What's Your Drama - Wedding No-show & Dating Real People

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

Welcome back to another installment of What’s Your Drama!On today's show: Are you a bad friend if you miss the most important day of your friend's life and how to get out of a social media crush and get into dating real human beings. Also, Lainey dishes her drama about a beauty treatment her vain ass wants to try out.We hope you enjoy the show and make sure to send us feedback on twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe on iTunes, Google Play, Spotify, Pandora, or anywhere you get your podcasts. And keep your advice questions coming my way at [e-mail]. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

stop wasting your nights on a mattress that doesn't get you experience the most comfortable mattress in the world the sleep number smart bed at the touch of a button you can personalize your comfort choose firmer or softer adjust cooler to warmer and right now save up to twenty five hundred dollars during our massive labor day event hurry into your local sleep number store today because we have your number. Hey, what's your drama? Welcome to What's Your Drama? I'm Sasha.

I'm Lainey. I have to talk to you about something. Love that. So I am currently obsessed with a beauty body treatment. Okay. Maybe you and I have talked about this before. Oh, yeah. We have talked about this before.

But I'm becoming more and more obsessed with it. You're not going to say cool sculpting, are you? Yes. Oh, my God. You've cool sculpted? No. Oh, okay. I'm thinking about it.

I really want to do it. You've been talking about this for a long time. Yeah. I've been talking about it because I believe a few years ago you like shot a segment on it. Yes, I did for our show. Like you profiled it for our eTalk. Yes.

On how it works and whatnot. I've seen like the before and afters and I'm obsessed. Yes. Would you do it? No, because- Okay, why? Because I don't, I don't, I need like- Are you going to be judgy right now?

Maybe. I need a long time span of proof. This is fairly new. I don't know what happens- It's like 10 years old. Sure. I need more. I need more than that.

Okay. Because I don't know what happens then in 11 years when something weird happens in your body that you've zapped. I don't, and I also don't know what happens to, so the deal with CoolSculpting is they freeze your fat cells, whatever targeted area in your body, and they go away? They die, apparently, right? You pee it out, right? Sure.

But then, I don't know. Everybody go do your Googling and do your research. We are not like the research scientists on CoolSculpting. And this is not a sponsored ad about CoolSculpting. Not yet. Yeah, totally. Not yet. There you go.

Wink, wink. I might try it if this is sponsored. But no, I haven't, I just don't, those things kind of scare me. Like I have like a weird line that's formed on the bridge of my nose and it's bothering me so much. And I'm like, I think the only way to get rid of it is Botox, but I refuse to get Botox. So I'm like, I'm the wrong person to bring CoolSculpting to. But you think about it.

I don't think about CoolSculpting. No, no, no, no. You think about all kinds of possibilities and treatments. Sure, sure, sure. What I'm saying is that I think, but where do you want this done? You are a tiny person. I am not a tiny… Well, listen, I think…

Here's what I do know about CoolSculpting. It is… It has its best results when, like, you are regularly involved in FitNet. It has its best results when you are regularly, like, involved in exercise. So I do exercise quite often. I do it for 65, 75% vanity. Yep. And over like the last two years, the 25% and growing is for mental health.

Like I have such a high stress job and it's so busy that sometimes at six o'clock, even when I've like, I'm so tired, I will drive to the gym and go on the treadmill and run 5K. It takes like half an hour. And by the end of it, Jacek will vouch for me. I come home like in a better headspace. Of course. So I do exercise quite regularly.

I'm reasonably fit. Yep. But there's those areas that you want. But there are always these little areas because I eat so much. You have seen me put it away. And so I eat so much that there's just like a little, little, little bit, like a pinch. Yeah. Okay.

And there are those areas where you're just like, ugh. And I have seen those areas go away in real people. Other people. I'm not saying pictures. Like, we know people who've done it. And it's legit. You can, like, it's, the difference is legit in those people. I only know one person and it did work for said person.

She showed you. Like, she showed you, right? I was in the room when it was being done, but I didn't, I didn't, like, follow up with her and, like, find out post-treatment how it was looking day by day. But I know she had said that it was amazing and she fucking loved it. I think if you have, like, if you don't go into CoolSculpting like, head to toe, please, and you really just have, like, something, like, I don't know, like, your underarm or something, go for it.

Do it. Why haven't you fucking done it then? I'm surprised you haven't done it pre-Oscars. I'm one of these people who I definitely think through. Yeah, you sit on shit for a long time. I sit on shit for a long time. And I think I talk about it on the site and on the social. Like, to me, I think it's quite known that I'm vain as fuck.

like when it comes time for me to like yank up my face and yeah and i think remember it was it in one of our earlier podcasts where a woman sent us like her under eye lift and we were both obsessed and we were changed and we're like oh my god what the fuck is this like we need this and whatnot so i don't think we you and i have ever been like don't do it to people like no i just don't like people who lie about it like i wish that people were more upfront with just be more like own up to it. Joan Rivers, that's what was like so great about her, where she was like, yeah, this, here, that, there, everywhere. Well, that's what I wish sometimes when I look at Jennifer Lopez. I'm like, just tell me. Like, I know that it's like jeans and you don't drink all that shit, but just tell

me where do you go so I can save my money when it's time for me to get whatever I need done to do it wherever you've done it. Like, I wish people would share that sort of wealth. Yeah. Of knowledge of just like, help a sister out. Just be like a shrug. Like, have you thought it through? Yeah. You know, are you doing the other things? Like,

so I will openly talk to people about it if and when this happens. Well, I'm sure that whatever happens you'll be showing with your naked body.

The day that I feel like I need fillers and Botox and whatever needs cutting and yanking and whatnot and cool sculpting.

You'll tell us. Please. Like, also, it's great material. I'll write the shit out of it. That's true. Okay.

But here, Anyway, here's my drama, is that Jacek, whenever I talk to him about this shit… Like, I've told you before, I want a breast reduction. You do? Yeah. I did not know that. I fucking hate my tits. Okay.

They don't match the rest of my body. And so they're big. Yeah. So Jacek, of course, is probably very angry that you said that. And then… So we've had these, like, fights, and he's like, you know, I'll divorce you. And the flip side of it is it's my body. Of course.

Yes. I have agency over my body. Yes. And of course he wouldn't. Yeah. Now, to be fair, he would say the same thing if I said to him, I'm getting a breast augmentation. He would also be like, no, thank you. Don't you dare.

Yeah. However, not that we need to be fair. Anyway, so this is always a debate we have back and forth. So when I, like over the last two years is how long I've been talking about cool sculpting or thinking about. Over the last two years, I've been like, hey, what do you think about this cool sculpting thing? Look at these pictures.

Look at this. Telling him stories. He's always been like, blah, blah, blah. He's tuned me out. he's not into it, whatever. But I feel like I need to keep wearing him down. Oh, you'll wear him down. You have the art of wearing him down. Or I could just go… The drama is, are you able to just go do it without telling your partner? Yeah, of course you are. I also think those are certain things that you don't have to…

That's what I mean. Like, I could come in with a new face and Corey would be like, hey, like, I don't think that they… Like, those things don't really sink in. And I think that he probably already thinks your body's fucking perfect. So if you came in with like an inch off of something, it wouldn't even fucking register. You wouldn't notice. Exactly. I know so many women. But you're also, this is it.

You're also equal parts pussy because you won't do this because you'll be scared because it doesn't, it's not pain free. And by pain free, I mean like you just have to sit with something like a vacuum cleaner. Like, yeah, but it's like an hour. Yeah, but that's a really uncomfortable hour. You really don't like being uncomfortable. Well, I, this is where I'm researching. Like, I still need to, like, get… I'm still looking into whatever.

I need to know if it's, like, what kind of discomfort. Like, a dental cleaning discomfort? I don't know. I think what you should do is go into the clinic and they can, like, faux put it on you. So you could feel the pressure of the sucking and see if you could handle that. Anyway, my point is, is that, as you know, I don't ever do anything like… I sit on things.

So this is something I'm sitting on. Okay. And we've talked about it. Keep us posted. Yeah. Will you show me before and afters if you get this done? Again. if I did this, everybody would know. Okay, good. I appreciate that.

Thank you. And then if I ever get my weird one line of my nose Botox, I'll let you know too. I've always hated my nose and I want to like get a nose job too. No. Okay. I'm not. Nope. We're not going there. Okay. So let's get into some drama. Hey, Sasha and Lainey. I love your podcast. I'm 24 years old and currently in school doing my post-grad. My best friend and I have known each other since our families moved to Canada from India 13 years ago. We've been through so much together and she's always been there for me no matter what. She's getting married in India in May and although school is done by then, I will be doing my internship during this time of her wedding. This unfortunately means that I won't

be able to attend it, making me the only one not going from our friend circle. She's been my rock through so many important moments of my life and I feel so guilty and heartbroken that I will be missing her big day. There is no flexibility with my program and taking time off from my internship is not an option. I'm worried that our relationship will never be the same after this. Am I a horrible friend? I would love to know your thoughts on this. Thank you. Well, you total sweetheart. Yeah. Why? Because she's already like feeling so guilty already. Yeah. You're a total sweetheart. Let me tell you something that will, I think, help our writer. Because when we first launched What's Your Drama? So whatever, like a month and a half ago, my friend from New York listened to it

binged it and he wrote me a text. This is what his text was. Sasha, I have a question I would like to submit for What's Your Drama? One of my closest friends from high school told me last minute that she wouldn't be able to make my wedding because she had an emergency work issue. That person is me, just so you know. I was truly devastated and is still so saddened that she couldn't carve out a Saturday night to attend or celebrate my wedding. I think about this once a week and this happened almost five years ago. Maybe she's too big time for me. Maybe I misjudged our friendship. I feel like our friendship has never been the same since she skipped my wedding. Please advise how I should get over this.

So he wrote this to me a month ago. And I like literally just didn't write back until I was like, he was like, well, don't you have an answer? I was like, this is above my pay grade. I can't help you out. But it's, I read you this because I don't think your friend will get over it. Will your friendship be okay? Will you be able to continue?

yes. Will she always know and hold over you that you didn't go to her wedding? I'm going to say yes. I think, I don't think that's fair, but I think that's the reality. I think there's always going to be a twinge, like real talk here, as your friend expressed, there's always going to be a little bit of a twinge because that's the, you know, a very important day in her life and she wants all the important people in her life there on that day. So I don't think, I don't think it's unfair for her to feel that way. Like no one, like you can't tell someone how to feel. So if she later says, I had a wonderful day. I just am really sad that she missed it. That's okay to say. A thousand percent.

And the difference though is she's allowed to feel that and express it, but it doesn't mean it's going to change your friendship. Exactly. That is where I, like, we've given you the real talk. That is where we want to, like, reassure you. She also understands, like, and she might not understand really because when you're in a wedding mode and there's like a lot of pressure surrounding that moment, right? You want it to be perfect and you want your friends there and you're probably going to be a bit irrational.

So clearly you haven't told her this yet. So I just want you to be prepared that not only will she be maybe over the top upset. Yeah. Maybe she won't, but there is a chance that she might be a little bit more dramatic than usual. And then the other thing is when the wedding's said and done, she might drop some like to you over the years that you missed her big day. That's all I want to say.

That's a possibility. But I feel like what you're telling us is that you want to be there. You obviously are like heartbroken. and that there are things to do leading up to this wedding that I think you can do to make this up to her. Yes. There are lots of things you can do. And I mean, it's hard for us to be creative since we don't know either of you, but like with technology these days and with how weddings work, with video displays, you know, film a video and go all out. Like put the expense that you would have put into going to India and like airfare and hotel and accommodation,

why don't you put it into like a huge gesture? Yes. The kind that like she would, that would make her the talk of the wedding. Like I was at a wedding and people would say, I was at a wedding where the girl's best friend couldn't come, but she… Beyonce showed up. Instead, yeah. Or, like, I don't think you can afford Beyonce, you poor thing, as nobody can. Well, some people can. You have to be, like, the richest, youngest female billionaire,

which is what happened, like, a few months ago. But, like, put that money into, like, the most over-the-top grand gesture that you can think of. You have time. It's only February. The wedding's in May. and start planning it right now, which means that like at the end of the day in your absence, everybody will know, oh wow, she worked on this for three whole ass months. It was another full

time job for her and she made this happen and that happened. Like I wish we could give you suggestions, but we just don't know you and your friend well enough. And I'm also really bad at those sort of things. I don't know how to make a grand gesture, but I love when that happens. Yes, exactly. And if you were at that wedding, you would be talking about it, Instagramming about it. Like, and that is going to soothe her because if people are putting on Instagram this, whatever this gesture is, she's going to get like shine, likes from people. And she's going to be able to tell this story of the wedding where her best friend wasn't there. And I don't know, like. But beyond that, she'll know that you care.

a spaceship showed up or like a short film came by like whatever yeah um so you have like you have in your hands something that you can do yeah and I know we're saying we're talking about things that are like um monetary value but whatever you guys know your friendship you guys go back from childhood like figure out something that's going to be super meaningful yeah and even if that's if you can't make it happen because it's in India and that's like way too much of a mindfuck then maybe there's like a trip that you take her on before, right? In the next couple of months, you and her just go on like this lavish little weekend or it doesn't have to be lavish, but you just spending time.

You have to make it up to her. I guess this is the point of this. Yes. It sucks that you can't make it. It's not your fault, but you're going to have to fucking pay the dues. Yes. And make it up to her so that she doesn't feel like she fucking hates you. Mega grand gesture.

Mega grand gesture. Something that she can brag about. Yeah. Something that like, I mean, because she's 24, right? Yes. So you're of the generation where I'm sure shit that goes down on social media… Needs to have a hashtag. …is weighted very heavily.

Yeah. Something like that. And I think that that's going to do, like, go a long way. I agree. All right. Next question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. If my letter gets chosen, would it be possible to have Kathleen guest on the podcast?

No. We are similar in age with a few similar life experiences, so I thought she might be sympathetic to my play. Oh, what? We're too old for you? fuck you. So like Kathleen, okay, you said Kathleen three times already. So like Kathleen, I also have a big Michael Bay Jordan type obsession, stalking on social media, imagining our lives together, and so on. Okay, so my problem might be a bit worse.

My bae is not a big celebrity, but does have few to tens of thousands of followers. I've been consuming tidbits of his work and life on social media. Once in a while, I'll like or comment on his pictures, and he likes my comments back. I'm not sure if he's conscious of my existence, but either intentionally or accidentally somehow followed me back on Instagram. Yet I've DM'd him and commented on something, but he's not responded to me yet. Yes, I do realize all of the above is insane, yet I'm having trouble moving on even though I do truly know nothing will ever happen. I guess partly the reason is because I don't have a person in real life.

In fact, even at this age, I have little to no romantic life experiences. I've been a shy introvert most of my life, have difficulty in making new friends, and with little opportunities to meet new guys. Always thought I had plenty of time and somehow everyone around me seems to be coupled up. At this point, my friends and coworkers no longer ask me about my dating life as I never have anyone to talk about. I'm pretty sure that some of them wonder whether I'm closeted or just asexual. Friends don't try to set me up anymore.

I've had dating apps for years and it seems all the good men in Toronto are taken. All the left and right swiping mostly only ends up in a series of bad first dates. So my question is, how does one shy person date in Toronto? I don't want to end up an old single spinster forever. Signed, stuck as a teen. So I don't think this is about Michael B. Jordan's story. Stuck as a teen. Yeah.

You know, being single is tough and it can beat you down. I mean, we have friends who are in their 40s and they feel the same way you do. Yeah. It's kind of them's the breaks. But you've got to keep on going. You've got to keep on coming out of your shell. Celebrity. And not with a celebrity.

Yeah. Can we just derail that first? Yeah. like please don't go there i know that i mean this is but isn't it so easy that's the that's the trouble like that is like the everybody has that fantasy like i'm gonna meet cute with whoever actor celebrity he's gonna find this and then it happens and the percentage is just so low and also like who else must tv dming like that would be my but listen we're two old hags with some experience and cynical as fuck. So that's also where we're coming from. Don't want you to

lose your enthusiasm for things. I just want you to redirect it to a non-pseudo celebrity on Instagram. Something that's real. Yeah. Something that's tangible. And I think that that's what's so great is like you've realized that too. Like this is not going anywhere. And I find that a lot of people your age spend so much time in this kind of vortex of pretend that you get lost. You don't realize that there's fucking actual shit going around you that's real life. So I'm glad that you seem to have woken up to the fact that trying to hang your hat on this like pseudo-celeb isn't going to happen. Right.

So that's our real talk. That's our real talk. As for when it is going to happen, I get it. Like the dating apps haven't worked out, disappointments one after the other. I don't think that that means that you give up though. No. I would start knocking back on the doors of your friends and your co-workers and be a bit more outspoken about that and be like, hey, yo, I'm still single. Someone hook me up. Like you have

to fortunately, unfortunately really put yourself out there because people aren't worrying about your dating single life. No, everybody is selfish. Yes. So you have to remind them and be like, set me up. Yeah. You kind of have to flag that so that people actually care enough to look for you. But you also mentioned that you're an introvert and I get that, right? So that isn't your muscle. But I would classify myself as an introvert. I would classify you as an introvert if you were in the same situation as our writer. Yeah.

Like I'm, it would be bad if I were. Yeah. I don't like people and I don't like talking to people. I don't like being around people. That's why I feel like our writer is one up on you, right? Like she's more of a functional human than you are. In this, in this sphere. And in this sphere, you mentioned that you have friends and coworkers, right?

Part of it is the focus on finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a lover. Maybe as like Sally Ann as this sounds, maybe dial it back and focus on finding a new friend or friends, like going out with a new group of people or going out on a Tuesday night instead of your regular Saturday night and see if you have a good time trying like, I don't know if your colleagues are organizing an escape room i fucking will not do an escape room but like i have colleagues like melissa grello is obsessed with these escape rooms and i refuse to go anyway but if you're into these activities yeah even though i'm not into them again fine sidebar i don't want to talk about well the last escape room now you do want to talk about the last

escape room she went to there was like they mock did a fucking van that like no grab them and threw them do you know what i would have done someone died in the escape room like last week i would commit murder i would be like get your fucking hands off me and i would gouge someone's eyes out i like that those are your instincts yes of course i would yes anyway did i not tell you what happened to me on the street no okay so it's like fucking 5 45 in the morning yeah street is dark very dark it's snow scares me right it snowed the the night before so i had to warm up the car and like brush snow off the car and you use one of those snow fucking brushes and it's like a stick yes and our very nice neighbor who i believe now and it has since been confirmed

was, and it's so quiet, and I was so into, you know how fucking focused I get? I was so into scraping and doing a good job that I didn't hear him walking from behind. You didn't. And so what he wanted to do was not startle me. So he said, good morning. And I turned around and pointed my stick at him, and I went, ah! And this is when you're waving the stick at him. The man is startled now.

The man is startled. And I was like, oh, sorry. He walks away. He must be like, crazy fucking bitch. Yeah. He goes to the bus or the car or whatever. That's so funny. You did not tell me this.

Two nights later, because Jacek talks to all our neighbors. I don't talk to anybody, as you know. So I was like, I couldn't really place who it was. And the man comes up to him and he's like, oh, hey, so tell Lainey's story. I think I must have startled her, but I tried not to. I tried to say something first so that, but, and Yasik just dies. He starts dying. He's like, she told me about this, that she pointed her stick at you and screamed at you.

Oh my God. Do you know what's so great about that? I love that you have instincts like that. I'm too shy to like do, do that automatically in like with the idea that I would, I would maybe offend somebody, you are in the zone all the time to… His head almost came off. Yeah. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. And I actually told Jacek the story before he ran into the neighbor. Right. And he was dying, like, as I was telling the story. Yes. And because I'm his wife, he also knows that it's 100% true. Yeah. But I think what was funnier for him, too, is hearing it confirmed by the victim.

Yeah. And he was the victim. Your neighbor was the victim. confirmed that I was indeed as fucking batshit as I described myself to be anyway. So, but my point is let's go back to the escape rooms and rewind from there and be like, go to any activity or try. Oh my God, right. That's what we're talking about. I was still like, where are we? Okay. Yes. Try with your, like, get out there. I know you're an introvert and it's sometimes not fair to like tell people to change their chemistry, their personality. I get it. But at the same time,

you seem to have friends, you seem to be on Bumble, you seem to want to engage. So sometimes, Haley says this all the time about exercise, and we kind of don't apply it to other aspects of our lives, like work or whatever. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Doing something new. Yeah, that's great advice. Building a new muscle. Without compromising your identity. I think it can happen. You can do that. And especially, I think this is all great advice. I love all of this, what you've just said, because I think it's important too. Like sometimes you have to step away from the Bumbles or the Tinders because it can beat your soul down to a pulp. So get back into

hanging out with friends and seeing if you can meet other people, other men. I don't know, maybe you're interested in women. I'm not really quite sure, but meeting a partner through actual real people, that could be something that you haven't really tried a lot of. So absolutely. I don't think you should go to a panic room, but if that's your thing, go for it. Well, I don't either. I will never. No. But these, it's fun for some people to like figure out under stress, like do a quiz under

high stress. My editor told me that they do panic rooms today. He told me he bought a kit that you can do a panic room in your own house now. I was like, fuck. No. No. No. Anyway.

Anyway. That's it for this week. Send us your questions. Send them to me at Sasha at LaineyGossip.com. And subscribe to us where you get your podcasts. Leave comments. thank you so much for your support and we'll be back next week bye We'll be right back.

$3,500 during our massive Labor Day event. Hurry into your local Sleep Number store today, because we have your number.