What's Your Drama - SINGLE PEOPLE! ARE FRIDAYS STILL F-CK NIGHTS?

Episode Date: March 7, 2017

We've missed you! So sorry for the delay in the podcast but life threw some wrenches in our way these last couple of weeks but we're back! Thank you for tuning in!On today's show: De-coding cutesy texts, how to get your f-ck on in a small town, and how to reclaim old friendships.Thank you again for the support and check us out on iTunes and Google Play and keep your questions coming to [e-mail] or tweet us at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip.Oh and if you didn't know I started my own line of perfume! Lainey and I chat about my new scents and her favorite one on the podcast! Hit up Lost & Found Apothecary and holler at me over on Insta @lostandfoundapothecary.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hi. It's been a while. We are sorry. It's been three weeks. Yes, life got in the way. Yeah. My hot water tank got in the way last week. And the Oscars, which is a fair, fair tap out.

The Oscars first, then my hot water tank. We were supposed to podcast and then like literally five minutes before you were supposed to come over, our hot water tank first. That was really hard on me. Yeah. Did you shower? I offered up my shower. I don't want to tell you what I did.

Ew. Did you do like wet wipe cleaning? No. Oh, what did you do? So I fully acknowledge that if there was a zombie apocalypse, I would be the first to die. Because I am pathetic. Like, I have no life skills.

Okay. I have zero. I can't even camp. Like, I can't camp when other people do the camping for me. Okay. I am really, really not self-sufficient. I am actually useless. So the hot water tank goes, and I have to shower three times a day.

Like, we've established this. And when I can't have my showers and I know what I have to do the next day… It's a hair wash thing? Do you wash your hair three times a day? It's a body wash thing and otherwise I get hives. I break out into hives. I get really itchy. I know.

I have a weird… Okay. Whatever. And so the next day I knew I had to get up early. I had a meeting. I had a presentation. Like I was going bananas and I was such a stress case that Jacek was like, fine, you're done.

He drove me to a hotel. You are lying. What kind of diva shit is this? And I was like, what hotel? Wait, what hotel? Are we talking like Holiday Inn? Or did he, did you like demand Four Seasons? No.

Don't lie. Where did you stay? I stayed at the Intercontinental. Okay, so that's still highbrow-ish. It's not like a Motel 8. Okay. But it is not like a Shangri-La. So you bought like a two-night stay at the Intercontinental?

One night. Okay. One, it was also like, can I just, it was also, it happened at like 6 o'clock. Okay. Look, I. Happened at 6 p.m. Go on. It happened at 6 p.m.

And by that point, it was a little bit too late to call our other friend to get the key to her place because she's out of town and her key is at her dog walkers. And then I was thinking about the next morning because I would need to go over to anybody's home. I offered my home. At 4.30 in the morning. I retract that offer now. Thank you.

Exactly. So it would be either you or Duanna and she, like, waking you guys up at 4.30 in the morning because I had to be at work at 6. Okay, fair enough. So it was all of that. And then I was like, okay, for this one night, I'm just going to check in. The next day, because it was out for two days, the next day I stayed at home because we were able to get a key for somebody who was out of town.

and therefore I didn't have to disturb them at 5.30, 4.30 in the morning. So now do you kind of understand? I am a spoiled brat. You are a spoiled brat. Did you stay overnight at the intercom or you just used their showering facility? Oh, no, I stayed overnight. I stayed overnight. Okay.

And did Jacek stay home? And please note that Jacek was like, it was better for me. He actually happily dropped me off because I would have made things worse. I would have made… His night was already bad and he was dealing with a little bit of flooding and the dogs and whatnot. And if I were here, I would have just been, like, on the ground crying, needing… I didn't know you were so…

This is, again, this is such interesting dichotomy between you. You're so strong, but then you're so weak. I'm weak. And flimsy sometimes, too. I'm fragile. I'm a fragile person. But not at the same time. Like, you would have very little patience for someone who was exhibiting somewhat of,

like a parallel week situation, I would completely sympathize with the person who couldn't wash their hair. Yes. Okay. But then, yeah, you're right. I would have no patience for somebody who was like, oh my God, I can't work like three all-nighters. Yeah.

Three all-nighters in a row. I'd be like, fuck, suck it up. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Anyways, it's the injustice of yourself. But I am, like I said, I will die if something happens in, like if, you know, a virus takes over the world, I'm the first to go.

To give up. Yassic. I would say to Yassic, just leave me. Just leave me and take the dogs and go. I can't keep up. That's what would happen. And I would say to him, you see if you could, you can find a way to survive because I know you'd be good at it, but don't let me, don't let me bring you down. Because I would. I would bring anybody down. Okay, so I will never ever choose you as a partner in crime for anything. Don't. No. Like Amazing Race. You'd suck.

Like survivor, partner, whatever. I would suck shit. Oh, well, now I really want you to like be in one of those shows. No, I would just cry. I know, this is great. And I'm not even a crier, but like I would just be so, like you should have seen his face. As he was driving away from me, there was relief. He was like, the double doors opened.

I walked into the hotel. I was sadder to go into the hotel because I was still tense at that point. Like I was still like, oh my God, the hot water tank, how long will it take to be fixed? And he was like, just fucking go. Anyway. There you go. On that note, if we're talking about, I don't know, weird segues, but making the most of things, look at you.

You are now an entrepreneur. Yes. Yes. A couple of weeks ago, I had the launch of my perfume line, Lost and Found. So it's very exciting. it's been like a really exciting time and like overwhelming. And as you know, when you start something new, how everything is just so, like I thought that it was going to be kind of easy breezy. Oh my God, it's so intense. Everything that could possibly go wrong, that could possibly

go wrong has gone wrong. But for some weird reason, I'm in like a totally different mind frame. Like it doesn't stress me out as much as I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to learn shit. Like it's, it's interesting that way. Like I'm learning a lot about being like my own boss, which is, like, a fucking dream. Yeah. So if this works out, I, too, will be, like, going to the Intercontinental to, like, wash my hair and shit. You seem totally blissed out, too, like, since it's happened.

Like, it's a different kind of focus. Yeah. I think anything that you get to do that's, like, a passion after so many years of kind of feeling like, oh, my God, what is there out there? And especially going through that time of when I was feeling like shit and not feeling like there was a way out. And then when you finally find something and tap into it, it's awesome. And listen, if it fucking like doesn't work out a few years down the line, that's totally

fine. The fact that I'm doing it is just exciting because I used to be a big dreamer. I used to like have these goals that I would accomplish. And then after a while, like when you're in your 30s and you have a job, those things kind of get dulled down. And so the fact that I kind of feel like I've tapped into something is fun, is awesome. Now, is it something you're doing also with Corey? No. Okay. I think if things pick up, I will give him the secrets to my ingredients and he will

help me. But at this point, no, he's like actually like hands off. He really doesn't want to help me at all. And right now it's like a secret potion. Like you, do you guard it? Have you, you know, do you keep it locked away in a little treasure chest? No, but I should. I need to. And I need to make copies because I realized that I don't have them memorized. So if for some reason this ingredient list goes away. Sash. I know. I'm fucked. But yeah. Like if your hot water tank goes and something floods. I know. Okay. So I got to do that tonight. When I get home, I'm going to say fuck that shit. Yes. Like at least just take a picture of it with your phone. I've done that. But like my phone, I drop all the time. That could break. But yes.

Anyway, secret potions and it's awesome. But you have breakup. Do you wear it? Be honest. I do wear it. And like Jordi wears it and she's obsessed with it and keeps telling people about it. Breakup is my favorite. So we should say that there are four scents that you've created. Breakup, Willow, Burn, and Ember. And my favorite is Breakup. I just like that it's a dark word, but smells so great. But it is… Breakup is the scent for, like, the spicier person. Yes. Yeah. It's like the person who… The black heart. The black heart, but the… Yeah. The person who kind of wants to get their fuck on, too. It's like my sexiest one, if I could say that one's sexy, right? Like, there's one that's more…

For sure. Yeah. So it's lostandfoundapothecary.com. Yep. Check out Sasha's Sense. Yeah. Four of them. And they've gotten, like, really great write-ups, too.

You've gotten good press. Yep. And people have been very supportive, which has also been awesome, too, not to be totally cheesy, but, oh, my God, there's been so many people, like, specifically women, who have reached out and have been so helpful and supportive. And then you kind of forget that. Like sometimes we can get so jaded and I was really worried that people wouldn't support me.

And they've been so supportive and you've been so supportive, of course, but it's just been so cool to see women rally around other women. I don't know. It's just very cool. I'm happy. I hope it lasts. Okay. Lostandfoundapothecary.com.

Check it out. Yeah. And yeah, we should get to some of our… Let's get to some questions. Our reader letters. Okay. So, first one. Hi Sasha and Lainey. I'm curious to get your opinion on a situation that has boggled the

minds of my friends and myself. There's a bit of a backstory, so bear with me. I met this guy about nine years ago. We formed a mutual group of friends and all spent a lot of social time together. After a couple of boozy nights, we slept together. Nothing changed in our dynamic. We remained friends and continued to hang out until the group slowly dissipated in a totally normal way. About a year ago, I bumped into him at a coffee shop and we had a quick hello. Later that day, he sent me a message on LinkedIn, weird choice, that's her words, not mine, commenting on where I was currently working and asked that we grab a coffee to catch up. Totally normal and I figured it had something to do with work slash asking for a work hookup,

etc. I was out of the country at the time, so it didn't happen and neither of us followed up. A month ago, he messaged me again, on Facebook this time, and asked to get together to catch up. This time I thought, why not? He's totally lovely and cute. We switched to text, same numbers after nine years, and once we determined when we'd be meeting up, there was a lot of back and forth. Cutesy texting, in my opinion.

A single woman in my late 30s, I started thinking, hmm, maybe there's something more here? So we met up. We had a great time, lots of laughs, easy conversation, a little boozy. It was a perfect date, except for when he told me he had a girlfriend, which is fine, really. I had a moment of disappointment, but I honestly was not expecting anything other than a great catch up with an old friend and that's what it was. Since that night, which by the way was a Friday night, which kind of let me down a path of

feeling date-sy, is that still a thing? Asking someone out on a Friday or am I old? We've continued to text a bit. Again, cutesy undertones to everything. Here's the question that's stumping us. Why? Has he been thinking about me for nine years and how much he missed being my friend? We talked about work and he's super successful and busy, so he wasn't trying to get work

out of me. He has a girlfriend, so he's not trying to date me. He just wants me in his life. I mean, I'm… I mean, I'm pretty fucking great, but no one is that great. Thoughts? Love, B. I like that B's quite realistic, which is great. I love B's attitude.

I'm pretty fucking great. yeah, you are. So what is this? Is this a situation where we look into things and look for more answers than there are instead of just taking things at face value? Hey, two people connecting, just being friends. Or, I don't know, is there something more saucy going on? Yeah. I don't really think there's, like, anything going on. Specifically, I don't think there's anything going on with this guy. Like, I don't think he even knows what he's doing. Well, I want to put together like the clues as if this was an investigation. Okay.

So they have slept together before. Nine years ago. Yep. They run into each other. The first time they make plans, it doesn't work out. Then he initiates again a month later. On a Friday night. And then they make plans on a Friday night. Which by the way, I will say to our reader, a Friday night is very suspect for just a friendly date. Right. So that's one circumstantial piece of evidence. It feels like a date but isn't because then he drops in his girlfriend on the Friday night non-date and then they keep texting but they haven't seen each other since.

Right. And the texts are cutesy, borderline flirty but not too overt. Right. Right? Yes. See, these… but this is what I'm saying. It's all very confusing because I don't think this guy actually knows what he wants. Does he want a piece of her ass?

Maybe. Because she's fucking awesome. Because she's fucking awesome. Is he unhappy in his relationship? I don't know. Maybe, but not so much so that he's not about to drop her name during a date to make things clear. So I feel like it has nothing to do with our writer B. Like, she's sound.

She's awesome. She knows what's up. She's level-headed. I think it's this dude who's just fucking juggling a bunch of bullshit balls in the air. And so how can we, how can we like get into his mind when I don't even think he knows what the fuck he's doing? Right. So that's why I'm just sort of just like, why not like just pass on the grass on this

dude? Yeah. Like I think that you're right in the sense of if you don't really know and you don't have a good clear vibe on what this is, and if you have a little bit of a suspicion, even though it's like pea-sized at the moment, that it's something but you don't know what it is, I'm not sure what he's adding to your life right now. Other than confusion. Yeah.

Because that's what he's like passing on his confusion to you. Like you clearly didn't miss him. No. And you clearly have like a great life and you're fucking awesome. And he clearly has a girlfriend. So do you need another friend in your life? B, probably not. You seem like you're doing good.

I don't think you need this, like, confusing aspect in your life. Or are we overthinking it? Well, no, I'm not overthinking it because I'm saying there's nothing to think about. Like, fuck it. If there's nothing to think about, why shouldn't they just keep texting? Because she's level-headed and normal. He is not. So, you know, if he keeps on texting these cutesy things, of course she's going to start

to delve deeper into it and be like, oh, what does this mean? What does it mean? It means nothing. It means nothing. So why not just cut it off? And, like, wait for another nine years. Who cares? I just don't feel like he's serving any good purpose in her life.

Well, let's just clarify. B, you are that great. So let's not doubt that. But, I mean, that's the thing here is that because you're that great, why waste time on somebody who's… Yeah. Exactly. Giving you cutesy undertones.

What's cutesy, too? Like, now I'm nitpicking on this guy. Well, she did send me two images of, like, a text interaction with them. Like, is he emoji? Is he emoji guy? There's a smiley face. There's a smiley face. And there are some, like…

Okay, here. I'm just going to pass it to you. Okay, let me see these cutesy texts. But see, they're also just… They're cutesy-ish. And I guess they kind of imply something. I mean, feel free to read them. Just don't read the actual real names.

Wait. Oh, okay. So, okay. Looks like we made it. Oh, he like is… he's giving her like lyrics? Song lyrics. I guess Facebook tells you when you've been friends for however long you've been friends for. So, I guess in that text, right, it was like, oh, we've been… Facebook says we've been friends for nine years. What were the song lyrics for? well he's just trying to be cute right that's the cutesy we've made it after all right is that what the fuck it is looks like we made it

is that looks like we made it after all is that is it I guess so I don't know see look I don't even know what the fucking lyric he's dropping how the fuck else

are we going to figure him out see now that now that I'm looking at these texts I feel like it's pretty innocent oh okay like I think that maybe he just wants to he just likes her as a friend

and wants to be friends Okay, why? I don't know. Well, why don't you explain what you saw that made you feel like that? I don't think that's super cutesy. I think that's just friendly, like actually just friendly. Okay. Like when she was saying super cutesy, I was like expecting super cutesy cheese,

like, hey, hey, wink, wink, let's do this or whatnot. But this seems pretty standard, like a standard exchange. There's nothing, nothing to me in those texts is screaming undertones. Okay, and how about coupled with the Friday night drinks and catching up? I don't know. Like, you tell me or like I said, we're old. So is that still the standard or can people just meet up for Friday night drinks? I don't think so.

I feel like Friday night and Saturday night are exclusively, especially when you're single, bang nights. Like, you want to go out and get your groove on. Are they bang nights when you're in your 30s, though? And you're single, yes. How old, is 30, like, 90 to you? No, it's just that, like, you know, I feel like you have a whole lot of life when you're 30. I feel like with dating apps and whatnot, a bang night is any night now.

Like, Tuesday night, to me, is more suspicious than a Friday night. It's like midweek, fucking, I need something to get me going. Mid-week dates are for, like, 20-year-olds. 30-year-olds still have dates on Fridays and Saturdays because they have a fucking career. Really? Because I feel like in the space that I'm occupying right now, I always hear about people just going to meet up with their, like, platonic, you know, opposite-sex friends just for drinks on Fridays and Saturday nights.

And how old are they? And then you have, like, sleepovers mid-week. Sleepovers? Yeah. What the… Oh, you're talking about… Okay, you're talking about single people. Yeah.

Okay, what, how old are these people? 20s? 30s? Right, on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. There's quite a range. Anyway, maybe we just need people to tell us. Totally. We need to call on somebody else.

Are Fridays and Saturday nights reserved for banging? When you're single. That is the question. When you're single, looking for love. But he's not single. He has a girlfriend. So in theory, he could see her wherever. And he's just like, oh, it's a Friday night.

I'm going to go see my friend. Right? I don't know. Again, I don't want to be like B. I don't want to be deciphering clues that are not even real clues. My whole summary here is he doesn't… if B's feeling a bit wiggy about what's going on and it's actually taking a lot of her time, she's spending a lot of time talking about it with her friends, she's having, you know, she's trying to, again, figure out what these text messages mean. Fuck it. Fuck it. Why are you spending this much time on somebody who has a girlfriend do you it just comes down to do you want to be his friend if she's happy with

being his friend then continue on but if she deep inside kind of feels like she has a hankering to suck his dick sometime it's not gonna happen well she doesn't say she wants to suck his dick no but she would have sucked his dick probably on the friday night before he said that he had a girlfriend anyway we haven't helped at all we've just added to the chorus of confusion But thank you for this dilemma and making us feel young again, Bea, or really old. Okay, next. and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at acast.com slash advertise.

Hi, Sasha and Lainey. All of my girlfriends have turned into judgy Puritans since marrying and having kids. So I don't know who to ask about sex, specifically about getting me some. Okay, Well, let's try not to be judgy Puritans, Sash. Here's the deal. I'm a divorce attorney and see so much infidelity that I have sworn off relationships for a few years. Until last year, this wasn't a problem. I had my friends and family for emotional relationships and a few guys in rotation for

whenever I needed to scratch that itch with a man, not my vibrator. I like you already. Last year, I moved to a new firm in a new city where I know no one except the very vanilla married guy in the office across from mine, and my matronly bosses, both female and male. More importantly, I haven't had sex in a year, and sorry for this graphic, but I need you to understand the need I have. My pussy needs to be pounded in a pornographic manner. Hey.

All right. Hey. It's been a year. This is your, like, fucking spirit animal, this chick. I know. It's been a year. Your pussy needs to get pounded. I get it.

I would love to pull up Tinder and take it for a spin, but I don't use social media, and Tinder requires a Facebook account. Does it really? Who knows? I don't know. Rolled. Also, I can't really have my picture on a hookup app. Unfortunately, I live in a conservative city.

If my picture got out, it could have professional repercussions. Ignoring the blatant sexism I endure professionally because I have a vagina, said vagina still wants. What are my options? Thanks, ladies. Your advice would be lovely. Well, shit. I don't know.

Like, where is it that you live where… is it that small towny that you can't even get on Tinder without being fired? Because I feel like it's… online dating is a pretty acceptable form of dating right now. Yeah. But the thing is she doesn't want to date. She just wants the D. Yes.

Like she doesn't… She's not out to have a relationship. She just wants… Yeah. To scratch one out. Yeah. Which is such a shame because it's like, hey, how about this then, right? Because people do this all the time.

Can't you just sign up for a Tinder account but you just put a different picture of yourself? Find one that's like sort of, like I guess you're kind of catfishing, which is kind of weird. No, she says it's connected to your Facebook account. So then you have to create a whole fake Facebook. Well, I guess you sometimes have to go the distance for some D, right? Like if you wanted to do that, because that's really, I mean, as you said, online dating is like the thing to do.

There's nobody who's single that's not really on that stuff. But I guess if you're not willing to do Tinder or whatever other dating apps there are, then you got to go fucking old school and hit up a bar. People still fucking go to bars and fuck, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Like, I mean, that seems like the most natural thing to do at this point, especially if you're

not going to go on Tinder. Well, I mean, do you want, though? I mean, she makes it sound like the place that… And it's also not bad. She just wants to fuck. Like, this isn't like we're planning out a murder. I know, but she's a professional who works in a firm and all the fucking people in the firm are goddamn tight asses.

So I would imagine that she doesn't want to like bar hop and have it get back to people in the firm that she's, you know, like cruising for D. Yeah, but there's no other way. It's not like you can phantom a dick inside of you. She has to go and get it. She has to go meet somebody. and that means if you're not going to fucking do Tinder, then you've got to do some legwork

and actually go somewhere where there are fucking dicks laying around. But you said something about like creating some distance. What about literal distance? What did I say about creating distance? You used the word distance. Did I? And then I like focused in on that.

Oh. You said something about creating distance and using a different picture or something like that. Oh, I was saying that you could put a different picture of yourself on Tinder And then that way you kind of are anonymous, but you still get to fucking do some swiping. Okay. I feel like we need to do a little bit of research on this, but why don't you…

Why don't we do Tinder, but actually use the distance? So, next weekend or in a couple weekends, fucking go three towns over or book a plane ticket. You are a young professional, it sounds like. Oh, I know where you're going. This is smart. Yeah, right? This is smart.

So let's say, for example, you pick a city that is not so fucking tight ass and Puritan. Like, I don't know, go to Chicago. Let's just pick Chicago. Maybe Chicago is, we don't know where you are, but maybe hopefully there's a city like Chicago, which is like about an hour airplane ride away from you. Yep. Take a trip for yourself one weekend. You can also do some shopping and then set up your Tinder account while you're in Chicago.

Well, no, this is what I, my wonderful, like, awesome hairstylist who's 20 was telling me that she was planning a trip. So she made her, her geograph, what is it? Your geograph tag? I don't know. But before she was going, two weeks before she went on her trip, she put her profile and situated her GPS in that city that she was going to. And so she lined up a whole bunch of fucking dick before she landed there.

Exactly. Yes. So this is what I mean. And then so if you geogate or geolock your profile to Chicago, let's say, then shut it off or shut it down when you get home so that anybody tindering at home in your tight-ass town won't be able to find you. Right. And then in Chicago, you can store up the dick.

Like, I mean, go for a three-day weekend or whatever. And log it up. Log it up. Yes. Yeah. Book one for Friday. Book one for Saturday. book one for Sunday before you get back on the plane, jam it in there, and then you're

good to go for the next three months. And maybe do this once every three months, this trip for yourself. Yes, I agree. That's the short game plan for sure. If you're looking, like as I said, if you're a hungry girl and you need to eat, go to the big city and get your eat on. You don't want a relationship. If your town is as conservative as you say and you can't really, what, shit where you

eat or eat where you're shit or whatever. Then, yeah, this is, yeah, this is the alternative. It's so cheap to fly, like, to, I don't know, wherever, one town over or one city over. Yeah. Nobody's going to know you. But I also think it would be interesting for her to also see where a lot of this judgment's coming from. I'm not saying that her small town isn't judgy, full of tight asses, but maybe she

has some judgment herself about the whole Tinder thing and is kind of using that as an excuse. So it'd be worth her while. I don't know. I know you're with a woman who says my pussy needs to be pounded in a pornographic manner is like… But the other half of her is… Is a judgey.

No. The other half of her is super corporate. So I'm just saying for her to check herself that maybe her judgment about Tinder is more wrapped up in herself as opposed to the other people that she's surrounded by. I'm just saying it's a fucking option. Yes. Because realistically, you can't always fucking, you know, stock up air miles so you can get your fuck on all the time.

Like, sometimes you want to do it down the street. So, if she's not willing to go on Tinder, that's why I'm saying put in the legwork and go to a bar. Like, you gotta, like, still, you know, ideally you want some shit close to you in your radius. So, I do think that she can do both at the same time. I don't know, man. I've heard about this small town bullshit, especially now in this climate. I mean, did she say she's in a small town?

Well, no. She just said, like, in a new city where I know no one except the very, like, I mean… Yeah, so branch out. Go explore this new city. Explore what it has to offer. There's got to be a nightlife of some sort. There's no corporate fucking businesses in like, you know, fucking corntown. I don't know.

I'm making this shit up. I'm just saying that she should go out and still explore her options within her fucking two kilometer radius whilst also jumping on a plane and getting international dick. How unethical is it to like sign up? Because Tinder is straight up for dick, right? Like or for one… Lots of relationships though. Right.

But how unethical is it to like sign up for like the legit dating sites where people are looking for a relationship and then you meet that person and you're just like, hey, can we fuck? Oh, I mean, most people would probably be pretty stoked. Like, is there somebody who would, I mean, she's straight. So is there a dude who'd be like, oh no, but I was thinking of like dinner first and… No, I don't think those people exist anymore, unfortunately. So, I mean, is that unethical?

Like, what is it? Plenty of fish or fucking whatever? I think different dating sites are known for different things, right? Yeah. Like, people go to Match.com if they actually want to have something long-lasting. But I'm just saying, like, it's more above board to sign up in this conservative town where someone you know might come across your name on this above board, I'm looking for love website and then you wouldn't have to feel shit aim that way if they're going to

shame you. And you can, you know, front like you're looking for love, but then when you meet the person, you can be like, hey, so how about let's just get a room? Yes. So there's plenty of options. Yeah. But I'm asking about the ethics of that because like, I think, and I think most people are down.

Most people are down to fuck. Really? Yes. Okay. Even the people who are in relationships want to fuck. Oh, my God. But I feel like I bet you because of this conservative fucking tight ass town, I bet you the people who are on the legit romance relationship long term love website are all

doing that as a front. Yeah. Like, it's sex laundering. You know? Is that going to work? Yeah. Anyway, I hope that helped you. Please.

I would love for you to go out of town and do a thing, though. Like, that would just be, oh, do it for yourself. It's so, being in a city by yourself. Yeah. And do it, like, if you do this, do a different city every time. Like, maybe Chicago one time, and then you could do New York, and then you can branch out and go to London. Yeah, yes.

London, England. So many hot dudes in London. Go there. Go there if you can. Yeah. And then you could, like, Stockholm? Why not Sweden? Even more beautiful people live there.

I think this is, look, you are single. You don't have dependents. why not travel? Fuck and travel. Fuck. Yes. Fuck and travel. Literally. Can you please keep us posted on this? Yes. Like make a fuck travel diary. Yeah. We'll read it. Okay. Lainey will whack off to it later too. Okay. Last question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. Love the podcast. I have a friend dilemma to ask you about. I grew up very close to the four daughters of my mother's good friend, Barbara. They ranged from five to ten years older than me, and we were very close. I'd say we were essentially like sisters, except… oh, wait. I'd say we were essentially like

sisters, especially during my preteen and teen years. I'm in my mid-twenties now. My relationship with these four girls has disintegrated. My mom and their mom were business partners. When I was in high school, things started to go downhill with the business because of financial mismanagement on Barbara's part. My mom stuck it out for about five years because she loved Barbara and her family and this company that she'd been working on for literally 25 years. In the end, my mom just couldn't stay on this position where her contribution wasn't valued and where her input, even as equal partner in the business, wasn't taken into consideration. It got very messy from there. Accusations from Barbara that it was my mom who tanked everything and Barbara shit-talking

my mom to clients. Some more fucked up things too, but you get the picture. This was all going down when I was in my second year at university. I would have hoped the daughters could keep what was happening between our moms separate from our relationship, but they couldn't. Or Barbara forced them to cut ties with me. She could be very controlling and demanding. They blocked me on Facebook, stopped answering calls and emails the whole nine yards. I haven't had any contact with them since.

A few years have passed and I heard through mutual friends that two of them have gotten married and one is pregnant. I've thought about reaching out to them, but I'm just not sure if I should. I'd like to try to have a relationship with them again as they were once so important to me? Or is that just setting me up for more hurt? I mean, they cut me out. That seems to be a pretty clear indication on where they stand, right? But I also know how controlling their mother is and it's a strong possibility that they did that just to appease her. Then that also pisses me off because what the fuck? Couldn't you see that maybe taking this out on me is a shitty thing

to do? I get that people can be dragged into stupid family shit, but come on. I was 20. I looked up to them. I admired them my entire life and just as innocent in all this as they were. Anyway, what should I do? Reach out or not? And if not, how can I start to let this go? I'm not going to lie. I miss having them in my life. In spite of everything, they were sisters to me for over 20 years.

Any advice you would have would be so appreciated. Thanks, E. Oh, E. E sounds like a lovely person. Oh, E. Oh, E. So E wants to reach out. Yes.

To these people who cut her off and who clearly have a shady-ass mom. But you have to remember, in their eyes, she's their mom. She's not shady. Right. They've got her back. Yeah. It's also hard too, right, because these girls, there's three of them, right? Four.

Four. Sorry, there's four of them. And they're sisters, so they don't really probably miss E as much as E misses them, right? They have each other. Yeah. Yeah. So that always makes it difficult. I don't know.

For me, for me, I really, like, for me, I would reach out. For me, I would reach out with the full knowing that it might not happen, that they still might carry resentment towards myself and my mother or whatever. But I would reach out because I feel like that's her instinct. I feel her instinct is she misses these girls. She wants to be lued back into their life. And you never know, right? Maybe she'll get one of the sisters who will be like, yeah, I actually miss you too and

I really… that was really fucked up. I'm sorry for doing all those things. And it could turn out really nicely, but you won't know unless you try. I would go for it. How do we prepare her, though, for, like, a very real possibility of being broken again? Well, probably what would happen most likely is they just will not write back, right? That you probably just won't get an answer unless they're really vindictive cunty cunts and then they write you back something vicious.

But most likely you'll get the hint because nothing will come back. Right? Yeah. And that's what I'm worried about with E. Like, this is so raw for her still. Clearly, after all this time, she still thinks about these people. She still misses them. Like, this is a gap in her life.

But she's not going to stop missing them. She's not going to stop feeling that gap by not saying anything. That's still going to still be there. And so in reaching out, if there is a rejection, does that, like, does that undo all the minimal healing she's done so far? I mean, it's been so long, right? So in theory, it's not as fresh as it was when it just happened and she has come this far.

I mean, I get it. Like, I get what you're saying because you're saying that E's instinct is that kind of person to reach out. And she's feeling those things right now, right? That's not going to go away. She's missing them. She thinks about them. Clearly, she hasn't come that far, right?

Which is normal because these people were such a big part of her life. So, I don't know. I think that why not be the person who wants to override all the bad things that happened and reconnect again? Like, that's a normal, nice thing to do. You're the normal, nice person in this. And ideally, they will respond in a nice reciprocal manner. If they don't, then you now know they've always picked their mother's side and that,

you know, their hearts are black. I think that E, I think obviously, definitely Sasha's way is the kindest and most… I mean, life is not worth it unless you try. And so it is the path of trying and courage. I just want to make sure that you think you're ready for what happens if you're rejected. If you then will have closure. Because that's it, right? It sounds like E doesn't have closure.

Right. Like, she hasn't moved on, they've moved on. But sometimes pain like that is closure, right? It'll hurt if they don't write back. You'll feel bad, I guess, right? Obviously, that's natural. But there you'll have, you'll really have your closure at that point. Then you'll know it's dead forever.

Yeah. Then you'll know. Yeah. So I think that's good. Like prepare yourself. You're a big girl. Your feelings might get hurt a bit more, but you'll be fine and you'll be even more fine to know that these people are not that, not as great as you probably had hoped that they

were this whole time, you know? So it's like you don't really lose out on anything. The only thing you do is have a possible gain, which is having their friendship and a relationship back in your life again with these girls. The other option is you still win because you don't have these horrible people in your life. I think that that's easy for me. It would be easy for me to just say, reach out. Yeah, I'm trying to play it out.

That's typically not my… And the reason why is because, as you know, that's typically not how… My DNA is wired, right? Like, for me, my anger would still be like, I'm on my mom's side and then you people treated me like this. Fuck you forever. Yeah. Assholes.

So I'm trying to see… But then you would get over it, right? Right. I'm trying to see it from E's perspective and she clearly hasn't gotten over it. But if we played it out and let's say it does work out, it's still then you either have to be prepared for the rejection or you have to be prepared for some kind of like weird phase of your friendship. Like, do you guys sneak around your moms?

Yeah. Like, then does it become an illicit friendship? Are you… Because Barbara is obviously… A witch. A big ass cunt. Yeah. So they would be going against Barbara's wishes probably in becoming friends with you

again. So all of you would still have this thing, this weirdness, this awkwardness. So I think that you probably have already, but we just want to reiterate for you, you have to explore all the possibilities and avenues. One possibility is that they don't think about you like you think about them and you're gonna have to find a way to move on and build a new family, it's possible. I mean, people I consider family I only met in my 30s. You, Sasha. Duanna. Like, some of the people who are closest to me now. So you can find branches that become the tree of your life later on. It doesn't always

have to be rooted in childhood. So number one, prepare yourself for that possibility. Number Or two, prepare yourself for the other possibilities of it might not be exactly the way it used to be because it can't be. Yeah. Because it's majorly awkward. Yeah. There's still some awkward bits in there. And sometimes that's what we do.

We try and recreate feelings of the past. Like you might want to go back to that time when you were like a young girl and you skipped over to their house and like got in your pajamas and you guys talked about things and opened their fridge and had marshmallows. It's not going to be like that. No, because people are like, get bitter as they're older. So it probably won't be as magical. But still…

There's a wistfulness and ease tone here. That's what I'm worried about. Yeah, which is fair. So that's nice that you've given her some reality because that's true. Those are her options and those are some of the outcomes that could happen. But are we not in agreement though that she should still do it? I agree with you that she's not me and my personality type. So you wouldn't do that?

You wouldn't reach out? Fuck no. For fear of rejection? No, I, I just don't see myself as being wistful and lingering like that. Like I'm, I'm of the type who like when you're dead to me, you're dead to me. Okay. However, that speaks to my shortcoming, right? Like, that's probably why in a zombie apocalypse, nobody's going to come check on me.

You're fucking dead. Even my husband's going to take off. so E's personality type is not me yeah which is why yeah I agree with your advice because she operates differently

yeah I operate like you E the majority of people do so the advice here is go do it but then also take Lainey's advice too which is that you might

get hurt in the end but that's okay that's okay too it's never bad to be prepared no that's true good luck let us know how it goes and thank you all

for listening and check us out on iTunes and Google Play and keep your questions coming to sasha.ladygossip.com Bye! Bye! Do you keep hearing podcast ads

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