When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - Amber Rae on Soulmates, Shame & Self-Love

Episode Date: August 29, 2025

Brittany sits down with bestselling author and speaker Amber Rae for an eye-opening conversation about love, courage, and choosing yourself. Amber opens up about leaving a marriage that no longer fulfilled her, meeting her soulmate in the most unexpected way, and the life lessons that inspired her new memoir Lovable. Together, they dive into overcoming shame, navigating sexless relationships, breaking free from people-pleasing, and why modeling self-love is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.Please support the show by checking out our sponsors!GoPure: For a limited time, our listeners get 25% off goPure with code Realityhits at checkout. Just head to gopurebeauty.com, use code Realityhits, and you’re all set. And after you buy, do us a favor—when they ask where you heard about goPure, tell them it was from our show!K12 Powered Schools: Go to K12.com/BRITTANY today to find a tuition-free K12-powered school near you and enrollnowProgressive: Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust ProgressiveDiscover Your New Home at apartments.comApretude: Bring your A-game and talk to your doctor. Learn more at APRETUDE.com or call 1-888-240-0340.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of When Reality Hits. I have an amazing guest on today. I'm so excited to dive into this. Hello, Ms. Amber Ray. How are you? I'm good. How are you doing? I'm doing great. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I'm going to read a little bit

about you so that the listeners know exactly what's going on here. Amber Ray, an internationally bestselling author, motivational speaker and creative entrepreneur, Amber just released Lovable on August 5th through St. Martin's Press. Lovable is a raw, transformative, and deeply inspiring memoir that pulls readers in from the very first page. With courageous honesty, Amber shares her story of leaving her husband for another man, enduring a sexless and isolating marriage, navigating a complicated relationship with her mother, surviving abuse from her stepfather, struggling with an eating disorder and addiction, childbirth in her late 30s, and more. Wow, that is a...

I don't know who gave you that by, I don't know who gave you that by, I was like that one. That is a lot to unpack. How are you feeling with, like, releasing so much. personal information out to the world? You know, honestly, I thought I was going to have a vulnerability hangover, but I don't. And maybe it's because I've done a lot of work to feel at peace with the story and at peace with like where I'm at in the story. If I had released this book three, four years ago when I was like in the midst of people shaming me, I probably would have had much different feelings about it. But now I just feel relieved for it to be in the world. So you talk about people shaming you. I'm guessing a lot of that is because you met a man while you were married

and could tell me how that happened. Like, how did this happen? How did you know that you were in a marriage for nine years, correct? I was, well, I was in a marriage for two years, but we were engaged for seven. Okay. We were together for a total of nine. And he was my best friend, but he was never my romantic partner. And I was desperately trying to convince myself that he was my person and it was confusing because he was a good guy and I really wanted him to be my guy. But I think, you know, when certain aspects of the relationship are missing, the relationship can only go so far. So I was kind of diluting myself, I can make this work. I can figure this out. If we go to another workshop or read another book together or do this or this, maybe then I'll

like find the closeness and intimacy that I'm after. Yeah. And so, you know, nine years in, we were, we left the pandemic in New York. We're living in New York. and moved to Toto Santos and we were building this lamb project down there and raising money for it and two potential investors came over and they brought it. They like had a friend tag along and when I looked into the eyes of that friend, I had this. When you were with your husband whenever you were my husband when I went. Oh way. This story is crazy. Okay. And but I like what it was like the craziest thing I've ever experienced. It was like this kind of soul knowing you're my person, uh, kind of feeling and like, oh, this.

is what connection feels like, which was, of course, very confusing because I was married. And my initial thoughts were like, that's insane. Like, you're married. Okay, yes, maybe you met a soulmate, but, you know, what are you nuts? You know, what are you going to, like, blow up your life in marriage with this stranger? But that evening, you know, we were all there together and Tim and I talked for hours and just, like, felt a lot of, like, and it wasn't like, oh, I want you kind of connection. It was just like, we, like, very much were just, like, lit up.

with each other. And when they left that evening, I turned to my then husband and I said, I just met a soulmate. What did he say? He said, I saw and that was, and that was beautiful to witness. He said that was beautiful to witness. Yeah. And, you know, I think, you know, when you're just friends in a marriage, you know, I think there was like, and I think we, we weren't yet there, but we were so much in the story of our relationship and what we wanted our relationship to be that we were not in the reality of what our relationship really was. And I think it was because that was too scary and painful to look at. And if we were really honest about what our relationship was, that we were just friends,

then we'd have to do something about it. And I think we were comfortable because we got along and we, you know, there was so much that was working that, like, looking at it was like, oh, what, you know, what are we going to do about that? So I genuinely think that, like, he wanted me to, you know, as someone who like cares about your friend genuinely wanted. Like, I think he meant that honestly and sincere. Wow. Wow. So your, so your ex-husband is obviously a good man.

He's a good man. Yeah. Are you guys still friends? Are you still close or how to you know? When, when we separated, it was like we, you know, there's like occasional, they're like occasional touching base and things like that. But I think it was like, you know, he's now remarried and has a whole separate life. And so, you know, we'll have like friendly touch bases, but we, you know, kind of want our separate ways. Well, that's good.

That's good that there's not like a bunch of hate, you know, like with my situation, can't hardly stand my ex at all. So that has to feel good that you kind of like left in a better way than him being so angry with you that you met somebody new. How long did it take you to? actually leave your marriage after you met this new man. Yeah. And not to say that it was like all rainbows and butterflies because whole range of emotions were there. There was anger. You know, we went, we went through all of it. And so it wasn't, it was just like his initial support.

But of course, you know, it had to burn. Yeah, it had to burn. But yeah, so I, from when I met John, I knew a few weeks because then I thought, you know, I was still kind of in. this story. Like, okay, well, he can't be, he's not my, clearly I'm married, so he can't be my person. So I'll make him my design partner in this project. So then we started collaborating together on the project, which is when I was like, okay, this isn't, you have to be honest with yourself. And so within like a couple of weeks, I knew that I was catching feelings for John. So I went and told my ex. And then, but from the time I met John to when our marriage ended. And then I began to explore what was there with John. It was about six weeks.

Wow. Very quick. So, John obviously felt the same way. He felt the connection right away too. Did you guys talk about that at all? When we were going to explore working together, I said to him, listen, I feel like I just need to name that like maybe there's a connection here. And am I crazy? And he said to me, you know, I sense that when I met you as well, but you know, you're married, you're not available to me. So my thinking was like, oh, you know, he's like, and I'll be honest. I like felt some sadness and grief because it did feel like the universe was kind of like showing me who my person is, but it was confusing because here you are in this seemingly happy marriage. So his interpretation of it initially was like,

I guess I'm just seeing the kind of woman that I'm interested in. And, you know, my work here is just like to love her without possession, like love unconditionally without like needing to have her. Wow. That is an amazing story. So you obviously believe in soulmates. I do believe in soulmates. And I don't think like we have one soulmate right there are people with whom we have just a very profound and deep connection did you believe in that before you met john or did that really change your perspective i think you know i did because i would even say that my ex was a soulmate in a way you know like more of like a friend's soulmate but like in the contain of the nine years that we shared together there was a lot of growth there was a lot of healing there was a lot of creative

expansion. I feel like I really found my, like, voice and my creativity and my work. And I think it was very healing for him in a lot of ways. It wasn't like, oh, this is my, like, romantic soulmate, but I did feel like, oh, I feel like I know this. Like, I felt like I knew him when I met him. It was very different. So, you know, so I think, so, but I think it deepened in terms of like, I'd say even my, like, belief in God or the universe, because it really felt like I lost my father when I was a girl and he had lost his father and it was just like and I've my father's always visit me as a monarch butterfly which might sound crazy. I believe in signs. I believe in all that stuff. It was like butterflies everywhere and ladybugs and then I started dreaming about him and he started

talking to me in my dreams and telling me like this was all my design and that like he had met John's dad and Spiritland. I got chill books. It was crazy. It was like it felt like I felt like I felt like I deepened my connection with my father. I never really had a relationship while he was alive because I was so young when he passed. And it did, like, give me this, like, deeper connection with God in the universe. That's amazing. Wow, that is absolutely amazing. That's such an incredible story.

But you were talking about how you felt a lot of shame. Did you feel, like, from your family and friends, they were like, what the hell is she thinking? What's going on? Like, was it kind of like that? There was a mix. There were, you know, some of my closest girlfriends who were kind of like, thank God, because I think for them, they knew that the relationship was limited in a lot of ways and they wanted me to be really happy and to experience, you know, big true love. And then I think for other friends, they didn't understand or it was like triggering for them because maybe they're one of their parents left for someone else. But yeah, I got like a, there was like, you know, people who called me selfish and terrible and awful and how can I do this to him. There were a lot of. There are a lot of feelings and projections and shame, which initially for me, and I think

why I stayed so long in the relationship was because I didn't want to hurt him. Yeah. If you wanted to disappoint anyone. And so I did that at the cost of myself. I understand that more than you could know because I stayed in a very unhealthy relationship. I don't know if you watched the Valley or anything like that, but it's all out there for the world to see how crazy. my relationship was and a lot of times I didn't want to disappoint my family I didn't want to I've come from a religious family and you know whenever you get married you don't get divorced like that's you know that's like what you strive to not that everybody does that my mom has been remarried and you know but it was just something that was like really hard on me even though I knew that I needed to leave that situation but I understand what you mean like you don't want to disappoint

people. And that was something that was really hard on me as well. Did you have children with your first husband? No children. Okay. Yeah. That makes it harder. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Because a lot of times, and I talk about this a lot, like, with my son, a lot of people were like, you stay for the kids. And, you know, and they're so unhappy for the rest of their lives because they try to stay for their kids or they wait until they make it through college and then they get divorced or something like that. But for me, it was the opposite. Like I, my son was seeing this toxic relationship and he was seeing me getting yelled at and, you know, seeing me being mistreated. And it just like opened my eyes and completely switched it for me where it gave me the strength to leave instead of like feeling like I had to

say. I love that so much. I can tell you how many women are in my DMs right now because they've, you know, read my book or heard this story and they want to leave, but they're saying for the kids. Yeah. And like, I feel like I can't say don't stay for the kids because I do have kids when it all went down. But I feel like our kids need to see us model. Like, we need to teach them how we want them to behave. We need to teach them what real love and respect looks like. We need to keep how to not abandon themselves, how to honor themselves. So I'm just like, I love that you did what was right and true for you. That was a big deal for me. I didn't want my son to ever grow up and think it was okay to treat a woman or a partner, whatever he does

down the road in any kind of disrespectful way like that. You know, I didn't want him to ever mirror what he saw in his home. And I think that him seeing a happy mom and having like happy household was so much more important. Yeah. So Cruz is about to go back to school. It's really crazy how fast he's growing. I always want the best for Cruz and to help him as much as I possibly can. Parents, if you're looking for the best fit for your child this year, there is still time. With K-12 powered schools, you can help your child succeed. Now and in the future, K-12-powered schools are accredited tuition-free online public schools for students in kindergarten through 12th grade. Designed with an engaging curriculum that supports individual learning styles, K-12 has been the leader in online education for over 25 years, helping students gain the skills they need to thrive in the future.

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The process only takes minutes and it can mean hundreds more in your pocket. visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive Casually Insurance Company and Affiliates, potential savings will vary, not available in all states. Yeah, that's been a whole thing. And like we were saying, you know, it's a lot more comfortable to stay. Did you guys have like a home together, a house together? I mean, we didn't, we had, we were building a home project.

Yeah. But we were in the middle. We had bought land together. And we were in the middle of big plans for not only our family home, but we were building like a kind of retreat center for other people. Oh, wow. So that was a big thing. And his like family helped invest in the project.

It was like, oh, my gosh, the timing of this can be more inconvenient. I'm going to let him down, let his family down, let our shared community down, like, you know, hurt everyone. So I can't go. But ultimately realize the selfish decision, what I think can be a self-honoring decision. Yeah. And I love that. I love that you talk about that so much.

I was doing research on you and, like, looking at your Instagram page. And you definitely say that a lot. Like, a lot of people think it's selfish, but you deserve to be happy. Yeah. And how did you finally get the strength to, like, come to that point? Because there's going to be so many women that are listening to this that are in limbo. Like, what should I do? What should I do?

Yeah. You know, so there are, I'll share a few things for the woman in limbo. One is my friend Vienna, who I talk about in the book, she's a, she's a therapist and she was really helpful with the idea of like people who overstay versus people who over leave. And I realize that I'm an overstayer. And an overstayer, someone who like tends to like fall into like good girl harmony, people pleasing, don't want to disappoint, don't want to let anyone down. And so they sacrifice themselves so they don't sacrifice anyone else. And the, you know, the edge or the growth for them is to stand up for themselves to

speak their truth and to, if that requires leaving, to leave. And then, Then there's the overleavers, which are the people that is like, as soon as it gets too intimate or as soon as there's too much closeness, they kind of freak out and they tend to leave quickly. The work for them might be to have the hard conversation, to like lean into intimacy and actually to learn to stay. So, you know, I think it's helpful to like, do you tend to overstay or overleave? Yeah. Like so.

I'm an overstay or stay. You know, seven years engaged? Like if that wasn't a red flag in and of itself. And then I'd say the other thing is a girlfriend of line as I'm. I was going through it and so filled with shame, I called her. And she said to me, you know, liberation is a two-way street. And when you make the courageous choice, it aligns each person to the right thing. Because no one is benefiting from like your needs and desires not being met.

And no one is benefiting from you being half in. Like he could have someone out there who is like so perfectly matched to him. And like, yes, he may be upset and angry and people might understand and people might judge you and shame you. But like, it gives you guys. it sets both of you free so that you can go align with like a path that's so much more true for you. And that was really helpful because I realized like, oh, yeah, this isn't good for him either. And I think as someone who is like the pleaser and the overstayer, I needed to know like he would be okay. Yeah.

But also like having to untether from like having to take care of everyone and having to take care of everyone's feelings and having to make sure everyone's okay. Like, you know, my childhood chaos and unpredictability had me like so hypervigil. and attuned to everyone's moods and emotions and trying to keep the harmony in peace so that I would be okay. And so I was overly looking outside of myself. And so the work was coming back to myself and being like, wait, what do I need to feel okay? What do I need to like be true to myself? And then, you know, speaking those truths out loud and saying the hard things and like, you know, the truth can be really scary, but I believe the truth is the kindest thing. Yeah. I mean, I need advice myself because I am such a people pleaser. I know that about myself. I have been that way

my entire life. And, like, I can't stand if I think somebody's mad at me. Like, it drives me insane. It will keep me up on night. My brain won't shut off. I can't sleep. Like, it's, like, really bad. And being on reality TV makes it even harder because we are, like, not forced, But we definitely have those conversations when we might just, like, not talk to each other for a long time or something. Do you know what I mean? But, like, we're constantly having these conversations and talking things out and stuff like that. Do you think you've gotten better at that, like being a people pleaser? Is it still part of you?

Yeah, it still comes up. There are still moments where I, like, go to say yes when I want to say no because I don't want to disappoint the other person. Are there moments when, yeah, it's, like, so much easier to just, like, like push my truth down and not say anything because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but you know I think my big learning has been instead of tolerating like I'm having to learn to tolerate the discomfort like just sit with the discomfort of other people's disappointment and disapproval yeah and instead of so hard so hard but it's like you know it takes 90 seconds for an emotion to move from our body like per neuroscience but it's the story that we create about

it that will spin and spin so like maybe we feel like overwhelmed with like oh this feels so uncomfortable but then it's like are they mad at me yeah you know and it's like when we go into those thoughts that's what can linger and i mean somebody somebody might not like answer my text or like call me back and i'm like they're mad at me and then they'll like write me back the next day and be like like my friend zach i didn't hear from him yesterday and i was like this is weird we talk all the time why is he not talking to me he's mad at me and then he texted me the next day and was like Brittany, I was so sick yesterday. And I was like, and he was like, why, why were you freaking out? And I was like, I don't know why I was freaking out. I just like thought you were mad at me.

And I know I didn't do anything. Yeah. And it's just like I create little stories in my head and I think the worst. And then it's not even nowhere near what I was thinking. I don't know why I do that. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. What does that remind you of growing up? Why do you think, like, was that a pattern you had as a little girl? Um, I. I went through some things in my childhood that I haven't really talked about publicly. I'm not ready to yet. But I definitely went through some things growing up at I think just made me want to always put on like a happy face and happy and positive and not fighting, no conflict. Like I didn't want that, you know.

But then it was weird because I married somebody who was very like confrontational and very. very, like, I don't know why that that led me to where my last relationship was. Yeah. It's something I'm going to have to work out within myself. Yeah. But I definitely think, and, you know, I did, I grew up in, like, the pageant world, and I'm from the South, and there's different things like that where I just kind of grew up that way as well.

Like, you're always kind. You're always, you know, and they are good qualities, but sometimes it could, like, do the opposite and hurt you. in a way because then you let people run over top of you totally yeah so i don't know it's a lot it's a it's kind of it's a lot of ups and downs i guess for me yeah yeah i get that um you also talked about how you were in a sexless marriage and that was something that was going on with my marriage as well like i was very open about that and talked about that um and for me that made me feel very like unattractive very unwanted um and i lost a lot of like my confidence didn't affect you like that

yeah you know i think the sexless marriage made me think something was wrong with me to the point that i was like maybe i like women because and so i instead of being like and i remember i was like there was a period in my relationship where i felt like so sad and so disconnected and like something was so wrong in my life and i like looked to as like maybe something's wrong on my career maybe I'm not doing enough self-care maybe I'm not and I like looked to every part of my life except for like oh no maybe you don't have connection with your husband yeah and so it was you know I it was I don't know if it was so much like the confidence piece for me well I guess that is confidence but it was just like really thinking something was wrong with me and I was the problem yeah I was definitely felt that way um especially after having my son my body changed like dramatically well I feel like it had I feel like it had and I just felt like I wasn't like desirable anymore and he kind of like let me know that as well. So it was a very, very tough time for me. But it was weird because it was great in the beginning.

We were together for 10 years. So it was great in the beginning. But then the last like couple years was just like non-existent. Yeah. And I heard you say whenever I was looking at your Instagram and stuff that you were talking about like checking boxes. Like you almost felt like it was something that you needed to do or had to do because it's like you're, you're basically. my roommate at this point. Yeah. Well, I think what's interesting about what I picked, and you're making me think of this earlier by why we pick our partners. I'm forgetting which therapist,

but it's basically we pick people who are like familiar but different than our parents because we're trying to resolve the wounds of our childhood. And if we pick someone who's like familiar enough, it's like that same wound but different. And if we can fix them or save them or resolve that wound, then our like inner child will be okay. And so I think because, so because I, you know, my dad died when I was young and I had all this abandonment and longing stuff with him, I like desire was really scary for me and desire felt really unsafe because I didn't want to touch that abandonment anxiety or longing again. And so I ended up picking a safe partner who was a friend, you know, not knowing this consciously, but I pick someone who I didn't have desire with because desire was too scary. And so I think there was actually something almost safe about our sexless relationship because it didn't make me feel insecure.

It didn't have to, I didn't have to feel like I might be abandoned again. And so my situation was like a little bit different than yours. But I did think, oh, no, like we have to figure this out and make this work. And so, yes, we need to check the box. Like, I'm going to have sex with my husband just so I can check the box and make sure that like we can make this work. Yeah. I completely agree.

it's such a strange feeling whenever you start feeling like you're almost roommates and then it's like almost weird to try to like get that connection back then you almost feel like awkward you feel like that i don't know i've heard a lot of people say the same thing like once it gets to that point and then it's just like kind of awkward very awkward very honorable but i even will say like postpartum with my husband who's like the love of my life like you know you all of a sudden having sex again after like i had an emergency C section i've got like this cut on my body like I don't feel as sexy as I did before. Like, I actually felt awkward, like, being intimate with him again.

And I felt vulnerable. And I felt very, you know, like, it actually, I know it was interesting to see the insecurities come alive there. A lot of women don't talk about that enough post-partum, like, and being intimate and stuff like that. A lot of people don't talk about it. Yeah. It's like my body looks different. I lost my butt. Like, my boobs got huge.

And they start with a massive, I'm squirking milk like. And you're just so tired. It's just, oh, my goodness. It's just so different. You talk about on the I do Part 2 podcast, I did their podcast too. They're so sweet. That you say you didn't realize you were going after a particular kind of unhealthy relationship because I didn't feel lovable.

I thought that if I could convince them that I was worthy of love, then I would finally be enough. Yes. And that like makes so much sense to me. Because like you were saying earlier, I've always felt the need to change somebody. And I always felt like that I would be the one that would change somebody. And it took me years and years and years and years to realize people are always going to change. They can do small changes, but everything is not just going to change. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Okay, guys, I'm 36 now. I feel like I'm starting to age and it freaks me out. the neck especially freaks me out i i just feel like that that's something that people can tell early on um that it starts changing and i cannot stand that you guys all know season one of the valley i got um that lipo under my chin my jaw was stuck weird for a little bit i mean i'm all about the neck and not having it look older so i have found an amazing product go pure i don't know

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Make it easier to get a place that gets you. Visit Apartments.com, the place to find a place. Your memoir is called Lovable, and I saw where you were saying that you didn't feel like you were lovable for a very long time. And now you found the love of your life. Like how does that happen to where it completely changes your? outlook on how you feel as a woman. Yeah, you know, and I don't think it was about either guy. I think my like love journey was a very personal journey. And I, you know, up until I, I would say I actually learned to love myself with my ex because it was a safe relationship in a lot of ways. It allowed

me to, for the first time, I wasn't with a guy who I was like terrified would leave me or who like was very emotionally unavailable or who it was like a very toxic and unhealthy dynamic. Like, I had those where I was trying to convince them that I was enough and worthy. And if they would just love me, then I would finally know that I'm enough. And I was looking outside of myself for all of that love. So my ex, like, again, good guy, safe relationship, not my person because it was a roommate and best friend. Yeah. But I did learn like, okay, I can actually be safe here because it's like, you know, not toxic in the ways it had been before. And so I think that's when myself-love journey began.

So by the time that I, like, met John, this person who was, I felt like I was, like, actually, like, more ready to meet him, not from a place of where I was seeking him to, like, be the answer. But I had, like, learned to love myself enough that I didn't need him to love me to know that I'm lovable. I, like, I knew that I was, like, in a place of, like, I know myself. I like myself. I know how to take care of myself.

That's the key. We had to put ourselves first sometimes and like really love ourselves. Yeah. And I feel like leaving my marriage and choosing him, really choosing myself was actually one of my greatest acts of love so far. Oh, I love your story. I can talk to you all freaking day. You were open about struggling with eating disorders. Do you mind to just speak on that a little bit?

Sure. yeah um what were you what were you doing like what was your oh i gosh i went i went through it let's see probably when i was around i was always like probably around 10 or 11 very obsessed first of all with like if i need to look a certain way to be worthy of love and again that came from like losing my dad and then i had a shitty stepdad um and then just media and how the media presents what what love and desire look like and so because I didn't feel, have it like secure father figure, I was like, oh, okay, so I need to look like that to be enough and to be worthy of love. So it started with like a lot of just like food

restriction and obsessiveness that turned into using laxatives for, I guess in like a form of bulimia that turned into Adderall use in college. That turned into, yeah, those were the main things. Yeah. There's a lot of, there's a lot of stigma about, especially living in L.A. like how a woman should look and I don't I don't check all those boxes so sometimes things like that could be like hard on on me but um I just really just try to be like I'm glad I'm like different I'm glad I don't look like every single person that walks around LA you know it takes a it takes a lot but um it does make me sad for little girls because the media is only getting stronger social media is only getting bigger yeah and you know it just worries me what

the young kids are going to have to deal with because we only had my space. You know, like they can't get away from bullying or anything. So it can be heartbreaking. Yeah. But I think you being open about all that, like you'll see it will help so many people. And you said so many people were already in your DMs and stuff talking to you about different things. And that's why I'm always so open and honest about my story because if I can help some women get out of a bad relationship or if I can help people learn about autism, my son has autism, And I've done something good, you know.

And I think that your book is really going to help a lot of people. Thank you. I appreciate that. And it's beautiful work that you're doing too. It's amazing how just like telling the truth and letting yourself be seen can help others see themselves too. Yeah. And I think you're amazing.

Like I said, I could talk to you all day. What is the main thing that you want people to take away from your memoir? I want them, you know, there's a few things, but I want them to know that they have one life to live and I want them to live it as honestly and fully and truly as possible and to put down what other people think they should do and to put down the expectations and who they think they need to be to make other people happy and to start asking themselves the question of like what is what would make me happy what would feel true to me what would what does my aliveness look like and to you know turn their attention away from everyone else

and to turn it back to themselves and to make choices from that place because I believe that when we make choices from that place, we actually create the most beautiful world. Like, women who honor themselves create a beautiful world, I believe. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, you're just so, you just had this, like, great positive energy and I love it. Thank you. Like, you're just making me smile. And I just, you know, I've learned so much about things that you've, that you've said to me just, just today on the podcast. So I really appreciate you coming in, coming on the show, because I think a lot of women are going to love this. And everybody needs to go get your book, lovable. I ask everybody that comes on the show. I don't know if you watch much reality

TV, but I am a reality TV podcast. What is your favorite reality TV show? You know, I'm a big sucker for The Bachelor. I have so many friends that were on The Bachelor that I met throughout the years, so I get it. I have not, well, I literally have not watched a television show since I had a child, which is crazy. I'm like, that's my favorite to pass time. Oh, my God. Between having a baby, we were in L.A., we got pushed out by the fires. Oh, between, like, we had like a three-month-old, the fire got to the edge of our neighborhood. We had a, like, between, like, the baby fires, we moved 17 times in four. I was like, I haven't, I have not had time to watch TV, but I look forward to the day where I sit down with a glass of wine and watch an episode of The Bachelor.

So who would be your favorite reality TV star? Oh. It could be somebody from The Bachelor. Who was your favorite? Oh, I don't know if I have a favorite. I'm trying to think. Joey, I thought, was very sweet. He's also just like the first name I'm remembering.

He's the one that did Dancing with the Stars, right? I think so. Yeah, I've met him a couple times. He's nice in real life just as well. I feel like he's beta or like, I was like, just because he's like kind and nice. I was like, it's nice to sit. Like, I felt like he was genuine and sincere.

I don't know. Oh, yeah. Well, I love that. Thank you so much for coming. coming on. Can you tell everybody where to find you and where they can get your book? Yeah. Lovable is available. Everywhere Books are sold. I'm Hey, Amber Ray on Instagram and my website, Amberay.com, has all the links to all the things. Yay, amazing. Thank you so much for coming on. I loved your story. And like I said, you're going to help so many people. So I appreciate it.

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