When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - In The Mind of a Man: Red Flag Warning

Episode Date: December 27, 2024

How do you outplay the player? Jax is going to tell you because he really does know! He shares the “dos & don’ts,” and the big red flags to look out for including text responses, social media posts, and committing to making plans! Thank you for supporting our sponsors! Nutrafol: Go to https://nutrafol.com and use promo code REALITYHITS to get $10 off your first month’s subscription plus FREE shipping. GDefy: Visit http://gdefy.com and use code REALITYHITS for 50% off your entire order Progressive: Quote your car insurance at https://Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive.

Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of in the mind of a man with Jack's Taylor. So I hope everybody had an amazing Christmas. I hope the stress is over and now we are on the way to New Year's New Year's Eve and All the fun that's gonna entail. So I've dedicated today's episode To address actually the number one question I've been getting and that's basically how to outplay the player And how to get the upper hand from a guy you just started dating or finding yourself in that word again that we've always been using

situationship that seems to be playing games now we all know I've been down this road many many times over the years if you've been watching Vanderpump rules yeah I think I'm the definition of this guy. So I'm going to give you a couple pointers on what I think. Again, this is just my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt. This is something kind of fun to listen to while you're at work or, you know, on your way to work.

So let me know what you think and we're just going to start getting into it here. So I'm going to give you my opinion. And you know, like I always say Again, I can't stress enough. It is just my opinion. I'm definitely no Relationship expert or guru that's definitely definitely for sure So just a guy who's had his fair share of dating experiences and and I've been that guy I've been that guy and I'm hoping that I can you know help some of you ladies out.

And so, you know, let me know if you guys have any opinions, you know, if you wanna listen and take some of these suggestions, that's cool. Or you can just laugh and, you know, have a good day. So I think it's important that we kind of backtrack to the beginning of when a relationship, you know, starts. Or again, the word situation, ship, whatever you want to call it, whatever these kids are calling these days. So,

you know, the first date, right, you know, the first, I guess, interact interactions. I guess I think the number one most I think the important thing to take a step back and, and look at who the guy is, right of read the room if you will Is the guy newly out of a relationship? Like, you know, is he recently divorced? Obviously, that's a big one Has he never been in a serious relationship before? That's a huge one. How old is he? Does he live alone or with a bunch of other single guys? That's another big one. What's his daily routine like?

What's another one does he have it shit together that's another big one Is he someone you think you're ready to settle down with? Right off the bat, you know, what is what are his intentions? I mean, these are just a few of the things that I kind of jotted down and You know thought you know this these are kind of good things to have in the back of your head When you get out there and you start in the dating world So let me just say this if you're hoping for a situation to turn into something more serious Then it's all about setting up. I guess the foundation

The boundaries, you know from the early get-go right tell the guy right off the bat are you looking for just a hookup now you save yourself so much time in my opinion when you do this right because well I mean obviously a lot of girls aren't looking for that a lot of guys are but if you can get that out of the way in the beginning you're saving yourself so much time and if that's the place you're in with your life you know maybe make something you know more concrete say listen This is just not for me. This is not what I want and like I said, you can you can save yourself a lot of time

So but this also at the same time may push him away But you know what? That's okay because that's now you're getting that out of the way and this is not the guy you want Right, so you may as well at the beginning And you can cut stuff you can cut things off a lot sooner I think then later which again, it's all what you know Whatever you want so you deserve what you want and if he's not able to give you what you want Then it's better to move on right and not saying that girls aren't just want hookups, too I'm saying like if you're looking for a relationship I think it's important to get these things out of the way sooner than later

Obviously, you don't want to bring this stuff up date number one or date number two because you're gonna scare the guy off Or he's gonna be like what am I getting into? So I'm about to you know, get you into Jax Taylor, okay my holy grail of top three red flags That I suggest a guy is a player. Okay again I think I have a lot of credibility when it comes to being a player a d-bag if you want to call it whatever And it's not looking for a commitment with you basically just looking up for that hookup, you know, so here we go Let me know what you guys think at the end of this. I'm

really, you know, excited to hear what you have to say. But here's mine. Okay, here we go. He can't commit to solid dates or plans with you. This is a big one. If the guy you're talking with seems to say all the right things, like, I can't wait to see you. I want us to do this and that, but his actions don't follow through. He doesn't make concrete dates. He's only asking you to come over last minute or late at night.

God knows I've done this many, many times. That itself really kind of tells you everything about the guy, I think. He wants you on his terms and isn't really looking for anything but random fun. Now again, if this is what you're looking for, obviously disregard that because girls are kind of just looking for a hookup too. You know, they're kind of no different than men.

They have their needs as well. So if that doesn't apply to you, disregard that. But for the most part, if you're looking for something serious, those are some red flags. Number two, he doesn't text or call you consistently. Conversations are surface level. We talked about this before, actually many, many times, I think. I think when a guy is into you, he is consistent, right? You're the one that's on top of his mind and you definitely can feel that.

You know, you won't question it for sure, top of his mind and you definitely can feel that. You know, you won't question it for sure. Whether, you know, I guess if he's busy with work or family or basically whatever it is that he's doing, he's texting you, right? He's checking in with you. He's asking the questions about yourself. He's making plans with you. This kind of shows that, okay, this guy is interested in me. You know, he wants to get to know you. Any guy that doesn't call you or text you for an entire day or more, and then comes back and says, you know what, I've been busy. I fell asleep. That's kind of simple. I mean, I don't think he's your priority, although

some guys just do fall asleep. But for the most part, he really isn't that serious. I think, again, we've used this word before, you're part of the roster, he's looking for other, other options. Or maybe, you know, maybe you're just not taking the priority, you know, he wants to have his fun when he's in the mood. And that's really about it. Again, you're on that roster, which you need to stay clear in the beginning. I don't think right in the beginning. I think maybe within the first week or two, I think you should definitely say,

Hey, listen, uh, maybe not use the word roster, but I would say, Hey, am I the only one you're talking to? You just want to make it clear. I think there's a lot of respect there. I think men would have a lot of respect for you. If you made it very clear right off the get go because as a guy, if me, if a woman said that to me, I would be like, okay, she's not messing around. She's serious. She seems like she's

very smart. She's independent. She's not here to **** around. Let's be honest. Um so you kind of should look at that as a guy to be like if I was a guy and if I heard a girl saying that, I'd be like, okay, she seems serious. I can't really mess around here. She's pretty intelligent. That's what I would think. Okay, number three, he keeps you a secret. Now again, this is a big one.

I've done this many times. Again, we're going to going over a lot of things that I've done over the years, which are just terrible, terrible things to do. But you know, any guy that has serious intentions about a woman, right? If they want to have something more serious with you, they will be proud to show you off to his friends and family. You'll be around his buddies, his social circle,

his work friends, and he will talk about you to people. I think a guy that is keeping you on the quote unquote down low, I'm sure he has his reasons for this. I'm sure he does. And he will give you loads of explanations. And, you know, some probably will be believable, you know, but to be honest with you, they're not, you know, it doesn't really matter. It's a big red flag. And, you know, he's not looking

for that serious commitment. Because honestly, if you're important to him, why isn't he bringing around you around his circle he should be proud of you now on the flip of that a lot of guys don't do it because maybe in the past they brought girls around too soon and now they're like your buddies are like okay this is just another girl I think personally you should wait a little bit just because if your friends are serious you know you respect your friends decisions and in their thoughts You should you know, wait at least a couple weeks and then kind of prep your friends say hey listen I'm thinking about bringing this girl around. What do you guys think?

Do you guys care? And most of the time your friends will be honest with you So you need to ask yourself exactly what you want from that situation. You know, you want someone to have fun. You can accept the situation for basically what it is. Is, you know, obviously some great nights here and there. You may not hear from the guy regularly and you know, then cool, he's out on that, right?

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Okay, so the point of this whole podcast is how to outplay the player. I guess we should probably give this guy a nickname because we keep saying the word player, right? We can call this guy John. We all know this guy's name is jacks. He randomly texting like out of the blue, you know what you're doing, right? There's nothing more attractive than making yourself seem busy or unbothered. Now this is so true. Because I feel I like the chase. When a girl doesn't answer, like I'm really

intrigued. Like I, you know like I'm really intrigued like I You know, I'm anxious to keep looking at my phone. Did she answer? You know, just I don't know there's a little bit of chase there's a little bit of like, okay This is this got me go. This has me going if she responds right away I'm kind of like yeah, I kind of it loses its luster if that makes any sense So don't answer right away, you know, give it an hour Nothing play games, but just give it a decent amount of time, you know never let Quote unquote John think you've been waiting around for his next text and I'm telling you that is such a red flag when a girl Responds just like that. That means she kind of has nothing going on. She's kind of waiting for you

You know, which again, I don't like to play games, but this is more of a strategy. And again, you're trying to outplay the player. I mean, even if you're curled up in your bed alone and bored as hell, and just waiting, keep your response back to him very, very vague. You know, just out with some friends or it's a busy day or you know, getting my hair done. Keep John wondering what you're doing. Keep him wondering because I'm telling you, as a guy who's been there, the player, the D bag, whatever you want to call me from over the years, you're driving him crazy.

You're driving him crazy, but in a good crazy. Don't even ask him what he's up to. Less is 100 percent more when you guys come to this. I'm telling you, the one word answers, the two word answers drives men crazy. Always think less is more with a player. And this is so true. Definitely in the beginning. I mean, you already know that he's not waiting, you know, he's not waiting for anything more than just a fun time in that moment. So you have the upper hand here, right? Girls always have the upper hand in my opinion. It's in your control how you want to respond back, how you want to play it. Like girls,

I can't stress you enough. It's your game. You are the quarterback. But post some fun stories on your social media to show him that you're living your life, right? Not really thinking about him. You know, yes, yes, I know. I know this is game playing. I know we've talked about this before. Game playing is awful. This is definitely some toxic advice, but the player or the man or whatever you want to call your significant other is toxic. So we're just trying to, you know, meet him at his game. Okay.

So when John doesn't call all day and keeps the conversation surface level, that's fine. That's totally fine. He's not interested in getting to know you, then you shouldn't be interested in learning, you know, more about him, right? If he can't respect you, then you shouldn't respect him, right? Don't divulge anything to him about your life.

It's unnecessary. It's personally, I don't think you should do any of that until you have your first date, your family, your work, your friends, any of that. Keep it extremely surface with him because he's keeping it extremely surface with you, right? Play the game, which even though I said don't play the game before, if you're going to play the game with a player, you got to play right with him. You know, don't tell him about your upcoming schedule and plans.

He doesn't need to know that. And frankly, he hasn't even earned it. The less interested you show, the more a player will wonder how this girl is not giving a shit about me. I've gone through so many incidents like this and I'm like, I thought she cared about me. I thought she wanted to hang out, but she's definitely giving me, you know, the run around, right? She's it's it's you're basically you're playing him at his own game and there's nothing more that drives a man crazy than this. I'm telling you guys take it from somebody like me. It drives me absolutely nuts. Less is definitely

more. You know, his ease, my ego will say with me, my ego is definitely not used to that, right? One thing all players have in common is that they have huge, huge egos. I still definitely have one. And not by if you're not, I guess the word would probably be, you know, if you're not appeasing to that ego, you will have that guy spiraling out of control. And then again, the game or the ball is in your court. So now that you're not only giving the player just a little bit you'll see that he will begin to text you more and this is true. I've done it. I'll text you more and now I've become the female in the situation. Now I've

turned in the person that you don't want to be because I'm not getting what I need and as men we're so used to playing these games, we don't know how to do the reverse. So he's going to give you more attention, not because he's suddenly more into you, but because he wants the attention from you. He wants the control back. Again, I can't stress this enough. Men want the control. I still want the control.

It's just something that's embedded in our brains. So you continue to live your life kind of like unbothered, right? Giving him the bare minimum. My advice, again, take it with a grain of salt, isn't to be completely cold or rude. Just give him enough to, you know, keep him wanting a little bit more. So the next time he asks you to hang out, since you turn them down the last time by pricing, you were too busy, right? Accept his plan. You make the decision where you want to go. There's nothing sexier than when a girl says, Jack's or let's go here, we should meet here. And I think I really

respect a woman who makes a day date as opposed to an evening date. Because I think when I hear in my head when I hear a night date I know there's going to be something extra on the end where if you hear is a lunch date you're like all right I'm going to have to put some work into this because she's got she's she's a smart girl she knows what she wants um I just I think a day date is just more suitable especially for the first two to three dates. You know, you make the decision where to go, go get coffee, you know, maybe go for a walk in the park, go to the zoo.

The zoo is always fun, believe it or not, the zoo, I know it's random, but the zoo is such a great place to go on a first three dates. There's so much talking you can do, you're looking at animals, the conversation can really go anywhere. So take that control and tell them to meet you out, you know, at one of these places, okay? So there's no point trying to make an actual romantic dinner, in my opinion, or dinner date at this point, because you know it's really, it's not there, or at least not yet, right? I think women need to build up to that. I really, really do.

And a player really isn't someone that you want as the romantic partner anyway. Let's be honest, a player is basically a booty call. Let's be honest. And you can do a lot of research on players. You can find out who his friends are. Obviously, social media is the big one. Check out his page. See what he's doing.

See how he is with his friends. See how he is with his family. See what kind of things he's into. You can really read people before you even go on the first date anymore with his friends. See how he is this family see what kind of things he's into you can really Read people before you even go on the first date anymore with social media. So So once he comes to you to meet casually, you know out with friends. The next step is crucial Very very crucial do not be lying towards him and throw your arms around him You know the second you see him come to him hug him do all that stuff Continue doing the things that you do with your friends. Laughing, hanging out, pretend as if he's not even

there. God, that drives me absolutely nuts, right? Because you have this girl out and it looks like she's not showing interest, but she really is. You know, let him come find you. And once he does, greet him with a huge smile. Okay? Be totally friendly. Don't take him. I mean, don't make him your main focus, in my opinion, you know, of the whole night. You want to kind of be like walking around talking to people even talking to other guys, you know, players expect you to be worshiped by them. You know, they want you to be all around them, kind of not leaving you alone. And it also kind of plays against you. Because if you're that needy, he's gonna be like, Oh, my God, this girl's all over me. She

won't leave me alone. This is what it's gonna be like all the time. So play a little hard to get even on the date, you know, like I said, maybe have a conversation with another male, not too flirty, but just like have another conversation with other people, males, females, whatever, showing that, you know, you're not his priority, you know you in You know, it definitely will hurt his ego a little bit But like I said many times it's all about the ego when it comes to players

You have to knock that down. You have to put them in their place Now he came to see you right? He expected you to be fawning all over him, but you didn't this is perfect He expected you to be fawning all over him, but you didn't this is perfect Now you make sure that towards the end of the night you find him, right? Take him in a corner and thank him for coming to see you You know that you have an early morning and you really got to get home be the one to leave first You know this you know for me gosh this I This is throwing me off many many times because you're like well this girl really wanted to see me But now she's leaving early, which is I think is a big thing if you leave a tad bit early

I think it'll throw me off completely. It was throwing me. Yeah, it will throw you off completely, you know Because he's he's expected to go home with you, right? He's expected to this is gonna be a hookup. We're gonna go back to her place So this will definitely throw him off and he'll go back home being like what the fuck just happened I was doing I was doing what I normally do and It possibly backfired if you're talking to a guy that has a huge ego huge ego He's gonna think it backfired and on a side note I really really think it shows something if the guy pays for your Uber on the way home.

Not necessarily to pick you up, but on the way home, I think it's a very, I mean, this could go any way, but I personally think it's kind of a sexy, romantic, mature thing if a guy pays for the Uber on the way home. Anyway, so I promise the next day, he's probably going to call you. Not more than probably, he's going to call you. Let's be honest, if it was me, I'm going to want to call you the next day, he's probably going to call you not more than he's going to call you. Let's be honest, if it was me, I'm going to want to call you the next day. I'm not going to text you. I'm definitely going to call you. I'm going to try to make concrete plans with

you. You know, and this is your chance to accept the plan. Set the time and the place together. Okay. So your new plan is for you and quote unquote, john, to get to a great restaurant at like 8 p.m. On a Saturday You know on that Saturday, I think between I don't know around the afternoon and around 3 o'clock message him and say That you're sorry something came up and it won't work tonight That will give him a call tomorrow to reschedule. That is a really, really big one. You know, at this point, the player has lost full control. And again, ladies control is a huge thing with men

like us. And, you know, I'm gonna not gonna lie, I'm gonna be a little angry. My ego is burned and it is torched. I'm not gonna lie. There's times where I said, you know what, fuck this, I'm not even gonna. There's times where I said, you know what? Fuck this. I'm not even gonna try it. But trust me, trust me on this one. His ego that's hurt will not accept this lightly. I'm not gonna take this lightly. John's not gonna take this lightly. The next day, you don't want to be a total bitch, but shoot him a text saying, hey, you know, I hope you had a fun night. So sorry again, I'm excited to see you.

Maybe a little cute emoji. You know, always keep it vague though. This will, this will drive me nuts again. Girls, you're trying to outplay the player. Keep that in mind when I'm saying these things, because I know a lot of you are thinking, okay, this is just a game. But again, if you're trying to beat him at his own game, these are the things to do. You always want to seem like you're just have a little bit more important things to do.

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You know, I can't tell you enough how many times I've had this happen to me. And then you're like, okay, I'm dealing with somebody who's very intelligent, who's very intelligent, who's very smart, who's not in it for games. She really sees something in me. I'm going to have to shift my game here, shift my strategy. And then the guy is going to think, wait a minute, this is not just some girl,

some hookup, this is somebody who really wants something. And then it kind of turns the turns the script on him. He's like, well, maybe I want this to your baby doing him some good. So having him realize that this is not the center of someone's universe is a huge, huge reality check for this guy. I mean, you could be literally changing this guy as we speak here. So guys like this aren't used to this and it's completely throwing him for a total loop. And like I said, you can definitely be changing this guy in real time, which is kind of cool, right? You're making this guy realize that you know what?

It's time to stop playing the games. I'm a good girl. I think we'd be something good together And you know what this could be a good thing basically So chances are high that he will be the one to ask you for another plan And really at this point you've gotten an eating out of the palm of your hands, girls, I can't stress this enough now and all this at this point in the game, you really the balls in your court, you're the quarterback. Basically, it's just where you want to meet him, it's up to you, and how you want to move forward from here, because basically, his ego is

shot. He now probably really, really wants to see you, you probably got his brain going a mile a minute, and now he's eager. So two very important qualities that a player loves in a woman. If someone that's fun, okay, yes, and mysterious. The fun part is huge, right? If she throws you off on a cool date,

other than going to dinner, going to movie, blah, blah, club, like I said before, the zoo, right? Going for a hike, maybe going to dinner, going to movie, blah, blah club. Like I said before, the zoo, right going for a hike, maybe going to the museum, because it creates conversation, not just about where you are, but about other things that could spike into something else, family or friends, or, you know, background parents or whatever, because you're doing something that's throwing the player off. He's not used to going to a frickin museum. He's not used to going for a hike. He's not used to going to Starbucks.

He's used to I'm going to dinner. I'm going to lay my line hard on her, right. Going to get her back to her place. And well, that's what's going to happen. You know, the rest from there. So part of the reason players play is because they're tired of people who drag them down, fall in love, need to have a serious conversations,

or want them to do the typical relationship type stuff, right? If you want to meet the player at his game, be fun, spontaneous, and up for anything. Whether it's a random day trip to the beach, which is always fun, keep things light and fresh. I'm a big fan of going to the beach. I think that's a lot of fun. And again, it spikes a lot of different conversation. Going to the beach is a very emotional thing. I go by myself and that's kind of where my brain starts to go. You're watching the waves.

You know, it's a beautiful day. It can turn into something extremely romantic. It can turn into something extremely deep. Even if you don't get a significant other out of this, you can create such a great relationship by going to the beach. Something as simple as that. Keep things mysterious without telling too much, without opening up too much about your feelings. Keep that very very vague, especially in the beginning. I know it's hard to do, especially if you're doing, you know, dates where the conversation is going that way. Just keep

it light, especially for the first few weeks. Not saying do it, never do it. I'm saying just keep it bang in the beginning, you know, um, instead of making them guess what's really on your mind, have him work to find out the information about you. I can't stress that enough girls make him work for it. Like make him show his emotions. Men have emotions, believe it or not, we really, really do. We just have a really, really big wall. And again, using the word ego, and we're very, very scared of going there. Vulnerability. Humbleness

is a very, very hard thing for men. So okay, obviously, guys, this advice is completely toxic right and definitely my opinion but Remember you're trying to play this guy right not marry him. I'm totally against games But if you want to get on his level, I suggest you listen to this So now that you all have learned right how to outplay the player I'm gonna let you go but let your thoughts really really dip dive deep on this episode I have a feeling you know, this one is definitely gonna be a little controversial, but you guys know I'm all about a little controversy, right?

This is definitely gonna be an interesting discussion definitely for the future and I cannot wait for your feedback that being said in the upcoming Future we are gonna have a lot of amazing influential females on this podcast that can go back and forth with me on some of this because let's be honest, you guys are gonna get tired of hearing me all the time. You want to hear some female input, right? So yeah, I'm very excited about that. We got some great, great ladies coming on. Also, I hope you guys all have a safe and happy new year. Drive safe, take Ubers, and we'll see you in the new year. All right. Take care, everybody. And I will see you next time. Hi, I'm Stacey Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with

some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast, Stassi, wherever you get your podcasts.