When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - In The Mind Of A Man: Toxic Relationships Edition

Episode Date: November 1, 2024

America's favorite recovering male Jax Taylor returns for another very honest edition of IN THE MIND OF A MAN! Are you addicted to chaos? What do you do when the attraction is gone? Has Jax ever had a truly platonic female friendship? How long should you wait for a text back before getting upset? What does it really mean when a guy you're dating criticizes you? And what little trick did Jax used to do on his first dates?  We have deals for you!! Quince: Get cozy in high-quality wardrobe essentials! Go to Quince.com/jb for free shi pping on your order and 365-day returns! G-Defy: Need comfy sneakers? Use "Realityhits" for $20 off orders of $100 or more at GDefy.com  

How you doing everybody? It's Jax and I'm back with another episode of In the Mind of a Man, Toxic Relationships Edition. So the feedback on the last series about why some men behave the way they do was surprisingly great. We got a lot of messages asking to do another episode and I'm just kind of, I'm glad I found a spot here where I'm able to make, well take some of my shitty behaviors and actually help out some people. So even if it's just a couple of you, I'm really glad that this is, that you guys are tuning into all this

and making me like my job a little more. Maybe I'm like I said, maybe I can help some people out. So anyway, I did some research since the last episode and by research I mean going through TikTok and Instagram and for some reason my entire algorithm now is flooded with relationship and dating advice, dating videos and what I'm noticing is that so many people are posting, you know, well, I don't know about,

maybe I'd say about 90, 95% of the people are posting these TikTok videos that, you know, are accepting, these women are accepting and even wanting completely toxic relationships. And we're gonna get into this in a second because I feel like everybody kind of obsesses over toxic relationships. And like I said, we'll get into this in a second.

But I'm seeing a lot of these videos offering advice, which is really weird to me. The top three things to do to make him obsessed with you, I mean, that was the title of one of the of one of the videos You know if he ghosted you do these five things that will have him crawling back I mean, these are the these are the things that people are saying and you know I've read a lot of them and some of them are true and some of them are not I mean It really depends on the person it depends if it's male or female. It's just wild to me that people are now going to TikTok

and giving their advice, unsolicited advice really, but it's actually kind of humorous too. I've been out of the dating game for so long. So this is like all new to me. I mean, the dating game was so much different before I got married and actually before, even when I started dating Brittany, I mean, the game has changed

It like incredibly I feel like dating is like become like a business. I feel like it's almost like first dates are like interviews It's just weird. I'm also I'm new to tick-tock and it's like an entirely different world to me I'm like another social media platform that I honestly don't need but you know My friends keep sending me all these tick-tocks and I can't get in unless I join so I took the plunge and I finally joined TikTok. And by the way I'm like I said I'm finally on TikTok so look for me I'm verified because there's so many so many fake accounts using my name so if you're on TikTok and you want to give me a follow please do my name is at Mr. Jlor11. I know some of you are gonna be like, why does you have the 11 after your name?

Because somebody took my name already, and well, unless I get ahold of this guy, and I guess ask him to give it to me, or I have to pay him, this is what it's gonna be for a while. So that's the one that's verified, so look for the check mark, and make sure you're following the right one.

So guys, I'm still trying to wrap my head Around all this. Okay. So for the life of me, I really can't understand some of these tick tocks that I'm seeing that go completely viral with millions of views Okay, so here's an example of one that I was watching and you know, she's actually kind of funny So this tech talk video by Jamie Aiden, she got over 400,000 views and it's a photo and I'm gonna quote you guys, I'm gonna give this quote. It's a photo of her with a quote that reads, what it feels like when I want a stable relationship but I'm only attracted to toxic people. So I try to find someone healthy but then I get bored without

without the emotional highs and lows. So okay, so let's break this down a little bit. I wanted to talk about this because I found it really, really interesting. The statement that really kind of hit me is, I think, well, it hit me being attracted to toxicity. And that, I know a lot of people that are attracted to toxicity. I think a lot of that are attracted to toxicity. I think a lot of women

are Attracted toxicity. I think they get I think they're they just get bored. I think it's just more I don't know I just think they get bored in relationships and they love the chaos I think they like to thrive on chaos. So I mean I've been guilty of it too, you know So let's let's dissect this and I'll tell you how I feel about this So tell me if I'm wrong. But I think I'm right by saying that the majority of us ultimately want to find our person. A happy, secure, beautiful relationship with a partner. But once they find that, and like I said, this happened to me all the time. Many people get

you know bored you know and then they gravitate to you know toxic partners where like the relationships are like utter chaos you know disruptive. I think women or even men you know we get comfortable in relationships and you're just kind of like you want to self-sabotage it to make things a little chaotic. Like I said, people thrive in chaos and I am definitely one of those people. I don't think I've had a relationship personally that didn't have some sort of chaos. I feel like the highs and the lows, it's almost like a dopamine hit. It's like jumping in a cold plunge. You get so used to the emotional ups and downs and things are perfect and then the next day

you're living in chaos. I don't want to get into my personal life but that's exactly what I'm living in now and I'm not even in a relationship anymore. I don't know how to handle it. I don't even know how to handle normal. I get anxiety. how to handle it. I don't even know how to handle normal. I get anxiety. I get stir crazy. It's a dopamine hit.

It's like jumping into cold plunge, like I said. You get so, well I did anyway, you get so used to these emotional ups and downs. One day things are perfect, the next thing you're living in chaos. Like I said, that's kind of what I'm going through right now with my relationship. And I don't even know how to handle normal anymore. Like when it's normal and there's nothing going on, I get so restless. Like I'll pace around my house.

I just feel like when things are going too good for me, I self-sabotage. Like I get so, it's almost like I worry more when things are going really, really well, whether that's in my job or that's in my relationship. I get anxiety like, even though that's the way it's supposed to be, you're supposed to be doing well and making the right decisions,

I feel the need to fuck it up somehow. I've always been that way and I'm still doing that. I'm still learning how to just deal with being alone and being in a good place. Like I said, I thrive in this chaos. So I kind of get where some of these people are coming from. I saw a reel yesterday by another person

called The Words of Jay. And his post really, really kind of stuck with me. I wanna share it with you guys. So I'm gonna quote this a little bit. It said, your nervous system will always choose a familiar hell rather than an unfamiliar heaven your nervous system is actually connected to the trauma that you've been used to it stores that trauma so your nervous system will protect you by keeping it comfortable

comfort is is the familiar hell which is that's so true uncomfort and pressing through the, even the scary is the unfamiliar heaven. That's really deep and it's basically what I just said. And it's, I don't understand it. I don't get why it's so hard. You shouldn't want to be comfortable. You should want to be less stressed. And I think, you know, I just, I have,

I personally have an uncomfortable time dealing with normal and no stress. I just been so used to it that I that's all like I know anymore You know, I like to do things that you know Make me scared You know, I like to take the step To the other side because it's the only way I'm sorry You have to take the step to the other side because it's the only way that you'll get better

I and like I said, it's it's the only way that you'll get better. Like I said, it's really tough. I thought it would be easy. I have to reprogram myself. At my age, that's really, really hard to do. I've actually learned a lot about this in terms of myself while I was doing therapy in the facility because they broke me down and tried to like Restructure me now. I was only in there a month and I still have a lot of work to do and I barely scratched the surface

But you know, my therapist told me that I'm actually like I said, I'm addicted to the chaos like I need Chaos I need a lot going on I thrive on it because I don't know how to be normal I don't know how to be comfortable because I've been used to this for so long. You know, a large, you know, port. So anyway, a large portion of my therapy was like understanding why I do this. And, you know, I need to, you know, learn how to be comfortable and how to be calm. For instance, this morning, like, you know,

I got up this morning, I did a really good podcast. You know, I went to bed early. For instance, this morning, I got up this morning, I did a really good podcast, I went to bed early, I had a great breakfast, I came home, cleaned up a little bit right before this podcast, and things were just, I got a couple good phone calls, a couple good emails, and I'm feeling really positive about it, but deep down inside, I'm getting anxiety because this is normal, this is how it's supposed to be.

And anyway, personally, I think for me, I'm getting anxiety because this is normal. This is how it's supposed to be. And anyway, personally, I think for me, I've been living such a crazy lifestyle since my early 20s. That's kind of when I left my house and I kind of went on this like, I was traveling different cities, I was traveling for modeling,

I was living Miami, Chicago, New York, Europe, and I was dealing with so many highs and so many lows of rejection in this industry because 90% of my auditions you're not going to get. You got to remember it's a town of rejection. You've been a big fish in a small pond your whole life living in different cities. That's why I was in Michigan. That's the way I did really well in Chicago. And then you move to New York or LA and now guess what? Everybody's good looking, everybody's talented and now you're competing versus a lot of people and it sucks because you get

a big reality hit. And then of course obviously being on reality TV for the past 12 years, I don't really think I have to explain all the chaos and destruction and turbulence I've gone through in that. But like I said, I created it all myself. It's not like anybody did anything to me. Anyway, so chaos and unpredictability have essentially been my entire life. Well, yeah, I'm saying yeah, for at least the last 20 years. I think when I left home, it's kind of when it became really, really chaotic. And while it was happening, you don't really realize what a toll it's actually

taking on you mentally. Like, you're going through this and soon as, you know, your body and your mind is getting used to all this and you know, you don't really hit it. You don't really realize it until you hit rock bottom. Now I've hit rock bottom a couple times, but I don't think I've hit it as hard as I did recently, as I did this year. The last time I hit this rock bottom was actually twice.

When I wasn't on Vanderpump anymore, that was a pretty low in my life. I lost my job and COVID was coming. I was stressed out. My wife was pregnant. And the last time, and the time before that was when my father died. I took it really, really bad

and I went into a serious, serious hole. And then obviously right now, going through a divorce and I didn't take it very well and I spiraled and that's kind of why I had to go to a facility and kind of just reevaluate myself. I needed time to reflect on myself and just try to become more clear minded. So yeah, so I think many, many people are similar

in the sense and are drawn emotionally to these types of relationships. Even friendships, partners, people you work with, and it's really not healthy. I think it's important to really ask yourself, how do I feel day to day in these relationships? Check yourself. If you get comfortable and you start to want a self-sabotage,

maybe, yeah, sit down and talk to yourself, maybe go meditate, maybe talk to somebody else. If you feel like yourself is spiraling, talk to a friend. And ask yourself, does this relationship and this person I'm with make me feel good or are you just doing it to be content or doing it because that's what society says? You're supposed to meet a man, you're supposed to meet a woman, get married and have kids, and that's just the norm. And I think that's what happened to me. And don't get me wrong,

I love Brittany very, very much, and we had an amazing relationship. Yes, we had our ups and downs, but I felt like maybe, I don't know, I just felt like it was the norm. You get married, you have kids, you know, you settle down and that's just what you're supposed to do. But I don't know if,

I don't know if I was entirely ready to get married. The thing was is we weren't engaged, we weren't even engaged that long. We got, I asked Brittany to marry me and then I would like to say, I can't remember exactly how long, she started planning the wedding right away. So, mind you too, we were also on the show,

we were filming, and we wanted to have the wedding on the show, so it was a tiny bit rushed. You know, we didn't even go on a honeymoon, you know? I don't think we really embraced our relationship, embraced our, you know, getting married, embraced being fianes. Um I think that was maybe a little rushed. Um I'm trying to like dissect my where it went wrong and I think some of the things I wish we would

have maybe went to couples counseling. I wish we would have went to you know counseling before we got married. Um you know, if we would have got married in the Catholic Church, we would have had to go to counseling. I don't know, there's little things here and there that I wish I would have done differently. But does the relationship in the person you with, do they make you feel good, happy, secure,

calm in your own skin? Do we bring out the best in each other? Are you constantly fighting for those fleeting moments when things are good, but 95% of the time you're walking on eggshells or holding your breath? I think when you break it down like that and you really take a step back and look inside your relationship from a different perspective, the answer is really right in front of you. But you really got to look at it. You can't just go through the motions.

You gotta cut the cycle of toxicity. I hope I'm saying it right, toxicity. Go to therapy, learn the tools, find enjoyment and comfort, and the peace and being in calm. And maybe, you know what, maybe being in a relationship is not for you at the moment. Maybe you need to be comfortable in your own skin

before you get into a relationship. And I think for me, and if I'm diving into even before Brittany, I don't think I was ever comfortable in my own skin. I think for me personally, I'm a very codependent person and I think I just needed to be in a relationship. I needed to have somebody. I've always had somebody, I've always had a girlfriend.

So it's really weird for me to be alone. Here's something I'm really looking forward to as the weather turns cooler, football games, pumpkin spice lattes, or whatever your cooler weather rituals are or excited for. I'm pulling out my sweaters from Quince. As you guys know, I talk about Quince all the time. And this last summer

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Another thing I discovered recently through my research on TikTok, because I'm now a huge TikToker, and on Instagram is how guys, well, and girls, are leaving their, I guess, okay, their situationships, which we talked about before and we'll get into later, their situationships is just another new term for me, on quote unquote delivered, or even worse, on red. I've done this, and not only that,

I've learned now that there was, like again, you guys know I'm not really tech savvy, but I learned that you can take red off your phone so you can delete the red, so they don't even know if you're looking at it. Yeah, I've done that actually recently with some people, but I won't get into that. So, you know, essentially someone not responding back

to your text in a timely manner is, it can be annoying, right? It can, you know, it can be, it can drive you crazy. So I wanna break down some of these stages and what I personally think this can mean coming from, well, of course, a guy's perspective, because we're calling this in the mind of a man, right? So here's my perspective, and again, guys,

this is just my opinion. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm not giving any advice. I'm just kind of, you know, this is what, this is what I take out of this. So, again, a guy not responding to your text and leaving you on delivered, delivered must be an Android thing,

because for me, it's red. I was looking up the different things a phone say, different types of phones, what they say if you get the message, and delivered I must have been an Android thing. But for iPhones, for us iPhone users, the majority of us, it's on red. So, okay, here we go.

This is how I broke it down. So 10 to 15 minutes or under, okay? Completely acceptable and respectful, I think in my opinion. The guy wants to converse with you, and I don't really see a problem with this, 10 to 15 minutes, because yes, we're all on our phones all the time,

but there is the occasional time where you're at work, or you're at the gym, and you put your phone down. Those are the only times I really put my phone down, let's be honest, and I hate to admit it, but yeah, when I'm at the gym, or I'm running outside to get the mail, or maybe I'm running to somebody and I hate to admit it, but yeah, when I'm at the gym, or I'm running outside to get the mail, or maybe I'm running to somebody and I'm talking, those are the times we don't have our phone,

and that's the time sometimes, it's the inner 10 to 15 minutes. So we get into the hour, hour plus. Okay, so an hour or longer is a long time, because let's be honest, however, let's be honest, we're all on our phones. I don't care what you say, you can be know, however, I mean, let's be honest. We're all on our phones I don't care what you say. You can be like, no, I'm not you never not checking your phone within an hour I I've never met anybody in my life

Who hasn't had their phone in their hand at all times or in their back pocket or not? Checking it like even once even if it's just like for business or whatever. You're on your phone It's just the way the world is However, there could be a good reason for this, for the, you know, over an hour. Maybe they were in a meeting. Maybe there was a doctor's appointment, like I said, at the gym.

If they have like a valid reason and respond back like acknowledging that they've been somewhere, then I guess that's understandable. And well, I mean, depending on you, we should accept that. I guess that's understandable and well, I mean, depending on you, we should accept that. I guess it depends on the person. So now I broke it into five to eight hours.

This is where it gets really tricky. So if you're still not getting a response back and it's now been five to eight hour mark, I'm not having a good feeling about this guy. Okay, five to eight hours, I've never in my life have gone five to eight hours, unless I lost my phone. Oh, I mean, that's the only time I can think of I've ever gone that long.

I honestly don't know a single person that doesn't check their phone for that long, and all it takes is literally a second to respond back to someone, especially, especially if you're into them. So chances are they're likely just not into you and probably texting with another girl of one of their roster girls. And I hate to tell you guys this and this is embarrassing, but like I said, we're going

to get raw on here and you're going to hear things that you don't like, but I'm going to be honest with you. That is exactly what that is. He's just not into you or he's seeing what his options are. If this happens like on a Friday night, a Thursday night, a Saturday night, he's definitely making plans, right? He's watching football with the boys. He's finding out is he gonna go out with the boys tonight? Is this other girl gonna call him back first? And if this other girl doesn't call him back, then he'll go to you. He's just kind of weighing out his options and and that's what I think that's what I mean

That's what most people I mean that I think that's what all guys do. They just are weighing out their options They want to see what's going on first and especially if you're really not I Guess if you're really not into the girl too much that could also you know Possibly happen. That's definitely a red flag. So Anyway, here we go to 24 hours plus. That is just a huge red flag and you need to write them off. You know, any guy or girl that leaves you on red or delivered for a full day, unless there's some kind of crazy story, like they got rushed to the hospital or their dog died

and they honestly, I mean really honestly even if the dog died, still have their phone on them right like even if you go to the hospital you still have your phone on you because you're calling people it's an emergency right they could text you back saying listen my dog died there's really there's really no excuse really they should be out you know they should be dead to you you know forget about them and just move the fuck on. So why I leave some people on Red and others on Delivered. So I recently, and my friends will yell at me about this, and you know who I do this a lot to, is my manager and my publicist,

when I don't wanna get back to them, and they're gonna listen to this and they're gonna be pissed. But I recently realized that you can turn off the red. And the reason I do this, I mean, if it's for a girl, because I want to leave my options open, I'm not, I don't want to get back to them right away. I don't want to sound too needy. So I think a lot of guys kind of give a little bit of a grace period. They don't want to respond right away because it's kind of not cool. I guess quote unquote cool. You want to give it a little bit. You want to have a little bit of a chase. You don't

want to respond right away because then you're like, okay, that's a little too eager. You got to read it from her side of you too. She wants you to wait a little bit because she wants a little bit of the chase. So that's me, that's what I think. All right, now let me get in some other questions. When is it the appropriate amount of time to sleep with a guy and still keep them interested in you? This is a tough one.

I think it depends on a lot of things. If I was a girl and I saw a guy like myself coming your way, I would stay far away from me. I'm gonna get myself in trouble from this because now people are gonna see me and just judge me like crazy. But when it comes to romance, yeah, stay far, far away.

Do you wanna hang out? Cool, in a group setting, sure. But no going back to the guy' home, that's for sure. Not right off the bat, anyway. Just hang out in group settings, you know? As far as romantically, you know, no. Give the guy a little bit of a chase. Don't give it up right away.

I know that's hard, you know, because sometimes you like the guy, you want to go home with him, and, you know, you just want to have fun. And then you end up being like, fuck, what did I do that, you know, and then, oh my God, is he gonna call me? Yeah, there's just a lot of red flags there if you sleep with him too early. But it's really a judgment call.

It really depends on what you're looking for. Now, if you're looking for just a hookup, yeah, go right ahead. But if you're looking for some romance you know, some romance and a relationship, you gotta hold back and give him a little chase. Like make it a little hard for him. Don't respond to his calls right away. Like play a little hard to get.

Guys like that. I know me, I like it when, you know, there's a little bit of a chase or, you know, she doesn't show me all the attention. Maybe she's a little mean or she's really short. One word answers, one word replies on texts. Oh my God, that drives me freaking crazy. So I've been best friends, okay, here's another question.

I've been best friends with my best guy friend for years. I am madly in love with him. What do I do? Is it possible for guys and girls just to be platonic friends? I don't think that's possible I honestly honestly don't and this is gonna get me in trouble, too Maybe in the beginning I would say yes, and when I say the beginning like the very very beginning because I

Don't know because the guy's usually gonna want to have sex, and he's not gonna be open, like that open to tell you everything, because he wants to keep the option open to sleep with you. You know, it's so hard to put, like you watch these movies and these guys, these rom-coms, right, and they all have these guys with these girls, right, and they're all best friends, and what happens? Usually by the end of the movie, they fall in love with each other,

or they hook up, and that's usually what happens. But I just honestly don't think it's possible. Now, I hate to say this, and like I said, this is gonna be bad, but every time that I've had a girl that's been a friend, I eventually slept with them. And I mean, one girl was my friend for, shit, that's been a friend, I eventually slept with them. And, I mean, one girl was my friend for, shit, for three, four years?

And we were literally, she thought I was disgusting, but we were best friends. Like, she, this is back in my Playboy days, like in my 20s. This is like when I was 25, 26, 27. And I actually lived with a couple girls, but they knew how I was. They knew I was a partier, I was a Playboy, I was, you know, 27, and I actually lived with a couple girls, but they knew how I was. They knew I was a partier, I was a playboy,

I was always going after different girls, so they didn't look at me like that. But years later, I ended up sleeping with her. I really, really did. And yeah, so I've never had a female friend that I didn't really sleep with. I'm trying to rack my brain here. I don't think I've ever have. No. So no. So I don't think it's possible to answer your question. Let's discuss something we all care about. What's on your feet?

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That's Reality Hits for $20 off orders of $100 or more at gdefy.com. That's gdefy.com. That's reality hits for $20 off orders of $100 or more at gdefy.com. That's gdefy.com. How do I find out if a guy I'm seeing, when I said seeing, I guess going on three amazing dates, I guess is that categorized as seeing somebody going on three dates? And like, who says that you're seeing each other? That's another question I have. So how do I find out if the guy I'm seeing, quote unquote, been on three amazing dates? I don't know if that categorizes as seeing somebody, I guess it's all relative is talking to more girls than just me. Now, you should just fucking ask, just fucking ask. That may turn a guy off though,

you know, on three dates. If you're like, holy shit, it's only been three dates and you're already asking if I'm seeing other girls. That might deter some guys. I don't know. If it was me and she asked, I would be like, holy shit, this girl wants a relationship. So I guess it's all, you gotta read the situation, I think. Consistency too, if a guy's in view, he's saying good morning, he's calling you after work, he's talking about future plans, he's consistent, he wants to get together with you, wants to spend time together, he's texting you.

When he's not into you, he's not, you know, consistent. So he's not, he's not showing a lot of interest. Again, he's, you know, I going back to, he's keeping his options open. So here's another one. Question number five. So I had an incredible date with the guy. We made out before he dropped me off, said he can't wait to see me again. And he's left me on red all day now

why help oh again i mean this is kind of similar to the other one um it really depends like some guys are different in this like if he responds right away um maybe he's doing it like he doesn't want to seem like he's needy um maybe he's kind of playing the game. A lot of guys like to play the game. The whole game of it is kind of the fun part. It's a toxic trait. And a lot of young guys, well a lot of old guys do it too. They kind of just want to leave it alone the next day because they want the girl to chase. They want the girl to be a little eager. But then again, it's a tricky situation because if you're too eager, then that's a turn off as well.

So I would let it go. If this were me, if I were you, I would let it go. You made out after a date. I mean, you know, I kissed a lot of people too and not calling them back. I don't think kissing is a really big deal. Funny, fun fact. You know what I like to do when I go on dates? I kiss him right off the bat.

No joke, the last, I want to say three or four dates, I've kind of just threw him for a loop. If you kiss the person right off the bat, especially if you were like, say you were like texting each other for a while before you'd gone on the date. Like for me, before I'd been on a date, I would like get a hold of the girl and we'd been texting for like three or four days, right? And we're planning the date. So now we have a good rapport.

And I've gone in for it right off the bat. Like when I picked up a girl, I would just grab her face and kiss her. It gets that like nervousness out of the way. For me, it's the dates have been so much better if you kiss them right off the bat. Now that may scare some guys away if you just go up and kiss them like that, but as for a guy, and taking that initiative, and just planting one right away, I haven't had a problem with it yet.

Again, I haven't done it in 10 years, but it throws them off, but it really makes the date more comfortable. Like you're more relaxed, and it almost seems like you've been dating a while. So there's a little thing for you a little hint I mean It's worked for me. So I don't know. What are the biggest red flags women need to look out for in men again? This is my opinion and this is what I think so if he tells you he wants to keep his options open

That's a big one. And if he wants to conceal, all right, he wants to keep away his friends from you, from meeting your friends. He only wants to hang out with you at his house. He goes out of his way to avoid PDA. A lot of guys do that. Especially if they're like around their friends or they're around other girls. If he's avoiding PDA in front of other girls,

that's a huge red flag. Especially if he's already giving it to you everywhere else, but if there's other girls around and he doesn't do it, yeah, you might want to end that. If he hides things from you, here's another one, a big one, and you should know this right off the bat. If he still loves his ex-girlfriend, that's kind of something you want to find out in the beginning when you're kind of on the first three dates is get to know how long their last relationship was. Cause you can technically be a rebound. You can technically still love his girlfriend

and he's just going through the motions and trying to keep his mind occupied by going out with you. So get that out of the way quickly. Find out when he dated somebody last, how long the relationship was, what went wrong. you know, I know that's a lot to ask in the beginning, but I would wait to like date two or three and kind of get a little bit of a background on his dating because then you can really save yourself

a lot of time and trouble. Keeping them close, but far enough away, you know, giving him hope, and this kind of goes along with bread crumbing. We got into that last week where, again, this guy is kind of keeping his options open. He's got a roster. We keep going back to the word roster

because a lot of guys like to keep their options open. But they also want to keep you around in case the other girls are busy that night. So you can kind of tell when he's doing that. A guy criticizing you on everything. Now if he starts criticizing you on everything, that's because he's too much of a pussy to break up with you. That's why.

He wants you to break up with him. That's the only reason I can think of that one. When a guy criticizes you, he's too much of a pussy to break up with you and he doesn't know how to do it. So he's waiting for you to end it. Then he can blame it on you. That's exactly what that means.

Is that, like, I haven't done that. Obviously, I've gotten in arguments with my wife on things, but that's over time, that's over years, but if he's doing that right off the bat, yeah, that's just, that's a really bad sign. What are the best compliments to give a guy? Oh my gosh, this is such a good one and I talked about this and I don't want to get too much into, I'll just say my relationships, you know,

what I like. I'm not a material person. I don't need things. What I need, what makes me feel good, and again this could be wrong, but boost his ego, boost my ego, make me feel good about myself. I think when a woman, now, if you're in a relationship and you make your man feel good about himself, if you, and it should go both ways, obviously, it really depends if you're married or if you're, but if you just started dating somebody, make him feel good, if you want married or if you're, but if you just started dating somebody,

make them feel good. If you want them around and you wanna hook them, I guess you can say, is make them feel good about themselves. When I was married, it was the little things. I like when I get up in the morning and there's notes left. I like text messages saying, how are you doing today? I miss you. What do you wanna do for dinner?

I'm thinking about cooking dinner tonight, but do you wanna go out? You look good'm thinking about you know cooking dinner tonight, but do you want to go out? You look good today like get interested in the things that he likes even if it doesn't you know interest you Fine if he likes a certain sport if he if he likes a certain TV show You know do your research if you want to do the work do your research on all this stuff and find out Find out what he likes it goes a long way I'm telling you guys the little things like the notes and the the text messages likes. It goes a long way. I'm telling you guys, the little things like the notes and the text messages, if you're in a relationship,

it might be a little too much in the beginning, in the very beginning of a relationship, but if you're in a relationship, girlfriend, boyfriend, married, do these things. I'm telling you, it is life-changing and it makes your day so much better, especially if you get an argument. Say you got an argument the night before,

and the next day, I'm sorry, I was wrong, or even if he was wrong, you can just say, I'm sorry, let's squash this, let's move on, life's too short, or let's go grab dinner tonight and forget about what happened. Stuff like that, you know, because like I said, life is too short, and pick and choose your battles. Really, really pick and choose your battles.

If it's something that's not gonna change the world, don't fucking bring it up. Don't argue about it. Maybe store it in the backroom. I think a lot of girls do this. They store a lot of stuff if they don't, and they'll bring it up later. They'll bring up something from like 10 years ago. But like I said, don't hold on to things. And like I said, pick and choose your battles. Because a lot of guys are just, they get frustrated. A lot of guys make stupid mistakes so i've been married for six years having an affair with a colleague in my office who is also married i love my wife but i also feel really attached emotionally and physically to my colleague any advice okay um obviously there's there's a chase uh to this you know it's it's this is as soon as okay this this is how i'm gonna break this down there's there's a chase to this. You know, it's, as soon as, okay,

this is how I'm gonna break this down. There's a chase to this. The fact that it's risky, that's the excitement of it. In my opinion, that's half of it right there. That's 50% of why people do this, because it's risky, it's dangerous, it's you're living on the edge, it's like a ticking time bomb.

Like you never know if someone's gonna find out. You know, like for instance, For instance, Sandoval, he's been having this affair for, I don't know the exact amount of time, but he's had the affair for a long time. What happened? As soon as everybody found out, they were done. It wasn't fun anymore. They weren't getting away with it. The high of the riskiness and the having an affair is very, very short-lived. It's a ticking time bomb. There's going to be a time where it's going to explode.

There's never going to be a time where they're not going to find out. It's going to happen. The world is too small. There's social media. There's cameras. People love to talk. It's not a good idea. It's very dangerous and it can cause a lot of problems,

especially if you're married. My God, if you're married going through this, oof. Do guys instantly write back to a text without giving much thought to a new girl they are seeing, or do they methodically wait to make them crazy and wanting more? Let me see, do guys instantly write back to a text

without giving much thought to the new girl? Okay, this depends on the situation. I play both of these, okay? If she's a normal girl, I don't play those kind of games. If it's a girl that knows she's super hot and knows that all the guys want her, then I'm definitely more strategic. And you can tell, like guys can tell the girls

that are like that, girls can tell the especially if you've you've scoped out their Instagram you've done a deep dive you can tell the girls that are you can tell the girls that you know that you got to play a little different game with as opposed to you know other girls okay here's number number 12 start dates for a few weeks then he ghosted for a week and randomly texted like nothing ever happened do I see him again what do I say to him do I call him out you should few weeks, then he ghosted for a week and randomly texted like nothing ever happened. Do I see him again? What do I say to him? Do I call him out? You should definitely, definitely call him out. I've done this many, many times. Again, we're going back to the old thing.

There's a roster, there's another girl that he was interested in before he met you. He was playing that situation out. Maybe it didn't go right for him, so that's why he was leaving you kind of, I don't wanna say on the red, but he was leaving you dangling, because he, or maybe he liked both of you, and he kinda wanted to see if he could play both of you at the same time, maybe she went on vacation, so now you're available.

There's a lot of different reasons, but I've definitely done this, and yet you should call him out. Like, I think if I was a girl, I would call his ass out. And it depends on how you feel. If you want to give him a chance, great. But I've dealt with both, I've had both responses. I've had girls be like, oh, it's fine or whatever,

or get over it. They give me a little bit of a hard time about it. I can't remember if a girl ever said, yep, too late. I don't think that's ever happened to me, to be honest. I think most girls just be like, it's fine, or they'll crack a joke and whatever. Okay, so I'm currently being ghosted by a guy I really like. How do I deal?

This isn't awful, I'm heartbroken. He made me feel like I was the one. Oh Jesus, again, I hate to admit this, but I've done this. I've done this, especially in my youth. It's again, like, and I don't know if I'm gonna get myself trouble to saying this, but guys tell girls what they wanna hear. They, you know, a guy's not gonna tell a girl,

you know, be off cold, because guess what? You're not gonna sleep with them. But if you tell her everything she wants to hear, I wanna meet your parents, you know, be off cold because guess what? You're not going to sleep with them. But if you, if you tell her everything she wants to hear, I want to meet your parents, you're so beautiful, let's go get dinner, let's go away for the weekend. He's love bombing you right there. First of all, that's love bombing, which we learned last week. And he wants to, well, he wants to get in your pants. So that is a very easy way to do that. And a lot of girls, I feel like, well, the younger ones especially

that don't have a lot of dating experience, they fall for this hook, line, and sinker. They think they've met the one. They think, wow, he's telling me all this. He really loves me. But you could be dealing with a con artist. You could be dealing with a player because that is a token player move right there.

If he's telling you this right off the get go, this goes for any guy, any girl. If he's love bombing you, date, number two, three, whatever, that he's lying. He is completely lying and you should be a little concerned. Maybe call him out on it. Be like, are you serious? Okay, I wanna try start like a new movement here

as we head into the 2025 season. So no more ghosting. Okay guys, no more ghosting. It's absolutely everywhere on my TikTok feed. And I can't believe how much this is still happening. You know, I've admitted it. I've done it before many, many times, probably too many times to count but like I said

You know from the start if I can help any of you guys in any way not to make the same mistakes You know that I have That's what we're trying to do here. So that's why I'm doing these episodes Hopefully you guys can get some stuff out of this, you know and Yeah, hopefully you guys can get something out of us when you go on your next date. So it takes five seconds, okay, to give a woman some clarity, right? Write this down if you need to. I had a lot of fun together,

but I'm just not able to give you what you deserve right now and I just want to be honest with you. I know it's hard to say this because I feel like I've gone back and forth with this doing with this with girls, but it's better to be honest. You'll feel better about yourself and she might be mad but she'll definitely respect you And when you say this You know, um

Gosh, this is this is it's just good to say this. It's just the right thing to do Um, you're probably not not gonna go any further than that. But then again, there's some girls who would love this. Like, now you're a chase, now you're a game, now you're a project for this girl. So, you know, I've had that too. I've been honest with girls. I said, you know what, this is just not right for me.

Believe it or not, I've done this a couple times. And I've had women use this as a, ooh, now I'm gonna get them. Now this is a game. Okay, so let's put an end, okay, let's put an end here to ghosting. Women definitely deserve better than that. And as men, we need to uphold better character,

and be more responsible, be more respectful. Ghosting is really disrespectful. It's selfish, it's emotionally immature, no matter what your age or situation. It's a terrible thing to do to any person, and let's please put a stop to it. I know ghosting is a new thing, and it's a new, well it's not really a new thing, but the word ghosting is. I literally just learned all this new terminology within the last month.

And for women, ghosting is absolutely disrespectful. It's selfish, it's emotionally immature. No matter really what your age or situation is, it's a terrible, terrible thing to do to any person. So try, no, I'm not gonna say try. I'm gonna say put a stop to it, guys. It's just not the right thing to do. And for women, listen up here.

I think you also need to ask yourselves, why are you crying over guys like this? Why are you giving men the power to destroy your day destroy your self-esteem? They aren't worth it take back that power by doing something for yourself. That makes you feel good You know go out with your friends keep your mind occupied and the next time he comes crawling back Leave his ass on deliver Leave his ass on red. You know, the biggest blow to a male's ego is literally making yourself unbothered by life.

Trust me on this. When you're unbothered, it drives guys crazy. It's happened to me. When you like a girl and she just doesn't give you the time of day, it drives me freaking nuts. They always say less is more, right? And when you're fighting with somebody and you don't respond, how mad are you?

Like if I was fighting with Brittany and she does this sometimes to me when we're married, if I'm fighting with her, she won't respond. And that is more pissing, that pisses me off more than responding. Cause you know you got them. When you respond, you know you got them, you know you're hooking them,

and you know they care about you. But if they ghosting you, not even responding it drives me freaking crazy so here's another one sexting do guys like it absolutely freaking lutely and I'm not sure well. I don't know if we can get into this or not, but I've definitely been caught many times doing this You know there's there's there's There's some fun into it. It's fun, it's foreplay. It's the new generation of foreplay, right?

Because we all have our phones on us, right? You definitely text people before you go on dates with them, right? Say for instance, you met a girl at a bar, you get her phone number, right? You met her on a Sunday. It's now Monday. You guys are talking, you make plans

to go on a date by Friday, right? So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, you're talking, maybe you're having a couple drinks, maybe it's late at night, you start getting flirty, you're kind of breaking the ice for that Friday date. So you're kind of taking a chance and maybe asking them questions and what do you like to do or what's,

maybe you can throw them off and ask them sexual things. It's been done and it kind of makes things a little bit more interesting. Maybe you can throw him off and ask him sexual things. It's been done and it kind of makes things a little bit more interesting. A guy I'm dating is suddenly pulling back. How do I handle this and get him back to being obsessed with me again? Well, I think you went a little too fast too quickly and I think probably you maybe gave it up a little too soon. I hate to say that but that's probably what that is.

Girls need to like pull back, you know? Give him a taste of his own medicine. Stop being the, here's another one of those words, stop being that pick me girl, you know? I don't know, that's my advice. I'm not attracted to my husband anymore. I love him, but I can't bring myself to be physical with him.

Any advice? I do have advice, and you're not gonna like this, but this is just the way it is. It's over I'm sorry to tell you this but it is over if you can't Be physically attracted to your husband if you can't touch him if you don't It's it's over. It's over and don't waste each other's time Don't go through the motions and just be like, hopefully we'll get it back again.

If you're over it, if you're not attracted to them physically, you gotta end it. You gotta end it. Unless you're what, 60 to 70 years old and maybe sex isn't important to you anymore, I don't know, but in my opinion, if you're not attracted to the other person and you can't bring yourself to give them any affection,

it's freaking over. If you lose attraction, sorry, it's over. If you lose attraction, there's really nothing more that you can do. It's over. Unless you're comfortable being roommates in a sexless marriage, I don't know who is, but once you lose the intimacy, it's been too long.

It's not something you can force. You can't force something like that. And then it becomes awkward. In marriages and relationships, physical and emotional attraction goes hand in hand. When you're lacking the emotional and the physical is definitely impacted. Like you just can't come back to that. All right, the next one. We just started dating a couple months ago and his birthday is definitely impacted. Like you just can't, you just can't come back to that.

All right, the next one. We just started dating a couple months ago and his birthday's coming up. What do I get him? I don't wanna do too much, but I also wanna impress him. For me, this is my opinion, this is what I would like. Call all his buddies, find out his favorite bar. If he likes a sport, maybe plan going to see a game.

Definitely contact one of his closest friends, or you know, slash best friend. Maybe that could do something. I think that's what I would like. If I was dating somebody and she called like, you know, Tom Schwartz up and said, hey, I want to celebrate Jackson's birthday, I want to do something fun. And Tom would be like, oh, that's really cool. Why don't we go to his favorite bar and we'll all surprise him? We'll get some pizza or you know, maybe he would suggest once you take him to a hockey game

That's what I would like. So that's what I suggest What is it appropriate time to pass gas in front of your significant other? Geez six months a year Never If you want to keep the romance alive if you want to have sex with your partner ever again six months, a year, never. If you wanna keep the romance alive, if you wanna have sex with your partner ever again, never. Period, point blank, period. Okay, trying to help my friend, can you love your girlfriend and cheat and fall in love

with another woman at the same time? He claims he loves both of them. Do you think it's possible he actually loves them both? Or does the relationship, I'm sorry, or does he know the relationship is over with his girlfriend and that's why he went looking elsewhere? This is a scandal situation because I think deep down inside Tom loved Ariana, but I also think that their intimacy was gone for a very long time and they became roommates. Therefore, he wasn't man enough, and sorry Tom if you're listening to this, but this is the truth,

he wasn't man enough to go to Ariana and be like, hey listen, we haven't been intimate in a while, I think it's time to explore other options. We're both young we both deserve be deserved We both deserve to be in relationships. We both deserve to have sex and move on You need to tell your friend like I'm sure she's heard of scandal balls to say look what happened with Tom and Ariana This is the perfect perfect, you know example You know, he's keeping his options open and you know having sex with somebody else, it's again, I've said this before, this is called the Madonna syndrome and it's been in a lot of old movies. I think it's in Bridgerton, I think it's in the Tudors. I used to watch

a show called the Tudors where these high powered men, kings, princes, they would get married, right? They'd have their wife who they put on a pedestal, but then they would have their mistress, their girlfriend, their girl that they would treat, you know, not right. Let's just put it politely, not right. They would use them, abuse them, take their aggression out on them, like physically, sexually, do things with them that they normally wouldn't do with their wife. That is called the Madonna Syndrome. You know, the guy wants to have his cake and he wants to eat it too.

You know, he wants to keep his options open and he can't commit. That's really the problem. Okay guys, that was great. I'd love for you to choose what topic you'd like me to discuss on the next episode of In the Mind of a Man. I hope you guys are liking this. I want you to DM me. Maybe I'll post a poll on Instagram.

But I really, really enjoyed doing these episodes it's so much fun i hope you guys enjoyed this and Thank you guys for listening i hope i helped a little bit all right love you guys and we'll talk to you later