What's Your Drama - Sister Posing and V-Cards

Episode Date: December 20, 2019

Duana is our special guest on this, our last episode of 2019! On tap today: what to do when you’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks and ummmm, you don’t know how to pronounce his actual name, is creeping on your ex on Instagram creepy, and we end on someone who is trying to lose their virginity but just can't stop overthinking it. Please keep your advice questions coming my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you to be sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

no but really my brain feels like heavy are you burning something through the oh my god that's what i feel like are do we have are we carbon monoxide dying i feel fucking bonkers right now hi i'm lady and today i'm so excited because i get to yell at two people i love instead of one. Yes, I can. And? No, Duanna and you.

Oh, no, me? No, three. The whole table you get to yell at. Congrats. Merry Christmas. No, I was left out of that. Yeah, he's spared. Okay.

And you are? I am Sasha, and I am excited that the person to my left is Duanna, and I feel like you are going to now make us try to fight, and I am going to reject that notion. And this is What's Your Drama, our show about your drama, and sometimes we yell at you too. Hi, Duanna. Welcome to What's Your Drama again.

Hi, thanks for having me. Well, you're thirsty to come on the show, let's face it. It's true. I like to scrap. This is what you guys do here, and I'm always here for it. So the last time you gave us a hint, we recently all got together at the holiday party, and here's how you give hints about wanting to be on What's Your Drama? You'll be like, oh yeah, like, you know, a few episodes ago when you guys were talking

about that person. Wait, that's a hint? Yeah, those are hints, Duanna. But Duanna never hints. She just tells. No, she kind of like hints around the way. No, I swear to you, that was not a hint. You, I will delightedly come and be the guest star because I love being a guest star.

Okay, we've never had a fucking guest star before. But I guess today, Duanna has anointed herself as a fucking guest star. Welcome. Absolutely. What else are you going to call it? Person who's a friend who's on the podcast. I will dispute you on this because Kathleen, who was on the show last week, is the one who is openly thirsty.

Like, when am I going to be on, guys? How about next week? And you are the opposite of that, but just as much thirst, just more subtle. I did do that, though, before I hung out here the last time, which I thoroughly enjoyed at the end of your last season. Yes, and now you're doing it again. Yeah, and then I figured I'd be here, so I wasn't feeling quite as much thirst as you may have expected.

All right. Well, can I have a bit of your- Thank you, guest star. Yes, guest star. Now that you're here. Yeah, it's very glamorous. I'm sitting in a different kitchen chair than I usually do. You just called yourself a guest star.

Don't play that down. Own it. What else are you going to call it? Again, Duanna is joining us for the podcast. Not guest star. To our guest star, Duanna. So guest star, I have to talk to both of you. Lainey, you're an only child, but Duanna, you have a sibling, a sister like I do.

And so I'm really weirded out. And I know this is obviously like I always gripe about social media and stuff. But lately I've been seeing a lot of like sister hugging sister, like basically like mashing vaginas on Instagram. And, like, the latest one is Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner at, like, Diddy's party. They're taking, like, very sexy pictures together. And I'm just wondering, like, we'll post this on the intro of the podcast. But would you ever do, are you sexy in pictures with your sister? Well, I'm never. I want to react to this photo, but I want you to take away the Wi-Fi offering. Oh, they're keep on coming up.

I mean, no. No, but... Like, would you touch your sister's bum in a picture and pout? No, no, we can barely be in a frame together. It's not a thing that is done. I just don't know, you have no sibling to understand, but do you, how about with your girlfriends? Do you take, like, really sexy, handsy pictures with your girlfriends?

Have you met her? Fuck no. Duanna and I first had to find a photo of ourselves together a few months ago, and we don't have, we have... Oh, I remember. It was from, like, 2013 or something, right? Yeah, we had to scroll back to my wedding. Oh, yeah, your wedding.

In 15, and even then we had to crop her husband out. Sorry, bye. It's, in 15 years, we've taken maybe three photos together. I do not take pictures with you people. Well, no, that's actually a lie, because I just had a picture of us at the dinner. Yeah, you made us take it, but, like, I never think to, like, pull out my phone, Sasha, because I'm trying to enjoy you as a person. Oh, be connected and present?

Oh, eat shit. Well, this is why you and Kathleen are great because you then commemorate social occasions and I can be like, wow, I was there. Look. And just do a, that's true. Do a little takeoff. I like to, I'm the laziest. But we weren't mashing tits in that photo.

No. That's the thing. Do you, I guess I'm just like, why do I not have, like, I consider myself super close to my sister. I know you're super close with your sister, but not enough to be like all gropey. I don't get the gropiness. Is that for other people's fantasies? Is that what they're doing it for?

You've picked that example where they're, like, they are tapping into a little bit of a, you know, Playboy used to have twin features. Well, that's another fucking, yes. Well, that's their fucking, that's what they're tapping into. Yeah. Like, if you're saying, yeah, is incest a low-key fetish? Sure. Like, yeah, people want to believe that all the time.

And that also, the only time I watched an extended scene of their actual TV show, they were like bringing toilet paper into the kitchen so they could smell each other's vagges. That's fucking crazy to me. I think they're an exception in all the ways. Okay, but I don't consider… That was one of the clips. That was an extended clip. She's her favorite one.

She's like… I've never… Yeah. It's the only one that I can remember actually watching. Okay, but that is not posing with open mouths and mashing tits together. Like, that is actually, I would understand the smelling badge thing because you're growing up together, your body's being weird. Hey, have you ever had fucking this funk come out of you?

That is not this photo. You know when I did take those photos, if I'm being super honest, like, that feels like super drunk second year university. Like, oh, we're so sexy. Look at us. Ha ha ha ha. Let's all drink a whole bunch more hard cider. With your friends.

Not with your sister. No, never with my sister. This is the weirdo part about it. But they have friends, right? Like, that's part of the point of that clan is that they are each other's sorority, whatever. That's actually an interesting point. Don't they have friends? I don't think they have close friends.

How could you, really? Well, wasn't the friend who cheated on one of the sisters, wasn't that the friend? Jordan. But they would take pictures like that, too. But they have, like, one. They only have, like, one extended outside family member friend. Each sister only has one friend. It seems like that.

Got it. I don't know who. Like, maybe at the most, right? And they're each other's… We're friends because we are and were colleagues. Like, they are each other's colleagues and sisters and friends. Like, yeah, it's not like any of them have friends from college that are dropping in for a weekend.

That's true. They don't have friends. Oh, well, I don't know. None of us are experts on this. What do you mean? On friends? No, on fucking Kardashians. No, we're not.

Because I do… There are some names that come up. Like, Chloe has a friend. The Kamika or Tamika or something, right? I forget her name. Yeah. Okay. I guess to your point, it's one.

It's one. It's one. And yeah, Kim doesn't have a… And who's Kim's? Kim… Jonathan something. Kanye. Kanye is her friend.

Jonathan… Cheebin. Cheebin. Cheebin. Yeah. I don't know if that's it. But yeah, you're right. So there you go.

Everybody has one friend. Yeah. Okay. They don't have friends, plural. So that by default, their siblings are, and also kind of their sex partners too. I guess so. I think that the feature photo to this podcast should be all of us posing, I'll put my hand on your ass, Ash, and you and I can be tit to tit.

Your tits are going to be like a foot below. Fuck you. Oh, I know why. Oh, you. But wait, let me clarify, because she's shorter or her tits are saggy? Which one are you saying? Because I'm shorter, I think. Well, let's clarify.

She's shorter. Fine. Sorry, how did this go? Let's talk about Duanna's favorite topic, height. Fuck that. No thank you. Moving on. I don't know why stating facts is getting me in trouble.

Fine. Let's get to your drama out there so we can tell you about yourself. Okay, I'm reading this week. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. I need your help. I met a guy at a bar with a name that I had never heard in my life. Oh. Oh, I saved this one for you.

I saved this one for you. I asked him his name twice, but I'm dumb and totally forgot it. We have now been texting and hanging out for a few weeks, and I'm still not 100% sure how to pronounce his name. I obviously know how to spell it, but I think I'm past the point where I can ask him how to say his name correctly. I am so embarrassed. I've Googled how to pronounce it, and I've gotten several different pronunciations from

the internet. How do I fix this? Help. And this is what's so fucking annoying. She didn't fucking write the person's name out. Right. So this is where your, this is your wheelhouse. So how does one go about figuring out how to pronounce someone's name?

This is her wheelhouse. Can you? What are you doing? Can you? We're actually recording a show. Written, but not pronounced. What are you doing? Retreat.

I think. Can you go to the basement? Oh, my God. This is your real house. Okay, so what's interesting is it seems like these guys are just texting. Like, it doesn't seem like they are meeting up anytime soon. Am I wrong? She says, been texting and hanging out for a few weeks.

So, listen, I have gotten away with lots of times hanging out with people. Like, pretty much 90% of the people I work with, I absolutely do not know their first names. And I can get around it pretty easily. Sorry, how do you manage that? Hi, how's it going? See ya. How's your day going? Hiya.

Bye. Have a good weekend. Don't know your fucking name. So what happens when you say, oh, I gave that piece to so-and-so in that department? That's how I did it. That's exactly how I did it. Okay. Okay.

All right. I mean, I think the easiest method here is to put your mistake on somebody else, right? So, as, you know, you're talking to the waiter or ideally going to a place where they write your name on your cup or whatnot, you say, do people usually mispronounce your name? And wait and see what he says. He might also say, as I often say, you know what, I answer to so many pronunciations. So, whether it's this or that or whatever, like half my brain is just circling around looking for what the name might be, of course.

But yeah, make it somebody else's problem. Or what's a thing that you tell people when you don't want to coach them through pronouncing your name and see what he has to say? Okay. I want to know his name. I want to know his name too. I mean, I don't think we would say it out loud. No, but still, I would like to get a gauge of how difficult it is, especially because

she knows how to spell it. And how is it like you Google it and there are so many different ways to say it? I want to Google Yassik's name and see if there are like 18 ways to say it. I mean, I'll be quite honest. I know the spelling of his last name. I don't know how to really say it. Who? Yassik.

Well, yeah, but I mean, you would never have to. It's not a first name. I know. But still, it's a name no less that I know all the letters that go in the same order. I mean, for me, for me, I would be if we're trying. I love your I love your angle of how to do that. I think another way is like, can you just get drunk and say and like eventually just be like, I actually have no idea how to say your name properly.

Couldn't you just be honest and it be like a like a shit and giggle kind of funny moment? Or is that like if someone didn't know how I just don't know how like is that really that offensive? I think the, like, I don't know is, for some reason, feels more offensive than somebody saying it wrong. For example, how many people call you Sasha? All Americans. Right. Or we have a friend called Lara, of course, and every time I meet a colleague I know whose name is spelled the same way, L-A-R-A, she's like, oh, it's Lara. And of course I pronounce it wrong because I'm conditioned to say Lara. So I don't think it's necessarily the weirdest, most wacky name. It just might be one of those, like, binary choices. I just somehow think it's better to just

choose one, go with it until you're corrected, if you can't otherwise pull up the Starbucks trick. Right. I like your suggestion, Sasha, like, just getting drunk and putting it out there. Like, it might be funny. It might be one of those, like, bonding moments. Like, that's how we met, and we fell in love because I didn't know how to pronounce his name. I will say, though, if she's asking, I guess she's gotten to know him well enough to know that maybe that might not fly with the sense of humor. You have to gauge, right, what some people consider funny and what some people would, what their threshold for that kind of shit is.

Yeah. And by the same token, I would say that if it is any kind of unusual name, then he's run into this before. This is not the first person who has chosen a weird pronunciation for his name or not, you know? Like, he should be fairly okay about it, but who knows? You're right. Maybe if that was the case, they would have already gotten to it by now.

I assume she's not like… Well, no, but I mean, I assume that, yeah, if they're hanging out in a way that is kind of intimate, either actually or figuratively, that you would have said his name, like, when he's inside her? Not necessarily. What's the sex thing? Why are they always just having sex in your mind? Because in my mind, like, when I'm with Jacek, I never say his name to him.

Right. You're not like, you mean you, Jacek, can you… It's like, hey, or like, what are you doing? or nickname. Right. So, to me, when do you say a person's name when you're with them? In a crowd. That, like, to your point, you say it when you're, like, in a…

So, my husband has the world's most common name. It's Mike, which is why his friends refer to him by his last name. And if I need to get his attention in a noisy room or a crowd, I say his last name. not because I use that nickname necessarily, but because he's totally deconditioned to listen for Mike in a crowd. So I guess that's your answer. That's when you say somebody's name. Okay. That's the, what is, who is our letter writer? Does she have an initial or anything? She didn't write anything. That's the other thing. Lose him in a crowd. Yeah. And then kind of call him. Hey, Rolf.

You know, whatever. Why? This is another example where, oh my God, her name column. and fucking some of the names that she recommends and I will yell at her like, no. But the point is I'm trying to think of a name that could conceivably be pronounced a number of different ways. Yeah, lose him in a crowd, yell about it.

He's either going to correct you or he's not. And then you continue on as though it's all good. Yeah. Or, or, or. Wait, I have one or. I have an or. Okay. I wonder if it's the same or.

The first thing I'll say is Corey has said my name, Sasha, maybe six times in our whole entire life. He does not ever call me my full name. And when he does, it's so jarring and weird. Like I fucking, it makes, I love my name. What does he call you, Sash? We have like a plethora of nicknames. So when he calls me Sasha, it's usually like when he's mad at me or like, yes, in a room,

like trying to get my fucking attention. But literally it's the weirdest thing when he says it. It's actually, he's like ruined my name for me. The other thing though I'd like to point out is what I make Corey do a lot of the time, because again, I really don't know a lot of people's names. It's just because I'm stupid. It's not because I'm like, like whatever. It's just I don't retain that sort of stuff.

I will say to him, pull him over and be like, I'm going to, this person's going to come over. You make the first, like you put out your hand first and you introduce yourself so that they tell you their name. And I'm just pretending like I don't know what's going on so that he will say, hey, I'm Corey. And then that other person has to say their fucking name. Oh, does Corey comply?

Yes. Okay. Because I grab him and I hold his fucking arm and say, go do this right now or it's going to be fucking really embarrassing for me. So that's another thing, right? You get your friend to come and make that introduction and you pretend like, oh my God, this is happening so fast. I don't know what to do. And they make the meeting. That's a great trick at a party. You do the half intro, right? You say, oh, I really want you to meet my friend Sasha. And then you put your hand out and he says, hi, I'm Jorge. And perfect. Or get him to make a reservation. If you're making

plans, I don't know, wherever you're going to go, get him to make the reservation, then you show up together and he's like, hey, reservation for two under Jorge. I usually give my last name in a reservation, though. Do you say Lainey for two? No, I mean, if you're doing open table, it's like first name, last name. Oh, okay, yes. Then when you show up, it's, hi, we have a reservation under, then I say my name. Okay.

Right? Wow, we've given her lots of options, I feel like. Yeah. Okay. Fair. And also, can you tell us the name? Yeah, send us a note. Oh, but can we go back to the sex thing?

Yes, of course. My whole, what I was trying to envision is, like, do, you know in movies or whatever, shitty books, they call out the person's name when they're fucking? But you can't do that. No, no, no. I'm saying, now I just want to know anecdotally with you guys, do you think people actually do that? No.

Oh, Jorge, that feels so good. No, I absolutely not. I know. Okay, but so why do they put it in movies or whatever? Unless you're a Kardashian and have seen it in movies and then you know, oh, I'm supposed to say a person's name to make it more erotic. But no one else is saying that. There's nothing less erotic in those moments than like a human name.

Giving you your birth name. This is what I mean. You know, I read all kinds of dirty books. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's a thing in the books. Yeah. Which is, I don't think is realistic. If I were to ever write a horny book, you're, like, in a sex scene…

Oh, I would hate to say the person's name. This is what I'm saying. When I write the sex scene in this book, that is not something I'm going to do. Ever. Right. Good. You can talk, be like, oh, fucking stick it in, and, you know, harder, faster, whatever. But it's never going to be like, Jorge, harder.

Yes. Yeah. Okay. Right? Yeah. I think they almost do it so that it doesn't look like it was just copy and pasted from the last horny book, maybe. Like, in order to make it look different or to distinguish from, I don't know, some other

porn scene. But yeah, no, it's terrible. Nobody would ever do that. Nobody would ever say somebody's name out loud. Right. That is like a total… I agree. So writers and scene writers and whatever, stop doing that.

It's not realistic. At least in our… In the experience of the three people sitting at this table. I agreed. But I… Also, yes. can can everybody listening can you let us know if you call out names during uh sex yes that we can tell you you're fucking weird all right let's move on next question sasha and laney this isn't

necessarily a drama but it's more of i i need your opinion kind of thing and i know both of you love hate uh social media that would be correct i have had probably about five okay i have had probably about five serious boyfriends over the course of my life and while they have all left an impact there is a particular one that did and will always leave a stain nothing particularly bad happened when uh sorry nothing particularly bless you nothing particularly bad happened we just grew apart after four years and while it wasn't a good breakup we don't hate each other or anything we live in the same city but we have never run into each other i don't love or pine for him but he does pop into my mind and i wonder how he's doing so of course i've gone on his instagram

account sneakily to see what's he so of course i've gone on his instagram account sneakily to see what he's been up to again nothing comes up but i'm curious and to be honest i check it a lot i also check out his wife's instagram too i should be clear that we do not follow each other so i'm wondering how creepy i'm being on a scale from one to ten sometimes i have to stop myself and think what the fuck am i doing would love your insight into this thank you veronica this is not my real name okay so we are free to call veronica veronica okay that seems straightforward yeah is Veronica, like, a human? I mean, this is like what you're supposed to do.

Yes. This is what Instagram was made for. This is what social media was. Yes. Like, I never had Facebook, but I imagine if I did, that's fucking all I would do is look at people. Look at people in your past. Exactly.

That is why it was created. Is this like something that she should feel wrong or creepy for doing? I think the only thing that stuck out to me was the phrase when she says, you know, I look a lot, but nothing comes up. And I'm like, well, what would come up? Like, do you mean nothing life-changing, like he's doing some dramatic thing that you would file away? Like, clearly you're getting the info about, I don't know, they went to the pumpkin patch

or whatever. So I think sometimes, you know, we've all been there, right? You've stalked people and you're sort of like, well, what are you looking for precisely? That's actually a really interesting question because I've definitely looked at past boyfriends and even their partners. And I think I'm just looking for more of a story. Like I like, like this feels very Duanna that I just said that. But like I like knowing, like I like creating like, oh, they're happy or they're like maybe

unhappy or these are their kids. And like I like to see the life. That's why I'm doing it. I'm not doing it necessarily to judge, even though I have. But for the most part, I'm just, like, curious about how people are living after they lived with me. Yeah, I totally get that. And, like, I do it…

Yesterday, this is deep weird, yesterday, the name of a junior high friend, like, just popped fully formed into my head, punched in Google, dude is a PhD working in, like, human rights. Like, I'm like, wow, fascinating, good for you. It nets you some good like serotonin like brain jingles sometimes. But I do wonder what she's going back for over and over again. If he's married, if it's whatever, is it just like waiting for the kid to drop or waiting for some other thing that you thought was going to happen?

That would be my only curiosity. And is it the only person you're looking at? Like, if this is part of your social media diet, it is what it is, kind of. Yes? Yeah. Yeah. You guys both just made me feel like, well, I mean, as usual. So you create a story.

Like, you're actually curious about the details? Yes. Yeah. Because I don't care about the details. I just want to see how bad they look. And that's what I mean. I can be petty sometimes. Of course. I actually looked at a past boyfriend's wife hoping that there was going to be a story

and it was so fucking goddamn boring that I was like, oh, like I was actually mad. I was like, I don't fucking want to come back to this anymore because you're so boring and it bothered me. Like I wanted some action. I guess you just hit on something. So like if you keep doing it regularly, as Duanna said, if this is Veronica's diet. Yeah. Where, I don't know, it's once a week, once every other day and whatnot, maybe that

is a thing. Because when I do my casual checks on exes or people I used to work with or whatnot, it's not that regular. It's usually on a Friday night, I'm waiting for something to load. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've just downloaded something and it's going to take three minutes and I'm like,

oh, okay, well, I'll just look up that dude. Mm-hmm. Totally. But that's what I mean. Yeah. And it'll be probably, I don't know, three times a year, let's call it. But hers seems regular, yeah? It seems like it.

Or she's getting something from it. Like, that's the thing. Usually they're so boring or the pictures haven't updated and you're like, what are you doing for me? Totally. Well, it's true. That's what you're saying, right? Which is like, she says nothing's coming up, but she's still going back.

So what are you waiting for? Obviously, there's nothing like, I don't know what the purpose would be if it's not if it's not giving you any tingles downstairs. I'll be super honest. I used to do that with one specific person because it used to change so often. Like there was always a new girlfriend and she would be out of the pictures and I'd be like, what's happening? Yeah, but that's a story.

It's a full story. Yeah. And I would be like riding along and kind of smugging along like, yeah, yeah, you're alone. Not healthy. Yeah. But, yeah, I wonder if she is subconsciously waiting for some sort of thing to happen. Well, Veronica has to answer that question.

We can't. No. Like, we're just giving you context. How… For what reasons are you checking? Yeah. And how often and what are you looking for? And is it…

Are you just bored? If you're just bored, then that's fine. But if, yeah, as Joanna Laney said, if you're looking for something, you've got to figure out what you're maybe waiting for. Yeah. You know what? And if you took the time to write to us, and it's on your mind, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, oh, she just cracked that fucking code.

Yeah. Okay, Veronica, so. Too bad. No. There's something up with you. Figure it out. No, not like that. No, she just wanted our opinion.

Yes, our opinion is if we were to analyze you from this distance with this message, my opinion, hi, I'm Lainey. My opinion is you're still into this or you're looking for something. It's not super just whatever. It's not like on the level of where I'm looking up someone to see how bad they look. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We're good. And then it just pisses me off. But keep us updated. Like do, you know, ask the question that has both been posed by Lainey and Duanna and then let us know. Keep us posted. Okay. Do you have anything more to say, Du?

No, I'm good. Okay. Last question. hey ladies celebrity smut gossip is a hidden passion of mine so i was glad to see that i wasn't alone when i found the site a long time ago um anyway let's get to my problem i'm 28 years old and a virgin this is something that has caused me quite a bit of anxiety as i've gotten older i actually had my first anxiety attack three years ago because i started talking to a guy and the thought of getting intimate freaked me the fuck out i've since been to therapy to learn

ways to handle my anxiety so i've gotten a lot better with dealing with it all i consider myself an attractive girl with a good personality. And every time I've confided in someone about my V bomb, they are always so shocked. I'm the type of girl who can hang out with a lot of guys and I'm totally fine. I'm often the only girl at happy hours and functions, but I'm not actually attracted to any of my current friends or coworkers. So there isn't that issue. As soon as I see a guy who I think, wow, he's cute, I would date him. It's like this actual switch in my brain. I can't even function like a normal human being anymore. Before the switch, I am bubbly and funny and tend to get along well with people. After the switch, I get extremely nervous and flustered and tend to

go to the root of acting like completely uninterested because God forbid they knew I was. And so they end up thinking I'm a cold bitch. I sometimes can't even talk to them because I'm so nervous. So I just go silent and I don't, I don't go there because I'll embarrass myself. I think I really struggle with the thought of rejection and also the thought of having to eventually tell them I'm a virgin. So I don't even put myself out there. What also held me back is that I'm a perfectionist and I know everyone's first time isn't great, but most people get it out of the way when they're in their teens. I'm now in my late 20s so everyone's been banging for decades and here I am never having entered the race before. I guess I'm just looking for advice on

how to keep my cool around attractive guys and ways to flirt because I have no idea. Also if when I should drop the V-bomb. N. And I'll have to say I've gotten like three virginity questions lately so that's why I was like we got to put this one in the mix even though we've answered V-bomb questions before, but clearly there's a V-bomb epidemic on our hands, which makes me think you're not alone. Well, yeah. And I think I've read questions like this in other columns. So I think you're right. I think that there are a lot of people who are thinking about this in a really, like in a way that is occupying a lot of their thoughts, right? Which I feel bad about because it is one of those things that both is a big deal, but also really isn't. Agreed?

I agree. Yeah. And why do you think that though? Cause that's why I think people can't wrap their mind around it. Cause it's like, how do you, how can it be a big deal, but at the same time, not be a big deal? I think because I remember talking about this, uh, oddly enough with, with Kathleen somewhere along the way, before you have sex, you think there's something that you don't know you see the movies and you see the like you read the books and whatnot but you think that maybe you won't know that you have to like move your baby finger in this one particular way or that everybody's ears twitch or something and you won't know to do that thing and the sad truth about sex is that it's super sexy like because of the stuff going on around it but the

body motions and the whatnot are like kind of elementary true yeah sex is the easiest thing to do it's the things the accoutrements that are actually more uh like you need more expertise for when i it feels like that's half of what her letter is getting at right that as soon as the idea of it hits like her subconscious then she shuts down all the all the flirty sexy muscles or whatnot. Yeah. But I also think that it's a little bit… At a certain point, I think, given how this reads to me, at a certain point, now it's

just a preoccupation. It's a whole thing that you've made it part of your identity. Yeah. And so to your point where it is a big deal and it isn't a big deal, it isn't really. Like, it's a construct, some people would argue. Virginity is a construct. Yeah. Yes.

So, well, we're calling V-bombs here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a construct, as, you know, some people would argue, and you just confirmed, you clearly believe it's a construct, Joanna. As a passage from, like, one part of life to another. Yeah. Exactly. And I also think that it's been heavily romanticized, that there's some, like, threshold that once

it happens, you walk into another room, and we're all here to tell you that it's the same fucking room. Same fucking room. Totally. So there's that. And given all the whatever social values or whatever attached to it, I think that now you've made it part of your identity and it's like, but nobody knows. Nobody knows. Like, it's not like a letter that's on you. Not at all. No, I agree with that. What do you think, Sash?

Well, I mean, I agree with you guys. I think at some point you just have to pull the plug. And And I do. I appreciate V because she's doing the work. She's gone to their therapist to like figure this out. And I don't want to be like it's as simple as letting go and just fucking like going for it. But it kind of is like at some point you're going to have to connect with someone and do the fucking deed. And as you said, it's really not that complicated. You literally just fucking lay on your back the first time and have it go down and it's fucking over. Like you do kind of have to pull it off like a bandaid, especially when you're getting into your late 20s, right? Like that's the advice that you see most of the time is like you can't continue to like

think about it because you'll be fucking 45 and still scared to do it. Like you have to pull the plug at some point. And the other thing too is, as you've said, Lainey, is no one else is knowing what's going on in your mind. So I think that the idea of you thinking that you're a fucking bitch and that you're being cold, that you need to let go of too, because this is all, these are all just like fucking barriers in the way of getting to what you need to get to. Yeah.

And I think part of her question seems to be about closing that gap, right? If you and I are sitting at a bar and I would just like to go ahead and get it done because Sasha and Lainey said so. How do I close that gap between we're kind of talking and we're going to be sweaty somewhere in a couple hours? And it's sort of not that rocket science-y either. It's like, hang around more. Like, leave some gaps in between your conversations. You know, I once read something about how to get a guy to kiss you when you're both dating and you know it's going to happen. And like, but it's taking forever and everybody's nervous. And the answer is like, just stop talking. Totally. You just stop talking and look at that person and they kind of get the

clue. They absolutely get the clue. But it's so dumb because it feels like it should be more sophisticated or like there's some code. It's not, there's no code. And I just want to point out too that the other thing in her letter that stuck out is even people who have been, what did she say who have been getting down for a decade yeah yeah they're not better at it like it's true it's true i think we can all say that uh even however far along into your sexual life you can run into people who are not good at it i find there's a lot of people out there who have fucked a whole slew of people and they're so sloppy and shitty because they've fucked so many people that they don't put the effort in like i've found like total people who have fucked everybody

and they suck at sex. And some people are great. And some people are great, but I'm just saying, like, it doesn't mean just because they've been banging for decades that everyone is miles ahead of you. They're probably,

at least a good handful of them, are starting at the same place that you are. It's not like a push-up contest. Totally, totally, totally. But do you think that, the more I think about this, do you think that this could be a metaphor for something?

Like, this person, what's her name? V. V is clearly very self-aware. Like, the email that she sent almost reads like a profile of self. I am a person who's this, I have done this, I have gone to therapy, and now we're literally talking about virginity as a barrier, and I wonder if the virginity is an actual psychological barrier.

Like, what else is bothering you? Like, and so you've been to therapy, you've been to therapy to understand your either issues of intimacy or… The anxiety around it. Anxiety around it. But have you been to therapy to, like, dig a little deeper in terms of whether or not there's actually a barrier to you wanting to be intimate? Is it a past trauma?

Is it a bad memory? Is it… What are you afraid of? Are you actually afraid of the act or is it something more? And I would piggyback on that now that you've brought it up to say maybe do some digging and reading around, you know, we're taking as a given that you want to have sex, but it's true that you keep talking about virginity and not about like, I'm kind of super horny. Um, dig around demisexual communities, asexual communities, see if anything rings true to

you. You do not have to have sex. Lots of people don't. Lots of people feel like sexy people who don't actually do physical acts that have to do with that. You can have a sexy brain. There can be a million things. You don't have to do this if the hurdle, whatever the hurdle is, is just actually something

that you don't want to do. That's a really great point. Yeah, that is a really good point. And that's a really nice pickup too on, you know, that is what I was hitting against, right? That whether or not the actual physical barrier, for lack of a better… barrier of virginity is actually a barrier to something else. That we haven't peeled back the layer of who you are and what emotional or psychological

or whatever thing that you haven't unearthed about yourself is there. And again, there's nothing wrong with that, but this might just be a symptom of something else that is, you need to discover about yourself before you can go ahead and literally, as Sasha said earlier, rip off that bandaid. Yeah. Yeah. Keep us posted. I also feel like sometimes with this, you like to give people sexy time fucking recommendations.

Do you have a new something? Well, I don't know. With V, I mean, this is a very interesting… But maybe that could be, but that could be like a nice… virginity and you're not talking to other people because you're ashamed of it you're not maybe looking for the right outlets that could like maybe lessen the blow of it all right like you always have really good suggestions about what people can like slowly sidestep into their into their porn life right just to like yeah and maybe that would then confirm sort of what duanna was

saying right like oh this isn't something that is maybe what i want to do right now right well exactly. I'm really interested, as you said, like, Joanna, you were like, yeah, are you horny? Yeah. You know, in that moment, I want to know what happens. Because typically we get those emails too when that… Well, I want to know what happens. If you're in a bar, you're talking to somebody, as she said, right, the moment that that person expresses interest, there's a wall that goes up. Shut down. A shutdown. But up to that point, are you, you know, are the pheromones being exchanged, right? What's the chemistry that's going on? I feel like maybe if you are sort of drilling down into who you are, pay attention to your own physical cues. What are

you thinking? Are you flush? Are you sweaty? Do you instinctively, I mean, here we go back to tropes in romance novels. Do you instinctively start rubbing your legs together? Are you clenching? You know, that is, listen, you're judging me because yes, you read high class of your shit she's directing this to duanna thank you here's how it goes the girl in the books will always be like oh and the way he looked at me made me squeeze my legs together and i want to know what your own physical cues are yeah yeah no absolutely and of course the other sort of side of this is that i wonder if the idea of liking somebody in real life in showing interest in getting a connection is getting in the way of those physical cues coming through. I think this

is why people love apps, right? There are a lot of apps on which if you want to bang, you're going to bang and there's no like flirting and cutesy and whatever about it. Is it super romantic? Not necessarily. Is that what you want? I don't know. But it is a way to get through that weird question any point of closing the deal if that's your goal. No, I want this to be a part two. Okay, good. Give us some more info. We'll invite Joanna back.

For 2020. For 2020 to like really delve into the mystery of your, as you say, V-bomb. Yeah. I think that's why you were calling her V. Well, now I'm going to fucking look and see what her name is. It might be though. Sometimes people like to sign off. Well, there was a Veronica.

Right, but sometimes people sign off. It wasn't V, it was N. There you go. There, see? But it was because there were so many instances of V-bombs. Okay, thanks. Thank you, Joanna, for closing out 2019 with us. Yeah.

And happy, oh my God, happy holidays and happy Christmas, everybody. Yeah. Continue to send us your comments and questions to Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts. Happy New Year. Bye. Bye. We'll be right back.