When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittany - In The Mind of a Man: What Men Want in the Bedroom and Beyond

Episode Date: January 30, 2025

What do men want in a relationship but rarely ask for? You’ll be surprised! What do they like in the bedroom? Jax answers some juicy questions and explores serval topics in this Rated R episode that you may want to know but are too scared to ask!  Please support the show by checking out our sponsors! Hiya: Go to hiyahealth.com/REALITYHITS to receive 50% off your first order G-DEFY - Go to Gdefy.com and use the promo code REALITYHITS for 50% off all orders. Progressive: Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive.

Alright, welcome back to in the mind of a man. Alright, we're going to get a little bit risque on this one. This one is going to be a little bit more PG thirteen13 slash rated R. Okay. So just be prepared. If you're under the age of, I guess nowadays 18 or shit, I don't know, 13, maybe, maybe tune out. I don't know, but just be aware. We're going to get a little, little graphic on this one. Okay. So this one, here we go. We're going to start it off is what men want in the bedroom and beyond. This is things men want from women in a relationship that they rarely ask for. Okay, so number one. Now I have Lori here, by the way, again,

and she's going to, you know. Yeah, I wasn't really comfortable being part of this episode, but he's- She can call me on a lot of things, and I like to have the banter with her because she knows me very well, and I think she can speak for most women, all women really. You're lucky I'm in town this week. Okay, so the first one is respect. Men need to feel respected by what they bring to a relationship. They need to feel needed and appreciated.

Whereas women, I think, need their feelings acknowledged and validated in order to feel safe. I don't need actual things. I need validation. I'm going to be honest with you. I need, I've always been this way. It will change my day. If I wake up in the morning and I see a note next to the coffee maker, have a great day. If I get a text halfway through the day, I miss you, I'm thinking about you, or do you want to meet for lunch? That to me will change everything. That is a diamond ring for me. I need the validation. I need that. What kind of love language is that? What is that?

I think it's... I just, there's something about getting a text from your significant other. Words of affirmation. Words of affirmation. Yeah. Yeah, I need that. I will take that on a post-it note over anything, over anything. It will just make my day. For me, it's like making my bed. It's just something I need.

I need to see. I need to see that my partner, my significant other is thinking about me. There's just something about you going about your day and, oh, by the way, she's thinking of me or he's thinking about me. To me, that's a big one. Affection, small gestures, leaving a note, text messages. If a guy's not getting these things, he feels emasculated, I think. Like a simple good morning text, like this is what I was getting into.

Like how are you? Good morning. What'd you have for breakfast? Or maybe a little joke or what do you want to do tonight? Let's have some fun tonight or should we go on vacation? Things like that. You know, it goes such a long way. I don't know if most guys are like this, but I am.

I think you're like that in friendships and even work relationships too. Like you're always that client that will say good morning. Most don't. Most will be like, hey, I'm posting this at 12. Do you know what I mean? But you, I don't know, you're like that. I think it's rude, especially people you work with, especially people that you've been friends with for over, over many, many years. I don't think you should

just shoot off saying what you need. And I think you've called me on that. I'm like, I'm not your No, you're, you're really, you've always been good like that. And you'll always say like, how, how was your vacation or how are your kids doing? Yeah, well, you should engage in other people. You should care what other people are doing, especially if they're your friends. Right. So that's the difference. I guess we're, yeah, we're close friends. Yeah, I think anyway.

So supporting his goals, you know, you got his back, you support him, you understand him. Men need to feel understood. It's very, very important. So I think that you should definitely know your man or your woman's, we're going to do both, right? Men and women, right? I think you should know their goals ahead of time. I think you should support them.

And you know, when girls don't, I think that's just a huge red flag. And I think you get to know a man or a woman in the beginning before you start the relationships You know their goals You know what they want to do if a guy wants to start a lemonade stand fucking support them if he wants to you know Grow Christmas trees support him, you know And if you don't like that then you should have gotten that out of the way before you started dating You can't all of a sudden because you're it doesn't align with what you want You can't just be like well, this doesn't align with what you want, you can't just be like,

well, this doesn't align with what I want, so I'm going to bounce out of this relationship or I'm just going to neglect my man. You should be proud of him. You're a team at the end of the day. You're a team. Right. And it's almost like you're on a reality show. We'll use you an example.

You would have never been able to be with a woman that didn't understand and support that part of your life because it's such a huge part of your life. Right. And when I was dating, I made it very clear, this is what I do for a living. I'm just letting you know, I'm going to say it first. For instance, if a guy wants to grow Christmas trees and it might not align with what you want, but you know what I'm going to do? I was like, you know what?

I don't really understand Christmas trees and I don't understand? I was like, you know what? I don't really understand Christmas trees and I don't understand any of it, but you know what, I love him. How does growing Christmas trees come to your mind? Because I'm thinking of something so random, okay? Like I wanna start a yarn business. Yarn, yarn and Christmas trees. Okay, whatever.

You know, I may not like it or understand it, but you know what? I love this person and I'm gonna dive in. I'm gonna figure out everything I need to know about it and I'm or understand it. But you know what? I love this person and I'm going to dive in. I'm going to figure out everything I need to know about it and I'm going to embrace it. I'm sure there was things that people that are billionaires now off of stupid inventions that women were like, this is not going to fucking work. And now they're living in mansions on yachts and stuff because you know what? Well look at Mark Zuckerberg. He's been with his, I think, high school sweetheart forever. And he was probably in his dorm working all hours of the night building something. And same

thing. Right. Like she was probably like, God, he won't come for dinner with me. Stuck in that room. Right. But you know what? But these women saw what they were doing. They saw their men just absolutely dove into these things. Now, I mean, what could be worse? It's better than him going out to the bars with his buddies drinking. And it's also very attractive. It's attractive to see your partner passionate about something. I think so. I think so. And I think, I just think being on the same page is just super important.

And this is something that you should get out of the way on a date, you know? So, I don't know. So, independence. Men value their own alone time, independent sports gym, guy time. That's when they regulate themselves. So for me, I need to go to the gym seven days a week. That is a necessity. That is a deal breaker.

I have to go to the gym. I don't care what I have going on throughout the day. The gym is a priority. So we need to work around it. And that's, that's it for me. I need to go to the gym. I like cars. I like to spend time in the garage. I like to, these are things that I need that make me feel good. And it's not taking away from my relationship, but you know, you spend a lot of time to get, especially nowadays, right? Because now everybody's working from home, right? What's that mean? That means both your partners are working from home.

Whether you're working in two different bedrooms, you still come out to the kitchen for lunch, right? So you're still in the same household. And more often than not, I know this goes for me, we have the same friends, right? I have the same group of friends. So we live together, we work together, we sleep together. That is a lot for any couple.

There may be a few couples out there that'd be like, oh my god, I love it, or sleep together. That is a lot for any couple. There may be a few couples out there that'd be like, oh my God, I love it or whatever. But most of these couples are going to be like, I need some fucking alone time. I'm going off with the girls to a weekend in Cabo. I'm going to get my nails done. I'm going to the spa. I'm going for a walk or a hike. That is extremely important.

And this goes for both sexes in my opinion. Yeah. I think that's why during COVID, the divorce rate, you know, skyrocketed because if you don't get a chance to do your own thing and have that independence, you know, like I have so many friends, husbands and you know, that play sports, they go to play hockey multiple, you know, times a week. They need that. Yeah, they do.

Definitely. What would you rather your significant other going to the strip club, going to the bar, going to drink it. If he's got a weird hobby or he's got something again that doesn't align with you. So fucking what let him do it, you know, cause he's going to come home and he's going to be angry if he doesn't, you know, allowed to let off his steam, just like women, they need to go out with their girls. They need to gossip. They need to go to the spa. They need to go on vacations. They need to go on shopping sprees. This is your therapy. Okay? And then you can come home and you regroup and then you can talk about your day. But COVID was the perfect

example of, man, spending this time with my significant other is killing. But I even think once kids come into the picture, that's where I feel like husbands and wives could start arguing over things like that. Like again, you're going to play golf or you're going to the gym again. Like you need to watch the child. I want to do this. But I think it's that balance that's so important in a, for it to be sustainable where you respect each other's time, like independent times, that they're able to have that for themselves. Yeah, that's a tough one. And it's hard, but more kids you have.

Yeah, especially when kids get involved, you're kind of like, okay, can I stop being the chauffeur for five minutes and go have a me day? You know, it's important. It's important or you're going to lose your mind. Like people that have four kids, I just... Like my... Well, I don't know if he's my friend anymore. Danny, Danny and Nia. And they have twins. Obviously, I have twins too. And they're all under the age of three? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how. I mean, after my twins, I was never having another child again. But for them to have

... Well, they have their first son, right? They had a son first and then the twins, but to have another one after... I literally, I wrote them both. I was like, you guys are superhuman. You are. I don't know how you find the time. I'm just in my head, because I'm frugal with money, what is your diaper bill? What is your formula bill? Like, is she constantly pumping? Like, what is going on?

Like, how? Hopefully she gets a good, you know, campaign with Huggies or Pampers or something. Yeah, that would be nice, right? Another big one is playfulness in your partner. What do you think about this, Lori? Playfulness in your partner. Well, yesterday when you, you know, Jax was going through this podcast with me and he was asking my opinion, you actually said that you didn't think that you're a playful person and I disagreed with that completely.

What do you mean? What do you, okay, what is playful to you? What does that word mean to you? Just somebody that doesn't take themselves so seriously and that is just fun to be around. And I don't know if actually I'm trying to think like people that watch you on the show. I mean, I don't think they know that side of you. You are literally one of the funniest people. And I was even talking about this with Schwartz, I think

last night. He also agreed. You were one of the funniest people I know, top three, hands down. When I'm on one, I'm pretty good. I'm pretty funny. Yeah. Listen, when Jax is grumpy, I mean, he's grumpy and he lets everybody know how he's feeling. And I've been very grumpy the last year. And I don't think I've been as playful and as funny as I've been normally the last year, obviously, because of what I'm going through.

You still have your moments. And I think people that have watched Vanderpump, you're so known for your iconic phrases and lines. But the thing is, you're funny without you knowing that you're funny. I just say things and I'm like, was that appropriate? Should I have said that? I don't even think you think that way, but even the most, that moment where you looked at Sandoval, well, the me too, that's something else.

But when you said, I'm the number one guy in the group, you were dead serious. You didn't say that. You're not that person that's trying to be funny or to do a little bit. I don't know how to be funny. I just say things. But I mean, they're, Ryan and I talk about this all the time. We said the other day, we have to make a book. One of those Shutterfly books or something- Jacksisms.

Right. With your quotes, because there's just... I mean, on the show, you've probably have what? Five or six really iconic lines, but in your day-to-day life, I mean, I hear this, there's like five a day. Like you would not believe some of the things that he said and they're hilarious. And I'm dead serious. You'll crack up laughing and you're like, and I'll be like, why are you laughing? And I think me not having a filter and obviously I say things that sometimes I don't even know

what the hell I'm saying. And I'm like, oh my God, did I offend somebody? Did I say this? Is this wrong or right or whatever? And people would look at me like, are you kidding? Like that was this or that was that? I'm like, Oh my God, did I offend somebody? Did I say this is this wrong or right or whatever? And people would look at me like, are you kidding? Like that was this or that was that? I'm like, I'm not trying to be funny. That's just what's in my head. I don't know. Oh my God. I can't, I wish I was able to think of something on the spot, but just, just in

general, you know, the things that you go on and on and on about, right? Like your orchid in your house. I mean, he, is this the right place for... I don't know. People don't know you this way, but you just, you know, you fixate on things, but he's funny. It's almost like a Larry David character in a way. Are you Larry David? I could be. I think I also thrive on structure. Structure, structure, structure. If that is thrown off, I can't even tell you. I don't know where I got this from. I just, everything has to, like, I need a routine. If I don't have a routine, it's bad.

And you also, like your notebook, you need to take notes. You need to write everything down. You have like a calendar. Yeah. Calendars, notes, post-its, highlighters. I write down everything I do. I get up in the morning, I make my bed, brush my teeth, go have breakfast, check my emails, go to the gym, pick up Cruz, take Cruz to school. And you're a creature of habit. You will eat the same breakfast every single day. And the same...

If it's not broken, don't fix it. Yeah, but the problem is too, is I feel like there's two versions of me. There's a grumpy me. Yeah, that's what I said. And you can tell when I'm not in a good mood. And it's just awful. When I'm in a bad mood, it's just not good. Yeah, if you're in a bad mood, everybody around you feels that. And I got to say something here.

Ever since I've gotten out of therapy, out of my place, and I found out what was wrong with me, I got diagnosed with bipolar 2, and they finally put me on medication after 45 years. 45 years. I always knew something was wrong, but again, I'm a guy. I don't go to the doctor unless I'm dying. I always knew something was wrong, but then when they put me on the medication, I can't tell you.

I wanted to cry because finally I let things roll off my back. I am not in bad moods anymore. Do I get a bad mood here and there? Of course, everybody does. But I'm just so much happier. I let things roll off my back. I feel like I'm a lot nicer of a person. Nicole Sarris Well, you know what I noticed the biggest thing for me? Because I'm not in town often. So, you know, I'm not seeing Jack's day to day. But when I do, and we're in the car together, your road rage is better. Yeah, it's hard. It's still there a little bit, but it's not what it was. So definitely better road rage. Yeah. Because I'll scream

it. I'll scream it. You'll honk that horn and scream out your window. I'm like, we're on the streets of LA. Here's a heads up in case you have mouths to feed. Most children's vitamins are just candy in disguise. They're filled with two teaspoons of sugar, unhealthy chemicals, and other stuff growing kids should never eat. That's why Haya was created, the pediatrician approved, super powered, chewable vitamin. Haya is made with zero sugar and zero gummy junk yet it tastes great and is perfect for

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they need to grow into healthy adults. You made a comment about how I break out my face spray. I'm a big fan of- Well, these are the funny things that again, it's like a Larry David situation. We will be in the middle of a meeting with other people or he'll have a photo shoot being done. And he's just mid conversation busts out his- My Mario- His, what is it? Mario Borusco or something that

Jack's constantly sprays his face. And I know people say online, they always say, why is he so sweaty? And it's not sweat. He likes this face toner spray. Mario brusco. That he sprays all day long. And when I asked him, I'm like, why are you doing that?

Like we're in the middle of like a serious meeting right now. And he's like, I like my skin dewy. I do. It's funny, you know, like we die laughing. Like okay, Jax, you know, dewy skin. Oh my God, I just said the word that I despise. I said the word moist. Gross.

But by the way, I keep a bottle of toner next to my bed. I keep one in my glove box. I keep one on the couch. I keep one in the fridge. What was that word that used to get angry at me every time I said and now it's all that you say Oh my god at the end of the day at the end of the day. I hate it when people say thrive I hate it when people say at the end of the day What like enough at the end of the day? Because it was used like literally in every sentence and I was like, and then I would start using it.

You would hang up the phone. I mean, yeah, the, yeah. Well, now he says it all the time and I call him out on it. Okay. So the next one is feeling desired or wanted. I just think feeling desired is, is a very, very important thing. I think feeling wanted is an important thing because then you just started getting into, you might as well just be roommates. If you don't feel that, then you're not, what's the point? Got to work at it. You got to, that's what you want. You want to feel, yeah, you want to feel wanted. And

this last one here is a huge one, huge, huge, huge, huge huge clear communication. I can't stress that enough. And I've suffered from this clear communicating about why I think maybe my ADD has something to do with it. But I'm always, I have a hard time listening. I'm always looking to jump to what I need to say, uh, instead of just retaining the information and listening to, you know, Well, you, you have a lot of difficulty with communication and all across the board, I would say. And I think anybody watching the show can attest to that obviously, right? But I do think since I always say to Jax, there's the Jax before the facility and the Jax after the facility. And I also see a huge difference in your communication.

Well, I think I'm listening more. I think I'm actually retaining the information as opposed to jumping down someone's throat and try to tell you what I think. Or being defensive and just, you know, if it's not something that you want to hear. And this, again, I could only speak in terms of work and business with Ryan and I. Like, if you didn't like what we have to say, you didn't want to hear it. Yeah. And you know, tantrum a little bit.

My way or the highway. Right. But now I think there's just, there's a calmness there and... And I realized like you don't have to be angry if you disagree with somebody. I mean, you can be like, okay, I see what you're saying, but I don't like that. Instead of going off and being angry and yelling and screaming, which doesn't really... These were the tools that you also worked on at the facility. Yeah.

Yeah. Listening was a huge one. When we talked about my... Like I said, I went to therapy for seven hours a day and we would just dissect, dissect, dissect, and dig, dig, dig, and get to the root of my issues. A big part of my seven hours of therapy for the 30 days I was there was communication. I don't know how to communicate very well. And I'm learning at 45 years old. I'm like relearning a lot of things, but you know, at least it's coming, you know.

But I do agree with that. I think the downfall of many relationships in general, relationships and marriages come down to either different communication styles or not being able to communicate effectively. Right. And I think that starts, I think it starts out okay. And I think years, if you're in the relationship for a period of time, I think the communications tends to dissolve. I think that everybody has a different level of emotional intelligence. And I think if you have one partner that's on the higher end of the spectrum in terms of their emotional intelligence, and then you have another one that's way lower, and that balance is off, then it's not going to work.

I think women expect... That's when people have to do therapy to learn to communicate more effectively. I think men are very simple. I think men are simple creatures. We just want to keep our women happy. Some do, some don't, but I think women expect a lot. I agree with that. I think men are very black and white, whereas women need to talk about the gray area. They need that in order to feel connected with their partner and to feel that they're heard or validated, right? Whereas a man, it's like, it's black or white. Just give me the answer.

Yeah. I don't, what's this gray area? Women need the gray. We need the gray explained to us. I can't explain it. It is what it is. You have to learn how to explain the gray. That's another word that I use all the time. It is what it is. But I guess I need to learn that part. Like why, for instance, why I do certain things. Why did I choose to take the route that I did? Why did I say what I said? I just don't. I think it's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable.

I don't want to sit and talk about it. But you have to be uncomfortable. But that's what I'm saying. I think it's so important to learn how to sit in that discomfort. That's the hardest thing. But I think once you're able to get past that and sit through it and talk through it, then it's kind of like you're pinpointing the elephant in the room, what's bothering you and you're on the other side. And I got to say, going into, you know, I was not having it the first few days. I was like, I don't need to be here. And someone had to talk to me. They're like, you're here. You're here, whether you like it or not. Just use this place like it's using you. Get what

you're getting out of this. You're paying money to be here. You might as well get something out of this. And then literally a girl came to me in the kitchen. I was making a sandwich and she said, you seem a little standoffish. And you chose to be there. Like, it's not like you were placed there. There was no, you could have walked out at any moment. So even though you did have your moments. But I wasn't going to fail. I wasn't going to quit. Right. But you still continued with it. So that's good. And it's just like, I just felt very vulnerable there.

I felt very scared. I'm with a bunch of people that I don't know. And then now you want me to break down and tell you the root of my issues on why I do what I do. And I don't know these people. I just met you and I'm sleeping in the same house with you people. And I'm supposed to cry and be emotional and break down. And especially you, being a public figure.

And I think, and I've seen this with so many clients in general, when you're in this industry and you're a quote unquote celebrity, it's so difficult to know who you can trust. Oh my God, I've been burned. Yeah, and you've been burned a lot. So many times. A lot of things that you haven't, you know, shared publicly, but it's hard for you to trust.

I think you trust very few people. Of course, because you've been burned like I do. I've had therapists burn me. I've had friends burn me. And when you've been burned so many times, and first of all, I was totally against therapy, totally against it for this reason. And then I got screwed over by a therapist right out the gate who was talking about my personal life in a bar. I've been, you know, and then it's so hard to find a therapist. I had one that had to move. I had one that had her own problems. And it's hard to unpack with a new therapist every single time because it's so difficult to relive and speak about it all. It takes so much like mental energy.

And then you get, and like you do all this, you tell them your life and it's exhausting, right? And then you're like, okay, this is not going to work. Or, you know, it's really, really tough. And I talked to a lot of people, they're like, it takes some time to find a good therapist. It takes time. And it really, really, really does. It's, it does. Okay. Now we're going to get into the next topic, which is a little bit risky, but Hey, we got to talk about it. What do men consider great sex? Okay. This is, I kind of taken a poll here. I think men consider great sex, I think that when women are very into it, you know, enthusiastic, I think that kind of goes without

saying. I think communication, you know, men want to hear how good it feels, you know, you know, give a little direction, take some initiative, but also let him dominate because let's be real women, women like to be dominated, right? I mean, I think for the most part, women like to be dominated in the bedroom respectfully, of course, I'm not trying to say be disrespectful, but I feel like if you're both on the same page, and it's respectful, I think women like a little, you know, dominance, maybe a little rough, you know, so I think men like it too. Communication, that's obviously a huge one. Great sex, obviously, right?

Soft or slow or hard or faster. I think you kind of feel that out after the first time, no pun intended. I think when you get to know your partner, you know, the third, fourth, fifth time you guys, you know, have relations, you kind of feel like what they like and what they don't like. So that comes with over time. I think women that are able to let go, be in the moment,

not be in their head. Again, this is kind of, I think a big one for the younger generation. I think the younger generation, I think they're very into how they look with their clothes off. I think men and women nowadays, I'm not just singling out women. I think men and women are very insecure of how they look like because of social media again and what they see and what they... I think it's a big deal. I think when people get older, I think it becomes less. I think the maturity level's there. I think at the end of the day. And at the end of day number two. But no, actually, that's why I think we've been all

over TikTok. And we were late to the game because we're in our 40s and we were kind of, you had never had an interest. And I think it was when we were in Canada that we said, let's download you at TikTok. And then you became really into it. And now it's the best thing because he has a Canadian based TikTok that we registered him for. He's not losing his TikTok. I'm not losing my TikTok guys. So, you know, I'm a Canadian based TikToker. Yeah. But we always send each other stuff on, you know, different memes and things on TikTok. And what I saw on TikTok that was

super interesting, and I believe it to be true, is that when women are younger, and probably men too, right? Like you said, they're more insecure, but that's why they're saying these women in their 40s and 50s now are almost more sexual than men and have these awakenings because I think they just become so much more comfortable and confident with their bodies. And I love that. I love that. That is so attractive to me when a woman is just comfortable with her body and just doesn't give enough, just doesn't care. I think it's a turn off. I think that's what you meant by saying women that aren't in their head and are able to let go. Right. I think it's a turn off a little bit when aren't in their head and people to let go.

Right. I think it's a turn off a little bit when a woman's very timid or in her head. It kind of kills the moment a little bit. You're like, listen, I like you already. Okay? I like what I see. Hopefully you like what I see. Let's forget about that and let's enjoy why we're here.

Does that make sense? Totally. That brings us, I think, to the next question that someone said about, you could read it. Like, people definitely lie about orgasms. Do men lie about orgasms? Yes. I, yes, yes, they do.

Now, I'm not saying how I know this, but they do. They do. I'm shocked by that. There's, it's not, it's for different reasons and it's not, there's many different reasons why men lie about it. He's actually going to have a really amazing sex therapist that he's going to be interviewing. And I want to save it for that. Save it because that's such an interesting, write that down.

I'm going to write that down. So we're going to get back to that one. Why men? And obviously I want to know why women too, but I think it's more, I think people know women fake orgasms. They do, you know, they just maybe want to know why women too but I think it's more I think people know women fake orgasms they do you know they just maybe want to make their man feel better and I don't think I think some women are just different I feel like some women can easily earn certain situations certain positions I think it's just different for women as opposed to men men women automatically

think men are just gonna be done in five minutes no matter what but that's not true that's not true and I've taken a poll on this. There's reasons for it. Whether it's, you know, whether maybe he can't or maybe there's just a situation or maybe it's taken a little bit longer than normal or maybe he's over it or tired or whatever. And you know, you don't want to say it can offend a woman. It can offend a woman if a man doesn't reach his climax. I think this is really interesting and that's probably what your female listeners want to hear because this is news to me. So keep talking. I'm going to talk about this again on this because

I want to know, are women really offended if a man doesn't finish? I don't think they'd be offended, but I think the woman then goes to questioning herself, like, what did I do to turn him off? That's why we lie about it. We become really insecure. That's why we lie about it, because you don't want to offend the girl. And yeah, I'll leave it at that, because I want to get into this a little bit more with the sex therapist, because there's probably some kind of psychological stuff behind this

that she could probably explain better. Yeah, so anyway. Statistics show that the average man lasts between three and seven minutes, whereas it takes women around 30 minutes to reach a climax. The trick is to find the rhythm between you and your partner that works, finding that arousal sweet spot. Again, this is a tricky one because again, every man is different. Every woman is different. You know as a person, man or woman, what you like, you know what works. It's like when you take a picture, you know what angle works, right?

You like a good profile picture or straight on. It's the same thing for sex in my opinion. You know what works for you. You know what's going to get you to the end. And I think that is the best way to put it. Three to seven minutes or 30 minutes, I think it's best probably different for everybody. I think it's also different on the situation. If you're a new couple and you're on vacation together and you're in a sexy hotel, maybe it's going to last a little longer. If you're on a lunch break and you're meeting your wife, let's listen, we got five minutes. Let's meet at

home for lunch and have a quickie. That's different scenario. Probably age makes a difference too, right? Age definitely makes a difference. I think the relationship makes a difference. If it's new, if it's old. I think if you're, there's so many different scenarios when it comes to length and time. You know, I think, I think people also that go out and partying and drinking that probably that takes a huge toll in men. Okay. So partying and drinking and all that, that takes a huge toll. And you know, you have to make that decision, you know, if you're going to go home with somebody, how

much you are going to quote unquote party. If you're out of gathering and you see a guy and you're out until two in the morning at a club and you decide to go back home, odds are it's going to go one way or the other. You're either going to have sex or you're not because men, they react differently to substance, whatever it is, drinking alcohol, drugs, whatever it is, they react different to it. So they're either going to lie... So ladies, now women can understand it's not them, it's not something that they should worry about. It's not them at all. It's a lot of pressure on guys to perform after a 2 a.m. bender. It really, really is.

Like if you're drinking a lot, if you're at a table and you've been going at it and it's two o'clock and this girl wants to take you home, it's pressure. It is a lot because now you have to turn your brain off from drinking all night to be like, holy shit, I got to perform. I haven't been out past 11 PM in like 15 years. I'm just speaking from what my friends say. When Reality Hits is sponsored by G-Defy sneakers. Now, as you guys all know, I'm a big G-Defy fan. I have them in all colors because I use them all the time. I suffer from severe shin splints and I love to hike and I love to use my treadmill. So I have them on all the time. These shoes are really no joke and they're super, super comfortable.

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Go to gdify.com and treat your feet to the best. Trust us. Whether you're chasing toddlers or dodging drama, GDefy shoes will keep you going strong. So get your pair today. ["Dogs and Bars"] Okay, These are the questions that are all over TikTok and some wrote in the DMS and I want to get to the bottom of this. Is it a red flag if he won't go down on me? Okay. So I, Oh God. Is it a red flag if he won't go down on the uh... okay there's different scenarios for this i think some people some of my

buddies that's not something they would do on the first time but then again i don't guys who do that right off the bat uh... you know uh... it's a bit it's it it really varies it kind of it's kind of up to you kind of have to feel it out no pun intended in the beginning you gotta see where this is going. Um, but for the most part, I, you know, my friends and the people that DM me, they told me, listen, this is something that I, I do over time.

It's not one of those things I do out the gate. Um, because I don't think that it's a more, that wasn't the question. This is a girl that is a red flag. Like obviously, okay. So over time, yes, yes, it's a red flag. Absolutely. Sorry. It's a red flag. If they don't do it in general, your red flag, your red flag. I'm answering the question before you even finish. Yes. I'm sorry. I misunderstood the question. Huge red flag. But I wouldn't think it's a red flag if it didn't happen the first time. That's kind of, it varies. It varies because some women are like, listen, that's an intimate thing and I kind of would like to wait a little longer for that. There's nothing wrong with that.

I'm just laughing that I'm sitting here right now. Like what are the chances that I'm sitting here for this podcast, this topic? Okay. All right. What does it mean if he goes soft during sex and he's not into me? Again, this is where it comes to the parting comes in. The drinking and whatever it is you're doing in the evening time, that plays a huge role if he goes soft. Or maybe the guy has an erectile dysfunction and he just so happens doesn't have a magic pill that we can all get anywhere and everywhere. That happens. Some guys have that. And you know what? By that time, usually a guy knows this by now and he's not going to put himself in a situation where he's going home. If he has that issue, majority of guys are going to have something

on them to take care of that. I don't think at my age or even in your thirties that a guy is going to be unprepared for something like that. Yeah. And unless you're in a relationship, I don't think that the male would divulge that information. No. It's embarrassing. And I don't think he's going to put himself in a situation where he's going to go home with a girl knowing that he won't be able to perform. I don't think so. He would probably say, no, not tonight or whatever.

I can't. And you told me that you could find these pills at gas stations here. You can find them literally anywhere. Because in Canada, I don't think they have them. Again, this is kind of like a dating app thing. Back in the day, dating apps were frowned upon, right? So where, I guess you just call them, what do you call them? Boner pills or whatever you want to call them.

I don't know. But Viagra was kind of the big one. It was the first one. And they made it very clear that they send it in the mail and it's discreet and all this. And people were still kind of like, eh. Can you tell the story about what we were tagged in, in the Jax's bathroom? Okay. So, all right. Because this goes along with what you're talking about.

Okay. But wait, can I get to that in a second? I have a couple more things. Okay. So yes, you can buy sex pills anywhere, CVS, gas stations. I mean, honestly, there's not a place you can't buy them nowadays. Again, like I said, it's like the dating apps where they were frowned upon. Quote unquote, boner pills were frowned upon. Now everybody takes them, even for sport now. Yeah. So do you guys actually care how it's kept down there in the female region, the lower half of the female region. Again, this varies. I think the older crowd, I think the people that are my age like a little something down there.

I think the younger generation doesn't like anything down there. I don't think, I think they're so used to, I grew up in an age where, you know, Playboy magazines, everything where it was, you had full everything down there. It didn't, it didn't matter, you know? And I think over time as, as men mature, as men get older, they like, it changes. Your taste changes. Okay. Next question. Okay. Sorry. I just, that's what I think. This is a big one guys. Now listen to this one. Is porn cheating? The consensus on TikTok says yes.

And even a woman divorced her husband after eight years of marriage when she found out he was watching porn. Can I give you my input on this? Yes. I'm very interested. Okay, porn is a very, very interesting thing these days. I'm going to get into that in a second. I don't think porn is cheating. Here's what I think. I think if you're using it too much where it affects your sex life, yes. I think porn is okay if you and your significant other travel a lot. Maybe you're staying in hotels or he's not around, she's not around. And you're both

on the same page with it. And it's okay. Of course, my sister's calling right now. She's never calling. No, I'm not going to have my sister on during this. So I also think porn is so easily accessible now. You can literally be on the toilet watching porn. You can watch porn anywhere. And it's not frowned upon, again, as the boner pills, as the dating websites, porn is not frowned upon anymore. You look at porn, there are some beautiful, beautiful people. I'm not so sure about that because back in our generation, right?

Look at OnlyFans. It's basically- But that's what I'm saying. So back in our generation, we didn't have OnlyFans. We had, you know, and again, I had a young brother. Okay. So yeah, everybody, all the guys watched some porn on the internet. Right.

But we, I had a VHS tape and I had a playboy in the, we had a fort in the back of the woods. Playboy. Oh yeah. So after school we would ride our bikes. This is back in the day. Okay. This is early nineties for the Nintendo switches for the Nintendo switches. We would ride our bikes back to our fort and we had a Playboy back there that one of the guys stole from his dad's garage and we would go back there and look at the Playboy. Like that was a big deal. Let's see a Playboy. That was huge. Right. So yeah, I think in our day, you know, like, yeah, guy, it was a thing.

Guy was watched some porn. And I don't think people like women had much of a problem with it. Whereas now, I think because like you said, it's so overly accessible, and it's now impeding on the intimacy of what's going on in the bedroom in their relationships and how their sick partners feel. Now, I don't know, TikTok and social media, they a hundred percent, the majority feel that it is cheating. Again, this is something you have to discuss with your partner. And the way I feel like this is kind of ruining and ruining relationships

is because we are watching porns with these crazy, crazy fantasies, right? You're watching different scenarios that normally don't know. Maybe I'm just, I don't think most women watch do they? I don't honestly, I don't know. I don't, I don't whatever, but I've watched it. Okay. So you want, you watch these scenarios, you watch these scenes, you watch whatever and they're not realistic. But this is something you watch over time and then you go to have relations with another woman, your wife, girlfriend, whatever, and it is not the same. So therefore you could not perform, maybe you go, whatever, because you're used to watching.

So that's what TikTok is saying. It's desensitizing to you. And if you see anything on TikTok, social media, and they see people that want to, you do better, would be successful men. Number one, all the time is stop watching porn. If you're trying to be successful in life, you're trying to better yourself in life, you're trying to get your mental health, you're trying to be a good person. Number one, always right under money, right under this is stop watching porn. Because I think it comes down to self-control, right? And if you're able to have self-control over yourself, that's the largest form of power I think one can have for themselves, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Like you, everything that you've been working on, right, with your mental health, it's self-control and yeah. It's self-control. It's self-control. Yeah. It's really, really self-control. But like I said, the way the world is now, how easy and accessible it is, it's crazy. What do men notice first in a female? We got into this last week.

Everybody's lying to you if they don't say they're physically attracted. I'm saying you have to be physically attracted to the person. I don't care what guy says to you, no, that's not a big deal to me. Yes, it is. You wouldn't go up and talk to the person if you weren't physically attracted or you saw something about her that, Ooh, that's attractive. Like you're not going to engage. I don't, you know, you're not, especially if you're at a bar and you're having a couple of drinks, you're not going over there to sit there and talk about the weather. You know what I'm saying? You're there for a reason, especially single guys, right?

You're looking for a partner. You're looking for a fun night. You know, you're going to find somebody that's attractive. For me, obviously we talked about this before, I'm a boobs and butt guy. You know, I'm a feet guy. I noticed that right off the get go. Those are deal breakers for me. But that's me.

It's all different. Which is funny because can I just say, I mean, you don't have like a 10 on 10 foot, right? Me? Yeah. Oh, God. No, mine are busted. Right. So again, maybe you're projecting like because what you don't have, you need to move in the

line. It happened over time. First of all, I had bad feet. From hockey? Yeah, from hockey. Yeah. Everybody in my family, it has bad feet. My sister had bunion surgery.

My mother had bunion surgery. How come you haven't? I haven't had it yet because you have to be off your feet for six months at a time and you can't do both feet at one time. Does it hurt? Is it painful? Yeah. My sister's had one. No, but I'm saying, do your feet hurt now? Oh yeah. Yeah. They hurt. It's painful. But I can't afford to be off my feet for six months.

I have a child. I have this and that. I just can't do it. So I'm just dealing with the pain right now. And it's fucking painful. Let me tell you. So here's a question from a listener. Married for five years together for eight. How often should we be having sex? What's healthy intimacy with your partner? This is a tough one. I think it's different for every couple. See, like when you start hitting that eight year mark, like I said before, when you start

hitting that, this is where you really need to work on your relationship. I think they say actually at year seven is kind of that make or break timeline where if you really make it past seven, you go the distance or you don't. Right. And I think you really make some people really need to work at it. They need to go to therapy, sex therapy. They need to go on vacations more, spend more time with each other, spice it up in the bedroom. That's a tough one because I know a lot of people that are in relationships that have

been this long or not longer. And I, you know, I even used to ask like, how does it work when you, especially when the ones that hit the 20 year mark, you know, I my parents married for 40 years. What the fuck? Did you stop at one time? Well, we talked about that. In our parents' generation and even our grandparents' generation, they were more complacent. They just accepted their reality more. Here, you said, I think last episode, from your fingertips, you have bright, shiny, face-tuned and new right in the DM the second you open your phone. So the temptation is

just very much present 24-7 in our generation. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I think I dove into this a little bit, but I got a funny story for you guys. Interesting, actually. So the other day I was tagged on Instagram by someone that posted a story from the bathroom at Jax's. It was a rapper of something I found on the ground. I couldn't understand what it was, so I Googled the brand name of the rapper and I found out it was a male erection enhancer. I talked about this before. If men know they're going to be going home with a girl or if they know they have an issue, but at the end of the day too, men are popping these because they're fun and you last a long time. Like whether

you have a problem down there or not, people are popping them because you go for a while. It takes the pressure off to performing. It does. It takes the pressure off. You know you're going to be hard no matter what. You know you're going to have a good time no matter what. You know you're not going to have a problem no matter what. It takes the pressure off of, okay, I can have a couple drinks tonight because I got a pill in my pocket. I mean, you really, really can't make this shit up. You really can't. You used to find gum wrappers on the floor or whatever. Now you're finding boner pill wrappers on the floor. And I think it was crazy that I was tagging that, to be honest.

So I don't know. I want to know, I don't know if I should ask you this, but what are the girls' thoughts on male enhancers? If your man took one, how would you feel? Do you think men should be quiet about it? Do you think they should be quiet about it? Do you think they should be open about it? No, I think if you're in a healthy relationship or marriage, that's all about communication. And if he's admitting to having a difficult time in that area and needs some help, it's

like anything else, right? Like if you have a mental health issue or diabetes and you need medication for it, then why should that? That's not embarrassing. No, it's not. And I have a couple of friends that are married and the wife so many joke about it. She'd be like, don't forget, six o'clock, take that pill. They make funny. They make jokes about it. They're like, take the pill tonight. We're going to be going out tonight. Take the pill tonight. Yeah. And they're okay with it. They're okay with it because they know that their significant other is going to probably go out and have a drinks. And if she's going to want to come home, he's going to be like, eh. There's no eh when you take a pill. she's going to want to come home, he's going to be like, eh, there's no, eh, when you take a pill, it's going to happen regardless of what you think.

It's going to happen. Or you're going to be very, as a man, you're going to be very uncomfortable at night sleeping with a heart on for eight hours. When reality hits is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You choose to hit play on this podcast today, smart choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called AutoQuote Explorer that allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies. So you save time on the research

and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you. Give it a try after this episode at progressive.com. Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations. Prices may vary depending on you buy. Hi, I'm Stacey Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics I'm obsessed with like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast

Stassi wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. I did. I missed a question that people had that DM to me. is it cheating if your wife hooks up with another female? I've taken, I've asked a lot of people about this. In my opinion, I don't think it's cheating. I don't. I think a lot of people are going to disagree. Of course they are. It's preference. It's preference. There's no right or wrong answer to this. There's, you know what, Here's how I feel about it. I feel like women bring something to the table that a man can't bring, and I feel like there's

no penetration. So I feel like it's a cuddling session. So if your wife cuddled with a male... That's no, that's not happening. Because he's a man and he has a penis. I think women can get things from other women that men can't give. And there's just something there

that they just feel safe with. And again, there's no penetration, so it doesn't bother me. Doesn't bother me. And I have friends that disagree. So it can go one way or the other on this. Okay, so this is one of the last questions. Somebody wrote in, the awkwardness of the morning after.

What are your thoughts? That's a tough one. I think for a lot of guys, I always come back to watching, I watched the movie Bridesmaids, right? And he's such an asshole to a girl. Like he literally just kicks her out every morning, makes her hop the gate, go to her little sad car and she just feels so sad. I think a lot of men, what they should do, um, be respectful.

If you're going to go home with somebody, you're at a club, whatever, and this is the first night and you know, you're going to sleep with her. Just be respectful. I mean, at the end of the day, here we go. Number three, at the end of the day, you know, you want to be a nice guy. You know, she's going to tell her friends, be a nice person. I'll pay for her Uber, offer her lunch or breakfast or whatever. Don't just kick her out. I think that's so rude. Girls are so insecure already these days with social media and how they look. I think kicking her out just like that. So can I stop you? Because I want to give you the female perspective for a second. You

saying, but this is me being a nice guy and it is a difficult situation to be in because I think being the nice guy and having them stay over and then making them breakfast the next morning is why so many of these women find themselves in these situationships and kind of get like feeling love bombed and bread crumbed and feel like it's something more than it actually is. So for a man, a male's perspective, they're just trying to be not a dick. Not rude. So you would like it.

Okay. Okay. No, no, let's not talk about me. So, okay. Let me see. So you think I'm going to flip it for a minute. You think by telling a girl, okay, it's eight o'clock in the morning. You got to go, go.

You think that's better on some females. So I actually think that if we're talking about an early situation ship or after a night at the club, like you were saying, I think the writer wrote in, but I think for the female, if they're going to the male's home, it's on the female to come up with some type of excuse, like exit plan, where she says she has an early in appointment, she has to leave right after. I mean, no, I don't know. I'm too old. I agree to disagree. I think men should just have a little bit more grace. I just think because if you're literally, and again,

if we're thinking this is a first night you're hooking up, I just got to say you just got to be a little bit more respectful. I just don't think just saying got to go and leaving or having an exit plan so quickly. I personally think that's rude. I think I speak for a lot of guys. I just think that's rude. But then again, the younger generation is different than the older generation. Maybe they're used to that. Like when we're speaking, you don't even really know. You're speaking based on, I don't know, when you were single 11 years ago. Right. This was years ago. Yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking on...

I think it's different now. I think it may be different now. I don't know. I haven't really been down that road in a long time. But I just think from what I hear and from what I see and from my single friends, it's just more respectful. I don't know. I just think it's more respectful. And I think it's giving women the wrong impression. But at the same time, what are they supposed to do? The morning after is a tough situation. It's a tough situation.

And nobody thinks about it because usually both people are drunk, right? And they go home and they're like, oh my God, what am I going to do afterwards, right? So I don't know. That's a tough, I'm glad I'm not in that position. All right, that's about it for this week, guys. Really, really appreciate you.

I hope I wasn't too graphic, but I think at the same time, people got a lot out of this and, you know, we had to get into a little bit of the uncomfortableness, but I really, really appreciate it. I can't wait to have our sex therapist on. I can't wait to get some callers in. And I really appreciate you guys, and thank you so much. And we'll see you next week.

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