What's Your Drama - Why Won’t He Sleep Over?

Episode Date: March 5, 2020

After a couple weeks off we are back in good form with a whole lotta drama! But before we dive in Lainey would like to talk about her courageous spirit and how BTS got her through a "tough" time.Then we get into YOUR drama! First up, what do you do when your friend joins a pyramid scheme and tries to push the goods on your friendship? Can you mix business with pleasure, even if it's a bit culty?Next, how long should you wait until you're sleepover official? Our writer is trying to figure out why her boyfriend won't stay the night. Lainey and I are sniffing out why that might be.....Finally, our last writer doesn't know how to deal with their partner getting hot. But not just hot, hotter than they are. Should they just sit back and reap the rewards or should they try and match hot for hot. We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show!  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

He would like give it to me and then suddenly he can do it. Right. He's like Justin Bieber. But what? Just want to put that in there. I'm sorry. Justin Bieber is very athletic. Just so you know.

He's very good. Is he? Yes. Are you BTS-ing? Nope. You are? Nope. That is.

Nope. Okay. Can we just say for all of my BTS annoyingness, you have a Justin Bieber problem. Hey, we're back and we're sorry we took a little break, but there were travel commitments and also I was sick. And this is a big deal because you never get sick and you were a weak, weak specimen, weren't you? I, you never are. I'm never sick and like pathetic about it. And call sick.

Yeah. Like the fact that we had to take two weeks off was unprecedented. Like I get sick, but I work like I don't. Work through it. Yeah, I work through it. I don't really like cancel anything, but this was, well, my voice was going. Okay. Yes, it was.

It did sound pretty bad, actually. I'm surprised you spoke to me. What do you mean? Is this, I'm sorry. Before we even started this today, you had said that I have a black heart, which is not true, and that I fake my enthusiasm for lovely things. So I just am like, we're off on a really bad start from a two-week hiatus. so sorry pardon me no all you are a germaphobe yes I mean you yes I am so I was actually surprised

that you like spoke to me but from a distance I was very very I was very cognizant of not speaking it was a shorter distance than I expected it was you like you we were across the table from each other no no we went out for dinner you sat next to me at one point at that point I didn't know you were that sick I thought you were sort of being dramatic oh so I was uh did you not see how I couldn't hold myself up at dinner? Yes, that was part of the drama that I was like, you can't even like flex your back muscles

to sit straight. Like I was like, okay. But then I ate my words because the next day you were very sick. And then you coined your sickness the week of courage. Please tell people why you being just sick

was the week of courage. Well, I was sick while Yassic. Yassic goes on a trip once a year. Yeah. And in that time, I am responsible for all the things that I don't know about how to do. Right. Including living alone. Yeah.

Responsibility. Yes. Being an adult. Yeah. And also, whenever he goes, for some reason in Toronto, it decides to be Blizzard Town. I'll give you that. Because I remember the last time he went away, there was also a lot of fucking snow. Every time he goes away, there's a lot of fucking snow.

I had to shovel multiple times. I had to take out the garbage. I know people are listening to this and saying like, wow, you are such a princess. Those are my least favorite activities, though. I will give you that. Those are my least favorite activities. First of all, that is true. I am a princess.

Like I am not independent in a certain way. Like, I'm very independent when it comes to working and being responsible for myself and being really reliable. Yes. From a professional standpoint. My personal life, I'm a child. Yeah. It all fell apart. I felt very, like, I felt like you were on an island and we just couldn't get access to you because you were just, once you'd go home, you were just very pathetic.

And all you would do, I don't know if you were able to eat food on your own, but all I know that you were consuming was BTS. Because every morning, even though you'd be like, the week of courage continues, the only thing that's keeping me going is this BTS photo. I wonder whether or not it was like divine intervention that the week that Yasik went away was the week that BTS was ramping up their press. So it gave me something to live for. Like it gave me something to wake up for and it cheered me up during my weakness. And people who are listening to this thinking that we're being like OTT about it.

I swear on my life. This actually did. This was your survival kit BTS because you were like, that was the only thing that brought a smile to your face. It was the only thing that seemingly got you up in the morning. And I'm not joking. Like they actually make you happy, which is I woke you up in the morning with BTS.

6.30 in the morning as if I'm up fucking wanting to look at my phone and I'd be like, oh, this is so annoying. But thankfully, you've put myself, Kathleen and Duanna on a group chat so that I now no longer feel like I have to respond to them. Other people can respond to them. Anyway, that was my week of courage, which ended a couple of days ago. I feel free. Because you appreciate Jacek again. I do. This is going to last for maybe another 24 hours where I'm like, I say super nice things to him.

Yes. I work at the social, um, which is a talk show I work on in Canada and it's like the view, but in Canada. And, um, so we have these topics, like often we talk about relationships and we talk about our partners. And so I can't remember what the exact topic was. Um, and you know, they were like, Hey, so is anybody going to disagree with this article about, I don't know, loving your partner, respecting your partner.

And they all looked at me because I'm typically the one who trash talks my partner. and on Monday they looked at me and they're like okay so you must have something to say like you must have something to say

about Jacek and I was like right now you've caught me at a bad time totally because I'm desperate I really like him right now yeah

he came home and my life is so good so you've got to give me about 48 hours before I'm back to my crusty ass self and I just like dump on him

aww but he's looking like he's enjoying it now because I came in the house and you've been all smiles since we've walked in oh my god which is so rare

yes okay yeah so when he goes and comes here that's some advice have some distance because then you appreciate each other or at least i appreciate him he doesn't he he is yeah that's what i was gonna ask are do you like the break away from her yeah do you miss her while you're gone no no that was a hard no he does not miss me right but you can because you can you can survive without her she can't survive without no it's true yeah i think so and when i say like it's not a romantic

kind of i can't live without you or whatever no what it's like i can't get out of the house because i haven't shoveled my way out i don't know how to leave the house i don't yeah because i asked you i was like where's your salt are you salting i don't know it's in the shed i have no idea where it is like you knew nothing she called it a shed yes you called it a shed what is it It's called a garage. Oh, I would have called it a shed, too. No, no, no, no. I will say that, yeah, there are many things that happen in our lives that are a mystery to me.

Oh, yes. Yes. Like, before he left, he was like, let me show you this document that is our entire life. Oh, ew, why? Because he, why? Like, in a doomsday scenario. Why do you do that? Well, because he's so organized where we keep this and where we keep that.

And here's the name of our accountant. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Survival. Here's who you need to call for whatever.

And I felt so lost. Yeah. The minute he started, the minute he started talking, I started shaking and I was like imagining having to do these things and feeling so, first of all, not my interest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yes. Totally. interested totally but also no capacity to comprehend none yeah none so it's not very feminist but i'm good at what i'm good at yeah and everything else yasik takes care of yeah okay well he's back hopefully we won't shit on him today uh my week of courage i just want thank

you for supporting me you are welcome you were very you you were you did listen and um because everything that went wrong i was sick yeah i lost my keys yes um you were in a snowstorm a raccoon one of our dogs got into a fight with a raccoon. Yeah. It was, there was a lot going on. I'll give you that. I would have broken down too. Okay, so enough about me, my favorite subject.

And let's get to everybody else's drama. Yes. Since I've had enough of it. Yeah, you're reading. Okay. Hi, Sasha Laney. About a year and a half ago, one of my best friends, E, got involved in an MLM that sells insurance and other financial services.

What is an MLM? Yasik, we don't know what this is. Oh, he's Googling too. Like a scheme, like a pyramid scheme. Are those what an MLM is? Okay. While Yasik Googles. Okay.

Multi-level marketing. Okay. Also called pyramid. Oh, okay. It is a pyramid. Okay. She met her BF through this MLM and her entire social circle has almost exclusively become other people involved in the MLM.

If it's a pyramid scheme, why don't we call it a pyramid scheme? It's like multi-level marketing, like a way to make pyramid schemes sound classier. Probably. More like it. Maybe we shouldn't do that then. Okay. Call it a pyramid scheme then. Right?

Yeah. Okay. In the limited amount of time I've spent with her and her new social circle, the group think is startling. It surprises me that E would get involved in an organization like this because what I love and admire about her is that she's incredibly smart with a unique perspective that she is confident sharing. In the summer, we had a bit of a tough time.

She was not being a great friend, constantly canceling plans, and prioritizing almost everything over our friendship. We have a standing plan every August long weekend and have spent it together every year for the past decade, even when we lived on different continents. But without saying anything to me, she made plans to go away with her boyfriend. I expressed how much this hurt me, and we had a productive conversation about it. She admitted that she wasn't pulling her weight in our friendship

and would try to be better. Since then, we've been pretty smooth sailing. Cut to the new year. and I received some kind of scary health news. Everything's all good now. Through all this, E has been great, checking in often and being supportive and present. However, we were having a mellow night in

while I was recovering, having a nice time until she tried to pitch me critical illness insurance. Ooh. Oh, God. I tried to brush it aside and move on with our evening. In the days following, she's not let up, aggressively trying to get me to buy this insurance from her.

It's making me think that her motivations in being so supportive might not have been exactly what I hoped they were. I know that pyramid schemes tell people to try and recruit and sell to their friends and family. I'm very uncomfortable and sad that I'm questioning her motivations. And devil's advocate, maybe she does legitimately think that this is in my best interest, but my gut says that she was being self-motivated and opportunistic and I feel like a potential

commission, not a friend. Essentially, I'm struggling with how to cope with a close friend in a pyramid scheme and how to set up a boundary about not wanting to be involved even as a client without jeopardizing our friendship. The thought of having this conversation is causing me to experience a lot of anxiety, and I'm scared that she might cut me off as well. Thanks for all your thoughts. Please don't use my name.

Thanks. Okay, so I don't know that I've been involved exactly in this kind of situation where it sounds like it's insurance, but I think many of us have heard of or known of or been around like the beauty pitch, right? Yeah. Yeah. Right. It's like those people who are like independent workers and like you go over to people's homes and you like try out the things and you'd buy the things.

Right? Right. But seems a little bit less aggressive than what's happening in this situation. Right. Would they be called pyramid schemes though? I don't know. Like, because at least with those, you kind of leave with a product. Like it's an exchange.

You buy something and then you take something tangible home. Right. Well, same, same with this though. Although I guess the reason why I brought that up is because with those, like the beauty pitches, it happens from what I've heard anecdotally from people I know. Yeah. They'll be like, oh, my friend invited us over to have drinks. Yes. And then what ended up happening is we got pitched on these.

Right. Right. So it's not like it's upfront. It's not like, hey, everybody, I'm now selling these beauty products. Would you come over? Because then it's like above board and legit. You know exactly, and you can be like, no, I don't feel like it. But when the pretext is something else, like, hey, let's hang out, it's girls night, or

come over and watch a movie, or a book club. And then the interact machine comes out. Suddenly it's like, oh, what'd you think of the book? I really liked it, but here's this great moisturizer. Yeah. Then, and I think that from what I understand from people I know who've been kind of, I don't want to use the word con, because it sounds really strong, but who've been, like, found themselves in those kinds of situations, they do feel a little bit betrayed. This is next

level. As you said, though, I had a friend when I was like 18, who like heavily got into pyramid schemes and absolutely pushed one on me. And it was one of the most uncomfortable things. I wasn't like super close with him, but it was one of those things where you like called and we were like just chatting. And then yes, it was like bait and switch. And it was time to like, for me to invest like all my money. And it was really freaky because it's very culty. And I think this is what our writer is kind of saying, right? Like her friend, she started to see changes in her personality as soon as she started to get in there. And you kind of can't help but think like when you're in that kind of mind frame, you're drinking the fucking Kool-Aid, right? So you can't

really separate yourself from, oh, this is my friend. I'm not going to pitch them when you are in that mode very excited about said product that you want for sure did you like did you do any reading or listening like did you listen to the nexium podcast no um what's that about you know that i don't even know if i'm pronouncing the cult right because like there's like an x and a w and a v or oh the one in vancouver yeah where they were like singeing like their vaginas yes i know people who were in that you do yes i know a friend who had a girl um who was part of it and she got her fucking puss singed with the with the oh shit the brand well okay so they were all just like beautiful yoga yeah they were models they're very like vancouver culture yes right so you look at

them and you're like that's so west coast canada they're um they're from pretty nice families they seem like quote unquote normal people and then oh lo and behold they're in this cult and they get people to sign up and pay for these classes yes and then these classes teach you how to be I don't know a better person a more successful person and then you move through the ranks and you have to pay more money to do more classes and to like they go to these they had these retreats that were fuck like I'm listening to this and I'm like first of all I'm just not that person or I don't think I'm that person. And I was like, you, I don't even want to go. I barely want to go on a retreat with my best friend. Yeah. Yeah. One night, two nights,

fine. But like a retreat, like cabins and talking and it's, it was that's anyway. But so, um, so yeah, I guess there are all kinds of iterations and versions of this and this person's friend yeah has fallen in love yeah and has found herself in that situation and is kind of like and is trying to sell critical illness insurance to her friend yeah I don't know like I sometimes think that can't you meet bold with bold if your friend is sitting next to you while you're just like shooting the shit or maybe even talking about something personal as your illness that you've just gone through and they start pitching you a business plan can you not just stop them in their tracks. Like if they, like I would, I would be like, listen, this isn't the time. I re and

I'm actually just not very interested in like, I don't even know what critical illness insurance is, but I would be like, thank you so much for your input. I am just not interested. And I also think it's kind of weird to like mix business with our friendship. Well, I don't know. I think when people are good at it, um, and I'm not sure how good this person's friend is at it. Clearly not if she's sniffing this shit out, but the people who are really good at it are really good at it and it, it becomes, it's so smooth and slick that you, you turn around and all of a sudden you're missing a finger. Totally. Yes. Yes. So, um, I think that, you know, I don't want to say that people out there are gullible and stupid because I don't think it's that simple. I do

think that like these cult leaders have not a gift, like I don't want to give them that, but like their skill is a certain kind of brainwashing and manipulation that clearly they're effective and they know who to target. Um, but, and for those people, sometimes you can't see the line, like you and I talk business all the time. Like Duanna and I talk partnerships all the time. Um, and so I do think that talking about business and work is not out of the ordinary, especially these days. But isn't that just an option to use for your friend who is clearly not just coming from it from like a very like balanced position? You know, like she already knows that she's in this MLM that has obviously changed her personality and she has now brought

it to their friendship, right? Like why can't you just call that out? Well, and that's what I think is really interesting is that we socially are in this position where um she has every right to be like hey this is making me uncomfortable yeah i so no thank you but i love you and let's keep hanging out totally but isn't it weird that we for some reason have been conditioned to feel bad when we are the ones being imposed upon? Exactly. Where does this come from? Well, but that's what I'm saying.

Her friend doesn't feel embarrassed to impose this thing. I know, but then why can't you meet that? But haven't you been in a position, I know I have, like I don't know if I can come up with an example right now, where I know that there's nothing wrong with me saying no, but I still feel bad for saying no. It's really weird. Yeah, no, it is.

I don't know where that comes from, or probably I do, but. It's like a politeness thing, And you don't want people, you don't want to make a situation uncomfortable. Yeah. Especially when someone else is already making it uncomfortable. But I just feel like there's kind of enough pussyfooting around here because they've been friends for so long. And I think that you need to just tell her that you're not interested so that doesn't become part of your friendship. And then she'll, and then you'll actually be able to see where she does stand with you.

Does she respect you enough to be like, you're right, so sorry. Let's continue this friendship. Yeah. Yeah. And if and if she is offended by that, then you will know that your instinct was right and that she was coming at it from a very self-serving standpoint. Right. And then you can then everything's crystal clear. Yeah. I I think that this is the most straightforward advice. Like it's not anything groundbreaking that Sasha and I can tell you. It's just take yourself out of the you've done something wrong like mode.

You shouldn't be there. You have done nothing wrong. you're totally in the right and voice your own position. No, thank you. This is making me uncomfortable. I love you. Do you want to go see a movie next week? And then gauge where the, like how this friend of yours responds and allow yourself the space to feel insulted. Yeah. Yes. I like that. Right. If your friend responds and cuts you off and you lose the friendship, I know that this is so Pollyanna, but then it's not a friendship worth saving. At this current moment. That's right.

Yeah. So again, just tweak that mindset. You are not in the position of fault here. You are in the position of right. Yeah. But it's hard. It's really hard. Yeah.

Like, as I said, it's a very bizarre thing that happens to all of us where for some reason we feel like we need to apologize when we haven't done anything wrong. But what I think is great is our right. I know that our writer has this in her because she already confronted her friend when she didn't feel like her needs were being met. And so I feel like you were able to do this again. Like I know that you're not really wanting to get up to bat for another uncomfortable conversation.

Yeah. But I think if you do present it like Lainey did, which is like, no, thank you, but I love you. Yeah. Then everything can be fine. And if, and then you can, again, just suss out the situation from there. Yeah. But I actually do really want us to get an update on this one.

Cause this is fascinating to me. Totally. I would like to know. So please let us know. Okay. Next question. Hi, Sasha Laney. I've been dating this guy exclusively for about eight weeks.

We met on a dating app and hit it off super quickly. Three weeks in, we decided that we didn't want to date anyone else and have been hanging out ever since, I would say, at least three to four times a week. But here's the weird thing. He will not, quote, invite me to sleep over, ever. We have a great night, go back to his house, Netflix and chill, and then after, he sends me on my way home. He'll say something like, I have an early day tomorrow, or I didn't get a good night's sleep the other night.

To me, these sound like excuses, but I have no clue why. And this isn't just at his house. When he comes over to mine, he'll avoid sleeping there too. I've been cheated on in the past, and I don't want to bring old relationship issues into this new relationship, but is this sketchy or what? Really looking for some insight on if I need to confront him about this or cut my losses and find someone else. Thank you, V. okay v so oh my god this is kind of funny only because i'm i'm my instinct i'm curious to know what your instinct is i wonder if it's the same i probably not oh is i feel like like maybe it's

not that he doesn't want to be with her that he's creeping on her yeah yeah is that maybe he has some like embarrassing sleep things i was i was yeah i was saying maybe he just needs to take a shit always number one is always yes yes yes no quiet how about if he has and i'm not making fun of this but how about if he has like crohn's disease which is like really hard on the gut and like you have to poo all the time and it hurts and it's uncomfortable he just wants to go home or or he just wants like sometimes listen i like showering only at my house oh okay yes yes yes i don't like other people's products and their towels and shit exactly yeah and maybe he might have that thing too or he's like I just I just want to be alone after I fuck I want to wash my

dick yeah myself yeah or I have to take shit I doubt he's like you know what I gotta go home wash my dick but yes I think he probably might I don't know I like to wash after okay yeah but I don't think he's like I have to get home to wash my penis right now like I cannot stay over some people fine okay throw in the dick washing if you want to in this one or shit I'm gonna go most likely with a shit or like maybe when he sleeps he like sleepwalks or maybe he like has to have one of those ventilators on his fucking mouth when he sleeps that's too embarrassing to let his teeth yes yeah i feel like that is where we're going here yeah i kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt he has bad gas in the morning yes yeah all the things no yes

i i yes i'm i'm leaning towards that my mind went right to weird bodily functions yes or not weird but like personal really personal and that's a lot to let someone in if you're how many weeks whatever she said like two months something like that I also would be like that as well like I do like waking up in the beginning of the relationship in my own fucking bed yeah in my pajamas with like my toothbrush that I want to use listen if he was a creeper you would never see his house get that and like chances are if he continually wants to see you guys are spending a lot of time together i doubt listen it's possible but i doubt he's calling someone at 2 a.m to fuck and he fucked you yeah like that would be a bit of a stretch but then that would be a spectacular like skis

yes that would be meaning he would be a special kind of fucking piece of shit yes special kind of piece of shit and maybe even i would be concerned like a mental health issue like an addiction a sex addiction yeah if he needs to slap skin i don't want to go there like that To me, what's more likely is, yeah, he has – people have, like, their own quirks about wanting to be in their own space afterwards. And it's still early, as you said. And, yeah, people – it's not uncommon to just want to be alone after, like, some closeness. I don't think that you need to really ring the alarm yet. But I do think that you can talk to him about it.

Be like, I just want to – like, you can have that open discussion. I don't think he needs to like tell you about like how nasty his shits are. But if he's like, oh, like I just, you know, like why, you know, why do you have to? Oh, I'm really feeling sort of insecure. Like, why don't you ever want to spend the night with me? And let him answer that because it doesn't seem like you've asked him. And it's a very simple, normal question to ask someone. Yeah.

After spending, you know, two months together. You know when they'll know or when she'll know is like when they go away. Yeah. Yeah. When they go on a trip together and which is always fucking like all kinds of anxiety. right? Like the first time you go on a trip with somebody. Oh, well, you know, we've talked about this in past podcasts. Like, I don't think I pooed like the first trip that Yasik and I went on. See, I don't have that ability. I need to poo. So it's not an option to be like, oh,

suck that shit in. Like I, for most people, unlike you, they have to go to the bathroom. I, and that is not a thing that I like to share with anybody. I know. Anyway, I, listen, V, I hear you and for sure there are many people who don't mind sleeping over but I I think that there are also people who kind of just want to go and it's not because they're creeps it's just because they're embarrassed about something or not even embarrassed but they just have their own like routine right but he's gonna eventually gonna have to break that routine if they're gonna go any further if they're gonna get more serious sure you're gonna have to get there but But I just, I wouldn't be super suspicious.

But wait, aren't you on my side about asking? Like, isn't that just like a, like, I don't know. I like, it's. But she wants to sleep with her new boyfriend. I know, but if he, if it is something that he's not willing, like if it is something that's embarrassing, then I don't want him to have to be in a position of being like, oh, I just always have to take a shit. At some point, he's going to have to say it.

I have bad gas. At some point, he's going to have to reveal this. Well, I know, but I would like him to reveal it on his own time. Right? I still think, to our writer, just a cute little ask and see what his response is. At least that could settle her anxiety about him cheating. That's what we're here for, is to settle her anxiety. We're like, don't worry, it's just gas or shit.

Yeah, but I'd also like her to have a fully functioning relationship with this person and ask him the question that she wants to ask him. Okay, well, you have two options here. You have Sasha's option, which is gently, lightly, and kindly ask him why he doesn't want to sleep over. or you can just be happy with what we've just told you and the option that we've given you as to what we think is going on and just kind of let your relationship progress

until you have to go away together and then you'll find out. Surprise. Oh my God. Yep, that's true. Okay, last question. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years.

He's the love of my life and for the most part, we do have a really healthy, happy relationship. We are childless by choice and have lived a really free life, one of which I think has enabled us to take care of ourselves better than people who have kids. I mean, no disrespect, but we get to our sleep and we get to sleep and we're able to carve out a lot of self-care time. I'd say that we're both attractive people.

However, if I'm being really truthful, I know my husband is better looking than me. Oh, come on. We're now in our 40s and while I have maybe let myself go a little bit, my six-pack is now a two-pack. Oh, God. Eye roll, but all right. I've never had a two pack over here and still don't have a two pack, but okay. He's really stepped it up.

He not only looks good, he looks great. He's working out, doing marathons, and really he's gotten into fashion. And on most days out the door, I'm giving him the up and down because he looks so hot. This might not sound like it's a problem, but it's really messing with my mind these days because now I feel like I'm starting to look older in comparison to him and it's freaking me out. I want to look good for him. I want him to look me up and down when I walk out the door and think the same thing about

him. we still have great sex and he's given me nothing to feel insecure about but i can't help but feel dumpy next to him i don't want to talk to my friends about this because i don't want them to sniff out any insecurity in me so i'm hoping that you two as perfect strangers can help me get on an objective place getting older and not happy about it okay this is a really great question i love it well that's what i'm thinking in my mind you know we're probably in agreement like do you think yasik and cory are like fuck my wife is so much hotter than me which is true and then being like oh we need to up our game no they're not they're not that even though no that is the truth

i'm telling you we're more like we care about our clothes we care about how we smell all things yeah i'm looking at it right now and this to your your woman looks better than you and that Thank you, Sasha. But my point is, they're not sitting there being like, I'm less than. No. Oh, God, I'm ugly. No. So why the fuck do we do that to ourselves?

I don't know. But I wonder, is this a gay relationship? Oh, I don't know. Childless by, but childless by, oh, well. Yeah, I think it could also be. And either way, why do we do this to ourselves, right? Yes. Yeah.

Okay, but I get it. I feel like if I were, I'm trying to imagine, and it's really, really hard to imagine. Yes. I'm trying to imagine if Jacek all of a sudden decided to like run every day and. And glow up. And recover his six pack. Yeah. By the way, when we met.

He had a six pack? He still, this is what's infuriating about him is he still like almost has a six pack. Okay. But he. Pardon me? No. No, he even says no, he doesn't. no he's still he's fit i will give you six points yeah he's fit yeah um but he like he could be so

much better are the 48 hours up have we hit the 48 hour point i think we have anyway but i'm trying to imagine like if he went to the gym every day yeah and suddenly he started dressing the way i would love him to dress yes like how how how do you think he would be jealous and he's right now he right now he says she would be very suspicious but also a part of me would be like oh my god because when we do get dressed up once a year yeah uh not even dressed up when he does put on jeans yeah yeah yeah yeah when he puts on jeans once a year i love it yeah and lately he husband I really like his hair lately yes yeah we've talked about the parted middle and I so I also feel really happy when he looks really good yeah um that said hmm I I think we got it all

wrong okay you know when like in the in the times when like we're self-improving yes yeah yeah which we're doing we never think about like we are in our own heads oh I'm not doing it for my partner right so I think what we're I'm trying to tell this person here is you're like don't think of your partner working out all the time as something that he's doing to be noticed it's really like all in his own head. It's like making him feel, feel good. He doesn't actually see you in this. Like he's not seeing himself in relation to you. It's not like, oh my God, I'm getting so much hotter than X. It's just, this is all about me. It's a narcissism that I think should be reassuring to you. Yeah. That he's not comparing himself to you. He's comparing himself to him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah that's a really good point um I agree I also well I mean it can go listen I don't want to be like I don't want to instill insecurity here when there's already some insecurity but there are some people who go through midlife crisis and they do the whole glow up they do get the car and they do go elsewhere after that after that right like there are some yeah people who do that um but I really do think we should air the side where you're talking about which is true is like when i'm trying to get fit i'm not trying to impress other people i'm like it's a goal for myself to do that um but if i could go back to like how you were saying when yasik puts on like something other than jersey you are happy um same with me when i want cory to i like i love when like girls

or guys walk past cory and like do a double take yeah it makes me feel really happy because i feel like I've there's trust and I feel like I've beaten Corey down like like so badly that he doesn't look in the mirror and think he's hot. So even if he was to be like he doesn't know it because that's the horrible mind games I play with him is to like just keep him down. So this is not healthy advice. I'm just telling you. Right. So I don't my point being like why not just congratulate what he's doing as opposed to making it like making yourself feel less than and belittling how you look like this is I it's just it's just a weird thing that we're able to spiral our minds that way to like not see something as just like a great improvement or just like go

cheerlead yeah instead turn it into something that could be the detriment of your relationship yeah this is really not about you. It's about him feeling better and wanting to be better and making that decision. But it doesn't necessarily mean that his feelings about you and his lens through which he sees you is changed. I don't think it's the lens through which he wants to see himself. Yeah, I agree. So it's funny that you say that, like, you know, Corey feels that way because yasik is the complete opposite what feels what way like you know he's he's he doesn't even think about no he doesn't oh my god because what yasik thinks he's beautiful and perfect the thing that comes out of his mouth is oh if i worked out look out it's really he talks about it

he'd be in the olympics though he talks about the fact that he's doing people a favor right by not working out because he would just make people feel uncomfortable he is the person he is he jokes but that's the thing right he's talking about like what he could achieve he just said make the olympics it's not fucking get a whole bunch of chicks horny it's like i would win a medal yeah or i would yeah like he's thinking it for a couple of years we used to work out together once a week with hayley oh in vancouver in vancouver yeah and we'd go i would work out probably three times a week with Haley and he'd come one of those three times and at the 27 minute mark without fail he'd have to excuse himself go to the bathroom and either take a shit or throw up

because he was so winded oh and you love that and I was like you're sad like that is pathetic and Haley would be like you're pathetic and then his comeback would be like you're lucky that I you know I'm not because if I did this as much as you he would always say this to me he was like if I went came three times a week like you did oh i would be able to jump higher and i would like i would enter enter into the i would be breaking world records at the olympics wow you that's a really fucking weird thing to think it's a weird way to pump yourself up be like i have no motivation but if i had the motivation the thing is that because he was so athletic yes and is he's quite naturally athletic in his youth and could any sport he wants to play it's infuriating he can

do he can pay like he's never played before and he he would like give it to me and then suddenly he can do it right he's like justin bieber but what just want to i'm sorry like justin bieber is very athletic just so you know he's very good yes like are you yes are you bts nope you are nope that is nope okay can we just say for all of my bts annoyingness you have a justin bieber problem i don't have a problem i just would like to tell you that one of the things that i do know about him is he is very athletic and can play sports really well all types of them okay soccer hockey basketball look it up go on i will i go on i love this segue because i as someone who's been attracted to athletes my whole life yeah i there are people who can can play sports but

no no he's good at them he excels okay there are people who can even play them well but also they need to look good while doing it yes he I don't think like I'm gonna send you you know what tomorrow morning you're gonna get some fucking videos for the next fucking week it's now my week of courage and I'm gonna send you actual athletic videos that you're gonna tell you here's me saying something nice about Jacek like not only can he play hockey but he plays it beautifully with style he's got amazing when he skates like it is so hot watching him skate you said that about his golf as well and golf yeah i've seen justin bieber skate it's not hot just wait he's adequate on the ice we'll pick this up next week okay we'll pick this up next week anyway why did you bring up justin

bieber i don't know now i get to talk about bts no you don't okay no let's go back to our person's problem okay um let's circle back anyway so this is not about you yes and i i personally can't i don't think that your husband is is just because he's feeling himself right now is saying like looking at you and being like i'm so great wow this person's shabby now yeah and i appreciate that because like uh as we said like you work out a lot i try to work out three times a week and like when i go home i like show cory my biceps and it's just for cory and it's for nobody else and he's like happy for me he's not thinking like oh fuck you're creeping or trying to get attention you show off your biceps i don't even do that no well i show off i'm like oh my god look there's

like a fight like I'm not like flexing I'm more like oh my god look there's like a bump well no this is weird now I'm just showing I'm just telling you that I show my husband that and he's you have biceps I don't have biceps do you think I have biceps that's a bicep but you have weak arms I will give you that look I do have a tricep like you can't fuck around with a tricep well no let's we're on a podcast this isn't a video this isn't a fucking youtube channel let's not fucking bore people my point is my husband is happy and doesn't think that it's more like self-improvement and all the things there's no there doesn't need you don't need to have that stuff creep into your relationship when there's no need for it right well um yeah i think that that's don't worry

is what we're trying to say yeah there hasn't there's no other red flags unless you've missed that in this letter you're still fucking she's like like he they healthy happy relationship they still say yeah healthy happy having lots of sex is still really good life no red flags if there was a reason to worry trust me sasha and i would be like hey worry right now you have no reason to worry yeah yeah so i hope you're good yeah keep us posted and that's it right yeah thank you for listening and keep your questions coming to me at sasha at laney gossip.com also also subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts, um, and leave comments and reviews. And thank you for letting us, um, gossip about you. Yeah. And we'll be back next week. Bye.

We'll be right back.