate within your family yeah so it's hard to sort of impart any kind of advice but for the sake of conversation my knee-jerk reaction yeah is that i don't think it's fair for the mom to do this i think you make your choices and sometimes those choices leave lasting scars yeah you can't expect just because you've said sorry after having you know actions speak louder than words i think in this specific case and saying i'm sorry does not

necessarily it doesn't cut it cut it no or guarantee or guarantee an acceptance of your apology like i mean i think that that's the thing when you say sorry to somebody you're you're expressing your remorse but it never comes with an exchange of forgiveness yeah like otherwise then i feel like the sorry means a little less like oh you only mean it if i'm gonna forgive you don't you just want to mean it and I also feel like again acting on the apology like there are ways of rebuilding it's up to someone to forgive or not to forgive but it doesn't necessarily sound like there has been a lot of active movement in terms of physically rebuilding a relationship resting a laurel on and i'm sorry in this kind of context i don't think justifies

the sister who clearly had a more intimate experience with this trauma i don't think it it allows the mother to be making these kind of demands it feels childish on the mom's part to be saying well i said sorry now you can't tell this information and now i have this huge huge secret that i don't have done some pretty serious shit to your family you are not one to be making demands my personal recommendation would be to share the information i totally agree because your allegiance at this point is to your sister your mom has a lot of work to do yeah and at this point she has no power over what you can and can't do because she was not there also if their sister if the sister and mother haven't talked in years then they haven't talked in years

and they probably won't talk for a few more years so it's like ever again yeah so it's like pass on the fucking information um and in a way it might help rebuild like i don't know what that information is but if there's a chance that passing that information on to well it's clearly something so important that they've always wanted to know would help then maybe it will help in terms of providing some kind of context for why the mom acted the way that she acted. Well, the mom sounds like she's also dangling this, like using it as a lure. It feels very petty. You know, I want to get to my first daughter.

I'm going to hold this back as a lure to get her to come back into my life. It feels manipulative. It is manipulative. I totally agree with you that she should share with her sister. I just, in that sense, though, it's manipulative and it's also really heartbreaking. Like, that's the only thing that she's holding, this mother, that she feels that could tempt, for lack of a better word, her oldest child, her daughter, to come back to her. Like, in a way, she feels like if she keeps holding. It's a vindictive temptation.

I feel like by withholding the information, you're rewarding that. It's not an olive branch. I don't think she's using that as an olive branch. I don't agree. Sorry, I agree with you. I think that it's vindictive. I think it's manipulative. But I also think it's quite heartbreaking that, you know, she is so...

In her own way, in her own misguided way, she's desperate to get a relationship with this child. She's so desperate to have a relationship with this child who doesn't want a relationship with her that she's holding something back in the hopes of luring her back. There's something very heartbreaking there. Absolutely. I think any time that a family is not talking to one another, it's so against what should be the case. It's like a mother should be talking to her daughter. That should be how it goes.

So anytime that's fragmented or fractured or people aren't speaking within a family, and maybe it's because I have such a loving family that for me the idea of living a life without talking to a family member is a really devastating thing. That said, I don't think she should feel guilty about acting on what her gut is telling her to do. and i feel like if your gut is is in line is telling you to provide the information to your sister like this has been a figure in your life who's provided support and maturity in a parental sense that you weren't getting from your mother and i think to come back into your life and to reveal certain information and then ask you to sit on it it just feels it doesn't feel right to

me no it's shitty it's shitty that she's not only yeah dangling this carrot to the sister but then also putting her other daughter in the middle and making it's like passing the burden and that's just so unfair and so janice don't think you need to ever carry the burden and baggage of someone else so like you know as we were saying about the last the last question which is like be truthful always be honest just honesty seriously is the best policy it just is free your soul of any of that bullshit because it won't do you any good and it'll fracture your relationship with your sister like and she's the other thing but let me walk you through this practically so we all three agree that janice should tell her sister yes does then janice tell her mother that she's told and

this is why okay because i feel like if you were to approach your mother and say i feel like i have to tell my sister this is why she's been around you haven't this you know in a way that is supportive i don't think it should feel combative but i do feel like that conversation should happen it's like you've given me this information this is crucial information this is information that my sister and i have always wanted yeah i can't not share this information with her and if the mother responds in a way that is poisonous then that's those are the true colors no parent should ever put their children in this kind of situation so if her reaction to janice telling her sister is to say, how dare you?

I've apologized. I'm in this. There's been very little change on her part, I think. Right. And that to me is the most telling sign of all of this. But that to me is what we probably have to start preparing Janice for. Absolutely. So given that, you know, all of us feel like Janice owes it to her sister

and then should be honest with her mother, Janice, out there, I think that you also need to steel yourself for your mother's reaction. And also know that if she reacts badly to it, that it's not your fault. Yep. And any kind of, and I understand the vulnerability of wanting to rebuild a relationship. Like everyone sort of walks with a light foot around certain relationships that they're in the midst of rebuilding. But I do feel like with something like this, with this kind of information, like if this

is a make or break with your mother who's been away and has done such damage to your family she wasn't meant to come back into your life in a substantial way yeah she hasn't done the work she hasn't done the work on herself yeah so janice tell your sister and don't feel bad if your mother freaks out this is the right thing to do because that relationship with your sister is the one that's been whole all along and deserves your protection absolutely and at the end of the day i think if you look at something objectively who's done more for you it's been clear that this sister has stepped up to the plate and taking care of her younger sister in ways that her mother chose not to do.

Correct. Janice, good luck. Thanks for writing in. And if you have anything else, let us know. But yeah, good luck. And, you know, it's great that you have an older sister that's taking care of you like this. Okay.

Here's our last question. Dearest Sasha. Sasha's a dearest. Is she? That's a very nice thing. Dearest Sasha. Says who? Says this person, not you.

dearest sasha what's your take on farting or going to the bathroom with your significant other i've been dating my boyfriend for eight months and he lets it all hang out and i was brought up in a fairly strict vietnamese family where that kind of behavior wasn't talked about or anything we did publicly in our family home i wouldn't say i'm a prude i just don't think i need to share that side of myself i'm not sure what my question exactly is other than i would love to get your opinion on it thanks in advance jay okay which is your favorite topic farting and shitting yes you love that let me just say this this has nothing to do with upbringing this has everything to do with you not wanting your fucking boyfriend to shit and fart in your face

and that is your right raise that flag and fucking wave it because yes go on well she's trying to provide an excuse as to why she doesn't want to see her boyfriend shit and you're saying yeah you shouldn't i'm saying that if you don't want to see your boyfriend shit in front of you don't have your boyfriend shit in front but he won't but he lives that life of just shitting and farting everywhere so what how do you tell that's what i would call no yeah that's aggressive behavior okay shitting in front of someone is aggressive that's fucking aggressive okay like I don't think he's, like, shitting in the living room while she's watching TV. Yeah, I don't think he's, like, fucking, like, you know.

How about this? Close the door. Even leaving the door open while you're taking a shit is fucking aggressive. Why? Because it doesn't give someone the choice. Okay. Give. So.

You need to have the choice when it comes to fart and shit. Okay. So you would like your partner to be like, I've got a fart. Are you okay with that? No. Okay. I do think that there's a conversation that can be had. Okay.

And I think usually that conversation happens quite early in a relationship where you sort of say, you know what? Don't do that. That's not okay. We have a mutual friend. I'm not going to say his name because who knows who's listening. I don't want to be that person. But he was in the very early stages, or just was having a casual thing with someone who excused himself from bed with our friend to go home to take a shit. I believe I'm getting the story right.

Okay, yes. I can't remember whether he left the room to take a shit in our friend's bathroom or whether he actually just it was the actual vocalizing of saying, like, I got to go and take a shit. Right. It left such a scarring effect on our friend that for the longest time, the guy's nickname was like shit stop or something. like i want to say there was like some nickname with shit in it right because the association of like no longer was that person seen as a sexual object it was instead like a poop emoji a human vessel for right yeah yeah okay but okay but i i don't understand because he excused himself like what's he supposed to do his thing and then he's being held against him listen i'm

if i'm like sleeping with someone my impulse is to not be like hey like peace out gotta go home and shit like again what are you gonna do though that's not giving someone that's not aggressive dan depending have you never had to take a shit when you've been with someone sasha i have shit all okay that has nothing to do with this first of all this conversation has gone okay very off brand yes for me well but i will say yes people are very sensitive to it and that's fine yeah in the same way that people are not sensitive to it i don't like gross smells yeah so for me that in the same way that it does for our friend creates an association that in certain relationships and i know a lot of people that react the same way like once you associate someone with the smell

of human fecal matter it changes things so that's why i think a lot of people keep their poops and their farts separate from their partner because they don't necessarily want to do that i think that's fine some people would be like ah fuck it shit all over the place great that's not that's not what i want that's the same with me i have been with cory for like nine years and that is something him including all my past boyfriends that's not something that i've ever enjoyed i don't want as you said i cory strikes me as a very clean person that doesn't want you to associate him with yeah with and i respect that all my past boyfriends have not respected that um and it's the same thing like you were saying i don't i can actually picture cory sitting here having this

conversation being like i don't want to shit in front of my wife no it's not it's not anything that i want to see and it's not anything and it's not same with our reader it's not like i'm a crude or anything i just don't want to it actually makes me angry if i have to smell someone's fart and they yes haven't asked me that they're gonna do it it's like um it's like a pummeling of your olfactory senses it's not fair i really do i it actually makes me very mad um when that happens obviously if you just have fascinating to me if it has to happen like if you have like stomach ache and that just that has to happen you have to like run to the bathroom and listen i went to mexico and i had like yeah poisoning there was no getting around the fact that i was like literally

shizzing everywhere it was like unfortunately we're sick yeah so it was fine in those circumstances but if you're just like free-willing like dumping everywhere and like farting everywhere that's not i don't like that that's not cute for me but there are couples that are totally it really is dependent on the person but i think if you are someone that does not like that but i've been with all my past boyfriends all my past boyfriends have been what did you say to them like to help jay out here so she is with right she's been with a guy for eight months he i guess fucking farts and shits or talks about his farts and shits in front of her so now at eight months what does she do yeah what i mean it's you i don't know what did you do did you just eat it like or did you

eat his farts literally did you articulate i really don't appreciate oh yeah i would be like that's really gross don't do that but you just say it in a way that was like ha ha no i would You laid down the law. It's always those people. It's always those kind of guys or what girls who find it so funny. You know, those ones that just... But that's where... That's what I'm saying.

So they don't take my anger seriously. They never took my anger seriously. So that's the thing. And my experience is the same as Sasha's. Jacek doesn't take this seriously. Like, every... And he is sitting here right now. And that's throughout our relationship.

He has basically... He texts me during his shits. Oh. That's gross, Jacek. He will text me, yeah, we have been married 15 years. We've been together for 16 years. I will check my phone. I'll be at work.

And then he'll be like, guess what? I just laid down the fucking craziest turd. Seriously. He uses the word turd a lot. Well, turd, I will say, puts a cartoonish thing on the experience. Fine. Okay. But throughout our relationship, he knows that, like, I hate when he traps me.

So trapping would mean he has. That's aggression. It is. It has been aggressive. And so, you know what? I have been, like you, Sasha, annoyed. I've asked him not to do it. He laughs.

And then, you know, when you're in love with someone and they laugh, you kind of laugh, right? And so you start laughing. You can't get mad because it's not like, it's not an offense. It's not a crime. like an elite like i feel so then you start laughing and then he because he sees i'm laughing he thinks it's funny and this has continued right maybe it's because i'm an actor i feel like i could lay down a law and terrify someone from never doing it again i've done it and so i will give you i will give jay one of my tips okay and this worked for like probably two months threatened

divorce no correct what i did what i did after a particularly egregious uh fart or shit i can't remember what it was because yassic's full of those um i took out a tampon oh my god this is not where i saw it on the face with a bloody tampon i suffice i will not provide I provided him evidence of what happens to me every month in the form of a tampon. And that was my revenge for all the times that the turds and the shits. And now, and that, that bought me about two months. Like, that scarred him for that long. And then when, like, I feel like that the memory of that started receding,

he started becoming like he started getting more comfortable with it but he has never so now he apologizes every time he farts what you're saying yes i've learned a lot um i don't know this was just a piece of advice that i'm sharing with jay so then if i were to be if i were to be jay and i were to listen haha you're gonna be jay anyway um what you're saying is people won't change so fart and poop people are not going to change and i guess what you can try to do is curb them but going forward with this jay please know through this wonderful story we were just told that things probably won't change so if this is a make or break for you in terms of this being your husband or not know that things will probably not change unless i guess you

threaten him with a bloody tampon or i was gonna say just breaking up oh okay like i can't do this anymore um but i don't know how is that a good reason to break up with someone i'm not saying but i'm just saying if it's a make or break i'm trying to figure out like how much this means to the person because jay wrote in yeah right yeah correct so i'm just saying like listen there's some people who are really phobic of poop stuff yeah and if this is something that you're seriously writing into us to say like what should i do what should i do like clearly some people are comfortable about it and they don't have the sensitivity chip to say like i'm gonna not fart in front of you so that's what we've learned from laney these people from what we've learned from

yasek they exist yeah um these people are going to be who they are and there's very little change from what i have it's true from this conversation in my experience and clearly in sasha's experience like I would love to believe that let's have let's the two of us walk down to a naturopath and get an allergy test stop eating dairy and gluten yeah who knows

I yeah I would love to believe they could have that conversation and then he Jay's boyfriend would look at her and be like hey it's been eight months and I'm gonna plug it out you you you mean so much to me that you will never hear me talk I am going to quit dairy for you right I would love to believe and Jay

if that try that and then if that doesn't work maybe try my method yeah yeah i don't know yeah i think there's layers you have the conversation if he doesn't do it prepared for that method second bloody tampon third if it's make or break then it's a break listen i would say to like wrap this all up in one theme do you and if someone can fit into that world great and if it's a huge problem and you don't feel right about it can make your decision here's the thing though like i just want to say that i love talking about shit my own shit i just don't want to share it with you like i would this is this is how it goes with like okay wait i'm fucking constipated to this i haven't taken

a shit in like three days this is a very common conversation i have with sasha with many people sure fuck i haven't taken a shit in three days oh i feel so good because i finally took a shit whatever but i'm not going to invite sasha to look at it afterwards and be like can you smell it because i just took a great shot which is yeah so you have some grace i love talking about like i'm upset because i um i'm i'm i'm not like constipated i have yeah i only have like the most i go a week is if i'm lucky three times a week and you know if this is now just a full share yeah I went through a very sensitive period in high school where who knew what was going on I think it was IBS I don't really know and this is like there is a freedom in owning up to the

fact that you're going to do something within a certain friend circle oh yeah I feel very free yes if I've had dominoes and things are going south yeah right I feel free and I think that's wonderful you and i have talked about it to my friends and say like i'm gonna be back in maybe 20 minutes yes abstract talk about it is good this is a full colonic that's going to go down here also everybody should flush twice everybody needs to look behind them people don't do that oh my have you never been in a women's bathroom it is like the grossest thing in the entire world How hard is it to turn around and look and look at a clean bowl and see whether or not you've left evidence.

Yasik. Oh, gross. Yasik. What do you mean? Are we talking about like, it doesn't go down or are we talking about some remnants? Oh, I can't. No. This conversation.

Now this is getting into girls. Hopefully all of you are not eating dinner while you're listening to this. Some eliminations need a multiple flush. Of course. We've all been there. But I'm shocked at how few people or how many people don't turn around and be like, this is a multiple flush elimination but i think if we're actually to go into the like psychological ramifications of what defecating does or implies um there is shame associated with pooping there's

shame associated with leaving things behind in a toilet i don't know listen we're getting heady now but i'm just saying like if culture was different and we were i don't know but then If they're shamed, why aren't they getting rid of it? Because maybe they feel, they don't feel shamed. They just want to run out the door. They're like, listen, I did this. There's a couple skitties left on the seat and they're like in the bowl. Whatever.

I got to take off. Okay. I would never do that. Okay. Anyway. I leave a polished bowl. Yeah. You don't poo.

You don't poo. I've never in my life. Never. All right. That's it for today. Keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And leave your comments and reviews on iTunes. And thank you so much, Dan Levy.

And we love you. Listen, when I showed up today, I had no idea we'd be talking about what we just talked about. I know. So this has been a treat. Okay, good. Dinner's on you, right? Uh-huh. Sweet.

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