What's Your Drama - Social Media Lunacy & a Cheapo Friend

Episode Date: April 11, 2018

Welcome back to the Sasha Answers Podcast!On today's show: After last week's podcast we got a lot of feedback about our shoe talk so we've taken your cue and talk about all the trends you're gonna need to cop but in true form, Lainey and I somehow turn it into a bit of a confrontation. Then we get to your questions! How to handle a bill stiffer, dealing with a social media lunatic, and wedding ex etiquette.Thanks for tuning and keep your feedback/questions coming to me at [e-mail] and hit us up on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course on iTunes, Google Play, and now Spotify. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi it's Lainey. Hi it's Sasha. And welcome to the Lainey Gossip Podcast with Sasha Answers. How's it going? You know, I'm like in a mood right now. Oh yeah, that's always fun for me. Well, can I talk about your favorite topic then? And maybe that'll brighten up your life, which is shoes. Yes, I do love shoes. I know you were just showing me some shoes that you're going to buy. Yeah, I really love them. Like I'm looking right now, all I can think about, can't wait, is Summer Flats. Yes. And you were looking at a pair of Oxfords and I think that it's really important to tell people because you were deciphering or you were choosing between like what shade of black or brown or whatever other colors. Brown is the way to go. And not like a

dark brown, but like almost that orangey brown. Which was exactly the pair I had showed you. Yes, which is absolutely 100% the way to go this season. And what I really like about this Oxford that I was looking at… Are you going to be… Like, I have a question. Would you post which shoes you were going to get? I'm going to get them first. Okay, right, right.

Okay. So, but what I like is I really like what a shoe style called a dorset. Yes. So, can you describe to people what a dorset is? You mean with the cutouts to the sides? Yeah. Oh, God. Well, they're typically slip-on. Yeah. And they are like quite a slim, sleek silhouette, but they also have like, I guess right where the arch of your foot would be are little cutouts.

Yeah. Right? So it's like, it gives you like a longer line. Yeah. And I really love, I think my preferred pump shape right now is a dorset. Right. Like a heel. So if you're out there and if you don't know what a dorset is, we can Google it, but we'll just describe it for you right now. If you're wearing like a pointy toe pump, typically you think of a pump and it just kind of like is all attached all around, but a dorset is like a triangle around the toe, for example. And then nothing around the middle of your foot and then at the back, it picks up again to round out the heel, right? Yes. Yeah, that is very accurate.

Can I tell you what shoe choice I love and that you mocked and also jinxed for me last year, which is you still went and fucking got it. Yeah. And nothing bad happened to me. Don't even. Why do you invite shit? I don't invite shit. It's to prove to you that like maybe you should tone down the weirdness when it comes to shoe

trends, because the biggest trend you're going to fucking see this season is the backless slide. mules, clogs, flats, slip on espadrilles. They're literally everywhere. And I am just so weirded out. Not in my world. I know, but why? Why do you have to force it on me too? Like, why is it such a mission for you? Because I have a feeling that you're going to see it and you're going to want it, but you will refuse to admit that you want it. I just think it's, first of all, I told you I think it's bad luck when you have nothing holding the back of your foot. Do you feel that same with like – oh, we do.

We talked about this. Backless like dresses and stuff. Also bad luck. Well, I'm not walking on my back. I'm walking on my foot. I just want to make sure that you're against everything that's backless. And when is – when have you ever seen me wearing something backless? Fine.

You're the wrong person to talk about the backless part. Yeah, I've dressed like a Victorian person. That's true. You're covered from the neck too. Yes. But also, I just think it is a little, like, I think a backless shoe is unattractive. In what way? I don't think it makes, I don't think, I think that what happens is that it makes the back of your leg really ugly. Okay. Do you know what I mean? No, I don't know. I don't know what you mean. Wide open like that. So you're just, you find the heel disgusting. No, it's the

combination of the heel and calf. Like there's no separation. I don't know. It's just weird. I just, I think it, here, here's, I got it. I think that it makes everyone look flat footed. Even when it's a heel? Like this, I'm not talking just only flat backless. I'm talking about- Yeah, but that's what you're going to wear. Let's be honest. You're not wearing backless heels. You're not buying backless heels. You dick. I have, fuck you. I have, no, fuck you. I have a pair of backless heels, too, that I plan to wear this season. Show me. You're such a fucking cow.

Point is, they are in high heel form and flat form. And I just feel like you were saying earlier, like, oh, I haven't seen this. This isn't something that's coming on my radar. Well, you know what? It's going to fucking come on your radar. And then I want to talk to you about it. I bet you it's only going to come on my radar because my phone can hear us. Oh, that's true.

That's true. And you know how, like, everybody's experienced this. Like, I'll be here as an experiment. I'll be like, trip to Italy. And in five minutes, I'm going to check my phone and there'll be ads for a trip to Italy. Whatever. But I bet you the only reason I'm going to start seeing these fucking backless shoes is because… Is just because we said it in this podcast?

Yeah, I bet you. Yasik's probably going to start seeing backless shoes on his phone. Okay. I bet you'll start writing about them because you won't be able to escape it. Just won't be able to escape it. Can you tell me what else that you'll be buying? Like, it's springtime and what we're all looking for. I have a few things I want.

Fuck. One major thing. I am in a major vintage stage right now in my life. And I know you're going to fucking also then… Stage? You're also going to pass weird voodoo on for me about vintage now. I just find that… It's so funny that you're characterizing it as a stage because I feel like you've

been in this stage for 10 years. That's true. So I don't think it's a stage anymore. The stage being vintage casual. Like I really only just want to right now buy wonderful vintage worn t-shirts and jeans. That's all I want to be wearing. Okay. How do you feel about that?

You don't feel great about that. I mean, I… You're meh. No, jeans are fine. I mean, when I was in high school, that's all we used to do is go to like the old clothes. Like Value Village or something. Yeah, and just buy old jeans. That's how I want…

I want to dress like I did in the 80s, sort of. That's how I'm… that's the vibe I'm feeling. But for more mainstream, I think we're seeing a lot of matching sets. So, matching print sets, like, and quite the high waist pant with, like, kind of a bandeau top, but way more interesting, more 70s. Like, that is a huge trend that we're going to see in spring and summer. Also, a fabric that seems to be getting a lot of play is linen. Linen, linen, linen will be fucking in your face constantly.

See, I hear you and I've seen that too, but I just, I feel like I can't deal with the wrinkles with linen. But I guess that's the fucking MO of linen, right? Is that kind of like beachy Australian, it doesn't matter if it's iron and yeah, the wrinkly, the better. Yeah. But that's, those are the, I think the two biggest, biggest spring daily wear trends you're going to see.

I think with linen, you have to be really careful. I mean, I get it because it just is that comfortable. Yeah. You also just have to be careful, though, with how you wear it because then you don't want to, like, wear linen in its wrinkly forms if it's not well-tailored and not well-cut. And then you look like one of the old retiree dudes who go to the racetrack. Yes, that is true. That is accurate. That's the actual outfit, right?

Well, hopefully I think that they're making – like, I think when you think of linen, you think of, yeah, like, back in the 90s when it was cheap and thin. You're seeing a lot more textiles that are, like, thicker. So I think that they'll hold a lot better as opposed to like being stretched out in that horrible look. What are you – what's on your must-have? I think that within the next two to three weeks, I will be getting a white leather jacket. Yes? Yes.

Nice. Like a white moto jacket. Okay. So I've got a couple of – Crop, yeah. Okay, yeah. Because I've got a couple of motos. Yes.

One like all studded. What's the brand that you're going to – are you going to be doing like Coach or something? I'm looking. Okay. I'm looking for a coach. You know, I've got to go look and I've got to go find and try and whatever. But I have a white moto, or sorry, I have a black, a couple of black moto jackets, one studded, one plain-ish, just with zippers and shit.

And then I've got a gray one, but I've decided that I need, you know, this is why. Years and years ago, I went to Topshop in London and I bought a faux white moto jacket. Okay. And it was the shit. Yes. But it's faux. And? And it started peeling.

Okay. That's what happens. Yeah. Right? And so I can't wear it anymore. Okay. So in order for me to have something that lasts forever, because I wore the shit out of that fake one.

Yep. I need a real white leather jacket. Okay. I'll have it forever. Can you give me the one that has the planets on it? One day, like when you're just like, I'm over. I can love that jacket. Okay.

I love it. so much. I love that jacket so much. And it's hard to find. I'm really jealous of that one. Okay. So you want white. Yes. White's also… White jeans, white pants. That's also huge, huge, huge. White's a thing this season. I wish I could do white pants. Wish. My body rejects white pants. Not only because for some reason my skin and like all of its beautiful bumps and cellulite wants to just scream outside of them. Like I can't keep that shit contained no matter how thick the white pair of pants are. And I am really messy. I can't have nice things like white because I get shit all over them. I just find that white denim doesn't behave the

way blue denim does. Don't you think that black and white denim like act differently from blue denim? In what way? They're harder. Oh, like stiffer? Yeah. Yeah. Well, which is great because you don't want to like, oh, not like I love a soft blue denim that you can wear the shit out of. I find that as much as I wear a white denim or a black denim, there's just, and it doesn't round around your hips the same way as a blue denim. Okay. Anyway, so I'm with you on the white. I can't wear white pants either. I can't wear white pants. They're fucking weird around. Plus I always feel like I'll get my period on every day of the week that I wear them. You know what the thing about a white pant is, is that it exposes everything. Yes. And I feel like you can only

have white. I think you can only look good in white jeans if you don't have like short legs, right? Short legs, which I have, which I do too. And also I have like pretty pronounced quads. Yes. And that's what I'm saying. Like muscles pop out of them and you can't have that silhouette. But front quads. Yeah. So you know how some people have managed to grow their quads so that their quads are flat in the front and like pop on the back? I like the flat quad front back pop.

For some reason, I'm a front popping quad. You know the silhouette of an Asian person. Yes, it's dying. But you know what a front popping quad is, right? I have a front popping quad. Okay, great. So it means that your pockets don't lie flat. They come out.

Yep. and I've actually never really thought about that before and now I'm like I've crystallized it before you have and that's exactly why

because there isn't just yeah it doesn't fall seamlessly yeah in the front like I don't know and there's no nothing popping out the back

no like I have flat back quads yes and front a bulgy and a bulgy front like how do you

and I'm sure some trainer is going to be it's because you should train this no it's just genetically that's the makeup how it happens

yeah I don't get it, but did I just coin that? Front pop and quad? Pop and quad. That is going to be on all the latest, like, vogues. But I hope people understand what I mean about a front pop and quad. I think they do. Okay.

I think you made that very clear. Should we get to some questions? Yes. All right. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. I have a friend. Let's call her Kate. Often when Kate has dinners at a restaurant with friends from multiple friend groups,

my heart fills with dread when the check comes around. Inevitably at these events, the bill always ends up short. Usually Kate ends up shilling out a lot of money when this is discovered, and whoever gets the bill at the last is panicked. If I'm able, while I have a lower income that doesn't afford me to throw around $50 to $100 like Kate to cover a bill, I will chip in $10 to $20 if I can afford it that instant. So tonight I met up with a smaller group of friends, a couple I'm quite close with,

Kate and another woman who is by proxy friends, and her name is Madison. The bill comes around and everyone calculates their amount. The server asks to take cash from the different cards. I hear Madison tell the server to charge her card a meager amount compared to what I saw her order and eat. Then a minute later, another friend who was holding the bill quietly freaks out because there's not enough money in the cash to give an adequate tip. At that point, Kate and I take out money.

Madison doesn't even move an inch and continues her conversation with the person next to her. We are $30 short. Kate throws $10, then $20 onto the table. I throw in 10 and insist Kate take some change. What even? How can I avoid overpaying when I'm out with these friends or by proxy friends? Tonight I didn't even know what was going on, so it's not like I can completely avoid the experience.

I always feel like I should help Kate, but I can't always pay more than I planned. I really feel bad that this seems to be the norm for Kate. I want to yell, how do parents not teach their children to tip? But then I remember your story, Lainey, about how you leave money at the table after your mom leaves the restaurant. What do I do? Do I do anything at all? Yeah, I would do something.

Which is what? But this is so… I find that this is what's weird about, like, Western society versus where I was raised, which is Chinese society. Okay. Where in Chinese society, if they're, like… First of all, money talk is pretty open. And in Western society where there's etiquette, what…

I don't know. all these, like, fucking weird rules of how you should be mannered. Nobody likes talking about money. And it's made all conversations about money awkward and nobody wants to speak up. Like, I will tell you what would have happened in a Chinese situation. Please. In a Chinese situation, for example, if this was, like, my mother and her friends, my mother would have been like, medicine, not enough money, pay more.

Yeah, right? Medicine, why are you so cheap? Oh, my God. Right? I actually first didn't understand that it was Madison, but thank you very much. Got it the second time. That's exactly what it was. Your mom would fucking call Madison out.

Yeah. Yes. But because in polite society, in polite Western society, it's weird, it's awkward, and it's money, and you don't want to ruffle feathers and hurt feelings. Yes. And call out someone for being cheap. And it's been ingrained in this culture that we don't talk about money, we don't like bump up against each other about money, you can't open your mouth. Like if it, to me, the solution to

this is simple. If this keeps happening, when the bill comes around and everybody throws in and you find that like you're $30 short, all it takes is someone in a very easy, funny tone of voice to be like, oh, our math is wrong. Everybody, we got to like pull out the calculators. Let's redo the math. Yeah. Like somebody to say, hey, we're $30 short. Our math is fucked up. We're so stupid. Okay. Let's redo this. But also what's the problem with that? But also I think keeping tabs, like if you're out and it's that night that our writer went out, it wasn't a whole bunch of people. So I would be watching. I would call, I would call out my friend who was fucking always being cheap. I would be like, okay, did you put $36 on your visa? Like I would pay attention to

everybody. Well, you don't have to pay attention because there's an itemized bill. So all you do is like the bill comes and if this keeps happening- And you split it five ways. You say, oh, fuck. Like, shit, we're $30 short. Our math is so stupid. Okay, bitches, pull out your calculator.

Let's get this done. But that's what she said. They pulled out the calculators in this dinner and they divvied it up, but she still, Madison, when it came to her turn, she still low-balled. Then you go like,

hey, Madison, you're $20 short. Like, I don't know why it's so weird to be like, hey, dude, we agreed. We split it five ways. it's $25 each. I'm of the same mind frame. Um, because I, and I, I especially think now, like, especially when you're, and I, and I'm imagining they're probably in their thirties or maybe forties, but you know, everyone has a fucking job. If you've decided to go out, you know that it's not McDonald's, like, you know that you're going to be spending some money.

And I think that you have to kind of like, I just, it seems really immature and like sketchy for this Madison girl to be like undermining all of her friends. So I would just call her out. Like I have no problem with that. Here's what's tricky in that situation. It wasn't, I don't think it was split, for example, five ways because our reader was saying I was paying attention to what they ordered. So clearly they were dividing it, clearly they were dividing it up per what I ordered. Like I had an app, I had an entree, and I had a drink. If that's the case, that's not how you do it anymore when you go out with people. You split it. Everybody gets it. Everything. Yeah. So that's one solution is when you go out at the

beginning of the meal, ask for separate bills. Yeah. So then… Everyone takes care of their own bills. Everybody takes care of their own. If you have, if you forget and you end up with all one bill, and if it's that situation, then you just kind to make a joke. Oh, we're such dumb bitches. Like our math is wrong. Let's do this all over again. Give me the, somebody give me the item, the bill. And then you literally be like, Madison, you had an appetizer and a whatever and whatever you owe this. Yeah. Johnny, you have, you got this, this, like you just scream it out actually. But people are so uncomfortable with just like coming right out and communicating that way about money. Yeah. I ha I totally agree with you. I have

no qualms about at the beginning or even at the very end of the dinner to like make sure that everybody is paying what they're supposed to pay. And the alternative is like, yeah, like why are you paying for some chick who A, you're not super close with and B, is being shady. Like you should not have to fucking suck up someone else's shitty behavior. It just makes you bitter and now you're thinking, oh, I don't want to hang out with these people again. No, you don't, you're not supposed to suffer in this situation just because someone can't fucking, you know, throw down a few more loonies. So I would, I would call her out. I would focus the attention on Madison to be like, Madison, did you pay that? Okay, cool, cool, cool. And you don't have to be a fucking raging cow

about it, but I think it's important to like, I think it's important to stand your ground in situations like that. I wouldn't say the first time out going forward being just right up in Madison's face, I would do all the things that we just suggested. Separate bills first. And then if it's the kind of situation where you're finding yourself, like everybody says, no matter what they order, if they only order an appetizer, but they're like, they agree to go five ways equally with people, which is how most of my friends do it. We do it that way when we go out. Like I might eat way more than you it doesn't matter but it doesn't matter and we split five ways then you just go like you the bill comes you say it's 40 each for everybody and you assign one person as

the banker yeah to collect yeah or when you're throwing your card down everybody puts down fucking 40 and if somebody doesn't put down 40 or you can see it they'll be like hey madison it was 40 at each totally um and then if not then yeah make that joke like oh we're so stupid our math is wrong. Like even when the waiter's in front of you be like, can you come back? Our math was dumb. We have to redo. Yeah. We have to redo. Yeah. And you like laugh about it and then you sort it out. Um, that's to me, I, I, but I don't feel awkward in these situations. I know a lot of people do, but I think people have to move past that awkward because then you can't be bitter about it. Like you either have to stand up for yourself or stand up for the group of

people. Yeah. Or you suck up your own bitterness. So like, you know, which one's better? Obviously confronting the person. And don't be fucking, if you're like the Madisons out there, like stop being fucking shady with your friends. Like why would you fucking rip off a friend? Yeah. And isn't it embarrassing when- That is so gross. And also, isn't it embarrassing when like people have to reach into their pockets and you know it's because you're being the super cheap ass out of the group? I don't know how, like- I don't see that anymore. I think when I was younger, a lot of people, we would always be short the bill. Always. But I think that that was because we were young and poor and like no one knew how to do math. But no longer. And the reason why that

is no longer is – why that's no longer an issue is we always split the bill equally no matter what anyone gets. Listen, I understand being frugal. People are on a budget. But I don't think this is being frugal. This is actually ripping off your friends. Yeah. But I would love to get into the mind of a person like that and, like, do they see it as ripping off their friends? Probably not or they wouldn't probably do it. They probably have it justified in some way or they just kind of get a high out of, like, not paying for it. It's the same sort of reason why people, like, are kleptomaniacs and steal stuff from their friends, right? Yeah, I guess so. Listen, I have had friends like that or have been out with people like that and

I'll say it's, like, there's no second time. Like, I will actively avoid, like, who's coming? Oh, I'm busy that day. Right. Right. But you're… you doing that is what I'm telling our reader she shouldn't do. Like she shouldn't have to sacrifice her social life because someone's being a cheapo. Well, I mean, after a few times. Okay. Fine. Then it's… anyway. Good luck. Okay. Well, keep us posted. Yeah. Try those things, those different stages. Be Chinese. Yeah. And be Chinese. Be like Lainey's mom. Call out Madison. Okay. Next question. Dear Sasha and Lainey. One of my best friends is psycho when it comes to social media. Let's call her L. A specific incident really threw me off today, but let me give you some background. She's always

being a little judgy of the content I post and is obsessed with having a big following. She's not an influencer or anything, but definitely cares about her image, especially in the last year since she got out of a five-year relationship. She constantly untags herself in photos that I and others post of her and delete silly comments I write on her photos. One year, she even deleted a photo I posted on her Facebook wall on her birthday with a very nice message because she didn't like the photo. The other day, me, Elle, and our other friend Dee went to a spa for Elle's birthday. One of her friends posted some photos and videos of Elle on their Instagram story to

wish her happy birthday. She saw a video of herself she found unflattering and her mood completely changed. She called the girl and started yelling at her about the photo. We were at a fucking spa and had to shush her because she was so loud and embarrassing. Then we took her out for dinner and Elle took a boomerang of the three of us to post on her Instagram story. A few minutes later, Dee took one too, and Elle asked her not to post it to her story because she just had one.

Really? Dee was clearly annoyed and said, okay, fine, I'm just not going to post anything then. Today, Elle tagged my name in a photo for one of those Instagram contests for a fitness studio I like. I then went and tagged another girlfriend of mine, T, who introduced me to the studio. Elle quickly replied to my comment with T's name and wrote, savage. T then texted me again, what's Elle's problem? And I apologized on her behalf and was pretty embarrassed.

I didn't realize it was so offensive to not tag the same person who tagged you in a fucking contest. I was just trying to increase the chances of everyone winning. I love this so much. I love hate this. Okay, so my question is, do I tell Elle that she's a fucking lunatic when it comes to social media? She's a confident girl in other ways, but man, does she need to check herself when it

comes to what people think of her on the web? It affects me when we're together as these little things literally ruin her mood. Or do I just sit quiet and let her continue to do this? Thanks so much. Love you guys. Sincerely, Annoyed Bestie. There are so many layers to this. I love millennials for this.

Yeah. It's just my favorite thing. You know what's funny? I bet you they're not even millennials, but okay, go. I don't know. I know that this behavior is not just confined or restricted to these people. This is not a unique problem. This is a thing where who did you tag?

How did you tag them? Did you repay the tag? and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I get it. I am here for it. I'm living for it. I just love being an observer in all of this. I think that the way that like human nature, I think we'll all agree, even if we become super, super evolved and fix all the problems we have in politics and in society, we're still going to have a passive aggressive gene. And social media has amplified and given passive aggressiveness, like an extra, like superpower level. It's true. So great. It's interesting how it also just like, it does ruin people's friendships in a way too, right?

Like for some reason this is taken so seriously and I would love to like side eye it, but I get it, right? Like there are some people who don't want their whole life put out there without them agreeing to it. Yeah. Photo approval. Yeah. And I'm a big photo approval person, right? Like I've, whenever we go out for the Lainey Gossip dinners, I'm the last person to make sure that everyone looks good and that like you are and that it's a-okay and everyone's happy. Like when we went to the Lainey Gossip dinner. You are the most particular, I will say. Yes. I don't give a shit. Yes. Which is great. But I did go around the whole table with like, are you okay with this? Yes. Are you okay with this? Yes. Because no one wants a fucking jank picture of them out there.

I don't want a jank picture of myself out there. I've kept my, like, I keep my shit pretty tight. Except what's hilarious is, so I was away and I posted two somewhat selfies. I didn't take the picture. Corey did. And I posted them. And some girl tried to call me out and was like, what does it feel like to hate selfie culture, but simultaneously posting selfies? And I was like, bitch, fuck off. Watch, she'll probably write something like fucking hate follow me now. But, um, I was like, I have to see this now. Okay. So my point being while you're looking it up is I've never been against people posting

their fucking face on Instagram. This isn't a selfie? That's a, well, no, Corey took that of me. Okay. So you have two back to back photos of yourself. Yes. Um, and that, that, uh, yes. So if you look at that comment, there was only like, she was, and then she puts like

the smiley, laughy face like, bitch, I caught you. Okay. Got it. Yeah. Anyway, I found it so amusing that I had to like it because that's not my point. My point is if your whole feed is just all these fucking boring ass pictures of you, then that's a problem. But I'm not against people showing me what they look like in a pretty picture. I like seeing pretty pictures. I like seeing my friends faces. Are you writing, you're writing? No, I'm just, I'm just super, super into like your Instagram now and seeing the two selfies or the two in a year pseudo selfies or whatever that you posted. Yes. It was vacation Sasha. But like, I'm not against that, right? I'm not against looking at people's pretty pictures. I just don't want to fucking see it incessantly. Okay. So what,

Oh wait, what I'm, sorry, I totally digressed, but it was perfect because I was like, I was, I loved that this girl took the time out of her day. You understand the drama and you're super into the drama. You got pulled into some drama. Yes. And I was like, got called out and it made me laugh. Yeah. But this is what I'm saying.

Like people are really, they stay on top of people's social media and they take it so fucking seriously. Yeah. And for that, I'm like, get a fucking life. Right. And, but I get it. Like I am not a hundred percent, you know, both my feet are not in fucking social media. I don't really care. But obviously in this girl group who has written to us are very, they take it seriously. But it's a form of gossip now. Like what we're doing is how we're gossiping about our friends. Like we're gossiping about, we're looking at their social media, we're looking

at where they were and who they were with and who they tagged. And then we create a whole dialogue behind it. Yes. And this is why, like, I have always said that gossip says more about us and who we are and what is reflected through those actions and reactions. It's more than just like petty fucking shit. I mean, it is petty fucking shit, but it's deeper than just however people want to dismiss it. But what do you do? Like if, I don't know, you have a fucking Instagram… Psycho friend. Psycho friend. I think she sounds really high maintenance and she obviously has a certain, I hate this word, brand that she wants to convey to her followers.

For me, I would back away. I'd be like, listen, this is too much high maintenance for me. I'm not going to, I'm just not going to tag you in anything. I'm not going to Instagram story about you because then there's like no harm, no foul, right? You just back away from it all. And that's that, right? You kind of let her.

But I don't think you can do that now because she, like, the Instagram… Like if they're posting pictures of each other. Yeah, the Instagram person who's so militant about it is posting pictures of the friend who's annoyed, who's writing to us, or tagging her for a contest. So, like, what are you supposed to do? You can be like, I'm tapping out, but how can you tap out when someone's tagging you in? Well, the contest thing is probably a bit of an anomaly, right? Like she's not, they're not doing contests every day of their goddamn life.

I'm just saying, fine, like let's just skip the contest one for one second. We'll come back to that. But moving forward in terms of like posting pictures of her on your feed or on her feed on her birthday, like just don't do that. Just don't do that. Or at least take it down a notch and take a break from doing that. Right. And if there, if you guys are all out one night, then yeah, I guess run it by her.

If she's that fucking aggro about these pictures, then yeah, do her a fucking favor and just say, are you cool with this before I put it? I mean, it takes out, it takes kind of all the fun out of it. But if she takes it so seriously, then like, I guess throw her a bone that way. I mean, I think this is just so funny, even back like almost a couple of years ago or more when we were talking about Taylor Swift's squad the 4th of July and when they'd like do a group release of all the photos and it was all one approved photo for sure there's or multiple like i noticed that they were all taken by professional exactly and then how it

was decided that like cara delavigne would post this photo but taylor's best friend would post another photo and someone would post a photo from the water slide and so who gets those photo assignments. But if you notice, nobody really repeated. Like everybody had duplicates. Yeah, exactly. There were no duplicates. And then it caused like a social media frenzy frenzy because all of us were going to those accounts and being like, oh, here's this one. Here's that one. And this is what this person is trying to create. But she's not Taylor Swift. Yeah. So do we like tip our hat to her then? She's trying. So it's it's going to be about it's got to be about like, you know, if your friend group is into this and you're all into social

media and she kind of wants to take the position, the lead position as Taylor Swift, do you want to give her that ground? Is that something that you want to cede to her? Right. I'm going to guess no. And if it's no, then we have like a queen bee situation here. We have a real war. Yeah. Who's going to be… I love that you've made it into this. Yeah. Yeah. Who's going to be… Are you willing to challenge for, like, Regina George? Yeah. Are you willing to challenge for this position? And if you're not… Or do you want to be easygoing? If you want to be easygoing, do as Sash has suggested. Let her control the social media feed that all of you put out there, if you don't care that much. If you do, and if it annoys you that much, then maybe it's time for

you to seize the throne. There you go. There you go. So I'm guessing that you would try to seize the throne. Well, listen, I think that you can look at it in a funny way, right? Like, I know that this is super annoying, to be serious for a second. I know this is super annoying for you out there that your friend is so militant. But if it's on a spectrum, how much do you care versus how much she cares. Like, if her caring level about this is at a 10, and if you're not caring, shrug, whatever level is at a 2, then it balances each other out and whatever. Let her fucking run the show. But I guess the problem is, and this is what happens, is our writer is at a 2 care level, but her friend is pulling her up to the 10, right? And that's what she's fighting against. She's like,

can we just not take this so seriously? But her friend takes it so seriously that everyone has to start weirdly taking it seriously. So how do you pull back from that? Well, then, like I said, if it doesn't hurt you to check in with her and be like, hey, can we post this? When do you want us to post it? Like, you know, come up with the strategy. Give us the schedule. When is the dump coming? Like, are we all doing a collective dump? Yes. Whatever. Taylor Swift styles. Then great. Let her set the schedule. Right.

Then nobody has to be mad. Nobody's disappointing anybody else. But if you feel that strongly about it and you want to mount a coup, I'm here for you. I will strategize Art of War with you. Write back and we will, I will, Sasha will probably sit back, I will help you come up with a war strategy. Let's go. Okay, please. Please let us know what avenue you take.

Lainey is here to help you every step of the way. Well, or I'm not a social media expert, actually. I don't need, like, half the shit that you were reading, tagging, tapping, whatever. I didn't even know. I didn't even understand. But I will do the research or get, I will hire a millennial to figure it out. And that's what I will say that I do. Yeah.

Like, I appreciate that you. Well, we'll get Liz back. Oh, yes. We'll bring Liz back. We'll bring Liz back. We'll bring Liz back. Because she will understand the lingo and be able to strategize. Oh, and she'll know the shadiness and, like, how to, yeah.

I almost want you to seize the throne so that we can bring Liz back and Liz can like develop a killer strategy for you. Yeah, let us know. We have help. We have help here for you. I am no help, but we are here to help you. We have Liz, yeah. Should we get to the last question?

All right. Dear Sasha and Lainey, here's my issue. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend five years ago. I found out he cheated on me while he was away on a work trip. And after that happened, I broke up with him. It was hard because I loved him and we talked about marriage all the time. I thought he was the one, but he wasn't. And that's okay because a year later, I found the man of my dreams.

I love him. We are married. he's the one for me and I couldn't be happier. Here's the thing though. My brother is getting married this summer and he invited my ex for their destination wedding. It's not a random invite because my brother and my ex were friends long before I started dating him. But I didn't think he'd invite him to his wedding. They are close friends, but not best friends. Now I'm going to have to spend an entire week away with my ex. It's not that I have any residual feelings for him, but I just don't want to see him, let alone talk to him. Am I being unreasonable? Can

I tell my brother to disinvite him? Am I allowed to do that? Help. V. Ugh. Your brother. I know. Fuck your brother. And not to run that by you. I know. But dudes are dumb. I know. Sometimes, you know, like fuck. Fuck your brother.

Okay. Obviously, like the brother in this situation needs a good talking to, but I wonder if it's too late at this point. Yeah. Because like… I feel like if the destination's picked and she said that he's already been invited. Yeah. Because the moment that you talk to your brother and you tell your brother to uninvite the ex, then. The ex knows you care. Yeah. So that's not the move. And I know what, I know what you're, I know what you're going to say next. No, but I just want to establish,

you agree that the move is not to get the thing. The move is not to make some dramatic. No. Pull of the plug. You have to go and you can't insist that the, the, your brother like disinvite. No. The ex. So what I know, but this is what I'm saying. I know what you're going to say now, which is our reader needs to look fucking amazing, right? That's the only course of action here is you're going to have to look better than the bride, better than your brother's soon-to-be wife. If you have to show up in a fucking white gown and a veil,

you're going to fucking have to do it. I fucking hate this because, like, I get, I agree. Like, it's so stressful that… A whole week. It's so stressful, number one, this whole situation, and number two, it's so stressful that like, yes, you're right. We should not be putting value on beauty physical. I get it.

Like, fuck, that sucks. Right. However. However, I just, this is just the reality of what it's like, and I don't think it's just women. Like, I feel like men would feel the same way. They would be doing extra sit-ups and shit. Totally.

Totally. It's about, like, you know, you know it better than anybody. You fucking love revenge. Right? It's not even revenge. It's almost at this point armor. Okay. Yes. Oh, you're so fucking poetic. Okay. Yeah. It's armor. I was thinking about this the other day because, I don't know, I went somewhere and I was seeing like friends. Probably it was just you. Oh, no, it wasn't. I only see beer. Or it was, and I was like, oh, I'm just going to put on my sweatpants. I was like, oh, I'm just putting on my sweatpants. I don't feel like washing my hair because I know that with my friends, I can be vulnerable and I don't have to wear armor. Yes. But in situations where you know

it's just not going to be only your friends there, clothes and makeup and hair, it's armor for us. It's a layer of protection. It's like, let me, this is my defense. Yeah. And I get it. Like your defense should be, you're smart and you're educated and you read lots of books and whatnot. It's just that those things you can't see. Like you can't see that someone has a PhD. You can't see that they have a degree. You can't see that they have a great job. You can't see that they've moved on. Right. And that's what's so annoying about this. I know. So I just want to put it out there before people start yelling at us. We get it that like valuing and putting all this pressure and associating all this with just how you look, it's shit. It's awful and it's fucked up and I

don't know the answer of how to change it. I just do know that in our current world, the armor that we put on often is what happens when we walk into a room. And unfortunately, like no one's walking around with their diploma. Yes. You're totally right. Or if whatever we measure to be what we're proud of. Yeah. Well said. So. And it's going to be hard, right? Like that. I kind of, I wish that I could give you more tools to like feel really confident. But I also think what's important here is to know, like is to really protect your emotions leading into this and like just try to like tap into the insecurity of like, yeah, when he broke up with you and what that felt like when you found out he was cheating on you, but then realize that you're with this

wonderful man and that's the path that it led you to, right? Like you got to have your, you know, whatever, Prince Charming in the end. So you have to change your perspective on that so that yes, you go in looking fucking fly as hell, but that your mind is on point as well, which is like you You remember those emotions, but you realize where you are now is so much of a better place. It's where you're meant to be. Of course. So combining those two is what will also be part of your armor and your strength. And that's kind of the best you can do because it is going to fucking sting when you have

to see his fucking mug every day at some stupid fucking wedding, you know, whatever, like party beforehand, like whatever. But them's the breaks. That's what, unfortunately, your shitty-ass brother signed you up for. But it's a week. It's over. And try to avoid them as much as possible. Look, ultimately, happiness is the best revenge, and you are happy.

So, number one, yes, find a great outfit. But also, most importantly, and this might sound Pollyanna, but we genuinely mean this, is you've been happy. You found somebody. You have a great life together. Don't let this affect your happiness. You're writing to us. You're stressed out about it. We understand. But in the grand scheme of your life, is this one week going to take away from all the great things that you've built in your life? No. Continue to live your life. Love your partner. Accept the love that he gives to you, be great at your job, whatever it is that you do, and on top of that, Wicked Outfit.

Send us your options. Yes, please. We will help you with that as well. Send us whatever you're thinking about. But yes, the external armor is going to be great. The internal foundation certainly has to be there. Yeah. Agreed.

And remember, like, you know what he's doing. So, yeah. Yeah. But I also, one of the things that helps me when I'm, you know, stressing and fussing over things like this is to remember or to know they're probably not thinking about me. Why the fuck am I thinking about them? Yeah, that's true. But having said that, I bet you he he's probably, you know, like both sides are probably anticipating this meeting again. And it's not going to be fun for either of you. Like I'm he's probably not going to be super stoked to see that you are happy with your wonderful husband. You know, he's probably coming into this feeling pretty fucking insecure, too. Well, I don't know. I don't like, I just find that, and I'm not sure we've talked about this probably for decades, centuries or whatever. I, I don't know if that's the case. I do find that in general, men stew less than women. Yeah. In my experience. Okay. And one of, one of my superpowers is that like, I'm a stewer, like I'm, I'm a grudge holder, but I'm also one of my great

superpowers is I'm so fickle that I get over shit so easily. Like I, you move on very quickly. Like I am that classic throughout, like before, before Yasset came along, I was that person. The best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. The minute like another dick went into my pussy, I was like, Oh, who was the other dick that was in here? I don't remember. Really? Okay. Yeah. Not everyone's built like you though. I know. And I, I, how do we build people up? How do we like, cause I don't want to, I don't want to take it for granted that he's thinking about her too. and it's going to be awkward for him. I bet you it's good.

Like, what if he's just like, meh, what? I barely remembered our time together. Oh, yeah, maybe I did that thing. Shit. Like, if her brother doesn't even remember. Right. Do you know what I mean? Right.

So I want her to get her – I want to get her to the point where she's like, whatever. Yeah, and I mean, in theory, of course, I agree with you. And I would also like to think that I'm pretty bomb ass in terms of how I can move on mentally from things. But when you have a reminder in your face, you know, when you see that face, a lot of the past memories come up. And that's just, I feel like that is okay. I guess that's what I was saying before.

It's just like to prepare that there are going to be a rush of emotions that are going to come up. But that's okay. I mean, if you are like Lainey and you can fucking suck another mean dick and get over this, then great. Suck your husband's dick till sunrise and maybe that'll be the cure. but for me I feel like as strong as I feel like I am I would still my emotions would get latched on to that past when I saw him and I feel like you know they did talk about marriage they were

together for fucking five years he's not gonna forget who she is um so for me thinking that maybe he would be a bit jealous of her new life would make me feel better right to see if I don't know I don't know if he has you know she hasn't written if he's with somebody else but I think it stings probably more for him to see that you're the one who got away and that you're actually truly happy. Like, I mean, that to me is the biggest and best revenge. Which is why you have to protect your happiness. Yeah.

Safeguard it. Yeah. Treat it as fragile. And yeah, don't let this ruin what you have right now, which is true happiness. Yeah. And send us your outfits. Yes, please. Okay.

That's it for today. Keep your questions coming to me at Sasha at LadyGossip.com. And check us out on Google Play, iTunes, Spotify. Leave your comments. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back next week. Bye. Bye.

We'll be right back.