What's Your Drama - Zero sex in Quarantine

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

Welcome back! Today we have yet another update for you. This time it's from the hot-ass long distance love affair that we talked about on last week's podcast (link). We have a slight change in our advice, but that's mostly because as you know, we are highly unqualified advice givers and were obviously swayed by the fact that this dude might actually be hotter than Charlie Hunnam. Then it's time to get into some NEW drama! And apologies for this week’s audio. We needed to use the ‘b’ track because of some internet audio issues and, well, it’s not great and we hope you keep listening anyway and bear with it – we are trying to fix the situation so that it’ll be improved next week.  Anyway, our first letter is from someone who has met a real solid guy butttttt here's the thing....the guy she's dating sucks in the sack. Lainey and I debate if she should give him a Hail Mary with another go. Then it's on to some friend drama. What do you do when you find out that your best friend has been holding on to a secret that she hasn't told you about? Do you give space or do you pry on the down low? Finally, has the coronavirus hijacked your love life? Well, it has for our last letter writer. She hasn't boned her man in over six weeks and she's getting pretty insecure about it all. Is this cause for concern?  We hope you enjoy the show and keep sending me all your DRAMA! Send your advice questions my way at [e-mail]. We also love hearing from you on Twitter at @sasha_tong and @laineygossip and Instagram at @lostandfoundapothecary and @laineygossip. And of course subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, and make sure to leave feedback and comments because it helps others find our show! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Do you remember you, Sash, were like, why would you give up everything you have? And now that we've seen the picture of Elio, we're like, yeah, do what you need to do. I started Ornod in 2013, and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non-technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily. if shopify were a bike accessory i think it would actually be the bicycle it's the thing that you do the thing on we run the business on shopify start your free trial on shopify.com

so are there stages of quarantine are you know when how they say there's stages of grief and there's like, I don't know, sadness and then regret or I don't know what they are because I should have memorized lemonade that way. But there has to be like a stage of anger, right? Yes. I'm fucking angry. With a breakup, right? It's like you feel the heartbreak and like the loss and the anxiety. Where are you? I thought I was doing really well and I still am. But on Sunday, I wanted to dropkick Corey's ass. And that feeling hasn't subsided for the last 48 hours. Did he do anything to cause this or? Nope. Nope. Nope. I'm just, I am over being cooped up. I'm, uh, everything's just annoying me. I mean, I guess I'm not in anger phase as much as I am

in annoyance phase. I should just like clink this, just get the sound out of the way. I am having a cocktail that's not even a cocktail this is jack daniels look at me i don't ever fucking drink this is what the quarantine has done to me which is probably not good to mix my anger and my drink right now but here we are um okay so it sounds like we are in the same stage of whatever this is your anger is your anger phase towards yassic no that's my thing is i can't be mad at him because he does everything. What do you mean? Well, he's so industrious. Okay. He's been gardening. He's been gardening. He changed the tires on the cars. He cleaned last weekend. He successfully rebuilt, redesigned, and relaunched the website.

what can I say to him? I can't direct my anger at him, which is also making me angry. But do you say thank you? Yeah, I say thank you. Listen, as I said, have I said this to you? I am a gourmet chef. All I do is cook. Yes. I am also 24-7 personal chef to Corey. I do all the cooking. All the cooking and the meal planning and you obsess about it, right? Yeah, but it's so cool because I'm actually like weirdly now the recipes are coming up in my head. Like I'm like, oh.

Look at you. You're freestyling. I'm freestyling now, which is amazing. Why are you doing that tonight? I am not freestyling. I follow recipes, but I'm getting really good at the recipes that I follow and even new recipes. And I find myself obsessing over like the meal plan.

Oh, yeah. And if I don't have the ingredients I need, like if I – because, you know, the grocery delivery windows sometimes are really narrow. And then when they come, you don't get like 30% of the things you ordered. And I had already planned, let's say on Wednesday to make this, but I needed the basil and the basil didn't come. Then I go into a tailspin and then my anger. Why? What are you guys having tonight? Tonight we're having Thai chicken noodle soup. I can smell it. It's so good. So I'm like, it's simmering right now. Okay. Well, let's get this podcast happening so we can fucking eat. All right. Oh, but wait, before we start,

before we start, we have an update. Oh my God. Okay. Yes. So Oliver and Elio. From last week. Yeah, from last week. So if you are just tuning in now, go listen to last week because it was great. So just to recap, Oliver met Elio. Elio was this Charlie Hunnam hot dude. He described him as a Charlie Hunnam lookalike and you and I were basically like, oh, we need proof. We needed proof, but I was like, show me someone that I could be attracted to. And he was, Oliver was debating whether or not he should start a real relationship with Elliot because they live in two different countries. Anyway, fucking Oliver, kind, lovely man, sent us the picture and come on.

We can't show you the picture, but we just want you to take, like, we just want you to take our word for it that this guy who, because you know sometimes people describe someone looking like someone else and you're like, okay, let me see. And then it is the janky ass, poor cousin version. Broke down version. Broke down. There's no breaking down here. This was even elevated. I was like, this person's even hotter than Charlie Hunnam. He's so hot. So if you remember Oliver's story um he met all wait he met Oliver met Elio Elio is in the armed forces in America and so he's a soldier who looks like Charlie Hunnam and we can confirm that the hotness level is it was not exaggerated he's so fucking hot the body was of Chris Hemsworth oh my god put

all that together and the reason why we know that his body is is because Oliver sent us a topless picture. It was fucking great. And it was totally not a fake either. Like that was not on some random weather. Yeah. Which then again, as we predicted, changed our opinion on our advice and we were like, please just be together. Just do what you need to do. Do you have to give up your life? Do you remember you, Sash, were like, why would you give up everything you have? And now that we've seen the picture of Elio, we're like, yeah, do what you need to do. Give it up. go get that. Lose everything. Lose everything to go get that. Which is why we're not qualified to be doing this. Again, we are questionable in our advice.

All right. Here are this week's questions. First question. I read all the time now, you fuck. Do you know what? I was thinking about that today and I love it because A, you're a better reader because you do that for your fucking job. I don't know. I feel like I'm too moisty mouth as justin trudeau prime minister would say moisty mouth didn't you didn't you see his press conference where he was like oh moistness yeah moistly no moistly yeah sorry anyway moist mouth no like i feel like there's always kind of fucking spit um in my mouth when i'm reading well now everyone's going to hear that um but no i like it better because we have audio issues and your audio is perfect. And like, then I just get to chill. So go.

Okay, fine. All right. Hi, Sasha and Lainey. Back at the end of January, I met this guy online, let's call him Ben, and we instantly had loads in common. When we decided to meet up after about a week of texting nonstop, we really hit it off. He's very smart, charming, and funny. We had tons of chemistry and the physical attraction seemed mutual. I'm someone who likes to take it pretty slow when it comes to sleeping with guys. So for the next four-ish weeks, we spent a lot of time getting to know each other and spending time together. He was very respectful about me wanting to take things slow, which was a really huge plus for me. We liked so many of the same things, had a ton of fun together, and the heat between us felt palpable. After the four-ish weeks,

I felt ready to take the next step. And so we slept together and it was bad, like extremely awful. All the chemistry and heat went flying out the door and it felt like I was fucking a dead fish. No rhythm, way too quick if you catch my drift, no foreplay, intensely quiet, and just so awkward. If you've seen Sex and the City, imagine the first time Carrie sleeps with Burger and multiply times 100. I decided to give it another go and be more vocal about what I like, don't like. I tried to ramp it up in the foreplay department and ask him what turns him on, tell him what turns me on, etc. Still just as awkward and awful as before. Right after the second time, the COVID lockdown started and we decided to not isolate together. He still had to

go into work and it was safer for me to be away and not exposed, which I was fine with because I'm not sure what I should do about us. And it brought me time to, it bought me time to not have to see him. It's been a month since we've been in isolation and we still talk every day, but I don't know what to do when this is all over. He's a great guy. And in every other way, we're a perfect match, but I do not know how to sustain with a horrible sex life. I'm sure I sound like a huge cunt for thinking of dumping him over this, but I'm confused. If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Accept a bad sex in exchange for the rest or cut and run? Thanks a bunch, Molly. All right, Molly. Okay. This is a really, really, really good question. So everything else

is working except like the like when what's happening in the yeah like yeah okay um well I know that we're gonna be in agreement at the end are we yes oh what because you think I'm gonna say oh just fuck a dead fish for the rest of your life yeah I know that's what you're thinking i may be vanilla but you fucking need to want to have sex with your partner at some point i'm not saying it has to happen every day but you can't have a healthy relationship if you're not attracted to your partner and sure she's like attracted to him right now in that way that she like wants to still make it happen because there's all these other pieces that are great, but that's going to expire soon. And then all you'll be left

with is someone you don't want to fuck. And that is an absolute deal breaker. And that's what's so painful. I've had friends too, who've been in this exact situation where they've been with someone, they've been with them for years and they are absolutely so well-matched, not when it comes to the sack. And you can't feel like, sorry, what was her name? Molly? Molly will feel less and less of a woman as this goes on. And you'll feel, you'll be miserable. You'll be miserable. I can absolutely tell you, like, give it fucking even a week or two having bad sex and you will not want to be with him. Everything you said, I agree with. You have to have, especially since sex is clearly important to Molly, right? We're going by what Molly's giving us. Molly wants a good dick and

down. Right? There are some people who it doesn't matter. They're just not made that way. They're not structured in a way where they like sex all that much or they need it to be explosive. And that's fine too we're all different but molly clearly from her message needs is horny needs to have her horniness addressed and taken care of and knows what she likes i love that and i love and we have to give her props for giving it a second try and also trying to put communication in that as well. Correct. I – not like – what is that expression? Pun not intended? No pun intended? No pun intended. Yeah. See, we're out of the world and now I don't know how to talk anymore. I have no brain muscles anymore. So no pun intended. I do think that – because

what she's saying is what you do post-isolation, right? Like the first time they see each other again, whether or not, like, she said she should bail out right away. I would recommend one more session. Third time lucky, right? Let's see. But I would recommend a session first online. Sorry, what? Like, I think that they should have phone sex or fucking FaceTime sex first.

Ah, okay. Like, I would – if you feel safe. If you don't feel safe doing that and you don't trust this person to not tape you and all that, 100% don't do it. But it's up to you. Having said that, I do think that that is something that a lot of people are doing right now. Well, people were doing it before and especially now with hormones ramping up and people not

able, not being able or many people, some people are still breaking the rules and, you know, getting it done. But I think there's a lot of FaceTime sex and phone sex happening, don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or text sex. I would assume that that has to be happening. So I would, right now, during isolation, see if you can introduce that into your communication, whether it's over text or FaceTime, because you're only going to be able to pleasure

yourself, really. And it has to be more verbal. Like, you're going to have to get each other off. You have to get yourself off and get each other off by communication. So talking it through and sounds and visually. And so if you're, like, showing him how you like to be fingered and, you know, manipulating your pleasure that way and giving him, like, the science project of it, I wonder whether or not then you go… when you come out of isolation, you see if that helped him in any

in any way if he picked anything up and if he didn't then yes by all means shut it down it's done and you move forward okay that's actually that's great advice because it's like studying before the big exam the next time they see each other I think will be the make it or break it but in the meantime yes great advice is to like see if you can continually massage yeah where this could go also no pun intended and then fucking give him one more try right but i but only if it's safe again like the asterisk here is for only if you think that he's not gonna tape you and revenge for you yes yeah yeah of course of course but um might be fun well i mean fuck got nothing else to do so right as well do that yeah everybody needs a release

yeah um that's great advice i'm proud of you i just i would like to say but before this um podcast lady flashed me and i didn't really feel safe so maybe maybe you could take your own goddamn advice and not throw your it's only because in you in regular times no you see me like on a regular basis and yeah but it's something you've missed no all of your friends have to deal with it. And you always make some sort of like plot line or you narrate it that we all be waiting for it. We all miss it. Excuse me. Duanna doesn't mind. Like at this point, I have walked, I have like bent over nastily in front of Duanna and she just keeps talking. Really? Yeah. Ask her. Okay. I miss Duanna. Oh, thanks. Well, you know, I just miss her.

But anyway, feel safe, unlike me, is where I was going with that. Okay. Let's get to the next question. Okay. Next. All right, next. So, Sasha Laney, this is more like a dilemma instead of a drama, so I hope that's okay. A little bit of context.

I found out last week that I'm pregnant. Congratulations. This is good news for me and my husband, and we couldn't be more thrilled, as I'm a healthcare worker, I ended up deciding that it was safer to tell my bosses straight away because of the coronavirus context, and they reacted in the best way possible and told me to stay home until further notice. As it would be hard to hide from my family and friends that I was no longer working since we are all checking in with each other regularly, I decided to tell immediate family and very

close friends about the pregnancy, even though it's still early days. Fast forward today when I was FaceTiming with my friend S to deliver the news, and she asked me a bit of a weird question. How did our friend T react to the news? T is my oldest friend. We have known each other since we were five years old, ride or die till the end. T was the first friend I told with our other best friend, M. I did have a funny feeling that she wasn't reacting in the way I expected her to, but I thought it was about her fears of our friendship changing, etc. Now S says, oh no, did she not tell you? So it finally comes out that T called S this weekend because things aren't going so great in her relationship, and after some questioning,

she finally reveals to S that she had an abortion in January. I had absolutely no idea. And I feel like such a bad friend. I wish I could have been there for her. According to S, she's the only person other than T's boyfriend who knows, not even M apparently. Her family would freak out. S said that T was more worried about the fact that her and her BF haven't been intimate a lot, and she dismisses the abortion as not being all that important. But I know her and I know this is a big deal for her and that she's burying her emotions. I wholeheartedly believe in her right to choose. I'm just so worried about her emotional state. Don't worry that S was being a bad friend for telling me. She wanted to give me a bit of a heads up since this might be a triggering

situation for T. So now my question for both of you is what should I do going forward? Pretend I don't know this secret. Is there any way to be there for a friend who went through an abortion without talking about it with them? Should I not talk too much about my pregnancy? I just really want to be there for her, but I don't want to force her to tell me anything she's decided to keep to herself for now. I truly can understand why sometimes you don't necessarily want to tell your best friends everything. It just makes me question if we've been drifting apart and I've not taken notice or done enough. Worried and confused Bestie. Okay. Bestie still sounds like a pretty good friend yeah um I was a little bit uh like if they are ride or die if this is really

her best friend I am um a little bit of a question mark comes up into my head to think why her best friend hasn't felt um comfortable telling her January right January February March almost three and a half months yeah um and so that makes me wonder that last part that our writer just said which is maybe I haven't been there for her it makes me feel like my bad friend so I'm kind of like like hanging on to that those last words because I'm like hmm that seems like the most interesting part for us to dig in first which is right maybe that is true and maybe our writer needs to um evaluate that a little bit deeper because it would seem weird that her best friend after a little bit of crying told another friend right which means has our writer not asked enough

questions to her best friend to see how she's actually doing she described her as ride or die yeah so yeah i'm out with that i appreciate like i love that uh the person who's writing in here is saying i love her i'm really worried about her i want to be a good friend like you're coming at this from a really good place already. And I also like the person who told you. I think that that person was well-intended as well. I don't think it was like gossipy or whatnot. So clearly everybody just wants to take care and love the person who needs to be loved. It sounds like they're getting friend support from somewhere. That's good. I mean, it's good that she was able to tell somebody, S. And it never hurts to have more support, but yeah, how do you get into this

or like do you, I don't know, like do you ask the friend who told you to sort of bridge this conversation? Do you, I don't know, like plant things in a conversation and see if it comes out like or do you just let it be and see if it comes out naturally well i think a bit of both i think what our reader can do with her friend t is call her um and i would and i would i our writer also was like should i talk about my pregnancy i think you just get give your pregnancy a little bit of a backseat even though it's like a wonderful moment but right now i feel like the person that is dealing with trauma is your friend and is probably having a hard time dealing with it seeing as apparently like she hasn't told her family and like she's having some relationship

problems with her own relationship i as a best friend there's you know like you could you know your friend like you can ask the right questions to be like how are you and i think also you come out and say to t listen i think i've been a real shit friend and haven't really been like connected with you and maybe i've been like in my own fairy dairy land with my baby and my own life and this quarantine is being really stressful, but like, can we tap right back into you? Because maybe I just want to make sure you're okay. Yeah. That alone is enough of like a little hook, line and sinker to ideally open up that conversation for T. Listen, I don't need to push much further than that, but I think you can start to have more of those conversations whereby

you give T a chance to talk about what's going on. And ideally she will open up. I mean, the last thing you want to do when you're going through something like that is not tell your best fucking friend. Yeah. I agree. I don't think it has to be super complicated here. It's, hey, how are you? It's been a while. You know, I'm sensing something like something's up with you. You know, you seem a little bit different. You know, is there something you want to talk about? Like as best friends, you kind of have a radar and an antenna and like a vibe, right? And you clearly, she clearly sensed there was a vibe looking back at that conversation when she told her that she was pregnant. As for her pregnancy, taking a backseat, I don't think you have to go

intentionally pretend it isn't there. Like, don't be that. You don't have to – I don't think you have to make it so obvious that you're like, don't worry about me. I'm insignificant here. It's just I wouldn't lead with it and I would, you know, you seem to be quite self-aware. So I don't think you need to worry about whether or not you talk about your pregnancy. If she asks you about your pregnancy, sure, don't monopolize the conversation for six hours. But you also seem like self-aware enough to not monopolize the conversation for six hours. Just be like, oh, yeah, hey, I'm feeling good or I'm not feeling good and I'm concerned about this or whatever, this, that, the other. And then as in any friendship conversation, volley it back and be

like, what about you? Like, you know, catch me up on your work, your boyfriend, your anxieties. Like you seem a little bit down lately or whatever. I mean, it's the direct approach like any friend would. Totally. Sniff it out. What I would advise to not do is what our writer put up as a suggestion. Should I just like back away from it and see if she brings it up on her own? Listen, you've been doing that strategy for three and a half months.

It hasn't worked. So you've got to then refocus back to where you guys were before this. And so, yes, engage, ask the right best friend questions, you know, her best. I have a feeling she'll probably tell you, but she's probably felt also like, no one wants to, you know, quote unquote, rain on someone's parade, right? Like, oh, my God, you're, you're giving you're giving life. Well, let me tell you about my really sad story. So like, you know, she's in a tricky position too because she wants to be a good friend to you as well and not be this Debbie Downer, even though that's not the case. I want to make that very clear. But I think you guys just have some honest conversations. But again, I applaud the self-awareness.

Oh, absolutely. If that's you and you keep that up, if you maintain that self-awareness, you're going to be okay with this. So good luck and applaud you for, appreciate you for being a good friend. Yeah. Okay. So, final question. Sasha, I hope you and your fam, real and extended, are safe and well.

I'm writing to get some perspective and advice on my own domestic state while we're all cooped up here at home. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and together for almost 18. We have two young kids at home and demanding full-time jobs and up until recently have had a relatively equal division of work and home labor. With the outbreak of coronavirus, my husband's workload as a manager in the health sector has gone through the roof, like 16 to 18-hour days for the last six weeks, while mine has continued as normal.

But now, with the shutdown of schools and physical distancing, I've been solely responsible for not only my own work, but also homeschooling and childcare, meals, no takeout, is takeout okay, and all the housework which, sorry, this is a privileged lady complaint, used to be at least somewhat outsourced. We're doing fine overall, obviously it could be so much worse, but my relationship with my husband is giving me some serious pause. It's not like we're more than weekly sex people usually. Vacations were the exception, woohoo.

But we haven't had sex for like six weeks and my husband seems to have zero interest in even cuddling, let alone any physical intimacy. When he looks at me, there's no spark or apparent interest. It feels like we are weird quarantine roommates and I can't figure out what's going on. I've asked him and he says he's just stressed out with work, but isn't six weeks an insanely lengthy time to have no desire? Should I be worried? Finally, not to internalize the patriarchy, but I swear to fucking heaven that I'm not

letting myself go. I'm not obviously losing weight hanging out at home with two children, but I'm basically the same and have been making an effort to do my hair, makeup, and wear cute clothes for my work Zoom calls. What do you think? Is this amount of time without sex or any physical touch a red flag, worthy of some serious conversation and or online couple therapy? Or should I just chill in light of global pandemic?

I legit don't know what's normal anymore. Please don't use any real or identifying info. Just give me a cool, fun pseudonym and thanks so much in advance. Stay safe out there. Okay. So a cool pseudonym. Let's give her a cool name. What's that?

I said you're good at that. um okay Lola okay Lola Lola um I mean sorry sorry I'm just trying to like push out words there's you're like six weeks are you guys okay like six weeks I have fucking wanted to touch Corey this whole time and so we've talked about this I think in the beginning or like whatever midway through quarantine we were like are you wanting to like get freaky at all like I have no sexual desire at all and I'm not and by no means am I like oh god might as well get a fucking divorce now like this is some stressful ass fucking shit yeah so when I'm listening to you read Lola's letter I'm also I'm I'm like

Lola's got some serious tunnel vision about her own needs and I get it they should be met they to be discussed but her husband is a health care worker he's being pummeled with horror stories on the regular um not to mention we don't know how this is affecting a lot of people's mental health whereby their mental health before this was totally fine like this is some triggering fucking shit that's going down and on top of his stressful workload he's probably dealing with feelings that he never thought he ever had to deal with before which is um who knows it can range from stress to anxiety to like fear of death all these sort of things have been kind of bubbling up for lots of people which isn't like the hottest fucking like thing to get you wet is like oh let's

talk about you with pandemics and death all the time let's fucking like let's get down and dirty and fuck like that's not necessarily most people's mindset so for me I'm like Lola Lola stop thinking about you and let's think about your husband and make he engage with what and how he's feeling right now as opposed to being like oh well do I need couple therapy I don't know that's like some fast track shit to me I but I don't want to be too hard on Lola because she mentioned the patriarchy in her message. And the patriarchy I think does have something to do with this because men in North America have been conditioned and stereotyped and we've bought into that stereotype where they have to like be ready to rock on all the time, right? That men are these virile beings

who don't have mental health issues and that they basically wake up and they're rock hard and they're ready to jam. And I think that this is… So I do… I don't want to criticize Lola too much because we all bought into that at a certain point and we kind of have to unlearn that if we want to be… I hear you, Sash. Sorry, I rolled my eyes ahead. You're rolling your eyes at me. But I get it. Like, I do think, yes, definitely, Lola, chill the fuck out. Like, you've given us no reason to be worried about your marriage. It's going to be fine. Like, as you said, you've got a lot of blessings right now. You should, yes, take your own advice or do what you just wrote and chill the fuck out. But beyond that, I think

there's a bigger discussion about how stress can affect men, not just women. I think that, you know, I think that men can be sensitive. And I think it's really great that a man who works in healthcare is I feel bad that he's having to face all this terrible news every fucking day. People dying, people being sick, people being separated from their families, people being afraid. Like that definitely weighs on someone's sexual personality and mood. And so, yeah, if he, after dealing with all this shit, doesn't want to bone you, I think

it's, God, I think that that's normal. and I think we should normalize it being normal. Exactly. But can we just rewind for a second? The patriarchy comment by her was like, oh, fuck patriarchy, but I'm still trying to be cute. That's why she used that comment. She didn't say, yeah, which is- No, no. But I think that the patriarchy is like all kinds of things, right? It's expectations on men, but also expectations on women. Like, hey, you better be hot because otherwise your husband want to fuck you and he'll go and you can't blame him for wanting to go fuck someone who has maintained their weight or is hot. Right. But that's Lola's, that's Lola's ish, right? And

that's why I'm like, Lola, get your ass out of your, sorry, Lola, get your head out of your ass because what the problem here most likely is, yes, your, your husband has fallen in the trap of patriarchy because he doesn't know probably how to express these emotions, these really complex emotions in this unprecedented time but don't you think it's the patriarchy because her first instinct was to blame herself like that's also an instinct of women where like is it me is it have i done something wrong is it about my attractiveness like that too is part of all of the complicated consequences of of patriarchy and misogyny where it's always women having to think through what they did first before they can you know look at other factors sure yes i totally

agree with you but how long have these people been married they've been together they've been together 18 years and married for 12 okay i mean yeah listen if your sex life has been fairly like consistent and you're now freaking out but over six weeks like understandably so i don't know i'm just sort of like maybe Lola also needs to like figure out where she is with her mental health because I don't think one needs to spike their emotional levels this high over this and listen thank you for writing I don't want to shame you but like I'm also like TikTok this was a really this was this isn't a hard issue to get over like fucking talk to your husband yeah sure he's okay um tell him yes express to him that like you miss like like being with him or whatever because

Maybe you haven't expressed that he doesn't know, but like this is a fucked up time. And maybe like getting his dick wet isn't the thing that he wants to do right now, which is understandable. And then on top of that too, it's just, even if there weren't stresses and anxieties and mental health factors, there's also no mystery. Like part of what can keep a relationship exciting is when you do have a little distance from each other, you're not on top of each other all the time. Like what a lot of couples are finding right now is that you are in each other's faces

all the fucking time. So there's no time to miss the other person. So, you know, for me, you know, I was talking, I guess, I don't know who I was saying this to, but I was saying like before I used to leave the house at six o'clock, I wouldn't come home until six o'clock. So that was 12 hours of me not seeing, not hearing, not feeling the presence of my partner within literally like meters away right yeah and so walking home or walking in the door was like exciting for me to see his face like oh i haven't seen your face all day i'm really excited to see you now there's none of that i i i might as well just be a fucking ghost i feel nothing i look through him it's awful i understand like now i've gone to like the crescendo of why people

will have like some marital-ish during these times because it's like, it's not natural to like live, breathe, eat fucking shit all together for 24 hours a day. You need a little distance. You need a little space just to keep the mystery to sort of wet your appetite for that person. So I don't think that this is anything out of the ordinary. I would imagine that there are many people out there who are feeling the same way. And if there are people out there who are fucking more than they ever fucked because they are home all day. Power to those people. That works too. There's nothing wrong with that either. But I think that you should just read his cues. He has a high stress job. He's dealing with a lot of terrible

shit right now. Plus you're up in his face all day. He's up in your face all day. These are unprecedented, crazy. Stressful times. Stressful times. It's fine. It's totally fine. Now, listen, if you wrote to us in two weeks and were like, he's going into the shed every night and I don't know what he's doing, but our neighbor in a red dress, like I saw her sneaking out the window, then yes, 100% write to us. But right now, I think that we, if anything, we can all sort of maybe also take the time during this time when we have some time challenging all those preconceived notions of what masculinity is and what sex should be in a marriage and maybe start over. I totally agree.

And also I think for Lola too is to know that you're not alone. Like I would imagine there is a high percentage of couples that are feeling the exact same way. Yes. Either both people don't even want to touch each other or maybe there's one couple, one person out of the couple being like fucking married to the other. Or is it like everybody's relationships are kind of put to a test right now? I just had sex for the first time like three days ago.

I don't know. Oh, congratulations. Since like maybe March. Okay. Yeah. Did it make you want to do it again though? No. Were you like, ah, good.

Yeah, like it was nice. It was fun. But I'm not like – now I'm not like, oh, we shouldn't have waited so long. I'm still like, yeah, this is a really fucking weird time. yeah so anyway i hope that helps lola yeah um sorry we were a bit tough yeah i finished my last sip of my drink that's probably why i was a little bit i don't pray um and uh thank you so much for listening um subscribe to us wherever you get your podcasts and keep your questions coming and your updates to me at sasha at label gossip.com

we will be back next week bye Thank you. you Thank you.